it took me until I was 30 to realize I was the scapegoat, black sheep. I had to set boundaries to protect myself and my children my marriage. I was tired of being walked on. after setting boundaries my mom hated it and said this is good bye your not welcome in the family. 2 years free and healing raising my own family. I feel amazing. still love them but have to love them from a distance. Thank you for your videos and support. 💓
I am the scapegoat of the family too. It took me decades to figure this out. Life is soo much better without my toxic family in it. These people don't change.
@@realhealing7802 its not easy. but you have to value yourself. holiday times are hard. seeing them all together and acting happy but your the outcast. I have a loving husband who's family and friends have made me feel welcomed and I don't have to please anyone anymore.
I was raised by narcissistic parents. My brother is the golden child who can't do anything wrong. I am the scapegoat in the family. I spent most of my time alone as a child. I was neglected emotionally and physically. Living with my toxic family was a nightmare. I am no contact with my entire toxic family. These people don't change.
I'm right there with you. I have 3 siblings who could do no wrong but it all got put on me. I spent most of my time pleasing or staying busy to stay away from them. now 2 years later no contact unless I bump into them and I get a anxiety attack. it's best if I stay away. they don't change and it's not right to run into family and have anxiety.
I’m 28 and only realized it a few months ago I’ve always knew something was terribly wrong but couldn’t explain what cos I had no knowledge. I am now trying to work on letting go. I am adopted so I’ve been discarded once already at birth so it’s the ultimate challenge to let go of my abusive mother since all I ever craved for was real love and feeling of belonging and not being left alone. I’m not strong enough to go nc fully even tho I already set up boundaries. I hope one day I’ll be strong enough to be completely alone
My mom (and Dad) totally made me the golden boy, while one of my sisters was treated like a second class citizen. It has negatively affected both of us. For me it created a sense of entitlement, for her it created a sense of low self worth.
I commend you for being able to see & share that. Sometimes we can be blind to certain things. I appreciate you commenting, thanks for sharing your perspective.
I give you credit for recognizing the facts. My golden child brother still gas lights me and claims my childhood memories are dramatized. My friends use to call him GOD (after the way my mom treated him)!
What’s rough is when the golden child and scapegoat love each other, but the golden distances due to underlying guilt. They’d never say it, but they see the mistreatment. So this dichotomy simultaneously destroys a sibling relationship and prevents it from ever growing. Truly destructive. 😩
Yes. My golden brother was co opted by them to deal with my “issues” (how I hold them accountable sometimes and they don’t like it) they smear me to other family and his kids. He uses his kids as pawns to make them do for him.
That explains why my brother rarely connects with me. We are close, especially as kids, but now as adults it’s glaringly obvious how different our mother treats him vs me. He probably feels guilty, and he still lives with her (he’s 29).
Omg this was my life with my mom. I wish I could have figured this out earlier. She is still this way at 89. Now that my children are grown they even see how she is. My daughter recently told me that she feels sorry for the way grandma treats me. But the best thing she could have said was that she and her brother never felt that way because I never treated them like that.
Omg I'm in tears. A lifetime of issues with my mother and I just realized I am the scapegoat bc I was the only child that voiced the issues. Still today and I am 30. Life-changing information 🥺
Thank you for making this video. Unfortunately, it really struck a chord with me in the worst way possible. I had heart palpitations and teary eyes watching this because it reminded me of all the times my little sister (the golden child) got treated better than I did all throughout my youth. I was always the Scapegoat and have even carried this sad title into adulthood. My mom got my little sister a house and a car before me (I am the oldest of my siblings) while we were teens! Needless to say, my sister has grown into an awful narcisstic monster!! Can't stand her. She manipulates everyone and has no problem backstabbing and gossiping about every one of her relatives over the holidays. Merry Christmas to every Scapegoat child who wishes they were treated better....
I was the scapegoat in my toxic family. My sibling is a narcissist. I am no contact with my entire toxic family. I finally had enough. The abuse will never end for the scapegoat until they leave. Narcissists don't change.
I can honestly relate. Just recently my older sibling got a Christmas gift while me and my sister didn’t. and I was confused Bc I did no wrong to my mother. My older sibling is the golden child. So she does what she can to manipulate me, humiliate me in front of ppl. Talks crap. Like I almost committed suicide Bc of her and my mother but when I started watching UA-cam videos and understanding what they have been doing to me and my sister all a long. I start to realize that I don’t need them or their validation. And that’s it’s time for me to get away and live a better life for myself and my sister. I only have her and she’s the reason why I’m still alive mentally. I’m grateful for her. Even tho I still love my mother and older sister. But what they have done..I can’t forget. But I can forgive them.
This is a weird story. My younger brother is the golden child, I'm the scapegoat. I didn't even learn about NPD until I was in my mid fifties, so I thought I was just an emotionally weak and screwed up person. Well, a few years back my mother called and told me that my brother had lashed out at her and reminded her of what she did to me. Then for just a few seconds my mother started sobbing and told me she was sorry, and just as quickly put "the mask" back on as if nothing had happened. It was eerie. The sobbing just stopped abruptly. I was so blown away because I had no idea either of them had enough self awareness or empathy to know what was going on. I know my golden brother threw this in my mother's face not for my benefit, but to make her feel bad. I must have worked. I have since held on to this scrap of apology to remind myself that the emotional neglect and the scapegoating was real.
I sometimes cry for the little boy I was. I learned early to deal with the physical abuse but it's been a lifetime dealing with the mental. Good news is though the cycle stopped with me and it can for everyone. When I get lost I always refer back to being abundantly kind. I've learned that being giving on your bad days leads to more good days.
Scapegoat here. I grew up completely neglected and ignored by my mother so badly that my grandmother took pity on me & volunteered to care for me more than she. Whats interesting is how my codependency to prove myself to everyone developed and turned me into the golden child in her eyes later on. Especially after my siblings “disappointed” her. Around others She claims every one of my accomplishments growing up (never to my face or just to me) even though she had no interest in them at the time. I had already gone to therapy & realized What was going on when I became her golden child. So even though I know I am now- i cannot get past how I was treated before- and it doesn’t work on me. I now have a younger sibling who has become the scapegoat. She throws my accomplishments in his face and I am always there to tell him, you are your own person. You are special and capable of whatever you put your mind to. She is a narcissist trying to make herself feel better. My little brother is my best friend now and I give him as much care and positive attention as I can while still healing my own innner child.
There were 5 children in our home with one raging narcissist mother,as our dad died leaving her with 5 kids age one to eleven Different kids would be the scapegoat, but most often me. I only got attention when I could see her clothes:dresses,evening gowns ect.then I was great!painting a mural,making her dinner,dying her hair and on and on. I was the only one who got the silent treatment for days and told what a selfish spoiled brat I was.she never hit me physically but her words and lack of her love left deep wounds.
@@susansheehan7965 wow yes that sounds so deeply saddening Susan and I am so sorry. I can see how twisted a mother daughter relationship must have grown from that. I know that has taken immense healing. Thank you for sharing.
My brother was the golden child and now he is the rich one and thinks he is the smartest of us all--YES he is needing to ACCOMPLISH to feel loved. I was the scapegoat and targeted to put it mildly. Little brother was ignored and no longer with us
@@jedidiah357 The siblings of the favored one later on as young adults resent the Golden Child. This turns into walls being built within the family throughout life.
I was the golden child and when I grew up I had to tell my sister I am so sorry I really didn’t know my parents did that to her when I was growing up now that I’m older I realize who I was raised by. Then as I stopped the mind control now I’m like the scapegoat it’s truly crazy I think this is a generational curse in my whole family
I was going through the comments looking to see if any child is like me cause I realise that I am the golden child and the scapegoat also, only child with a single mom. When I was a kid I was the golden child, as I am growing up and having a different mindset from my mom I then became the scapegoat. Not easy at all when you are the only child of a single mother. Hope it got better for you! I am still trying to keep my head up but I am mentally drained
Speaking of experience, I can assure you that the golden child is not any happier than the scapegoat. Because the scapegoat is exposed to the truth as the golden child is in a distortion field. I remember when I was young I once told my mom after being scolded: "you love my brother more than me!". Looking back, I can see that I wasn't far from the truth.
I always wondered if something was wrong with me, realized im the scapegoat…. Took me 30+ yrs to understand it’s not me, it’s them! My younger brother is the golden child and has been raised to be a Narcissistic, this video just confirmed what I was suspecting this whole time!
This video is me. I was the one blamed for everything under the sun. I wasn’t wanted. I was the expendable one. (It was a hard day when that came to light) I had no guidance. I was never allowed to go to her and ask questions that would have helped me as I grew up. I tried to be like my older sister ( she being the much loved golden one) but all that got me was criticism or beatings. I had to raise myself and it really wasn’t easy. I made tons of mistakes along the way. I am 69 now and still trust no one outside of my husband and two children. I don’t bother with friends. Every friend I managed to have growing up the golden one managed to ruin it for me to the point I stopped looking for friends. I lived in a family of 5 kids, myself being 2nd born, but I felt totally alone. I was told by mother before I was even in school that if she had known I wasn’t a boy she would never have had me, she would have had an abortion. I didn’t know what that was but I knew well enough that I would have been dead. It was also my fault that she had 2 more girls after me before she finally had the son that I was supposed to have been. By then she didn’t really want him either. I walked away from them at 36. I was in a bad way by then and over the years have healed quite a bit. It seems I have more to do after watching this video.
My mum is a Narc, I'm the scapegoat and my brother is the golden child. Growing up in that environment resulted in me being diagnosed with bpd in my mid 30s and being astranged from the family for the last ten years. We've recently got back in touch. In the last ten years my brother has had tens of thousands of pounds, they've even set his wife up with her own business and shop. While I can't even ask for the cost of a bag of suger. It's not the money that I have a problem with, it's the lies... She lies to me all the time and if I ask about stuff, she says I have a chip on my shoulder. I don't think she realises she's put all her eggs in one basket, what I mean is that one day she will need help in her old age, and there's no way my brother will be there for her. She thinks I'm going to be her punch bag for life, but you get back what you put out in the world... She's going to be very lonely and neglected, let's see how she likes it??!! 😒
The most eye opening experience for me was when as adults, my brother (golden child) put his dish in the sink and my mom praised him beyond belief. He is 29 years old and still lives with her, sleeps in her home and eats her food. He can do no wrong in her eyes. She raised us with two completely different sets of expectations. Now that I’m getting married, she has gone on and on about how she “hates weddings” and has turned every planning event into a conversation about her. She’s bullied me many times in my life, and would even gang up with my brother in doing so. It’s really hard to come to terms with, but these people don’t change it’s who they are. :(
I noticed as a child my parents always gave my brother nicer things for his birthday. I remember getting a bicycle for my birthday. They bought my brother a better bike on my birthday.
There has to come a day where all that praise from the parent should not matter to you anymore. Once that happens you have gained more control over your life.
Jokes on you because people who never have had a real parent won’t grow up to be normally functional adults we are still trapped children who desperately needed a loving caring praising parent which we hadn’t so you’re comment is kinda useless
As the so called “Golden Child” I am so glad that I came across your video. You beautifully explained the damage that the “golden child” sustains that no one (including the child) is aware is happening. I could never figure out why I had so much anxiety, or put an unbelievable amount of pressure on myself to always be perfect. I was always trying to “win” my mother’s affection everyday because it wasn’t sustainable, and I was elated whenever I received it. Yes I absolutely put her on a pedestal and was 41 before I realised that I shouldn’t have (despite a multitude of red flags 🚩). I suffered from depression and a lack of self from an early age (self harming from 9 to about 15 years old). Till this day my Mum doesn’t understand my pain but I’m no longer the golden child so I’m free to be me (whoever she is). I’m writing this because it’s rare to hear the golden child’s side of things. To all the black sheep and scapegoats out there, I am so incredibly sorry for your suffering, but as hard as it may be to believe, many of us suffered with you too 😔. Thanks to your video I finally realise why I behaved the way I used to and still suffer with anxiety and imposter syndrome now. Thank you 🙏🏽
This was thoroughly eye opening and very insightful! I am the scapegoat child and now it all makes sense why i'm such a people pleaser.. Thank you so much for this.
Same here. Now I have such trauma from being in bad situations, that I’m needy and I need to heal. I’m too needy now, again and I feel like a child again. Fear of everything. Healing starts now.
I was raised by a narcissistic mother, the youngest of three boys. The oldest was her golden child, the middle her scapegoat, and I ended up the lost child. Because of the situation when I was conceived and born, I suffered CPTSD in the womb and thereafter. My father was distant and unhelpful. I grew up in a pretty dangerous jungle. My mother abused us sexually, and my brothers abused me physically, emotionally, and sexually. I finally had a flashback of a beating I received at about age 10. The flashback happened at age 65 and changed my life going forward. I have trouble making and sustaining attachments to others. An INFJ, I have led a pretty fulfilling life, always struggling to succeed at whatever challenge I had at the moment. I was married and divorced three times, and have three children and two grandchildren.
My brother was the golden child. When he didnt pursue his masters degree to be able to go work because he got his girlfriend pregnant and wanted to provide for his new family, our mom discarded him and spread rumors that the kid wasnt his.
Wow. I’m 29 and just understanding that this is exactly the type of family I grew up in. Myself the scapegoat, my sister the golden child, my mother the narcissist and father the codependent. Now, having a 4 year old daughter, slightly freaking out internally that I’m going to make her feel neglected and abandoned and create really unhealthy relational habits and self-talk. Really wanting to reflect, learn and take action.
my confirmation I was the scapegoat and all my therapy & your videos stating the obvious, I now see, that my mother is the narcissist and my brother is the golden child was just before Christmas. I told mum I was going to be unavailable for a few weeks as I was busy with work & it was taking all my time. She continued to text me, then when no answer to another text would FaceTime me. When there was no answer she would text my wife, then FaceTime my wife, then call the house phone……. When eventually I succumbed and answered her call I said that I was busy, like I said so if she needed help she would have to contact my brother. Her answer was “I can’t disturb him, he’s busy”!! I triggered, flashed, shook with rage and that was the final call to my mum.
I knew from a young age that I was the scapegoat. My mom always blamed me because I'm the result of a one night stand that made her have to marry my father. She already had my sister from another one night stand. She didn't want to be a single mother to two babies. We are a year and a half apart. She was only 18 when she had my sister and 20 with me. My father was abusive and then he killed himself. My whole life, she took it out on me. She was always proud and happy about my sisters accomplishments but with me, she'd criticize me and yell at me all the time. She'd yell at me for looking like him and sometimes sharing the same traits. She would encourage my sister to make fun of me. Since my sister was older She'd do things with her first. The next year she'd refuse to do it with me because she already did it with my sister. She'd say she didn't want to do it twice, even though that stuff was for the kids, not the parents. I missed out on so much. My sister didn't escape though. My mom Constantly made fun of my sister for her weight. There were times she'd do something for me to punish my sister. Now my mom constantly criticizes my sister. She guilt trips me for not visiting. My mom had a lot of anger issues. The golden child sometimes gets a good brunt of it too. My sisters self esteem is low too.
This dynamic extends outside the family…the golden child , adult daughter was put on a pedestal. When i came along, jealousy and anger ensued, after years of this i put my foot down and was scapegoated by her brother, father and grandmother. Lies did not matter , she was protected by them and I was scapegoated. The grandmother is also on a pedestal, the matriarch and manipulator herself I could see it but felt helpless.
I was and am the Scapegoat child and my sister was the Golden Child. Now that I have kids my parents have chosen to neglect them so I've decided to limit contact with them to protect my own peace
I see so many people mention how they used to be the scapegoat and then became golden child and vice versa. ... and it all makes sense. To 'groom' the scapegoat into being the mommy pleaser while using the golden child as a tool. So when they reverse the roles she gets the kid that is ever pleasing mommy and the one that is now beat down but dependent on her in a way... how utterly insidious
This video is word for word exactly what happened in my family and after the sudden tragic death of my dad it was devastating and traumatizing growing up not knowing of these dynamics. As the belitled, blamed, scapegoated child, you were raised rejected and neglected.
As the son of a vulnerable narcissist mother and co dependent father, I think it’s really important to stress that the golden child and scapegoat can and do change, and it can happen even on a daily or hourly basis! The minutia of a situation can suddenly cause this shift. It was like this very much with me and my sister growing up, it added and extra horrible amount of confusion into the abuse
The golden child can be shone too if he / she starts making known the behavior of the narcissistic parent. That happened to me. I was once the golden child until I started talking about the unfair treatment towards my other siblings.
I’ve been adopted as a baby to a narcissist mother and a adopted narcissist/ golden child older brother. Since my beloved adoptee father died when I was only 4 years old so I was left in hell alone. I always tried my best because I thought if I try my best my mother might love me , or at least don’t treat me as bad. But I was so wrong. I’ve been let down many times by her, used, manipulated, gaslight , silent treatment, you name it. My brother used to beat the shit out of me since he has his own anger issues and my mother never took care of that since he’s the golden baby. She always said other siblings do fight aswell, refereeing to 2 boys, not a boy and a girl. Now I’m 28 full of wounds inside only realizing now how dark everything is since when I was younger my brain was fogged with the pain of the adoption and death of my father. I’m not strong enough to go no contact since that’ll mean I’d be completely on my own. Which is my biggest fear. But I know I have to cause they won’t change and it is making me physically sick and bitter. I just have no more strength.
I listen to many life coaches to help me heal and grow. I have been surrounded by very toxic people but I myself didn't know I was so wounded that I was becoming toxic by absorbing what people were saying and their behavior. I appreciate so very much what your particular lessons and knowledge bring to light for me. Thank you so much. Happy holidays and new year! ♥️
That does happen. You get in a situation where you’re being treated like in your family as scapegoat, so you lash out or get depressed. We regress under stress to more primitive coping. Complex ptsd is the result of being scapegoat.
Guilty as charged “ Ma’am “ this is the way , I used to portray in my children’s life … Now it is an open eyed lesson , which I also admit , I’m still a co-dependant, a learning in the progress … I was a golden child and know that I don’t want to be that way … I have tried to let all my children know , that they are all loved the same , although it seems to be a challenge , knowing that some shine more than others … I’m a middle child and the baby son , from what I’ve seen in different treatments , I have made an awareness decision to be otherwise … Thank you so much for your knowledge and information to bring better parenting to people who struggle , again guilty as charged “Ma’am “ !!! 🇦🇺😊❤️👏🏼
Subbed. As the scapegoat, I'm working on establishing boundaries. Of course one of my brothers is the golden child who seems oblivious to the emotional, verbal, psychological, and physical abuse I endured.
Thank you SO much for your videos - I'm going to have to watch all of them. I'm going through a divorce now and have been seeing a therapist for a couple of months as well. After 11 years together and 5 years of shared parenthood I finally realized that my wife is a narcissist and that I am a people pleaser. It is so comforting for me to here my lived experience explained by you and my therapist and I feel so much better about myself now that this spell has been broken. It is disheartening and scary to see my wife's behavior with our daughter but I am empowered by the advice you lay out. I can do this - I can be the stable parent my child needs.
Just recently I've began to research and read more about the narcissistic parent/scapegoat child dynamic. Turns out, I was the scapegoat for the longest time. However, I began to set boundaries by being brutally honest with people. I just got sick and tired of being treated like a doormat and getting blamed for crap that other people caused. Honestly, it's liberating to just say what's on your mind. Also, if my mother (narcissistic parent) pulls her usual antics and drama, I just say that I'm going to leave her. That immediately stops her in her tracks because she knows the entire family can't function without me. I am slowly coming to terms with my situation. I mean, I can't exactly get a do-over of my childhood, right? I'm essentially a realist, so I just say, "It is what it is." And if there are ways that I can make this better for me and my mental health then that will be my course of action.
The crappy part of being the scapegoat is the low self-esteem gets carried over into adult life. Meaning low paying jobs, low quality men, expecting failure or creating failure. Thrift store clothes, bowing out of 3 friends, because they're going to dump you anyway. And forever being poor. I've set myself up to take the crumbs in life. In all the sadness and despair reaching out to God was my savings grace. I've found new hope and for the first time in my life, real happiness. Why so many scapegoats, I don't know. We have to turn it around and realize our worth. As for the golden child, she's spiritually bankrupt. All her praise and riches have turned her into a unhappy bitter old woman.
Ooooh, my younger sister was the golden child and she became an acute narcissist; extremely manipulative, controlling, cunning, conniving - she does not take any action without a personal agenda. I was the scapegoat. My sister was worshiped, I was criticized from top to bottom. My mother LOVED my sister's friends and ridiculed my friends. The golden child/scapegoat dynamic was in place until my mother's death in 2012. I saw the damage it did to my sister. Meanwhile, I became strong because I chose to become strong.
I’m the scapegoat and my older sister is the golden child, however I can’t run away from my mother because she lives with me because my sister who is her “favorite,” doesn’t care to help her…at 31 almost 32, due to become a mother to my little girl in August 2022, I’m learning to focus on my child and myself only
I was both. I was the golden child unless I did something that was disapproved of them I became the scapegoat real fast. Idk if it has to do with my step mother being bipolar(diagnosed) and narcissistic(undiagnosed), but it gave me whiplash and kept me on eggshells. I have PTSD from this long term exposure. I was a golden child to my father and a scapegoat to my mother.
I was always the golden child growing up. Life has dealt me some sucky hands and I’ve been unemployed the last year. My sib now has the great good paying job and I’m the scapegoat. In my 30s and I keep getting shit on by her but she’s helping with bills so I just shut up and shut off. Prayers for a good job plz 😢
oh my I am the scapegoat my sister's golden child she gives so much guilt boundaries are a big no. Thank you for the video it really hit home. I wish I could just share this video and they would understand. reading all the comments I see not much luck in them changing .glad i am not the golden child as i don't like the way they treat people .
I was the second girl child to my Indian Mom, she said I couldn’t look at you when you were born and immediately after I was months old she conceived and then there were series of loosing pregnancies all she says were boys, then my brother the golden child was born 8 years after me and the gates of the hell opened for me. I love my brother a lot he is a sweet sensitive man. I was raised physically and emotionally abused, still bear scars of it on my body and mind. 34 years now and I have recognised what she is, she is a monster and I will not let her eat my soul.
My brother was the golden child since birth. Because he was a boy and could fulfill the role of a surrogate spouse for my mom, he got that role for life. I guess the quality women on my moms side of the family look for us a surrogate spouse.
Resonates so we'll w/ the other parents character. Appreciate all the wonderful dynamics you get in-depths with. Bringing forth awareness for the future generations is extremely valuable. Thank you!
The golden child will actually start to treat the narc mom like crap as he/she gets older because he’s been given so much and he starts to look down on the narc mom. I’ve seen this firsthand.
This is so true. I’ve been dealing with this ever since I was a kid, up until now. I’m 20 tho.But in my family I’m the scapegoat while my sister, and mother are the Narcissist. So it’s hard to deal with the both of them. I’ve always been blamed for a lot of things. So I’ve came to learn that I need to not be codependent or try to please anyone because it’s their always going to let me done, when I don’t receive that validation from them. My older sibling never apologizes to me and my own mother dislikes me and the decisions I make. She blows up in any argument. So her and my mother are like twins, not physically but verbally. They gossip about me, tell me I’m dumb or stupid. Tells me I’m sensitive or I’m being dramatic. My mother loves to tell me “why can’t I be more like my older sister”. And I keep blaming myself for that. She’s told me that i will not help anyone who doesn’t follow what I say. She got really upset when I didn’t go to college and till this day I’m still trying to please her so it’s hard to deal with that. But it’s a lot her and my older sibling has said that has hurt my feelings, as a grown adult. But I’m so ready to cut them off. I need time away from them. So that they can think about how they made me feel. I want them to feel “why?” “ why did they cut us off”? I hope my mother realizes why she lost all her children,because you neglected each an every one of them,who didn’t want to listen to you. They only wanted to follow their dreams not your dreams.
I'm in a similar situation. My dad is a narcissist, I cut him off in August. It was really hard at first but as I was able to distance myself it became much easier. I found Dr Jonice Webb and got one of her books from the library. She talks about childhood emotional neglect, what it looks like and how to overcome it. I think you might find her interesting.
I kinda have a similar situation. I’ve been adopted as a baby to a narcissist mother and a adopted narcissist/ golden child older brother. Since my beloved adoptee father died when I was only 4 years old so I was left in hell alone. I always tried my best because I thought if I try my best my mother might love me , or at least don’t treat me as bad. But I was so wrong. I’ve been let down many times by her, used, manipulated, gaslight , silent treatment, you name it. My brother used to beat the shit out of me since he has his own anger issues and my mother never took care of that since he’s the golden baby. She always said other siblings do fight aswell, refereeing to 2 boys, not a boy and a girl. Now I’m 28 full of wounds inside only realizing now how dark everything is since when I was younger my brain was fogged with the pain of the adoption and death if my father. I’m not strong enough to go no contact since that’ll mean I’d be completely on my own. Which is my biggest fear. But I know they won’t change and she will never love me.
I was the golden child. As my brother grew, he started acting out more and more. The way my parents treated him was awful and caused trauma for me. As the golden child, I gave up trying to please my parents by my teens, but tried to be kind and honoring towards them. My brother grew up to show strong covert narc tendencies, just like my mother. He has now become a flying monkey for her, as I have cut off all communication with my family. Now as a parent, I have to figure out what's healthy and what's not.
The scapegoat feels the majority of the abuse although the golden child is abused as well. I was always the scapegoat and to this day my narcissistic father is still trying to get me to return to my role that will never happen. My narc "mother" rules the roost so he does what she says. My late sister was the golden child for a long time until her only child was groomed to be the new one and my sister was relegated to my horrible role when I went no contact with the toxic family. I wish I had figured it all out sooner but the sad thing is my late sister was and is the only one in the "family" on both sides who bothered to let me know that our "parents" were always at fault and not me.
Thank you for your insight! I have a situation similar to what you described but m not in the picture and it’s hard to watch my kids in this environment thanks again
How do you know you are in an unhealthy relationship? You are exhausted for doing most of the work, since they don't have the life skills to reciprocate to bear the responsibilities that are a normal part of all healthy relationships. They may say the words I'm sorry, but don't have the consciousness to fully understand what it means to truly apologize in a way that brings closure and healing They simply don't know how to relate to anyone but themselves and can only see things from their perspective. Selfish is the word and are so narrow minded all they see is themselves and how they feel. It's truly heart rending to try for years and years to find a way to resolve or get to a place of understanding and to slowly begin to realize they have no comprehension of your interest or intentions to work together nor do they care if you do. They see you and everyone else the way they see them and that's how it is. Even psychologists refuse to take on these psychotic individuals, becuase they know they are not willing to examine their own mind and heart motives. It's just to scary for them, so they self medicate, ignore, deny, project, blameshift and maintain thier professional victim status to keep the hampster wheel going. When the relationSHIP is still in the harbor, lost at sea or sinking, you must make the conscious decision to get off the SHIP even if it means leaving them there when they refuse to let you take the wheel. DON'T STAY IN THE SHIP if they aren't willing to burn it and get on the one that is on course to a healthy life, then LET THEM GO! It will be hard ar first since their was SO MUCH trauma bonding and these waters are unfamiliar and seem uncertain when all you knew was the troubled waters of the past. In this moment, right now YOU MUST decide to leave the false comfort of the ship destined to wander endlessly with no real destination; shipwrecked on the island of indecision (nowhere) or eventually go down with them, never really reaching the shores of a vibrant and healthy relationship where we are affirmed, validated and supported. Once you have seen the glory of this kind of voyage you wil chart your course, set your sails and never look back!
Thank you. We can do nothing against the truth only for the Truth. When others can't see we must guide them to the vision of what they are missing Hurt people - hurt people Some may choose to live their entire lives in denial, so I agree Flee the relationship, Walk to the light of true freedom!
I was the scapegoat and my younger brother was the golden child. My younger brother had grown up and turned to selling drugs for fast money and has been arrested more than 20 times and he's notorious to the police. Thank God I left my family 4 years ago I couldn't handle the toxic environment. I cut them off. Growing up my mother was never available but I was raised by relatives and not my mother.
This situation is very painful horrible myself I was just wondering what if I can ended my life. and not feeling this painful situation or seeing my family again. my mother's words killing me more than everything. 😢
@@josiekhuma1313 I am truly sorry you went through such situation, I hope you got better!! Keep working on yourself, value yourself and create a great life for yourself. I know it's not easy to cope especially when you love that parent(mom in your case) but don't give up on yourself. Sending you Love and hugs!! You are loved! I love you! Take care of yourself!
I was her step child. This has been my whole life. My step sister was the golden child and still is. She was literally called the golden child. I never understood it though. My dad treated my step sister like she was her own. However my step mom treated me like shit. I just don’t know what I did to cause this. My dad was the one who wasn’t always there. He has been involved with soccer and basketball for years. Still is. He was recently recognized for it too. He never stood up for me or protected me. So I guess both my parents are shit.
Thank you very much for doing these videos I so appreciate it you have nailed it exactly what you said that is me on the scapegoat and I have a older brother and you nailed it thank you very much I'd love to play this for my mother
Thanks for this video because i am the firstborn. I am the scapegoat and my brother is the middle child and is the golden child. I have a sister and is the baby of the family,but I am still trying to see which one she is. She hangs on them asking them if they love her until they respond.
This is the relationship of my brother and mother, he is 55 and so disrespectful to her if he is slightly annoyed, my mother is in her 70s. His behavior is gross and I have distanced myself from the whole thing. I'm the proud black sheep/scapegoat -- telling it like it is has it's benefits lol.
Just found out my mums a narcissist and I'm the golden 😥 To all the scapegoats out there I love you you are amazing xxx This feels so shit , the level of how she has treated my sisters over the years . It's in humain. I'll take any advice on how to never become my mum .
I was both. If I did good she'd say it was all because of her good genes ect. If I did anything (not bad but not what she wanted) I would be abused verbally and physically. She literally knocked me out one night because she was fighting with her bf again and I wanted to leave so I didn't have to be there when it escalated. I thought I was going to die that night. I got up and ran for the door and she had my hair but finally let go when the neighbors porch light came on.
Exactly my current experience. I am both the golden child and the scapegoat one. When I do what she wants I am praised and shown affection but when I do something that she doesn't want not something bad but in another way then I am abused verbally (threats or devaluation). it's draining
I'm a woman with 2 brothers and my mom to the day is treating me like crape, and it's true they get worse, one of my brothers is the golden(the one that resembles more on her side of the family), I'm the scapegoat and my youngest is almost ignored and used to her benefit when it serves her ego. My father is sort of codependent. I'm over 30 and in an argument she sort of admitted to not loving me and that as painful as it was to be confirmed it was also liberating.
my mom turned goldenchild into a game. We would fight and compete and literally have to wait to hear her vote on who was goldenchlld for that day. I would always do things for her and say “can i be the goldenchild now mommy!!?” so sick now that i’m 25 and realize after therapy
I found myself with a golden child. Way before I knew what a narc was I felt something wasn't right in his family dynamic (my family is another story😅). His siblings all called him the golden child, it was like a joke between them. His mom would ring him/drop in everyday and know EVERYTHING about our life, nothing was personal/private. I just thought I had to learn to be part of a "close" family so I ignored the signs and stupidly thought when we start our own family his mum might back off a little but man was I wrong!! Her sense of entitlement went through the roof!!! She would turn up at our place early morning and walk straight into our house and then criticise me for still being in bed at 7am after being up all night with my bub along with heaps of other shaming etc. anyways long long story short I began to research narcs and it all made sense. I talked to my partner about what I could see was happening and my concerns and that I was going to put in some boundaries. He would just say "who cares"what she does. I put in boundaries and she continued to keep smashing them down. My partner wouldn't back me up so I wasn't strong enough to hold them as I was afraid of loosing him if I held strong boundaries with her. I think I literally went insane trying to cope with her and three little ones to care for (with zero support as I did everything, my partner acted like a small child unable to do anything to help with anything, as everything was always done for him)so I said I need to get my own place so he could have her around cos I couldn't stand her anymore. With that break I realised my partners sense of entitlement, the tantrums he'd throw if he didn't get what he wanted etc and he'd always turn it around and say I was selfish for not letting him always have his own way. Now he tells me, men seek out their mothers so I am the narc if that's what I think his mum is! I'm so afraid that I am and have completey lost trust in my own intuition and have no clue who I am anymore. There's so much to this so it probly makes no sense but would that be true, that I am the narc? I done everything for him like a mother would and spent 12years doing everything with his family, there's so much expectation from her and shame if you don't doassje wants. She sends in his siblings to like spy if you dont comply with her rules ie flying monkeys. Argh anyways not sure where I'm going with this. I just feel lost and unable to trust what I feel anymore and I'm afraid of attracting more narcs into my life even doing "the work" and also live in total fear that I am a narc😩
I agree with you. And you’re not the one in the wrong here. You started a family with him because you love him. But he’s so deep rooted into his mothers validation. That he doesn’t realize what he’s doing. It’s like he’s baby bear and his mother is the mama bear. She won’t let anyone attack him and he’ll always be behind her. And with him he doesn’t want to stick up for you, either because he’s to scared to do so or just doesn’t care. He’d rather let his mom in on his business and run his life the way she thinks fit. Like come on now. You’re a grown man. Stand up for your wife. It’s messed up and I totally agree with you. You honestly need space from him and his family until he changes because if he doesn’t. God knows what to do with him. Let him keep calling you selfish and all that stuff. You addressed the issue and he didn’t validate your opinions. So if you have to separate for a while then that could possibly be the best option for your mental health.
The golden child becomes Narcissistic in adulthood so you basically married a narcissist get out now while you can it will only get worse narssism is a gift that keeps on giving my golden child sister is a Narcissist they don't change they learned from the best they become worse
Also you will become the scapegoat. He is basically what youd call a "son husband". She has clbditioned him to support her first and foremost over anyone and especially you.
Enmeshment with mother enmeshed men. Ken Adams blog and videos on UA-cam overcoming enmeshment. These mothers and sons are so difficult for the wife. The family has no boundaries. If you’re from that kind of culture it’s harder to fix or leave. Traditional cultures think it’s normal
My mother tries to be affectionate towards me but only when I make it known that something is wrong.. she will sit beside me and try to pull me close for a hug but in my head I don't know what's going on because it feels so cold and forced. If i go to her for support with something that took me years to get out she will yell at me and throw it all back at me making me feel 10x worse. She does not treat my sister or brother the way she treats me and I always thought it was because I am the youngest.. But I am an adult, i'm 23 and I feel infantized. She controls everything I have a say in. She adds unwanted comments to things making me feel worse. She blames everything on other things to my problems instead of supporting me through it. She threatens to take my electronics away from me when I tell her my problems bec she thinks people on the internet have caused it. She makes promises .. crys actual tears beside me and tells me she will help me I promise.. 2 days later act like nothing happened and still talks to me like she has no clue what is wrong with me.
WOW! Does that ever describe my crazy mother! My older brother was pure gold and her four girls could just keep kissing her @$$. I’m in my 60’s now and this video nailed my family dynamics. We are trying to reconnect now but the big brother is her model and I can’t get past my distaste for him. I am empathic but for him, it cuts to the quick of my soul.
I'm the stepmother. My 6yo stepdaughter was the holden child. We had her sibling full time during the 6yo receiving chemo and she expressed loosing all attention the minute her sister was born. When the 6yo died the attention shifted and the 10yo doesn't know how to handle that fully. Will the remaining child shift to the target now? The 10yo is so much like my husband I think its triggering to mom. ADHD, anxiety and depression. Issues are swept under the rug. The issues that led to the 6yo dying were ignored and denied.
My mom favored the males in the family, my older sister moved out asap so I was the only girl left. I was definitely the scapegoat in my family and my mom’s punching bag, literally. This woman did nothing but beat me into submission my entire life. I’m 34 now and she’s still verbally abusive towards me but never to my other siblings.
it took me until I was 30 to realize I was the scapegoat, black sheep. I had to set boundaries to protect myself and my children my marriage. I was tired of being walked on. after setting boundaries my mom hated it and said this is good bye your not welcome in the family. 2 years free and healing raising my own family. I feel amazing. still love them but have to love them from a distance. Thank you for your videos and support. 💓
I am the scapegoat of the family too. It took me decades to figure this out. Life is soo much better without my toxic family in it. These people don't change.
@@realhealing7802 its not easy. but you have to value yourself. holiday times are hard. seeing them all together and acting happy but your the outcast. I have a loving husband who's family and friends have made me feel welcomed and I don't have to please anyone anymore.
Same here
U just described my life
This has been my life exactly!
I was raised by narcissistic parents. My brother is the golden child who can't do anything wrong. I am the scapegoat in the family. I spent most of my time alone as a child. I was neglected emotionally and physically. Living with my toxic family was a nightmare. I am no contact with my entire toxic family. These people don't change.
I'm right there with you. I have 3 siblings who could do no wrong but it all got put on me. I spent most of my time pleasing or staying busy to stay away from them. now 2 years later no contact unless I bump into them and I get a anxiety attack. it's best if I stay away. they don't change and it's not right to run into family and have anxiety.
Soo damn true..Gudd for you❤🙏
I’m 28 and only realized it a few months ago I’ve always knew something was terribly wrong but couldn’t explain what cos I had no knowledge.
I am now trying to work on letting go. I am adopted so I’ve been discarded once already at birth so it’s the ultimate challenge to let go of my abusive mother since all I ever craved for was real love and feeling of belonging and not being left alone.
I’m not strong enough to go nc fully even tho I already set up boundaries.
I hope one day I’ll be strong enough to be completely alone
Do you also have anxiety?
@@kaliegitchell5180 that was me times ten
My mom (and Dad) totally made me the golden boy, while one of my sisters was treated like a second class citizen. It has negatively affected both of us. For me it created a sense of entitlement, for her it created a sense of low self worth.
Exactly!
I commend you for being able to see & share that. Sometimes we can be blind to certain things. I appreciate you commenting, thanks for sharing your perspective.
Are you and your sister on speaking terms?
How is your relationship with her?
I give you credit for recognizing the facts. My golden child brother still gas lights me and claims my childhood memories are dramatized. My friends use to call him GOD (after the way my mom treated him)!
What’s rough is when the golden child and scapegoat love each other, but the golden distances due to underlying guilt. They’d never say it, but they see the mistreatment. So this dichotomy simultaneously destroys a sibling relationship and prevents it from ever growing. Truly destructive. 😩
And right up the narc's parent's alley.
Yes. My golden brother was co opted by them to deal with my “issues” (how I hold them accountable sometimes and they don’t like it) they smear me to other family and his kids. He uses his kids as pawns to make them do for him.
Hit home mate.
That explains why my brother rarely connects with me. We are close, especially as kids, but now as adults it’s glaringly obvious how different our mother treats him vs me. He probably feels guilty, and he still lives with her (he’s 29).
Yes yes yes
Omg this was my life with my mom. I wish I could have figured this out earlier. She is still this way at 89. Now that my children are grown they even see how she is. My daughter recently told me that she feels sorry for the way grandma treats me. But the best thing she could have said was that she and her brother never felt that way because I never treated them like that.
Omg I'm in tears. A lifetime of issues with my mother and I just realized I am the scapegoat bc I was the only child that voiced the issues. Still today and I am 30. Life-changing information 🥺
I was a golden turned scapegoat child raised by codependent father and a narcissist mother and I’m still recovering from the abuse in my thirties.
Thank you for making this video. Unfortunately, it really struck a chord with me in the worst way possible. I had heart palpitations and teary eyes watching this because it reminded me of all the times my little sister (the golden child) got treated better than I did all throughout my youth. I was always the Scapegoat and have even carried this sad title into adulthood. My mom got my little sister a house and a car before me (I am the oldest of my siblings) while we were teens! Needless to say, my sister has grown into an awful narcisstic monster!! Can't stand her. She manipulates everyone and has no problem backstabbing and gossiping about every one of her relatives over the holidays. Merry Christmas to every Scapegoat child who wishes they were treated better....
I was the scapegoat in my toxic family. My sibling is a narcissist. I am no contact with my entire toxic family. I finally had enough. The abuse will never end for the scapegoat until they leave. Narcissists don't change.
I can honestly relate. Just recently my older sibling got a Christmas gift while me and my sister didn’t. and I was confused Bc I did no wrong to my mother. My older sibling is the golden child. So she does what she can to manipulate me, humiliate me in front of ppl. Talks crap. Like I almost committed suicide Bc of her and my mother but when I started watching UA-cam videos and understanding what they have been doing to me and my sister all a long. I start to realize that I don’t need them or their validation. And that’s it’s time for me to get away and live a better life for myself and my sister. I only have her and she’s the reason why I’m still alive mentally. I’m grateful for her. Even tho I still love my mother and older sister. But what they have done..I can’t forget. But I can forgive them.
My parents didn't get any of us a house or a car not even my golden sister
From one black sheep and scapegoat to another right back at you
This is a weird story. My younger brother is the golden child, I'm the scapegoat. I didn't even learn about NPD until I was in my mid fifties, so I thought I was just an emotionally weak and screwed up person. Well, a few years back my mother called and told me that my brother had lashed out at her and reminded her of what she did to me. Then for just a few seconds my mother started sobbing and told me she was sorry, and just as quickly put "the mask" back on as if nothing had happened. It was eerie. The sobbing just stopped abruptly. I was so blown away because I had no idea either of them had enough self awareness or empathy to know what was going on. I know my golden brother threw this in my mother's face not for my benefit, but to make her feel bad. I must have worked. I have since held on to this scrap of apology to remind myself that the emotional neglect and the scapegoating was real.
This describes exactly what me ex-wife was doing to our daughters. So glad I got custody, hope I can help them heal.
I wish my own father had been as clicked on as you to this dynamic.
As a scapegoat, thank you❤ the world needs more people like you
I sometimes cry for the little boy I was. I learned early to deal with the physical abuse but it's been a lifetime dealing with the mental. Good news is though the cycle stopped with me and it can for everyone. When I get lost I always refer back to being abundantly kind. I've learned that being giving on your bad days leads to more good days.
You sound wonderful ❤keep being you
Scapegoat here. I grew up completely neglected and ignored by my mother so badly that my grandmother took pity on me & volunteered to care for me more than she.
Whats interesting is how my codependency to prove myself to everyone developed and turned me into the golden child in her eyes later on. Especially after my siblings “disappointed” her.
Around others She claims every one of my accomplishments growing up (never to my face or just to me) even though she had no interest in them at the time.
I had already gone to therapy & realized What was going on when I became her golden child. So even though I know I am now- i cannot get past how I was treated before- and it doesn’t work on me.
I now have a younger sibling who has become the scapegoat. She throws my accomplishments in his face and I am always there to tell him, you are your own person. You are special and capable of whatever you put your mind to. She is a narcissist trying to make herself feel better. My little brother is my best friend now and I give him as much care and positive attention as I can while still healing my own innner child.
There were 5 children in our home with one raging narcissist mother,as our dad died leaving her with 5 kids age one to eleven Different kids would be the scapegoat, but most often me. I only got attention when I could see her clothes:dresses,evening gowns ect.then I was great!painting a mural,making her dinner,dying her hair and on and on. I was the only one who got the silent treatment for days and told what a selfish spoiled brat I was.she never hit me physically but her words and lack of her love left deep wounds.
@@susansheehan7965 wow yes that sounds so deeply saddening Susan and I am so sorry. I can see how twisted a mother daughter relationship must have grown from that. I know that has taken immense healing. Thank you for sharing.
@@lyricg19336are you still in contact with her ?
My brother was the golden child and now he is the rich one and thinks he is the smartest of us all--YES he is needing to ACCOMPLISH to feel loved. I was the scapegoat and targeted to put it mildly. Little brother was ignored and no longer with us
This golden child runs into adulthood which resentment happens amongst the family.
This video is spot on. 👊💪
Can you explain a little more what this means? Thanks!
@@jedidiah357 The siblings of the favored one later on as young adults resent the Golden Child.
This turns into walls being built within the family throughout life.
I was the golden child and when I grew up I had to tell my sister I am so sorry I really didn’t know my parents did that to her when I was growing up now that I’m older I realize who I was raised by. Then as I stopped the mind control now I’m like the scapegoat it’s truly crazy I think this is a generational curse in my whole family
As an only child raised by two narcissists, I think I was both the scapegoat AND the golden child in one. Talk about dissonance.
I was going through the comments looking to see if any child is like me cause I realise that I am the golden child and the scapegoat also, only child with a single mom. When I was a kid I was the golden child, as I am growing up and having a different mindset from my mom I then became the scapegoat. Not easy at all when you are the only child of a single mother. Hope it got better for you! I am still trying to keep my head up but I am mentally drained
Speaking of experience, I can assure you that the golden child is not any happier than the scapegoat. Because the scapegoat is exposed to the truth as the golden child is in a distortion field. I remember when I was young I once told my mom after being scolded: "you love my brother more than me!". Looking back, I can see that I wasn't far from the truth.
I always wondered if something was wrong with me, realized im the scapegoat…. Took me 30+ yrs to understand it’s not me, it’s them! My younger brother is the golden child and has been raised to be a Narcissistic, this video just confirmed what I was suspecting this whole time!
This video is me. I was the one blamed for everything under the sun. I wasn’t wanted. I was the expendable one. (It was a hard day when that came to light) I had no guidance. I was never allowed to go to her and ask questions that would have helped me as I grew up. I tried to be like my older sister ( she being the much loved golden one) but all that got me was criticism or beatings. I had to raise myself and it really wasn’t easy. I made tons of mistakes along the way. I am 69 now and still trust no one outside of my husband and two children. I don’t bother with friends. Every friend I managed to have growing up the golden one managed to ruin it for me to the point I stopped looking for friends. I lived in a family of 5 kids, myself being 2nd born, but I felt totally alone. I was told by mother before I was even in school that if she had known I wasn’t a boy she would never have had me, she would have had an abortion. I didn’t know what that was but I knew well enough that I would have been dead. It was also my fault that she had 2 more girls after me before she finally had the son that I was supposed to have been. By then she didn’t really want him either. I walked away from them at 36. I was in a bad way by then and over the years have healed quite a bit. It seems I have more to do after watching this video.
My mum is a Narc, I'm the scapegoat and my brother is the golden child. Growing up in that environment resulted in me being diagnosed with bpd in my mid 30s and being astranged from the family for the last ten years. We've recently got back in touch. In the last ten years my brother has had tens of thousands of pounds, they've even set his wife up with her own business and shop. While I can't even ask for the cost of a bag of suger. It's not the money that I have a problem with, it's the lies... She lies to me all the time and if I ask about stuff, she says I have a chip on my shoulder. I don't think she realises she's put all her eggs in one basket, what I mean is that one day she will need help in her old age, and there's no way my brother will be there for her. She thinks I'm going to be her punch bag for life, but you get back what you put out in the world... She's going to be very lonely and neglected, let's see how she likes it??!! 😒
The most eye opening experience for me was when as adults, my brother (golden child) put his dish in the sink and my mom praised him beyond belief. He is 29 years old and still lives with her, sleeps in her home and eats her food. He can do no wrong in her eyes. She raised us with two completely different sets of expectations. Now that I’m getting married, she has gone on and on about how she “hates weddings” and has turned every planning event into a conversation about her. She’s bullied me many times in my life, and would even gang up with my brother in doing so. It’s really hard to come to terms with, but these people don’t change it’s who they are. :(
I noticed as a child my parents always gave my brother nicer things for his birthday. I remember getting a bicycle for my birthday. They bought my brother a better bike on my birthday.
There has to come a day where all that praise from the parent should not matter to you anymore. Once that happens you have gained more control over your life.
Jokes on you because people who never have had a real parent won’t grow up to be normally functional adults we are still trapped children who desperately needed a loving caring praising parent which we hadn’t so you’re comment is kinda useless
the praise you no longer even care for, but the patterns low self esteem value in yourself and emotional clarity issues.
As the so called “Golden Child” I am so glad that I came across your video. You beautifully explained the damage that the “golden child” sustains that no one (including the child) is aware is happening.
I could never figure out why I had so much anxiety, or put an unbelievable amount of pressure on myself to always be perfect.
I was always trying to “win” my mother’s affection everyday because it wasn’t sustainable, and I was elated whenever I received it.
Yes I absolutely put her on a pedestal and was 41 before I realised that I shouldn’t have (despite a multitude of red flags 🚩).
I suffered from depression and a lack of self from an early age (self harming from 9 to about 15 years old).
Till this day my Mum doesn’t understand my pain but I’m no longer the golden child so I’m free to be me (whoever she is).
I’m writing this because it’s rare to hear the golden child’s side of things. To all the black sheep and scapegoats out there, I am so incredibly sorry for your suffering, but as hard as it may be to believe, many of us suffered with you too 😔.
Thanks to your video I finally realise why I behaved the way I used to and still suffer with anxiety and imposter syndrome now. Thank you 🙏🏽
This was thoroughly eye opening and very insightful! I am the scapegoat child and now it all makes sense why i'm such a people pleaser.. Thank you so much for this.
Same here. I felt like I had to work for love.
@@realhealing7802 my father mailed me back his father's day card. I gave up.
Same here. Now I have such trauma from being in bad situations, that I’m needy and I need to heal. I’m too needy now, again and I feel like a child again. Fear of everything. Healing starts now.
@@kaliegitchell5180❤
I was raised by a narcissistic mother, the youngest of three boys. The oldest was her golden child, the middle her scapegoat, and I ended up the lost child. Because of the situation when I was conceived and born, I suffered CPTSD in the womb and thereafter. My father was distant and unhelpful. I grew up in a pretty dangerous jungle. My mother abused us sexually, and my brothers abused me physically, emotionally, and sexually. I finally had a flashback of a beating I received at about age 10. The flashback happened at age 65 and changed my life going forward. I have trouble making and sustaining attachments to others. An INFJ, I have led a pretty fulfilling life, always struggling to succeed at whatever challenge I had at the moment. I was married and divorced three times, and have three children and two grandchildren.
My brother was the golden child. When he didnt pursue his masters degree to be able to go work because he got his girlfriend pregnant and wanted to provide for his new family, our mom discarded him and spread rumors that the kid wasnt his.
Wow. That some people become parents is for themselves and not for little kids blows my mind.
Wow. I’m 29 and just understanding that this is exactly the type of family I grew up in. Myself the scapegoat, my sister the golden child, my mother the narcissist and father the codependent. Now, having a 4 year old daughter, slightly freaking out internally that I’m going to make her feel neglected and abandoned and create really unhealthy relational habits and self-talk. Really wanting to reflect, learn and take action.
My daughters have no idea what’s been done to them. I can’t stop it. I just try to show them a healthy parent. 🤷🏻♂️
my confirmation I was the scapegoat and all my therapy & your videos stating the obvious, I now see, that my mother is the narcissist and my brother is the golden child was just before Christmas. I told mum I was going to be unavailable for a few weeks as I was busy with work & it was taking all my time. She continued to text me, then when no answer to another text would FaceTime me. When there was no answer she would text my wife, then FaceTime my wife, then call the house phone……. When eventually I succumbed and answered her call I said that I was busy, like I said so if she needed help she would have to contact my brother. Her answer was “I can’t disturb him, he’s busy”!! I triggered, flashed, shook with rage and that was the final call to my mum.
I knew from a young age that I was the scapegoat. My mom always blamed me because I'm the result of a one night stand that made her have to marry my father. She already had my sister from another one night stand. She didn't want to be a single mother to two babies. We are a year and a half apart. She was only 18 when she had my sister and 20 with me. My father was abusive and then he killed himself. My whole life, she took it out on me. She was always proud and happy about my sisters accomplishments but with me, she'd criticize me and yell at me all the time. She'd yell at me for looking like him and sometimes sharing the same traits. She would encourage my sister to make fun of me. Since my sister was older She'd do things with her first. The next year she'd refuse to do it with me because she already did it with my sister. She'd say she didn't want to do it twice, even though that stuff was for the kids, not the parents. I missed out on so much. My sister didn't escape though. My mom Constantly made fun of my sister for her weight. There were times she'd do something for me to punish my sister. Now my mom constantly criticizes my sister. She guilt trips me for not visiting. My mom had a lot of anger issues. The golden child sometimes gets a good brunt of it too. My sisters self esteem is low too.
Sounds like your mother is a highly unpleasant individual that gets some sort of perverse kick out of ruining your relationship with your sister.
This dynamic extends outside the family…the golden child , adult daughter was put on a pedestal. When i came along, jealousy and anger ensued, after years of this i put my foot down and was scapegoated by her brother, father and grandmother. Lies did not matter , she was protected by them and I was scapegoated. The grandmother is also on a pedestal, the matriarch and manipulator herself I could see it but felt helpless.
I was and am the Scapegoat child and my sister was the Golden Child. Now that I have kids my parents have chosen to neglect them so I've decided to limit contact with them to protect my own peace
I see so many people mention how they used to be the scapegoat and then became golden child and vice versa. ... and it all makes sense. To 'groom' the scapegoat into being the mommy pleaser while using the golden child as a tool. So when they reverse the roles she gets the kid that is ever pleasing mommy and the one that is now beat down but dependent on her in a way... how utterly insidious
This video is word for word exactly what happened in my family and after the sudden tragic death of my dad it was devastating and traumatizing growing up not knowing of these dynamics. As the belitled, blamed, scapegoated child, you were raised rejected and neglected.
As the son of a vulnerable narcissist mother and co dependent father, I think it’s really important to stress that the golden child and scapegoat can and do change, and it can happen even on a daily or hourly basis! The minutia of a situation can suddenly cause this shift. It was like this very much with me and my sister growing up, it added and extra horrible amount of confusion into the abuse
The golden child can be shone too if he / she starts making known the behavior of the narcissistic parent. That happened to me. I was once the golden child until I started talking about the unfair treatment towards my other siblings.
I’ve been adopted as a baby to a narcissist mother and a adopted narcissist/ golden child older brother. Since my beloved adoptee father died when I was only 4 years old so I was left in hell alone. I always tried my best because I thought if I try my best my mother might love me , or at least don’t treat me as bad. But I was so wrong. I’ve been let down many times by her, used, manipulated, gaslight , silent treatment, you name it. My brother used to beat the shit out of me since he has his own anger issues and my mother never took care of that since he’s the golden baby. She always said other siblings do fight aswell, refereeing to 2 boys, not a boy and a girl. Now I’m 28 full of wounds inside only realizing now how dark everything is since when I was younger my brain was fogged with the pain of the adoption and death of my father. I’m not strong enough to go no contact since that’ll mean I’d be completely on my own. Which is my biggest fear. But I know I have to cause they won’t change and it is making me physically sick and bitter. I just have no more strength.
You won't be alone. Jesus is with you and will give you the strength to persevere. Be strong and courageous and don't look back.
I wish I knew what you now know 30 years before now... Boundaries will save you. I'm just started grey rocking
It took me 42 years to understand all of this. Fortunately, I severed contact 3 years ago and I’m sooooo better for it!
Love that I can raise my kids equal after what I've been through and seen as a kid.
This is beyond eye opening, it’s life changing! Thank You!
I listen to many life coaches to help me heal and grow. I have been surrounded by very toxic people but I myself didn't know I was so wounded that I was becoming toxic by absorbing what people were saying and their behavior. I appreciate so very much what your particular lessons and knowledge bring to light for me. Thank you so much. Happy holidays and new year! ♥️
Same to you my dear! Wishing you all the best!
That does happen. You get in a situation where you’re being treated like in your family as scapegoat, so you lash out or get depressed. We regress under stress to more primitive coping. Complex ptsd is the result of being scapegoat.
Guilty as charged “ Ma’am “ this is the way , I used to portray in my children’s life … Now it is an open eyed lesson , which I also admit , I’m still a co-dependant, a learning in the progress … I was a golden child and know that I don’t want to be that way … I have tried to let all my children know , that they are all loved the same , although it seems to be a challenge , knowing that some shine more than others … I’m a middle child and the baby son , from what I’ve seen in different treatments , I have made an awareness decision to be otherwise … Thank you so much for your knowledge and information to bring better parenting to people who struggle , again guilty as charged “Ma’am “ !!! 🇦🇺😊❤️👏🏼
Subbed. As the scapegoat, I'm working on establishing boundaries. Of course one of my brothers is the golden child who seems oblivious to the emotional, verbal, psychological, and physical abuse I endured.
Well remember the golden child isn't always a breeze but this causes disconnection with siblings.
Nailed it.
Thank you SO much for your videos - I'm going to have to watch all of them. I'm going through a divorce now and have been seeing a therapist for a couple of months as well. After 11 years together and 5 years of shared parenthood I finally realized that my wife is a narcissist and that I am a people pleaser. It is so comforting for me to here my lived experience explained by you and my therapist and I feel so much better about myself now that this spell has been broken. It is disheartening and scary to see my wife's behavior with our daughter but I am empowered by the advice you lay out. I can do this - I can be the stable parent my child needs.
Just recently I've began to research and read more about the narcissistic parent/scapegoat child dynamic. Turns out, I was the scapegoat for the longest time. However, I began to set boundaries by being brutally honest with people. I just got sick and tired of being treated like a doormat and getting blamed for crap that other people caused. Honestly, it's liberating to just say what's on your mind. Also, if my mother (narcissistic parent) pulls her usual antics and drama, I just say that I'm going to leave her. That immediately stops her in her tracks because she knows the entire family can't function without me.
I am slowly coming to terms with my situation. I mean, I can't exactly get a do-over of my childhood, right? I'm essentially a realist, so I just say, "It is what it is." And if there are ways that I can make this better for me and my mental health then that will be my course of action.
Tip: dont tell people who treat you as a golden child about your accomplishments. Dont let them know about your accomplishments.
The crappy part of being the scapegoat is the low self-esteem gets carried over into adult life. Meaning low paying jobs, low quality men, expecting failure or creating failure. Thrift store clothes, bowing out of 3 friends, because they're going to dump you anyway. And forever being poor. I've set myself up to take the crumbs in life.
In all the sadness and despair reaching out to God was my savings grace. I've found new hope and for the first time in my life, real happiness. Why so many scapegoats, I don't know. We have to turn it around and realize our worth. As for the golden child, she's spiritually bankrupt. All her praise and riches have turned her into a unhappy bitter old woman.
She will never say she is sorry and I have accepted that.
Not easy to accept!😢 Good job 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾!
As a kid, I just knew. It didn't feel right.
Ooooh, my younger sister was the golden child and she became an acute narcissist; extremely manipulative, controlling, cunning, conniving - she does not take any action without a personal agenda. I was the scapegoat. My sister was worshiped, I was criticized from top to bottom. My mother LOVED my sister's friends and ridiculed my friends. The golden child/scapegoat dynamic was in place until my mother's death in 2012. I saw the damage it did to my sister. Meanwhile, I became strong because I chose to become strong.
I’m the scapegoat and my older sister is the golden child, however I can’t run away from my mother because she lives with me because my sister who is her “favorite,” doesn’t care to help her…at 31 almost 32, due to become a mother to my little girl in August 2022, I’m learning to focus on my child and myself only
I was both. I was the golden child unless I did something that was disapproved of them I became the scapegoat real fast. Idk if it has to do with my step mother being bipolar(diagnosed) and narcissistic(undiagnosed), but it gave me whiplash and kept me on eggshells. I have PTSD from this long term exposure. I was a golden child to my father and a scapegoat to my mother.
This video explained my entire life. So well explained iam the scapegoat in my family
This completely lines up with my mom and my sister. And my sister's daughter. They all chose a golden child.
I was always the golden child growing up. Life has dealt me some sucky hands and I’ve been unemployed the last year. My sib now has the great good paying job and I’m the scapegoat. In my 30s and I keep getting shit on by her but she’s helping with bills so I just shut up and shut off. Prayers for a good job plz 😢
My brother is a narcissist. Omg. Wish I could have understood this.
oh my I am the scapegoat my sister's golden child she gives so much guilt boundaries are a big no. Thank you for the video it really hit home. I wish I could just share this video and they would understand. reading all the comments I see not much luck in them changing .glad i am not the golden child as i don't like the way they treat people .
My sister shows signs of this.
"If only you were like.." yikes the accuracy
I was the second girl child to my Indian Mom, she said I couldn’t look at you when you were born and immediately after I was months old she conceived and then there were series of loosing pregnancies all she says were boys, then my brother the golden child was born 8 years after me and the gates of the hell opened for me. I love my brother a lot he is a sweet sensitive man. I was raised physically and emotionally abused, still bear scars of it on my body and mind. 34 years now and I have recognised what she is, she is a monster and I will not let her eat my soul.
My brother was the golden child since birth. Because he was a boy and could fulfill the role of a surrogate spouse for my mom, he got that role for life. I guess the quality women on my moms side of the family look for us a surrogate spouse.
Resonates so we'll w/ the other parents character. Appreciate all the wonderful dynamics you get in-depths with. Bringing forth awareness for the future generations is extremely valuable. Thank you!
The golden child will actually start to treat the narc mom like crap as he/she gets older because he’s been given so much and he starts to look down on the narc mom. I’ve seen this firsthand.
This is so true. I’ve been dealing with this ever since I was a kid, up until now. I’m 20 tho.But in my family I’m the scapegoat while my sister, and mother are the Narcissist. So it’s hard to deal with the both of them. I’ve always been blamed for a lot of things. So I’ve came to learn that I need to not be codependent or try to please anyone because it’s their always going to let me done, when I don’t receive that validation from them. My older sibling never apologizes to me and my own mother dislikes me and the decisions I make. She blows up in any argument. So her and my mother are like twins, not physically but verbally. They gossip about me, tell me I’m dumb or stupid. Tells me I’m sensitive or I’m being dramatic. My mother loves to tell me “why can’t I be more like my older sister”. And I keep blaming myself for that. She’s told me that i will not help anyone who doesn’t follow what I say. She got really upset when I didn’t go to college and till this day I’m still trying to please her so it’s hard to deal with that. But it’s a lot her and my older sibling has said that has hurt my feelings, as a grown adult. But I’m so ready to cut them off. I need time away from them. So that they can think about how they made me feel. I want them to feel “why?” “ why did they cut us off”? I hope my mother realizes why she lost all her children,because you neglected each an every one of them,who didn’t want to listen to you. They only wanted to follow their dreams not your dreams.
I'm in a similar situation. My dad is a narcissist, I cut him off in August. It was really hard at first but as I was able to distance myself it became much easier. I found Dr Jonice Webb and got one of her books from the library. She talks about childhood emotional neglect, what it looks like and how to overcome it. I think you might find her interesting.
I kinda have a similar situation. I’ve been adopted as a baby to a narcissist mother and a adopted narcissist/ golden child older brother. Since my beloved adoptee father died when I was only 4 years old so I was left in hell alone. I always tried my best because I thought if I try my best my mother might love me , or at least don’t treat me as bad. But I was so wrong. I’ve been let down many times by her, used, manipulated, gaslight , silent treatment, you name it. My brother used to beat the shit out of me since he has his own anger issues and my mother never took care of that since he’s the golden baby. She always said other siblings do fight aswell, refereeing to 2 boys, not a boy and a girl. Now I’m 28 full of wounds inside only realizing now how dark everything is since when I was younger my brain was fogged with the pain of the adoption and death if my father. I’m not strong enough to go no contact since that’ll mean I’d be completely on my own. Which is my biggest fear. But I know they won’t change and she will never love me.
I was the golden child. As my brother grew, he started acting out more and more. The way my parents treated him was awful and caused trauma for me. As the golden child, I gave up trying to please my parents by my teens, but tried to be kind and honoring towards them. My brother grew up to show strong covert narc tendencies, just like my mother. He has now become a flying monkey for her, as I have cut off all communication with my family. Now as a parent, I have to figure out what's healthy and what's not.
The scapegoat feels the majority of the abuse although the golden child is abused as well. I was always the scapegoat and to this day my narcissistic father is still trying to get me to return to my role that will never happen. My narc "mother" rules the roost so he does what she says. My late sister was the golden child for a long time until her only child was groomed to be the new one and my sister was relegated to my horrible role when I went no contact with the toxic family. I wish I had figured it all out sooner but the sad thing is my late sister was and is the only one in the "family" on both sides who bothered to let me know that our "parents" were always at fault and not me.
They make the scapegoat a slave
I'm pretty sure that my mom is a narcissist. It's heartbreaking.
Thank you for your insight! I have a situation similar to what you described but m not in the picture and it’s hard to watch my kids in this environment thanks again
How do you know you are in an unhealthy relationship? You are exhausted for doing most of the work, since they don't have the life skills to reciprocate to bear the responsibilities that are a normal part of all healthy relationships.
They may say the words I'm sorry, but don't have the consciousness to fully understand what it means to truly apologize in a way that brings closure and healing
They simply don't know how to relate to anyone but themselves and can only see things from their perspective. Selfish is the word and are so narrow minded all they see is themselves and how they feel.
It's truly heart rending to try for years and years to find a way to resolve or get to a place of understanding and to slowly begin to realize they have no comprehension of your interest or intentions to work together nor do they care if you do.
They see you and everyone else the way they see them and that's how it is. Even psychologists refuse to take on these psychotic individuals, becuase they know they are not willing to examine their own mind and heart motives. It's just to scary for them, so they self medicate, ignore, deny, project, blameshift and maintain thier professional victim status to keep the hampster wheel going.
When the relationSHIP is still in the harbor, lost at sea or sinking, you must make the conscious decision to get off the SHIP even if it means leaving them there when they refuse to let you take the wheel. DON'T STAY IN THE SHIP if they aren't willing to burn it and get on the one that is on course to a healthy life, then LET THEM GO!
It will be hard ar first since their was SO MUCH trauma bonding and these waters are unfamiliar and seem uncertain when all you knew was the troubled waters of the past. In this moment, right now YOU MUST decide to leave the false comfort of the ship destined to wander endlessly with no real destination; shipwrecked on the island of indecision (nowhere) or eventually go down with them, never really reaching the shores of a vibrant and healthy relationship where we are affirmed, validated and supported.
Once you have seen the glory of this kind of voyage you wil chart your course, set your sails and never look back!
Thank you.
@@jennasparks5878 just sharing what I have learned so others my also understandfrom my experience.
Thank you. We can do nothing against the truth only for the
Truth. When others can't see
we must guide them to the
vision of what they are missing
Hurt people - hurt people
Some may choose to live their
entire lives in denial, so I agree
Flee the relationship, Walk
to the light of true freedom!
I was the scapegoat and my younger brother was the golden child. My younger brother had grown up and turned to selling drugs for fast money and has been arrested more than 20 times and he's notorious to the police. Thank God I left my family 4 years ago I couldn't handle the toxic environment. I cut them off. Growing up my mother was never available but I was raised by relatives and not my mother.
I was the scapegoat and my baby brother was the golden boy
👍 This video is put together perfectly and you are very well versed. I resonate with this take.
I love your videos, very educational. Thank you for all that you do for us who are trying to wade through the underbrush.
This situation is very painful horrible myself I was just wondering what if I can ended my life. and not feeling this painful situation or seeing my family again. my mother's words killing me more than everything. 😢
@@josiekhuma1313 I am truly sorry you went through such situation, I hope you got better!! Keep working on yourself, value yourself and create a great life for yourself. I know it's not easy to cope especially when you love that parent(mom in your case) but don't give up on yourself. Sending you Love and hugs!! You are loved! I love you! Take care of yourself!
I’m a def the scapegoat child I blamed for everything my parents do everything and treat me like I’m garbage
I was her step child. This has been my whole life. My step sister was the golden child and still is. She was literally called the golden child. I never understood it though. My dad treated my step sister like she was her own. However my step mom treated me like shit. I just don’t know what I did to cause this. My dad was the one who wasn’t always there. He has been involved with soccer and basketball for years. Still is. He was recently recognized for it too. He never stood up for me or protected me. So I guess both my parents are shit.
Good morning Stephanie and Happy Holidays, thank you for sharing!!❤️🙏🏼
Thanks for sharing! You are just amazing and some. Sincerely Marek and family
Thank you very much for doing these videos I so appreciate it you have nailed it exactly what you said that is me on the scapegoat and I have a older brother and you nailed it thank you very much I'd love to play this for my mother
Thanks for this video because i am the firstborn. I am the scapegoat and my brother is the middle child and is the golden child. I have a sister and is the baby of the family,but I am still trying to see which one she is. She hangs on them asking them if they love her until they respond.
Thank you Stephanie!
This is the relationship of my brother and mother, he is 55 and so disrespectful to her if he is slightly annoyed, my mother is in her 70s. His behavior is gross and I have distanced myself from the whole thing. I'm the proud black sheep/scapegoat -- telling it like it is has it's benefits lol.
Just found out my mums a narcissist and I'm the golden 😥
To all the scapegoats out there I love you you are amazing xxx
This feels so shit , the level of how she has treated my sisters over the years .
It's in humain.
I'll take any advice on how to never become my mum .
I was both. If I did good she'd say it was all because of her good genes ect. If I did anything (not bad but not what she wanted) I would be abused verbally and physically. She literally knocked me out one night because she was fighting with her bf again and I wanted to leave so I didn't have to be there when it escalated. I thought I was going to die that night. I got up and ran for the door and she had my hair but finally let go when the neighbors porch light came on.
Exactly my current experience. I am both the golden child and the scapegoat one. When I do what she wants I am praised and shown affection but when I do something that she doesn't want not something bad but in another way then I am abused verbally (threats or devaluation). it's draining
I feel seen from this video 😭 thank you so much!
thank you for your videos! This is a life line. I love you and god bless you!
I'm a woman with 2 brothers and my mom to the day is treating me like crape, and it's true they get worse, one of my brothers is the golden(the one that resembles more on her side of the family), I'm the scapegoat and my youngest is almost ignored and used to her benefit when it serves her ego. My father is sort of codependent. I'm over 30 and in an argument she sort of admitted to not loving me and that as painful as it was to be confirmed it was also liberating.
Really great. Thank you!
Thanks, sounds like my story.
my mom turned goldenchild into a game. We would fight and compete and literally have to wait to hear her vote on who was goldenchlld for that day. I would always do things for her and say “can i be the goldenchild now mommy!!?” so sick now that i’m 25 and realize after therapy
(but i was never the goldenchild, 100% the scapegoat and my sister is goldenchild even if i was voted that day it doesn’t matter)
That's just like my mum .
I’m an only child so im the scapegoat in private and the golden child in public.
2
I found myself with a golden child. Way before I knew what a narc was I felt something wasn't right in his family dynamic (my family is another story😅). His siblings all called him the golden child, it was like a joke between them. His mom would ring him/drop in everyday and know EVERYTHING about our life, nothing was personal/private. I just thought I had to learn to be part of a "close" family so I ignored the signs and stupidly thought when we start our own family his mum might back off a little but man was I wrong!! Her sense of entitlement went through the roof!!! She would turn up at our place early morning and walk straight into our house and then criticise me for still being in bed at 7am after being up all night with my bub along with heaps of other shaming etc. anyways long long story short I began to research narcs and it all made sense. I talked to my partner about what I could see was happening and my concerns and that I was going to put in some boundaries. He would just say "who cares"what she does. I put in boundaries and she continued to keep smashing them down. My partner wouldn't back me up so I wasn't strong enough to hold them as I was afraid of loosing him if I held strong boundaries with her. I think I literally went insane trying to cope with her and three little ones to care for (with zero support as I did everything, my partner acted like a small child unable to do anything to help with anything, as everything was always done for him)so I said I need to get my own place so he could have her around cos I couldn't stand her anymore. With that break I realised my partners sense of entitlement, the tantrums he'd throw if he didn't get what he wanted etc and he'd always turn it around and say I was selfish for not letting him always have his own way. Now he tells me, men seek out their mothers so I am the narc if that's what I think his mum is! I'm so afraid that I am and have completey lost trust in my own intuition and have no clue who I am anymore. There's so much to this so it probly makes no sense but would that be true, that I am the narc? I done everything for him like a mother would and spent 12years doing everything with his family, there's so much expectation from her and shame if you don't doassje wants. She sends in his siblings to like spy if you dont comply with her rules ie flying monkeys. Argh anyways not sure where I'm going with this. I just feel lost and unable to trust what I feel anymore and I'm afraid of attracting more narcs into my life even doing "the work" and also live in total fear that I am a narc😩
I agree with you. And you’re not the one in the wrong here. You started a family with him because you love him. But he’s so deep rooted into his mothers validation. That he doesn’t realize what he’s doing. It’s like he’s baby bear and his mother is the mama bear. She won’t let anyone attack him and he’ll always be behind her. And with him he doesn’t want to stick up for you, either because he’s to scared to do so or just doesn’t care. He’d rather let his mom in on his business and run his life the way she thinks fit. Like come on now. You’re a grown man. Stand up for your wife. It’s messed up and I totally agree with you. You honestly need space from him and his family until he changes because if he doesn’t. God knows what to do with him. Let him keep calling you selfish and all that stuff. You addressed the issue and he didn’t validate your opinions. So if you have to separate for a while then that could possibly be the best option for your mental health.
The golden child becomes Narcissistic in adulthood so you basically married a narcissist get out now while you can it will only get worse narssism is a gift that keeps on giving my golden child sister is a Narcissist they don't change they learned from the best they become worse
Youve been gaslit by two narcs your mil and your husband...both are narcissists!
Also you will become the scapegoat. He is basically what youd call a "son husband". She has clbditioned him to support her first and foremost over anyone and especially you.
Enmeshment with mother enmeshed men. Ken Adams blog and videos on UA-cam overcoming enmeshment. These mothers and sons are so difficult for the wife. The family has no boundaries. If you’re from that kind of culture it’s harder to fix or leave. Traditional cultures think it’s normal
My mother tries to be affectionate towards me but only when I make it known that something is wrong.. she will sit beside me and try to pull me close for a hug but in my head I don't know what's going on because it feels so cold and forced. If i go to her for support with something that took me years to get out she will yell at me and throw it all back at me making me feel 10x worse. She does not treat my sister or brother the way she treats me and I always thought it was because I am the youngest.. But I am an adult, i'm 23 and I feel infantized. She controls everything I have a say in. She adds unwanted comments to things making me feel worse. She blames everything on other things to my problems instead of supporting me through it. She threatens to take my electronics away from me when I tell her my problems bec she thinks people on the internet have caused it. She makes promises .. crys actual tears beside me and tells me she will help me I promise.. 2 days later act like nothing happened and still talks to me like she has no clue what is wrong with me.
I’m sorry you had to go through this with your mother. Did you manage to get away from her?
WOW! Does that ever describe my crazy mother! My older brother was pure gold and her four girls could just keep kissing her @$$. I’m in my 60’s now and this video nailed my family dynamics. We are trying to reconnect now but the big brother is her model and I can’t get past my distaste for him. I am empathic but for him, it cuts to the quick of my soul.
amazing... thank you for explaining ❤
I'm the stepmother. My 6yo stepdaughter was the holden child. We had her sibling full time during the 6yo receiving chemo and she expressed loosing all attention the minute her sister was born. When the 6yo died the attention shifted and the 10yo doesn't know how to handle that fully. Will the remaining child shift to the target now? The 10yo is so much like my husband I think its triggering to mom. ADHD, anxiety and depression. Issues are swept under the rug. The issues that led to the 6yo dying were ignored and denied.
In my case, My mom's niece is the golden child.
I was the scapegoat too. I wish children have a choice of growing up away from toxic mothers
My mom favored the males in the family, my older sister moved out asap so I was the only girl left. I was definitely the scapegoat in my family and my mom’s punching bag, literally. This woman did nothing but beat me into submission my entire life. I’m 34 now and she’s still verbally abusive towards me but never to my other siblings.