Yeeeeesss this channel is literally what I have needed my whole life And for any and all future workplace videos you wonder if we want you to make, the answer is yes, yes to all. Teach us
As a black man, when I try to set boundaries, I am routinely classified as aggressive, combative, and someone to be feared. I've lost a job over this before. I am very pleasant but people are genuinely afraid or atleast like to pull the I'm afraid card when it comes to black people setting boundaries in the workplace.
Welcome to the white work culture. I face this too as an Asian women. Best thing is to start your own business or go to a country where you are part of the majority.
Yes, the "avoid conflict at all costs" is one behaviour I am definitely guilty of.. And the reward? More work, no boundaries... and in the end it's all my fault somehow. 😄
We're conditioned to see conflict as bad - and so many of our stories growing up it is (parents fighting, being bullied at school, getting in trouble from a teacher). The thing is conflict can be productive and positive! I have a video on preparing for conflict that will help you! And I feel like a video about being too accountable might be one I need to make. I think everyone in this community is really proactive and accountable, but when we work with people who lack accountability they had their work (and blame) to us.
Yes, and some of the co-workers who rarely stayed late, always took their vacations, etc. - seemed to have the much smoother ride and were rarely asked to do anything extra ...
I never "Avoid" conflict if it means a positive to myself or my co-workers. I stand up and confront when I know it can not be done. Whether is is because of lack of OT or just physically not possible. Too many people today tend to "Shrink" when confronted. In other words they are BORG! COMPLY!
Yes, it has become a joke at my job that whenever something goes wrong even if I'm nowhere near the situation that it's my fault. It hurts when co-workers won't take responsibility for their mistake and instead letting the lead assume its my fault, and its because they know that I won't call them out.
@@JenniferBrick I really need that video on being too accountable. Doing so really set me up to be taken advantage of by my less accountable co-workers and everything became my responsibility and my fault.
A word of caution to the ladies. Depending on the culture, you can end up with performance reviews that you are too direct or not cooperative enough even if you are polite and encouraging and get **** done. Society wants women to be biddable and nurturing and sometimes startlement and "a negative feeling" is the reaction you will get if you say no and also say what you mean. The political dance women have to do to get promoted can be complicated.
No one will disagree with you there - it's why so much of my channel is dedicated to helping womxn (and other non-Chads) navigate these barriers so we can change the game 💜
In my mind and I am 60+ years old. Your post? Means NOTHING to me. I am an equal opportunity asshole to everyone. You don't get your job done? I will B*tch at you! Man or Woman. I am tired of hearing "Women are being abused by Male workers! I know most women have much more pride in their work. Most (NOT ALL) women are very good workers. I will fired 5 men to 1 woman. Mainly because men think they have a "Free Ride" in life. NOT WITH ME! I am the Quintessential ASSHOLE. You will learn to respect me by my track record. Man or Women doesn't matter to me. Why should that matter? Whining pieces of crap? Those that talk out of both sides of their mouth. Get rid of the cancers in the Company and start building a healthy work environment. I don't have any problems because I nip the Cancer at the bud, and even after a voluntary layoff I was called back. To clarify, I can't fired people, but I can recommend it to those higher than myself. Last year? 3 Men. No Women. The Toxicity has went WAY down. Therefore I am happier. This is just my thought and only my thought. I believe many people to Sub and reply are, for a lack of a better word , COWARDS. They can NOT stand up for themselves, they need an "Enabler" to satisfy their beliefs. I am just emotionally and physically throwing up reading most of these comments for that one reason. They Vent on YT and then realize...NOTHING CHANGES! I wonder why? My final thought is this: You want to change things? Stick your neck out and confront those in power. IF you are not happy with your job, YOU NEVER WILL BE if you don't try to change things! Yes it means you might be FIRED! Better yet, with all your Experience form a rival company and show them how to do it. Money talks and B.S. walks. Sorry for such a long post. This is 15 years of experience in dealing with Stuff & Things. I wish you the best and I hope you can relate to some of the things I have written.
@@anonanonymous1970 IMHO, Man or a Woman to me doesn't matter! What does matter is the "The Influence" those people have towards others. Once again Male or Female. They hurt the jobsite and IF you are that insecure to not standup? History will confirm what I say. If you keep making the same mistake over and over again? You will never change anything. If you stay quiet? YEP! Your a Doormat for the Company and nothing changes. To be honest, I loved your reply. To answer your other query? I showed those in power how to fix things. I was also told that the Senior MAN didn't know it was possible to do it! He played the game of "KNOWING" everything and the Corp agreed with him each and every time. Women VS Men? Women have Ideas just like Men do. Unfortunately IF it doesn't get fixed, it doesn't matter who said it Man or Woman.
Oh yeah, I have a coworker with this problem. She easily gets sidetracked from her own work because somebody needed help with something and she couldn't say no. And our boss HATES it. This same coworker tried to dump some of her work onto me too, and I said, "No. I have my own work to do. I can't do this for you." She was flabbergasted. I should have told her that she wouldn't be drowning if she started saying no to stuff herself.
Really sucks when you are being nice to your co-workers and then they will disrespect you by taking advantage of you or backstab you lot of toxic coworker enjoy being toxic because they find pleasure in doing them they wanna make themself feel good it's rare to have a good coworker in your workplace I used to have nice coworkers but only two they both kept their mouth shut and do their job they are no longer in my team when more toxic coworker start coming to your place workplace more good coworkers will quit their job I work with a bunch of demons sadly I miss my two coworkers 😔
Another thing I would add is to stop bringing gifts to coworkers and managers. I bought chocolates for managers for Christmas, bought lunch for my coworkers a few times, and brought donuts into the office a couple times. Never got paid back or got gifts in return, instead got let go for "attitude" and lame excuses. Same thing, my aunt made a birthday cake for her friend at work and then her coworkers started asking her to make cakes for them too, but they didn't pitch in with anything. Don't do more than you're actually paid to do. If you have friends at work you want to give a gift to, do it outside of work.
I love your comments so much and I used to to do the same. But now, I found that I only do for the coworkers who really appreciate my effort and they are kind and deserve me to do it. Not for everyone.
Yes, please give example of saying no professionally as well as examples of being concise. I have a tendency to over explain to avoid being misunderstood but it often backfires anyway.
I've had this and you really need to tailor it to your audience. Give them specifics and then let them come to you with questions. People feel in control that way, rather than being talked at.
Yup. I learned so much through all my jobs. You can be nice in the beginning. After a certain amount of time, start saying no. I do this everytime. You get time to yourself.
Can you make a video about saying no to coworkers who always want to hang out outside of work? Also, a how-to on saying no to team events outside of work. 8 hours a day/5 days a week is enough overall but they still criticize when you say no to weekend events.
I agree with that. I made the mistake in a new job years ago trying to wow my boss and really hit the ground running when I was new. All that did, I believe, is set me up to be taken advantage of and abused. My boss saw how eager I was to please and to show my worth and he took advantage of that and took away the responsibilities of underperforming workers and gave it all to me and then said we don't give any raises just because you have more work. The slackers of course continue to get their normal pay and did half of their jobs.
So true do not over-help people, nor get too vulnerable with them either. Let them figure it out, since they want to make you look bad in front of others. Keep your boundaries up, first you there to do a job not make friends.
Hi Jennifer 👋 - I am very pleasant but firm in receiving a proper response to my question or proposal. I avoid saying " This probably isn't the solution , but .. " I say " Here's What I Think .. " & impose myself in a way that isn't just instantly dismissed all while be friendly. Awesome video as usual 👌.
Your framing is fantastic. No one like to be told no or hear they're wrong, but we can really help them when we redirect or help close gaps in their approach. Thanks as always for your support, David!
Literally needed to hear this after a meeting with my boss just now.... I always nice and never say no And have set a unprecedented standard for myself that I now cannot meet! I would come early, stay late, do work at home, etc Now I come in on time, leave on time, and get my work done during my shift! My boss called these "red flags" 🤨
I think some people feel if they aren't nice, then they're job will be in jeopardy. Because they feel they don't quite match up in terms of skill to the rest of their coworkers, they are more on edge.
literally happened to me. I was an overworked, helped everyone in quality management tasks, hoping for a promotion...everyone claimed my advances and THEY got promoted not me
The absolute worst is when a manager says in a pally type way 'you'll do that for me won't you mate'...I'ts basically an order disguised as a question , with the assumption that you will say yes and framed in a way that makes you the bad guy if you say no.
Thank you for this video, Jennifer! Your wisdom have helped me so much 🙌🏾 So on time for me. I have a strong work ethic so I love to help where I am needed, but lately, I’ve step back because I noticed I was giving too much of myself. I realized I was giving my job too much energy to the point that I felt mentally drained after work. Since stepping back, I don’t push myself as hard anymore, though I still do my job with excellence. I also set some strong boundaries when my boss or coworkers demand more of me. When I started saying no, they were stunned. I just do my job and NOTHING else. This result in me still having energy to study, workout, and invest in myself after work.
4:05 is a super great point! "You can be too nice to get your point across". this is a big thing I'm trying to work on as I start my business lol! you're demonstration was so spot on! I felt quite convicted xD
Saying yes to everything. Ugh leads to burnout. What's as assertive and positive way of saying no? How can we phrase it in a way that offers solutions/ alternatives? Thank you.
@@smjenkin9255 I'm planning to dive into this in my next video! I know saying no without coming across as difficult (or the b word) is something people struggle with so much.
Not defending self verbally when needed to. When you were used as the scapegoat you tend to be careful what you say lest they weaponize it. Then the silence invites more attacks depending on the situation.
I remember doing all of what you brought up Jennifer, and guess what happened? I got fired, back stabbed by co-worker and manager. I got fired on the phone without even in-person talking. I did not even get a notice. I remember that night, and had anxiety attacks and depression followed after. There is no body to take care of you, after financial loss. Any thing that increases your risk of loosing your job is not worth doing at work in my opinion, even if it is the right thing to do. Loss of income, professional references, not only screws your present but your ability to get job in the future.
I was transferred to another department but am still expected to fill in my old unfilled position. I finally said no. I was written up for insubordination and refusal of assignment.
I just love the way you try your best to keep us on track and remind ourselves to set boundaries with toxic people in our life even though it’s hard sometimes🙏🏻😩❤️🎯
The only complaint I have with you is why didn’t you start this channel before? :) really thanks. I have watched few videos of yours and found it really helpful. Most importantly I could relate most of the situation, scenarios, and people you have discussed here. I am changing a lot after watching your videos. Being too nice doesn’t work out.
I was asked to fill in for a month after someone quit. That was 2 years and 3 months ago. Now they are asking me to operate machines for a month because we are so behind on orders. I've been telling them no. I asked them how many years I would get stuck doing that too. I make good money. But my career isn't advancing in the direction I want. I'm not learning new skills. And I'm afraid what I do know is becoming outdated.
the main leverage your work has on you is money. they know if you dont have your job you'll be in trouble. they use this against you. i'd say the best way to combat this is to do things that give you financial freedom so you dont have to work for a toxic boss. maybe do side gigs. if money weren't involved, there is no way they would treat you bad. you could tell them to fuck off, and walk away without worrying about a thing. the reason you dont tell them fuck off is because you're worried about losing the job which leads back to money. these bosses have absolutely no power outside their office. inside of the office, they think they are demigods.
I really appreciate this video. Thank you. I really needed to see this right now. Have encountered a budding situation and been on the fence on what approach to take.
Since you say come off as a bitch, I'm going to make a gender assumption and assume you're a womxn. I can rant for days on the policing of how womxn speak, and in particular the issue people take with women who speak with confidence and power. Sometimes there are adjustments we can make and ways we can compensate, I am a disruptor and non-conformist saying this but I think being an effective communicator means being an adaptive one to meet the person you are speaking to. Sounds like the folks you are speaking to have insecurities they are projecting onto how they perceive you (i.e. they feel threatened or inferior)
I hate it when youre polite enough to give and inch and then they get shitty with you when you dont also then give a mile. Drives me nuts like mate it was very nice of me to give that inch now bugger off!!
So, in other words, you can be nice to people, but make sure you have and enforce your own boundaries and you are being your complete self without holding back when you speak, instead of sugar coating it with extra niceness that you don't actually have. In other words, be authentic.
love this video so much edit: of course there's certain nuances that women (especially women of color) have to navigate and this short video doesn't take it all into account. but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I have a question about saying no at work. What if you say no at work to let's say taking on responsibility that should be another co-workers, and you say no professionally and respectfully in the proper manner, and your boss just says no you will do it. How do you deal with it when your boss ignores your no or gets combative, and then treat you like a toddler and tells you you will do it because I said so. That literally happened to me and it was one of the last straws that my toxic workplace and I quit. I want to be prepared next time on how to deal with it if a boss goes that route and just bulldozes over your boundaries when you try to speak up for yourself.
I work in the shipping department at a picture arts distribution place in Raleigh NC and I work hard and sometimes I feel that I get used by doing more then my co-workers.I won't say anything because I don't want conflict.I have always been kind of a wimp even back in high school.I just have to deal with it for now,won't be at this job much longer,maybe until April.
I try to be helpful at first but when I notice I’m being taken advantage of, I start assessing who is going to pay the penalty if this task doesn’t get done; me or them? If it’s not me… I empathize, let them know their task would interfere with my the deadline actually assigned to me. maybe some other time - usually suggesting a time too late to be effective for them, next week … next month … etc (at which time I may have a new, legitimate, deadline). Sometimes I’ll go so far as to suggest that they talk to our boss to see if it’s OK if I postpone my deadline for their task … that sends them running more often than not. That boss may come around and ask you how you’re doing and you give them your real estimate for completion. Then they work with that person to either find someone else to help them with it or start asking some really tough questions about why they can’t do their job. Either way 😉
This really helped, the other, concerned with getting on with your boss and being noticed for promotion did not---just my opinion. I've always been too nice. It needs to stop. Polite, kind where possible, but not a doormat---agreed. The boundary is likely to go with your gut when you feel you are being taken advantage of. I've felt it many times, but considered that perhaps they are really nice people. Unfortunately you have to be manipulated and taken advantage of, to not let it happen again. I'm autism spectrum so I'm sort of naturally naive. I don't assume that people are trying to take advantage.
I’m a big people-pleaser, so this is really hard. Plus, I’m in an awkward situation where I trained a girl who’s now my boss and another girl thinks she’s my boss and actually might be soon.
When I worked in a home broadband & mobile phone center when I used to live in New Zealand back in 2015-17 they would always ask us to do OT right at the min we were about to go home. I would just say no as I’ve been there all day and I’m ready to go home. When they were desperate I said sure but only for double time or I wouldn’t be doing it. Long story short it was a successful the pay was pretty good at x2 my hourly wage.
Only time my coworker will come up to me or text me is when they need something. If they know you’re too nice, trust me, they will take full advantage of that.
So far, saying "No" depends on if the boss is a lady or a man. Lady bosses seem to get mad over minutiae and will fire over what seems like minutiae (you have to ask what they mean because it's not visible or does not seem as serious or important as presented). You have to respond asap or they get mad fast. Man bosses have seemed more fair and reasonable. If your plate is too full or you have a conflict they often work with you to do what's fair. The rest depends on experience. The more experience, the better the boss. The younger, the more careful you have to be about lies. The unwillingness to admit to lack of knowledge can result in lies to cover up the fact that they don't know. Tough for older workers who have been around the block. No is a tough one. Easy to say yet if you leave your boss hanging.....
Jennifer, how would you approach speaking with a coworker’s manager about their behavior. I’m trying to figure out how to put the issue in words without coming off as a complainer. Others are starting to experience the same issues with them and I’ve had 2 years of their bullshit. I really want to tell them to STFU but I’m not looking to get fired. Thank you.
My elderly coworker told me not to help this guy who was being a douchebag to me, because he’s an ungrateful guy. The morning nurses want the night shift nurse to do EVERYTHING for them. He told me “I don’t care about your feelings.” So why should I care about his? Being arrogant is his personality, and plenty of people at work hated him. Thankfully, he resigned a long time ago. Don’t help people who don’t have your back, and are more likely to throw you under the bus. This guy I mentioned is the type of guy who will throw anyone under the bus.
This is why “Autistic” probably used to be normal. Now there’s a bit different wiring that’s NT. Autistics do get the “quiet quitting” treatment. What do I know? You don’t have to say anything about me. Probably wrong.
Those annoying birthday, maternity card chip in peddlers, that don’t do it for you ever, but expect you to pitch in for people who don’t even bother with you. 🙄
Your one of those corporate attractive business ladies I just saw the thumbnail and thought that. I'm unemployed so the video itself doesn't apply to me.
2:30 when you us3 this kind of acronyms and not explaining what is and on topof that you waste few seconds referring to it but not spending time to explain it just mDe me not liking this video
YOU ASKED - I created a video with tips to start saying no at work. Watch it here: ua-cam.com/video/Gj07182LPlw/v-deo.html
People are so quick to say that you're hard to get along with or difficult in work environments when you say no .
@@kennethrussell1158 people who the boundaries are for hate when people have them.
Yeeeeesss this channel is literally what I have needed my whole life
And for any and all future workplace videos you wonder if we want you to make, the answer is yes, yes to all. Teach us
@@Suchwerewolf so glad you hang with me!
Be kind, not nice. Speak your truth!!
Exactly this!
I hate when people ask you for favors and get mad at you saying "no" as if you owed it to them!
They should stay home if they can't do their job!
Don't be nice. The origin of the word means dumb, or silly. I agree. Try to be kind and professional, but firm.
As a black man, when I try to set boundaries, I am routinely classified as aggressive, combative, and someone to be feared. I've lost a job over this before. I am very pleasant but people are genuinely afraid or atleast like to pull the I'm afraid card when it comes to black people setting boundaries in the workplace.
Welcome to the white work culture. I face this too as an Asian women. Best thing is to start your own business or go to a country where you are part of the majority.
There is definitely some validity to your commenr
That sounds so frustrating:/
This is a super important message. Being nice is usually frowned upon where I've worked, and you only get taken advantage of.
This is why I think we need to pull apart nice vs kind and nice vs likeable. Nice can be taken advantage of.
Mikki - You must be working in highly "evolved" work spaces ... 😊
@@ShellyBomb If by "evolved" you mean "toxic", then yes 😢
0
Oh thats horrible
My grandpa died on my bday and one of his words of wisdom he gave me was to take care of myself. This is definitely a Diamond 💎 in my crown 👑
I'm sorry about your grandpa.
@@jerusalemspeaks ty
Yes, the "avoid conflict at all costs" is one behaviour I am definitely guilty of..
And the reward? More work, no boundaries... and in the end it's all my fault somehow. 😄
We're conditioned to see conflict as bad - and so many of our stories growing up it is (parents fighting, being bullied at school, getting in trouble from a teacher). The thing is conflict can be productive and positive! I have a video on preparing for conflict that will help you!
And I feel like a video about being too accountable might be one I need to make. I think everyone in this community is really proactive and accountable, but when we work with people who lack accountability they had their work (and blame) to us.
Yes, and some of the co-workers who rarely stayed late, always took their vacations, etc. - seemed to have the much smoother ride and were rarely asked to do anything extra ...
I never "Avoid" conflict if it means a positive to myself or my co-workers. I stand up and confront when I know it can not be done. Whether is is because of lack of OT or just physically not possible.
Too many people today tend to "Shrink" when confronted. In other words they are BORG! COMPLY!
Yes, it has become a joke at my job that whenever something goes wrong even if I'm nowhere near the situation that it's my fault. It hurts when co-workers won't take responsibility for their mistake and instead letting the lead assume its my fault, and its because they know that I won't call them out.
@@JenniferBrick I really need that video on being too accountable. Doing so really set me up to be taken advantage of by my less accountable co-workers and everything became my responsibility and my fault.
Saying no can be hard for some people
It's hard for most people I work with!
Gotta learn tho. Doesn't matter if they dont wanna talk to you (well not YOU specifically but)
Still got to say it
When I help others in the form of favors,my coworkers don’t view it as favors. They are entitled
A word of caution to the ladies. Depending on the culture, you can end up with performance reviews that you are too direct or not cooperative enough even if you are polite and encouraging and get **** done. Society wants women to be biddable and nurturing and sometimes startlement and "a negative feeling" is the reaction you will get if you say no and also say what you mean. The political dance women have to do to get promoted can be complicated.
No one will disagree with you there - it's why so much of my channel is dedicated to helping womxn (and other non-Chads) navigate these barriers so we can change the game 💜
This is so on point! Depend where you work this approach will be perceive as arrogant
Prescriptive stereotypes affect women and Asians the most in the workplace. It’s in the scientific literature.
In my mind and I am 60+ years old. Your post?
Means NOTHING to me.
I am an equal opportunity asshole to everyone. You don't get your job done? I will B*tch at you! Man or Woman.
I am tired of hearing "Women are being abused by Male workers! I know most women have much more pride in their work.
Most (NOT ALL) women are very good workers. I will fired 5 men to 1 woman. Mainly because men think they have a "Free Ride" in life.
NOT WITH ME!
I am the Quintessential ASSHOLE. You will learn to respect me by my track record. Man or Women doesn't matter to me. Why should that matter? Whining pieces of crap? Those that talk out of both sides of their mouth.
Get rid of the cancers in the Company and start building a healthy work environment.
I don't have any problems because I nip the Cancer at the bud, and even after a voluntary layoff I was called back.
To clarify, I can't fired people, but I can recommend it to those higher than myself. Last year? 3 Men. No Women.
The Toxicity has went WAY down. Therefore I am happier.
This is just my thought and only my thought.
I believe many people to Sub and reply are, for a lack of a better word , COWARDS.
They can NOT stand up for themselves, they need an "Enabler" to satisfy their beliefs. I am just emotionally and physically throwing up reading most of these comments for that one reason.
They Vent on YT and then realize...NOTHING CHANGES! I wonder why?
My final thought is this:
You want to change things? Stick your neck out and confront those in power. IF you are not happy with your job, YOU NEVER WILL BE if you don't try to change things!
Yes it means you might be FIRED! Better yet, with all your Experience form a rival company and show them how to do it.
Money talks and B.S. walks.
Sorry for such a long post. This is 15 years of experience in dealing with Stuff & Things.
I wish you the best and I hope you can relate to some of the things I have written.
@@anonanonymous1970 IMHO, Man or a Woman to me doesn't matter!
What does matter is the "The Influence" those people have towards others. Once again Male or Female. They hurt the jobsite and IF you are that insecure to not standup?
History will confirm what I say.
If you keep making the same mistake over and over again? You will never change anything.
If you stay quiet? YEP! Your a Doormat for the Company and nothing changes.
To be honest, I loved your reply.
To answer your other query?
I showed those in power how to fix things.
I was also told that the Senior MAN didn't know it was possible to do it! He played the game of "KNOWING" everything and the Corp agreed with him each and every time.
Women VS Men?
Women have Ideas just like Men do. Unfortunately IF it doesn't get fixed, it doesn't matter who said it Man or Woman.
Oh yeah, I have a coworker with this problem. She easily gets sidetracked from her own work because somebody needed help with something and she couldn't say no. And our boss HATES it.
This same coworker tried to dump some of her work onto me too, and I said, "No. I have my own work to do. I can't do this for you." She was flabbergasted. I should have told her that she wouldn't be drowning if she started saying no to stuff herself.
Yes. I used to be too nice at work and it hurt me. I’m now firm and direct, while still being polite and professional.
Really sucks when you are being nice to your co-workers and then they will disrespect you by taking advantage of you or backstab you lot of toxic coworker enjoy being toxic because they find pleasure in doing them they wanna make themself feel good it's rare to have a good coworker in your workplace I used to have nice coworkers but only two they both kept their mouth shut and do their job they are no longer in my team when more toxic coworker start coming to your place workplace more good coworkers will quit their job I work with a bunch of demons sadly I miss my two coworkers 😔
Yeah. It's better to not work w ppl like that.
Not demons😂😂
Ughhh it's all the bullies = demons
Another thing I would add is to stop bringing gifts to coworkers and managers. I bought chocolates for managers for Christmas, bought lunch for my coworkers a few times, and brought donuts into the office a couple times. Never got paid back or got gifts in return, instead got let go for "attitude" and lame excuses. Same thing, my aunt made a birthday cake for her friend at work and then her coworkers started asking her to make cakes for them too, but they didn't pitch in with anything. Don't do more than you're actually paid to do. If you have friends at work you want to give a gift to, do it outside of work.
I love your comments so much and I used to to do the same. But now, I found that I only do for the coworkers who really appreciate my effort and they are kind and deserve me to do it. Not for everyone.
I wish I had this video 4 weeks ago before I tried to quit out of burnout of constantly helping other people.
True being too nice can be cumbersome. A balance has to be struck. If not you will be left with frustration on many levels.
being nice and being likable are not the same
Yes, please give example of saying no professionally as well as examples of being concise. I have a tendency to over explain to avoid being misunderstood but it often backfires anyway.
I've had this and you really need to tailor it to your audience. Give them specifics and then let them come to you with questions. People feel in control that way, rather than being talked at.
Yup. I learned so much through all my jobs. You can be nice in the beginning. After a certain amount of time, start saying no. I do this everytime. You get time to yourself.
Can you make a video about saying no to coworkers who always want to hang out outside of work? Also, a how-to on saying no to team events outside of work. 8 hours a day/5 days a week is enough overall but they still criticize when you say no to weekend events.
It's a bad idea to overhelp others. Let them struggle with things so that they can learn from failure. Their problems are theirs.
👍 Good point. It’s how they grow and learn. Just like the rest of us.
I agree with that. I made the mistake in a new job years ago trying to wow my boss and really hit the ground running when I was new. All that did, I believe, is set me up to be taken advantage of and abused. My boss saw how eager I was to please and to show my worth and he took advantage of that and took away the responsibilities of underperforming workers and gave it all to me and then said we don't give any raises just because you have more work. The slackers of course continue to get their normal pay and did half of their jobs.
Yeah i made this mistake now iam trying to change my mind set the less you say to co workers and less you do for them the better it is
So true do not over-help people, nor get too vulnerable with them either. Let them figure it out, since they want to make you look bad in front of others. Keep your boundaries up, first you there to do a job not make friends.
Don’t help PERIOD!!!!!
Hi Jennifer 👋 - I am very pleasant but firm in receiving a proper response to my question or proposal. I avoid saying " This probably isn't the solution , but .. " I say " Here's What I Think .. " & impose myself in a way that isn't just instantly dismissed all while be friendly. Awesome video as usual 👌.
Your framing is fantastic. No one like to be told no or hear they're wrong, but we can really help them when we redirect or help close gaps in their approach. Thanks as always for your support, David!
Literally needed to hear this after a meeting with my boss just now....
I always nice and never say no
And have set a unprecedented standard for myself that I now cannot meet!
I would come early, stay late, do work at home, etc
Now I come in on time, leave on time, and get my work done during my shift!
My boss called these "red flags"
🤨
I think some people feel if they aren't nice, then they're job will be in jeopardy. Because they feel they don't quite match up in terms of skill to the rest of their coworkers, they are more on edge.
Have you asked Chad to pitch in?! Too funny! Being too nice also hurts my personal life, it's so hard to stop. Thanks Jennifer!
I would certainly appreciate a video on what is okay to say NO to at work and how. Love your content!
literally happened to me. I was an overworked, helped everyone in quality management tasks, hoping for a promotion...everyone claimed my advances and THEY got promoted not me
The absolute worst is when a manager says in a pally type way 'you'll do that for me won't you mate'...I'ts basically an order disguised as a question , with the assumption that you will say yes and framed in a way that makes you the bad guy if you say no.
Would love to see a list of 10 “nice, but no” tactics
Another great video
Jennifer By doing these videos you are caring more than my manager and HR department 😁😁😁 thank you so much!!!
Hr is not on your side either
Omg... This is me... All of it 🤦♀️
But now you know what tweaks to start making! Focus on one to start with, it will make a difference!
@@JenniferBrick Amen! Thank you for your videos. I watched so many to prepare for my interviews last month and got the job this month!
@@Aramita congrats on the new job!!
Thank you for this video, Jennifer! Your wisdom have helped me so much 🙌🏾 So on time for me. I have a strong work ethic so I love to help where I am needed, but lately, I’ve step back because I noticed I was giving too much of myself. I realized I was giving my job too much energy to the point that I felt mentally drained after work. Since stepping back, I don’t push myself as hard anymore, though I still do my job with excellence. I also set some strong boundaries when my boss or coworkers demand more of me. When I started saying no, they were stunned. I just do my job and NOTHING else. This result in me still having energy to study, workout, and invest in myself after work.
you are the best work behavior trainer i met on youtube :) Great job!
please!! make a video on how to say no without being rude or without looking lazy
Yes. How to say no, I need this.
Thank you. This just happened to be a well timed video as I have been feeling overwhelmed at work and it is probably from being "too nice at work."
4:05 is a super great point! "You can be too nice to get your point across". this is a big thing I'm trying to work on as I start my business lol! you're demonstration was so spot on! I felt quite convicted xD
Thank you it was a timely video!💯
So glad this was the video I shared today then! Hope it helps, Priscilla!
Which too nice behavior have you been guilty of?
Saying yes to everything. Ugh leads to burnout. What's as assertive and positive way of saying no? How can we phrase it in a way that offers solutions/ alternatives? Thank you.
@@smjenkin9255 I'm planning to dive into this in my next video! I know saying no without coming across as difficult (or the b word) is something people struggle with so much.
Not defending self verbally when needed to. When you were used as the scapegoat you tend to be careful what you say lest they weaponize it. Then the silence invites more attacks depending on the situation.
And this is coming from a guy. The more I applied these the more I'd be attacked.
@ForeverPinkSunsets my next video I'm definitely getting into saying no without guilt (or looking like a bee with an itch)
Never help without the knowledge of your boss. While doing so make sure to make a remark about incompetency of the person seeking help
Yes please on the how to say no video! 😭.
Should be live on Tuesday!!
I remember doing all of what you brought up Jennifer, and guess what happened? I got fired, back stabbed by co-worker and manager. I got fired on the phone without even in-person talking. I did not even get a notice. I remember that night, and had anxiety attacks and depression followed after. There is no body to take care of you, after financial loss. Any thing that increases your risk of loosing your job is not worth doing at work in my opinion, even if it is the right thing to do. Loss of income, professional references, not only screws your present but your ability to get job in the future.
I was transferred to another department but am still expected to fill in my old unfilled position. I finally said no. I was written up for insubordination and refusal of assignment.
I just love the way you try your best to keep us on track and remind ourselves to set boundaries with toxic people in our life even though it’s hard sometimes🙏🏻😩❤️🎯
The only complaint I have with you is why didn’t you start this channel before? :) really thanks. I have watched few videos of yours and found it really helpful. Most importantly I could relate most of the situation, scenarios, and people you have discussed here. I am changing a lot after watching your videos. Being too nice doesn’t work out.
Thank you for sharing your insights with us Jennifer. Please make a video on How to say "no" at work?
I was asked to fill in for a month after someone quit. That was 2 years and 3 months ago. Now they are asking me to operate machines for a month because we are so behind on orders. I've been telling them no. I asked them how many years I would get stuck doing that too. I make good money. But my career isn't advancing in the direction I want. I'm not learning new skills. And I'm afraid what I do know is becoming outdated.
the main leverage your work has on you is money. they know if you dont have your job you'll be in trouble. they use this against you. i'd say the best way to combat this is to do things that give you financial freedom so you dont have to work for a toxic boss. maybe do side gigs. if money weren't involved, there is no way they would treat you bad. you could tell them to fuck off, and walk away without worrying about a thing. the reason you dont tell them fuck off is because you're worried about losing the job which leads back to money. these bosses have absolutely no power outside their office. inside of the office, they think they are demigods.
Jennifer please make a video on how to say no. Thanks,
Believe in yourself!!! I wanna do your UAQ for myself. I appreciate what you’re doing Jennifer!
I really appreciate this video. Thank you. I really needed to see this right now. Have encountered a budding situation and been on the fence on what approach to take.
Hey Jen, Leave Chad alone, he has been watching your videos and reformed. Great video.
Exactly why im here to fix it. Im nice but very much not likeable...S.O.S
Im gonna start to apply some of the things you talk about right now 💪🏽💪🏽💪🏽
My issue is my tone (so I've been told: I don't hear it); what I say is correct, but I come off as a b*tch.
Since you say come off as a bitch, I'm going to make a gender assumption and assume you're a womxn. I can rant for days on the policing of how womxn speak, and in particular the issue people take with women who speak with confidence and power.
Sometimes there are adjustments we can make and ways we can compensate, I am a disruptor and non-conformist saying this but I think being an effective communicator means being an adaptive one to meet the person you are speaking to. Sounds like the folks you are speaking to have insecurities they are projecting onto how they perceive you (i.e. they feel threatened or inferior)
Great advice. How do I apply this practically?
I hate it when youre polite enough to give and inch and then they get shitty with you when you dont also then give a mile. Drives me nuts like mate it was very nice of me to give that inch now bugger off!!
I would also love a video with scripts of what to say so we don't offend or come off as annoyed.
Yes! I hope she does this
Yes a video on how to say no and what to say no to
Please
Hi Career Bestie Jennifer! ❤️❤️❤️
Hey friend!
I always scared of saying no, including on placement.
Listen you are right in all senses
Oh girl this is so spot on
I think it'd be great the video of saying no with elegance🙋♀️💁♀️
So, in other words, you can be nice to people, but make sure you have and enforce your own boundaries and you are being your complete self without holding back when you speak, instead of sugar coating it with extra niceness that you don't actually have. In other words, be authentic.
love this video so much
edit: of course there's certain nuances that women (especially women of color) have to navigate and this short video doesn't take it all into account. but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I thought about that too!
A WOC saying NO at work gets called an ABW. It happens a lot unfortunately.
@@godlove5912 there's so many little things that are taken in a negative way just because of people's biases/prejudices.
I have a question about saying no at work. What if you say no at work to let's say taking on responsibility that should be another co-workers, and you say no professionally and respectfully in the proper manner, and your boss just says no you will do it. How do you deal with it when your boss ignores your no or gets combative, and then treat you like a toddler and tells you you will do it because I said so. That literally happened to me and it was one of the last straws that my toxic workplace and I quit. I want to be prepared next time on how to deal with it if a boss goes that route and just bulldozes over your boundaries when you try to speak up for yourself.
Thank you!
This video is for me at Granzins Meat Market
I work in the shipping department at a picture arts distribution place in Raleigh NC and I work hard and sometimes I feel that I get used by doing more then my co-workers.I won't say anything because I don't want conflict.I have always been kind of a wimp even back in high school.I just have to deal with it for now,won't be at this job much longer,maybe until April.
I try to be helpful at first but when I notice I’m being taken advantage of, I start assessing who is going to pay the penalty if this task doesn’t get done; me or them? If it’s not me… I empathize, let them know their task would interfere with my the deadline actually assigned to me. maybe some other time - usually suggesting a time too late to be effective for them, next week … next month … etc (at which time I may have a new, legitimate, deadline). Sometimes I’ll go so far as to suggest that they talk to our boss to see if it’s OK if I postpone my deadline for their task … that sends them running more often than not. That boss may come around and ask you how you’re doing and you give them your real estimate for completion. Then they work with that person to either find someone else to help them with it or start asking some really tough questions about why they can’t do their job. Either way 😉
This really helped, the other, concerned with getting on with your boss and being noticed for promotion did not---just my opinion. I've always been too nice. It needs to stop. Polite, kind where possible, but not a doormat---agreed. The boundary is likely to go with your gut when you feel you are being taken advantage of. I've felt it many times, but considered that perhaps they are really nice people. Unfortunately you have to be manipulated and taken advantage of, to not let it happen again. I'm autism spectrum so I'm sort of naturally naive. I don't assume that people are trying to take advantage.
video imported in my trilingual head.
I actually would like to know what to say no to
I'm planning on getting into this and how to say no in my next video!
@@JenniferBrick Awesome
Yes video please ☺️
I’m a big people-pleaser, so this is really hard. Plus, I’m in an awkward situation where I trained a girl who’s now my boss and another girl thinks she’s my boss and actually might be soon.
Saying No once got me getting kicked off my placement , I had a sound reason not to do the sandwich run, it was raining (I had my own lunch)
When I worked in a home broadband & mobile phone center when I used to live in New Zealand back in 2015-17 they would always ask us to do OT right at the min we were about to go home. I would just say no as I’ve been there all day and I’m ready to go home. When they were desperate I said sure but only for double time or I wouldn’t be doing it. Long story short it was a successful the pay was pretty good at x2 my hourly wage.
gah I needed this, especially as a woman!
Only time my coworker will come up to me or text me is when they need something. If they know you’re too nice, trust me, they will take full advantage of that.
Being to nice is always a red flag for me.
Toxic co worker using each other especially you are too nice and sweet . I’m that person too but I let them struggling when I’m not there for them .
Ok well being over nice is one thing, say no to something you should be doing I’m being told could get you fired. What is the difference?
So far, saying "No" depends on if the boss is a lady or a man. Lady bosses seem to get mad over minutiae and will fire over what seems like minutiae (you have to ask what they mean because it's not visible or does not seem as serious or important as presented). You have to respond asap or they get mad fast. Man bosses have seemed more fair and reasonable. If your plate is too full or you have a conflict they often work with you to do what's fair. The rest depends on experience. The more experience, the better the boss. The younger, the more careful you have to be about lies. The unwillingness to admit to lack of knowledge can result in lies to cover up the fact that they don't know. Tough for older workers who have been around the block. No is a tough one. Easy to say yet if you leave your boss hanging.....
That is me , I stopping !!!
How to deal with undermining boss
Jennifer, how would you approach speaking with a coworker’s manager about their behavior. I’m trying to figure out how to put the issue in words without coming off as a complainer. Others are starting to experience the same issues with them and I’ve had 2 years of their bullshit. I really want to tell them to STFU but I’m not looking to get fired. Thank you.
My elderly coworker told me not to help this guy who was being a douchebag to me, because he’s an ungrateful guy. The morning nurses want the night shift nurse to do EVERYTHING for them. He told me “I don’t care about your feelings.” So why should I care about his? Being arrogant is his personality, and plenty of people at work hated him. Thankfully, he resigned a long time ago. Don’t help people who don’t have your back, and are more likely to throw you under the bus. This guy I mentioned is the type of guy who will throw anyone under the bus.
Do you think this is applicable for multiculture environment? Especially for global organizations? Thanks for the video.
I find that corporate America tends to find “nice” people annoying haha
Jennifer, any thoughts on how to renege when I've already said yes? One situation that I got into that was definitely:
Rock => Me
Ok ... anyone else waiting for her to laugh ? ☺️
This is why “Autistic” probably used to be normal. Now there’s a bit different wiring that’s NT. Autistics do get the “quiet quitting” treatment. What do I know? You don’t have to say anything about me. Probably wrong.
Those annoying birthday, maternity card chip in peddlers, that don’t do it for you ever, but expect you to pitch in for people who don’t even bother with you. 🙄
NO 🙂
Your one of those corporate attractive business ladies I just saw the thumbnail and thought that. I'm unemployed so the video itself doesn't apply to me.
I'm the doormat.
Get this: It's either "no", or "know".
You can change! I used to be too…then I became older and have no time or patience with BS. Stay strong my friend!❤️
🔥🔥🔥🔥😃😃😃😃🙌🙌🙌🙌
2:30 when you us3 this kind of acronyms and not explaining what is and on topof that you waste few seconds referring to it but not spending time to explain it just mDe me not liking this video