Narc is in my head a lot yes but it’s a hell of a lot better than having him next to me w mood swings, rage, envy, Silent treatment I’m rid of him physically and I’ll be rid of him emotionally I have faith, I have God and I am able to heal and enjoy my life again ❤ Acceptance 🙏🏼 humility
Always felt like a weak narcissist, with a false self, that people pleases and has good intentions. Good to know that fits into codependency, now I understand myself better. Ty
I’m reminded of Jesus being tempted of the devil. At first he tries to question his identity by installing doubt about who he is. And after failing in this, the devil starts using the voice of scripture (the very same voice that had been Jesus’ response) in a manipulative manner against him. Shapeshifter is a perfect term to describe the manipulation! Good rule of thumb…everything you are learning for your good will be used against you for your detriment! Amazing!
I've been very scared of a few people in my life, not the least of which was my father. But also including my sister and brother. Indifference to my exsistance at the best of times, wanting me dead often enough for me.
The first 10 minutes were so overwhelming for me I had to stop reflect and write this . Never in my life have I heard something that is so true. It makes perfect sense. I’m hopeful again! 😊
35mins: totally what i needed to hear. My whole life with my mother living in my head with her voice telling me I'm worthless. It's an F'ing relief to know I can finally do something to increase my wellbeing and quality of life 🙏
What I don’t understand is how do you go back to the voice from before the narcissist if the narcissist is a parent who has been in your life since the beginning? Any ideas?!?
@@roisinlonergan8352 Perhaps the best we can do, to develop a sense of your own identity in such circumstances, is to learn to closely monitor ones thoughts, behaviours, inner voices, relationship behaviours, and measure them against firm self respect and boundaries ( Sam Vaknins video " Take back your Life" gives wonderful examples and the last 10 minutes, every person should hear. ) Challenge and reject the thoughts that tear you down, welcome those that are loving guidance. Build on your skills, back yourself, lead by example, appreciate the simple gifts you do have in life, never take them for granted, value them. ❤
I've watched this three times now.. Over periods of time.. The way that the Narcissist love bombs at the first of the relationship, does create an narcissistic supply for a codependent. Finally feel seen, understood, and valued. Even maybe special
After a thirty year marriage with a narc, I’ve come to realize I don’t really know what my own dreams and aspirations are. I’ve been questioning so many of my beliefs that I’d naively accepted. It’s a feeling of being lost, but this gives me profound hope that I can find myself again. I had an epiphany, when I find I have resistance to what “the collective” (society, culture, religious institutions,etc) says; in once being afraid to be disagreeable and instead being overly accommodating and compliant, could instead mean I’m starting to find my own individuality/autonomy…my own voice and beliefs. So this uneasiness is likely part of the healing process.
Wow! Mind blowing 🤯. This has been the most helpful explanation of the long term effects of narcissistic abuse I have heard. I've been trying to figure out wtf went on, feeling guilty, stupid and hopeless. Thank you both so much 🙏
I am going to hand over my dead insides to you. In one year I went from happy, successful, independent and self sufficient (or so I thought) to anxious, dependent and unworthy. This makes so much sense! He wanted to take everything I had and he will never be what I was and will be again!
I've watched numerous videos on narcissism. What stood out for me in this interview was the importance of the distinction between of the active and passive voice for the healing process. The info you shared is of help to me and many others. Thank you!
wow. the narcissist is trying to harm herself...the parts of herself projected onto the partner. wow. this helps me understand so much. the hateful words and betraying behavior. wow. not personal at all.
Codependency, narcissism, borderline, etc. all seem like different variations on adaptation to complex trauma and probably temperament differences. This is such an interesting subject. Thanks for your work.
@@leahflower9924 not really, cptsd and personality disorders have a much different reception from the public. I imagine cptsd has way more compassion than npd or aspd...
It's so evil it's comical, but it's dead serious! Thank God for Sam. This is most empowering. Thank you for this insight. It's certainly life-changing.
Villains!!🤣 No, seriously, wow. This is the most in-depth conversation about my issues I’ve ever heard and I recognize myself in it at every turn. Thanks for the advice. Wish me luck. Good luck to us all. 😊
1:05:05 omg this is insaneeeee. My narc ex used to Always tell me "jokingly" after we break up and he comes for a hoover that: "the only time im gonna feel relieved and at peace is if you die". That was strange to me, i could never understand what he meant. But now it all makes sense
The narcissist wants you dead. He pushed me so hard I cracked my rib because I moved on and went on a date while having a relationship of his own. They WANT YOU DEAD. RUN.
Very very important video. Children should be always discussed too. I experienced all these since childhood with my mom. So i cannot say "going back to myself before her".
This makes so much sense.. No wonder why it took so long but I feel after 3 years I am fully healed but still watching these videos for validation after I run into the narc and his family in my small home town 😂
“It’s a Jewish thing to divide things into two parts. Unless we can divide it into three parts”- Sam delivers these things so deadpan that it’s easy to miss how funny he can be!
This explains everything... Thank you so much for this. I've spent the last 7 years trying to heal not knowing I've been colonized since childhood by mom, then recolonized by my multiple exes. No wonder there have been times I've felt like an ex, like I was experiencing reality through their eyes and perceptions and it made me feel so messed up.
I came to this same conclusion that the narcissist will always reject me because he has to. That this is a way of attempting to resolve his childhood trauma and that i have a choice to leave this because it will always be bad and just get worse. He doesnt see me as a person im just a stand in for his mother.
John Bradshaw: Healing the shame that binds you. He also says that shame based identities develop as false selves. Flipping from 'better than human' to 'less than human' and experiencing shame sprials when mortified. I am attracted to narcissistic types and only just realised why.
It's true I either feel more unique and special than other people or I feel like I'm so worthless I shouldn't even be considered the same species as "good people"
@@leahflower9924 I have recently realised I have a narcissistic injury, in the sense that my inherent worth was crushed as a child. I also swing from feeling special and then worthless, but not all the time, only in certain environments, when I'm triggered. I think the narcissistic relationship is usually between 2 people with narcissistic injuries but one is (usually) unable to self reflect and the other does way too much = codependency. It's an inevitably painful combination. This is made worse by the vilification of narcissists on-line, because people who have narcissistic injuries, who are capable of healing, hear that everyone thinks narcissists are 'evil' so deny and reject those wounds in themselves, and remain in victimhood. But the healing is in the turning towards our similarities. Only then can we stop getting ourselves into dynamics with the darker side of the coin! Jordan peterson says something about getting to know your inner psychopath, not to use it, but in order to protect yourself from those who want to harm you!
Yes, in much agreement with you about codependency being a type of narcissism at about 17 mins. I am not surprised a codependent such as the one you mentioned denies the link, they are ego dystonic in that respect. Their ‘do gooder’ self image prevents them from seeing their true self serving agenda. There are many ‘proud codependents’ who humbly brag about their being used, victimized etc.
Thank you for this conversation! This just reinforced what I've already learned about this subject. I could write about my own esperiences and thoughts in length, but it's such a long story that I can't really express them coherently in one comment. I wish I could have a long conversation or series of conversations with both of you. Thank you for the work you're doing!
This is so incredibly good, and, as a codependent, I wholeheartedly agree with his take. I just refuse to believe I can’t heal from these dynamics. Hypnosis, meditation, brain-retraining. There has to be a way to rewire all this in the subconscious mind. Maybe harder to do for a narcissist, because they are extremely rigid, and maybe not for a psychopath, because there’s actual physiological brain abnormalities there, but not for others.
Always felt the envy, the strange feelings - my empathy failed me with this relationship, I had to truly understand the stages of idealization, devaluation and discard to allow my heart to understand and share what my brain did - Leave, there will never be any change other than my own - begin your life ❤
I appreciate this conversation a lot. Def helps me with some misunderstandings on my part about what separation/individuation was and is. Will need to clarify that with some support I shared my thoughts with. Let them know I had some concepts wrong. I want to do it right, I want to heal. I want to be open to being wrong and getting it right. Thank you.
Honestly I am still confused about how to individuate. In my case, the narc husband helped me see the narcs/psychopath in my family. If I was programmed with a narc’s introject from the beginning, how do I get back to my true self? This video has opened my eyes! It’s just a start though. Now what
This has a bunch of truth in it, excellent discussion. The ways you framed several of these ideas made me see several things in new ways. One of those things was about other abuse being ultimately a form of self abuse, which is the part I came up with as my own conclusion. The part about existence, though, is not one I was seeing, but it makes complete sense.
It looks to me like a narcissist can push you to wake up and realize how easily manipulated and influenced you are by the society. How you forgot who you really are and your true voice was silenced by other people's voices. He/she can show you how codependent you actually are. Awareness is the first step to change. In a way I am grateful that I had a narcissist in my life who abused me emotionally. This experience led me to any realizations and it's still going.
but we need to get a strong moral character and stand firm. don't allow our selfs to become their immoral character. choose good, kind, self controlled.
Am i correct in understanding that when a codependent person meets a narcissistic individual, the process Sam describes as " subsuming " or "colonising" occurs. Is that all those times when the then codependent accepts the shared fantasy as real, and thus replaces their own values and opinions and thoughts with that of the other person?
for me this explains though that i am thinking of why the conversation i thought i wasn't talking the personality hijacked my voice thank you for the video
omg the silence voice thing iv been experiencing the past few days i hav recognized im not negatively talking out laude anymore or letting anger out on him
In this case i haven't become a narcissist at the end because I got no pleasure from ending it. I do know it all was not right. I suffer and I accept I'm weak. It's going to get better i hope.
1:06:56 I understand this intellectually but I can't quite grasp it as true. If narcissist wants individuation and it happens on death of partner, why do they rush into a new relationship? I felt totally replaced even when I was the one who filed for a divorce.
Holy crap! Understanding that the goals of narcissist and codependent are the same and the only difference is the method/the way of reaching a goal is different- can really move you towards the first step of healing: humility/being humble…
How about: A Codependent-Victim, is merely a broken, fragile, weak incomplete Narcissist on the inside, unable to create the protected shared fantasy space by themselves because of their weak egoic construct, requiring the interaction of another. The resulting exposed vulnerability enables/advertises themselves to become a Narcissist magnet.
5months of madness with covert narcissist and my body was in so much stress. Nearly non stop flught or fight response. They ll provoke arguments, fights. Im sleeping now nearly all the time. Body calming down. Its crazy you have to fight with them just to survive. Thats not relationship, tgats relationshit!!
If before healing from a narcissistic relationship someone goes through another one, do they have to heal the mind controls one by one? or do you try to heal from all of them at once but it takes more time?
I Think the first one is the one you actually heal from… all the others are just your mind repeating the “original play”… so you only heal once… as if that aint hard enough 😅
I'd like to hear more on narcissist son-in-law abuse against against mother-in-law and isolation of daughter and grandkids from daughter's family. I'd like to hear more about that process of dynamics. From all I've seen and learned I can predict her future. I'm in shock at the predictability of all I've been through so far. Im devastated, and concerned for my daughter's future. It's like the predictability is showing what lies in her future. He is a high level fragile narcissist. I see him taking her house and turning her kids against her. And I see all the amunition she is nievely giving him. And I see her appearing frazzled at everything she will go through, and him being cool and blaming her, and making her look bad in any legal preceedings she will likely encounter. Or even just turning the kids against her. She won't hear me out. And I have suggestions she needs to protect herself with. She is headed for horror.
My daughters mate told me he wished I would die right now, and followed it with "make me happy." In other words, he wanted me to commit suicide. Along with a raging delight of me losing 1/4 of my family, dieing alone etc. He said I never did anything good, regardless of all I did, and five years of eggshells I walked on. He is even potentially dangerous. I'm devastated. I thought we could heal him with love and respect. Now I know better. I wish I understood this over last five years.
I wish I could have an advice to give but I know how hard is to try making someone else's open their eyes and break the trauma bond. I guess what you could do is save money, take good care of yourself so you are ready to help them whenever you can since most times the victims need to hit bottom to ask for help or somehow confront reality. In case you can't help them, don't blame yourselves: no one can change no one. We are not gods. God bless us all.
@leahflower9924 I just listened to a group making parents alienating an awareness. Though I'm not in a divorce situation, I raised my granddaughter the first six years, and have taken her a lot the last five. So everything about it fits me and my poor, confused granddaughter, just not legally. May God comfort you in this. I hope they return, and I sorrow for your years lost. I'll get the link.
@leahflower9924 All three of these are on parent alienation ua-cam.com/video/c6R1kUaoPlk/v-deo.html ua-cam.com/video/9adWOSh1FJs/v-deo.html ua-cam.com/video/brNuwQNN3q4/v-deo.html
After relationships with a narcissist I became a narcissist. I dumped him😅. Ty for an explanation. But I don't want to loose some traits. That's strange
Is it that the satisfaction to see the other dead due to the deep self hate and shame within themselves, which is projected onto the other in order to fulfill their desires for death?
Hmmm who is making decisions to do this work n getting out from that vortex. If someone concisely decides healing n getting out thar mean there is a conscious level that is not affected by narcissistic people. They normally live in together environments
I believe the codependent keeps the core of self within although in some way buried but still alive. I see the healing process like taking all the ruble, layers of dirt out. Like getting people stuck or buried out of a building collapse after an earthquake...well, that's my hope. Take care❤
@@Lyrielonwind yes. Thank you for answer n your comment. I am after 10 month of healing/ working on myself hard. healing like from drugs. I feel alive. I feel less affected by voices in my head. I recognise my self more n more n more... Co-dependency is a program. I got some first win over a life situation which ive been tested... I am more n more happy everyday . I feel thankful for everyday. Still need education myself. I'm still in shock . . . You take care too
@@sophiebazgier9596 I'm doing the same; shutting up my mother's voice and trying to rewired my brain. Inner child work, self care...it's a long journey but we deserve the love we didn't receive and now we need to teach ourselves self love, self care... Wishing you the best to come 💖
They are a disease and they are contagious, I have 5 of them or maybe 5 NPD lite versions in my family - not a single real conversation ever with them.
I wrote some replies. I'm not feeling well (hand injured) and in physical pain. Let me try: What's the best approach to get the infected part of the inner critic (caring for that healthy inner critic developed by your own conciousness or Self) out of your system? Could EMDR help? In case it could, how could it be stated or directed for individuation or just removing it?
Thumbs up if you're healing 👍
Narc is in my head a lot yes but it’s a hell of a lot better than having him next to me w mood swings, rage, envy,
Silent treatment
I’m rid of him physically and I’ll be rid of him emotionally
I have faith, I have God and I am able to heal and enjoy my life again ❤
Acceptance 🙏🏼 humility
Always felt like a weak narcissist, with a false self, that people pleases and has good intentions. Good to know that fits into codependency, now I understand myself better. Ty
I’m reminded of Jesus being tempted of the devil. At first he tries to question his identity by installing doubt about who he is. And after failing in this, the devil starts using the voice of scripture (the very same voice that had been Jesus’ response) in a manipulative manner against him. Shapeshifter is a perfect term to describe the manipulation! Good rule of thumb…everything you are learning for your good will be used against you for your detriment! Amazing!
.. and like, the snake in the garden, was really saying. . ' are you sure, you're ' enough ' ? ♥️ . . .
This was wild. And when you think their trying to kill you They Are!
I've been very scared of a few people in my life, not the least of which was my father. But also including my sister and brother. Indifference to my exsistance at the best of times, wanting me dead often enough for me.
The first 10 minutes were so overwhelming for me I had to stop reflect and write this . Never in my life have I heard something that is so true. It makes perfect sense.
I’m hopeful again! 😊
35mins: totally what i needed to hear. My whole life with my mother living in my head with her voice telling me I'm worthless. It's an F'ing relief to know I can finally do something to increase my wellbeing and quality of life 🙏
What I don’t understand is how do you go back to the voice from before the narcissist if the narcissist is a parent who has been in your life since the beginning? Any ideas?!?
@@roisinlonergan8352 Perhaps the best we can do, to develop a sense of your own identity in such circumstances, is to learn to closely monitor ones thoughts, behaviours, inner voices, relationship behaviours, and measure them against firm self respect and boundaries ( Sam Vaknins video " Take back your Life" gives wonderful examples and the last 10 minutes, every person should hear. )
Challenge and reject the thoughts that tear you down, welcome those that are loving guidance. Build on your skills, back yourself, lead by example, appreciate the simple gifts you do have in life, never take them for granted, value them. ❤
I've watched this three times now.. Over periods of time.. The way that the Narcissist love bombs at the first of the relationship, does create an narcissistic supply for a codependent. Finally feel seen, understood, and valued. Even maybe special
After a thirty year marriage with a narc, I’ve come to realize I don’t really know what my own dreams and aspirations are. I’ve been questioning so many of my beliefs that I’d naively accepted. It’s a feeling of being lost, but this gives me profound hope that I can find myself again. I had an epiphany, when I find I have resistance to what “the collective” (society, culture, religious institutions,etc) says; in once being afraid to be disagreeable and instead being overly accommodating and compliant, could instead mean I’m starting to find my own individuality/autonomy…my own voice and beliefs. So this uneasiness is likely part of the healing process.
I was just thinking the other day that i do not have any goals except my garden…. You are not alone.
Wow! Mind blowing 🤯. This has been the most helpful explanation of the long term effects of narcissistic abuse I have heard. I've been trying to figure out wtf went on, feeling guilty, stupid and hopeless. Thank you both so much 🙏
I feel these 2 guys rescued somewhat my future. Very valuable explanation to work with!
I am going to hand over my dead insides to you. In one year I went from happy, successful, independent and self sufficient (or so I thought) to anxious, dependent and unworthy. This makes so much sense! He wanted to take everything I had and he will never be what I was and will be again!
I've watched numerous videos on narcissism. What stood out for me in this interview was the importance of the distinction between of the active and passive voice for the healing process. The info you shared is of help to me and many others. Thank you!
wow. the narcissist is trying to harm herself...the parts of herself projected onto the partner. wow. this helps me understand so much. the hateful words and betraying behavior. wow. not personal at all.
Codependency, narcissism, borderline, etc. all seem like different variations on adaptation to complex trauma and probably temperament differences. This is such an interesting subject. Thanks for your work.
Yes, and cptsd
Even though their relationship ended I wish they had more videos together Richard is pretty good at getting interesting info out of Sam
@@CB19087 that's a given at this point
@@leahflower9924 not really, cptsd and personality disorders have a much different reception from the public. I imagine cptsd has way more compassion than npd or aspd...
Narcissistic personality can be also the result of "giving it all to a child". I think is also called "the emperor's syndrome".
The chemistry between you two is off the charts. Absolutely loved it!
It's so evil it's comical, but it's dead serious! Thank God for Sam. This is most empowering. Thank you for this insight. It's certainly life-changing.
Villains!!🤣 No, seriously, wow. This is the most in-depth conversation about my issues I’ve ever heard and I recognize myself in it at every turn. Thanks for the advice. Wish me luck. Good luck to us all. 😊
So, you’ve basically been arrested and have the right to remain silent. Anything you say….. y’all know the rest.
Damn. This makes so much sense now
1:05:05 omg this is insaneeeee.
My narc ex used to Always tell me "jokingly" after we break up and he comes for a hoover that: "the only time im gonna feel relieved and at peace is if you die".
That was strange to me, i could never understand what he meant. But now it all makes sense
Possibly the most insightful and practically helpful video on the subject that I've ever seen. Has truly changed my life.
The narcissist wants you dead. He pushed me so hard I cracked my rib because I moved on and went on a date while having a relationship of his own. They WANT YOU DEAD. RUN.
Very very important video. Children should be always discussed too. I experienced all these since childhood with my mom. So i cannot say "going back to myself before her".
I feel you. Same here. There is nobody/nothing I can go back to.
This makes so much sense.. No wonder why it took so long but I feel after 3 years I am fully healed but still watching these videos for validation after I run into the narc and his family in my small home town 😂
so true. little by little, choice by choice, we create our self as not them. not oppositional but independent.
"When it all came crashing down, he'd turned me into him.
He filled me up with emptiness."
I'm gonna use this thought for a poem on my ig page
This conversation is deeply informative, thank you. Transformative, too.
“It’s a Jewish thing to divide things into two parts. Unless we can divide it into three parts”- Sam delivers these things so deadpan that it’s easy to miss how funny he can be!
Vaknin is a genius (I may be idealizing him). This was very interesting and gave me a lot of insight.
This explains everything...
Thank you so much for this. I've spent the last 7 years trying to heal not knowing I've been colonized since childhood by mom, then recolonized by my multiple exes. No wonder there have been times I've felt like an ex, like I was experiencing reality through their eyes and perceptions and it made me feel so messed up.
I came to this same conclusion that the narcissist will always reject me because he has to. That this is a way of attempting to resolve his childhood trauma and that i have a choice to leave this because it will always be bad and just get worse. He doesnt see me as a person im just a stand in for his mother.
John Bradshaw: Healing the shame that binds you. He also says that shame based identities develop as false selves. Flipping from 'better than human' to 'less than human' and experiencing shame sprials when mortified. I am attracted to narcissistic types and only just realised why.
It's true I either feel more unique and special than other people or I feel like I'm so worthless I shouldn't even be considered the same species as "good people"
@@leahflower9924 I have recently realised I have a narcissistic injury, in the sense that my inherent worth was crushed as a child. I also swing from feeling special and then worthless, but not all the time, only in certain environments, when I'm triggered. I think the narcissistic relationship is usually between 2 people with narcissistic injuries but one is (usually) unable to self reflect and the other does way too much = codependency. It's an inevitably painful combination. This is made worse by the vilification of narcissists on-line, because people who have narcissistic injuries, who are capable of healing, hear that everyone thinks narcissists are 'evil' so deny and reject those wounds in themselves, and remain in victimhood. But the healing is in the turning towards our similarities. Only then can we stop getting ourselves into dynamics with the darker side of the coin! Jordan peterson says something about getting to know your inner psychopath, not to use it, but in order to protect yourself from those who want to harm you!
Yes, in much agreement with you about codependency being a type of narcissism at about 17 mins. I am not surprised a codependent such as the one you mentioned denies the link, they are ego dystonic in that respect. Their ‘do gooder’ self image prevents them from seeing their true self serving agenda. There are many ‘proud codependents’ who humbly brag about their being used, victimized etc.
55 long years ago I think there was someone else, other then a narcissist in my head... no clue who it was.
How did you heal?
Thank you for this conversation! This just reinforced what I've already learned about this subject. I could write about my own esperiences and thoughts in length, but it's such a long story that I can't really express them coherently in one comment. I wish I could have a long conversation or series of conversations with both of you. Thank you for the work you're doing!
This is so incredibly good, and, as a codependent, I wholeheartedly agree with his take. I just refuse to believe I can’t heal from these dynamics. Hypnosis, meditation, brain-retraining. There has to be a way to rewire all this in the subconscious mind. Maybe harder to do for a narcissist, because they are extremely rigid, and maybe not for a psychopath, because there’s actual physiological brain abnormalities there, but not for others.
Brilliant video. But I still believe in my awareness, which gives me the strength to heal myself
Always felt the envy, the strange feelings - my empathy failed me with this relationship, I had to truly understand the stages of idealization, devaluation and discard to allow my heart to understand and share what my brain did -
Leave, there will never be any change other than my own - begin your life ❤
WoW! Amazing conversation! So insightfull. Thank you!
I thought I might kill myself. It was terrifying that I even thought about it
I appreciate this conversation a lot. Def helps me with some misunderstandings on my part about what separation/individuation was and is. Will need to clarify that with some support I shared my thoughts with. Let them know I had some concepts wrong. I want to do it right, I want to heal. I want to be open to being wrong and getting it right. Thank you.
Honestly I am still confused about how to individuate. In my case, the narc husband helped me see the narcs/psychopath in my family. If I was programmed with a narc’s introject from the beginning, how do I get back to my true self?
This video has opened my eyes! It’s just a start though. Now what
Watch the recovery and healing playlist on my main channel.
1:14:46 1:14:46
I can’t even swallow this
This has a bunch of truth in it, excellent discussion. The ways you framed several of these ideas made me see several things in new ways.
One of those things was about other abuse being ultimately a form of self abuse, which is the part I came up with as my own conclusion. The part about existence, though, is not one I was seeing, but it makes complete sense.
My understanding is that the Bible says God's voice is a still small voice.
Yeah, like z whisper . .
Thank you, gentlemen. ❤
It looks to me like a narcissist can push you to wake up and realize how easily manipulated and influenced you are by the society. How you forgot who you really are and your true voice was silenced by other people's voices. He/she can show you how codependent you actually are. Awareness is the first step to change. In a way I am grateful that I had a narcissist in my life who abused me emotionally. This experience led me to any realizations and it's still going.
I was actually thinking about isolating, i need time to myself...
Thank you two! Wild!!
Detachment is the key....
This is peace-giving & exciting!!
I has to listen to this two times . One of the best explanations i have ever heard !
I'm here 4th timem..untillllll my body and mind is clear that we are one entity and there is no invador
This changed my perspective on so much...I have to watch it again a few times. So much food for thought. Genuinely, thank you.
I agree. There are a lot to information to chew and if English is not your native language and you have brain fog, it's even more complicated 😅
I'm watching it for the second time
Thank you very much for this valuable information
what about people that had narcissistic parents?
You have heard both of them; each of them were hurted by their respective parents.
but we need to get a strong moral character and stand firm. don't allow our selfs to become their immoral character. choose good, kind, self controlled.
"Using the correct map." What an empowering phrase.
Am i correct in understanding that when a codependent person meets a narcissistic individual, the process Sam describes as " subsuming " or "colonising" occurs. Is that all those times when the then codependent accepts the shared fantasy as real, and thus replaces their own values and opinions and thoughts with that of the other person?
Watch the shared fantasy and the NA healing playlists on my UA-cam channel.
for me this explains though that i am thinking of why the conversation i thought i wasn't talking the personality hijacked my voice thank you for the video
Amazing! This video just changed a lot of things i thought about wrongly
Thank you Sam 🙌🏻
omg the silence voice thing iv been experiencing the past few days i hav recognized im not negatively talking out laude anymore or letting anger out on him
In this case i haven't become a narcissist at the end because I got no pleasure from ending it. I do know it all was not right. I suffer and I accept I'm weak. It's going to get better i hope.
1:06:56 I understand this intellectually but I can't quite grasp it as true. If narcissist wants individuation and it happens on death of partner, why do they rush into a new relationship? I felt totally replaced even when I was the one who filed for a divorce.
Search my main channel for "hoover".
Wow! This makes so much sense.
Wow this is amazing.
Holy crap! Understanding that the goals of narcissist and codependent are the same and the only difference is the method/the way of reaching a goal is different- can really move you towards the first step of healing: humility/being humble…
How about: A Codependent-Victim, is merely a broken, fragile, weak incomplete Narcissist on the inside, unable to create the protected shared fantasy space by themselves because of their weak egoic construct, requiring the interaction of another. The resulting exposed vulnerability enables/advertises themselves to become a Narcissist magnet.
5months of madness with covert narcissist and my body was in so much stress. Nearly non stop flught or fight response. They ll provoke arguments, fights. Im sleeping now nearly all the time. Body calming down. Its crazy you have to fight with them just to survive. Thats not relationship, tgats relationshit!!
If before healing from a narcissistic relationship someone goes through another one, do they have to heal the mind controls one by one? or do you try to heal from all of them at once but it takes more time?
I Think the first one is the one you actually heal from… all the others are just your mind repeating the “original play”… so you only heal once… as if that aint hard enough 😅
I'd like to hear more on narcissist son-in-law abuse against against mother-in-law and isolation of daughter and grandkids from daughter's family.
I'd like to hear more about that process of dynamics.
From all I've seen and learned I can predict her future. I'm in shock at the predictability of all I've been through so far.
Im devastated, and concerned for my daughter's future. It's like the predictability is showing what lies in her future.
He is a high level fragile narcissist.
I see him taking her house and turning her kids against her.
And I see all the amunition she is nievely giving him. And I see her appearing frazzled at everything she will go through, and him being cool and blaming her, and making her look bad in any legal preceedings she will likely encounter. Or even just turning the kids against her.
She won't hear me out. And I have suggestions she needs to protect herself with. She is headed for horror.
My daughters mate told me he wished I would die right now, and followed it with "make me happy."
In other words, he wanted me to commit suicide. Along with a raging delight of me losing 1/4 of my family, dieing alone etc.
He said I never did anything good, regardless of all I did, and five years of eggshells I walked on.
He is even potentially dangerous.
I'm devastated. I thought we could heal him with love and respect.
Now I know better.
I wish I understood this over last five years.
I wish I could have an advice to give but I know how hard is to try making someone else's open their eyes and break the trauma bond.
I guess what you could do is save money, take good care of yourself so you are ready to help them whenever you can since most times the victims need to hit bottom to ask for help or somehow confront reality. In case you can't help them, don't blame yourselves: no one can change no one. We are not gods.
God bless us all.
She's been hijacked by a narc and she has kids so she's scared out of her mind I'm in the same situation I have two kids with estranged narc husband
@leahflower9924
I just listened to a group making parents alienating an awareness. Though I'm not in a divorce situation, I raised my granddaughter the first six years, and have taken her a lot the last five. So everything about it fits me and my poor, confused granddaughter, just not legally. May God comfort you in this.
I hope they return, and I sorrow for your years lost.
I'll get the link.
@leahflower9924
All three of these are on parent alienation
ua-cam.com/video/c6R1kUaoPlk/v-deo.html
ua-cam.com/video/9adWOSh1FJs/v-deo.html
ua-cam.com/video/brNuwQNN3q4/v-deo.html
given that codependency is a mirror of narcissism is it also impossible for the codependent to recover?
The prognosis for Dependent Personality Disorder in treatment is good.
@@nothingnessnonarcissism thank you.
After relationships with a narcissist I became a narcissist. I dumped him😅. Ty for an explanation. But I don't want to loose some traits. That's strange
The narcissist is here, they are there, they are everywhere! - whoops
They are even in your underwear!
Is it that the satisfaction to see the other dead due to the deep self hate and shame within themselves, which is projected onto the other in order to fulfill their desires for death?
Amazing
Is there some type of methods to use to silence the introject? Like steps and exercises etc..?
Watch the Narcissistic Abuse Healing playlist on my main channel.
Encourage the passive voice - take monologues of the past - one day at a time to bring you back ❤to
Self styled Richard grannon interviews a professor haha
Is this the birds and the bees for adults??
hahahahaha sensacional!!! Love Prof Vaknin
Hmmm who is making decisions to do this work n getting out from that vortex. If someone concisely decides healing n getting out thar mean there is a conscious level that is not affected by narcissistic people. They normally live in together environments
I believe the codependent keeps the core of self within although in some way buried but still alive. I see the healing process like taking all the ruble, layers of dirt out. Like getting people stuck or buried out of a building collapse after an earthquake...well, that's my hope.
Take care❤
@@Lyrielonwind yes. Thank you for answer n your comment. I am after 10 month of healing/ working on myself hard. healing like from drugs. I feel alive. I feel less affected by voices in my head. I recognise my self more n more n more... Co-dependency is a program. I got some first win over a life situation which ive been tested... I am more n more happy everyday . I feel thankful for everyday. Still need education myself. I'm still in shock . . . You take care too
@@sophiebazgier9596
I'm doing the same; shutting up my mother's voice and trying to rewired my brain. Inner child work, self care...it's a long journey but we deserve the love we didn't receive and now we need to teach ourselves self love, self care...
Wishing you the best to come 💖
@@Lyrielonwind wishing you all all best as well!!! happy that we got good tools now, imagine stuck in that kinda of life forever...
@@sophiebazgier9596
Yes. We have more tools than our female ancestors for sure.
Take care ❤️🩹
How does a grown adult child individuate from a mother @professor
Cannot be done without the help of therapy.
They are a disease and they are contagious, I have 5 of them or maybe 5 NPD lite versions in my family - not a single real conversation ever with them.
Maybe it’s just me but in my case after so many years isn’t it a bit natural to take on your partners traits to a certain extent
Yes, hence why you should avoid narcissists. One rotten apple can spoil the whole bunch…
The closest representation I have seen of what it feels like is the movie Don't Worry Darling.
Its confusing to me what i used to say about myself and the narcissts voice.
Only ten comments?
I wrote some replies. I'm not feeling well (hand injured) and in physical pain. Let me try:
What's the best approach to get the infected part of the inner critic (caring for that healthy inner critic developed by your own conciousness or Self) out of your system?
Could EMDR help? In case it could, how could it be stated or directed for individuation or just removing it?
Is there any healthy normal people outhere?
Isn't the active voice the Superego voice?
No.
that s good stuff. everyone and their dog is a victim . .
Wow
Wauw
He litteraly told me: i having pain, so you having pain
So I really have to watch my back because he wants to kill me and not only saying this 😮
I concur