what is love?
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- Опубліковано 2 гру 2016
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"he loves me, but is he loving me?" is my favourite line
Ruth A I read that right as she said it lol
I wish more people had this sort of emotional intelligence. I try to talk to my friends sometimes about how I'm feeling about girls, and how I should maybe convey that. They always tell me I'm thinking too much about it
AverageAfro Also the infamous "stop thinking about it just do it" manages to make me even more angry.
Calminos so don’t follow that order. Sometimes it’s for the best just to think about it.
try finding a girl/boy that would like to express feelings and wouldn’t reject you saying ‘you’re thinking too much about it’. If you can’t, I’m always here. Don’t worry, I’m stuck in the same hole you’ve fallen through I guess? I keep thinking about a boy and every-time I bring it up my friends get annoyed and say ‘don’t overthink it, you barely know the guy’. See, love is a strange and not a very easy thing to take in, but just remember there is never a time where you ‘think too much about it’. It’s love! You can’t control it (and if u can u are a lucky person). Oh I just realised this was a year ago lol.
Overthinking is a thing, but it's too easy to brand someone an ovethinker. The other end of that spectrum is look before you leap, so there's a balance to strike.
This is the best channel for Mental Health Positivity- both through music and talking.
I love you as a person, I love you as an artist, and I love how incredibly crisp the video and audio are
same to you. also crisp audio is my love language.
Tessa Violet "Crisp audio is my love language", yup, that's going in the quote book.
i like your brain
Oh my gosh a zombie 😂
Ooo, the "he loves me but is he loving me" thing is a good way for me to explain what my relationship with my parents is like. I usually say "they love me but I don't feel loved by them", but I think saying it like this would make more sense to people. Thanks for posting this!
+KaeAnde ❤️
The more I see your hair the more I love it
Baby don't hurt me. Don't hurt me. No more.
Also. This was a brilliantly articulate video.
aww jazza no fair i was about to post the exact same comment you beat me to it :P
moment I saw the title of this vid, that song popped into my head and I started doing that head bob from SNL/Night at the Rocksbury
omg i just read 3 comments saying before saying that, and i didn't get it till just now lol
mouhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha absolutely the same think
Such an important distinction between kindness and niceness. I definitely think I conflate the two even though I believe in having the hard conversations with people, with the act of loving, as crucial. & loved what you said about leaving. So important.
BABY DON'T HURT ME NO MORE just gained even more meaning.
Words, girl. Words.
I love the way you articulated the difference between the love n. and the love v. Especially at the end where you shared with us a personal example without calling anybody out.
Baby don't hurt me
Baby don't hurt me
No more
Just A Group Of Friends #winning
Just A Group Of Friends I was gonna say that
I was thinking that too!^_^
Just A Group Of Friends hahaha! YES. so glad I'm not alone! (at least on the internet...LOL)
+
on the topic of different kinds of love that you mentioned at the start, ancient Greeks has names for different kinds:
Eros, or sexual passion
Philia, or deep friendship.
Ludus, or playful love.
Agape, or love for everyone.
Pragma, or longstanding love. Philautia, or love of the self.
Gerg C FYI, I'm going to edit my post to mention yours. I think it's very interesting.
+
i knew Eros and agape because cough cough yoi cough cough
uncle cordy same
You forgot storge
This has actually helped me understand a lot, thankyou.
much love
i know i could say more but THIS. Sincerely, THIS.
agree. 100%
I was focused on the big swirl of hair the whole time lol
Bahar Kocaman I'm sitting here wondering how much longer I need to grow my hair to achieve this wonderfulness...
Bahar Kocaman Which one?
same actually
+Nobody the one at the top
her hair has life x. x
I love you but am I *loving you.
This is such a great way to keep ourselves in check about how we treat others, especially the people we say we love. Wow, I really love this, Tessa!
I was trying to explain kindness and niceness to someone the other day. Being able to tell someone something we know they wont like, but need to hear for them to grow and/or stop hurting themselves/others, it really is an act of love.
I just nodded to all over this honestly. Agree with it all. Important and something that took me years to learn myself.
I'd love to hear about people's experience with this issue who grew up with a language that did differentiate between these concepts.
Having to parse out the difference between love and loving seems like a lesson that must be learned the hard way.
Wow, "he loves me, but is he loving me?" This is the sentence I've been trying to find.
Great point about the difference between kindness and niceness. It's important to be honest in a kind way.
You're very well spoken.
This video is important. I'm guilty of being too nice even when I feel hurt. It's almost as if I feel that showing negative emotions is selfish especially when I live such a privileged life. How dare I feel bad if someone says something that hurts me you know? But keeping quiet doesn't help anyone in the long run. Thank you Tessa.
the colours and light and softness of these videoes are so pretty
I dont even know how many times ive watched this video. I keep coming back to it. I keep coming back to your videos in general. Thanks for sharing stuff like that.
Your brain produces such intricate and fruitful trains of thought and you elaborate on these ideas in such a way that it touches all the bases of thought you have and leaves room to expand on each branch. Your way of thought is admirable.
This video gave me goosebumps. I love your wordage and I love your timing. Tom Colicchio said something like "the best meals leave you wanting another bite." this reminds me of that. My brain needed a good meal. Thank you!
I love your style of videos, both in the aesthetically pleasingness and in the actual conversation. It's so nice and calming and overall just very wonderful.
Michaela Lenahan +
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I really enjoy these vlog type videos. they're so insightful, so well thought out and and I think really put out messages that people need to hear, myself included.
I so completely agree, this is the sort of stuff I try to express to people and you put it in understandable terms. Thank you.
I've been enjoying your videos so so much recently :) This one in particular resonated. Keep em coming m'dear! x
I LOVE HER HAIR AS MUCH AS HER SINGING
This so accurately conveys so much of my thoughts on how people's actions line up with their words/feelings. Man does the stuff about people who continue hurting you after you've spoken up hit home.
I loved every second of this. Yes. You so concisely and wonderfully put a concept that is so difficult to live well sometimes, but so worth it.
I know this is a little off topic, but THANK YOU. Thank you for inspiring me to post original songs. 💖
I think I'm going to comment on every one of your vlogmas videos just to tell you how much I love you as a creator and a human and how much I value your thoughts. 🙆🏻
thanks, Mackenzie
I love to hear your thoughts, seriously. Your videos are so motivating to me, even the ones that aren't really meant to be motivating, just hearing you talk about stuff makes me feel inspired in some sort of way
I just love what you had to say about clarifying the difference between niceness and kindness! I I grew up thinking that ANY conflict or contention was baaaaaad. But now I know that I have to the hard or uncomfortable conversations if I want to grow as a person and grow in my relationships. Thanks Tessa!
thank you.. this is wonderful. I'm glad people who are articulate and kind and relatable like you exist. I needed this so much. love you and your wonderful mind tessa xxx
Thanks, Ali :,]
My love for dogs deserves its own separate word daMMIT
LITERALLY
I literally watched this five times in a row so I could hear again how truthful this is, and so that this message could seep into my mind. Thank you for this video, it's helped me realize a lot about myself.
These videos are so helpful to me. You eloquently break things down and help me understand honest and healthier ways to approach certain things about myself and others. Also, the fact that you open yourself up to talk about these things in the first place 👍🏻❤️
I really needed to hear some of these things, it really puts things into perspective. Thank you Tessa!
Good luck, Becky
this video made me realize so much. never been so happy to watch a video in a while
This vlogsmas is hugging my heart, calming my mind and keeping my soul clear.
So glad for vlogmas! these short videos are amazing and give out so much calm positive vibes, not to mention something very interesting to think about!
THIS IS SO IMPORTANT. I love it. In the feeling way, and this comment is the action. See what I did there??? ;) but really, as I've gotten older I definitely agree that true kindness is sometimes having hard conversations because you care, vs niceness which is.... kind of surface level??? That's why a lot of ingrained social interactions are called "niceties" and they just become habitual. Generally no one _actually_ cares how you are when they ask; they ask because it's a socially ingrained politeness. Kindness is doing the hard thing from a place of love. Niceness is passivity for the sake of not stirring the pot. Also, really liked the concept of loving someone being for the good of them, the good of you and the good of the world. That's a great way to view relationships.
But also, food for thought (because this is something I think about a LOT) since everyone has different love languages, is it fair to judge the _way_ that someone is loving you as being inherently wrong in some way?? I mean, obviously you shouldn't let people continually hurt you, but just because someone isn't providing the kind of love actions that you specifically need, and all they can provide is the knowledge that they feeling love you, how do you handle something like that??
+alyssalakey I think it's unfair to expect someone to love you the way you wish to be loved without telling them, but if you tell someone "quality time is how I like to be loved" and they say "well too bad, gifts is how I like to love people". Then it's up to you whether you feel like being with someone who isn't willing to work with your needs. I would say if someone refuses to love you in the way you clearly communicate is how you need to be loved, then they aren't really loving you (action), they're feeling loving you then blaming you for your needs. Love requires sacrifice and compromise.
Tessa Violet +
Tessa Violet I love this answer. Thank you so much for replying, because this is something I go back and forth with a lot in my head and never really come around to a good answer. Feelings have a way of getting in the way when it comes to things like that. Really appreciate it 💕
so good, tessa. i wish someone would have shared this message with me several years ago; would have saved me from an awful relationship. thank you for sharing this!!!! i'm continually blown away by your wisdom and articulation of feeling. 💕
love how these videos are a chronology of your various attempts to curl your hair :) also I feel like the feeling vs acting love is a great explanation of my relationship with my dad. thank you for this description; I didn't know how to put it into words.
thank you so much for this vid! I've been feeling so confused about a sort of toxic friendship I'm in, and what you said totally makes so much sense. Its like a light bulb when off when you said it. I have a friend who feeling loves me but isn't loving me because she's hurting me, constantly. thank you thank you!
Delivering the truth honestly and delicately; hardest lesson I continuously embrace. "Niceness doesn't have hard conversations." Golden nugget there. When both people can be individuals and rise into love together. Like the fall and then rising into with action each day to grow. Goodreads quote today is this: "There is love in holding and there is love in letting go."
- Elizabeth Berg
wow I love that quote.
Simply profound.
Call it a Patreon perk. UA-cam did its job, Rye Pie. :)
This is so insightful, Tessa. Thank you for sharing this with us!
I absolutely loved the distinction you made in this video Tessa! It's absolutely crucial to be able to see the correlation between action and feeling love.
everything you said gave me chills because it's like you're putting my exact feelings into the most perfect wordings. you're so beautiful tessa, keep spreading the good in the world
loving the vlogmas
ur thumbnail tho
+Tessa Violet that's def a foot not a thumb?
I'm really enjoying these videos :))
thank you!
I've really been enjoying these videos and hearing your thoughts, I like the way you look at life
Thank you, Tessa, I can relate so much to what you said about the destinction between the feeling of love and the action of loving. I'm going through the same thing as you did right now, and while I am very aware of how bad it is, it's still very hard to let go
Tessa! I have to recommend a book to you (I never recommend books... ha... oh wait). It's a short story anthology called 'How Much the Heart Can Hold: Seven Stories on Love' and the introduction says:
''Each person I've told about this book has had a similar reaction: a head tilt and a 'mmm' noise. Because they are, of course, assuming that this is another short story collection about romantic love. They're expecting candles and chocolate and star-crossed lovers; stolen kisses, maybe, and acts of fate. I can't say I blame them. The word 'love' comes loaded with centuries of discourse which, for the most part, has focused on a binary (lover/beloved) concept.
But look further back and you'll find that the Ancient Greeks especially had different words for love referring to a different aspect of the idea: from storge (familial love) to agape (charitable expansive love) philautia (love of the self) and eros (sexual passion and desire). I felt that these different types of love were ripe for exploration, and what better way to attempt that than in the form of seven short stories by seven different writers.
These stories explore love as a plural concept but, more than that, after reading them I was led to think about love as a tool for change. I hope they leave you with the same conviction.' More here: tinyurl.com/gu36urr lots of love xx
Also - this video was wonderful xxxx
it seems lovely
❤❤
I have yet to read her book (she said she mentions it more in depth there), but at this q&a event with Anna Kendrick that I was at earlier this week she talked about niceness and how she dislikes that term/trait. What she admires about someone isn't their niceness, it's their passion or intellect or honesty. "Being nice" is like the nice (ha) way to say bland or unextraordinary. Kindness is valuable, it seems more heartfelt or that the person is thoughtful - but nice? Eh.
P.S. - Curls are lookin' fab.
I LOVE Anna Kendrick and I totally can't wait to read her book!
thewinterizzy hey, i didnt knew there was a book! I'm new. WHAT IS THE NAME OF THIS BOOK, where will be available omg. it must be lovely
Gianne Carla Ramos Anna's book is titled Scrappy Little Nobody and it's available all the usual places as far as I know (Barnes & Noble, Amazon, etc.). Just Google it and it'll come up!
thewinterizzy Thanks!!! omg
this helped me clear my mind on the differentiation of the two. i would always confuse the two but it really helps when you just pull apart the two and say that kindness is no always nice but it's doing something for the better of someone's well being and that's love.
The way you put it make it very easy to understand, and I think you're right about the differences between feeling love and loving; I think so many people confuse loving for so many other things, like you said sometimes you've got to confront someone because you love them and you want them to see things they might not see, or to work things out for the betterment of everyone involved. This was a really important video, thank you for making it.
this describes my last relationship perfectly. he was emotionally abusive but he still loved me, he was just not the greatest at doing the action of loving me, and ultimately i had to leave. doesn't mean i didn't love him, you just gotta take a step away sometimes.
also, i word your missing in the english vocabulary: a middleground word between love and like. In noway we have two expressions: "jeg elsker deg" which means "I love you", and "jeg er glad i deg" which also means I love you, but not aaaas powerful. It sort of means more "I am very fond of you, you make me happy, you are my friend +++"
And i just like to have those nuances. (an example of this is my friend who is married to a brit, and she said that she could say "I love you" to him loooong before she could say "Jeg elsker deg" bc the norwegian expression is a lot more powerful. )
I hate that there isn' that differenciation in english aswell! In german we also have two different expressions "Ich hab dich lieb" which is the less powerful one, meaning I really like you, or I am very fond of you, and there is "ich liebe dich" which is the typical I love you and is a lot stronger.. As a native speaker in both english and german I can also say I love you a lot earlier in a relationship than "ich liebe dich" because in german is just seems to have more meaning/is more powerful!
In Chile is the same. We speak spanish, and here we also have 2 different ways of saying ''I love you'' that doesn't mean the same. For example, ''Te quiero''. This is something you would say to a really close friend or your family to tell them you really feel good around them and you appreciate their company a lot. And we also have ''Te amo'' wich is much stronger than ''Te quiero'' and it would be weird if you tell this to your mother (for example, lol), mostly used to tell your loved one that you really really are attracted to them...
I just wanted to contribute :D
It is also worth noting that "elske" (love) is a verb that also acts as a synonym for "to make love."
The concept of love = Kjærlighet.
The act of loving, both physically or mentally = Elske.
On a weird side note:
A boyfriend or girlfriend = Kjæreste. (Translates to dearest.)
A lover = Elsker. (Often used regarding affairs, or friends with benefits.)
Language is fun.
Also, our National anthem's title translates to: "Yes we love."
I love this video so much and I completely agree with you! Having the feeling of Loving and the action of loving are very different, it took me forever to figure that out. But thank you so much for making this video and just being amazing in general 💕
holy moly did i need to hear this right now. God bless ya, tessa. your thoughts went straight 2 my heart & made it grow a size or two
I love these videos, less then my friends but definitely more than blueberries ^_^
The "Why not choose kindess?" video is the whole reason I found your channel. I enjoy your music and your mind. Thank you for sharing both ❤
Thank you!
Thank you. Watching your videos really help and congratulations on your new single. It's a great little bop.
This is completely enlightening... I think I needed to hear this SO MUCH. thank you so much.
WHAT IS LOVE? BABY DON'T HURT ME
DON'T HURT ME ,NO MOREEEE
KeepCalmAnd EatBacon WAH WAH WAHWAH WAH WAHWAH
dis is gud
u r
Tessa Violet 💜💜
I believe love is a connection, at its core. and hard conversations can be had by people who love you, not otherwise.
i keep coming back to this video over and over because its so insightful and helpful aaa
This was... I didn't know I needed this talk? But I can 100% see where it applies in my own relationships. Thank you.
In Spanish exists two words for this one is "Te quiero" when you say a dog or something, but you can says "Te amo" when you really love somebody or something.
As a Spanish speaker, I can testify that "Te amo" is incredibly intimate.
yeah, you can say "te quiero" for not so close friends or family, and "te amo" for really close friends, family or lovers
It is true we have those two words! Although I never use "te amo", it sounds weird to me, I would say "te quiero" to a family member/friend/lover, and "me encanta" if I am talking about something (like, I love apples = me encantan las manzanas). Overall I think we have more variety in spanish to express those feelings : )
Esgar Rodríguez Lol. I was about to say it but I surfed the comment section and it appeared.
You really give really good advice even tho you don't notice it! I love your songs and your really an inspiration to someone who's finding their voice :)
Glad I clicked on this again today, you explained this so perfectly. thank you thank you thank you for being such a good and calm deep breath, i very much needed it.
This is so weird that you made this video. My best friend, who is a Pastor, and I were texting the other day about loving your enemies. The thought suddenly came to me, and I said "The reason people don't love others is because they don't love themselves." I think before you enter into a relationship (of any sort) you must take some time to learn about your own wants, desires and needs. How can we expect the people around us to know what we want if we aren't quite sure ourselves? True maturity is the ability to express our feelings verbally. I have basically learned over the years that love is two flawed people who refuse to give up on each other. (of course not talking about any pattern of abuse, because in that case run) Watching your videos, whether music or talkie, is always such an enjoyment keep up the good work Tessa.
Thanks, Jason! That's lovely!
These were some wise words, I'm in awe
I love these deep thinking insightful conversations. Thanks for sharing Tessa
Yes. This is perfectly worded and explains something I've grappled with for many years. It's so important to have the words to not just explain something, but to also just acknowledge and understand it. You can see examples of this everywhere, in every human struggle- how the lack of vocabulary to explain something that is happening allows people to consider it to be "normal" or not worth addressing and discussing.
"This is love: not that we loved God but that he loved us." 1 John 4:10. I couldn't resist haha. Great video!
Моя королева
I found this super interesting to watch bc I'm currently stuck between a rock (kindness) and a hard place (niceness) with a friend, where I don't feel they put the same effort into our friendship as I do and lash out at me when they're feeling low and I should tell them bc I care but doing that would hurt them bc I know they're so insecure about being a good person and friend and telling them that would devistate them. It's really really hard making these choices sometimes. Thanks for the video Tessa, a great way to look at relationships ^^
I really like your insights and the way you express your thoughts.
DONT HURT MEEEE. NO MORE!
Have you ever read C.S. Lewis "The Four Loves"? I think you'd get a lot out of that book.
FantastyFairy +
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I'm so happy you finally made a video about this! I remember you mentioning it on snapchat awhile back and I'm so thankful you finally did. Thank you for this video.
This is such an interesting conversation on this topic. I feel like this really opened up my eyes to the difference between the feeling of love and the action of love. Thank you for that.
BABY DON'T HURT ME, DON'T ME...NO MORE
ngl love is krispy kreme doughnuts
+Harley Carter accurate
this was uploaded on my birthday and it made me so happy, i needed this. thank you ❤
This video helps me a lot. the words that you use are just so perfect.
Baby don't hurt me, no more
Off-topic, I love your hairdo.
The coloring and mood in your latest videos is SO on point! And with your hair its just aaw yaas
Your thoughts are spoken so fluently and clearly I love it
Славяночка💛💛💙💙💛💛💙💙
Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more
Thank you for this. It was something I wasn't even aware of, but now a lot of things that have happened are becoming clear. This video is so important, thank you
This is something I really needed to hear. Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom.