I have had Chronic Fatigue Syndrome for 20 years.I can very much attest to the fact that repressed anger makes people ill! I find it hard to even find my anger and have definitely internalised it in the past.I grew up in a stressful argumentative family and guess just wanted to be invisible-at least emotionally.I'm learning a lot here - thanks!
My Narcissistic Husband that I'm divorcing walked through the room right when you were talking about getting sick if you don't express your anger...couldn't have been more perfect timing, (other than I wish I would have found you years ago!) He would shame me for showing any emotion he didn't view as positive but he of course would show anger and that was just fine... My list of chronic illnesses would floor you but I've worked through the worst of them and I'm geared up to knock the others out of the ballpark 👍⚾️
More people need to talk about expressing anger. The suppression of it is leading to a breakdown in our society. It's great that people try to BE happy, but so many of them are fake. You're incredible Irene, thank you.💙
Acting out inappropriately because people don’t understand themselves and don’t know what to do with their anger in healthy ways then turn it on to others. I wish more of this was available in schools to help young people and guide them to finds help to heal and balance/regulate
OH MY GOSH. This video resonates with me SO MUCH. I know full well that I have a massive ball of unresolved anger screaming inside me but I'm too afraid to engage it, and I don't even know how anymore. I've had to keep it in in order to keep on going, to keep peace with the people I was relying on in various ways, or people that I *had* to interact with etc.... and yeah I don't even know how to respond to it anymore. But it's definitely there. It wakes me up at night and makes me want to scream.
My suggestion is explore it bit by bit. Let the steam out slowly! If you haven't already check out Irene's resources. (my apologies if I said this in another one of your comments?!) You might find some great tools in there that will help you build the capacity and work with what's wanting out! Here's a link to a free resource - irenelyon.com/7-steps-opt-in-IL And here's a link to one of her paid programs - irenelyon.com/tuneup/ Nicole - Team Lyon Moderator
I wrote this at another time, from my experience, on the subject: Anger can be complicated; like they say, it often is a secondary feeling, a defense against more vulnerable feelings that come with the experience of being powerless, especially as children, especially with abuse. To be healthy, it's necessary to be able to express anger, as a healthy reaction to boundary crossings, of ourselves or others. My ability to express anger was completely destroyed in me, from being violently abused as a young child, and the natural expression of anger to that violation was met with immediate, consistent violent response. So, I became passive externally, but internally was full of pain and rage. In my 20s, after nearly dying of self starvation, but before doing too much damage to anyone else, I found a body oriented therapy (Primal) that allowed me to begin to process that pain load. Not by "getting out the pain", or deliberately "moving the pain", but by allowing the body/emotional body to bring to the surface the specific pain I was ready to spontaneously feel and process through, without any controlling, directing involved, except maybe to start, as a catalyst to connect and start the feeling flowing by it's own energy. Not as an either/or, but whatever feels right for a person at a given time, I found there was a big difference between the anger that's expressed in a more controlled, self directed way, from my adult self, and the anger that comes as a result of a full body connection with the (inner child) feelings of powerlessness inherent in the experience of abuse, any boundary violations. So when the more vulnerable feelings of abuse are allowed to be felt, stayed with and not deflected from, there is often grief there beneath the anger. But there can also be a completely 'spontaneous combustion' experience that is pure anger or rage as it would have been expressed when I was 3 or 4 years old, in the vocabulary of myself at that age (a 'primal'). That's very different than staying in my adult self and hitting a mattress with a bat, for example, in which the underlying more vulnerable feelings are avoided, and that pure cosmic inner child anger/rage doesn't have a chance to be fully connected with and allowed to flow to resolution (unless there is a complete letting go of control in the midst of the feeling). The expression of adult anger/rage can definitely be preferable to stuffing it (or acting it out on others), and may be exactly what is needed to feel a sense oof taking back power that was taken when we were children. But there is also a kind of deeper relief (in my experience) that the more vulnerable way to connect with underlying feelings can (which may include real anger/rage), if or when a person is ready to go there, to drop into the level beneath the control. Reconnecting, 're associating' (from dissociating) on a deep level with all my feelings, especially my spontaneous anger and rage has been a process of getting back, reclaiming my soul/spirit/real self that was lost from the pain overload. Practically speaking, a soundproof, or semi soundproof space is helpful, maybe necessary, to feel safe enough to allow whatever sounds might need to happen spontaneously without worrying about disturbing the neighbors. Some people use their cars with the windows rolled up, but you won't have the freedom of movement that is best, but still better than stuffing. I have a minivan with a foam pad bed in the back, as well as a somewhat safe space in my apartment. I've processed a vast amount of pain over the years, because I was carrying a vast amount.
Wow, every video of yours I've listened to so far is excellent! You really speak the truth. Anger was not allowed in my family (emotions in general), with tragic and disastrous consequences for everyone. My parents reacted to their tumultuous childhoods where anger was acted out freely and destructively by going to the opposite extreme and suppressing/repressing emotions. NOT the solution!!! What gets suppressed/repressed gets acted out in even more extreme ways, and people eventually either explode or implode. Multiple tragedies in my family has been the result of that misguided approach to dealing (not dealing) with anger and other emotions.
Also this reminds me of a show I watched on Netflix recently called Aggretsuko. it's a cartoon about an office worker who vents her frustrations about her work and life by singing death metal in karaoke. After watching this video, I feel like I empathize more with that character than I realized before, haha.
Haha! I'll have to look into that show. What a great idea! Death Metal Karaoke... I'm a huge fan of putting some of my favorite punk music on when I'm angry. So I'm sure I'll be able to relate to the character too! Nicole - Team Lyon Moderator
cheers for providing this content Irene. my household was a sick place, everything sickly sweet on the surface. I was treated like a commodity, like dirt, like I wasn't human. very ugly treatment leading to an ugly lurking underbelly of resentment and pain. thankfully I'm now out of the environment looking to explore my 'bad' side.
Hey Danny, Seth here with Team Lyon. Cheers for being here and doing the work! I'm sorry to hear what you went through, and you are certainly not alone. Keep learning and healing! Also, check out Irene's free resources for more good stuff. irenelyon.com/free-resources-2/
This is so good that I don't want to hear it so fast: Because I want it to last and never stop, I want to hear it anew again when not as stress exhausted and messed up. What a well-spoken, healthy rarity of a woman! I am sad that I didn't find any for me in my country, knowing i need help on a onoeon one basis, I shan't even begin to ask for phone or Skype consultations.I am starved of human contact, as bad a s it sounds and as I didn't think would ever happen to me. i have to hear this again, when i can take it on,it is so powerful. Thanks, Goddess.
So great to hear you feel it's powerful. Take your time and hear what you are ready to hear! It's a process that often needs time. I'm glad you are here exploring. And hope you find support - virtually or in person when you are ready. Nicole - Team Lyon Moderator
I was always depressed, nothing worked until if finally realized that I am a CPTSD survivor! My younger brother has always been angry.😓 So glad that they’re tools to help myself heal!!! 🙏☯️
Love this vlog Irene! Thank u for this! Anger has been a part of me from a very young age! In my case I was NEVER taught how to express it in healthy ways! Id have outbursts and dont recall my parents doing anything about it! So i carried that with me into adulthood…outbursts of anger and frustration …feeling my blood boiling inside and then lashing out towards boyfriends usually who didnt « get » me or who would do me wrong! I eventually just closed up and stopped expressing my emotions verbally because i never felt understood. Today at 53 i live with chronic pain and anxiety and basically a deregulated nervous system! So im so happy to have found you! Ive been bingeing on your free resources for the last two weeks and how eye-opening and educational! Thank you for becoming a part of my journey! 😊
I felt that instinctively years ago as pain patient and lumbago emergency patient, it's still difficult to release it. The permanent re-traumatas makes it worse, I lack self-compassion and keep attracting unsupportive selfish judgemental people with 0 empathy and too high expectations towards me which I can never fulfill. I want to do my Hobbys like sports but I freeze and can't force myself to even do it daily. So progress is slow. My favourite statement is, that anger shows you that your boundaries were crossed, feeling hurt. As having had to deal all my life with narcissistic abuse from child on, I feel and articulate the anger as i feel my limits quite quickly. Despite all this, I get insulted as aggressive from people who always are detached from all their feelings and yes so it goes. Learn to day no it's not the same to enforce a change, taking action is much harder. And that's the immense potential of victims of abuse and narcissism, you get to feel your anger while others stay stuck for life time. It will isolate you too as then you have to find new friends on the other side of the road. I'll feel lonely forgotten but believe your perception not that of others. 80% of people I know are detached not connected not able to communicate well. Understanding people alike you you'll find mainly in special groups and not even there, they said there that I shouldn't talk about anger . Of course, they project all Cr.. on you, cause actually they don't address their anger and fears. The best is anger helps you to not care about the others response anymore if you validate your feelings as right. I was 35 a victim and anger saved me my life not matter what others say. So detached as those I no longer want to be anyway they need years of self-work In one book I read, a psychiatrist was claiming that most predators acted out in a crime by surpressed anger. This fact all can understand, but play down parents who abuse their children and i get to hear i should be forgiving all kinds of abuses of 20 long years. Basically, the most human beings suppress their feelings and let their anger out on innocent people on the needy, of course, most of the time those in higher positions who exercise power over others
Recently I've been thinking I understand why this person who hurt me is like that and I can have compassion for them but I also feel like maybe I'm not angry enough - I know I need that anger as motivation to not enable them and not let myself be hurt in the future. And then it occurred to me - Hey, I can do both. I can be angry about why they are like this.
Thank you so much for this very important video. In the late '80's, I worked with a small group of women on childhood issues (that was when the book "The Inner Child" had just come out). We used a bataka bat on a pile of pillows to try and access our suppressed anger, which led to the freeing of other emotions like sadness and grief. It was very powerful. I had stuffed a lot of those "negative" emotions for 30 years and yes, I suffered from depression. I now allow myself to be angry and when I do, I explore the anger. There are, however, situations in which I don't know I should be angry or, in one case in particular, where I was afraid to voice my anger at a man I had to work with because I found him very intimidating. This led to the development of deep depression and an anxiety disorder complete with panic attacks. I'm coming out of it now, but it may be time to get out that bataka bat again.
Hi Christine, Nicole here from Team Lyon. I'm so glad that you came across this video. Thanks for sharing your story. I thought I would share this video with you as it might give you some insight (and some more tools) to support you in what you're working through. ua-cam.com/video/nos52wvF7kU/v-deo.html You might also find the Healing Trauma Series interesting! irenelyon.com/healing-trauma Wishing you ease as you come out of the deep depression and anxiety disorder. So glad to hear you're coming out of it. Nicole
Thank you, thank you. You are speaking to my heart and soul, my very being. There in lies my truth! 53 and filled with deep, deep depression that is not touched with any medication or treatment (believe me, I have tried them all, sadly) and multiple chronic illnesses (too many to list). My desire to heal is strong, but recently the multiple illnesses are winning out. I appreciate your knowledge, videos and believe that I have found you for the next healing steps in my life’s journey. God bless.
Hi Kristin brad, Jen here from Irene's team. Sending much care for your journey and what you're going through. I want to affirm your belief about finding Irene for the next phase of your healing journey - many people in Irene's programs have tried other approaches, often for decades, without finding the healing they seek and believe to be possible. Irene's more compressive healing program, SmartBody SmartMind, teaches people how to heal at a foundational level. Participating in SBSM in conjunction with working 1-1 with a practitioner trained in Kathy Kain's Somatic Practice work, that's feasible, can be a particularly powerful combination. There is much hope.
I have anger and rage which is generally triggered by my children (more so my daughter). I have shamed myself with my rage, there have been times where I have literally screamed at the top of my lungs. I noticed that the triggers are when I feel I cannot control my child's behaviour......it takes me back to the days when I cared for my mum who had severe mental health and I couldn't control her psychotic behaviours......it catches me before I even have the chance to sit with it. I would love to learn how to deal with it so will check out your website 🙏
It seems there is reasonable evidence to suggest that the expression of anger or aggression can lead to an increased likelyhood of heart attack or stroke afterwards. I am searching for a middle way between expression and suppression. I have found that heightened awareness helps with frustration. Experiencing the phenomenon of frustration in the body is successful in many cases to mitigate the frustration.
Hearing you talk about how going into shutdown mode is our parasympathetic nervous system shutting down, and shutting things down, then talking about how our parasympathetic nervous system IS OUR CONNECTION TO OTHERS, in the context of mass shootings... wow. Big aha moment for me. They froze, and their connection and empathy for others froze with it. This is significant for me, as I also struggle with this a lot. I don't act it out externally, it's all internal - I don't reach out, I don't connect, I don't ask for help. I've dealt with MASSIVE shame and fear around connecting to others - and this makes sense given that this part of my nervous system is what's part of what's really badly shut down in me too. I've come a long way, but I have an early, very early, history of massive neglect and abandonment, and now that I think of it, shutdown at my birth, so I have a long way to go still. One thing I would love this culture to recognize more is the impact that neglect has. If it's true that it shuts down the parasympathetic, then it is far more damaging in the long run to a functioning human being than outright abuse is - because at least with abuse you can still come back to homeostasis. Of course, many of us are dealing with both, and then things really get sticky.
I couldn't agree with you more Grace, How great would it be in our culture recognized the impact of neglect, shame (and everything else!) has on our system and how we function. I'm so glad you are here looking into this work and that you've come a long way. Continue to be curious and explore! The journey may be long but it's worth it! Nicole - Team Lyon Moderator
@@Medietos I believe some of your message got cut out? It's great to have you exploring these videos. Education is part of the learning process! Hopefully you can find a good Somatic Experiencing Practitioner in your area or online that can help you with feeling into some of that anger :) Nicole - Team Lyon Moderator.
Irene, this is something I always felt I was unable to express because I was shamed about anger due to my Mum (still my rock) who told me I was too angry when I feel I had a right to be at the time. I process it by getting it out first then I'm able to come to a place of peace but years of abusive men and trauma has caused me to develop chronic illness. This resonates with me so much and I'm not giving up on healing even at 54 years old. Thank you for being a strong voice in this issue we have in our society!
Hi Coreen Thanks for commenting. Anger is powerful medicine when harnessed in the right way. We need to experience and really feel our lifeforce energy and the power (and boundaries) that it brings. You might enjoy this article that might husband wrote: And, you are still really young .. so many years ahead of you. sethlyon.com/healthy-aggression-the-way-to-un-frustrate-frustration/ Get this work on board and your system will recover, Irene.
Hi Elena, Jen here from Team Lyon. Often when we don't defend ourselves in the moment, our nervous system may decide that going into freeze is a safer choice. We don't decide this consciously - it happens automatically. Access to our responses does change with time when we do this work. I'll link to Irene's free Healing Trauma video series in case you'd like to learn more. Free Healing Trauma video series - irenelyon.com/healing-trauma
this is just brilliant CONTENT. i am so in love with what you are teaching. this is what EVERYBODY should know. i have a very special connection to anger due to my history. so this was very interesting and helpful. thank you so much!
Hey Miss Amethyst, Seth here with Team Lyon. What you describe is actually super common - so many of us either witnessed unhealthy models of rage, or no model at all, just repression, or weren't supported in our anger being expressed, or all of the above! All of which makes those pathways difficult to access, which can lock up the body in many ways. Here's an article of mine that may be helpful for you, and a video with Irene demonstrating some of what it talks about. If these approaches interest you then I suggest getting into this work! Either through Irene's online offerings, or with a practitioner. Article - sethlyon.com/healthy-aggression-the-way-to-un-frustrate-frustration/ Video - ua-cam.com/video/4wdeBJ39Cuw/v-deo.html Irene's Programs - irenelyon.com/programs/ How to find a good Practitioner - ua-cam.com/video/04XF7ANnqGk/v-deo.html
I am so glad that you are speaking about this Thema because I see that around me in the society that everybody trying to put on this Mask of being sooooo enlightened and lovely, obwohl I can see their face or bodily reactions and sense their energy ( I am an highly evolved Empath) that tells me otherwise..however I had to learn to deal with the Anger myself years ago , it is not easy to accept ths shadow side from us but eventually one learns it and becomes free and much happier person with oneself..Thank you..
How do I stand up for being mistreated when society says it's wrong to do so. For example I needed less hours at my part time job to take care of my health, so I spoke with my boss about it. I did my best to be acomodating (stay and train a replacement, stay on call, the usual 2 weeks notice, etc), but my boss threatened me with a bad reference in the future. I said that bad reference or not, I still need time to care for my health or there might never be another job. It's a tiny business, my direct supervisor is the business owner, so there's no HR. I still did what's best for me in the end, but his threat really hurt me to the core. Why would he hurt someone already suffering. Yet if I bring it up how much it hurt to be kicked when I'm already down, it would be seen as "being a troublemaker", basically the same as when I was in my family. I'm trying to "let go" but it still hurts so much.
First off, It's so great hearing that you acknowledging what you needed and told your boss. I'm sorry to hear that his response wasn't more supportive. Is it ok to stay with this experience of being hurt instead of "letting go"? It sounds like your body wants to express. There may be some insight when given the opportunity to be listened to ;) Nicole - Team Lyon Moderator
Ohlouiselouisa, I can definitely relate to people who see setting healthy boundaries for yourself as "being a troublemaker"! When we've been around people who view it that way, it is easy to feel like the whole world will be angry if we set healthy boundaries, but it's not true. I wouldn't, Irene wouldn't, there are a lot of people who wouldn't. This is why it's sooo important to surround ourselves with like-minded people who are understanding, accepting, and WANT us to set boundaries. (Our tribe) And, try to ignore the opinions of those who become angry and critical when we are trying to care for ourselves. Avoid them when possible. When it's not possible and you feel hurt by their invalidation, vent to the people who do support you. From my experience, people say that because they're only thinking of themselves and/or controlling, so they're mad they didn't get what they wanted; they are emotionally supressed/can't handle anything that even resembles conflict, and they want everyone else to suppress their emotions, too; and/or they have severe abandonment/rejection issues and someone setting boundaries makes them feel unwanted. No matter what the reason, it's their own issue and doesn't have much, or anything to do with you.
I do not suppress my anger, but blurt out mean things to people lately. I am chronically ill. I am so angry at my family for shunning me. We were once all very close, but i have 3 sisters who will not speak to me because they do not understand my spiritual beliefs.
I am releasing my Anger from being disrespected and not heard . So hear me roar at 51. It has to come out or i stay sickly and have body pain. I was told thought to be to be loving compassionate especially as an adult Christian . My jaw was gettTMJ my neck and head hurt . I was done with work and my hubby in this way. Now i will have angry moments and anxious anger reaction to the past two years let alone my trauma life. Im like bo more. It has to get better one way or another . I have no other choice without wanting to kill myself or someone else, pretty much be sick and anrgy but not for the right reasons and continue to make choices that bring me sickness. I saw myself recreating the same stuff in a new role at work that made me sick in the first place overcompensating everyone same at home without getting heard . I was done once I just started sobbing before work and i got tmj and serious headaches. I was like this isnt right. I need to stop now, 4 days into what was going to be misery and was foe the 4 days at my new role. Not worth it. Now facing the more personal side issues in my home and looking at how I am to myself. What will I do next i dont know. Looks like feelings and dealing taking over right now. It does feel good to get angry and discuss whats wrong . It wil never get dealt with then and i only have myself to blame. The sweet person wasn’t being respected.
I am 51 and i can see all of this in me. That snap , its happened to me , at my job, at restaurants. I raised three kids and they are all adults. Shame cause i can see my damage but also the damage i caused them. Brings tears to my eyes. I am close with my son. My daughters are a mess. Not all my fault but my relationship choices all go back to me looking for affection i never got. From all the wrong men ! Been single five years now. I cant take anymore pain. I feel like a cracked piece of glass hopping noise doesnt get so loud that i break. I moved 1100 miles away from my daughters to save myself. They will never understand that but i know i was right. I have snapped before , now that i am older not as much. I have so many lumps on my body and i feel like i never fully relax. Even when i sleep. I have not dreamt in many years. I read somewhere that if you dont dream your not fully in deep sleep? So, that means i have not had a good deep sleep in 30 years or more. Doctors have failed me. Thanks to people like you and the childhood fairy i think i can do this. Just needed to find my tribe. Thank you Namaste☺
I'm glad you've found your way here Carmella, and hope that Irene's content provides insight and brings you curiosity. That feeling that you can do this is HUGE. Here's to you finding your tribe! ✨ Nicole - Team Lyon
Thankyou Irene, this resonates with me. Ive been trying to find the right treatment, not easy here in the UK, but your videos keep me informed and enlightened.
Hey Phil, Seth here with Team Lyon. Yes, there is a shortage of qualified somatic practitioners in the UK. Irene does offer comprehensive online programs as well as these videos, so those might be a good way to go, or there are many practitioners who offer online sessions, which can be equally as beneficial as in person. Here's a link to read more about the treatment options Irene offers - irenelyon.com/programs/
I don't have anybody that I can use their forearm, so I rolled up a towel and did growling and lifted my upper lip but because of the fibromyalgia and the tremendous pain in my wrist I can only do that for a few seconds and focus as much intensity as it feels comfortable for me and then I have to stop and Circle my wrists, move my shoulders and then do it again for a few seconds. I have to be really careful not to pull anything because with my system and the way my habit is, I can overdo things and end up with pulled muscles because of the fibromyalgia. I did feel what I consider a release even with what I did. I did it over the course of about 10 minutes doing it for a few seconds then stopping and then feeling what was in my body. And what I noticed was a whole lot of anger and rage. I had some release symptoms like yawning burping, so I know it was working. Even in its stilted form. I am full of anger by a crazy neighbor upstairs who screams and yells and throws things this couple and I've complained about it to the management and recorded it and did all sorts of footwork, but they haven't done anything and I feel very helpless. Also, my somatic therapist, even though she's really good, she has a tendency to think that we're booked for an appointment when we're not or she forgets something that's important and that's been really pissing the f*** out of me. And I emailed her about that and the next session I'm going to tell her how pissed off and frustrated I am about it. I'm sick and tired of being the one that's clear and concise with appointments and everything else. Any feedback about anything that you can tell me when I'm twisting that towel that might be additional help because of the screwed up damn wrists that I have? Thank you so much! And yes I do carry a lot of tension in my jaw.
Hi Charli, Nicole here from Team Lyon. I'm glad you mentioned your jaw, because the whole time I was reading this I kept being drawn to your jaw! My invitation is to play less with really having to forcefully squeeze the towel. And instead play with little movements. Often less is more. Especially since you're already getting some good response out of this. Snarling and making sounds and bringing more of your jaw into it vs having you tire out your wrists could also be a good way to explore. As for your SEP, I'm sorry to hear that this has been your experience and think that you expressing this to her will be valuable (and hopefully lead to a change in this!). Wishing you insight and shifts as you explore :) Nicole
@@teamlyon3109 thank you so much! I really appreciate your reply. It was very very helpful. And you're absolutely right. I will concentrate on more of putting my jaw and the energy that's in there into my hands and the towel rather than trying to twist the towel too much since that causes great pain in my wrists and hands. I didn't know what you meant by SEP.... but you might have been referring to my neighbor who's been yelling and screaming. I can't talk to him because he's a rageaholic. I can't be around him. But I did tell the management company who hasn't been doing anything about it that if they don't do anything within the next couple of weeks that I'll be taking legal action. And voila, the neighbor has been quiet for the past week. But being a rageaholic and really crazed, I wouldn't be surprised if there will be more noise in the future because I don't feel that he has a handle on things. Maybe I can leave the UA-cam information on Irene's videos for him on his door. LOL.
Hey @@boogaria554 , Seth here from tEam Lyon, just clarifying that by 'SEP', Nicole was referring to your Somatic Therapist. SEP means Somatic Experiencing Practitioner, though there are other forms of somatic work as well, it sounds like Nicole assumed your practitioner is an SEP.
Yes. Trauma is all throughout our lives, and before our lives begin. Trans-generational trauma is also real and has been studied. It's fact. I'd recommend the book "It didn't start with you": www.amazon.com/Didnt-Start-You-Inherited-Family/dp/1101980362
Hi Irene. My name is Stephan I'm from Québec i really appreciate your work for it has help me a lot. I'm dealing with a lot of frustration & anger i've been practicing what you and your husband as share about that but what about the helplessness underneath that. This is really HEAVY. i wonder what you would say about this.
Hi I Am/Stephen, Jen here from Team Lyon. It's great hear that Irene's work has been helping you! If there's helplessness under the anger you may be doing too much - helplessness is typically characteristic of freeze. Sometimes if the expression of anger (and other sensations and emotions) feels like too much one the system, the system can go into shut down. You might try doing just a little bit and seeing what happens. Sometimes we also need to grow more nervous system capacity before the system is able to express and integrate the energy associated with health aggression. Hope this helps.
@@teamlyon3109it seems that i wake up in that state of helplessness each morning. It is like a kind of sadness also, i don't have any motivation it sounds to be like....oh no not another day in this crappy world.
Hi@@IAm-st4lz, Jen here again. I hear you on that one. It sounds like you may be waking up in freeze, or conservation physiology. The feelings of helplessness and type of thoughts you describe often go along with this state. Have you seen Irene's Healing Trauma video series yet? If not, I'd encourage you to watch it as she talks more about some of these topics in the series. irenelyon.com/healing-trauma
your videos are amazingly insightful. I've learned so much from them. Could you say that the exterior emotion of fear, anxiety even social anxiety is anger that has been turned inwards toward the self?
Yep. It seems to me, the more I work and see my clients and listen to stories that anger is the linchpin to global healing. Learning how to express and work with anger in an intelligent, none hateful way. You may enjoy this article: irenelyon.com/2015/11/27/the-real-deal-on-fear-and-why-weve-become-masters-at-avoiding-it/
yay! Way to speak it Irene! One question to clarify- my understanding is social engagement is a healthy balance of both sympathetic and parasympathetic- thus making the window of tolerance???? (ie: not just parasympathetic )
@irenelyon so what about the statement that anger is always secondary? My husband of 32 years left and I am discovering all the trauma I had in those years and all the rage and I’m not sure how to process that and do I have to go through EVERY memory??? Thanks
Suzanne - Mara here with Team Lyon. If we don't express anger for many years, it builds up. It must come out bit by bit. No, it's not necessary to go through every memory. Find small moments each day to express anger in healthy ways, snarl, clench and release, squeeze your forearms.
but i dont understand because animals demonstrate a "freeze" response too, like deer caught in the headlights type of thing. so its not just humans that go into a freeze response and dont express the fight or flight
The freeze response is healthy Risha. It's what we humans and animals do to survive! The difference lies in what we do after/to come out of the freeze response. For example, an animal may come out of the freeze response and connect with that flight energy and run away from it's attacker where as a human may not have the opportunity or create the space for this process to happen so the freeze response stays "stuck on" with that fight/flee energy still underneath waiting to be accessed and "take action. I hope that helps clarify!? Nicole - Team Lyon Moderator
I grow up in a narcissistic parental home and I Don't even know what anger is. I only knew that it's stucked in the body. Could somatic experience help me in this case? I am very hopeless...
I wanted to stop giving my trauma to someone else at age seven. As i realized or it summed up how much pain live is and the kails, that what i do is giving unpredictavle results i not to make my parents explode and load on me. I had no one. Not one person to process anything that happened with. And no one i could learn to get something valuable from my emotions. Every bump left me so hurt. So overwhelmed and drove my system more into flight and freeze while my connection abilitys have been shut down way before. I had personas to safely be around people and survived with what others throw away, emotionally. From the numbs, the mistakes i now know are learning opportunity s i have been in deep shame and in fear someone could find out and blame or hurt me physical on top. Every mistake i made. Every inconvenience have been collected to bring up against me at some point. As a kid i wanted this scattering experience to end with me. I decided not to have kids to never do live as i knew it to anyone. All people i knew back then have been suppressing, exploding then again suppressing, becoming sick, dying, my dad age 44 him me age 10 from cancer. All unhappy people. Waiting for death giving theyr goals and wishes to fulfill to the next generation. Theyr kids. They all have not been able to connect. My dad alcoholic my mom assumed but unable to leave. Holding up the normal family, everything under control picture. We kids had to function and to live the not lived and not clearly defined dreams of my mom. Of course we failed. Bulliing and ostracation in daycare and during my whole school time we'll it became a bit better in my tenth school year. I had one depressed suicidal thoughts having very dramatic class member who had been my we hate the world buddy. I have been handed through seven schools because the bulliing continued and in my fifth year i had the luck that one class member moved town and she reported about the hidden class rules against connecting with me. So from that grade some adults tried to ... Safe me. Thanks people. 🎉 Then adult live came and my pattern that helped me to survive bonded me with a man that have been emotional not available and suppressing. Completely lost in my unconscious ways to safe my poor butt this Felt familiar and not too close/commited to let me run. Unconscious strategy to have enough space to breathe for me. And some other complex things like he needed someone who cares for him. Well i learned that early on. He knew my wish to live without children. He said he wanted the same. Our traumatic upbringing have been a connection point. Like it happens when hurt and unconscious and completely not healed in full survival mode. 😅 We walked long ways ranting about our parents. Playing the i am the bigger victim play. Then patting our bags for what we have been through. I felt like home as we met. And he needed help to not starve. That's the only thing that i have been valued for. When i helped. When my sister got locked in by our mom and i brought her water and food what have been forbidden but... Well she have been my little sister no one is allowed to hurt my little sister. MoMA bear. So providing food to people in need have been in exiting successful memory. The Man i met and me, We understanded each other, our flaws, our need for company with no connection. Then there is my other pattern to do what's necessary, fulfill the others whishes, to keep the connection in its place. Abandonment wound answer. At some point after a decade he wanted a kid. He never said one word. If he had i would have said your a mess, I'm a mess, our live is a mess? Man what kind of a person are you to do this to a innocent child? No! But not speaking about it it somehow slipped around my prefrontal cortex and I got a mom against my conscious will. Against the will of some parts of mine. The other parts... Some have been numb. In the childish obey mode, Just doing what's necessary to keep me safe. Other parts loved children that's why in first place i did not want to have some. To protect them from the agony i went through. I still don't get these conflicting parts together. Hell am I angry at this man. And my pattern. Getting me pregnant. At the same time i love my child and my live made a 180° shift. I picked up my responseability and checked if he would pick his, no. Then i found cristal clear words. I don't accept someone in contact with the kid in my care to consume illegal drugs and fall apart infont of a computer numbing himself and becoming a burden and or safetyissue. Then he became dangerously instable, used more illegal drugs, became a thread for the baby and i left. Now I'm a single mom. Single for seven years now. No friends and not dating. I fear my pattern let me do some stuff that's conflicting with my goal to create a nourishing environment for me and my child. And this anger and the loneliness is so boiling within me. And my child does have friends but i recognize. Doing the right things but alone. Isn't natural, nor sustainable. Both imported values of mine. And it's teaching getting along alone. Not how to connect. That seems to be the next part of my healing journey. Healing the connection wounds and learning the ways how to. It's good to write about it. It's making clearer for me. Where i am at and where i want to be. it's such a taboo to be an angry unhappy mom that did not plan her family. Parts of me hate this mom role. But, I would not take away my baby's live away. I love my child. And that got me to free and to love me. Yes with this conflict inside. What ever happened and how ever some crippled people treaded me. I once have been a child too and in a lot of parts i still am. I somehow choose to become a mom and to do all of this without a partner. I sensed the strength within me. To clean up the mess and I'm still so thorn apart. And so angry to end up alone with no friends, no family i can rely on and no partner. No work my body goes in collapse when there are that level expectations. Not sorry to leave this partner, going no contact and keeping distance to my childhood family but i am grieving to be not available for good people. I see myself as a threat somehow. And yes i did learn to fear emotions. All of them have been forbidden in my childhood. Forbidden with insane punishments. Even micro expressions made my mom explode. Or isolating me the rest of the family leaving the house to drive away for hours. Age five... I can't even imagine to do something like that. The reactions the rules, the expectations have been completely unpredictable. And then those outbursts in my parents followed by the blaming and punishing the kid, me and my sister, for making them explode. Then the question: how would you react if your child would be that way? All responseability on my shoulders. I'm enough of a mom to now feel the iresponseability and damages that have caused. I'm so angry and all i can do is... Feel confused. By anger that's pushed down next to instantly by the drive to prevent further demages or giving bullets to shoot at me. Now I'm Setting boundary's for what comes up here and now while Not knowing what to do with this old buildup anger. And not always able to differ between old emotions that resonate and present emotions that help me navigate and follow through. Today's anger i use to see there is a boundary, oh it's touched or crossed. I comunicate it, i build it up. I care for my boundary, maintain it. Especially with my kid. He deserves me being as clear, healthy as possible. The moment i knew... Shit I'm pregnant. No, abortion isn't an option for me. I knew i had to find another Strategie to make my childhood goal come possible. To end this agony and provide to a life worth living. I learned violent free communication and came to trauma work and nervoussystem knowledge. I feel so happy. I'm on my healing journey. But the old grudge is a work in progress area. The intensity of the emotions like hatred they intrude my System to impossible hours and moments. They're me the rest i deserve. I would love to help them and don't know yet how. They are inpatient😅These intrusive thoughts that keep interrupting my day. Completely confusing my energy. Making me afraid, some of it might rub of on my child and bothering me that these energy's are still pushing and i have to get along with them and that costs my capacity/ressources and i don't get done what is often expected of me. What i expect of me as a single mom. Healing, providing, caring, loving unconditionally even in the midst of a conflict or kiddos meltdown. Connecting is a massive project to rediscover, to love my way through and if it have to be quick, around my internal obstacles. I get better every day. Invisible work. So important but in our culture not valued? The people i meet want to... safe me. But i don't need to be safed. I need company. Only company with people that have compatible values and i need to see me in a better light. Deserving. Not threatening others peace. A community, Self responseable and going the way together. It's so much to learn and i could need support in person a community where i live. I now learn to build one. Whis me luck 🧚♂️✨ and March on. There are plenty ways to develope. To grow, to heal. 🤗
This is True. I have forgiven all my enemies now. But years ago..I married a man who criticized and demeaned me and his family did too. I became so angry..one morning I was sleeping in the basement of friends house while we were visiting the enemy family. I was so angry..I had a very vivid dream in the early morning hours. I lined that family up against the basement wall and with my Finger Gun..I picked them all off..deliberately..one by one. I then understood how my father felt as he had killed my mother because she and her family had been critical of him. Funny how God Gives us understanding sometimes! Those were very hard years for me.
Hi Kathleen Wharton, Jen here from Team Lyon. I'm so glad to hear that you made it through those hard years and are here now. I don't know if you've had a chance to watch Irene's more comprehensive training that I shared with you in another thread, and I do want to reiterate that violence often stems toward unprocessed rage. As we learn to work WITH healthy aggression, the way that Irene teaches here (and goes into detail in in her SmartBody Smart program), this healthy aggression becomes a source of authenticity, health and empowerment. And as we learn to do this, we bring more health to our entire family system.
I was gonna say. If I set my boundaries ( And sometimes you need to be angry to that.) people in my country( after years of abuse) just make so I look even more insane. Its just like fighting in vain, and hitting the air. I am not allowed to be me. To say no. To stand up for myself. Ore tell the truth.
I'm sorry to hear that it isn't safe for you to be you or express in the way you want to express. It can be challenging to do the exploring and real healing when our environment isn't safe to do so. But there is still opportunity to start finding ways to build our capacity so that we can be in these environments and feel a bit more sense of our truth. I wish you that opportunity. Nicole - Team Lyon
How do you let your anger out without losing control? I know I have alot of anger in me. However I am a very empathetic person, a people pleaser and want to make everyone happy. I feel as though i have put on a mask to hide my anger and trauma. I want more than anything to get out of this place of wanting to be numb because when I feel, I feel sooo much and so hard. I want to do this in a safe way. I need someone like you to help me. How do I find someone in your field? Where do I start? My psychiatrist and therapist dont seem to help or have a plan. They ask me what my plan is. Huh? My plan is to get better. Now how? Thank you for your videos! I have learned so much about why I am how I am right now. I thought I could just forget my childhood and move on and now I have a 12 year old daughter who asks about my childhood and I have to really watch what I say as she has no idea about what it was like. I have hid the bad stuff from my daughter hoping to protect her however I feel as though I am doing myself and her an injustice by hiding the bad stuff. I need to learn how to deal with my shit in a healthy way so I can teach her to deal with hers in a healthy way. I was taught that I didnt have it bad, there's someone tha has it worse than me and that is what I always went by for years. If I discussed my childhood with anyone, the minute they showed compassion or sorrow for me I would say: "I am who I am because if what I went through and others had it way worse." I minimized it but at the same time i wanted to scream out all the shit i had to go through and have someone care. I'm in a constant battle with myself. Btw, the ACE study is so interesting and opened my eyes.
Hi Dianna, Nicole here from Team Lyon. I'm so glad that you've come across Irene's work and hope that it's providing some insight and hope. For some it can be helpful when working with anything that easily slips into being an out of control experience is to be able to start slowing down the response and being curious in what lies at the very beginning. My suggestion would be to explore some of Irene's work to start gaining a better understanding of what might be happening plus gain some tools to help you build capacity. Here are a few - irenelyon.com/free-resources/ My other suggestion is to see if there's someone who can support you one on one from a Somatic/trauma place. Here's a video on finding a good practitioner. - ua-cam.com/video/04XF7ANnqGk/v-deo.html Plus maybe those you're currently come up with can help you come up with a plan... Wishing you answers and shifts! Nicole - Team Lyon
Hi Irene, Thank you very much for the work you are doing and the information you are sharing. I like very much what you are saying in the video but that last part about if you've ever been wronged in any way and you've not let it out it stays forever. Can you elaborate more because it's quite the general statement. What I got out of it is that I should go back to all the situations I've had and resolve them somehow. Also what is your opinion on these approaches to anger: I recently had such an experience where I stopped my expression of anger because I felt that my response will go in the direction of excess and harming and later I was able to work through the emotion by figuring out what I would be most comfortable with doing in that situation if it ever occurred again. The possibility to train yourself to not get angry or frustrated almost at all - the buddhist maxim "have no expectations and you won't get hurt". Or as Don Juan from Carlos Castaneda's books says "I am no longer moved by the doings of men". Do they work or are just rationalizations that suppress anger and lead to stored up stress or something else? Best of wishes, Anton
Hi Anton Thanks for your message and questions. To answer your first one: "Can you elaborate more because it's quite the general statement. What I got out of it is that I should go back to all the situations I've had and resolve them somehow." --No absolutely not, it would be impossible to go back to every time we felt a spark of anger and kept it inside. Rather, we need to build more capacity in our body system, our nervous system, so that the internal tension that is built up can be released. This is not something that can happen in one hour, or even one week, or one month. It takes an apprenticeship of learning how to be what I called Biologically Embodied, and growing more capacity in the biology ... so that, when new sparks of anger and heated emotion visit us, we can better process them. Second to that is that we must be able to process the emotion effectively - which requires, from what I've seen in our western society re-learning, or for many learning for the first time. This is what I teach in my programs and courses and in my one-on-one work. Alot of the practices to just "hit a pillow" or "Scream at the top of your lungs" aren't effective when the person can't connect to the biology of that emotion, the primal energy, and then move it up and out of the body system while stay very present and attuned. LIke I said, it's important stuff, but not simple. :) --- on your 2nd comment: I'm pretty certain such sayings and niceties, as nice as they sound, just store it up. We must remember we are primal mammals that have a fight/flight response too -- we just haven't figured out how to use it in conjunction with our current civilized society. I don't think it is possible to train yourself out of anger -- that would be taking out a portion of our biology. Imagine if you had a child and you saw someone hurting her --- would you want to approach the assailant in a nice and calm way? I'm not saying we should be harming people - but we need that internal spark of energy to take action. Maybe I'll shoot another video and follow up on your questions. They are important ones! Keep watching, learning and experimenting. You are on the right track. Irene
Hey Rozana, Seth here from team Lyon. Yes, it does. A lot of the structures, timetables, and norms of society are essentially built on survival energy these days, and this system requires people to stay in survival mode and chronic stress in order to keep on spinning. But you can work to extricate yourself from that! I suggest exploring this work. Start with Irene's free resources (linked below) and see if you can start to implement some of those kinds of approaches here and there, in little moments throughout your day. When we learn to start noticing what our nervous system is doing, and then start learning how to work with that, it can bring a lot more ease and flow into the commitments and responsibilities we have to keep. irenelyon.com/free-resources-2/
I am confused 😕 What are you saying? We should go around and express our anger? I am 46 years old woman… i cary a lot of anger (nervousness etc…) I don’t remember having any big dramatic trauma from childhood…. BUT i don’t like feeling this way! I don’t like walking around lashing at people…my son.. friends… i wAnt to heal that part? Can you advise? Am I understanding you correctly?
Hi Danijela, Seth here with Team Lyon. No, that's not what Irene means. No one benefits from us walking around lashing out at people and erupting in anger. The only time this is useful would be in real-time situations where we, or those we love, are being threatened, then anger and self-protection are appropriate. This is about being open to allowing any unresolved/unexpressed anger from the past to move through the physiology in safe, contained, and powerful way, and to do so within the context of a therapeutic relationship, and/or with ourselves. This article of mine may be useful for understanding more... sethlyon.com/healthy-aggression-the-way-to-un-frustrate-frustration/
That’s great information, but how do you release your anger/frustration in a world that is smothering us with the get over it just love everyone don’t be angry mantras?? What’s the coping strategy??
Hi Becky - Mara here from Team Lyon. It can be so hard to begin to express anger and frustration when the world doesn't seem supportive. One of the first steps may be to create some boundaries to have safe spaces where you can take a break when feeling the early signs of anger or frustration. Ultimately, we want to get past coping strategies to authentically release the anger as it rises in our system, in a safe way.
Hi there. Very interesting video. Thank you for sharing your knowledge. You’ve been talking about repressing anger. What about the opposite? I recently had an experience on a job where a co-worker was constantly expressing his anger. Not just expressing it but provocative behaviour towards other workers that would allow him to burst into extreme anger. I ended up quitting the job because I couldn’t bare his anger anymore and on that same night the guy shouted at me and my colleague that he hated us...honestly I don’t feel I did anything to deserve that. Do you have any other video or link on this subject?
Also sometime I feel as I’m attracting anger more than other people, as I was an anger magnet. Is it possible? Is it something like my karma or similar? Thanks
I have so much anger towards my mother. I hate her what she has done to me. I am not angry at others just at her. I have told her I can no longer sweep my anger under the rug. I express my anger towards her at times. I don’t know how to deal with this anger . My mother is not interested in therapy. She does not want to get dumped on. So instead the relationship is over
Hi Erica Blaschke, Jen here from Team Lyon. Those feelings that can come up related to our parents and early caregivers can be quite strong. There can often be a lot of benefit to learning how to work with what we call "healthy aggression" in this work. And the good news is that we don't need the other person to participate or to do the work with us. I'll link to a few related resources in case you'd like to learn more. What is Healthy Aggression - irenelyon.com/2019/08/19/what-is-healthy-aggression/ Healthy Aggression: The Way to Un-Frustrate Frustration - sethlyon.com/healthy-aggression-the-way-to-un-frustrate-frustration/
Could repressing anger from childhood be responsible for food addiction? I don't remember any childhood trauma, but I always had an uncontrollable addiction to food.
Hi Aquarianess. Seth here with Team Lyon - yes, for sure. There can be many reasons behind food addiction, but ultimately they all stem from unresolved trauma in one form or another. It may be about soothing ourselves, or because when we are overfull it's the only way to feel much of anything at all. Repressed emotions of all kinds live in the belly and chest, and often times when they start to stir we may think this is hunger, or we may go to food as a way to bury that which is starting to rise up.
@@IreneLyon Thank you for your response. Would you mind recommending books, or articles on this topic? Would it be possible for Irene Lyon to make a video about it? I think a lot of people struggle with addiction to food as a result of childhood trauma, and any advice would be very useful.
@@aquarianess, Jen here from Team Lyon. I don't know any books that speak specifically about then relationship between trauma and food addiction, and learning more about this work may help you to connect some dots. Seth Lyon, Irene's colleague and husband, who replied above, talked about his own experience which might of of interest. I'll share a few links where you can learn more if you like, and will also pass along your suggestion. free Healing Trauma Video Training - irenelyon.com/healing-trauma Healing our resistance to making money, exercising, & living in the matrix with Seth Lyon - duckduckgo.com/?t=ffab&q=seth+lyon+exercise&iax=videos&ia=videos&iai=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DYebx-llgwYY Q&A w/ Irene. Emotions, Skin picking, performance anxiety, depression, epigenetics, and more - ua-cam.com/video/r9ea1n73Kp4/v-deo.html
Hi Joan, Jen here from Team Lyon. Wanted to chime in here that it's not actually the anger that gives other people dis-ease, it's when people don't learn how to express anger in healthy ways. Without this learning, anger can be a destructive force, when we learn how to express it in healthy ways, it becomes a constructive, empowering force.
Much of this feels very intuitive and true but there's a philosophical implication that I am not sure I understand. I'm not necessarily expecting a full response here, but maybe writing/resources that could clarify: does this perspective imply that if everyone had well regulated nervous systems there would be no such thing as chronic illness? Secondly, is this perspective implying that humans are prone to harming each other bc of our tendency to suppress - animals, which she argues DO feel, express, and release anger still hurt other animals. I'm fascinated by this and it seems a bit Utopian, but I'm really open to reading more
Hi Sasha, Seth here from Team Lyon. Great questions! Yes, we are pretty darn sure at this point that unresolved trauma and the nervous system dysregulation that comes with it is responsible for the vast majority of chronic illness in our society. There could still be illness that comes from environmental factors like different forms of pollution in the air, ground, water, etc., which isn't rooted directly in unresolved trauma. And there can be illness that is purely genetic - but again, we are now seeing that unresolved trauma is passed down through the genomes so even things that are considered purely genetic disorders may have unresolved inter-generational trauma at their root. And yes, the ONLY reason humans harm each other is because at least one of the parties involved (generally the attacker) is living in survival stress. That could be due to many things of course, but unresolved trauma is, in my opinion, at the root of not just human suffering, but all the suffering in the Universe. There are a few exceptions, but in general animals in the wild ONLY hurt other animals because they are needing food, or defending their territory. Not because they are suppressing unresolved survival stress.
I really appreciate the reply, as I’m sure you all are very busy. I guess the implication, however, is that human mammals do not have territorial violence and do not fight over resources such as food. The only reason humans are ever violent is unresolved trauma? Not sure about this but thank you for clarifying. Do you have any research on this or links where I can read more?
Hi @@sasha8988 , sorry, I'm not aware of research on this though it's possible that it's out there. One thing I will clarify though - I'd say it's survival energy, the fight/flight impulse, that is responsible for violence, and there may be situations where this is triggered by environmental conditions and other real survival threats, such as scarcity of resources, or dangerous levels of pollution, or in primitive times two tribes encountering each other by surprise, or wandering into each other's territory. But the VAST majority of survival energy around these days comes from unresolved trauma at the personal, relational, intergenerational, and societal levels.
The name of the book is "When the Body Says No" by Dr. Gabor Mate - drgabormate.com/book/when-the-body-says-no/ A great, important read! Nicole - Team Lyon
Hey Amanda, Seth here with Team Lyon, sorry we missed your question earlier. Yes, grinding the teeth at night is a classic expression of unresolved anger.
Hi Athena, I'll link to a few related resources that can be helpful here. - Jen from Team Lyon Healthy Aggression: The Way to Unfrustrate Frustration - sethlyon.com/healthy-aggression-the-way-to-un-frustrate-frustration/ How to Work with Anger in a Healthy Way - ua-cam.com/video/4wdeBJ39Cuw/v-deo.html
Hi Kathryn, Seth here with Team Lyon. Sorry, I'm not sure what you are referring to. The video is certainly available, just press play. If you are referring to something else please let us know. Thanks!
HI Emily Campbell, I just linked to a few related resources in another comment you posted. Hopefully they will help to give you some ideas! - Jen from Team Lyon
In the Christian world they try to shut it down by quoting sctipture but the Bible says don't let the sun go down on it. It doesn't say to Never be angry. I hold a lot of anger in....it has made me sick.
RAGE DREAM. Realised how much unresolved, unexpressed rage is in me after a disturbing dream in which I become violent with estranged remaining family. I scream in the dream, "I feel left out" No wonder I feel safe as a hermit though not happy. I dread & fear anger/violence in life because my Father was a controlling violent alcoholic who had trauma issues. He curbed this behaviour in later life when the "sins of the Father were visited on the son" so he became on the receiving end of what he had dished out. I think this rage relates to alienation within remaining distant family, hidden collusion going on. My question is can RAGE BE RELEASED through our DREAMS or does the dream just make us aware of what we are not conscious of & or what we need to express?If so how how is rage released somatically through the body? This needs to get out else I could become very ill. My body is already warning me. Many grateful thanks.
Hi Sumina, Seth here with Team Lyon. sometimes things actually do get processed in dreams, including survival energy like rage or terror, but more often they are simply pointing at what we need to do in the waking world. Or, it could be a bit of both. In terms of what to do, it looks like you already found Irene's other video with me doing the demo (I replied to you there too). I also recommend reading these two articles of mine for further understanding... sethlyon.com/healthy-aggression-the-way-to-un-frustrate-frustration/ sethlyon.com/this-is-when-its-ok-to-annihilate-somebody/
@@IreneLyon Hello Irene, Seth, downloaded all to read & practice., including book.Thank you. Glad dreams can allow for RAGE release expression. I definitely have a problem with expressing anger in life, also fear it, as associated with loss of control, reactivity & do not like to give enemies benefit of toxic provocation. I have also killed current enemies in the dreams. so realise the importance of allowing victory over the oppressor, abuser. Counsellor is a Buddhist but stressed there is rage within & neither I or life is all sweetness, light & love, that some people & experiences are unforgivable. This is presenting anxiety with her as I feel she cannot validate the shadow. Noted the outer demons become inner ones ie internalised but seem to be around me externally acting as triggers now, possibly to have all this stuff surface. To be honest denial seemed easier less painful. I hope to find release. Thank you also for the towel exercise. I will take time to go through all gradually. Many grateful thanks, S
Hey Daniel, Seth here, Irene's husband and colleague. Yes, the system that has been in place for a very long time thrives off of keeping people in survival mode and go go go. That is all changing now!
I don't feel like you explained at all what to do with anger. You just said "deal with it in a healthy way". What is that. Expressing the anger doesn't help. hitting a punching doesn't help. Acting it out is not good. just yelling about it? what?
Hi ChannalMath, Nicole here from Team Lyon. First off, curiosity around your own expression of anger is important, as we all express/don't express it in our own ways. There's the "healthy expression of anger" that we can all work towards doing. But to start with the explorations will depend on each persons experiences. Irene has some other videos that discuss this topic further. Here's a video where she demonstrates a way to start exploring anger. ua-cam.com/video/4wdeBJ39Cuw/v-deo.html I would also suggest checking out - "What is Healthy Aggression" - ua-cam.com/video/tqGsbFjihHo/v-deo.html
I have had Chronic Fatigue Syndrome for 20 years.I can very much attest to the fact that repressed anger makes people ill! I find it hard to even find my anger and have definitely internalised it in the past.I grew up in a stressful argumentative family and guess just wanted to be invisible-at least emotionally.I'm learning a lot here - thanks!
Any progress regarding this work and CFS?
My Narcissistic Husband that I'm divorcing walked through the room right when you were talking about getting sick if you don't express your anger...couldn't have been more perfect timing, (other than I wish I would have found you years ago!)
He would shame me for showing any emotion he didn't view as positive but he of course would show anger and that was just fine...
My list of chronic illnesses would floor you but I've worked through the worst of them and I'm geared up to knock the others out of the ballpark 👍⚾️
I am in the same situation with narc husband
@@ImpulsoCreativo9322
My deepest condolences to you!
But knowledge is power in this situation! I wish you the best ❤
More people need to talk about expressing anger. The suppression of it is leading to a breakdown in our society. It's great that people try to BE happy, but so many of them are fake. You're incredible Irene, thank you.💙
Acting out inappropriately because people don’t understand themselves and don’t know what to do with their anger in healthy ways then turn it on to others. I wish more of this was available in schools to help young people and guide them to finds help to heal and balance/regulate
Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman has created programs for use in schools and with children and adults .
I agree ! Wholeheartedly !
OH MY GOSH. This video resonates with me SO MUCH. I know full well that I have a massive ball of unresolved anger screaming inside me but I'm too afraid to engage it, and I don't even know how anymore. I've had to keep it in in order to keep on going, to keep peace with the people I was relying on in various ways, or people that I *had* to interact with etc.... and yeah I don't even know how to respond to it anymore. But it's definitely there. It wakes me up at night and makes me want to scream.
My suggestion is explore it bit by bit. Let the steam out slowly!
If you haven't already check out Irene's resources. (my apologies if I said this in another one of your comments?!) You might find some great tools in there that will help you build the capacity and work with what's wanting out!
Here's a link to a free resource - irenelyon.com/7-steps-opt-in-IL
And here's a link to one of her paid programs - irenelyon.com/tuneup/
Nicole - Team Lyon Moderator
Screaming inside my head too! Time to do the work and get back into the body and feel and release
find your place to scream. lol with release
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I wrote this at another time, from my experience, on the subject:
Anger can be complicated; like they say, it often is a secondary feeling, a defense against more vulnerable feelings that come with the experience of being powerless, especially as children, especially with abuse.
To be healthy, it's necessary to be able to express anger, as a healthy reaction to boundary crossings, of ourselves or others. My ability to express anger was completely destroyed in me, from being violently abused as a young child, and the natural expression of anger to that violation was met with immediate, consistent violent response. So, I became passive externally, but internally was full of pain and rage.
In my 20s, after nearly dying of self starvation, but before doing too much damage to anyone else, I found a body oriented therapy (Primal) that allowed me to begin to process that pain load. Not by "getting out the pain", or deliberately "moving the pain", but by allowing the body/emotional body to bring to the surface the specific pain I was ready to spontaneously feel and process through, without any controlling, directing involved, except maybe to start, as a catalyst to connect and start the feeling flowing by it's own energy.
Not as an either/or, but whatever feels right for a person at a given time, I found there was a big difference between the anger that's expressed in a more controlled, self directed way, from my adult self, and the anger that comes as a result of a full body connection with the (inner child) feelings of powerlessness inherent in the experience of abuse, any boundary violations. So when the more vulnerable feelings of abuse are allowed to be felt, stayed with and not deflected from, there is often grief there beneath the anger.
But there can also be a completely 'spontaneous combustion' experience that is pure anger or rage as it would have been expressed when I was 3 or 4 years old, in the vocabulary of myself at that age (a 'primal'). That's very different than staying in my adult self and hitting a mattress with a bat, for example, in which the underlying more vulnerable feelings are avoided, and that pure cosmic inner child anger/rage doesn't have a chance to be fully connected with and allowed to flow to resolution (unless there is a complete letting go of control in the midst of the feeling).
The expression of adult anger/rage can definitely be preferable to stuffing it (or acting it out on others), and may be exactly what is needed to feel a sense oof taking back power that was taken when we were children. But there is also a kind of deeper relief (in my experience) that the more vulnerable way to connect with underlying feelings can (which may include real anger/rage), if or when a person is ready to go there, to drop into the level beneath the control.
Reconnecting, 're associating' (from dissociating) on a deep level with all my feelings, especially my spontaneous anger and rage has been a process of getting back, reclaiming my soul/spirit/real self that was lost from the pain overload.
Practically speaking, a soundproof, or semi soundproof space is helpful, maybe necessary, to feel safe enough to allow whatever sounds might need to happen spontaneously without worrying about disturbing the neighbors. Some people use their cars with the windows rolled up, but you won't have the freedom of movement that is best, but still better than stuffing. I have a minivan with a foam pad bed in the back, as well as a somewhat safe space in my apartment. I've processed a vast amount of pain over the years, because I was carrying a vast amount.
Wow, every video of yours I've listened to so far is excellent! You really speak the truth. Anger was not allowed in my family (emotions in general), with tragic and disastrous consequences for everyone. My parents reacted to their tumultuous childhoods where anger was acted out freely and destructively by going to the opposite extreme and suppressing/repressing emotions. NOT the solution!!! What gets suppressed/repressed gets acted out in even more extreme ways, and people eventually either explode or implode. Multiple tragedies in my family has been the result of that misguided approach to dealing (not dealing) with anger and other emotions.
I'm glad you've found this information and hope that it gives you insight on how YOU can make a change in your responses!
Nicole - Team Lyon Moderator
Also this reminds me of a show I watched on Netflix recently called Aggretsuko. it's a cartoon about an office worker who vents her frustrations about her work and life by singing death metal in karaoke. After watching this video, I feel like I empathize more with that character than I realized before, haha.
Haha! I'll have to look into that show. What a great idea! Death Metal Karaoke... I'm a huge fan of putting some of my favorite punk music on when I'm angry. So I'm sure I'll be able to relate to the character too!
Nicole - Team Lyon Moderator
cheers for providing this content Irene. my household was a sick place, everything sickly sweet on the surface. I was treated like a commodity, like dirt, like I wasn't human. very ugly treatment leading to an ugly lurking underbelly of resentment and pain. thankfully I'm now out of the environment looking to explore my 'bad' side.
Hey Danny, Seth here with Team Lyon. Cheers for being here and doing the work! I'm sorry to hear what you went through, and you are certainly not alone. Keep learning and healing! Also, check out Irene's free resources for more good stuff. irenelyon.com/free-resources-2/
This is so good that I don't want to hear it so fast: Because I want it to last and never stop, I want to hear it anew again when not as stress exhausted and messed up.
What a well-spoken, healthy rarity of a woman! I am sad that I didn't find any for me in my country, knowing i need help on a onoeon one basis, I shan't even begin to ask for phone or Skype consultations.I am starved of human contact, as bad a s it sounds and as I didn't think would ever happen to me. i have to hear this again, when i can take it on,it is so powerful. Thanks, Goddess.
So great to hear you feel it's powerful. Take your time and hear what you are ready to hear! It's a process that often needs time.
I'm glad you are here exploring. And hope you find support - virtually or in person when you are ready.
Nicole - Team Lyon Moderator
I was always depressed, nothing worked until if finally realized that I am a CPTSD survivor!
My younger brother has always been angry.😓
So glad that they’re tools to help myself heal!!!
🙏☯️
Love this vlog Irene! Thank u for this! Anger has been a part of me from a very young age! In my case I was NEVER taught how to express it in healthy ways! Id have outbursts and dont recall my parents doing anything about it! So i carried that with me into adulthood…outbursts of anger and frustration …feeling my blood boiling inside and then lashing out towards boyfriends usually who didnt « get » me or who would do me wrong! I eventually just closed up and stopped expressing my emotions verbally because i never felt understood. Today at 53 i live with chronic pain and anxiety and basically a deregulated nervous system! So im so happy to have found you! Ive been bingeing on your free resources for the last two weeks and how eye-opening and educational! Thank you for becoming a part of my journey! 😊
Thanks so much for being here Dina!
I felt that instinctively years ago as pain patient and lumbago emergency patient, it's still difficult to release it. The permanent re-traumatas makes it worse, I lack self-compassion and keep attracting unsupportive selfish judgemental people with 0 empathy and too high expectations towards me which I can never fulfill. I want to do my Hobbys like sports but I freeze and can't force myself to even do it daily. So progress is slow. My favourite statement is, that anger shows you that your boundaries were crossed, feeling hurt. As having had to deal all my life with narcissistic abuse from child on, I feel and articulate the anger as i feel my limits quite quickly. Despite all this, I get insulted as aggressive from people who always are detached from all their feelings and yes so it goes. Learn to day no it's not the same to enforce a change, taking action is much harder. And that's the immense potential of victims of abuse and narcissism, you get to feel your anger while others stay stuck for life time. It will isolate you too as then you have to find new friends on the other side of the road. I'll feel lonely forgotten but believe your perception not that of others. 80% of people I know are detached not connected not able to communicate well. Understanding people alike you you'll find mainly in special groups and not even there, they said there that I shouldn't talk about anger . Of course, they project all Cr.. on you, cause actually they don't address their anger and fears. The best is anger helps you to not care about the others response anymore if you validate your feelings as right. I was 35 a victim and anger saved me my life not matter what others say. So detached as those I no longer want to be anyway they need years of self-work
In one book I read, a psychiatrist was claiming that most predators acted out in a crime by surpressed anger. This fact all can understand, but play down parents who abuse their children and i get to hear i should be forgiving all kinds of abuses of 20 long years. Basically, the most human beings suppress their feelings and let their anger out on innocent people on the needy, of course, most of the time those in higher positions who exercise power over others
Recently I've been thinking I understand why this person who hurt me is like that and I can have compassion for them but I also feel like maybe I'm not angry enough - I know I need that anger as motivation to not enable them and not let myself be hurt in the future. And then it occurred to me - Hey, I can do both. I can be angry about why they are like this.
Thank you so much for this very important video. In the late '80's, I worked with a small group of women on childhood issues (that was when the book "The Inner Child" had just come out). We used a bataka bat on a pile of pillows to try and access our suppressed anger, which led to the freeing of other emotions like sadness and grief. It was very powerful. I had stuffed a lot of those "negative" emotions for 30 years and yes, I suffered from depression. I now allow myself to be angry and when I do, I explore the anger. There are, however, situations in which I don't know I should be angry or, in one case in particular, where I was afraid to voice my anger at a man I had to work with because I found him very intimidating. This led to the development of deep depression and an anxiety disorder complete with panic attacks. I'm coming out of it now, but it may be time to get out that bataka bat again.
Hi Christine,
Nicole here from Team Lyon.
I'm so glad that you came across this video. Thanks for sharing your story.
I thought I would share this video with you as it might give you some insight (and some more tools) to support you in what you're working through.
ua-cam.com/video/nos52wvF7kU/v-deo.html
You might also find the Healing Trauma Series interesting!
irenelyon.com/healing-trauma
Wishing you ease as you come out of the deep depression and anxiety disorder. So glad to hear you're coming out of it.
Nicole
Thank you, thank you. You are speaking to my heart and soul, my very being. There in lies my truth! 53 and filled with deep, deep depression that is not touched with any medication or treatment (believe me, I have tried them all, sadly) and multiple chronic illnesses (too many to list). My desire to heal is strong, but recently the multiple illnesses are winning out. I appreciate your knowledge, videos and believe that I have found you for the next healing steps in my life’s journey. God bless.
Hi Kristin brad, Jen here from Irene's team. Sending much care for your journey and what you're going through. I want to affirm your belief about finding Irene for the next phase of your healing journey - many people in Irene's programs have tried other approaches, often for decades, without finding the healing they seek and believe to be possible. Irene's more compressive healing program, SmartBody SmartMind, teaches people how to heal at a foundational level. Participating in SBSM in conjunction with working 1-1 with a practitioner trained in Kathy Kain's Somatic Practice work, that's feasible, can be a particularly powerful combination. There is much hope.
This is so important! Thanks, Irene, for your huge contribution to us all.
Hey Lisa. Sure thing.
When you lose your sense of self due to narcissistic abuse or addiction, it’s anger that leads the way in helping you re-establish it.
I have anger and rage which is generally triggered by my children (more so my daughter). I have shamed myself with my rage, there have been times where I have literally screamed at the top of my lungs. I noticed that the triggers are when I feel I cannot control my child's behaviour......it takes me back to the days when I cared for my mum who had severe mental health and I couldn't control her psychotic behaviours......it catches me before I even have the chance to sit with it. I would love to learn how to deal with it so will check out your website 🙏
It seems there is reasonable evidence to suggest that the expression of anger or aggression can lead to an increased likelyhood of heart attack or stroke afterwards. I am searching for a middle way between expression and suppression. I have found that heightened awareness helps with frustration. Experiencing the phenomenon of frustration in the body is successful in many cases to mitigate the frustration.
Hearing you talk about how going into shutdown mode is our parasympathetic nervous system shutting down, and shutting things down, then talking about how our parasympathetic nervous system IS OUR CONNECTION TO OTHERS, in the context of mass shootings... wow. Big aha moment for me. They froze, and their connection and empathy for others froze with it.
This is significant for me, as I also struggle with this a lot. I don't act it out externally, it's all internal - I don't reach out, I don't connect, I don't ask for help. I've dealt with MASSIVE shame and fear around connecting to others - and this makes sense given that this part of my nervous system is what's part of what's really badly shut down in me too. I've come a long way, but I have an early, very early, history of massive neglect and abandonment, and now that I think of it, shutdown at my birth, so I have a long way to go still.
One thing I would love this culture to recognize more is the impact that neglect has. If it's true that it shuts down the parasympathetic, then it is far more damaging in the long run to a functioning human being than outright abuse is - because at least with abuse you can still come back to homeostasis. Of course, many of us are dealing with both, and then things really get sticky.
I couldn't agree with you more Grace,
How great would it be in our culture recognized the impact of neglect, shame (and everything else!) has on our system and how we function.
I'm so glad you are here looking into this work and that you've come a long way. Continue to be curious and explore! The journey may be long but it's worth it!
Nicole - Team Lyon Moderator
@@IreneLyon Irene Lyon: So relieved and excited to have found your videos" Wish we were closer since i need one-on one help in a therapy etc.
@@Medietos I believe some of your message got cut out?
It's great to have you exploring these videos. Education is part of the learning process!
Hopefully you can find a good Somatic Experiencing Practitioner in your area or online that can help you with feeling into some of that anger :)
Nicole - Team Lyon Moderator.
Irene, this is something I always felt I was unable to express because I was shamed about anger due to my Mum (still my rock) who told me I was too angry when I feel I had a right to be at the time. I process it by getting it out first then I'm able to come to a place of peace but years of abusive men and trauma has caused me to develop chronic illness. This resonates with me so much and I'm not giving up on healing even at 54 years old. Thank you for being a strong voice in this issue we have in our society!
Hi Coreen
Thanks for commenting. Anger is powerful medicine when harnessed in the right way. We need to experience and really feel our lifeforce energy and the power (and boundaries) that it brings. You might enjoy this article that might husband wrote:
And, you are still really young .. so many years ahead of you. sethlyon.com/healthy-aggression-the-way-to-un-frustrate-frustration/
Get this work on board and your system will recover, Irene.
Thank you Irene!
me feeling angry= me crying, but also guilt trip myself that I'm a coward that I should have lash out on those who hurt me
Hi Elena, Jen here from Team Lyon. Often when we don't defend ourselves in the moment, our nervous system may decide that going into freeze is a safer choice. We don't decide this consciously - it happens automatically. Access to our responses does change with time when we do this work. I'll link to Irene's free Healing Trauma video series in case you'd like to learn more.
Free Healing Trauma video series - irenelyon.com/healing-trauma
@@IreneLyon Thank you for your response
this is just brilliant CONTENT. i am so in love with what you are teaching. this is what EVERYBODY should know. i have a very special connection to anger due to my history. so this was very interesting and helpful. thank you so much!
So great to hear that this was helpful for you!
Thanks for sharing :)
Nicole - Team Lyon
My jaw is almost always locked shut. If I got angry as a kid my anger was met with rage by my dad and verbal abuse.
Hey Miss Amethyst, Seth here with Team Lyon. What you describe is actually super common - so many of us either witnessed unhealthy models of rage, or no model at all, just repression, or weren't supported in our anger being expressed, or all of the above! All of which makes those pathways difficult to access, which can lock up the body in many ways. Here's an article of mine that may be helpful for you, and a video with Irene demonstrating some of what it talks about. If these approaches interest you then I suggest getting into this work! Either through Irene's online offerings, or with a practitioner.
Article - sethlyon.com/healthy-aggression-the-way-to-un-frustrate-frustration/
Video - ua-cam.com/video/4wdeBJ39Cuw/v-deo.html
Irene's Programs - irenelyon.com/programs/
How to find a good Practitioner - ua-cam.com/video/04XF7ANnqGk/v-deo.html
I am so glad that you are speaking about this Thema because I see that around me in the society that everybody trying to put on this Mask of
being sooooo enlightened and lovely, obwohl I can see their face or bodily reactions and sense their energy ( I am an highly evolved Empath)
that tells me otherwise..however I had to learn to deal with the Anger myself years ago , it is not easy to accept ths shadow side from us but eventually one learns it and becomes free and much happier person with oneself..Thank you..
YES!
Here's to more people learning about it :)
Thanks for watching.
Nicole - Team Lyon Moderator
I found your work, looking over Dr. Gabor Matés work. He is just wonderful
You are great Irene! I love that you spread this important message with so much passion!!!
How do I stand up for being mistreated when society says it's wrong to do so. For example I needed less hours at my part time job to take care of my health, so I spoke with my boss about it. I did my best to be acomodating (stay and train a replacement, stay on call, the usual 2 weeks notice, etc), but my boss threatened me with a bad reference in the future. I said that bad reference or not, I still need time to care for my health or there might never be another job. It's a tiny business, my direct supervisor is the business owner, so there's no HR. I still did what's best for me in the end, but his threat really hurt me to the core. Why would he hurt someone already suffering. Yet if I bring it up how much it hurt to be kicked when I'm already down, it would be seen as "being a troublemaker", basically the same as when I was in my family. I'm trying to "let go" but it still hurts so much.
First off, It's so great hearing that you acknowledging what you needed and told your boss. I'm sorry to hear that his response wasn't more supportive.
Is it ok to stay with this experience of being hurt instead of "letting go"? It sounds like your body wants to express. There may be some insight when given the opportunity to be listened to ;)
Nicole - Team Lyon Moderator
In my experience, the place you described working is the worst work experience. Bosses who own the business have no accountability
Ohlouiselouisa, I can definitely relate to people who see setting healthy boundaries for yourself as "being a troublemaker"! When we've been around people who view it that way, it is easy to feel like the whole world will be angry if we set healthy boundaries, but it's not true. I wouldn't, Irene wouldn't, there are a lot of people who wouldn't. This is why it's sooo important to surround ourselves with like-minded people who are understanding, accepting, and WANT us to set boundaries. (Our tribe) And, try to ignore the opinions of those who become angry and critical when we are trying to care for ourselves. Avoid them when possible. When it's not possible and you feel hurt by their invalidation, vent to the people who do support you.
From my experience, people say that because they're only thinking of themselves and/or controlling, so they're mad they didn't get what they wanted; they are emotionally supressed/can't handle anything that even resembles conflict, and they want everyone else to suppress their emotions, too; and/or they have severe abandonment/rejection issues and someone setting boundaries makes them feel unwanted. No matter what the reason, it's their own issue and doesn't have much, or anything to do with you.
I do not suppress my anger, but blurt out mean things to people lately. I am chronically ill. I am so angry at my family for shunning me. We were once all very close, but i have 3 sisters who will not speak to me because they do not understand my spiritual beliefs.
Irene the Lion....for personal growth
Thank you so much Irene for your precious and very much needed information. I am so fortunate to have found you!!!!
I am releasing my Anger from being disrespected and not heard . So hear me roar at 51. It has to come out or i stay sickly and have body pain. I was told thought to be to be loving compassionate especially as an adult Christian . My jaw was gettTMJ my neck and head hurt . I was done with work and my hubby in this way. Now i will have angry moments and anxious anger reaction to the past two years let alone my trauma life. Im like bo more. It has to get better one way or another . I have no other choice without wanting to kill myself or someone else, pretty much be sick and anrgy but not for the right reasons and continue to make choices that bring me sickness. I saw myself recreating the same stuff in a new role at work that made me sick in the first place overcompensating everyone same at home without getting heard . I was done once I just started sobbing before work and i got tmj and serious headaches. I was like this isnt right. I need to stop now, 4 days into what was going to be misery and was foe the 4 days at my new role. Not worth it. Now facing the more personal side issues in my home and looking at how I am to myself. What will I do next i dont know. Looks like feelings and dealing taking over right now. It does feel good to get angry and discuss whats wrong . It wil never get dealt with then and i only have myself to blame. The sweet person wasn’t being respected.
Great clear information, thanks Irene… Lets Learn how to be real with & through awareness & regulation!
OMG. This explains so much. Thank you for sharing. 💗
I am 51 and i can see all of this in me. That snap , its happened to me , at my job, at restaurants. I raised three kids and they are all adults. Shame cause i can see my damage but also the damage i caused them. Brings tears to my eyes. I am close with my son. My daughters are a mess. Not all my fault but my relationship choices all go back to me looking for affection i never got. From all the wrong men ! Been single five years now. I cant take anymore pain. I feel like a cracked piece of glass hopping noise doesnt get so loud that i break. I moved 1100 miles away from my daughters to save myself. They will never understand that but i know i was right. I have snapped before , now that i am older not as much. I have so many lumps on my body and i feel like i never fully relax. Even when i sleep. I have not dreamt in many years. I read somewhere that if you dont dream your not fully in deep sleep? So, that means i have not had a good deep sleep in 30 years or more.
Doctors have failed me. Thanks to people like you and the childhood fairy i think i can do this. Just needed to find my tribe. Thank you Namaste☺
I'm glad you've found your way here Carmella, and hope that Irene's content provides insight and brings you curiosity. That feeling that you can do this is HUGE. Here's to you finding your tribe! ✨
Nicole - Team Lyon
Yes! Thank you sincerely for making these videos!
Thankyou Irene, this resonates with me. Ive been trying to find the right treatment, not easy here in the UK, but your videos keep me informed and enlightened.
Hey Phil, Seth here with Team Lyon. Yes, there is a shortage of qualified somatic practitioners in the UK. Irene does offer comprehensive online programs as well as these videos, so those might be a good way to go, or there are many practitioners who offer online sessions, which can be equally as beneficial as in person. Here's a link to read more about the treatment options Irene offers - irenelyon.com/programs/
@@IreneLyon Thankyou so much for this information
Thank you 🙏🏻 ❤
I don't have anybody that I can use their forearm, so I rolled up a towel and did growling and lifted my upper lip but because of the fibromyalgia and the tremendous pain in my wrist I can only do that for a few seconds and focus as much intensity as it feels comfortable for me and then I have to stop and Circle my wrists, move my shoulders and then do it again for a few seconds. I have to be really careful not to pull anything because with my system and the way my habit is, I can overdo things and end up with pulled muscles because of the fibromyalgia. I did feel what I consider a release even with what I did. I did it over the course of about 10 minutes doing it for a few seconds then stopping and then feeling what was in my body. And what I noticed was a whole lot of anger and rage. I had some release symptoms like yawning burping, so I know it was working. Even in its stilted form.
I am full of anger by a crazy neighbor upstairs who screams and yells and throws things this couple and I've complained about it to the management and recorded it and did all sorts of footwork, but they haven't done anything and I feel very helpless. Also, my somatic therapist, even though she's really good, she has a tendency to think that we're booked for an appointment when we're not or she forgets something that's important and that's been really pissing the f*** out of me. And I emailed her about that and the next session I'm going to tell her how pissed off and frustrated I am about it. I'm sick and tired of being the one that's clear and concise with appointments and everything else.
Any feedback about anything that you can tell me when I'm twisting that towel that might be additional help because of the screwed up damn wrists that I have? Thank you so much! And yes I do carry a lot of tension in my jaw.
Hi Charli,
Nicole here from Team Lyon.
I'm glad you mentioned your jaw, because the whole time I was reading this I kept being drawn to your jaw!
My invitation is to play less with really having to forcefully squeeze the towel. And instead play with little movements. Often less is more. Especially since you're already getting some good response out of this. Snarling and making sounds and bringing more of your jaw into it vs having you tire out your wrists could also be a good way to explore.
As for your SEP, I'm sorry to hear that this has been your experience and think that you expressing this to her will be valuable (and hopefully lead to a change in this!).
Wishing you insight and shifts as you explore :)
Nicole
@@teamlyon3109 thank you so much! I really appreciate your reply. It was very very helpful. And you're absolutely right. I will concentrate on more of putting my jaw and the energy that's in there into my hands and the towel rather than trying to twist the towel too much since that causes great pain in my wrists and hands.
I didn't know what you meant by SEP.... but you might have been referring to my neighbor who's been yelling and screaming. I can't talk to him because he's a rageaholic. I can't be around him. But I did tell the management company who hasn't been doing anything about it that if they don't do anything within the next couple of weeks that I'll be taking legal action. And voila, the neighbor has been quiet for the past week. But being a rageaholic and really crazed, I wouldn't be surprised if there will be more noise in the future because I don't feel that he has a handle on things. Maybe I can leave the UA-cam information on Irene's videos for him on his door. LOL.
Hey @@boogaria554 , Seth here from tEam Lyon, just clarifying that by 'SEP', Nicole was referring to your Somatic Therapist. SEP means Somatic Experiencing Practitioner, though there are other forms of somatic work as well, it sounds like Nicole assumed your practitioner is an SEP.
Fantastic work.
would also like to ask if trauma could even begin at birth or even in pre birth which seems to go along with ArthurJanovs primal therapy theory?
Yes. Trauma is all throughout our lives, and before our lives begin. Trans-generational trauma is also real and has been studied. It's fact. I'd recommend the book "It didn't start with you": www.amazon.com/Didnt-Start-You-Inherited-Family/dp/1101980362
Hi Irene. My name is Stephan I'm from Québec i really appreciate your work for it has help me a lot. I'm dealing with a lot of frustration & anger i've been practicing what you and your husband as share about that but what about the helplessness underneath that. This is really HEAVY. i wonder what you would say about this.
Hi I Am/Stephen, Jen here from Team Lyon. It's great hear that Irene's work has been helping you! If there's helplessness under the anger you may be doing too much - helplessness is typically characteristic of freeze. Sometimes if the expression of anger (and other sensations and emotions) feels like too much one the system, the system can go into shut down.
You might try doing just a little bit and seeing what happens. Sometimes we also need to grow more nervous system capacity before the system is able to express and integrate the energy associated with health aggression. Hope this helps.
@@teamlyon3109it seems that i wake up in that state of helplessness each morning. It is like a kind of sadness also, i don't have any motivation it sounds to be like....oh no not another day in this crappy world.
Hi@@IAm-st4lz, Jen here again. I hear you on that one. It sounds like you may be waking up in freeze, or conservation physiology. The feelings of helplessness and type of thoughts you describe often go along with this state. Have you seen Irene's Healing Trauma video series yet? If not, I'd encourage you to watch it as she talks more about some of these topics in the series.
irenelyon.com/healing-trauma
your videos are amazingly insightful. I've learned so much from them. Could you say that the exterior emotion of fear, anxiety even social anxiety is anger that has been turned inwards toward the self?
Yep. It seems to me, the more I work and see my clients and listen to stories that anger is the linchpin to global healing. Learning how to express and work with anger in an intelligent, none hateful way. You may enjoy this article: irenelyon.com/2015/11/27/the-real-deal-on-fear-and-why-weve-become-masters-at-avoiding-it/
Loved that article - it was kick-ass! - I'd like to see more of that in the videos.
Thx 🙏🏾 for this information
yay! Way to speak it Irene! One question to clarify- my understanding is social engagement is a healthy balance of both sympathetic and parasympathetic- thus making the window of tolerance???? (ie: not just parasympathetic )
@irenelyon so what about the statement that anger is always secondary? My husband of 32 years left and I am discovering all the trauma I had in those years and all the rage and I’m not sure how to process that and do I have to go through EVERY memory??? Thanks
Suzanne - Mara here with Team Lyon. If we don't express anger for many years, it builds up. It must come out bit by bit. No, it's not necessary to go through every memory. Find small moments each day to express anger in healthy ways, snarl, clench and release, squeeze your forearms.
Yeah excited to be angry!
I have totally internalized it, but that does not feel good! I know I am not all the things that I say to myself.
but i dont understand because animals demonstrate a "freeze" response too, like deer caught in the headlights type of thing. so its not just humans that go into a freeze response and dont express the fight or flight
The freeze response is healthy Risha. It's what we humans and animals do to survive!
The difference lies in what we do after/to come out of the freeze response. For example, an animal may come out of the freeze response and connect with that flight energy and run away from it's attacker where as a human may not have the opportunity or create the space for this process to happen so the freeze response stays "stuck on" with that fight/flee energy still underneath waiting to be accessed and "take action.
I hope that helps clarify!?
Nicole - Team Lyon Moderator
that makes sense. thank-you for the reply
I was told not to get angry. I remember getting angry once.
I grow up in a narcissistic parental home and I Don't even know what anger is. I only knew that it's stucked in the body. Could somatic experience help me in this case? I am very hopeless...
I wanted to stop giving my trauma to someone else at age seven. As i realized or it summed up how much pain live is and the kails, that what i do is giving unpredictavle results i not to make my parents explode and load on me. I had no one. Not one person to process anything that happened with. And no one i could learn to get something valuable from my emotions. Every bump left me so hurt. So overwhelmed and drove my system more into flight and freeze while my connection abilitys have been shut down way before. I had personas to safely be around people and survived with what others throw away, emotionally. From the numbs, the mistakes i now know are learning opportunity s i have been in deep shame and in fear someone could find out and blame or hurt me physical on top. Every mistake i made. Every inconvenience have been collected to bring up against me at some point. As a kid i wanted this scattering experience to end with me. I decided not to have kids to never do live as i knew it to anyone. All people i knew back then have been suppressing, exploding then again suppressing, becoming sick, dying, my dad age 44 him me age 10 from cancer. All unhappy people. Waiting for death giving theyr goals and wishes to fulfill to the next generation. Theyr kids. They all have not been able to connect. My dad alcoholic my mom assumed but unable to leave. Holding up the normal family, everything under control picture. We kids had to function and to live the not lived and not clearly defined dreams of my mom. Of course we failed. Bulliing and ostracation in daycare and during my whole school time we'll it became a bit better in my tenth school year. I had one depressed suicidal thoughts having very dramatic class member who had been my we hate the world buddy. I have been handed through seven schools because the bulliing continued and in my fifth year i had the luck that one class member moved town and she reported about the hidden class rules against connecting with me. So from that grade some adults tried to ... Safe me. Thanks people. 🎉
Then adult live came and my pattern that helped me to survive bonded me with a man that have been emotional not available and suppressing. Completely lost in my unconscious ways to safe my poor butt this Felt familiar and not too close/commited to let me run. Unconscious strategy to have enough space to breathe for me. And some other complex things like he needed someone who cares for him. Well i learned that early on. He knew my wish to live without children. He said he wanted the same. Our traumatic upbringing have been a connection point. Like it happens when hurt and unconscious and completely not healed in full survival mode. 😅 We walked long ways ranting about our parents. Playing the i am the bigger victim play. Then patting our bags for what we have been through. I felt like home as we met. And he needed help to not starve. That's the only thing that i have been valued for. When i helped. When my sister got locked in by our mom and i brought her water and food what have been forbidden but... Well she have been my little sister no one is allowed to hurt my little sister. MoMA bear. So providing food to people in need have been in exiting successful memory. The Man i met and me, We understanded each other, our flaws, our need for company with no connection. Then there is my other pattern to do what's necessary, fulfill the others whishes, to keep the connection in its place. Abandonment wound answer. At some point after a decade he wanted a kid. He never said one word. If he had i would have said your a mess, I'm a mess, our live is a mess? Man what kind of a person are you to do this to a innocent child? No! But not speaking about it it somehow slipped around my prefrontal cortex and I got a mom against my conscious will. Against the will of some parts of mine. The other parts... Some have been numb. In the childish obey mode, Just doing what's necessary to keep me safe. Other parts loved children that's why in first place i did not want to have some. To protect them from the agony i went through. I still don't get these conflicting parts together. Hell am I angry at this man. And my pattern. Getting me pregnant. At the same time i love my child and my live made a 180° shift. I picked up my responseability and checked if he would pick his, no. Then i found cristal clear words. I don't accept someone in contact with the kid in my care to consume illegal drugs and fall apart infont of a computer numbing himself and becoming a burden and or safetyissue. Then he became dangerously instable, used more illegal drugs, became a thread for the baby and i left.
Now I'm a single mom. Single for seven years now. No friends and not dating. I fear my pattern let me do some stuff that's conflicting with my goal to create a nourishing environment for me and my child. And this anger and the loneliness is so boiling within me. And my child does have friends but i recognize. Doing the right things but alone. Isn't natural, nor sustainable. Both imported values of mine. And it's teaching getting along alone. Not how to connect. That seems to be the next part of my healing journey. Healing the connection wounds and learning the ways how to. It's good to write about it. It's making clearer for me. Where i am at and where i want to be.
it's such a taboo to be an angry unhappy mom that did not plan her family. Parts of me hate this mom role. But, I would not take away my baby's live away. I love my child. And that got me to free and to love me. Yes with this conflict inside. What ever happened and how ever some crippled people treaded me. I once have been a child too and in a lot of parts i still am. I somehow choose to become a mom and to do all of this without a partner. I sensed the strength within me. To clean up the mess and I'm still so thorn apart. And so angry to end up alone with no friends, no family i can rely on and no partner. No work my body goes in collapse when there are that level expectations. Not sorry to leave this partner, going no contact and keeping distance to my childhood family but i am grieving to be not available for good people. I see myself as a threat somehow.
And yes i did learn to fear emotions. All of them have been forbidden in my childhood. Forbidden with insane punishments. Even micro expressions made my mom explode. Or isolating me the rest of the family leaving the house to drive away for hours. Age five... I can't even imagine to do something like that. The reactions the rules, the expectations have been completely unpredictable. And then those outbursts in my parents followed by the blaming and punishing the kid, me and my sister, for making them explode. Then the question: how would you react if your child would be that way? All responseability on my shoulders. I'm enough of a mom to now feel the iresponseability and damages that have caused. I'm so angry and all i can do is... Feel confused. By anger that's pushed down next to instantly by the drive to prevent further demages or giving bullets to shoot at me. Now I'm Setting boundary's for what comes up here and now while Not knowing what to do with this old buildup anger. And not always able to differ between old emotions that resonate and present emotions that help me navigate and follow through.
Today's anger i use to see there is a boundary, oh it's touched or crossed. I comunicate it, i build it up. I care for my boundary, maintain it. Especially with my kid. He deserves me being as clear, healthy as possible.
The moment i knew... Shit I'm pregnant. No, abortion isn't an option for me. I knew i had to find another Strategie to make my childhood goal come possible. To end this agony and provide to a life worth living. I learned violent free communication and came to trauma work and nervoussystem knowledge. I feel so happy. I'm on my healing journey. But the old grudge is a work in progress area. The intensity of the emotions like hatred they intrude my System to impossible hours and moments. They're me the rest i deserve. I would love to help them and don't know yet how. They are inpatient😅These intrusive thoughts that keep interrupting my day. Completely confusing my energy. Making me afraid, some of it might rub of on my child and bothering me that these energy's are still pushing and i have to get along with them and that costs my capacity/ressources and i don't get done what is often expected of me. What i expect of me as a single mom. Healing, providing, caring, loving unconditionally even in the midst of a conflict or kiddos meltdown. Connecting is a massive project to rediscover, to love my way through and if it have to be quick, around my internal obstacles. I get better every day. Invisible work. So important but in our culture not valued? The people i meet want to... safe me. But i don't need to be safed. I need company. Only company with people that have compatible values and i need to see me in a better light. Deserving. Not threatening others peace. A community, Self responseable and going the way together. It's so much to learn and i could need support in person a community where i live. I now learn to build one. Whis me luck 🧚♂️✨ and March on. There are plenty ways to develope. To grow, to heal. 🤗
Wow people were realizing the anger epidemic years ago?
This is True. I have forgiven all my enemies now. But years ago..I married a man who criticized and demeaned me and his family did too. I became so angry..one morning I was sleeping in the basement of friends house while we were visiting the enemy family. I was so angry..I had a very vivid dream in the early morning hours. I lined that family up against the basement wall and with my Finger Gun..I picked them all off..deliberately..one by one. I then understood how my father felt as he had killed my mother because she and her family had been critical of him. Funny how God Gives us understanding sometimes! Those were very hard years for me.
Hi Kathleen Wharton, Jen here from Team Lyon. I'm so glad to hear that you made it through those hard years and are here now. I don't know if you've had a chance to watch Irene's more comprehensive training that I shared with you in another thread, and I do want to reiterate that violence often stems toward unprocessed rage. As we learn to work WITH healthy aggression, the way that Irene teaches here (and goes into detail in in her SmartBody Smart program), this healthy aggression becomes a source of authenticity, health and empowerment. And as we learn to do this, we bring more health to our entire family system.
I was gonna say. If I set my boundaries ( And sometimes you need to be angry to that.) people in my country( after years of abuse) just make so I look even more insane. Its just like fighting in vain, and hitting the air. I am not allowed to be me. To say no. To stand up for myself. Ore tell the truth.
I'm sorry to hear that it isn't safe for you to be you or express in the way you want to express.
It can be challenging to do the exploring and real healing when our environment isn't safe to do so. But there is still opportunity to start finding ways to build our capacity so that we can be in these environments and feel a bit more sense of our truth.
I wish you that opportunity.
Nicole - Team Lyon
Yes exactly.I want to leave Denmark so so badly. Heee I am going nowhere ore just down very fast
How do you let your anger out without losing control? I know I have alot of anger in me. However I am a very empathetic person, a people pleaser and want to make everyone happy. I feel as though i have put on a mask to hide my anger and trauma. I want more than anything to get out of this place of wanting to be numb because when I feel, I feel sooo much and so hard. I want to do this in a safe way. I need someone like you to help me. How do I find someone in your field? Where do I start? My psychiatrist and therapist dont seem to help or have a plan. They ask me what my plan is. Huh? My plan is to get better. Now how? Thank you for your videos! I have learned so much about why I am how I am right now. I thought I could just forget my childhood and move on and now I have a 12 year old daughter who asks about my childhood and I have to really watch what I say as she has no idea about what it was like. I have hid the bad stuff from my daughter hoping to protect her however I feel as though I am doing myself and her an injustice by hiding the bad stuff. I need to learn how to deal with my shit in a healthy way so I can teach her to deal with hers in a healthy way. I was taught that I didnt have it bad, there's someone tha has it worse than me and that is what I always went by for years. If I discussed my childhood with anyone, the minute they showed compassion or sorrow for me I would say: "I am who I am because if what I went through and others had it way worse." I minimized it but at the same time i wanted to scream out all the shit i had to go through and have someone care. I'm in a constant battle with myself.
Btw, the ACE study is so interesting and opened my eyes.
Hi Dianna,
Nicole here from Team Lyon.
I'm so glad that you've come across Irene's work and hope that it's providing some insight and hope.
For some it can be helpful when working with anything that easily slips into being an out of control experience is to be able to start slowing down the response and being curious in what lies at the very beginning.
My suggestion would be to explore some of Irene's work to start gaining a better understanding of what might be happening plus gain some tools to help you build capacity.
Here are a few - irenelyon.com/free-resources/
My other suggestion is to see if there's someone who can support you one on one from a Somatic/trauma place. Here's a video on finding a good practitioner. - ua-cam.com/video/04XF7ANnqGk/v-deo.html
Plus maybe those you're currently come up with can help you come up with a plan...
Wishing you answers and shifts!
Nicole - Team Lyon
Very very beneficial talk❤️
Literally right now I'm so angry. I need to process it ❤️
Hi Irene,
Thank you very much for the work you are doing and the information you are sharing.
I like very much what you are saying in the video but that last part about if you've ever been wronged in any way and you've not let it out it stays forever. Can you elaborate more because it's quite the general statement. What I got out of it is that I should go back to all the situations I've had and resolve them somehow.
Also what is your opinion on these approaches to anger:
I recently had such an experience where I stopped my expression of anger because I felt that my response will go in the direction of excess and harming and later I was able to work through the emotion by figuring out what I would be most comfortable with doing in that situation if it ever occurred again.
The possibility to train yourself to not get angry or frustrated almost at all - the buddhist maxim "have no expectations and you won't get hurt". Or as Don Juan from Carlos Castaneda's books says "I am no longer moved by the doings of men".
Do they work or are just rationalizations that suppress anger and lead to stored up stress or something else?
Best of wishes,
Anton
Hi Anton
Thanks for your message and questions.
To answer your first one:
"Can you elaborate more because it's quite the general statement. What I got out of it is that I should go back to all the situations I've had and resolve them somehow."
--No absolutely not, it would be impossible to go back to every time we felt a spark of anger and kept it inside. Rather, we need to build more capacity in our body system, our nervous system, so that the internal tension that is built up can be released. This is not something that can happen in one hour, or even one week, or one month. It takes an apprenticeship of learning how to be what I called Biologically Embodied, and growing more capacity in the biology ... so that, when new sparks of anger and heated emotion visit us, we can better process them. Second to that is that we must be able to process the emotion effectively - which requires, from what I've seen in our western society re-learning, or for many learning for the first time. This is what I teach in my programs and courses and in my one-on-one work. Alot of the practices to just "hit a pillow" or "Scream at the top of your lungs" aren't effective when the person can't connect to the biology of that emotion, the primal energy, and then move it up and out of the body system while stay very present and attuned. LIke I said, it's important stuff, but not simple. :)
--- on your 2nd comment: I'm pretty certain such sayings and niceties, as nice as they sound, just store it up. We must remember we are primal mammals that have a fight/flight response too -- we just haven't figured out how to use it in conjunction with our current civilized society. I don't think it is possible to train yourself out of anger -- that would be taking out a portion of our biology. Imagine if you had a child and you saw someone hurting her --- would you want to approach the assailant in a nice and calm way? I'm not saying we should be harming people - but we need that internal spark of energy to take action.
Maybe I'll shoot another video and follow up on your questions. They are important ones!
Keep watching, learning and experimenting.
You are on the right track.
Irene
Thank you for the answers and I will keep watching and experimenting :).
Cheers :).
Surviving ie. tending to kids, food, family commitments etc feels like essential but damaging shutdown sometimes
Hey Rozana, Seth here from team Lyon. Yes, it does. A lot of the structures, timetables, and norms of society are essentially built on survival energy these days, and this system requires people to stay in survival mode and chronic stress in order to keep on spinning. But you can work to extricate yourself from that! I suggest exploring this work. Start with Irene's free resources (linked below) and see if you can start to implement some of those kinds of approaches here and there, in little moments throughout your day. When we learn to start noticing what our nervous system is doing, and then start learning how to work with that, it can bring a lot more ease and flow into the commitments and responsibilities we have to keep.
irenelyon.com/free-resources-2/
I am confused 😕 What are you saying? We should go around and express our anger? I am 46 years old woman… i cary a lot of anger (nervousness etc…) I don’t remember having any big dramatic trauma from childhood…. BUT i don’t like feeling this way! I don’t like walking around lashing at people…my son.. friends… i wAnt to heal that part? Can you advise? Am I understanding you correctly?
Hi Danijela, Seth here with Team Lyon. No, that's not what Irene means. No one benefits from us walking around lashing out at people and erupting in anger. The only time this is useful would be in real-time situations where we, or those we love, are being threatened, then anger and self-protection are appropriate.
This is about being open to allowing any unresolved/unexpressed anger from the past to move through the physiology in safe, contained, and powerful way, and to do so within the context of a therapeutic relationship, and/or with ourselves. This article of mine may be useful for understanding more... sethlyon.com/healthy-aggression-the-way-to-un-frustrate-frustration/
That’s great information, but how do you release your anger/frustration in a world that is smothering us with the get over it just love everyone don’t be angry mantras?? What’s the coping strategy??
Hi Becky - Mara here from Team Lyon. It can be so hard to begin to express anger and frustration when the world doesn't seem supportive. One of the first steps may be to create some boundaries to have safe spaces where you can take a break when feeling the early signs of anger or frustration. Ultimately, we want to get past coping strategies to authentically release the anger as it rises in our system, in a safe way.
@@teamlyon3109 thank you!!
Wonderful xx 😁🙏✨✨✨✨✨
Hi there. Very interesting video. Thank you for sharing your knowledge. You’ve been talking about repressing anger. What about the opposite?
I recently had an experience on a job where a co-worker was constantly expressing his anger. Not just expressing it but provocative behaviour towards other workers that would allow him to burst into extreme anger.
I ended up quitting the job because I couldn’t bare his anger anymore and on that same night the guy shouted at me and my colleague that he hated us...honestly I don’t feel I did anything to deserve that.
Do you have any other video or link on this subject?
Also sometime I feel as I’m attracting anger more than other people, as I was an anger magnet. Is it possible? Is it something like my karma or similar? Thanks
So true.
I have so much anger towards my mother. I hate her what she has done to me. I am not angry at others just at her. I have told her I can no longer sweep my anger under the rug. I express my anger towards her at times. I don’t know how to deal with this anger . My mother is not interested in therapy. She does not want to get dumped on. So instead the relationship is over
Hi Erica Blaschke, Jen here from Team Lyon. Those feelings that can come up related to our parents and early caregivers can be quite strong. There can often be a lot of benefit to learning how to work with what we call "healthy aggression" in this work. And the good news is that we don't need the other person to participate or to do the work with us. I'll link to a few related resources in case you'd like to learn more.
What is Healthy Aggression - irenelyon.com/2019/08/19/what-is-healthy-aggression/
Healthy Aggression: The Way to Un-Frustrate Frustration - sethlyon.com/healthy-aggression-the-way-to-un-frustrate-frustration/
Could repressing anger from childhood be responsible for food addiction? I don't remember any childhood trauma, but I always had an uncontrollable addiction to food.
Hi Aquarianess. Seth here with Team Lyon - yes, for sure. There can be many reasons behind food addiction, but ultimately they all stem from unresolved trauma in one form or another. It may be about soothing ourselves, or because when we are overfull it's the only way to feel much of anything at all. Repressed emotions of all kinds live in the belly and chest, and often times when they start to stir we may think this is hunger, or we may go to food as a way to bury that which is starting to rise up.
@@IreneLyon Thank you for your response. Would you mind recommending books, or articles on this topic? Would it be possible for Irene Lyon to make a video about it? I think a lot of people struggle with addiction to food as a result of childhood trauma, and any advice would be very useful.
@@aquarianess, Jen here from Team Lyon. I don't know any books that speak specifically about then relationship between trauma and food addiction, and learning more about this work may help you to connect some dots.
Seth Lyon, Irene's colleague and husband, who replied above, talked about his own experience which might of of interest. I'll share a few links where you can learn more if you like, and will also pass along your suggestion.
free Healing Trauma Video Training - irenelyon.com/healing-trauma
Healing our resistance to making money, exercising, & living in the matrix with Seth Lyon - duckduckgo.com/?t=ffab&q=seth+lyon+exercise&iax=videos&ia=videos&iai=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DYebx-llgwYY
Q&A w/ Irene. Emotions, Skin picking, performance anxiety, depression, epigenetics, and more - ua-cam.com/video/r9ea1n73Kp4/v-deo.html
@@IreneLyon Thank you, Jen.
how to get the anger out?
Brilliant! Thank you!
💎💎💎 you’re a gem!
Angry people give other people dis-ease in the max.
Hi Joan, Jen here from Team Lyon. Wanted to chime in here that it's not actually the anger that gives other people dis-ease, it's when people don't learn how to express anger in healthy ways. Without this learning, anger can be a destructive force, when we learn how to express it in healthy ways, it becomes a constructive, empowering force.
Much of this feels very intuitive and true but there's a philosophical implication that I am not sure I understand. I'm not necessarily expecting a full response here, but maybe writing/resources that could clarify: does this perspective imply that if everyone had well regulated nervous systems there would be no such thing as chronic illness? Secondly, is this perspective implying that humans are prone to harming each other bc of our tendency to suppress - animals, which she argues DO feel, express, and release anger still hurt other animals. I'm fascinated by this and it seems a bit Utopian, but I'm really open to reading more
Hi Sasha, Seth here from Team Lyon. Great questions! Yes, we are pretty darn sure at this point that unresolved trauma and the nervous system dysregulation that comes with it is responsible for the vast majority of chronic illness in our society.
There could still be illness that comes from environmental factors like different forms of pollution in the air, ground, water, etc., which isn't rooted directly in unresolved trauma. And there can be illness that is purely genetic - but again, we are now seeing that unresolved trauma is passed down through the genomes so even things that are considered purely genetic disorders may have unresolved inter-generational trauma at their root.
And yes, the ONLY reason humans harm each other is because at least one of the parties involved (generally the attacker) is living in survival stress. That could be due to many things of course, but unresolved trauma is, in my opinion, at the root of not just human suffering, but all the suffering in the Universe.
There are a few exceptions, but in general animals in the wild ONLY hurt other animals because they are needing food, or defending their territory. Not because they are suppressing unresolved survival stress.
I really appreciate the reply, as I’m sure you all are very busy. I guess the implication, however, is that human mammals do not have territorial violence and do not fight over resources such as food. The only reason humans are ever violent is unresolved trauma? Not sure about this but thank you for clarifying. Do you have any research on this or links where I can read more?
Hi @@sasha8988 , sorry, I'm not aware of research on this though it's possible that it's out there. One thing I will clarify though - I'd say it's survival energy, the fight/flight impulse, that is responsible for violence, and there may be situations where this is triggered by environmental conditions and other real survival threats, such as scarcity of resources, or dangerous levels of pollution, or in primitive times two tribes encountering each other by surprise, or wandering into each other's territory.
But the VAST majority of survival energy around these days comes from unresolved trauma at the personal, relational, intergenerational, and societal levels.
I want to buy that book you are talking about where do you get it. Can you send,e that information. Thank you so much for sharing.
The name of the book is "When the Body Says No" by Dr. Gabor Mate - drgabormate.com/book/when-the-body-says-no/
A great, important read!
Nicole - Team Lyon
I have severe teeth grinding at night, so when you said tight jaw, is that one of the things you were thinking for unresolved anger?
Hey Amanda, Seth here with Team Lyon, sorry we missed your question earlier. Yes, grinding the teeth at night is a classic expression of unresolved anger.
So are psychopaths in freeze mode?
How do we get that anger out ?
Hi Athena, I'll link to a few related resources that can be helpful here. - Jen from Team Lyon
Healthy Aggression: The Way to Unfrustrate Frustration - sethlyon.com/healthy-aggression-the-way-to-un-frustrate-frustration/
How to Work with Anger in a Healthy Way - ua-cam.com/video/4wdeBJ39Cuw/v-deo.html
This is 10/21. Is this still available?
Hi Kathryn, Seth here with Team Lyon. Sorry, I'm not sure what you are referring to. The video is certainly available, just press play. If you are referring to something else please let us know. Thanks!
This is me!! I've held it back. I'm not sure how to process it without being an asshole
HI Emily Campbell, I just linked to a few related resources in another comment you posted. Hopefully they will help to give you some ideas! - Jen from Team Lyon
In the Christian world they try to shut it down by quoting sctipture but the Bible says don't let the sun go down on it. It doesn't say to Never be angry. I hold a lot of anger in....it has made me sick.
RAGE DREAM. Realised how much unresolved, unexpressed rage is in me after a disturbing dream in which I become violent with estranged remaining family. I scream in the dream, "I feel left out" No wonder I feel safe as a hermit though not happy.
I dread & fear anger/violence in life because my Father was a controlling violent alcoholic who had trauma issues.
He curbed this behaviour in later life when the "sins of the Father were visited on the son" so he became on the receiving end of what he had dished out.
I think this rage relates to alienation within remaining distant family, hidden collusion going on.
My question is can RAGE BE RELEASED through our DREAMS or does the dream just make us aware of what we are not conscious of & or what we need to express?If so how how is rage released somatically through the body?
This needs to get out else I could become very ill. My body is already warning me. Many grateful thanks.
Hi Sumina, Seth here with Team Lyon. sometimes things actually do get processed in dreams, including survival energy like rage or terror, but more often they are simply pointing at what we need to do in the waking world. Or, it could be a bit of both. In terms of what to do, it looks like you already found Irene's other video with me doing the demo (I replied to you there too). I also recommend reading these two articles of mine for further understanding...
sethlyon.com/healthy-aggression-the-way-to-un-frustrate-frustration/
sethlyon.com/this-is-when-its-ok-to-annihilate-somebody/
@@IreneLyon Hello Irene, Seth, downloaded all to read & practice., including book.Thank you. Glad dreams can allow for RAGE release expression. I definitely have a problem with expressing anger in life, also fear it, as associated with loss of control, reactivity & do not like to give enemies benefit of toxic provocation. I have also killed current enemies in the dreams. so realise the importance of allowing victory over the oppressor, abuser.
Counsellor is a Buddhist but stressed there is rage within & neither I or life is all sweetness, light & love, that some people & experiences are unforgivable. This is presenting anxiety with her as I feel she cannot validate the shadow.
Noted the outer demons become inner ones ie internalised but seem to be around me externally acting as triggers now, possibly to have all this stuff surface. To be honest denial seemed easier less painful. I hope to find release. Thank you also for the towel exercise. I will take time to go through all gradually. Many grateful thanks, S
The same goes for jealousy
Civilised Inhumanity
The system has created the problem
Hey Daniel, Seth here, Irene's husband and colleague. Yes, the system that has been in place for a very long time thrives off of keeping people in survival mode and go go go. That is all changing now!
I don't feel like you explained at all what to do with anger. You just said "deal with it in a healthy way". What is that. Expressing the anger doesn't help. hitting a punching doesn't help. Acting it out is not good. just yelling about it? what?
Hi ChannalMath,
Nicole here from Team Lyon.
First off, curiosity around your own expression of anger is important, as we all express/don't express it in our own ways. There's the "healthy expression of anger" that we can all work towards doing. But to start with the explorations will depend on each persons experiences.
Irene has some other videos that discuss this topic further.
Here's a video where she demonstrates a way to start exploring anger. ua-cam.com/video/4wdeBJ39Cuw/v-deo.html
I would also suggest checking out - "What is Healthy Aggression" - ua-cam.com/video/tqGsbFjihHo/v-deo.html
@@teamlyon3109 Your caring warms my heart, Nicole. thanks, i will
they are not well meaning, they are cowardly
#LegalizePsychedelicResearch
I bet your pretty when you're angry🤗
Hey Daniel Ross, Seth here, Irene's husband and colleague. No, she's not that pretty when she's angry. Powerful though!
Love your video's. Please stop saying "didididididi" . Thank you.
Will keep that in mind for future videos :)
It's so weird to me when humans think it's acceptable to tell someone what they should and shouldn't do.