In my head, my mood and my gut. I feel guilty by saying because I tell myself that I am just being selfish by telling someone no, even if my body is screaming at me to protect myself. I know what is and what isn't OK with me but I am easily manipulated and guilt-tripped into doing what I don't want.
Everywhere. My skin feels weird, my stomach aches, my fingers get numb, my head and my neck tingle. Unfortunately, most of the time it happens far too late and I and up feeling horrible, because my body's reflexes are so slow, that I already said yes and am struggling with how to get out of the situation.
After watching this post, I realize that I'm the person who bull dozes, bullys, and makes people feel guilty just to get my way or to get things done. I usually don't respect people boundaries. Thank you for making me aware.
Wow. You are so insightful. My sister has bulldozed me for 55 years, reason I moved to the other coast of USA. If she had your insight, I would not be 3,000 miles away and dread family visits. Don't be hard on yourself- give yourself a round of applause!!! Todd
It's weird but I get the feeling of being overwhelmed and I feel it in my smile, I can't hold that fake happiness any longer in uncomfortable situations and then I feel like I might crumble
I am totally guilty of not allowing myself to have distance between toxic people in my life, I always find myself 'keeping my mouth shut' I wish I could have distance between these people but in my situation it isn't really possible , thank you for the video Julia
I can only imagine how difficult that must be Honor. Sometimes, when we can't take physical distance from people, we can have emotional distance from them and not allow them to get as close to us if it's not emotionally safe to do so.
Julia Kristina Counselling Thank you Julia, I was wondering do you have any advice for someone who was sexually assaulted and now thinks that every man they meet will hurt them?
When someone is trying to 'Trigger' me, and cross my boundaries, my chest starts to feel tight, And my jaws start to tense up too... Thank you SO much Julia, for these videos, They are enabling me to cope with my narcissistic 19 yr old daughter who has just had to move back in with me, and has been making my life into a living Hell, unti yesterday, when I found and watched my first of your videos...It was about how to say No...You Have Saved My Life, Literally.
Wow Carol, this is really humbling and means a lot to me. Thanks so much for taking the time to let me know. I hope you're able to make things work as well as possible with your daughter!
I am waking up at 64 years of age to the abuse I have suffered over the years. I have become an introvert, with no friends, mostly by choice due to the potential abuse they hand out. These videos are a big help. Thank you.
Yes, this has been a great eye opener for me. I grew up in a guilt driven home where guilt was used to get people to do or behave the way others wanted them to. One of my older sisters still uses this technique to manipulate everyone she can. I’m learning to set healthy boundaries with her. She will never apologize for anything, verbal, manipulative behavior, she loves to see how far she can push to get what she wants. Sad to say, but that is how she is. She can be your best friend or worst enemy, depending on what she wants. I try to have good relationships with family, family is important, but, sometimes certain members need to be contained and corrected in a respectful manner. Recently, my boundaries were way overstepped by her, she was very disrespectful to myself and other family members. I called her out on this. She hasn’t contacted me for a few days. Her pattern is that she’ll wait for about a week and then call and say something nice, never once acknowledging that she was wrong. Through listening to many of your videos I’ve learned that what she thinks of me does not define who I am. I make my own choices and decisions to define myself. This recent incident with her and listening to this video is perfect timing. Thank you!
I find that I don’t really have any problems setting boundaries with people outside my family. It’s my family that I need to set boundaries. I’ve been made to feel guilty when I don’t do something. My family I love them but at times they are too much.
Sonia, it might help to start slow and small with your boundaries with you family. They will protest because you are messing with the system, but eventually they will likely start to adapt and adjust. You may just have to be okay with sitting with some guilt in the meantime.
Hey Julia. I just wanted to thank you for your videos, but this one especially! I struggled for a long time being a people pleaser, and feeling guilty for saying no to the point where I would say yes to almost anything people would ask me to do. And I would compromise my own happiness so much so that I would feel validated and accepted or appreciated by others in order to get that validation. I was always looking for people's approval even when I knew I was being manipulated at times. But I literally felt like I had to say yes all the time or like you said, suffer the consequences. Lately I've been learning to let go and say no, I've just been saying yes for so long that it's almost an automatic response to other people's requests. And like you mentioned, before you realize it, you've already committed to doing something and you didn't even think, "Should I really be saying yes to this?" So I just wanted to let you know that you are a blessing and your video on healthy boundaries was extremely helpful to me and so Thank you so much! God bless you for taking so much of your free time to post videos like this one! I appreciate it more than I can tell you!
Hi there! So, I am glad I listened to this. Especially to hear I do not have to be controlled by guilt. Mostly pertaining to my feeling guilt when I have changed my mind about something I used to agree to. So liberating.
Wow. It resonated with me that toxic people only like me when I say yes and do what they want. Thank you so much for your encouraging words. I could cry...I feel so guilt free.
Lots of great takeaways in this video, especially around boundaries and people-pleasing. You nailed it: "It might be lovely to always put everybody else first, but it's not always healthy."
I have become absolutely obsessed with your channel! The talk about boundaries and guilt is exactly what I need to learn about. You’re my new favorite thank you so much! 💕
This is my first comment on UA-cam ever... I had to comment on this one. I always struggle with setting up boundaries. Guilt and resentment spoke to me out loud. Thank you so much for making it simple, easy and understandable. You're saving a lot of folks like me. Please keep saving souls
Boundaries and people pleasing. I put others ahead of me for so long that now I am just feeling burnt out in regards to my goodwill towards others or my willingness to help others anymore. I've allowed myself to be used and abused for so long that I am a little bitter about how much pain I have allowed in my life. So as a positive I don't jump up and go running to help someone at the drop of a hat. I will stop and wait to see if they really need help or if they are just reaching out to me so that I can help them and then toss in an "extra favor" that I don't want to do but will end up doing anyways out of guilt and people pleasing. Good stuff Julia.Thanks!
When I decided I am tired of this...realized I have a choice and a voice...I set up AND enforced healthy boundaries. This was 4 months ago. Oh my gosh! It is soooo worth it!!!!
Guilt. Oh my gosh the guilt. It’s such a special talent with me. I have been taking steps and have made some great improvements, but it is still a constant struggle.
Yes I was horrible at setting boundaries. I thought I was being kind or considerate when I accepted stupid shit without snapping or anything... but I grew complacent over time and froze or mirrored people when I didn't know what to do. Setting boundaries is something new for me and I realize that I had no clear understanding of it until about a year ago and still hadn't practiced it until just recently.
Wow again! Have a toxic friend that I am struggling with right now that makes me fell guilty all the time for not visiting. Feel it in my gut mostly and am trying to slowly push them farther away thanks to you! Love what you are doing for us out here! Thank you❤!
Trust yourself and listen to yourself. Boundaries don't mean you are mean. They mean you are clear about what you will and will not accept in your space.
Well unfortunately that doesn't apply on every segment of life, especially not for job,bcz we can't survive if we don't work(say no)...many ppl work for minimum wage n they know how to say NO,but they also know they have to eat every day. Topic is ok for less important segments of life and job is not one of them.
The guilt thing! How it’s easier to work through resentment than guilt. I’ve definitely been in that situation where I should have said no but the guilt made me say yes. Thanks for the advice. I will work on not feeling so guilty over things and that I need to set my own boundaries.
I have been guilty of not connecting with the part of myself that warns me when I’m giving to much of my time and energy towards toxic people. I have put myself through so much stress in helping my parents and my last boyfriend for over the past 5 years. I think i knew all along it wasn’t going to give me good results but i kept trying to work at it because i believed my love for them could change them.
I can relate to trading in guilt then resenting it. Yes, I am getting rid of toxic people. Only non-conditional love & respect. Yes, I struggle with saying "no" and I want to have healthy boundaries so I can love myself to love others.
My mother was a narcisisst and she was pretty toxic. She never raised me and my siglings with boundaries. In fact, we didn't even know what a boundary was until I was older. So, I never knew how to set one. I grew up with a lot of resentment for being triggered by other people and now I hate my mother. I never shed a tear when she died. I just got a lot of relief when she died. I have learned what a boundary is and how to use them! Sometimes I now go overboard but the older I get, the better I know how to use them. People who know me are shocked when I set a boundary but I have learned to hold on to one now that I have set one. What a wonderful thing they are. So, it's never too late in your life to set a boundary. Don't ever be afraid ro set a boundary for your self. I have learned recently that my sister is following her mother's footsteps when it comes to being a narcissist. Something I did not realize before recently that she is very narcissistic and tries to crumple my newly set boundaries. She has no reservations when she tries to invade my space, home, children or any other thing she wants to cross. She doesn't mind saying anything to me, good or evil.
Yet another incredibly helpful talk by Julia!!! She is the VERY BEST and has such a great delivery. I really liked the part about you can get over guilt but not resentment. That is so true. Thank you so much for all you do helping people!
It's so important to move away from people who feel toxic to us. Even though our other friends may not feel the same way about them. I recently had to make it okay for myself to drop a friendship while risking my reputation as friendship material with the other women in the social group. I told myself that if the other friendships are deep enough, they'll stay my friend regardless of how removed I've become with the one who makes my skin crawl.
Hi Julia, i made the decision to stop pleasing others some time ago (thanks to another of your videos) but what a shock, the change in so many peoples attitude towards me. One of lifes hard lessons learnt! I do really feel better for it though. Your last point connected though about only being liked for the 'Yes' part of me. Guilt and resentment still trouble me though Thanks for your fantastic supportive videos.
So glad it connected Robert. Yes, people do find it hard when we mess with the system and change our M.O. - especially if our M.O. has been them getting whatever they want from us. It is hard, but you will find that the real friends will adapt and adjust and the others probably weren't the greatest of friends if they will only stick around for your "yes".
Julia, I've recently overstepped my boundaries... for sure.! Whoa! let me tell ya! and time has literally flown by (which makes me extremely anxious, seeing that I couldn't realize this sooner) Some information has come to light throughout my most recent visit to my hometown regarding... you guessed it! FAMILY MATTERS/ HISTORY... its made me feel lost, confused, resentful and guilty all at the same time.. I am usually the strong willed one..creative even humorous at times and open to communication... but during my stay I was met with denial ... stiffness, emotional neglect and sometimes flatout rejection. Is this what I have been exposed to my whole life? Maybe I am missing something from my childhood that prevents me from acquiring something in my present.. not sure if this makes sense.. but this video helped me in particular way... learning to release what doesnt serve me and allow positivity into my space... thanks!
I recently subscribed because so many of your videos have helped me A TON in the journey to loving myself and becoming a better, healthier and more confident version of myself! I love how you give in-depth relatable examples of your advice which makes it easy to understand and to implement it in my life. You’ve had so many answers to these life questions I’ve always had but nobody to ask to. So much love and a big thankyou!!
To open, I want to thank you for doing these video's, it has helped me more then you will ever know. With that said, I feel that uncomfortable in the pit of my stomach and in the back of my mouth, I grew up in a very abusive home, my mother & father drank everyday and did terrible things to me, i had to be a YES man and people please or it would get very ugly, i knew at the age of 7 I had to get away from them and to learn from thier mistakes and not to copy anything they did. I left at 18, joined the ARMY, put myself threw collage, alone. I have never returned home and have no plans to go back. If i had not set hard boundrys and I would have been miserable stuck in the same place as my family, living there lies and drinking themselves to death. My question is do you feel i was WRONG to completely shut my family out? By leaving and never going back did i in some way hurt myself or dishonor my parents?
Wow! you are so brave and smart even at such a young age to know that what your parents were doing to you was so wrong. You did the right thing by getting away from them as soon as possible and shutting them off from your life. God bless you.
@@janeteddddd thank you I appreciate the kind words, its so nice to hear from people lile you, i turned 45 thus year i think about this alot, you are so kind. Thank you. I hope you have a good day.
WAY TO GO Ocean Sailing. You have absolutely NO reason to feel Guilty or Wrong for living your own life ever. I'm so happy to see that you had the smarts to not only get away but to stay away. Their Problem is not your Problem and you are not responsible for fixing them and their problems. I for one am proud of you and I don't even know you. Keep on taking good care of yourself despite your rough and rocky start in life. None of us are responsible for the families we were born into. We are only responsible for ourselves and our own positive or negative choices, which is very tough if you were brought up by supposed "caregivers" who never allowed you to make your own choices, etc.
@@juliakristinamah well, solid question, i am a Christian and read/study the bible alot, in the BIBLE it says i am to honor my father and mother, so i feel i may be sinning before God because i left and never returned. In the same breath, i feel i am honoring them by staying away becasue i know what will happen if i return, i know the hate and venum that awaits... I am a 45 year old man i am no longer worried about the beatings, nor their ability to starve me for days and days as a punishment, however, the words of my drunk toxic mother and father will cut like a knife they will say hateful things, cut and tear me down emotionally, scream at me, foaming at the mouth... just typing this and telling you about it brings my anxiety up, i feel mad inside.. i will not be going back.. i hope i answered your question. Thank you for taking interest. Have a good day.
Everything resonates with me,I feel the tension in my chest, I think I'm just gonna make a conscious effort not to allow anyone or anything tamper with my inner peace. Thanks Julie you're the best.. Joanna, Nigeria
Thank you so much for this upload! You have gave some good tips/advice! I booted a toxic person out of my life for good as she was just pure mean. I didn't realise it until a few months ago! But life is much better without her :)
Yes, I have been learning to put boundaries with the years and bad experiences that come with not having them, I keep struggling with that, but I have been finding ways of not being totally aggressive to say no, and find soft determining ways that people get clearer. When I get with too much over my shoulders I get stressed in all my muscular body, and recently I started having chest pains with too much stress and a feeling of hard brain, that I got over with positivity videos, healing my physical problems, after dealing with other problems, taking time to analyze my situation, getting over old-time ideas about life that were frustrating me and making me have wrong ideas about myself and my life, listening to your videos and other videos for improvement, rest, drinking lots of water and less sugar. I wish I could get out of toxic relationships, but the reality show in which I am, I am forced into a human family that is very toxic to me always wanting to get their corrupt ways to make their own pathways in the program that has some weakness with them, and they spoil too much in my life. And it seems that no matter how much I protest and try my best to get away, the program doesn't let me take them out of my life. Any suggestion?
I like how you bring the things down to earth in a very clear and supportiv way. The last of your theses I cannot agree completly because although I can understand why an other person is doing that it is important to accept myself that this is not my way to follow. To understand somebody means not to agree. Thank you!
This is exactly the message I needed to hear! I am grateful you are able to share it. I've been struggling with self-doubt, dealing with my conscience, and saying no. After hearing this and hundreds of other inspirational stories. I am ready to take on my new journey and become a lawyer/attorney soon.😁
Thanks again Julia 5 good ones, I have been there toxic relationships was my speciality, not any more, I realised my friends were not my friends took me a few years but got there
Healthy Boundaries are so necessary to our good Mental Health- I know when I need to step away- even if I don't do it immediately- it all depends upon the situation.
Great video I'm guilty of all of these n especially with having depression for a long time I always feel guilty n yes afterwards resentment I'm working on my boundaries thank u
Great video. I have always felt guilty for not being able to give a yes to certain people in my lives in certain situations. I have learned to not feel bad about eventually because my intentions were in the right place and i sincerely was not able to give them what they wanted. On their part, they were not able to understand and could take the no as an answer. It made me feel even worse and I tried my best to make up in other ways possible.
Difficult positions - depending upon the intensity and frequency , can create a Snowball Effect that starts with Fatigue- leading to lack of patience with situations and people- leading to a feeling of Anger/ Frustration- leading to Unhappiness with Life in general. Having a series of Healthy Boudaries is Paramount.
Please make a video on how to move through guilt.... Meanwhile, I am new to your channel. And feel a lot more calm just browsing through the content. Thanks for being out there ❤
I totally connected with the feeling guilty part. I feel guilty a lot of times, even though I know that I don't have to. I can't even stay mad at someone for longer than a few hours, because then I feel guilty of ghosting them. Needless to say, I am horrible at fights or arguments.
Thank you so much JK! In my life I have wrestled with ALL of these! One by one I think I overcame them well not 100% better than ever for sure. I actually feel it in my chest stomach and my arms get tingly! Thank you either I learn something new from you or you confirm something! You’re very good!
I have a friend who is "pushy" - and opinionated - about everything. I have learned to say " I would love to chat with you at some other time-but right now, I need to take a break". I have to establish boundaries with several friends who are very free with telling me what I should or should not be doing. I am an introvert , I don't like large gatherings and due to my Health Anxiety , am much less likely to attend any gathering where it is guaranteed that there will be folks not masking up or social distancing. My "pushy" friend, is trying to get me to let go of taking precautions and for me, that is not going to happen.
My therapist told me that I need to work on healthy boundaries (she didn’t say it that bluntly tho lol). I never really thought about it much before. No wonder I got so emotionally drained from my social life!! Btw, I’m a new subscriber. Thanks for the videos! :)
Ps... do you know much about eating disorders?? Any videos about it? That’s something I’ve been struggling with for years along with OCD and Generalized Anxiety.
Don't expect others to set our boundaries for us. Someone is expecting things of me that I willingly did in the past. Now I feel resentful. It's not their fault.
I actually decided to not allow the disrespect... I did it well... It went well. I'm learning... thank you... I did have to deal with feelings of rejection and guilt... yet, I knew better... that's why it went well... no love was lost. the best
thank you,, I needed all five. If I don't go to my AA meetings the consequence is I'll probably drink. I could go on and on with the rest but I'm too tired from work. I did take notes though. thanks.
Where do you feel it in your body when your boundaries are being crossed?
So glad it connected Lake Natron!
In my head, my mood and my gut. I feel guilty by saying because I tell myself that I am just being selfish by telling someone no, even if my body is screaming at me to protect myself. I know what is and what isn't OK with me but I am easily manipulated and guilt-tripped into doing what I don't want.
Everywhere. My skin feels weird, my stomach aches, my fingers get numb, my head and my neck tingle. Unfortunately, most of the time it happens far too late and I and up feeling horrible, because my body's reflexes are so slow, that I already said yes and am struggling with how to get out of the situation.
My heart
My legs shake
After watching this post, I realize that I'm the person who bull dozes, bullys, and makes people feel guilty just to get my way or to get things done. I usually don't respect people boundaries. Thank you for making me aware.
Gina, try not to be too hard on yourself. I think most of us have been on both sides of this one and all have some learning and growing to do.
Very honest and self aware response. 😊
me too
@@juliakristinamah not many will admit this. Few and far between. :)😊
Wow. You are so insightful. My sister has bulldozed me for 55 years, reason I moved to the other coast of USA. If she had your insight, I would not be 3,000 miles away and dread family visits. Don't be hard on yourself- give yourself a round of applause!!! Todd
It's weird but I get the feeling of being overwhelmed and I feel it in my smile, I can't hold that fake happiness any longer in uncomfortable situations and then I feel like I might crumble
Conduit of Change I think that I'm just socially awkward and feel self conscious, I want to feel content within myself and just not over think it ;)
I'm saying no a lot lately just for practice. Feels great.
I am totally guilty of not allowing myself to have distance between toxic people in my life, I always find myself 'keeping my mouth shut' I wish I could have distance between these people but in my situation it isn't really possible , thank you for the video Julia
I can only imagine how difficult that must be Honor. Sometimes, when we can't take physical distance from people, we can have emotional distance from them and not allow them to get as close to us if it's not emotionally safe to do so.
Julia Kristina Counselling Thank you Julia, I was wondering do you have any advice for someone who was sexually assaulted and now thinks that every man they meet will hurt them?
Are you too young to move away from those people?
M soo shocked..How can u always post videos on the topics we are suffering from on the exact time always..💞😍Your videos are really medicine for me...
This is music to my ears! I am SO grateful to hear this vid come at the exact time you needed it. Thanks for taking the time to say that Vaidu. xo
Same here. Relief😊
When someone is trying to 'Trigger' me, and cross my boundaries, my chest starts to feel tight, And my jaws start to tense up too... Thank you SO much Julia, for these videos, They are enabling me to cope with my narcissistic 19 yr old daughter who has just had to move back in with me, and has been making my life into a living Hell, unti yesterday, when I found and watched my first of your videos...It was about how to say No...You Have Saved My Life, Literally.
Wow Carol, this is really humbling and means a lot to me. Thanks so much for taking the time to let me know. I hope you're able to make things work as well as possible with your daughter!
I am waking up at 64 years of age to the abuse I have suffered over the years. I have become an introvert, with no friends, mostly by choice due to the potential abuse they hand out. These videos are a big help. Thank you.
Yes, this has been a great eye opener for me. I grew up in a guilt driven home where guilt was used to get people to do or behave the way others wanted them to. One of my older sisters still uses this technique to manipulate everyone she can. I’m learning to set healthy boundaries with her. She will never apologize for anything, verbal, manipulative behavior, she loves to see how far she can push to get what she wants. Sad to say, but that is how she is. She can be your best friend or worst enemy, depending on what she wants.
I try to have good relationships with family, family is important, but, sometimes certain members need to be contained and corrected in a respectful manner. Recently, my boundaries were way overstepped by her, she was very disrespectful to myself and other family members. I called her out on this. She hasn’t contacted me for a few days. Her pattern is that she’ll wait for about a week and then call and say something nice, never once acknowledging that she was wrong.
Through listening to many of your videos I’ve learned that what she thinks of me does not define who I am. I make my own choices and decisions to define myself.
This recent incident with her and listening to this video is perfect timing. Thank you!
Feel it in my heart that something ain't right it feels tighter and suffocating me and my heart starts beating quickly
Isn't it amazing how clearly our bodies can communicate with us if we listen carefully?
I find that I don’t really have any problems setting boundaries with people outside my family. It’s my family that I need to set boundaries. I’ve been made to feel guilty when I don’t do something. My family I love them but at times they are too much.
Narcissist will do that to you. They take your identity.
I feel you!
Sonia, it might help to start slow and small with your boundaries with you family. They will protest because you are messing with the system, but eventually they will likely start to adapt and adjust. You may just have to be okay with sitting with some guilt in the meantime.
I’m finding more and more that family members, at least for me, are the ones I have to set the most boundaries with.
Wow setting boundaries and not letting myself get controlled by guilt
Hey Julia. I just wanted to thank you for your videos, but this one especially! I struggled for a long time being a people pleaser, and feeling guilty for saying no to the point where I would say yes to almost anything people would ask me to do. And I would compromise my own happiness so much so that I would feel validated and accepted or appreciated by others in order to get that validation. I was always looking for people's approval even when I knew I was being manipulated at times. But I literally felt like I had to say yes all the time or like you said, suffer the consequences. Lately I've been learning to let go and say no, I've just been saying yes for so long that it's almost an automatic response to other people's requests. And like you mentioned, before you realize it, you've already committed to doing something and you didn't even think, "Should I really be saying yes to this?" So I just wanted to let you know that you are a blessing and your video on healthy boundaries was extremely helpful to me and so Thank you so much! God bless you for taking so much of your free time to post videos like this one! I appreciate it more than I can tell you!
Hi there! So, I am glad I listened to this. Especially to hear I do not have to be controlled by guilt. Mostly pertaining to my feeling guilt when I have changed my mind about something I used to agree to. So liberating.
Wow. It resonated with me that toxic people only like me when I say yes and do what they want. Thank you so much for your encouraging words. I could cry...I feel so guilt free.
Lots of great takeaways in this video, especially around boundaries and people-pleasing. You nailed it: "It might be lovely to always put everybody else first, but it's not always healthy."
So glad it connected Kerry!!
I have become absolutely obsessed with your channel! The talk about boundaries and guilt is exactly what I need to learn about. You’re my new favorite thank you so much! 💕
This is my first comment on UA-cam ever... I had to comment on this one. I always struggle with setting up boundaries. Guilt and resentment spoke to me out loud. Thank you so much for making it simple, easy and understandable. You're saving a lot of folks like me. Please keep saving souls
Boundaries and people pleasing. I put others ahead of me for so long that now I am just feeling burnt out in regards to my goodwill towards others or my willingness to help others anymore. I've allowed myself to be used and abused for so long that I am a little bitter about how much pain I have allowed in my life. So as a positive I don't jump up and go running to help someone at the drop of a hat. I will stop and wait to see if they really need help or if they are just reaching out to me so that I can help them and then toss in an "extra favor" that I don't want to do but will end up doing anyways out of guilt and people pleasing. Good stuff Julia.Thanks!
When I decided I am tired of this...realized I have a choice and a voice...I set up AND enforced healthy boundaries. This was 4 months ago. Oh my gosh! It is soooo worth it!!!!
Guilt. Oh my gosh the guilt. It’s such a special talent with me. I have been taking steps and have made some great improvements, but it is still a constant struggle.
It is SUCH a tough one Wendy. My husband is not at all influenced by guilt. I think I should ask him to bottle up whatever he's doing and sell it! lol
Yes I was horrible at setting boundaries. I thought I was being kind or considerate when I accepted stupid shit without snapping or anything... but I grew complacent over time and froze or mirrored people when I didn't know what to do. Setting boundaries is something new for me and I realize that I had no clear understanding of it until about a year ago and still hadn't practiced it until just recently.
So true. I am going to be more explicit about saying no from now on.
Some of these were my past & so clear & some i definately still need to work on. Thankyou for the reality check!!
Wow again! Have a toxic friend that I am struggling with right now that makes me fell guilty all the time for not visiting. Feel it in my gut mostly and am trying to slowly push them farther away thanks to you! Love what you are doing for us out here! Thank you❤!
Trust yourself and listen to yourself. Boundaries don't mean you are mean. They mean you are clear about what you will and will not accept in your space.
Yep! Guilt or Resentment... That is my roller coaster ride. I need to be okay about saying no. Thank you!
Yes! It is SO freeing when we do.
"they can ask..and we can say no!!" - THAT RIGHT THERE!!!! Will keep it in post it notes ALL OVER!!! I needed this reminder!
YASSS!! I remind myself of this one often. xo
Well unfortunately that doesn't apply on every segment of life, especially not for job,bcz we can't survive if we don't work(say no)...many ppl work for minimum wage n they know how to say NO,but they also know they have to eat every day. Topic is ok for less important segments of life and job is not one of them.
The guilt thing! How it’s easier to work through resentment than guilt. I’ve definitely been in that situation where I should have said no but the guilt made me say yes. Thanks for the advice. I will work on not feeling so guilty over things and that I need to set my own boundaries.
I sense positive vibes from you as you are very open minded, broad hearted and compassionate ❤️thanks😊
I have been guilty of not connecting with the part of myself that warns me when I’m giving to much of my time and energy towards toxic people. I have put myself through so much stress in helping my parents and my last boyfriend for over the past 5 years. I think i knew all along it wasn’t going to give me good results but i kept trying to work at it because i believed my love for them could change them.
I can relate to trading in guilt then resenting it. Yes, I am getting rid of toxic people. Only non-conditional love & respect. Yes, I struggle with saying "no" and I want to have healthy boundaries so I can love myself to love others.
My mother was a narcisisst and she was pretty toxic. She never raised me and my siglings with boundaries. In fact, we didn't even know what a boundary was until I was older. So, I never knew how to set one. I grew up with a lot of resentment for being triggered by other people and now I hate my mother. I never shed a tear when she died. I just got a lot of relief when she died. I have learned what a boundary is and how to use them! Sometimes I now go overboard but the older I get, the better I know how to use them. People who know me are shocked when I set a boundary but I have learned to hold on to one now that I have set one. What a wonderful thing they are. So, it's never too late in your life to set a boundary. Don't ever be afraid ro set a boundary for your self. I have learned recently that my sister is following her mother's footsteps when it comes to being a narcissist. Something I did not realize before recently that she is very narcissistic and tries to crumple my newly set boundaries. She has no reservations when she tries to invade my space, home, children or any other thing she wants to cross. She doesn't mind saying anything to me, good or evil.
Yet another incredibly helpful talk by Julia!!! She is the VERY BEST and has such a great delivery. I really liked the part about you can get over guilt but not resentment. That is so true. Thank you so much for all you do helping people!
It's so important to move away from people who feel toxic to us. Even though our other friends may not feel the same way about them. I recently had to make it okay for myself to drop a friendship while risking my reputation as friendship material with the other women in the social group. I told myself that if the other friendships are deep enough, they'll stay my friend regardless of how removed I've become with the one who makes my skin crawl.
Hi Julia, i made the decision to stop pleasing others some time ago (thanks to another of your
videos) but what a shock, the change in so many peoples attitude towards me. One of lifes hard
lessons learnt! I do really feel better for it though. Your last point connected though about only
being liked for the 'Yes' part of me. Guilt and resentment still trouble me though
Thanks for your fantastic supportive videos.
So glad it connected Robert. Yes, people do find it hard when we mess with the system and change our M.O. - especially if our M.O. has been them getting whatever they want from us. It is hard, but you will find that the real friends will adapt and adjust and the others probably weren't the greatest of friends if they will only stick around for your "yes".
Thank You
Julia, I've recently overstepped my boundaries... for sure.! Whoa! let me tell ya! and time has literally flown by (which makes me extremely anxious, seeing that I couldn't realize this sooner) Some information has come to light throughout my most recent visit to my hometown regarding... you guessed it! FAMILY MATTERS/ HISTORY... its made me feel lost, confused, resentful and guilty all at the same time.. I am usually the strong willed one..creative even humorous at times and open to communication... but during my stay I was met with denial ... stiffness, emotional neglect and sometimes flatout rejection. Is this what I have been exposed to my whole life? Maybe I am missing something from my childhood that prevents me from acquiring something in my present.. not sure if this makes sense.. but this video helped me in particular way... learning to release what doesnt serve me and allow positivity into my space... thanks!
I can so relate, 😢I am working towards healthy boundaries for my own well being, thank you for your tips and support always ❤️
Wow I'm learning so much!!!
I’ve been working though the challenges for some time now. I find videos like this encouraging. Thank you!
So glad it connected Eric.
I recently subscribed because so many of your videos have helped me A TON in the journey to loving myself and becoming a better, healthier and more confident version of myself! I love how you give in-depth relatable examples of your advice which makes it easy to understand and to implement it in my life. You’ve had so many answers to these life questions I’ve always had but nobody to ask to. So much love and a big thankyou!!
To open, I want to thank you for doing these video's, it has helped me more then you will ever know. With that said, I feel that uncomfortable in the pit of my stomach and in the back of my mouth, I grew up in a very abusive home, my mother & father drank everyday and did terrible things to me, i had to be a YES man and people please or it would get very ugly, i knew at the age of 7 I had to get away from them and to learn from thier mistakes and not to copy anything they did. I left at 18, joined the ARMY, put myself threw collage, alone. I have never returned home and have no plans to go back. If i had not set hard boundrys and I would have been miserable stuck in the same place as my family, living there lies and drinking themselves to death. My question is do you feel i was WRONG to completely shut my family out? By leaving and never going back did i in some way hurt myself or dishonor my parents?
Wow! you are so brave and smart even at such a young age to know that what your parents were doing to you was so wrong. You did the right thing by getting away from them as soon as possible and shutting them off from your life. God bless you.
@@janeteddddd thank you I appreciate the kind words, its so nice to hear from people lile you, i turned 45 thus year i think about this alot, you are so kind. Thank you. I hope you have a good day.
WAY TO GO Ocean Sailing. You have absolutely NO reason to feel Guilty or Wrong for living your own life ever. I'm so happy to see that you had the smarts to not only get away but to stay away. Their Problem is not your Problem and you are not responsible for fixing them and their problems. I for one am proud of you and I don't even know you. Keep on taking good care of yourself despite your rough and rocky start in life. None of us are responsible for the families we were born into. We are only responsible for ourselves and our own positive or negative choices, which is very tough if you were brought up by supposed "caregivers" who never allowed you to make your own choices, etc.
Ocean Sailing, can I ask you why you think it could have been wrong to remove yourself from a harmful and abusive situation?
@@juliakristinamah well, solid question, i am a Christian and read/study the bible alot, in the BIBLE it says i am to honor my father and mother, so i feel i may be sinning before God because i left and never returned. In the same breath, i feel i am honoring them by staying away becasue i know what will happen if i return, i know the hate and venum that awaits... I am a 45 year old man i am no longer worried about the beatings, nor their ability to starve me for days and days as a punishment, however, the words of my drunk toxic mother and father will cut like a knife they will say hateful things, cut and tear me down emotionally, scream at me, foaming at the mouth... just typing this and telling you about it brings my anxiety up, i feel mad inside.. i will not be going back.. i hope i answered your question. Thank you for taking interest. Have a good day.
Everything resonates with me,I feel the tension in my chest, I think I'm just gonna make a conscious effort not to allow anyone or anything tamper with my inner peace. Thanks Julie you're the best.. Joanna, Nigeria
Thank you so much for this upload! You have gave some good tips/advice! I booted a toxic person out of my life for good as she was just pure mean. I didn't realise it until a few months ago! But life is much better without her :)
Good for you for listening to and trusting yourself.
Yes, I have been learning to put boundaries with the years and bad experiences that come with not having them, I keep struggling with that, but I have been finding ways of not being totally aggressive to say no, and find soft determining ways that people get clearer. When I get with too much over my shoulders I get stressed in all my muscular body, and recently I started having chest pains with too much stress and a feeling of hard brain, that I got over with positivity videos, healing my physical problems, after dealing with other problems, taking time to analyze my situation, getting over old-time ideas about life that were frustrating me and making me have wrong ideas about myself and my life, listening to your videos and other videos for improvement, rest, drinking lots of water and less sugar. I wish I could get out of toxic relationships, but the reality show in which I am, I am forced into a human family that is very toxic to me always wanting to get their corrupt ways to make their own pathways in the program that has some weakness with them, and they spoil too much in my life. And it seems that no matter how much I protest and try my best to get away, the program doesn't let me take them out of my life. Any suggestion?
I like how you bring the things down to earth in a very clear and supportiv way. The last of your theses I cannot agree completly because although I can understand why an other person is doing that it is important to accept myself that this is not my way to follow. To understand somebody means not to agree. Thank you!
I can pretty much relate to all of these. I’ve always had a hard time with setting healthy boundaries.
It's no joke Scott - so much so that I made an entire 6 week program solely dedicated to learning how to have and set healthy boundaries.
How do I sign up for this 6 week course on setting healthy boundaries?
Creating boundaries and avoiding self-guilt, those are great!
Been there, people pleaser, letting go of toxic relationships
Learning to say no setting boundaries and not feeling guilty
I'm 58 and still working on it
😁
I am going to start connecting with myself more often
Thank you Julia for another helpful video
Will 🇬🇧
All of them! 😳 I have a lot to learn but this one is priority. I have been angry for too long. I’m SO GLAD I came across your page! Thank you!
This is exactly the message I needed to hear! I am grateful you are able to share it. I've been struggling with self-doubt, dealing with my conscience, and saying no.
After hearing this and hundreds of other inspirational stories. I am ready to take on my new journey and become a lawyer/attorney soon.😁
Yes to all of the above but what really hit home was the “trading guilt for resentment” ! That’s totally me!
Thanks again Julia 5 good ones, I have been there toxic relationships was my speciality, not any more, I realised my friends were not my friends
took me a few years but got there
Be your own best friend
Healthy Boundaries are so necessary to our good Mental Health- I know when I need to step away- even if I don't do it immediately- it all depends upon the situation.
Great video I'm guilty of all of these n especially with having depression for a long time I always feel guilty n yes afterwards resentment I'm working on my boundaries thank u
All 5 - they are all crucial & need to be remembered!! Thanks!
Great video. I have always felt guilty for not being able to give a yes to certain people in my lives in certain situations. I have learned to not feel bad about eventually because my intentions were in the right place and i sincerely was not able to give them what they wanted. On their part, they were not able to understand and could take the no as an answer. It made me feel even worse and I tried my best to make up in other ways possible.
Difficult positions - depending upon the intensity and frequency , can create a Snowball Effect that starts with Fatigue- leading to lack of patience with situations and people- leading to a feeling of Anger/ Frustration- leading to Unhappiness with Life in general. Having a series of Healthy Boudaries is Paramount.
People can ask , and we can say no ❤️ I wish I could do this I always seem to compromise the most to please others
Please make a video on how to move through guilt.... Meanwhile, I am new to your channel. And feel a lot more calm just browsing through the content. Thanks for being out there ❤
Trading in guilt for resentment- that one really resonated with me!
great
content
thank
you
Julia
healthy boundaries
connect with urself
there r conseq
juzd say no
away from expext
move past guilt
I totally connected with the feeling guilty part. I feel guilty a lot of times, even though I know that I don't have to. I can't even stay mad at someone for longer than a few hours, because then I feel guilty of ghosting them. Needless to say, I am horrible at fights or arguments.
I'm so glad I found your channel! I have had an overwhelming amount of family related stress lately and your videos have been very helpful.
So glad they've been helping - thanks for taking the time to say so!
The most mature compassionate nice. 👍
You are a great therapist I can practice the things you teach on your videos will my Walk in Christianity and life
You have truly touched my soul and you have def been getting me "through the crap" Ive gone and go through.
You rock pretty Lady! Thanks a bunch xx
I am committed to loving mySelf and creating Healthy Boundaries. I Am Worth It❣️❤️♥️
Thank you
Yes, this is great for me to be healthier. Thank you 😀
I'm CALM DAMN IT!
lol.
😁
So glad I found you!Thank you for sharing your knowledge,big help!
I really enjoyed this massage and it is very helpful
Thank you very much for your videos. Very interesting to watch.
Absolutely my pleasure Nicholas!
Thank you so much JK! In my life I have wrestled with ALL of these! One by one I think I overcame them well not 100% better than ever for sure. I actually feel it in my chest stomach and my arms get tingly! Thank you either I learn something new from you or you confirm something! You’re very good!
Nick, that means so much! Really grateful it connected with you.
I have a friend who is "pushy" - and opinionated - about everything. I have learned to say " I would love to chat with you at some other time-but right now, I need to take a break". I have to establish boundaries with several friends who are very free with telling me what I should or should not be doing. I am an introvert , I don't like large gatherings and due to my Health Anxiety , am much less likely to attend any gathering where it is guaranteed that there will be folks not masking up or social distancing. My "pushy" friend, is trying to get me to let go of taking precautions and for me, that is not going to happen.
Thank you mam. Yes this is helpful for many. Life learning goes on till we die.
Yes I always try my best to help people on when I cannot help them they make me feel bad like I never do nothing for them
feeling guilty and 'people-pleasing has cost me very dearly, across 3 decades of work and relationships. I'm 57 and only just 'growing-up'!
I absolutely enjoy listening to your videos, it is definately helping me to understand where my issues are as well as my strong points. Thank you
My therapist told me that I need to work on healthy boundaries (she didn’t say it that bluntly tho lol). I never really thought about it much before. No wonder I got so emotionally drained from my social life!!
Btw, I’m a new subscriber. Thanks for the videos! :)
Ps... do you know much about eating disorders?? Any videos about it? That’s something I’ve been struggling with for years along with OCD and Generalized Anxiety.
Don't expect others to set our boundaries for us. Someone is expecting things of me that I willingly did in the past. Now I feel resentful. It's not their fault.
Definitely food for thought
Being actively aware there are always consequences to upsetting the balance.
My stomach gets upset I have been thru a lot I love what you say about boundaries
I actually decided to not allow the disrespect... I did it well... It went well. I'm learning... thank you... I did have to deal with feelings of rejection and guilt... yet, I knew better... that's why it went well... no love was lost. the best
Yes all of them x
Thanks sister you are a great light worker 💪😊🙏
Thanks
You are welcome Bill!
thank you,, I needed all five. If I don't go to my AA meetings the consequence is I'll probably drink. I could go on and on with the rest but I'm too tired from work. I did take notes though. thanks.
Thanks!
You are welcome!
As usual
Loving your videos!!
Thanks David - you're the best!
Simply amazing. Thank you!
So glad it connected Maja!
Thank you so much! What you do helps me so much!
So glad I found you!
Thank you for this sensible teaching video - you have been a big blessing today! B
So so grateful you found it helpful - thanks for saying so!
Calm and happy now
Nice video, Julia. I like the black and white - it stands out. Enjoy your content - keep it coming!
I appreciate you....