I think Tina told Barb that if she gave her OP's family's table, that she would give Barb a portion of her huge tip. That's the only reason why Barb would be mad.
Story 8: it's less so that he wanted a boy, and more so he was so dramatic about it being a boy and he said "yeah, I wasn't as excited because I WANTED a boy" As a girl, that just digs a knife in. We won't pass on the family name (supposedly). Dads alot of the time don't want to spend time with their daughters (I'm a lucky exception, my bff not so much) it's the way he said it and went about it that is just assholery. Now should she exclude him from birth/baby shower.... Maybe maybe not. It depends on how he handles her *very pregnant* feelings from here.
Story 1: Sister: "You're overreacting. She did the same thing at my wedding." Also Sister: Wants to redo her wedding because of all the meddling. ...This math ain't mathing.
To be honest, I agree with the parent who is annoyed at disproportionate excitement over a boy than a girl. You say "It probably dates back to carrying on family name and such" and then proceed to not unpack that patriarchal implication and how that's still assumed even though not every woman takes on a husbands name and not all kids are given father's surname. I feel like people could unpack that more.
Also to clarify, like it's not like I don't think people can have their opinions. But just, as an afab person, we noticed those differences in enthusiasm we received from adults around us growing up. I'm not asking people to change how they think or behave. I'm just suggesting that there's a piece you may not realize of how that can affect children who are afab. We noticed. Every time. Whether it was a relative, or teacher, etc. We noticed, I promise.
I agree with your point on that, but I also agree that it's too much to not letting him be there with the birth. It seemed pretty obvious he loves his daughter a lot too and in the end it is still his child too. She should pay attention to how he's treating his son when he's born vs his daughter though, because there shouldn't be a difference there (not a big one at least)
I agree! Not only that though, but this mom just learned that she’ll probably have to carry the emotional burden of teaching her husband not to make those differences, and that’s an exhausting endeavor. That’s hundreds of years of sexism and patriarchial oppression you have to explain. Lots of emotional labor that more often than not, falls on the women to teach, just like how thunder explained his wife doing for him (though she was happy to do and i’m not faulting him for not knowing, of course) because that’s the societal expectation.
I think valuing boys more than girls goes back to patriarchy and associating women with being less than men. That’s why they tell boys don’t cry like a girl or they sound like a girl or they scream like a girl…. When I hear that, I tell them since women have seven times the pain threshold that men have if he screaming like a girl that he has one hell of a pain threshold.
Story 5: I always grab a coke from the fridge by checkout and sip on it while I'm grocery shopping, mainly to give me a boost of sugar since I have some health issues and I really don't want to pass out while shopping. It's really not a big deal as long as you keep the packaging and pay for it. I find the fathers reaction more embarrassing than the actual event itself. You don't just up and leave your wife and kids in public because you have a disagreement, it's pretty childish and selfish.
I've worked a lot in retail. I've also dealt a lot with the AP people because of the departments I was in. I can tell you this, even the people whose job it is to stop theft will not say anything to you unless you try to leave without paying. They might take note of it, and they might follow you in person or on cams, but once they see you pay for it, they move on. Once they come to recognize you, they won't even bother watching you anymore.
Story 5: there’s certain things that absolutely shouldn’t be opened in the store before paying (e.g. things that are weighed for the price), I personally have gone through a similar with my ex, he was very “let them snack on all the foods while shopping” and I was always against it. To me it always felt like stealing. But then again I have adhd, and if it’s not in site I would forget it exists. So I might forget to pay for it if it was eaten during the shopping 😅
For the waitressing story… The other waitress is insane to think that she would be getting something from her parents that was intended for her. I used to serve Ross Perot. Yep that one. And he always sat in my section because he liked me. He liked my personality. He liked that. I didn’t kiss his butt. And not one person minded.
Story 5: sorry don’t agree, he was teaching the kids not to open things at the store, seeing their mom do this destroyed what he was trying to teach. He said his kids throw fits when they want something yes? So now that they’ve seen mommy open something at the store when they wanted it, what’s stopping them from every time they’re in any store from opening anything they want all because mommy did it first. I wasn’t only because he was embarrassed, it’s because it telling the kids to unlearn what he taught.
I made my manager aware I don't like the spotlight. And when they want to praise me or my work he always asks me first to see if I'd be ok with it. Sometimes I'm ok with it and sometimes I tell him I'm not comfortable with it and he's totally fine with it
I discovered you guys like two weeks ago, and I gotta say, I love your content! I love how honest and upfront you are about your own experiences and the ways that you and your wife work together and learn from each other. I appreciate that you read the posts yourself, there are too many robot channels out there, and the few that aren't usually have that super annoying cadence to them where they talk "liike thiiiisss." Can't wait to see another episode of your podcast/compilations!
For the birthday situation, I suggest that OP go to their boss and say that they don't celebrate their birthday due to their beliefs. She doesn't have to say religion or anything like that, just "my beliefs." That means the boss cannot have a party against your will or else it's an HR issue
Legit exactly what I said! Well, I was thinking religious reasons. But then I wondered if they did that, would they still be allowed to attend & celebrate others? But as you suggested beliefs not necessarily religious, that might create a loophole to where they are allowed to celebrate other ppl who DO believe in celebrating bdays just not celebrate your own.
With the ‘more excited for a boy’ story i think a lot of the reasons you named for men to want boys is rooted in misogyny and patriachial ‘rules’ which women (or any AFAB people) are automatically going to pick up on more then men. Not only that, but it also hints at the emotional labor the mother will most likely have to take on in the coming years unraveling that patriarchal mindset, like candy thunder did with you. Now obviously she’s a wonderful person that didnt mind teaching you, her husband, that those activities Are things that y’alls daughter(s?) may be interested in and these things should be made available to them, but someone who hasnt have time to process how to go about that education process may feel overwhelmed and likely to get angry as a result. it’s a lot easier to say “i’m angry you were more excited to have a boy than a girl” than it is to say “the majority of the reasons you’re excited to have a boy, directly correlate to excuses women has been given to limit what we’ve been able to do with our lives for centuries, and not only does that upset me but now i’ll have to put in the extra work (because its socially expected of me) to teach you so those same excuses dont get passed down to our daughter, and that’s exhausting.”
When I was a server my parents would come in and if they weren't in my section that server would ask me if I wanted them. We did that with any server and would help that server by giving them other tables. The only thing that I would say is OPs fault was talking about the big tip she was expecting. If she didn't say anything I don't think Tina would have tried so hard to get the table or be that mad that you "stole her tip"
Really want to know how Tina figured she was going to get the super tip when it’s clear they only tipped as much as they did because the op is family. I truly cannot understand the thinking of some of these people.
Coal story: Why didn't they get the chocolate coal?? My naughty niece got "coal" that was chocolate wrapped with foil that said COAL. Just ask the family member that's bringing their new SO how they feel about chocolate. (Niece got actual Christmas gifts, the coal was just the first thing she opened and she was happy when she realized it was chocolate.)
I disagree with you on the baby shower story. He picked a favorite. That's all there is to it. He should be equally excited for a little girl. Your take is rooted in sexism. He can do all that he wants with a boy with a little girl. Imagine how that'd feel for the little girl. "Daddy loves boys more than he loves girls. Dad loves my brother more than me." You can say it is "just a guy" thing all you want, but the reality is that they value boys more than girls. Look at what China did to their girls under the one child law. They picked boys because they're sexist. Consult your wife on this because this is an L take. Besides that, how do you know the little boy will like sports n shit? What if he's into painting? Photography? What if his daughter is a jock? It's nothing but gender stereotypes.
Story 5: Just a comment on the "I'm sorry, I will do better" technique. I think that's a good starting point, but that shouldn't be the whole conversation because if you don't listen to your partner and hear WHAT you did to cause the hurt feelings, then you don't know what to do differently or avoid. I think there should be an "I'm sorry", "I want to hear what you were thinking and feeling", and "how can I approach this differently/better in the future?"
You're right. I think the only prerequisites that bypass that are if your significant other gives you the answers for all of those questions when they're bringing it to your attention the first time. I'm lucky enough to have a partner who offers enough information to take immediate action on. That makes my "I'm sorry, I will do better" comprehensive instead of minimizing. That probably isn't the case for most people most of the time, so you're 100% correct.
Story 4 I co-waited a table where some of the people were family not all. My relatives slipped me a hundred as they were leaving and I wasn’t taking care of that part of the table. The other waitress and manager cornered me and berated me to hand over all my tips and made me split all my tips with this bitch 50:50. She didn’t have to split her tips. Same job manager berated me in front of a lawyer I was waiting on specialized in labor law. He went and got everyone in that section who overhear’s name and contact and slipped me his card and a $200 tip saying he’d be happy to represent me. I quit a week later. I was going to college in another week anyway. But the restaurant was shut and she went bankrupt. No I did not contact the lawyer. But another co worker did. After me he would come in. and observe and asked if I’d file but I said no I had college to focus on but wished him luck. Most of the staff was related to her. Those who weren’t which was me and too other 17/18 year olds. We were abused and forced to hand over tips to her daughters etc all the time
I found you thought the clock app, and followed you to this account. I just wanted to say this, 1) I love the way you read and comment, and 2) I love the little accents you do.
Was no contact with my mom and went low contact for the surprise wedding after my husband was diagnosed with cancer. We planned for a wedding in a year but she insisted she had friends that could make it happen over the summer. So we did that and she changed a lot of things once it was in motion. She tried to say I’d look silly in my wedding dress and changed the cake then got a grooms cake after we said we didn’t want one. We are back to no contact again. Redoing it in 5-10 years
Story 8: I rarely disagree with you, but I think the guy here was a jerk. Girls can like sports just as much as boys if given the opportunity, and we can also pass along the family name. His reaction of dramatically screaming and dancing about a boy was over the top and kind of speaks to who he'd rather raise which sucks for his daughter. Imagine her hearing that story some day, that her dad was kind of excited for her but over the moon about her brother. Girls deserve a dad just as much and I would have loved to have been raised more by my dad. I was a girl, though, and I was expected to like dolls and clothes when all I really wanted was to climb trees and chase after a ball. I can see how you may not understand, but being raised a girl means you're automatically going to be left out of things you want to do unless you fight for your right to be there. It's exhausting. And his huge change in reaction hurts his wife's feelings because a girl is just as good as a boy and we're just as capable of doing all those things.
I agree, I think that the Husband was horrible in how he reacted! I will say, my blood was boiling hearing how Dusty talked about gender and the automatic placements of activities you can do with your kids based on their assigned gender at birth. I'm glad that Candy Thunder is there to help teach him better and more progressive ways to view these things, though. I hope the OP in this story is able to get her husband to see and understand why his disproportionate reaction at finding out she was having a boy was not okay.
Kids need to learn No. Two parents. One could take them to the car if they start acting up. Now, you just taught them they can get what they want in public if they make a scene.
When my kids were little, I did the same thing. If they were well behaved whilst out food shopping, I would treat them to a small carton of flavoured milk in the store as we headed to the checkout. I always paid for the consumed milk. They learnt very quickly, having a tantrum in public for demanding a treat, got them nothing but tears on the way home. Never treat bad behavior. Never had a problem since.
For some reason the story about the van, being over the moon, having a boy child, and not as excited about having a girl is triggering for me. I wouldn’t put either of them on the ascon scale but I do think this idea of “having a man to carry on name” needs to die by now
I love building things and knowing how to do the guy stuff. Fishing, power tools, camping, taking stuff apart and putting it back together. I am proud of it. I asked to be taught it. I like being able to use a table saw and knowing what an allen wrench and phillips is. My brother learned on his own by his choice. I was taught early on.
I always open drinks in the store for myself and so many people do it but I'm from South Africa so it could be wierd in America but unless you stuffing it down ur pants or in your top I won't think it's stealing
I agree that the coal gift was totally messed up and very much in line with what we'd consider to be hazing. However, I don't think the problem is that the boyfriend didn't tell her beforehand. I get the impression that the whole idea is to not tell the person. In other words, it wasn't an oversight by the BF. It was part of the tradition to do it as a surprise. If that's correct, that makes the whole family culpable assholes. I would think long and hard before marrying into that mess. 😬
Just goes to show that sometimes you need a man to weigh in on women's issues LOL honestly my husband and I just got married in a Precinct in front of a judge and a very very funny bailiff. We were both in our work clothes and it was probably the best decision we ever made. We just got to enjoy the moment together. Neither one of us wanted to listen to anyone complain we didn't want their input and we certainly didn't want to waste a bunch of money on a ceremony that we had to invite a bunch of people that we didn't like in the first place LOL then we took a 10-day trip to Arizona visited Tucson and Mount Lemmon stayed at the Desert Diamond Casino a couple nights than the Marriott a couple of nights went 4-wheeling it was pretty awesome.
Eating food I. The supermarket before paying, is theft. Simple as that. Ours had to put up notices because people kept eating grapes before paying. How do you measure them!
Story 5: the bigger issue was him walking away, like he was distancing himself in case someone called *her* out. And I agree with Mr. Thunder, it wasn’t this one issue.
Boy baby story: He’s allowed to have an opinion, but he needs to keep that away from his daughter, who will definitely pick up on it. My oldest brother, who is pushing 70, still has a lot of pain and resentment because my mom did not hide from him that she had wanted a girl as her oldest child. She didn’t even just want boys, she just didn’t want her oldest to be a boy so she would have a helper around the house (whole different set of problems). So she shouldn’t banish him from the shower, but he should get a grip on how he expresses his delight at having a boy because he has a daughter who is watching and won’t get nuance. She will only know that he was super excited about her brother specifically because he’s a boy.
For story number 5: I always get my kid a snack in the store and let him eat it while we shop and pay for it at the end. I don't think it's that weird and no one has ever cared.
Story 1 change everything back immediately and then set up some password proof that it’s you calling to change wedding plans. Stories about people who’ve had their wedding completely changed behind their backs is ridiculous. Where is the respect for the client and following their wishes. I mean most of these things require contracts. How can mom or anyone change a contract behind the brides back. Heard a Story about the bride whose sister cancelled everything and moved brides wedding to a barn with the help of the maid of honor for shits and giggles because she was jealous is just ridiculous. I mean it’s a contract what kind of proof are they requiring to just make changes on the brides behalf or if they’re pretending to be the bride. I just don’t understand.
Story 8 I usually agree with your reactions, but oh man not here. In the US women are supposed to be equal, but that’s bs. We get paid less and have less rights. As a person we’re already fighting to be equal or we’ve given up and expect to be less than. That whole I needs me my boy mentality is why China and India now have so few girls. They killed them or abandoned them. You can want a particular gender for a child, but you should never express that in front of your children, or even your spouse sometimes. I imagine op feels somewhat insulted on her own behalf and not just her daughter’s who got to see his reaction to finding out how happy he was to not have another one of her. I child’s first memory can be much earlier than you realize or expect. My first memory was when I was 2, his daughter is 3. He’s the ah
My mom didnt ever get the wedding of her dreams either time she got married, my sister all did court house weddings and im the only one that had a wedding my mother was very much like this during my wedding planning. Because she wanted it to be more how she dreamed her wedding would be
I’ve never had a problem with people opening drinks or snacks for their kids in a store. The bag is in the cart and you know they’re going to pay for it… And yes, I’ve done it myself with my own child. Maybe it’s a cultural thing for this man? Or just a difference in how he was raised? But I agree. Whatever his wife’s issue was when they got home really didn’t have anything to do with her opening snacks for the kids at the store.
Story 5: Unless it is an item that is weighed to get a price (eg Fruit, Vege's, Nuts) then as long as you pay before you leave the store, all is good. I will open drinks every now and then. I will even put items in my backpack when doing a small grocery shop so I know I can carry it all home without needing extra bags, occasionally I will get an odd look by another customer, but then they soon realise that I am just making sure I have space and using my own bag as a carrier, see me pay, and the lightbulb goes off. The store I go to knows I do this and they don't have any issue with it either, but even if they did, the law (here at least), is it is not theft unless you leave the store.
Were your parents actually never married to each other, because she's living vicariously through her daughters' weddings? She may have not got the wedding she wanted, maybe they eloped. This may be the fact that this is the one thing she feels she can control. This may stem from your father leaving her, and unfortunately, you and your sister get the brunt of this because you both remind her of your dad. Has "mom" ever gotten over the fact that your dad wasn't there.
The only time it's really a big issue when it comes to eating/drinking things in the store is when it's something purchased by weight. At least in my opinion.
Why tip the relative? Giving the money as a gift, at home, is a tax-free transfer of money. Tipping at her place of employment makes it subject to payroll taxes. Why, oh why, would her family even do that? Stupid.
@@Sandraot420 It only takes one vengeful co-worker to report to the IRS that cash tips are not being reported to create a sh..storm. All tips, cash or other, are subject to payroll taxes and must be reported. This is federal law. BTW, I am a tax accountant.
@@eileenmoran235 i worked as a host before and i know all the tips that are done by card or if written on the paper are usually documented by employers therefore reporting tips made. I mean cash tips are basically fair game cause you could report it but theres no way of proving too that you got that money. I mean idk i find this situation avoidable too cause OP was blabbing to the co-workers when she should have not said anything.
What is it with mothers and weddings??? Mine caused so much drama just because I didn't want my brother to attend mine because of his actions...in my adult life my little brother was one of my closest friends then he got a gf they had some kids cool right....well kids came back positive for meth and other substances so they got taken away and my mom was taking care of them...for the whole year he was tested and didn't have anything so he was allowed to have the children he just needed to leave her but he didn't he stuck by her and didn't call the kids or help with anything or help financially...I was not ok with this I had lengthy conversations with him about it but he continued to choose her over them so I cut ties that is not something I'm ok with.....well come my wedding day and my mother is being a total bish her only job was to watch my kids for me and she just had a nasty attitude and kept saying shit and I found out after that she was trying to find a way to include my brother because she's always needed to have that "we are a perfect happy family" image to the world like nnaahh I don't care....anyway she was going to sneak him in and go live on fb so he could watch and was just running her mouth about how terrible I was being not to include him....if I would have heard any of that beforehand her ass would have been out too I had clear boundaries and everyone else respected them but her. It's almost like when they hear the word wedding their brains just turn off and crazy gets turned on...I hope mine doesn't when/if my daughter gets married 😂
I've had my card not work even though I had the money to pay for things so I would never eat stuff I hadn't already paid for but I don't care anyone else does it. That being said I also know what it's like having anxiety and have acted similarly to op when something makes me uncomfortable and people do it anyway. It's okay if you want to do whatever you're doing but I'm going to walk away if it makes me uncomfortable.
Wow. Your reaction to feeding kids in the store with food not yet paid for is a master class in privilege. It is not a good look. The apology stuff and communication stuff is a different story. Even little littles can understand, or can learn, that we do not own the stuff until we pay for it. We cannot eat or drink it until we pay for it. Imagine any person from a marginalized group trying to get away with something similar. Check your privilege.
About your reaction to story 8. It's good that your partner has begun to teach you how to treat your kids equal but you seem to have some distance to go. I mean no disrespect, you are a product of your own upbringing and you are making an effort. But it is clear in your wordings that you still see gender in a kid as a major decider of their personality. It's restricting to both the girls and the boys and can lead to much suffering in your children if they happen to not line up with the old rigid ways. For an example, ofc the mother would be pissed if he wants to go fishing with the son, he didn't do it for the daughter all these years just because of what's between her legs. Edit: Nvm, I just saw you rant towards a similar point in a compilation video that is just 3 weeks old and you get it. Just some old wordings shining through I'm guessing.
I just started listening from oldest to newest and when I got to this story, my blood started boiling. He talks like a lot of the things that men do is written into their DNA, which is fuckin sexist and annoying as fuck. Other than what chemical imbalances can cause, a lot of what people do has more to do with the nurture part of their upbringing and the culture and media they were raised around and it sounds like Dusty Thunder was raised around a lot of sexist fuckin pigs, honestly, cause the way he talks about gender just really grinds my gears. I hope when I get to newer stuff, I hear more updated and less sexist words and opinions from him.
I think Tina told Barb that if she gave her OP's family's table, that she would give Barb a portion of her huge tip. That's the only reason why Barb would be mad.
Story 8: it's less so that he wanted a boy, and more so he was so dramatic about it being a boy and he said "yeah, I wasn't as excited because I WANTED a boy"
As a girl, that just digs a knife in. We won't pass on the family name (supposedly). Dads alot of the time don't want to spend time with their daughters (I'm a lucky exception, my bff not so much) it's the way he said it and went about it that is just assholery. Now should she exclude him from birth/baby shower.... Maybe maybe not. It depends on how he handles her *very pregnant* feelings from here.
Story 1:
Sister: "You're overreacting. She did the same thing at my wedding."
Also Sister: Wants to redo her wedding because of all the meddling.
...This math ain't mathing.
Also a server. It is common to have friends and family seated in your section. This post was nuts.
The server's temporary boss.....like how did such a low vibe human being become in charge of managing other people?!
To be honest, I agree with the parent who is annoyed at disproportionate excitement over a boy than a girl. You say "It probably dates back to carrying on family name and such" and then proceed to not unpack that patriarchal implication and how that's still assumed even though not every woman takes on a husbands name and not all kids are given father's surname. I feel like people could unpack that more.
Also to clarify, like it's not like I don't think people can have their opinions. But just, as an afab person, we noticed those differences in enthusiasm we received from adults around us growing up. I'm not asking people to change how they think or behave. I'm just suggesting that there's a piece you may not realize of how that can affect children who are afab. We noticed. Every time. Whether it was a relative, or teacher, etc. We noticed, I promise.
Yeah, i agree. Why can you not throw a ball with your daughter? Also how would his reaction make his daughter feel?
I agree with your point on that, but I also agree that it's too much to not letting him be there with the birth. It seemed pretty obvious he loves his daughter a lot too and in the end it is still his child too. She should pay attention to how he's treating his son when he's born vs his daughter though, because there shouldn't be a difference there (not a big one at least)
I agree! Not only that though, but this mom just learned that she’ll probably have to carry the emotional burden of teaching her husband not to make those differences, and that’s an exhausting endeavor. That’s hundreds of years of sexism and patriarchial oppression you have to explain. Lots of emotional labor that more often than not, falls on the women to teach, just like how thunder explained his wife doing for him (though she was happy to do and i’m not faulting him for not knowing, of course) because that’s the societal expectation.
I think valuing boys more than girls goes back to patriarchy and associating women with being less than men. That’s why they tell boys don’t cry like a girl or they sound like a girl or they scream like a girl…. When I hear that, I tell them since women have seven times the pain threshold that men have if he screaming like a girl that he has one hell of a pain threshold.
Story 5: I always grab a coke from the fridge by checkout and sip on it while I'm grocery shopping, mainly to give me a boost of sugar since I have some health issues and I really don't want to pass out while shopping. It's really not a big deal as long as you keep the packaging and pay for it. I find the fathers reaction more embarrassing than the actual event itself. You don't just up and leave your wife and kids in public because you have a disagreement, it's pretty childish and selfish.
I've worked a lot in retail. I've also dealt a lot with the AP people because of the departments I was in. I can tell you this, even the people whose job it is to stop theft will not say anything to you unless you try to leave without paying. They might take note of it, and they might follow you in person or on cams, but once they see you pay for it, they move on. Once they come to recognize you, they won't even bother watching you anymore.
Story 5: there’s certain things that absolutely shouldn’t be opened in the store before paying (e.g. things that are weighed for the price), I personally have gone through a similar with my ex, he was very “let them snack on all the foods while shopping” and I was always against it. To me it always felt like stealing. But then again I have adhd, and if it’s not in site I would forget it exists. So I might forget to pay for it if it was eaten during the shopping 😅
For the waitressing story… The other waitress is insane to think that she would be getting something from her parents that was intended for her. I used to serve Ross Perot. Yep that one. And he always sat in my section because he liked me. He liked my personality. He liked that. I didn’t kiss his butt. And not one person minded.
Story 5: sorry don’t agree, he was teaching the kids not to open things at the store, seeing their mom do this destroyed what he was trying to teach. He said his kids throw fits when they want something yes? So now that they’ve seen mommy open something at the store when they wanted it, what’s stopping them from every time they’re in any store from opening anything they want all because mommy did it first. I wasn’t only because he was embarrassed, it’s because it telling the kids to unlearn what he taught.
I made my manager aware I don't like the spotlight. And when they want to praise me or my work he always asks me first to see if I'd be ok with it. Sometimes I'm ok with it and sometimes I tell him I'm not comfortable with it and he's totally fine with it
Tina received an 18% that's a big tip, that's more than most people would give, usually you are lucky to get any tip much less more than 10-15%.
I discovered you guys like two weeks ago, and I gotta say, I love your content! I love how honest and upfront you are about your own experiences and the ways that you and your wife work together and learn from each other. I appreciate that you read the posts yourself, there are too many robot channels out there, and the few that aren't usually have that super annoying cadence to them where they talk "liike thiiiisss."
Can't wait to see another episode of your podcast/compilations!
Thanks so much!
Opening products and eating them in the store IS tacky and embarrassing, and the mom is teaching that behavior to her kids.
Gotta say, I love the creative ways of saying asshole you've come up with for substitutions.
Would you be open to reading the comments & updates w the posts too? I’m always curious what the community tells these OPs
He does this on his tiktok sometimes!
For the birthday situation, I suggest that OP go to their boss and say that they don't celebrate their birthday due to their beliefs. She doesn't have to say religion or anything like that, just "my beliefs." That means the boss cannot have a party against your will or else it's an HR issue
Legit exactly what I said! Well, I was thinking religious reasons. But then I wondered if they did that, would they still be allowed to attend & celebrate others? But as you suggested beliefs not necessarily religious, that might create a loophole to where they are allowed to celebrate other ppl who DO believe in celebrating bdays just not celebrate your own.
Exactly. There are a lot of people who don't like birthdays and they shouldn't be assuming that everyone wants to celebrate it.
Server here, would have told my family to go elsewhere
With the ‘more excited for a boy’ story i think a lot of the reasons you named for men to want boys is rooted in misogyny and patriachial ‘rules’ which women (or any AFAB people) are automatically going to pick up on more then men. Not only that, but it also hints at the emotional labor the mother will most likely have to take on in the coming years unraveling that patriarchal mindset, like candy thunder did with you.
Now obviously she’s a wonderful person that didnt mind teaching you, her husband, that those activities Are things that y’alls daughter(s?) may be interested in and these things should be made available to them, but someone who hasnt have time to process how to go about that education process may feel overwhelmed and likely to get angry as a result.
it’s a lot easier to say “i’m angry you were more excited to have a boy than a girl” than it is to say “the majority of the reasons you’re excited to have a boy, directly correlate to excuses women has been given to limit what we’ve been able to do with our lives for centuries, and not only does that upset me but now i’ll have to put in the extra work (because its socially expected of me) to teach you so those same excuses dont get passed down to our daughter, and that’s exhausting.”
When I was a server my parents would come in and if they weren't in my section that server would ask me if I wanted them. We did that with any server and would help that server by giving them other tables.
The only thing that I would say is OPs fault was talking about the big tip she was expecting. If she didn't say anything I don't think Tina would have tried so hard to get the table or be that mad that you "stole her tip"
Really want to know how Tina figured she was going to get the super tip when it’s clear they only tipped as much as they did because the op is family. I truly cannot understand the thinking of some of these people.
Coal story: Why didn't they get the chocolate coal?? My naughty niece got "coal" that was chocolate wrapped with foil that said COAL. Just ask the family member that's bringing their new SO how they feel about chocolate.
(Niece got actual Christmas gifts, the coal was just the first thing she opened and she was happy when she realized it was chocolate.)
I disagree with you on the baby shower story. He picked a favorite. That's all there is to it. He should be equally excited for a little girl. Your take is rooted in sexism. He can do all that he wants with a boy with a little girl. Imagine how that'd feel for the little girl. "Daddy loves boys more than he loves girls. Dad loves my brother more than me." You can say it is "just a guy" thing all you want, but the reality is that they value boys more than girls. Look at what China did to their girls under the one child law. They picked boys because they're sexist. Consult your wife on this because this is an L take. Besides that, how do you know the little boy will like sports n shit? What if he's into painting? Photography? What if his daughter is a jock? It's nothing but gender stereotypes.
Story 5: Just a comment on the "I'm sorry, I will do better" technique. I think that's a good starting point, but that shouldn't be the whole conversation because if you don't listen to your partner and hear WHAT you did to cause the hurt feelings, then you don't know what to do differently or avoid. I think there should be an "I'm sorry", "I want to hear what you were thinking and feeling", and "how can I approach this differently/better in the future?"
You're right. I think the only prerequisites that bypass that are if your significant other gives you the answers for all of those questions when they're bringing it to your attention the first time. I'm lucky enough to have a partner who offers enough information to take immediate action on. That makes my "I'm sorry, I will do better" comprehensive instead of minimizing. That probably isn't the case for most people most of the time, so you're 100% correct.
The channel has come a long way. Well done team!
Story 4 Your absolutely right. That never wouldnhave flown in any restraunt I worked in.
Story 4 I co-waited a table where some of the people were family not all. My relatives slipped me a hundred as they were leaving and I wasn’t taking care of that part of the table. The other waitress and manager cornered me and berated me to hand over all my tips and made me split all my tips with this bitch 50:50. She didn’t have to split her tips. Same job manager berated me in front of a lawyer I was waiting on specialized in labor law. He went and got everyone in that section who overhear’s name and contact and slipped me his card and a $200 tip saying he’d be happy to represent me. I quit a week later. I was going to college in another week anyway. But the restaurant was shut and she went bankrupt. No I did not contact the lawyer. But another co worker did. After me he would come in. and observe and asked if I’d file but I said no I had college to focus on but wished him luck. Most of the staff was related to her. Those who weren’t which was me and too other 17/18 year olds. We were abused and forced to hand over tips to her daughters etc all the time
I found you thought the clock app, and followed you to this account. I just wanted to say this, 1) I love the way you read and comment, and 2) I love the little accents you do.
Oh heck yeah! Thank you!
Was no contact with my mom and went low contact for the surprise wedding after my husband was diagnosed with cancer. We planned for a wedding in a year but she insisted she had friends that could make it happen over the summer. So we did that and she changed a lot of things once it was in motion. She tried to say I’d look silly in my wedding dress and changed the cake then got a grooms cake after we said we didn’t want one. We are back to no contact again. Redoing it in 5-10 years
Story 8: I rarely disagree with you, but I think the guy here was a jerk. Girls can like sports just as much as boys if given the opportunity, and we can also pass along the family name. His reaction of dramatically screaming and dancing about a boy was over the top and kind of speaks to who he'd rather raise which sucks for his daughter. Imagine her hearing that story some day, that her dad was kind of excited for her but over the moon about her brother. Girls deserve a dad just as much and I would have loved to have been raised more by my dad. I was a girl, though, and I was expected to like dolls and clothes when all I really wanted was to climb trees and chase after a ball. I can see how you may not understand, but being raised a girl means you're automatically going to be left out of things you want to do unless you fight for your right to be there. It's exhausting. And his huge change in reaction hurts his wife's feelings because a girl is just as good as a boy and we're just as capable of doing all those things.
I agree, I think that the Husband was horrible in how he reacted! I will say, my blood was boiling hearing how Dusty talked about gender and the automatic placements of activities you can do with your kids based on their assigned gender at birth. I'm glad that Candy Thunder is there to help teach him better and more progressive ways to view these things, though. I hope the OP in this story is able to get her husband to see and understand why his disproportionate reaction at finding out she was having a boy was not okay.
Kids need to learn No. Two parents. One could take them to the car if they start acting up. Now, you just taught them they can get what they want in public if they make a scene.
They should not foster parents So Sorry Amy you was treated this way Why would Amy even want to go back
When my kids were little, I did the same thing. If they were well behaved whilst out food shopping, I would treat them to a small carton of flavoured milk in the store as we headed to the checkout. I always paid for the consumed milk. They learnt very quickly, having a tantrum in public for demanding a treat, got them nothing but tears on the way home. Never treat bad behavior. Never had a problem since.
Why wouldn't they just check out with what they had, one parent sit at the benches for a snack break, while the other finishes shopping?
Story 5: As long as it doesn't need to be weighed, who cares! If it keeps them happy and quiet, go for it!
For some reason the story about the van, being over the moon, having a boy child, and not as excited about having a girl is triggering for me. I wouldn’t put either of them on the ascon scale but I do think this idea of “having a man to carry on name” needs to die by now
I love building things and knowing how to do the guy stuff. Fishing, power tools, camping, taking stuff apart and putting it back together. I am proud of it. I asked to be taught it. I like being able to use a table saw and knowing what an allen wrench and phillips is. My brother learned on his own by his choice. I was taught early on.
I always open drinks in the store for myself and so many people do it but I'm from South Africa so it could be wierd in America but unless you stuffing it down ur pants or in your top I won't think it's stealing
I agree that the coal gift was totally messed up and very much in line with what we'd consider to be hazing.
However, I don't think the problem is that the boyfriend didn't tell her beforehand. I get the impression that the whole idea is to not tell the person. In other words, it wasn't an oversight by the BF. It was part of the tradition to do it as a surprise. If that's correct, that makes the whole family culpable assholes.
I would think long and hard before marrying into that mess. 😬
Just goes to show that sometimes you need a man to weigh in on women's issues LOL honestly my husband and I just got married in a Precinct in front of a judge and a very very funny bailiff. We were both in our work clothes and it was probably the best decision we ever made. We just got to enjoy the moment together. Neither one of us wanted to listen to anyone complain we didn't want their input and we certainly didn't want to waste a bunch of money on a ceremony that we had to invite a bunch of people that we didn't like in the first place LOL then we took a 10-day trip to Arizona visited Tucson and Mount Lemmon stayed at the Desert Diamond Casino a couple nights than the Marriott a couple of nights went 4-wheeling it was pretty awesome.
Sounds like it was VERY awesome! How cool & sweet! Love that for you guys!
Coal is traditionally given for bad or naughty people. It isn’t for a first Xmas meet; it’s given for those who don’t deserve a gift
Eating food I. The supermarket before paying, is theft. Simple as that. Ours had to put up notices because people kept eating grapes before paying. How do you measure them!
Tell your kids no and pay for the items before you open the item
Story 5: the bigger issue was him walking away, like he was distancing himself in case someone called *her* out. And I agree with Mr. Thunder, it wasn’t this one issue.
Boy baby story: He’s allowed to have an opinion, but he needs to keep that away from his daughter, who will definitely pick up on it. My oldest brother, who is pushing 70, still has a lot of pain and resentment because my mom did not hide from him that she had wanted a girl as her oldest child. She didn’t even just want boys, she just didn’t want her oldest to be a boy so she would have a helper around the house (whole different set of problems). So she shouldn’t banish him from the shower, but he should get a grip on how he expresses his delight at having a boy because he has a daughter who is watching and won’t get nuance. She will only know that he was super excited about her brother specifically because he’s a boy.
For story number 5: I always get my kid a snack in the store and let him eat it while we shop and pay for it at the end. I don't think it's that weird and no one has ever cared.
Story 1 change everything back immediately and then set up some password proof that it’s you calling to change wedding plans. Stories about people who’ve had their wedding completely changed behind their backs is ridiculous. Where is the respect for the client and following their wishes. I mean most of these things require contracts. How can mom or anyone change a contract behind the brides back. Heard a Story about the bride whose sister cancelled everything and moved brides wedding to a barn with the help of the maid of honor for shits and giggles because she was jealous is just ridiculous. I mean it’s a contract what kind of proof are they requiring to just make changes on the brides behalf or if they’re pretending to be the bride. I just don’t understand.
Story 8 I usually agree with your reactions, but oh man not here. In the US women are supposed to be equal, but that’s bs. We get paid less and have less rights. As a person we’re already fighting to be equal or we’ve given up and expect to be less than. That whole I needs me my boy mentality is why China and India now have so few girls. They killed them or abandoned them.
You can want a particular gender for a child, but you should never express that in front of your children, or even your spouse sometimes. I imagine op feels somewhat insulted on her own behalf and not just her daughter’s who got to see his reaction to finding out how happy he was to not have another one of her. I child’s first memory can be much earlier than you realize or expect. My first memory was when I was 2, his daughter is 3. He’s the ah
It would have been cool if Dan told his wife about the coal gifts and she played the prank back on them.
My mom didnt ever get the wedding of her dreams either time she got married, my sister all did court house weddings and im the only one that had a wedding my mother was very much like this during my wedding planning. Because she wanted it to be more how she dreamed her wedding would be
I’ve never had a problem with people opening drinks or snacks for their kids in a store. The bag is in the cart and you know they’re going to pay for it… And yes, I’ve done it myself with my own child. Maybe it’s a cultural thing for this man? Or just a difference in how he was raised?
But I agree. Whatever his wife’s issue was when they got home really didn’t have anything to do with her opening snacks for the kids at the store.
Story 5: Unless it is an item that is weighed to get a price (eg Fruit, Vege's, Nuts) then as long as you pay before you leave the store, all is good. I will open drinks every now and then.
I will even put items in my backpack when doing a small grocery shop so I know I can carry it all home without needing extra bags, occasionally I will get an odd look by another customer, but then they soon realise that I am just making sure I have space and using my own bag as a carrier, see me pay, and the lightbulb goes off. The store I go to knows I do this and they don't have any issue with it either, but even if they did, the law (here at least), is it is not theft unless you leave the store.
Someone please explain in story 4 where the $500 came from? Like how did Tina know they’d be tipping $500 I’m so confused
It seemed like OP was talking about it to the other servers. How OP knew that the birthday tip would be that high, not sure.
Were your parents actually never married to each other, because she's living vicariously through her daughters' weddings? She may have not got the wedding she wanted, maybe they eloped. This may be the fact that this is the one thing she feels she can control. This may stem from your father leaving her, and unfortunately, you and your sister get the brunt of this because you both remind her of your dad. Has "mom" ever gotten over the fact that your dad wasn't there.
The only time it's really a big issue when it comes to eating/drinking things in the store is when it's something purchased by weight. At least in my opinion.
People are crazy
The thing with the yogurt thing may be a cultural issue.
Story 6: I wonder if the dad will be at the baby's birth ...
Why tip the relative? Giving the money as a gift, at home, is a tax-free transfer of money. Tipping at her place of employment makes it subject to payroll taxes. Why, oh why, would her family even do that? Stupid.
Where do you live? Usually cash tips aren’t actually reported
@@Sandraot420 It only takes one vengeful co-worker to report to the IRS that cash tips are not being reported to create a sh..storm. All tips, cash or other, are subject to payroll taxes and must be reported. This is federal law. BTW, I am a tax accountant.
@@eileenmoran235 i worked as a host before and i know all the tips that are done by card or if written on the paper are usually documented by employers therefore reporting tips made. I mean cash tips are basically fair game cause you could report it but theres no way of proving too that you got that money. I mean idk i find this situation avoidable too cause OP was blabbing to the co-workers when she should have not said anything.
@@eileenmoran235 also im not saying im right or that its right either just saying its situations that happen also and stuff lol
I’m embarrassed the entitled waitress is named “Tina.”🤦🏻♀️
What is it with mothers and weddings??? Mine caused so much drama just because I didn't want my brother to attend mine because of his actions...in my adult life my little brother was one of my closest friends then he got a gf they had some kids cool right....well kids came back positive for meth and other substances so they got taken away and my mom was taking care of them...for the whole year he was tested and didn't have anything so he was allowed to have the children he just needed to leave her but he didn't he stuck by her and didn't call the kids or help with anything or help financially...I was not ok with this I had lengthy conversations with him about it but he continued to choose her over them so I cut ties that is not something I'm ok with.....well come my wedding day and my mother is being a total bish her only job was to watch my kids for me and she just had a nasty attitude and kept saying shit and I found out after that she was trying to find a way to include my brother because she's always needed to have that "we are a perfect happy family" image to the world like nnaahh I don't care....anyway she was going to sneak him in and go live on fb so he could watch and was just running her mouth about how terrible I was being not to include him....if I would have heard any of that beforehand her ass would have been out too I had clear boundaries and everyone else respected them but her. It's almost like when they hear the word wedding their brains just turn off and crazy gets turned on...I hope mine doesn't when/if my daughter gets married 😂
Tell your boss, you’re a Jehovah’s Witness lol
They don’t do celebrations
I've had my card not work even though I had the money to pay for things so I would never eat stuff I hadn't already paid for but I don't care anyone else does it. That being said I also know what it's like having anxiety and have acted similarly to op when something makes me uncomfortable and people do it anyway. It's okay if you want to do whatever you're doing but I'm going to walk away if it makes me uncomfortable.
Wow. Your reaction to feeding kids in the store with food not yet paid for is a master class in privilege.
It is not a good look.
The apology stuff and communication stuff is a different story.
Even little littles can understand, or can learn, that we do not own the stuff until we pay for it. We cannot eat or drink it until we pay for it.
Imagine any person from a marginalized group trying to get away with something similar.
Check your privilege.
I give my young toddler grandkids the snack in the store to keep from having a complete and total meltdown, its just easier
About your reaction to story 8. It's good that your partner has begun to teach you how to treat your kids equal but you seem to have some distance to go. I mean no disrespect, you are a product of your own upbringing and you are making an effort. But it is clear in your wordings that you still see gender in a kid as a major decider of their personality. It's restricting to both the girls and the boys and can lead to much suffering in your children if they happen to not line up with the old rigid ways.
For an example, ofc the mother would be pissed if he wants to go fishing with the son, he didn't do it for the daughter all these years just because of what's between her legs.
Edit: Nvm, I just saw you rant towards a similar point in a compilation video that is just 3 weeks old and you get it. Just some old wordings shining through I'm guessing.
I just started listening from oldest to newest and when I got to this story, my blood started boiling. He talks like a lot of the things that men do is written into their DNA, which is fuckin sexist and annoying as fuck. Other than what chemical imbalances can cause, a lot of what people do has more to do with the nurture part of their upbringing and the culture and media they were raised around and it sounds like Dusty Thunder was raised around a lot of sexist fuckin pigs, honestly, cause the way he talks about gender just really grinds my gears. I hope when I get to newer stuff, I hear more updated and less sexist words and opinions from him.
Hey, what does dusty thunder mean?
It's his pseudonym.