So true, i had a teacher once there was other reasons for bad blood between us too but in the end, he just felt like such a weird mix between fake and not fake. Like he was putting up an act but he himself believed that the act was the truth. Honestly the feeling I got from that makes me shudder it was kind of disgusting (he was not a bad person but just so weird and off putting...)
Yes, the authenticity element is huge. Also, a tolerance of and appreciation for silliness comes in handy. And hopefully, they won't be too turned off by sudden juxtapositions, like how we will - in the middle of a birthday party - excitedly, and without any sense of morbidity, announce our desire to be buried in a biodegradable pod that will turn our bodies into a tree.
1. Take an interest in our NERD interests. (Get into our minds.) Make us feel seen and loved. We are bubbly, good-natured, and primarily intellectual people. 2. Make us laugh! Two sides of us (One is super bubbly, outgoing, and light-hearted, and the other is very emotionally deep and takes life very seriously.) When we are caught up in existential musings, and someone comes along and makes a joke out of things we are thinking and feeling very heavily about, this is a quick way to connect. Built upon tip 1. Big Green Flag. 3. Respect their independence and you have your sense of independence. Big red flag: Suffocate them. We have a varied amount of interest. Need to have space and freedom to do that without worrying that it's going to threaten the relationship. 4. Have shared experiences. A part of their life story. Write you into their next chapter. Fi + Si. See you as a part of themselves. 5. Emotional honesty and authenticity. Fi. Emotional secure enough to share their vulnerable feelings.
Shared experiences (example story of different mindsets): I'm an INFJ in a relationship with a wonderful ENFP. I was surprising this ENFP with a small 2 serving bday cake. I detest his favorite cake (he's not fond of mine either). My two options were a cake I knew we both kind of liked and the one he loves and I hate. I struggled a lot because almost every part of my internal decision making said that I should choose the thing he loves for his birthday; he can eat it twice (2 servings) and it shows that I got this cake for him, not me. But then I remembered the 1000000 times he has mentioned how important shared experiences are, and I got the choice we would both kind of enjoy. It felt so wrong and selfish. After enjoying the cake with him, I told him about my internal struggle and asked if I did the right thing (for future reference). He was completely confused as to why I would entertain the idea of buying the cake I wouldn't enjoy for a birthday desert at a dinner for just the two of us.
It would suck that you bought a cake for me, knowing you don't like it, just because it's my favorite. Because now, I have this cake to eat by myself, and you can't enjoy it with me. Sure, it's my birthday, but you matter to us as well. It's good to have consideration for your partner, but that goes both ways. I would feel bad that you didn't get to enjoy the cake with me. I would much rather you get a cake we both could eat, than leave you with nothing. I hate feeling like I'm being selfish as well. I might even get a bit upset, that you left yourself out, just for me. If they were small cakes, 2 serving sizes, you could also have bought one for you, and one for me. That way, we both got to eat our favorite cake to celebrate, that would have worked for me. As long as the cakes were inexpensive, and small enough for one person to finish in a couple of days. I'm a INTJ.
@@VRIceblast I can understand your (and my partner's) point of view on an intellectual level, and I completely respect it. However, in my head, I receive more joy from watching someone enjoy their favorite...anything really... than sharing it with them. A birthday is an excuse for someone to indulge in their very favorite cake and, therefore, I should get them their very favorite cake for maximum joy for everyone. I'm not sure how much of this is Fe and how much is learned behavior. I didn't actually want a whole cake to myself as we were going to have cake 2 more times that week so I get two cakes on that particular trip. However, on both of the other occasions, we ended up with two cakes enjoyed at the same time. I appreciate the suggestion and your insight though.
I'm an ENFP and I can 100% confirm these tips are effective :P And one more thing that I think would work is to just simply "open up about your inner feelings and deep emotions to him/her". Somehow this can really make us trust you more because we kinda enjoy helping others with their emotions.
I dont go looking for drama or gosip but somehow always get to be in the middle of everything hearing everyones perspective on the matter. To me its very interesting but I never tell on anyone or go out of my way to gossip about others. (Im an Enfp)@@peresareflinnoelsekeon6755
Laughing at yourself and allowing your ENFP to tease you = a great connection with your ENFP. Glad you mentioned that! Especially the discomfort part :)
Oh man, in my previous relationship (before I had done digging into the care and feeding of my personality type), I had this realisation one day when teasing my girlfriend about something fairly minor, I can't remember what now. She didn't appreciate it and and asked me not to do it. And in trying to explain to her where I was coming from, I had the realisation that this is basically one of my love languages. I tease and am teased by my dearest friends, and it is done fondly.
So funny with that last point- nothing gets my ENFP wife more frustrated with me than when I pretend like everything’s fine when it really isn’t. She gets SO MAD when I do that. I’m authentic (I also have Fi aux) and value it, but I don’t like sharing “too much” sometimes so that I don’t inconvenience people. My ENFP is like “INCONVENIENCE ME! Just don’t hide anything.” Edit: typo… again 😭
Could not relate more haha. Even on a purely Te level, I feel like being direct from the get go about what's going on allows people to deal with things upfront and then it's way less inconvenient in the long run! And of course it's a nice perk that it brings people together!!
"respect their independence" reminds me of how cats can be like. "I want attention when I want attention, but when I want to be alone, I will scratch you if you try to bother me"
Totally agree with the "do not smother" an ENFP!! We absolutely love independence to be able to experience our own lives, then share that with our friends/partners.. if someone makes us feel limited we usually end up avoiding or cutting ties with them
Currently in this phase... but they're my childhood friends pretty much. They're close to my heart but it just does suck not being understood by them and often feeling limited by them. That's just how they are though, not much their fault. I feel I need to be the one to adapt.
Honestly, for quite some time I was wondering what was wrong with me. I was very lonely (and also bullied) growing up, but sometimes I would forge a temporary friendship with someone and some of them turned very clingy. And I though I ought to be happy, that they like me that much and enjoy my presence and want to spend time with me. But It terrified me, I immediately got this urge to run and ended up subtly distancing myself. (Often times such clinginess would die down after a few weeks and with or without my distancing I would loose most of those friendships, they just seemed to loose interest in me, or join tje friendship circles of my bullies...) But this explanation makes so much sense now. I love close relationships but if it gets to clingy my freedom feels threatened and I want to escape. If I feel really close to someone, I will always return and reconnect, and also want them to connect with me. No clinginess needed.
What I appreciate is when someone is able to handle emotional expression without making it a huge deal. Like, I can have a really strong emotion and then laugh about it, I'm not falling apart or fragile if I'm sensitive and/or intense sometimes. Some people are just super uncomfortable with any emotion and get all weird and it's frustrating. I am so there for people when they are in their feelings and can support them and not take it personally or make it weird, and I wish more people could do that. One thing I'd add to the video list is that one of the most meaningful experiences that I like to share is making something creative together. One year for Xmas my roommate and I didn't have any money or anywhere to go and so we ended up making a "Christmas tree" out of cardboard boxes and we drew decorations on it with markers and it was so fun and one of my favorite memories. Also just exploring random parts of the city together, going in little shops, we used to love doing that.
One of my favorite Christmas’ was when my parent brought our bedroom mattress into the living room in order to save on heat, and then they made a ton of homemade candy over Christmas vacation - very memorable 💕
So much YES! 🥳 I think the comfort with discomfort that Hiede mentioned is in the same corner as this comfort with emotional intensity. I don't even think twice about sharing the emotion of the moment, and it's honestly been one of the biggest barriers between myself and my much beloved introverts. They might also have those feelings, but they don't all want to be seen having them. I don't mean to "call out" anyone when observing their emotions; it just comes naturally. Dearest INTJ especially, you needn't fear us seeing you. You'll always be safe with your two minutes of real self exposed to an ENFP. WE GOT YA! Now: let's go catch the characters at Disneyland on their smoke breaks and razz Cinderella together 😏
That's so true, my emotions are really intense and I just need to let them out and usually process them by talking. But the amount of times I've had people telling me in an annoyed way to 'calm down' like, buddy, I wasn't angry or furious as your tone is implying. I was mildy irritated and would've moved on within the next two seconds if you could just bear my emotions for a few moments😮💨 One really nice memory was with a friend from my bible school. I was talking about some things I was worried about (I think an upcoming trip to help with flood relief...I'm not sure anymore but it was something that concerned all of us) she kind of kindly shut me down at first like I don't have a reason to be worried. But then she came back later and said she was sorry and that she understands I'm the type to process my feelings this way and that it's okay and stuff I was baffled, it was so touching to me that she realized and acknowledged that, we weren’t even that close at that point.
Mild counterpoint to "don't smother" for ENFPs...don't smother absolutely, but if we can be in the same space reading our separate books that is 10x better than reading alone. Doing chores together, going grocery shopping together, talking about what we'll do together, going to the gym together, also 10x better than doing it alone. So I think more than independence and space, we want someone that we can partner with as much as possible in an authentic way. We want to explore, but we also want to structure that exploration in such a way that it involves our partner as much as possible.
THIS! Yes! I love shared adventures with my INTJ husband. I love errands with him... because it makes them more tolerable. I also love that we have free time where we play games together or go adventuring, but other days where we both do our own independent activities in the same room. I love that we can pursue our own interests, but also have each other there to share random thoughts with.
The first time I met my husband we talked about our most regrettable flaws… it was so refreshing to meet someone who could authentically self reflect, even with a stranger! He is the most wonderful man ❤️❤️
Authenticity always - nothing frustrates me more than people playing it “cool.” Acting “too cool” makes me want to leave a conversation at the first opportunity. I’m a nerd, i’m goofy, a lovable loser in all honesty, why do people ever think being too cool to be silly would ever work with us?!
play along! when an ENFP gets a whimsical idea, get down in that sandbox with them and start building a castle. preferably right away, before they get distracted by the treehouse that needs designing or the treasure map that needs drawing.
THIS!! Heck to the YES! I love when someone can play along with me and join me on some hairbrained adventure. I'm married to an INTJ and I adore him. Although it is his inferior function, he has extroverted Se... so he craves shared adventure, without feeling certain about how to obtain it. So, I've been able to "drag" this man zip lining over alligators at Gatorland in Orlando. He's been on roller coasters with me, even though he doesn't love them. We've traveled so many places on the east coast. I've brought him on hikes to waterfalls and through natural gorges. I once convinced him to take me to a volcanic national park hours before our flight back home. We made it to our gate just in time to board our plane, but man, we had fun! He loved that adventure so much that now we have a tradition of booking the latest possible flight on our return day and going someplace absolutely fun and adventurous until we have to leave for the airport. It takes most of the sad out of vacation being over. I've even taught him how to be just the slightest bit spontaneous (see also the random adventures before our flights)(the craziest of which is the day he came home with kayaks and said he had been at the store and had a sudden urge to buy them and spend the day at the lake instead of staying home to relax... usually, spontaneous for him means he was okay with going out to eat if I mention it a half hour before I want to go. Lol.) As far as life goals... I'm not fully sure what I want to do, so I tend to join him on his crazy business goals... then, he makes the plans, I mess up the plans when I have a serious case of the Lackawannas, he makes new plans to compensate for my messing up the plans. LOL. I am working on a novel... but he can only join me in that so far as being able to give feedback and help brainstorm possible alternatives to scenes I'm struggling with. He also joins me in playing word games. Like, when we see the name of a city we find funny... we use it in a sentence as if it is a word, then it becomes part of our everyday speech (See Lackawanna up above... translated as 'lack of want to'). He is also one of the few who can join me in my silly and ridiculous stories about inanimate objects having personal lives and interpersonal problems with each other. 😂 Or our pets having their own voices and thoughts that we both narrate on a daily basis using their mannerisms and the situation to allow hilarity to ensue. So yeah... I would agree with the play along, thing. That is one of my favorites!
Attention all ENTPs! Keep the following in mind as you digest the information before you. 1.) When she says ENFPs like independence she is not always referring to your kind of independence! Our independence in comparison might as well be the hardest mode of God of War for them. They want you close, and doing something that doesn't bother them so they cam see you without feeling the need to communicate. 2.) When she says take interest she DOES NOT mean overwhelm them with the sheer depth of your knowledge. Imagine you taking interest in there interests like petting a cat. If you come across to strong and confident they WILL flee. Some may even be competitive about it. This is, and I cannot stress this enough, NOT always a challenge. In fact when thinking of turning it into a game ASK FIRST and pay CLOSE attention to how they answer. And lastly REMEMBER for them. Some dreams wish to remain dreams even if you could pull it off so always ask. Even the shy ones will normally tell you if they really want it or if they think it'd be cool I'd someone else had it.
I feel most people cannot imagine how deep our affection for certain people can go. I notice I get attached easily to certain people at times though the reciprocation is very rare. I noticed as well most people do not put in effort with me so friendships end up one sided rather easily leaving me with a problem. I cannot emphasize just how challenging this has been. It doesn't feel easy to be an ENFP of late, especially in this fake world of social media. To be honest I am leery of the internet as a whole of late and got rid of my home internet and only use it when I am at a café to visit here and download certain items so I do not get caught up in it ever again.
I feel the same with friendships. I have certain people I really love as friends and they are some of my favorites, but they don't reciprocate as often. My best friends do reciprocate, but they are all introverts. I adore them and their introverted selves. However, I'm also drawn to the bubbly and excitable nature of other extroverts, but can't seem to ever quite mesh with them as well. I feel like I don't fit quite right with them. Especially extroverted J types. I want to so badly, but I just don't approach life quite like they do, so we have a hard time understanding each other. I need extroverted friends, too but none of them want to have deep discussions. They prefer to keep things surface level, which makes me feel like we aren't as close. We will do lighthearted social gatherings together and have fun, but our friendships lack the deeper side of things. Whereas, my introverted friends can do lighthearted things, but in a more subdued and quiet manner. They can laugh with me and go deep into issues of life, goals and dreams. What's missing there is the liveliness. Not that they don't laugh or have fun... they do. It's just different. Oh, to have a friend who can be both lighthearted and bubbly with me, but also talk about the deep issues of our lives. Anyway... being an ENFP certainly makes me feel like an alien on this social planet, sometimes. We like extroverted, we like introverted. We like fun and adventure. We like quiet, serious and introspective. We have tons of ideas, but rarely know how to see them all the way through. We love relaxed and fun conversation, but also serious and deep conversation. We are walking contradictions. 😂
@@m_n_a_bJesus Christ, enfp is so weird. And I'm enfp too. I feel like introverted but actually need lot of time to have conversations with many people. Like my mind feels get splited and fighting each other, i need time alone, and noooo, i need time together, hahaha so weird.
@@yustinussetyoyuniarto4816 it IS very weird. I feel that constant war, too. Needing a LOT of alone time, but also needing people and feeling sad if I'm alone too often. Yet, when it comes time to go see people... I just don't wanna. Lol.
@@m_n_a_b haha. I believe you would want to meet people many times though as an enfp..... And guess what, after meeting people, i feel what introverted would feel: exhausted ....BUT i also feel more of what extroverted would feel: energized, feels like my life is so light after doing lots of small talk. Heck, extroverted activity is so energizing and exhausting in the same time haha. WEIRD. What an ambivert actually i am.
I understand. Quite challenging. I feel a lots of reciprocation not happening as expected. Well, heck it, i believe maturity comes when i don't rely much in reciprocation. In fact, it's more fun to give, it's unlimited. But it's not fun to expect things from other, very limited. If reciprocation is a real challenge, self awareness that everything is not ideal, or things come and go would help. And i usually just cut off the relationship with people who don't reciprocate and then expand friendship with much more people.... Just exploring.... It's more fun.
I think how an ENFP’s looks, and how their personality show up, are so drastically different from other people’s perspective. We look classy and come off so casual / silly. It’s like hearing a radio voice and then when you see the radio personality, it rarely looks like they match. 🤔💭. I’ve been told over and over that people thought I was stuck up before they met me and after talking to me, described me as “cool”. I never have thought of myself that way. Other people though could describe their first and their lasting impression of me negatively; to each their own.
Also, I've gotten the stuck up so many times. It isn't that I'm that way... it's just that for me, even my silly side is reserved for people I allow into my friends circle. For whatever reason, I don't let that out with strangers. Once people get to know me, they also love my bubbly and fun side, or my serious side. I rarely find people who like both. When I do, I don't let them go. Lol. Once someone demonstrates that they have a sense of humor, then I'm game to be more silly. Similarly, physical touch is one of my love languages, but I am NOT a hug everyone I meet kind of person. I'm actually super uncomfortable being hugged by someone I do not know well. Once someone has become part of my inner circle, where we share the depths of our hearts, then I'm comfortable with hugging. Until that point, I simply endure when a non-inner circle friend hugs me, or worse some stranger upon meeting me. My first day of college was so weird because one of my dorm mates was a "hug everyone I will be living around" kind of person. It was so awkward and uncomfortable for me to suddenly find myself with a stranger's arms wrapped around me while she exclaimed over how excited she was to be the leader of a dorm grouping I was in. Anyway, my physical side and my emotionally deeply connecting side is reserved for those I know I can fully trust. And my silly side is reserved for those I have gotten to know a little bit and are game for my antics. I'm usually quite serious when meeting people, but it is because I am learning about them and taking in my impressions about their character and motives. I'm concentrating on paying attention in our conversation and figuring out how in the heck to use that small talk muscle that has always seemed so pointless to me. Then, others hate my very existence simply on principle of me being me? I think, anyway... I've never understood why. 🤷♀️
100% accurate. This makes so much sense of my whole life. I would rather someone tell me how much of a mess they are rather than tell me everything is perfect. :) Spot on as usual!
One big factor for me as an enfp is if someone is judgy and doesn't like my level of energy then I'll never really open up to them so if you want to get close to them don't just criticize them and their level of energy also it makes me sad for quite a while and makes probably most of us enfps think you hate us and we worry about keeping it at low energies and not making you uncomfortable.
As an ENFP who grew up with an unhealthy ISTJ mother... YES!!! She was hyper critical of everything that interfered with her perfectly organized external world. Meanwhile, she would never talk about the deep emotions and thoughts she had, unless she was expressing anger or crying. Usually anger was brought on by something in her environment not being perfect. If toys were left out or if the dishes weren't immediately cleaned after a meal, she would become very snippy in her tone. If my room wasn't perfectly organized, she would make statements such as, "I know what your house is going to look like when you grow up!" 🤦♀️ She would send me to my room when I was too chatty or bubbly for her. She would make disgusted faces about some of my more wild and out there kind of thoughts or concerns. She scoffed at my nerdy interests and made comments like, "Why do you want to do THAT??" Yet, she could also be extremely sweet in the ways she showed love. She is one of the most thoughtful gift givers I've ever met. She went without more than one pair of jeans and had undergarments with holes in them when money was tight, so she could ensure my brother and I had new clothing for school so we weren't teased. She cut her meals down small when we were struggling so my brother and I never went hungry. She had to be forced to go shopping for herself without buying something for us, too. She handmade my Easter outfits and some of my Halloween costumes... and they were the bomb! She loved adventuring with our whole family and made sure our childhood was packed with day trips and vacations (during years money wasn't as tight). She picked up extra shifts at work to ensure there would be enough money to give us reasonable birthday parties. She was my biggest cheerleader with extracurriculars... showing up to my sports games, plays, and school concerts. She sent the most awesome care packages and sweet letters to me when I was away at an overnight camp for only one week each summer. She cried on my first day of Pre-K when I walked into the room, surveyed the options available for play, as well as the other kids, and then turned to her and said, "You can go now, Mommy." She cheered me on when I was 13 and was accepted to to student ambassador program and spent the school year preparing for, learning about, and fund raising for a 21 day trip I would take to the UK over the summer after my 8th grade year... without my family. She cried again when the day finally came for me to leave on that trip. When she dropped me off at the tour bus that day, she asked what she would do without me around for three weeks and no way to send me mail. I told her I would call her using the international prepaid calling card my parents bought for me, then I turned to her and said, "I love you, but you can go now, Mom." She used her talent and hobbies to create things for me such as cross stitch for my bedroom wall and elaborate scrap books with my childhood adventures, as well as an entire book just for the UK trip. She showed love in ways that I could see only as I looked back and realized how she sacrificed for us and put her all into thoughtful projects for us. Even knowing how very much she loves me and feeling deeply touched by the ways she went out of her way to show her love, the result of her not being able to share who she really is inside... feelings, dreams, hopes, disappointments, etc. is that I still have a very surface level relationship with her and I'm 37. I've wanted to be closer with her emotionally for years, but have been unable to get her to open up. I've learned more about her from her interactions with my INTJ husband than I ever gleaned through my own attempts. So, yeah... judgy and not liking my energy level is certainly a huge factor for me, too.
ROFLOL! You did a fantastic job with this. I'm a male INTJ with a female ENFP best friend (read: I was friended) so the title was too tempting to skip. One thing you didn't mention about ENFP's that I've noticed with several (all female) is that they have such a superficial shopping list of characteristics that they look for in a mate, but they always end up with people who have almost none of those characteristics. Not sure if that's your experience, but two is a coincidence and three is a pattern... Anyway, I got my therapist kinda turned on to what you've been saying (attachment theory and MBTI, which she nay no longer scoff at because it provides a framework for talking about things) so thank you! You give me words to express and allow me to work on my own s**t when others can't keep up. One thing you do that others don't, you answer the question, 'now that I can identify my issues, what do I do next?' You've helped me You helped my friend. You helped my therapist talk to me in a way that gets things done. Ms. Heidi, Thank you! -- Sean Rice
the whole time i was listening i was visualizing a past enfp coworker and how when i met them they came across to me as very sincere and surprised me with how open they were about some things, and i was really glad they were my friend : )
I'm an ENFP type 8; I value independence and authenticity equally. Throw in some emotional awareness, willingness to open up and a touch of dark humor and you've got me hooked for years to come.
Seen and read so much about ENFPs over years. I think this is the best yet And made me at almost 60 realise something about myself I hadn't. Yes I am a NERD and full of theories and intellectual thoughts that I am desperate to share with others. I never spotted that about myself. And this is not something I have found mentioned in other videos. I am so hungry for this and feel so saddened when I have to suffer to much shallow talk about where people are going on holiday. Or what they have bought etc.
I can relate to this- I’ve sat through travel slide shows that were so devoid of insight or depth that it made my skin crawl! Asking them what they learned or experienced is met with blank stares- what a turn-off. I’m an INFJ
Yet again, so much insight into us Heidi, thank you!! 🙏🏼🤩❤ All 5 are so spot on! Yes, please be vulnerable & human & tear off the masks of conditioning, we crave it. Another thing that melts me every time is the sheer goodness of a person. Do you have a good heart & strive to make the world a better place @ the end of the day? Then come join us over @ the ENFP Camp, you'll have a cacophony of genuinely thrilled people to support you on your journey. And do you know your purpose & why you're here? Come, have a seat & share all 🥰
7:14 wow... that's a pretty good description of it. I've never been in or had an interest for a romantic relationship (and I probably never will), but I've had friends who ALWAYS wanted to hang out and I felt like I could never be honest to them that I just didn't want to go; I always had to make up an excuse because. You could tell that the way they thought of it was "if you're free, it's rude not to go". I'm glad that now I have much more understanding friends who respect that and also like doing their own thing. I've discovered that for this reason, I get along very well with my ENTJ friend. We hang out occasionally, but we both feel comfortable being honest if we are doing our own thing or just don't feel like going without fear that the other person will be offended. Then we have plenty of fun stuff to talk about the next time we hang out
That 4th tip is so me! Whenever I'm traveling or alone at a coffee shop, I would take the time to reflect on my past memories and experiences with people haha. Yet I tell people that I don't really care for sentimentality >_
As I have been listening Heidi, the thing about meaningful experiences. I can deeply remember the conversation I had with someone as an 11 year old, (so many many years ago), and others who I deeply connected with over the years. I still think about them. They're a part of me and they don't even know it. So yes, agreed. If you have a deep connection with an enfp type, I won't be surprised if you will always be a part of them regardless of what happens to the relationship.
I grew up totally smothered and pushed around to do things,I hated every minute of it, worse is i could not healthily express my frustrations either! It definitely sucks,it is deeply fulfilling if i am given full freedom in my relationships. Much or all of the things you said fit me too. Being told not to be loud hurt me more than i even realized. I learned subconcsciously to keep myself concealed tightly for fear i'd be doing something wrong. But i'm also an HSP, and that adds more to it in terms of happiness. I love if the other person is comforting or considerate in the things they do with me or for me.
Same with me...always growing up people hated my loud voice my enthusiasm and talkative behaviour..now i fear what if someone points out my voice and if i say something wrong
This video is so great. Thank you! I'm in a fairly new romantic relationship with an ENFP at age 55. I am especially paying attention to what you said about smothering and having my own life and my own independent interests. This is a challenge for me, but a challenge I really want to take because when I do these things I feel better about myself too. My tendency to be needy sometimes instantly repels him and it is perfect because when he seems turned off by my clingy behavior, I know I am stepping into my own shadow stuff and I need to go home and work on myself. The more I do this the more amazing our relationship gets. We don't live together, we take days apart from one another, and when we get back together, we have so much to talk about! When I was younger, I don't think I could have handled the INFJ - ENFP partnership. Now, I just want to say bring it on! Relationship this compelling is a recipe for an exciting chapter. And some people say middle aged is boring. Not if you love an ENFP! Thank you so much Heidi for your service!
Great idea about time away - I imagine the tornadoes of information as you unite. I'm an ENFP just ending a relationship with an infj. 🥺 Why wasn't that amazing and confusing. Lovely time in life. WISHING LOVE
Pretty easy for my wife. She had me at "you have a match " She is an INFP and i am an ENFP. At that time i didnt know what enfp was. She knew before me so she already knew what was important for me. It wasn't before we got together i dive into this mbti stuff.... got married within 2 years from that "match" 🤣❤🙌
I'm an ENFP so I will sometimes watch videos on this personality type. You are the first person to ever say that authenticity is our 100% appreciated characteristic in another person. 100% I can attest to this. I can smell inauthentic/fake behavior even a lack of transparency a mile away and completely write a person off the moment they show me that this is how they choose to operate with me. I may say something once to see if they will modify the behavior (let them know that I am appreciate honesty, even when it hurts, is ugly etc.) but after that, I don't stick around if it happens again. To me, inauthenticity is disrespectful (does it say idiot on my forehead???)....I don't think so. No fake relationships here. And yes, self-awareness is key.
This video helped me discover my love language. Yes, it is someone reading my academic papers 🤣🤣🤣Thank you, Heidi, for this unique and wonderful content. I love learning how to be the best ENFP I can be!
Thank you so much Heidi for verbalising and collecting these super accurate and true points about ENFP connection manners. As an ENFP it's so freeing me to hear all this, I just feel I can be as I am without feeling myself guilty.
I swear to God, i found you yesterday and i listened a lot of your videos, like A LOT! And i feel so good knowing i’m not a weirdo! Definitely i need to work with myself as i have a lot of trauma from the past but for the first time in a looong years i feel like a really found myself again through your videos and it feels so good to know i’m not the only person to think like that! I love you and i love all the people, my sisters and brothers ENFP a lot more than the others haha. Thank you for helping me to discover and love and accept myself again the way i am!🤗🥰❤️
Also realizing that you sharing in-depth about these topics is part of you being an ENFP. Reminds me of someone telling me to get my point across quicker and me saying that's hard to do. So I hope you don't see this as an attack!
Heidi, thanks very much for sharing those thoughts and feelings with us. Last point: So very true. What a treasure in times of just most people trying to present themselves as perfect as possible just "having a good image". Truth is most beautiful. Authentic, in other words: Being human. XD
“Respect their independence.” So true. I’m the same way as an ESFP. My ENFP wife and I are NOT codependent, and that works amazingly for us. Our relationship would seem strange to a lot of people because of how often we do things separately. Edit: typo
I remembered one time when my friend (who I feel quite inauthentic) finally open up and ask me about something that I think he would never ask before, its about his worry over an upcoming test and whether he can do it or not, I think that his ego would have kept him from asking tho. Suddenly, I became emotional, like wwahhh? he must have taken lots of courage to do it and I really appreciated that he did, love him
Hi Heidi, this is so right that I'm thinking about sending this video to this lady I was talking to so she knows whether or not she can handle me before it gets serious. Another huge turn on for me is if you are able to correct me or guide me in my quest. I love exploring but sometimes it's stressful and if you can show me a way to where I want to go that is actually working, you are part of my story already. Wait, that's what you are doing to me Heidi. That's why I love you so much!!!❤❤❤
I agree with the independence thing. Which is funny I used to think I was so dependent on others in my life because of other reasons like fear and anxiety. BUT I'm realizing if someone is enjoyable to be around, respects me and my interests, and yes, is authentic, I could be around those people A LOT. Also it helps if people can make me laugh and we develop inside jokes. I have a friend who does this really well and we are different in many ways and we even get into disagreements and sometimes it's like we're speaking different languages. BUT she is so authenticly herself, so ready to have intelligental conversation, and so witty/funny that I love spending with her. Also she helps encourage my passions and inspires me through her own passions. On the flip side, I had another friend whi started out very fun and loves adventure and was open about her past. The difference was she would wanted me to be with her a lot. She started getting mad at me for not spending enough time with her. She didn't respect my freedom to choose. She said stuff about me not doing something with her but she had other people to do it with. I was doing other stuff with her. It made me feel like she wanted control over my schedule and my life. That if I didn't give her all my time and say yes to every activity, I would be a bad friend. And I think enfps or maybe it's just my value, but I value being a good friend and enfps hold to our values.
You had me at the title, Heidi 😆😆. I want very much high key to send this to everyone I know to get back at for my childhood. 😆😆 Jk. Not going to actually do that. I am super excited to listen for myself to see what you have to say. (Can 100% picture it!) - A Fellow ENFP that grew up in an IS_J world
Thank you so much! As an INFJ man who has met an ENFP girl the red flag about respecting independence really landed, because although I intuitively share all her intellectual and artistic interests, my INFJ nature has a strong desire to avoid uncertainty and be in control - so that understanding was very useful thank you.
As an ENFP-A, this video made me feel so warm and seen! There are definitely a few things, like the craving for deep authentic conversations and someone trying to in any way control my sovereignty making me run and scream… lol! This was perfect.
• Authentic • Health oriented: mentally/emotionally physically, spiritual • Empathetic: toward yourself and others, but not codependent • Sentimental MoFo ✅✅ x 💯 10:35
Authenticity is HUGE!!! Big turnoff is fake, two-faced, back-stabbing, critical people. It hurts our heart for them and for ourselves. When people are super critical of others and then roll up in the fetal position if you try to address anything with them - that’s one of the worst! We all make mistakes, so reciprocating grace is needed.
Yes it is very helpful, because I find it difficult to express my needs, so this vídeo made this effect on me like: oh! Yes do i need that? Well Yes! Exact, but i couldn.t have expressed it clearly. So thanks.
I love this video. As an ENFP, I've always known that once I feel I am no longer a priority it's easy for me to be done. Open communication goes with this also because if they can't communicate enough for me to understand that I'm still a priority, I'll automatically assume I'm not and start weening myself off of them. Not sure if that's healthy but it's my truth.
I'm an INFJ and in a relationship with ENFP. This is my first relationship so I'm still trying to learn more about it, he is a wonderful man. But the independent part really confuses me. He's so into his own world and I feel ignored sometimes. But from this video I guess you just explain how I myself should also create my own world and not depend on him.
Heidi, thanks very much for sharing those thoughts and feelings with us. Last point: So very true. What a treasure in times of just most people trying to present themselves as perfect as possible just "having a good image". Truth is most beautiful. Authentic, in other words: Being human. lol
I think infps and enfps connect very well, before i had an intj partner and as an infp i always felt a distance with him . Now im with an enfp and its so easy with him. Everything is easy, talking, sharing intimate things, i do things that never did with my ex partner. We have similar humour and sylliness, i love asking abt his interests to know him more, we are very open to experiences, and so on
I’m an INFJ in the market for an ENFP female for sure. I’ve heard we are a good match. I feel confidently that my personality matches very well with an ENFP desires and lifestyles.
So on point. 2 years ago I stopped dating someone because he already had a fixed plan for the rest of his life (where to live and so on) and on top of that a totally different sense of humor. Besides that, he was really nice and for sure a good boyfriend, but just not for me.
You kind of touched on this, but I would say someone who doesn't seem distracted or bothered by a long story or conversation. I can sense when people are losing interest in conversation. I have tried to be more aware of how long I make stories because that's important to, but it's frustrating when people appear disinterested or unengaged.
Great vid as ever :) although I’ve never thought of myself as being in a story whereas I’ve had a few people of other types tell me they do this …so is that just a people rather than type thing ?? 🤔
Almost creeped out (in a good way) by this comment - Big Fish was the first movie I ever DEEPLY resonated with in my life. And think it is SO ENFP in every way.
@@heidipriebe1 I get you, same here! It is a movie that makes us feel like we are ok with these inspirations. And that we don't have to be like TJ types.
people always tell me that they admired how honest i am even in failure and loss or admitting fault or even wanting to reflect how i fail. I don't understand how thats something to admire, i thought im just doing the default, i didnt know most people dont do this by default. i talk about my wins and losses, just part of the story line
INFJ like independence too, fun time for interaction, more time for solitude, coz intuitives are always in their heads, hmm thats why there wont be conflict, its about sharing, not changing each other
1. Not judgemental: I am aware that I may be seen as "weird" by other people; so, I would really appreciate someone who I can be with without being overly conscious to the point that I can't be myself. 2. Wisdomous: It's just so nice to be someone who is open-minded and has a wide array of views about different things in life. Talking with them about different stuff instead of just back-stabbing other people.
I laughed at #3 I'm open to dating and the guys that want me on lock down before we even meet scare the heck out of me. Or I say "We can chat on discord" and they want my number, my facebook etc.... That's when I bounce.
"ENFP'S can smell inauthenticity a mile away" 🎯 absolutely the biggest turnoff. hit the nail on the head with that!!! 💯%
Yes, this cannot be overstated
So true, i had a teacher once there was other reasons for bad blood between us too but in the end, he just felt like such a weird mix between fake and not fake. Like he was putting up an act but he himself believed that the act was the truth. Honestly the feeling I got from that makes me shudder it was kind of disgusting (he was not a bad person but just so weird and off putting...)
I just still can't understand y ppl try to put on a front or try to be someone else 🤷🏽♂️
@@jussdoughjustin3893 Cuz it has worked for most of their lives with many people who don't notice. At least, that is my guess, anyways. - ENFP
Yep
Yes, the authenticity element is huge. Also, a tolerance of and appreciation for silliness comes in handy. And hopefully, they won't be too turned off by sudden juxtapositions, like how we will - in the middle of a birthday party - excitedly, and without any sense of morbidity, announce our desire to be buried in a biodegradable pod that will turn our bodies into a tree.
I have never related to a comment more in my life
Lmao I have the exact same desire wtf
🤣🤣🤣lmao! I’m pretty sure I’ve discussed this at a party before.
Yo throw me straight in the dumpster
i was thinkin id want my coffin slid out the back of an airplane
1. Take an interest in our NERD interests. (Get into our minds.) Make us feel seen and loved.
We are bubbly, good-natured, and primarily intellectual people.
2. Make us laugh! Two sides of us (One is super bubbly, outgoing, and light-hearted, and the other is very emotionally deep and takes life very seriously.) When we are caught up in existential musings, and someone comes along and makes a joke out of things we are thinking and feeling very heavily about, this is a quick way to connect. Built upon tip 1.
Big Green Flag.
3. Respect their independence and you have your sense of independence.
Big red flag: Suffocate them. We have a varied amount of interest. Need to have space and freedom to do that without worrying that it's going to threaten the relationship.
4. Have shared experiences. A part of their life story. Write you into their next chapter. Fi + Si.
See you as a part of themselves.
5. Emotional honesty and authenticity. Fi.
Emotional secure enough to share their vulnerable feelings.
Shared experiences (example story of different mindsets):
I'm an INFJ in a relationship with a wonderful ENFP. I was surprising this ENFP with a small 2 serving bday cake. I detest his favorite cake (he's not fond of mine either). My two options were a cake I knew we both kind of liked and the one he loves and I hate. I struggled a lot because almost every part of my internal decision making said that I should choose the thing he loves for his birthday; he can eat it twice (2 servings) and it shows that I got this cake for him, not me.
But then I remembered the 1000000 times he has mentioned how important shared experiences are, and I got the choice we would both kind of enjoy. It felt so wrong and selfish. After enjoying the cake with him, I told him about my internal struggle and asked if I did the right thing (for future reference). He was completely confused as to why I would entertain the idea of buying the cake I wouldn't enjoy for a birthday desert at a dinner for just the two of us.
Sooo relatable 😂 I’m an INFJ with an ENFP bestie and would have had the exact same internal struggle!
It would suck that you bought a cake for me, knowing you don't like it, just because it's my favorite. Because now, I have this cake to eat by myself, and you can't enjoy it with me.
Sure, it's my birthday, but you matter to us as well. It's good to have consideration for your partner, but that goes both ways. I would feel bad that you didn't get to enjoy the cake with me. I would much rather you get a cake we both could eat, than leave you with nothing. I hate feeling like I'm being selfish as well.
I might even get a bit upset, that you left yourself out, just for me.
If they were small cakes, 2 serving sizes, you could also have bought one for you, and one for me. That way, we both got to eat our favorite cake to celebrate, that would have worked for me. As long as the cakes were inexpensive, and small enough for one person to finish in a couple of days.
I'm a INTJ.
@@VRIceblast I can understand your (and my partner's) point of view on an intellectual level, and I completely respect it. However, in my head, I receive more joy from watching someone enjoy their favorite...anything really... than sharing it with them. A birthday is an excuse for someone to indulge in their very favorite cake and, therefore, I should get them their very favorite cake for maximum joy for everyone.
I'm not sure how much of this is Fe and how much is learned behavior.
I didn't actually want a whole cake to myself as we were going to have cake 2 more times that week so I get two cakes on that particular trip. However, on both of the other occasions, we ended up with two cakes enjoyed at the same time. I appreciate the suggestion and your insight though.
@@kate4781 I’m actually an ENFP and I kind of agree with you lol…I’ve often got food for a romantic interest that I’m not into myself ..
im an infj i would have done the same thing…in my mind the cake isnt for me 🤷🏽♂️
I am taking notes - INFJ
I'm an ENFP and I can 100% confirm these tips are effective :P
And one more thing that I think would work is to just simply "open up about your inner feelings and deep emotions to him/her". Somehow this can really make us trust you more because we kinda enjoy helping others with their emotions.
but dont be too much..bcause we are not interested with drama :D
@@peresareflinnoelsekeon6755 and that’s where I disagree
I dont go looking for drama or gosip but somehow always get to be in the middle of everything hearing everyones perspective on the matter. To me its very interesting but I never tell on anyone or go out of my way to gossip about others. (Im an Enfp)@@peresareflinnoelsekeon6755
Laughing at yourself and allowing your ENFP to tease you = a great connection with your ENFP.
Glad you mentioned that! Especially the discomfort part :)
Oh man, in my previous relationship (before I had done digging into the care and feeding of my personality type), I had this realisation one day when teasing my girlfriend about something fairly minor, I can't remember what now. She didn't appreciate it and and asked me not to do it. And in trying to explain to her where I was coming from, I had the realisation that this is basically one of my love languages. I tease and am teased by my dearest friends, and it is done fondly.
as an infj i nip teasing in its ass!!
So funny with that last point- nothing gets my ENFP wife more frustrated with me than when I pretend like everything’s fine when it really isn’t. She gets SO MAD when I do that. I’m authentic (I also have Fi aux) and value it, but I don’t like sharing “too much” sometimes so that I don’t inconvenience people. My ENFP is like “INCONVENIENCE ME! Just don’t hide anything.”
Edit: typo… again 😭
Could not relate more haha. Even on a purely Te level, I feel like being direct from the get go about what's going on allows people to deal with things upfront and then it's way less inconvenient in the long run! And of course it's a nice perk that it brings people together!!
INFP? I am, love your comment, and all the comments made from this rather incredible offering by Heidi, but...How do you handle the silliness?
"respect their independence" reminds me of how cats can be like. "I want attention when I want attention, but when I want to be alone, I will scratch you if you try to bother me"
My wife of 25 years is an ENFP, I’m an INFJ; she’s been calling me a cat for at least fifteen years!
Totally agree with the "do not smother" an ENFP!! We absolutely love independence to be able to experience our own lives, then share that with our friends/partners.. if someone makes us feel limited we usually end up avoiding or cutting ties with them
I 100% agree!!
Currently in this phase... but they're my childhood friends pretty much. They're close to my heart but it just does suck not being understood by them and often feeling limited by them. That's just how they are though, not much their fault. I feel I need to be the one to adapt.
@@kesselsol omg SAME ❤ But I love them so much. Even though, sometimes im asking myself what im doing with those limited people?
Honestly, for quite some time I was wondering what was wrong with me. I was very lonely (and also bullied) growing up, but sometimes I would forge a temporary friendship with someone and some of them turned very clingy. And I though I ought to be happy, that they like me that much and enjoy my presence and want to spend time with me.
But It terrified me, I immediately got this urge to run and ended up subtly distancing myself.
(Often times such clinginess would die down after a few weeks and with or without my distancing I would loose most of those friendships, they just seemed to loose interest in me, or join tje friendship circles of my bullies...)
But this explanation makes so much sense now. I love close relationships but if it gets to clingy my freedom feels threatened and I want to escape.
If I feel really close to someone, I will always return and reconnect, and also want them to connect with me. No clinginess needed.
What I appreciate is when someone is able to handle emotional expression without making it a huge deal. Like, I can have a really strong emotion and then laugh about it, I'm not falling apart or fragile if I'm sensitive and/or intense sometimes. Some people are just super uncomfortable with any emotion and get all weird and it's frustrating. I am so there for people when they are in their feelings and can support them and not take it personally or make it weird, and I wish more people could do that.
One thing I'd add to the video list is that one of the most meaningful experiences that I like to share is making something creative together. One year for Xmas my roommate and I didn't have any money or anywhere to go and so we ended up making a "Christmas tree" out of cardboard boxes and we drew decorations on it with markers and it was so fun and one of my favorite memories. Also just exploring random parts of the city together, going in little shops, we used to love doing that.
relate with 100% of that!
❤️
One of my favorite Christmas’ was when my parent brought our bedroom mattress into the living room in order to save on heat, and then they made a ton of homemade candy over Christmas vacation - very memorable 💕
So much YES! 🥳 I think the comfort with discomfort that Hiede mentioned is in the same corner as this comfort with emotional intensity. I don't even think twice about sharing the emotion of the moment, and it's honestly been one of the biggest barriers between myself and my much beloved introverts. They might also have those feelings, but they don't all want to be seen having them. I don't mean to "call out" anyone when observing their emotions; it just comes naturally. Dearest INTJ especially, you needn't fear us seeing you. You'll always be safe with your two minutes of real self exposed to an ENFP. WE GOT YA!
Now: let's go catch the characters at Disneyland on their smoke breaks and razz Cinderella together 😏
That's so true, my emotions are really intense and I just need to let them out and usually process them by talking. But the amount of times I've had people telling me in an annoyed way to 'calm down' like, buddy, I wasn't angry or furious as your tone is implying. I was mildy irritated and would've moved on within the next two seconds if you could just bear my emotions for a few moments😮💨
One really nice memory was with a friend from my bible school. I was talking about some things I was worried about (I think an upcoming trip to help with flood relief...I'm not sure anymore but it was something that concerned all of us) she kind of kindly shut me down at first like I don't have a reason to be worried. But then she came back later and said she was sorry and that she understands I'm the type to process my feelings this way and that it's okay and stuff
I was baffled, it was so touching to me that she realized and acknowledged that, we weren’t even that close at that point.
Mild counterpoint to "don't smother" for ENFPs...don't smother absolutely, but if we can be in the same space reading our separate books that is 10x better than reading alone. Doing chores together, going grocery shopping together, talking about what we'll do together, going to the gym together, also 10x better than doing it alone. So I think more than independence and space, we want someone that we can partner with as much as possible in an authentic way. We want to explore, but we also want to structure that exploration in such a way that it involves our partner as much as possible.
Agree. I crave for shared experiences. I feel there's a fine line between this craving and a need for independence. I want both as an ENFP.
I agree!
Yes ‘partner with’- it’s like air to a mammal- fundamental
THIS! Yes! I love shared adventures with my INTJ husband. I love errands with him... because it makes them more tolerable. I also love that we have free time where we play games together or go adventuring, but other days where we both do our own independent activities in the same room. I love that we can pursue our own interests, but also have each other there to share random thoughts with.
My favorite hobby is being honest with ENFP's.
So if I see a Pied Piper type with a group of ENFP's following him down the road, I'll assume it is you! ;)
@@suzannekolomaznik6581 Okay, I admit it.. yes that's me. Don't tell anyone!
The first time I met my husband we talked about our most regrettable flaws… it was so refreshing to meet someone who could authentically self reflect, even with a stranger! He is the most wonderful man ❤️❤️
Authenticity always - nothing frustrates me more than people playing it “cool.” Acting “too cool” makes me want to leave a conversation at the first opportunity. I’m a nerd, i’m goofy, a lovable loser in all honesty, why do people ever think being too cool to be silly would ever work with us?!
play along! when an ENFP gets a whimsical idea, get down in that sandbox with them and start building a castle. preferably right away, before they get distracted by the treehouse that needs designing or the treasure map that needs drawing.
Yo dawg I brought paper and crayons for the map maybe we could place traps here and here so there’s some perimeter round the treehouse base
THIS!! Heck to the YES! I love when someone can play along with me and join me on some hairbrained adventure.
I'm married to an INTJ and I adore him. Although it is his inferior function, he has extroverted Se... so he craves shared adventure, without feeling certain about how to obtain it.
So, I've been able to "drag" this man zip lining over alligators at Gatorland in Orlando. He's been on roller coasters with me, even though he doesn't love them. We've traveled so many places on the east coast. I've brought him on hikes to waterfalls and through natural gorges. I once convinced him to take me to a volcanic national park hours before our flight back home. We made it to our gate just in time to board our plane, but man, we had fun! He loved that adventure so much that now we have a tradition of booking the latest possible flight on our return day and going someplace absolutely fun and adventurous until we have to leave for the airport. It takes most of the sad out of vacation being over. I've even taught him how to be just the slightest bit spontaneous (see also the random adventures before our flights)(the craziest of which is the day he came home with kayaks and said he had been at the store and had a sudden urge to buy them and spend the day at the lake instead of staying home to relax... usually, spontaneous for him means he was okay with going out to eat if I mention it a half hour before I want to go. Lol.)
As far as life goals... I'm not fully sure what I want to do, so I tend to join him on his crazy business goals... then, he makes the plans, I mess up the plans when I have a serious case of the Lackawannas, he makes new plans to compensate for my messing up the plans. LOL.
I am working on a novel... but he can only join me in that so far as being able to give feedback and help brainstorm possible alternatives to scenes I'm struggling with.
He also joins me in playing word games. Like, when we see the name of a city we find funny... we use it in a sentence as if it is a word, then it becomes part of our everyday speech (See Lackawanna up above... translated as 'lack of want to').
He is also one of the few who can join me in my silly and ridiculous stories about inanimate objects having personal lives and interpersonal problems with each other. 😂 Or our pets having their own voices and thoughts that we both narrate on a daily basis using their mannerisms and the situation to allow hilarity to ensue.
So yeah... I would agree with the play along, thing. That is one of my favorites!
Attention all ENTPs!
Keep the following in mind as you digest the information before you.
1.) When she says ENFPs like independence she is not always referring to your kind of independence! Our independence in comparison might as well be the hardest mode of God of War for them. They want you close, and doing something that doesn't bother them so they cam see you without feeling the need to communicate.
2.) When she says take interest she DOES NOT mean overwhelm them with the sheer depth of your knowledge. Imagine you taking interest in there interests like petting a cat. If you come across to strong and confident they WILL flee. Some may even be competitive about it. This is, and I cannot stress this enough, NOT always a challenge. In fact when thinking of turning it into a game ASK FIRST and pay CLOSE attention to how they answer.
And lastly REMEMBER for them. Some dreams wish to remain dreams even if you could pull it off so always ask. Even the shy ones will normally tell you if they really want it or if they think it'd be cool I'd someone else had it.
Ohh mi ex boyfriend was a ENTP and this points makes all the sense :c, i cant find material ENTP/ENFP in romantic way for understand it
I feel most people cannot imagine how deep our affection for certain people can go. I notice I get attached easily to certain people at times though the reciprocation is very rare. I noticed as well most people do not put in effort with me so friendships end up one sided rather easily leaving me with a problem.
I cannot emphasize just how challenging this has been. It doesn't feel easy to be an ENFP of late, especially in this fake world of social media. To be honest I am leery of the internet as a whole of late and got rid of my home internet and only use it when I am at a café to visit here and download certain items so I do not get caught up in it ever again.
I feel the same with friendships. I have certain people I really love as friends and they are some of my favorites, but they don't reciprocate as often. My best friends do reciprocate, but they are all introverts. I adore them and their introverted selves. However, I'm also drawn to the bubbly and excitable nature of other extroverts, but can't seem to ever quite mesh with them as well. I feel like I don't fit quite right with them. Especially extroverted J types. I want to so badly, but I just don't approach life quite like they do, so we have a hard time understanding each other. I need extroverted friends, too but none of them want to have deep discussions. They prefer to keep things surface level, which makes me feel like we aren't as close. We will do lighthearted social gatherings together and have fun, but our friendships lack the deeper side of things.
Whereas, my introverted friends can do lighthearted things, but in a more subdued and quiet manner. They can laugh with me and go deep into issues of life, goals and dreams. What's missing there is the liveliness. Not that they don't laugh or have fun... they do. It's just different.
Oh, to have a friend who can be both lighthearted and bubbly with me, but also talk about the deep issues of our lives.
Anyway... being an ENFP certainly makes me feel like an alien on this social planet, sometimes.
We like extroverted, we like introverted. We like fun and adventure. We like quiet, serious and introspective. We have tons of ideas, but rarely know how to see them all the way through. We love relaxed and fun conversation, but also serious and deep conversation.
We are walking contradictions. 😂
@@m_n_a_bJesus Christ, enfp is so weird. And I'm enfp too. I feel like introverted but actually need lot of time to have conversations with many people. Like my mind feels get splited and fighting each other, i need time alone, and noooo, i need time together, hahaha so weird.
@@yustinussetyoyuniarto4816 it IS very weird. I feel that constant war, too. Needing a LOT of alone time, but also needing people and feeling sad if I'm alone too often. Yet, when it comes time to go see people... I just don't wanna. Lol.
@@m_n_a_b haha. I believe you would want to meet people many times though as an enfp..... And guess what, after meeting people, i feel what introverted would feel: exhausted ....BUT i also feel more of what extroverted would feel: energized, feels like my life is so light after doing lots of small talk. Heck, extroverted activity is so energizing and exhausting in the same time haha. WEIRD. What an ambivert actually i am.
I understand. Quite challenging. I feel a lots of reciprocation not happening as expected. Well, heck it, i believe maturity comes when i don't rely much in reciprocation. In fact, it's more fun to give, it's unlimited. But it's not fun to expect things from other, very limited. If reciprocation is a real challenge, self awareness that everything is not ideal, or things come and go would help. And i usually just cut off the relationship with people who don't reciprocate and then expand friendship with much more people.... Just exploring.... It's more fun.
I think how an ENFP’s looks, and how their personality show up, are so drastically different from other people’s perspective. We look classy and come off so casual / silly. It’s like hearing a radio voice and then when you see the radio personality, it rarely looks like they match. 🤔💭. I’ve been told over and over that people thought I was stuck up before they met me and after talking to me, described me as “cool”. I never have thought of myself that way. Other people though could describe their first and their lasting impression of me negatively; to each their own.
I've noticed that about radio voices, too! What is WITH that??? 🤣
Also, I've gotten the stuck up so many times. It isn't that I'm that way... it's just that for me, even my silly side is reserved for people I allow into my friends circle. For whatever reason, I don't let that out with strangers. Once people get to know me, they also love my bubbly and fun side, or my serious side. I rarely find people who like both. When I do, I don't let them go. Lol.
Once someone demonstrates that they have a sense of humor, then I'm game to be more silly.
Similarly, physical touch is one of my love languages, but I am NOT a hug everyone I meet kind of person. I'm actually super uncomfortable being hugged by someone I do not know well.
Once someone has become part of my inner circle, where we share the depths of our hearts, then I'm comfortable with hugging. Until that point, I simply endure when a non-inner circle friend hugs me, or worse some stranger upon meeting me. My first day of college was so weird because one of my dorm mates was a "hug everyone I will be living around" kind of person. It was so awkward and uncomfortable for me to suddenly find myself with a stranger's arms wrapped around me while she exclaimed over how excited she was to be the leader of a dorm grouping I was in.
Anyway, my physical side and my emotionally deeply connecting side is reserved for those I know I can fully trust. And my silly side is reserved for those I have gotten to know a little bit and are game for my antics.
I'm usually quite serious when meeting people, but it is because I am learning about them and taking in my impressions about their character and motives. I'm concentrating on paying attention in our conversation and figuring out how in the heck to use that small talk muscle that has always seemed so pointless to me.
Then, others hate my very existence simply on principle of me being me? I think, anyway... I've never understood why. 🤷♀️
100% accurate. This makes so much sense of my whole life. I would rather someone tell me how much of a mess they are rather than tell me everything is perfect. :) Spot on as usual!
One big factor for me as an enfp is if someone is judgy and doesn't like my level of energy then I'll never really open up to them so if you want to get close to them don't just criticize them and their level of energy also it makes me sad for quite a while and makes probably most of us enfps think you hate us and we worry about keeping it at low energies and not making you uncomfortable.
As an ENFP who grew up with an unhealthy ISTJ mother... YES!!! She was hyper critical of everything that interfered with her perfectly organized external world. Meanwhile, she would never talk about the deep emotions and thoughts she had, unless she was expressing anger or crying. Usually anger was brought on by something in her environment not being perfect. If toys were left out or if the dishes weren't immediately cleaned after a meal, she would become very snippy in her tone. If my room wasn't perfectly organized, she would make statements such as, "I know what your house is going to look like when you grow up!" 🤦♀️
She would send me to my room when I was too chatty or bubbly for her. She would make disgusted faces about some of my more wild and out there kind of thoughts or concerns.
She scoffed at my nerdy interests and made comments like, "Why do you want to do THAT??"
Yet, she could also be extremely sweet in the ways she showed love. She is one of the most thoughtful gift givers I've ever met. She went without more than one pair of jeans and had undergarments with holes in them when money was tight, so she could ensure my brother and I had new clothing for school so we weren't teased. She cut her meals down small when we were struggling so my brother and I never went hungry. She had to be forced to go shopping for herself without buying something for us, too. She handmade my Easter outfits and some of my Halloween costumes... and they were the bomb! She loved adventuring with our whole family and made sure our childhood was packed with day trips and vacations (during years money wasn't as tight). She picked up extra shifts at work to ensure there would be enough money to give us reasonable birthday parties. She was my biggest cheerleader with extracurriculars... showing up to my sports games, plays, and school concerts. She sent the most awesome care packages and sweet letters to me when I was away at an overnight camp for only one week each summer. She cried on my first day of Pre-K when I walked into the room, surveyed the options available for play, as well as the other kids, and then turned to her and said, "You can go now, Mommy." She cheered me on when I was 13 and was accepted to to student ambassador program and spent the school year preparing for, learning about, and fund raising for a 21 day trip I would take to the UK over the summer after my 8th grade year... without my family. She cried again when the day finally came for me to leave on that trip. When she dropped me off at the tour bus that day, she asked what she would do without me around for three weeks and no way to send me mail. I told her I would call her using the international prepaid calling card my parents bought for me, then I turned to her and said, "I love you, but you can go now, Mom." She used her talent and hobbies to create things for me such as cross stitch for my bedroom wall and elaborate scrap books with my childhood adventures, as well as an entire book just for the UK trip.
She showed love in ways that I could see only as I looked back and realized how she sacrificed for us and put her all into thoughtful projects for us.
Even knowing how very much she loves me and feeling deeply touched by the ways she went out of her way to show her love, the result of her not being able to share who she really is inside... feelings, dreams, hopes, disappointments, etc. is that I still have a very surface level relationship with her and I'm 37.
I've wanted to be closer with her emotionally for years, but have been unable to get her to open up. I've learned more about her from her interactions with my INTJ husband than I ever gleaned through my own attempts.
So, yeah... judgy and not liking my energy level is certainly a huge factor for me, too.
Saw the title and thought, “Literally just exist. You talk to us? You’re in.” Lol. Your video is much more thoughtful.
ROFLOL! You did a fantastic job with this. I'm a male INTJ with a female ENFP best friend (read: I was friended) so the title was too tempting to skip. One thing you didn't mention about ENFP's that I've noticed with several (all female) is that they have such a superficial shopping list of characteristics that they look for in a mate, but they always end up with people who have almost none of those characteristics. Not sure if that's your experience, but two is a coincidence and three is a pattern...
Anyway, I got my therapist kinda turned on to what you've been saying (attachment theory and MBTI, which she nay no longer scoff at because it provides a framework for talking about things) so thank you! You give me words to express and allow me to work on my own s**t when others can't keep up.
One thing you do that others don't, you answer the question, 'now that I can identify my issues, what do I do next?' You've helped me You helped my friend. You helped my therapist talk to me in a way that gets things done.
Ms. Heidi, Thank you!
-- Sean Rice
the whole time i was listening i was visualizing a past enfp coworker and how when i met them they came across to me as very sincere and surprised me with how open they were about some things, and i was really glad they were my friend : )
I'm an ENFP type 8; I value independence and authenticity equally. Throw in some emotional awareness, willingness to open up and a touch of dark humor and you've got me hooked for years to come.
Seen and read so much about ENFPs over years. I think this is the best yet And made me at almost 60 realise something about myself I hadn't. Yes I am a NERD and full of theories and intellectual thoughts that I am desperate to share with others. I never spotted that about myself. And this is not something I have found mentioned in other videos. I am so hungry for this and feel so saddened when I have to suffer to much shallow talk about where people are going on holiday. Or what they have bought etc.
I can relate to this- I’ve sat through travel slide shows that were so devoid of insight or depth that it made my skin crawl! Asking them what they learned or experienced is met with blank stares- what a turn-off. I’m an INFJ
Yet again, so much insight into us Heidi, thank you!! 🙏🏼🤩❤ All 5 are so spot on! Yes, please be vulnerable & human & tear off the masks of conditioning, we crave it. Another thing that melts me every time is the sheer goodness of a person. Do you have a good heart & strive to make the world a better place @ the end of the day? Then come join us over @ the ENFP Camp, you'll have a cacophony of genuinely thrilled people to support you on your journey. And do you know your purpose & why you're here? Come, have a seat & share all 🥰
“Camp ENFP” gave me such a viscerally delightful image 🔥🌊🛖🤗
7:14 wow... that's a pretty good description of it. I've never been in or had an interest for a romantic relationship (and I probably never will), but I've had friends who ALWAYS wanted to hang out and I felt like I could never be honest to them that I just didn't want to go; I always had to make up an excuse because. You could tell that the way they thought of it was "if you're free, it's rude not to go". I'm glad that now I have much more understanding friends who respect that and also like doing their own thing. I've discovered that for this reason, I get along very well with my ENTJ friend. We hang out occasionally, but we both feel comfortable being honest if we are doing our own thing or just don't feel like going without fear that the other person will be offended. Then we have plenty of fun stuff to talk about the next time we hang out
That 4th tip is so me! Whenever I'm traveling or alone at a coffee shop, I would take the time to reflect on my past memories and experiences with people haha. Yet I tell people that I don't really care for sentimentality >_
As I have been listening Heidi, the thing about meaningful experiences. I can deeply remember the conversation I had with someone as an 11 year old, (so many many years ago), and others who I deeply connected with over the years. I still think about them.
They're a part of me and they don't even know it.
So yes, agreed. If you have a deep connection with an enfp type, I won't be surprised if you will always be a part of them regardless of what happens to the relationship.
I grew up totally smothered and pushed around to do things,I hated every minute of it, worse is i could not healthily express my frustrations either! It definitely sucks,it is deeply fulfilling if i am given full freedom in my relationships. Much or all of the things you said fit me too. Being told not to be loud hurt me more than i even realized. I learned subconcsciously to keep myself concealed tightly for fear i'd be doing something wrong. But i'm also an HSP, and that adds more to it in terms of happiness. I love if the other person is comforting or considerate in the things they do with me or for me.
Same with me...always growing up people hated my loud voice my enthusiasm and talkative behaviour..now i fear what if someone points out my voice and if i say something wrong
This video is so great. Thank you! I'm in a fairly new romantic relationship with an ENFP at age 55. I am especially paying attention to what you said about smothering and having my own life and my own independent interests. This is a challenge for me, but a challenge I really want to take because when I do these things I feel better about myself too. My tendency to be needy sometimes instantly repels him and it is perfect because when he seems turned off by my clingy behavior, I know I am stepping into my own shadow stuff and I need to go home and work on myself. The more I do this the more amazing our relationship gets. We don't live together, we take days apart from one another, and when we get back together, we have so much to talk about! When I was younger, I don't think I could have handled the INFJ - ENFP partnership. Now, I just want to say bring it on! Relationship this compelling is a recipe for an exciting chapter. And some people say middle aged is boring. Not if you love an ENFP! Thank you so much Heidi for your service!
Great idea about time away - I imagine the tornadoes of information as you unite.
I'm an ENFP just ending a relationship with an infj. 🥺 Why wasn't that amazing and confusing. Lovely time in life. WISHING LOVE
Pretty easy for my wife. She had me at "you have a match "
She is an INFP and i am an ENFP. At that time i didnt know what enfp was. She knew before me so she already knew what was important for me. It wasn't before we got together i dive into this mbti stuff.... got married within 2 years from that "match" 🤣❤🙌
I'm an ENFP so I will sometimes watch videos on this personality type. You are the first person to ever say that authenticity is our 100% appreciated characteristic in another person. 100% I can attest to this. I can smell inauthentic/fake behavior even a lack of transparency a mile away and completely write a person off the moment they show me that this is how they choose to operate with me.
I may say something once to see if they will modify the behavior (let them know that I am appreciate honesty, even when it hurts, is ugly etc.) but after that, I don't stick around if it happens again. To me, inauthenticity is disrespectful (does it say idiot on my forehead???)....I don't think so. No fake relationships here.
And yes, self-awareness is key.
This video helped me discover my love language. Yes, it is someone reading my academic papers 🤣🤣🤣Thank you, Heidi, for this unique and wonderful content. I love learning how to be the best ENFP I can be!
You are absolutely killing it with these amazing video's Heidi! I love watching them!!
I liked it when she said I want people to be in better relationships and to get laid more 😂😂
SHE DID say that! ♥
So glad I stumbled upon your channel. It feels good to meet a fellow ENFP, its usually rare to find my tribe out here.
Good listener. Calm, authentic open demeanor.
Everything is on point!!! Thank you Heidi for speaking our language and for the quality not so long informative video you have 🤪💖
I couldn’t have said it better myself!! It’s so exciting when people want to nerd out with me ❤ only a few minutes in & feeling so understood!
You did it and under 30 minutes lol!!! Great video extremely insightful and accurate coming from a fellow enfp.
By far my favourite video from you! Loved it!!
- Fellow ENFP
Thank you so much Heidi for verbalising and collecting these super accurate and true points about ENFP connection manners. As an ENFP it's so freeing me to hear all this, I just feel I can be as I am without feeling myself guilty.
I'am amazed over your energy..!
Your eyes are actually so pretty.
I’m so happy that I found your channel! Your knowledge is astounding and you’re a great ENFP role model ♥️
Right?! I love her so much.
Yes, welcome to the ENFP club!
This was a fascinating video. I always thought that I was a different type but your description of the ENFP resonated deeply with me. Thank you.
I swear to God, i found you yesterday and i listened a lot of your videos, like A LOT! And i feel so good knowing i’m not a weirdo! Definitely i need to work with myself as i have a lot of trauma from the past but for the first time in a looong years i feel like a really found myself again through your videos and it feels so good to know i’m not the only person to think like that! I love you and i love all the people, my sisters and brothers ENFP a lot more than the others haha.
Thank you for helping me to discover and love and accept myself again the way i am!🤗🥰❤️
As an ENFP, this video made me respect my needs more! So much to the point. Thank you.
I honestly love and appreciate your videos a lot and the length is the only thing that keeps me from diving into them sometimes.
Also realizing that you sharing in-depth about these topics is part of you being an ENFP. Reminds me of someone telling me to get my point across quicker and me saying that's hard to do. So I hope you don't see this as an attack!
you can't rush quality!
Heidi, thanks very much for sharing those thoughts and feelings with us.
Last point: So very true. What a treasure in times of just most people trying to present themselves as perfect as possible just "having a good image". Truth is most beautiful. Authentic, in other words: Being human. XD
Thank you a lot! I love your videos! (Your eyes are so beautiful!)
I love your videos (and your hair!) you’re helping me understand so much!
I really enjoy your authenticity.
“Respect their independence.”
So true. I’m the same way as an ESFP. My ENFP wife and I are NOT codependent, and that works amazingly for us. Our relationship would seem strange to a lot of people because of how often we do things separately.
Edit: typo
Love your hair in this video!
I remembered one time when my friend (who I feel quite inauthentic) finally open up and ask me about something that I think he would never ask before, its about his worry over an upcoming test and whether he can do it or not, I think that his ego would have kept him from asking tho. Suddenly, I became emotional, like wwahhh? he must have taken lots of courage to do it and I really appreciated that he did, love him
Hi Heidi, this is so right that I'm thinking about sending this video to this lady I was talking to so she knows whether or not she can handle me before it gets serious.
Another huge turn on for me is if you are able to correct me or guide me in my quest. I love exploring but sometimes it's stressful and if you can show me a way to where I want to go that is actually working, you are part of my story already. Wait, that's what you are doing to me Heidi. That's why I love you so much!!!❤❤❤
I agree with the independence thing. Which is funny I used to think I was so dependent on others in my life because of other reasons like fear and anxiety. BUT I'm realizing if someone is enjoyable to be around, respects me and my interests, and yes, is authentic, I could be around those people A LOT. Also it helps if people can make me laugh and we develop inside jokes. I have a friend who does this really well and we are different in many ways and we even get into disagreements and sometimes it's like we're speaking different languages. BUT she is so authenticly herself, so ready to have intelligental conversation, and so witty/funny that I love spending with her. Also she helps encourage my passions and inspires me through her own passions.
On the flip side, I had another friend whi started out very fun and loves adventure and was open about her past. The difference was she would wanted me to be with her a lot. She started getting mad at me for not spending enough time with her. She didn't respect my freedom to choose. She said stuff about me not doing something with her but she had other people to do it with. I was doing other stuff with her. It made me feel like she wanted control over my schedule and my life. That if I didn't give her all my time and say yes to every activity, I would be a bad friend. And I think enfps or maybe it's just my value, but I value being a good friend and enfps hold to our values.
A great list if things that truly makes us tick Heidi! ^^ For sure!
ENFP-A, 4w5, Num22, Libra, HSP
You had me at the title, Heidi 😆😆. I want very much high key to send this to everyone I know to get back at for my childhood. 😆😆 Jk. Not going to actually do that. I am super excited to listen for myself to see what you have to say. (Can 100% picture it!)
- A Fellow ENFP that grew up in an IS_J world
Me an ENFP watching this to learn more about myself 🥺
The story part is so accurate. I tell my life to myself like I'm getting interviewed about it.
Thank you so much! As an INFJ man who has met an ENFP girl the red flag about respecting independence really landed, because although I intuitively share all her intellectual and artistic interests, my INFJ nature has a strong desire to avoid uncertainty and be in control - so that understanding was very useful thank you.
100% on point. i'm an enneagram 4, so authenticity is too important to me.
So accurate!! Thank you for making this vid :D
Super helpful. Thank you. Would you consider doing a video for ENFPs on the Care and Keeping of INFJs?
Don't mind me, just an INTJ trying to find the love of my life :)
Let me guess: INTJ/ENFP bond? :D
INTJ here trying to understand my husband of 11 years better. 😅 data data data
As an ENFP-A, this video made me feel so warm and seen! There are definitely a few things, like the craving for deep authentic conversations and someone trying to in any way control my sovereignty making me run and scream… lol! This was perfect.
Im an infp and this is so on point. Similar cognitive function stacks, same win overs
I am an ENFP! Wow so many on your page 😍 What a great surprise gf 🎉❤
Ohh im feeling so reflect! i tend to imagine my life like a novel constantly!!
Love it. I think we would come along great. Share same values as well as some polarization (like + and -) that would attract.
I'm an INTJ type.
• Authentic
• Health oriented: mentally/emotionally physically, spiritual
• Empathetic: toward yourself and others, but not codependent
• Sentimental MoFo ✅✅ x 💯 10:35
Authenticity is HUGE!!! Big turnoff is fake, two-faced, back-stabbing, critical people. It hurts our heart for them and for ourselves.
When people are super critical of others and then roll up in the fetal position if you try to address anything with them - that’s one of the worst! We all make mistakes, so reciprocating grace is needed.
Yes it is very helpful, because I find it difficult to express my needs, so this vídeo made this effect on me like: oh! Yes do i need that? Well Yes! Exact, but i couldn.t have expressed it clearly. So thanks.
I love this thank you
I love this video. As an ENFP, I've always known that once I feel I am no longer a priority it's easy for me to be done. Open communication goes with this also because if they can't communicate enough for me to understand that I'm still a priority, I'll automatically assume I'm not and start weening myself off of them. Not sure if that's healthy but it's my truth.
Thanks Heidi. Spot on.
I'm an INFJ and in a relationship with ENFP. This is my first relationship so I'm still trying to learn more about it, he is a wonderful man. But the independent part really confuses me. He's so into his own world and I feel ignored sometimes. But from this video I guess you just explain how I myself should also create my own world and not depend on him.
Heidi, thanks very much for sharing those thoughts and feelings with us.
Last point: So very true. What a treasure in times of just most people trying to present themselves as perfect as possible just "having a good image". Truth is most beautiful. Authentic, in other words: Being human. lol
True too for INFPs, but we would need to say it in an essay. Thanks, Heidi!
I think infps and enfps connect very well, before i had an intj partner and as an infp i always felt a distance with him . Now im with an enfp and its so easy with him. Everything is easy, talking, sharing intimate things, i do things that never did with my ex partner. We have similar humour and sylliness, i love asking abt his interests to know him more, we are very open to experiences, and so on
I believe I'm an ENFP and I reflect a TON! I also record a ton to capture these memories.
How to win over an ENFP
Tell them your an INFJ or INTJ
- From a fellow ENFP UwU
It works for me! 😂
Authenticity and kindness are essential to me as a lived experience peer worker in community mental health in Australia. Real Kind - Be Both
I’m an INFJ in the market for an ENFP female for sure. I’ve heard we are a good match. I feel confidently that my personality matches very well with an ENFP desires and lifestyles.
So on point. 2 years ago I stopped dating someone because he already had a fixed plan for the rest of his life (where to live and so on) and on top of that a totally different sense of humor.
Besides that, he was really nice and for sure a good boyfriend, but just not for me.
INTJ here. 👋🏽 I am writing this all down. 🤓📝📚
how could anyone have such beutiful eyes impossible
We all agreed: Tracy Spiridakos in the series "Revolution" was the closest... with the eyes and intensity ...
You kind of touched on this, but I would say someone who doesn't seem distracted or bothered by a long story or conversation. I can sense when people are losing interest in conversation. I have tried to be more aware of how long I make stories because that's important to, but it's frustrating when people appear disinterested or unengaged.
Great vid as ever :) although I’ve never thought of myself as being in a story whereas I’ve had a few people of other types tell me they do this …so is that just a people rather than type thing ?? 🤔
Quality time is so important for ENFP. X
In #4, it reminded me of Edward Bloom in movie Big Fish. His life is a story, and he is a pure ENFP.
Almost creeped out (in a good way) by this comment - Big Fish was the first movie I ever DEEPLY resonated with in my life. And think it is SO ENFP in every way.
@@heidipriebe1 I get you, same here! It is a movie that makes us feel like we are ok with these inspirations. And that we don't have to be like TJ types.
people always tell me that they admired how honest i am even in failure and loss or admitting fault or even wanting to reflect how i fail. I don't understand how thats something to admire, i thought im just doing the default, i didnt know most people dont do this by default. i talk about my wins and losses, just part of the story line
INFJ like independence too, fun time for interaction, more time for solitude, coz intuitives are always in their heads, hmm thats why there wont be conflict, its about sharing, not changing each other
1. Not judgemental: I am aware that I may be seen as "weird" by other people; so, I would really appreciate someone who I can be with without being overly conscious to the point that I can't be myself.
2. Wisdomous: It's just so nice to be someone who is open-minded and has a wide array of views about different things in life. Talking with them about different stuff instead of just back-stabbing other people.
oh gosh you just re wrote my love life
As ENFP this is correct!!
I laughed at #3 I'm open to dating and the guys that want me on lock down before we even meet scare the heck out of me. Or I say "We can chat on discord" and they want my number, my facebook etc.... That's when I bounce.
Spot on.