What Is Self-Sabotage & How To Know If You're Doing It
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- Опубліковано 20 лип 2024
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Do you self-sabotage? Do you know what self-sabotage is?
The truth is if you're not reaching your goals, having the types of healthy relationships you want or are not where you want to be in life chances are you could be self-sabotaging.
In today’s video of Good For Me TV, we are going to talk about what self-sabotage is, what the key signs are that you're doing it, and how to deal with that self-sabotaging behavior if you are.
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1 year in therapy : 😴
1 UA-cam video: 🤯🤓
Been insome.form of therapy for 18 years now... and yes.... this video along with a few others that I chose to persue have been WAAAY MORE revealing and influential
look for another therapist seriously, maybe it's a kind of therapy that is not working fot you. therapy is really good when u find the right professional
Well she's not charging by the hour
Nooooooooooooooo... Ouch.
I spent thousands of dollars on trauma therapy since 2018, and I have no regrets. These videos are like garnishes on the salad to me. I love UA-cam. Stay healthy!
Wow, I had no idea that procrastinating and putting things off is a way of protecting our ego. To hell with my EGO I want to "GO" for everything I want.
Totally!! since when do we allow an "alter ego" to run our minds? This was definitely a great part of this video!!
I sabotage my self because I am afraid to fail. So I do not do my best and I will fail I will say: I did not give my 100 percent.
Don't try to hard, let it unfold naturally, if at ⏰ all👍
This is me. :'(
I keep thinking that something bad will happen and ruin my whole life even tho everything is just right!
I do sabotage myself, not from a fear of failure, but a fear of success. My anxiety makes it hard for me to see the small steps to finish something, I go from the idea in my head too; I'm a success and then start seeing how I could mess up because of getting too busy and letting people down. So I don't start, or I start but give up or stop producing.
My Intentional Life - Me too, exactly!
You're saying you fear having success and then not being able to keep it up and failing - then wouldn't you then say it's a fear of failure?
I realized that after you explained it more in detail. I should wait until after the video to leave comments. LOL
I do them all, just couldn't understand why. This is great
So glad it connected Stevie!
I just realized i self sabotage relationships by making small issues huge eruptions and walking away because I don't believe i deserve happiness, love or success. The ego part...that part.
I self-sabotage by eating. I feel I don't deserve to be happy. When I'm at the ideal BMI and feel good about myself something inside tells me I don't deserve this. 285 has been my heaviest, 196 was my happy weight. I would like this to stop. It can't be healthy on my organs.
I am afraid to fail; of healthy relationships; pursuing my chosen career fully; I leave things incomplete; I didn't press my business out of fear; I'm "comfortably uncomfortable with my life". Whew that was a huge confession!
Unfortunately, I've made self- sabotage my best friend. It's scary. I am my own worst enemy. I can't even trust myself anymore. If you could make a video about how to end self sabotage that would be great! Thanks for the help! This video was my wake-up call.
I go into depth teaching about healing our relationships with ourselves in my Deep Lasting Confidence Program - if you're on my mailing list, watch for the announcement when we open registration later this fall.
Self sabotage is your enemy💲⏰
How do I get in touch with u ?
I believe in ya! Yes, you who's reading this comment
☺
Until I started following your videos I didn't realize just how much my "self talk" affected the way I felt and the decisions I make. Just wanted you to know that your work is really helping me to sort through a mess of a life and become who I was meant to be in the first place....thanks Julia!!
Yeah Denise, self-talk is HUGE! We can talk to ourselves like our worst enemy or our best friend - It takes work to be a better friend to ourselves but SO powerful when we do.
Yes , all of these, discomfort and vulnerability avoidance (no boundaries ever, recovering people pleaser), impostor issue was only dabbled in too but the protecting the ego thing/fear of success/failure because if I was truly myself I might loose more people. I keep wishing for others to choose me/support me, but I need to do it for myself first. Fear of abandonment freezes me so I abandon myself and give up on somethings. Anxiety and family systems really sent me the wrong message as a child. I can't even talk to my family without thinking how f-ed up crap I heard a child chime into my mind conditioning me on how I should be, but then I think someone did this to them and now I know not to do it to my children. Don't place your fears onto your children..their yours not theirs.
wow, this whole comment describes me perfectly. it's true and sad. each and every line :(
Makes a lot of sense when I know exactly what is happening in my mind. Sometimes I'm just blinded by the thought that I won't be able to be at the top, and that limits my motivation to study and deal with failures in a positive manner.
You made me understand what lve been doing in my life
I felt a lot of emotions with this video from "I feel attacked 😂" to mind blown "This makes so much sense! 😮" because sadly these all apply to me & I am trying to figure out how to change that...I love your videos!!! 💕
It's hard to not let the negatives of your past define your future.
It is Clyde - and often requires lot's of healing.
Yeah, definitely feel the need for control. I'll be doing well, but it seems like when I have to go out of my comfort zone and talk to people and be confident around people I don't know I end up backing down. I really need to work on that.
It can definitely be a toughie.
Please help me
This was me earlier this year. I withdrew from a better job because of all this. Also, I love her sighs. Describes exactly how I feel.
Ego Protection. That half-ass effort is a behavior I've been repeating. Thanks for this.
Yesterday I talked to a friend exactly about that. One thing in my life I don’t use all my potential because I’m afraid to fail and then not have an excuse for failing.
I thought I was just a procrastinator but now... it all makes sense
I self sabotage with over eating... literally will over-eat to the thought of me wanting to work out or lose weight
WOW mind blown fear of failure not success This will change the way I think forever
I've been self sabotaging myself for years now but never really knew that it was self sabotaging. I can relate to almost all the reasons. Even though I worked really hard and got graduated I made myself believe that I don't deserve this I just cannot move further in my life any more. When my parents relatives friends and everyone who asked what's next I used to get really angry and say just leave me alone and so I made myself completely numb by just sitting at home and going through social media all the day long and isolated myself from everyone. I proved everyone that I just don't deserve to be where I am. I went through really hard time and now after a year I got back to studies.. I'm presuing post graduate I started with a lot of motivation because I wasted a year. Things were going good half way through and now I feel like giving up completely. I really want to get out of this because my parents are really worried for me.
I came here to this channel to confirm the thoughts that I've been having: I do self sabotage. Thanks for your words, really helpful, hope to get rid of those thoughts someday.
I think I started self sabotaging myself by misinterpreting my surroundings - if my family wasn't happy, I had no right to be so. If my family wasn't wealthy, I had no right to earn good money for my work. Eventually I've been waking up to this and training my self worh affirmations 💓
Now I know why it's so difficult to progress...I'm self sabotaging! "I will change this starting now"!
All of these. I didn't realize how much I self sabotage. Growing up, I would punish myself a lot and put myself down and apologize for everything because then whatever punishment my parents gave me or whenever they expressed disappointment, it didn't hurt as much because I had already hurt myself so much more. I truly believed I was a burden and that I deserved nothing. And that felt like the right thing because then my siblings could receive the love and attention I was forfeiting. And my siblings are better and more worthy of love, so I couldn't stop. Now I'm finally realizing how destructive I've been my whole life and I'm struggling to stop.
I just self-sabotaged my relationship with my better-half. It was fear of failure. Also, my personal insecurities got in the way.
I feel like I'm sabotaging myself because I hate myself. I have no real reason to do so, but I think I'm subconsciously trying to find reasons to hate myself, and later on I start to create those reasons.
I don't believe I deserve anything good in my life, and living in this sadness for so long, made me scared of feeling happy. When someone compliments me I get all protective and I truly hate compliments because I feel like they're fake or just out of pity. I feel unsure and lost in good feelings, and lately I started to notice I'm destroying relatioships with my family and friends. I would rather humiliate myself, than accomplish ssomething good. I hate myself, but at the same time, I hate myself for hating myself and not trying to be happy, at the same time hating myself for thinking I deserve something more.
Yea it's kind of complicated, but thank you for this video
Thank you so much, Julia! I've known about my self-sabotage for a long time and I have even known some of the reasons why I do it. And I've worked through some stuff, too, but there's still so much more. One pattern I've noticed is that I'll get really excited about something, but then, when it's time to present it to the world, suddenly my good feelings go away. Or I'll choose the safe option, rather than the one that would make me really vulnerable. I am a hermit and I don't have any close friends right now, because I've felt the need to protect myself. I separated from my mom and the entire family through her, recently (I think that was actually a healthy choice, because she's very toxic) and I'm still unravelling all of the ways that I have learned how to sabotage myself, or how she sabotaged me, because she was threatened by me. I'm afraid to make friends, only to lose them. Or to get a job that I love, only to lose that. I'm afraid to lose my housing and other government support, if I make too much money. I've come a long way, but there's still work to do. Anyway, thanks for your clarity around this subject and your generosity in creating this video for those who really need it, like myself. Blessings!
this is so accurate thank you. the outside not matching our thoughts inside, and so we sabotage our lives outside to match what we think we deserve...I was in tears because this is exactly it. my entire life I've felt like a burden to others, starting with my parents, friends and I have very low self-esteem, and if anyone wants to be with me or around me, I think I owe them something, or feel like they're doing me a big favor, and so I immediately fit into my box, tell them I'm not worthy and they should leave, even if they love me and I love them, I don't want to get hurt, and I believe I don't deserve all the love and affection from people, so I sabotage before I even give them the chance to love me. this video did hit home. my self-destructive burning home.
Gurllll you are reading my mail!! I’m in tears. I’ve got some healing and work to do. Thank you my friend for your work. You are changing lives. 😊
I could relate to all of these, but what stuck the most was the glass box. I've been on a self development journey for the last 2 and a half years. I'm in a new relationship with an amazing woman. Where she came from I don't know, but I'm sabotaging the relationship. I don't feel like I deserve or am worthy of her. I have some issues from the past to work on. Thank you for showing me some light.
This is a double edged sword - it's BOTH a fear of failure/success AND a feeling like you are unworthy of any success.
A Harvard professor recently said somethin on Tom Bilyeu's channel about getting through self sabotage:
Discomfort is the price of admission to a meaningful life.
Every aspect of this talk rings true for me! I’ve done these things in relationships and career. The best part is now I know it!🙂
YES MAKES PERFECT SENSE! I get severe impostor syndrome when it comes to singing in my band. Even though I have written songs already, its like my brain convinces me that I can't do and I procrastinate something awful. Doing it though! Despite how I felt, I powered through. Playing a new song at our gig tomorrow night.
Awesome! You go this girl. Do it with the fear if you have to, but just DO IT!!
This is ME completely!
Thank you!
It’s always nice to learn new tools to utilize .❤️
Yes clear fear of failure and disappointing my ego,
is something that holds me back!
Thank you so much Julia 🙏 You really hit the spot on everything you said. For 27 years I have been sabotaging myself and now I'm REALLY tired of it. I'm trying getting out my comfortzone and you mention failure.... I always avoiding failure because I want control everything, but its exhausting. Now I want to live I am trying a different path, learning and growing. It's difficult but I know I don't want keep this crap going on. I can't thank you enough for your videos. 🙏😊 You r truly the best 💐.
Julia Kristina there are many therapists out there on internet but no-one like you, with such a clear ,enthusiastic delivery. I love your videos and style. 🙌All points on self-sabotaging you mention ring a bell for me ( whether it is myself or another person ,a friend of mine I have in mind). It frustrates me as I think I see a person reaching out, as if to say: I need this or that to help myself/ heal, I am opening up; see me/ hear me/ interact with me and when you do respond and the going is good, the other person "freaks out" , pulls away, goes silent. The truth being..they reached out first, sought you out...It makes me sad that they make the first step but sabotage the next ones and cannot follow through ( even when you do it gently and respectfully of their boundaries and comfort zones). I have lived through this. It is frustrating to watch. I think it is some people's well ingrained pattern that's hard to snap out of. A protective shell. Thank you Julia K. Wise and beautiful as always.x.
Loved this one so much! I’ve been doing ALL of this! Thank you so much for sharing ❤️
The self congruence thing really resonated with me most. Oh dear. Will begin today to continue the journey of a better relationship with myself so that the inside can match the outside.
Yepp totally true about protecting my ego... and holding back and self sabotaging my goals and dreams
I begin self sabotage myself because I can't find a job and living a normal life of my own. Also, I have started arguments with my mother out of frustration, so I can get a negative reaction from others. I need to change my life for the goodness of humanity. Once I watched your video, I fully understand how self sabotage is.
Yes I have done this to myself my whole life , I love your presentation. Your truly helping me figure out why I'm self sabotaging myself
Sat watching this and the very first point hit home...it's me to the last detail...I've pushed every person away in my life that's ever tried to get close to me, I've been single for 7yrs because of this. I'm really struggling to maintain friendships with men and women and it's made me very lonely. I know I'm doing it but can't stop myself. I have so much healing to do. 😞
Going through the journey of a young 20-something year old and I find myself the most unhappiest I’ve ever been. Along with this, I find myself with the most blessing I have ever received. It’s a double edge sword. Came to this video after wondering why I was on the floor crying screaming that I deserved to die alone. No one just wakes up feeling that way. There are things in my life I wish I had done different. Things I wish I knew to avoid the pain. Moments I wish I could erase. But by thinking that way all the time it truly has ruined my present and I fear even my future sometimes. It’s not fun thinking you deserved all the bad things that happened- spoiler: you didn’t. I just want to live my life in a fearless way. It’s difficult to break a curse you feel like has been apart of you since birth but through seeing videos like this and looking into our hearts, I know it’s possible to live a different life.
Just found this after a marriage counseling session. I strongly believe this is contributing to the state of my marriage and didn’t even realize it. I was also promoted to a very high position at work and I never thought that I personally was ready for the role, although my boss did. I took the role but have never felt worthy and it does manifest in my work. Thank you for this video. I will be watching more of your content to help me work within!
Yes, thank you!! I’m glad I found your page. You’re a gift.
All of the above! It was comforting to have an outside voice confirm what I'd suspected for a long time. Thanks!
Makes so much sense. My ego is bigger than I thought and I don't try as hard so that I don't fail
This makes so much sense to me. I have been doing this for years and I always said to myself that I am sabotaging the situation without knowing what it really meant.
This. Is. My. Life. These are things I've done for years and have held me back so much. I've had my ups and downs with depression, but I definitely feel like it has been paired with my self sabotage. It's now where I do these things every day and I'm now in a very low point (why I'm watching all the self help videos I can). Thank you for your channel and giving people some insight and direction. This video alone will help get me back on track.
That was soo deep. I have been on a fitness journey. I keep slipping and eating healthy all day and when nighttime hits I been overeating and the guilt and disappointment sets in. This makes so much sense that im trying to match what im feeling on the outside to the inside. Your so smart and its good to really pinpoint where im at mentally because then I can work on it. The feeling of not being good enough is soo real. Constantly trying to juggle 4 kids and maintain a fit life for myself is a challenge i think when the stress of the day sets in it triggers self sabotage.. a fear of failure wow sooo deep. I now know that I am worthy of what I want out of life. I appreciate this video so much thank you from the bottom of my heart. Your a peach Bless
Thanks for this teaching,Julia. Number 3, "avoidance of vulnerability" really hits the mark for me. Grew up with much older sisters and constantly tried not to appear vulnerable in that family. Its not easy to replace the conditioning of "not enough". In fact, I've spent 71 years trying to overcome such self-protection. I've been procrastinating driving back across the country alone, although I've done it 3X before. Have to ask myself "What's the worst that can happen?" I know I could fail, but now I'm thinking "So what?" You've been a great help today. We never die,just change shapes. Namaste
omg you're so right about the congruence thing that explains so much that of the stuff that I did and happened to me, I used to self sabotage so hard when I used to have really deep self hatred. now that I feel better about myself, I'm making better decisions and I actually avoid toxic things because I actually feel like I deserve better. And I gravitate to things that can make me feel loved in the warm way I love myself now. In a weird way I feel like I'm finally ready for good things and happiness, before I just...didn't.
I self sabotage because I’ve felt I wasn’t good enough or smart enough. But I have great ambition. So it’s true, I didn’t believe.
It’s a pill I need to swallow.
A friend of mine confirmed this yesterday. She’s knows I’m ambitious, and highly intelligent. But I have procrastinated, and eventually fell into depression due to a toxic relationship.
I am working on this now step by step.
This has opened my eyes wide! I have done all of these things Protecting my ego and Making inside congruent to the outside is my go to.
Yes!! The one that speaks to me is that I'm not deserving. Thank you!!!!
“Yes makes perfect sense!! “ is what I thought since the beginning!! So glad I came across your video🤞🏼✨
This makes absolute sense. I do it all. I constantly sabotage myself with career, money, friendships and getting a new husband. I think you are the very best I have heard, and will definitely recommend your videos to my daughter, who is studying in college to be a psychologist. Thank you so much for the eye openers. Now I have to fix myself.
This makes so much sense to me! I now know what I have been dealing with my entire life. Thank you!
I've been self-sabotaging for so many years. I've always wondered why I was so scared of putting too much work into projects or goals that I wanted to achieve. Watching youe video made me realize how scared I am of failure and as you said it is easier to half-ass things and know you didn't get what you wanted because you didn't give it your all than putting your heart and soul into something and risk failure. I also do prerty much everything else you mentioned in your video but the main one and the one I do myst often is protecting my ego. Your words resonated with me on such a deep level. Wonderfull video. Thank you for sharing your knowledge, it's much appreciated.
risk/vulnerable/scared of getting hurt and feeling pain. Tears came during the pain part automatically. Now I know why I self-sabotage. Your videos are amazing and so helpful. Thanks for all your hard work!
This is so me! I need to really work on myself and know that I am worthy of being loved. That failing is okay. That perfection is not real and all there is, is giving your 100%. I haven't really failed if I haven't even tried my best.
I do all those things. My main problem right now is definitely with myself. I don’t feel worthy of anything so I begin to self sabotage. I am also ruining my relationship with my boyfriend picking fights that aren’t real like you mentioned pushing him away because I don’t feel worthy of his love because of how amazing he is to me. I am pushing him away when that’s not what I want. I want to work on myself. I NEED TO WORK ON MYSELF. Thank you for the video
This video was incredibly illuminating. I am going to have to watch it a few more times to fully wrap my head around the fact that Ms. K. has broken down my issues without even knowing who I am. I now realize that I've been experiencing a bit of terminal uniqueness, and had myself convinced that I was some unusual or "special" case that couldn't be defined or helped. I was wrong. I'm very grateful that there are dedicated professionals out there who share their expertise on platforms like this. It really benefits those of us who do not know what we do not know.
I procrastinate so much that it has stop me from pursuing a business of my own and is hurting my marriage. Because I push things aside. So yes I do sabotage myself all the time
Thank you Julia, I recently spoke about my self sabotaging with my Psychologist. Great video
So happy this was helpful - thanks for taking the time to say so.
I never really realized I was doing all of these things until I heard the term "self-sabotage". It is really easy to hold onto those things because our brains want us to not feel pain, they want us to avoid potentially pain situations. Plus, it's comfortable. In an odd way, it is, but then it really doesn't serve you either.
You are talking about me .. only came across this topic last month .. I froze thinking of all the sabotaging I have done in my life .. you took my understanding of it to another level . Thank you 🙏🏼
I have been trying to find a new therapist, but in the meantime have found so much good advice on UA-cam! This was a great video.
It helped me define everything I’ve been feeling over the last 5 years, much more so the past 24 hours. Had some bad occurrences at work recently that have made me realize that I need to work on this. I have reached a point in my life, (with past therapy and personal research) where I have been able to step back and do a lot of self-assessment. I’ve always been a problem solver for others, and now I’m ready to stick up for myself and take care of myself.
I too have problems with procrastinating, excuses, dozens of unfinished projects, employment self sabotage, feeling inadequate, afraid to shine, etc. I’m ready to work on a solution.
Thank you for putting this info out there so it’s accessible to anyone who might need it. I needed it
For the past five years anything good that has happened to me was just luck or someone carrying me. So much of this self-loathing of how I should had been able to do better in just living and feeling like a expensive burden to my loved ones. Good friends that I am trying to get to dislike me, because of how many good things they've done for me. It's just a negatively overwhelming experience when something good happens to me.
At times in life I've had them all, sometimes all at once. Right now though, I'm struggling with the last one big time. Time for such needed Julia Kristina binge watch!
Omg you just described me to a tee. I’m 61 and just now quitting weed after I started watching your videos every morning. You are a gift to me! Thank you Julia Kristina. I’ve always tried the self-help guru stuff and it helps w being a good person but this is eye opening and something I can actually work on. I’m on a mission.
I related to several of them but the one about the ego caused me to begin crying 😫 thank you for this insight and for taking the time to put this together and share it with us!!
Amazing video! Thank you so much! Everything you said resonated with me, lot of work to do but I'm really glad I found this video :)
Your videos are amazing and have been an enormous help to me, to get through the crap that has been holding me back!! That said, I definitely self-sabotage in many areas of my life, and tend to keep myself from reaching my potential for fear of failure. What you say regarding “imposter phenomenon” makes so much sense to me. Also, I am at times afraid to reach my goals, because “THEN WHAT!?” Thank you for these WONDERUL videos, keep on keeping on!!
Never thought about "protecting the ego" as a source of self-sabotoge! Wonderfully clear, well-stated info on all the sources mentioned. Thank you for sharing your knowledge. You are doing a world of good for all of us who are on a path of self-actaulization, headed for a better life.
I didnt even know that i am self-sabotaging. Thankful for this video. It opens my eyes
Holy shit, yes! Picking fights for no reason.... 🙋♀️😬🤯 I knew I had issues with self-worth, but did not realize I was sabotaging my outside world and my relationship to make it match my crappy feelings on the inside (that stem from things so far away from/prior to my partner). Mind blown. Taking to therapy. Thank you! 🙏💗
I think the glass box most resonated with me. My mother was abusive, and much of my childhood was governed by how she was feeling and what she needed. Even today, I find myself thinking that I can only be as happy or successful or as engaged with life as she is. If doesn't have what she wants, it's harder for me to have what I want. I've been working on this for roughly eight years now, and I'm seeing some progress. Thank you for this video.
I have these problems...and I would also like to add this:
We often hear of people whom it has been said to have never accepted "no" for an answer...but in my case, growing up through the years, it is more like the fact that ALL I HAVE EVER DONE IS ACCEPT "NO" FOR AN ANSWER.
In other words, I have allowed myself to accept limits on my progress or development, or what goals I should pursue in life, or what goals I am told are "realistic" for me, personally.
Wow! I am so glad you talked about this. I really need to work on myself. I have a fear of success and self sabotage myself too much. I need to work on this badly. Thanks so much.
Thank you, I opened the video and straight up gave a like and subscription. I'm looking forward to watching more of your amazing content!
Glass ceiling and protecting ego definitely apply to me, I think it's mostly the 1st and 2nd reason in general, that is happening for me. Thank you for explaining it this clearly and helping me understand it.
Thank you so much they all resonated with me but number one was a wakeup call, blew in my face in a good way. I had a talk with myself and I’m on the route to change that attitude now ! thanks again
This all makes perfect sense, thank you, Julia
My biggest take away was how we subconsciously protect the ego when we procrastinate. If we do a poor job on a project, we can blame our procrastination. This indirectly protects our ability.
I have been protecting my ego… by putting out a half effort. I have a fear of success or failure and I have been working to fix this in therapy. Thank you for the video it brought a lot of clarity✨🙏
For me it's the first tip, this feeling like you don't deserve the opportunities that you have. It is literally one of the first of many videos that I've watched that addresses this, a lot of people talk about the upper limit and that contributes to that of course, but I never really thought about actually looking into myself and exploring those gaps and just validating that I can achieve what I want to achieve regardless of what is going on in the inside, sozzles issa bit rambly
This explains a lot. Every time I “Level up” there is discord and frustration internally. the desire to want to turn the notch down a bit happens and I think “I’m content where I’m at in life.” Like recently I had a song play on the radio, but then not long after I decided nobody liked my music so I should become a plumber and get a steady guaranteed job. Partially because I’m afraid of being noticed. This was a helpful explanation. Once I break through each level, I am content and glad I stuck with it... great channel.
gratitude is attitude. rise high indeed~ give thanks everyday you wake up. give thanks for every meal. good to be humble. it's a practice not a destination.
Yes, I relate to this disturbingly. A subconscious setup which you pretend not to care enough to try hard, but really you're afraid of disappointing or failing. How I wish I could open my subconscious and pour out the hurt which formed this person... well, all we can do is continue to try and improve ourselves.... Thanks for your valuable content.
OMG EVERYTHING you described is what I do to myself!!!! I had a sociopath father, a BPD mother, n narc family in general. I am 10 years into recovery but STILL sabotage myself aaaaaaall of the time. When I have some great success I can hear my parents saying, "you are not allowed any more!!! Give to others. U are not responsible for success, we are. But u are 100% reaponsible for FAILURES becuz ur just flawed." How can someone like me heal from that??????
I've found that self-sabotage is often a learned behavior, as it was with me, because I was surrounded by negative people who didn't want me to succeed. People who can't or won't achieve anything themselves often compensate by trying to sabotage others' chances for success. I was stuck in a toxic environment for most of my life, and I learned that standing out only brought negativity, so I learned to stop trying to achieve anything. My advice to anyone in a similar situation is this: TO HELL WITH THEM - DO WHAT IS BEST FOR YOU AND DON'T WORRY ABOUT ANYONE ELSE.
I never knew it had a name, but yeah, I broke up with my daughter's mother when our daughter was a year old. We were living in our own apartment, I was making good money going to college, and one day it just clicked and I felt guilty, like I had forced this life on her, and that I didn't deserve any of it, and her and my daughter deserved better than me.... *thanks for digging that memory up... lol*
I can relate to everything you said. I know all the things that I need and can do in order to have a better life. I will sign up for a course, buy a book, etc. I am all set up and ready to get started and sooner or later the doubts start kicking in and eventually I will tell myself that I have never accomplished a anything so why start now? Part of it was the so-called reverse psychology my dad practiced of "tearing you down so you will want to do better." Anything I did was criticized as doing it wrong, a waste of time or he would meddle with it so much that I didn't want to do it anymore. Even with him no longer in my life it still has a powerful effect on how I perceive myself, even if I say he had no influence over me, his voice is right there. Still fighting it as best as I can.
Very insightful video! Thank you, Julia!