@@gmacc201 just be prepared when you do go no contact, you will receive a verbal smear campaign like never before. It’s insane what my own mother and family has said about me .
That is exactly what I did. Absolutely NO contact with my brother. Unfortunately other members of the family will inevitably "have their opinions" enmeshed with my decision. And it will ruin whatever good connections one has with any other member of the family. I said GOOD BYE, I don't need this in my life. And the result is that I have no support system. I have some friends, but they have their healthy family, which is a top priority in most people's lives. And they do not understand why I do not want mine.
@@EulaVanDerBiezen-f2r I completely agree. Happy for your decision and strength to follow through. I went NC with my mom and brother . Therefore most of the family has very little to do with me. One thing I’ve learned from NC is , what did I see in them before? They are all so enmeshed and do nothing but gossip about everyone in and out of the family . They disgust me now, honestly. Blessings to you.
I did it too. However my narc 24:23 brother has been stalking on me and bad mouth about me still. I just ignore him. Luckily we are far away from each other physically. I don’t allow him to harm me. Thank you Dr for posting these wonderful videos - that is my healing!
Agree. I have three sisters and two npd parents. I sometimes stay away from gatherings just so they can't push me onto the bottom of the pile. I'm the dreaded truth teller. But I'm proud of it!
Their one of those "charity" lotteries where your expected to be charitable to the cause and thinking you can win something is socially unacceptable because we were in it for the charity to begin with. The charity cause being the narcissist themselves of course. There's this saying in casino's, "the bank always wins".
Her lack of empathy and playing the victim endlessly while constantly criticizing me finally drove me to end all contact with my narcissistic sister. It has been 2 years of peace and personal well being for me!
It's been 11 years now for me. They really leave you no other choice. I've had to learn to think of my sister as dead, even though she lives a few counties away. I just can't have her insanity in my life.
@@Miniver765 My sister lives an hour away. Her health isn't good due to her lifestyle. They will probably call me when she passes. I'm planning to stay away.
@@treeartist9705 That's probably best. You can still mourn her, but mourn for the person she could have been if she hadn't chosen such a destructive path in life. That's what I've had to do with my sister.
@@RuciMatalau she has few if any friends and I didn't share them. She lives an hour away, so no shared community. She has bounced around all her life without serious ties.
Same here - made mistake of 2nd chances repeatedly. Planning to go No Contact with all - have to for own Health and Safety. Both Narc Parents have kept their jealousy and envy, and use the siblings to do the dirty work. The Golden Child initially did the Flying Monkey role and now become a Narcissist himself - out fox both his Parents. The Narcs did not like I stopped doing the Handmaid role but being Scapegoat on its own is brutal.
Same! Wow! Mine didn’t almost kill me physically, they just keep reframing every story in ways that make me seem like a horrible person. They retell stories from our past and make me out to be a monster. No one else in my life sees me in such a negative light, it’s heartbreaking.
@@lovelylauriestorlie Hello - I still get that so much. The Narcs and the Siblings will twist the truth on so much to mess the mind up. Collectively do the gaslighting, invalidation etc. Outside the house I too get so many nice compliments for my heart. I keep a speech of I have my enemies behind my back and not in front of me.
My only sibling a sister 18 months older recently visited after 50+ years living in a different country. My anxiety was overwhelming and her visit left me with guilt, worthlessness, hopelessness and grief. After 24yrs of dealing with a narcissistic husband and finally learning ,most through listening to you, about this personality it shocked me that I had never recognized it in my sister. The damage had been done so many years ago . I am 70. Still working on healing and survival.
Thank you for sharing, although I’m sure very difficult for you. I’m here because I’m learning about narcissism in my family, sad to learn no cure yet, besides no-contact. God/Universe bless us grieving together…wishing you well.
I checked again and again if I wrote this! 😮 Same same exact same story here even the recent visit from other country and just realizing it after decades!
@@anrinel4226 That’s incredible. I wish there was a cure for narcissists, really (they must think the same for us). And/or I wish we were educated in elementary school on how to work with such personalities, and how to empower ourselves in conflicts, especially with family. Peace be with you! 🙏🏼
Was away for 23 years. Recently saw my parents thru hospice. Sibling is much older so memories are few. The relief of leaving again is so profound! I felt in physical danger and utterly cowed.
I agree no contact. Later one can forgive but not have any relationship. It is liberating but first cognitive dissonance dominates. Withdrawls. But laughter takes time again. Trust or even self love is difficult. Keep going through the growing.
And the wonderful things is that us scapegoats are very independent, we had to be. it's something which the rest of them can never be. I can live anywhere in the world and thrive- none of them can do that :)
I’m literally crying 😢, I never heard someone actually understood that my family was toxic. The only thing that is incorrect is that I don’t want a relationship with them. I don’t care if they are trying. To me if you can’t take accountability then you are not really sorry. Acting like the narcissism never happened is why I think that I no longer want a relationship with them. For years making me think that I was the problem, and yet like an idiot I did apologize and things still didn’t change. I’m so done with them 😒
It's so horrible. The people who literally share your blood, who are supposed to be there for you, will be your biggest source of agony. You will love them forever while walking away and they will treat you like the villain, saying you don't love them when that's the furthest thing from the truth. It's the most heartbreaking shit.
My sister is a Narc and horrible! I'm so glad I finally withdrew from her toxicity. She now plays the victim role to my own daughter. She also tried to triangulate my daughter against me!
I wouldn't go so far as to say it's worse, because I've experienced both. With a narcissistic relationship if you're able to get out, it's easier to stay disconnected, you can't really do that successfully in a narcissistic family
Honestly, I just left them ALL...early In life, very early, I knew i didn't belong... it's sad as you miss a lot, but alone is better than mistreatment
I wish I had done the same but I didn't know. I tried 2 times to walk away and for different reasons I had to go back. I only succeeded in my 3rd attempt. And even then I kept contact because I thought distance was enough. It wasn't, never was but I didn't know. Had I known what I know now I would have never contacted them again. For me, knowledge came too late in life. They were already dead when I found out. I wish I would have known earlier in life just to try to salvage something. It came too late.
I wish I'd left when I was made aware of how different I was... it been 60 years! Never too late i plan to enjoy the rest of my life without the blood sucking, needy, lecherous, self-absorbed cruel hearted things I called family!
Narcissistic parents are willing to divide their own children. It makes me so angry and so sad b/c even when sometimes a sibling can understand and see what's going on, the other sibling may not. It divides the entire family and nothing good comes from it.
so true, i remember as kids there was always 1 or 2 of the 3 of us boys who was the black sheep of the day. now its me for life because i had to cut my mom off, feels good because ive tried waking them up to simple character defects and it never works (nevermind the greater impiications of how society creates these mindsets)
Every time I talk to my mom, she backghands my sis with whatever she has to say- I learned that if I bite, she turns it around on me and gets her mad at me.
“The sibling will not change” that was so heartbreaking and devastating to hear. I miss my little sister. I feel like narcissism took her away from me, forever. It’s not fair
I miss my little sister too. It's so sad. But I saw what she was doing to others, and it devastated me. Fortunately I was warned by her "sugar daddy" before he died in 2020. So, I put up boundaries to protect myself and my money because she totally financially destroyed him. Took me another 4 years, until I had to go no contact.
THIS. 😔 I feel the same; it is unfair & awful because there doesn’t seem to be a hopeful cure, besides a no-contact. I’ve watched MANY therapists’ narc videos, and so far, no cure if narcs won’t change. Not great for society. Anyway, we grieve together & wish everyone well.
I miss my brother,we were close in the beginning 😕 😔 now its just useless to try. 5 years no contact and my mum was mad that I initiated it I will never go back.
@@jaimetoubeau3355 Curious… how old were you & your brother, 5 years ago when you began no contact? How did you explain it to him, if you did? And lastly, if your parents are still married, how did your father react to your decision & at today’s family gatherings? I understand your healthy decision for your well-being. Thanks for sharing.
YES. Me, too... read if you can find it?.. my post online here. I think no one talks about it because there is a basic "taboo" against talking about a brother and sister relationship... It is never shown in movies... (and i was a professional reader of movie scripts, read 1,000 of them. Never saw this, as a theme in any script i ever read ). I hope there is more said about this.... love, karin
@@kmoon50 i was unable to find it. Of course as I was scrolling in search of it i kept getting engrossed in reading all the comments and personal stories. It is so validating to watch this explained. And hear others similar insane experiences. The gaslighting on top of the other abuse leaves me sometimes questioning myself. But it really is "real". Sadly. But truth helps.
@@kmoon50 Finally found it! Boy is this a long thread. I think you should write a script. Certainly a lot of interest. One of my worst was a brother, too.
There is only ONE solution when having a narcissist family member (in my case, a sibling): Get. As. Far. As. Possible. Block he or she from your life and give them no information whatsoever. It sounds extreme to people that never dealt with narcissists, but I'm sure many here will understand.
I grew up with a narcissistic parent and a narcissistic sibling and a dad that was a little narcistic but mainly just wasn’t there. It was and still is maddening. It was and still is endless. Endless. Endless gaslighting, boundary violations, criticism, forced silence, scape goating, bizzarly coerced love bombing, enabling and completely lacking in accountability from anyone.
Now I don't need to describe my family, you did it for me. Just one addition, I vomited my rage once, and they called the police and put me in a psychiatric hospital without my consent. 10 years later they still play the victim whenever I discuss this story (I ve gone low contact), because it s very traumatic for them and I am very mean and inconsiderate of their feelings for bringing that up. To this day I am still struggling with psychiatric drug induced parkinsonism and other neurological and psychological issues, the trauma of being forced to psychiatric "treatment" and of being labelled as mad being very deep, but now I know who s crazy and who s not.
You described my hellhole of a home that I grew up in to the letter with the exception of my dad being an alcoholic. I remember wanting to run away when I was around 5,6 years old because it was that bad.
This is my exact life. I just told my therapist today ….WHEN WILL IT END. Cut offs, boundaries, slow fades, grey rocking …..they are RELENTLESS all in the pursuit of being perceived as the opposite of the demons they are. if I’m this terrible crazy person you all make me out to be WHY WONT YOU GO AWAY !!!!!!
@@mac0219 we need lots and lots and lots of rest, permission to our body to rest and get masterful in tai chi, to do all that you re describing with grace and minimum effort, as if war was a beautiful dance. Sending you love and courage💪❤️
A narcissistic sibling is so clever and so well hidden, while you wait for them to change, you witness how much worse they get and how damaging the behavior is until you end up walking away entirely. Extremely difficult and very dizzying.
One narc snob parent ✔️ One narc golden sibling ✔️ One narc tendencies sibling ✔️ Scapegoat and thriving after cutting off entire family 🙋🏼♀️ It’s easy to constantly question if you’re the problem when you’re surrounded by dysfunction. If anyone needs to hear it, you aren’t the problem, you’re doing the right thing and protect the happiness you carve out for yourself with concrete boundaries. You aren’t alone 💜
My narc sister probably tells everyone that everyone else is a narcissist. She cannot be confronted, explodes, flips it to be the victim, and completely lacks empathy. But that's "just who she is"
OMG! Yes 1000 times!! My sister is so narcissistic, she claims her husband, and sons are narcissist BUT not her. Now that's some deep rooted BS that will never change. Best option: keep away!
Do yalls sister also declare herself an empath? Especially to win an argument? And can’t forget my fav enabler quote “just let it roll off your shoulder” oof sage wisdom. Sorry you had to experience that, narc sisters are something else. Hopefully sis can let the gray rock roll off her shoulders
My sister is the very same she is abusive but tells her family I am the bad one. She idolises her husband and daughters, but uses me as an emotional punch bag. I was so co dependent it’s been a living hell. I’m now going to a counsellor who’s helping me heal the trauma and grief. Blessing to you and everyone going through this it’s terrible.
I also wanna add, none of my therapists helped me realize my family were narcissists. It was my own education and self realization about my family relationships where the light bulb turned on
@@1111sage well my ex was a covert narcissist and did a lot of entitled and petty subversive damage . So I’m just lucky to be alive. I’m pretty much a hermit. Yes it was difficult. The shock of who they are had to become a reality. Then I accepted loads of people are just not nice. And this is my life now. It’s hard to change but I think I chose the safest life I could think of.
Same. it's been 7 years into counting. I seldom every now and again come back to these videos to get a little encouragement because my mind Wonders a lot about the " what could have beens.". (That fantasy of a relationship that I once-over longed for ). But knowing still that it is what it is . But yet now I'm finding myself thinking much more about them through life right now. Which is unusual for me because I know who they are and usually I'm not like this at all. But yet and still I know I'm on the Right path and The Most High God is 😊 1 awesome God 😎💯!
@@1111sage 1 year no contact for me. Feels amazing! She (my sister) still calls, leave messages, and sends flying monkeys. I just find more ways to protect myself and my peace. You will get used to it once you are finally tired. I left quietly and suggest you do the same. Never go back…it could be your life.
@Krishna Patel I had a drunk dad. He died when I was 4. My mom was a narcissist and my brother was too. I had married the same type of behavior patterns as my family. I'm older. These two people are dead. The ex I don't know anything about him anymore.
Same (older brother, who used to take all his anger out on me physically/psychologically-6 years older, much physically bigger and stronger). It has gotten to the point I am sure they (mom and brother) are capable of murdering me and they pretty much would rather do that than not have full control of me.
My sister was the one who thought she was the "Golden child". She thought she was the head of our family even at a young age. She tormented my parents. My Mom was so intimidated by her she would go along with her so as not to have my sib go into a tirade. My younger sister God Bless her she died at age 20, was scared to death of her. She and I were very close. I was the "sandwich baby" and a few months ago one of her nasty letters said "remember you're the baloney between the French bread". actually my Dad loved baloney sandwiches on white bread 😁and we were very close until he passed. 🙏
It’s taken me 61 years to finally say “enough” to the narcissists and the enablers in my family. It’s had a devastating impact on my life and my ability to trust people, but I am choosing to be the liberation branch on my dysfunctional family tree.
I feel this so deeply ❤ it took me 42 years to say enough to my narcissistic alcoholic sister 💔 and sadly along with her my 10yr old Neice 😭 This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do..my heart is broken 💔 I'm completely alone now..my father died at 56 of a heart attack caused by his alcoholism and my mother is in a cult and abused us viciously as children so we haven't seen her for almost 20 years! She was all I had..and because of that she knew she could abuse me and thought I'd never leave her. She also thought I'd never leave because of my neice..and used her to keep me in her abusive toxic nightmare. And she was right! I did stay for my neice..even when my sister told me she kissed my ex fiancé when I was with him! Yes I was upset! But my sister didn't care and wouldn't take any accountability so I had to just accept it and try to push forward and I did it for my neice! But just recently her husband devorced her because of her alcoholism. she then was homeless!..I took her and my neice in off the street and to repay me for that? my sister drank until blackout everyday..hit me, verbally abused me, then would love bomb me and then go back to being disrespectful, nasty and out of control drunk. Then when I finally said enough!! And told her to get out? She refused to leave! Squatting in half of my home for months and during that time clogged her toilet with urine soaked toilet paper and feices! She trashed the room she was in! She urinated on the floor and in the shower! And then told me that my husband tried to have sex with her IN FRONT OF MY NEICE!! My husband would N E V E R! I don't even need to ask him that's how much I trust my man! He's an amazing person! This poor man put up with so much of her nasty disrespectful behaviour and countless attempts to seduce him!!it's crazy! I of course screamed at her to get out of my home and life! And she then said to my neice "didn't uncle mal kiss mummy!?" And my poor 10yo neice looked at me with such sadness in her eyes and nodded yes.. THAT WAS IT! I was done with her...40 years I was a loyal sister and Aunty! I've put up with so much but I draw the line at using a 10yo in adult situations. Pure EVIL! to involve a child in trying to break up her auntys relationship!? Its sick! We have a son...she didn't care! She was so pissed off that I had the audacity to kick her out that she wanted to destroy my life my relationship and my home..and in turn my sons life. I love my neice ❤ and I always will but I had to do what was right for me and my family.. Sadly my sister began to poison my neice against me anyway so there's nothing I can do now..I was the best Aunty to her..I loved her and we had some beautiful memories together ❤ I just hope she remembers them when her mum says awful things about me :( It's been 4 months with no contact and it's so hard! I'm morning them..its like they died in a car crash or something..they're gone so fast and I'm struggling. but I know this is what I need to do..as you said I want to be the change in my family! Also I was actually getting physically sick being near her! I'd get stomach cramps and pains that have completely disappeared since I went no contact. Stay strong my friend ❤️ its not easy..God bless you x
I'm 65. It's never too late. I wrote a comment above so I won't repeat it here. You are a brave soul. I hope you find peace in your decision. I also hope you have one or more loving souls around you who see, hear and validate you for the human being you are! It's quite the journey.
Amen to major implications with trusts. After trying to settle affairs after my mother's death...I finally figured out what I was dealing with(a narcissistic brother) it took me 61 years. Thank you so much for validating this. Almost everything you said applied to me. He always had to win at monopoly.
I'm so thankful that my mom supports me. She still loves me and my brother but accepts that I don't feel safe around him and doesn't try to force me to be around.
“Your siblings, all the way into adulthood, may still view u as an incompetent child and reiterate that in how they talk to you or about you ...” Yep. That’s EXACTLY the treatment I’ve gotten for decades.
You become the lamp holder .. then they will try to break your lamp too.. .don't be angry.feel sorry for them but don't sleep next to them..they wud throw u under the bus even when u be asleep. You win..if you never be or become like them..
Yes that’s true I am in the pissed off stage right now because the more I think about this person in all the damage she does I get frustrated and pissed. Not good for my health so I try my hardest not to be that way.
My parents and oldest sibling are narcissistic. I am 66 and still suffering from loneliness and grief from no one speaking to me, or including me. I get cards from my mom that are so mean, for example, "Dont come here for the holidays, we dont want you here. You ruin everything". I have 6 siblings, and none of them speak to me. The day I 1realized it was because my own mother is back stabbing me with talking smack about me to everyone Was the day i gasped and had a whole new understanding of what was going on. Devistated me.' My whole life, I have felt hated. This information is the only thing saving me. The more knowledge, the more I let go. It' s s till very heartbreaking 😢
Hang in there God will send you friends who will help you through this and heal. They will be your support system when family turns on you because of the narcissist lies.
I have a narcissistic mother and sister. I am the family scapegoat and it feels so much better to sit out the family holidays. Thank you for showing me how to establish boundaries, become the grey rock and start breathing again!
when i tell people i cut my sister off they say, "oh, you should be back in touch, shes ur sister, afterall." and my deciding not to tolerate her seems to upset other ppl more than me
Ugh that pisses me off sooo much! I have had the 'blood is thicker than water' lecture from so many people who don't know ANYTHING about me or my family. It's messed up. Stick to your guns and ignore their hurtful comments, most say it out of ignorance rather than malice...and if it's malice, drop them too! Big hugs!
Dr. Ramani, thanks so much for this video.....it hit me like a brick! Couldn't figure out why I was and am still mad at my narc siblings. It's nice to know that I'm not crazy.
I went to contact with my narcissistic sister.....haven't seen her since 2016 and haven't spoken since 2018. Im at peace and living my best life by the grace of God!!!!
One of my favourite sayings is: "The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago, the second best is today!" Big hugs from a middle-aged mum who just made the decision to withdraw completely from a narcissistic sibling...and there will be drama no matter how much I try to avoid it! It's hard and we probably both wish we'd seen it 20 years ago, but we made it! xx
I am 62 and hv finally gone no contact w 2 narc sisters. Sadly, it means no contact w the rest of the family too. I was the truth teller and family trash can and scapegoat. It's no surprise that my 2 exes were narcs. The most painful though, is my adult daughter and adult granddaughter. 😥. Devastating dark night of the soul stuff.
@@thedonnashow1 That's really hard sweetie and I feel sad for you and your situation. I dropped contact with my sister years ago and was devastated to lose my nephews by proxy. Years later they started questioning what they had been told about me and independently sought contact. We have a nice relationship now, and while we may never be as close as if we hadn't lost those years we DO have a good relationship now. I know it hurts and your loss is real, but please don't lose hope that maybe they will choose to walk back into your life. xx
I've noticed this when my dad passed away. it's like they think they can do anything now there's no danger of you going to the parent in question to tell what is/has been going on. it just shows the amount of respect they show for their dead parentand in fact they lied to them their entire life most likely. if only they would have known when they were alive. maybe they did and chose to ignore it like they done all their life. maybe it add's up to that we're not responsible for our parents bad choices
yes, greif under a circumstances like this can be devastating... the sibling shows no empathy and it increases their sence of entitlement and it becoumes deficult to even greif your loved one you feal sad all the time and they like it because they want you to be miserable and of you ever start to feel a slight joy they accuse you by being not greifing enough or sad enough and increase the suffering even more... once i learn that it by experience amazed me how someone can be this cruel and psychopathic beyond our kind imagination i hope you get through this somehow soon you got this
Same thing for me. I always knew my older sister was going to be difficult after our parents passed. I just could not imagine how insanely difficult, contentious, petty, greedy and ultimately costly for all of us, she would be. And it's a tragedy that such destructive emotional, legal and financial abuse can go on, unabated by the court system and society, because it's not tangible or provable. And like you said, it shook me to my core.
Now 57. Realised my Mother was a narc later on in my late 20s. Now I realise my only Sister has never liked me and has really been nasty. It’s grieve all over again. I’ve just broken ties, but I don’t deserve to be spoken down to or made to feel my feelings are not validated. No other Family growing up, so no one actually knows what it was like. I’m thinking this is why I’ve never felt connected to society. I don’t know. One day at a time.
Narcissistic sisters and parents plus exaggerated emotional immaturity. I was the gifted, hated child and scapegoat. I have female acquaintances but not friends. Do not trust them. And with these role models I of course attract Narcissistic men. So it's me and my dog. Much more fulfilling, much more love.
You've never been used until you've been used by a narcissistic sibling. And if you want to see hatred, be able to do something well that they feel should be their talent or skill.
I am a muti tradesmen, every time my younger brother came me when doing assorts of physical projects or building/ repairing/ creating, he never lent a hand even when it was for our parents. Over the years I lent him money, worked on his house and been there when he needed big time help. He is never there of me when I need him the most or pay me back. It took a relationshit with a BPD late in life that I figured out why I always "feel" bad inside after just casually conversation; he projects dissatisfy anger within himself of my skills and out going personality. What upsets me the most is my younger sisters say when I complain " oh you boys just don't get along", like its half my fault! Several years ago I installed boundaries and life is so much better, however it still hurts inside to loose a brother. I love my brother but would not have him as a friend.
This is so accurate. I am a dancer. Have been since I was a child. Sister has no rhythm. Has laughed in my face when I've been practicing or dancing for fun and told me what an embarrassment I was. That's always fun.
My sister is a malignant narcissist and constantly throws insults at everyone in the family. Growing up she was basically a bully to me and things often got physical. I was taught to never hit girls so I never fought back. I literally became a punching bag. Then all of a sudden in highschool she starts acting "nice" but never once apologized for the horrible stuff she did. When she had her first narcissistic rage at me when I was in college, that was when I cut her out for good since she never apologized. She keeps telling my parents how bad my parents were and my mother keeps expecting us to all get along one day. I haven't spoken to my sister in 10 years and I have no intention of speaking to her. I know it's sad for my mother to hear, but letting go of my sister was one of the healthiest decisions for my mental health. I don't care if someone is family, if they're toxic and a threat to my mental health then I don't need them in my life.
My sister says such terrible things about my parents to their small local community. I’ve had the brunt of her narcissistic rage a number of times. My parents say it’s nothing and make light of my pain. Only, I don’t understand why we don’t just get along. There’s 8 years difference between us. I remember my sister always being a difficult person to deal with. She would often say terrible things to me as a teenager and young adult even in front of my parents and my parents would never stop it or say it wasn’t right.
I hear you & feel the same. It sucks& esp getting old & not having any family since theyre so divisive, entitled, self serving, manipulative, arrogant, cruel....and my parents were so bad i vowed never to marry & be like them, or have kids. And didny.
I had that type of upbringing as well, Nicolette, but I made a decision that I am not going to allow them to ruin my life. I tried very hard to find a good person to marry and after a few bad attempts at a relationship I found a loving man and married him. The sooner we realize we're in the hole, the better, and it is very important to then stop digging and figure out what we're going to do with our lives. We've been brought up without an identity, since we were only seen as reflections of a very messed up Narc. It is therefore important to remain sober and train our minds, train our habits and ourselves to be to "our selves" what we always needed from our family of origin. Hang in there, kiddo.
I have a sister who is a narcissist and my adopted son is also one. My mother was a narcissist. All this is something I deal with still at age 72. It is so hard, so painful. I feel alone in the world.
I did too and it was excruciating. At 62 I joined a gym and began my life all over again-I truly reinvented myself although I was terrified each and every step of the way-I just didn't show it. I mean terrible anxiety and I chose to go off all psych meds including ativan. I work out six days a week and it's truly changed my outlook on life. It still breaks my heart that it happened, I lost my nieces and nephew when I called out my sister but she'd been working on that for YEARS prior, excluding me from family vacations (horribly painful) and calling on Christmas Eve to disinvite my husband and myself from Christmas dinner-the list goes on and on. When I got sober and told her my truth she called and spit into my answering machine at home and on my cell. She called both phones for hours until I finally gave in and called her back-over the smallest truth, not even a criticism. Take the baby steps and reach out to people in real life. You need the support of like minded peers.
My heart is breaking. You are telling my story. I'm 69. I don't think I will ever get over the loss. But, I must remain no contact and protect myself because it is true; they don't change.
I completely commiserate with your response. I too feel broken-hearted to finally realise my so-called close bond and relationship with my sister for 60 years is and was always an illusion. I find it so very difficult to accept this awful fact. Now our parents have died I shall be moving towards minimal contact with her as she is toxic.
@@lulahummingbird664 Thank you Lula, I guess we can feel a bit of comfort in our loss knowing that we are not the only ones to experience the unthinkable.
@@chamomiletea9562 Absolutely! After reading so many responses of folk telling their respective stories, it helped me feel less ‘alone’ with my experience. Your message prompted me to message. Family and friends advise me to just walk away now but I am carrying deep disbelief that I did not see the manipulation for what it was. Nor the fact that my sister does not like me let alone love or care about me. It’s very destabilising. Deeply sad also. I’ll come through it but in the meantime I wanted to thank you for helping me realise that I am not alone. 🙏
OH MY GOSH. You just explained my entire life to me. I'm in shock. I'm not crazy? I'm not crazy? I am just ...stunned. I've never cried from such a deep, deep place before. My sister is 59, I am 54. This abuse started the day I was born, literally, and continues to this day.
When I had my realization and break through as to what was going on in my life, I felt like I had finally solved a puzzle that I didn’t even know I was trying to solve. I felt a tremendous amount of relief. I finally knew that I am NOT “too sensitive” and I DO NOT “take everything personal”. Things that happened in the past now make more sense. Stuff that was said to me and the way I was treated (and continue to be treated) all line up with this person being a Narcissist. All the Gaslighting, all the passive aggressive games, an extreme lack of empathy towards certain people….it is all present in this person. I finally understand and accept that it’s THIER shit, not mine. I no longer have to deal with it.
It's so profound when we find out that what we're experiencing there's others going rhgough the exact same thing, so grateful to have access to this information to start on the healing journey.
Girl I thought this was a past comment I made, because I rewatch the dr. Post ,but then I looked up and it's your picture and realized you and I have the EXACT same story.😢😢😢😢
At 79 years old, I have come to realize the narcissistic tendencies of my siblings about 10 years ago . Our mother’s passing brought out the worst in both. Both were too busy with themselves as she declined, upon her death, OMG, the fangs really came out as the claimed what they believed were their entitlements. It was shocking and quite hurtful. Now, I set boundaries on visiting and interacting with them both. We stopped the “family gatherings “. My sister is estranged from children and cannot figure out why. It feels really good to have control of my relationship with them.
Resonates with Mē too bro , . Dr Ramani here has pretty much described my situation to ã tee ( uncannily so 😲2 sisters narcs. ). Oh and greetings from the UK 🇬🇧 Here mān 👍🏻👍🏿
@Karen Alden well done with accepting the ultimate truth and moving on with your life and I have great respect for you with that you’ve outlined all the feelings that abound with dealing with narcissistic people. Me myself it’s been a massive difference finally accepting that No Contact is the only way that I can heal from the abuses this is what triggered those people I created a life without them and it’s becoming successful and I think maybe it’s a last attempt at making me feel bad being attacked on Facebook of all things for all my friends, my children and anyone else that read the posts I was limited contact at that point it convinced me that I was deluding myself that I would be okay with it putting up with a little bit in order to not upset the apple cart. So now I’m No Contact and that apparently makes me a bad person also it’s been great to have people say how I’m all kinds of bad for it. Thankfully my notes from my therapist stated in one part about how if someone can’t accept that you need to heal to be healthy then it’s dissonance. I needed to see that as the attack made me question myself all over again. I wish everyone was as understanding as your father but no matter I will push on after all at least it’s my own choice and that’s what I will keep reminding myself. For a strange reason I thought that I am not ever going to be accepted with flying monkeys everywhere but I know I can’t change that but I can change myself. I don’t think of myself a victim or a survivor as it’s still ongoing but I do know this I would like to be able to look back in say twenty years without regret and I accept myself with any flaws for any mistakes for whatever reason and I love with all I am and will be sad for not knowing if it could have gotten better but this is what kept me tied. I no longer want to be around this toxicity so we have to see what’s next and where life leads it’s all going to be new ground and I will keep my eyes open with no fear for the need of a better outcome.
OMGS I have FINALLY gone NO CONTACT!!! FINALLY!!!! The pain she has caused our entire family and never been accountable for is ASTOUNDING!!!! I’m 50 this year and have finally stopped coddling her need for supply last year. I never once deserved her treatment of me.
No contact is such a relief!! But like you, I have a family of enablers. I can't seem to forgive them for tolerating the abuse I have suffered for decades. She is my twin & I'm 54! I totally get it!
In just a few hours from listening to this & reading other peoples posts...I don't feel nearly as isolated & alone with this. My thanks to all who have participated today. Boy...what a difference this has made!! 💜
Don't beat yourself up over not knowing what you were dealing with. It took me 45 years too. My sister is a covert but, I believed that her behavior was due to abuse as a child. ( We both? were. Not 100% sure about her, really. ) I'm over it. I went no contact years ago and it was one of the best things that I've ever done for myself. ❤️
My MIL played that card on my wife and SIL all the time. My wife finally told her that since SIL has never, in her life, told her she loves her, that's a lost cause.
I got that too, but my sister also badmouthed me so that our cousins believed I was the problem. I'm letting it all go now. It's really great to have answers, to understand after all these years, but now I have to let it go.
I hear this all time from my mother. I have no problem loving my sister & compromising to her along, but she can never admit when she makes a mistake and refuses to even apologize. Now that I no longer will allow her to walk all over me, the relationship has broken down. And my mom still just wants me to be a doormat. Dr. Ramani is so right when she said that the truth teller is not rewarded but rather made to be the scapegoat. That’s what is happening to me & it is so painful.
I'm the truth teller also. When my dad was molesting sisters, I declined and told on him. It's not so much that I love truth as that I dont have a filter!! Im 67 now and doing ok. ♡
I Am Living out of the Family Home i Rent Out The Back of it. And the Narcissistic in My Family is my Brother and he is also a slumlord Doesn't Put on the air Much Except When I Leave or Heat Much Except When I Leave and I Have a Child trying to get out of the situation and Move. My Mother is in Denial and I'm Good with That and my Father Has Dementia, & Money is involved. &, Honestly I don't care about The Money &, Yes i Am the Truth-Teller in The Family, even Though.Nobody Believes Me... He's Older by 9 years and I am the only one that Gets to see The MASK COME OFF!!! But i Am The Only 1, That Will Stand Up, To My Brother I Am NOT AFRAID OF MY BROTHER and I Will Threaten My Brother. He has Mentally, Emotionally, Verbally and Now i've Been Told i Am Sick by my Dr, The Reason That is, is because he won't put on the Air... and he has done this to me for many years and granite yes I have a mental illness but he's a narcissist amongst other things, it doesn't skip siblings, we all have it, We all Have Some Sort oF ssues... ✌️🙏❤️ & THANK YOU
Absolutely saved my life being able to walk away. My parents didn’t really care anyway, so walking away, as time went on, became easier. I’ve been lucky enough to met and marry someone who always finds value in me ..respects my opinions and validating my feelings. Thanks again for helping me see what was going on .. and break free
Sadly, it has taken me 75 years to come to terms that my sister will never change. Optimism blinded me, but this video is my wake up call. Words can’t express how grateful being free to accepting the reality! It is what it is... Your words matter🙏🏽☺️🙏🏽
My narcissistic mother constantly states that my narcissistic sister is misunderstood. I’ve been told all my life just to get along with her “she’s your sister after all” like I don’t have a choice. Every interaction is so difficult with her she lashes out, rages, belittles, devalues every aspect of who I am and what I do. My family constantly denies my reality and perception of the reality of our relationship. I’m finally done because I don’t need anyone’s permission to protect my own energy and finally heal.
I feel that. My narc MIL decided the easiest way to make her life easy was to force my wife to get along with my borderline SIL rather than actually parenting.
The real mindf*ck is that when you do tell the truth and start building boundaries, they start calling you the toxic and abusive one. It’s their answer for why their healthier siblings have nothing to do with them or the narcissistic parents anymore. The stories get rewritten and the truth becomes a lie and a lie becomes the truth.
@@meeperbird how does this apply to my comment? Also, empaths are typically mistaken for those who are codependent and feel responsible for other peoples feelings to their own detriment - boundaries still apply, and apply more so in a situation like what you describe (that, btw, appears to have nothing to do with what the original comment is about). Also, a death of a patriarch should not sway someone having healthy boundaries in the least. No one said anything about not being kind. Kindness or lack thereof have nothing to do with having boundaries or even going no contact. Going no contact isn’t stabbing anyone in the heart - that is a victim-blaming and shaming take. Those who say having boundaries is unkind may be the ones with the problem.
Ever since i was a little girl i felt my parents were off kilter and the constant spankings with the belt and the shame..it explains so very much as my schzoid..ie malious narc brother sit here caring for my 91 mother who is still pitting her senior aged children against each other..the lack of gratitude and the controlling behavior is almost a dark comedy..how could i have been so blind..all i ever wanted was to escape my home..kinda screwed up my own life trying to escape my home life...now back in it..caring for someone who really couldnt care for her own children..cycles...
@@meeperbirdyour comment makes no sense. You sound like a narcissist in your comment calling the narcissist the commenter mention’s innocent parties. Wtf Maybe sometimes people should blow up at the mf‘rs, I can’t say they don’t deserve it with their abuse. Wtf are you talking about? You sound ridiculous
Oh my word yess I'm the eldest but not treated as so younger siblings have gaslit me for a long time yet I was always to blame. I saw them recently after a big blowup nearly 2 years ago and they were not apologetic just denying everything and making me out to be someone who is losing her mind. No thanks distance is best.
Yep, triangulation. I had a close friend I lived with who liked my brother, took him two years but he eventually saw my brother for what he’s like. My friend pointed out to me ‘when your brother is with your mum they gang up on you, your mums nice, your brother manipulates everyone, he could also be saying bad stuff about you to her,’ do I asked Mum and she denied it. I said ‘keep an ear out fir what he’s saying to you about me, as I’m a good person, he could be manipulating you,’ and after that her attitude changed a bit. But god.
This is so very validating, I could cry ... over all of it, but especially hearing for the first time about a sibling obsessed with the parent's estate before the parent has even passed.
I'm living this now my mum's lawyer has said "your mum isn't even dead yet" , I've been kicked to the curb multiple times the world owes these people everything 2 x narsisters. No contact for me.
I watched this in action. Family members plot how they would rob siblings of their inheritance, before the parent even died. I never knew people could be so evil.
Looking back at my sister there was one aspect of our relationship that was a major red flag. She never ever once APOLOGIZED for her horrible rude behavior. 11/2 years no contact from me. I'm done. If someone doesn't bring joy to your life, get them out. They are not going to change.
I feel you. Everyday I think about how my narc sister disrespected me and harassed for minutes while I was on my hospital bed. Plus all the other shit she did and all the lies she told. The memories are haunting. Been no contact for a year and a half.
Absolutely agree. Nothing is ever their fault - they take no responsibility at all for any behaviour. No contact is definitely wise, and the only way to save your own sanity.
I was 65 before I realized my sister was a narcissist. That kind of 'holy crap' moment was almost like a cheating partner. Until that point, she was my hero, my goddess, my compass. In the years since that recognition, (a) she has become much more aggressive and (b) my memories of her cruelty are flooding back. I might write a book, if only for myself.
Putting those experiences on paper and seeing how the pieces fit…helps. However, reading it later may shock you. So be prepared for the roller coaster of emotions.
Did she do things when you were young.. like if a guy you weren’t really interested in- she tell me to dance with him anyway. And when she finds out guys you are interested in, she flirt with them and decide if she likes them first.. possibly hook up with them. Then when she decides she doesn’t like them, tells you you should go out with them... 😶 I always put myself ‘beneath’ others I considered friends because I could never be better than the one narc sister. She created a lot of drama always. I’m 55... and just fully understanding why I’ve had the relationships I have.
Wow! This is so true!! As a victim of narcissistic sibling abuse, that stress and trauma is long-lasting...thanks for putting this out. We are not crazy. We are abused!!
I always felt like an alien being in my family. I've tried to call out inappropriate behavior to the narc. sibling then the narc. parent and they always turned it back on me, like it's my fault for my reaction to inappropriate behavior. My childhood sucked so bad.
I wanna post this now that I’m ostracized My brother sent me to the er plastic surgery at age 8 almost lost eyesight drown me etc etc He’s a prosecutor wonder why he doesn’t wanna see me
As someone with a narcissistic sibling I can confirm this. Nearly killed myself a number of times this year because of what she’s done to me it’s horrible
They also, come for the ones getting close to us. It's kinda silly the watch them chase around after the people they think are trying to be our friends or trying to be an asset in our life, because then we don't have to depend on them. Boy they get really mad when they put you out in the cold and then your Vibe tribe shows up , you know the family that's not by Blood. That really upsets them. Your Vibe tribe is not going to go away.
@@faypeatross VIBE TRIBE FANTASTIC ANALOGY.. I have been disturbed for yrs concerning the friends I have had along the way ...particularly a friend who's entire family were narcissistic and abusive to their one daughter...the parents and siblings to the outside world were perfect people. The daughter was a friend for 45yrs. The poor woman had a very serious back operation ..her mother put her children in foster care. The siblings found fault with every thing the poor girl did...no one ever stepped up to the plate to help her. Oh, when the children were brought back home to the biological mother the family gushed over them. With visits spoiled them with gifts and treats.. BUT always found fault with their natural mother ( WHO THEY DENIED WAS EVER ILL ..DENIAL AND LIES) and the family scapegoat. The poor woman became so ill an invalid at a young age mid 40s..the fam the children brain washed them against her and the father of the girls & his new born again wife proceeded with more indoctrination and brain washing. The children were promised the moon, candy and lollipops..they walked into another viper den of NARCISSISTS. Their natural mother did everything she could under the circumstances..but beat down every step of the way by the her ex..the siblings..and her own mother. All the family denying the serious illness and disability of their sister/ daughter. MY FRIEND SPENT A LIFE TIME attempting..seeking the love of her own mother, her children and sibiings. One daughter married a cadet...traveled etc..he became V HIGH UP IN THE MILITARY..IMAGE WAS THEIR MIDDLE NAME. YRS LATER THEN, MORE ILLNESS AGAIN V. ILL, INSTEAD OF PROPER MEDICAL THE DAUGHTER A NURSE HAD HER PLACED IN A HOSPITAL FOR THE MENTALLY ILL. IT TOOK ALMOST A YR FOR THE DOCS TO GET TO THE TRUTH - YRS OF MEDICAL ATTENTION & 10 INCHES OF MEDICAL PAPER WORK. - THEY RELEASED HER AND HER DAUGHTER WAS INFORMED THE MEDICAL PROBLEMS WERE THE ISSUE NOT MENTAL HEALTH. WHEN WE WERE YOUNGER IN 30s early 40s I was invited to join a family labor day cook out..I thought the family to be v pleasant. 2 had homes next to the other. They all made it a point to show off the homes, property, number of vehicles, valuable china etc., they gushed all over me with kindness. My friend was so happy that her sisters and brothers were so pleased to have us both there. It had been yrs since, she felt so accepted. Then BINGO a couple weeks later one sister and another informed her she was not welcome to bring anyone ever to their homes and that she really was not welcome either. They did not like her friend..me. WOW! QUITE A JOLT...I WAS EDUCATED OWNED MY OWN HOME AND FROM A VERY FINE and,Well educated FAMILY BACK GROUND. I was gracious, courteous complimentary and had mentioned how I enjoyed being with everyone. I was informed by my friend she was told not to ever bring me along. 35 yrs later I realized they circled the wagons because of a very guarded family secret of abuse ..my friend had confronted this years prior. (From her teens to death they never gave this woman a break.) My husb was an attorney, so this made me a threat. They did not like or trust their own sister who yrs earlier confronted them...THESE PEOPLE SPENT A LIFE TIME BEATING THEIR SISTER DOWN , GASLIGHTING; KNOWING HOW PHYSICALLY ILL THIS WAS WOMAN WAS THEY OUSTRACISED AND DEEMED HER MENTALLY DERRANGED TO EACH OTHER AND OUTSIDERS, INCLUDING DESTROYING THE RELATIONSHIP OF HER OWN CHILDREN.....YET, WHO CAME RUNNING WHEN THEIR LIFE TURNED SIDE WAYS...HER YOUNGEST CHILD. AND AT THE END THE OLDEST DAUGHTER BROUGHT HER TO HER HOME FOR CARE. IT TOOK MY FFIEND 55 YEARS TO GAIN HER OWN MOTHERS APPROVAL AND FOR HER MOTHER TO RECOGNIZE HER DAUGHTER HAD BEEN SERIOUSLY ILL FOR 35 YRS. IT ALSO, TOOK ALL THIS FOR HER MOTHER TO MAKE PEACE... IF ALL THE INFO AVAILABLE TODAY HAD BEEN THERE 40..50..60..YRS AGO. MANY DECENT, HONEST LOVING SOULS WOULD NOT END UP TORMENTED ALWAYS TORN BY WHAT THEY ...THEY ACTUALLY, DID NOT DO... WHAT DID THEY EVER DO NOT TO BE LOVED BY THEIR FAMILIES? WHY DID THE FAMILIES TAKE IMMEDIATE DISLIKE TO THEIR SISTERS FRIEND OR FRIENDS THE VIBE TRIBE? THE VIBE TRIBE IS AND WAS THE BIGGEST THREAT. WHY? BECAUSE THE TRUTH SURFACES ( THEIR REALATIVE AND TARGET IS A GREAT PERSON, KIND,LOVING, THOUGHTFUL AND VERY RESPECTED) THE VIBE TRIBE ENDS THE MANIPULATIVE LIES, THE SLANDERING, HARMFUL, CRUEL BEHAVIORS OF THE VICIOUS EGO DRIVEN, NARCISSISTIC FAMILY OF GASLIGHTERS. --' (no matter their nutsville intent,)--THESE PROPLE ARE DEVOID OF CONSCIENCE . THEY DO EVERYTHING IN THEIR POWER TO DESTROY THEIR TARGET. THEY 'EVIL DOER'S' Have a mission no one is better then they...and anyone who is kind, sweet, has integrity, is lovely, etc...no one can be their competition in any respect, school, work, friends, family. Marriage, children etc..they are jealous, insecure humanbeings with a false facade of being on top of everything ..they live in denial, delusion...fantasy. They will be your best friend gush all over you in their company and behind your back they will literally slander leaving an image that you are the enemy number one. If it is a daughter they may actually be competing with her because of her attributes...sons and fathers as well. The do as I say do...the put downs..control etc...many lives are destroyed...this cycle is now broke...thanks to communication etc.. Many abused persons become narcissistic because of environmental abuse and patterns set within fam structure. Therapy should be key to good mental health...not the pop a pill and glide along..there are no magic bullets. These videos are doing a lot of good. But before everyone goes running from family not every parent with traditional values..and well this is the way my parents raised us...is a bad mother or father. Communication must be open ended...if it can not solve or bring understanding forth...then run for the hills..work on you and don't look back.
I have an older sister (3.5 yrs) who was the golden child in our family. I was the scapegoat. my dad was a raging BP narcissist who seemed to hate all of us and my mom was an alcohol-fueled codependent who accepted blame for everyone's emotional dysregulation. Both parents are dead now. When my mom died in 2021, my sister and I came together to settle her estate. We had some difficult moments but for the most part we survived. Since then, my sister has been pushing me to talk to her more, visit more, and basically have a close relationship, as if the last 50 years, especially our childhood, didn't happen. She is your classic judgmental over-achiever with a childish need for attention - aka, 'strong personality'. I'm in therapy now and my therapist is helping me set boundaries, but I have to say this is harder than any other NPD relationship I've had in my life. Thank you for this video Dr. R!
I have three siblings and two are narcissists. I have often felt like I was in the wrong family. The youngest was the golden child and the oldest was the mean, controlling bully. I am the middle child. For the sake of my own mental health and self-care, I have had to set boundaries with both of them. This has released my stress level tremendously. While I might miss them sometimes, I value my new found peace more.
I thank God for you middle children! You are the best peacemakers! I have three daughters the middle one is Joy and she has been every bit a true Joy in our Family! You keep those boundaries in place, keep your sweet self safe!
@Renee Renee - Exact same dear! And the most healthy and mature sibling is the typical scapegoat. This was very freeing once I figured it out, but it’s still tough at times, because we still have needs 💕
YES! thankyou for addressing this because most narcissistic videos are on romantic relationships. In my opinion it can be way harder to go no contact with close siblings! They're family not just a man you can leave and not have to Interact with.
I had a narcissistic sibling. She shamed me for everything i did, was always laughing at me. and then pretended to be my friend when she needed something from me. she is fake af. and when i did not give her appraise or smth she blamed me for disappointing her and letting her down. like wtf?
Story of my life at the moment. Lol! I'm just waiting for that day that God will open that door for their bs to show so that I can finally block them out of my life completely. I'm tired of their foolishness.
My sister has been a nightmare my whole life. Her arrogance and sense of entitlement make me ill. She takes advantage of everyone she knows. She has not spoken to me since she took everything momma had and put her in a home. Momma died there. I didn't get 1 thing of my mom's...Not even a wilted flower. It is heartbreaking 😭
I'm going through that now. My sister has POA and Mom lives with her. She just moved her to a gated community where they live together. It's difficult when Mom calls me and wants me to visit but I can't. My sister controls her money so if Mom wanted to give me $5, my sister wouldn't allow it. Even though, my nephew has been arrested multiple times and is a recovering addict. She bailed him out of jail with Moms money but when my husband was out of work for a mystery illness, she only gave us a "little bit of money" then got my MOM to tell me "that's all you get". It's hurtful! And when my Dad died, she gave things to her children and grandchildren, including the son who stole from them to buy drugs. 😡
I'm very glad you are addressing this issue. It's because of your videos that I now understand the behavior of my family of origin and that there was nothing wrong with me, but it was them. I will be celebrating my 73rd birthday this month. It's never too late to learn and to heal. Thank you for your work 😊😊
My family stole inheritance from me 😢 I told my self : they have money and I have a health❤ I’m working on my self thanks to you Ramani. My mother my sister and my brother are Narcissists 😢
I tried to fight for it. But my sibling had gotten everyone to be on her side and it got to the point where she misled people about my disability and making them believe I was faking my serious medical conditions when she had seen me hospitalized for months. I was baffled that she is also in the healthcare field…
@@swetapatelNarcissistic Personality Disorder includes confabulation. They can talk themselves out of a real reality in an effort to suit their narrative. That makes the relationship even worse. I’m so sorry all that happened to you. It’s horrible. I feel you about it.
I have a sister who I was always getting hurt by and never understood it until I came across your podcasts and it has been a life saver. I now understand sadly that my relationship with her will never be what I had hoped for, I am now moving on with my life. Thank you so much
You are among a sisterhood of scapegoats coping with 'golden child' siblings. The hardest part in overcoming this (often requiring dealing with your co-dependency) is that telling the truth and enforcing boundaries means you can't be close to that sibling, even when you still love them, unless they change and grow. That's the cost of self-preservation. Having lots of good female friends that appreciate you is the best anecdote.
Mine died , I had enough and quit speaking to her and a year later she died. And I'm finding ot all this cause of my husband is a narcissist . My daughter pointed this out to me.😮
My older narcissist, bully brother managed to marry an even bigger meaner narcissist. I finally went no contact 7 yrs ago. I wish I had done it years earlier. I'm so much happier
this sounds like my story! my brother was a narcisstict but I could handle him but then this woman stepped into his life … then the real nightmare started. I live on the same ground with them and was not able to relocate cause of my dogs and loosing my job due to their psychoterror and harm they did to my life. I actually try to find somewhere else to life but this is not easy with dogs at the moment - I have a new job in the other location .. hope i will find a little house to live till April
My father's advice to me, regarding my narcissist brother, was "best far away as possible". Very wise words. Luckily both my parents witnessed my brothers attempts to assasinate my character and they saw it for what it was. Thank goodness.
I cut off my Narcisist brother. Enough. Unless he recognizes the condition he has and TRIES to change. Otherwise I'll die without a brother because it is toxic and draining to have a person like this in your life. With Narcisists the only way to win is NOT PLAY. That was powerful
I've only recently realized that my older brother is a narsicist. To my mom, he is the golden child that can do no wrong. What's funny is that he has projected a lot of his narcissistic behaviors onto me; by saying that I am manipulative etc. And recently, he's been convincing my mom to leave all her assets with him and he is even getting banks involved. Sorry about the rant, I just resonated so much with this. Thank you.
I have experienced the same with the 'golden child' and my mother...and not only did I get axed from the estate trust, but I had been lied continuously by my sisters that no change had occurred.
Welcome to the club. I had that happen to me. It is the sense of entitlement. Just look at how prince Harry is trying to play the victim ..this happens a lot more than you realize. Best stretegy is seek legal advice or disconnect from the poison. I live poor but wealthy in the wisdom i no longer have to play along all those family dramas blamed accused and kicked about. There is real freedom in the disconnect.
THE POWER OF SHAMING: The sheer volume of stories posted by 60+ yr old's, made me realize how many of us there are, and how long we battled the heart-break seeking a resolution. Thank you to all of you.
I'm in this group too. I didn't really understand WTF was wrong with my sister. I knew she was a pathologic liar, but going through my father declining, I had to figure out how to deal with her. I made the mistake of supplying her this morning. Now I get it. I will stop. But, damn, she makes me so angry with her lies.
I’m in my 20s my sister is a narcissist always angry and aggressive and leaves you feeling shredded up as a person. My mom said it’s both of us…she gets angry if I accidentally put something wrong in the fridge
She will blow up when the situation doesn’t match the crime. If you leave milk outside she will cuss you out and be rude and ugly bring up stuff from 10+ years ago.
It was so sad because my sibling was my best friend. I finally saw who they were when i started to stand up & love on my own. They got all my family to turn against me. Treated me horrible at my birthday, during my engagement, bridal shower, wedding, & me buying my 1st home.... I can't believe it took me so long to finally break away. It sucks because my mom & eldest siblings would always support both my narcissistic siblings. No contact is my path now....😭
I’m so sorry. I still don’t tell people when I achieve something, as it’s frequently met with resentment by my family. I forget marmalade people are just happy for you
I started crying halfway through. Literally from birth I have been hated for the crime of daring to exist. Everything a competition that I didn’t even want to be a part of. I’m currently VLC and even that, only for the benefit of my father.
I'm a scapegoat (and slight truth-teller) with a narcissistic sister and father, and a mother who sides with her constantly. I stopped speaking to my entire family by choice three years ago and it was the best decision I ever made. However, I have really struggled with understanding and working through the grief and trauma that comes with it. Your videos have helped me more than I can ever tell you. Thank you ♥
My narcissistic sister made my life a living hell growing up. She hated me for simply being born, as she was no longer the centre of attention. She tormented me most days, constantly tried to destroy my confidence, and made me feel worthless. I wish things had been different, I wish my parents had noticed it, but she was really clever to hide her behaviour in front of them! I am working really hard to overcome my emotional problems related to this, and I can't wait until the day that I can cut her out of my life completely!
My story of my older brother is very similar - except that he was not clever enough to keep his behaviour totally unnoticed and made up the most extravagant lies about why he did the things he did or said the things he did in order to excuse them.
My narcissistic sister made me feel I am living hell growing up. My mother get that and tried to save me from her. It feels just more to be the problem.
I find the most pernicious thing about growing up with a narc sibling, that they also "grow into" their narcissistic personality. It's like the frog in boiling water idea, their disorder grows worse over time until you're completely stuck in that dynamic. But you could never see it coming, hell, they themselves don't even know what they turned into.
I was just thinking about this. looking back I can see my brother maybe displaying some traits that were shown by my parents who have narcissistic tendencies, but I never thought it’d get this far. 🥲 it’s almost like I don’t know him anymore & it’s hurts.
@@reinaariella7368The grieving does hurt, especially when the only cure right now is no-contact. Thanks for sharing. I’m just now learning about narcissism in my family. 😢
I’m in my mid thirties and am just starting to wrap my head around the fact that I’ve had a covert narcissistic older sister all my life. Im an empath and couldn’t understand why she acts towards me the way she does so I started looking deeper and wow everything fits like puzzle pieces. For so so long I couldn’t understand why we were so dysfunctional when we were together. Watching these videos and doing my own independent reading is helping me come to terms with and mourning the healthy relationship I realize I will never have with my sister. Although sad, I am grateful for the knowledge and insight gained here and thank you for making these videos.
@@priscillaxsafi I understand completely. Growing up, 7 yrs younger than her, she either ignored me, invalidated my feelings, or told me I was too sensitive. My self esteem just plummeted and I have struggled with my self value all of these years.
I relate. I am 30 years old and just starting to understand this family dynamic. I have spent time questioning whether I am the narcissist one in this dysfunctional relationship because we ALL can display narcissistic tendencies; I have gotten caught up in trying to win the game against her, until I realize I can never win because she will never admit fault. But given that I have been told how "sensitive" I am my entire life and given that I have never had such a hateful and difficult relationship with anyone the way I do with my sister, I am comfortable saying that maybe I am not the issue after-all. This has been very liberating.
@@stacyaugust331 Yes Stacy, that's a v painful time. I am so sorry and I truly empathise 😥😓. I came back from abroad to mind my Mum at home when she was really ill some years ago, she loved being in the countryside surrounded by nature, her gardens, green fields, her flowers and plants family and friends. Then my sister phoned one morning and told her that a place had been found in a v good hospital. My mum didn't want to go. She told me so. My heart was breaking for her, she had recently been diagnosed with rapid cancer 😓😥. My narc sister thought she was doing the right thing in making a major decision for my Mum but at a v sensitive time of somebody's life (always, in fact), one has to primarily consider the wishes of the person who is ill. My sister promised my Mum she'd be back home in the place she loved in a few days after having tests done which is the only reason why she went (how can somebody ever guarantee that?). It was devastatingly sad. My mum never did get home. She died in that hospital room surrounded by family and friends less than two weeks later. Yxx
NEVER reconcile with a narc. They always get the upper hand in money matters, shared work/responsibilities, disputes and your time. It'll mostly be effort from your end to mend a broken relationship. FOCUS on other family members more deserving of your resources and time. Nursing a needy narc is pure misery.
I found out about all this from a friend who's aunt gave her "will I ever be good enough" book. Her aunt told her that her mom was a narc and she thinks her brother married one too, my friends mom.
I'm going through this exact thing with my oldest sister who is 11 years older than me, after us 3 other beneficiaries have her removed as trustee, so we can sell the house, then we can finally move on and heal. Dr. Romani I have watched many of your videos and have so much greatfulness for you for educating me. You are so spot on it's eerie! Keep educating people you truly have a gift!
My worst enemy: my sister.
Why? Just because I exist.
🤷🏻♀️
Yep.
I get it.
I say the same - the fact that I need to breathe in and out - just brings out the worst hate.
Stay strong people I also have a narcissistic sister who has cause me so much pain I cut ties with her
Me too! Much love to you
❤️❤️ I no longer play.
"If you have a sibling AND a parent who are narcissists, my heart goes out to you." Why thank-you
🤷💗🌺
both
Thank you x
Thank you, it was tough, very...xxx🌷💕🌷
Word.
Truly the only time you feel peace is when you are NO contact.
True!
Starting to realize this unfortunately
@@gmacc201 just be prepared when you do go no contact, you will receive a verbal smear campaign like never before. It’s insane what my own mother and family has said about me .
That is exactly what I did. Absolutely NO contact with my brother. Unfortunately other members of the family will inevitably "have their opinions" enmeshed with my decision. And it will ruin whatever good connections one has with any other member of the family.
I said GOOD BYE, I don't need this in my life. And the result is that I have no support system. I have some friends, but they have their healthy family, which is a top priority in most people's lives. And they do not understand why I do not want mine.
@@EulaVanDerBiezen-f2r I completely agree. Happy for your decision and strength to follow through. I went NC with my mom and brother . Therefore most of the family has very little to do with me.
One thing I’ve learned from NC is , what did I see in them before? They are all so enmeshed and do nothing but gossip about everyone in and out of the family . They disgust me now, honestly. Blessings to you.
You know you have Narcissistic sibling when it's hard to watch this video without feeling palpitations in your heart
Yes I hear you I've got two of them that tried tag team on me , no contact for me.
@@Deej-er9ts
That no contact feels amazing! I have a sister who is Narcissistic…she has everyone fooled and made people think I was the problem.😳
100%!
@@AN-fg4cd - same - only for me, it’s parents other offspring, a boy 4 yrs older than me.
@@AN-fg4cdSame!! Their jealousy, evil and insanity have no limits!!🤯 Sending you much love!❤
“The parent that doesn’t get it will defend the narcissistic sibling”. I can confirm.
STORY OF MY LIFE
Oh my gosh!!! Yes!
I am just figuring this out after 50 years.
@@andersen6422 me too. You are not alone. 🤍
Yes
Walking away and going silent 12 years ago from my 4 siblings actually saved my life ❤
It most likely saved mine as well.
And I clap for you. Because it takes a warrior to walk away. I'm so glad that you did and I hope you are doing better. ❤
I did it too. However my narc 24:23 brother has been stalking on me and bad mouth about me still. I just ignore him. Luckily we are far away from each other physically. I don’t allow him to harm me. Thank you Dr for posting these wonderful videos - that is my healing!
It's so hard
Year #4 for me. I am happier by myself than I was with my narc sister's judgemental attitude. She is a sick person.
“Narcissists are like the opposite of the lottery. The only way to win is to not play.” Dr Ramani
Agree. I have three sisters and two npd parents. I sometimes stay away from gatherings just so they can't push me onto the bottom of the pile. I'm the dreaded truth teller. But I'm proud of it!
Truth!
Their one of those "charity" lotteries where your expected to be charitable to the cause and thinking you can win something is socially unacceptable because we were in it for the charity to begin with.
The charity cause being the narcissist themselves of course.
There's this saying in casino's, "the bank always wins".
Dr R has the best metaphors, 😂
And it's still not a win. It's just not a constant war.
Her lack of empathy and playing the victim endlessly while constantly criticizing me finally drove me to end all contact with my narcissistic sister. It has been 2 years of peace and personal well being for me!
It's been 11 years now for me. They really leave you no other choice. I've had to learn to think of my sister as dead, even though she lives a few counties away. I just can't have her insanity in my life.
@@Miniver765 My sister lives an hour away. Her health isn't good due to her lifestyle. They will probably call me when she passes. I'm planning to stay away.
@@treeartist9705 That's probably best. You can still mourn her, but mourn for the person she could have been if she hadn't chosen such a destructive path in life. That's what I've had to do with my sister.
Hi! Can I ask how it was dealing with shared friends and community?😢
@@RuciMatalau she has few if any friends and I didn't share them. She lives an hour away, so no shared community. She has bounced around all her life without serious ties.
"Nobody ever rewards a truth teller in a family."
unless it's the "truth" they want to hear.
Only other truth tellers will understand.
I'm not scared to confront them narcs they get mad when I challenge their behavior oh well!
Agree. I play this role, and you only get contempt or fear.
Amen to that.
My parents and siblings formed a narcissistic gang and I was the scapegoat. They almost killed me .
Same here - made mistake of 2nd chances repeatedly. Planning to go No Contact with all - have to for own Health and Safety. Both Narc Parents have kept their jealousy and envy, and use the siblings to do the dirty work. The Golden Child initially did the Flying Monkey role and now become a Narcissist himself - out fox both his Parents. The Narcs did not like I stopped doing the Handmaid role but being Scapegoat on its own is brutal.
Same! Wow! Mine didn’t almost kill me physically, they just keep reframing every story in ways that make me seem like a horrible person. They retell stories from our past and make me out to be a monster. No one else in my life sees me in such a negative light, it’s heartbreaking.
I view it as more of a cult, than a gang- but yeah. Very relatable.
@@lovelylauriestorlie Hello - I still get that so much. The Narcs and the Siblings will twist the truth on so much to mess the mind up. Collectively do the gaslighting, invalidation etc. Outside the house I too get so many nice compliments for my heart. I keep a speech of I have my enemies behind my back and not in front of me.
you're telling my story sister! :)
Let's hear it for the Family Truthtellers and Scapegoats!!! 👏💕🎉
We are the brave ones, who stick to our convictions.
Are all bullies narcissist?
@@cynthiaestrada8318 No.
Yes!! But what a painful spot to be in at times!
Whoot whoot ! Over here girl!! 🥂
My only sibling a sister 18 months older recently visited after 50+ years living in a different country. My anxiety was overwhelming and her visit left me with guilt, worthlessness, hopelessness and grief. After 24yrs of dealing with a narcissistic husband and finally learning ,most through listening to you, about this personality it shocked me that I had never recognized it in my sister. The damage had been done so many years ago . I am 70. Still working on healing and survival.
Thank you for sharing, although I’m sure very difficult for you. I’m here because I’m learning about narcissism in my family, sad to learn no cure yet, besides no-contact. God/Universe bless us grieving together…wishing you well.
@@jrs2024 thank you for your caring response.
I checked again and again if I wrote this! 😮 Same same exact same story here even the recent visit from other country and just realizing it after decades!
@@anrinel4226 That’s incredible. I wish there was a cure for narcissists, really (they must think the same for us). And/or I wish we were educated in elementary school on how to work with such personalities, and how to empower ourselves in conflicts, especially with family. Peace be with you! 🙏🏼
So sorry
Keeping my distance from my narcissistic sibling has been the greatest decision in my life to date
Me too. So glad I was born perceptive and a realist.
My brother is interfering with my work and skills I can't even have financial independence.. It sucks..
I agree, yet I include my whole family other than my children. I could not heal until I was able to do this. They are the definition of evil.
It was so hard for me too. Took me 8 years to finally do this. I feel so free as way better. Kuddos to u all who did this to help yourself.
Was away for 23 years. Recently saw my parents thru hospice. Sibling is much older so memories are few. The relief of leaving again is so profound! I felt in physical danger and utterly cowed.
the narcissist fills the hole in their soul with other people's stolen self esteem
Well said.
Absolutely, and shame on them. Could you imagine actually telling them that in a healing way? It'll never fly!!
Wow,that's spot on!
Sad, but true.
Au, that one hit me... so true!!
This is my story. No contact when you are completely independent is liberating. Free yourself from abuse by all means. Don't feel guilty.
Thank you.
I agree no contact. Later one can forgive but not have any relationship. It is liberating but first cognitive dissonance dominates. Withdrawls. But laughter takes time again. Trust or even self love is difficult. Keep going through the growing.
Thank you
Absolutely
And the wonderful things is that us scapegoats are very independent, we had to be. it's something which the rest of them can never be. I can live anywhere in the world and thrive- none of them can do that :)
I’m literally crying 😢, I never heard someone actually understood that my family was toxic. The only thing that is incorrect is that I don’t want a relationship with them. I don’t care if they are trying. To me if you can’t take accountability then you are not really sorry. Acting like the narcissism never happened is why I think that I no longer want a relationship with them. For years making me think that I was the problem, and yet like an idiot I did apologize and things still didn’t change. I’m so done with them 😒
❤❤❤❤❤❤
I think it's worse than romantic narcissistic relationships. The cruelty is immeasurable.
Yes it sure is! Its traumatizing to experience the insane abuse
It's so horrible. The people who literally share your blood, who are supposed to be there for you, will be your biggest source of agony. You will love them forever while walking away and they will treat you like the villain, saying you don't love them when that's the furthest thing from the truth. It's the most heartbreaking shit.
My sister is a Narc and horrible! I'm so glad I finally withdrew from her toxicity. She now plays the victim role to my own daughter. She also tried to triangulate my daughter against me!
I wouldn't go so far as to say it's worse, because I've experienced both. With a narcissistic relationship if you're able to get out, it's easier to stay disconnected, you can't really do that successfully in a narcissistic family
It is. You can't leave, you can't forget, you can't win.
Honestly, I just left them ALL...early In life, very early, I knew i didn't belong... it's sad as you miss a lot, but alone is better than mistreatment
I tried to get away and failed. Consequently, I paid with my life. They stole everything from me. I didn't realize what the problem was till soon late
I have had to do much the same. Good to know I’m not alone.
You can pick your friends but you can't pick your family but that's not to say you have to put up with them.
I wish I had done the same but I didn't know. I tried 2 times to walk away and for different reasons I had to go back. I only succeeded in my 3rd attempt. And even then I kept contact because I thought distance was enough. It wasn't, never was but I didn't know. Had I known what I know now I would have never contacted them again. For me, knowledge came too late in life. They were already dead when I found out. I wish I would have known earlier in life just to try to salvage something. It came too late.
I wish I'd left when I was made aware of how different I was... it been 60 years! Never too late i plan to enjoy the rest of my life without the blood sucking, needy, lecherous, self-absorbed cruel hearted things I called family!
Narcissistic parents are willing to divide their own children. It makes me so angry and so sad b/c even when sometimes a sibling can understand and see what's going on, the other sibling may not. It divides the entire family and nothing good comes from it.
Experienced this to the T
Eeyup.
so true, i remember as kids there was always 1 or 2 of the 3 of us boys who was the black sheep of the day. now its me for life because i had to cut my mom off, feels good because ive tried waking them up to simple character defects and it never works (nevermind the greater impiications of how society creates these mindsets)
Every time I talk to my mom, she backghands my sis with whatever she has to say- I learned that if I bite, she turns it around on me and gets her mad at me.
Willing? Oh you're 1) in a good mood 2) super optimistic 3) haven't dealt with my family!
“The sibling will not change” that was so heartbreaking and devastating to hear. I miss my little sister. I feel like narcissism took her away from me, forever. It’s not fair
Hugs.
I miss my little sister too. It's so sad. But I saw what she was doing to others, and it devastated me. Fortunately I was warned by her "sugar daddy" before he died in 2020. So, I put up boundaries to protect myself and my money because she totally financially destroyed him. Took me another 4 years, until I had to go no contact.
THIS. 😔 I feel the same; it is unfair & awful because there doesn’t seem to be a hopeful cure, besides a no-contact. I’ve watched MANY therapists’ narc videos, and so far, no cure if narcs won’t change. Not great for society. Anyway, we grieve together & wish everyone well.
I miss my brother,we were close in the beginning 😕 😔 now its just useless to try. 5 years no contact and my mum was mad that I initiated it I will never go back.
@@jaimetoubeau3355 Curious… how old were you & your brother, 5 years ago when you began no contact? How did you explain it to him, if you did? And lastly, if your parents are still married, how did your father react to your decision & at today’s family gatherings? I understand your healthy decision for your well-being. Thanks for sharing.
I've been waiting my entire life to hear someone articulate this for me.
YES. Me, too... read if you can find it?.. my post online here. I think no one talks about it because there is a basic "taboo" against talking about a brother and sister relationship... It is never shown in movies... (and i was a professional reader of movie scripts, read 1,000 of them. Never saw this, as a theme in any script i ever read ). I hope there is more said about this.... love, karin
@@kmoon50 i was unable to find it. Of course as I was scrolling in search of it i kept getting engrossed in reading all the comments and personal stories. It is so validating to watch this explained. And hear others similar insane experiences. The gaslighting on top of the other abuse leaves me sometimes questioning myself. But it really is "real". Sadly. But truth helps.
Me too
Yes,thats how i feel! A year ago i was still clueless about thismstuff. Im starting to heal at last, nearly 60...so much life i missed ...
@@kmoon50 Finally found it! Boy is this a long thread. I think you should write a script. Certainly a lot of interest. One of my worst was a brother, too.
“Your sibling may continue to view you as an incompetent child into adulthood!” Even if your 50!
Yes!,,
Definitely
That speaks to me so much!!
Right, I'm rounding 40. We have to learn it's to the grave! 😖
I'm 61 and just decided enough is enough. No more of being told what to do and when to do it. Freedom....
There is only ONE solution when having a narcissist family member (in my case, a sibling): Get. As. Far. As. Possible. Block he or she from your life and give them no information whatsoever. It sounds extreme to people that never dealt with narcissists, but I'm sure many here will understand.
I understand!!!
I understand quite well!
Nailed it!
Understand 100%
Thank you for saying this
I grew up with a narcissistic parent and a narcissistic sibling and a dad that was a little narcistic but mainly just wasn’t there. It was and still is maddening. It was and still is endless. Endless. Endless gaslighting, boundary violations, criticism, forced silence, scape goating, bizzarly coerced love bombing, enabling and completely lacking in accountability from anyone.
Now I don't need to describe my family, you did it for me. Just one addition, I vomited my rage once, and they called the police and put me in a psychiatric hospital without my consent. 10 years later they still play the victim whenever I discuss this story (I ve gone low contact), because it s very traumatic for them and I am very mean and inconsiderate of their feelings for bringing that up. To this day I am still struggling with psychiatric drug induced parkinsonism and other neurological and psychological issues, the trauma of being forced to psychiatric "treatment" and of being labelled as mad being very deep, but now I know who s crazy and who s not.
You described my hellhole of a home that I grew up in to the letter with the exception of my dad being an alcoholic. I remember wanting to run away when I was around 5,6 years old because it was that bad.
This is my exact life. I just told my therapist today ….WHEN WILL IT END. Cut offs, boundaries, slow fades, grey rocking …..they are RELENTLESS all in the pursuit of being perceived as the opposite of the demons they are. if I’m this terrible crazy person you all make me out to be WHY WONT YOU GO AWAY !!!!!!
@@mac0219 we need lots and lots and lots of rest, permission to our body to rest and get masterful in tai chi, to do all that you re describing with grace and minimum effort, as if war was a beautiful dance. Sending you love and courage💪❤️
Sounds like mine
A narcissistic sibling is so clever and so well hidden, while you wait for them to change, you witness how much worse they get and how damaging the behavior is until you end up walking away entirely. Extremely difficult and very dizzying.
I've decided to walk away. After their behavior at my son's graduation ceremony from the university, it was the last straw my mom included.
My narc sibling studied psychology and told me herself (almost proudly) that she knows she is a narcissist.
I think they go into league with the devil..am sure they don’t realize it tho..but everybody else does
Yes, sir. In the end, it's all that I could do.
@@i.m.hidden2788 now thats heavy. She's fully committed to being perverse. Sorry
"Nobody rewards the truthteller in the family." 💔💔💔
Yup, i sure found that out.
I was the truthteller .. once the golden child - I became the scapegoat.. DADDY THROWS ME IN THE AIR.. memoir/self-help
Understand what you are saying
Not even with proof, I get yelled at until I reveal proof and then they say o well you know how she is... ugh.
God does🙏🏿💯
One narc snob parent ✔️
One narc golden sibling ✔️
One narc tendencies sibling ✔️
Scapegoat and thriving after cutting off entire family 🙋🏼♀️
It’s easy to constantly question if you’re the problem when you’re surrounded by dysfunction. If anyone needs to hear it, you aren’t the problem, you’re doing the right thing and protect the happiness you carve out for yourself with concrete boundaries. You aren’t alone 💜
I was feeling that I am a problem. It helped me 😭
💟💜💟
We are ONE...I SEND YOU LOVE...cuz the pain is Real😔
Ummm.. Are we related? Lol
It feels great that I found a supportive community, finally. ❤️
I never realised how many people struggle with this and that it’s okay to walk away,because it never ends. Thank you for this
My narc sister probably tells everyone that everyone else is a narcissist. She cannot be confronted, explodes, flips it to be the victim, and completely lacks empathy. But that's "just who she is"
I'm sorry you have to deal with that. We all deserve families who treat us with empathy and respect.
Sounds exactly like some of my siblings.
OMG! Yes 1000 times!! My sister is so narcissistic, she claims her husband, and sons are narcissist BUT not her. Now that's some deep rooted BS that will never change. Best option: keep away!
Do yalls sister also declare herself an empath? Especially to win an argument? And can’t forget my fav enabler quote “just let it roll off your shoulder” oof sage wisdom. Sorry you had to experience that, narc sisters are something else. Hopefully sis can let the gray rock roll off her shoulders
My sister is the very same she is abusive but tells her family I am the bad one. She idolises her husband and daughters, but uses me as an emotional punch bag. I was so co dependent it’s been a living hell. I’m now going to a counsellor who’s helping me heal the trauma and grief. Blessing to you and everyone going through this it’s terrible.
I also wanna add, none of my therapists helped me realize my family were narcissists. It was my own education and self realization about my family relationships where the light bulb turned on
Same here, most therapists are just incompetent.
@@keligbo6849 Not incompetent, just don't specialize in it... those who do, get it
Both my therapists told me my family was toxic
Yes, “toxic” and “dysfunctional” have been more popular terms.
My truth in this moment ugghhh
“the only way to win, is not to play”. Thank you so much for this.
that was a good 1
Thank you for the reminder.
THANK YOU! This was freeing!
My husband refers to my practice of this as "throwing the Monopoly board"
Haven’t talked to her for 15 years. I finally learned I’m better off without her.
I'm correctly breaking free did you find it hard. Ì find it difficult.
@@1111sage well my ex was a covert narcissist and did a lot of entitled and petty subversive damage . So I’m just lucky to be alive. I’m pretty much a hermit. Yes it was difficult. The shock of who they are had to become a reality. Then I accepted loads of people are just not nice. And this is my life now. It’s hard to change but I think I chose the safest life I could think of.
Same. it's been 7 years into counting. I seldom every now and again come back to these videos to get a little encouragement because my mind Wonders a lot about the " what could have beens.". (That fantasy of a relationship that I once-over longed for ). But knowing still that it is what it is . But yet now I'm finding myself thinking much more about them through life right now. Which is unusual for me because I know who they are and usually I'm not like this at all. But yet and still I know I'm on the Right path and The Most High God is 😊 1 awesome God 😎💯!
@@1111sage
1 year no contact for me. Feels amazing! She (my sister) still calls, leave messages, and sends flying monkeys. I just find more ways to protect myself and my peace.
You will get used to it once you are finally tired. I left quietly and suggest you do the same. Never go back…it could be your life.
Raised by narcissists. Mother, Father, Older Sister. "The only way to win is to not play"
They're an insane circus 🎪 act we want no part of!
You are dead right there
@Krishna Patel I had a drunk dad. He died when I was 4. My mom was a narcissist and my brother was too. I had married the same type of behavior patterns as my family. I'm older. These two people are dead. The ex I don't know anything about him anymore.
@Krishna Patel We learn by doing. It's a cruel world. Everywhere. Be good to yourself.
Same (older brother, who used to take all his anger out on me physically/psychologically-6 years older, much physically bigger and stronger). It has gotten to the point I am sure they (mom and brother) are capable of murdering me and they pretty much would rather do that than not have full control of me.
I have no contact with my sister, the golden child. I don’t miss her one bit.
Same
Same here
Same here. She’s poison
My sister was the one who thought she was the "Golden child". She thought she was the head of our family even at a young age. She tormented my parents. My Mom was so intimidated by her she would go along with her so as not to have my sib go into a tirade. My younger sister God Bless her she died at age 20, was scared to death of her. She and I were very close. I was the "sandwich baby" and a few months ago one of her nasty letters said "remember you're the baloney between the French bread". actually my Dad loved baloney sandwiches on white bread 😁and we were very close until he passed. 🙏
She's not the Golden Child you are for putting up with her.
It’s taken me 61 years to finally say “enough” to the narcissists and the enablers in my family. It’s had a devastating impact on my life and my ability to trust people, but I am choosing to be the liberation branch on my dysfunctional family tree.
I feel this so deeply ❤ it took me 42 years to say enough to my narcissistic alcoholic sister 💔 and sadly along with her my 10yr old Neice 😭
This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do..my heart is broken 💔 I'm completely alone now..my father died at 56 of a heart attack caused by his alcoholism and my mother is in a cult and abused us viciously as children so we haven't seen her for almost 20 years! She was all I had..and because of that she knew she could abuse me and thought I'd never leave her.
She also thought I'd never leave because of my neice..and used her to keep me in her abusive toxic nightmare. And she was right! I did stay for my neice..even when my sister told me she kissed my ex fiancé when I was with him! Yes I was upset! But my sister didn't care and wouldn't take any accountability so I had to just accept it and try to push forward and I did it for my neice!
But just recently her husband devorced her because of her alcoholism. she then was homeless!..I took her and my neice in off the street and to repay me for that? my sister drank until blackout everyday..hit me, verbally abused me, then would love bomb me and then go back to being disrespectful, nasty and out of control drunk.
Then when I finally said enough!! And told her to get out? She refused to leave! Squatting in half of my home for months and during that time clogged her toilet with urine soaked toilet paper and feices! She trashed the room she was in! She urinated on the floor and in the shower! And then told me that my husband tried to have sex with her IN FRONT OF MY NEICE!!
My husband would N E V E R! I don't even need to ask him that's how much I trust my man! He's an amazing person! This poor man put up with so much of her nasty disrespectful behaviour and countless attempts to seduce him!!it's crazy!
I of course screamed at her to get out of my home and life! And she then said to my neice "didn't uncle mal kiss mummy!?" And my poor 10yo neice looked at me with such sadness in her eyes and nodded yes..
THAT WAS IT! I was done with her...40 years I was a loyal sister and Aunty! I've put up with so much but I draw the line at using a 10yo in adult situations. Pure EVIL! to involve a child in trying to break up her auntys relationship!? Its sick!
We have a son...she didn't care! She was so pissed off that I had the audacity to kick her out that she wanted to destroy my life my relationship and my home..and in turn my sons life. I love my neice ❤ and I always will but I had to do what was right for me and my family..
Sadly my sister began to poison my neice against me anyway so there's nothing I can do now..I was the best Aunty to her..I loved her and we had some beautiful memories together ❤ I just hope she remembers them when her mum says awful things about me :(
It's been 4 months with no contact and it's so hard! I'm morning them..its like they died in a car crash or something..they're gone so fast and I'm struggling. but I know this is what I need to do..as you said I want to be the change in my family! Also I was actually getting physically sick being near her! I'd get stomach cramps and pains that have completely disappeared since I went no contact.
Stay strong my friend ❤️ its not easy..God bless you x
I'm 65. It's never too late. I wrote a comment above so I won't repeat it here. You are a brave soul. I hope you find peace in your decision. I also hope you have one or more loving souls around you who see, hear and validate you for the human being you are! It's quite the journey.
Thanks for the encouraging words. I’m wishing you all the best too!
Excellent work!
Amen to major implications with trusts. After trying to settle affairs after my mother's death...I finally figured out what I was dealing with(a narcissistic brother) it took me 61 years. Thank you so much for validating this. Almost everything you said applied to me. He always had to win at monopoly.
I'm so thankful that my mom supports me. She still loves me and my brother but accepts that I don't feel safe around him and doesn't try to force me to be around.
My first memory of my sister is thinking "I need to stay away from this person"
Me too!
Oh yes - My sister made my life miserable from about age seven😥
Oh Wow !! Serious.
Kids know !!!
Me too! Fearing my brother is an early memory ...used to hide in my closet!
same ! She actually kept tapping my forehead until I cried.
“Your siblings, all the way into adulthood, may still view u as an incompetent child and reiterate that in how they talk to you or about you ...”
Yep. That’s EXACTLY the treatment I’ve gotten for decades.
So true
They're telling everybody I ma habitual pathological liar, I now own five recording devices.
You become the lamp holder .. then they will try to break your lamp too.. .don't be angry.feel sorry for them but don't sleep next to them..they wud throw u under the bus even when u be asleep. You win..if you never be or become like them..
Me too! Wish they would shut it.
@@marthabenner6528 good on you!
“The truth will set you free
But first, it'll piss you off.” - 😎✌️
That’s Gold ! 👍😂
Nailed it!
Whoo boy, yeah.
Yes that’s true I am in the pissed off stage right now because the more I think about this person in all the damage she does I get frustrated and pissed. Not good for my health so I try my hardest not to be that way.
@@monicahughes2757 I'm going through this too, pretty much exactly as you described.
My parents and oldest sibling are narcissistic. I am 66 and still suffering from loneliness and grief from no one speaking to me, or including me. I get cards from my mom that are so mean, for example, "Dont come here for the holidays, we dont want you here. You ruin everything". I have 6 siblings, and none of them speak to me. The day I 1realized it was because my own mother is back stabbing me with talking smack about me to everyone Was the day i gasped and had a whole new understanding of what was going on. Devistated me.' My whole life, I have felt hated. This information is the only thing saving me. The more knowledge, the more I let go. It' s s till very heartbreaking 😢
Hang in there God will send you friends who will help you through this and heal. They will be your support system when family turns on you because of the narcissist lies.
💔
❤️❤️you are not alone , your self respect is more worth than toxic company
I have a narcissistic mother and sister. I am the family scapegoat and it feels so much better to sit out the family holidays. Thank you for showing me how to establish boundaries, become the grey rock and start breathing again!
Congratulations 🎊, love yourself. I had to learn to love myself. You are the best, I hear it in your truth.
Same here and just finally realizing i always thought was me
@@SubconsciousCreations267 Do they tell you you are the problematic one? They say that to me. Sucks >_
Me too it's soul crushing. I don't speak to her anymore, mine and my childrens life is so much better since no contact 🎉
Yes same here.
“The only way to win is to not play.” - Thank you for this video. I feel heard and seen.
It's like Thermonuclear Warfare.
It's only taken A lifetime to learn this. However, its never too late to 'get a life.'
The only way is No contact!
@@salliegallegos918 yup.
@@salliegallegos918 yup.
when i tell people i cut my sister off they say, "oh, you should be back in touch, shes ur sister, afterall." and my deciding not to tolerate her seems to upset other ppl more than me
Ugh that pisses me off sooo much! I have had the 'blood is thicker than water' lecture from so many people who don't know ANYTHING about me or my family. It's messed up. Stick to your guns and ignore their hurtful comments, most say it out of ignorance rather than malice...and if it's malice, drop them too! Big hugs!
That when we should just say nothing, not everyone knows what it's like. Play your card close to your chest. I am doing the same.
Becuz I won't talk 2 my narc sis, everyone in my family calls me a "vindictive bitch"
Dr. Ramani, thanks so much for this video.....it hit me like a brick! Couldn't figure out why I was and am still mad at my narc siblings. It's nice to know that I'm not crazy.
Yeah, I’ve gotten that too. Unless you’ve had to deal with narcissists yourself, you just don’t get it. Lucky them.
I went to contact with my narcissistic sister.....haven't seen her since 2016 and haven't spoken since 2018. Im at peace and living my best life by the grace of God!!!!
I am 70 and just stopped contact with my sister as I cannot take the hurt anymore. I am tired of it all.
One of my favourite sayings is: "The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago, the second best is today!" Big hugs from a middle-aged mum who just made the decision to withdraw completely from a narcissistic sibling...and there will be drama no matter how much I try to avoid it! It's hard and we probably both wish we'd seen it 20 years ago, but we made it! xx
I am 64. It is never too late. I am sure it took so much strength.
I am 62 and hv finally gone no contact w 2 narc sisters. Sadly, it means no contact w the rest of the family too. I was the truth teller and family trash can and scapegoat. It's no surprise that my 2 exes were narcs. The most painful though, is my adult daughter and adult granddaughter. 😥. Devastating dark night of the soul stuff.
@@thedonnashow1 That's really hard sweetie and I feel sad for you and your situation. I dropped contact with my sister years ago and was devastated to lose my nephews by proxy. Years later they started questioning what they had been told about me and independently sought contact. We have a nice relationship now, and while we may never be as close as if we hadn't lost those years we DO have a good relationship now.
I know it hurts and your loss is real, but please don't lose hope that maybe they will choose to walk back into your life. xx
@@sharonweizenbaum1003 me too...I'm 65 years old...please read my comment
I didn't realise my sister was so cruel until our parents died. Looking back the signs were all there. It shook me to the core.
I've noticed this when my dad passed away. it's like they think they can do anything now there's no danger of you going to the parent in question to tell what is/has been going on. it just shows the amount of respect they show for their dead parentand in fact they lied to them their entire life most likely.
if only they would have known when they were alive.
maybe they did and chose to ignore it like they done all their life.
maybe it add's up to that we're not responsible for our parents bad choices
Its traumatic
yes, greif under a circumstances like this can be devastating...
the sibling shows no empathy and it increases their sence of entitlement and it becoumes deficult to even greif your loved one you feal sad all the time and they like it because they want you to be miserable and of you ever start to feel a slight joy they accuse you by being not greifing enough or sad enough and increase the suffering even more...
once i learn that it by experience amazed me how someone can be this cruel and psychopathic beyond our kind imagination
i hope you get through this somehow soon you got this
Haha siblings at war over inheritance is not an old story. Strange beings
Same thing for me. I always knew my older sister was going to be difficult after our parents passed. I just could not imagine how insanely difficult, contentious, petty, greedy and ultimately costly for all of us, she would be. And it's a tragedy that such destructive emotional, legal and financial abuse can go on, unabated by the court system and society, because it's not tangible or provable. And like you said, it shook me to my core.
“Your healthiest play is self preservation”
I really needed that ❤
So honoring thy father and mother doesn't count when they are Narcissists?
Me too.
Now 57. Realised my Mother was a narc later on in my late 20s. Now I realise my only Sister has never liked me and has really been nasty. It’s grieve all over again. I’ve just broken ties, but I don’t deserve to be spoken down to or made to feel my feelings are not validated. No other Family growing up, so no one actually knows what it was like. I’m thinking this is why I’ve never felt connected to society. I don’t know. One day at a time.
Narcissistic sisters and parents plus exaggerated emotional immaturity. I was the gifted, hated child and scapegoat. I have female acquaintances but not friends. Do not trust them. And with these role models I of course attract Narcissistic men. So it's me and my dog. Much more fulfilling, much more love.
You've never been used until you've been used by a narcissistic sibling. And if you want to see hatred, be able to do something well that they feel should be their talent or skill.
I am a muti tradesmen, every time my younger brother came me when doing assorts of physical projects or building/ repairing/ creating, he never lent a hand even when it was for our parents. Over the years I lent him money, worked on his house and been there when he needed big time help. He is never there of me when I need him the most or pay me back. It took a relationshit with a BPD late in life that I figured out why I always "feel" bad inside after just casually conversation; he projects dissatisfy anger within himself of my skills and out going personality. What upsets me the most is my younger sisters say when I complain " oh you boys just don't get along", like its half my fault! Several years ago I installed boundaries and life is so much better, however it still hurts inside to loose a brother. I love my brother but would not have him as a friend.
This is so accurate. I am a dancer. Have been since I was a child. Sister has no rhythm. Has laughed in my face when I've been practicing or dancing for fun and told me what an embarrassment I was. That's always fun.
Absolutely agree!
She said I’m dead to her. I’ve always been aware of her need to “get back” at me for this or that. I kind of wish I was-!
@@alwaysyouramanda I'm glad you're not. I bet you are a bright light in this world and the world is better because you are shining.
My sister is a malignant narcissist and constantly throws insults at everyone in the family. Growing up she was basically a bully to me and things often got physical. I was taught to never hit girls so I never fought back. I literally became a punching bag. Then all of a sudden in highschool she starts acting "nice" but never once apologized for the horrible stuff she did. When she had her first narcissistic rage at me when I was in college, that was when I cut her out for good since she never apologized. She keeps telling my parents how bad my parents were and my mother keeps expecting us to all get along one day. I haven't spoken to my sister in 10 years and I have no intention of speaking to her. I know it's sad for my mother to hear, but letting go of my sister was one of the healthiest decisions for my mental health. I don't care if someone is family, if they're toxic and a threat to my mental health then I don't need them in my life.
My sister says such terrible things about my parents to their small local community. I’ve had the brunt of her narcissistic rage a number of times. My parents say it’s nothing and make light of my pain. Only, I don’t understand why we don’t just get along. There’s 8 years difference between us. I remember my sister always being a difficult person to deal with. She would often say terrible things to me as a teenager and young adult even in front of my parents and my parents would never stop it or say it wasn’t right.
Absolutely!!💯 I salute you, you put your mental health first and foremost and I too have gone no contact!!! Yeah!!!!💜
@@mmedunlop I'm sorry you experienced that; how sh***y! 😢
Don't feel bad.. I just cut my brother off and it only took 66 years.. 😆
Sounds like you just told my own story to a t!!
Never had a single video describe my entire life so accurately to a point where I cried. Narcissistic parents and siblings have ruined my upbringing
I hear you & feel the same. It sucks& esp getting old & not having any family since theyre so divisive, entitled, self serving, manipulative, arrogant, cruel....and my parents were so bad i vowed never to marry & be like them, or have kids. And didny.
I had that type of upbringing as well, Nicolette, but I made a decision that I am not going to allow them to ruin my life. I tried very hard to find a good person to marry and after a few bad attempts at a relationship I found a loving man and married him. The sooner we realize we're in the hole, the better, and it is very important to then stop digging and figure out what we're going to do with our lives. We've been brought up without an identity, since we were only seen as reflections of a very messed up Narc. It is therefore important to remain sober and train our minds, train our habits and ourselves to be to "our selves" what we always needed from our family of origin. Hang in there, kiddo.
You are not alone. I lived my life surrounded by narcissists. It was hell on earth!
Yes Nicolette, this is also an accurate description of all that I have been through.
I was thinking the same thing!!!!
I have a sister who is a narcissist and my adopted son is also one. My mother was a narcissist. All this is something I deal with still at age 72. It is so hard, so painful. I feel alone in the world.
You're not alone :)
God and I love you!
I did too and it was excruciating. At 62 I joined a gym and began my life all over again-I truly reinvented myself although I was terrified each and every step of the way-I just didn't show it. I mean terrible anxiety and I chose to go off all psych meds including ativan. I work out six days a week and it's truly changed my outlook on life. It still breaks my heart that it happened, I lost my nieces and nephew when I called out my sister but she'd been working on that for YEARS prior, excluding me from family vacations (horribly painful) and calling on Christmas Eve to disinvite my husband and myself from Christmas dinner-the list goes on and on. When I got sober and told her my truth she called and spit into my answering machine at home and on my cell. She called both phones for hours until I finally gave in and called her back-over the smallest truth, not even a criticism. Take the baby steps and reach out to people in real life. You need the support of like minded peers.
My heart is breaking. You are telling my story. I'm 69. I don't think I will ever get over the loss. But, I must remain no contact and protect myself because it is true; they don't change.
I let some people back in and I regret it 😖
I completely commiserate with your response. I too feel broken-hearted to finally realise my so-called close bond and relationship with my sister for 60 years is and was always an illusion. I find it so very difficult to accept this awful fact. Now our parents have died I shall be moving towards minimal contact with her as she is toxic.
@@lulahummingbird664 Thank you Lula, I guess we can feel a bit of comfort in our loss knowing that we are not the only ones to experience the unthinkable.
@@chamomiletea9562 Absolutely! After reading so many responses of folk telling their respective stories, it helped me feel less ‘alone’ with my experience. Your message prompted me to message. Family and friends advise me to just walk away now but I am carrying deep disbelief that I did not see the manipulation for what it was. Nor the fact that my sister does not like me let alone love or care about me. It’s very destabilising. Deeply sad also. I’ll come through it but in the meantime I wanted to thank you for helping me realise that I am not alone. 🙏
My story too.
It's definitely the opposite of the lottery, THE ONLY WAY TO WIN IS TO NOT PLAY. But it is so hard and painful. A huge hug to all the survivors
Одлично?🙋🙂
This.
And you!
very painful indeed, too bad they don't care about the pain they're causing
OH MY GOSH. You just explained my entire life to me. I'm in shock. I'm not crazy? I'm not crazy? I am just ...stunned. I've never cried from such a deep, deep place before. My sister is 59, I am 54. This abuse started the day I was born, literally, and continues to this day.
When I had my realization and break through as to what was going on in my life, I felt like I had finally solved a puzzle that I didn’t even know I was trying to solve.
I felt a tremendous amount of relief.
I finally knew that I am NOT “too sensitive” and I DO NOT “take everything personal”.
Things that happened in the past now make more sense. Stuff that was said to me and the way I was treated (and continue to be treated) all line up with this person being a Narcissist.
All the Gaslighting, all the passive aggressive games, an extreme lack of empathy towards certain people….it is all present in this person.
I finally understand and accept that it’s THIER shit, not mine.
I no longer have to deal with it.
This resonates. I hope you're doing better and finding peace and healing
It's so profound when we find out that what we're experiencing there's others going rhgough the exact same thing, so grateful to have access to this information to start on the healing journey.
I hope you find healing...
Girl I thought this was a past comment I made, because I rewatch the dr. Post ,but then I looked up and it's your picture and realized you and I have the EXACT same story.😢😢😢😢
At 79 years old, I have come to realize the narcissistic tendencies of my siblings about 10 years ago . Our mother’s passing brought out the worst in both. Both were too busy with themselves as she declined, upon her death, OMG, the fangs really came out as the claimed what they believed were their entitlements. It was shocking and quite hurtful. Now, I set boundaries on visiting and interacting with them both. We stopped the “family gatherings “. My sister is estranged from children and cannot figure out why. It feels really good to have control of my relationship with them.
Sometimes we just need to hear someone say it and this resonates with me.
Couldn't agree any morr
Resonates with Mē too bro , . Dr Ramani here has pretty much described my situation to ã tee ( uncannily so 😲2 sisters narcs. ).
Oh and greetings from the UK 🇬🇧 Here mān 👍🏻👍🏿
@@UncleBaldy same thing with me, no contact don’t seem to work either they just get triggered.
@Karen Alden well done with accepting the ultimate truth and moving on with your life and I have great respect for you with that you’ve outlined all the feelings that abound with dealing with narcissistic people. Me myself it’s been a massive difference finally accepting that No Contact is the only way that I can heal from the abuses this is what triggered those people I created a life without them and it’s becoming successful and I think maybe it’s a last attempt at making me feel bad being attacked on Facebook of all things for all my friends, my children and anyone else that read the posts I was limited contact at that point it convinced me that I was deluding myself that I would be okay with it putting up with a little bit in order to not upset the apple cart. So now I’m No Contact and that apparently makes me a bad person also it’s been great to have people say how I’m all kinds of bad for it. Thankfully my notes from my therapist stated in one part about how if someone can’t accept that you need to heal to be healthy then it’s dissonance. I needed to see that as the attack made me question myself all over again. I wish everyone was as understanding as your father but no matter I will push on after all at least it’s my own choice and that’s what I will keep reminding myself. For a strange reason I thought that I am not ever going to be accepted with flying monkeys everywhere but I know I can’t change that but I can change myself. I don’t think of myself a victim or a survivor as it’s still ongoing but I do know this I would like to be able to look back in say twenty years without regret and I accept myself with any flaws for any mistakes for whatever reason and I love with all I am and will be sad for not knowing if it could have gotten better but this is what kept me tied. I no longer want to be around this toxicity so we have to see what’s next and where life leads it’s all going to be new ground and I will keep my eyes open with no fear for the need of a better outcome.
Absolutely. Me too.
OMGS I have FINALLY gone NO CONTACT!!! FINALLY!!!! The pain she has caused our entire family and never been accountable for is ASTOUNDING!!!! I’m 50 this year and have finally stopped coddling her need for supply last year. I never once deserved her treatment of me.
Wow ,, you’ve just described my evil sister and her quest to destroy the family!!👀
Good for you. I did the same thing and boy is life peaceful now!
No contact is such a relief!! But like you, I have a family of enablers. I can't seem to forgive them for tolerating the abuse I have suffered for decades. She is my twin & I'm 54! I totally get it!
Happy birthday I'll be 50 this year and went no contact 46.
In just a few hours from listening to this & reading other peoples posts...I don't feel nearly as isolated & alone with this. My thanks to all who have participated today. Boy...what a difference this has made!! 💜
Who can’t take criticism in your life also rules your life. It took me 45 years to realize what I grew up with.
Took me 44 years ..... I win :P
@@ThereIsAlwaysaWay2 Lol my siblings took all the competition in me, if any. You win :-)
Took me 40 years
Don't beat yourself up over not knowing what you were dealing with. It took me 45 years too. My sister is a covert but, I believed that her behavior was due to abuse as a child. ( We both? were. Not 100% sure about her, really. ) I'm over it. I went no contact years ago and it was one of the best things that I've ever done for myself. ❤️
@@ThereIsAlwaysaWay2 😂😂😂
“Giving that parent the validation that they want.” 100% accurate
I heard, "you guys are sisters, you should love each other. All I want is for you guys to love each other."🙄
That's what my dad would say. He was under her spell. I was glad for him when he died so she couldn't use him any more.
My MIL played that card on my wife and SIL all the time. My wife finally told her that since SIL has never, in her life, told her she loves her, that's a lost cause.
I got that too, but my sister also badmouthed me so that our cousins believed I was the problem. I'm letting it all go now. It's really great to have answers, to understand after all these years, but now I have to let it go.
I hear this all time from my mother. I have no problem loving my sister & compromising to her along, but she can never admit when she makes a mistake and refuses to even apologize. Now that I no longer will allow her to walk all over me, the relationship has broken down. And my mom still just wants me to be a doormat. Dr. Ramani is so right when she said that the truth teller is not rewarded but rather made to be the scapegoat. That’s what is happening to me & it is so painful.
That's what my dad says.
You just described my whole family, narc parents and various siblings. I am the truth teller and eventually had to walk away to live in peace.
I'm the truth teller also. When my dad was molesting sisters, I declined and told on him. It's not so much that I love truth as that I dont have a filter!!
Im 67 now and doing ok. ♡
I Am Living out of the Family Home i Rent Out The Back of it. And the Narcissistic in My Family is my Brother and he is also a slumlord Doesn't Put on the air Much Except When I Leave or Heat Much Except When I Leave and I Have a Child trying to get out of the situation and Move. My Mother is in Denial and I'm Good with That and my Father Has Dementia, & Money is involved. &, Honestly I don't care about The Money &, Yes i Am the Truth-Teller in The Family, even Though.Nobody Believes Me... He's Older by 9 years and I am the only one that Gets to see The MASK COME OFF!!! But i Am The Only 1, That Will Stand Up, To My Brother I Am NOT AFRAID OF MY BROTHER and I Will Threaten My Brother. He has Mentally, Emotionally, Verbally and Now i've Been Told i Am Sick by my Dr, The Reason That is, is because he won't put on the Air... and he has done this to me for many years and granite yes I have a mental illness but he's a narcissist amongst other things, it doesn't skip siblings, we all have it, We all Have Some Sort oF ssues... ✌️🙏❤️ & THANK YOU
Me too......
Me too. 😭
Absolutely saved my life being able to walk away. My parents didn’t really care anyway, so walking away, as time went on, became easier. I’ve been lucky enough to met and marry someone who always finds value in me ..respects my opinions and validating my feelings. Thanks again for helping me see what was going on .. and break free
Sadly, it has taken me 75 years to come to terms that my sister will never change. Optimism blinded me, but this video is my wake up call. Words can’t express how grateful being free to accepting the reality! It is what it is... Your words matter🙏🏽☺️🙏🏽
Never too late...better aware now than never. 👏👏👏
Yep,me too
“Optimism blinded me” too! Well put! 👍🙏
@@celiastrang2625 ...and me😔
I too am grateful and it’s also taken me decades!
Took me 50+ years to figure it out, but T least now I understand what has been going on my whole life.
My narcissistic mother constantly states that my narcissistic sister is misunderstood. I’ve been told all my life just to get along with her “she’s your sister after all” like I don’t have a choice. Every interaction is so difficult with her she lashes out, rages, belittles, devalues every aspect of who I am and what I do. My family constantly denies my reality and perception of the reality of our relationship. I’m finally done because I don’t need anyone’s permission to protect my own energy and finally heal.
Yup!!
I feel that. My narc MIL decided the easiest way to make her life easy was to force my wife to get along with my borderline SIL rather than actually parenting.
I hear and see you
Same!!! The mental anguish was next level!
My life exactly
The real mindf*ck is that when you do tell the truth and start building boundaries, they start calling you the toxic and abusive one. It’s their answer for why their healthier siblings have nothing to do with them or the narcissistic parents anymore. The stories get rewritten and the truth becomes a lie and a lie becomes the truth.
That is exactly my husbands family dynamic. So sad.
@@meeperbird how does this apply to my comment? Also, empaths are typically mistaken for those who are codependent and feel responsible for other peoples feelings to their own detriment - boundaries still apply, and apply more so in a situation like what you describe (that, btw, appears to have nothing to do with what the original comment is about). Also, a death of a patriarch should not sway someone having healthy boundaries in the least. No one said anything about not being kind. Kindness or lack thereof have nothing to do with having boundaries or even going no contact. Going no contact isn’t stabbing anyone in the heart - that is a victim-blaming and shaming take. Those who say having boundaries is unkind may be the ones with the problem.
Ever since i was a little girl i felt my parents were off kilter and the constant spankings with the belt and the shame..it explains so very much as my schzoid..ie malious narc brother sit here caring for my 91 mother who is still pitting her senior aged children against each other..the lack of gratitude and the controlling behavior is almost a dark comedy..how could i have been so blind..all i ever wanted was to escape my home..kinda screwed up my own life trying to escape my home life...now back in it..caring for someone who really couldnt care for her own children..cycles...
Or you get labeled as being selfish or a (b)itch for setting boundaries. My narc brother and father both did that to me.
@@meeperbirdyour comment makes no sense. You sound like a narcissist in your comment calling the narcissist the commenter mention’s innocent parties. Wtf Maybe sometimes people should blow up at the mf‘rs, I can’t say they don’t deserve it with their abuse. Wtf are you talking about? You sound ridiculous
When your parents don’t believe you, rather, they believe the narcissistic sibling.
Omgggggg that’s the worst thing ever… it stings so bad
Oh my word yess I'm the eldest but not treated as so younger siblings have gaslit me for a long time yet I was always to blame. I saw them recently after a big blowup nearly 2 years ago and they were not apologetic just denying everything and making me out to be someone who is losing her mind. No thanks distance is best.
They do that because it is the easy option
Yep, triangulation. I had a close friend I lived with who liked my brother, took him two years but he eventually saw my brother for what he’s like. My friend pointed out to me ‘when your brother is with your mum they gang up on you, your mums nice, your brother manipulates everyone, he could also be saying bad stuff about you to her,’ do I asked Mum and she denied it. I said ‘keep an ear out fir what he’s saying to you about me, as I’m a good person, he could be manipulating you,’ and after that her attitude changed a bit. But god.
Ugh...always
This is so very validating, I could cry ... over all of it, but especially hearing for the first time about a sibling obsessed with the parent's estate before the parent has even passed.
I'm living this now my mum's lawyer has said "your mum isn't even dead yet" , I've been kicked to the curb multiple times the world owes these people everything 2 x narsisters.
No contact for me.
I watched this in action. Family members plot how they would rob siblings of their inheritance, before the parent even died. I never knew people could be so evil.
Looking back at my sister there was one aspect of our relationship that was a major red flag. She never ever once APOLOGIZED for her horrible rude behavior. 11/2 years no contact from me. I'm done. If someone doesn't bring joy to your life, get them out. They are not going to change.
I feel you. Everyday I think about how my narc sister disrespected me and harassed for minutes while I was on my hospital bed. Plus all the other shit she did and all the lies she told. The memories are haunting. Been no contact for a year and a half.
When she said 'they never compromise' that sealed it for me. My family's version of an apology is 'I'm sorry you feel we let you down.'
How do you do that when they live in same town and I’m just discovering that that’s been what’s wrong with them?
@@joannegriggs8865 Don't call, pick up the phone or answer the door. Plan holiday's without her/him. Be strong and consistant. You will be so happy.
Absolutely agree. Nothing is ever their fault - they take no responsibility at all for any behaviour. No contact is definitely wise, and the only way to save your own sanity.
"No one ever rewards the truth teller in a family." Oh yea! My life perfectly described!
Or you get a "reward," but it wasn't what you had in mind. Ha, ha!
Omgosh so true. I have had so much push back from going gray rock with my fam. I can tell when they're discussing me. My parents drag my sibs into it.
@@gmamose9152 See the triangulation for what it is and avoid stepping into that pothole.
@@sherrygillis so true. With the help if these vids, I can do that now. Also see things for what they are.
Apparently the truth is not a family value in some families.
That say's it all.
I was 65 before I realized my sister was a narcissist. That kind of 'holy crap' moment was almost like a cheating partner. Until that point, she was my hero, my goddess, my compass. In the years since that recognition, (a) she has become much more aggressive and (b) my memories of her cruelty are flooding back. I might write a book, if only for myself.
My heart goes out for you Susan. I have gone through the same and it has been very painful to me.
I’d read your book
Putting those experiences on paper and seeing how the pieces fit…helps. However, reading it later may shock you. So be prepared for the roller coaster of emotions.
Sorry for your experiences, I would love to read your Book 🤗
Did she do things when you were young.. like if a guy you weren’t really interested in- she tell me to dance with him anyway.
And when she finds out guys you are interested in, she flirt with them and decide if she likes them first.. possibly hook up with them. Then when she decides she doesn’t like them, tells you you should go out with them... 😶
I always put myself ‘beneath’ others I considered friends because I could never be better than the one narc sister.
She created a lot of drama always.
I’m 55... and just fully understanding why I’ve had the relationships I have.
Wow! This is so true!! As a victim of narcissistic sibling abuse, that stress and trauma is long-lasting...thanks for putting this out. We are not crazy. We are abused!!
"I'm not living with you. We occupy the same cage." - Tennessee Williams
Sums up my childhood experience growing up in a narcissistic family.
ha ha ha i got out of dodge at age 14. i didnt really understand what was happening but my gut told me to flee the cage
@@dawn1201 most of us do.
Одлично!!! Поздрав доктор Рамани и свима који су ово доживели!!!!🙋🤗♥️ Срећно!
I always felt like an alien being in my family. I've tried to call out inappropriate behavior to the narc. sibling then the narc. parent and they always turned it back on me, like it's my fault for my reaction to inappropriate behavior. My childhood sucked so bad.
I've seen this play out in families to the point of the suicide of a sibling. There is nothing more evil than this.
I get that. It might be the only way to save my other 2 daughters & granddaughter from feeling the pressure and misery from the ND to turn against me.
I wanna post this now that I’m ostracized
My brother sent me to the er plastic surgery at age 8 almost lost eyesight drown me etc etc He’s a prosecutor wonder why he doesn’t wanna see me
As someone with a narcissistic sibling I can confirm this. Nearly killed myself a number of times this year because of what she’s done to me it’s horrible
@@danielea4343 Hang in there, Daniele. You matter. You are loved, and lovable, deserving of care, not of your sister's mistreatment.
@@teizenn1 I can save you some time and pain; give it up, put them all in the hands of God because the narcissist has already won them over too.
The narcissist is not only abusive to us, they are abusive with everyone that gets close to them....
They burn every single bridge eventually.
Not true. They have their golden child or golden friends and they have their scapegoat.
They also, come for the ones getting close to us.
It's kinda silly the watch them chase around after the people they think are trying to be our friends or trying to be an asset in our life, because then we don't have to depend on them.
Boy they get really mad when they put you out in the cold and then your Vibe tribe shows up , you know the family that's not by Blood. That really upsets them. Your Vibe tribe is not going to go away.
@@faypeatross VIBE TRIBE FANTASTIC ANALOGY.. I have been disturbed for yrs concerning the friends I have had along the way ...particularly a friend who's entire family were narcissistic and abusive to their one daughter...the parents and siblings to the outside world were perfect people. The daughter was a friend for 45yrs. The poor woman had a very serious back operation ..her mother put her children in foster care. The siblings found fault with every thing the poor girl did...no one ever stepped up to the plate to help her. Oh, when the children were brought back home to the biological mother the family gushed over them. With visits spoiled them with gifts and treats.. BUT always found fault with their natural mother ( WHO THEY DENIED WAS EVER ILL ..DENIAL AND LIES) and the family scapegoat. The poor woman became so ill an invalid at a young age mid 40s..the fam the children brain washed them against her and the father of the girls & his new born again wife proceeded with more indoctrination and brain washing. The children were promised the moon, candy and lollipops..they walked into another viper den of NARCISSISTS. Their natural mother did everything she could under the circumstances..but beat down every step of the way by the her ex..the siblings..and her own mother. All the family denying the serious illness and disability of their sister/ daughter. MY FRIEND SPENT A LIFE TIME attempting..seeking the love of her own mother, her children and sibiings. One daughter married a cadet...traveled etc..he became V HIGH UP IN THE MILITARY..IMAGE WAS THEIR MIDDLE NAME. YRS LATER THEN, MORE ILLNESS AGAIN V. ILL, INSTEAD OF PROPER MEDICAL THE DAUGHTER A NURSE HAD HER PLACED IN A HOSPITAL FOR THE MENTALLY ILL. IT TOOK ALMOST A YR FOR THE DOCS TO GET TO THE TRUTH - YRS OF MEDICAL ATTENTION & 10 INCHES OF MEDICAL PAPER WORK. - THEY RELEASED HER AND HER DAUGHTER WAS INFORMED THE MEDICAL PROBLEMS WERE THE ISSUE NOT MENTAL HEALTH. WHEN WE WERE YOUNGER IN 30s early 40s I was invited to join a family labor day cook out..I thought the family to be v pleasant. 2 had homes next to the other. They all made it a point to show off the homes, property, number of vehicles, valuable china etc., they gushed all over me with kindness. My friend was so happy that her sisters and brothers were so pleased to have us both there. It had been yrs since, she felt so accepted. Then BINGO a couple weeks later one sister and another informed her she was not welcome to bring anyone ever to their homes and that she really was not welcome either. They did not like her friend..me. WOW! QUITE A JOLT...I WAS EDUCATED OWNED MY OWN HOME AND FROM A VERY FINE and,Well educated FAMILY BACK GROUND. I was gracious, courteous complimentary and had mentioned how I enjoyed being with everyone. I was informed by my friend she was told not to ever bring me along. 35 yrs later
I realized they circled the wagons because of a very guarded family secret of abuse ..my friend had confronted this years prior. (From her teens to death they never gave this woman a break.) My husb was an attorney, so this made me a threat. They did not like or trust their own sister who yrs earlier confronted them...THESE PEOPLE SPENT A LIFE TIME BEATING THEIR SISTER DOWN , GASLIGHTING; KNOWING HOW PHYSICALLY ILL THIS WAS WOMAN WAS THEY OUSTRACISED AND DEEMED HER MENTALLY DERRANGED TO EACH OTHER AND OUTSIDERS, INCLUDING DESTROYING THE RELATIONSHIP OF HER OWN CHILDREN.....YET, WHO CAME RUNNING WHEN THEIR LIFE TURNED SIDE WAYS...HER YOUNGEST CHILD. AND AT THE END THE OLDEST DAUGHTER BROUGHT HER TO HER HOME FOR CARE. IT TOOK MY FFIEND 55 YEARS TO GAIN HER OWN MOTHERS APPROVAL AND FOR HER MOTHER TO RECOGNIZE HER DAUGHTER HAD BEEN SERIOUSLY ILL FOR 35 YRS. IT ALSO, TOOK ALL THIS FOR HER MOTHER TO MAKE PEACE... IF ALL THE INFO AVAILABLE TODAY HAD BEEN THERE 40..50..60..YRS AGO. MANY DECENT, HONEST LOVING SOULS WOULD NOT END UP TORMENTED ALWAYS TORN BY WHAT THEY ...THEY ACTUALLY, DID NOT DO... WHAT DID THEY EVER DO NOT TO BE LOVED BY THEIR FAMILIES? WHY DID THE FAMILIES TAKE IMMEDIATE DISLIKE TO THEIR SISTERS FRIEND OR FRIENDS THE VIBE TRIBE? THE VIBE TRIBE IS AND WAS THE BIGGEST THREAT. WHY? BECAUSE THE TRUTH SURFACES ( THEIR REALATIVE AND TARGET IS A GREAT PERSON, KIND,LOVING, THOUGHTFUL AND VERY RESPECTED) THE VIBE TRIBE ENDS THE MANIPULATIVE LIES, THE SLANDERING, HARMFUL, CRUEL BEHAVIORS OF THE VICIOUS EGO DRIVEN, NARCISSISTIC FAMILY OF GASLIGHTERS. --' (no matter their nutsville intent,)--THESE PROPLE ARE DEVOID OF CONSCIENCE . THEY DO EVERYTHING IN THEIR POWER TO DESTROY THEIR TARGET. THEY 'EVIL DOER'S' Have a mission no one is better then they...and anyone who is kind, sweet, has integrity, is lovely, etc...no one can be their competition in any respect, school, work, friends, family. Marriage, children etc..they are jealous, insecure humanbeings with a false facade of being on top of everything ..they live in denial, delusion...fantasy. They will be your best friend gush all over you in their company and behind your back they will literally slander leaving an image that you are the enemy number one. If it is a daughter they may actually be competing with her because of her attributes...sons and fathers as well. The do as I say do...the put downs..control etc...many lives are destroyed...this cycle is now broke...thanks to communication etc.. Many abused persons become narcissistic because of environmental abuse and patterns set within fam structure. Therapy should be key to good mental health...not the pop a pill and glide along..there are no magic bullets. These videos are doing a lot of good. But before everyone goes running from family not every parent with traditional values..and well this is the way my parents raised us...is a bad mother or father. Communication must be open ended...if it can not solve or bring understanding forth...then run for the hills..work on you and don't look back.
@Krishna Patel ONLY The MENTALLY STRONG 💪 Survive Successful!!!! I'm Encouraged Even More 🥰 Listening...🙋
I have an older sister (3.5 yrs) who was the golden child in our family. I was the scapegoat. my dad was a raging BP narcissist who seemed to hate all of us and my mom was an alcohol-fueled codependent who accepted blame for everyone's emotional dysregulation. Both parents are dead now. When my mom died in 2021, my sister and I came together to settle her estate. We had some difficult moments but for the most part we survived. Since then, my sister has been pushing me to talk to her more, visit more, and basically have a close relationship, as if the last 50 years, especially our childhood, didn't happen. She is your classic judgmental over-achiever with a childish need for attention - aka, 'strong personality'. I'm in therapy now and my therapist is helping me set boundaries, but I have to say this is harder than any other NPD relationship I've had in my life. Thank you for this video Dr. R!
“Gaslighting by army”, a difficult reality to recognize and to overcome.
Hard to explain to our friends or a new person you might be dating.
narc parent ✅
narc sibling ✅
covert incest ✅
healing & breaking trauma bonds - in progress ⚠️
I feel your suffering i wish you speed in recovery💜💜💜🌸
Me too.
yup, me too! except it's both parents!
@@riotgrrrl oh I'm with you there. Both parents and 2 siblings. The other 2 siblings are too spineless to see it.
@@jenster29 this almost makes me more depressed. That the behavior/ disease is SO OBVIOUS and the coda sibs don’t see it !!
I have three siblings and two are narcissists. I have often felt like I was in the wrong family. The youngest was the golden child and the oldest was the mean, controlling bully. I am the middle child. For the sake of my own mental health and self-care, I have had to set boundaries with both of them. This has released my stress level tremendously. While I might miss them sometimes, I value my new found peace more.
I also just started no contact with my older sister. Never felt more peaceful and safe.
@Krishna Patel definitely NOT the US. We are full of Narcs......and very racist!! You need the THICK skin to live here. :(
I thank God for you middle children! You are the best peacemakers! I have three daughters the middle one is Joy and she has been every bit a true Joy in our Family! You keep those boundaries in place, keep your sweet self safe!
Same in my.family.
@Renee Renee - Exact same dear! And the most healthy and mature sibling is the typical scapegoat. This was very freeing once I figured it out, but it’s still tough at times, because we still have needs 💕
YES! thankyou for addressing this because most narcissistic videos are on romantic relationships. In my opinion it can be way harder to go no contact with close siblings! They're family not just a man you can leave and not have to Interact with.
Exactly!
And, there is extended family to consider, too.
My big take away is to stop trying to get others to see that the other person is a narcissist. I get so frustrated when others don’t get it.
It's easier to con people than it is to show them that they've been conned.
True!
I know!!!! Oh my God these comments are helping me ‘n i am not feeling so discarded
She has s video on that exact subject!!!! Its one of the best !
They are enablers the relatives to enjoy the gossip and gifts from the narc.
I had a narcissistic sibling. She shamed me for everything i did, was always laughing at me. and then pretended to be my friend when she needed something from me. she is fake af. and when i did not give her appraise or smth she blamed me for disappointing her and letting her down. like wtf?
Definitely when they need you or when they are in depression they are the nicest. They play victim and you just believe
Story of my life at the moment. Lol! I'm just waiting for that day that God will open that door for their bs to show so that I can finally block them out of my life completely. I'm tired of their foolishness.
That's envy
@@Sunshine-vu6ie that's interesting, can you elaborate?
@@liinav.3808 the golden child is envious of the scapegoat and feels they got the short end of the stick.
My sister has been a nightmare my whole life. Her arrogance and sense of entitlement make me ill. She takes advantage of everyone she knows. She has not spoken to me since she took everything momma had and put her in a home. Momma died there. I didn't get 1 thing of my mom's...Not even a wilted flower. It is heartbreaking 😭
I'm going through that now. My sister has POA and Mom lives with her. She just moved her to a gated community where they live together. It's difficult when Mom calls me and wants me to visit but I can't. My sister controls her money so if Mom wanted to give me $5, my sister wouldn't allow it. Even though, my nephew has been arrested multiple times and is a recovering addict. She bailed him out of jail with Moms money but when my husband was out of work for a mystery illness, she only gave us a "little bit of money" then got my MOM to tell me "that's all you get". It's hurtful! And when my Dad died, she gave things to her children and grandchildren, including the son who stole from them to buy drugs. 😡
my sister and brother they are super Nacc! its suffering i have to go thru alone when i was young. finally some family members came to rescue me !
She would not be able to take away your fond memories of your mother. Best wishes to you.
Feel for you...I chose no contact anymore. Take care.
My narc sister got power of atty. From my dad and manipulated him to write me out of my trust.
Toxic and evil.
I'm very glad you are addressing this issue. It's because of your videos that I now understand the behavior of my family of origin and that there was nothing wrong with me, but it was them. I will be celebrating my 73rd birthday this month. It's never too late to learn and to heal. Thank you for your work 😊😊
My family stole inheritance from me 😢 I told my self : they have money and I have a health❤ I’m working on my self thanks to you Ramani. My mother my sister and my brother are Narcissists 😢
I feel you. I had the same thing happen to me and it is painful to be robbed of what you are entitled to because your sibling has greed beyond guilt
I have the same fear about my family.
I tried to fight for it. But my sibling had gotten everyone to be on her side and it got to the point where she misled people about my disability and making them believe I was faking my serious medical conditions when she had seen me hospitalized for months. I was baffled that she is also in the healthcare field…
@@swetapatelNarcissistic Personality Disorder includes confabulation. They can talk themselves out of a real reality in an effort to suit their narrative. That makes the relationship even worse. I’m so sorry all that happened to you. It’s horrible. I feel you about it.
I have a sister who I was always getting hurt by and never understood it until I came across your podcasts and it has been a life saver. I now understand sadly that my relationship with her will never be what I had hoped for, I am now moving on with my life. Thank you so much
You're not alone, which is sad.
Same here. 😢She said to me words that are so hard to get over... Again... So I am trying to move on..
You are among a sisterhood of scapegoats coping with 'golden child' siblings. The hardest part in overcoming this (often requiring dealing with your co-dependency) is that telling the truth and enforcing boundaries means you can't be close to that sibling, even when you still love them, unless they change and grow. That's the cost of self-preservation. Having lots of good female friends that appreciate you is the best anecdote.
Mine died , I had enough and quit speaking to her and a year later she died. And I'm finding ot all this cause of my husband is a narcissist . My daughter pointed this out to me.😮
Same
My older narcissist, bully brother managed to marry an even bigger meaner narcissist. I finally went no contact 7 yrs ago. I wish I had done it years earlier. I'm so much happier
Same. The 6 most freeing words, “I am not doing this anymore “ changed everything. I will be happy to never seen them again in this lifetime.
Same here
this sounds like my story! my brother was a narcisstict but I could handle him but then this woman stepped into his life … then the real nightmare started. I live on the same ground with them and was not able to relocate cause of my dogs and loosing my job due to their psychoterror and harm they did to my life. I actually try to find somewhere else to life but this is not easy with dogs at the moment - I have a new job in the other location .. hope i will find a little house to live till April
Same.. Said 'No more ' just recently. Never been happier & in peace
My father's advice to me, regarding my narcissist brother, was "best far away as possible". Very wise words. Luckily both my parents witnessed my brothers attempts to assasinate my character and they saw it for what it was. Thank goodness.
I cut off my Narcisist brother. Enough. Unless he recognizes the condition he has and TRIES to change. Otherwise I'll die without a brother because it is toxic and draining to have a person like this in your life. With Narcisists the only way to win is NOT PLAY. That was powerful
I completely agree
He's not going to change
Same here but I know he'll never change
I've gone no contact for 3 years now. My narc brother is dead to me.
@@nicolemurdock5603 it is sad but it is the best way because they are not going to change
I've only recently realized that my older brother is a narsicist. To my mom, he is the golden child that can do no wrong. What's funny is that he has projected a lot of his narcissistic behaviors onto me; by saying that I am manipulative etc. And recently, he's been convincing my mom to leave all her assets with him and he is even getting banks involved. Sorry about the rant, I just resonated so much with this. Thank you.
they are so sick
I have experienced the same with the 'golden child' and my mother...and not only did I get axed from the estate trust, but I had been lied continuously by my sisters that no change had occurred.
@@dianebergschneider4028 I'm sorry to hear that. I hope things get better❤ thank you for sharing your experience with me.
Welcome to the club. I had that happen to me. It is the sense of entitlement. Just look at how prince Harry is trying to play the victim ..this happens a lot more than you realize.
Best stretegy is seek legal advice or disconnect from the poison.
I live poor but wealthy in the wisdom i no longer have to play along all those family dramas blamed accused and kicked about. There is real freedom in the disconnect.
@@queensigal thank you for your advice and for sharing your experience.
THE POWER OF SHAMING: The sheer volume of stories posted by 60+ yr old's, made me realize how many of us there are, and how long we battled the heart-break seeking a resolution. Thank you to all of you.
Yes!!! I'm amazed and don't generally read all of the comments. Wow! I'm 61 and have learned so much since discovering Dr. Ramani!
I'm in this group too. I didn't really understand WTF was wrong with my sister. I knew she was a pathologic liar, but going through my father declining, I had to figure out how to deal with her. I made the mistake of supplying her this morning. Now I get it. I will stop. But, damn, she makes me so angry with her lies.
Wow. Seeing these comments make me feel lucky I discovered this information & realized things in my late 20s
I’m in my 20s my sister is a narcissist always angry and aggressive and leaves you feeling shredded up as a person. My mom said it’s both of us…she gets angry if I accidentally put something wrong in the fridge
She will blow up when the situation doesn’t match the crime. If you leave milk outside she will cuss you out and be rude and ugly bring up stuff from 10+ years ago.
It was so sad because my sibling was my best friend. I finally saw who they were when i started to stand up & love on my own. They got all my family to turn against me. Treated me horrible at my birthday, during my engagement, bridal shower, wedding, & me buying my 1st home.... I can't believe it took me so long to finally break away.
It sucks because my mom & eldest siblings would always support both my narcissistic siblings.
No contact is my path now....😭
I can so relate it’s so painful keep your head up
I’m so sorry. I still don’t tell people when I achieve something, as it’s frequently met with resentment by my family. I forget marmalade people are just happy for you
It takes me a few years to understand my siblings and mother all of them are narcissist, 🦎🐍
Same you described my life 🤍🤍 I am happier now
I'm here 4 u...thus was also my experience...
I started crying halfway through. Literally from birth I have been hated for the crime of daring to exist. Everything a competition that I didn’t even want to be a part of. I’m currently VLC and even that, only for the benefit of my father.
I'm a scapegoat (and slight truth-teller) with a narcissistic sister and father, and a mother who sides with her constantly. I stopped speaking to my entire family by choice three years ago and it was the best decision I ever made. However, I have really struggled with understanding and working through the grief and trauma that comes with it. Your videos have helped me more than I can ever tell you. Thank you ♥
'Gaslighting by army' that's real! I thought I was crazy🙈
My narcissistic sister made my life a living hell growing up. She hated me for simply being born, as she was no longer the centre of attention. She tormented me most days, constantly tried to destroy my confidence, and made me feel worthless. I wish things had been different, I wish my parents had noticed it, but she was really clever to hide her behaviour in front of them! I am working really hard to overcome my emotional problems related to this, and I can't wait until the day that I can cut her out of my life completely!
@john and Lola seconded
My story of my older brother is very similar - except that he was not clever enough to keep his behaviour totally unnoticed and made up the most extravagant lies about why he did the things he did or said the things he did in order to excuse them.
Ditto, friend. I can identify.
Father and 1 elder, 1 younger sibling, one sharing a room with me. She never shared a thing but hate.
My narcissistic sister made me feel I am living hell growing up. My mother get that and tried to save me from her. It feels just more to be the problem.
I find the most pernicious thing about growing up with a narc sibling, that they also "grow into" their narcissistic personality. It's like the frog in boiling water idea, their disorder grows worse over time until you're completely stuck in that dynamic. But you could never see it coming, hell, they themselves don't even know what they turned into.
I was just thinking about this. looking back I can see my brother maybe displaying some traits that were shown by my parents who have narcissistic tendencies, but I never thought it’d get this far. 🥲 it’s almost like I don’t know him anymore & it’s hurts.
@@reinaariella7368The grieving does hurt, especially when the only cure right now is no-contact. Thanks for sharing. I’m just now learning about narcissism in my family. 😢
I’m in my mid thirties and am just starting to wrap my head around the fact that I’ve had a covert narcissistic older sister all my life. Im an empath and couldn’t understand why she acts towards me the way she does so I started looking deeper and wow everything fits like puzzle pieces. For so so long I couldn’t understand why we were so dysfunctional when we were together. Watching these videos and doing my own independent reading is helping me come to terms with and mourning the healthy relationship I realize I will never have with my sister. Although sad, I am grateful for the knowledge and insight gained here and thank you for making these videos.
I totally relate, sadly. Had to stop contact but now with sick senior parent I'm stuck interacting again.
@@priscillaxsafi I understand completely. Growing up, 7 yrs younger than her, she either ignored me, invalidated my feelings, or told me I was too sensitive. My self esteem just plummeted and I have struggled with my self value all of these years.
I relate. I am 30 years old and just starting to understand this family dynamic. I have spent time questioning whether I am the narcissist one in this dysfunctional relationship because we ALL can display narcissistic tendencies; I have gotten caught up in trying to win the game against her, until I realize I can never win because she will never admit fault. But given that I have been told how "sensitive" I am my entire life and given that I have never had such a hateful and difficult relationship with anyone the way I do with my sister, I am comfortable saying that maybe I am not the issue after-all. This has been very liberating.
So sorry to hear this, Alicia. It's certainly better for you to know in any case. 🙏💕🙏💕🙏💕
@@stacyaugust331 Yes Stacy, that's a v painful time. I am so sorry and I truly empathise 😥😓. I came back from abroad to mind my Mum at home when she was really ill some years ago, she loved being in the countryside surrounded by nature, her gardens, green fields, her flowers and plants family and friends. Then my sister phoned one morning and told her that a place had been found in a v good hospital. My mum didn't want to go. She told me so. My heart was breaking for her, she had recently been diagnosed with rapid cancer 😓😥. My narc sister thought she was doing the right thing in making a major decision for my Mum but at a v sensitive time of somebody's life (always, in fact), one has to primarily consider the wishes of the person who is ill. My sister promised my Mum she'd be back home in the place she loved in a few days after having tests done which is the only reason why she went (how can somebody ever guarantee that?). It was devastatingly sad.
My mum never did get home. She died in that hospital room surrounded by family and friends less than two weeks later. Yxx
NEVER reconcile with a narc. They always get the upper hand in money matters, shared work/responsibilities, disputes and your time. It'll mostly be effort from your end to mend a broken relationship. FOCUS on other family members more deserving of your resources and time. Nursing a needy narc is pure misery.
You absolutely nailed this one. The only thing I can add is the heartbreak of seeing a sibling's narcissism being passed on to their children.
Yes😢😡
I found out about all this from a friend who's aunt gave her "will I ever be good enough" book. Her aunt told her that her mom was a narc and she thinks her brother married one too, my friends mom.
I'm going through this exact thing with my oldest sister who is 11 years older than me, after us 3 other beneficiaries have her removed as trustee, so we can sell the house, then we can finally move on and heal. Dr. Romani I have watched many of your videos and have so much greatfulness for you for educating me. You are so spot on it's eerie! Keep educating people you truly have a gift!