Smiling and laughing can also be a big sign someone is overwhelmed. It often isn't disrespectful it's just that the experience is so powerful a smile hit their face.
Yeah. Monkeys smile when they are nervous. Most animals show their teeth when they feel threatened. Laughter is related to a release of nervous energy even in humans. And smiling can be a precursor to laughter. So it's very natural to smile when feelings surface.
Yes, this is so good and letterly opened an entirely new world. Only now I see how much I just give advice and deescalate which takes the other person out or the experience instead of giving them a moment to open up and give them what they need.
@@rickiesgucci4814 depends on the context. Do you want to help someone in a personal conversation, or do you want to keep the mood from getting too heavy?
@@rickiesgucci4814 The video is about processing trauma, not lightening moods. And I guess what we 'should' be doing always depends on the unique situation/context in question, plus our own perspective/goals. In other words, you'll always know what's best in your personal opinion at a certain time (or you'll be temporarily puzzled, perhaps), just alerting you to the fact that not all situations/problems/solutions are the same. (Maybe sometimes lightening a mood might be a great idea, whereas at some other moment it's not.)
@@rickiesgucci4814 it depends what’s important to you in the moment. If your goal is to lighten the mood, just know that by nature that will limit someone having a deeper conversation with you. Talking about hard things isn’t a light mood, and that can be okay too
The thing thats difficult with this is that paying big for therapy ruins the novelty of having someone exist with you in the moment. There is this expectation where some progress has to be made within the time that's costing you $5 or $10 or more per minute. The necessity of silence suddenly feels like -- or becomes, depending on therapist -- stalling for time.
Paying someone to listen is kind of the problem. Sometimes you just want to be heard for free. To have genuine care or understanding without being a burden or someone's paycheck. So when these peoppe have nobody that actually cares and they keep hearing from strangers that life is worth living it kind of falls on deaf ears. They don't have whatever you have that warrants your more positive mindset.
@@michaelortiz1561kinda true actually, which is somewhat been proven I believe. Man require more task focused therapy I heard, like some exercise or yoga, or movement. Not just talking, which is very hard and unnatural for alot of men
I'm curious to see how AI conversation/therapy will develop. If it is subscription based on a monthly charge, maybe it will mitigate some of that time pressure as AI conversations improve.
I was playing Scrabble with my dad once, I was feeling very low, lonely, different from everyone else, like a failure and couldn’t stop giving myself a really hard time. I just started sobbing while we were playing. My dad didn’t say anything and we just kept playing through it. I’ll always be thankful for that. Perfect microcosm of ‘life sucks right now but just keep moving and stay calm and it will pass’. I often think of that moment.
Great advice. I’ve recently began opening up to my friends and if I say something like, “I have felt like a coward for so long” they respond with absolute good intention “I don’t think you are a coward” or something to this extent. The intention is nice, but my friends don’t realize they are invalidating my emotions about myself in saying that, consequently making me feel worse. I’d much rather them sit with me in that moment and inquire further rather than express how they feel about it.
Trauma is horrible how it never leaves you. I have known enough dudes that went through traumas, same here, and today saw a vet totally break down because the government refused his ptsd treatment plan renewals, no meds, and giving services away to illegals... is heartbreaking, absolutely heartbreaking. And it never leaves you, ever, it hurts you for life.
As someone who grew up having to emotionally provide for my mother whilst struggling with a lot myself, I found this as one of the most beautiful videos on UA-cam. Learning from Sean’s perspective to somatically feel your emotions (when around a safe person) and from Theo’s how to hold space instead of trying to problem solve or consolidate. Thank you so much for this
Man Theo has grown so much as an interviewer, I fuckin love it for the guy. I hope his success continues to grow and he continues to improve at his profession.
In "Encounters at the End of the World" the documentarian Werner Herzog does something similar when interviewing a mechanic who escaped from the Soviet Union. The guy starts to try to talk about what happened to him and Herzog can see him getting upset, and he simply says, "you do not have to talk about it" and lets a little silence sit there. He continues by offering the guy this seamless transition / alternative path to talk about his freedom now that he's out. Herzog in general is EXCELLENT in talking to people about difficult subjects, as many of his documentaries deal with some intense issues. (The doc is here on UA-cam if you search it, and this exchange happens at about 1 h 4 mins)
I've heard for years people having this misconception that showing emotion is weakness.. when its done like this. when you willingly talk about something that you know could bring you to tears, that's strength. Never underestimate a person who does this.
Theo is such a humble person. Listening is such useful part of the human condition. Too many interviewers would have made Sean feel uncomfortable. Instead his heart and ears are wide open. What a guy. Greetings from New Mexico!
I definitely didn't expect the Kardashians part, and that was really eye opening. So that's why I couldn't open up with my family, because they would just add more weight to the problem, they would always make it about themselves. Thank you man, for your script, editing and ability to put this content out to the world.
Great video. Love the format. A legitimately insightful video breaking down social interaction and trauma processesing using Theo Von, a UFC fighter and the Kardashians was certainly unexpected, but I'm here for it.
I wonder how much of Theo being a comedian really helped him here. His entire career is built on reading people and adjusting to their emotions. I know we tend to view comedy as more simple, but thats really what it is.
Theo is a dude with a good heart, cares about others, and has become pretty good at talking with others. Sure his comedy career has helped him but I wouldn't say it's necessarily that his career has been in comedy. Comedy is more than reading people and adjusting to their emotions. It's pretty heavily based on others thinking you're funny
@@notsure6222 I've never heard about him suffering with depression but it does make sense. His type of kindness and sensitivity towards others' feelings is what tells me he's had to do his fair share of suffering. He seems to be having more and more of a "Giving back" attitude. Taking care of himself better and taking advantage of his platform as a way to help. Spreading some love.
Love this. It's an actionable companion to the pod. Doing it from the listeners perspective was genius. Had no idea it was going to be this useful, I'm very glad I sat down and watched. I'm down for more!
I do know theo is also in recovery - they teach you a lot about therapy-related tools like cbt/dbt, as well as like general psychoeducation and emotional recovery topics to deal with the really difficult emotions theyre gonna face outside the walls of in-patient/intensive outpatient facilities. It doesnt surprise me that hed be a superhuman when it comes to dealing with others
I think this skill of sitting with someone and helping emotionally when they are struggling is my biggest weakness. MY parents didn't know how to do it and I don know how, I've learned enough to not make things worse, but I'm not really satisfied with that level. So this was very helpful. Thanks
I would love to work with you one day. I am hopeful that sensitive folks are just quieter and that's why we think we are so few and far between. You're doing a great job.
Literally what happened to me but I'm not famous or anything to share my story n hopefully help others get through trauma current situation or prevent that life
I think its a great idea to usebreakdown Charisma on Command breakdown style of video and use id for emotional development stuff! Cant wait for more, great videos!
One reason many men struggle to open up about their sorrows is because they don't know how to hold space for someone else's without feeling uncomfortable, panicked, or responsible to "fix it." Because they react that way to someone else's pain, they mistake that everyone else reacts with discomfort and burden should they be authentic and vulnerably open. Learning to be a better friend coincidentally facilitates learning how to open up and receive support. If we want to lower the explosive rates of suicide, overdose, and alcoholism deaths, teaching men how to hold space for other men is perhaps the most powerful strategy out there.
Thank you for this. I think you just helped me figure out what I’ve been missing in my life, so you making this video really means a lot. Appreciate you 🙏🏼
Something to consider is, the social value of a man opening up. If that man is Strong and stereotypically masculine, then opening up is valued. If that man is strong and famous, then opening up is even more valued. If that man is strong, famous, and known to be closed off. Then that is the highest form of being valued when you “open up”. But if you aren’t any of those things, the value of you opening up so low, its non-existent, aka no one cares about what you have to say
Another thing I saw: the moment Sean got overwhelmed he changed his seating. Left leg up, hand on his knee. Away from the camera. Before, he was open, fronting the viewer. As if he was protecting himself from the memories.
Awesome work Charlie, this video is going to help so many men out there. It's given me an extra tool to help my friends when these inevitable tough conversations occur.
I went through the same kind of childhood. But when I reached my late teens and early 20s I asked myself what kind of childhood did my step Dad have to make him the way he was? I know he saw allot of crazy things in Vietnam but from what I do know, his childhood abuse was the same if not worse then he dished out on me. I think he resented the fact that I was someone else's kid and he couldn't deal with that.
My dad aint an alcoholic but he's mentally abusive but since my mom loves him like crazy he gets away with it, just like Seans mom. His dad is probably a Chad which is why his mom puts up with it.
and far too often, there just ins't anyone to talk to..... we get lost in ourselves, in the dark, alone..... isolate...... all that, had to even talk to anyone even if there is anyone to talk to or even care.
i could have done without the reality tv show analysis. the editing with the background music, the pre conceived notion i have that its mostly manufactured scenarios for tv, it just completely takes me out of any realness going on. the theo and sean conversation tho was really great, it was just raw and emotional, the only edits where the switching of camera angles.
This was a really good distillation of the stuff you've been talking about in the Patreons recently. Would definitely take more stuff like this. I wonder if the standard charsima breakdown format could work for this topic. React was good though.
Great video Charlie! However I'm not sure about the title "Weak men can't do this" Who are you talking about in this case? Theo? Sean? the ability of listening to other people's pains without judging? having to go through a trauma to get better?
All sounds complicated. Literally, just show the person that their point of view is true and that their life experiences are true. But no, ppl gotta be all like "but hey, you're pov ain't true cuz you have all these nice things in life" and "but hey, even though you think your experiences are true, they actually aren't cuz I know you more than you know yourself and your true self would've gotten through that stuff just fine" and other random bs like that
This is so good man. Love you
+1 to this
I'm undressing you with my eyes. Can you feel it?
You think Seanwould come on your podcast? XD
Gayyyy haha love your channel
-Churchill
Theo is a real one. Good heart.
Smiling and laughing can also be a big sign someone is overwhelmed. It often isn't disrespectful it's just that the experience is so powerful a smile hit their face.
Yeah. Monkeys smile when they are nervous. Most animals show their teeth when they feel threatened. Laughter is related to a release of nervous energy even in humans. And smiling can be a precursor to laughter. So it's very natural to smile when feelings surface.
This was good. More digestible than long-form content, but still feels like it's built around a single, actionable piece of wisdom.
Agreed!
Yes, this is so good and letterly opened an entirely new world. Only now I see how much I just give advice and deescalate which takes the other person out or the experience instead of giving them a moment to open up and give them what they need.
Theo is the man. He did exactly what I expected him to do. Give them the time and space to live in it.
Never considered that asking clarifying questions could get in the way of someone opening up, thanks for the insight
so we should limit trying too hard to lighten the mood? I’ve been doing that but I think I should be more “in the moment” after this vid
@@rickiesgucci4814 looks like there are pros and cons to both, though I can't write them out rn 😅 share yours if you do!
@@rickiesgucci4814 depends on the context. Do you want to help someone in a personal conversation, or do you want to keep the mood from getting too heavy?
@@rickiesgucci4814 The video is about processing trauma, not lightening moods.
And I guess what we 'should' be doing always depends on the unique situation/context in question, plus our own perspective/goals.
In other words, you'll always know what's best in your personal opinion at a certain time (or you'll be temporarily puzzled, perhaps), just alerting you to the fact that not all situations/problems/solutions are the same.
(Maybe sometimes lightening a mood might be a great idea, whereas at some other moment it's not.)
@@rickiesgucci4814 it depends what’s important to you in the moment. If your goal is to lighten the mood, just know that by nature that will limit someone having a deeper conversation with you. Talking about hard things isn’t a light mood, and that can be okay too
The thing thats difficult with this is that paying big for therapy ruins the novelty of having someone exist with you in the moment. There is this expectation where some progress has to be made within the time that's costing you $5 or $10 or more per minute. The necessity of silence suddenly feels like -- or becomes, depending on therapist -- stalling for time.
Most therapists are useless, I will never stop saying that, I have been through them and in the end only God and forgiving gave me peace
Paying someone to listen is kind of the problem. Sometimes you just want to be heard for free. To have genuine care or understanding without being a burden or someone's paycheck. So when these peoppe have nobody that actually cares and they keep hearing from strangers that life is worth living it kind of falls on deaf ears. They don't have whatever you have that warrants your more positive mindset.
Personally I don't think traditional therapy even works for men
@@michaelortiz1561kinda true actually, which is somewhat been proven I believe.
Man require more task focused therapy I heard, like some exercise or yoga, or movement. Not just talking, which is very hard and unnatural for alot of men
I'm curious to see how AI conversation/therapy will develop. If it is subscription based on a monthly charge, maybe it will mitigate some of that time pressure as AI conversations improve.
I was playing Scrabble with my dad once, I was feeling very low, lonely, different from everyone else, like a failure and couldn’t stop giving myself a really hard time. I just started sobbing while we were playing. My dad didn’t say anything and we just kept playing through it. I’ll always be thankful for that.
Perfect microcosm of ‘life sucks right now but just keep moving and stay calm and it will pass’. I often think of that moment.
Does he love you?
I perceive it as complete neglect, unless you keep something else out of context.
@@Wasp239no, he was sad too but he could see I didn’t want to talk about it and just needed to let it out. We’re very close so it’s all good.
@@GarrotWireyes, and I him ☺️
wish i had a good relationship with my dad too bruh. hope you keep that going with your dad man
Theo von is a deceptively good interviewer because he's so comical he gets over looked but he has real heart.
He's empathetic as hell
The amount of respect I had for Theo the day I first saw this is enormous.
I honestly thought he was kinda good ball but after this the guy has a actual heart which is rare.
I am obsessed with this level of analysis. Keep it up Charlie 🙌🏻
Great advice.
I’ve recently began opening up to my friends and if I say something like, “I have felt like a coward for so long” they respond with absolute good intention “I don’t think you are a coward” or something to this extent.
The intention is nice, but my friends don’t realize they are invalidating my emotions about myself in saying that, consequently making me feel worse.
I’d much rather them sit with me in that moment and inquire further rather than express how they feel about it.
Trauma is horrible how it never leaves you. I have known enough dudes that went through traumas, same here, and today saw a vet totally break down because the government refused his ptsd treatment plan renewals, no meds, and giving services away to illegals... is heartbreaking, absolutely heartbreaking. And it never leaves you, ever, it hurts you for life.
As someone who grew up having to emotionally provide for my mother whilst struggling with a lot myself, I found this as one of the most beautiful videos on UA-cam. Learning from Sean’s perspective to somatically feel your emotions (when around a safe person) and from Theo’s how to hold space instead of trying to problem solve or consolidate. Thank you so much for this
Man Theo has grown so much as an interviewer, I fuckin love it for the guy. I hope his success continues to grow and he continues to improve at his profession.
In "Encounters at the End of the World" the documentarian Werner Herzog does something similar when interviewing a mechanic who escaped from the Soviet Union. The guy starts to try to talk about what happened to him and Herzog can see him getting upset, and he simply says, "you do not have to talk about it" and lets a little silence sit there. He continues by offering the guy this seamless transition / alternative path to talk about his freedom now that he's out. Herzog in general is EXCELLENT in talking to people about difficult subjects, as many of his documentaries deal with some intense issues. (The doc is here on UA-cam if you search it, and this exchange happens at about 1 h 4 mins)
I've heard for years people having this misconception that showing emotion is weakness.. when its done like this. when you willingly talk about something that you know could bring you to tears, that's strength. Never underestimate a person who does this.
random question but what is your pfp from? looks so familiar
Theo is such a humble person. Listening is such useful part of the human condition. Too many interviewers would have made Sean feel uncomfortable. Instead his heart and ears are wide open. What a guy. Greetings from New Mexico!
I definitely didn't expect the Kardashians part, and that was really eye opening. So that's why I couldn't open up with my family, because they would just add more weight to the problem, they would always make it about themselves. Thank you man, for your script, editing and ability to put this content out to the world.
Truly critical informative content. I’m sure we all know how many men need to hear this.
Great video. Love the format. A legitimately insightful video breaking down social interaction and trauma processesing using Theo Von, a UFC fighter and the Kardashians was certainly unexpected, but I'm here for it.
wonderful emotional intelligence in this, wish everyone had these skills
I wonder how much of Theo being a comedian really helped him here. His entire career is built on reading people and adjusting to their emotions. I know we tend to view comedy as more simple, but thats really what it is.
Theo is a dude with a good heart, cares about others, and has become pretty good at talking with others. Sure his comedy career has helped him but I wouldn't say it's necessarily that his career has been in comedy. Comedy is more than reading people and adjusting to their emotions. It's pretty heavily based on others thinking you're funny
Theo has suffered from depression himself so he can relate a lot to peoples struggles. He's also a kind and deep person.
@@notsure6222 I've never heard about him suffering with depression but it does make sense. His type of kindness and sensitivity towards others' feelings is what tells me he's had to do his fair share of suffering. He seems to be having more and more of a "Giving back" attitude. Taking care of himself better and taking advantage of his platform as a way to help. Spreading some love.
@@HandsomeJellyhe talks about it multiple times on JRE
A lot of comedians comes from a dark past where they used comedy as a coping mechanism
Love this. It's an actionable companion to the pod. Doing it from the listeners perspective was genius. Had no idea it was going to be this useful, I'm very glad I sat down and watched. I'm down for more!
Beautiful work man - powerful and relatable lesson
I do know theo is also in recovery - they teach you a lot about therapy-related tools like cbt/dbt, as well as like general psychoeducation and emotional recovery topics to deal with the really difficult emotions theyre gonna face outside the walls of in-patient/intensive outpatient facilities. It doesnt surprise me that hed be a superhuman when it comes to dealing with others
I am autistic and have difficulty to say the right thing, i will keep this in mind when i end up being the shoulder for someone else
Thankyou, really nice to have someone speak to this. I struggle to sit and be present sometimes so i hope to be able to put some of this in practice
I don't often like videos but this one truly deserved it. Beautiful
That's such a good video! Yes its not about creating clarity or solutions, but to give the other space to live through the emotion.
I think this skill of sitting with someone and helping emotionally when they are struggling is my biggest weakness. MY parents didn't know how to do it and I don know how, I've learned enough to not make things worse, but I'm not really satisfied with that level. So this was very helpful. Thanks
This gives me some insight about being a horrible friend. Gotta do better.
YES, please, MORE OF THIS type of content !
Beautiful, useful, touching, informative.
❤❤❤
You look pretty :) Just that.
@@ZAND4TSU Thanks :)
Have a wonderful day ! 🤗
@@dacebambite6444 You welcome, YOLO
Theo is the friend Job needed when he was going through it.
This was genuinely beautiful
I dont find Theo that funny but ive never not liked him but now i think Theo is a stand up dude. Sean is the man.
I would love to work with you one day. I am hopeful that sensitive folks are just quieter and that's why we think we are so few and far between. You're doing a great job.
I’ve always respected Theos humility
Literally what happened to me but I'm not famous or anything to share my story n hopefully help others get through trauma current situation or prevent that life
I think its a great idea to usebreakdown Charisma on Command breakdown style of video and use id for emotional development stuff!
Cant wait for more, great videos!
This is a very cool style of video!
One reason many men struggle to open up about their sorrows is because they don't know how to hold space for someone else's without feeling uncomfortable, panicked, or responsible to "fix it."
Because they react that way to someone else's pain, they mistake that everyone else reacts with discomfort and burden should they be authentic and vulnerably open. Learning to be a better friend coincidentally facilitates learning how to open up and receive support. If we want to lower the explosive rates of suicide, overdose, and alcoholism deaths, teaching men how to hold space for other men is perhaps the most powerful strategy out there.
Thank you Charlie!
Thank you so much for educating us on the dynamics of this kind of conversation and what is and isn't helpful to the person sharing their story.
Great video Charlie. Haven’t tuned in in a while admittedly but clicked quickly on this.
I needed this. Thank you. Thank you kindly
Thank you for this. I think you just helped me figure out what I’ve been missing in my life, so you making this video really means a lot. Appreciate you 🙏🏼
Appreciated your thoughts. Definitely keep these type of videos coming.
Fascinating, thanks man. I work with people who are homeless and I think this will be very very helpful going forward :)
Gonna have to watch this one 4 more times to really take in all the juicy lessons. Thank you 🙏
first i saw this man, i felt connection, and knew he is awesome
Such a beautiful moment. Powerful.
Something to consider is, the social value of a man opening up. If that man is Strong and stereotypically masculine, then opening up is valued. If that man is strong and famous, then opening up is even more valued. If that man is strong, famous, and known to be closed off. Then that is the highest form of being valued when you “open up”. But if you aren’t any of those things, the value of you opening up so low, its non-existent, aka no one cares about what you have to say
Well said
One of the best videos of all time
This is beautiful brother. Thank you 🙏
This was your best one so far.
Thank you for what you do bro! Great video!
Amazing video, more of it please!
Thank you for this insightful video. It's a very simple idea to just be there and be present
Phenomenal and insightful. Thanks
What a helpful video. Thank you.
Theo is a great at making people comfortable which creates nice moments like this.
Another thing I saw: the moment Sean got overwhelmed he changed his seating. Left leg up, hand on his knee. Away from the camera. Before, he was open, fronting the viewer. As if he was protecting himself from the memories.
Good insights Bro. Keep up the good work.
Great video!!
Important stuff. Thank you.
this channel is so good
Don't invalidate people's emotions and give empathy and listen.
Awesome work Charlie, this video is going to help so many men out there. It's given me an extra tool to help my friends when these inevitable tough conversations occur.
I’m so glad I came across this video
I went through the same kind of childhood. But when I reached my late teens and early 20s I asked myself what kind of childhood did my step Dad have to make him the way he was? I know he saw allot of crazy things in Vietnam but from what I do know, his childhood abuse was the same if not worse then he dished out on me. I think he resented the fact that I was someone else's kid and he couldn't deal with that.
This is such wonderful analysis and advice! 🤗💕
great vid my guy
My dad aint an alcoholic but he's mentally abusive but since my mom loves him like crazy he gets away with it, just like Seans mom.
His dad is probably a Chad which is why his mom puts up with it.
and far too often, there just ins't anyone to talk to..... we get lost in ourselves, in the dark, alone..... isolate...... all that, had to even talk to anyone even if there is anyone to talk to or even care.
Loved this content
Thank you
Great breakdown of the video
Such a great video!
Great example for all males that even a tough mofo like this fella can be vulnerable. Recognise and experience your emotions, do not suppress them
Great share brother, awesome observation.
I'm going to stop giving advice and pointing out the silver linings in these moments. I never knew how else to help!
Very informative, thank you
This is incredible
Thanks man
i could have done without the reality tv show analysis. the editing with the background music, the pre conceived notion i have that its mostly manufactured scenarios for tv, it just completely takes me out of any realness going on. the theo and sean conversation tho was really great, it was just raw and emotional, the only edits where the switching of camera angles.
This was a really good distillation of the stuff you've been talking about in the Patreons recently. Would definitely take more stuff like this. I wonder if the standard charsima breakdown format could work for this topic. React was good though.
well done! ride on.
I loved this
Great video
Very powerful.
Great video Charlie! However I'm not sure about the title "Weak men can't do this"
Who are you talking about in this case? Theo? Sean? the ability of listening to other people's pains without judging? having to go through a trauma to get better?
Strickland would hate this video.
you look like Cameron Diaz's brother. great vid.
All men cry and thats ok, just never admit to it, ninjas cutting onions, sand in the eye, ect..
Theo is golden…
Love it
All sounds complicated.
Literally, just show the person that their point of view is true and that their life experiences are true.
But no, ppl gotta be all like "but hey, you're pov ain't true cuz you have all these nice things in life" and "but hey, even though you think your experiences are true, they actually aren't cuz I know you more than you know yourself and your true self would've gotten through that stuff just fine" and other random bs like that
Of all men were like Theo I really think most of the world’s problems would be better.
I see you, and I think what you do is important.