what makes me vulnerable?
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- Опубліковано 1 гру 2016
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"nothing is tastier than praise, please praise me, everyone" Tessa's autobiography
literally
Tessa violet good morning you ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️ good morning you ♥️ tessa violet good morning you ☕☕☕
"I've got real big dreams, but I don't work very hard"
my life
I'm in the same boat as you.
we got this man!
I'm personally going for musician, you should check my songs out and tell me how they are! :)
That's somewhat of a coincidence. My dreams involve becoming a performing singer/songwriter, author, and script writer(whatever the correct title is).
saaame
Please let me know your feeling on vulnerability. also if there's anything you'd like to hear me talk about because 24 videos is half the videos i made in the first 11 months of this year ah
Tessa Violet you should talk about cutting your hair!1!
Tessa Violet first of all i love you second of all I have to do alot acting because I choose drama as one of my GCSEs and I am so physically secure about the way i look that when I do drama I feel like I'm being judged on my personality and it terrifies me becauce my personalty isnt memorable. metaphorically its like going outside without any makeup on. Also trust people, i find it hard to rely on people because ive been let down alot and i just think "if you want it done right ill have to do it yourself" i dont know if this even the same thing your feeling or what the benefits of telling you this but... it was nice seeing it in word form
Tessa Violet it would be awesome if you could do a live stream in which you answer some questions and maybe play a couple of songs!
I have a v hard time being vulnerable with people, but it's also my ultimate dream to have a vulnerable relationship with someone. i.e. it sounds pathetic but one of my dreams in life is to find love and have a romantic relationship, however my anxiety and fear of vulnerability prevent me from putting myself out there for potential "suitors" (lol). How to combat this? lol idk.
What's the difference between a psychologist and a counselor? Where do you find a counselor?
Speakin' some very relatable words, lovely lady. Especially in the perfectionist area. Also, that hair. Too beautiful.
Oh my gosh! Rebeca you watch Tessa violet that's amazing!! I'm a fan of yours! You were the first animation channel I ever watched❤ I also agree with you
seeing big creators commenting on these videos after all these years weirds me out for some reason :D
These are great and also the colors in these. So solid.
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Smoothiefreak I would not hate a colab from you two well spoken Queens.
💯I love your videos ❤️
Yes
I recently had my nose done and whenever I tell someone about it we always have the same conversation "you didn't need it, your nose looked great before, you were already pretty" etc.. and I wondered why we can't treat plastic surgery like any other change to our physical appearance. i.e.people don't (usually) get tattoos because they have a problem with how your skin looked before and if you dye your hair it's not because you were insecure about your normal hair colour. It's just about wanting your outer appearance to reflect more about your personality. I know a lot of people in my social circles have heard/seen my nose and I'm sure they perceive me as vain or insecure and I wish I could I justify my decision to everyone.
I definitely relate to being uncomfortable knowing how other people perceive me... More so if we're close. It's fun for me to hear what people who don't me very well think of me, but if it's someone who does know me, their opinion means more and it's scary.
TheLetterFifteen that's so true omg
I loooove, love hearing your inner processes vocalized. also love seeing u love ur curls!!
THANKS, ALISON
Your portrayal of reacting to praise is probably the best thing I've ever seen.
"the truth resists simplicity" -john green (seemed relevant)
HOLLA
I immediately recognized your song in Hank's video yesterday.
can't help but notice how nicely CURLED your hair is
look at that high contrast 2013 tessa
hahaha holla. i think that was 2012.
Tessa Violet HOLY HOLIDAY YOU REPLIED IM SHOOK
I relate so much with how you crave praise but feel very uncomfortable when you actually get it.
Tessa, you never fail to make me think "THATS HOW IVE BEEN FEELING SOMEONE SAID IT!!!" (Also your hair is gr8 m8 8/8)
asking people how they perceive you? sounds horrifying
Laurence Long It's horrifying precisely because people's perceptions of me have no bearing on who I really am.
People's judgements serve only to highlight the disparity between my authentic inner self and how I actually appear to others. Vital aspects of my character always seem to be lost in translation.
Laurence Long I have a longing to be understood, dude. Genuine human connection and all that jazz
Laurence Long Agreed :)
It's really interesting. It would also be nice to ask the same people again in 5-10 years.
Wow if the rest of vlogmas is going to be like these last two videos I'm gonna be enjoying the absolute schwoop out of them. I think you're helping a lot of people to reach essential insights about themselves, including me.
My anger tends to reach overwhelming levels (I completely hide it though so nobody notices), which causes me to call myself a bad person, so it's always good to expand on the cause of the anger in stead of trying to suppress it. Also I'll be doing the "how do you perceive me" thing. Thank you for this video :3
*always good to be reminded to expand...
Also, the problem with focusing on the cause of the anger has to do with a fear of vulnerability. It feels humiliating to admit to yourself "I was really hurt by what this person said", especially if you're a guy. It's okay to feel frustrated with the human condition, which makes it okay for me to talk about my feelings under the label "philosophizing", but to be hurt by a person? I don't want to be that guy who gets his feelings hurt by specific people. Ever. Lol I'm gaining insight as I'm typing this. I should have an honest conversation with myself soon.
Dang Tessa. This is so important. You are important. It's really great to hear your opinion on all of this, because I struggle with it daily and it's so hard! You are incredible at using your platform for good.
Vulnerability is such a strange thing... It's like I'm allowing someone a piece of myself and trusting that they won't completely smash it to bits... Yup, still learning that.
Also hope that you can take that bit of praise and accept it, even if it's hard, because you deserve it.
U so smart
It is a blessing to have a friend who can speak the truth in love you about whatever.
i think i feel most vulnerable when i'm being honest with someone who pissed me off. i feel guilty for telling them and i overthink how mean i was or how hurt they'd be (it's that pesky hufflepuff loyalty shining through). the last time it happened though, it was more honest and tumultuous than ever, and i realised that it's important for my opinion to be heard, and that it is valuable, because otherwise it just seems like i'm totally okay with everything. that short moment of fear is worth having security and honesty with other people.
Talking to you in person about anger was so useful to me. You're SUCH a good egg. See you so soon
YOU ARE
Tessa singing Hey soul sister to the tune of Come and Get Your Love is my spirit animal
The thing that makes me feel the most vulnerable is asking for help. And the fear of being let down or dismissed usually makes me avoid it, but because of my depression this year, I've been trying to build up the courage to do it more often. It's terrifying, but so rewarding when people do offer a hand.
YOUR HAIR IS BEAUTIFUL PLEASE DO A TUTORIAL
I spend so much time in my head feeling like I have to know and figure out and fix what's "wrong" with me at any point before anyone can catch it that I either don't know where to start with an actual problem or i create new ones out of self-consciousness. a friend actually messaged me a few weeks ago saying they were hurt that i didn't tell them that i got a promising offer on my house. i realized i hadn't told anyone. my communication roots itself in my projected need to not be a "burden" or "take over the conversation" so to avoid that, i just don't talk. in my head, i think about that so much and how rude or offensive it could be if i talk about myself that i never considered my friends feel cut off from me. i've started casually asking choice trustworthy people if they feel like i keep to myself too much as in to a point rant could hurt them or even myself and everyone has scoffed and said "duh". i've never felt like I can ask someone that kind of thing about me or share the things I think about myself in a dialogue that will be productive and clear but just watching these feels like im having an honest calm chat with someone i look up to and relate to a lot (u) and your brain talk videos like this are so great! (also the aesthetic is so! calming!) growing is so so important and really what i focus on but i know i can't pick and choose which aspects of myself to grow freely and which to repress until I'm convinced that it's for the best. this got me thinking so much aaah. thank u. love u.
love that idea of asking those close to you what their perception of you is. there's a lot to be learned there that goes beyond any self reflection and/or therapy.
I find others have this higher opinion about me than I have about myself. Sometimes I forget how just the presence of a person can affect those around them. It gives me confidence to see myself through others eyes. 😊
Vlogmas day two: more vulnerability AND more curls (which look super fab, by the way!)
Oh man, I feel the wanting praise but not knowing how to deal with it so bad. Whenever I make something, I want people to like it and tell me... but then I am terrified of them finding something wrong with it and then that affecting the way they perceive me. So many levels.
+Abi haha ah AH
personally, i feel vulnerable around people who are overly confident and have a tendency to make others feel very small (metaphorically). the same goes for people who put their reputation above everything else. i just start to slowly build up a sort of anger towards the concept of it, and thanks to this video i now know that that anger stems from frustration (as well as vulnerability). i'm definitely going to try and work on it as a part of my personal growth for 2017
Well your hair curled😁
it's lovely
Your insight about how you don't like hearing other people's opinion of you out of pride resonated with me so much.
Random side note... this thumbnail is SO CUTE YOUR SMILE IS ADORABLE
This video made me uncomfortable and start fear something I'm not sure what. You've got to be brave to even think of talking or dealing with it. Also Hair is A+
I still have trouble sometimes receiving compliments and feedback from others--but one of the most powerful conversations I've ever had was with an old friend about how when someone compliments you, even if you don't think it's true or you don't believe them, you say thank you. It's really helpful to do--because if you can just accept the words without dismissing them or brushing them off, it's easier to accept that the other person genuinely meant it (after all, we rarely pay compliments we don't mean), and if they genuinely meant it, then there's something in you that genuinely exhibits it. I think it takes years of practice to really internalize that, but as someone who's a few years into that journey--it's helped and improved my relationships a lot. That's something.
I've been feeling this way growing up and I thought it's just me locking myself up but now I understand myself better while watching this.
watching these videos is so calming omg I'm so in love with your voice x
i'm loving vlogmas so much so far! this topics are so interesting !!
These videos from you Tessa are so great. Such a breathe of fresh air. I just wish they were longer!
Yupp definitely feel both today and yesterdays videos deep in my soul placeeeee
TESSA i love these vlogmas videos they make me so happy and excited and you always talk about something really interesting. Also the ending music is always ace.
this is by far my favorite vlogmas! such deep, much wow :D
honesty is so beautiful
feeling this. thank you, i'm excited for the rest of your vlogmas!
It's such a unique, special and strange thing to listen to someone talk about themselves and realize things about yourself too. Thank you, Tessa
Thank you so much for this and the last video. Your attempt to be as honest as you can is fierce and inspiring.
I'm really liking your vlogmas videos. They're helping me to ask myself questions that I need to ask. They make ya think and thank you for the think. 👍🏼
Well I do love and value you Tessa! I am soooo thankful you started to make more videos this year!
"People can see you complexly, and not perfect, and still like you." Didn't quite know how much I needed to hear this until right now. Thanks for the reminder Tessa :))❤
I really love these videos, Tessa. You're so raw, and open, and true. It's a real comfort to know that someone thinks and struggles in a similar way. I'm working on being more gentle with myself and others. ❤️
Tessa, these thoughts are so important and are making me self-reflect and thank you so much ❤️
How is it you get more stunning in every video. I'm glad I found your videos in 2009/10. You always inspire me
this is why i'm subbed to you. because you make these amazing videos that i can relate to (like the praise thing) and you're so open and honest and now i'm fangirling. bye.
You are quickly becoming one of my fav UA-camrs; I love all of your videos, they're so refreshing and they really make me think so thank you and I love you, you're great xxx
i feel like this is my free therapy. and also i feel like this channel is so precious, like i want everone to know her but at the same time i dont want anyone to find her out
tessa you looked absolutely stunning in this video!! and this was incredibly well spoken, thank you for this. its really helpful to me personally to have a rationalised understanding of anger and why its okay to feel that way!! love you x
I APPRECIATE that you are talking about these vulnerabilities, because I have the EXACT same ones and I can barely even get myself to be open with my counselor about it. Craziness! Anyway, this month (and forevermore) I will be working hard to open up to others and allow myself to be vulnerable. Yipes.
You are quite literally the only "vlog" channel I sub to. Not sure when I found you but it's been a few years. Seeing your progression from then to now is really inspiring. Not that you weren't inspiring then, a few of my "favorite" videos are yours actually, but the openness and willingness to put yourself out there and discuss things about yourself that is actually terrifying to talk about is amazing. I don't think I would call them insecurities, more like...obstacles. Each and every time you make a video, it is entertaining and enlightening at the same time. While I haven't had/don't have all of the same "obstacles" as you, the way you present it makes it much easier to comprehend and understand the process behind it. I, for one, tend to bottle everything up inside and just keep pushing it down. Like when the trash is full and you don't want to take it out so you just push it, or stomp on it, or jump on it. Personally, you are an inspiration. I am not comfortable, and might not ever be, with discussing what I keep inside, but maybe, just maybe, one of your videos will be the spark to the light bulb and everything will click. Really looking forward to your Vlogmas and the insight each video will provide. Keep your head up and keep on being.
thank you so much for making this video, i've really been dealing with this sort of thing lately. my counselor JUST told me about the concept of anger being a secondary emotion and it has already really helped me sort out what/why i'm feeling which in turn allows me to validate myself.
Oh Tessa, I'm so happy you're doing these vlogmas, it feels awesome to sit and hear you talking about feelings and ways of thinking. ALSO YOUR HAIR LOOKS GORGEOUS
this was phenomenal!! i felt the same about 'not feeling' anger for a long time. now i let myself feel it and i find its very motivating and makes me more creative.
rewatching, but
surprisingly, I don't find it hard to ask people how they feel about me. I constantly feel like my friends dislike aspects of me and I know there are negative aspects of me that I am unconscious of, or even conscious of that I don't feel the need to change, and while a friend's honest opinion on my problems can be incredibly surprising or hurtful, I'd much rather they be honest with me than go on pretending they don't notice my faults.
Last year my friends and I sat in a circle, going around and sharing opinions with each other on how we perceived the good and not so good parts of everyone. It was incredibly vulnerable and I haven't reached that level of vulnerability since. I think part of the reason that I'm afraid to be vulnerable is because I'm afraid to come off as weak or incompetent. I focus too much on making others happy.
I related a lot to the feeling of hurt pride when you discussed people thinking that they know you better than you know yourself. I'm almost struggling to see how it's irrational. When people make assumptions about me, especially overarching ones, it deflates and sometimes upsets me because I'm the only one who really knows the work that I do or how I feel about things.
Maybe it is irrational and I just haven't gotten to the point in my personal growth where I can perceive it just yet. I've got quite a bit of growing left to do.
I'm so excited for vlogmas!!
I feel the same way about praise. I love your open talking videos. You are honest, open, willing to talk about things you do wrong. Love it!! Also you are hilarious
these videos are so throughly entertaining. I've been watching your vlogs for over 4 years now and I feel as if they've grown older and more mature with me. I love vicariously working through my own shit while listening to you talk about yours. Yea I just love these a lot.
If i'vr learned anything from therapy and concealing it's that I don't actually know everyone about myself. Sometimes we hide or ignore parts of ourselves that we find weak or unattractive and it can cause real issues later on in life. I found out so many things about how I live my life by going there.
I love our when you do these deep talky videos, they make me think so much!
Super pumped for your vlogmas ❤️
I love how genuinely personal this video and the last one was! I really hope you keep posting a video a day until Christmas! Let's go vlogmas!
super happy vlogmas is back
I love that cut at the end, there's something so crisp about it.
AH I've thought about anger so much in the past and I totally agree with you/used to be like you too! Accept the anger, it's so normal to feel feelings and anger is not a bad thing! and oh gosh, asking my friends to tell me how they perceive me has got to be the scariest thing ever.
i love these vlogs so much because they just are really thought provoking
Aaahhh Tessa I'm so so excited about vlogmas for you! I'm already so interested in all this dialogue. Also, if you felt comfortable talking about going to therapy that would be awesome, i'm currently going through a particularly rough time and listening to people talk about their own experiences in counselling helps me process my own sessions :') happy December!
ohmygoodness this is exactly how i've been feeling lately. I'm VERY praise-driven, I want people to think I'm perfect, but when I actually receive praise it's like a dry up and don't know what to do, and you're right: it's not a humble reaction, it's one of pride. I've been especially forced to confront it lately because a friend of mine is very successful in my field and is getting all the recognition she deserves, but that means I'm not getting as much, even if I say I don't want it. And it's definitely wrapped in the fact that I hate being vulnerable. thanks for summing up my feelings
I relate so much to what you said about not knowing how to react and deal with someone praising you. I've been told by some that I'm humble, but I never feel that way. I feel like it's more just me not allowing myself to feel happy about what I've done because being prideful is seen as bad (or at least i think)
I've never been able to formulate it, but the way you described getting praise is exactly the way I feel too. You keep doing this, making cohesive sentences out of the soup in my brain. Thanks for that.
These are the best vlogmas ❤️
Great Video! I really enjoy these types of videos because I see a lot of my own emotional and social issues in yours and listening to you vocalize them and your though process is really helpful for me.
I don't know where to start with working on myself... but it's really cool that you are thinking this deeply about things. I try my best to avoid vulnerable situations and ignore all relating thoughts
what a lovely video, thank you so much for this tessa! also, your hair is the prettiest thing ever I love love LOVE it.
Love these deep thoughts 😊
So many of the things you're talking about resonate with me omg
I relate to this honestly so well. The fact that once you voice something it solidifies it but then at the same time makes you realize how silly it is is something I took so long to get over! It was just easier to pretend it didn't exist! Actually it was as a result of hearing how you and Shawna have seen counselors that I started to see a counselor this year to help me through some unhealthy mental habits I've had my entire life and it has been beyond amazing how much it has started to help me.
So thanks for being you, and for making the video's you do. They help and encourage so much and honestly, even though I know you aren't a professional, you really make a difference with these random video's, so keep doing you! Im so proud to see how much you're growing!
I really love what you're doing with your vlogmas so far. I relate a lot to what you're saying about being vulnerable. I'm pretty comfortable opening up to people I love and trust, but it's like they have to ask the right questions to get me to do that. If they don't ask, I'm not going to just give them some of my vulnerable tales of despair, heartbreak, etc. that drive a lot of my behaviors now. That doesn't seem rational to me, so it's like I make an obstacle course for those I love to figure out in order to get into the depths of the labyrinth that is me, my heart and my soul. I've acknowledged this on and off for several years, but I'm not sure how to not do it. I recently was participating in something at school where I assessed myself and then had to choose people in different parts of my life to respond to my assessment and assess me. One of my friends mentioned that I strive to make people comfortable around me, which makes it easy for them to open up to me, but means that I often don't voice my own concerns in order to make things "easier". That's my issue with vulnerability. I am so worried people will leave me (since I have had that happen so many times in the past) that I figure if I just don't say why they've hurt me or that they're doing something bad, it will all be fine and nothing will go wrong. I'm afraid of being actively vulnerable so it makes our relationship passively vulnerable since it'll be built on good good good and no real depth that is too dangerous or scary, if that makes sense.
Love these videos, they're really insightful :) also I love your hair
Wow, that was an incredibly personal video. Thank you so much for your honesty in talking about yourself (praise, sorry). I very much related to a few things you said. I just imagined me asking my friends to be completely honest, and I think my heart stopped for a second lol. I've asked them about parts of myself, actions, or opinions in the past, but never a full-out diagnosis. I have a lot to think about. Thank you again.
I was waiting for you to acknowledge how great your hair looked! I have such similar feelings when it comes to vulnerability. For instance, I wont go to a movie that I know will make me cry because I get mad if someone sees me crying and mentions it. Obviously I'm crying, DON'T LOOK AT ME! Gah! So I get that sad, angry, vulnerable connection a lot!
Ok Tessa- this video is so me. Thank you for making this it's SO GOOD. I feel so awkward when people praise me but also I am also praise-driven. Thanks so much!
Aaa, these last two videos have spoken to me a lot. Vulnerability is something that I've had a lot of issues with, and they've helped me understand myself better when it comes to this topic
I like to think i know myself very well too, so i generally don't enjoy when people talk to me about myself in any way. The same happens with advice and help in general, i don't like asking for it and even when people offer to help, i will not accept it, because i feel i am supposed to be able to handle everything on my own and asking for help is a sign of defeat or failure, which it's not, but I've always tended to see it that way. And this mindset that I've always had has affected a lot, with my personal goals and even with relationships, because i will not allow myself to be vulnerable in front of others, even the people that i tend to see as close. And just like you said in the last i have always been open to talking about my problems and flaws with others, but always trying to seem very self-aware and in control of them, which is sorta like a mask i put on to prevent myself from getting hurt (which i guess if feeling vulnerable) This year i've been exercising putting myself in situations i do not normally like to put myself, and i think i'm going to try out asking my friends about how they perceive me (with flaws and all lol), and hopefully allowing myself to be shown in that vulnerable position.
Anyways, thank you for the video, Tessa! :D
*even more beautiful than yesterday !!*
Every time you do a video I relate so much and it suprises me just how much every time, also you're too gorgeous it kinda hurts
Holy hell the hair is so good!
Thank you for doing these. It's brave to keep it inside but it's even braver to let it out. Wish I did this more.
I feel the same with praise and opinions! I'm glad it not just me 😌
Tessa, thank you so much for this! I can relate to pretty much everything that you said here. My sister and I talk about this sort of stuff a lot and we both feel that if we brought this up with other people, they probably wouldn't understand or they'd think that we're self-centred or too self-indulgent. You're a rare find, Tessa. I'm sure people like you exist but they're probably spread out across the globe... or perhaps I just need to open up to more people outside my family...
thank you for this! I relate to this so much!!!
"I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THIS"
accurate commentary on how i feel getting praised
i just love your hair like that it brings me LIFE
You're my biggest inspiration, i love you so much!!