Tell her what you want
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- Опубліковано 9 лип 2024
- A lot of men don't know how or why to tell women what they need. They struggle with being the Nice Guy because that's what he does. He prioritizes his partner's needs over his own.
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• Tell her what you want
#ManTalks #MensWork #RelationshipAdviceForMen - Навчання та стиль
Say after me, and don't be ashamed to say it: I need physical and emotional connection, safety, intimacy, integrity, touch, presence, availability, consistency and balance of needs!
You can say it all you want but the answer is going to be no.
This might be one of the simplest and best relationship videos I've seen on UA-cam for a long time. Very balanced. Not attacking women nor men.
There is not enough comments here. As a women, yes please “honestly” tell us what you want. My best relationships were with real honest men, and it taught me a lot about communicating. But liars/mixed messages spoil it on both sides.
Quality content. In my opinion, the distinction is not so much "don't prioritize her needs", but more accurately "don't prioritize her needs AT THE EXPENSE OF YOUR OWN".
That second part is critical. Put your partner's needs before your own, but not in place of your own. It's a subtle but important difference.
Too many men (myself included) fail to make this distinction, and end up sacrificing and sacrficing until there's nothing left to give, and then wonder how we got there. Water your own garden first. It's not selfish to have needs. It's not selfish to ensure those needs are being met.
Powerful perspective!
For me, it’s best for both parties to state what they’re looking for transparency and if the other doesn’t meet the need, it’s clear and the person can decide whether to move forward or not. I want to meet a gentleman who has an idea where he wants to take me and what he wants to do bc I will communicate my wants and needs for a harmonious relationship. I find that sexy. I do not want to put time and energy in things or people that I’m not aligned with. That’s not a bad thing, it’s respecting and honoring ourselves. If the other person is not for you, that leaves room for the right person to come along.
Great video. It's a reminder that even before a woman comes into your life, to live rather than postpone what you value and aspire for. Don't neglect your hobbies, base your schedule on them.
By default, anyone coming into that action based reality will have to sink or swim.
I think people should stop calling there wants “needs.” It’s manipulative.
You don’t need to act like camping or another activity that matters to you is a “need” of yours. It’s not, anyway. Just tell her you want to go camping together, see if it works out, and if it doesn’t, then, maybe that’s not the relationship for you.
But labeling your desires as needs gives them this sense of obligation, which your partner will feel. Calling them wants (while still not compromising on them) is a lot more honest.
So either that, or make it very clear that you need some thing “in order to…“ So that it’s clear that what you’re requesting is necessary in order to achieve something else you want, and not just a want that you’re conveying as if it’s a survival need.
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Brother, understand that honestly and openness is a two way street. Even if you are upfront about what you want, if the other person isn't honest it leads to same thing.
Sure, but all you can control is you. Why not strive to be the best you and hope that attracts the best people for you?
then find somebody that's honest
Never stop doing those videos... You're leading us men towards leading ourselves and leading our partners
I saw a quote somewhere that said the right one won’t get in your way but will make room for you to step forward. I’ve taken this to heart because when the right opportunity presents herself (lol), I’ll be ready to do that by expressing my wants and needs, and being the leader that I want to be.
Just wanted to pop in and say your a truly great guy. Not alot of men who have life and relationships figured out as well as you do would really take the time to sit down and teach others how to figure it out, let alone do it for free and post it for everyone on youtube. that deserves an immense amount of recognition, in my opinion.
Im 24 and im currently falling out of a very toxic relationship where neither of us were happy but just went with it just so we didnt have to be lonley. Typically i get very self destructive durring breakups but i wanted to take a diffrent avenue this time and your videos are like therapy. There is so much that i need to work on within myself not only for a potential relationship but in my family relationships aswell! If it wasnt for content like this id likley go striaght back to drugs and drinking like i always have. Thank you so much, your content is a blessing!
simple, yet effective. thanks
Follow through on what is said is very important. I learned that after my last relationship. In my current relationship, I say it, we do it. We plan up to two or three months in advance for the things I love and she is more than happy to tag along (hiking, camping, canoeing, cycling). She loves it when I lead.
Thank you, I was told this before. Honesty is always the best thing. When men tell me what they need, if I can't meet their needs, I will be honest and tell them. They respect that a lot, that give me so much confidence in finding the man God grants me.
Great video. Love your work. I definitely need to bring this to my relationship
Thanks for sharing this
Yes , thank you! Direct and honesty….such a turn on. Don’t beat around the bush. Tell the truth, for us , liking the truth is optional…but TELL ME THE TRUTH
Your channel is so damn grounding dude. Thank you!
Love it Man! Keep up the great work. Relationships would be easier if men just showed up and did as you suggest. No force, just having a backbone as a man.
Very insightful & articulate.
I needed this today, been feeling very lost and now I understand why
Just got out of a 10 year relationship. Realizing I never took the time to think about what I need to even communicate that to my ex. Could never commit and felt unfulfilled the entire time. Took way longer than needed to figure out we weren't a match
This vid popped up at just the right time... thank you Universe! and thank you sir, hope your channel grows.
You're very welcome
Great video. I need to prioritize me more.. So used to meeting the needs of babes first. Thanks
Thank you
I might just be an odd woman. But I think that "norm" is reversed.
See ...
I like walking into another person's life.
I like trying new things.
I like supporting another person's interests.
I like finding shared interests.
And I like nurturing another person's inner child (to see them joyful).
But when with my ex, it was one-sided. He wasn't trying to get to know me, never asked me questions about likes or dislikes or favorites etc. And I grew to resent it.
When I hear this idea of being swept up into an adventure, all I can imagine is self-negation. And when you mention about REALLY getting to know a person being all about how they respond to your interests, hobbies, passions etc... something about that doesn't sit right with me.
I was going through Scripture recently, and came across what Jesus said about Marriage. About a man leaving his father and mother to be joined to his wife. He doesn't say anything about the woman leaving father and mother. It led me to imagine that His intention for Engagement and Marriage - even simply dating - is not destabilizing a woman socially or financially etc. It prioritizes her relationships and comfortability and life, and a certain level of independent dependency.
But your remark about the necessity of direct communication is absolutely spot on.
Another great video.
Honouring needs, feelings and your own heart!
Your advice is exactly what is needed. You provide such a healthy and measured way of addressing difficult yet extreme important topics. This is a healthy channel for both men and women and I am glad the “big brother” algorithm led me to your amazing channel. Keep up the great work as you are undoubtedly saving lives! 🎉
I agree - almost everything he says hits home. My husband truly believed that I should have been able to read
his mind to meet his needs. It would have helped a lot years ago.
I'm 55 and have seen it's less a matter of the man not being able to say what he wants, it's more a matter of he learns it's pointless to say it or to ask for what he wants because the answer is going to be no.
All I want to say is thank you.
Honouring your own needs also helps honour your own boundaries
I 100% agree with you!!!! And I thank you for your healing content!
My husband has been a "nice guy" for 37 years...and it turned me into a very independent , resentful woman who has to be aggressive because there is no leadership or direction from him. I tried to explain it to my husband as a clerk-customer relationship. He's the clerk and I'm the customer 😩 allll these years! He tries to "make the customer happy" at the expense of himself, but there isn't emotional intimacy. He doesn't assert or even mention his needs. I literally would jump to serve if he did🥺
Any how...I made a commitment to God in marriage, so I will remain married. Since he doesn't respond to me asking him to be direct...what do I do now? (I'm willing, Im just lost)
some of us guys get raised to understand that our role is to protect, and to the point that we protect our loved ones at all costs, even from our needs because we don't want to burden the people we love. If our loved ones are upset, we are upset, not just because we love them, but because of the shame, that we didn't do enough. I realize it must be frustrating, but if it is from a place of shame that he is this way, you are going to have to spend months being patient, if you really do want change. You start by pointing out something he does that is thoughtful or kind, that you genuinely notice and appreciate. Something you like about the way he treats you. You thank him for that specific thing, not for him being thoughtful in general. You do that a few times, and it slowly builds up some sort of confidence in him, that maybe just maybe, he actually adds to your life after all and not everything he does is 'not good enough'. Once the confidence dares to build, he might get enough courage to reach out to you by asking for some tiny thing. It will be small. It might even only be a hint. An attempt to ask while being as unintrusive as possible. I know it is annoying, but you will have to watch for it. No matter how tiny it is, drop what you are doing and do it while demonstrating that he isn't a massive inconvenience for daring to ask. Let him know as you finish that you love him. Do not tell him you are proud of him or make a big deal out of it. That will just make him retreat back into his shame. This will have to happen several times until he starts to trust that he isn't hurting you by asking for something. Only after he gets more consistent, and you start to more consistently seem ok with it, will he finally be able to be open to processing the concept of being more of a leader and setting healthier boundaries. It takes a while. It took years for him to get messed up, he won't get over that in a month or two. But if you are really committed, it can change. The thing about boundaries is it isn't our role to call other people out. It is our role to know what we need and be able to articulate it. He has the agony of never having felt like he was allowed to exist or have needs in the first place. That takes time to overcome. That takes feeling safe. You aren't his mom, and it is tedious, but still, if he matters to you, if the marriage does, and after 37 years, one would see you seem committed, try it. In the long run it would improve both your lives. Eventually, therapy would help him a lot, probably, but suggesting it outright would only confirm his deepest fears that you think he is lacking. He can become more open to it, though. Try to forgive him instead of resenting him, even if temporarily it sucks to see the broken kid inside he is, because in the end, he can grow into someone you can respect. It just won't be quickly.
I wish I had heard this 2 years ago i could have saved some relationships had I known any of this. But I’m grateful for the experience and opportunity to learn from my past mistakes I’ve lead 2 relationships like this and wanted to prioritize them to make them feel good and I barely took care of myself
One of the modt important video's for a man on UA-cam
I wish I saw this video 9 years ago. Fuck
This goes both ways, just because the media shows these "perfect" guys that attend your needs I think we should also look at how the most women are treated and observe that their needs aren't met either. It's about every relationship in particular, about how you prioritize communication and talk about what you need. Everyone should know how to approach this subject and open up with their partners, I believe that in serious relationships your partner will be more than happy to meet your needs and make you happy, so if not, it just means they are selfish with you and don't really care about you feeling fulfilled. Interesting video, just not really the full perspective in my opinion.
I never got this type of education from my father nor at schools. Never was able to ask questions or question questions. I feel like a loser.
This works. Take control. Tell her what you want even in your relationship. If they love you, they’ll do it. If they don’t, leave them. Be direct and tell her what you want. Tell her you want sex. Tell her you want to eat steak. Tell her. A real woman will follow you.
This.
if only i seen this video 4 days earlier i think i just lost the love of my life...
I don't experience this thing where women are saying your (the man) needs are not as important as mine (the woman).