The BIG LIES Narcissists Want You To BELIEVE! How They Manipulate You | Dr Ramani

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  • Опубліковано 21 жов 2024
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КОМЕНТАРІ • 1,1 тис.

  • @Siacourage
    @Siacourage Рік тому +563

    Not every liar is a narcissist. But every narcissist is a liar. Something to remember when you start noticing the red flags.

    • @minabutterfly9562
      @minabutterfly9562 Рік тому

      Everyone lies it's just the Narcissist takes it the the extreme for no reason it could be just because they are jealous of you then they start mimicking you like what they are putting you down for but they want to be like you wanting to know why others likes you so much or they want the attention you are getting now that's creepy to me Lord & I notice it & I just smh because I know it's a mental disorder that's in them they didn't know what to call a Narcissist they just know it has a multiple personalities in one.....the biggest lie I noticed they lie about because its plenty is the lie to multiple people some they are trying to leave,some they try to keep & some are new to the madness & they don't know it but they think it's ok to have multiple women/men & think that's it's ok living multiple lives & pretend like they didn't know if they see you in public places & you know they don't have a twin but they move on like it's not nothing,they will leave a whole family behind......But they don't want you to move on they will result to stalking,cyber stalking you & trying to make. your life miserable by ANY MEANS NECESSARY SERIOUSLY talking to people by lying so the can hate you,make you lose your job,out things in your name & they will harm you like a serial killer & all of them are Narcissist the most dangerous ones & think about it you slept with that person,fell in love with that person & married & had kids by that person.......And Jesus let's not talk about a Narcissistic family member 💔😢💔🙏🏾 Take the wheel Jesus

    • @vtmegrad98
      @vtmegrad98 Рік тому +22

      Honestly, if they lie often enough, does it even matter if they're technically a narcissist at that point?

    • @TheReminderChannnel
      @TheReminderChannnel Рік тому +8

      @@vtmegrad98 good point 👌

    • @rohithreddy75
      @rohithreddy75 Рік тому +5

      @@vtmegrad98 it depends on what they lie on but usually avoid them

    • @elizabethbowie9753
      @elizabethbowie9753 Рік тому +10

      Normal people are Friendly; but Not all friendly people are Normal. 💗💗💗

  • @jasonstone8222
    @jasonstone8222 Рік тому +35

    I get anxiety and depression when I'm around dishonest people.

    • @brit0309
      @brit0309 12 днів тому

      It leaves no room to live

  • @yanadalton5655
    @yanadalton5655 Рік тому +30

    It is way way way better to be alone forever than with that narcissist lump.

  • @beanp2024
    @beanp2024 5 місяців тому +20

    Their greed is INSATIABLE.

  • @FavorNFamine
    @FavorNFamine Рік тому +222

    “Abuse is abuse and it’s not our job to excuse someone’s bad behavior. It’s an adult responsibility to get their own house in order.” Thank you Dr. Ramani!

    • @helencampanella9725
      @helencampanella9725 Рік тому

      THERES A LOCAL WOMAN WHO "USES" PEOPLE TO GET WHAT SHE WANTS OUT OF LIFE ANAD THEN SHE THROWS AWAY THOSE POOR VICTIMS.

    • @minabutterfly9562
      @minabutterfly9562 Рік тому +5

      How sweetie most needs help getting their lives in order after dealing with a Narcissist you must never dealt with one before......

    • @FavorNFamine
      @FavorNFamine Рік тому +5

      @@minabutterfly9562 did you listen to this video? I quoted Dr. Ramani. She’s not bashing the victim. Healing is difficult being a victim of Narcissistic abuse for sure.

    • @minabutterfly9562
      @minabutterfly9562 Рік тому +3

      @@FavorNFamine I know she isn't bashing the Survivors

    • @minabutterfly9562
      @minabutterfly9562 Рік тому +3

      @@FavorNFamine I'm one as well & my childre,I'm addressing you about people having to get their own houses in order,not when they being threatened & etc......

  • @John-tp5gc
    @John-tp5gc Рік тому +168

    Not only do they not care they hurt you. Once they realize they did hurt you, the will do it over and over and over again.

    • @priyanesan3299
      @priyanesan3299 Рік тому +2

      Very true. They will store the incident or event or word that hurt us in their data bank. Then they use it again and again and again……..
      If my Mom’s mouth is moving, she is lying…..
      Horrible when I was like in 3rd grade and heard her lying and questioned her and gone through her rage. Still remember like yesterday.
      Horrible malignant covert Narc.

    • @Unebellecreole
      @Unebellecreole Рік тому +16

      They normalize hurting people with absolutely no problem. Even when you tell them something hurt, they get offended and make it seems as though you are the problem for feeling hurt.

    • @helencampanella9725
      @helencampanella9725 Рік тому +3

      AMEN

    • @2okaycola
      @2okaycola Рік тому +7

      @@Unebellecreole yep! Then they’ll ask “ what upset you “ *so they can do it all the time

    • @Unebellecreole
      @Unebellecreole Рік тому

      @@2okaycola They are despicable human beings with no shame.

  • @chanteandrews849
    @chanteandrews849 Рік тому +14

    Omitting is lying too. My ex narc was great at gaslighting and omitting.

    • @clintonnagy1662
      @clintonnagy1662 5 місяців тому +2

      I concur. The omission lie drives me crazy. I get half truths but when I tell her I know there is more, she denies it. I'll find out the truth later when she tells on herself. Then the story changes again. It's sickening and exhausting.

  • @thetribeofarsenal3105
    @thetribeofarsenal3105 Рік тому +652

    I am an immigrant and she brought me here from Africa. She doesn't cook not clean. I cook and clean and takes care of her mum. It took me over 2 years to know why this lady doesn't say sorry or why she lies consistently at everything. I started working earning $15 and hour and she said I will pay a bill of $1000 every month in a house she bought before I got here. I run into depression and have been put on medication. Recently she was asking for more money and I told her I won't give her. A week later I have been summon to a divorce hearing which means immigration will cancel my permanent residence and now I can't get my job left back in Africa since I have been here for 3years. Dr I want to thank you because I didn't know who this lady is until I started watching you

    • @CarmenGomez-mq2bc
      @CarmenGomez-mq2bc Рік тому +16

      🙏

    • @privaesea6046
      @privaesea6046 Рік тому +70

      You should charge her for the services you provided.

    • @mugikuyu4700
      @mugikuyu4700 Рік тому +192

      I had a similar experience...I'm an immigrant too from Africa. I can totally relate to your story.
      My solution was to play dumb until I got all my papers. Then walked away without a word. It's not easy to tolerate this treatment, but keeping my eyes on the goal helped me go through the experience without need for even therapy. I turned the treatment into water falling onto a rock. I never let it stick. I became good at cooking, cleaning and being a servant. I became good at praises. And kept my life private. I found other people to tell about my pain or challenges or successes. When I went home I only talked about neutral subjects. Did this for 3yrs. Got all my stuff and one day left for work and never came back. I never even packed anything. Only my documents.
      Such characters are not people you argue with. They are capable of burning down the house just to hurt you. They can destroy your American dream just because you have poked holes into their narrative or called them out.
      And arguing with them will only draw your energy in the wrong direction and that's energy you need to use to strategize how you will get out of the situation.
      To me, playing dumb, supporting their false narrative while still maintaining my own reality take on issue, and having a support system that they have no idea exists, and keeping my eyes on the goal is what helped me.

    • @fosthedoll
      @fosthedoll Рік тому +1

      You are a victim of mödern day slavery. Would definitely call the police department or immigration office to ask what next steps to take.

    • @naghamosman2371
      @naghamosman2371 Рік тому +38

      Wow! Courage! That’s very inspiring

  • @youngblood8540
    @youngblood8540 Рік тому +260

    Being in a narcissistic relationship is like being bit by a poisonous snake, even after it's gone the poison is still in you. In this life, if you're not sitting at the table you're on the menu. So be careful who you build a life with, because if you're not tough or smart you will be taken advantage of, especially by the one (narcissist) that supposedly loves you. It's bad enough you have to keep your guard up with strangers to keep them from screwing you, never mind the one you love. The guard should come down when you get home.

    • @LOVEtoPLAYdrums
      @LOVEtoPLAYdrums Рік тому +16

      Wow... Hit me hard. I'm on the menu right now today! Stay Safe!

    • @chayo4537
      @chayo4537 Рік тому +4

      If you're sitting at the table that makes you affiliated, An associate. A snake and a rat as well.

    • @kathiemitchell8586
      @kathiemitchell8586 Рік тому +15

      Make sure you add a dash of micromanaging and financial abuse. I went thru both, even though I was the breadwinner. He would go thru my purse and count the coins to see if I spent money on anything not approved by him.

    • @LOVEtoPLAYdrums
      @LOVEtoPLAYdrums Рік тому

      @@kathiemitchell8586 Make you you add trying to take a house (put in trusted position) and $550k... Liars and thieves the narcs are!
      I hope you are on your healing, find your best partner and your money accounts stabilize...

    • @erdemu7629
      @erdemu7629 Рік тому +4

      You described it so well.

  • @jsvaergerjflipperud
    @jsvaergerjflipperud Рік тому +135

    I had a feeling for many months that my husband was cheating on me. I would even have vivid dreams about it. When I finally saw tinder and the 10-15 messages with different women on his phone, he told me that he was trying to fix everything and was trying to find his way back to me and now I had ruined everything. Then he became physical with me because I had looked through his phone.
    Only a narcissist will cheat on you, blame you for it and then hit you for catching him on his lie. The thing he ruined the most, is my world view. I was so naive and always saw the good in people, even in him, after he hurt me so badly, and now I can't allow anyone in, let alone trust them 😢

    • @specialtwice4975
      @specialtwice4975 Рік тому +8

      It gets better. I dated a sociopath who was also with a narcissist at the time.
      My mind was broken having to deal with 2 of them. 1 is a blessing.
      Trust me, after the heart break you will be fine.
      Something else I wanna add, most people in this world (85%) are good.

    • @tundrawomansays694
      @tundrawomansays694 Рік тому +5

      Hope you’re doing better and hope all the people who think confronting a narcissist is a good idea read your comment. Take care, Ms. Leyla. You aren’t obligated to let anyone in, my friend.

    • @dzanastrabuna
      @dzanastrabuna Рік тому +10

      Same here, and after the first blow I realised he wasn't the only one who was taking me for a fool. I'm so broken right now and can't trust anyone anymore, I feel like the world's biggest fool

    • @melissarzeszut3823
      @melissarzeszut3823 Рік тому +8

      I felt all of this to the core..

    • @nataliedickens1289
      @nataliedickens1289 Рік тому

      That is so terrible! My narcissistic gf dumped me in a fit of rage and then blamed me for it saying that I didn’t show her any compassion in her moment of weakness. I’m so grateful I found Dr. Ramani 2 days before this happened or I would have been a wreck. She also sent me a bunch of texts accusing me of things I never said or did and then went on to talk about how devastated she was after she dumped me and then blocked me so I couldn’t even respond or defend myself. She cared nothing about my feelings. Never even asked.

  • @sherimascote7495
    @sherimascote7495 Рік тому +11

    They lie about everything. Believe theirs own lies. Plus gaslighting you

  • @msagataondine9
    @msagataondine9 Рік тому +87

    Narcissist apologies are worthless.

  • @saddam9507
    @saddam9507 Рік тому +15

    A sure way to tell if they are lying is their lips are moving!

  • @edweirdmassey
    @edweirdmassey Рік тому +68

    I think the biggest lie is “I love you”

    • @clintonnagy1662
      @clintonnagy1662 5 місяців тому +7

      The biggest lie is the one we tell ourselves the relationship is normal.

    • @suemiller8426
      @suemiller8426 3 місяці тому

      I would tell that woman do not marry that man... Run.

    • @Blessingsallaround22
      @Blessingsallaround22 2 місяці тому +2

      I have said that to him so many times!

    • @withloveandrespectalways
      @withloveandrespectalways 2 місяці тому +1

      I feel to vomit 🤢 each time my narc husband used to say I ❤ U
      Yack

    • @avrilrodriguez3262
      @avrilrodriguez3262 28 днів тому

      When I met my ex boyfriend we met at a conference and the speaker asked which was the most common lie Mexicans tell and my ex said “saying I love you”. I realized he was a covert narcissist 10 years later.

  • @cherieswannhanson1482
    @cherieswannhanson1482 Рік тому +95

    The narc I dealt with went to therapy, one whole session, and came back to tell me that his therapist told him that if I didn’t want to have sex with him there was something seriously wrong with me. Narcissism... the gift that keeps on giving.

    • @kattdoesthings
      @kattdoesthings Рік тому +13

      Girl WHAT??? I’m so sorry. But at least his lie was so egregious that it is easier to identify bc I have never had a therapist that would would say something about the related party like that. My therapist only talks to me about how I process and navigate not really about how my bf needed to stop being a butthole.
      She didn’t even tell me I should leave him 😂😂 she told me to make the pro and con list and let me conclude it myself. so there is no way a decent ethical therapist would be telling him to tell you to touch his baby carrot.

    • @kathrynpassmore5425
      @kathrynpassmore5425 Рік тому +12

      He must have gone to my narc husband’s therapist! I remember responding to mine when he came home with that garbage that his therapist was right - and that ‘something’ is him… so we’d have to see if his therapist will be able to help him get lucky again or not. 4 years in separate rooms and zero intimacy or desire for sex and counting. Maybe if he had stuck with the therapy it would have gotten him some? Haha! Doubtful, very doubtful 😂

    • @Unebellecreole
      @Unebellecreole Рік тому +16

      Cherie! A therapist told me during the very first marriage session numerous times that sex is important in a marriage, even when I told her the narc was a verbally and emotionally abusive liar who has been mistreating me, and who is rude, selfish, and unkind to me. Why the heck would I want to have sex with someone who cares nothing about me and wants to use me for sex? By the way, I got rid of that therapist.

    • @mightymouse1005
      @mightymouse1005 Рік тому +10

      Mine said similar, only his way was "why don't you dress and be sexy like all my exes"
      I said "why don't I be an ex like all ur exes" then I asked what HE does to be more attractive to me.....he had nothing to say....

    • @susanparker9877
      @susanparker9877 Рік тому +5

      My ex husband saw a therapist, whom he hoodwinked into believing his crap, OR that is what he reported to me. We also saw a different therapist as a couple, and he yammered on and on about nonscence, wasting the prescious (then) $200/hr time. When I tried to redirect the conversation to the meat and potatoes of the matter, I was ignored by the therapist. I did not travel nearly 2 hours each way, and pay that money, to listen to word salad! I was devasted by what happened. I could not understand how a trained therapist made no effort to get input from each of us, and lacked the skills to get to the heart of the matter. After 3 identical sessions I refused to go back.
      Then the Narcissist comes home and says, "The therapist said you ......" Just fill in the blank to whatever would support their position. They can corrupt anything.

  • @jsteele286
    @jsteele286 Рік тому +23

    I can’t tell you how many times my narc has said “why can’t you just believe me “ when she’s telling obvious lies

  • @rodneymartel452
    @rodneymartel452 Рік тому +46

    Those stories about " woe is me " ( blame-shifting), along with the projection of their illusions. Baiting and crumbs.

    • @kp-da
      @kp-da Рік тому +2

      "I'm sorry you hate me, now I'm the true victim" lolol 😅

    • @p.w.352
      @p.w.352 Рік тому +1

      That's classic behavior of my narcissistic sibling. Total victim and soo misunderstood.

    • @clintonnagy1662
      @clintonnagy1662 5 місяців тому

      Amen. So frustrating

    • @clintonnagy1662
      @clintonnagy1662 5 місяців тому

      ​@p.w.352 " I am an adult "...." this is ridiculous "....." You are controlling "...." You don't own me".
      These are quotes shes uses regularly when confronted in her bullshit.

    • @emmarae4322
      @emmarae4322 4 місяці тому

      Always the victim.

  • @SheOpines
    @SheOpines Рік тому +53

    I’m going to make a BOLD statement. I have Successfully Survived and overcome my Narcissistic Mother. I dare say that I’ve healed. It isn’t easy, but it can be done.
    These people are the most confusing, world turning, hurtful, crazy making people. It took decades of personal work and very firm boundaries. It seemed that most of the terminology used today was non-existent 30 years ago. These terms help to sort out these behaviors in your head and heart. Healing and thriving is possible. Sending you all this message of HOPE.

    • @SuprEmpth
      @SuprEmpth Рік тому

      ❤❤❤

    • @amandagilcrease2445
      @amandagilcrease2445 11 місяців тому +3

      Having a parental narcissistic relationship is the most damaging in my opinion b/c as a baby, child, teenager., that’s all you grow up knowing therefore you believe your parents behavior is normal. My spouse is currently healing from narcissistic parents. They are very demanding, dominant, “all knowing”, constantly give unsolicited advice, intrusive in every aspect of one’s life. It’s the most damaging type of long term abuse I’ve ever witnessed. Siblings are used as “flying monkeys” to invoke more guilt, shame, & obligation. It wipes out ALL sense of one’s self autonomy & the child/adult of one or more of these parents don’t even realize that their “feelings” are not their own., they absorb & feel their parents feelings. It all boils down to one word & that’s CONTROL. Control of every aspect of your life & your being

    • @jimmywags
      @jimmywags 22 дні тому

      @amandad, truer words have never been spoken. What you wrote is spot on!

  • @janedoh123
    @janedoh123 Рік тому +47

    so not every liar is a narcissist but every narcissist is a liar
    but they lie about the fact they don’t lie

  • @HeidiDunning-x1z
    @HeidiDunning-x1z Рік тому +28

    I’ve come to realize that the past 5 years of my relationship with a narcissist were based on nothing but lies. That hurts!

    • @jessicaturner5626
      @jessicaturner5626 5 місяців тому +1

      Mee too I'm just reaching this point.

    • @meseve75
      @meseve75 2 місяці тому

      3.5yrs 14 all together it's truly 💔destroyed our family and came extremely close to dying

    • @mrvocal21
      @mrvocal21 2 місяці тому

      @@meseve75 Its devastating

    • @MrMichaelWad
      @MrMichaelWad Місяць тому

      Same, it’s absolutely the stuff nightmares are about..

  • @elizabethbowie9753
    @elizabethbowie9753 Рік тому +38

    Yes. Lying hurts people.
    Truth Heals. Lies fall to the ground. Truth Stands Forever. 💗

  • @beausexon7546
    @beausexon7546 Рік тому +15

    I ended my relationship with my narcissist ex after I continually called out her lies. I know you’re not meant to call out a narcissist, but I had to. Eventually I deconstructed her lies and stories so much, that she had nothing else to say and she raged. I when I left her, she basically admitted she would rather let me walk out the door than try and be honest. It says it all.

  • @ginnydoll0703
    @ginnydoll0703 Рік тому +7

    They can lie without ever uttering a falsehood. Very talented in doing this!

  • @marysuzannajayne1340
    @marysuzannajayne1340 Рік тому +16

    It seems like the older I get, the more important truth really is. I was engaged for a while to a generally kind and loving guy, but I began to notice that when times got tough, the niceties wore thin and he started lying his ass off! It changed the dynamics of our friendship and began to repulse me. I couldn’t stay on board with him as my boyfriend anymore. So while I still care deeply for him as a person who has been a part of my world, I don’t want to make plans with him anymore. I would rather be on my own and make my own mistakes than to have to constantly be lied to and therefore pissed off and let down every time I discover another lie from my “ nice”, insecure boyfriend. Life is too short to live with a liar!

    • @mightymouse1005
      @mightymouse1005 Рік тому +4

      I agree.....I have NO tolerance for liars and entitled abusers....I need to live the remainder of my life in peace and a respectful manner. I can live alone just fine.

  • @duece5c
    @duece5c Рік тому +270

    Seriously Dr.Ramani
    I only wish I heard your utube channel when I was growing up as a teenager, and becoming an adult 20yrs ago.
    You are such a bright light of awareness in illuminating what these toxic personality types entail and I can’t thank you enough 🙏🌿🕊for calling them out for what they are and not further enabling or glorifying them as society has done so in previous years.
    Thankyou Thankyou Thankyou. You are a absolute HERO!!!!

    • @McSpaddenator
      @McSpaddenator Рік тому +6

      I concur, I wish I knew what my sister was years ago.

    • @ZestyAqua
      @ZestyAqua Рік тому +2

      Agreed at 18 yrs old even earlier I too would have listened so many years of unnecessary suffering unfortunately it's our society.

    • @karen15collins
      @karen15collins Рік тому +2

      Agreeeeeeeee 100%

    • @geraldorivera7863
      @geraldorivera7863 Рік тому +2

      I agree ❤

    • @heathermixson1265
      @heathermixson1265 Рік тому

      I 2nd this!!!!

  • @Sky_Star-hq6bx
    @Sky_Star-hq6bx Рік тому +14

    These people are just flat out Dangerous . Human Wrecking Balls leaving a Trail of Devastated Lives, Broken hearts, Shattered Trust and Wreckage in their wake !

  • @lindabell6954
    @lindabell6954 Рік тому +116

    They lie to make themselves look bigger and better. To cover up their misdeeds and especially to shift blame onto others.
    Thank you Dr. Ramani for your helpful guidance and support.

    • @jodizellmer994
      @jodizellmer994 Рік тому +2

      Exactly! What gets me is they lie so stupidly, especially about things that could easily be checked out, and they still stick to their lie. They don't even realize that they're making a huge fool out of themselves.

    • @cathy1430
      @cathy1430 Рік тому +2

      @@jodizellmer994 Yes. They don’t care that you know they’re lying. They put it back onto you that you don’t know. Even if there is proof. Its somehow your crazy perception of how you see things. It’s unbelievable.

  • @TheReminderChannnel
    @TheReminderChannnel Рік тому +168

    Those first 20 seconds summed it up perfectly! This woman is an absolute gem 💎
    Indebted to her advice over the years! God bless 🙏 ❤️

    • @405OKCShiningOn
      @405OKCShiningOn Рік тому +4

      Yes!! Same!!

    • @shellyjoseph3109
      @shellyjoseph3109 Рік тому +12

      right I can't tell you how much of my mind she has given me back.. she has helped restore my soul

    • @405OKCShiningOn
      @405OKCShiningOn Рік тому +1

      yes!! me too!! I journaled a great deal about. she really moves me forward :)

  • @amclyne51
    @amclyne51 Рік тому +36

    I just got out of a narcissistic relationship. He was a text book case. Charming , generous but always seeking validation. We had a heated argument, about women having their own money. He doesn’t want you to have an opinion that’s different from his, and totally loses it when you say no to him. His behavior shocked me. I just cut ties with him.

    • @SmoothOpe_
      @SmoothOpe_ Рік тому +1

      How long did it last and how did you get out of you don’t mind me asking

    • @amclyne51
      @amclyne51 Рік тому +1

      @@SmoothOpe_ 6 months. It was mostly long distance so it was easier to go NO CONTACT.

    • @ampleparkingTV
      @ampleparkingTV Рік тому +6

      Same here: generous, charming and fun to be around. We had a huge argument one evening after I made an offhand remark and he couldn’t stand that we were in my city and my country, that I had the “audacity” to say something “out of line”. There had been a similar incident where he’d also completely lost it when I confronted him about something he’d said/done. On both occasions, I cried (for days, if not weeks) bc I thought I had hurt his feelings or been an asshole. But, actually, what had happened was I existing, behaving, speaking without SELF-CENSORING to say things that PLEASED him. Once I started speaking to him the way he DESERVES to be spoken to (which is honestly and matter of fact) he lost it. I see that now with some distance and space and a clearer head.

    • @jengable4888
      @jengable4888 Рік тому +2

      Good for you ! If someone cannot accept someone else's opinion, that should be a red flag of controlling behavior !

  • @tayriobravo6204
    @tayriobravo6204 Рік тому +13

    She needs to cut her losses and run. I was having second hand anxiety just listening to this story. I literally got a pit in my stomach thinking about what’s going to happen if she goes through with this marriage. I hope she gets healing and finds happiness within herself if not with a more mentally and emotionally compatible partner.

    • @chayo4537
      @chayo4537 Рік тому

      That she'll also pay for

    • @jg5930
      @jg5930 Рік тому

      🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🏃🏻‍♀️🏃🏻‍♀️

  • @richyrich4672
    @richyrich4672 Рік тому +36

    I wish I’d learned about this when I was 17. It would’ve saved me a life time of heart ache.

  • @Seeme-s6i
    @Seeme-s6i Рік тому +104

    You know your stuff. My ex husband did exactly that. I then got into another relationship with a smoother more tactful narcissist. First I'd like to thank you for helping me heal after a very bad break up with a narcissist. I could not wrap my head around why things happened the way they did. You gave me closure by outlining the behavior so I could identify IT WAS NOT ME. They are the smoothest liars, wanting to be viewed as " the good guy " so in the end the picture was painted. You taught me boundaries are essential in healing. They don't change, once your energy source is depleted and you become "woke" they discard and humiliate you. They do believe their lies and their power to convince people of who they want you or people to believe them to be. You nailed it superficial, empty lie of who they really are. They would crumble and die if they had to be their authentic self. I appreciate you and your wisdom, thank you.

    • @amac2573
      @amac2573 Рік тому +6

      SORRY YOU GOT A SCAMMER REPLYING TO YOUR COMMENT. PLEASE DON'T CONTACT THEM!!!!!

    • @victorpulido5851
      @victorpulido5851 Рік тому +1

      I dare and looked into the narcissit eyes and saw HELL on earth..

  • @mimij4341
    @mimij4341 Рік тому +10

    Agreed, even with hard core evidence they turn it around and say that they can't trust you...n you betrayed their trust.

  • @samanthaking8792
    @samanthaking8792 Рік тому +24

    Oh gosh, this is so true. A narcissist will really take the wind out of your sails and leave you shipwrecked. We all encounter them and sadly we get involved with them emotionally. It drains you and honestly leaves you broken with PTSD, but it’s also a valuable learning lesson about why we sometimes settle for less than we deserve.

    • @seriouscat2231
      @seriouscat2231 Рік тому

      How can a person know what he deserves? And what makes a person deserving of something?

  • @jenniy7557
    @jenniy7557 Рік тому +8

    My mother loves to misquote me or take my words out of context and repeat them back later. Her favorite kind of lie and good motivation for grey rock. She can misquote me on the weather. 😊

  • @nd4856
    @nd4856 Рік тому +6

    I would call out my ex on every single lie he would tell…. At one point he broke character essentially and asked me “how do you always know?”
    Once I let go of him I stopped calling out the lies. I could see them, I could catch them, but I no longer cared because I was leaving him.

  • @DizzyWolf
    @DizzyWolf Рік тому +55

    My mom told me who my real father was when I was 11. My friends and family expected me to be shocked. They constantly asked if I was okay, if I was handling this well. They didn't realize that I knew my mother lied all the time, and that it had just been another one of many. No surprise. This feeling was later suggested to be a symptom of my mental illness, which has since been confirmed to be a misdiagnosis.
    C'est la vie.

    • @shelleyschneider5262
      @shelleyschneider5262 Рік тому

      My husband and I were not on good terms because family issues. He was on and off with cancer and it had become terminal an I was not living with him at the time. It was all due to him talking many hours on the phone with his cousin wife. He was telling everyone I left because I couldn't handle the sickness. Needless to say he passed but that was far from the truth. So I seen this till he pasted. I did have time to tell him to stop that I know what he was saying to people about me. Never a apology and then after he passed I found out from people at our back that we used for many many year that I left because I couldn't handle the sickness any more this was our bank 4 hours away from the city we live in right now

  • @heatherwood6446
    @heatherwood6446 Рік тому +65

    How therapy with my covert narc mom over a 6 month period worked was...
    1) At 1st she tried to battle my stack of evidence, but the therapist agreed with me that she was gaslighting me on multiple occasions & emotionally abusive, so her ego was hurt...
    2) Then she gave the silent treatment during sessions & just listened...
    3) The last session, she came with notes & basically ran down EVERYTHING that I had shared, including much of what she had told me all my life was my history, & said it was ALL lies!
    Well, that therapy gave me the closure I needed to accept this woman, my mother, was a narcissist, & would NEVER act or care for me as my mom. FYI, the ONLY reason she went to therapy with me is because I made a boundary that if she didn't, so we could have a healthier relationship with me (which effects my kids & hubby), she would not be able to have a relationship with my children. So she went...then moved away to live with her golden child daughter/grandkids, so we hear from her maybe 1x every other month since she has enough supply now. My family is MUCH healthier & peaceful now that she no longer lives 10 minutes away!😅👍
    (P.S. I didn't peg my mom as narc for a long time because she/I were victims of my dad's extreme, blatant abuse, who's a malignant narcissist & tried to kill her 3 times. It's hard to see gaslighting as abuse when you've been beat up & screamed at. 😬)

    • @CarmenGomez-mq2bc
      @CarmenGomez-mq2bc Рік тому +1

      🙏😔iam so sorry you have to go tru that! My sister when tru that my baby! My mother sounds like bipolar and my Dad a NARCISSIST I saw Everything what when to our several Home my sister past 7 years ago I was there for my sister to the End of her life,me as the older sister I have to carry that Nightmare story to the End of my life😔😥💔💔 and then my little sister my mom gave her Always WITH my Grandmother I was there since day one with my BELOVED SISTER 😔😥😥😔 NOW 7 MONTHS AGO I BURIED MY LAST LITTLE SISTER IAM STILL IN PAIN💔💔 THEY BOTH DAY ON THE SAME NUMBER DAY THE 21💔 21🤔 SO IAM SO GLAD YOU DOING MUCH PEACEFUL WITH YOUR BABIES GOD BLESS OUR LORD AND JESUS THEY ALWAYS HERE US!😀🙏😀🗽👏🙏😘

    • @CarmenGomez-mq2bc
      @CarmenGomez-mq2bc Рік тому +1

      Sorry my 2 BELOVED SISTER DIED IN THE SAME DAY NUMBER BOTH JULY 21 AND THE LITTLE ONE APRIL 21💔🙏💔🙏😔😔

    • @heatherwood6446
      @heatherwood6446 Рік тому +2

      @@CarmenGomez-mq2bc I am sorry you've gone through such painful family experiences. I hope you can find healing & peace! Yes, God is always there & never abandons us. 💜

    • @myfairhousewife
      @myfairhousewife Рік тому +1

      Thank you so much for sharing. I’m in the same boat. I told my mom to try and come to therapy with me. Sadly I feel like I need this validation. For a therapist to see what I’m not almost. It’s like I wish I could send messages from my mom to This lady and have her tell me, what am I missing? Why do I feel I need my mom in my life to function? Such a difficult thing.

    • @heatherwood6446
      @heatherwood6446 Рік тому +3

      @@myfairhousewife 💜You are stronger & wiser than you think!💜 Follow your gut, be prepared for backlash, & don't gaslight yourself when the truth slaps you in the face...regardless of if the therapist picks it up or not! FYI, I purposefully chose a neutral therapist who had never met either of us, someone who was proficient in understanding narcissism in family dynamics, & someone who comprehended child abuse & cPTSD.

  • @jetaboveclouds
    @jetaboveclouds Рік тому +59

    How I wish I had this during a long term marriage to a narcissist where over time I would always be the "bad" one to the "good guy." It is like Stockholm Syndrome. I woke up to it all on my own and wish Dr. R, and the internet would have been there for me. You are the relationship gymnast, the giving person to the world and to them, but the bad person? Marital counseling wound up with the therapist and my ex in a charmed interaction where I just wound up sitting there listening, realizing that it was just a waste of time. I put an end to the marital counseling. How's this for a quote on broken promises: "Well, I meant it when I said it." Get out early.....it doesn't get better and you get more and more damaged. Things will work out and remember, you have been alone and in charge underneath it all, all along. Just stop the trying.

    • @susanparker9877
      @susanparker9877 Рік тому +8

      How do they do that? I found it so unprofessional for one person to be given all the attention and then the validation! I felt invisable in therapy. My ex took up all the space. Ultimately, he lost out, because I left him!

    • @JanetCaterina
      @JanetCaterina Рік тому +1

      Luckily, I had a couple of counselors who saw through him and encouraged me to understand that he was abusive and that my expecting him to change was the problem. It took me until now, with these tapes of Dr. Romani, to understand that my ex fits the profile of a narcissist. I came to understand his hypersensitivity and passive aggression made it impossible for me to have a relationship with him. But it is only now, 30 years later, that I can begin to understand the characteristics of narcissism. I feel I am still the one who takes the blame in my children's eyes and look like the bad guy because his behaviour - his irresponsibility, his denial - made me angry every time. It's very painful to revisit this even with new understanding because it is all so clear. It is all coming back to me.

    • @elizabethbowie9753
      @elizabethbowie9753 Рік тому +1

      It IS Stockholm syndrome. 💗💗💗

    • @suecole5543
      @suecole5543 Рік тому +5

      @@susanparker9877 Not all therapy is a benefit to us , some are very bad at their job just like some teachers . We are lucky if we find a really good one. Some do more harm than good .

    • @kpaejs1984
      @kpaejs1984 Рік тому +4

      Couples counseling will NOT work with a narcissist. It took me 3 decades to figure that out. I also wish I had known this sooner, but I trust in the Providence of God and cherish our children and the good experiences. I am getting stronger every day. I know I have loved, even if he didn't love me.

  • @1948rambo
    @1948rambo Рік тому +3

    So true about the lying n if you catch them… even with proof-they will NEVER own it OR APOLOGIZE for hurting you!!!

  • @jenniferbenavidez2341
    @jenniferbenavidez2341 Рік тому +22

    This is exactly what happened to me! 5 marriage counselors and only one knew he was a narcissist and was honest with me! That was the last one I went to and was so thankful for her and I am so thankful I found Dr Ramani!

    • @melissanguyen4904
      @melissanguyen4904 Рік тому +3

      Marriage therapy for sure made my narc ex worse

    • @arenee118
      @arenee118 Рік тому +3

      My narc ex husband in couples therapy. Therapist asked me what was going on that was causing problems. I give him the run down, which included husband being gone every night and weekend with the guys, coming home drunk every Friday and Saturday night, puking on the floor, and expecting me to clean it up. I was stuck with the colicky baby, worked a full-time job, and did all the housework, shoveling of snow or mowing of lawn. (He promised to do that when we bought the house, but didn't live up to that part of the bargain.) When I was done, the therapist asked my ex husband what problems concerned him. He said, "I don't know why she's unhappy. I'm happy." Narcissist don't care. Period. He had lots of friends who turned on me when we divorced. He turned them all against me.

    • @dawnaaaaa
      @dawnaaaaa 9 місяців тому

      they weren't and aren't your people.. you'll find the good ones, the right ones too. mine is starting to do that to me, and I still get a few of his friends reaching out to me in private. Believe me, you're better off @@arenee118

  • @jcd5211
    @jcd5211 Рік тому +29

    So I just heard the segment of this video about going to therapy with a narcissist. So my story is not about a significant other it’s about me and my parents. You see my father is an insecure narcissistic type. Physically, verbally, mentally, and emotionally violent. Yes I believe that words can take to form of violence. So I was 14. I was at the point that I was just started saying it the way it was. My mental defiance made me an “uncontrollable, problem teenager”. He read that allergies could cause behavioral problems so I had to go to the allergist time and time again because my father wanted to find the cause of my noncompliance. I refused to drink his Kool-Aid. When nothing was found, he dragged me to the pediatrician and claimed that I was schizophrenic like my mother’s brother (he wasn’t BTW), and wanted to have me medicated. The pediatrician said that he didn’t think I was schizophrenic but that he would send me to a psychiatrist. I went, and the psychiatrist said she’s not schizophrenic but I can send you to a psychologist. So I went to four appointments, then we had a group appointment with my parents, then I had another appointment, then the therapist asked if she could have an appointment with just my parents. My parents came home and my father was fuming. Neither of them would tell me what was said but my mother said I was never going back there. Therapist called several times after that to ask to speak with me. She said she wanted to know if I was doing okay. I can only assume that the psychologist agreed with me about my father and mother. After that my father would say that psychologists just filled people’s heads with bullshit. Really nice huh? This is what you get when a narcissist goes to therapy.

  • @jenniferconnell7730
    @jenniferconnell7730 Рік тому +2

    What a loving and grateful person would do instead of needing the attention from others to validate their false self image, they would be proud of their partner and want to announce their own short comings and express how lucky they are to have such a selfless, hard working women who loves unconditionally...

  • @SuperGringo71
    @SuperGringo71 Рік тому +4

    The more they lie that lies becomes their reality and makes it easier to live with themselves.

  • @torianichole831
    @torianichole831 Рік тому +10

    My dad is a narcissist and growing up he always said he hated 3 things most in this world and that was a liar, a cheat, and a thief. I’ve caught him in many lies. Not sure if he’s ever cheated or stolen, but I hear those are common traits In narcissists

  • @susanparker9877
    @susanparker9877 Рік тому +27

    To the woman with the insecure fiancé trying to claim he bought the house,
    "Start the car, start the car, RUN!"

    • @iammar1159
      @iammar1159 Рік тому +3

      Even if she says no, I doubt that the narcissist will care. He will probably still go ahead and lie and say that he bought the house all on his own. If I was her, I would correct him right away in front of everyone and make sure they all know that he only put 30%!

    • @davidswink6653
      @davidswink6653 Рік тому +1

      That was weird...the exact words she used.. she didn't say she out 70% of money up for thr house ..
      She said she used 70% of her savings and he used 30% of his savings
      It was never said how much each contributed
      Just seems Ike carefully chosen words to make her contribution LOOK a lot more than his .when reality is...he could have paid for Almost all ...he could have had 100k saved ..and she had 10k
      I for sure am not second guessing the doctor
      But that's the kind of crap my wife does
      She can easily spin my contribution to being meaningless...when reality is ..I sacrificed everything and much much more

    • @davidlafleche1142
      @davidlafleche1142 Рік тому +1

      I know the feeling! Ten years ago, I wrote a novel. It was never published, but I was trying to start my own business. My family liked it; but one relative barged in and lied, saying, "I helped him write it." I slapped him and replied, "No, you didn't!" Later, I told him, "I don't expect to get rich doing this." He seemed dejected. But, if he couldn't stake a claim on my work, he would then put it down. "That idea is never going to work," he said. I've had enough. The sooner I get away from him, the better!

    • @clintonnagy1662
      @clintonnagy1662 5 місяців тому +1

      Hahaha, RUN don't walk to the car, drive to the airport, and leave the country. Find the space shuttle, and launch to the moon. Lol

    • @susanparker9877
      @susanparker9877 5 місяців тому

      @@clintonnagy1662 Well said!

  • @cindibohn9049
    @cindibohn9049 Рік тому +8

    They throw you under the bus in therapy also and then turn the tables again when you get home and are behind closed doors and treat you worse.

    • @brit0309
      @brit0309 12 днів тому

      Great description. Feels effing insanity provoking.

  • @giancarlomartinez5630
    @giancarlomartinez5630 Рік тому +9

    I don't wanna show them the truth anymore, they've proven hopeless. Now I just wanna hurt them because that's what they did to me. Over, and over, and over, and over, and they weren't gonna stop until I cut them off and they kept coming after me anyway.

  • @jessd3601
    @jessd3601 Рік тому +56

    I can’t thank you enough for what you do, and this video in particular lit a lightbulb in my mind for me today. “The narcissist wants to impulsively do what they want to do without being judged badly for it” it made so many things click. I’m finally starting to understand what boundaries are, and how to hold firm when they are crossed. Thanks for helping me on that journey, God bless you!

  • @brsugr58
    @brsugr58 Рік тому +37

    I agreed to do everything 50/50 on the house when moved in bcuz we both made the same amount. There are 2 problems with this,
    1. My daughter grew up thinking this is ok and brought it up when I left him AFTER 30 years and the house was paid for! Of course she hates me now and won't let me see my only grandchild!
    2. I left after I got tired of ALL the narcissistic b.s. and now I have to use my pension to pay exorbitant rent since moving 6 months ago following 42 years of marriage when by law I own 1/2 of a 350K house. I left after he started asking me to pay half of the satellite radio subscription! He lost me over $5 a month bill!
    And BTW, we went thru YEARS AND YEARS of marriage counciling with someone who seemed oblivious to NARCISSICISM! What a waste of $ and a lifetime. I am now 66 years old and afraid of men especially ones who rage and word salad. I am in therapy with someone else and I have PTSD. Thank GOD for Dr. Ramani! Been following for 7 months now! The more I listen, the more I understand and can heal.

    • @brsugr58
      @brsugr58 Рік тому

      @@richasharma1045 cancer

    • @brsugr58
      @brsugr58 Рік тому +2

      I'm glad you know 😌how much you're helping Dr. R!

  • @aliciabrown5217
    @aliciabrown5217 Рік тому +1

    Hi Dr. Ramani, I'm a Psychologist and I have been fired by a few narcissist. One told me " you make me sick".
    Also, I have a family member who is narcissistic and I was SO CLOSE to her that I missed it. Well, after I called her out, on the false narratives, she has only spoken to me three times in over a year. In the words of one of the Atlanta Housewives "THE LIES, THE LIES, THE LIES!!"

  • @deronmcbee7491
    @deronmcbee7491 Рік тому +3

    I'm 6'4" Muscular Stuntman who had suffered abuse from my Ex Malignant Narcissistic Wife for 7 years until till she passed away suddenly. She physically abused me starting just 6 weeks into our Marriage & I foolishly forgave her because I am a Christian man & thinking she would change her abusive rage. SHE DIDN'T! In fact the physical abuse was cranked up & got worse! On top of that she gaslighted me until I thought I was losing my mind. Being a major Empathetic man I assumed that she truly Loved me underneath that cruel evil exterior. WOW was I ever WRONG!!! Thank you Dr RAMANI for saving my sanity & helping me heal. God Bless you
    🙏💖🙏

  • @crabbypaddy5549
    @crabbypaddy5549 Рік тому +25

    Another lie is they talk about giving money to charity to look good, but never actually give money to charity. My ex would make sure I saw her looking at charity websites and telling me she saved money in an account to pay out later....For two years she did that, but never donated a penny. She always told everyone she donated money to charity. The account only existed in her mind. Their whole world is an imaginary house of cards, so fragile the slightest huff will take it down.....but if you huff, it will hurt you.

    • @crabbypaddy5549
      @crabbypaddy5549 Рік тому

      @@TesseractDome exactly my point 😀

    • @rosethorne9155
      @rosethorne9155 6 місяців тому

      😢 My mother is like this, except she uses it as an excuse to hoard. She will go to thrift stores and buy kids' blankets and toys and things, and yarn to knit blankets with. Then she will go sit at her favorite yarn shop and knit, and chat (brag) to all the other ladies there that she is knitting things for XYZ children's charity (first it was Ronald McDonald House, then St. Jude's, and then another charity organization whose name I don't remember). Of course all the other ladies ooh and aah over her work and tell her how nice and caring she is. She comes home glowing, talking about how nice everybody is, and people even donate bags of yarn and knitting needles to HER!
      Except she keeps most of the things she makes.
      She has 10 of those 18-gallon storage bins, all full of yarn and hand-knit hats and blankets.
      The poor kids never get the stuff. 😢

  • @gabyjuen
    @gabyjuen Рік тому +14

    You're the best. Never stop doing this.

  • @JustJojo111
    @JustJojo111 Рік тому +6

    This just happened to me! First of all I bought my house three years ago… And on the day of the closing my narc ex called me INSTRUCTING that I’m NOT to take a picture with the realtor..since THEY weren’t going to be in it as well. Because, of course why would they get up in the morning and come to the closing?
    Fast forward 3 yrs til now, after our breakup (I discarded) .. part of the current smear campaign consists of my ex telling people that they contributed $10,000 down on the house and that I won’t pay them back! TOTAL LIE. They didn’t contribute a penny, not even TIME at the closing. Honestly, over the last two years I have discovered what a liar they are… But I didn’t realize to what extent until I heard this! Toxicity at its finest! SO GLAD TO BE OUT. 🙏🏼

  • @movingforward2430
    @movingforward2430 Рік тому +21

    Thank you for your words of wisdom. I am a single person at this time. One of the lies which I feel is ridiculously overused; is meeting married people who attempt to convince me that their spouse will "not mind" if they cheat on them. Ladies and gents- make your boundaries clear, and stick with them.

    • @specialtwice4975
      @specialtwice4975 Рік тому +3

      Usually that "not mind" is "well, technically they don't know"

    • @suzanne4396
      @suzanne4396 Рік тому +3

      Yes, he said " Go ahead and tell her, she won't CARE!!" But. When I held up my phone & started to dial her # ( which I'd gotten online) he exploded into a rage, grabbed my phone & smashed the screen entirely so it couldn't be used. And ... screamed at me with spit flying out of his mouth.
      Ok, yeah. She WOULD care, and he knows it.
      My ace up my sleeve. 😏

  • @dianasponsler3567
    @dianasponsler3567 Рік тому +11

    "Never tell the truth if a lie will serve you better in the moment" - motto of my FOO. Mom lied to cover motives, Dad to impress people and get attention.

    • @chayo4537
      @chayo4537 Рік тому

      Impress who? A brick wall?

  • @mightymouse1005
    @mightymouse1005 Рік тому +14

    I have owned my homestead completely for a long time. My bf (NOT husband) gets mad when I tell people it's mine.....he says "IDK why you always tell people it's YOUS and not both of ours "
    I had to say "I've owned it 13 years and only known you for 2 years....its obvious I already had it "
    It really irritated him that people know he lives in MY house.....

    • @theellisfamilyvlogs2639
      @theellisfamilyvlogs2639 Рік тому +5

      Tell him also that "we " and "our" is for married couples and he is just a bf as of now. Step up as a husband and maybe "me" can eventually be "we" but thats already a red flag 🚩. Good luck babe

    • @tricia007100
      @tricia007100 Рік тому +3

      One of the newer games is the real nasty ones are trying to manipulate houses for themselves. If they are contributing to mortgage/bills...they start talking about how it would only be fair if his name was put on the house. Don't do it!! In fact never put anything in your name for them. I put a bill in my name for a friend of 30 years - we have known each other since 15. I had no idea who he really was...he anniliated me, racked the bill to over $13,000. His last 2 girlfriends both had houses from divorces - he did not want to get married - both girls did - both were waiting for him to ask. He wanted his name on one of the houses so that he could end the relationship and force the sale of the house so he could have a down payment for a house of his own. This guy had zero morals. Prenuptial- there is no reason these abusers should be able to get your house. Unfortunate that you just really can't trust anyone.

    • @emmarae4322
      @emmarae4322 4 місяці тому

      I had the same issue, he was my boyfriend and not my husband. I'm so glad I never married him.

  • @giancarlomartinez5630
    @giancarlomartinez5630 Рік тому +6

    I know the point isn't to make us cry, but this video made me cry hard. I hate confirming I was right all along. I need help bad

  • @elizabethlawrence-qj2dz
    @elizabethlawrence-qj2dz 8 місяців тому +6

    Not only did he want to lie to make himself look better, he wanted to do it at her expense. The lie diminishes her input. That’s abominable

  • @Gerri_Liz
    @Gerri_Liz Рік тому +1

    Wow spot on with the therapist. My husband after 2 sessions during a “discussion” my husband said “the therapist is right about you”. I didn’t let him get any further I said “ you mean to tell me that a therapist diagnosed me without ever speaking to me? I’m going to call him and complain”. My husband backed off, and stopped seeing the therapist.

  • @Kiddo_X
    @Kiddo_X Рік тому +3

    It's so one-sided. They'll expect everyone else to not lie, but they'll justify their lies when called on it. Rules have no exceptions.

  • @tslaske
    @tslaske Рік тому +3

    My narcissist said she was going to therapy, but refused to give any details... then said she was talking to this "therapist" for peace and meditation. She also claimed that this "therapist" said she should get out of her relationship with me. She has not been my narcissist for about 6 months, but I continue to come here for my own therapy... God speed to all of us dealing with these things.

  • @chiarascuro3566
    @chiarascuro3566 Рік тому +3

    I was in a committed relationship with a narcissist. She came home from therapy one day and told me her therapist said manipulation was normal, innocuous behavior and everyone does it. I immediately knew she had fed her therapist a rewritten narrative. She snowed every therapist she had and basically just used them for validation laundering.

  • @BranikWolfe
    @BranikWolfe Рік тому +5

    They do seem to love to claim what is not theirs as theirs. I got my truck in 2003, started my company in 2004, bought my current house in 2016. Met my narc in 2017. It was "his" truck, "his" house, and he "owned his own company." All lies told to impress people, especially hoochies he was looking to get in the pants of. He managed to convince a gold digger he had all this and money (also mine) and would support her. I booted him, her bf booted her, and they have spent the last 8 months homeless together. XD Funny how that worked out.

  • @AAXS-op1vo
    @AAXS-op1vo Рік тому +18

    My ex came home from therapy one day and decided that he needed to stop putting money into our joint bank account and basically force me to “beg” for money to pay the bills. I always assumed that he spun some lie about me stealing money from him because it appeared after he came home from a therapy appointment. I also felt he must have had a crackpot for a therapist. Never thought about the fact that he was just lying and flipping scripts, just thought he found a male therapist that would side with his insanity.
    This pretty much lasted for four years (because I wasn’t about to fight over an insanely untrue scenario , I had kids to raise) until the marriage finally broke down and apart. Over twenty years of marriage and this warfare over money was always there. On my way to being free of it all now. It was devastating as it came apart and took me at least two years to come out of the darkness but the PEACE I now have is treasure to my soul. He is still in financial chaos and apparently still struggling with his mental health. I have been gone from his space for almost four years now so his condition and stress is NOT about ME. WASNT ME then and it ain’t ME now. Guess he has to find someone else to blame now but he is probably still painting ME as the villain. Whatever dude.

    • @mightymouse1005
      @mightymouse1005 Рік тому +2

      My narc actually has a PhD in psychology and would absolutely side with narcissist abuse. His ex wife had to beg for every penny, until she finished medical school and got a good job and dumped HIS butt after he demanded control of HER money so she'd still have to beg......

    • @AAXS-op1vo
      @AAXS-op1vo Рік тому +3

      @@mightymouse1005 I can fully relate. I worked part-time and contract work but basically spent about 18-20 years raising our children. Always hoping that we would somehow find common ground. Nope. There were short moments of peace but eventually he would want to control things again and we would descend into financial chaos again. It was that kind of merry go round for decades. Stressful AF! Ended up losing my home, my marriage and what ai THOUGHT was my best friend. Post game analysis has really illuminated the trash heap I was living in. You don’t SEE it while you are trying to LIVE in it and make it work. Well, you DO see it . . . you just don’t call it what it truly is. It is a devastating thing that unfolds in front of you as you emerge from the fog and REALLY SEE what the hell was really going on! But if you can breathe through the devastation and just take one TINY revelation at a time and absorb it, you WILL emerge stronger, wiser, and ultimately BETTER than you would ever be if you had stayed. I still do not know WHAT my future holds but I am so damn GRATEFUL to be free of the chaos, lying, gaslighting, drama, disrespect and STRESS of what I was living in everyday (well most days anyway). It brings me GREAT joy to know that my future will be fully MINE to determine what happens to me now, instead of the constant blindsiding that I lived with for so long. Life is too short and unpredictable to have EXTRA BS going on coming from someone else!

  • @EvelynneK1812
    @EvelynneK1812 Рік тому +4

    You help me to ground every time I struggle because the narc keeps hoovering me. Thank you so much Dr Ramani.

  • @robinsuggs6120
    @robinsuggs6120 Рік тому +7

    I’ve been beaten down with absolute sadistic behavior yet here I stay…. It is an awful reality.

  • @mcisanta
    @mcisanta Рік тому +8

    This channel save my life … So far …literally Without you, Dr Ramani I wouldn’t have saw the hell I was living in … thank you 🙏🏻 God bless and keep helping scapegoats like me

  • @Steph-bj3nm
    @Steph-bj3nm Рік тому +26

    There was a period of time with my ex where my mental health took a complete nose dive. She had relapsed on drugs during this time and became chronically late for work. Her excuse was always that she had to stay home and help me through some kind of crisis. Which sounded a lot better than sleeping through her alarm or losing track of time. When she was about to get fired, she broke down and told her boss that I had committed suicide. She received a 2 week paid vacation to help my family plan my funeral. I was asked to lay low and play along. I will never forget her laughing while telling me all of this.

    • @specialtwice4975
      @specialtwice4975 Рік тому +3

      This paragraph pretty much perfectly sums up their craziness.

    • @mariachereches2083
      @mariachereches2083 Рік тому +4

      Omg!!

    • @breemorrison4455
      @breemorrison4455 Рік тому +2

      I believe you, and I can relate. I never stop feeling surprised how many of those people there are in the world.

    • @breemorrison4455
      @breemorrison4455 Рік тому +5

      When a criminal goes to prison, they often learn to be better criminals. Same principle. Narcissistic people use therapy to learn to be better manipulators. Save your money (and likely it is your money 😂). Buy a bus ticket. 😈💔

    • @carolinapoochpack
      @carolinapoochpack Рік тому +4

      @@breemorrison4455 my husband was spewing psychotherapy terms at me, accusing me of gaslighting, stonewalling years before Dr Ramini was educating us all over UA-cam. I’m sure he was studying up on DSM5 disorders and flipping his tactics, accusing me of doing them. I didn’t know what the fuck he was talking about, but I was prompted to find out. It was the beginning of him telling on himself. Looking back He knew I was often smarter than him, in this situation he thought I was more educated too.

  • @superhumansight
    @superhumansight Рік тому +12

    My ex was a covert narcissist and went to 2 therapists with the agreement that we would go together after a few sessions. She came back with new tools and had clearly charmed the therapists. Both told her to chase her dreams and that she was ALREADY doing the hard work here. By the time would have started couples therapy she dropped out both times or was refusing to go with me. I was paying for it, so I stopped paying at that point both times and then she blamed me for taking away her outlet. I just stated that if you're doing the work, keep doing this and this money can be spent on our children's healthcare instead.
    Finally, we went together to a couples counselor and she was screaming almost immediately. I stated that I thought she was a covert narcissist after this or possibly borderline because she was just inventing major differences in our disagreements and then continuing as though I was 100% of the problem every time with lies. It had even dissolved into both of us recording. She was recording to extract clips after harassing me for days, and i was recording because her memory was often the opposite of what had happened and I knew I had to legally protect myself.
    Anyway, therapy just empowered the covert narcissist and COUPLES therapy blew up almost instantly.

  • @bodymindsoul60
    @bodymindsoul60 Рік тому +7

    My ex, a controller for a large company regarding a work situation once said “ Deny it til you die”
    How revealing!🥺

    • @paulohlsson27
      @paulohlsson27 Рік тому

      Hi Annie, how's your day going with you?

    • @paulohlsson27
      @paulohlsson27 Рік тому

      Thanks for the thumbs up,how are you spending your spare time?

  • @rimipurification4260
    @rimipurification4260 Рік тому +2

    I hardly ever write comments but I had to here to thank you. Your work on shedding lights on narcissist and educating the victims who are in a relatinoship with a narcissist has really given me a perspective in my life that I didn't have before. I listened to many of your videos recently and learned my mother is a narcissist and she treated all her children differently for different supplies. This explains why I have always attracted narcissist in my life, especially romantic relationships because I am overly empathetic. Better late than never, wish I found these many years ago but I am grateful to be educated on this now and start my healing journey from all the narcissist abuse 🙏

    • @soniahathaway1
      @soniahathaway1 Рік тому +1

      I had similar…better late than never. 🎉

  • @Unebellecreole
    @Unebellecreole Рік тому +6

    Thank you so much for this video! Going to therapy with a narcissist is the worst idea! Don’t waste your time. I went to ONE therapy session with my narcissist husband and I was so amazed that the therapist could not see the oscar winning performance and right through the lies and manipulation of the narcissist. The narcissist basically blamed everything on me and played the victim. This narc has done nothing but dishonored, humiliated, disrespected, and dismissed my feelings throughout the relationship. He has been so selfish, rude, unkind, arrogant mean. He carries his anger tamtrun and rage as a badge of honor. During the therapy session he put on the mask and told the therapist the problem in the marriage is that I hold grudges for calling him out on his disrespect, and withholding sex. I told the therapist that this narc has been emotionally abusing me, that I am depressed because of how verbally abusive he is. I told the therapist that the narc went as far as telling, "There was nothing to feel the day we got married." I told the therapist if not for the fact that I had contributed double of the down payment for the marital home and I need my money to leave, I would have left the marriage a long time ago. The therapist repeated numerous times that sex is important in a marriage! So, according to the therapist it is not all of the things this narc has been doing that is the problem. It is the fact that I refuse to throw my pearls to a swine to abuse some more. The therapist dismissed the actions of the narc and justified his behavior. After the therapy session, the narc kept saying, "You see, even the therapist agrees with me." That was the first and last time I attended a therapy session with a narcissist.

  • @kstevenson3504
    @kstevenson3504 Рік тому +4

    One of the most mature things is when a person can face his fears, accept things as they are and live up or own up to it. That is BEAUTIFUL! That shows strength and empowers others to be honest, transparent, and DEAL WITH REALITY as it IS not as we want it to be.

  • @Jess-kn8vl
    @Jess-kn8vl Рік тому +12

    Ramini your hair looks great, the combo between your hair and the orange dress is beautiful 🧡
    Struggling today, these videos soothe that with validation. So many people around my age have passed away for different reasons, its one of their birthdays today she would have been 42. She died in a car accident at night after checking on her grandpa and lived an hour away. Its triggering because the "boomer" generation in the small area I grew up in expect too much out of our generation and they seem to be on the path of outliving us. We just lost 2 more women age 30 and 35 a couple weeks ago in an accident. I know their families well, and it has a lot of generational trauma with continued alcoholism and abuse. They chose to get in a vehicle with someone who was drunk, he survived. Im talking more than I planned, anyway thanks again for your understanding of this! 🌼

  • @sallymae6812
    @sallymae6812 Рік тому +13

    Spot on! I was married to a diagnosed NPD. We went to counseling and he lied and manipulated the counselor. The counselor was hostile to me, dismissing every obvious sick behavior of his.

    • @ebony41441
      @ebony41441 Рік тому +6

      Same here. Then the counselor started gaslighting me. I got rid of both!

    • @ociana
      @ociana Рік тому +3

      Yes. He even got the counselor to make a statement for him in court.

    • @sallymae6812
      @sallymae6812 Рік тому +4

      @@ociana I don't know how I survived all of it. There is a lot of damage but I move forward.

    • @Brand.on18
      @Brand.on18 Рік тому +2

      That’s horrifying.

  • @exhaustedwife862
    @exhaustedwife862 Рік тому +8

    Let me count the many ways he lied to me when we first met:
    1. Lied that he was a mensa member
    2. Lied that he had a master's degree - didn't even have a bachelor's degree
    3. Lied about his immigration status
    4. Lied about owning his own business
    5. Lied about the really expensive car he drove - it actually belonged to a friend.
    Now is lying to his family members about why we are getting divorced. 🤷‍♀️

    • @exhaustedwife862
      @exhaustedwife862 Рік тому

      @@maya9685 Hmm. Maybe they have the same handbook. 😁😁😁

  • @nataliedickens1289
    @nataliedickens1289 Рік тому +6

    My mother is a malignant narcissist. She always told me “I’ll never lie to you, there has to be someone in this world you can trust to tell you the truth.” Her “truths” included telling me she thought I was fat as a teenager (I was 145lbs 5’7”), telling me I was a whore, a slut, a bitch, too serious, no fun to be around, a prude, none of my friends really liked me, they really only liked her. She also told me that I was a bad person, that I wasn’t focused enough, tried hard enough, wasnt a better friend, wasn’t a better sister to my 2.0 malignant narcissistic sister. That my childhood was so hard on HER and how my ADHD diagnosis was so hard for HER.
    Now that I’m an adult and have lived 3,000 miles away from her for 6 years I no longer have the anxiety I once did nor the ADHD symptoms I once did. I def still have some of them, but I wonder if I had grown up in a normal and loving family if I would have ever gotten a diagnosis at all.

  • @dianedearden-hq1rq
    @dianedearden-hq1rq Рік тому +3

    30 years of marriage and I must agree. They don't stop. They know they just don't care.

  • @KizerCreative
    @KizerCreative Рік тому +5

    When I was a teen my mother was treating me badly in front of relatives while visiting overseas.
    I was having some health problems at the time and get treatment was exasperating the situation. I finally exclaimed to her during a private fight with her that "she didn't understand how I feel" to which she replied with a hateful look "I don't give a rat's ass how you feel." That was the first time I saw through her mask. I was devastated that the person I trusted and loved most in the world had said such a thing and was treating me so badly.
    I wouldn't understand what happened for nearly 20 years. The push and pull treatment, the manipulation, the neglect... all the while doing everything I could to be the perfect A student, earn national education awards, volunteer regularly, study hard with the delusional idea that success was getting a house to SHARE with my parents...
    It's no wonder that my depression developed into passive suicidal thoughts. My only source of unconditional love was my cat.
    Thank God for my work sending me to therapy. Much later when the depression nearly got me I accidentally met the love of my life. Through his loving support I was able to identify the problems and start the work towards healing. Ten years with my partner and he never yelled at me, never insulted, no fighting. Just love, compassion, healthy debates &feedback... he gave me the strength to do no contact with my parents...

    • @SuprEmpth
      @SuprEmpth Рік тому

      ❤❤❤ i love this for you. I’m so happy to were to get away but I’m sorry to had to endure all of that.
      Does your partner have a sister? Asking for myself 🤭🤭 lol

  • @andreakey2103
    @andreakey2103 Рік тому +8

    Ooooooh you have so confirmed what I have felt for years. I’ve been on target with all these characteristics, but never knew what narcissism was. You have wrapped the shitty gift, in a pretty package with a bow.

  • @gregwindell7702
    @gregwindell7702 Рік тому +43

    BE STRONG ENOUGH TO BE HONEST AND KIND
    PEACE BE WITH YOU

  • @13Hangfire
    @13Hangfire Рік тому +3

    I find it totally amazing that you can generalize one whole segment of the population... and be so spot on RIGHT! Great and truthful information Dr. Ramani... Thank you!

  • @demigaines5644
    @demigaines5644 Рік тому +4

    Thank U for Sharing This Dr Ramini
    The Biggest Lie That The NARCISSTIS Told Me Was That We Where Gonna Be Together. This Kept Turning Into Years .
    I Hung On To Hope The NARCISSTIS stringing Me Alone With Horrific ABUSE.
    Destroying My Life.

  • @AlSabado-at-alsabado-com
    @AlSabado-at-alsabado-com Рік тому +4

    I look back and ponder how and why our family was and is not normal, with all my older siblings yelling, slamming doors at me, etc. when my parents were never that way to me. But I now understand that regardless how they were raised ahead of me, as adults, they know their bad behavior and it's their choice not to behave disrespectfully. Since I can't change them, I've decided to set boundaries: I disengage and I avoid unnecessary contact with them. Since I did that, the yelling, the cussing, the door/objects slamming, etc. have stopped. Thank you Dr Ramani for your videos from which I learn about my situation--a classic example of narcissistic sibling abuse. I've been hurting for so long because of how my narc siblings have treated me. Now, I seek the road to my recovery. God is indeed good all the time. 😊💐🇵🇭

  • @privaesea6046
    @privaesea6046 Рік тому +13

    That intro described my week. “Payback” for their own behaviour. This video is perfect. Thank you, Dr. Ramani.

    • @chayo4537
      @chayo4537 Рік тому +1

      What was the payback? 🤣🤔😃

  • @kevfitzgerald5496
    @kevfitzgerald5496 Рік тому +1

    A relationship with a narc is a nightmare!
    Spent 17 years married to a woman like this. Bless you Dr!

  • @melodyjane71
    @melodyjane71 Рік тому +3

    The entire relationship is a mind F. 😫 ESSENTIALLY when you try to leave.

    • @brit0309
      @brit0309 12 днів тому

      It’s utter madness

  • @ladyafricka5836
    @ladyafricka5836 Рік тому +6

    Wowww!!! While watching the wedding videos I watched him giving a story about how he took me to a dinner and proposed. I nearly passed out. I had to call the videographer and tell her it’s all lies and I don’t want that in it, so she edited it and sent me another CD..Only if I knew all the lies I was told before and after. Thanks Dr Ramani!!!! You saved me

  • @mathildevhargon9760
    @mathildevhargon9760 Рік тому +3

    In my experience, therapists give assignments to be completed during the week. The narcissistic partners I was with would show up the following week having done nothing and distract from any mention of it. Alternatively, if it was an assignment we were supposed to do together, they would sit down and then totally reinterpret the assignment, the terms of it, or substitute a totally different interaction that enabled them to be critical and gaslighting.
    Mine also told me that the therapist said I was in fact the gaslighter and a narcissist, instead of them, just as you discussed here.

  • @ritakus9871
    @ritakus9871 Рік тому +2

    When my spouse went to a therapist and told me the therapist said it was my fault and my dad, why he is the way he is, I was stunned 😯. I knew my thoughts about him having a therapist would cause him to always lace the truth with a spin of lies. Narcissists are masters at lying.

  • @wardacassim9900
    @wardacassim9900 Рік тому +7

    Hi Dr. Ramani. I've been married for almost 7yrs now. And listening to your talks made me realize that I'm married to a covert narcissist. We've been for therapy for over 2 years. This last 6 months has been the worst ever! I'm so confused because so must has happened 😕. Thx for for your talks because it helps a great deal.

    • @wardacassim9900
      @wardacassim9900 Рік тому +1

      Therapy doesn't help at all. We had a family meeting and I was blamed for bullying him. He turned my family against me. My proof of him having affairs was not enough 😪. The psychological and emotional abuse are the worst abuse one can go through.

    • @privaesea6046
      @privaesea6046 Рік тому +2

      You need to leave & get yourself into therapy for yourself & your healing. You deserve better & he’s not able to be better. Make sure the therapist understands narcissism.

    • @dpcca6018
      @dpcca6018 Рік тому

      @@wardacassim9900 I feel your pain I am in the same situation my narcissistic husband has not spoken to me in 5 months and live in the same house family keep telling me to stay put

    • @carolinapoochpack
      @carolinapoochpack Рік тому +1

      I feel for you, the realization is mind blowing. I think once “we” the collective victims, realize what’s been happening, we go through a grieving process that begins w/ that understand of what’s been happening.

    • @muniebabrown6723
      @muniebabrown6723 Рік тому

      So was i my dear, but im 6 months Narc free and trust me it will only get worse not better

  • @mary220.
    @mary220. Рік тому +28

    My therapist def got it wrong. I know cuz we had couples counseling. The therapist took his side on everything and valudated his bad behavior and his lying. So frustrating and hurtful.

    • @victorpulido5851
      @victorpulido5851 Рік тому

      yes we know the pain and powerlesness in dealing with a NARCIE

    • @elizabethbowie9753
      @elizabethbowie9753 Рік тому +2

      Yeah. & They Joked about it yrs ago, on Everybody loves Raymond!!! Debra tells Ray why she's upset... he takes it all in, then when they go to a counselor, he repeats what She said, & the counselor thinks he's the genius one there. 🙄🙄🙄
      Not funny. 🙄 Ugh.

    • @cathy1430
      @cathy1430 Рік тому

      @@victorpulido5851 yes we know the pain and the powerlessness we feel.
      We hear how they work and recognise it but what is so hard is how to deal with it.
      Also the doubt that comes in that maybe you have got it wrong. Or the understanding and empathy that deep down you have of knowing why they are like like that. It is like you are in a relationship bubble that has nowhere to go. You cannot break out of it.

  • @violetskye6863
    @violetskye6863 Рік тому +12

    Oh boy did this trigger me. When my father passed, my mother and I pulled some of our inheritance to buy a home in Lake Arrowhead Ca ( for those not familiar, it’s a resort area in the mountains). As soon as escrow closed my narc husband was calling all his friends to tell them “HE” bought the house. Never said “WE” bought a house or my mother in law and wife bought a house. When he saw what my mother and I inherited he said; “I’ve never had this much money before and I want my own airplane, if I’m not going to get what I want, I might as well leave because there’s nothing in it for me”! 😮

    • @carolinapoochpack
      @carolinapoochpack Рік тому +3

      So did you dump his ass? Or did it take another 10+ years? ( took me almost 18 years of marriage to ask for a divorce, it was 19 years 10/24/22 and it’s still not final)

    • @chayo4537
      @chayo4537 Рік тому

      It amazes how that could happen and nobody goes off on them and leave 'em at the curb

    • @kathrynpassmore5425
      @kathrynpassmore5425 Рік тому +3

      Oh boy another would be pilot who deserves his own plane because he’s RICH now because of YOUR inheritance that California does NOT consider to be community property but of course he knows is just wrong because he’s your husband and deserves whatever you have especially if it it was FREE to you, right 😅My narc husband isn’t secretly married to you is he?

    • @michelleperkins9886
      @michelleperkins9886 Рік тому +1

      Hope you said “Bye, Felicia!” And gave him the finger!!

    • @emmarae4322
      @emmarae4322 4 місяці тому

      Such manipulate monsters.

  • @beatealison
    @beatealison Рік тому +1

    So very true! They just don’t care about their behavour.

  • @mestillme3026
    @mestillme3026 Рік тому +3

    My mom is a vulnerable narcissist. She went through a dozen different therapists before she found the "perfect one." I'm not sure if her current therapist is an enabler or not as my mom lies constantly to and about her therapist. She does only use the therapist as a weapon to deny her actions and attack others. Straight up told me, "my therapist told me to value myself and not admit to things that I didn't do or are not my fault so I'm not going to apologize to you." The worst thing my mom said to me though was a throwaway comment while she was blazing through therapists who dared to tell her she needed to make changes. She told me she felt like one guy was trying to guilt trip her into being a better person and then said, without any shred of remorse or accountability, "I couldn't even be guilted into raising my own kids, how does he think I can be guilted into being a better person?!" That is the closest she's ever come to admitting fault for anything and yet it just felt like such a cold hearted attack towards me as her kid. She fought for custody of us and to give my dad as little custody as possible all while fully knowing she wasn't even trying to raise us.

  • @celesteinman56
    @celesteinman56 Рік тому +2

    So reminds me of how my old fellow Christians would say "show by example how you want to be treated. Basically just a little less then turn the other cheek. I've used to do my best to live under the rule of treat others to the way you want to be treated. Which is great but with a covert narcissist is like an open door for their benefit how ever they choose.

  • @cherylannebarillartist7453
    @cherylannebarillartist7453 Рік тому +2

    Gosh, he just totally has shown her his process!!!!
    I dearly hope she has the strength to believe him, offer to buy out his portion and be done with him altogether!
    I did not learn about the financial lies from my former husband until we were in the divorce process!!!
    He told me then, thinking that if he came “clean” with me HE’D be able to heal!!!
    THEN I’ve recently learned he’s told other women he’s now with (4 at the same time!!) that I was nearly destitute when he met me and he saved me from losing MY HOUSE!!!!!
    I had then and have now a vibrant business that I’ve busted my butt for decades in!!!
    The lies he’s telling about me are demoralizing…..
    Except that women sometimes reach out to other women to reality check… now they know he’s been falsely puffing himself up!
    And now he’s demanding I explain to him why I do not want him near me for any reason, that he hasn’t “done anything to deserve” my anger.
    Dr. Ramani, thank you so much for your sharing!
    I thought I was beyond needing to listen, but clearly, I still need the clarity I feel while listening in….

  • @Imarainbow7421
    @Imarainbow7421 Рік тому +1

    Thankyou for bringing this to light… I have felt really let down by ‘therapists’ forming opinions, even compiling a ‘file’ on people that the person going to therapy has complained about. Then apparently telling their client that these people are behaving badly to their client and it’s not their client’s fault.
    I was appalled that my friend’s therapist told them that I had treated them so badly when I merely stuck to a basic boundary that had been discussed between us several times.
    Although I never confronted any therapists involved, it made me feel disempowered and distrusting of the whole system which I thought was there to help.
    I have seen it time and time again too unfortunately.
    I know, the therapist can only know the information given to them by the one person, but their response is not helping.