How to get better at confrontations and stand up for yourself

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  • Опубліковано 1 січ 2025

КОМЕНТАРІ • 174

  • @b499
    @b499 10 років тому +174

    You are like the cool aunt that I never had growing up...thanks for your advice, Cheers!

    • @mariedubuque
      @mariedubuque  10 років тому +21

      b499 thank you so much!

    • @sabs2985
      @sabs2985 9 років тому +4

      +b499 That is exactly what I was thinking! =)

    • @l.adodg3r70
      @l.adodg3r70 4 роки тому

      So true! My aunts are complete bitches.

    • @Ll_jfdk
      @Ll_jfdk 2 роки тому

      She really is!

  • @shulamite1
    @shulamite1 9 років тому +56

    Wonderful advice. Neither passive nor aggressive but rather an assertive response. I have added this to favourites.

  • @kadaablog2
    @kadaablog2 10 років тому +28

    You such Classy lady👍 very helpful Thx

  • @urgulp
    @urgulp 9 років тому +18

    It can depend on the personality of the person you are arguing with whether these tips work. I had a partner who started arguments on purpose because she thought that was what made for a healthy relationship. She couldn't discuss things calmly. I was always the patient one, never raising my voice, trying to be calm and diplomatic, not make a big deal out of things... similar techniques described here. But in the end it infuriated her, she thought I had no spine because I didn't behave the way she did (out of control). In the end I had to leave her due to her anger issues.

    • @PurplePinkRed
      @PurplePinkRed 4 роки тому +1

      Same with my brother. Nothing works.

  • @vukijeca
    @vukijeca 10 років тому +51

    Hi Marie. You seem like a really calm and positive person, and I really enjoy watching your videos because you have a really relaxing and calming voice. Much love from Serbia 😊❤

    • @mariedubuque
      @mariedubuque  10 років тому +9

      VUKIJECA thank you, you made my day!

    • @vukijeca
      @vukijeca 10 років тому +1

      Marie Dubuque Aww, haha, you made mine by repying. :)

    • @giancarloacosta2655
      @giancarloacosta2655 5 років тому

      Marie, thank you so much for your wisdom and kind words. I am happy we crossed paths in our life. Xoxoxo

  • @mmeIodie
    @mmeIodie 5 років тому +8

    I used to be scared to stand up for myself cause I thought Id make it worse I stand up for myself now

    • @mariedubuque
      @mariedubuque  5 років тому +1

      So good to hear.

    • @mariewilliams194
      @mariewilliams194 5 років тому +1

      It's best to say let's keep it polite or say mind your manners. Keep calm and carry on . It's best to always ignore drama and keep a dignified silence . Keep your cool.

  • @ami7mina
    @ami7mina 9 років тому +39

    This hair do is fabulous. I love it. I've always loved all your hairstyles and ensemble :)

  • @ruthel8900
    @ruthel8900 Рік тому

    This was so healing for me because you pointed out phrases that I can use when someone tries to force themselves on me due to lack of boundaries and pure disrespect. The first point was to acknowledge that the agresser is not in agreement, the second is to state their perspetive and finalize my viewpoint and then simply remain distant as honestly, life will go on without them, even though they could not think that. This video was a jewel. Thank you.

  • @n23391
    @n23391 8 років тому +13

    love her videos, so down to earth and there is not one I don't chuckle on because it is just candid and so right on point. I wish she would do a morning starter video of just encouragement, I love the presentation, its sincere.

    • @mariedubuque
      @mariedubuque  8 років тому +4

      Thank you so much for your kind words!

  • @petmomful2260
    @petmomful2260 10 років тому +8

    This is a difficult area for me. I get upset too easily. I am really working on that. My sisters are soooo toxic that I think that I will have to just remove myself from my family. One of my sisters has already done this. I have my own kids and grandkids so I don't need them and their bs anymore. I have been abused by them forever and I am so done with it. The only bad thing is that I will not see my nieces and nephews anymore, but they will just have to understand.

  • @marisa0603ful
    @marisa0603ful 9 років тому +15

    Most unreasonable people would not listen so "Don't try to reason with unreasonable people".

  • @DavidLopez-br3yn
    @DavidLopez-br3yn 7 років тому +1

    About six years ago I was subscribed to this channel, with another account. Now I found it again, and still find your advice useful, many thanks and regards from Colombia, South America!

    • @mariedubuque
      @mariedubuque  7 років тому

      David, thanks for watching my videos from so far away!

  • @brightbite
    @brightbite 11 років тому +3

    And if you have been in a relationship with someone, and this keeps happening, that they fly off the handle at you (just for asserting your needs in the relationship, or for being yourself in a peaceful, non-abusive way), think about ending not only the conversation, but the relationship.

  • @tearless51609
    @tearless51609 8 років тому +2

    Thank you, I wasn't able to sleep the night because I was afraid of a certain confrontation with my team the next day but this really calmed me down and prepared me

  • @harleyanne3720
    @harleyanne3720 6 років тому +3

    I had this happen to me. Yelling at me and defending her actions. I calmed her down and then I left the friendship.

  • @unicornkitty7498
    @unicornkitty7498 10 років тому +1

    This lady is solving all my questions... In most of her video. Total genius

  • @yorwosmogkal5275
    @yorwosmogkal5275 11 років тому

    If you have the money to live by yourself then sure you can...if not just ignore them as much as possible until you can afford to leave...worked for me!

  • @HG-qq3ei
    @HG-qq3ei 10 років тому +7

    Marie, you're a very classy lady and I love your videos. You are very helpful and offer very sincere advice. Two thumbs up, great job.

    • @mariedubuque
      @mariedubuque  10 років тому +3

      Hana Gaamoom thank you so much for your kind words!

  • @cosmofate9960
    @cosmofate9960 5 років тому +1

    Thank you so much this video is one of the best advice i heard

  • @petmomful2260
    @petmomful2260 10 років тому +1

    Thank you so much for your helpful videos. I really appreciate them and am watching them all.

  • @amairanirodriguez8769
    @amairanirodriguez8769 10 років тому +16

    Can you do a video of "What To Do With People who try to fight with you Phyically"?

  • @vabsumit
    @vabsumit 11 років тому +5

    Marie You are so TALENTED. Thanks for your contribution. You have helped me a LOT. Please keep on posting these helpful Videos. You are so lovely.

    • @mariedubuque
      @mariedubuque  11 років тому +2

      Thank you so much Vaibhav. You made my day!

  • @elr673
    @elr673 9 років тому +12

    True lady!! Recently started watching your videos.. You are like the friend I want to have in my Life!! I deeply wish to meet and spend my Life with people like you!! Great video btw. Sometimes I can't manage my anger but I'm working on that !! Wonderful advice ~ keep up the inspirational work :)

    • @paulaslife3781
      @paulaslife3781 7 років тому +1

      El R me to love this lady a true friend..

  • @whitneyhowlandspropcomedy6924
    @whitneyhowlandspropcomedy6924 11 років тому +21

    Another suggestion is to simply ask the question "Are we done here?"

    • @sophisticatedmm3632
      @sophisticatedmm3632 2 роки тому

      Yes exactly. There's no point of repeating the same nonsense over again

  • @noneofyourbusiness6237
    @noneofyourbusiness6237 6 років тому +1

    When they behave this way I say: "Thank you", give them a fake smile and keep it moving

  • @IzabelaWaniek-i1x
    @IzabelaWaniek-i1x 7 місяців тому

    Thank you for great advice.

  • @cookieclowds8466
    @cookieclowds8466 9 років тому +2

    I Tried This But The More Nicer I Get The Ruder She Gets Because I Think She's Thinking That "Oh This Girl Is A Push Over She Wont Say Anything Mean Back So No Reason To Be Afraid So I Will Carry On Insulting Her". You See This Girl Thinks She Is The Class Clown And She Is The Cool One But She's Also The Mean One. She Said To Me Once "Your Dip Dyed Hair Doesn't Suit You, Cut It Off Before I Get Nightmares... Oh Wait I Get Them Already With Your Face" Then I Just Gave Her A Look Like "Your Crazy" And She Said To Me "Don't Look At Me Like That! Stop It You Think Your So Cool" And I Was So Mad I Told Her "Leave Me Alone, I Don't Want To Listen To Your Offensive Words Any More, All You Do It Insult Me!" And She Told Me "I'm Just Telling The Truth" PLEASE HELP :(

  • @meghanparas6745
    @meghanparas6745 8 років тому +1

    I barely speak up for myself and I think this is one of the reasons why people don't respect me. When I have spoken up for myself slightly in the past I have gotten very negative reactions back... to the point where I'm just like "forget it it's not worth it I'll just keep silent". I tend to be more passive aggressive towards the person instead of speaking up now. I think the reason why I got such harsh reactions back after speaking up was because I did so ineffectively by giving attitude. Should I just be firm but serious when I speak up but get my point across?

  • @IAmDasani
    @IAmDasani 11 років тому +2

    what if you confront someone and you cant get a reaction from them because they're smiling/acting like they don't care/ignoring you

  • @w4cGjj123
    @w4cGjj123 10 років тому +6

    I laughed when you said that they will laugh because everyone will see that they are the raving lunatic...lololol soo funny and true:) your awesome Marie!

  • @sherryhale7926
    @sherryhale7926 10 років тому +3

    You're awesome and truly a terrific communicator..Your videos are very helpful and inspiring. Thanks a lot :)

  • @nikhic19
    @nikhic19 10 років тому +3

    what if they aren't getting angry but making subtle jabs at you (on your personality ,etc) on purpose just to demean and belittle you ? and you cant give a quick retort so you stand there not saying anything so it looks like you dont know how to respond and are dumb thus giving them more reason to verbally attack you again in subsequent meetings?

    • @mariedubuque
      @mariedubuque  10 років тому +8

      Nikhi, I know exactly what you are talking about! The jabs are so subtle that you don't even realize you have been insulted until later. Be very careful around this person, and distance yourself.

  • @C4RYB34R
    @C4RYB34R 11 років тому

    I am glad Im not the only one feel this way.

  • @spare1834
    @spare1834 8 років тому

    Thank you this really helped . My friend is always rude to to me about everything including my family and I never knew what to do .

  • @mariewilliams194
    @mariewilliams194 6 років тому +1

    A lot of these people are so self important that you can't win with theses people. You have to say be nice or let's be polite mature adults in front of people . To let them see they can't get away with their behaviour. They like to look good so if you make them look rude in front of people they will know they have to behave themselves.

  • @MartinVanDerSande
    @MartinVanDerSande 6 років тому

    Great advice and so true! Thank you

  • @rune1im2
    @rune1im2 9 років тому +11

    +Marie Dubuque what about more subtle rudeness? I continually have issues with subtle insults that I ignore and then fester and then I explode, making an ass out of myself. Any idea on how to tell someone to go to hell where they look forward to the trip?

    • @mariedubuque
      @mariedubuque  9 років тому +8

      +Lisa Duke I love your wording! I would give them a look. As if to say, "I know what you're really trying to do here." Remember, looks kill. And if you give them one that can break their pattern and make them feel ill at ease, you have effectively stopped this person in his tracks.

    • @rune1im2
      @rune1im2 9 років тому

      +Marie Dubuque thanks!

    • @the.imprint
      @the.imprint 8 років тому +1

      +Marie Dubuque I can't control that kind of emotion and they always end up winning and making me feel that way.

    • @MrTrinitothebone
      @MrTrinitothebone 7 років тому

      @Marie Dubuque I work in Central processing center where they clean surgical instruments Its Gossip City. At work i was talking to My Group Leader another Co-worker of mines said some to me "" i wasn't talking to you"" in a very Rude way, I just laugh it off and later on got upset. How do i speak with for myself without losing my cool and getting upset as a Men when someone Trying to Advertised for Embarrassment?.

  • @BlackTulip002
    @BlackTulip002 9 років тому

    Thank you so much for your advice. It's hard not to get defensive or emotional when somebody is attacking you. But I will try :)

  • @bruce741
    @bruce741 8 років тому

    Great video you make the best ones you always consistent with some wise knowledge your videos have gotten me through a lot. Thanks

  • @margaretszuky6768
    @margaretszuky6768 6 років тому +1

    THANK YOU, VERY MUCH FOR UR "DEFENSIVE ACTIONS" AGAINST A "POWER-TRIPPING" LUNATIC AT MY WORK THAT I, UNFORTUNATELY, HAVE TO DEAL WITH. EVEN THOUGH, AT TIMES IT'S ONLY 1 ONE DAY A WEEK!! TRULY.

  • @naztubez
    @naztubez 9 років тому +10

    Your hair looks beautiful in this video.

  • @MistyLove7
    @MistyLove7 11 років тому

    Wow i wish i saw this video years ago, I could have saved myself. Thanks Marie, your an inspiration to me, and have helped me in so many ways! :)

  • @sharonr3684
    @sharonr3684 9 років тому +4

    That is really great advice. Next time my husband humiliates me I'm going to say what you said. I think that should make him stop.

    • @papelmesa
      @papelmesa 8 років тому +5

      +Sharon R Hey! Did it work? If not, please leave him, I'm sure you don't need someone humiliating you. I hope you're well!

    • @mariewilliams6631
      @mariewilliams6631 4 роки тому

      These days people are inconsiderate and self absorbed it's best not to take it personally they might just be in a bad mood. Or they criticize or belittle or laugh at people to feel better about themselves.

  • @miamiflorida2043
    @miamiflorida2043 6 років тому

    You are so cool & up front because people are so manipulative and would do anything to get their way

  • @nialldelaney5730
    @nialldelaney5730 8 років тому

    I love these vids your advice is so great and simple and whenever I'm stuck on what to do I come to watch these videos and I find them so helpful so thank you so much for making them

  • @sikanderali1395
    @sikanderali1395 3 роки тому

    Simply beautiful, I hope you never have to deal with such situations. May God look over you always...

  • @patriciaeverard6537
    @patriciaeverard6537 2 роки тому +1

    Very smart lady.I have a toxic sister who likes to dominate me.

  • @WetPooooopie
    @WetPooooopie 9 років тому

    It's hard ur right Marie Dubuque!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • @kbc7515
    @kbc7515 7 років тому

    it is really hard to control our reaction to them like I get angry and sad at same time ,my emotions get mixed and my nerves get confused I end up being shut ,being defeated by them and feel like loser .... though I am at a genuine side

  • @honeydip0720
    @honeydip0720 11 років тому

    You alwayd have awesome advice Marie!

  • @aquiviene
    @aquiviene 11 років тому

    Wow. That was absolutely awesome. Your right. It does work but I'm getting tired of being the calm one. They won't stop and I'm getting really tired.what do I do?

    • @deborahawe5428
      @deborahawe5428 4 роки тому

      Just ignore them if that doesn’t work then confront them and tell them how you feel in a firm calm way.

  • @R8CHILL124
    @R8CHILL124 11 років тому

    She is the queen of advice.

  • @olivetree5670
    @olivetree5670 7 років тому

    Loved it your points are very clear

  • @SuperKarineka
    @SuperKarineka 7 років тому

    Hi Marie! Thank you so much for all your advice. It's been so helpful for me.. Right now I can't resign from my job. Its a high stress environment with a hierarchy system in place. I work in a support role. Many of the workers here can be very condescending and disrespectful towards you. Even while you are helping them! How can you remain professional, as well as not tolerate blatant disrespect?

  • @aditivaidya1613
    @aditivaidya1613 11 років тому

    Wow! You are just amazing! I love the way you express yourself and give suggestions.
    Can make a video on 'How to not cry while arguing or fighting'?
    Thank you ^_^

  • @MANDIBABE97
    @MANDIBABE97 11 років тому

    What do you think about meeting someone over text? Whether you text them first, or they text you first?

  • @Nepthu
    @Nepthu 2 роки тому

    Best hairdo, Marie! ❤️ it!

  • @kassa2010
    @kassa2010 9 років тому +2

    Thanks for qll your videos, they have helped me a lot :)

  • @jaynehathaway3717
    @jaynehathaway3717 10 років тому

    My brother sends me videos of people he considers idiots, implying that I'm an idiot, like he thinks I'm too dumb to figure out what he's doing. He constantly puts across the idea that I'm stupid and have flawed brain chemistry if I stand up to his abuse. Then he turns around and accuses me of the exact thing he's just done to me.

  • @montanacencarik6528
    @montanacencarik6528 11 років тому

    What do I do when a friend does something wrong and gets a reward for lying even though that person doesn't deserve it and kept on bragging about the thing (new iPhone) and won't stop

  • @minnesotajude8447
    @minnesotajude8447 8 років тому +1

    Hi Marie, Thank you for your videos. I was working with a guy, and it was weird, for example, his behavior was very subtle during situations, like if I dropped a tool or something, he would say "yeah, lets drop the hammer on the floor," or He would explain to me how to measure a room in a very confusing way, like im a dumbass, and when he was finished , in a passive aggressive way , ,he would say "if that makes any sense." or "what do I know, I'm just a dumb ass carpenter, right?" I also stepped on a piece of wood by accident, with a nail sticking out of it, which he left on the floor, and I said "ahhh fuck, that hurt" then he said, " umm, yeah, you might not want to step on a nail, not the smartest thing to do" . I lost my temper a little, and I kicked the piece of wood and said "well fuckin move it then". He had his friendly, yellow lab, dog in the room with us, and the piece of wood I kicked almost hit the dog. I was so angry and felt bad at the same time, because I would never hurt a dog. I said, I'm getting tired of your condenscending comments, and of course he says, "What are you talking about", and I said, I told you before, to not talk to me like that, then I freaked out a little and said, I need a break from you, Im very angry right now and I almost hurt the dog, I'm going to leave for the day. Of course, i'm the asshole now, lol. I don't talk to him or work with this guy anymore, also, I have been out to eat with him, and he is very subtle with comments such as "move", "hurry up", or "go". I told him to not talk to me like that, he stopped for a little while, but he didn't change, kept going. Any suggestions on how to deal with these subtle, passive aggressive people?

    • @lillyrocks2011
      @lillyrocks2011 7 років тому

      Mike Wilson Hi! How are you?. It's maybe a little late, but he seems bothered for something of you, and the most you ignore his insults seems he will feel powerful. Maybe you should answer the same way He does, but someone needs to be the adult, don't involve with his negativity​, don't involve with his negative energy.
      Just if he sees that you're allowing everything, or he will stop or He will continue, maybe If He sees you weak, or indefense he will feel that he's "winning".
      Maybe he's envious, jealous of you, or maybe himself was treated, the same way by others, or He's a very insecure person who needs to put other people down to feel some of self esteem?. He acts like a kid, you should behave and answer as an adult or directly confront him; that you're not going to allow that behavior because it's so stupid and childish.
      Hope this helps. I understand you.
      It's been a year but hope everything is better now.
      Sorry for my English I speak Spanish, (I don't live in the US).
      Peace.

    • @minnesotajude8447
      @minnesotajude8447 7 років тому +1

      Thank you so much, I appreciate that, your English is good!!!

  • @magodiaz6761
    @magodiaz6761 7 років тому +2

    what to do when you have bullie Friends ?

  • @mariedubuque
    @mariedubuque  11 років тому +1

    aquiviene, then you really have to distance yourself. It's almost like you are putting up a wall, and acting almost robotic. But if you show any emotion or even happiness, it will likely egg them on even more.

  • @johnxiong6983
    @johnxiong6983 9 років тому

    Thanx you must be an expert at this.

  • @amycarlin4020
    @amycarlin4020 7 років тому

    Thanks for the advice but this girl beat me up and now I just want to stand up for myself but I can’t I’m so scared what do u think I should do

  • @zodiac19931993
    @zodiac19931993 11 років тому

    do you agree with the hsp research ?

  • @madass888
    @madass888 11 років тому

    There's and old quote about this: Don't argue with idiots. they'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience

  • @marisa0603ful
    @marisa0603ful 9 років тому

    Sometimes I would just not respond to their behavior cuz I'm scared and I might not be able to do it it would just cause more they won't listen and it's hurtful.

  • @JMS103
    @JMS103 6 років тому

    The thing I do is ask what their problem is, then if they keep on I just walk away so I don’t snap on them. Not worth going to jail because of someone.

  • @bhamra2377
    @bhamra2377 9 років тому

    I have boys in my class and they are idiots , they tease me on our table if I say this they will laugh and carry on later on they will blame me for getting them into trouble I'm scared to speak up for myself. I feel like telling them that there threats,being mean and swearing will never get them into a grand possession should I?

  • @scottmiller5614
    @scottmiller5614 9 років тому

    Wow! This is really great advice. Thank you so much :)

  • @natashak3546
    @natashak3546 7 років тому

    so I really could use this video

  • @bocajmilan
    @bocajmilan 10 років тому

    Great advice Marie!

  • @Badfingerbabe777
    @Badfingerbabe777 10 років тому

    your videos help me a lot, I hope you post more like this, I have a lot of crazy relatives like this lol, thank you!

  • @ConsciousTeaQueen
    @ConsciousTeaQueen 8 років тому

    great advice

  • @robhingston
    @robhingston 9 років тому

    Such a wise woman

  • @iLuvTheMostHigh
    @iLuvTheMostHigh 9 років тому

    @Marie Dubuque I have learned so much by watching you Marie. :-)

  • @smurkuly6203
    @smurkuly6203 4 роки тому

    If I was to verbally attack someone I wouldn’t care how they feel if they act out or not i don’t like them and I want them to know that

  • @marisa0603ful
    @marisa0603ful 9 років тому

    Marie, what if this person is trying to push me away and attack me all of a sudden?

  • @anteckningsssboooook
    @anteckningsssboooook 11 років тому

    LOVE your videos!

  • @mpaxton8991
    @mpaxton8991 6 років тому

    I had a supeevisor who liked to throw fits and make the women cry. He was throwing one in front of me one day, throwing chairs and shoving tables, and I just stood there until he finished. I asked him if he was done. He stormed off and left me alone. He wasnt even head of my department and didnt have authority over me anyway.

  • @luckyme100178
    @luckyme100178 6 років тому

    Thanks sis

  • @vishalnathwani
    @vishalnathwani 11 років тому

    how can i send my query to her?

  • @macywalsh1035
    @macywalsh1035 11 років тому

    Thanks alot you really helped me now I hope that girl from school will not be so hateful and call me names

  • @Heather28400
    @Heather28400 9 років тому

    What if you're stuck with them for 11 days on a so called vacation including 2 hours in a rental car? I also watched "pushes your buttons" video. How to stay calm when you can't really get away? (Having a very needy special needs child to also manage).

  • @coreylancer2479
    @coreylancer2479 9 років тому

    simply brilliant!

  • @amylee7354
    @amylee7354 11 років тому

    your amazing. your vids have helped me a lot thank you:)

  • @farahqumsieh9604
    @farahqumsieh9604 7 років тому

    wow woman why haven't I ever saw this Channel before

  • @BeautifulDidem
    @BeautifulDidem 11 років тому

    SAME HERE!!!

  • @S.G..E555
    @S.G..E555 5 років тому

    I doubt I will never master my reactions I literally go from naught to sixty if someone is rude or aggressive to me or mine... 😱

  • @raulfolgueirahernandez5283
    @raulfolgueirahernandez5283 11 років тому

    Sensuality and pleasure you give to my eyes

  • @anisahpatwary1145
    @anisahpatwary1145 11 років тому

    Wow ur really good

  • @ninjan7276
    @ninjan7276 7 років тому

    how i wish i knew you in person..

  • @binduthakur7173
    @binduthakur7173 9 років тому

    thnks alot

  • @johngotti3974
    @johngotti3974 10 років тому

    Nice video

  • @BeautifulDidem
    @BeautifulDidem 11 років тому

    I will walk away from them if I want to, can, and have to. Same with all blood relatives.

  • @Ciccy05
    @Ciccy05 11 років тому

    Love this!

  • @steveharutunian5440
    @steveharutunian5440 3 роки тому

    I prefer the Ron White debate method,,, "Well Fuck You",,, I win lol.

  • @BanellaRg
    @BanellaRg 11 років тому

    tnx your videos are amazing

  • @vinterwn2946
    @vinterwn2946 7 років тому +5

    Your spirit is so attractive intelligent and beautiful mwahh I love you are our angel mary