I can only add that I thank God I finally got out after 23 years and 6 tries. Your comment exactly defines the term, “trauma bond”! I might add that at 70 years young, the “unpacking” as you so aptly put it, almost defeated me but thank you Lord Jesus, I came through. Divorce was final on 5/20.
38 years for me 5years out & still cannot understand why I put up with that abuse so long guess I'm fortunate I realise I was partly to blame for tangoing with evil.....hard road but so glad I'm OUT the incidents we're thousands .....evil walks ....
I turned to drinking. Every trauma I had surfaced I couldn’t reason with her, couldn’t talk to her, everytime i tried to better myself there would be a fight…one word within a sentence could be all it took. I am now paranoid, an alcoholic, I can’t sleep due to all the rumination and anxiety and am totally trauma bonded after the discard. I am not the same person I was and I don’t think anyone would be remotely interested in me
it sounds odd, but have you tried going running? It's the only thing which helped me get passed ptsd...i now have to deal with the fallout of narcissist abuse..
We need to start a Narc Recovery Group, omg so many of us, I used food to push down feelings & my health is suffering now, I’m anxious, I ruminate constantly which likely is due to not wanting to ‘feeling the pain of it all’ …I need help to stop running! I hope you find a way to be with your pain and be able to recover 🙏
The puzzle of Narcissism fully makes sense when you realize that 1. they are aware that they are evil, and 2. they believe that they have the right to do what they are doing because they think you are weak/stupid or both, and finally 3. they are deliberately driving you insane because they are bored.
This is gold in a nutshell!! ❤ It's just that it's so hard for a well intentioned person to comprehend this!! Meanwhile, we are getting destroyed by the fake that doesn't even exist!! So mind boggling!!
@@victoriousjoy9338 They think that they are too clever and consequently they are above the concerns of mere mortals. They think they deserved to be served as the 'god' they are...though a devil is a sort of god, I suppose.
They don't really think you're stupid actually far from it because they know it from themselves because of how clever they can be, they just treat you like you're stupid so they can demean, demoralize, and diminish you so you would devalue and minimize yourself for them just so you'll walk on eggshells around them always trying not to step on their toes. Of course you can never not step on their toes because everything is always going to be a threat you could lapse into a total unresponsive breakdown and still it's like "oh now what now this?"🙄😮💨there's no winning with them ever. Of course they're so overconfident in themselves that nothing will happen, there will be no consequences some day, and they'll keep getting away with it but they'll soon find out that's not the case. As the albert einstein quote goes "if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid." which means telling you that you can't do it because a fish can't climb a tree so you'll believe you can't do it. They know you aren't stupid which is why they're always hypervigilant of everything you do, and even survail it because they know you are going to change tactics too to either try to exert and express your freedom and self in some way even trying to escape. The worst thing they can do is make you believe you are free and then start right back up again which i've had done to me several times, but after so many times you just start to get really angry because they are telling you what you can and can't do with yourself and your life no matter what it is it's really controlling. Trying to make you feel guilty about it, which you should never feel guilty about because you're doing what's normal to them and everybody else it's not a big deal, but they're trying to pull you into a constant competitive situation so you'd fight with them making every little thing a competitive and petty thing, but it's not right and insane doing that which points to their clear mental illness.
I developed so many coping mechanisms which were in themselves dysfunctional. Survival mode causes a person to go into denial, especially if you have very young children and nowhere to go to leave the sick system the N created for you and your children to live in. Then your body breaks down, illness steps in and in your weakened state, leaving is impossible. My children were adults when I finally got my health back and the courage to leave nearly 6 years ago. I am still healing after almost 6 years out. The damage these people do, especially the covert ones, is beyond most people's capacity to understand unless they too have lived it.
This is me and so many other people that I know trapped by families that ruin your mind, life and health, and then treat you like you are the one that doesn't wanna work/be independent, etc. And people believe it. It's sick. I have diagnosed cortico-subcortical brain atrophy. The damage is so severe I can no longer remember anything, yet, apparently, "that's not true" (despite having the report in front of them), "it's not that bad" (everybody knows it is) and "you deserved it". I don't wanna die; I wanna get out of here because this is not worth it.
You are so right gailrosenburg48: the damage of Narcissistic abuse--especially from the covert category is beyond the comprehension of anyone who has never been through it! And when your body breaks down--you are really in for the battle of your life! So glad you made it out!
I got to the point I couldn't believe I'd normalised accepting being obused, gaslit and lied to. It took me 20 years to finally break free and say Fuck it. I was sleeping in one of the spare bedrooms after telling my ex I was divorcing her. I woke up but was actually still dreaming and in this particular dream I thought I was still in the relationship and I had imagined telling her I wanted a divorce. Well I had a panic attack and woke up in a cold sweat, trembling in disbelief and fear. I was so relieved it was a dream. I did divorce her. But it took me a few months to give nyself permission to trust my own judgements and even go out alone without feeling the pangs of guilt and selfish behaviour. Not now though. Thank God.
These people are evil, very deceiving and destructive. No good can come out of being with a narcissist. These people will lie to you and use you for your generosity. They target the good hearted and suck everything they can out of you. I should’ve ran away a long time ago, and now I am left with this mental tormentor in my head. Richard you have helped me understand this subject so much but I have no idea how to heal from this, everything happen last month so I know that it is fresh but I would love for myself to just be okay again. Everything you’ve said about narcissist’s is exactly how my ex was, every single one of your videos. The gaslighting, the manipulation, the lies. Everything. I am so deeply hurt and damaged beyond my repair it is so hard to even express this. And I have no one I can talk to about how much this has affected me. My mind is spiraling in circles, I just wanna be at peace.
Please give yourself a chance, it's so early. You are still in shock. It will get better and you will get stronger. You are already on the right track by educating yourself.
Gaining the knowledge, lots of self care 💖 & vid's on how to remove the Introjects are what I found very helpful ✨ Be patient with yourself; it takes time 🧡
I feel that deeply. Like the saying the devil knocked on your door and you invited them inside. I even have reoccurring dreams of this matter. But now I am aware in ways I was not. I am now recovering from a 10 year dance with the devil and I am definitely not the same person I was who allowed this into my life.
Reading this message just broke my heart, that is exactly how I feel. The last thing I told her was that I literally split myself into two for her. I feel like I sold my soul and lost a large part of myself, now I’m just wandering around here with an even lower self esteem trying to figure out who I am again. I’m lost, drugs can’t drown it out and now the only thing I can rely on is God. This experience has damaged me so severely beyond my ability. Ik it will take a stronger power to cure me.
I started sobbing when you described the splitting of the psyche I’ve felt cut off from myself for the longest time While with the narc I felt “complete” bc he was filling in the blanks He was “completing me” and then he would leave and I would unravel I’ve been trying to end this for years and I can’t do it I’ve been living with this since childhood How do I break this cycle?! 😢💔
Hi Richard, your videos really helped me through my healing phase after narcissistic abuse. I personally added 300 mg Fluvoxamine to my healing journey, since I developed severe OCD after my last narcissistic discard. I recommend priroritizing neurogenesis via different ways after suffering this kind of abuse, to literally help repair the brain damage these evil people can cause. In my case it has improved a lot. I am not who I was before, but the thing is, I dont want to be the naive version of myself that got caught in that toxic relationship. I prefer to have some "emotional scars" but be a lot stronger mentally and more astute in regards of narcissitic behaviour. Lets say it served me as "experience", although it is never a nice experience to have. Greetings, Miguel.
Sometimes I can't put into words how the information that you give is helpful---I just KNOW that it is positive fuel to my soul! Thank You for all you do!
My "bonds' piled on top of each other... Very damaged No~bond with mother, who then urged me into a marriage with another powerful narcissist, literally trained to kill in Vietnam. I thought the inner split I had was part of everyone... The inner me, and outer me were very different
Correct. I went through Gestalt therapy for 12 months between February, 2017 and February, 2018, finished, done. 100% healed. Or was it finished? No, about 90% healed after all these years of hard work on myself. But well worth it though. Even now six years later thoughts come to me from my childhood, teenage years, adulthood etc out of the blue of what they said, did was wrong, lies etc that I believed. Now I know was lies and was wrong. Even dreams to there's a clearing out of my mind of childhood, teenage and adult memories with NPD, psychopath parents, siblings, friends, ex wife's, ex girlfriends etc. It's a process and it takes time, year's of hard work. But I stress again well worth it. I'm not living the dream, but I am living my best life now. No, go no contact forever. My family live now, only in my memory. Those memories of them that which were once haunting, fearful ghosts looming in the living room of the house shadows of my mind, are now barely little non-threatening whisps of very thin translucent mist, at the bottom of the external edges of my front garden, on the outside but not inside of my garden wall. Great facts dude. Thanks Richard.
great visual. I and my siblings and mother were criminally abused from the beginning of my life from a Narc father. oh how I wanted to " leave my body" to distance from the dangerous family life. it didn't include sexual abuse. it was the rages. the life threatening actions. abandonment. the sadistic emotional mental abuse. gut wrenching grief. suicidal depression. now at 70 yrs old. with lots of counseling and study, each day I put pieces of me back together.. as well as my physical health. accepting and releasing my PTSD and its shame. thank you for your contribution to my stabilization.
Huge congratulations for doing this at the exact divine right timing for your soul - at 70! Such wisdom you have now. It's never too late. We didn't have these tools when we were younger (I'm 60) - you just "turned a blind eye." I se you. I'm proud of you. I honor your healing.
Years out of it and just NOW (2+ years out) coming back to myself: cooking, dancing, watching old favorite shows I wasn’t allowed to watch while with the Narc, rediscovering wonderful beautiful happy parts of myself. And it feels AMAZING!!!!
I'm trying to rebuild myself....still. not only am I still learning how to heal the abuse from my dad, and ex husband, I'm now trying to heal from religious trauma😮💨
I was already split when I met him due to trauma, I was the ideal narcissists victim… I dissociated to cope with the lies, gas lighting, abuse I started to use food to push down feelings Was incredible how quickly I’d push it down then be shocked within days / hours the abuse would come again The cycle repeated itself.. I’m still in daily contact via phone, after physically leaving 15 months ago… I’m caught as I’m so scared of what it will do to me having to ‘face’ the reality of what happened over 20 years.. It feels like I’ll ‘break’ 🥺
I completely understand the heavy realisations of a long term one... Having been involved with a particular one for 20 yrs... So trauma bonded was I.... It does get easier 🧡 Though it's not exactly linear, as Richard speaks of; unpacking & processing various memories, takes time - giving yourself plenty of love & care along the way, does very much help 💖
I refuse to be broken. I don’t care about the narcissists. They offer nothing important that adds to the spirit. I don’t think about them and I don’t lose my time. I only do what adds to my soul, survival and especially the Spirit. Talking about narcissists is waste of time. My commitment is not with people. I chose a hermit lifestyle and I am happy with it. Very seldom I have interest in people if they are not collective minded.
I became him in 14 years. Since he's gone and went silent, I have had so many great things happening including old friends reaching out and connecting. It's been wonderful and so healing
Great content NEUROSCIENCE proves that there is an energy exchange between two people whn they r together. The human experience is one of POLARITY and life is like the fibonacci sequence. The narcissist uses fear and cohersion to take u down to a low vibrational frequency and they transcend NOT on a SPIRITUAL level but a CHEMICAL level , there is flooding of feel good hormones generated in them thru controlling and ownership of victim this Is why they keep coming back to top up when the hormones subside
Thank you for this 🙏 You couldn't have explained it better everything is on point. This is exactly what is happening to me. Im trying to find the strength to leave
I totally understand the amnesia and I have recently realised that I have no recollection whatsoever about certain things that happened during the past couple of years when we were together ( pretty similar to how the mass public memory loss about the covid years and how bad it was and the tyrannical government regime which traumatised the public with the speech that everyone is going to lose a family member and it was on repeat which is how brainwashing works) and I am not sure if I want to remember the last few days of physical and emotional abuse
So true about having the same co-ordinates to survive. My ex of forty years had me convinced that he was far more intelligent than most. He was so into the writings and concepts of Carlos Castaneda, and his appreciation of separate realities. I read and re-read all of his books, and I now see it was the narc indoctrinating my view of reality. All those years I told myself that his cold weirdness was because he was idiosyncratic, but now I know he was just evil.
If you want them to be their best self.... how do you help them? THEY ALREADY THINK THEY ARE THEIR BEST SELF, THE BEST AT EVERYTHING AND FCUKIN KNOW EVERYTHING.... Leave them alone to discover they aren't anything special.
Exactly I started to feel like if I wear a blouse or a dress that's too pretty and I look too nice that I'm going to offend people because mine get offended if I look too nice.
My narc inlaws get offended if I look too nice or if I'm dressed tonight or if I'm wearing a new pair of boots or something they just feel offended it's the weirdest thing
Have you been diagnosed? My ex would try and convince me I had BPD, ADD because I would go crazy after being trying to reason with her until I’d lose it. Nothing got through…nothing
Ordinary people are evil. Peter Singer wrote a paper titled "famine, affluence, and morality", in which he explains that most ordinary people succumb to the trappings of their own perceived success. For instance, if a ordinary person sees a child drowning in a fountain, and if helping the person causes them to get dirty or wet, or perhaps late for work, and that ordinary person doesn't immediately jump in to save that person, than the ordinary person is evil. Now this situation is obviously extreme but it can applied to many things..... In which, the ordinary person is evil. I always found Peter Singer's work interesting....
A teenage girl in Dublin was close to a pharmacy when she realized that she was having an allergic reaction to nuts, she went straight to the counter and asked for the specific medication she needed and unfortunately the persons job was more important to them then saving the girls life :(
I've been with 2 narcs now like up there narcs . And both there is a pattern they will chase u so hard like obsessivly and they will isolate u by running of everyone especially friends so all u have is them and then slowly the mask comes off the abuse is ramped up the triangleation starts the cheating starts the Insults are ramped up Ur self-esteem gets shattered and that is when they get Ur power and feel they have concord you and that has happened with both .
Something the x wife said once, I still have difficulty understanding. Maybe someone has a comment. She said, "I think you love our daughter more than me," to which I replied, "Yes, I do, and I hope you love her more than me as well."
Narcissist can't love. Even their own children. My ex narc always got booze first, then his daughter got gift for Bday, Easter, etc.. (I was step mom-ster) I'd get asked to help get something AFTER he got his hooch...& I would. Then INSIST he repay me. He would. I'd have my own gift already for her. Im so sorry u had to go thru this!🙄🤷♀️ nightmare?🤦♀️😢 experience ?😒🧟♀️ lesson?🙃🤕🥺 Its thee most insidious Of course I wouldn't want such treatment, and still, it would've been so much easier to up & leave 1st time. Charges. Heal. Move on... had he just hit me, than 5/6 yrs of alllll lies, the head fk, future faking, cheating; we were in 2 totally different relationships!! I walked a year ago. A LOT of women have sworn off EVER dating again. I get it. I don't think I'll just give up on a compatible love tripping into my life, while knowing full well, it's unlikely due to my age & other variables... If Uve healed, I hope ur young enough to still have hope for a new relationship, if not in one already. ❤ *Insecure over not having more love than her own child yup, gross
What's different is the mother sacrificed a lot to make tbe daughter in her body and the two years after delivery are a big sacrifice also. Hormones are not normal till after that So please love your wife equally as your daughter.
who cares about them? the more we talk about them the more they like it. What is lacking in me that makes me so worried about them? i can tell you. i lived through all this crap for a long time and it never got to me. it didn't. what was it that was my sword, my shield, my everything? my own internal dialogue. i can say whatever i want, to myself. i always have, i always do, i always will. i am no different from any of you, except 1 thing. i never stop my own internal dialogue. ever. i am always thinking to myself, "well that sounds like a load of garbage" or "never believe anything you hear and just half of what you see", etc. i have this internal dialogue that i never stop. it is not judgmental, it is protective, it does not let any lies into my inner core. no false beliefs ever get planted inside me. this is the key to dealing with all the garbage in the world. it is my own control over what i say to myself. this might be hard to take, but there is no magic to it. it is totally up to me, if it is to be.
@@emmarae4322 i would try to explain it but you wouldnt understand. there is life beyond all this but people like you are totally stuck. i dont watch these vids, i am hoping people like you actually start thinking. so far, its all just another fad.
Mum was in a coma and I had to make a desperate rush to get to the hospital to be with her in her last moments. I get to the hospital and my family was in the room already. I took my mum's hand which she managed to squeeze. I leant in to kiss her goodbye. Get out of the way, l want to see her face my younger sister screamed at me. My mum died in that moment. It was the last thing Mum ever heard was my sister screaming at me 😭. I often cry myself to sleep at the thought. My awful sister is totally oblivious to what she did. None of my other dysfunctional family members have ever said anything. Just a normal day for my evil family 😭
Police can’t help you unless or until AFTER physical violence happens…do NOT RELY ON THEM TO PROTECT YOU and look after your own safety to the best of your ability
Even after physical/sexual violence the police won’t help you. The narc who did it to me projected what he was doing to me onto me and tried putting me in jail for what he did to me. The delusion and disordered evil of these entities will literally destroy everything about you and will destroy you if you try to pop their bubble of delusion. Run, just run far as you can away.
The things he made me do that affected my children. I have finally stopped guilting myself daily. To relive that again and more i dont remember? THATS SHAME AND ANXIETY
You look bright and healthy Richard. Whatever you are into at this time is definitely working for you. Or did you use a filter? Grrr....people need to just be themselves it is better for everyone to accept we are all imperfect humans. For now that is but soon we will all be perfect again. Best to all living their best lives ever!
I’m glad you mentioned about doing therapy. I have started in therapy again (waiting for my appointment, almost here 🙏) but I’ve been trying to figure out if i should even try and talk with my therapist about some things that have happened. I’m so scared I’ll just sound crazy almost but part of me feels like i should at least try and talk to her so maybe she can just help me feel better
Living in a childhood with a narcassust mum and a brother who sa me i then moved on to a husband who took over from that but i broke free and living my life about me took years but it can br done wasted life thanks richard x
The dissociation felt like a concussion to me and getting back into contact would be psychological torment/ just short of suicide for me further contact should I allow it would prove to my sane mind, evidence of brain damage. I will not go there. The concussion/ dissociation issues fades with months of no triggers however you have to protect yourself no one does it for you. Yes dissociative issues faded like a concussion like the fractured self Steve talked about. My fuzzy head thinking gone now. It took a year
The narcissistic relationship taught me about the narcissistic family system I grew up in. Trying to get back to the lovebombing was just trying to get back to, or get to when mom isn't being abusive and crazy. My childhood was what I was blocking out. Tolerating unrelenting abuse for the slightest amount of intermittent affection. Just an old pattern that is being broken. Healthy boundaries are the perimeter of personality that reforms.
yea time doesnt heal all wounds. action eases the grind. grunt work (therapy) helps. gotta have the therapists that know about escaping the npd abusive relationship
Well said, agree ,'' you cannot believe that somebody is saying and doing this in reality,'' and then after the relationship, you even start questioning yourself, I'm I, (are we ) narcissistic ?, no, we got caught up in our partners delusion, in their projection. We did our best with the relationship that entered our lives, the relationship that we saw growing and lasting, and yet did not , because our ex's were too immersed in destruction and pain.
I was dwelling on the course vid you just released and realized yes the ‘NPD’ we pick up that you’re talking about is the deflection of reality yes! ‘False image of relationship’ hyper-attached to narrative. K well good that at least is an action I can take and I hope concrete outcome. Some are simpler than others, but the solution then is to look at it frame by frame not vague bird’s eye view, oh god no, fine 😂
Last year I wanted to greet him 5 weeks after the disgard still in disbelieve what happened, but he then rudely repelled me with his arm with terror in his eyes saying 'not interested'. I left the next day without saying goodbye. Now, almost a year later, I am back to renovating my house after putting everything into pieces. The day before yesterday there was a flood and he came to 'help', there was eye contact and we spoke. I am slightly upset again and dissociate like I did as a child with laughter. So terribly confusing again.
If I were you Richard, I would not waste any more of your precious energy trying to figure out the narcissist. Basically they are like demented bees. So what would you do about demented bees??
My abuse is so bad. Been married 20 yrs but only realised he is narcistic in the last few years (lol, I'm a slow learner) I'm ready to leave, dream about leaving yet i feel so sorry for him and his issues, what will it do to him? Am i just looking for excuses? The pain for me is unbearable and i know he will never change, i dont want to change him i am my own biggest obstacle when it comes to leaving but trying to find the courage, I'm disabled, not young and i have no income
I have a great therapist but I wish I could just get thru to her about the horendous damage that’s taken place . Although she’s helping me no one gets it unless you have been thru it . Recovery is horendous it’s so hard to recover from something you have no idea what is happening or happened to you . The only mental disorder that effects the victims not the narc .
Perseveration is the medical term when a concussion person keeps repeating words .In psychology it is more often called rumination. I kept repeating. Why did I believe in her? Why didn't I see thru her. Why did I believe her and not the truth? 😢😢😢It gets cleared up in time and when you answer your own questions for yourself, it helps
I just ended a relationship of 6 years with an NPD when I found out he was engaged to another woman and had been with another one simultaneously. Now every guy I see I think they are NPD which made me wonder... What percentage of society is actually an NPD?
15:12 hi Richard I’m experiencing this at the moment as I have a child with mine and the most simplest of communication is turned into an opportunity at the moment it’s making me stronger but it’s very hard for it not to get under my skin eventually:/
I hate how familiar all this sounds 😂 Yes I need to revisit the ‘subjective experience hour by hour of what happened’ 😂 and then I’ll know what’s what and if it’s ok with me.
Thank you for video, i am confused about my ex at this moment, i believe he is convert, i did experience whole cycle love bombing, gaslighting, devalue, 8 years witn him broke up 4times during he cheat, go another girl, dump me, call me back, sucked back in. Now i started confuse is it my fault or am i even narcissist self too. Because of he have new girlfriend and dump me, took our dog ownership, all made me depressed, couldn't eat, got sick, ended up hospital and got anxiety attack. Psychiatry Dr, told me i even have bipolar criteria woth trauma due to big up and down in short time. But i only had depression when he dumped me several times. I just couldn't believe myself anymore. I am trying to find how to get out of this thoughts, obsessed thinking about him even i don't want to go back anymore. I know he won't change, empty promises, screaming, cheating...i couldn't have feeling i wanted go out, i was tired everyday but pushing myself to take care of him like mother.
I've found a blend of compassion focused therapy and parts work (some IFS but I don't like it in its entirety) helpful. Especially for finding inner support and self compassion. Y'all might look in to those to see if they're helpful. And, yea, also Grannon's stuff is helpful, or I wouldn't be here 😅.
what Stockholm syndrome is made of. it was manufactured in my family by narc dad.. mom and brother surrendered, endured, and went silent. very abused sister became dads henchman enabler. I refused to surrender, my knowledge of right and wrong. I just stopped fighting... kept a wary space from... but it still made me " the enemy"
when the breakup comes supposedly the narc goes into a mode that says the target doesn't exist . I'm trying this from a target standpoint. feels like it is working pretty good. its taking some weight off the shoulders.
How to escape from a narc. I'm married to her. When i tried to go no contact she simply created WhatsApp group with my relatives and me and started verbally abusing me and my parents for leaving her alone.
Divorce, get rid of whatsapp because i've heard about that it's no different than other sites with a chat feature or social media like, weirdos use it to take advantage of the more vulnerable although youtube is different because it's more private in a way and not easy to track what videos we watch. Tell your parents either get rid of whatsapp too or keep blocking her and you have nothing to do with whatsapp anymore. Do not be scared of her oh what's she gonna do?😂No matter what she says or does no matter how sick give her absolutely zero reaction and just laugh. She doesn't deserve for you to consider her none existent "feelings" when she doesn't consider how she's hurting you or your relatives. She can't and there's no arguing with mental illness to such an extent. Be aware though these are the same people that turn into stalkers so if this escalates to that and she doesn't stop after say 5 months then you'll have to collect evidence and report it. Let's hope it doesn't comes to that though she leaves you alone.
I think even if core of NPD is deflection of reality and so is victims the difference is that one chooses evil. Idc if it’s not fashionable. But I do see a potential bridge - the bitter codependent.
I think I have had a weak sense of self. Otherwise it would not have been possible for them to treat me the way they did. I got very angry but anger is nothing to a narcissist. They enjoy it.
My question is.. what to do when a potential buddy and good relationship goes on dating site and a buddy is manipulated and abused to abuse me.. I believe some one is weaponized to go against some one they already started a relationship of sorts with.. I see it now woman being weaponized from abuse and stops them from having further interactions with persons they resonate with
I'm trying to ask question with out relapsing with short version.. what to do when you realise a female buddy went on dating site and was Narcissisticly manipulated and was weaponized against me and didn't know how to respond from trauma triggers and I know I've been stalked by societies cartels.. people have interfered with woman Ive talked to. Last bit was poor attempt to explain evidence but what can I do or say
She's clearly in an abusive relationship and isolated her from all her friends which is what they do. You could try reaching out to her by text and say you don't know what's going on but you sense she's in trouble, and that the second she wants to leave you're there for her and she can stay over at your place. Then if she ever takes you up on it you can hide her and if the person she's dating comes to your door just say you haven't seen her since she started dating them, and talk with her about it but still no pushing because they've been through a lot of trauma so they'll easily bolt if you push. It's the only thing you can do in the situation don't push just let her know your door is open and that she has someone who cares about her.
Unpacking 30 years is a total mindfuck.
I am in the same boat 25 years
I can only add that I thank God I finally got out after 23 years and 6 tries. Your comment exactly defines the term, “trauma bond”! I might add that at 70 years young, the “unpacking” as you so aptly put it, almost defeated me but thank you Lord Jesus, I came through. Divorce was final on 5/20.
@@susanlumen4489 I was told just last night by someone I needed to move on my ex narc has .
35 years
38 years for me 5years out & still cannot understand why I put up with that abuse so long guess I'm fortunate I realise I was partly to blame for tangoing with evil.....hard road but so glad I'm OUT the incidents we're thousands .....evil walks ....
I turned to drinking. Every trauma I had surfaced I couldn’t reason with her, couldn’t talk to her, everytime i tried to better myself there would be a fight…one word within a sentence could be all it took.
I am now paranoid, an alcoholic, I can’t sleep due to all the rumination and anxiety and am totally trauma bonded after the discard.
I am not the same person I was and I don’t think anyone would be remotely interested in me
it sounds odd, but have you tried going running? It's the only thing which helped me get passed ptsd...i now have to deal with the fallout of narcissist abuse..
Or biking😊
We need to start a Narc Recovery Group, omg so many of us, I used food to push down feelings & my health is suffering now, I’m anxious, I ruminate constantly which likely is due to not wanting to ‘feeling the pain of it all’ …I need help to stop running! I hope you find a way to be with your pain and be able to recover 🙏
The puzzle of Narcissism fully makes sense when you realize that 1. they are aware that they are evil, and 2. they believe that they have the right to do what they are doing because they think you are weak/stupid or both, and finally 3. they are deliberately driving you insane because they are bored.
This is gold in a nutshell!! ❤ It's just that it's so hard for a well intentioned person to comprehend this!! Meanwhile, we are getting destroyed by the fake that doesn't even exist!! So mind boggling!!
Yes it's exactly like this.
I'm going through this at the moment and trying my best to leave because I'm emotionally dying from the mind abuse.
@@user-pv3be5og1u Remember to pray and ask God for deliverance, He will set you free.
@@victoriousjoy9338 They think that they are too clever and consequently they are above the concerns of mere mortals. They think they deserved to be served as the 'god' they are...though a devil is a sort of god, I suppose.
They don't really think you're stupid actually far from it because they know it from themselves because of how clever they can be, they just treat you like you're stupid so they can demean, demoralize, and diminish you so you would devalue and minimize yourself for them just so you'll walk on eggshells around them always trying not to step on their toes. Of course you can never not step on their toes because everything is always going to be a threat you could lapse into a total unresponsive breakdown and still it's like "oh now what now this?"🙄😮💨there's no winning with them ever. Of course they're so overconfident in themselves that nothing will happen, there will be no consequences some day, and they'll keep getting away with it but they'll soon find out that's not the case.
As the albert einstein quote goes "if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid." which means telling you that you can't do it because a fish can't climb a tree so you'll believe you can't do it. They know you aren't stupid which is why they're always hypervigilant of everything you do, and even survail it because they know you are going to change tactics too to either try to exert and express your freedom and self in some way even trying to escape.
The worst thing they can do is make you believe you are free and then start right back up again which i've had done to me several times, but after so many times you just start to get really angry because they are telling you what you can and can't do with yourself and your life no matter what it is it's really controlling. Trying to make you feel guilty about it, which you should never feel guilty about because you're doing what's normal to them and everybody else it's not a big deal, but they're trying to pull you into a constant competitive situation so you'd fight with them making every little thing a competitive and petty thing, but it's not right and insane doing that which points to their clear mental illness.
I developed so many coping mechanisms which were in themselves dysfunctional. Survival mode causes a person to go into denial, especially if you have very young children and nowhere to go to leave the sick system the N created for you and your children to live in. Then your body breaks down, illness steps in and in your weakened state, leaving is impossible. My children were adults when I finally got my health back and the courage to leave nearly 6 years ago. I am still healing after almost 6 years out. The damage these people do, especially the covert ones, is beyond most people's capacity to understand unless they too have lived it.
In one sentence you explained such a complex dynamic; the dysfunctional coping mechanisms.
This is me and so many other people that I know trapped by families that ruin your mind, life and health, and then treat you like you are the one that doesn't wanna work/be independent, etc. And people believe it. It's sick.
I have diagnosed cortico-subcortical brain atrophy. The damage is so severe I can no longer remember anything, yet, apparently, "that's not true" (despite having the report in front of them), "it's not that bad" (everybody knows it is) and "you deserved it".
I don't wanna die; I wanna get out of here because this is not worth it.
You are so right gailrosenburg48: the damage of Narcissistic abuse--especially from the covert category is beyond the comprehension of anyone who has never been through it! And when your body breaks down--you are really in for the battle of your life! So glad you made it out!
@@pamelaprivette5361 Thank you Pamela. A big hug in my heart for you.
@@BL-sd2qw Please be brave for yourself and call upon God to be your strength. If not for my relationship with God, I would not have made it.
I got to the point I couldn't believe I'd normalised accepting being obused, gaslit and lied to. It took me 20 years to finally break free and say Fuck it. I was sleeping in one of the spare bedrooms after telling my ex I was divorcing her. I woke up but was actually still dreaming and in this particular dream I thought I was still in the relationship and I had imagined telling her I wanted a divorce. Well I had a panic attack and woke up in a cold sweat, trembling in disbelief and fear. I was so relieved it was a dream. I did divorce her. But it took me a few months to give nyself permission to trust my own judgements and even go out alone without feeling the pangs of guilt and selfish behaviour. Not now though. Thank God.
These people are evil, very deceiving and destructive. No good can come out of being with a narcissist. These people will lie to you and use you for your generosity. They target the good hearted and suck everything they can out of you. I should’ve ran away a long time ago, and now I am left with this mental tormentor in my head. Richard you have helped me understand this subject so much but I have no idea how to heal from this, everything happen last month so I know that it is fresh but I would love for myself to just be okay again. Everything you’ve said about narcissist’s is exactly how my ex was, every single one of your videos. The gaslighting, the manipulation, the lies. Everything. I am so deeply hurt and damaged beyond my repair it is so hard to even express this. And I have no one I can talk to about how much this has affected me. My mind is spiraling in circles, I just wanna be at peace.
Please give yourself a chance, it's so early. You are still in shock. It will get better and you will get stronger. You are already on the right track by educating yourself.
Gaining the knowledge, lots of self care 💖 & vid's on how to remove the Introjects are what I found very helpful ✨ Be patient with yourself; it takes time 🧡
It's as if we lose ourselves or become one with our abuser. Like we sold ouselfs to the devil for there supposed love. 💔
I feel that deeply.
Like the saying the devil knocked on your door and you invited them inside.
I even have reoccurring dreams of this matter. But now I am aware in ways I was not. I am now recovering from a 10 year dance with the devil and I am definitely not the same person I was who allowed this into my life.
Stockholm syndrome has been compared.
That’s the conclusion I came to after walking away. I was with the devil 👿 and has no idea.
had
Reading this message just broke my heart, that is exactly how I feel. The last thing I told her was that I literally split myself into two for her. I feel like I sold my soul and lost a large part of myself, now I’m just wandering around here with an even lower self esteem trying to figure out who I am again. I’m lost, drugs can’t drown it out and now the only thing I can rely on is God. This experience has damaged me so severely beyond my ability. Ik it will take a stronger power to cure me.
I started sobbing when you described the splitting of the psyche I’ve felt cut off from myself for the longest time While with the narc I felt “complete” bc he was filling in the blanks He was “completing me” and then he would leave and I would unravel I’ve been trying to end this for years and I can’t do it I’ve been living with this since childhood How do I break this cycle?! 😢💔
Thank you. This has been happening to me! Remembering repressed memories even as far back as childhood.
Exactly
Yess it opend all and it was allot.
this is so true when soldiers try to reintegrate to civilian life
great point!!!
that is why I find solace and give understanding to the vets im around.
Your humor was the only thing to make me laugh through my tears while learning through this! ❤ Vakinin’s great but my gawd, he’s dry!
Hi Richard, your videos really helped me through my healing phase after narcissistic abuse. I personally added 300 mg Fluvoxamine to my healing journey, since I developed severe OCD after my last narcissistic discard. I recommend priroritizing neurogenesis via different ways after suffering this kind of abuse, to literally help repair the brain damage these evil people can cause. In my case it has improved a lot. I am not who I was before, but the thing is, I dont want to be the naive version of myself that got caught in that toxic relationship. I prefer to have some "emotional scars" but be a lot stronger mentally and more astute in regards of narcissitic behaviour. Lets say it served me as "experience", although it is never a nice experience to have. Greetings, Miguel.
No doubt about it. The person I was is different now. It's as if I have nothing left. Empty.
I feel this.
Sometimes I can't put into words how the information that you give is helpful---I just KNOW that it is positive fuel to my soul! Thank You for all you do!
So sick of the dissociation, isolation and the fear of people (fear being controlled, abused again)
My "bonds' piled on top of each other...
Very damaged No~bond with mother, who then urged me into a marriage with another powerful narcissist, literally trained to kill in Vietnam.
I thought the inner split I had was part of everyone...
The inner me, and outer me were very different
Thank you for doing this video on Fracturing. You're the best!
Correct.
I went through Gestalt therapy for 12 months between February, 2017 and February, 2018, finished, done. 100% healed.
Or was it finished?
No, about 90% healed after all these years of hard work on myself. But well worth it though.
Even now six years later thoughts come to me from my childhood, teenage years, adulthood etc out of the blue of what they said, did was wrong, lies etc that I believed. Now I know was lies and was wrong.
Even dreams to there's a clearing out of my mind of childhood, teenage and adult memories with NPD, psychopath parents, siblings, friends, ex wife's, ex girlfriends etc. It's a process and it takes time, year's of hard work. But I stress again well worth it.
I'm not living the dream, but I am living my best life now.
No, go no contact forever.
My family live now, only in my memory. Those memories of them that which were once haunting, fearful ghosts looming in the living room of the house shadows of my mind, are now barely little non-threatening whisps of very thin translucent mist, at the bottom of the external edges of my front garden, on the outside but not inside of my garden wall.
Great facts dude.
Thanks Richard.
great visual. I and my siblings and mother
were criminally abused from the beginning of my life from a Narc father.
oh how I wanted to " leave my body" to distance from the dangerous family life.
it didn't include sexual abuse.
it was the rages.
the life threatening actions.
abandonment.
the sadistic emotional mental abuse.
gut wrenching grief.
suicidal depression.
now at 70 yrs old.
with lots of counseling and study, each day I put pieces of me back together..
as well as my physical health.
accepting and releasing my PTSD and its shame.
thank you for your contribution to my stabilization.
Huge congratulations for doing this at the exact divine right timing for your soul - at 70! Such wisdom you have now. It's never too late. We didn't have these tools when we were younger (I'm 60) - you just "turned a blind eye." I se you. I'm proud of you. I honor your healing.
@@katiewennechukthomas thank you dearly.
Years out of it and just NOW (2+ years out) coming back to myself: cooking, dancing, watching old favorite shows I wasn’t allowed to watch while with the Narc, rediscovering wonderful beautiful happy parts of myself. And it feels AMAZING!!!!
I'm trying to rebuild myself....still. not only am I still learning how to heal the abuse from my dad, and ex husband, I'm now trying to heal from religious trauma😮💨
Going through this too. Praying for you.
I was already split when I met him due to trauma, I was the ideal narcissists victim…
I dissociated to cope with the lies, gas lighting, abuse
I started to use food to push down feelings
Was incredible how quickly I’d push it down then be shocked within days / hours the abuse would come again
The cycle repeated itself..
I’m still in daily contact via phone, after physically leaving 15 months ago…
I’m caught as I’m so scared of what it will do to me having to ‘face’ the reality of what happened over 20 years..
It feels like I’ll ‘break’ 🥺
You won’t break!!!
Remember, we are stronger than we think ! ❤
Do yourself the kindness of blocking them ✨ Then you'll have the space you need to begin true recovery 💖
I completely understand the heavy realisations of a long term one... Having been involved with a particular one for 20 yrs... So trauma bonded was I.... It does get easier 🧡
Though it's not exactly linear, as Richard speaks of; unpacking & processing various memories, takes time - giving yourself plenty of love & care along the way, does very much help 💖
@@Abcdefghijklmnoplm ☺️
I refuse to be broken. I don’t care about the narcissists. They offer nothing important that adds to the spirit.
I don’t think about them and I don’t lose my time. I only do what adds to my soul, survival and especially the Spirit.
Talking about narcissists is waste of time.
My commitment is not with people.
I chose a hermit lifestyle and I am happy with it.
Very seldom I have interest in people if they are not collective minded.
I love this, thank you🙏🏽
I became him in 14 years. Since he's gone and went silent, I have had so many great things happening including old friends reaching out and connecting. It's been wonderful and so healing
Thank you Richard, you help so many people. ~peace
Great content
NEUROSCIENCE proves that there is an energy exchange between two people whn they r together.
The human experience is one of POLARITY and life is like the fibonacci sequence.
The narcissist uses fear and cohersion to take u down to a low vibrational frequency and they transcend NOT on a SPIRITUAL level but a CHEMICAL level , there is flooding of feel good hormones generated in them thru controlling and ownership of victim this Is why they keep coming back to top up when the hormones subside
I can remember whole situations very accurately. Wot I shut down on was how bad it made me FEEL. Inside my body.
THANK YOU RICHARD! -- I knew that Narcissistic abuse causes splitting, so grateful to hear you say it!
Thank you for this 🙏
You couldn't have explained it better everything is on point.
This is exactly what is happening to me.
Im trying to find the strength to leave
Yes. I adopted his reality, sacrificing my own. I put my compass in his hand and walked with him down his path; foregoing my needs, my sense of self.
I totally understand the amnesia and I have recently realised that I have no recollection whatsoever about certain things that happened during the past couple of years when we were together ( pretty similar to how the mass public memory loss about the covid years and how bad it was and the tyrannical government regime which traumatised the public with the speech that everyone is going to lose a family member and it was on repeat which is how brainwashing works) and I am not sure if I want to remember the last few days of physical and emotional abuse
So true about having the same co-ordinates to survive. My ex of forty years had me convinced that he was far more intelligent than most. He was so into the writings and concepts of Carlos Castaneda, and his appreciation of separate realities. I read and re-read all of his books, and I now see it was the narc indoctrinating my view of reality. All those years I told myself that his cold weirdness was because he was idiosyncratic, but now I know he was just evil.
If you want them to be their best self.... how do you help them?
THEY ALREADY THINK THEY ARE THEIR BEST SELF, THE BEST AT EVERYTHING AND FCUKIN KNOW EVERYTHING....
Leave them alone to discover they aren't anything special.
It is not your job to help them. They are adults. You need to help yourself and let them do the same.
God Bless You and Keep you Richard. I’ve watched you for many years, since you started. The info you’ve given so freely has saved my life . ❤
Richard, as always, thank you for sharing your wisdom, experience, and expertise!
✌❤🌎
It's like a broken mirror 🪞
Exactly I started to feel like if I wear a blouse or a dress that's too pretty and I look too nice that I'm going to offend people because mine get offended if I look too nice.
My narc inlaws get offended if I look too nice or if I'm dressed tonight or if I'm wearing a new pair of boots or something they just feel offended it's the weirdest thing
I’ve been fractured from my mother and every relationship with a woman since. It’s me, I’m the borderline. No contact for 7 weeks.
Have you been diagnosed? My ex would try and convince me I had BPD, ADD because I would go crazy after being trying to reason with her until I’d lose it. Nothing got through…nothing
Very helpful.
Ordinary people are evil. Peter Singer wrote a paper titled "famine, affluence, and morality", in which he explains that most ordinary people succumb to the trappings of their own perceived success. For instance, if a ordinary person sees a child drowning in a fountain, and if helping the person causes them to get dirty or wet, or perhaps late for work, and that ordinary person doesn't immediately jump in to save that person, than the ordinary person is evil. Now this situation is obviously extreme but it can applied to many things..... In which, the ordinary person is evil. I always found Peter Singer's work interesting....
A teenage girl in Dublin was close to a pharmacy when she realized that she was having an allergic reaction to nuts, she went straight to the counter and asked for the specific medication she needed and unfortunately the persons job was more important to them then saving the girls life :(
I've been with 2 narcs now like up there narcs . And both there is a pattern they will chase u so hard like obsessivly and they will isolate u by running of everyone especially friends so all u have is them and then slowly the mask comes off the abuse is ramped up the triangleation starts the cheating starts the Insults are ramped up Ur self-esteem gets shattered and that is when they get Ur power and feel they have concord you and that has happened with both .
Something the x wife said once, I still have difficulty understanding. Maybe someone has a comment. She said, "I think you love our daughter more than me," to which I replied, "Yes, I do, and I hope you love her more than me as well."
Narcissist can't love.
Even their own children.
My ex narc always got booze first, then his daughter got gift for Bday, Easter, etc.. (I was step mom-ster)
I'd get asked to help get something AFTER he got his hooch...& I would. Then INSIST he repay me. He would.
I'd have my own gift already for her.
Im so sorry u had to go thru this!🙄🤷♀️ nightmare?🤦♀️😢 experience ?😒🧟♀️ lesson?🙃🤕🥺
Its thee most insidious
Of course I wouldn't want such treatment, and still, it would've been so much easier to up & leave 1st time. Charges. Heal. Move on... had he just hit me, than 5/6 yrs of alllll lies, the head fk, future faking, cheating; we were in 2 totally different relationships!!
I walked a year ago.
A LOT of women have sworn off EVER dating again.
I get it.
I don't think I'll just give up on a compatible love tripping into my life, while knowing full well, it's unlikely due to my age & other variables...
If Uve healed, I hope ur young enough to still have hope for a new relationship, if not in one already. ❤
*Insecure over not having more love than her own child
yup, gross
@@tanyabell7748 Narcissists can love.
@@LearningHowToLiveYTya themselves only
What's different is the mother sacrificed a lot to make tbe daughter in her body and the two years after delivery are a big sacrifice also. Hormones are not normal till after that
So please love your wife equally as your daughter.
@@Sally-ih6ls That's not based in any real logic or reason.
who cares about them? the more we talk about them the more they like it.
What is lacking in me that makes me so worried about them? i can tell you.
i lived through all this crap for a long time and it never got to me. it didn't.
what was it that was my sword, my shield, my everything?
my own internal dialogue. i can say whatever i want, to myself. i always have, i always do, i always will.
i am no different from any of you, except 1 thing.
i never stop my own internal dialogue. ever.
i am always thinking to myself, "well that sounds like a load of garbage" or "never believe anything you hear and just half of what you see", etc.
i have this internal dialogue that i never stop. it is not judgmental, it is protective, it does not let any lies into my inner core. no false beliefs ever get planted inside me.
this is the key to dealing with all the garbage in the world. it is my own control over what i say to myself.
this might be hard to take, but there is no magic to it.
it is totally up to me, if it is to be.
Maybe we like trying to understand what happened? Why are you watching then?
@@emmarae4322 i would try to explain it but you wouldnt understand. there is life beyond all this but people like you are totally stuck. i dont watch these vids, i am hoping people like you actually start thinking. so far, its all just another fad.
Mum was in a coma and I had to make a desperate rush to get to the hospital to be with her in her last moments. I get to the hospital and my family was in the room already. I took my mum's hand which she managed to squeeze. I leant in to kiss her goodbye. Get out of the way, l want to see her face my younger sister screamed at me. My mum died in that moment. It was the last thing Mum ever heard was my sister screaming at me 😭. I often cry myself to sleep at the thought. My awful sister is totally oblivious to what she did. None of my other dysfunctional family members have ever said anything. Just a normal day for my evil family 😭
So Sorry that happened to you 😢
@@stephaniehall6309 Thank you
Police can’t help you unless or until AFTER physical violence happens…do NOT RELY ON THEM TO PROTECT YOU and look after your own safety to the best of your ability
Even after physical/sexual violence the police won’t help you. The narc who did it to me projected what he was doing to me onto me and tried putting me in jail for what he did to me. The delusion and disordered evil of these entities will literally destroy everything about you and will destroy you if you try to pop their bubble of delusion. Run, just run far as you can away.
You are simply brilliant. I could listen to you all day. Very impressive language skills too!!!!!!
The things he made me do that affected my children. I have finally stopped guilting myself daily. To relive that again and more i dont remember?
THATS SHAME AND ANXIETY
You look bright and healthy Richard. Whatever you are into at this time is definitely working for you. Or did you use a filter? Grrr....people need to just be themselves it is better for everyone to accept we are all imperfect humans. For now that is but soon we will all be perfect again. Best to all living their best lives ever!
I’m glad you mentioned about doing therapy. I have started in therapy again (waiting for my appointment, almost here 🙏) but I’ve been trying to figure out if i should even try and talk with my therapist about some things that have happened. I’m so scared I’ll just sound crazy almost but part of me feels like i should at least try and talk to her so maybe she can just help me feel better
Appreciate you Richard.
Thank you for your work.
Yes exactly. Thank you
So many people say everyone is narcissistic. I say to them that might be so but some people are narcissistic abusers.
These have been interesting, I hope you enjoy Portugal!
This is so true! So many repressed experiences. What’s real?
Living in a childhood with a narcassust mum and a brother who sa me i then moved on to a husband who took over from that but i broke free and living my life about me took years but it can br done wasted life thanks richard x
The dissociation felt like a concussion to me and getting back into contact would be psychological torment/ just short of suicide for me further contact should I allow it would prove to my sane mind, evidence of brain damage. I will not go there. The concussion/ dissociation issues fades with months of no triggers however you have to protect yourself no one does it for you. Yes dissociative issues faded like a concussion like the fractured self Steve talked about. My fuzzy head thinking gone now. It took a year
That was really good Portuguese!! 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
The narcissistic relationship taught me about the narcissistic family system I grew up in. Trying to get back to the lovebombing was just trying to get back to, or get to when mom isn't being abusive and crazy. My childhood was what I was blocking out. Tolerating unrelenting abuse for the slightest amount of intermittent affection.
Just an old pattern that is being broken. Healthy boundaries are the perimeter of personality that reforms.
You are a very interesting person.
yea time doesnt heal all wounds. action eases the grind. grunt work (therapy) helps. gotta have the therapists that know about escaping the npd abusive relationship
Well said, agree ,'' you cannot believe that somebody is saying and doing this in reality,'' and then after the relationship, you even start questioning yourself, I'm I, (are we ) narcissistic ?, no, we got caught up in our partners delusion, in their projection. We did our best with the relationship that entered our lives, the relationship that we saw growing and lasting, and yet did not , because our ex's were too immersed in destruction and pain.
I was dwelling on the course vid you just released and realized yes the ‘NPD’ we pick up that you’re talking about is the deflection of reality yes! ‘False image of relationship’ hyper-attached to narrative. K well good that at least is an action I can take and I hope concrete outcome. Some are simpler than others, but the solution then is to look at it frame by frame not vague bird’s eye view, oh god no, fine 😂
26:36 vulnerable narcissism research /BPD manifestation/vectoring in(25:30)
Last year I wanted to greet him 5 weeks after the disgard still in disbelieve what happened, but he then rudely repelled me with his arm with terror in his eyes saying 'not interested'. I left the next day without saying goodbye. Now, almost a year later, I am back to renovating my house after putting everything into pieces. The day before yesterday there was a flood and he came to 'help', there was eye contact and we spoke. I am slightly upset again and dissociate like I did as a child with laughter. So terribly confusing again.
Forgive the Past
Stand in the Power of God ToDay
I am Loved 🥰 and Blessed 😇
That dog looks like ancient Egyptian hounds with big pointy ears like that …the pharaoh’s dogs
If I were you Richard, I would not waste any more of your precious energy trying to figure out the narcissist. Basically they are like demented bees. So what would you do about demented bees??
My abuse is so bad. Been married 20 yrs but only realised he is narcistic in the last few years (lol, I'm a slow learner) I'm ready to leave, dream about leaving yet i feel so sorry for him and his issues, what will it do to him? Am i just looking for excuses? The pain for me is unbearable and i know he will never change, i dont want to change him i am my own biggest obstacle when it comes to leaving but trying to find the courage, I'm disabled, not young and i have no income
Great you are moving to Portugal. I am just purchasing my first property in the Castelo Branco area.
I have a great therapist but I wish I could just get thru to her about the horendous damage that’s taken place . Although she’s helping me no one gets it unless you have been thru it . Recovery is horendous it’s so hard to recover from something you have no idea what is happening or happened to you . The only mental disorder that effects the victims not the narc .
Perseveration is the medical term when a concussion person keeps repeating words .In psychology it is more often called rumination. I kept repeating. Why did I believe in her? Why didn't I see thru her. Why did I believe her and not the truth? 😢😢😢It gets cleared up in time and when you answer your own questions for yourself, it helps
I am reggaeton fun too😄
Please do episode or several on show Dark Matters!!!
You’re also in my head 🥸🥸😂👍🏻😬
I just ended a relationship of 6 years with an NPD when I found out he was engaged to another woman and had been with another one simultaneously. Now every guy I see I think they are NPD which made me wonder... What percentage of society is actually an NPD?
15:12 hi Richard I’m experiencing this at the moment as I have a child with mine and the most simplest of communication is turned into an opportunity at the moment it’s making me stronger but it’s very hard for it not to get under my skin eventually:/
I hate how familiar all this sounds 😂
Yes I need to revisit the ‘subjective experience hour by hour of what happened’ 😂 and then I’ll know what’s what and if it’s ok with me.
Love your Spanish ❤
Thank you for video, i am confused about my ex at this moment, i believe he is convert, i did experience whole cycle love bombing, gaslighting, devalue, 8 years witn him broke up 4times during he cheat, go another girl, dump me, call me back, sucked back in.
Now i started confuse is it my fault or am i even narcissist self too.
Because of he have new girlfriend and dump me, took our dog ownership, all made me depressed, couldn't eat, got sick, ended up hospital and got anxiety attack.
Psychiatry Dr, told me i even have bipolar criteria woth trauma due to big up and down in short time. But i only had depression when he dumped me several times. I just couldn't believe myself anymore.
I am trying to find how to get out of this thoughts, obsessed thinking about him even i don't want to go back anymore. I know he won't change, empty promises, screaming, cheating...i couldn't have feeling i wanted go out, i was tired everyday but pushing myself to take care of him like mother.
I've found a blend of compassion focused therapy and parts work (some IFS but I don't like it in its entirety) helpful. Especially for finding inner support and self compassion. Y'all might look in to those to see if they're helpful.
And, yea, also Grannon's stuff is helpful, or I wouldn't be here 😅.
what Stockholm syndrome is made of.
it was manufactured in my family by narc dad..
mom and brother surrendered, endured, and went silent.
very abused sister became dads henchman enabler.
I refused to surrender, my knowledge of right and wrong.
I just stopped fighting...
kept a wary space from...
but it still made me " the enemy"
I can read between the lines, Richard.
when the breakup comes supposedly the narc goes into a mode that says the target doesn't exist . I'm trying this from a target standpoint. feels like it is working pretty good. its taking some weight off the shoulders.
45 yrs in with my husband. I'm flipping nuts, he tells others. Caring for him as he's dying? I guess? Yes yes. Sigh....
I said out loud yesterday to a friend,"He PAID me to come back to lead worship, after locking/kicking me out of church " this was a year ago?
❤
Ima cptsd suffer but I’m having and had therapy (emdr) can nice empathic peace split and not be narcissistic
How to escape from a narc. I'm married to her. When i tried to go no contact she simply created WhatsApp group with my relatives and me and started verbally abusing me and my parents for leaving her alone.
Divorce, get rid of whatsapp because i've heard about that it's no different than other sites with a chat feature or social media like, weirdos use it to take advantage of the more vulnerable although youtube is different because it's more private in a way and not easy to track what videos we watch. Tell your parents either get rid of whatsapp too or keep blocking her and you have nothing to do with whatsapp anymore.
Do not be scared of her oh what's she gonna do?😂No matter what she says or does no matter how sick give her absolutely zero reaction and just laugh. She doesn't deserve for you to consider her none existent "feelings" when she doesn't consider how she's hurting you or your relatives. She can't and there's no arguing with mental illness to such an extent.
Be aware though these are the same people that turn into stalkers so if this escalates to that and she doesn't stop after say 5 months then you'll have to collect evidence and report it. Let's hope it doesn't comes to that though she leaves you alone.
Massive dissociation hits home.
Nice Spanish and Portuguese!
Can you please talk about how the narcissist will tell you that you are going to hell and that they take the religious high ground over you?
I think even if core of NPD is deflection of reality and so is victims the difference is that one chooses evil. Idc if it’s not fashionable.
But I do see a potential bridge - the bitter codependent.
I think I have had a weak sense of self. Otherwise it would not have been possible for them to treat me the way they did. I got very angry but anger is nothing to a narcissist. They enjoy it.
Is what you’re describing also known as enmeshment?
Enmeshment, fusing, blending, merging... yes!
My question is.. what to do when a potential buddy and good relationship goes on dating site and a buddy is manipulated and abused to abuse me.. I believe some one is weaponized to go against some one they already started a relationship of sorts with.. I see it now woman being weaponized from abuse and stops them from having further interactions with persons they resonate with
Is no contact really effective
I'm trying to ask question with out relapsing with short version.. what to do when you realise a female buddy went on dating site and was Narcissisticly manipulated and was weaponized against me and didn't know how to respond from trauma triggers and I know I've been stalked by societies cartels.. people have interfered with woman Ive talked to. Last bit was poor attempt to explain evidence but what can I do or say
She's clearly in an abusive relationship and isolated her from all her friends which is what they do. You could try reaching out to her by text and say you don't know what's going on but you sense she's in trouble, and that the second she wants to leave you're there for her and she can stay over at your place.
Then if she ever takes you up on it you can hide her and if the person she's dating comes to your door just say you haven't seen her since she started dating them, and talk with her about it but still no pushing because they've been through a lot of trauma so they'll easily bolt if you push. It's the only thing you can do in the situation don't push just let her know your door is open and that she has someone who cares about her.
"See the Child". See WHAT child ?
O yes
Please talk about antinatilsim
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