Becoming Secure

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  • Опубліковано 19 лис 2024
  • In this video, we discuss the process of becoming a secure base and adopting healthy patterns in your relationships. Regardless of your history, change is possible and attachment styles can change for the positive.
    Get Craig's help personally: www.askcraig.n...
    Get Margaret's help: www.askcraig.n...
    Craig's workbook series: www.askcraig.n...
    Creative Healing Course: courses.askcra...

КОМЕНТАРІ • 83

  • @CoachCraigKenneth
    @CoachCraigKenneth  4 роки тому +20

    Take just a moment to subscribe and support the channel! It allows us to put out videos more frequently!

    • @amujay0505
      @amujay0505 4 роки тому +1

      ❤️

    • @Mrsandis89
      @Mrsandis89 4 роки тому +1

      Like, at this point, 2 months in, I have very little anxiety and all thanks to you guys and our community. But yeah, these videos are so useful for the whole life.

    • @guadalupehinkle368
      @guadalupehinkle368 4 роки тому

      Thank you and Margaret for the videos that have helped me in so many ways. If it wasn't for you both I wouldn't be where I am. And it has helped me not to be too focused on my breakup. It has given me the tools along with the knowledge work book to deal with it in a grown up matter. It hasn't been that easy but has made a great difference than the way I would have handled it in the past. God bless you both. Due to my income. It will be a while before I can schedule a Skype with you guys. But I am looking forward to one in the future. Keep up the good work. I love you guys. Thank you both from the bottom of my heart.

    • @noforisk
      @noforisk 4 роки тому

      craig can you make a video about still not being over a relationship after a decade, even after dating quite a bit and falling in love since then

    • @noforisk
      @noforisk 4 роки тому

      for a long time I've tried to ignore/tell myself time heal all wounds. I broke up with my college girlfriend of two years in early 2020. I basically relived the trauma of my first breakup from years ago, and I felt guilty I did not miss my college ex very much. this is very disturbing and I do not understand

  • @priancavail6520
    @priancavail6520 4 роки тому +85

    I DONT WANT MY EX BACK!! I want to become a SECURE person who may eventually meet and recognize another SECURE romantic partner.
    Thank you for this awesome video!!😃👏👏👏

    • @TH-bj1pb
      @TH-bj1pb 4 роки тому +1

      I remember wanting her back so badly right after the breakup. I'm happy I gave up pursuing it early, and now a half year on, I feel on average much better now than I did for a greater part of the last two years.

    • @NicoleLam
      @NicoleLam 4 роки тому

      woooo!! right there with you

  • @Thomas-kv7js
    @Thomas-kv7js 4 роки тому +52

    I am honestly so lucky to find your content at the age of 18
    It feels so exhilarating learning more about myself and actually truly having a grasp on why I do the things that I do when it comes to personal relationships and attachment
    Thank you so much Craig and Margaret , you guys really are lifesavers !

    • @thehuskygirl3346
      @thehuskygirl3346 4 роки тому +1

      Thanks to your videos ; I have decided to move on. I will never consider a relationship with a
      narcissist. It will never , never work.
      Thanks for your good counseling.

    • @thehuskygirl3346
      @thehuskygirl3346 4 роки тому +2

      I wish Craig & Margaret the .....
      " BEST "!!!!!! YOU GUYS HAVE HELPED SO MANY PEOPLE....KEEP ON DOING WHAT YOU CAN TO HELP INNOCENT PEOPLE LEARN MORE ABOUT THESE SO - CALLED
      " NARCISSISTS ". THEY ARE VERY
      DANGEROUS !!!!!

    • @onlyn8iv237
      @onlyn8iv237 4 роки тому +2

      Same here too. I spread the word of this channel and am glad I am looking at this great content at the age of 17. Power to us

    • @Thomas-kv7js
      @Thomas-kv7js 4 роки тому +1

      @@singletrackdan as Margaret often says , anyone can change at any time if they are willing to work on themselves. Best of luck to you !

    • @bubbleburst1338
      @bubbleburst1338 3 роки тому

      @@singletrackdan I'm 34 and also just found out about this channel and the attachment theory. It's never too late to change.

  • @n26c88
    @n26c88 2 роки тому +7

    Omg this has been so helpful! My breakup has led me to go to therapy and build a secure attachment I can now catch triggers, identify my emotions and give myself time to process them. I can set boundaries and push myself to do what I want not other people. Looking back at my history I'm anxious because I was essentially abandoned by my parents and I have few memories of them before the age of 10 because - I was emotionally neglected. Learning all this stuff makes me cry with pride.

  • @QuietlyMagnetic
    @QuietlyMagnetic 4 роки тому +21

    “Time is like a river made up of the events which happen, and a violent stream; for as soon as a thing has been seen, it is carried away, and another comes in its place, and this will be carried away too.” ― Marcus Aurelius

  • @mariellas1271
    @mariellas1271 4 роки тому +33

    Yay I’m happy for this! ❤️ this is what I’ve been focusing more on than my ex.

    • @nathanwheeler7757
      @nathanwheeler7757 4 роки тому +1

      You are so beautiful Mariella and I wish you the best at finding love again. God bless you ❤

  • @paryeh9354
    @paryeh9354 4 роки тому +8

    At the first two months I was really devastated I was begging my ex to comeback to me. She already monkey branched to the orbiter which is her co employee at the first two weeks of our break up which was really hard for me. But now I don't care about my ex, later on I realized she was no good to me. She didn't love me for who I was but I accepted all of her flaws and our differences but for her she doesn't respect my religion and my values to the extent that I have forgotten myself in the seven years when I was with her. From watching your videos it really empowered me to become a better person and learned to love myself. I'm improving everyday thanks to you Craig and Margaret. I hope your channel will grow more so that you can help people like me.

  • @laurai2599
    @laurai2599 4 роки тому +15

    I love when smart people can fool around like you two with the making faces. Always something endearing about the way you two interact. Thank you for excellent content as well!

  • @fifouefof
    @fifouefof 4 роки тому +11

    God bless you Coach Kenneth and Margaret! So glad I found you in my time of need. Been watching your videos and they give me the strength to keep No Contact. At first I was devastated when my ex-moved out and gave me reasons like ''Something is missing'', ''You did everything, but I am not happy'', ''You do not understand me''. Tried to reason with her, ask the logical questions, know where the problem was so that we can tackle it, but it was like talking to a wall - ''I don't know.'', ''Can't say'', ''Can't be honest with you''. You were right all along that there is no reasoning at this stage. She did, however, state that she met somebody else and can't have us both, so she is sacrificing me for a shot at the other guy (she did acknowledge the pain she is causing me, tried giving me pep-talks like ''you are strong, managed to beat cancer, you will get through that and love again''). Probably a rebound, but by watching your videos I started to realize that the time now is about me, my growth, my will to shape myself into who I want to be. With each passing day the anxiety becomes less and less, thanks in no small part to your videos! A little over 1 week of NC, but the progress is certainly there, I am not the emotional wreck that I was. Will follow your advise - not to ignore her, but rather to not initiate contact and wait for the other party to look for me (even if it is some business related stuff, which we still share). In the meantime will work on improving myself and do the things I want. Whether we can get back together - will see. As you often state , emotions change all the time. Will cross that bridge when (and if) I get to it. Stay safe!

  • @shawnaludlow8099
    @shawnaludlow8099 4 роки тому +10

    My dad left my mom for another woman also. When he left her, he left us (3 girls). We all have trust issues now with men (STILL, I am 54 years old and this was over 45 years ago). I wish we can wipe out our minds of memories that negatively impact our lives like this.

  • @adriedrake8605
    @adriedrake8605 4 роки тому +3

    Yes🙏🙏 well I have a success story. My boyfriend had returned over a month ago now. Never stop listening to craig or Margaret regardless it helps you for you. THANK YOU👏👏

  • @Nolaperu
    @Nolaperu 4 роки тому +3

    Coach I want to thank you and Margaret for all your help over the years. You have made a big impact on my life, and because of you and others I met my amazing wife.
    Sure we have our moments but we sit down and talk it out like adults. We trust each other, we don't leave room for jealousy, and we are both secure in our relationship. You both taught me so much, and I still to this day watch your videos.
    For all you single guys out there, there is hope. Just be the best version of yourself , be content with being single. And enjoy life whether you have someone or not. And follow coach's advice to the t, it works!!

  • @whoisshe9548
    @whoisshe9548 4 роки тому +3

    Thank you for this. I left my ex because I was always so anxious about many things during our relationship and kept them under the rug until I cracked and ended the relationship that day. I blamed everything on him. I regret it immediately after...Thanks to you I’m now able to identify my mistakes and am working on bettering myself. I broke no contact after 30 days and hoping he takes me back.

  • @sebastianmueller8152
    @sebastianmueller8152 8 місяців тому

    May god bless Margaret in Heaven! Such a pure woman!

  • @madelineyang4623
    @madelineyang4623 4 роки тому +6

    Got my ex back, he’s quite avoidant, it just feels we aren’t together properly. Is there a line to draw somewhere between letting them be and potential fact that they are actually not that willing to be with me? Very tired when one’s partner makes you feel you are not building anything together but rather just going out.

  • @unhealingwithsandy
    @unhealingwithsandy 4 роки тому +3

    I found your channel a few days ago searching for unrelated content. I've been watching your videos since. I am not trying to get an ex back but I do believe that I tuned into your content a lot a few years back when I was in a tough spot. It helped a lot.
    I think I will always have anxiety, depression and an attachment trauma, but it is so much better than it was before. What helped me the most was accepting myself. And that is not something you do once and it is done. It is an every day practice. The scar from that wound will always be there but with practice, it gets easier to deal with.

  • @TH-ij2ri
    @TH-ij2ri 3 роки тому +2

    This is such valuable content. So glad you shared! I love learning from you. Such wonderful info. Thank you.

  • @estherh.1106
    @estherh.1106 4 роки тому +4

    Hey Craig, thank you for all the videos and hard work you do. I became more secure through watching your videos and by NC, I got my ex back. We are now trying to work it out and both show up more secure. It will not be perfect, but I feel confident I have enough tools to manage anything that comes on my/our way. Thank you again

  • @sohalidina
    @sohalidina 4 роки тому +3

    Love you both for being our saviours. I’ve started keeping self development journals and within a month of writing them daily, it’s unbelievable how much I am beginning to understand my unhealthy emotional attachments, unhealthy behaviour patterns. It’s almost scary how differently I’m seeing my self, my flaws. Thanks a lot to both of you. You are helping me to see myself in ways I’ve never seen myself before.

  • @xtrekrex
    @xtrekrex 4 роки тому +2

    Great video like usual! I gave myself space away from dating altogether and worked on my own insecurities. When I began dating again, it was so much easier for me to walk away from people that didn't give me what I wanted.

  • @dodie5466
    @dodie5466 4 роки тому +2

    You two are so kind and real and genuine and I'm learning alot about how things have affected me in my life, my anxiety and my attachment style. Thank you!

  • @joncabana7290
    @joncabana7290 4 роки тому +2

    I’m in the same phase after my post rejection. I love your videos. ❤️

  • @onlyn8iv237
    @onlyn8iv237 4 роки тому +4

    Coach, could you do a videos for teenagers about attachment style and no contact, self improvement, etc. I know many of your contents still applies, but I am wondering if there's any important information we should know.
    Forgot to say, thank you for everything, I am handling my first breakup pretty great thanks to you

  • @petewynnik641
    @petewynnik641 4 роки тому +2

    Margaret is so amazing!

  • @telesialoyd8084
    @telesialoyd8084 4 роки тому +1

    Good evening, awesome message....I’m just trying to grow and become better in the next relationship 😊 thanks

  • @Wifeyytalks
    @Wifeyytalks 4 роки тому +3

    5:17 margaret's priceless reaction. ohh god i love her so much

  • @Phoenix-kd1we
    @Phoenix-kd1we 4 роки тому +1

    Amazing video! Right on time. I've slowly been working on this. It is a painful process but so worth it. The video helps to better understand the purpose and notice the value of the realizations. Thank you so much for this one. It is a gem!

  • @mioakisan
    @mioakisan 4 роки тому +1

    I dont know why but I think I need help this time for my second breakup, Trying to heal alone is hard for me, I need proper guidance and step by step. Ive been watching so many Craig and Margaret video that im running out of videos to watch so I just re-watch all the videos again and soak all of what they say. I am gradually healing from the anxiousness/insecurity feeling. Being secure is my number 1 priority instead finding a man fast. I want to work on myself instead of working for that person I wanted back because there is no point in our space if we both are the same people before the break up.

  • @-Mimi-1
    @-Mimi-1 4 роки тому +1

    Please do some more videos on avoidants.
    They re so helpful. Thanks coach

  • @wontgetfooledagain8178
    @wontgetfooledagain8178 4 роки тому +1

    You both are so awesome!!! Thank you 🙏

  • @gediminaskavcinskas8977
    @gediminaskavcinskas8977 4 роки тому +1

    Thank you couches for your hard work, incredible advices, positivity and for giving us opportunity to understand our self rather than just focusing on others when we don't need to, you guys are brilliant 👍. Don't get me wrong but I still want my ex back, just not the way she is now😅

  • @esterstrekelj4954
    @esterstrekelj4954 2 роки тому

    Great video. Thank you for all knowlegde

  • @playalot86
    @playalot86 4 роки тому +3

    Could you make a video on how to handle your ex being in a new relationship after months apart?

  • @michaelcolvin8702
    @michaelcolvin8702 4 роки тому

    Hey craig after we talked I did research. Y’all should talk about the different types of avoidant styles. Dismissive, fearful, and the anxious styles.

    • @CoachCraigKenneth
      @CoachCraigKenneth  4 роки тому +2

      We did a great exclusive video in the Creative Healing Course on this topic!

  • @buchanan012
    @buchanan012 2 роки тому

    I'm not getting any signs of my ex missing me. in fact, they blocked me. But I'm trying my best to become more secure so I can attract someone who is happy, healthy and secure.

  • @Beatlenut2000
    @Beatlenut2000 2 роки тому

    Cognitive behavioral therapy has been very helpful for me. I don’t have any major trauma, but it helps to restructure my thoughts and behaviors. Maybe CBT isn’t effective in circumstances where there is more major trauma involved?

  • @lisadavis1678
    @lisadavis1678 4 роки тому

    My husband (married 3 years together for 5) ended things by email and letter 3 weeks ago but he had been pretty much in no contact for 3 weeks previous to this. I replied to his break up email and told him I didn't want any contact for 4 weeks as i wanted to focus on myself. However, I have found out today that he has been on dating apps and has a date organised for tomorrow (one of our mutual friends told me)....I am devastated....what do I do?! Help x

  • @lara-zaralaulinda3129
    @lara-zaralaulinda3129 4 роки тому

    Hey Craig. Your insides are so helpful and reasonable, I love your videos. Can you give me your opinion on my situation. So we broke up 3 months ago, no drama or anything. I had some communication issues and he got tired of me being so closed. Well the break up gave me time to reflect on this. We met a few weeks after and I addressed the issues, then he told me he was scared of going trough the same thing.I didn't beg but made sure he knew I wanted him back, a week later while he was in the middle of moving(not too far form here and it was planed before the break up) he rejected me. I called a month later for his birthday to check how he was doing after moving to his new place. The call was nice but he told me he didn't want to be in a relationship(probably with me) told me that he has feelings, and that we should probably not talk for a while. So I just wanted your take on this situation?

  • @mercwiffamouff7301
    @mercwiffamouff7301 4 роки тому

    Tbh i remember my child hood very clearly. My pops was a pyscho and i lived with my mom. I was bullied alot for being too nice. And white. I had a "good" childhood other than my father's input in my life. And the bullying. But all that made me the nicest guy you'll ever meet. Non racist. Loving. Respectful. Relaxed. And like to joke around. Lol. Im boring

  • @martinhosek1317
    @martinhosek1317 4 роки тому

    Hey Coach Craig. You and Margaret are really amazing and I want to thank you for that. I have just one quick question. If I want my ex back and she might have feelings for me too, but asks me if I date anyone now. How do I respond to that? Does it mean that she is just curious or that she has some other plans. Thank you once again.

  • @saltpepper7525
    @saltpepper7525 4 роки тому

    Does sharing means we have to read it out to them? Or just send them or email them is fine?

  • @konrad2825
    @konrad2825 4 роки тому

    Hy, Craig. My and my ex broke like month ago(she did). NC and she reach out to meet. We did talk and explained everything. Why we broke, what happend to us etc. We were building house and live together and both admit that whats happen is sad. we had nice day, she invite me over her house, hade sex. We talk very much about us. Next day we meet again in her house and again talk long night about how we were Amazig and special to each other. Both agrees that's so sad and hard to see us now having realy fun and talk all night but stil not being together. We agreed thas to early for both and for future succes of our realionship to get back now and we just need more time to fell less about ,,damage is done,,. Its rly hard to be and watch that we are great together but its to early and we need to fix our individual life and career. We broke cause of lack communication (to many nad stuff happen, work, no time etc.) What to do now? I guess i would want to slowly try to make US be again.(she dont want relationship yet) NC is good way for me to keep her investing? Should we meet time to time just to keep good emotion and connection? Not like friends but kinda like romance. Or just truly NC to make her lose all bad emotions wich keep her blocking? We both take hard and prety much indenfical hit after breakup (no eats,%, sick etc.) She was not reliefed, but mb she is kinda now. That's scary on some way. Im afraid shes gona move on.

  • @finch614
    @finch614 4 роки тому

    I need to know this. Is a quick happy birthday to my ex's mother ok? Not to my ex ofcourse

  • @MrBayern006
    @MrBayern006 3 роки тому

    where is the case study?

  • @kelinadang2696
    @kelinadang2696 4 роки тому

    What do you do if an ex reaches out after no contact but you do not feel like you've done enough personal growth to rekindle the relationship?

    • @SuzyASMR
      @SuzyASMR 4 роки тому

      You tell them ure not ready ,yet!

  • @saltpepper7525
    @saltpepper7525 4 роки тому

    You guys always have advice for people with whom their partners broke up. What about the person who broke up? What if they never wanted to break up in the first place but seeing that their partners were not willing to give them what they wanted, they let them go. People who break up a relationship are also suffering and missing their ex's. What about them?

  • @baileyboo9788
    @baileyboo9788 4 роки тому

    Would you say CBT encourages suppression rather than dealing with the issue

    • @louiseabsalom1832
      @louiseabsalom1832 4 роки тому +2

      CBT is more like reframing thoughts or perspective on your issues.

  • @gg-nm5uj
    @gg-nm5uj 4 роки тому

    i did around 38 days no contact and then broke it , i texted and she texted back , its been only one words that she replys with, but lately she seems more interested , she agree to see me one day but then she flaked out , another time she asked me if she could come over and she flaked out again , what should i do ? any insight please

    • @shodowhawk
      @shodowhawk 4 роки тому +1

      I can only speak from my similar experience, but she may just be seeing if she could get you to hang out to reassure her own anxiety that she could have you back whenever she wanted. I don't have a solution. Just the advice that if she's willing to do that to you then she's at the very least selfish and not thinking about how that wish washy behavior would affect you.

  • @michaelcolvin8702
    @michaelcolvin8702 4 роки тому

    Hey craig what we talked about thursday it’s more to it I think she doing I think it’s called love avoidant with me and addict outside relationship. How close is that to narcissist with the dismissive part also That’s why she is not wanting to see me and get her things because of guilt I know the anxious wants to help sorta confused

    • @karynk.2967
      @karynk.2967 4 роки тому

      Michael, I don't mean to sound like I know what's happening with you but I do understand a breakup and the struggles, I can tell you when mine ended he left his things behind, as soon as I packed his things up and told his brother to come get them I gained my confidence back and my self love. Don't get me wrong, I miss him but the simple act of packing his things up and getting them out of my space was a healing activity for me....just a suggestion for you, it also lets them know you are worthy, strong, valuable and love yourself more and will choose you over them and the nonsense. Sending prayers for clarity to you.

    • @michaelcolvin8702
      @michaelcolvin8702 4 роки тому

      @@karynk.2967 mine is so much it’s unbelievable I just don’t understand how some one can leave everything they own. I do now she is dissmissive avoidant lol

  • @DeniseMackie-q4l
    @DeniseMackie-q4l 7 місяців тому

    What's the next one !?

  • @dannybarly441
    @dannybarly441 4 роки тому +1

    Will my ex reach out to me if she is doing no contact and is trying to move on from me by the help of her said 'boy' friend? He is the one who convinced her to break up with me. She's the dumper. And I believe that he will stay by her side until she's ready to get into a relationship again which is with him

    • @baileyboo9788
      @baileyboo9788 4 роки тому +2

      Just concentrate on yourself become a better version of you...... keep watching Craig and Margaret's videos
      All will become clear to you

    • @j249
      @j249 4 роки тому

      I wouldn't worry about the guy friend if he's just waiting for her to be emotionally ready. If she had seen him as a high value man, she would already be with him. She's most likely just keeping him round to make her feel better

    • @BARRYCARRY
      @BARRYCARRY 4 роки тому +1

      She belongs to the streets

  • @thetransparentjerseygirl
    @thetransparentjerseygirl 4 роки тому

    Coach!!😁

  • @juliemarie7854
    @juliemarie7854 4 роки тому

    You will find the person in the mirror Do you like yourself?

  • @kimlee6538
    @kimlee6538 4 роки тому

    Wow

  • @2twinpop
    @2twinpop 4 роки тому

    🙋🏽‍♀️

  • @samanthachanty3698
    @samanthachanty3698 4 роки тому

    🧡😆😊

  • @zuhaabid2514
    @zuhaabid2514 4 роки тому

    First ❤️

  • @samanthachanty3698
    @samanthachanty3698 4 роки тому

    First