I've started self defense and boxing after 15 years in an abusive relationship and your advice about the confidence is superb...I feel like I'll never learn to protect myself but after hearing this I'm just gonna concentrate on the skill ....and the confidence will be the byproduct I think x
Richard thank you so much for your service to us Codependents! I’ve woke up from a 15 year marriage to a narcissistic woman and am going to stop fixating on if she is or isn’t a narcissist or just abusive. I’m working hard to take back my self and show our kids a healthier path. Thank you 🙏
To the gentleman who asked how to stop ruminating. Perhaps you will see this and it will help. A neuroscientist taught me that ruminating thoughts produce chemicals that cascade from my brain into my body, that overtime my body develops a chemical dependence and a vicious cycle is born. I've meditated, exercised, tried focusing on other thoughts, distractions etc., but nothing helped me stop ruminating thoughts like the awareness that my brain was manufacturing a drug to feed an addiction. This awareness can stop an obsessive thought in its tracks in real time and has been a powerful, life changing, habit busting tool for me. I use it to change negative self talk into positive, loving thoughts about myself. I use it to cultivate diplomacy in my interactions with others, especially when I feel like I could fly off the handle and say regrettable things.
I agree. The endless ruination of your brain trying to figure out the conundrum ans sort the cognitive dissonance. Knock them off the pedestal you put them on. It is all smoke and mirrors,.It is all a trick, a dog and pony show, with a demented ringmaster.
THANK YOU!!!🙏 Do you mind giving a specific example? For me the ruminating fears/thoughts manifest in a physical manner. I go into fight or flight and have an anxiety surge. I will have to recheck something over and over to convince myself that I'm "ok" (I know this is classic OCD) - it's just seems like its happening subconsciously at this point. What exactly do you tell yourself in these moments?
Its amazing how wether you are young, old, rich, poor, abused or loved and protected. It comes down to your moral compass. Your free will. Most people hoard and destroy others who do not essentially worship them superficially. A few make the world a better place.
Counselors at a DV safe house were telling me I was borderline. After some time away from family and toxic people I'm just fine. Not over emotional not showing borderline traits anymore. I'm able to look objectively at even my abus, Fortress mental health on UA-cam from Grannon is a MUST. Richard's book is amazing, CULT OF ONE. Get it, read it!!!
Do you not feel crudely diagnosed? I've had a misdiagnosis and know it, (bc of 30 yrs of many psychiatrists visits due to attending clinics for therapy (and seeing the overseeing MD to make sure I was okay), so that when a new one wanted to diagnose me as having a manic episode for the 1st time at age 57, I said, "If I wasn't nearly just murdered, (literally), then it's still a stretch; and don't you think that that accounts for the 'scared to death' reaction I may appear to have? There's no mania, no wide awake, not symptomology that spoke to mania, nor bipolar, yet they'd insisted in an almost irate manner it wasn't due to my distressed, (even having had my pets murdered), state of mind?" How to find righteous counsel is very frustrating. I'm just curious--you're relating to the emo flashbacks, are you? Thank you for your comment and in advance, should you reply. [Meanwhile hold your head high! Sounds like you're doing all the right things!]
I had to get away from my family because they would annoy me so much that looking back now, was a completely crazy person. My family are good people, but toxic to my mental health. I can still get emotional when I feel like I'm being belittled, it causes my defense mechanism to spark up but nothing like I did living with family. I was diagnosed with bipolar, ADHD, ptsd, bpd and more within 1 year... Each doctor diagnosed me with something else, I ended up being a Guinea pig, I was taking 7 different meds daily at one point. I've been off of it all for 5 years, I function as a normal working adult on the outside, but I experienced abuse 3 years ago and I've been in survival mode ever since, always confused and 2nd guessing my every move. My brain is tired, I just need a list to tell me what steps I need to do to work through this.
This was helpful. For those of us no longer in the throws of abuse, just trying to be a normal human moving forward...the distorted perception is real. I'm going to head over to the flashback course. Thank you
I can spot a flashback and bring myself back into the present; but I think the hurt from the negative experience will be with me for the rest of my life and that I will always feel grief when I am reminded of it; that is, I will never wake up one day not feeling the sadness it brings and the moments that could have been so much better when we had them. It feels like it's a part of the fabric of my life that I wish I could wipe out of my memory but as I say that, I realize I would have to give up also the knowledge of how resilient I have been in living through and beyond it. I don't think I'd want to lose that part. I've learned so many valuable things about people, about mental health and how trauma is something everyone will face at some point in their lives and how they suffer and struggle with it when it goes unexamined and unresolved...how it can spew out and poison their lives and the lives of everyone around them. I grieve for the loss of decency and compassion that that disregulated person has had happen to them and caused them to mindlessly pass that misery along...it's true that hurt people hurt people. And I grieve their pain too and wonder what kind of person they would have been if they had been loved, cared for, respected and accepted...if they had been seen and appreciated when they needed it the most...it feels like such a deep loss all the way around. It helps me to have compassion and forgive them. But I can't help to think, what a terrible loss when I see the damages that such mistreatment has caused in them. My problem is that I don't want anyone to hurt. I want people to have all that they need and be whole and happy; but life beats us up and some get it pretty badly. It feels cruel and such a waste on the human spirit.
A wise councilor ( who I was very lucky to have encountered. Lets face it, there are many that are not only not wise, but shouldnt even be in the position and can cause more damage) said to me, " When everything is botled- up inside, and gets shook- up and released, it explodes like a bottle of soda and goes everywhere, splashing everyone and thing around, whether you wanted it too, or not." Its best to get it out either on someone you trust, or journaling on paper ( or perhaps other forms like music, art, or something else) but it must come out. I spent 5 years journaling. Eventually I was able to actually speak to that councilor, but not everything and some things never got put on paper, but I have looked at them ( probably not enough) in the depths of my soul. Many years later I came across my 5 years of ranting and expressing on paper. I took a look through it and realized I really had worked through many things that no longer plagued me; alot of that stuff was simply cobwebs to be swept away, and I through that volume of anger, rage, saddness and madness away. Sure there is always stuff, and sometimes it may stir in you, and you can look at it. process it, and it doesnt have to run you ( at least not into perpetuity). I know what you mean though. There are things that I think have accepted that are not going to be changed, but they are things I have accepted because the work it would take to fix them might take another lifetime. Namely, I decided to stay single. There is a deep place in me that will never trust enough to be intimately involved with someone. That can get kind of lonely, especially as one gets older. This world really is in a dark place. Sometimes I feel numb and was looking into that. It comes of feeling overwhelmed by feelings from things I am not confronting. I used to believe that certain types of love are uncondituonal. Not so sure I completely believe that anymore.
My body has been doing this 2 sharp breaths thing spontaneously on and off for years and when my stress levels increase- so I just thought it was a stress response thing and I must admit it worried me that I was developing a tick, but thanks Richard, that's good to know
Yeah… For the past three years, my CNS has been almost constantly in fight or flight. And finally, collapsed much of the time. I would realize after minutes, or hours that I was holding my breath, my whole body was literally clenched. Decades of trauma and neglect, plus fresh abuse from me borderline/NPD back to back, having everything ripped out from underneath me during the smear campaigns…. I am a survivor and a fighter, but there’s only so much that a human body can take.
@@theoriginal7727 it's scary, yet nice to read. I "discovered" a few years back I held my breath. Trembling legs flip-flopped my life from the restless legs, everything changed... Again... Exhaustion is real. And so are my body pains.
@@theoriginal7727cancers and heart attacks with no heart disease, so I know--word for word as I read your statement, felt very well stated what I've been living. We are survivors, and it is hellaciously hard, I know. But, for whst it's worth, you'd helped a desperate woman with your words of pain and suffering tonight. Thank you so very much. Of course my gratitude for 6 years goes out towards Richard, but also for some of the community comments like yours also make a difference, and when feeling so alone, it's especially potent. Blessed be, and wishing you all the best in what you do!
Thank you, as always. I am currently in a time of intentional solitude with emotional sobriety as I work through my trauma and healing. I still have connections, just very limited. Most days I spend time in growth education and self assessment mixed with some entertainment of movies or books. Just resetting and growing following over twenty years of ebbs and flows from micro and mega abuse. I enjoy hearing your input and perspective. Gives me things to ponder.
I've often thought if I could just write it out, it would be, too! These, our stories, really ought to be much more prevalent on mainstream media, I swear! It would help us who've suffered be allowed to talk about it, and still be accepted, despite not deserving the initial trauma, much less the societal shunning that follows the original damnation we've already been through, and so-called "survived" but folks don't want to be made aware of, much less be supportive about. I don't need pity--but some understanding of my past would be nice.
@@dollarsmum3453 yeah I’ve had several people say go to the media and write a book. It’s not over yet. So right now I’m relying on the Most High and expecting freedom and breakthrough first. These systems, cults, groups and governments are dangerous. 🙏 but the Most High is far above them.
We should create that somehow. I would much rather garner insight and compassion from real story. Not Netflex definition, which is it " not fiction". Did it f@unking happen or NOT to the point of lawsuits.
Super interesting about the origins of the English language, thanks for that. Yeah I get the the past present connection - have to check myself frequently, because yep, was traumatised by the psychotic hands of my father especially during late teens, then by my ex husband's, only months ago. I'm still alive, have the deep cuts, and he's still stalking me. I'm super tired, my body aches, and I almost want to give up. Not on life, but on the hypervigilance that feels necessary in order to stay safe, but I cant give up the hypervilence yet, its keeping me safe, until my ex is deported on criminal charges. Which is exhausting.. but yeah, your spot on, still reliving it, because I'm still dealing with the fallout, the Police, data recovery, security cameras, statements etc I'm not doing anything addictive other than watching your videos which are helping me stay grounded and validated. I'm not drinking, not taking any drugs or over shopping etc. vaping is about the only thing l do. ( Which is not good I know) In the meantime, yeah I'll keep checking in on myself, and check out the mental health protection Fortress course/program. I ask myself the questions, have to, otherwise how else can I self regulate. Living on my own, is good in the sense that I have the privacy to have those chats with myself out loud. 😅 So using meditation to ground myself. Yeah I think the exercise is key. As soon as I get a window, I'll jump in. ( Im worried Im still stuck and making excuses ) And therapy, transactional analysis sounds really positive, and yes I also get the lineage DNA passdown. Do you have any advice for me? I miss the live sessions, I live in Australia.
HE heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds! Psalm 147:3 The good Lord is clearly working through you Richard; I’m so grateful for your wisdom on this subject! Yes walking,dancing,singing,movement is so crucial to our healing! I missed this live chat,will try again! Keep healing us!!! I like when you said” we must stay close(in touch) with our feelings; so important! God bless us all! Praying for all!
Richard, you are my favorite narcissism expert. But the English language was being written in the 600s. Very different from what it is now, but written and continually written over the centuries with a clear pattern of development down through Chaucer and his contemporaries, through Shakespeare, to us. The first English monarch to use English in official correspondence was Henry V, during the Hundred Years War. I could go about when, why, and by whom Latin, French, and German were used, but hopefully this is all the nerdy outburst I need to let me get over this little issue and listen to what you actually came here to say. Carry on.
Well. George the First never learned English, and the rest of the House of Hanover kept on speaking German because they kept marrying minor royalty out of Germany and they WERE all German. When Prince Albert died, Queen Victoria lamented, "There is left now nobody who addresses me in the informal second person singular!"
Head over to your local library and read the first chapter of Ivanhoe, wherein a swineherd and a fool have an in depth discussion of class, nationality, language, and dinner.
Yeah why Is my body torturing me with memories. I wish brain would protect me but that is a silly thing to say. I’m overwhelmed, thank you for this video it is helpful.
I also learned about the physiological sigh from Andrew Huberman. I’ve tested it at my doctor’s office and found that it will indeed lower your blood pressure. I now recommend it to anyone who suffers from “white coat syndrome. “.
Wanted to add, thank you for the breathwork part and for the patience it takes to always repeat yoursef. The Fortress Mental Health is partly responsible for the progress I have made, as well as the physicality of the work I do. It's not the gym but it's close. I also like doing the somatic stretching and shaking of the limbs. It's coming back into the realm of friendships after so much isolation that has me feeling stuck again. But I'll get there.
so helpful. I try not to watch you too much since completing the matrix course last year (it was really healing). but it's good to see you and have your support every now and then.
"If it's hysterical, it's historical," that's a useful, if very oversimplified explanation taken from twelve-step programs for extreme reactions based on previous negative experiences. I'm a fan of this one.
I’m hearing exactly what I know deep down without way or perhaps courage to say or allow myself to trust those thoughts or feelings. Thank you Richard for helping me realize I have the strength and discipline to overcome what I’ve allowed myself to endure in abusive relationships (narcs) . I am for the first time in my life at a place of radical acceptance by practicing mindfulness, listening to your words and follow stoic philosophy. You save lives and at the very least your saving souls. Thank you ❤
Oosh sensay. It’s like you heard me out there sir. Been contemplating reversing the emotional/nerve damage of trauma. Was emotionally beaten while down already long term. Am rising again
35:5536:1250:0450:1751:0052:0252:4152:5755:241:29:21 1:31:26 You must be doing something right. I feel that you have healed quite a bit since the first time I listened to you back in 2020. Thank you for this presentation. Very helpful and informative. Your insight of the ENGLISH lesson alone helped me tremendously. Much to my amazement…..Time stood still as I was learning without leaving the PRESENT MOMENT. I will always remember this. Thank you Richard….💯🤍🕊️🙏🏼🕊️🤍💯
If a title ever caused me to immediately click, here we are. That is an adorable story about the 3 year old. As I'm listening to you about the past, I'm thinking if we are cut- off from our past we are rootless. R8chard, thid msy be one of the clearest, most fascinating talks I have listened to.
Neuroscientist, Lisa Feldman Barrett (author of How Emotions are Made) tells a story of her daughter's anxiety in a martial arts competition where she was the smallest competitor in her class. Dr Feldman recounts how the instructor coached her daughter in this threatening situation. He did not invalidate her appropriate apprehension...he told her to "get your butterflies flying in formation." Brilliant. Dr Feldman Barrett's work on the theory of constructed emotion is a game changer.
Waow synchronicity I had an emotional flashback recently Triggered by a someone who said I was wrong because the experience of being invalidated was so strong Thank God for you Richard
Richard, I'm only 21 minutes in and I just went through this yesterday. A psychologist was online and he wanted to talk about how trauma can start before you're born. He warned that it could be triggering and I thought, nah. I've been through so much what could he possibly say? He said, if your mother didn't want you while she was pregnant and you felt it from before you were born it can mold you for the rest of your life. I lived that but, there was a disconnect between what I heard being said, how I was treated and then, how I was constantly being told that I was blessed to have my parents. I was blessed however, my mom didn't want this pregnancy because, she already had a 9-month-old. My mom had a very sensitive nervous system and she was always anxious. I know I felt that and she only weighed 105 lbs and I don't think she gained any weight with me. She had her reasons and they were valid. But, I was born full-term but, underweight. My nervous system was not completely developed. And, because she couldn't cope, I was left alone. Now, I'm a grown woman that struggles to understand the world. I really live in a frozen state. If I referred to my mom as she... I got chased down by my dad who just swatted me on the back of my head. It didn't hurt a bit and it broke my heart into a million pieces. That meant the only one I thought loved me didn't. I am so many different kinds of opposites. I can be afraid to walk to the corner alone but, if someone I love needs me, I can do the almost impossible. I can't bond to anyone because, they'll leave me eventually. Most likely by lying to me. The trust is broken and they're not real to me anymore. I have a genuine love for human beings. But, after I spend an hour with them, they trust me and I'm exhausted. I don't know how to get over all of the trauma. It would take me 6 months of sessions with a therapist just to give them my trust. When I finally grew up enough to go out in the world and I even was speaking in public, I realized that I could tell by the way people reacted to me that I have something that translated into them feeling my empathy so deeply that they bonded to me quickly. I felt that there was something different about me. And, maybe it was good. But, at the same time, I would tell you that I'm garbage. I will give away everything I have and I have done that. But, if I receive something as a gift that's a value to my heart, I'm glad but, I don't feel like I deserve it. I'm going to watch this whole video but, it's going to take me a week. You don't talk like other people because, you have insights that other people don't even go near. I was so scarred by the time I was four that in movies and photos I can see that I went into a dysphoric state. Life feels painful even when everything is good. I am tired all the time. But, it's like a soul tiredness. Thank you Richard, for sharing what you know. I feel shame just by the fact that you understand this. I hope that I learned to enjoy the ride for at least a little while before I leave this earth. But, I don't see how. Take good care of yourself. Your knowledge is precious. 💙
Yes! It is now. It is always now. My traumatising event was in the Autumn of 1988 and lasted until Summer 1990. But it is always now. So nearly 35 years ago in time but now in the body. The feelings are as fresh and raw as all those years ago. I keep getting flashbacks. I keep returning to the triggering event. Because there is a huge lesson there. Otherwise I would have shrugged it off at the time. Miriam Margoyles is well into her 80s and wrote in her autobiography about the bullying she experienced in Cambridge Footlights and said 'It was over 60 years ago and it STILL hurts.' Thank you Miriam. I still want to kill my abuser. The power of my feelings is as fresh and raw as ever.
Great discussion! (You answered my questions!!) Thank you! I've long felt my ancestral karma stops with me: I am here to heal the ancestral patterning.
This was *PHENOMENAL* Thank you, thank you. Also- at 57:00, I recently read “It Didn’t Start With You” and have felt conflicted and think about it often, so thanks for the question from that viewer!
35:51 I love the response I get when i tell my mother about things that can turn me violent to the point of murdering her in cold blood. And her reponse is just "get over it". I tell her the story about how I went to work and found out someone literaly ate the cheese off of my bread and just put my container back into the fridge so I could go to work with sliced bread with just butter between them. We happen to be standing in ikea and I saw a super cheap fridge/freezer combo. When I told my mom I will be having that thing in my room with a chain and lock on it her response was just "You ain't doing that"(The abuse has to keep going because I need access to your food and money). and "Stop living in the past it happened move on". I understand my mother's insane and there's something wrong with her. I just don't have the capacity to go scorched earth and be alone 0 contact. I will be looking at the next year of just a non stop cycle of paying her off to leave me alone so I can have a roof above my head untill this fucked up country starts building affortable housing that isn't stolen by immigrants.
The answer is he turns into a flower. The universe has spoken. Just during the live I got a package from my sister from my birthday of 50 narcississ bulbs. She thought see was sending blooming flowers. Even funnier. I got the rye humor and I got what i love most about her is her wicked sense of humor, dark humor .
Absolutely love this talk on how our traits are only maladaptive in today’s society! I have always described my condition as a tribesman stuck in a technological world. PS Pokémon is the shit, not because it was a craze but because for me it is as iconic as Mario, half-life, call of duty, elder scrolls or any other game title. It became a craze by being the first augmented reality game that kids were into. Once the kids pick it up the rest of us have permission to as-well. The game then ages with the youngest group that picks up the title. Genius in terms of marketing… 38 and still play from time to time
I don't have problems with envy or anger, mine is debilitating fears. I am trying very hard to overcome them. I have been told I have PTSD from childhood. Not really sure what that means but my main fears are heights, water, bridges. I haven't listened to you but a little occasionally. I had a dream about you the other night that you were my counselor of sorts coming to my house several times almost as a friend. You came the last time in my dream and I noticed I had on tattered clothing and I apologized for that to you and said you've been here many times and I've never shown you my home and I showed you the other rooms quickly but not really hurriedly, if that makes sense. You didn't act anyway in particular but we both knew it was coming, you said my next visit will be my last one. Its time to move on. I don't know why but in my dream after you left I cried my eyes out. I woke up crying. I don't know you and before the dream I had barely ever saw you online or have never thought of anything like that about you. In my dream I felt love and I thought I loved you and I actually felt love. When I awoke I felt that when I saw you online again it would mean something very important for me to hear. This was the next time I listened to what you had to say. It did mean a lot to me this time. I got a great deal from it. Thank you, but I'm not sure why I had the dream unless it was for me to really listen to you this time. Thats all I have to say about it.🤔
I hear that a lot- that our environment is a mismatch for the caveman stress response. But the environment could change in a heartbeat: there's always a real possibility you might need to fight for your life. And some people are living in warzones right now, or are surrounded by dark personality types. No tigers, but no shortage of violent, impulsive people around. Most of them just waiting for permission to be monsters. Also, most violence in our culture is emotional and psychological. That's especially distressing because it's deniable, their are no bruises, and there's no stress release from fleeing or fighting the enemy. You just have to learn to disassociate your way through it and tell yourself things aren't that bad. But who actually believes that anymore?🤷 NB: I write these comments in good faith. Please try to understand where I'm coming from- cause that's what I aim to do for others. Thanks.
The question I never stop asking is this: Why does suffering drive some people to empathy while it drives others to callousness? I know this is simplistic but there are so many variables and not all of them can be accounted for by genetics and nurture. I know its unfashionable to believe in free will, but I think we all have choices we can make about who we want to be. Perhaps I'm deluding myself and this is just another script written by my ancestors, but at least I comfort myself with this notion.
Learn to connect to the earth and move all ur bad feelings through ur feet to the earth....and after that learn instead of relying on people,rely on earth only for stability and for being strong ,not people.even if they are not narsisit, dont merg in anybodies world out of balance....learn that u have to had ur own stable world in any relationship
There have been research studies with rats and mice indicating that transgenerational transmission of trauma manifests in offspring. However, the precise mechanisms that produce the outcomes are not yet understood.
Fuck. 20:50 to 21:25 just before introducing Adler .... 😮 yep. Totally am this exactly right here right now. More than 2 years of being awake 22 hrs in every 24. How TF am i still alive? Still a fully functioning human. Being. Doing. Employed. Eat well, live well, be well. Well, except for soooo many issues with blepharitis and vision changes and IBS and bags under my eyes and the willingness to keep going through this [woops pressed send and i aint done] keep going through all this as part of my continued healing... geezus... i was THAT co-dependent and empathetic and loving and kind and like a nurse that is off-duty and never really off-duty, dashed in and gave CPR to this lady suffering his abuse so tormentively and naively coz i was so captivated.... CRAPTIVATED instead is a better term
Hello Richard, this was a very interesting way to look at trauma. Have you heard of the Internal Family System form of therapy by Richard Schwartz? The heavyness of the past that you describe, that grips you in moments. He interprets this as `parts´, selfstates in us, that are frozen in time ( in the past) that get activated when something remsembles the past trauma. Different parts have different functions, roles, talents, ages and they all try to protect the system together. to keep us same and functioning. It is a very very good model. Maybe you have time to look into it. We can work with these parts and free them, unburden them. and heal. Thank you for your insights and work. i apprechiate it very much. Especially to put emphacise on the psychotic nature of the NPD person helped me to understand what happened and how to position myself to it, frame it in hindsight and to move on. Thank you.
Exactly, Richard gave us the coordinations for positioning, define some terms, make some new ones, sort out who's role is who's. With a map and flashlight we can get out of here. Internal boundaries, not allowing it in. Mind blowing concept and hilarious video " You called me a Cocoa Cola"?. On family systems there by Jerry Wise. Filled in gabs for me.
Richard I've collected my son. He's going to sleep in my car outside the hotel room I'm living in as I'm homeless. My husband threw us out, this happens every 2 to 3 months over and over again to me. My son has been sleeping rough much longer.
31:43 Fuck My cousin aunty got glassed in the face.. shattered her cheek bone and all the things Richard you are describing... orbitals. In a rage fit, he shattered my face. Broke my nose. I am lucky my orbitals remained intact
I have lived with an adult in his early sixties for four years and he is not an adult when it comes to discussion. So not all adults manage talking about making adjustments in behaviour. Obviously observing narcissistic behaviour
My dad smashed me in the face at the age of 9 for "breathing wrong" in the back of a car - it stood out of all the abuse and I have relived that moment and others 1000's of times over my life... when you're forced to live with your abuser and smile at those same kinds of people... just so as to survive, you have no choice but to become hypersensitive to danger - or die. I spent my whole life avoiding getting killed by these kinds of FAMILY members.
Richard, can you please explain, why being hostaged en being traumatized for that. On top of the other trauma’s caused you to feel being trapped in a freeze mentality. I was hostaged in 2020. My children weren’t safe at that time. And before that year I was able to start things. But now I am not capable of it anymore. Unless the fact that I do the Breathwork, I do everything I can. I feel Happy but exhausted. Can it be autism?
Fml...full bars of wifi, and more DL capacity than a PS5 game could ever want...yet still this vid is coming in 1-2 seconds at a time, with an 8-15 second buffer between. Almost like the worthy is being attempted to be made painful. But I just observe life.
WITHOUT PREDUJICE: I married into a Jewish family. My father in law was an Australian born man - to Russian Born Jews, who fled Russia, to Australia, to survive. The Jewish religion, the Jewish people have been persected by others - for centuries. And it is narcissistic abuse in the extreme, that to date, has absolutely not abated (Gaza , Israel). For whatever reason, humanity en masse still believes: You have two choices: Dish it out. OR: Receive it. Narcissism won't stop simply because of your educational vidoes. You videos turn the abuse into your dependent followers. When in fact - they have to stop the abuse coming their way - themselves. They have three choices: Put up with it. Die. Or free themselves. You cannot do it for them. You just make them dependent on you. One type of person breaks rules. Another type of person obeys rules. You have to stop obeying the rules, in everu avenue of life - to get ahead. And Richard: You do know that. There will be typos.
I've started self defense and boxing after 15 years in an abusive relationship and your advice about the confidence is superb...I feel like I'll never learn to protect myself but after hearing this I'm just gonna concentrate on the skill ....and the confidence will be the byproduct I think x
Richard thank you so much for your service to us Codependents! I’ve woke up from a 15 year marriage to a narcissistic woman and am going to stop fixating on if she is or isn’t a narcissist or just abusive. I’m working hard to take back my self and show our kids a healthier path. Thank you 🙏
Does she do reactionary abuse?
@@yellowdayz1800 yes always.
To the gentleman who asked how to stop ruminating. Perhaps you will see this and it will help. A neuroscientist taught me that ruminating thoughts produce chemicals that cascade from my brain into my body, that overtime my body develops a chemical dependence and a vicious cycle is born. I've meditated, exercised, tried focusing on other thoughts, distractions etc., but nothing helped me stop ruminating thoughts like the awareness that my brain was manufacturing a drug to feed an addiction. This awareness can stop an obsessive thought in its tracks in real time and has been a powerful, life changing, habit busting tool for me. I use it to change negative self talk into positive, loving thoughts about myself. I use it to cultivate diplomacy in my interactions with others, especially when I feel like I could fly off the handle and say regrettable things.
So bible says "hold every thought that exalts itself against the knowledge of God,captive.
Very helpful thank you
Thank you!
I agree. The endless ruination of your brain trying to figure out the conundrum ans sort the cognitive dissonance. Knock them off the pedestal you put them on. It is all smoke and mirrors,.It is all a trick, a dog and pony show, with a demented ringmaster.
THANK YOU!!!🙏 Do you mind giving a specific example? For me the ruminating fears/thoughts manifest in a physical manner. I go into fight or flight and have an anxiety surge. I will have to recheck something over and over to convince myself that I'm "ok" (I know this is classic OCD) - it's just seems like its happening subconsciously at this point. What exactly do you tell yourself in these moments?
Its amazing how wether you are young, old, rich, poor, abused or loved and protected. It comes down to your moral compass. Your free will. Most people hoard and destroy others who do not essentially worship them superficially. A few make the world a better place.
Counselors at a DV safe house were telling me I was borderline. After some time away from family and toxic people I'm just fine. Not over emotional not showing borderline traits anymore. I'm able to look objectively at even my abus, Fortress mental health on UA-cam from Grannon is a MUST. Richard's book is amazing, CULT OF ONE. Get it, read it!!!
Do you not feel crudely diagnosed? I've had a misdiagnosis and know it, (bc of 30 yrs of many psychiatrists visits due to attending clinics for therapy (and seeing the overseeing MD to make sure I was okay), so that when a new one wanted to diagnose me as having a manic episode for the 1st time at age 57, I said, "If I wasn't nearly just murdered, (literally), then it's still a stretch; and don't you think that that accounts for the 'scared to death' reaction I may appear to have? There's no mania, no wide awake, not symptomology that spoke to mania, nor bipolar, yet they'd insisted in an almost irate manner it wasn't due to my distressed, (even having had my pets murdered), state of mind?" How to find righteous counsel is very frustrating. I'm just curious--you're relating to the emo flashbacks, are you? Thank you for your comment and in advance, should you reply. [Meanwhile hold your head high! Sounds like you're doing all the right things!]
I had to get away from my family because they would annoy me so much that looking back now, was a completely crazy person. My family are good people, but toxic to my mental health. I can still get emotional when I feel like I'm being belittled, it causes my defense mechanism to spark up but nothing like I did living with family. I was diagnosed with bipolar, ADHD, ptsd, bpd and more within 1 year... Each doctor diagnosed me with something else, I ended up being a Guinea pig, I was taking 7 different meds daily at one point.
I've been off of it all for 5 years, I function as a normal working adult on the outside, but I experienced abuse 3 years ago and I've been in survival mode ever since, always confused and 2nd guessing my every move. My brain is tired, I just need a list to tell me what steps I need to do to work through this.
Good for you. I have BPD and I was nuts
This was helpful. For those of us no longer in the throws of abuse, just trying to be a normal human moving forward...the distorted perception is real. I'm going to head over to the flashback course. Thank you
I can spot a flashback and bring myself back into the present; but I think the hurt from the negative experience will be with me for the rest of my life and that I will always feel grief when I am reminded of it; that is, I will never wake up one day not feeling the sadness it brings and the moments that could have been so much better when we had them.
It feels like it's a part of the fabric of my life that I wish I could wipe out of my memory but as I say that, I realize I would have to give up also the knowledge of how resilient I have been in living through and beyond it.
I don't think I'd want to lose that part. I've learned so many valuable things about people, about mental health and how trauma is something everyone will face at some point in their lives and how they suffer and struggle with it when it goes unexamined and unresolved...how it can spew out and poison their lives and the lives of everyone around them. I grieve for the loss of decency and compassion that that disregulated person has had happen to them and caused them to mindlessly pass that misery along...it's true that hurt people hurt people. And I grieve their pain too and wonder what kind of person they would have been if they had been loved, cared for, respected and accepted...if they had been seen and appreciated when they needed it the most...it feels like such a deep loss all the way around. It helps me to have compassion and forgive them. But I can't help to think, what a terrible loss when I see the damages that such mistreatment has caused in them. My problem is that I don't want anyone to hurt.
I want people to have all that they need and be whole and happy; but life beats us up and some get it pretty badly. It feels cruel and such a waste on the human spirit.
Perfectly, perfectly said ! ❤
A wise councilor ( who I was very lucky to have encountered. Lets face it, there are many that are not only not wise, but shouldnt even be in the position and can cause more damage) said to me, " When everything is botled- up inside, and gets shook- up and released, it explodes like a bottle of soda and goes everywhere, splashing everyone and thing around, whether you wanted it too, or not." Its best to get it out either on someone you trust, or journaling on paper ( or perhaps other forms like music, art, or something else) but it must come out. I spent 5 years journaling. Eventually I was able to actually speak to that councilor, but not everything and some things never got put on paper, but I have looked at them ( probably not enough) in the depths of my soul. Many years later I came across my 5 years of ranting and expressing on paper. I took a look through it and realized I really had worked through many things that no longer plagued me; alot of that stuff was simply cobwebs to be swept away, and I through that volume of anger, rage, saddness and madness away. Sure there is always stuff, and sometimes it may stir in you, and you can look at it. process it, and it doesnt have to run you ( at least not into perpetuity). I know what you mean though. There are things that I think have accepted that are not going to be changed, but they are things I have accepted because the work it would take to fix them might take another lifetime. Namely, I decided to stay single. There is a deep place in me that will never trust enough to be intimately involved with someone. That can get kind of lonely, especially as one gets older. This world really is in a dark place. Sometimes I feel numb and was looking into that. It comes of feeling overwhelmed by feelings from things I am not confronting. I used to believe that certain types of love are uncondituonal. Not so sure I completely believe that anymore.
My body has been doing this 2 sharp breaths thing spontaneously on and off for years and when my stress levels increase- so I just thought it was a stress response thing and I must admit it worried me that I was developing a tick, but thanks Richard, that's good to know
Yeah… For the past three years, my CNS has been almost constantly in fight or flight. And finally, collapsed much of the time. I would realize after minutes, or hours that I was holding my breath, my whole body was literally clenched. Decades of trauma and neglect, plus fresh abuse from me borderline/NPD back to back, having everything ripped out from underneath me during the smear campaigns…. I am a survivor and a fighter, but there’s only so much that a human body can take.
Finally realized it was all TRAUMA!!! Stacking and building, complexifying and compounding all the fractures of my Soul. Frkn nacs
@@theoriginal7727 it's scary, yet nice to read. I "discovered" a few years back I held my breath. Trembling legs flip-flopped my life from the restless legs, everything changed... Again... Exhaustion is real. And so are my body pains.
@@theoriginal7727cancers and heart attacks with no heart disease, so I know--word for word as I read your statement, felt very well stated what I've been living. We are survivors, and it is hellaciously hard, I know. But, for whst it's worth, you'd helped a desperate woman with your words of pain and suffering tonight. Thank you so very much. Of course my gratitude for 6 years goes out towards Richard, but also for some of the community comments like yours also make a difference, and when feeling so alone, it's especially potent. Blessed be, and wishing you all the best in what you do!
The more I listen to you, the more it's resonating with me. I love your honest, calming presence.
Thank you very much.
This explains why I’m often quite tired. Have to keep moving but yes.
Thank you, as always. I am currently in a time of intentional solitude with emotional sobriety as I work through my trauma and healing. I still have connections, just very limited. Most days I spend time in growth education and self assessment mixed with some entertainment of movies or books.
Just resetting and growing following over twenty years of ebbs and flows from micro and mega abuse.
I enjoy hearing your input and perspective. Gives me things to ponder.
My life is legit suitable for a true crime doco. That’s validating.
I've often thought if I could just write it out, it would be, too!
These, our stories, really ought to be much more prevalent on mainstream media, I swear! It would help us who've suffered be allowed to talk about it, and still be accepted, despite not deserving the initial trauma, much less the societal shunning that follows the original damnation we've already been through, and so-called "survived" but folks don't want to be made aware of, much less be supportive about. I don't need pity--but some understanding of my past would be nice.
@@dollarsmum3453 yeah I’ve had several people say go to the media and write a book. It’s not over yet. So right now I’m relying on the Most High and expecting freedom and breakthrough first. These systems, cults, groups and governments are dangerous. 🙏 but the Most High is far above them.
Agreed! I’ve often thought a movie, book or tv drama! Maybe then someone could explain it to me!
We should create that somehow. I would much rather garner insight and compassion from real story. Not Netflex definition, which is it " not fiction". Did it f@unking happen or NOT to the point of lawsuits.
Same
Super interesting about the origins of the English language, thanks for that.
Yeah I get the the past present connection - have to check myself frequently, because yep, was traumatised by the psychotic hands of my father especially during late teens, then by my ex husband's, only months ago.
I'm still alive, have the deep cuts, and he's still stalking me. I'm super tired, my body aches, and I almost want to give up. Not on life, but on the hypervigilance that feels necessary in order to stay safe, but I cant give up the hypervilence yet, its keeping me safe, until my ex is deported on criminal charges. Which is exhausting..
but yeah, your spot on, still reliving it, because I'm still dealing with the fallout, the Police, data recovery, security cameras, statements etc
I'm not doing anything addictive other than watching your videos which are helping me stay grounded and validated.
I'm not drinking, not taking any drugs or over shopping etc. vaping is about the only thing l do. ( Which is not good I know)
In the meantime, yeah I'll keep checking in on myself, and check out the mental health protection Fortress course/program.
I ask myself the questions, have to, otherwise how else can I self regulate.
Living on my own, is good in the sense that I have the privacy to have those chats with myself out loud. 😅
So using meditation to ground myself. Yeah I think the exercise is key. As soon as I get a window, I'll jump in. ( Im worried Im still stuck and making excuses )
And therapy, transactional analysis sounds really positive, and yes I also get the lineage DNA passdown.
Do you have any advice for me? I miss the live sessions, I live in Australia.
HE heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds!
Psalm 147:3
The good Lord is clearly working through you Richard; I’m so grateful for your wisdom on this subject!
Yes walking,dancing,singing,movement is so crucial to our healing! I missed this live chat,will try again!
Keep healing us!!!
I like when you said” we must stay close(in touch) with our feelings; so important!
God bless us all!
Praying for all!
Richard, you are my favorite narcissism expert. But the English language was being written in the 600s. Very different from what it is now, but written and continually written over the centuries with a clear pattern of development down through Chaucer and his contemporaries, through Shakespeare, to us. The first English monarch to use English in official correspondence was Henry V, during the Hundred Years War. I could go about when, why, and by whom Latin, French, and German were used, but hopefully this is all the nerdy outburst I need to let me get over this little issue and listen to what you actually came here to say.
Carry on.
Give us more , I love it ❤
Well. George the First never learned English, and the rest of the House of Hanover kept on speaking German because they kept marrying minor royalty out of Germany and they WERE all German. When Prince Albert died, Queen Victoria lamented, "There is left now nobody who addresses me in the informal second person singular!"
@MW-bv3wu I too dig this, so thank you! I LOVE IT!
Head over to your local library and read the first chapter of Ivanhoe, wherein a swineherd and a fool have an in depth discussion of class, nationality, language, and dinner.
Yeah why Is my body torturing me with memories.
I wish brain would protect me but that is a silly thing to say.
I’m overwhelmed, thank you for this video it is helpful.
I also learned about the physiological sigh from Andrew Huberman. I’ve tested it at my doctor’s office and found that it will indeed lower your blood pressure. I now recommend it to anyone who suffers from “white coat syndrome. “.
I work in a dental office, and we often need to bring someone's NO down. I will start showing them the physiological sigh. Thanks for the idea!
Wanted to add, thank you for the breathwork part and for the patience it takes to always repeat yoursef. The Fortress Mental Health is partly responsible for the progress I have made, as well as the physicality of the work I do. It's not the gym but it's close. I also like doing the somatic stretching and shaking of the limbs.
It's coming back into the realm of friendships after so much isolation that has me feeling stuck again. But I'll get there.
So glad you're talking about emotional dysregulation. It feels like the thing that isn't spoken about. Learn yourself, accept yourself ❤. X
so helpful. I try not to watch you too much since completing the matrix course last year (it was really healing). but it's good to see you and have your support every now and then.
Thanks for making this sooo easy to watch 😂
"If it's hysterical, it's historical," that's a useful, if very oversimplified explanation taken from twelve-step programs for extreme reactions based on previous negative experiences. I'm a fan of this one.
I’m hearing exactly what I know deep down without way or perhaps courage to say or allow myself to trust those thoughts or feelings. Thank you Richard for helping me realize I have the strength and discipline to overcome what I’ve allowed myself to endure in abusive relationships (narcs) . I am for the first time in my life at a place of radical acceptance by practicing mindfulness, listening to your words and follow stoic philosophy. You save lives and at the very least your saving souls. Thank you ❤
I really like this physiological sigh.
Love that he's utilized Dr Andrew Hubberman's knowledge/training--but of course he is, bc he's only using the best of the best!
@@dollarsmum3453 he’s adorable. Very good and very professional.
Oosh sensay. It’s like you heard me out there sir. Been contemplating reversing the emotional/nerve damage of trauma. Was emotionally beaten while down already long term. Am rising again
35:55 36:12 50:04 50:17 51:00 52:02 52:41 52:57 55:24 1:29:21 1:31:26 You must be doing something right. I feel that you have healed quite a bit since the first time I listened to you back in 2020. Thank you for this presentation. Very helpful and informative. Your insight of the ENGLISH lesson alone helped me tremendously. Much to my amazement…..Time stood still as I was learning without leaving the PRESENT MOMENT. I will always remember this. Thank you Richard….💯🤍🕊️🙏🏼🕊️🤍💯
If a title ever caused me to immediately click, here we are. That is an adorable story about the 3 year old. As I'm listening to you about the past, I'm thinking if we are cut- off from our past we are rootless. R8chard, thid msy be one of the clearest, most fascinating talks I have listened to.
Thank you for taking the time to address the lashing out I’ve been witness of and for doing it in such a kind manner.
Neuroscientist, Lisa Feldman Barrett (author of How Emotions are Made) tells a story of her daughter's anxiety in a martial arts competition where she was the smallest competitor in her class. Dr Feldman recounts how the instructor coached her daughter in this threatening situation. He did not invalidate her appropriate apprehension...he told her to "get your butterflies flying in formation."
Brilliant. Dr Feldman Barrett's work on the theory of constructed emotion is a game changer.
Waow synchronicity I had an emotional flashback recently Triggered by a someone who said I was wrong because the experience of being invalidated was so strong Thank God for you Richard
Richard, I'm only 21 minutes in and I just went through this yesterday. A psychologist was online and he wanted to talk about how trauma can start before you're born. He warned that it could be triggering and I thought, nah. I've been through so much what could he possibly say? He said, if your mother didn't want you while she was pregnant and you felt it from before you were born it can mold you for the rest of your life. I lived that but, there was a disconnect between what I heard being said, how I was treated and then, how I was constantly being told that I was blessed to have my parents. I was blessed however, my mom didn't want this pregnancy because, she already had a 9-month-old. My mom had a very sensitive nervous system and she was always anxious. I know I felt that and she only weighed 105 lbs and I don't think she gained any weight with me. She had her reasons and they were valid. But, I was born full-term but, underweight. My nervous system was not completely developed. And, because she couldn't cope, I was left alone. Now, I'm a grown woman that struggles to understand the world. I really live in a frozen state. If I referred to my mom as she... I got chased down by my dad who just swatted me on the back of my head. It didn't hurt a bit and it broke my heart into a million pieces. That meant the only one I thought loved me didn't. I am so many different kinds of opposites. I can be afraid to walk to the corner alone but, if someone I love needs me, I can do the almost impossible. I can't bond to anyone because, they'll leave me eventually. Most likely by lying to me. The trust is broken and they're not real to me anymore. I have a genuine love for human beings. But, after I spend an hour with them, they trust me and I'm exhausted. I don't know how to get over all of the trauma. It would take me 6 months of sessions with a therapist just to give them my trust. When I finally grew up enough to go out in the world and I even was speaking in public, I realized that I could tell by the way people reacted to me that I have something that translated into them feeling my empathy so deeply that they bonded to me quickly. I felt that there was something different about me. And, maybe it was good. But, at the same time, I would tell you that I'm garbage. I will give away everything I have and I have done that. But, if I receive something as a gift that's a value to my heart, I'm glad but, I don't feel like I deserve it. I'm going to watch this whole video but, it's going to take me a week. You don't talk like other people because, you have insights that other people don't even go near. I was so scarred by the time I was four that in movies and photos I can see that I went into a dysphoric state. Life feels painful even when everything is good. I am tired all the time. But, it's like a soul tiredness. Thank you Richard, for sharing what you know. I feel shame just by the fact that you understand this.
I hope that I learned to enjoy the ride for at least a little while before I leave this earth. But, I don't see how. Take good care of yourself. Your knowledge is precious. 💙
Very helpful for most men, Ego is the man’s first killer
Thank you for sharing this. I appreciate your ability to make something so complicated more practical. It's super helpful!
Thank you Richard. Very informative, inspiring, entertaining. There’s hope.
Yes! It is now. It is always now. My traumatising event was in the Autumn of 1988 and lasted until Summer 1990. But it is always now. So nearly 35 years ago in time but now in the body. The feelings are as fresh and raw as all those years ago. I keep getting flashbacks. I keep returning to the triggering event. Because there is a huge lesson there. Otherwise I would have shrugged it off at the time.
Miriam Margoyles is well into her 80s and wrote in her autobiography about the bullying she experienced in Cambridge Footlights and said 'It was over 60 years ago and it STILL hurts.'
Thank you Miriam.
I still want to kill my abuser.
The power of my feelings is as fresh and raw as ever.
This video is sooo liberating; explains it so beautifully and all of it. Thanks
Thank you Richard, gave me a lot of food for thought ❤
…..and the work continues, thank you Sir 🙏🏼
Great discussion! (You answered my questions!!) Thank you! I've long felt my ancestral karma stops with me: I am here to heal the ancestral patterning.
Yes my perception is on point and messed up at the same time
Makes a lot of sense…I don’t think I’ve ever felt envy maybe brain confusion and a lot of shock
Thankyou Richard, I needed this . 🎉🎉
Just started video so awesome your doing this subject!!! Thank you!
This was *PHENOMENAL*
Thank you, thank you.
Also- at 57:00, I recently read “It Didn’t Start With You” and have felt conflicted and think about it often, so thanks for the question from that viewer!
35:51 I love the response I get when i tell my mother about things that can turn me violent to the point of murdering her in cold blood. And her reponse is just "get over it". I tell her the story about how I went to work and found out someone literaly ate the cheese off of my bread and just put my container back into the fridge so I could go to work with sliced bread with just butter between them. We happen to be standing in ikea and I saw a super cheap fridge/freezer combo. When I told my mom I will be having that thing in my room with a chain and lock on it her response was just "You ain't doing that"(The abuse has to keep going because I need access to your food and money). and "Stop living in the past it happened move on".
I understand my mother's insane and there's something wrong with her. I just don't have the capacity to go scorched earth and be alone 0 contact. I will be looking at the next year of just a non stop cycle of paying her off to leave me alone so I can have a roof above my head untill this fucked up country starts building affortable housing that isn't stolen by immigrants.
It almost made me cry to think about the physiological sigh.
Excellent. Thank you I am grateful
Loved this all so much ❤️🩹🙏💗
Thats why swimming is so soothing to me!
The answer is he turns into a flower. The universe has spoken. Just during the live I got a package from my sister from my birthday of 50 narcississ bulbs. She thought see was sending blooming flowers. Even funnier. I got the rye humor and I got what i love most about her is her wicked sense of humor, dark humor .
great demo of a nervous system regulation
Absolutely love this talk on how our traits are only maladaptive in today’s society! I have always described my condition as a tribesman stuck in a technological world.
PS Pokémon is the shit, not because it was a craze but because for me it is as iconic as Mario, half-life, call of duty, elder scrolls or any other game title. It became a craze by being the first augmented reality game that kids were into. Once the kids pick it up the rest of us have permission to as-well. The game then ages with the youngest group that picks up the title. Genius in terms of marketing… 38 and still play from time to time
And I felt massively powerless and threatened at the time and I am still enraged about it now.
Divine appointment for exponential growth.
Organizing the thoughts, in order to figure out the problem. I am experiencing this.
I take long breaths at night it really calms my anxious thoughts down as well as staying no contact from my mummy dearest 😮
Not sure what unsubscribes me from your channel; thank goodness for the emails …. Got to check them more often😅
So grateful ❤🎉
I don't have problems with envy or anger, mine is debilitating fears. I am trying very hard to overcome them. I have been told I have PTSD from childhood. Not really sure what that means but my main fears are heights, water, bridges. I haven't listened to you but a little occasionally. I had a dream about you the other night that you were my counselor of sorts coming to my house several times almost as a friend. You came the last time in my dream and I noticed I had on tattered clothing and I apologized for that to you and said you've been here many times and I've never shown you my home and I showed you the other rooms quickly but not really hurriedly, if that makes sense. You didn't act anyway in particular but we both knew it was coming, you said my next visit will be my last one. Its time to move on. I don't know why but in my dream after you left I cried my eyes out. I woke up crying. I don't know you and before the dream I had barely ever saw you online or have never thought of anything like that about you. In my dream I felt love and I thought I loved you and I actually felt love. When I awoke I felt that when I saw you online again it would mean something very important for me to hear. This was the next time I listened to what you had to say. It did mean a lot to me this time. I got a great deal from it. Thank you, but I'm not sure why I had the dream unless it was for me to really listen to you this time. Thats all I have to say about it.🤔
I had a.few good laughs. I enjoyed the cheering on to just be this human being.
I hear that a lot- that our environment is a mismatch for the caveman stress response. But the environment could change in a heartbeat: there's always a real possibility you might need to fight for your life. And some people are living in warzones right now, or are surrounded by dark personality types. No tigers, but no shortage of violent, impulsive people around. Most of them just waiting for permission to be monsters.
Also, most violence in our culture is emotional and psychological. That's especially distressing because it's deniable, their are no bruises, and there's no stress release from fleeing or fighting the enemy. You just have to learn to disassociate your way through it and tell yourself things aren't that bad. But who actually believes that anymore?🤷
NB: I write these comments in good faith. Please try to understand where I'm coming from- cause that's what I aim to do for others. Thanks.
Very well said, THANK YOU!
Thank you!
35:12..on point..Still working on making new memories.
The question I never stop asking is this: Why does suffering drive some people to empathy while it drives others to callousness? I know this is simplistic but there are so many variables and not all of them can be accounted for by genetics and nurture. I know its unfashionable to believe in free will, but I think we all have choices we can make about who we want to be. Perhaps I'm deluding myself and this is just another script written by my ancestors, but at least I comfort myself with this notion.
Learn to connect to the earth and move all ur bad feelings through ur feet to the earth....and after that learn instead of relying on people,rely on earth only for stability and for being strong ,not people.even if they are not narsisit, dont merg in anybodies world out of balance....learn that u have to had ur own stable world in any relationship
Lovely! THANK YOU FOR THAT!!
It’s used in somatic experiencing- yes very helpful . As is the Voo breath
@Irene Lyon’s programmes on healing trauma and building nervous system regulation are incredible for this kind of healing
Yes! ❤
You don’t want to make people feel like they’re hurting you for being themselves or who they are
Dr Andtew Weil's 4,7,8 breathing technique is also very helpful
There have been research studies with rats and mice indicating that transgenerational transmission of trauma manifests in offspring. However, the precise mechanisms that produce the outcomes are not yet understood.
i like how at 29 u say ur not abandoned and then abandon us
Huberman is the best!
Interesting choice of thumbnail.
Fuck. 20:50 to 21:25 just before introducing Adler .... 😮 yep. Totally am this exactly right here right now. More than 2 years of being awake 22 hrs in every 24. How TF am i still alive? Still a fully functioning human. Being. Doing. Employed. Eat well, live well, be well. Well, except for soooo many issues with blepharitis and vision changes and IBS and bags under my eyes and the willingness to keep going through this [woops pressed send and i aint done] keep going through all this as part of my continued healing... geezus... i was THAT co-dependent and empathetic and loving and kind and like a nurse that is off-duty and never really off-duty, dashed in and gave CPR to this lady suffering his abuse so tormentively and naively coz i was so captivated.... CRAPTIVATED instead is a better term
Hello Richard, this was a very interesting way to look at trauma. Have you heard of the Internal Family System form of therapy by Richard Schwartz? The heavyness of the past that you describe, that grips you in moments. He interprets this as `parts´, selfstates in us, that are frozen in time ( in the past) that get activated when something remsembles the past trauma. Different parts have different functions, roles, talents, ages and they all try to protect the system together.
to keep us same and functioning. It is a very very good model. Maybe you have time to look into it.
We can work with these parts and free them, unburden them. and heal.
Thank you for your insights and work. i apprechiate it very much.
Especially to put emphacise on the psychotic nature of the NPD person helped me to understand what happened
and how to position myself to it, frame it in hindsight and to move on.
Thank you.
Exactly, Richard gave us the coordinations for positioning, define some terms, make some new ones, sort out who's role is who's. With a map and flashlight we can get out of here. Internal boundaries, not allowing it in. Mind blowing concept and hilarious video " You called me a Cocoa Cola"?. On family systems there by Jerry Wise. Filled in gabs for me.
I think it is actually titled " Internal Boundaries" on UA-cam by Jerry Wise. If I could have only been able to do this before.
Richard I've collected my son. He's going to sleep in my car outside the hotel room I'm living in as I'm homeless. My husband threw us out, this happens every 2 to 3 months over and over again to me.
My son has been sleeping rough much longer.
I mean hotel not room.
I think I categorize people in compartments in my brain in a weird way maybe
Is there a way to view the live chat transcript when viewing this live replay? Does anyone know? Thanks :)
🌟
Is it an emotional flashback or is it the feeling of toxic shame?
❤
Does a diagnosis or treatment for abuse matter if there was definite physical abuse?
31:43
Fuck
My cousin aunty got glassed in the face.. shattered her cheek bone and all the things Richard you are describing... orbitals. In a rage fit, he shattered my face. Broke my nose. I am lucky my orbitals remained intact
Omg, you poor thing--THAT'S AWFUL!!! But, bless you for looking at the plus side! Oh, my! Be gentle with yourself, dear!
I have lived with an adult in his early sixties for four years and he is not an adult when it comes to discussion. So not all adults manage talking about making adjustments in behaviour. Obviously observing narcissistic behaviour
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
I’m more concerned people bullying each other and talking crap…wtf is that 24/7
Huberman the sociopath/psychopath who is dating five women all at the same time and committed to one. Not who I would be referencing!
47:56 emotionally violated
35:00 body keeps the score
I went off benzo's on my own, do not recommend, go through a dr
I really don’t get any of this…
22:10, 39:10, 41:20, 1:24:40
My dad smashed me in the face at the age of 9 for "breathing wrong" in the back of a car - it stood out of all the abuse and I have relived that moment and others 1000's of times over my life... when you're forced to live with your abuser and smile at those same kinds of people... just so as to survive, you have no choice but to become hypersensitive to danger - or die. I spent my whole life avoiding getting killed by these kinds of FAMILY members.
Isn’t this group bullying sometimes? I’m confused
Richard, can you please explain, why being hostaged en being traumatized for that. On top of the other trauma’s caused you to feel being trapped in a freeze mentality. I was hostaged in 2020. My children weren’t safe at that time. And before that year I was able to start things. But now I am not capable of it anymore. Unless the fact that I do the Breathwork, I do everything I can. I feel Happy but exhausted. Can it be autism?
Fml...full bars of wifi, and more DL capacity than a PS5 game could ever want...yet still this vid is coming in 1-2 seconds at a time, with an 8-15 second buffer between. Almost like the worthy is being attempted to be made painful. But I just observe life.
WITHOUT PREDUJICE: I married into a Jewish family. My father in law was an Australian born man - to Russian Born Jews, who fled Russia, to Australia, to survive. The Jewish religion, the Jewish people have been persected by others - for centuries. And it is narcissistic abuse in the extreme, that to date, has absolutely not abated (Gaza , Israel). For whatever reason, humanity en masse still believes: You have two choices: Dish it out. OR: Receive it. Narcissism won't stop simply because of your educational vidoes. You videos turn the abuse into your dependent followers. When in fact - they have to stop the abuse coming their way - themselves. They have three choices: Put up with it. Die. Or free themselves. You cannot do it for them. You just make them dependent on you. One type of person breaks rules. Another type of person obeys rules. You have to stop obeying the rules, in everu avenue of life - to get ahead. And Richard: You do know that. There will be typos.
☕️🌈
🤍
အ