For me, the problem is not people "wanting you to stay pure", the problem is the concept itself. Why is sex bad? Why would sex make you impure? Why is it dirty? I don't get it. Never have.
"Why is sex bad" you can have a child you are not ready for, then that kinda ruins your life. The more sexual partners a woman racks up the more of a headcase she becomes.
@@jacobwilliams5271 that's why ppl should learn about sex education. You learn how to prevent an unwanted pregnancy, how to avoid getting an STD, etc. Sex is not bad, but people should also learn how to be careful to avoid unwanted results
@@jacobwilliams5271 wow, someones sexist - a woman is a headcase? You’re disgusting. What about the male culture of sex, where the more people a man sleeps with, they become pigs and think people with vaginas are objects? Turn the conversations around, sir.
@@jacobwilliams5271 that’s why we need comprehensive sex ed and access to contraception. sex is not the problem, it’s our culture around it, which you so perfectly exemplified by your attitude towards women with multiple sexual partners.
It’s so crazy how much US in general is obsessed with purity and modesty culture… as a brazilian catholic, born and raised, I’ve never heard of that stuff until I started following you and others youtubers! Modesty fashion only started to appear in my church for about a year and people think it’s nonsense hahaha
@@ab-jf2re I never said the whole US because I cannot and will not make that affirmation, however I follow others youtubers who talked about it and experienced it myself while I was in the country. Dani’s channel is a safe place for all of us to share ours experiences and that’s what I did!
@@ab-jf2re American here who went to public school where girls had a dress code and can’t show shoulders because it isn’t considered modest honestly the US is so ridiculous with purity culture and modesty also I’m a Christian
right i’m german and i find americans opinions on these topics so weird like why are parents so obsessed with their children’s sex lives and everyone is so weirded out by nudity it’s just so unnecessary to care that much about those things
do you still relate to your family now that you don’t necessarily have the same beliefs anymore? Breaking away and being your own person is such a hard thing to do. It’s cool that you truly are finding out who YOU are!
i think her family supports her because they know that she’s old enough to make her own decisions and that they still love her that’s what i think but idk
@@mariamyusuf5192 Lauren said on Instagram that they're still in contact and that at least the two of them have a great relationship from what I remember
Yeah! I wanna add I definitely know they still see each other and of course they all love each other, and get along! I guess I was more so asking if she feels out of place or weird a bit now being different :) Regardless, I hope everyone is happy! It’s none of our business at the end of the day and I didn’t ask with negative intent 🥰💙
I know you don’t really talk about them much in regards to this kinda thing, but I’m curious about how your sisters are about all of this and how they’ve reacted? I don’t expect this to get answered (it is pretty personal) but it is a unique situation!
I cannot imagine they are accepting of the lifestyle she chose. I would come to guess they probably disapproved or even shamed her for it. The fact she had this wild teen life and it seemed like none of the sisters had a clue, shows how much she trusted them with virtually living a normal life aka making your own safe choices
@@sapphires9673 Personally I think they were accepting of this lifestyle and mindset that she chose but not approving of it. And that’s okay I mean they’re allowed to disagree with her. As long as they still love her and everything I don’t see a problem with that. And I feel the same way. Like I don’t approve of a lot of her choices that she makes and her current mindset but I just accept it bc she’s literally just a person like me and you haha that’s my stance on it
@@sapphires9673 I mean, most of them also don’t dress as modestly either, they just haven’t really changed as much as she has tbh and she’s way more outspoken about her views than they are. I’m super curious tho which one is the case. (I’m nosey lol)
I have been a Cimorelli fan for years, I saw you join and was sad to see you leaving the band but was also glad you were starting your next chapter. Only just a month ago I found your new channel, and honestly Dani, you are an amazing young woman. I grew up in a religious family as well until my mother left my father and his toxic catholic family. Im a few years older so I have found these answers myself, but lots of people need to hear what you are saying in this video!
I grew up in the German evangelical Lutheran church and we've never talked about purity or modesty or anything like that. I feel like it's way more common in the US for some reason?
The "Evangelische Kirche" in Germany is vastly different from evangelical churches in the U.S. While the first is usually viewed as the more open of the two main churches in Germany the second is a group of many confessions that are usually quite strict and veryyyy into purity culture/ taking the bible very literally
Can’t wait to watch this as I really relate as I have grown up Catholic, and also do strongly disagree with a lot of Catholic standards but I really love when you talk about these! Love you Dan❤️
Ellie Terrey I was raised Catholic too and I still am Catholic. But I'm not that religious either. I'm very open-minded and I'm also gay. You can still have a religion but that doesn't mean that you need to follow the rules.
Girl, I hope that you don't associate purity culture (which is a term I heard for the first time in this video) with the Catholic faith, because most of its standards are definitely not what the Church teaches! Not sure what teachings you reject, but I encourage you to read about Theology of the Body (St. John Paul II wrote a whole book, but there are simplified videos and articles out there). Our faith is so incredibly beautiful, rooted in our God's merciful love above anything else. God Bless!
It's really good that you're talking about this! I didn't grow up in this type of culture but I know about the harm it can do. Been watching you since I was like 12 (which was in 2016 omg how does time work) and It's so awesome to see you turning into a dope ass person who I can look up to online :)
I love what you said about kids and teens having confidence to do their own research, I think that’s a component that’s not talked about enough! It’s not always a lack of resources or encouragement as just plain inner confidence that perpetuates things like this. Appreciate you.
I genuinely don't understand how a piece of paper turns something dirty and wrong and shameful into something strengthening and good. It's literally the same act?! It's really hard to switch from one way of thinking about sex to another. Like lots of people struggle have a healthy relationship with sex after they have got married. Some women develop vagismus, which means your vagina closes up involuntarily. It can happen for lots of reasons but shame around sex is one. I grew up in a religon where it was wrong to even touch yourself, which makes no sense to me because it's literally your own body? Like it doesn't even involve anyone, if God created our bodies why would he be mad if we touched them? I just think it puts a lot of pressure on your partner as well if you can't pleasure yourself.
I was as confused as you too until I learned the purpose of sex, i.e. why God created it. From there, realizing why certain acts that may seem like nothing, such as masturbation, are deemed immoral made sense. So, it helps to know the purpose or intention behind whatever that was made before using that thing. This helps in avoiding a misuse which we can easily do because we often thought ourselves so smart enough to figure things out on our own without appealing to the authority from whom those things came..
@@Lerian_V just wanted to say that. It's a matter of boundary, not the act itself. Like, why do we pay for medical insurance. In case of something, not because something is definitely going to happen. Marriage is an insurance.
I think modesty culture especially affects girls/women with curves. As a woman with curves, I remember being told by a youth pastor that my dress was immodest. It was long sleeves and past my knees. I told her I wouldn't wear the dress again. Then, next Sunday, a girl came in with a sleeveless dress that was shorter than mine (I don't think her dress was necessarily immodest either. I'm just pointing out the double standard.) I asked the youth pastor why her dress was okay, but mine wasn't. She said that men would be more likely to "stumble" because of my body, so therefore I need to cover up more.
awww dani love this and all ur videos and u ! been watching u for almost 10 years now and so proud of who you are, legit feel like my older wiser big sister even tho we the same age x
I’ve grown up Catholic in the US, and am still a Catholic to this day. I truly believe that it depends on the specific Catholic Church or youth group you go to, because all of the ones I went to never harped on those things. I’ve never felt pressured by the church to be modest, and there were never really lessons focused on waiting until marriage. They mentioned it in passing, but they let the parents handle those discussions and lessons. They more focused on staying connected to your faith, God, and Jesus in the world that we live in. And I didn’t go to “progressive” Catholic Churches. I also really think it depends on the priest that is the pastor of the church as well.
that is a good point... I am a noncatholic Christian, but i did meet catholic people. Good people. It really depends. And furthermore God sees your heart. and THIS is what matters...
Having grown up with progressive hippie parents, despite my father being a Rabbi, they had an open dialog about sex, commitment, and emotional connections. Having that dialog made me wait until I met my future and current ex husband in college (in no way shape or form did we wait for marriage) after he and I had made it to the emotionally committed part of our relationship I was prepared to have a physical relationship because he recognized my emotional needs. I think having a real discussion about how the physical and emotional aspects of a sexual relationship and how they can effect us made me respect myself more. I was taught modesty, self respect and it was valuable for everyone not just one gender. I was also told that it was my responsibility to be confident in who I was and not to let others opinions lead my choices. I can not control how others perceive me but it is within my control with how I command my own respect. So if a persons intention is to make you feel as if the way you carry yourself or dress opens you up to a negative or unwanted response it was within my power not to let their perception alter my own confidence. Granted this is of course only in respect to emotional and verbal interaction, it is never okay that anyone inherit actions in having confidence in their own skin an invitation to/or be subjected to any form of a physically unwanted interaction. I think the fact that you were raised by a certain set of expected standards and behavior and respected the opinions of your older siblings to help you navigate not from a place of fear but the desire to have the ability to determine what was right for you and not just for them! Having a safe place for people to watch your story, belief systems and growth is an amazing thing and I applaud you for this as well as the other content that you put out. Thank you for this community that values individuals and helps to find like minded school of thought! Hope you had a save trip, once again thank you for providing not only a supportive community but also safe place to land for those that are looking/needing to expand their thought process not just on religion, expectations and how to navigate between thought and the future progressional some might not have anywhere else!
Rhett and Link from Good Mythical Morning have a podcast and this past month, they talked about growing up in purity culture (and their wives discuss it). It's very interesting for me to hear all of your perspectives, since I grew up without much religious attachment. The influence purity culture has on people's psychology is insane. I really admire how some people, like yourself, are able to step back, analyze and deconstruct these beliefs. 👏
@@silvanavalderrama8709 it’s not a thing of religion. It’s the simply fact that there are things that God doesn’t approve, and those who really live him will follow him no matter what the world says
i can really relate to that, also grew up in a catholic church with a really strong purity culture... thank you for sharing your experience, seeing im not the only one going through something like this is very heartwarming ❤️
My parents wanted me to be a virgin forever "because sex is bad." That didn't go as planned for them. I am so glad I didn't save it for marriage. My x-husband is the worst person who has ever lived.
You are so right green tea, I am male and had the same experience. I would see people with two children and think "ah, so they had sex two times only in their lives."
Same as what others have said, I'd never heard of purity culture growing up going to church/christian schools in England. When I moved to the US, I couldn't believe how different and intense religion is. It scares me, honestly.
Dani, thank you for making this video!!! Happens to be, growing up as an Orthodox Jew, I was definitely exposed to a lot of crap about modesty to "protect" men and blaming ourselves for their "bad thoughts." Nowadays, I still do dress "modestly"- but it's really out of my own logic. I'm growing and figuring out life, and one thing's for certain: I don't do this for "poor little men battling their raging sexuality."
I go to a very “updated” Catholic Church and I love it! This is exactly what we talk about, we just have to respect and love others. It’s very important to learn what is a actually a sin and what isn’t, and things like loving someone from the same gender or wearing shorts aren’t sins.
So you mean your church makes up any rules they want regardless of if fits your religion. Thats very hypocritical. I guess you can cover up bad things with stuff like it but this ideology is rotten to the core. Why not give it up then.
Dear Dani, I have been following you now since you started at Cimorelli and I am so proud of you! You are so open, inspiring, tolerant and smart. I always find it very interesting when you talk about purity and the Catholic faith, also because it is such a foreign topic for me. I'm from Germany and with us purity and this strict Catholic faith is actually not a big thing at all or only barely. Maybe you could also do a video about why you're not a Republican anymore? I think you mentioned that one time and I think it'd be cool if you talk more about that. Keep it up!
This hits super close to home for me. I grew up in purity culture. My family wasn’t so harsh on it, but the churches we went to growing up were. The thing was, I was SAed from the time I was a toddler up through middle school. The thing about purity culture, is they never specify the difference between wanted and unwanted “sex” (aka rape) it’s all under the same umbrella. For kids like me, it’s devastating. All of the examples (gum, sticky notes, glued paper, chocolate, etc.) just continued the push my abusers told me that I was dirty and unwanted. Which newsflash - is the exact opposite of the gospel.
As far as purity culture in other countries, I grew up Catholic in the UK and went to Catholic school from age 5 to 18. Purity culture was absolutely not something that was pushed on us or even something I was aware of. I didn’t know anyone who believed in waiting until marriage (obviously we knew that it was a ‘biblical’ concept but not necessarily applicable to real life) and I never felt obligated to do so myself. Obviously all Catholics are different but I think purity culture in the UK is confined to ‘born again’ communities, it’s definitely not a mainstream concept here, in fact most people would think it would be damaging to push on young people. Just my two cents!
Waiting until marriage is definitely a Catholic teaching, but other than that I completely agree that purity culture is so far from the Catholic faith!! From my understanding (as a Canadian), it seems that there are so many evangelical/radical/'born again' Christian communities in the States, that these harmful ideas thought of by a random person become associated with any Christian belief, which is def not true
I remember having "etiquette" lessons as a unit for our youth group and part of that was a woman saying for us "ladies to keep your legs closed" in terms of abstinence and sitting in dresses. and the health teacher at my Christian school's advice for sex ed was "no sperm, no baby" for our "birth control" options.
growing up in purity culture messed me up in many ways and I'm so glad I'm out of it now. men are responsible for their own thoughts and women should be able to dress how they want. if you want to wait for marriage to have sex, or not, just make sure you really understand why you're doing it and examine other viewpoints, like Dani said. thanks for sharing Dani and love this video!
Dani you are so beautiful.. I love the way your orange hair is making your eyes pop.. treat yourself like a best friend, you would never call your best friend ugly!!
I grew up in the church of Christ and in my youth group, they taught us that it’s both parties responsibility to make good choices. The guys are responsible for their own temptation, and so are the girl. They also taught us that if we are overcome by temptation, it doesn’t make God hate you. You can always “come back home” so to speak. I am so thankful, now as a married woman, that my experience was better than most. I want to be able to make some kind of change in the youth group scene though because I know that it’s not usually like that.
Dani you are a whole vibe. I also try to keep on top of things and end up with laundry still to do and my hair still to wash right before I'm due to be somewhere. I used to be so good at timekeeping and now I am so so scattered. And I'm in my 30s! It's good to see other scatterbrains in the public eye ❤️ As for growing up Catholic, I was never raised to be religious, but I was raised to be ashamed of my sexuality and preferences. My God was my parents, and it's amazing to see the changes in them and how accepting they now are of their grandchildren's life view, and mine too over time. I hope at some point those people who have seen you as a sexual trap or something impure and sinful see their errors, narrow mindedness and flaws in themselves, and can accept you for who you are. Because who you are is enough ❤️
Taught* how is it weird? What’s weird is that, if you a catholic as your claiming, whom truly does believe the Bible and Jesus, then you should have been taught that as well. Because the Bible does teach modesty and purity. It’s nothing to scoff or laugh about
@@ernestovillalpando4841 Sorry, English is not my first language and I'm still learning it. But what I said it's true, here in Italy it's kind of a taboo to talk about those arguments so no-one really said anything about it, growing up the choice was ours whether or not go forward in our faith or not after Confirmation. Here Catholicism is just part of our culture and we are kind of force to follow it until Confirmation, after that most people don't go forward but I chose to follow a vocational path and only then I've heard things on purity and modesty but it was never taught in the way Dani described in the video, that is what I thought was weird
@@sarabosco391 Purity and modesty is something that a lot of people, especially young people mock and scoff at. People want to go out and fornicate, dress so people can lust upon them. Although America is taught modesty and purity, no one really takes it seriously. It also is seen more like a culture, rather than ones guide to living life.
"You're gonna have a really special experience with your husband bc he's the only person you've ever had sex with". I don't necessarily agree with that part tho. I think it still portrays sex as being a very 'sacred' thing when it really can just be a fun act (!!) At the end of the day, virginity is a construct. Absolutely no disrespect to those who choose to take it more seriously or to save it for someone special, but also is important to remember that if one does have sex before marriage, it doesn't mean it's any less special for them doing it with someone they love.
I also think sex should be fun as someone who believes in waitingg for marriage, I just think of it as such a deep connection you get with someone that will literally melt your soul with them... It makes you have a piece of them and viceversa, the problem is you end up hurting yourself because you keep joining your heart with someone and then ripping it apart ven when you dot want to get involved emotionally
according to bible sex is very sacred and it's about two people becoming whole as one spiritually and physically. it's like sticking two papers together but when you pull them apart there are still some parts sticking to eachother that's why bible insists on having sex after marriage
i'm sorry you got this harmful and wrong message forced on you. it's not true so please also ignore the comment by the icky dude above. your worth as a woman and a human being will never go down because of things like not waiting until marriage, the way you dress, what you achieve etc. - find someone who shares similar believes as you and who respects you for who you are regardless anything mentioned, you got this!
@@boombayuna536 Just because your pool of men has shrunk as the result of your poor decisions, don't try to mess up someone else's life (@jackydrummond)
@@robertcarter1259 umm sir you don't know me so stop making assumptions about my life just because you have an outdated view, this ain't the 50's anymore. i'm not gonna argue with someone like you any further. i'm happy with my decisions and living my best life right now so that's it for me on this take.
I love this discussion ! I went to a Christian school purity culture was shoved down our throats I went completely rebellious and parade my sexuality often. For me, I think hookup culture and purity culture are too extremes and I feel like aren't healthy. I'm currently trying to find a healthy relationship with sex. I love how u pointed out ppl say u can't pick and choose sins but ppl do like eating certain things bc it's outdated
I've been surrounded by this type of culture for such a long time. I personally want to wait for the person that I think I'll spend the rest of my life with (and hopefully it will stay that way and this hypothetical person doesn't dump me), but I could not care less if somebody in their life sleeps with 1 or 100 people. As long as everybody involved is a consenting adult, I don't see an issue. Also, this culture is so harmful to victims of sexual assault. My best friend was assaulted by her ex-boyfriend when we were SIXTEEN. She wasn't sure if she was "impure" or not because of this and was terrified to tell anybody. She's finally gotten the courage to tell people and I am so proud of her, but how is it okay that this toxic culture made her think that SHE was impure when she was violated?
Wow you came up on my page 🥺 I haven’t seen you in years and now your married omg! Time just flys so much from when you were just a baby and to young to sing with your sisters group omg you grew beautifully😍😍
It’s amazing that you escaped your upbringing. It always made me sad listening to you and your sisters push the purity culture ideals. Obviously it wasn’t coming from a bad place, but it’s such a damaging message. Edit: omg I’m so glad you found God is Grey. That would be a perfect collab! You should reach out to Brenda.
It is really interesting to hear about her sister’s perspectives and how it’s a more holistic standpoint. I have to wonder though, how much of their perspectives were informed by purity culture. Like the notion of being too emotionally affected by sex and reserving something special for your husband. That all sounds like purity influence to me, personally. The idea of being too emotionally attached and what not can be mitigated with honest and open communication between partners, and I feel like committing to marrying someone is by far more special and significant than committing to only having sex with your spouse. I just don’t personally see how lifelong sexual monogamy is some sort of gift to give your spouse, when the act of commitment and partnership with that person is the greatest thing you can share (if you’re into monogamy in general)
@Toño Hdz purity culture as a whole is dangerous. People who have thoughts of waiting for their own reasons is fine. But putting kids in a room and telling them they are sexual objects is wrong.
As someone that actually saved myself for marriage (Age 23), yes they didn’t teach much about sex in the church, just not to have it until marriage, but the days leading up to my wedding all of my married friends and family gave so much advice and tips and made it so exciting and not “taboo” at all. Maybe I’m the only Christian on this planet that had the most positive experience waiting. Yes it was hard but so worth it, no fear of STDs, no heartache, no bad reputation, no pregnancy scares (I’m a women’s health nurse so Ive seen women get pregnant on EVERY kind of birth control) and now my husband gets all of me only for himself and there’s no comparing each other to past partners etc. it’s just us being intimate within our marriage feeling fully secure and having fun with it and trying new freaky shit all the time lol
You are not the only one. I'm a guy and I waited also till marriage (Age 28). I agree with all you've said. Being a Christian is not an easy journey tbh and the road is narrow. The most important thing I've realized is maintaining an active relationship with God despite religion and the world around. That comes with reading the Bible. Sadly many now relate rules in Religion to Christ when it was actually the very thing that Christ spoke mostly against; the very thing that crucified him. Dani called parts of the Bible outdated but actually it's a living and present book; human beings make it outdated by mixing it up with religious and world views.
The thing is you got married young. You didn't have to wait very long. You got to start having sex when you were in your prime of your sex drive. Science shows we are at our horniest in our early 20s. It was good for you, but most people are not that lucky to meet their soul mate and be married as soon as they are adults. And you can only wait so long. There are negative physical mental and emotional effects on a person's health from abstaining from sex too long.I know cause I've seen it and personally suffered from it.
Omg I have also come to terms with my catholic identity the way you have, thanks for the channel recommendation! Felt alone in it for a long time, I appreciate!
I grew up in a methodist church. I was called a whore for wearing a skirt an inch above my knees. I was also shamed for being on birth control to help with my endometriosis. Leaving the church was one of the best decisions I've ever made.
You have to understand that there is a difference between what the church teaches and the difference between assholes who are associated with the church….. those were assholes. The church does NOT preach to say those horrible things. So sorry…..
I felt so dirty after my first time. my bf at the time said "well at least you won't die a virgin anymore". it was horrible. I felt used and wasted, and not "good enough" anymore. it took me a full year to tell him how horribly he truly made me feel.
I learned about all of that in church and to me, it just made sense to wait for marriage. It saves you from so much heartache, drama and confusion. I don’t have to worry about stds or who my children’s dad is. Sex is special because I made sure it was with the man I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, and I know he feels the same way and not just some random dude looking for another fling. Now I will say, I don’t agree with how they go about talking (or lack there of) about it
Actually it’s very different in Germany, so I wouldn’t say „all western countries“. I grew up in the Protestant church and in Germany it’s one of the more progressive churches without purity culture and this kind of schooling. From my point of view and some statistics the churches in Germany are losing a lot of members because their views are mostly outdated and they can’t keep up or modernize their train of thoughts on all those really important topics like sexuality, digitalization etc.. The most popular and also most extrem churches in Germany are so called „Freikirchen“ = „free churches“. I suppose there probably is a way to live a modern Christian life … but I didn’t find it and will step out of the church soon because I kind of grew out of it. Still the aspect of religion ist sociologically very interesting and I do like to talk/read about it. So thanks for your openness! Lots of love 💚
Ughh yes. I remember these days in youth group, and at my Christian school. I'd love you to join Brenda on the 'God is Grey' podcast and talk about some of these topics!
My siblings and I were raised Catholic, some of us aren’t practicing, some of us are, and some of us are figuring it out. One of my brothers has traveled all over Europe, and in his experience religious people (Protestants, Catholics, etc) are a lot less intense about “purity culture” outside of the U.S. He and I have talked about how the founders and first citizens of the U.S. were much more Puritan, and a lot of our country’s culture stems from those extreme Puritan beliefs. Just an interesting thought, could have a lot to do with why people in our country are so intense about it. Purity culture is hella toxic, I’ve been on a journey with deconstructing those beliefs. Thank God I didn’t get that bad influence from inside my family either, but yes from youth group and youth conferences and shit.
It’s not toxic. Your brother could have saved all that money and all that time traveling and learning about other branches of Christianity, when he could have just read his bible and seen it for himself. And how is toxic, the Bible teaches about modesty and purity, so is the book where it came fro toxic? Or maybe jay because you yourself are guilty of these sins and try to make it seem as “it’s to extreme and dumb”
@@katie.andreas27 how do I not understand it and how am I being judgmental? Lol I do understand what purity culture is, but your calling something that the Bible teaches “toxic” what does that say about you? Either accept all of it or reject it all, let’s not pick and choose to satisfy our desires
Can you do a video about purity culture but from a male perspective? How did it affect your brothers? Was it different than yours and your sister's experience?
So all of these purity culture standards have been going on for thousands of years. Don't you think we take ourselves too seriously since our own life's are just a blips on the world's timeline? Society persecutes girls for showing bare shoulders. Dani, you have a strong connection to reality. Sex is a personal decision about one's own body. Have a safe trip.
You look so much like Lisa in that pic in the thumbnail! Beautiful then, and beautiful now. I've loved watching you grow up within the band, and now becoming your own person as an adult. Keep killing it girl :)
You’re so beautiful Dani! Inside and out so stop insulting yourself! You’re so well spoken and wise. I love how you’re so open about your religious deconstruction. And I love that you found Brenda from God is Grey. She’s amazing. I highly recommend checking out the podcasts “the modest files” and “leaving Eden”
I love how you got "aggressive" when you started talking about that video lmao I feel you sister, I grew up in a pretty conservative family and aaaaargh the things I have heard 🙈 I am a complete different person now, completely different from my parents and siblings
I remember at church summer camp when I was a kid/teem I'd get in trouble for wearing a crop top. (Showing middrift) They tried to make me hate my body and I REFUSED to believe in that cause it didn't make sense, they never gave me a good reason.
The wildest thing for me about purity culture is the remnants of Catholic guilt over sex with my husband. Like even though I was fully married and in married in church, it still didn’t feel like I was allowed to do it? This was great, btw. Thank you for sharing.
I can relate to your experience and your own journey with purity culture a lot and I come from the Netherlands so it isn't only the US where it is taught. I think looking from a historical standpoint it is very reasonable and even smart to wait for marriage because there was no contraception and people often got married as a teenager. However nowadays where most couples get married at around 30, it is a lot more to ask. I'm still not too sure where I stand when it comes to hookup culture though. I would never shame anyone for participating in it, it is everyone's right to explore that part of themselves and people can be very different, so it's not because I know that's something I'm not interested in, it is necessarily the right thing for everyone to be. I'm just afraid that it can often lead to a lot of pain. I generally just think that without deep conversations about sex, boundaries, motives, and expectations beforehand, there is a lot of room for things to go wrong.
I’m confused, so is Dani a Christian or not? I thought in past videos she said she was. However, in this video she mentions that the Bible is outdated roughly around time stamp 6:52 and how she believes a lot of the content within it is wrong. If you don’t agree with the teachings within the Bible and feel it’s outdated, wouldn’t that make one not a Christian? Since a Christian is essentially one who follows Christ. Hmm, well maybe I’m wrong!
She made an entire video talking about this. Can't remember what the title is but its fairly recent, so shouldn't be too hard to find if you look through her videos.
I agree and relate to so much of what you said. Thankfully my mom didn’t pressure me into purity rings or any formal promises. But as for dressing modestly we really need to look at our history. What is modest today was scandalous 200 years ago. Men and women have evolved to the point of no longer needing to worry about showing your ankle or to be seen even pregnant in public. Boys will not always be boys because we have proof that people can handle things if we just begin to normalize things that should be normalized.
I went to Catholic elementary and middle school and we didn’t really delve into the topic of sex. I went to a public high school. The friends I had who went to a Catholic high school had a different experience than I did. I’m glad I had public school teaching it felt really educational and I learned so much about sex, safe sex, consent, etc. I remember tellig my friend about it and she said they never talked about that kind of stuff in her health class (she went to Catholic high school)
I was just getting out of the traditional catholic church when I found you guys and I was shocked you and your sisters were allowed to wear normal shorts. Lmao. All my shorts had to be bermuda or nothing. But to be real, all of this is so damaging to grow up in. I still struggle to have sex (while married even) because it was so pounded into my head that if someone wants to have sex with you it means that they only want your body and don't care about your actual person at all. I remember watching you and your sisters and wondering how you felt the whole time being the youngest growing up with easier access to the internet. I'm so proud of you for being yourself now!
I’d just like to say, that it’s incredible, to me, that Dani can call herself ugly, like, she literally looks amazing all the time. I also think it’s kind of crazy how you never know what you’re gonna get with Dani, a video about something funny and lighthearted, or a serious video. Thanks for the diversity Dani, keep doing what you’re doing. We’re proud of you! ❤️
Rhett and Link from Good Mythical Morning did a video/podcast episode of their experiences in evangelical purity culture. It would be actually such a cool idea to have you Dani and them both in a video/podcast together since you all share a strict christian upbringing, but in different churches. Also it would be super interesting to have an exchange between you and them since they are already older and probably have experienced more, so they can give you maybe advice.
it feels so weird to me when i hear these stories specially as a catholic that grew up in such an unstructured?? environment/church. it’s crazy to me to see god as someone who will punish you or will keep you from doing things when in reality jesus literally used to hang out with those excluded from society (the ill, prostitutes, etc) and gave them a place in society again. people tend to hold on to certain bible verses to justify their acts of hate and judge people from there, just as it happened in the old testaments and jesus came to change that. it’s so sad to me when i hear my friends who are christians (not catholic, specially from evangelical churches) reinforce these ideals that are nothing close to what jesus would have wanted us to be
Right, also the Bible has been translated into many languages and many words will actually not have the same meaning as in the original. Besides you can always interpret things the wrong way. They shouldn't just tell children what the phrases are supposed to mean but let them think about it and make up their own mind based on what they believe God actually stands for.
I need to go back and look at this study. I wonder how legitimate it actually is. I grew up Mormon, and we were taught the same thing and the exact same study was referenced.
In my church at this “youth group” thingy, this boy was basically trying to hook up with Christian girls who were in their “rebellious” stage. It was freaky. He only wanted to talk to girls who were kind of fragile with their faith in church.
In my Baptist youth group that I used to go to, we weren’t even allowed to high five or fist bump male friends. The pastor literally read us verses that EXTREMELY vaguely proved his reasoning as to why. AND he told us that we should dress modestly because we shouldn’t be bring attention to our bodies because it takes away from bringing attention to God. 😐
For me, the problem is not people "wanting you to stay pure", the problem is the concept itself. Why is sex bad? Why would sex make you impure? Why is it dirty? I don't get it. Never have.
"Why is sex bad" you can have a child you are not ready for, then that kinda ruins your life. The more sexual partners a woman racks up the more of a headcase she becomes.
@@jacobwilliams5271 that's why ppl should learn about sex education. You learn how to prevent an unwanted pregnancy, how to avoid getting an STD, etc.
Sex is not bad, but people should also learn how to be careful to avoid unwanted results
@@jacobwilliams5271 yes, there's that possibility, but my question was: why does it make you IMPURE?
@@jacobwilliams5271 wow, someones sexist - a woman is a headcase? You’re disgusting. What about the male culture of sex, where the more people a man sleeps with, they become pigs and think people with vaginas are objects? Turn the conversations around, sir.
@@jacobwilliams5271 that’s why we need comprehensive sex ed and access to contraception. sex is not the problem, it’s our culture around it, which you so perfectly exemplified by your attitude towards women with multiple sexual partners.
DANI U ARE NOT UGLY!!!!! PLEASE STOP CALLING URSELF UGLY U ARE LITERALLY SOOSOSOSOSO BEAUTIFUL 😭😭😭😭😭
RIGHT
True
It’s so crazy how much US in general is obsessed with purity and modesty culture… as a brazilian catholic, born and raised, I’ve never heard of that stuff until I started following you and others youtubers! Modesty fashion only started to appear in my church for about a year and people think it’s nonsense hahaha
That’s a pretty blanket statement to say the whole US is like that.. can you share other examples beyond this video?
@@ab-jf2re I never said the whole US because I cannot and will not make that affirmation, however I follow others youtubers who talked about it and experienced it myself while I was in the country. Dani’s channel is a safe place for all of us to share ours experiences and that’s what I did!
@@ab-jf2re American here who went to public school where girls had a dress code and can’t show shoulders because it isn’t considered modest honestly the US is so ridiculous with purity culture and modesty also I’m a Christian
right i’m german and i find americans opinions on these topics so weird like why are parents so obsessed with their children’s sex lives and everyone is so weirded out by nudity it’s just so unnecessary to care that much about those things
From the UK (grew up Catholic but I’m not anymore) and I also find this purity stuff a very American thing and very strange in general.
do you still relate to your family now that you don’t necessarily have the same beliefs anymore? Breaking away and being your own person is such a hard thing to do. It’s cool that you truly are finding out who YOU are!
i think her family supports her because they know that she’s old enough to make her own decisions and that they still love her that’s what i think but idk
@@mariamyusuf5192 Lauren said on Instagram that they're still in contact and that at least the two of them have a great relationship from what I remember
they saw each other a couple months ago, i saw it on insta, and she's still close to her sisters as far as we know! but i guess they support her a lot
Yeah! I wanna add I definitely know they still see each other and of course they all love each other, and get along! I guess I was more so asking if she feels out of place or weird a bit now being different :)
Regardless, I hope everyone is happy! It’s none of our business at the end of the day and I didn’t ask with negative intent 🥰💙
@@emma-di5ly her and lauren were always pretty close! so i hope that they are still as close today
She is like the sister that everyone wish to have.
I know you don’t really talk about them much in regards to this kinda thing, but I’m curious about how your sisters are about all of this and how they’ve reacted? I don’t expect this to get answered (it is pretty personal) but it is a unique situation!
I cannot imagine they are accepting of the lifestyle she chose. I would come to guess they probably disapproved or even shamed her for it. The fact she had this wild teen life and it seemed like none of the sisters had a clue, shows how much she trusted them with virtually living a normal life aka making your own safe choices
lauren definitely still talks to dani and cares/doesn’t care what she does bc she still posts for her bday and says how much she loves her so.
I’m wondering the same thing
@@sapphires9673 Personally I think they were accepting of this lifestyle and mindset that she chose but not approving of it. And that’s okay I mean they’re allowed to disagree with her. As long as they still love her and everything I don’t see a problem with that. And I feel the same way. Like I don’t approve of a lot of her choices that she makes and her current mindset but I just accept it bc she’s literally just a person like me and you haha that’s my stance on it
@@sapphires9673 I mean, most of them also don’t dress as modestly either, they just haven’t really changed as much as she has tbh and she’s way more outspoken about her views than they are. I’m super curious tho which one is the case. (I’m nosey lol)
I have been a Cimorelli fan for years, I saw you join and was sad to see you leaving the band but was also glad you were starting your next chapter. Only just a month ago I found your new channel, and honestly Dani, you are an amazing young woman. I grew up in a religious family as well until my mother left my father and his toxic catholic family. Im a few years older so I have found these answers myself, but lots of people need to hear what you are saying in this video!
What answers did you find, and are they the truth or just answers that satisfy you?
i genuinely love that you speak about these topics bc it makes me feel that my opinions and beliefs are validated, so thank you! love you
I grew up in the German evangelical Lutheran church and we've never talked about purity or modesty or anything like that. I feel like it's way more common in the US for some reason?
It's exactly the same for me. I think this whole "purity" think is very american.
The last time Germany tried any form of purity... World War II
@@coreystone9102 oh come on. 🙄😒
The "Evangelische Kirche" in Germany is vastly different from evangelical churches in the U.S. While the first is usually viewed as the more open of the two main churches in Germany the second is a group of many confessions that are usually quite strict and veryyyy into purity culture/ taking the bible very literally
Can’t wait to watch this as I really relate as I have grown up Catholic, and also do strongly disagree with a lot of Catholic standards but I really love when you talk about these! Love you Dan❤️
Ellie Terrey I was raised Catholic too and I still am Catholic. But I'm not that religious either. I'm very open-minded and I'm also gay. You can still have a religion but that doesn't mean that you need to follow the rules.
@@Ghet104 I completely agree with you! I am still Catholic too but refuse many of the rules! But I really do love being Catholic!
Girl, I hope that you don't associate purity culture (which is a term I heard for the first time in this video) with the Catholic faith, because most of its standards are definitely not what the Church teaches! Not sure what teachings you reject, but I encourage you to read about Theology of the Body (St. John Paul II wrote a whole book, but there are simplified videos and articles out there). Our faith is so incredibly beautiful, rooted in our God's merciful love above anything else. God Bless!
@@Ghet104 hey! Totally agree with you!
@@Ghet104 Are you open-minded about living a chaste life?
kudos to you for speaking up on these issues!
i won’t stop obsessing about dani’s openness and honesty 🥺❤️
It's really good that you're talking about this! I didn't grow up in this type of culture but I know about the harm it can do. Been watching you since I was like 12 (which was in 2016 omg how does time work) and It's so awesome to see you turning into a dope ass person who I can look up to online :)
I love what you said about kids and teens having confidence to do their own research, I think that’s a component that’s not talked about enough! It’s not always a lack of resources or encouragement as just plain inner confidence that perpetuates things like this. Appreciate you.
I genuinely don't understand how a piece of paper turns something dirty and wrong and shameful into something strengthening and good. It's literally the same act?! It's really hard to switch from one way of thinking about sex to another. Like lots of people struggle have a healthy relationship with sex after they have got married. Some women develop vagismus, which means your vagina closes up involuntarily. It can happen for lots of reasons but shame around sex is one. I grew up in a religon where it was wrong to even touch yourself, which makes no sense to me because it's literally your own body? Like it doesn't even involve anyone, if God created our bodies why would he be mad if we touched them? I just think it puts a lot of pressure on your partner as well if you can't pleasure yourself.
I was as confused as you too until I learned the purpose of sex, i.e. why God created it. From there, realizing why certain acts that may seem like nothing, such as masturbation, are deemed immoral made sense. So, it helps to know the purpose or intention behind whatever that was made before using that thing. This helps in avoiding a misuse which we can easily do because we often thought ourselves so smart enough to figure things out on our own without appealing to the authority from whom those things came..
@@Lerian_V just wanted to say that.
It's a matter of boundary, not the act itself. Like, why do we pay for medical insurance. In case of something, not because something is definitely going to happen. Marriage is an insurance.
I think modesty culture especially affects girls/women with curves. As a woman with curves, I remember being told by a youth pastor that my dress was immodest. It was long sleeves and past my knees. I told her I wouldn't wear the dress again. Then, next Sunday, a girl came in with a sleeveless dress that was shorter than mine (I don't think her dress was necessarily immodest either. I'm just pointing out the double standard.) I asked the youth pastor why her dress was okay, but mine wasn't. She said that men would be more likely to "stumble" because of my body, so therefore I need to cover up more.
i am so sorry you experienced this. fuck that
I’ve had almost this exact same experience
awww dani love this and all ur videos and u ! been watching u for almost 10 years now and so proud of who you are, legit feel like my older wiser big sister even tho we the same age x
I’ve grown up Catholic in the US, and am still a Catholic to this day. I truly believe that it depends on the specific Catholic Church or youth group you go to, because all of the ones I went to never harped on those things. I’ve never felt pressured by the church to be modest, and there were never really lessons focused on waiting until marriage. They mentioned it in passing, but they let the parents handle those discussions and lessons. They more focused on staying connected to your faith, God, and Jesus in the world that we live in. And I didn’t go to “progressive” Catholic Churches. I also really think it depends on the priest that is the pastor of the church as well.
that is a good point... I am a noncatholic Christian, but i did meet catholic people. Good people. It really depends. And furthermore God sees your heart. and THIS is what matters...
Having grown up with progressive hippie parents, despite my father being a Rabbi, they had an open dialog about sex, commitment, and emotional connections.
Having that dialog made me wait until I met my future and current ex husband in college (in no way shape or form did we wait for marriage) after he and I had made it to the emotionally committed part of our relationship I was prepared to have a physical relationship because he recognized my emotional needs.
I think having a real discussion about how the physical and emotional aspects of a sexual relationship and how they can effect us made me respect myself more. I was taught modesty, self respect and it was valuable for everyone not just one gender.
I was also told that it was my responsibility to be confident in who I was and not to let others opinions lead my choices. I can not control how others perceive me but it is within my control with how I command my own respect. So if a persons intention is to make you feel as if the way you carry yourself or dress opens you up to a negative or unwanted response it was within my power not to let their perception alter my own confidence. Granted this is of course only in respect to emotional and verbal interaction, it is never okay that anyone inherit actions in having confidence in their own skin an invitation to/or be subjected to any form of a physically unwanted interaction. I think the fact that you were raised by a certain set of expected standards and behavior and respected the opinions of your older siblings to help you navigate not from a place of fear but the desire to have the ability to determine what was right for you and not just for them! Having a safe place for people to watch your story, belief systems and growth is an amazing thing and I applaud you for this as well as the other content that you put out. Thank you for this community that values individuals and helps to find like minded school of thought!
Hope you had a save trip, once again thank you for providing not only a supportive community but also safe place to land for those that are looking/needing to expand their thought process not just on religion, expectations and how to navigate between thought and the future progressional some might not have anywhere else!
I live for Dani’s chaotic energy!💕 Thanks for growing up with me girl!!!
I'm so impressed by your openness to talk about these things. I love learning about your upbringing and how your views evolved :)
Ok I agree with everything you said but can I just say that long black hair looked SO GOOD on you, love youuu 💖💖
Rhett and Link from Good Mythical Morning have a podcast and this past month, they talked about growing up in purity culture (and their wives discuss it). It's very interesting for me to hear all of your perspectives, since I grew up without much religious attachment. The influence purity culture has on people's psychology is insane. I really admire how some people, like yourself, are able to step back, analyze and deconstruct these beliefs. 👏
Religion is a very effective control mechanism. Glad you were able to see that and overcome it.
so true!! I hate the fact humans turned God into a mechanism of control
@@silvanavalderrama8709 it’s not a thing of religion. It’s the simply fact that there are things that God doesn’t approve, and those who really live him will follow him no matter what the world says
@@yadasisrivera312 how do you know God doesn’t approve?
@@lostinspace707 Bible
@@yadasisrivera312 exact line?
i love these random convo topic vids😌
i can really relate to that, also grew up in a catholic church with a really strong purity culture... thank you for sharing your experience, seeing im not the only one going through something like this is very heartwarming ❤️
you should have a podcast.. or just keep doing these as mini podcasts. we love it!
My parents wanted me to be a virgin forever "because sex is bad." That didn't go as planned for them. I am so glad I didn't save it for marriage. My x-husband is the worst person who has ever lived.
But they had sex if they had you and now they are saying tha sex is bad? Kind of weird...
You are so right green tea, I am male and had the same experience. I would see people with two children and think "ah, so they had sex two times only in their lives."
Same as what others have said, I'd never heard of purity culture growing up going to church/christian schools in England. When I moved to the US, I couldn't believe how different and intense religion is. It scares me, honestly.
You always bring genuine joy into my day🥺💞
Dani, thank you for making this video!!!
Happens to be, growing up as an Orthodox Jew, I was definitely exposed to a lot of crap about modesty to "protect" men and blaming ourselves for their "bad thoughts." Nowadays, I still do dress "modestly"- but it's really out of my own logic. I'm growing and figuring out life, and one thing's for certain: I don't do this for "poor little men battling their raging sexuality."
I go to a very “updated” Catholic Church and I love it! This is exactly what we talk about, we just have to respect and love others. It’s very important to learn what is a actually a sin and what isn’t, and things like loving someone from the same gender or wearing shorts aren’t sins.
Wow what church is this?
U sure is a catholic church and not a christian?
@@sofi22 what are you talking about? Catholics are obviously Christian
So you mean your church makes up any rules they want regardless of if fits your religion. Thats very hypocritical. I guess you can cover up bad things with stuff like it but this ideology is rotten to the core. Why not give it up then.
@@sofi22 yup 100% catholic
Dear Dani, I have been following you now since you started at Cimorelli and I am so proud of you! You are so open, inspiring, tolerant and smart. I always find it very interesting when you talk about purity and the Catholic faith, also because it is such a foreign topic for me. I'm from Germany and with us purity and this strict Catholic faith is actually not a big thing at all or only barely. Maybe you could also do a video about why you're not a Republican anymore? I think you mentioned that one time and I think it'd be cool if you talk more about that. Keep it up!
Literally thank you so much🥺
This hits super close to home for me. I grew up in purity culture. My family wasn’t so harsh on it, but the churches we went to growing up were. The thing was, I was SAed from the time I was a toddler up through middle school. The thing about purity culture, is they never specify the difference between wanted and unwanted “sex” (aka rape) it’s all under the same umbrella. For kids like me, it’s devastating. All of the examples (gum, sticky notes, glued paper, chocolate, etc.) just continued the push my abusers told me that I was dirty and unwanted. Which newsflash - is the exact opposite of the gospel.
Thank you for always opening up about these things, Dani. Remember that you're monumentally beautiful; couldn't be any further from ugly!
As far as purity culture in other countries, I grew up Catholic in the UK and went to Catholic school from age 5 to 18. Purity culture was absolutely not something that was pushed on us or even something I was aware of. I didn’t know anyone who believed in waiting until marriage (obviously we knew that it was a ‘biblical’ concept but not necessarily applicable to real life) and I never felt obligated to do so myself. Obviously all Catholics are different but I think purity culture in the UK is confined to ‘born again’ communities, it’s definitely not a mainstream concept here, in fact most people would think it would be damaging to push on young people. Just my two cents!
Waiting until marriage is definitely a Catholic teaching, but other than that I completely agree that purity culture is so far from the Catholic faith!! From my understanding (as a Canadian), it seems that there are so many evangelical/radical/'born again' Christian communities in the States, that these harmful ideas thought of by a random person become associated with any Christian belief, which is def not true
I remember having "etiquette" lessons as a unit for our youth group and part of that was a woman saying for us "ladies to keep your legs closed" in terms of abstinence and sitting in dresses. and the health teacher at my Christian school's advice for sex ed was "no sperm, no baby" for our "birth control" options.
growing up in purity culture messed me up in many ways and I'm so glad I'm out of it now. men are responsible for their own thoughts and women should be able to dress how they want. if you want to wait for marriage to have sex, or not, just make sure you really understand why you're doing it and examine other viewpoints, like Dani said. thanks for sharing Dani and love this video!
Dani you are so beautiful.. I love the way your orange hair is making your eyes pop.. treat yourself like a best friend, you would never call your best friend ugly!!
omg im so excited AHHHH
I grew up in the church of Christ and in my youth group, they taught us that it’s both parties responsibility to make good choices. The guys are responsible for their own temptation, and so are the girl. They also taught us that if we are overcome by temptation, it doesn’t make God hate you. You can always “come back home” so to speak. I am so thankful, now as a married woman, that my experience was better than most. I want to be able to make some kind of change in the youth group scene though because I know that it’s not usually like that.
Dani you are a whole vibe. I also try to keep on top of things and end up with laundry still to do and my hair still to wash right before I'm due to be somewhere. I used to be so good at timekeeping and now I am so so scattered. And I'm in my 30s! It's good to see other scatterbrains in the public eye ❤️
As for growing up Catholic, I was never raised to be religious, but I was raised to be ashamed of my sexuality and preferences. My God was my parents, and it's amazing to see the changes in them and how accepting they now are of their grandchildren's life view, and mine too over time.
I hope at some point those people who have seen you as a sexual trap or something impure and sinful see their errors, narrow mindedness and flaws in themselves, and can accept you for who you are.
Because who you are is enough ❤️
I truly feel like Im talking to a friend or a sister when I watch Dani's videos
you’re definitely the coolest sister
your videos literally make my day, I love them
I’m Italian and catholic and honestly I’ve never been thought any of that modesty or purity stuff, the USA are a weird place 😂
Taught* how is it weird? What’s weird is that, if you a catholic as your claiming, whom truly does believe the Bible and Jesus, then you should have been taught that as well. Because the Bible does teach modesty and purity. It’s nothing to scoff or laugh about
@@ernestovillalpando4841 Sorry, English is not my first language and I'm still learning it. But what I said it's true, here in Italy it's kind of a taboo to talk about those arguments so no-one really said anything about it, growing up the choice was ours whether or not go forward in our faith or not after Confirmation. Here Catholicism is just part of our culture and we are kind of force to follow it until Confirmation, after that most people don't go forward but I chose to follow a vocational path and only then I've heard things on purity and modesty but it was never taught in the way Dani described in the video, that is what I thought was weird
@@sarabosco391 Purity and modesty is something that a lot of people, especially young people mock and scoff at. People want to go out and fornicate, dress so people can lust upon them. Although America is taught modesty and purity, no one really takes it seriously. It also is seen more like a culture, rather than ones guide to living life.
"You're gonna have a really special experience with your husband bc he's the only person you've ever had sex with". I don't necessarily agree with that part tho. I think it still portrays sex as being a very 'sacred' thing when it really can just be a fun act (!!) At the end of the day, virginity is a construct. Absolutely no disrespect to those who choose to take it more seriously or to save it for someone special, but also is important to remember that if one does have sex before marriage, it doesn't mean it's any less special for them doing it with someone they love.
I also think sex should be fun as someone who believes in waitingg for marriage, I just think of it as such a deep connection you get with someone that will literally melt your soul with them... It makes you have a piece of them and viceversa, the problem is you end up hurting yourself because you keep joining your heart with someone and then ripping it apart ven when you dot want to get involved emotionally
according to bible sex is very sacred and it's about two people becoming whole as one spiritually and physically. it's like sticking two papers together but when you pull them apart there are still some parts sticking to eachother that's why bible insists on having sex after marriage
"I look so ugly!" Says the lady with big gorgeous eyes and lips
One thing that was “drilled” in my head in church about being not waiting till marriage is that my worth as a women would go down.
Not as a woman, but certainly as a wife, if that's what you're interested in being someday.
i'm sorry you got this harmful and wrong message forced on you. it's not true so please also ignore the comment by the icky dude above. your worth as a woman and a human being will never go down because of things like not waiting until marriage, the way you dress, what you achieve etc. - find someone who shares similar believes as you and who respects you for who you are regardless anything mentioned, you got this!
@@boombayuna536 Just because your pool of men has shrunk as the result of your poor decisions, don't try to mess up someone else's life (@jackydrummond)
@@robertcarter1259 umm sir you don't know me so stop making assumptions about my life just because you have an outdated view, this ain't the 50's anymore. i'm not gonna argue with someone like you any further. i'm happy with my decisions and living my best life right now so that's it for me on this take.
@@boombayuna536 Biology hasn't changed in the past 75 years. Good luck.
Yes thank you I love how you tell us storytimes. How you grew up. It really is encouraging and may make younger kids feel less alone
Thank you sm dani, this video was my last primary source I needed for my essay.
I love this discussion ! I went to a Christian school purity culture was shoved down our throats I went completely rebellious and parade my sexuality often. For me, I think hookup culture and purity culture are too extremes and I feel like aren't healthy. I'm currently trying to find a healthy relationship with sex. I love how u pointed out ppl say u can't pick and choose sins but ppl do like eating certain things bc it's outdated
I've been surrounded by this type of culture for such a long time. I personally want to wait for the person that I think I'll spend the rest of my life with (and hopefully it will stay that way and this hypothetical person doesn't dump me), but I could not care less if somebody in their life sleeps with 1 or 100 people. As long as everybody involved is a consenting adult, I don't see an issue.
Also, this culture is so harmful to victims of sexual assault. My best friend was assaulted by her ex-boyfriend when we were SIXTEEN. She wasn't sure if she was "impure" or not because of this and was terrified to tell anybody. She's finally gotten the courage to tell people and I am so proud of her, but how is it okay that this toxic culture made her think that SHE was impure when she was violated?
I've never even seen this youth camp video but my blood is BOILING
Awesome video Dani thanks for sharing this with us.
Wow you came up on my page 🥺 I haven’t seen you in years and now your married omg! Time just flys so much from when you were just a baby and to young to sing with your sisters group omg you grew beautifully😍😍
It’s amazing that you escaped your upbringing. It always made me sad listening to you and your sisters push the purity culture ideals. Obviously it wasn’t coming from a bad place, but it’s such a damaging message.
Edit: omg I’m so glad you found God is Grey. That would be a perfect collab! You should reach out to Brenda.
It is really interesting to hear about her sister’s perspectives and how it’s a more holistic standpoint. I have to wonder though, how much of their perspectives were informed by purity culture. Like the notion of being too emotionally affected by sex and reserving something special for your husband. That all sounds like purity influence to me, personally. The idea of being too emotionally attached and what not can be mitigated with honest and open communication between partners, and I feel like committing to marrying someone is by far more special and significant than committing to only having sex with your spouse. I just don’t personally see how lifelong sexual monogamy is some sort of gift to give your spouse, when the act of commitment and partnership with that person is the greatest thing you can share (if you’re into monogamy in general)
Sexually transmitted diseases can ruin your day. High body counts equal a 30 year old woman hitting the wall wondering why no decent guy wants her.
Sexually transmitted diseases can ruin your day. High body counts equal a 30 year old woman hitting the wall wondering why no decent guy wants her.
@Toño Hdz it is also the male’s responsibility to control urges. A woman does not need to dress for a man.
@Toño Hdz purity culture as a whole is dangerous. People who have thoughts of waiting for their own reasons is fine. But putting kids in a room and telling them they are sexual objects is wrong.
Smol Dani, I'm excited stop
As someone that actually saved myself for marriage (Age 23), yes they didn’t teach much about sex in the church, just not to have it until marriage, but the days leading up to my wedding all of my married friends and family gave so much advice and tips and made it so exciting and not “taboo” at all. Maybe I’m the only Christian on this planet that had the most positive experience waiting. Yes it was hard but so worth it, no fear of STDs, no heartache, no bad reputation, no pregnancy scares (I’m a women’s health nurse so Ive seen women get pregnant on EVERY kind of birth control) and now my husband gets all of me only for himself and there’s no comparing each other to past partners etc. it’s just us being intimate within our marriage feeling fully secure and having fun with it and trying new freaky shit all the time lol
that's beautiful ☺️
You are not the only one. I'm a guy and I waited also till marriage (Age 28). I agree with all you've said. Being a Christian is not an easy journey tbh and the road is narrow. The most important thing I've realized is maintaining an active relationship with God despite religion and the world around. That comes with reading the Bible. Sadly many now relate rules in Religion to Christ when it was actually the very thing that Christ spoke mostly against; the very thing that crucified him. Dani called parts of the Bible outdated but actually it's a living and present book; human beings make it outdated by mixing it up with religious and world views.
The thing is you got married young. You didn't have to wait very long. You got to start having sex when you were in your prime of your sex drive. Science shows we are at our horniest in our early 20s. It was good for you, but most people are not that lucky to meet their soul mate and be married as soon as they are adults. And you can only wait so long. There are negative physical mental and emotional effects on a person's health from abstaining from sex too long.I know cause I've seen it and personally suffered from it.
You had such an amazing journey! :)
I grew up in this purity culture sometimes it really sucks sometimes I understand this topic alot
Omg I have also come to terms with my catholic identity the way you have, thanks for the channel recommendation! Felt alone in it for a long time, I appreciate!
I grew up in a methodist church. I was called a whore for wearing a skirt an inch above my knees. I was also shamed for being on birth control to help with my endometriosis.
Leaving the church was one of the best decisions I've ever made.
You have to understand that there is a difference between what the church teaches and the difference between assholes who are associated with the church….. those were assholes. The church does NOT preach to say those horrible things. So sorry…..
i love you dani!❤️
I am so proud of your personal growth!
I felt so dirty after my first time. my bf at the time said "well at least you won't die a virgin anymore". it was horrible. I felt used and wasted, and not "good enough" anymore. it took me a full year to tell him how horribly he truly made me feel.
I learned about all of that in church and to me, it just made sense to wait for marriage. It saves you from so much heartache, drama and confusion.
I don’t have to worry about stds or who my children’s dad is. Sex is special because I made sure it was with the man I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, and I know he feels the same way and not just some random dude looking for another fling.
Now I will say, I don’t agree with how they go about talking (or lack there of) about it
Actually it’s very different in Germany, so I wouldn’t say „all western countries“. I grew up in the Protestant church and in Germany it’s one of the more progressive churches without purity culture and this kind of schooling. From my point of view and some statistics the churches in Germany are losing a lot of members because their views are mostly outdated and they can’t keep up or modernize their train of thoughts on all those really important topics like sexuality, digitalization etc.. The most popular and also most extrem churches in Germany are so called „Freikirchen“ = „free churches“. I suppose there probably is a way to live a modern Christian life … but I didn’t find it and will step out of the church soon because I kind of grew out of it. Still the aspect of religion ist sociologically very interesting and I do like to talk/read about it.
So thanks for your openness!
Lots of love 💚
That is an evil fake church.
Ughh yes. I remember these days in youth group, and at my Christian school. I'd love you to join Brenda on the 'God is Grey' podcast and talk about some of these topics!
yesssssss
Thank you for speaking out about such things Dani.
My siblings and I were raised Catholic, some of us aren’t practicing, some of us are, and some of us are figuring it out. One of my brothers has traveled all over Europe, and in his experience religious people (Protestants, Catholics, etc) are a lot less intense about “purity culture” outside of the U.S. He and I have talked about how the founders and first citizens of the U.S. were much more Puritan, and a lot of our country’s culture stems from those extreme Puritan beliefs. Just an interesting thought, could have a lot to do with why people in our country are so intense about it. Purity culture is hella toxic, I’ve been on a journey with deconstructing those beliefs. Thank God I didn’t get that bad influence from inside my family either, but yes from youth group and youth conferences and shit.
It’s not toxic. Your brother could have saved all that money and all that time traveling and learning about other branches of Christianity, when he could have just read his bible and seen it for himself. And how is toxic, the Bible teaches about modesty and purity, so is the book where it came fro toxic? Or maybe jay because you yourself are guilty of these sins and try to make it seem as “it’s to extreme and dumb”
@@ernestovillalpando4841 lmao k.
@@ernestovillalpando4841 I don’t think you understand what “purity culture” is.
@@ernestovillalpando4841 also very Christian of you to make judgements about people’s lives.
@@katie.andreas27 how do I not understand it and how am I being judgmental? Lol I do understand what purity culture is, but your calling something that the Bible teaches “toxic” what does that say about you? Either accept all of it or reject it all, let’s not pick and choose to satisfy our desires
Can you do a video about purity culture but from a male perspective? How did it affect your brothers? Was it different than yours and your sister's experience?
Ooo that would be a good conversation
Do you think they would be honest?
she said her brothers were raised with more leeway in regards to dating and cussing
So all of these purity culture standards have been going on for thousands of years. Don't you think we take ourselves too seriously since our own life's are just a blips on the world's timeline? Society persecutes girls for showing bare shoulders. Dani, you have a strong connection to reality. Sex is a personal decision about one's own body. Have a safe trip.
ily and you are so beautiful dani!!!
You look so much like Lisa in that pic in the thumbnail! Beautiful then, and beautiful now. I've loved watching you grow up within the band, and now becoming your own person as an adult. Keep killing it girl :)
Its really shocking and sad how little consciousness and self-control this concept ascribes to men and how it objectifies women in this way 🙈
You’re so beautiful Dani! Inside and out so stop insulting yourself!
You’re so well spoken and wise. I love how you’re so open about your religious deconstruction. And I love that you found Brenda from God is Grey. She’s amazing. I highly recommend checking out the podcasts “the modest files” and “leaving Eden”
Dani i genuinely love your videos, you always make me feel so much better about myself. And btw you don't/didn't look ugly, love ya xx
I love how you got "aggressive" when you started talking about that video lmao
I feel you sister, I grew up in a pretty conservative family and aaaaargh the things I have heard 🙈 I am a complete different person now, completely different from my parents and siblings
I remember at church summer camp when I was a kid/teem I'd get in trouble for wearing a crop top. (Showing middrift) They tried to make me hate my body and I REFUSED to believe in that cause it didn't make sense, they never gave me a good reason.
The wildest thing for me about purity culture is the remnants of Catholic guilt over sex with my husband. Like even though I was fully married and in married in church, it still didn’t feel like I was allowed to do it? This was great, btw. Thank you for sharing.
I can relate to your experience and your own journey with purity culture a lot and I come from the Netherlands so it isn't only the US where it is taught. I think looking from a historical standpoint it is very reasonable and even smart to wait for marriage because there was no contraception and people often got married as a teenager. However nowadays where most couples get married at around 30, it is a lot more to ask.
I'm still not too sure where I stand when it comes to hookup culture though. I would never shame anyone for participating in it, it is everyone's right to explore that part of themselves and people can be very different, so it's not because I know that's something I'm not interested in, it is necessarily the right thing for everyone to be. I'm just afraid that it can often lead to a lot of pain. I generally just think that without deep conversations about sex, boundaries, motives, and expectations beforehand, there is a lot of room for things to go wrong.
I’m confused, so is Dani a Christian or not? I thought in past videos she said she was. However, in this video she mentions that the Bible is outdated roughly around time stamp 6:52 and how she believes a lot of the content within it is wrong. If you don’t agree with the teachings within the Bible and feel it’s outdated, wouldn’t that make one not a Christian? Since a Christian is essentially one who follows Christ.
Hmm, well maybe I’m wrong!
She made an entire video talking about this. Can't remember what the title is but its fairly recent, so shouldn't be too hard to find if you look through her videos.
Dani you should really start a podcast that you are just you know talking about this stuff❤️
Went to an all girls' catholic school for 11 years! Ah yes! The memories.😂
This upload saved me from watching food tiktoks and getting more hungry than I already am
I agree and relate to so much of what you said. Thankfully my mom didn’t pressure me into purity rings or any formal promises. But as for dressing modestly we really need to look at our history. What is modest today was scandalous 200 years ago. Men and women have evolved to the point of no longer needing to worry about showing your ankle or to be seen even pregnant in public. Boys will not always be boys because we have proof that people can handle things if we just begin to normalize things that should be normalized.
I went to Catholic elementary and middle school and we didn’t really delve into the topic of sex. I went to a public high school. The friends I had who went to a Catholic high school had a different experience than I did. I’m glad I had public school teaching it felt really educational and I learned so much about sex, safe sex, consent, etc. I remember tellig my friend about it and she said they never talked about that kind of stuff in her health class (she went to Catholic high school)
I was just getting out of the traditional catholic church when I found you guys and I was shocked you and your sisters were allowed to wear normal shorts. Lmao. All my shorts had to be bermuda or nothing.
But to be real, all of this is so damaging to grow up in. I still struggle to have sex (while married even) because it was so pounded into my head that if someone wants to have sex with you it means that they only want your body and don't care about your actual person at all. I remember watching you and your sisters and wondering how you felt the whole time being the youngest growing up with easier access to the internet. I'm so proud of you for being yourself now!
I’d just like to say, that it’s incredible, to me, that Dani can call herself ugly, like, she literally looks amazing all the time. I also think it’s kind of crazy how you never know what you’re gonna get with Dani, a video about something funny and lighthearted, or a serious video. Thanks for the diversity Dani, keep doing what you’re doing. We’re proud of you! ❤️
Rhett and Link from Good Mythical Morning did a video/podcast episode of their experiences in evangelical purity culture. It would be actually such a cool idea to have you Dani and them both in a video/podcast together since you all share a strict christian upbringing, but in different churches. Also it would be super interesting to have an exchange between you and them since they are already older and probably have experienced more, so they can give you maybe advice.
My friend went through this too growing up. Therapy has helped her :)
im brazilian . im think your voice so beautiful and so understandable . Im practice english, Im a big fan the cimorelli, I'd watch you since 2012
it feels so weird to me when i hear these stories specially as a catholic that grew up in such an unstructured?? environment/church. it’s crazy to me to see god as someone who will punish you or will keep you from doing things when in reality jesus literally used to hang out with those excluded from society (the ill, prostitutes, etc) and gave them a place in society again.
people tend to hold on to certain bible verses to justify their acts of hate and judge people from there, just as it happened in the old testaments and jesus came to change that.
it’s so sad to me when i hear my friends who are christians (not catholic, specially from evangelical churches) reinforce these ideals that are nothing close to what jesus would have wanted us to be
Right, also the Bible has been translated into many languages and many words will actually not have the same meaning as in the original.
Besides you can always interpret things the wrong way.
They shouldn't just tell children what the phrases are supposed to mean but let them think about it and make up their own mind based on what they believe God actually stands for.
I need to go back and look at this study. I wonder how legitimate it actually is. I grew up Mormon, and we were taught the same thing and the exact same study was referenced.
Well done Dani! Another awesome segment! (26 September 2021)
I grew up in Mormonism… I know all about purity culture. Lol 😂 They have a lot of similarities with Catholicism.
In my church at this “youth group” thingy, this boy was basically trying to hook up with Christian girls who were in their “rebellious” stage. It was freaky. He only wanted to talk to girls who were kind of fragile with their faith in church.
In my Baptist youth group that I used to go to, we weren’t even allowed to high five or fist bump male friends. The pastor literally read us verses that EXTREMELY vaguely proved his reasoning as to why. AND he told us that we should dress modestly because we shouldn’t be bring attention to our bodies because it takes away from bringing attention to God. 😐