11 Things I Wish I Knew Before Having Two Kids (baby #3?, recovery changes in our relationship)
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- Опубліковано 26 чер 2024
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Timestamps
00:00 Things I Wish I Knew Before Having Two Kids
00:53 You'll be forced to slow down
02:38 Differences in pregnancy
04:23 Fear of birth
06:31 Postpartum and recovery
08:00 Feeling Disconnected to Family
10:13 Time you'll miss with your other kids
12:55 Babies are all so different
14:44 The bond between siblings
15:52 Mom guilt
18:11 Transition from 1-2
19:15 Relationship with your partner
Hey HealthNuts, welcome to my corner of the internet! My name is Nikole and I’m the face behind HealthNut Nutrition. Here on my UA-cam channel, I talk about all things food, self-care, wellness, lifestyle, motherhood and our little family of four! I post a NEW video every Wednesday at 3 pm EST, such as What I Eat In a Day, Healthy Recipes, Lifestyle Vlogs, Healthy Grocery Hauls, Routines and MORE!
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ughhh you made me cry 😢 i currently have a 3 month old and an almost 3 year old. i cry alllll the time at how much i miss my first born. i miss our time together when it was just us two, and then i end up feeling guilty that i can’t give her all the time she wants with me. being a mom is HARD! and balancing time with multiples is even harder
This is what I’m going through now! I’ll just cryyyy cry cry, or emotions show in different ways. It’s the hardest 😭 no one mentioned these feelings..
Newborns are only easy if you have an easy newborn. My first baby cried all day and did not sleep. I now have a first grader and a preteen and the first three months with my first were wayyyyyyy harder than anything that came after. Even though toddlerhood was tough too. The newborn stage with my first was almost unsurvivable.
Agreed. He. Never. Stopped. Screaming. 😅😅 and now he’s a wild, hyperactive toddler, but omg there is no comparison. Can’t lie, I feel jealous when people describe the newborn phase as easy compared to toddlerhood. But at least now I’m well-equipped for toddlerhood hahaha.
🙌
Same
Im literally bedridden the first 3 months. We're on baby #4. At this point, we just know to expect it. Its just the cost of having a baby. At the end of the day, it's 3 months of misery for literally an entire lifetime.
Sorry to hear you’re feeling rough. I love how you put it “the cost of having a baby” so true. Sending you lots of love
Oh no hope you feel better soon..
Also on number 4! Currently 26 weeks and our others just turned 5, 3 and 21 months. I don’t get nausea/vomiting, but the fatigue can be insane sometimes. I’ve also ended up with C-sections with each kid so I agree with what you called “the cost of having a baby.” We just do what we gotta do! One thing we do with each pregnancy is have my husband run errands sometimes with the kids or put them to bed with zero help from me. It’s really helpful so there’s no shock after the baby is born and I can’t do ANYTHING for an entire week.
Thanks everyone! I'm week 32 now so it's passed. But the first 3 months were hell as expected. We now assume I will be that way and set up help prior which is key. I'm a sahm but we get sitters, laundry help, food help, all the help bc I just can't. And it's all lumped into the "costs" associated with having a baby.
I’m pregnant with baby #3 (almost 14 weeks) and the first 11 weeks I was so sick! So nauseous and tired and just feeling awful, I don’t remember at all feeling this sick with my first two. My second pregnancy was super easy and I had so much energy most of the time. His birth was also a million times faster and easier than my first birth was. I definitely think our bodies know what to do after having the first baby and we’re so used to it.
I finally am feeling better now that I made it to the second trimester so I do hope it continues like this. I also hope this third birth is easy like my second was too!
congrats on baby #3!
@@HealthNutNutrition thank you so much!!! 🌸
This video is so relatable for me right now.
I just had my second baby 3 days ago. I was crying this morning over how fast she is going to grow and thinking of how fast my other daughter has grown.
Mom guilt is so real! And baby blues are hitting.
I love being a mom. But it is a lot sometimes.
I love that you are so real about this. Thank you for being open with your experience
thank you for the support and comment xx
The way you phrased the ache of losing time with your first when you’re pregnant and first postpartum was so BEAUTIFULLY put and made me feel so seen. Thank you 🤍
Thank you 🥺 it felt good to share that and get it off my chest
My kids are both a few months younger than yours (and the same genders as yours). I threw up every day with my oldest, but i was so much sicker with my son. I felt so guilty spending like a month and a half in bed, having my husband and MIL care for my daughter. But truly, all I could do was exist and work a full time job from bed. Once I felt good enough (but still throwing up), I made a strong effort to reconnect with my daughter.
Hugs to all you mamas out there! This is hard but so worth it 💙
Every single thing that you said was so relatable Nikole! I had twins the second time, when my first one was just 2yr 5months old. But despite all the mom guilt, the exhaustion, the parental burnout which we could possibly feel, according to me the burst of sunshine in our lives in the form of these three little ones compensate for all those feelings. I too wouldn't have had it any other way and don't regret having 3 kids in my life. If there is one thing though that I wish I could change is possibly to get fitter and strengthen my core. After my second pregnancy, I feel core has taken a very bad hit. My core and glutes have been in the weakest form for the past couple of months and I have been struggling to regain strength. I did not feel this unfit after my first pregnancy. But I am taking one day at a time and reminding myself to be grateful for having three lovely fairies in my life! 💟 Thank you for sharing your story! Sending lots of love to the little ones and you Mama!
Im so happy to hear you related to this video
Im going to have a 2 year old then the following month will have a newborn. Was totally unexpected and I’m a high risk birth. Praying to God to help me along the way. Thanks for this post
I'm 38 weeks with baby #3 right now. I have a 3 year old and a 19 month old. My 2 where such polar opposites of each other as newborns that my transition from 1 to 2 was harder for me than 0 to 1 for some reason. They're also super close in age so that probably adds to it. I'm so curious how they are going to react to a new baby being brought into the house. They both love babies but I know it's different spending a few hours with one vs baby is here to stay and not leaving lol. Watching them bond and grow together is so fun (even though now that they're older and do "fight" with each other at times) the sweet moments are so worth it. ❤
You articulated the feeling of missing out on your firsts life so well whilst being pregnant and having another baby. My girls are 18 months apart and my husband and my first spent so much time together which was lovely but meant I missed out on so much. I now have mama daughter dates with my first as well. ❤
Aw, I understand exactly what you’re talking about. I just had my second a week ago. I just got the toddler cookbook too, btw. My first is so big and I miss out on a lot but I try and remember that my second baby needs me now too. My kids are both so loved and I have so much support that no one feels like they’re missing out except for me lol. ❤
Thanks for this video! My second it’s taken me almost 2 years to feel back to myself. It just goes to show the journey is so different for each person and even for each baby that you have!
You got this! And yes exactly.
Thank you for sharing your story
The craving alone time is so real 😂
Right? So needed
I just had my second. My first is 8 years old. From my perspective, and it could have to do with the larger age gap, the transition from 1 to 2 has been WAY harder than the experience I had with my first. I literally reverted back to the baby stage after not being in it for so long. I feel like I gave up the freedom and ease I had gained back and started over. It’s been a tough pill to swallow. Also, our second has been a REALLY difficult baby. She’s been colicky and high maintenance. So, as someone else said, newborns can be easy unless you have a hard newborn. The purple face, inconsolable screams for hours each day are a different level of torture. I won’t lie, I lost my cool multiple times and cried so much each day. I felt grief and longing to go back to when I only had one, easy 8 year old child. Having 2 kids is way harder than having one for the simple fact that you’re busier, you have more to juggle, etc. Someone told me recently that you never realize how easy it is having one child until you have two & ain’t that the truth!
Im sorry to hear it was a hard time for you and yes you're right every experience is so unique. A hard newborn can make things 100X harder. Sending you lots of love mama xx
Thank you for the video 👍🏻🫶🏻
Pregnancy nausea is so difficult. It’s gotten worse for me each time. Loving your videos!
The way you described missing out on a year of your older kids’ life was so well explained. I feel that as well because I am soooo sick and fatigued the whole pregnancy. Also with breastfeeding after it’s hard to get one on one time with the older kids. But as another commented said it is so worth it because you are giving your kids a sibling and they will hopefully be close when they’re adults. It’s a sacrifice but sooo worth it.
My third birth was easiest labor and delivery and easiest adding another child transition. She was so entertained by her older siblings she was a very content newborn
About one on one time. Something that might happen to ya'll a little later. My youngest is now 1.5 yrs old and my oldest is 3. They are obsessed with each other. Even when we want to do one on one time and split them up, they get really upset and feel like they're leaving the other behind. That'll probably change in the future, but right now we're doing everything together cuz that's how we're having the most fun. :)
My kids are each about 6 months younger than yours and I feel the same way about the second postpartum recovery being faster. I am 3.5 weeks postpartum and feel pretty much recovered and so much less anxious as well (but not working out until cleared at 6 weeks). This was so relatable in so many ways.
So real thank you for this.
Alllll of this!!! 💯 well said and I felt every single point.
Agree w so much! Mom guilt is so hard...especially if some of it is from having to do so much house work when you want to be sitting and playing with kiddos!
So tough on our hearts
Oakley is chill and calm like DADDY !!!!
He really is!
Spot on about the whole journey! ❤
Thank you! Glad you related to it 🫶🏼
We have 4 and are planning/hoping for more. I know big families arent for everyone, but for us, adding another has always been a good decision 🥰 . Your story about being asked if your baby is your first and telling them you have another in daycare reminded me of when we had our 4th and any time we were out with just her someone always asked if she was oue first. Saying "no, we have 4" always shocked people 😂
My kids are each about 6 months younger than yours and I feel the same way about the second postpartum recovery being faster. I am 3.5 weeks postpartum and feel pretty much recovered and so much less anxious as well (but not working out until cleared at 6 weeks). This was so relatable in so many ways, especially the longing to be there for my first more than i currently am capable of. It doesn’t help that she cries for me especially when i am nursing her little sister. I try to find ways to have 1:1 time with her but it’s not the same. 😢
Great share! love this! Also, your hair looks amazing
aw thank you
Thank you so much for this video. I’m pregnant with baby #2 and really really appreciate all your honesty about this stuff!! I needed to hear some of this!
Currently growing the 2nd and this was SOOOO helpful and insightful. ❤
So glad! And congratulations mama 🥹
I can relate to everything you say 🥰I have been pregnant almost at the same time as you. Had both of my child in January, 2021 and 2024. 3 years is the best age gap, they have already such a good relationship and its no jealousy from my oldest😁
To your point of ‘time you’ll miss with your first’. 100%. I tried to explain this to my husband and he didnt get how sad it made me. I had to stop picking up my son while i was pregnant bc it was too painful. And by the time i was healed enough postpartum to be able to pick him up again, he doesn’t ask anymore and really isnt into it bc “i’m a big boy! I can walk”🥺😭😭 i missed out on the end of that phase😢
its such a different perspective when you're the one pregnant. I really felt for you reading that last part. Its tough on our hearts.
Everything you Said about life with your partner after kid #2 is sooooo true!
Please upload more videos about Sage & Oakley interacting with each other. 🙏💛💚 So freaking adorable. 🙌🙌
For real!! The after pains for the first 5 days while breastfeeding were sooo much worse than actual labour contractions. I never experienced them with my 1st baby was I was sooo surprised.
Omg the part about Sage going from toddler to little girl really hit me!! I just gave birth to my daughter in April and my son is 3. We are always pregnant around the same time!! And I too feel the same like where did my little boy go? He is huge and it did feel like I missed a part of his transition to childhood because I was pregnant and tired. I am definitely trying to get in more one on one time with him now, but I totally feel you it's hard.
i just have one toddler whos 4. i make good money im 29. im a single parent im stable and secure. but i literally have no idea how people have two or more! im drained and so tired with one! i have no desire for more kids so happy with my one
Idk who you do it alone tho. I have a friend who’s a single mom and I’m just like How? You’re amazing
I have a 4 month old baby right now and could not imagine doing it all alone especially the very early on phase and I have an ‘easy’ baby and for you to work too you truly are a hero!
Very relatable! I’m on baby #3 and have been so nauseous! Baby #1’s pregnancy was easy, #2 I was sick the entire time but kept it all down, #3 has just been rough but I’m just out of the first trimester.
Also our 2 year old is soooo active and hates being at home so we ended up going to soft plays and play groups and going on walks 2x a day to keep the whole household sane. I only managed to rest for the 1st 3 days and from day 4 we were out of a house everywhere. I guess in a way it helped me to distract myself for the first 2 weeks and not think too much about everything that happens in early days hormonally and emotionally
I've been really tired my second pregnancy and I just haven't done as much with my son as normal and my husband has really picked up my slack. I do feel like I'm missing time with my first and it's sad. And I guess it's just nice to know I'm not alone in that experience.
Yay! I got to 8.5 cm with my first and ended up getting an epideral, but I did it all natural at a birth center for baby number two, and the recovery was much better!
Am on the fence about having a second, mostly because of financial concerns, living away from family/not having any help + part of me just really wants to not split my attention. It's a tough decision but this video was so interesting as I would've never thought about some of these things. Thank you for sharing your experience, Nikole!
My daughter is 2, and I still feel disconnected from my family. My daughter still needs her mama, and with family events you are still caring for them 100% there aren't any breaks.
its so tough for sure. sending you lots of love
❤ Hi Nikole, loved your vidio!! Take care friend.. ❤😊
I've had 5 babies. Boy, girl, girl, boy, girl. I was nauseous with number 2, 4, and 5. 5 being the worst. However there is a 15 year age gap between number 4 and 5. But only 5 and a half years between 1 and 4.
Everything you said is so true
so happy it resonated with you
I feel like you are describing my life 😂 Greetings from Germany. I love your content. I've got almost a 3 year old and 6 month old myself. Started watching you when I got pregnant with my first one. I have learned so much from you. Thank you. 😊
You have such a great energy throughout this video👌I've always wanted to ask, how can you carve out time to work with Oakleyat home?? Even if Sage is at daycare during the day, you have a baby to take care of, can't imagine how you do that..at least i wouldn't look/sound so chill for sure😅 i am working full time, have one 2.5 year old, and find it extremely difficult to juggle work-kid-household-couple time-me time...
I have a 15 week old and a just turned 4 year old. It's a lot, and time goes by SO fast. Trying to work part time, and be a wife and mom - Jesus sustains me each day. But I feel like I don't get enough time with my son now since so much time and energy goes to the baby.
I relate to everything! I have an almost 2.5yo and 9.5mo (19mo apart), and the first months were rough. It’s much better now, my boys have such a wonderful sibling bond, it’s the cutest thing and they’re starting to play together ☺️ I’m leaning towards having a third (with a bigger gap 😅) so it’s honestly up to my husband lol
You are SO PRETTY!!
Know exactly what you mean and I feel guilty for both when I’m spending one on one time with my first I’m not giving my second the attention that he needs and when I’m with my second that she feels neglected snd it’s hard to have a baby and do things with both as needs are so different and toddler wants to be busy and baby just needs you to slow down to cluster feed or have skin to skin cuddles
3rd time pregnant now, I have 3 and 1 years old on the board. I’ve been feeling awful every three times being pregnant. This 1st trimester is just horrible for me, but this time i feel a lot better in terms of tiredness but much worst with vomiting and nausea :( I’m past 1st trimester and it still last.
I'm pregnant with twins, and they are due ON my little guy's 3rd birthday!! Can't wait to see how he will be as a big brother ❤️.(side note: I also have 2 teenagers and a 20 year old... all boys! We just found out from the NIPT labs that there is a Y chromosome present, so at least 1 twin is a boy! Hoping the other one is a girl!)
I was really more anxious for 1st birth cause never did it before but it went really well for both (natural very fast very different type of contractions lol). Not too painful cramps for breastfeeding this 2nd time 🤷♀️
Hi Nicole,
Can you please send me video with bad mattress you have had bought! I can’t find it and need that one! Thanks in advance!
I have two boys and they both made me soooo sick like I was almost hospitalized! I wonder it being pregnant with a girl would be different/easier
Ok. This means , litteraly the perfect number is 2. I have 4 and i love them all but the amount of time you dedicate to each one is is less and less. And then.. you forget yourself. Im at that point right now where im working on finding myself.
I was home alone with 2 and it was still easier than with 1 difficult newborn.
How did things change for your dog after #2? I felt really guilty about spending less time and playing with my dog less after baby#1 and it makes me so sad that that will be worse after a second baby...
My nausea was actually not as bad the second time around, but I think it’s mainly down to me forcing myself to eat a little something every 1.5-2 hours and sip on ice water constantly. I really think I made things worse the first time by not eating or drinking enough!
Thank you for talking about feeling more nervous about the 2nd birth! Exactly how I’m feeling right now (I’m 23 weeks with my 2nd). Thought it was just me haha
The part where you talk about how you felt Sage grew up right before your eyes because you were focused on pregnancy and a newborn is something that pulls at me and is one of the reasons I haven’t pulled the trigger on having baby #2. Ugh 😫
Omg its so funny !! I just had my second and I was like WHY DID I THINK THIS WAS SO HARD!! The first time around I mean with the new born! Like wayyyy easier than I realized lol
I cried when you talked about feeling like you missed watching sage grow up. I am currently 9 weeks pregnant with my second and trying really hard to not miss out with my first. But oh man its exhausting and the mom guilt is real.
so hard!
Both my pregnancies i was throwing up for the whole 9 months and had to take medication to control it
Being Sick Sucks! I Can't Imagine What It's Like Parenting And Being Sick :(
So tough! The trick is for both parents not to get sick then you’re screwed
Girl you had me crying during coffee-nap time! How dare you lol but yes. 1000x yes. I was basically checked out for the last 2 months of pregnancy. My husband was super involved and then my dad came to help the last 6 weeks. And as we all know, a lot can happen in a 2 year olds brain in that span of time. I’m 2 weeks PP, and I’m looking at my almost 3 year old like WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?? It’s fcking heartbreaking. He’s developed so so much. I’ll just stare at his face like… where is this extra little light coming from behind your eyes? He’s some kid now and… yeah. Blahhhhh. When I’m better I’m going to be going on dates with him too. We went outside for an hour just the two of us this morning which was really nice. Anyway, I feel you and it’s totally normal apparently 😢
Yes 3 year age gap is the best!
My baby #2 is 2 months old. And normally I would also say the Newborn Stage is the easiest... well until #2 has reflux 😅😂 But the moments they start smiling and start cooing makes everything worth it. I am just being in survival modus 24/7 with a baby and a toddler 😂
First off congrats on the new addition to the family. But yes I should have clarified if you’re baby has colic or reflux totally different story
@@HealthNutNutrition haha no problem. I mean you had to change your diet to accommodate oakly. I guess all of us have to go through some certain things through that time. But in the end we all know we will make it and we wish this sweet time back. No matter how hard it was/is.
The cramping is unreal!! They also don’t tell you to pee before you start breastfeeding 😂 so many times I would be breastfeeding and the cramps would push a leak! lol
Also congrats on almost a million subscribers- SO incredible!!
Yeah, but you should also tell your viewers that your daughter Sage is most of the day at daycare…. What about the moms who actually need to take care of both our kids under 3 all day until 7 pm and still have no breaks because our husbands, actually in fact, have an office job so they are not helping us all day like Matt does for you.
You are talking from your privilege and honesty, I wish I could find more realistic moms like me who are alone on their own with their children, trying to be the best mom, wife and yet forgetting about themselves because frankly, there is no time for us.
🙌🫡
Errrm newborns are easy if they sleep. If they don’t sleep like at all or have to be constantly rocked to go to sleep and during their naps they are not easy.
And if they don't sceam all day. I have a10 and a 7 year old and the first 3 months of my first were the very hardest period we've had so far.
You didn't talk about the first child regression,
I feel like we didn’t really have a big one. A little with the whole breastfeeding thing but like I mentioned in the video because they are 3 years apart I don’t think she felt like Oakley was taking the baby status away
I'm on baby number four and I've never noticed older kid regression. My kids can struggle with adjusting to a new routine but that's more my fault. They've never regressed with potty accidents, sleep, abilities or anything else. Maybe I'm misunderstanding what it is.
If you have a newborn you can put down you are lucky.😀😅 that was impossible.
I’m sorry to hear that it was a rough time. Don’t get me wrong newborns are a 24/7 job but I guess I really like the cozy cuddling calm stage because I know it’s short lived. Every baby is different though. Sage was harder newborn than Oakley for sure.
Oh I get! But it was not calm for us. My second newborn made it a calmer time thankfully. :)
A high carbohydrate low-fat diet will give you the most amount of energy to be a good parent with all your new responsibilities. It also helps with serotonin production which minimises the chance of getting postpartum depression. Make sure to drink a lot of water and eat more fruit, baked potatoes with no oil Steamed rice boiled corn and sugarcane juice, Carbs FTW!! 💪💪
This is actual so wrong. Carbs are sugar which causes glucose spikes. Check out Lily Nichols and Jessie Inchauspe (Glucose Goddess). Protein and fat are the best ways to sustain energy and overall health. Carbs in moderation, but definitely on the low side.
Nope that diet was so bad for my energy and I developped depression. Switched to lower carbs and ate more protein and it changed everything.