How To Spot A Dismissive Avoidant Attachment Style: 12 Traits
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- Опубліковано 11 сер 2023
- Understanding the attachment style of a loved one or your own attachment style is pivotal in navigating your relationships! Different attachment styles have different subconscious beliefs about how to handle so many things in relationships, especially romantic relationships, from everyday interactions such as the frequency of texting in the dating stage of a relationship to handling and moving past conflict. If you suspect that a loved one is a dismissive avoidant, or that maybe you are a dismissive avoidant, I discuss twelve common traits found in dismissive avoidant attachment style to help you figure it out!
1. Slow to warm up
2. Low level anxiety
3. Regular emotional states of annoyance, impatience, and frustration
4. Smaller emotional bandwidth than other emotional styles
5. A lack of presence
6. They avoid conflict
7. They need time to decompress and space to themselves
8. They highly value their privacy (not secrecy, i.e. intentionally hiding something you think would upset your partner)
9. "I am defective/there is something wrong with me" core wound, which results in shame and fear of judgement
10. They often enjoy getting lost in other worlds (books, shows, art, etc.). The mind gets needs met in the way that feels the best, which is what's safe.
11. Sensitive to criticism (many DA's have the love language of Words of Affirmation)
12. They do not respond well to intense displays of emotion
The first time I dated an avoidant, I thought they were a little autistic was super confused at certain behaviours.
Yup. My ex was exactly like this. Never again lol
Well done. I think DAs tend to struggle with even listening through a description of DA because it sounds to them like a stream of criticism.
As an anxious, studying my style is emancipating, even though it is embarrassing (and kinda humorous) at times.
At year 38, my DA said, "i dont want to have sex anymore. Well, I think we should separate. Actually,I want a divorce. I'll explain soon." That took 5 minutes. Almost 3 years into a very amicable divorce, an explanation has not yet occurred, nor do I need one.
I'm on the DA spectrum, most likely. After a lot of work I've learned to tame the anxiety, but still am prone to irritability over small things. Meditation has helped with presence. I used to have imposter syndrome but got over it. I guess what I'm trying to say is: It's not unwinnable to be a DA, you just have to really look at yourself honestly and work on yourself, and find what motivates you, truly.
Good for you for putting in the work! I have also found meditation to be excellent for presence. You are absolutely right. The main ingredient for every attachment style is to want to put in the work!
I love the way you did this in a, factual, dry, respectful way. Good luck with your channel - keep it going!!
Agreed
Just lost my nine year relationship with a DA… I had no idea about attachment styles before the breakup. Now I understand much better why she distanced from me and why even a slightly raised voice came across as yelling at her.
I hope it’s not too late to adjust my behaviors.
You can be considerate of a DAs needs, but to make a relationship work, you should not have to adjust your behaviours at the expense of your own needs.
A successful relationship requires BOTH parties to work on it...the difficult thing with DAs is that their fears are often so deep and subconscious that they don't think their behaviours in the relationship are the problem and that it is just there partner who is at fault 😢
Good luck!
Number 9 is a big one for me. I received a lot of shame based programming in childhood, that still haunts me today. Thanks for your presentation.
Trait #3 is a little-talked-about trait, but explains a lot about my partners micro mood changes that make it difficult for me, someone with an anxious attachment style to find stability. Thank you for sharing such a nuanced information.
You are so very welcome! I will be posting future videos specifically regarding the anxious-avoidant relationship! I'm glad this video was a help!
@@CoachSarahNicoleBcan’t wait… literally! 😊
I thought this was just my personality.
I was in relationship with a DA without knowing they have this attachment style. I learned a lot.
I'm really happy to hear this content was helpful!:-)
Very helpful and enlightening. Especially learning words of affirmation is the preferred love language of DAs. Thank you. 🙏
Wow, such a clear & concise explanation of this attachment style. I've watched many videos on this topic & this one is epic. Thank you
Thank you, needed this. Your information was clear and to the point. There are moments that keep happening where I hear exactly what I need to understand myself. This was one of them. It’s also validating that the things that cause this attachment style are pretty spot on with my childhood experiences.
I was looking to see why I behave the way I do and this described me accurately. Wow
I got chills watching this as though you have trespassed my mind. Great video, thank you! Now time to figure out what to do with this information
A fantastic video; I cannot wait until you go through all the other attachment styles as well!
Very informative. Thank you for the upload
Thank you so much. I love it when the information I need to hear just presents itself. This was so helpful. Much love from Scotland ♥️🏴♥️
You are very welcome! 🙂 It makes my day to hear that I have reached you in Scotland from here in the U.S. and been a help!
Much love TO Scotland as well. #clanguthrie
Thanks! Very informative.
Thank you for sharing this, it is helpful!
You are welcome, I am so glad to hear that!
I did find this information helpful. My partner is a DA and I am more anxious, but I have some of these traits myself.
Thank you for that explanation Sarah, I might be a representant of this strach. style. Good to know.
You are very welcome!
Excellent video
New Sub! Thanks for a great video. After almost 1 year, I have come to learn that I am dating a DA. Now I understand why it has been so difficult...
Just now learning about this and it helps a lot I am currently dealing with a DA girlfriend ex girlfriend I have no idea where we stand anymore she's so distant after being so close. Subscribed! Great video
Holy wow!!! You described My GF!! All things I can be more careful about.
Same, mine fits about 10 of the 12.
So appreciative, you just described my husband:) We’ve had a few disagreements because we are still learning about each other, how we think, how we process information and emotions. Coming up on our first wedding anniversary💜🎉😊
Thank you! And Congratulations on your anniversary:) Many videos to come on the relationship dynamics of different attachment styles!
i’m curious how this compares to anxious attachment and whether some areas even overlap
Having recognised it in a partner , how do you handle it?
She’s describing me, fr
Thank you I finally found what I suffer from!
I hope you have vids of the other styes on the way
Yes! There will be detailed videos about many different topics regarding every attachment style!
OMG… this is me 100%😱😱😱
This is 100% me
Hi Sara, would you be going a video on how to heal being this attachment style?
Yes! Many videos to come on the topic of healing each insecure attachment style!:)
This sounds a lot like me.
However, it may sound like autism in addition to just a style. Thoughts
This is me.
12/12