I wonder if you are the one who's been discarded, does the narcissist still question their worth? Even if that narcissist has another partner for supply, do they still want to control you, and smear you?
I became distant from him. I started making myself a priority. I joined a gym lost weight. I also became more social. I went out more with my friends. I am evolving into the best version of myself. I am healing everyday. I'm winning
I am staying with husband who is a narcissist I came to kno with yr videos.i couldn't understand his behaviour towards me all my life making him happy n satisfied. I hv suffered all abuse insult blaming.with lot of cronic illnesses. Now I now how to deal nor will leave him
Good for you! Very early on in our relationship, like a month in, he tried to make me feel bad for going to the gym instead of talking to him on the phone 😂😂😂😂😂😂 Keep going girl
They Hate when start taking care of you and take the focus off them. I had to cuss my soon to be Ex-husband out because he tried to Hoover me and I called him out on it. I told him to get his emotional, mental, spiritual, physical and Financial needs met by the woman he's sleeping with!!!
Narcs are also empaths. That's how they are able to key into your psyche and emotions. I believe empaths are created by abuse and then either become a codependent or a narc.
My DOB is 444, earth angel 😇, emphat, All of them I attract them and the devil come like the same, the last previous one is the devil itself her BDAY Friday the 13th, 2 much magic leaving me homeless
Give thanks for havng the courage to take an honest look at yourself. When you feel the humiliation, realize that its a good sign, that you have a moral compass and a conscience. Its what makes you the opposite of the narcissist.
My narc husband tortured me with threats of abandonment for months while I was so severely depressed and suicidal I could barely work, so him leaving would be life threatening to me. Somehow I managed to pull myself out of the darkness, started working out, taking care of myself, watching videos about narcissism, and got a second job. When he said he would leave expecting me to cry or beg, I just laughed after telling him to go as fast as he could. He was so shocked. Edit: some narcs are here saying that I was trying to trap him. Just so you know, when this predator infiltrated my life, I was at the top of game! My carreer, my health, my youth and beauty. I lived a peaceful and fulfilling life with family and friends. He pretended to be the man of mu dreams. He went to church. He took classes to be a husband! Some folks have no idea of the lengths a narc will go when they have a desire. I was a precious achievement for him to display. At that time I was completely ignorant of narcissism, otherwise I might have seen the red flags. He convinced me to move across the world. I was so blind believing he was sent from God that I trusted him completely. Biggest mistake of my life. It only cost me everything. But God had better plans for me; I was down, but He raised me up. I am succeeding, and in the narc’s territory, which he never thought I would be able to. I proved I can be independent even in his country, in a total different language and culture. That’s the narc’s biggest mistake: they underestimate our resilience, our inner strength, which are things they don’t have, so they live it through us. I was depressed because he was sucking my soul dry, like a vampire.
They fear abandonment more than anything. So they treated us with this first before we can do it to them. But they cause us to leave them because of there mindset. When you catch onto there games and they start to lose control, they will throw everything at you. Just remember to not react to there abuse because that's what they want. Heal, grow, and surround yourself with people who will bring you happiness and love. Congrats on your 2nd job 👏. Things will get better :)
7 Things that Shock A Narcissist- 1) When you don’t beg them 2) When you take them by surprise 3) When you discard them 4)When you prove them wrong 5) When you start thriving 6) When you don’t give them any supply 7) When you show kindness
The saddest part...is nobody believes you.....until they are traumatized. If I watched you before my experience, I would label you a nut case. Everything you say, is so true. Thank you for your commitment to heal.
I have been there and I believe you. Narcissists have a fake personality that masks their real personality, and it is impossible to explain to someone who hasn't seen the abusive personality come to the surface.
Use this case to also consider what others may be saying about other issues in life, that you have not experienced. Use this as a humble learning experience.
This is so true my ex was all I’m such a nice guy and everybody loves me kind of thing then mr dark side came out when he was in the house with me. Cold callous and you don’t matter attitude. I wasted 20 yrs of my life on him.
I call it the 'victim of narcissistic abuse-curse'.... When you try to talk about it people look at you like you're crazy or became crazy even though they've known you for half your life. Some also look like you just raped them by expecting any type of sympathy or God forbids...: empathy... While that is not necessarily the case. Or you find out that you were sharing your story with a person who is just as narcissistic/anti social as the ones who abused you.
At what age u left ur parents ? Did u use their money to come up in life , once started to stand on ur leg , did u left them. If that is the case I'll say u have no gratitude. Once if u have realized one of ur family member is a narssistic, did u try to help others who are victim to them,? If so hatsoff to u. If not I'll say u are selfish.
I've mastered all 7 things. My ex must be extremely shooketh. To anyone in the midst of this abuse or starting their healing journey: I PROMISE life gets so much better and you will come out the other side so much stronger and wiser. Love and light ☀
I divorced a narcissist after 20 years of marriage. Yes, I’ve booked many hours counseling…. I divorced him 30 years ago. Never remarried. I have to raise my frequency (self esteem) because a low frequency person attracts a narcissist. Easy target.
My sister is a covert narcissist - one of the most malignant I have ever come across. Once when I started a new relationship that was going really well, she started yelling at me telling me that I "always do this" and how I am so pathetic that I need a relationship to feel whole. This was after I had just been single for 3 years - lol. I stayed really calm and said to her "You have no idea who I am". I could visibly see the shock on her face; almost like she had just been slapped. She was so sure she knew me inside out; but because she never listens to me or asks me a single question about me or my life, she truly has no idea who I am. She only has her delusional assumptions to go on and it never occurred to her that I'm a person in my own right.
My sister is like this. I have no contact with her now and never will again. I was low contact with her my whole life. My only memories of her is her nasty behavior.
@@TheCatholicGirl You have my deepest sympathy. Narc sibling relationships are the worst. They see you as competition and a threat. I am also no contact with her now.
I also have a malignant narc sister. The lies, the manipulation, the jealousy. it’s all beyond limits and so destructive. She is the worst. And the most toxic person to me. I never in a million years expected me to go no contact but I am. For 4 years now. And I’ve never had so much relieve and peace in my life. Marc’s are exhausting, loveless and draining
Good answer. Although a narc know who you arenon a core base level. They're just evill and daring to enjoy underestimating and sabotaging some one's ability to do good and /or to defend themselves and enjoy causing bad feelings and bad situations in some who is doing or having a good thing or reputation and they also suffer from deep bone frying envy built into their evilness 😉
Inside every narcissist there is a deeply wounded child. I am vulnerable to a narcissist because inside me is a deeply wounded child. I cannot change anyone but myself. There are no winners on either side, just children who had to adapt to survive.
Not every wounded child becomes a monster who hurt other deeply wounded children. That explains it, ok. But getting after your own children, or your family members is monstruous, wounded children inside or not...
Their victim stories of childhood are merely stories to gain supply. Very often they were not abused or even if they were that is not the cause of their behavior. They are born this way.
I just left a situation with a narcissist. I came very close to losing all of my possessions but I'll tell you what worked. I treated that person like they were the smartest person in the world and that I'm dumb. It immediately worked. Then when everything was going great, knowing that wouldn't last, I took all of my stuff and left and will never contact that person again for the rest of my life.
I did the same thing. I acted like everything was normal, didn't question anything he did, and acted happy while planning to get him out of my life. When I left him, he had no idea what just happened. It was beautiful.
One of the best things about social media is the ability to share and learn information about narcissists behaviour. I cannot believe how popular these videos are.
That's why narcissists want naive and gullible people who were taught to believe and do what people tells them. The gullible person is easier to manipulate. The narcissist won't have to work hard to brainwash a naive person compared to a complex person.
You can fool some people some time but you can't fool all the people all the time. And now we see the light to stand up for our rights GET UP STAND UP STAND UP FOR YOUR RIGHT ! BOB MARLEY 👑
The narcissist, when told that I wanted a divorce because he had been caught living secret lives with multiple women…refused to willingly give me a divorce. When I asked ‘why’…he actually said these words, “Because I don’t want to look like a failure”!!! So, I was supposed to continue to live with him and ‘pretend’ as if nothing had happened, even though I didn’t believe a single word that came out of his mouth anymore, and I most definitely did not trust, respect him or want to be around him anymore - simply to save him…from looking like a failure. Absolutely mind bending. The epitome of entitlement and lack of remorse. They are truly like reptiles. Cold blooded and stealth in their predatory actions.
You should have got somebody else to expose them for the failure he is. Once the cat is out of the bag there's no putting it back in. Narcissists need to be exposed for the pieces of 💩 that they are. Their world will come tumbling down once that happens because they know nobody will believe their crap anymore.
@@daffyduckling6958 especially the covert narcissist these guys need a special extra treatment of ostracizing because they thrive on doing good things for the suspense of control not doing the right thing just because.
Amazing that so many of us have lived similar lives/abuse. My X husband did the exact same thing. Wanted me to be OK with his GF and affair! After 25 years of marriage, he thought he was entitled to have an affair. Whaaaat? When I exposed the affair and confronted him…he assaulted me and was charged by the Crown. 🇨🇦
a good way to get over it all, is to understand he has lost much, much more than you have. because he has lost everything you had for him. love, respect, trust. the poor guy, it's too bad he can't understand that ; ) I hope you understand my point, he has lost you! and you are too good for him.
Best thing to do from the start is: Love yourself; don't give away your reserve bc it is your strength, your very backbone. Stay on top of your self care and never discard your self-worth. Those Narc people are on a neg vibe and if you see to yourself, then that flings you to the higher freq. The two cannot ever cross connect. Glad you stepped up for yourself, or you might still be there.
I started treating the narcissist in the same manner and this SHOCKED the narcissist. I was tired of being physically and verbally treated in the most horrible manner.
But then they get angry at being treated the same way they treat others and twist the narrative and make your life a living hell because they act victimized. They will slander your name, etc. The nightmare never ends unless you cut off all contact.
He asked, as I threw my things into a bag “are you leaving” for a minute I was going to say no but I stated “yes” and drove away blocked and never spoke to them again The expression on his face was priceless :)
Their supply is them getting their thrills by getting a response from you. They like you focused on them. They don't want you happy, healthy, and confident. They see you react and know they caused that in you, positive or negative.
And that reaction is NOT what he is getting from me because I know that narcs get supply whether our reaction is good or bad. No response drives them crazy…that gives me satisfaction, lol. I am an RN and can stop a muscle spasm…and once during a long, abusive rant towards me he fell and started screaming in pain. He was having one of his many Charly horses, and was very wimpy about pain. He kept calling for help, and yelled “what kind of nurse are you?”…lol…I hollered back at him “I’ll tell you what kind of nurse I am…I’m not your nurse,so shut up!” and I shut and locked the bedroom door and left him to his screaming. To this day that scene makes me smile. His abuse hardened my heart toward him…if he was coding out in front of me I’d walk on by. I love how tough I’ve become! Only those who have survived a narc will understand this.
My mental abuser got me into a state of great anger when I discovered yet another betrayal, I lost my cool and tore some family pictures. They feigned total fear and shock at my outburst, and called for a family meeting where everyone had a go at me, then as their final nail in the coffin they said "do you realize that you are a danger and need professional help?", to which I replied, "I totally take accountability for the upset I caused you all, and will comply with any mental health professional to rectify my behavior." To my surprise, everyone began to backpedal on their attack on me at the prospect of having a professional look into the situation. They had NOT expected that outcome! I'm currently talking to a therapist, and will continue to do so until I have managed to go no contact.
Being abused changes you and losing ones cool well that happens to the best of us. Trust me. Nothing strange at all in your behavior. I can recommend the NARP program. Its all about healing from trauma and abuse. I have done that myself and it is super.
@@Archangel-Healer333 I will highly recommend you to take contact with a shelter for women of domestic abuse. They can assist you and your girl to new living conditions and support. At least this is how it works in DK, Sweden, EU and I should expect the same wherever you live. I would never go along with that kind of manipulation he is trying to force on you. This is not a normal person you are dealing with but an abuser. Things can only get worce and more ugly, not better. I lived at such a shelter once long time ago for 3,5 month and I get help to a nice house with my kids. Look online for support, shelter, some public person like a lawer or like what I did ( contacted a local politician for support and got it). They serve the public which mean people like you.
@@hellekofoed639 please message me privately, I live in Michigan. I don’t know if how to contact a local politician to get help. The shelters are all full and full of drugs. It’s a never ending cycle in which I don’t see a way out that will not destroy my daughters.
@@Archangel-Healer333 That is awful. In this part of the world where I live you would surely get help and a place to stay. I have never heard of any drugs on shelters. Can you think of anyone you know ( now or from the past) that is a nice person with whome you could stay for awhile? If not you must search online for a place to live and get some help to get out of your situation. Since you have children to protect you cannot stay with him. That is not an option. As a mom your children are your responsebility. You can not put them in danger. I am so sorry that you are in such a difficult situation but it can be changed. You are a strong person. What about renting a caravan and stay at a camping site somewhere. I know US has camping sites all over. Or a cabin. I would look for anything just to get away. You need a fresh start and so does your kids.
My narcissist was emotionally abusive and one day when he had a horrific anger outburst and left, changed the locks and surrounded myself with my loving supportive family and friends. I had little contact as much as possible as we were co-parenting . He tried every thing to hoover be back . By then I had realised he was a narcissist and thanks to that knowledge I was spared further abuse and manipulation from him. But I hatched a plan. I made him think that I was believing his crap that he was gonna change. And when I had him thinking that he could have me back ( to dump me as revenge) I told him that wonderful word NO. He was dumb stuck. He still tries from time to time to see if he can worm his way back or get an reaction from me. Not gonna happen. I have risen from the ashes stronger, wiser and with true self worth and self love. I have the power in my mind body and soul.
I was married to a narcissist, who literally tortured me for decades. I finally gave up and stop giving him anything to torture me with. But he got so frustrated he began to beat me on a daily basis. I finally left him, and I still shake when anyone comes up behind me or raises their voice. The damage these types of people do impacts the other person deeply. I have worked very hard daily to not feel guilty or accept the horrible words spoken to me and about me.
They tell on themselves. It isn't until you have been out of their daily life and have successfully set up boundaries (which they always test) that you realize everything they accuse you of THEY are doing.
@@alexanderbutler2989 I disagree, I've known several very intelligent Narcissist. IQ doesn't have anything to do with it from what I've studied. Two of my adult children were/ are Narcissists, and both of them were straight A students, College degrees, high IQ's, actually. Just not very nice individual's.
Narcissist are horrible terrible people get away from them as fast as possible and never look back. And don’t be hard on yourself if you have spent years even decades with a narcissist and didn’t figure it out I spent 39 years and felt pretty foolish but she would cry and carry-on every time I wanted to leave and I hated to see her sad but I finally got the strength to see what she really is she has no empathy no feelings no soul The tears are all fake.
i agree this so so much. just today my mom yelled at me and my sister then she shout "get out my house, dont ever come" and my older sister said okay then we are going. so :) she came and cried and hugged her first time in her fuckn life :) and i just sat and watched. my sister was shock but i knew it. i know who she is. when i will have job, im gonna move with my sister then idc her. these people are sick and im really so so tired
Yes, all of them. I kept it to myself as I figured him out and began to slowly withdraw all my interest and intention on him. Because I didn't want to confront, I wanted him to choose to leave rather than provoking a dramatic exit. I ignored him. I shared no thoughts with him when he tried to initiate control-seeking questions. He tested my resolve and I held firmly closed to him and kept private. He began reaching out to his back up supplies. I showed no negative reaction when one girl came to get him, though he was expecting a big dramatic jealous showdown. He even began apologizing for her being there, expecting me to soften and beg him to stay. Instead, I thanked the girl for helping him, and wished him luck. He was speechless, which I've never seen ever before. 🤣He did try to hoover me back in some months later, but I've since gone no contact and my life has so greatly improved since then. And there was no drama, no vindictive recourse. I finally realized he was only as powerful over me as I allowed him to be. So I "unvictimized" myself by letting go. 💪 Good luck everyone! Stay 💪 strong!*!*!💜🙏💜
I am 3 months no contact, and I am once again enjoying my life. Thank goodness I live overseas, but I comeback to the US on my breaks. I liked what you said because he was constantly trying to make me jealous even of his own kids especially his 34 year old daughter - as I never had kids. I am recovering - still ruminating about why I accepted such evil treatment, but when I read posts like yours, I become more informed and have a model. Unfortunately, he raped me last December - violently in my newly remodeled house because he was jealous of me buying it I contacted the police in MD just recently, and they were so nice to me, and told me what to do when I come back next summer. I was going to just move on without dealing with it, but I decided no. So still dealing with a bit.
My narcissist was shocked when I left her and had the divorce papers served. She thought she had me totally under her spell having put me through the ringer several times with her treacherous actions to betray me. She thought no way in hell I would walk away from everything I built financially (where she invested nothing). She bragged about her control openly as if to rub it into my face. Then came the process server and her narcissistic rage. I survived but never again, ever.
I was married to a narcicistic family.. But we have never seen such psycho.. My mother in law stopped me from higher degree, she often make chaose without reason. Father in law was a weak and dependent person. It ends with a seperation from my husband. My strong personality was crushed in all way.. being single Mom, enjoying peace and a life of my choice
My sister was always rude and cruel but she crossed the line at the worst moment possible...and I reached my breaking point and snapped on her, telling her all the truth that I had always just accepted and basically overlooked, all the things she definitely didn't want to hear about herself and her behaviors. She doesn't take criticism well so she screamed that I was the narcissist! A few days later, I received a letter from her where she "officially" cut all ties with me, in all dimensions and all timelines. I granted her wish and didn't reply. I don't really know what she expected me to do but she has always played the role of perpetual victimhood so I'm sure she's still unloading her woes on her long-time therapist. It's been three years since that letter. Earlier this year, she sent a flying monkey to let it be known that she's "not doing well"....I did not respond. She cut me out of her life and my only silent response was, so be it and so what. Whenever I start feeling sorry for her, I reread that letter and reassert that my life is better without her negativity
I just laid down the law to my abusive sister yesterday. Luckily I was prepared, stayed on subject and did not give any supply. She also called me a narcissist, among many other spicy words. Her reaction and defense was textbook, it seems. Your post is helping me now and thank you. Waiting on that letter lol
Don't be too quick to take up a place of pride in the face of a loved one's pain and struggle. Yes they lash out. No you don't have to buy into every bait. Love your sister and overlook her sickness.
My sister is a narcissist she switches between victim and hero. Your story is eerily similar to mine I called her a dictator nearly 3 years ago she never got over it and was so outraged she played the victim of my mis-characterisation to everyone. She crossed the line when following a heated phone conversation where I told her to bleep off out of my life she came around to my house and tried to bash my door in with a tyre iron. We very rarely speak now I am happier for it because all she purposely brings is negative energy. I choose to surround myself with positive people and don't look back.
I have an update. My sister passed away last month. For over three years, we didn't have contact even though her home was only 3-blks from mine. In my mind, I was forced to mourn the loss of my sister a long time ago and in the end, all I could feel was sadness at the life she lived and the person she became. Sometimes the end comes long before the end...
having children and had to divorce with narcissist would be so difficult but I hope the best for all the survivor. Kids with narcissist parent will grow out mentally unstable.
The first key to challenging a narcissist is accepting who they are and that they can never change then you start working on the "defense" when they try to attack ,you bar the attacks by ignoring their attempts to trigger your anger and the the best thing to do is to learn to love and take care of yourself💖
Accepting who they are if u are in a relationship and be cheated on, be discarded then be hoovered back too, yeah ok. U got to be a narcissist yourself to write such a comment. People must choose not to deal with them, because these are energy vampires and always vibrating low. U cannot always live in defensive mood all the time like the people around you are your enemies, only a devil thinks like that and starts shooting for no reasons at innocent People that are trying to help u. I encourage people to stay away from these devils because they are only blocking your manifestation for a good life. U cannot always defend yourself from the negative energy, the best way is to cut them off, run and never look back. Block them, divorce and leave them in their misery and let them suffer and let karma hit them hard..
Ooh my God!! I did all these7 to my covert Narcissist husband. He is in his life time shock and he tends to Hoover me by telling me that i am not normal and so i should seek Spiritual Deliverance from Pastors and Prophets so as i can heal and get back to live with him as a Christian Couple!! Go back my Foot!!! Thank you my heavenly father for giving me the courage to see things clearly and left him in 2020 December after being together with him for 17 torturing Years! Im now healed and i am myself again after praying and listening to the teachings like this. Be blessed
My narcissist demanded a divorce. Then turned around during the same conversation and said “oh by the way, I need a ride to work.“ I said “then I guess you have a problem.“ The look on her face was priceless as I packed my meager belongings and left for my new apartment. She honestly expected a ride to work…😂
My son a grandiose narcissist, done everything to me, I didn’t know till only a few months ago - he gaslighted, projected, blamed, manipulated, altered history events to his liking & favour -vilifying me, future faked & verbally abused me. He strategically kept his wife & I apart so we could never talk he didn’t want her to know that I’m actually a kind person, not the horrible villain he’s lied. I sent a card to his wife got someone else to write the address and didn’t put return address on it. I send it during her birthday so I she would see it. I shared how I felt. It worked she read it. He freaked out called me wild, & jealous among other derogatory things. It took him off guard completely, I actually got around his insane control to share some things to his wife how I felt. Of course he punished me - but it didn’t matter as I was “ Awakening “ & few weeks later I went no contact. Been 4 months now no contact at all. I’m done with him after 20 years of his crap. I’ll never see him again. Done. 🙂
When you leave or discard your narcissist they are in shock so then they start gaslighting you or go to their flying monkeys to get assurance as they can't understand why you left, they don't apologise because they don't think they have done anything wrong.
The target staying “strong of body” is like kryptonite to the narc. I started playing tennis during the most abusive time of the marriage & soon became quite proficient. I had teammates & played in a citywide league. He hated that I had an outside passion for MY chosen sport & was getting many kudos from other players at the club for my physical skills & good sportsmanlike behaviour🎾❤️ It was the beginning of the end for the satanic marriage! I’m free🌟🌟🌟
Their constant questioning appears to be someone actually interested in you. In reality and over time it ramps up and becomes interrogation. What beats me but proves they have dysfunctional thinking is the fact they rely on you for emotional security YET they're intent on destroying the very one who is supporting them. Self sabotage I'd call that. Great video thanks. x
For a while every now and then I would break down in front of my abusive narcissistic ex after the emotional abuse had been particularly painful. But he loved it. He was in glee. One time he told, me "I love to see how upset I can get you" and I knew there was something very wrong with him. From that day forward, I didn't allow him to see the pain he caused me, and would keep my tears to myself, because I knew he took some sadistic pleasure in being capable/powerful enough to cause me emotional turmoil. RUN, people, RUN if you're with someone like that. That is NOT a relationship, it is a sick person getting delight out of emotional torture. You deserve better.
I shocked the hell out of him after 50 years of abuse, telling me he could leave me any time, didn’t have to put up with stupid dumb me, he’d have me committed, until the day I said calmly after another “I can leave you anytime” .. “if that’s what you want, I’ll help you pack”. I gathered up enough of his things and put them by his car. The look on his face as he drove away I will always remember. I’d trumped him. Of course the coercion, lies to everyone got worse but everyone saw through him. No friends, Alzheimers, bitter and twisted.
I gave her the silent treatment as a reply on her ST while living next door. The detail is that she fully depends on me: money, internet, food, etc. She was shocked. After Day 2 she said "you don't talk to me, I talk to you, I wait until you COOL DOWN". She wait. No apologies, no nothing. She waits. Let her F wait till her reincarnation.
True. Not only do they have primary supply they also have secondary and tertiary supply sources such as affairs, gambling, watching porno., criminal behavior, going on spending sprees, living a promiscuous lifestyle, and obsessive and compulsive behavior.
Lol when i figured him out (a “friend”) i exposed him to his gf of 6 years and she dumped him lol. I did it out of nowhere and threw him off guard. He tried grabbing her phone and got mad. She abandonened him while he was love bombing. I just proved how much of a loser he was and she cut him off with no contact. He ended up catching a felony animal abuse case a month ago. Did I do well? Lol
Absolutely. One person I dated actually would see me coming and would position themselves to look intelligent - sitting by the fire reading a philosophy book and smoking a cigarette. Can't believe I fell for it🙄
I can confirm that narcissists cannot stand it when you don't react to them. My mother was my narc. and one day she started her abusive talk bringing up my past to get me upset. I didn't react in a usual mean way. I calmly answered her with few words, she spewed three events from my past which were very painful. Every time I was calm. She didn't know what to do!! I watched her freak out inside. When I gave her no reaction again she came over and bit me------yes I said BIT me! It was on my upper arm, it didn't hurt much but the idea of this grown woman doing that to her child blew my mind!!! I am no contact now and it is nice. I spent a couple years healing from a lifetime of it and working on forgiveness. Not for her, for myself because God cannot forgive me if I don't forgive people in my life. It was/is very hard but it is possible. My sister and my niece are still around it and I feel so bad for them! I pray a lot for everyone who has gone through narc. abuse-----it can be brutal. Get therapy and prayer, that helps a lot!
Forgiveness is not tolerance. You can forgive someone, yet have no future contact with them. The bible says to have contact with evil people. When we don't forgive them, it eats us up, steals our peace, and hurts us. 1Co 5:11 KJV But now I have written unto you not to keep company, if any man that is called a brother be a fornicator, or covetous, or an idolater, or a railer, or a drunkard, or an extortioner; with such an one no not to eat.
I'm aware of that verse however what about honor your mother and father?!? That is what tears me up. How can I honor an evil person?!? @@nightnurse7777
Narcissism is spiritual possession and biting someone as an adult is definitely demonic behavior. Sending you a big hug for having to experience something like that.
I always knew my mother secretly hated me. Whenever I would achieve something, she would just look disgusted. She would totally ruin the moment. She would say things like "I didn't get that opportunity". When I was growing up, I was always really optimistic and would talk about what wanted to achieve as an adult. My mom was never happy for me. She just always made comments about how she didn't get the same opportunites, or would tell me not to get excited because she thought she would succeed and didn't. Both of my parents were narcissists. My dad was just a little worse than my mom. I always knew something was off with them but I didn't learn about narcissism until later in life. Cutting off contact with narcissists has made my life so peaceful. I feel like a new person. I have my life force back and my health is alot better.
Yes I can relate to surprising the narcissist! My home was foreclosed on because he didn't pay it. He did however buy a $20,000 chinchilla coat. I found an apartment, moved out and didn't say a word to him. He tried everything... nope...I'm done. 😊
yes, I can say by my experience.. Ignoring them is the biggest weapon to hurt them back. If you want to give them back what they have given you just ignore them and don't reveal your emotions to them. 😝
When they attempt to triangulate you, act uninterested!! This confuses the narcissist. They try to engender feelings of envy in you, when you say “Oh” and nothing more, watch their face as they cycle through feelings of frustration and confusion 😆😆then tell them you have something important to do and leave the conversation. Works like a charm!
@@Aidaijo yes! Nice work. The first time I did it, it was unintentional. I was confused by the triangulation and so I didn’t feed into it. You’d die if you saw the impact it had! Totally put that confusion back where it belongs.
@@eslavicky4432 sure I’ll share an example from a narcissistic HR executive who was targeting and bullying me at work. Basically triangulation is when they inject a third party into the conversation/situation randomly as an attempt to make you feel envious of said person. She kept insisting on meeting with me alone, that’s the first thing. They love to meet alone so they can abuse you and then deny it. Don’t ever meet alone with these types of people at work. One day during our 1:1 she mentioned the old head of department who left years prior and whom neither of us knew. This old head of dept was well liked by many and left the company on good terms to start her own business. People rarely spoke of her since she had left 5+ years prior. This HR narcissist said to me, “Do you know Nicole?” (Referring to the old head of department.) I said in a monotone voice, “I know of her but I don’t know her.” and I left it at that. At the time I didn’t realize they were triangulating me, I was just annoyed by the question and by this persons behavior which was ramping up at the time. But knowing what I know now, I see what they were attempting to do. One ASPD I dated tried to triangulate me with someone new who started at his office. He would mention her randomly and watch my face to see if I was going to react. It’s gross. These people are sick.
Mine triangulated me (at least I feel that way) with his own mother. During dating (love bombing) he kept telling me how terribly he felt at their parents house, how hyserical and controlling his mother was, and how wondeful was everything I do. Suddenly, before wedding, he said their relationship was getting better and they always had good relationship, called her for hours, changed watch from me for the ones from her, and finally went celebrate with her instead of with me. When I said that it was not OK for me, that I as his wife should be in the first place, he calmly suggested divorce...
After experiencing a narcissist in my family, I have come to the conclusions that: 1. They are born that way. The narcissist in my life was always a narcissist from baby to adult. I think environment may affect them, but essentially they were born a narcissist, and will always be a narcissist throughout their whole life. 2. It's not that they can't change; it's that they don't want to change. They like the way they are and how they live their life. They think everyone is wrong, and should change to suit them and their needs. His point about refusing to engage is essential. Imo, the only way to deal with a narcissist, and be happy, is to cut them out of your life. The only way to make them happy, and get along with a narcissist, is to let them totally dominate you and make you miserable. I decided that continuing the relationship was not worth it, and not in my best interest. It was one of the best decisions I've ever made.
Yes, I had to live with more for 50 years. Agree. My point is:NPD persons can't change because of the disorder. Not because they don't want. that's the clue
Went no-contact. The slander afterwards was blinding... This information keeps filtering through to me from people who mutually know us. It's funny how these people know she's lying but they let her talk because they are scared of speaking up... Or maybe they know it's just not worth the drama. Slander can make you feel tempted to reach out to set the record straight, but that would be the worst thing. We move in totally different circles now, so let her slander away. No contact means no contact.
You haven't really gone completely 'no contact' if you're aware of their slander. Not being affected at all or listening to the grapevine BS that comes your way after you've broken away is what really drives them nuts. No access to manipulate you at all in other words.
@@DosBear On the other hand (there always seem to be three hands, doesn't there), when they learn their slander got back to you, they won't know whose loyalty they thought they had but didn't, and that might drive them nuts.
Let me be clear though, I'm speaking about the narc that you have cut contact off with and they have no other way to get to you. And you're right they slander you behind your back when they are in a relationship with you as well. Very disturbed individuals with no moral filter.
@@DosBear The world isn't so black and white. Sometimes the people with whom you share acquaintances with a narcissist are vulnerable, like the elderly, or close family members. That's why eventually "word gets around" and you hear stuff about yourself that surprises you. In some families you even have siblings and cousins who set out to destroy another's image by telling all the uncles and aunts terrible untruths about that person out of pure jealousy. The solution is not to go "no contact" with flesh and blood who have never wronged you, but to keep being a good niece, for example. If people are wise, they will see and know you by your actions. If they are foolish enough to believe a slanderer, then they never truly cared for you, and you don't need them in your life anyway. It is also my experience that lies hurt the liar more and more as time goes by. The Universe has a funny way of turning the tables on people. The ones who have slandered my name always wanted to come back into my life eventually... Either they were on the edge of poverty and despair and needed my help, or they saw that I was successful at something and wanted to claim some credit and boost their clout. Nine times out of ten the door remained closed: not because I wouldn't forgive them (I would never refuse help to someone in dire need), but because the lies they told other people about me were so vicious and hateful that they couldn't face me, especially not in company. They had no choice but to stay away to save face.
I left without him or his family without them expecting it. I blocked them and cut off all communication. I stopped reacting to what they were doing afterwards. They lost alll control Over me and they are still steaming and spreading lies about me. I don’t care what they do anymore, I am free from them and they can no longer control and abuse me!!
Divorced him when my youngest graduated from high school. I didn’t want him pulling that nonsense when she was vulnerable. After 28 years of marriage, he still thinks he walks on water. He has done everything that you describe, including asking others about us. We continue to ignore him since the divorce 7 years ago. He continues to stalk us and leaves emails and voicemails. Your videos have helped me to understand the trauma that my kids and I all went through with that man. Thank you for your videos! They have been very helpful!
Calmly, indeed. There is no middle ground to reach with a narcissist. We must quietly pivot our attention off of their need to project their relentless insecurities.
When I left the group the narc used against me. Everything went well in my life. I became happier and more confident. I took my power back. I no longer feel bad about the past. I took everything as a lesson. I am free from negative people and I love my new environment. 🙏🏼💖 It took me 3 years to figure out how to stand again. The narc pushed me I did not know I have wings🥰😍 The Nac watch me fly. 🤷🏼♀️
Thank you I love listening to your sessions Over 20 yrs ago i attended a meeting one night where a Doctor was giving a talk on the alcoholic & their behaviour. He started by saying "Hitler was the greatest manipulator & the next greatest manipulator is the Alcoholic" ... Everything this Dr said was identical to my husbands behaviour even though my husband was not a drinker but his behaviour was what AA's called ( at that time) "A dry drunk" in other words his behaviour was identical to that of his Alcoholic father..including his slurred words. This Dr made me realise what I was doing, ie bending & swaying to my husbands daily demands & manipulations & walking on eggshells daily & living in fear. After the meeting I was so happy I didn't know whether to laugh or cry !! The relief was huge & such a blessing. All I had ever needed was that advice & it changed my behaviour instantly. I stopped doing for him in every way ! He found he couldn't hurt me with his vile language etc. He didn't know what happened !!! Yep I rose from the ashes & I ran to the divorce court with him begging me not to divorce him ... My X husband (along with his alcoholic father) was a covert Narcissist..the most cruel / vindictive/ hateful people.
Thank you for sharing this. I'm 1 1/2 years out from divorcing my narc - but still (for now) have to work with him. Sharing how long it took you to stand on your own again helps me to know I'm not just a weak or incapable person (I never used to feel this way about myself before my relationship with him), but that someday I'll really be okay again. Sending much love to you - you've definitely earned your wings!
@@tammyhanna7006 Hi Tammy! Thank you! When you realize how much power you have after the abuse. No one will stop you from being at your best! Now I live a life that is full of love and appreciation. I no longer cling on my past. My new has come and the happiness I have now is an understatement. I grew stronger three times as much! My prayers and devotions helped me to accept the things I can't change. I became this beautiful butterfly. 🌈🦋💖🙏🥰
I love how you explained the 7 things that shakes a Narcissist to their core. Your way of explaining about those heartless, uncaring, soulless demons is absolutely priceless. Thank You.
When my mother was nearing the end, I said to her, "You are I are two separate people." I think her mouth fell open. She had obviously never that of that before. They really think they can make you do what they want as easily as turning a faucet on.
I mirror his behaviour. When he pretend to be busy, i pretend to be busy, i never mention to see each other, i leave it up to him. I always protect my peace to be in the relationship but still have mentally some distance.. I also dont take anything they say personally.. I think ohw here we go again it's all about themselves😅
I have no regrets discarding a narcissist. My silence became his strength. I learned to hit him with the truths he keeps hidden from his friends. Taking back my power was a pleasure. Ignoriing him is like taking candy away from. What makes it more healing and powerful is i feel nothing towards him.
I’ve been married to a narcissist for 52 yrs, knew it wasn’t me that had issues all these years but couldn’t figure out what was wrong with him, nor did I know there was such a thing as a person being a narcissist. My Husband underwent medical testing 6 years ago and it was determined he is a narcissist and is paranoid. What a relief to know it wasn’t and isn’t me and now know how to deal with a narcissist. Thank you for this video it is super.
If you are still with your husband after 52 years I want to congratulate you and acknowledge you for understanding true love. If you left him, I'm sorry, after 52 years that would kill a man.
I always valued freedom more than most things. After so many years of being caught in the narcissistic family web and finally getting out, I finally realize where the roots of that came from.
I’ve been married for over 20 years… it was a shock that he told me he didn’t love me anymore and started to do hurtful things but I have remained silent and told him that we do not need to communicate only for my children solely. I’m working on myself I do feel I need to heal from all the damage he did that he slowly did over the years.
Yesterday I had a court hearing with my ex. She accused me of lies such as domestic violence, hacking, rape, and also tried to take my house. Long story short, she didn’t get the house, I’m able to see my kids, and I exposed her with evidence that she cheated on me with a sheriff while we were together, and the entire courtroom along with her family witnessed her being exposed with infidelity. Her face dropped and couldn’t face the facts. I walked out of that courtroom with my head high of victory, and her ego, and false self sense image of being a “innocent good victim woman” was totally reversed. Now she’s back at her parents house, 41yrs old unemployed and I’m back to my property, career and focused only on my children and myself. She used me and took my love and commitment for granted, and now must live with her consequences!
Shocked a narcissist by smiling and walking away. She had been trying to make me angry . I was determined not to let that happen. My smile made her madder than I had ever seen her.
I discarded THEM...wasn't aware about narcissistic behavior at the time! Boom 💥💯💥I went back to VISIT💥 Now I KNOW: you cannot go back expecting different, they get WORSE and plan your demise 💥💯😇
“Parasitic way of living “ yes yes!!this is why narcissist does everything to make a partner dependent on him. For example if wife is also a mother of young children, he will discourage her from taking a job but then he will shame her and criticize for every cup of coffee she bought for herself after she meticulously recorded this expense in the budget “book.” ( a tool for control and power, really). Thank you for your presentation. It is well organized. It is excellent because of an accuracy. 😢❤
True to the core financial INDEPENDENCE of the victim will make a great difference in these circumstances he or she will have courage and confidence to combat this mindset of the predator HOW EVER I FEEL LITTLE COMMUNICATION AND FORGIVENESS IS ALSO NECESSARY
I actually had a little notepad I was expected to record everything over 75¢! If there was something I wanted, he’d tell me to get a job. If I said I was going to get a job, he’d say, “I never wanted a wife that worked.” It was never ending crazy-making!!
I am 74 years old and it has taken me forty years to confront my narcissistic brother who made my childhood hell. The result of that made me feel worthless and I still to this day feel like that sometimes, something pulls me out of that awful state though, and I get on with life. I sent an email to my brother recently and specifically told him in it all that he had done to me, I walked away from him forty years ago. I put a couple of oceans between us as I knew that if I ever encountered him again I would want to harm him as I would have dreams about his cruelty. It felt good to write the email telling him what he had done to me and how it tested me but I overcame his attempts to break my spirit. Then I blocked his emails, I told him I would, and said he would not be able to tell me how Tom Terrific he was. I felt good after that, he cannot reach me, the rest of my family have protected my address over the years. I encourage you to get the narcissist out of your life, never go back, just keep going forward with your life. By the way I no longer have dreams about him coming to my door and how in my dreams would hit him with any object I could find because I could not have him hurt me anymore, so just like a robber coming to rob me or harm me my dreams used to prepare me for his horror. I am thankful that somehow I found the courage to walk away from him those 40 years ago and if my words here could encourage anyone reading this to be strong and never look back it would make me happy to have been of some help.
I had a similar situation with my brother. Your story was very inspiring, as I have been considering confronting him by letter. Appreciate what you said.
well, you are of no help cause you make no mention of what he did to you, it could have been something very mild or stupid for all we know, some people are very sensitive.
During the "Love Bomb" phase of a possible relationship, I told the narcissist," Entertain me". I was bored from enduring endless philosophical theories, clearly someone else's idea .
January 2017, I was pushed to the edge ending a a two year voyage with a narcissist. The Sea was tumultuous, name calling, abandonment, literally driven to the brink of suicide. I knew not what had happened, only that it had to be over. One way or another, if life should need to continue, I had to let go of the facade. 4 months later, the narcassist got himself locked up in a jail cell, where he proceeded to hang himself. He is gone from the planet by his own hands. Still I struggle in recovering myself from decades of less than healthy relationships. I am in need of healing.
My prayers are with you and for you that you would be made whole and be healed and live life in abundant love. Don’t quit. Don’t give up! You’ve got this!
Hi, I'm sorry for your trauma. It shows great strength and insight the way you freed yourself from this person. The ways you describe some of your experience here maybe suggests you have some pretty deep traumas; looking at them with a therapist might help you find specialised support for your recovery. Since I've realised how much distress I deal with every day due to cPTSD, it's motivated me to get additional meds etc and it's made a world of difference. I was already on an antidepressant, am now on two more meds and now I can get out of bed every day.
Laurie, I'm so very sorry that you had to endure the pain that went along with these experiences, but I feel like our journeys have been similar, so I can speak from experience. My relationship lasted 15 years, but that was most likely due to my personal ignorance of narcissistic abuse - despite the fact that I'd experienced it for years in my family of origin. Please know that we all often come to what I personally refer to as a "Me or Them Moment" - when you have to decide to choose YOURSELF and not the other person/party, literally for the sake of your own survival. I know you understand what this means from what you shared here.
When i couldn t take it anymore i had to block them from every part of my life , when i did this i slowly started to heal .When you see Red Flags know its the truth .,Be Safe Be Well and Thankyou for sharing .
I moved out in secret. I didn't tell her about my new place, but on my ID it was already changed. I had already packed my bags and last minute I told her. When she realized that she had no power because, legally, I already moved out... she started gaslighting me but that diddn't work on me anymore. She was so bambozzeled that I can do something like this, without telling her. Felt great.
I was determined to move across the country and as much as I wanted to tell people, I had to limit who I told because narcissist will make you question everything! They will only think of you not being there for them. They don't think of your happiness. Stay strong and stay determined!
I walked out after realising the mental abuse would never stop - narcs enjoy upsetting u believe this man on the video, he’s bang on. I’m recovering, it’s painful so let it out and cry. Also talk about it to ur friends and heal. This may sound hard but at least there’s an end date staying with a narc you will always be stressed and it will eat away at your confidence. Be strong.
I always turn it around on my narc. When he says I'm stupid or a bitch or a hoe my only response is "well if that's so, what does that say about your decision making skills? You picked me..."
This is solid conformation that im an empath and live around and with narcissists. Their core reaction when proven wrong is to degrade and belittle the victim. Pure flight or fight responses ... and the fact they panic when you or me, prosper without them and "kill them with kindness" when they see you, or me happy is the most beautiful thing ever. I hope some of them see my message here 😁 i know im an alcoholic and have issues. Im not perfect, nor never will be. But steps 4 through 10 keeps my moral compass in line. I think about the other person, the narcissist, as a fellow alcoholic. A man whos blind to his illness can never recover. Open your eyes and write down a searching and fearless moral inventory of yourself - even a man of God has dirt on his conscious. Im no better than the narcissists in my life, they're sick just like me. My rambling is about holding myself accountable and to practice progress over perfection. We can get better, one day at a time
I did all you mentioned when I left my covert and malignant husband. But I did it all one by one, very slow, including going no contact. I was not able to do it all at once due to trauma bond. It took me about 2.5 years after leaving him. I am now 100 % FREE. , Your description of rigidity is 100 % SPOT ON!
My daughter and I were discarded by my stbx narc, my daughter was so afraid of him, so she always kept silent and cried before going to bed. Once we moved out, my daughter scolded him and told him he’s a selfish and irresponsible father and grey rocks him, he’s sooooo surprised!! 😂
I'm SO very, very sorry that you and your daughter were discarded by a stupid and careless narc ... NOBODY deserves to be treated that way. My 3rd marriage was (much to my surprise) to a covert narc - and my poor, beautiful daughter was a STEP-daughter - who felt she didn't have a voice in the things that were happening to and around her.
Everything you say hits the spot. I’m living with a typical one and life is hell but I cannot just exit due to complicated situation. Your videos help a lot, thank you
I beat the narcissist in court for stealing nearly 30 grand from me. I drew up a promissory note. He always trusted me to do the reading when handling business. Go figure. Not an intellectual in any capacity. He signed the promissory note after he did his deed! Still trusting me! I told him it was a document to write off the stolen money as a gift. He seriously believed that. Narcissists naïveté is shocking to the core. I’m still shocked but proud nonetheless because I sued him for every penny and won all that money back 🎉
After leaving the narcissist , I felt very low and contemplated if it all was my mistake. But your videos helped me understand it wasn't all my fault. And the congratulations that you said in the between where you say congratulations for leaving them, that made me feel so light 😊 i truly think it is a blessing to be able to recognize these patterns now. Especially after your videos. I really pray to God that all the people somehow just discard narcissists and in future the world is full of empathy.. I really wish we are able to break the cycle of abuse. We don't let them carry in these sufferings into future generations. Even if that means we need to fight battles till our last breath. Those holding on to narcissists, may they gain the strength to over throw them and think about their future generations, their kids, who might not even be born yet and be saved of all the abuse.God bless people who suffered in their hands.
I discarded my abuser just suddenly after a big fight and did not go back even after a desperate call back from the person. Ever since I have understood and grown stronger.
Thank you very very much the best revenge really is to live well like you said learn the gray rock method, respond don’t react, ignore them, go poker faced, take this as an opportunity to grow and be better become better not bitter. One of the biggest things that I learned from these videos is stop trying to figure out why they do what they do you are going to drive yourself insane.When they do something unpredictable that doesn’t make sense just say that them, don’t take it personal. When they are hating on you trying to provoke you shaming blame you etc. ,that’s when you know you are at the point where you have taken your power back! what really helped me is don’t let the things that they do that doesn’t make sense shock you anymore ,don’t try to rationalize that you can’t.Always remember if something doesn’t make sense, that means it’s not true
My best advice is to leave in a kind fashion by simply saying "I'm sorry, I don't want to speak to you anymore as we have nothing in common and I don't have the emotional energy to deal with you anymore but I wish you and your family the best". Then stop. They will try a few times to contact you but will eventually give up and stick to talking behind your back for it brings their hate to the forefront. The best time to do this is just after a disagreement that has set you off internally or even externally to the point of angering you. Step back and calm down and speak from a rational frame of mind instead of being negatively affected by them & then terminate the relationship as well as those that act as their go between message takers or flying monkeys as I have heard it called. They feed off your negative energy as well as your positive.
I just did this with my ex mother in law. I am divorced from her son. I am strong and once l'd made up my mind it was over, l was done. But my young teen son was so terrified of his dad's outbursts and drama he was shrinking inside himself and becoming ocd with tapping and touching. He also developed a tic. I had conversation after conversation about my ex's behaviour, but she always made excuses for him. Then last month my son ran away from his dad. That day we decided that we were done. Haven't seen them since. She has tried and threatened to cut her grandson off from his trust fund....well just do it, we don't care. l know she'll be back. But it's grey rock here and will continue until they get the message. We are so much happier without them in our lives. My son is thriving ❣
@@EllBe63 I'm sorry to hear that. It's a very difficult thing to do but if someone is using financial bribery to manipulate you that pretty much speaks volumes about their character. No amount of money is worth putting up with that type of behavior and your son is lucky to have such a strong Mother to protect him. It's quite amazing the peace that comes to your life when you remove such negative people & take back full control of it. All the best to you and yours.
The day I started focusing on myself instead of the narc it was the best feeling in the world, going grey rock was one of the best decision I've ever made, am healing now and can see how very lucky I was dealing with the narc,narc education saved my life .
After almost 3 decades I finally got out of a very abusive marriage more emotional but as he aged he became more physically abusive, I've gone no contact with him and he's going crazy , I'm not happy about that but I'm sleeping better enjoying my children and grandchildren ,. Sometimes I catch myself missing him and then I remember not much of us was really ever good , indeed to work on forgiving myself for all the time lost 💕 thank you Danish and all the other wonderful therapist's who give free great advice 👍
I would get such a different reaction from "my" narcissist when I ignored them for long periods or acted really cold. Attention is the lifeblood of a narcissist. Don't give it to them.
@@jacalyntaylor6721 my mother made the rather huge mistake of despising a very bright child. With a memory that can recon back to the exact day she encouraged me to run from a fight. Encouraging your son in cowardice. Her stupidity is near legandary level
He does not mean show the narcissist kindness. He meant being the kind person you are, not changing towards other people except for against the narcissist
My best defense has always been silence they cannot handle being ignored, 2nd was forcing them to expose exactly who they are by not backing down I don't suggest doing this unless your ready to go to war but I realized they thrive on the fake image they portray so the moment you expose them to people who they thought they had fooled baby the look on their face is the most pathetic pitiful thing you will ever see and they will actually leave you alone or completely disappear out of your life because the mask has slipped not only in front of you but the audience
I healed & glowed up lost weight, reinvented myself! He was furious when I walked into court for a family case. He couldn't control his anger! He was threatened with contempt of court! I just smiled kept calm! He even defamed me in front of the judge. I won the case! Took back my self respect!
I was addicted to my ex narcissist and did wonder how I could manage without her. I just became dependent (just happened), but the longer I stayed in the relationship the more psychological damage occurred. When I reflected the narc ways and went grey rock, she knew something was up. I had no knowledge of narcissism and was fed up and exhausted. She wanted couples counselling, but I said no and somehow we agreed on divorce. She showed no feelings and stared at me in a penetrating silence/disdain. Intuitively I worked on keeping things pleasant during the divorce and she moved quickly to a new partner. The psychological damage of living with a covert narc took years to recover from. I have remained single as I find myself still attracted to the twinkle of narcissists. So good we now have youtube resources to learn from. Thank you.
You are right on! Completely ignore the narcissist and live your best life. Don’t ever fall into the trap when they say they have changed…that will never happen.
I agree completely with your list. I want an item. When I said “no” to a narcissist, she started to yell at me. I calmly walked away. She was trying to get me to react in an angry fashion. Since I didn’t want to give her supply, I walked away.
Good for you. When he hates you, there is nothing more to come for - for you. It helps to not go back. I hope you are out of the relationship and in a place where you can heal. God bless you
We don't leave them to "hurt" them. We leave them so they can no longer hurt us.
agree. This is not revenge
Well said indeed
True. It's survival
Mind you. They won't agree
Their demanding you apologize immediately fully with no excuses will be in force
I wonder if you are the one who's been discarded, does the narcissist still question their worth? Even if that narcissist has another partner for supply, do they still want to control you, and smear you?
And because you're DONE..
I became distant from him. I started making myself a priority. I joined a gym lost weight. I also became more social. I went out more with my friends. I am evolving into the best version of myself. I am healing everyday. I'm winning
I'm on that same journey right now..❤
I am staying with husband who is a narcissist I came to kno with yr videos.i couldn't understand his behaviour towards me all my life making him happy n satisfied.
I hv suffered all abuse insult blaming.with lot of cronic illnesses.
Now I now how to deal nor will leave him
@@manjuvyas2325 same😢
Good for you!
Very early on in our relationship, like a month in, he tried to make me feel bad for going to the gym instead of talking to him on the phone 😂😂😂😂😂😂
Keep going girl
They Hate when start taking care of you and take the focus off them. I had to cuss my soon to be Ex-husband out because he tried to Hoover me and I called him out on it. I told him to get his emotional, mental, spiritual, physical and Financial needs met by the woman he's sleeping with!!!
I'm an empath. I attract narcissists.
These videos helps a lot to manage how I react
it is funny when they don't know, you know.... and you destroy them before they get a chance... they implode inside LOL
Empaths attract narcissists.
The funny reply? That’s the sound of a victim getting in their comeuppance finally.
Narcs are also empaths. That's how they are able to key into your psyche and emotions. I believe empaths are created by abuse and then either become a codependent or a narc.
My DOB is 444, earth angel 😇, emphat,
All of them I attract them and the devil come like the same, the last previous one is the devil itself her BDAY Friday the 13th, 2 much magic leaving me homeless
Now that I have learned about Narcissism I feel almost dumb for letting these "children" have so much power and control over my life
Me also. What a waste of time and myself.
So true! We are emotional fools.
Me 2
Give thanks for havng the courage to take an honest look at yourself. When you feel the humiliation, realize that its a good sign, that you have a moral compass and a conscience. Its what makes you the opposite of the narcissist.
@@teddyrascal6305 It's been sad. You're 110% correct! Ty.
Be careful when trying to leave, have a safety plan in place. I won't go into my experience only to say I am so grateful to be alive.
Same here. I am sorry for what you went thru.
Me too!
My story comes out of your voice in fully. Thank you you for making this and all those videos ❤
My narc husband tortured me with threats of abandonment for months while I was so severely depressed and suicidal I could barely work, so him leaving would be life threatening to me. Somehow I managed to pull myself out of the darkness, started working out, taking care of myself, watching videos about narcissism, and got a second job. When he said he would leave expecting me to cry or beg, I just laughed after telling him to go as fast as he could. He was so shocked.
Edit: some narcs are here saying that I was trying to trap him. Just so you know, when this predator infiltrated my life, I was at the top of game! My carreer, my health, my youth and beauty. I lived a peaceful and fulfilling life with family and friends. He pretended to be the man of mu dreams. He went to church. He took classes to be a husband! Some folks have no idea of the lengths a narc will go when they have a desire. I was a precious achievement for him to display. At that time I was completely ignorant of narcissism, otherwise I might have seen the red flags. He convinced me to move across the world. I was so blind believing he was sent from God that I trusted him completely. Biggest mistake of my life. It only cost me everything. But God had better plans for me; I was down, but He raised me up. I am succeeding, and in the narc’s territory, which he never thought I would be able to. I proved I can be independent even in his country, in a total different language and culture. That’s the narc’s biggest mistake: they underestimate our resilience, our inner strength, which are things they don’t have, so they live it through us. I was depressed because he was sucking my soul dry, like a vampire.
That's awesome.
Yes awesome
Yup 👍🏼
They fear abandonment more than anything.
So they treated us with this first before we can do it to them.
But they cause us to leave them because of there mindset.
When you catch onto there games and they start to lose control, they will throw everything at you.
Just remember to not react to there abuse because that's what they want.
Heal, grow, and surround yourself with people who will bring you happiness and love.
Congrats on your 2nd job 👏.
Things will get better :)
Love it!! U go girl!!
7 Things that Shock A Narcissist-
1) When you don’t beg them
2) When you take them by surprise
3) When you discard them
4)When you prove them wrong
5) When you start thriving
6) When you don’t give them any supply
7) When you show kindness
Thanks ❤
All seven yes.
@@placebo106 lol, u need to really shock them. If it's unexpected, they really care.😁
I think that you leaving them and not coming back is the biggest shock to their core. ☝🏼
@@placebo106 I kinda agree..
They are soulless
The saddest part...is nobody believes you.....until they are traumatized. If I watched you before my experience, I would label you a nut case. Everything you say, is so true. Thank you for your commitment to heal.
I have been there and I believe you. Narcissists have a fake personality that masks their real personality, and it is impossible to explain to someone who hasn't seen the abusive personality come to the surface.
Use this case to also consider what others may be saying about other issues in life, that you have not experienced. Use this as a humble learning experience.
This is so true my ex was all I’m such a nice guy and everybody loves me kind of thing then mr dark side came out when he was in the house with me. Cold callous and you don’t matter attitude. I wasted 20 yrs of my life on him.
@@kaycarter492 Me too I was so shock only his the man thrown.me.and I did all my part to him
I call it the 'victim of narcissistic abuse-curse'.... When you try to talk about it people look at you like you're crazy or became crazy even though they've known you for half your life. Some also look like you just raped them by expecting any type of sympathy or God forbids...: empathy... While that is not necessarily the case. Or you find out that you were sharing your story with a person who is just as narcissistic/anti social as the ones who abused you.
I stopped speaking to my parents 25 years ago. My mother is a narcissist and my father is her little slave. Best choice I ever made! 😊
Exactly the same situation except it was my sister and her Husband
My sister is the narc, my mom is her slave😢
i WISH i DID THE SAME 25 YEARS AGO
ما أقسى حكمك على والديك 💔 ! ..قطع تام لهما لمدّة خمسة و عشرين سنة ؟... كان الأولى أن تتذكّريهم برسالة في مناسباتكم بالبريد على الأقلّ ..
At what age u left ur parents ? Did u use their money to come up in life , once started to stand on ur leg , did u left them. If that is the case I'll say u have no gratitude. Once if u have realized one of ur family member is a narssistic, did u try to help others who are victim to them,? If so hatsoff to u. If not I'll say u are selfish.
The best revenge is no contact and become your best self. Don’t look back. They do not deserve your loyalty!
I've mastered all 7 things. My ex must be extremely shooketh. To anyone in the midst of this abuse or starting their healing journey: I PROMISE life gets so much better and you will come out the other side so much stronger and wiser. Love and light ☀
Me too! Stay empowered 💪🏻
Me to so anything he has tried doesn't WORK, don't give 2 hoots what he does, nice place to be, well done you.
I divorced a narcissist after 20 years of marriage. Yes, I’ve booked many hours counseling…. I divorced him 30 years ago. Never remarried. I have to raise my frequency (self esteem) because a low frequency person attracts a narcissist. Easy target.
Needed to hear it now, thank you ❤
After watching this…I think my ex gf is a narcissist. I am glad I moved out of a toxic relationship.
My sister is a covert narcissist - one of the most malignant I have ever come across. Once when I started a new relationship that was going really well, she started yelling at me telling me that I "always do this" and how I am so pathetic that I need a relationship to feel whole. This was after I had just been single for 3 years - lol. I stayed really calm and said to her "You have no idea who I am". I could visibly see the shock on her face; almost like she had just been slapped. She was so sure she knew me inside out; but because she never listens to me or asks me a single question about me or my life, she truly has no idea who I am. She only has her delusional assumptions to go on and it never occurred to her that I'm a person in my own right.
My sister is like this. I have no contact with her now and never will again. I was low contact with her my whole life. My only memories of her is her nasty behavior.
@@TheCatholicGirl You have my deepest sympathy. Narc sibling relationships are the worst. They see you as competition and a threat. I am also no contact with her now.
I relate to this...So true, they don’t believe that you can have autonomy
I also have a malignant narc sister. The lies, the manipulation, the jealousy. it’s all beyond limits and so destructive. She is the worst. And the most toxic person to me. I never in a million years expected me to go no contact but I am. For 4 years now. And I’ve never had so much relieve and peace in my life. Marc’s are exhausting, loveless and draining
Good answer.
Although a narc know who you arenon a core base level. They're just evill and daring to enjoy underestimating and sabotaging some one's ability to do good and /or to defend themselves and enjoy causing bad feelings and bad situations in some who is doing or having a good thing or reputation and they also suffer from deep bone frying envy built into their evilness 😉
Inside every narcissist there is a deeply wounded child. I am vulnerable to a narcissist because inside me is a deeply wounded child. I cannot change anyone but myself. There are no winners on either side, just children who had to adapt to survive.
Hey Eileen. Very brave saying it. I hope you continue with your self-awareness
Whoa! I didn’t see your comment and I basically said the same thing!
This was me to the t. Thanks for butting it into words. ❤
Not every wounded child becomes a monster who hurt other deeply wounded children. That explains it, ok. But getting after your own children, or your family members is monstruous, wounded children inside or not...
Their victim stories of childhood are merely stories to gain supply. Very often they were not abused or even if they were that is not the cause of their behavior. They are born this way.
I just left a situation with a narcissist. I came very close to losing all of my possessions but I'll tell you what worked. I treated that person like they were the smartest person in the world and that I'm dumb. It immediately worked. Then when everything was going great, knowing that wouldn't last, I took all of my stuff and left and will never contact that person again for the rest of my life.
I did the same thing. I acted like everything was normal, didn't question anything he did, and acted happy while planning to get him out of my life. When I left him, he had no idea what just happened. It was beautiful.
Just did that myself
Be prepared for a mighty battle. They won't quit trying to exert control. Only YOU can decide if they will succeed.
One of the best things about social media is the ability to share and learn information about narcissists behaviour. I cannot believe how popular these videos are.
As the old saying goes... You can fool people some of the time, but u can't fool them all the time.
Yes so true
I love that saying
You can fool some of the people some of the time , all of the people some of the time , but not all the people all the time . P.T. Barnum .
That's why narcissists want naive and gullible people who were taught to believe and do what people tells them. The gullible person is easier to manipulate. The narcissist won't have to work hard to brainwash a naive person compared to a complex person.
You can fool some people some time but you can't fool all the people all the time. And now we see the light to stand up for our rights GET UP STAND UP STAND UP FOR YOUR RIGHT ! BOB MARLEY 👑
The narcissist, when told that I wanted a divorce because he had been caught living secret lives with multiple women…refused to willingly give me a divorce. When I asked ‘why’…he actually said these words, “Because I don’t want to look like a failure”!!! So, I was supposed to continue to live with him and ‘pretend’ as if nothing had happened, even though I didn’t believe a single word that came out of his mouth anymore, and I most definitely did not trust, respect him or want to be around him anymore - simply to save him…from looking like a failure. Absolutely mind bending. The epitome of entitlement and lack of remorse. They are truly like reptiles. Cold blooded and stealth in their predatory actions.
same! my narcist wife cheat me ! what do!
Treat me your daughter
You should have got somebody else to expose them for the failure he is. Once the cat is out of the bag there's no putting it back in. Narcissists need to be exposed for the pieces of 💩 that they are. Their world will come tumbling down once that happens because they know nobody will believe their crap anymore.
@@daffyduckling6958 especially the covert narcissist these guys need a special extra treatment of ostracizing because they thrive on doing good things for the suspense of control not doing the right thing just because.
Amazing that so many of us have lived similar lives/abuse. My X husband did the exact same thing. Wanted me to be OK with his GF and affair! After 25 years of marriage, he thought he was entitled to have an affair. Whaaaat? When I exposed the affair and confronted him…he assaulted me and was charged by the Crown. 🇨🇦
I called the police when I was assaulted and never looked back. He didn't understand that my love was a choice. I didn't have to give it.
a good way to get over it all, is to understand he has lost much, much more than you have. because he has lost everything you had for him. love, respect, trust. the poor guy, it's too bad he can't understand that ; )
I hope you understand my point, he has lost you! and you are too good for him.
Best thing to do from the start is: Love yourself; don't give away your reserve bc it is your strength, your very backbone. Stay on top of your self care and never discard your self-worth. Those Narc people are on a neg vibe and if you see to yourself, then that flings you to the higher freq. The two cannot ever cross connect. Glad you stepped up for yourself, or you might still be there.
@@lmc2375 if you don't love yourself, you have nothing. I'm glad that I am my own cheerleader.
I called the police on my narc husband because he shoved me and he filed for divorce 2 hours later. I said "Thank you"!
🙌🏾
I started treating the narcissist in the same manner and this SHOCKED the narcissist.
I was tired of being physically and verbally treated in the most horrible manner.
But then they get angry at being treated the same way they treat others and twist the narrative and make your life a living hell because they act victimized. They will slander your name, etc. The nightmare never ends unless you cut off all contact.
He asked, as I threw my things into a bag “are you leaving” for a minute I was going to say no but I stated “yes” and drove away blocked and never spoke to them again
The expression on his face was priceless :)
Good for you Jupand💪👏👏👏
Lucky🎉❤free
Their supply is them getting their thrills by getting a response from you. They like you focused on them. They don't want you happy, healthy, and confident. They see you react and know they caused that in you, positive or negative.
Painfully true
So true
And that reaction is NOT what he is getting from me because I know that narcs get supply whether our reaction is good or bad. No response drives them crazy…that gives me satisfaction, lol. I am an RN and can stop a muscle spasm…and once during a long, abusive rant towards me he fell and started screaming in pain. He was having one of his many Charly horses, and was very wimpy about pain. He kept calling for help, and yelled “what kind of nurse are you?”…lol…I hollered back at him “I’ll tell you what kind of nurse I am…I’m not your nurse,so shut up!” and I shut and locked the bedroom door and left him to his screaming. To this day that scene makes me smile. His abuse hardened my heart toward him…if he was coding out in front of me I’d walk on by. I love how tough I’ve become! Only those who have survived a narc will understand this.
@@Katrn30 yes. But hopefully you have not copied any behaviour of narcissist.
The reaction is food for them
My mental abuser got me into a state of great anger when I discovered yet another betrayal, I lost my cool and tore some family pictures. They feigned total fear and shock at my outburst, and called for a family meeting where everyone had a go at me, then as their final nail in the coffin they said "do you realize that you are a danger and need professional help?", to which I replied, "I totally take accountability for the upset I caused you all, and will comply with any mental health professional to rectify my behavior." To my surprise, everyone began to backpedal on their attack on me at the prospect of having a professional look into the situation. They had NOT expected that outcome! I'm currently talking to a therapist, and will continue to do so until I have managed to go no contact.
Yep! They want the drama, and they want you to fail with them, more than they want you to thrive on your own.
Being abused changes you and losing ones cool well that happens to the best of us. Trust me. Nothing strange at all in your behavior. I can recommend the NARP program. Its all about healing from trauma and abuse. I have done that myself and it is super.
@@Archangel-Healer333 I will highly recommend you to take contact with a shelter for women of domestic abuse. They can assist you and your girl to new living conditions and support. At least this is how it works in DK, Sweden, EU and I should expect the same wherever you live. I would never go along with that kind of manipulation he is trying to force on you. This is not a normal person you are dealing with but an abuser. Things can only get worce and more ugly, not better. I lived at such a shelter once long time ago for 3,5 month and I get help to a nice house with my kids. Look online for support, shelter, some public person like a lawer or like what I did ( contacted a local politician for support and got it). They serve the public which mean people like you.
@@hellekofoed639 please message me privately, I live in Michigan. I don’t know if how to contact a local politician to get help. The shelters are all full and full of drugs. It’s a never ending cycle in which I don’t see a way out that will not destroy my daughters.
@@Archangel-Healer333 That is awful. In this part of the world where I live you would surely get help and a place to stay. I have never heard of any drugs on shelters. Can you think of anyone you know ( now or from the past) that is a nice person with whome you could stay for awhile? If not you must search online for a place to live and get some help to get out of your situation. Since you have children to protect you cannot stay with him. That is not an option. As a mom your children are your responsebility. You can not put them in danger. I am so sorry that you are in such a difficult situation but it can be changed. You are a strong person. What about renting a caravan and stay at a camping site somewhere. I know US has camping sites all over. Or a cabin. I would look for anything just to get away. You need a fresh start and so does your kids.
My narcissist was emotionally abusive and one day when he had a horrific anger outburst and left, changed the locks and surrounded myself with my loving supportive family and friends. I had little contact as much as possible as we were co-parenting . He tried every thing to hoover be back . By then I had realised he was a narcissist and thanks to that knowledge I was spared further abuse and manipulation from him. But I hatched a plan. I made him think that I was believing his crap that he was gonna change. And when I had him thinking that he could have me back ( to dump me as revenge) I told him that wonderful word NO. He was dumb stuck. He still tries from time to time to see if he can worm his way back or get an reaction from me. Not gonna happen. I have risen from the ashes stronger, wiser and with true self worth and self love. I have the power in my mind body and soul.
How do you coexist - I am in the same situation coparenting
@@rebabelu6657 watch Dr.ramani
Congratulations ladies stay strong move on to your blessings and never ever look back. Team happy.
Love this SO MUCH! Many blessings on your new journey as a Risen Phoenix!
I have never been so chased in my life as when I ignored a narcissist.
They never stop but you keep getting better
@@erikandcolleenmallery I keep thinking she has forgotten and moved on, but then some message comes somehow or a call from somewhere...
That's the crazy part. They don't want you but don't want nobody else to have you
I was married to a narcissist, who literally tortured me for decades. I finally gave up and stop giving him anything to torture me with. But he got so frustrated he began to beat me on a daily basis. I finally left him, and I still shake when anyone comes up behind me or raises their voice. The damage these types of people do impacts the other person deeply. I have worked very hard daily to not feel guilty or accept the horrible words spoken to me and about me.
Hope you are healing nicely...❤
I hope you are doing OK…big hugs from one sister to another ❤🤝🫂🥰🤗 I love you, fellow internet stranger.
Narcissists are predictable. You can turn the tables on them, it's easy once you learn their traits.
They're clever but not truly intelligent
They tell on themselves. It isn't until you have been out of their daily life and have successfully set up boundaries (which they always test) that you realize everything they accuse you of THEY are doing.
👍
@@alexanderbutler2989 I disagree, I've known several very intelligent Narcissist. IQ doesn't have anything to do with it from what I've studied. Two of my adult children were/ are Narcissists, and both of them were straight A students, College degrees, high IQ's, actually. Just not very nice individual's.
How
Narcissist are horrible terrible people get away from them as fast as possible and never look back. And don’t be hard on yourself if you have spent years even decades with a narcissist and didn’t figure it out I spent 39 years and felt pretty foolish but she would cry and carry-on every time I wanted to leave and I hated to see her sad but I finally got the strength to see what she really is she has no empathy no feelings no soul The tears are all fake.
i agree this so so much. just today my mom yelled at me and my sister then she shout "get out my house, dont ever come" and my older sister said okay then we are going. so :) she came and cried and hugged her first time in her fuckn life :) and i just sat and watched. my sister was shock but i knew it. i know who she is. when i will have job, im gonna move with my sister then idc her. these people are sick and im really so so tired
SPOT ON! 🌹🌿 Narcissists Live Off Of Our PITY !
Yes, all of them. I kept it to myself as I figured him out and began to slowly withdraw all my interest and intention on him. Because I didn't want to confront, I wanted him to choose to leave rather than provoking a dramatic exit. I ignored him. I shared no thoughts with him when he tried to initiate control-seeking questions. He tested my resolve and I held firmly closed to him and kept private. He began reaching out to his back up supplies. I showed no negative reaction when one girl came to get him, though he was expecting a big dramatic jealous showdown. He even began apologizing for her being there, expecting me to soften and beg him to stay. Instead, I thanked the girl for helping him, and wished him luck. He was speechless, which I've never seen ever before. 🤣He did try to hoover me back in some months later, but I've since gone no contact and my life has so greatly improved since then. And there was no drama, no vindictive recourse. I finally realized he was only as powerful over me as I allowed him to be. So I "unvictimized" myself by letting go. 💪
Good luck everyone! Stay 💪 strong!*!*!💜🙏💜
Exactly 💯
That's it.
Awesome
That’s brilliant!
Thanks for lifting my spirit.♥️
I am 3 months no contact, and I am once again enjoying my life. Thank goodness I live overseas, but I comeback to the US on my breaks. I liked what you said because he was constantly trying to make me jealous even of his own kids especially his 34 year old daughter - as I never had kids. I am recovering - still ruminating about why I accepted such evil treatment, but when I read posts like yours, I become more informed and have a model. Unfortunately, he raped me last December - violently in my newly remodeled house because he was jealous of me buying it I contacted the police in MD just recently, and they were so nice to me, and told me what to do when I come back next summer. I was going to just move on without dealing with it, but I decided no. So still dealing with a bit.
My narcissist was shocked when I left her and had the divorce papers served. She thought she had me totally under her spell having put me through the ringer several times with her treacherous actions to betray me. She thought no way in hell I would walk away from everything I built financially (where she invested nothing). She bragged about her control openly as if to rub it into my face. Then came the process server and her narcissistic rage. I survived but never again, ever.
Ignore them like they don't exist.
After leaving block all communication with a narcissist.
Exactly what I did.
"Parasitic way of living" THAT, is probably the best description of Narcissists life!
I was married to a narcicistic family.. But we have never seen such psycho.. My mother in law stopped me from higher degree, she often make chaose without reason. Father in law was a weak and dependent person. It ends with a seperation from my husband. My strong personality was crushed in all way.. being single Mom, enjoying peace and a life of my choice
My sister was always rude and cruel but she crossed the line at the worst moment possible...and I reached my breaking point and snapped on her, telling her all the truth that I had always just accepted and basically overlooked, all the things she definitely didn't want to hear about herself and her behaviors. She doesn't take criticism well so she screamed that I was the narcissist! A few days later, I received a letter from her where she "officially" cut all ties with me, in all dimensions and all timelines. I granted her wish and didn't reply. I don't really know what she expected me to do but she has always played the role of perpetual victimhood so I'm sure she's still unloading her woes on her long-time therapist. It's been three years since that letter. Earlier this year, she sent a flying monkey to let it be known that she's "not doing well"....I did not respond. She cut me out of her life and my only silent response was, so be it and so what. Whenever I start feeling sorry for her, I reread that letter and reassert that my life is better without her negativity
I just laid down the law to my abusive sister yesterday. Luckily I was prepared, stayed on subject and did not give any supply. She also called me a narcissist, among many other spicy words. Her reaction and defense was textbook, it seems. Your post is helping me now and thank you. Waiting on that letter lol
Well done to you,it's the ONLY way, I have experienced the same
Don't be too quick to take up a place of pride in the face of a loved one's pain and struggle. Yes they lash out. No you don't have to buy into every bait. Love your sister and overlook her sickness.
My sister is a narcissist she switches between victim and hero. Your story is eerily similar to mine I called her a dictator nearly 3 years ago she never got over it and was so outraged she played the victim of my mis-characterisation to everyone. She crossed the line when following a heated phone conversation where I told her to bleep off out of my life she came around to my house and tried to bash my door in with a tyre iron. We very rarely speak now I am happier for it because all she purposely brings is negative energy. I choose to surround myself with positive people and don't look back.
I have an update. My sister passed away last month. For over three years, we didn't have contact even though her home was only 3-blks from mine. In my mind, I was forced to mourn the loss of my sister a long time ago and in the end, all I could feel was sadness at the life she lived and the person she became. Sometimes the end comes long before the end...
Everything you said makes so much sense. Please don't get pregnant by a narcissist. 😰
THAT'S a very difficult situation - and one I narrowly avoided - so my heart is REALLY going out to you!
having children and had to divorce with narcissist would be so difficult but I hope the best for all the survivor. Kids with narcissist parent will grow out mentally unstable.
The best decision I’ve made in my life🙏🏽
Too late
I'd kill it if I did.
The first key to challenging a narcissist is accepting who they are and that they can never change then you start working on the "defense" when they try to attack ,you bar the attacks by ignoring their attempts to trigger your anger and the the best thing to do is to learn to love and take care of yourself💖
Nicely stated!!!
Accepting who they are if u are in a relationship and be cheated on, be discarded then be hoovered back too, yeah ok. U got to be a narcissist yourself to write such a comment. People must choose not to deal with them, because these are energy vampires and always vibrating low. U cannot always live in defensive mood all the time like the people around you are your enemies, only a devil thinks like that and starts shooting for no reasons at innocent People that are trying to help u. I encourage people to stay away from these devils because they are only blocking your manifestation for a good life. U cannot always defend yourself from the negative energy, the best way is to cut them off, run and never look back. Block them, divorce and leave them in their misery and let them suffer and let karma hit them hard..
the first thing to understand in life is to never say never
Ooh my God!! I did all these7 to my covert Narcissist husband. He is in his life time shock and he tends to Hoover me by telling me that i am not normal and so i should seek Spiritual Deliverance from Pastors and Prophets so as i can heal and get back to live with him as a Christian Couple!! Go back my Foot!!! Thank you my heavenly father for giving me the courage to see things clearly and left him in 2020 December after being together with him for 17 torturing Years! Im now healed and i am myself again after praying and listening to the teachings like this. Be blessed
Go back my foot! 😂🤣
Our Father's name is Yahuah and His Messiah is Yahusha. 😊🙌🕎
I told a narcs to move out of my house and he was shocked
My narcissist demanded a divorce. Then turned around during the same conversation and said “oh by the way, I need a ride to work.“
I said “then I guess you have a problem.“
The look on her face was priceless as I packed my meager belongings and left for my new apartment. She honestly expected a ride to work…😂
I've done that too! It's so classic! They always pathetically crawl back too😆
My son a grandiose narcissist, done everything to me, I didn’t know till only a few months ago - he gaslighted, projected, blamed, manipulated, altered history events to his liking & favour -vilifying me, future faked & verbally abused me. He strategically kept his wife & I apart so we could never talk he didn’t want her to know that I’m actually a kind person, not the horrible villain he’s lied. I sent a card to his wife got someone else to write the address and didn’t put return address on it. I send it during her birthday so I she would see it. I shared how I felt. It worked she read it. He freaked out called me wild, & jealous among other derogatory things. It took him off guard completely, I actually got around his insane control to share some things to his wife how I felt. Of course he punished me - but it didn’t matter as I was “ Awakening “ & few weeks later I went no contact. Been 4 months now no contact at all. I’m done with him after 20 years of his crap. I’ll never see him again. Done. 🙂
When you leave or discard your narcissist they are in shock so then they start gaslighting you or go to their flying monkeys to get assurance as they can't understand why you left, they don't apologise because they don't think they have done anything wrong.
The target staying “strong of body” is like kryptonite to the narc. I started playing tennis during the most abusive time of the marriage & soon became quite proficient. I had teammates & played in a citywide league. He hated that I had an outside passion for MY chosen sport & was getting many kudos from other players at the club for my physical skills & good sportsmanlike behaviour🎾❤️
It was the beginning of the end for the satanic marriage!
I’m free🌟🌟🌟
Their constant questioning appears to be someone actually interested in you. In reality and over time it ramps up and becomes interrogation. What beats me but proves they have dysfunctional thinking is the fact they rely on you for emotional security YET they're intent on destroying the very one who is supporting them. Self sabotage I'd call that. Great video thanks. x
I actually hadn't thought about it that way... They slowly destroy the very thing they rely on over time. Literal parasites. Xx
They are only gathering information to 1) use against you later; 2) to mirror you; 3) to ensure you are not elevated above them in any way
Their constant questioning and interrogating is a way of having information and controlling you.
@colleenshea2293 I totally agree!!!
To the fuckin T!!!
For a while every now and then I would break down in front of my abusive narcissistic ex after the emotional abuse had been particularly painful. But he loved it. He was in glee. One time he told, me "I love to see how upset I can get you" and I knew there was something very wrong with him. From that day forward, I didn't allow him to see the pain he caused me, and would keep my tears to myself, because I knew he took some sadistic pleasure in being capable/powerful enough to cause me emotional turmoil. RUN, people, RUN if you're with someone like that. That is NOT a relationship, it is a sick person getting delight out of emotional torture. You deserve better.
Bland grey rock. He is not liking it.
I shocked the hell out of him after 50 years of abuse, telling me he could leave me any time, didn’t have to put up with stupid dumb me, he’d have me committed, until the day I said calmly after another “I can leave you anytime” .. “if that’s what you want, I’ll help you pack”. I gathered up enough of his things and put them by his car. The look on his face as he drove away I will always remember. I’d trumped him.
Of course the coercion, lies to everyone got worse but everyone saw through him.
No friends, Alzheimers, bitter and twisted.
I gave her the silent treatment as a reply on her ST while living next door. The detail is that she fully depends on me: money, internet, food, etc. She was shocked. After Day 2 she said "you don't talk to me, I talk to you, I wait until you COOL DOWN". She wait. No apologies, no nothing. She waits. Let her F wait till her reincarnation.
They can't get a woman unless they lie. And when they manage to snag one they can't keep them. Thus their exhausting search for new supply.
True. Not only do they have primary supply they also have secondary and tertiary supply sources such as affairs, gambling, watching porno., criminal behavior, going on spending sprees, living a promiscuous lifestyle, and obsessive and compulsive behavior.
Lol when i figured him out (a “friend”) i exposed him to his gf of 6 years and she dumped him lol. I did it out of nowhere and threw him off guard. He tried grabbing her phone and got mad. She abandonened him while he was love bombing. I just proved how much of a loser he was and she cut him off with no contact. He ended up catching a felony animal abuse case a month ago. Did I do well? Lol
Absolutely. One person I dated actually would see me coming and would position themselves to look intelligent - sitting by the fire reading a philosophy book and smoking a cigarette.
Can't believe I fell for it🙄
Yessss, even in a relationship he look around for a "better" woman, and don't give a damn about my tears
Not forgetting, of course, that at least 50% of Narcissists Are Women.
I can confirm that narcissists cannot stand it when you don't react to them. My mother was my narc. and one day she started her abusive talk bringing up my past to get me upset. I didn't react in a usual mean way. I calmly answered her with few words, she spewed three events from my past which were very painful. Every time I was calm. She didn't know what to do!! I watched her freak out inside. When I gave her no reaction again she came over and bit me------yes I said BIT me! It was on my upper arm, it didn't hurt much but the idea of this grown woman doing that to her child blew my mind!!! I am no contact now and it is nice. I spent a couple years healing from a lifetime of it and working on forgiveness. Not for her, for myself because God cannot forgive me if I don't forgive people in my life. It was/is very hard but it is possible. My sister and my niece are still around it and I feel so bad for them! I pray a lot for everyone who has gone through narc. abuse-----it can be brutal. Get therapy and prayer, that helps a lot!
Wow biting you, how dreadful. Sounds like you really brought her inner angry toddler out. I'm glad you're free from her now.
Umm.....did you press assault charges???? The woman BIT you.
Forgiveness is not tolerance. You can forgive someone, yet have no future contact with them. The bible says to have contact with evil people. When we don't forgive them, it eats us up, steals our peace, and hurts us.
1Co 5:11 KJV But now I have written unto you not to keep company, if any man that is called a brother be a fornicator, or covetous, or an idolater, or a railer, or a drunkard, or an extortioner; with such an one no not to eat.
I'm aware of that verse however what about honor your mother and father?!? That is what tears me up. How can I honor an evil person?!? @@nightnurse7777
Narcissism is spiritual possession and biting someone as an adult is definitely demonic behavior. Sending you a big hug for having to experience something like that.
I always knew my mother secretly hated me. Whenever I would achieve something, she would just look disgusted. She would totally ruin the moment. She would say things like "I didn't get that opportunity". When I was growing up, I was always really optimistic and would talk about what wanted to achieve as an adult. My mom was never happy for me. She just always made comments about how she didn't get the same opportunites, or would tell me not to get excited because she thought she would succeed and didn't. Both of my parents were narcissists. My dad was just a little worse than my mom. I always knew something was off with them but I didn't learn about narcissism until later in life. Cutting off contact with narcissists has made my life so peaceful. I feel like a new person. I have my life force back and my health is alot better.
Yes I can relate to surprising the narcissist! My home was foreclosed on because he didn't pay it. He did however buy a $20,000 chinchilla coat. I found an apartment, moved out and didn't say a word to him. He tried everything... nope...I'm done. 😊
yes, I can say by my experience.. Ignoring them is the biggest weapon to hurt them back. If you want to give them back what they have given you just ignore them and don't reveal your emotions to them. 😝
When they attempt to triangulate you, act uninterested!! This confuses the narcissist. They try to engender feelings of envy in you, when you say “Oh” and nothing more, watch their face as they cycle through feelings of frustration and confusion 😆😆then tell them you have something important to do and leave the conversation. Works like a charm!
i did this! it was soo effective
@@Aidaijo yes! Nice work. The first time I did it, it was unintentional. I was confused by the triangulation and so I didn’t feed into it. You’d die if you saw the impact it had! Totally put that confusion back where it belongs.
Can someone please give an example of how this would look like in real life? The triangulation
@@eslavicky4432 sure I’ll share an example from a narcissistic HR executive who was targeting and bullying me at work. Basically triangulation is when they inject a third party into the conversation/situation randomly as an attempt to make you feel envious of said person.
She kept insisting on meeting with me alone, that’s the first thing. They love to meet alone so they can abuse you and then deny it. Don’t ever meet alone with these types of people at work.
One day during our 1:1 she mentioned the old head of department who left years prior and whom neither of us knew. This old head of dept was well liked by many and left the company on good terms to start her own business. People rarely spoke of her since she had left 5+ years prior.
This HR narcissist said to me, “Do you know Nicole?” (Referring to the old head of department.) I said in a monotone voice, “I know of her but I don’t know her.” and I left it at that. At the time I didn’t realize they were triangulating me, I was just annoyed by the question and by this persons behavior which was ramping up at the time. But knowing what I know now, I see what they were attempting to do.
One ASPD I dated tried to triangulate me with someone new who started at his office. He would mention her randomly and watch my face to see if I was going to react. It’s gross. These people are sick.
Mine triangulated me (at least I feel that way) with his own mother. During dating (love bombing) he kept telling me how terribly he felt at their parents house, how hyserical and controlling his mother was, and how wondeful was everything I do. Suddenly, before wedding, he said their relationship was getting better and they always had good relationship, called her for hours, changed watch from me for the ones from her, and finally went celebrate with her instead of with me. When I said that it was not OK for me, that I as his wife should be in the first place, he calmly suggested divorce...
After experiencing a narcissist in my family, I have come to the conclusions that:
1. They are born that way. The narcissist in my life was always a narcissist from baby to adult. I think environment may affect them, but essentially they were born a narcissist, and will always be a narcissist throughout their whole life.
2. It's not that they can't change; it's that they don't want to change. They like the way they are and how they live their life. They think everyone is wrong, and should change to suit them and their needs.
His point about refusing to engage is essential. Imo, the only way to deal with a narcissist, and be happy, is to cut them out of your life.
The only way to make them happy, and get along with a narcissist, is to let them totally dominate you and make you miserable. I decided that continuing the relationship was not worth it, and not in my best interest. It was one of the best decisions I've ever made.
So, if a NPD person is born that way... they don't want to change?? Do you understand what narcissism is all about?
@@annekerotterdam7499 Yes. I had to live with one.
Yes, I had to live with more for 50 years. Agree. My point is:NPD persons can't change because of the disorder. Not because they don't want. that's the clue
They come from hell and return to hell without a tear.
@@angelawatts255 hell doesn't excists imo
Went no-contact. The slander afterwards was blinding... This information keeps filtering through to me from people who mutually know us. It's funny how these people know she's lying but they let her talk because they are scared of speaking up... Or maybe they know it's just not worth the drama. Slander can make you feel tempted to reach out to set the record straight, but that would be the worst thing. We move in totally different circles now, so let her slander away. No contact means no contact.
You haven't really gone completely 'no contact' if you're aware of their slander. Not being affected at all or listening to the grapevine BS that comes your way after you've broken away is what really drives them nuts. No access to manipulate you at all in other words.
@@DosBear On the other hand (there always seem to be three hands, doesn't there), when they learn their slander got back to you, they won't know whose loyalty they thought they had but didn't, and that might drive them nuts.
@@Greenwings701 True enough but the reason they slander is for it to get back to you in the first place & they are nuts to begin with. Cheers
Let me be clear though, I'm speaking about the narc that you have cut contact off with and they have no other way to get to you. And you're right they slander you behind your back when they are in a relationship with you as well. Very disturbed individuals with no moral filter.
@@DosBear The world isn't so black and white. Sometimes the people with whom you share acquaintances with a narcissist are vulnerable, like the elderly, or close family members. That's why eventually "word gets around" and you hear stuff about yourself that surprises you. In some families you even have siblings and cousins who set out to destroy another's image by telling all the uncles and aunts terrible untruths about that person out of pure jealousy. The solution is not to go "no contact" with flesh and blood who have never wronged you, but to keep being a good niece, for example. If people are wise, they will see and know you by your actions. If they are foolish enough to believe a slanderer, then they never truly cared for you, and you don't need them in your life anyway.
It is also my experience that lies hurt the liar more and more as time goes by. The Universe has a funny way of turning the tables on people. The ones who have slandered my name always wanted to come back into my life eventually... Either they were on the edge of poverty and despair and needed my help, or they saw that I was successful at something and wanted to claim some credit and boost their clout. Nine times out of ten the door remained closed: not because I wouldn't forgive them (I would never refuse help to someone in dire need), but because the lies they told other people about me were so vicious and hateful that they couldn't face me, especially not in company. They had no choice but to stay away to save face.
I left without him or his family without them expecting it. I blocked them and cut off all communication. I stopped reacting to what they were doing afterwards. They lost alll control
Over me and they are still steaming and spreading lies about me. I don’t care what they do anymore, I am free from them and they can no longer control and abuse me!!
Divorced him when my youngest graduated from high school. I didn’t want him pulling that nonsense when she was vulnerable. After 28 years of marriage, he still thinks he walks on water. He has done everything that you describe, including asking others about us. We continue to ignore him since the divorce 7 years ago. He continues to stalk us and leaves emails and voicemails. Your videos have helped me to understand the trauma that my kids and I all went through with that man. Thank you for your videos! They have been very helpful!
When you stick calmly to what you know is truth, about yourself and the situation - I guess this goes along with grey rocking
Exactly
Calmly, indeed. There is no middle ground to reach with a narcissist. We must quietly pivot our attention off of their need to project their relentless insecurities.
👍
That is also when you (I) get discarded. Made sense after I was educated about narcissism.
When I left the group the narc used against me. Everything went well in my life. I became happier and more confident. I took my power back. I no longer feel bad about the past. I took everything as a lesson. I am free from negative people and I love my new environment. 🙏🏼💖 It took me 3 years to figure out how to stand again. The narc pushed me I did not know I have wings🥰😍 The Nac watch me fly. 🤷🏼♀️
Thank you I love listening to your sessions
Over 20 yrs ago i attended a meeting one night where a Doctor was giving a talk on the alcoholic & their behaviour. He started by saying "Hitler was the greatest manipulator & the next greatest manipulator is the Alcoholic" ... Everything this Dr said was identical to my husbands behaviour even though my husband was not a drinker but his behaviour was what AA's called ( at that time) "A dry drunk" in other words his behaviour was identical to that of his Alcoholic father..including his slurred words. This Dr made me realise what I was doing, ie bending & swaying to my husbands daily demands & manipulations & walking on eggshells daily & living in fear.
After the meeting I was so happy I didn't know whether to laugh or cry !! The relief was huge & such a blessing. All I had ever needed was that advice & it changed my behaviour instantly. I stopped doing for him in every way ! He found he couldn't hurt me with his vile language etc. He didn't know what happened !!! Yep I rose from the ashes & I ran to the divorce court with him begging me not to divorce him ...
My X husband (along with his alcoholic father) was a covert Narcissist..the most cruel / vindictive/ hateful people.
Thank you for sharing this. I'm 1 1/2 years out from divorcing my narc - but still (for now) have to work with him. Sharing how long it took you to stand on your own again helps me to know I'm not just a weak or incapable person (I never used to feel this way about myself before my relationship with him), but that someday I'll really be okay again. Sending much love to you - you've definitely earned your wings!
@@tammyhanna7006 Hi Tammy! Thank you! When you realize how much power you have after the abuse. No one will stop you from being at your best! Now I live a life that is full of love and appreciation. I no longer cling on my past. My new has come and the happiness I have now is an understatement. I grew stronger three times as much!
My prayers and devotions helped me to accept the things I can't change. I became this beautiful butterfly. 🌈🦋💖🙏🥰
I love how you explained the 7 things that shakes a
Narcissist to their core. Your way of explaining about those heartless, uncaring, soulless demons is absolutely priceless.
Thank You.
When my mother was nearing the end, I said to her, "You are I are two separate people." I think her mouth fell open. She had obviously never that of that before. They really think they can make you do what they want as easily as turning a faucet on.
I mirror his behaviour. When he pretend to be busy, i pretend to be busy, i never mention to see each other, i leave it up to him. I always protect my peace to be in the relationship but still have mentally some distance.. I also dont take anything they say personally.. I think ohw here we go again it's all about themselves😅
I have no regrets discarding a narcissist. My silence became his strength. I learned to hit him with the truths he keeps hidden from his friends. Taking back my power was a pleasure. Ignoriing him is like taking candy away from. What makes it more healing and powerful is i feel nothing towards him.
Narcissists need supply, and you are absolutely right. Without that supply they couldn't accomplish things on their own.
I’ve been married to a narcissist for 52 yrs, knew it wasn’t me that had issues all these years but couldn’t figure out what was wrong with him, nor did I know there was such a thing as a person being a narcissist. My Husband underwent medical testing 6 years ago and it was determined he is a narcissist and is paranoid. What a relief to know it wasn’t and isn’t me and now know how to deal with a narcissist. Thank you for this video it is super.
i'm so sorry it took so long and you had to suffer so long (30 years for me :(
@@robinlhs5256 Thank you, 30 years is a long time too. I’m so sorry you have had to endure the same.
So sorry for you. Living in hell here for 25 years.😢
If you are still with your husband after 52 years I want to congratulate you and acknowledge you for understanding true love. If you left him, I'm sorry, after 52 years that would kill a man.
I always valued freedom more than most things. After so many years of being caught in the narcissistic family web and finally getting out, I finally realize where the roots of that came from.
I felt bad discarding the narc, but was done with his craziness. Little did I know it was the worst for him and great for me. I found true love!
I’ve been married for over 20 years… it was a shock that he told me he didn’t love me anymore and started to do hurtful things but I have remained silent and told him that we do not need to communicate only for my children solely. I’m working on myself I do feel I need to heal from all the damage he did that he slowly did over the years.
There's an ocean of narcissist videos on UA-cam, but this one pretty much sums it all up!!
I am glad that you found this helpful ❤
Started popping up indeed lately
Yesterday I had a court hearing with my ex. She accused me of lies such as domestic violence, hacking, rape, and also tried to take my house. Long story short, she didn’t get the house, I’m able to see my kids, and I exposed her with evidence that she cheated on me with a sheriff while we were together, and the entire courtroom along with her family witnessed her being exposed with infidelity. Her face dropped and couldn’t face the facts. I walked out of that courtroom with my head high of victory, and her ego, and false self sense image of being a “innocent good victim woman” was totally reversed. Now she’s back at her parents house, 41yrs old unemployed and I’m back to my property, career and focused only on my children and myself. She used me and took my love and commitment for granted, and now must live with her consequences!
Wow, nice good news story. In the court, her charm, would get the benefit of doubt, and your future paycheques.
You really should think of changing your photo. It is inapporiate and I would not take you seriously.
@@hellekofoed639 you are right I never thought of that. Old photo anyways!
Shocked a narcissist by smiling and walking away. She had been trying to make me angry . I was determined not to let that happen. My smile made her madder than I had ever seen her.
I discarded THEM...wasn't aware about narcissistic behavior at the time! Boom 💥💯💥I went back to VISIT💥 Now I KNOW: you cannot go back expecting different, they get WORSE and plan your demise 💥💯😇
“Parasitic way of living “ yes yes!!this is why narcissist does everything to make a partner dependent on him. For example if wife is also a mother of young children, he will discourage her from taking a job but then he will shame her and criticize for every cup of coffee she bought for herself after she meticulously recorded this expense in the budget “book.” ( a tool for control and power, really). Thank you for your presentation. It is well organized. It is excellent because of an accuracy. 😢❤
True to the core financial INDEPENDENCE of the victim will make a great difference in these circumstances he or she will have courage and confidence to combat this mindset of the predator HOW EVER I FEEL LITTLE COMMUNICATION AND FORGIVENESS IS ALSO NECESSARY
I actually had a little notepad I was expected to record everything over 75¢! If there was something I wanted, he’d tell me to get a job. If I said I was going to get a job, he’d say, “I never wanted a wife that worked.” It was never ending crazy-making!!
O my god my second husband was like that🙁
I am 74 years old and it has taken me forty years to confront my narcissistic brother who made my childhood hell. The result of that made me feel worthless and I still to this day feel like that sometimes, something pulls me out of that awful state though, and I get on with life. I sent an email to my brother recently and specifically told him in it all that he had done to me, I walked away from him forty years ago. I put a couple of oceans between us as I knew that if I ever encountered him again I would want to harm him as I would have dreams about his cruelty. It felt good to write the email telling him what he had done to me and how it tested me but I overcame his attempts to break my spirit. Then I blocked his emails, I told him I would, and said he would not be able to tell me how Tom Terrific he was. I felt good after that, he cannot reach me, the rest of my family have protected my address over the years. I encourage you to get the narcissist out of your life, never go back, just keep going forward with your life. By the way I no longer have dreams about him coming to my door and how in my dreams would hit him with any object I could find because I could not have him hurt me anymore, so just like a robber coming to rob me or harm me my dreams used to prepare me for his horror. I am thankful that somehow I found the courage to walk away from him those 40 years ago and if my words here could encourage anyone reading this to be strong and never look back it would make me happy to have been of some help.
I had a similar situation with my brother. Your story was very inspiring, as I have been considering confronting him by letter. Appreciate what you said.
well, you are of no help cause you make no mention of what he did to you, it could have been something very mild or stupid for all we know, some people are very sensitive.
During the "Love Bomb" phase of a possible relationship, I told the narcissist," Entertain me". I was bored from enduring endless philosophical theories, clearly someone else's idea .
January 2017, I was pushed to the edge ending a a two year voyage with a narcissist. The Sea was tumultuous, name calling, abandonment, literally driven to the brink of suicide. I knew not what had happened, only that it had to be over. One way or another, if life should need to continue, I had to let go of the facade. 4 months later, the narcassist got himself locked up in a jail cell, where he proceeded to hang himself. He is gone from the planet by his own hands. Still I struggle in recovering myself from decades of less than healthy relationships. I am in need of healing.
My prayers are with you and for you that you would be made whole and be healed and live life in abundant love. Don’t quit. Don’t give up! You’ve got this!
Hi, I'm sorry for your trauma. It shows great strength and insight the way you freed yourself from this person. The ways you describe some of your experience here maybe suggests you have some pretty deep traumas; looking at them with a therapist might help you find specialised support for your recovery. Since I've realised how much distress I deal with every day due to cPTSD, it's motivated me to get additional meds etc and it's made a world of difference. I was already on an antidepressant, am now on two more meds and now I can get out of bed every day.
"Emotional Detox" spray by SiddhaFlowerEssences $5-17 use NIGHTLY Maximum 3-4 nights only. Very effective processes trauma while you sleep
Laurie, I'm so very sorry that you had to endure the pain that went along with these experiences, but I feel like our journeys have been similar, so I can speak from experience. My relationship lasted 15 years, but that was most likely due to my personal ignorance of narcissistic abuse - despite the fact that I'd experienced it for years in my family of origin. Please know that we all often come to what I personally refer to as a "Me or Them Moment" - when you have to decide to choose YOURSELF and not the other person/party, literally for the sake of your own survival. I know you understand what this means from what you shared here.
@@tammyhanna7006 Thank You for caring, and sharing 💗 🕊️
When i couldn t take it anymore i had to block them from every part of my life , when i did this i slowly started to heal .When you see Red Flags know its the truth .,Be Safe Be Well and Thankyou for sharing .
I moved out in secret. I didn't tell her about my new place, but on my ID it was already changed. I had already packed my bags and last minute I told her. When she realized that she had no power because, legally, I already moved out... she started gaslighting me but that diddn't work on me anymore. She was so bambozzeled that I can do something like this, without telling her. Felt great.
I was determined to move across the country and as much as I wanted to tell people, I had to limit who I told because narcissist will make you question everything! They will only think of you not being there for them. They don't think of your happiness. Stay strong and stay determined!
I walked out after realising the mental abuse would never stop - narcs enjoy upsetting u believe this man on the video, he’s bang on.
I’m recovering, it’s painful so let it out and cry. Also talk about it to ur friends and heal. This may sound hard but at least there’s an end date staying with a narc you will always be stressed and it will eat away at your confidence. Be strong.
I always turn it around on my narc. When he says I'm stupid or a bitch or a hoe my only response is "well if that's so, what does that say about your decision making skills? You picked me..."
When I filed a no trust, passing sign with the police and stuck with it, he never thought I’d do something like that
This is solid conformation that im an empath and live around and with narcissists. Their core reaction when proven wrong is to degrade and belittle the victim. Pure flight or fight responses ... and the fact they panic when you or me, prosper without them and "kill them with kindness" when they see you, or me happy is the most beautiful thing ever. I hope some of them see my message here 😁 i know im an alcoholic and have issues. Im not perfect, nor never will be. But steps 4 through 10 keeps my moral compass in line. I think about the other person, the narcissist, as a fellow alcoholic. A man whos blind to his illness can never recover. Open your eyes and write down a searching and fearless moral inventory of yourself - even a man of God has dirt on his conscious. Im no better than the narcissists in my life, they're sick just like me. My rambling is about holding myself accountable and to practice progress over perfection. We can get better, one day at a time
I did all you mentioned when I left my covert and malignant husband. But I did it all one by one, very slow, including going no contact. I was not able to do it all at once due to trauma bond. It took me about 2.5 years after leaving him. I am now 100 % FREE. ,
Your description of rigidity is 100 % SPOT ON!
My daughter and I were discarded by my stbx narc, my daughter was so afraid of him, so she always kept silent and cried before going to bed. Once we moved out, my daughter scolded him and told him he’s a selfish and irresponsible father and grey rocks him, he’s sooooo surprised!! 😂
I'm SO very, very sorry that you and your daughter were discarded by a stupid and careless narc ... NOBODY deserves to be treated that way. My 3rd marriage was (much to my surprise) to a covert narc - and my poor, beautiful daughter was a STEP-daughter - who felt she didn't have a voice in the things that were happening to and around her.
Everything you say hits the spot. I’m living with a typical one and life is hell but I cannot just exit due to complicated situation. Your videos help a lot, thank you
We are on the same boat!
I beat the narcissist in court for stealing nearly 30 grand from me. I drew up a promissory note. He always trusted me to do the reading when handling business. Go figure. Not an intellectual in any capacity. He signed the promissory note after he did his deed! Still trusting me! I told him it was a document to write off the stolen money as a gift. He seriously believed that. Narcissists naïveté is shocking to the core. I’m still shocked but proud nonetheless because I sued him for every penny and won all that money back 🎉
After leaving the narcissist , I felt very low and contemplated if it all was my mistake. But your videos helped me understand it wasn't all my fault. And the congratulations that you said in the between where you say congratulations for leaving them, that made me feel so light 😊 i truly think it is a blessing to be able to recognize these patterns now. Especially after your videos. I really pray to God that all the people somehow just discard narcissists and in future the world is full of empathy.. I really wish we are able to break the cycle of abuse. We don't let them carry in these sufferings into future generations. Even if that means we need to fight battles till our last breath. Those holding on to narcissists, may they gain the strength to over throw them and think about their future generations, their kids, who might not even be born yet and be saved of all the abuse.God bless people who suffered in their hands.
I discarded my abuser just suddenly after a big fight and did not go back even after a desperate call back from the person. Ever since I have understood and grown stronger.
Thank you very very much the best revenge really is to live well like you said learn the gray rock method, respond don’t react, ignore them, go poker faced, take this as an opportunity to grow and be better become better not bitter. One of the biggest things that I learned from these videos is stop trying to figure out why they do what they do you are going to drive yourself insane.When they do something unpredictable that doesn’t make sense just say that them, don’t take it personal. When they are hating on you trying to provoke you shaming blame you etc. ,that’s when you know you are at the point where you have taken your power back! what really helped me is don’t let the things that they do that doesn’t make sense shock you anymore ,don’t try to rationalize that you can’t.Always remember if something doesn’t make sense, that means it’s not true
fantastic reply 🙌 i can really relate to this x😊
My best advice is to leave in a kind fashion by simply saying "I'm sorry, I don't want to speak to you anymore as we have nothing in common and I don't have the emotional energy to deal with you anymore but I wish you and your family the best". Then stop. They will try a few times to contact you but will eventually give up and stick to talking behind your back for it brings their hate to the forefront. The best time to do this is just after a disagreement that has set you off internally or even externally to the point of angering you. Step back and calm down and speak from a rational frame of mind instead of being negatively affected by them & then terminate the relationship as well as those that act as their go between message takers or flying monkeys as I have heard it called. They feed off your negative energy as well as your positive.
I just did this with my ex mother in law. I am divorced from her son. I am strong and once l'd made up my mind it was over, l was done. But my young teen son was so terrified of his dad's outbursts and drama he was shrinking inside himself and becoming ocd with tapping and touching. He also developed a tic. I had conversation after conversation about my ex's behaviour, but she always made excuses for him. Then last month my son ran away from his dad. That day we decided that we were done. Haven't seen them since. She has tried and threatened to cut her grandson off from his trust fund....well just do it, we don't care. l know she'll be back. But it's grey rock here and will continue until they get the message. We are so much happier without them in our lives. My son is thriving ❣
@@EllBe63 I'm sorry to hear that. It's a very difficult thing to do but if someone is using financial bribery to manipulate you that pretty much speaks volumes about their character. No amount of money is worth putting up with that type of behavior and your son is lucky to have such a strong Mother to protect him. It's quite amazing the peace that comes to your life when you remove such negative people & take back full control of it. All the best to you and yours.
Excellent Excellent Excellent video! This is my experience with narcissists- They hate you for telling them the truth and for being authentic
The day I started focusing on myself instead of the narc it was the best feeling in the world, going grey rock was one of the best decision I've ever made, am healing now and can see how very lucky I was dealing with the narc,narc education saved my life .
After almost 3 decades I finally got out of a very abusive marriage more emotional but as he aged he became more physically abusive, I've gone no contact with him and he's going crazy , I'm not happy about that but I'm sleeping better enjoying my children and grandchildren ,. Sometimes I catch myself missing him and then I remember not much of us was really ever good , indeed to work on forgiving myself for all the time lost 💕 thank you Danish and all the other wonderful therapist's who give free great advice 👍
Diane Chriske,You deserves better
Forget 7, show them kindness and they regard it as weakness
True. Done this and they get worse and become more dangerous 😳 ☠️
I would get such a different reaction from "my" narcissist when I ignored them for long periods or acted really cold.
Attention is the lifeblood of a narcissist. Don't give it to them.
@@jacalyntaylor6721 my mother made the rather huge mistake of despising a very bright child.
With a memory that can recon back to the exact day she encouraged me to run from a fight.
Encouraging your son in cowardice.
Her stupidity is near legandary level
He was talking about being kind to others NOT the narcissist.
He does not mean show the narcissist kindness. He meant being the kind person you are, not changing towards other people except for against the narcissist
My best defense has always been silence they cannot handle being ignored, 2nd was forcing them to expose exactly who they are by not backing down I don't suggest doing this unless your ready to go to war but I realized they thrive on the fake image they portray so the moment you expose them to people who they thought they had fooled baby the look on their face is the most pathetic pitiful thing you will ever see and they will actually leave you alone or completely disappear out of your life because the mask has slipped not only in front of you but the audience
You are spot on omg 😲
Silence in=s a good thing here.
This is my goal now…
I healed & glowed up lost weight, reinvented myself! He was furious when I walked into court for a family case. He couldn't control his anger! He was threatened with contempt of court! I just smiled kept calm! He even defamed me in front of the judge. I won the case! Took back my self respect!
I was addicted to my ex narcissist and did wonder how I could manage without her. I just became dependent (just happened), but the longer I stayed in the relationship the more psychological damage occurred. When I reflected the narc ways and went grey rock, she knew something was up. I had no knowledge of narcissism and was fed up and exhausted. She wanted couples counselling, but I said no and somehow we agreed on divorce. She showed no feelings and stared at me in a penetrating silence/disdain. Intuitively I worked on keeping things pleasant during the divorce and she moved quickly to a new partner. The psychological damage of living with a covert narc took years to recover from. I have remained single as I find myself still attracted to the twinkle of narcissists. So good we now have youtube resources to learn from. Thank you.
My son, sadly, was married to one and took his own life 😢
Doing this to anyone can hurt them, it’s best for everyone to just be genuine, kind and respectful to each other and life will be great
You are right on! Completely ignore the narcissist and live your best life. Don’t ever fall into the trap when they say they have changed…that will never happen.
Have been ignoring my narcissistic husband for a week now...he looks disturbed ..
I agree completely with your list. I want an item.
When I said “no” to a narcissist, she started to yell at me. I calmly walked away. She was trying to get me to react in an angry fashion. Since I didn’t want to give her supply, I walked away.
I recorded some phonecalls with him to proove his lies and his gaslightings.And of course he hates me now.
Good for you. When he hates you, there is nothing more to come for - for you. It helps to not go back. I hope you are out of the relationship and in a place where you can heal. God bless you