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The Disconnect: African Parents vs Diaspora Children
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- Опубліковано 9 лип 2019
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The Disconnect: African Parents vs Diaspora Children
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We aren't all meant to be lawyers, doctors and engineers. And it's mostly to portray this image of success, keeping up with the joneses type of thing. Very dysfunctional.
90 PERCENT of African parents has led their children astray by wanting to decide or choose the kind of life styles they prefer for their children, forgetting that their children are to live their own life and not a life the parents wished to 've lived in the past
#facts
I’m that young NIGERIAN ooo. But my parents quickly woke up to the reality when they said don’t marry this person because he’s from so so tribe and I did without blinking. These are Yoruba parents ooo. Just imagine theeee shock! Long story short, they melo quick quick and accepted my reality.
Sometimes we are the ones to push that button not being timid about everything. The term “Respect your elders” are used to remote control a lot of people. Thankfully, I was born stubborn-good. There’s a way to be diplomatically disrespectful.😊
When I was much younger I would always say I dont mind getting married at 40 as long as I did it with the right person and it was till death do us part. My poor Naija mother thought I was cursing myself. When I turned 30 and was unmarried she was acting like I was diagnosed with cancer. Any man I brought to the house, she will be smiling all happy assuming that I would marry that man, inviting them to come to family events etc.
The reality of the matter is, we all cannot and will not be married at 25. Some of us will be married at 25, some at 35 and some at 55 that's life. Marriage is not a life accomplishment, it is wonderful to have someone to have as a life partner but its not something needed to survive or function in life.
I think our parents just need to realize that culture changes and evolves with time. Just because one doesn't think or function like the typical Nigerian doesn't make one less Nigerian. Just my two cents
🙏🙏🙏🙏👏👏👏👏👏👏👌👌👌👌👌👌
@@fh.7287 oh no, my point is when I got married I was well over 30 and he is my life partner
Exactly
Well said
Infertility becomes a problem around 27, 30. That is the maon reason for pressure to marry and start a family young.
Many women over 30 have to spend thousands$$$ in hopes of getting pregnant. And still may end up childless. And children born thru artificial means found to have shortened lifespans.
The emotional manipulation in the African society is on another scale. A lot of parents have destroyed their children through selfishness and pear pressure. Some through ignorance while some are victims themselves of the environment in which they were raised.
Qisata Well said 😊👌🏾
My mother has 4 sisters. My mother and her sisters are queens of manipulation. They are jealous of each other and have now started to use their adullt children as pawns. It's so difficult to get along with them because they want to control everything about one's life.
@@lillymaxsaili2384 yep, old school African mothers are top notch narcissists
I wonder how much of the manipulation of Africans by Africans is sort of learned or internalized from manipulation of Africans by the West.
African parents do their children a disservice by trying to live their lives through them. They hold on traditions and principles that are archaic and lead to negative outcomes.
The Copycat Ninja Bullseye 🎯👌🏾
Like FGM
My husband is typical Yoruba man telling one of boys to go to naija and pick up a wife from Ilorin. I told my husband that this is not 1940 when our parents pick someone for their kid. Leave kids alone.
2. My kids pick up their career by themselves and they are happy with their life now. One is in animated motions industry and other one is an high school teacher.
Yejide Karimu 👋🏾👋🏾👋🏾👋🏾👋🏾 I applaud you for speaking up. Your children will marry for Love as should be. Your children’s love for you will grow beyond anything for having their best interest at heart. Your husband will see you are right. If he relaxes he will see the children will appreciate the change in him. They will Love him even more. You are an amazing Mother. 😊😊🙏🏾🙏🏾
lots of valid points but one thing you didn't touch on was the experience of many African girls where they are told growing up 'stay away from boys' 'no boyfriends' etc and essentially the fear of everything is put in you if you even look in the direction of a boy. Fast forward several years she grows from a girl into a woman and the questions start coming 'when are you getting married' 'where is your husband' 'I want grandchildren' etc., this sudden 180 on the part of the parents is very confusing, one minute you are being told to stay away from boys, the next minute you're being told to bring a boy home. I understand wanting to protect your children and telling them everything that you need to tell them to protect them from situations that they may not be able to handle growing up but the way African parents go about it can confuse the hell out of their kids especially years later when parents start singing at you that you must get married and give them grandbabies. I was born in Africa but moved to the UK at a young age, so have spent more of my life in the UK and I have a very British mentality (which I think baffles my parents due to them being traditional old school African parents). I am an only girl and have brothers, using the above example growing up I was told stay away from boys, don't play with boys (which even at that age was confusing since i had brothers), i was told this but it was never explained to me why i must stay away from boys or not play with them, from the perspective of a british child (me) you are going to wonder why you are being told what you have been told, and from the perspective of the African parent it is essentially this what i have said, do it, i am your parent and elder and there is no feeling that there is a need to explain to their child why they must not do so and so. The confusion then heightens when you are a little older you may have several degrees, a good job, have your own place etc. but an African parent will only see your worth as a women or that you have achieved something in life when you are a married person, everything else you have achieved is insignificant and the questions start and pressure to get married start.
100% on point! Lol
Kaluba Mwenda
There was a similar discussion with certain Asian children of Chinese descent. It’s ridiculous.
In African tradition the parents or village played match maker. However Going to college and becoming a career woman seems to puts a monkey wrench in the African tradition.
On one hand a parent should not force their son or daughter to marry someone they don't love. However it is their duty to help facilitate them find that special someone... Like the dating sights do.
the same thing with me as a guy, my parents pretty much forbade from having relationships in school and then fast-forward and ask me "why can't a handsome guy like yourself find a nice girl?!"...I'm like dude, you guys screwed me up emotionally, that's why it's a bit more difficult for me to approach women as an adult because I'm now learning all of the game I should have been learning in middle school and High School. it goes both ways. pushing 30, now they expect me to wife up a chick and start a family when I'm still trying to get it off the ground/rebuilding, and it's like "I love you; but I can't make that disastrous of a decision right now". I have to be right emotionally, financially, and career-wise before I do all that. but yeah hahaha
Boss, u have hit the nail on it's head. I'm still trying to get many Africans out of some of these archaic believe for long. But, they would not listen. God bless you. Religious extremism is our major problem.
I actually think that African parents are influenced by peer pressure they do not want to be the ones who's children do not do the expected 1. Go to university 2. Graduate (with hons) 3. Get married 4. Have children. It is the topic of conversation when they meet with their friends and extended family, how is your daughter? Has she graduated? Has there been any "interest" coming her way?... They feel challenged when their friends announce their child has got married, had a child, built a house, got promoted etc and they now push their children to do the same or better. The negative side of this peer pressure is when the parents do not care for the emotional wellbeing of their children or even if they are compatible with the person they want them to marry. That is where the bible and church is used to pressure them to accept their fate no matter the consequences as "God does not give use a burden we cannot carry" etc. It is a sad situation.
This right here !!!!
Thank God my parents aren't like this! My parents are in thier 60's and i have zero pressure🙂, ill be 27 in a few months and they pray for me to have an amazing career and the Right partner will come at the right time. So many scary stories of parents forcing and badgering thier children like being single and going after your goals is a crime. Whew ! cant relate
Marriage is overrated in Nigeria! You don’t need to be married to live a fulfilling life!
Your comment reminds me of Linda ikeji.
One of the purpose of traditional marriage was to slow the spread of stds. .flatten the curve..
Thank you, am Kenyan too and 5000% agree!!!!
@@cgreen777 STDs were introduced by the West. When you say "traditional", what time period are you referrring to?
Marriage is not for the parents...its for the man or woman who is going to be in the marriage.
I was born in Kenya but i moved to the UK when i was 9. One of the major issues i had with my parents was based on honouring and respecting authority and in this particular sense Age. In the UK we grow up to speak freely as long as respectful but in my parents upbringing children cannot speak back to parents. Regardless if the child is correct and of course then the other issue is we chidren growing up in the west also don't understand that our parents are different from other parents and we don't want to understand things from their perspective...so it turns out into a clash....
You are so on point👍👍👍
We need more fathers like you Phrankleen.
lmao i died 10 times laughing my ass off lol but seriously this is the sad truth . some people bring kids into this world n hand them a check book to follow and if the kids don't follow it then they re not worth enough . they are not good looking enough , they re not perfect enough . let your kids be kids and live their lives according to them . let them fulfill their dreams instead of your dreams . parents need to accept themselves in order to accept their kids . period .
Agree 😭
Great video. African parents and expectations, pressure, and comparison. Mindsets definitely need to change so many females are being pressured into marrying the wrong person and divorce is frowned upon many are miserable and unhappy now. Me I communicate with my mother it’s important their upbringing is so different to ours now.
I have talked n changed my mum's mind set,after telling me never to date a Nigerian man. Today she tells me as long as u happy.
My motto is don't hurt others, treat others as you would want to be treated.
Makes life uncomplicated. Family knows I march to the beat of my own drum so
no issues there.
I just love you phrankline, the way you speak yoruba is so amazing, (se awon adofuro yen lo mu wa sile mi?😂😂😂) I come to this your platform to listen to any of your topics because, the way you speak and reason, and your analysis are so amazing, and I also love intelligent men that respect women. Keep it up!
Omonike i come back too for the same reasons 👌
Im at work and I was howling when I heard "adofuro", Ive never heard the term before but when I heard it I knew what it meant. I had to pause my pc to LOL.
You cannot force love, relationships or even marriage because it is practically impossible. Anyway, as an Igbo guy, who also speaks Yoruba, your Yoruba is amazing. Keep it up!
My mother doesn't even live in the West although I do but she and some of my siblings DEMAND I get married to whom they recommended even though i have found someone special to me. We argued, my mother wasn't happy about my personal decision. Since they have completely refused to heed my opinions on the issue that no one should marry for me or recommend someone, I frankly told them that only God can stop the relationships.
They have lived their lives and they should let me live mine.
My parents grew up in very conservative homes, but they were such free spirited and open minded people. They always taught us to have a mind of our own and go for what makes us happy, but never compromise our integrity in the course of searching for happiness. Too bad they're not here anymore. Listening to you brought back a flood of good memories I forgot they existed. After listening to some of these stories, I just realized how blessed my siblings and I were, and would have been in this scenario if life didn't turn out otherwise. Love the topic :)
Hi my brother, so true, am learning a lot from you. Please keep us posting. Thanks a lot
Your topics are just too relevant to be ignored. Almost as if you keep churning out the burning issues in my mind. Keep it up Bro, we love you.
I am almost 30 and you need to see the tears my mom pulls off on her WhatsApp chats asking why I don't want kids or give her grandchildren (I'm an only child). She doesn't care about the man or me being married or having a supportive partner, all she wants are kids. She had me in high school and was fortunate to have a mother who took charged and cared for me.
She goes, you have way more than I had back then and you never lacked, why do u cry that you don't have money to care for a child now. Dang! they don't understand that we barely have change in our pockets after paying bills, talkless of savings then add a child when you are not prepared just to please you? No way! Not with the knowledge and information I have now on financial literacy and preparing a future for my child(ren). I will have them when I'm ready if I can't there's room for adoption.
I died laughing terribly hard when he said, "Oya oya raise your leg." 🤣
Thanks for this topic , your honesty, on the topic was on point, share share share
Marriage is a personal choice and people should come to terms that marriage is not for everyone, just like we have successfully busines men and women who have failed college and some never went to college or university.
My dad actually wanted me to study architecture at uni but because I didn’t want to listen to him I ended choosing Marketing to flex and show him he can no dictate for me... but honestly my dad knows me better than I actually know myself because second year Of uni changed my course to architecture... sometimes your parents knows you and knows what’s best for you is basically my point... taken everything they say on board x
Parents should never demand that their children Must Do as they say in what the child wants to study. They should encourage and support them.
That's if your parents aren't toxic. They should never do that to you anyways it's wrong
Really enjoyed this one......could seriously relate to all you said....nice one!
I already liked b4 watching,coz I know it will be great😜
Nice topic bro
Wow phrankleen is like I told u my story🤦🏽♀️ my mother in law tried to manipulate my husband and I to bring our daughter to their church and i said No🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️ and now am a devil🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️ 1 thing I ve notice in abroad is African parents are jux Manipulative, Sick, Evil, Think They Are Always Right and is jux Sad wen I look at them sumtyms🙄
Go on fantastic funny master.
Thanks for your wonderful educative platform.
I just started watching you and I love your conversations!
Dear phrankleen ,
Great video 👍🏿👍🏿😂 on point , very funny .🤣🤣
I'm afro caribbean and I love watching your videos.
Phrankleen you've hit the nail on this subject. There's a lot I want to write but if I do you will end up with an essay to read. Just loved everything you said.
Thank you for this🙏🏾. Very much needed, this gap of understanding can be very damaging. Some of it can be seen in jest but when it becomes constricting like in some of the examples you cited, then it is a massive problem. Needs addressing.
Striking the balance agreed well done very educative 👍🏿
No one should pressurize anyone into marriage. This is what is fuelling the high rate of divorce in the diaspora. The society in the West is highly individualized so there is very much a live and let live culture and children brought up in the West will of course exhibit the same traits. This is where the culture clash occurs between a child and an African parent.
You are funny....the binoculars part at the end😂😂
You made me laugh oh with the "adofuro" concept. I agree with your analysis. Well done.
Hi phranleen very grateful for this video Ghanaian lad her kinda went thru this but im grateful I managed to save move out im happier than ever i watch lots of ur videos always entertaining 👍🏿
Great video
I love you so much for keeping it real.😂😂
Omg!!!! Phranklen is on the loose “ se awon adofuro lo fe mu wale!!!””😅😂😂😂🤣🤣
Interesting topic.. i want my girls to be strong women and marry when they feel its right.
Parents don't tell people about your children's business. They don't like that. I only ask God for wisdom on how to guide my children properly. I pray for their happiness.
Not everyone who got married at young age are happy. Many are regretting it.
Say it louder in the back. My parents cannot fathom that I loathed being gossips about by the people I'm supposed to trust the most. They dont care how much it hurts me. They keep doing all the things that hurt me
@@Kanatshi sorry about that . Just ignore them and stay strong. Try and call one of them later and let them know you don't like when the tell their friends or family about your business. But don't talk to the dramatic parents, they will not understand. Talk to the one that you know you can talk to and will understand you. Your privacy is very important.
@@eboma9309 unfortunately my African parents ignore when we raise such issues hoping it'll be forgotten and they go back to doing the same thing, all the while blaming us and telling us we are the problems... man I could go on, but it's a toxic environment
It couldn't have been said better kudos my bro.
OMGGGGGGG bro,you kill me with laughter😃..
That's my mum always im the trouble one.
Today bc of my own decisions im proud of me.
I see it a lot among West Africans. I'm a proud South African Woman married to an Igbo Man, for 21 years now. We're Blessed with 2 sons. Marriage is NOT FOR SISSIES, it's a LOT OF WORK. Thank God my parents NEVER PUT THIS KIND OF PRESSURE ON me as their 1st born
I know of a young man who was born here (USA) with African parents, we had a conversation about marriage one day and he said "I don't want to get married or have children because I want to travel the world with a free mind without any family disturbances" his parents especially mother was upset and told him he has to cause life is better with partner then he answered that that's according to her and not him. I just laughed. FYI: this young man works in the Wall Street (New York) and doing very well. He has already started travelling and wants a partner who will travel with him but not get married or have kids.
As I write his mother is still sick about the issue cause he even gave an example her that "look at you and dad we always have to be between your programs, you have a greater responsibility of which I don't want to go through" Lol! My African parents even after living in the US for over 30years still having an african mindset. I was asked for an opinion I just told them to leave him alone he is still young maybe he will change in the near future but he answered me that "Margaret I have already made a decision nothing like the future this is the future." Lol!
My son said the same to me. He doesn't want the burden I have raising kids, saying no money for their excesses...
This Is gaslighting! Parents trying to show that you know alot of nothing your doing except the money you give them is all you understand! Time is changing but their mindset is static to what they know and value. We fail because of living in the past and not in the present!
I really like it. " Hit the thumb bottom". Is done Phrank
The same way we teach our parents how to use the latest mobile phone and technology. It is the same an adult child has to find a way to teach their parents how the world works now (and in the west). It is also important that we ( adult) children are patient with them as well.
Be strong/firm with your opinion, be tactical in the way you communicate it and be patient in your desire for results.
I agree with you I had to tell and show to my parents that some boundaries should not be crossed.
Lol i punched certain unckes so they kno notvto fuck bout
@@kwameopoku3576 lmao sometimes they need it
Most African men lack the spine to say no to their parents, it's the truth. I'm Ghanaian, the youngest of 5 and definitely the most risk taking. I've seen our community especially our men highly lack the spine to speak stand up against abuse, either from parents, managers, coworkers or friends. I see so many African people accept crap roles they're far better than so they can "stay in their lane". Yet we're quick to throw temper tantrum at our women, we need some growing up to do.
Yep,.
Phrank, you should be a comedian...lolz "Se Awon Adofuro lofe muwale funmi" ahah!
olaide olaniran 😁😁
This is a very positive discussion! In fact it's just so real! Thanks for sharing.
Ko nidafoe a phrankleen 😂 wow you are very funny 😄! Ahh ahh ! You typified a typical Yoruba parent, when you do your comedian like my mother!
Bro! You speak nothing but FACTS!
I can relate 100%. I'm African born in the UK but I'm disconnected from my native culture. I don't consider myself british
Babatunde Swana are u a brit in denial
@@kwameopoku3576 No African British
Marriage is not a necessity. Unfortunately, marriage does not complete someone as many people think.
You are soo funny like this video
Some section of the topic is on point. But, do not confuse sexual preference with race.
It is not in the same realm. As a child descended from slaves there is no equivalency in racism and sexual preference. Someone can hide their sexual preference but your race can’t hide. Please refrain from making these type of comparisons because it belittles what our ancestors endured and what we continue to endure today.
Either extremes is harmful. Extreme religion or extreme decadence and worldliness.
Mr phrankleen i disagree with you on other stuff.just because society allows certain things dosent mean they are right and God is wrong.
nnenna uzoho Help them so far? 🤷🏽♀️… they cant even help themselves in NORTHERN NIGERIA all Islam does is to belittle women. Women are practically useless in Islam. Y’all don’t come for me 😂😂😂
@@nellycious1692 You are very right dear, your intelligence is amazing, higher than what these simps can comprehend. They are never good at managing nor maintaining any successful or meaningful relationship. If what they keep spewing out here is the way they truly live then there is a problem and it would not be a surprise why their marriage would always crumble or become a disaster sooner. Your critical thinking ability, which many women and these simps lacked, and your knowledge of the true word of God is what makes you exceptional. You are one in a million and your husband must be a lucky man. I start realizing that he is a simp so I would have to stop taking him seriously but my only concern is him deceiving the gullible ones and misdirecting their ways of living.
@@nellycious1692 are you a woman? I don't understand your backward interpretation of the bible? So women should have no voice or rights cos they were created" second". I guess you appreciate the "virtues" of Boko Haram in Northern Nigeria and how it has really " favoured" the women in the north including the girls and women who have been abducted. Seems you are unaware that pedophilia is enshrined in Sharia. And that women have little or no right in your beautiful version of the religion of peace! Please wake up to the real world!
@@nellycious1692 They are sure to suffer it indeed. They are just ignorant, though never an excuse. None ever question the true intention and origin of these things they accept, practicing vile things and still pretend to be Christians. You are very versed in the word of God dear, having this knowledge of yours is gold and I believe no one can deceive you. If she is capable of going through what you just wrote and understand it, then her reasoning would be right and she would not be having problems with herself. You are very right my dear.
Teenage boy I watch grow up met a gay friend. He went to party with his gay friend and to this day he don't remember what happened. But he know he was changed forever.Apparently someone put something in his drinks.
Phrankleen- awon a do furo? lol i like your yoruba accent, how long did stay in Nigeria before relocating. I speak yoruba too
Agree with you 💯 percent 🙏
I would say right is right even when no one does it!
wrong is wrong even when everyone does it
Awesome
The strange thing with this religion thing is that it is a fairly recent phenomenon...Christianity did not really take hold until the generation of people born in the 1940s and 50s yet they are hyper-religious...you would think Nigerians had been Christians for centuries or even thousands of years the way that particular generation acts. I'm not too sure about the history of Islam in Nigeria or the rest of Africa so I cannot speak to that.
TRUE TALK!!!!!!!!! 👍🏾
Awon adofuro got me🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😂
The thing is, culture comes most at times as a package. We can't always just chose one part of a culture to adapt and which part to reject. Most at times we get the whole package because there are many forces in play.
Just to take a practical example, If your parents are forcing you to get married, you can just say fuck them and move on and live your life. But don't expect that when you say fuck them, You'll still maintain the African culture of "family unity". We can't always just pick and chose what we want to adopt.
The "family unity" thing exists because we aren't brought up to challenge our parents. The minute we start challenging the decisions of our parents then that's the end of the family unity thing. We'll just become like most European families in which everybody lives their lives independent of the other family members.
It's actually better if the relationship is toxic.
@@titi9238 I won't say it's better or worse it's about cause and effect. If the relationship is toxic then that has consequences too and we should be ready to accept it
Putting up with abusive behaviour all in the name of family unity is not a good idea. Most of my family members are toxic and I have made the decision to love them from a distance.
Another thing is this thinking that you should have many children. I live in the US 🇺🇸. I remember my uncle in Africa has over 10 children and my relatives including myself have to send money montly for him to take care of his children
"They've sent you to university"... In my experience, African parents do not pay for university the way western parents do for their children. The African child pays their own way (whether by working, taking loans, scholarships, grants or some combination). Yet the African parent will be demanding or expecting that the child go to university and will even want to dictate which university, what degree, what career, etc.
THANK YOU
You know , African American parents raised their kids the same way. If company/family comes to the house you have to come out and speak/spend time. And, if they come from out of town you have to cook.
Love your videos..some of your side comments have me on the floor laughing. "Sucking every d*** around the corner. " Haha!
Phrank, have you ever considered a career in the showbiz, like acting? Man you're a case! 🤣🤣🤣
The Yoruba you speak is the spice of your video. 😁😂.I watched 2 of your recent vlog and you did not add any Yoruba. I was seriously sad! But now am happy!😁😂
Yo Phrankleen Sup ma man
SKIDDO12 sup bro 👊🏾😊
Yo, keep up the good word playa. Just wanna give you a shoutout for keeping it REAL!! Check you later homie!
99% want the best for their children anyway, once my children is at peace then I'm at peace, no matter how old is my child if I see him going out with a lady who will put him or her in trouble in life definitely I will come in btwn their relationship coz I want the best and success for my children then I will not allow my children to hang around with ungodly ppl
There is only so much you can do! Once they are adults, it's time to let go of the reins.
😂😂😂😂 I’m just trying to imagine you telling a grown adult man/woman how to live their life. Y’all be watching too much of them fake storylines Yoruba movies.
Pebbles 😁😁😁
Hello 👍
not just women the men faces the same problem as well.
and it is not pertaining to African alone it's common with all parents even whites parents do the same.
At a stage in life a parent needs to know who your children are seeing so you can guide them. it's not pressure
You missed the point. He is talking about when they pressure you into things you are not ready for.
😂😂😂😂😂 please, kindly think outside the box.🙄😊🙄
Please do not equate racism to homophobia.
you are somethin else.Wahala e po iwo bobo frank yi !!!!
Interesting .
💞
100/100
Now everyone on this planet wants on desires children or marriage
If at all the gate of hell fire opens today...nigerians are definitely the first to enter it
jane Anaukwu 😁😁😁
😂😂😂
👍👍👍
she is selfish. if her parents have thaught that way will she be here.
let's be real here.
How about if you try to be selfless and are regretting it everyday?
Yes she will be here one way or the other
Parents should not force a child to marry someone they don't love. Just raise the child wise and inteliggent so they can choose the right person.
Haaaa. . . . . . awon adofuro buruku oshi
One point of contention is not all African come from a struggle position and are economic migrants in the west.
The down trodden narrative is problematic as Chimamanda Adichie stated, it’s “the problem of the one story”.
Other than that, the topic and points are relevant. I just wanted to point out this. I’m tired of hearing the “African” struggle story.
hannah60000 being tired of hearing it doesn’t change the fact that it exists in massive numbers. Yes not all Africans come from a struggle position but the number of those that come from the said struggle position is way higher than those that didn’t.
Can you speak yoruba?
Babatunde Swana yes I do 😊👌🏾
Do you just refer to Bible as nonsense Please i stand to be corrected?
Phrank,you talk and act like Tyler Perry. Have you thought about acting? You are so funny but message strictly passed.
Awon Adofuro community😁
Love is where you find it
Morning I have a gay brother and cousin and I love them to bits!! I don't agree with it but who am I to judge!! It up to God and them and I have gay friends and they are beautiful inside and are great friends they got your back!! I appreciate them! Why because they live in there thurth.... o I've been all over Africa and live they too so many gay ppl who are married and on the download because of family they are hiding it big time!!!! Let them speak the thurth.... Well a lot of woman need to prepare them self when they find out about they gay husband's my bro and cousin tell me that black man are the worst uncover gays Ive gone out with them and I've seen ppl I know in these gay club's...you are right you can't force some one to marry just to please your parents rubbish....