Why do we care what others think?
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- Опубліковано 23 сер 2024
- Why do we care so much about what others think about us?
Why do so many of us find ourselves desperately seeking the validation & approval of others?
And why does it hurt so much when we don’t get it?
Let’s explore!
Neuroscience research from 2013 (Meshi, Morawetz & Heekeren, 2013) found that when we receive positive social feedback about our reputation or character, it feels good because it activates a part of the brain known as the ventral striatum - this is a reward-centre.
The problem is that if you pay too much attention to receiving praise, then you might attach your sense of self to that praise, which may lead you to do things which are inauthentic, but allow you to receive more praise. As you can imagine, this quickly becomes a dangerous & slippery slope…
We also know that when you don’t receive the approval you seek, it can feel like a form of social rejection, and rejection activates the same areas of the brain as when you experience physical pain - it hurts! (Eisenberger, Lieberman, Williams, 2003)
So…
👉 Try and detach yourself from your desire for validation & approval. If you notice it, ask yourself, “where does this desire stem from? What has led me to feel ‘less than’?”
👉 If you notice your sense of worth becoming attached to how others see you, remind yourself that you are inherently worthy. Recall your character strengths & the value you bring.
👉 Find ways to be of service to others- this is one of the most powerful ways to quieten the ego and restore a feeling of value and dignity.
The Research:
Meshi, D., Morawetz, C., & Heekeren, H. R. (2013). Nucleus accumbens response to gains in reputation for the self relative to gains for others predicts social media use. Frontiers in human neuroscience, 7, 439.
Eisenberger, N. I., Lieberman, M. D., & Williams, K. D. (2003). Does rejection hurt? An fMRI study of social exclusion. Science, 302(5643), 290-292.
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Here's the research and remember always investigate for yourself:
Meshi, D., Morawetz, C., & Heekeren, H. R. (2013). Nucleus accumbens response to gains in reputation for the self relative to gains for others predicts social media use. Frontiers in human neuroscience, 7, 439.
Eisenberger, N. I., Lieberman, M. D., & Williams, K. D. (2003). Does rejection hurt? An fMRI study of social exclusion. Science, 302(5643), 290-292.
I trust your word.
No need for corroboration.
👍
@Shade Zahrai i love your videos and the people related topics you speak. It has helped me on various occasions. Keep up putting grest content. Looking forward to have a one on one session with you.
Your videos make me smarter
Keep the videos coming plzz.....
I live my life that way. You think that too right? RIGHT? PLZ DONT IGNORE ME!!!!!
This is so important. I always just tell myself that I cannot please everybody. Makes a lot easier to accept rejections.
I remember the quote “your mind is in a constant duality between how you see yourself and how others see you.” Point is, self-awareness helps you win that battle; you know who you are.
What if i feel i dont know myself?
@@JolinHard you do know yourself, you just won’t come to terms with it since your under the pressure of believing what other people think you are.
@@JolinHardMeditation may help in developing this awareness, my friend
The biggest craving of all is the craving to get appreciated.
It is an addiction starts from our childhood.
It’s not just a reward thing. It’s literally important for our survival to be included at least in a certain group.
I'm worthy and good enough. I don't need anyone to decide my worth !
I don't care about what people say about me. I make decisions on my own.
"desire is the root of all suffering"
- Gautama Buddha
Why Is my middle name Desire !!
You are worthy enough. Value yourself. It's not based on what others think of you. Avoid looking for validation from others and live your life 😊
Rightly said, after being in a relationship for 7 years and then other person leaving made me realize my own self. Though it took another 2 more years and hell lot of physical pain and hurt. But overall a positive me came out of this incident, You are absolutely right, nowadays people, choice and things are quite easier to understand for me as self recognition is there. 🙂
That’s true… you can’t pleased everyone so take a chill pill 💊 and we should think about our own betterment 😇
Let’s detach ourselves from the need for validation and approval by others. Let’s break free and take pride in ourselves
It doesn't work that way
@@chaitanyarajesh1815 how does it work???
@@mr.rabbit8033 Your conscious mind does not have a 100% say on you
@P Pierre Amen 🙏🏾
and tell me how do you do that?.... million dollar question
This channel is a treasure I swear
This is was so needed 😢...thankyou so much....I hope to detach myself from validation
We want to be liked it’s our innate desire
We must protect this gem at all costs.
Finally a short video series that can add value. 😊 thank you 🙏
Thank you this positive. Energy I appreciate that 🌺🌹🌺
When i get what others think of me as bad feedback, I move on work, family,social,power authorities, etc yes I become detachable in every way possible consequences because it's all around us.
such good advice I am a muslim and in islam god taught us to only look for him being satisfied with us not people
I am loving it what you say , if we practice it could really make a difference!!
Thank you ma'am for good advice.Will help me be at peace with myself.
Dr. Phil used to say, we wouldn't worry so much what others think of us if we realized just how seldom they actually do so!
We care what others think of us because humans are a highly social species and our individual success is largely a function of what others think of us.
Survival instincts yep
great advice. i can add to this by suggesting that the best way to naturally detach ourselves from our desire for validation and approval, is through brain training. I achieved this in the last 5 years, since practicing meditation and hatha yoga, in a very spiritual and personal journey. I have been studying these disciplines through Eastern religions and philosophy, focusing on inner change rather than the physical benefits as the focus. I had a troubled childhood without a quality father figure in my life and as a result, i experienced lack of self love, lack of confidence and lack of quality relationships in my younger years. I was too afraid to be alone. it took 38 years of life and a near death exprience to completely heal and become the strong leader i was born to be. I learned to free myself from the need to feel loved by others, when i learnt to love myself. Now, i am better equipped to actually help others themselves because of my journey. I also do not feel sad if others occasionally reject my help or my points of view. its all okay.
😊 . Thanks for the revelations .
You are 💯 right ❤❤❤❤❤
Detachment is not easy when we depend on it for survival as social species
Shadé please suggest some books for personal growth and development. Love your content..
absolutely right
Pure Golden content. 🔥
Shade, everything's ON POINT!! ❤️
Brain acts according to the inputs very nice..❤
You have a perfect grip on your subject, respect from Melbourne.
Thank youuuu, Am learning
My wife is an approval seeker. She gets her feelings hurt way to much. I don't get hurt by people, my skin is way too thick and I'm smarter than most people that I know.
Maybe us women are more sensitive to other's validation. Not all but often.
More sensitive nervesystem and for primary reasons who knows.
Thank you so much for sharing this knowledge 👍 as it will help me to eradicate one of my major problem - desire of validation and approval
It has been Life crippling. Baby steps out of external approval. It's wild when it starts clicking into place that the wildest antics you could ever do would barely register with anyone around you after some time. It's painful to look at my past lost opportunities and as freeing for future me's potential. Anyone else relate or having that breakthrough?
I never did cause I'm comfortable with myself I can go out to dinner alone and not feel like I'm outa place or anything. Also when I do I wind up meeting some ladies who are astounded by my self confidence
, positivity and appreciation for the little things in life 👊🏽🤲🏽🙏🏽💯
Shadé Can you please make a video of self development and growth in life. You are great.
I already know this but sometimes it is really hard to implement.
Needed to hear this tonight! Thank you. ❤
So much of the science !
So.... Don't feel what your brain makes you feel all the time.... ✨✨✨
Yes it helps to know it's our brains giving pain signals. Distraction, doing other things to keep it moving like goig to the gym help me!
Love watching ur videos… ur the best
God sent a few angels in this earth to take care of the planet. You are one of them.😊
You always ray joy and balance, this is the only video where it seems like you were sad... so hope i am wrong and where ever u stand at this moment ❤. It's always a joy to hear what u have to say
Thanks very much
Why dies getting detached from people or listening to negative comments from them keeps us down always?
Thank you😎🙏🏻
You’re right Dr
Not so difficult when it's toxic friendships, or the workplace.
Not so easy when it's your parents.
wisdom!
How to detach myself from desire to validation and approval?
Live your life
Spirituality is the answer
practice building up ur self esteem so u become someone YOU like. remind urself of all the things u like about urself. and if there are some things u dont like & theyre changeable, change it ! if u wish u were more fit, then make a dedicated goal to start going to the gym & actually stick with it. if u wish u could wear the crazy fashion u imagine in ur head but think its too crazy/ppl will judge, practice wearing crazy outfits in small bits at a time until u get comfortable. basically, do little things everyday to make urself look and act like ur most ideal version of u & eventually the confidence will follow. u just have to make sure u keep practicing & dont give up no matter what the insecure ppl around u tell u. thats the only rule. cause if u dont give up, eventually u will realize there is nothing to be afraid of because most ppl are just insecure followers who might actually start copying ur crazy style if u do it with enough confidence lol
Give it to yourself
You are so addictive like your speech and content💕
YYYess! I did! And holy cow is it freeing!
What others think about us is the most wasteful thought of our life
I getting benefits from cognitive behavior theory as you said. Thanks a lot😊
Thank you 😊
You're welcome 😊
I love your voice,,,, I can listen whole day ❤️
It's soft n painful...few have a voice that matches looks...She's the Elvis of advice.
I care, but I care more how they will treat me. Not as much what they think. If they don’t like me that’s hard, but because of trauma they usually indicates they will be negative towards me and hurt me. That’s what I’m truly afraid of, rejection, meanness, bullying. 💚
Yes, but it's so natural....this need does not ever tend to reduce....I think it's human to seek such validations at times!
I know i m a good Person nd i tend to consider others more than me but i Ve really understood i m enough nd good so i must really try not to care what immature bad think of me
Try to validate and reward yourself 😊
I stopped caring what people think a long time ago. I feel sorry for people that do care.
Can u plz make a video on why people usually escape those who helped them grow.
I agree with what you say mom I love with what you're thinking, if we practice it could really make a deffrence thank you for your kindness advices thank you again 💯🙏❤️
You are so welcome!
It's overwhelmingly hard.
good topic
You are great😊❤
Suas aulas são muito importantes pra mim prof ❤❤❤
It is easy to say but not easy to do...Anyway we can always try
I love this Shadé, this is amazing 👏 😍 💜
I love how u do ur eye makeup
You are best 🎉
❤love it
Thanks for sharing this. However, could you please also suggest some ideas…..to detach ourselves from desire for approval and validation.
Idont care what others think of me in life now....i am my own person....im happy with me.😊
Thank you!❤❤
I love your career tips they are exactly what I need lovely keep going
Could you please share journaling ideas to avoid stress
in a world where social media apps are all about validation through photos, vids, etc. it’s harder said than done 😭 I’m working on it though 😅
By seeing you positive came easily
Thanks mam.
I was just thinking sbout this today❤..how did my phone know this😮
You are awesome!!
Plain & Simple... ❤️
Thank you mam
Most welcome 😊
You are amazing 😂
You are a golden mine . That's why I love Sadhguru's Isha Kriya meditation : I' m not the body, I'm not even the mind / emotions. 🙏❤❤
Great advice ✍
This definitely helped today 😌💙😌💙😌
Wow what not you said !
Super 👍
Great
Shadé, you are fabulous and this color and style of clothing syits you heaps.
So, in lay man terms, don't seek approval from others. That's it!
Excellent advice @Shade 🤍
Please advise on how to detach. What techniques to use.
Amei sua aula prof
Thanks a lot for researching so much, it helps in understanding it as a fact rather than a opinion. Facts are always preferred by the brain for assimilation. Funny part is being a med student, I studied about ventral striata being stressed about how much of the syllabus others might have completed and how much behind I will be. Well the key was in what I was studying 🤣😅