Autism Jokes Are NOT Funny?
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- Опубліковано 9 лют 2025
- Autism community: If you’ve got something ✨thoughtful✨ to add to this discussion, I’m all ears!
There’s so much potential for personal growth within conversations like this and I think it’s a great opportunity for us all 💙 #autism #autistic #autismawareness #neurodivergent 
I think we *really* need to talk about the euphemism treadmill. A new word gets substituted for an offensive word, but because of negative attitudes against the marginalized community in question that new term is used in a derogatory way which makes it become offensive.
This happens all the time when a clinical diagnosis becomes an insult or a slur. We can change what we call ourselves and what words we use a billion times, but until people stop being assholes the terms are going to become insults.
Demanding 100% purity in language makes things harder. Yes, we should always work to be as kind as possible, but when dealing with people *on our side* it is a good idea to give them the benefit of the doubt that they did not intend harm. Yes, impact is greater than intent, but a well meaning person using a word that I don't prefer to refer to themselves is not an issue.
Looking at people who are using the "correct" words to cause harm will help with this. Stopping the euphemism treadmill is the key.
Very well said
Yep. People have told me I can’t call myself disabled. Umm…there’s some stuff I can’t do because of a…disability.
Right on!!! Coming to terms with this, and connotative meaning of words in general was a big part of me learning to live in society as a teenager with autism. So important to think for ourselves about it and understand each other individually instead of reflexively applying prejudices about what words mean.
THANK YOU! I have been trying to make this point for so long. It's not the WORD that's the problem, it's the ATTITUDE.
My opinion is that the words that have already stopped being diagnostic terms because they became insults should generally not be used, but that instead of continuing to change our language when people use it in harmful ways, we should work much harder at changing people's attitudes toward disability. The euphemism treadmill has to stop.
Any of my other slow audio processing friends in the comments? I didn't even HEAR that you said that. I think it's very funny.
I honestly don't know how people with disabilities and the like survive without just a lil dark humor. Even just sometimes, as a treat.
Keep being you!
I, too, didn’t even notice it in the original video. But I appreciate this video, genuinely trying to honor various perspectives. And I appreciate the comments supporting Kaelynn’s prerogative to use whatever words she’s comfortable with in reference to herself.
Lol fr, the first watch I was still tripping on car slug.
I will absolutely roast my disabled ass. Because sometimes it's laugh or cry, and laughing is more fun. My brain fog made it impossible to find the word "fork", but came up with "mouth pitchfork"? LMAO, I'm telling people.
Humor is good for dealing with disabilities. My mom once said (paraphrased) “life sucks, laugh at it,” and that’s become like, my personal motto. Sometimes it really sucks to have a brain that isn’t wired normally. So, I joke about puzzles, and trains, and not getting sarcasm. Because it makes it better. :)
Yes :)
That’s how you defeat scary bridge trolls - laughter.
And all this drama seeking with a focus on irrelevant nonsense discourages any real autist from engaging into anything.
I’m more of a dinosaur lover but I get what you mean!
@@Averagefonzie16 oh I don’t actually love trains, I just joke about it because it’s the stereotype. My actual special interest is probably general biology (if I have one- I tend to bounce from hyperfixation to hyperfixation).
This is something I butt heads with the community on constantly.
I'm really against people policing the language usage of people whom the derogatory term was made to refer to.
It's highly individual, but for me, when I'm allowed to use the word, I feel like I'm empowered. Like no one can use it against me, because I've embraced & transformed it.
By using the word, I've robbed it of its power to harm me.
Plus, I'm sick of us enabling bad people to destroy completely functional, innocent words by turning them into slurs.
It seems a bit backwards to me. Why are we giving terrible people so much power to decide which words we're no longer able to use?
Obviously, we're trying to protect people, but I feel like we haven't thought this idea of "offensive language" completely through.
Especially because, once you ban a word, the terrible people either won't care, or they'll corrupt another innocent word.
It's a cycle that can only end when we give up written & spoken language entirely.
Instead, I advocate for people in marginalised groups to use the derogatory terms meant to demean them. Wear them like armour, so they may never hurt you. And if they can't hurt you, the people who would intentionally misuse them won't bother.
Words only have as much power as we enable them to have. That doesn't mean it's easy to overcome trauma, mind you. Only that avoidance tends to only allow these things to fester.
The only way out is through. To pay attention to HOW words are used, rather than just if they're used.
The world will never cater to us. Not saying anyone has to tolerate overt abuse, but part of being empowered is not allowing others to control our emotions.
I’m all about empowerment. If you to choose to be a victim, you’ll never be happy or fulfilled.
This!!! I totally agree!!
@@nickcarroll8565 I think that's what they were saying though
"It's highly individual, but for me, when I'm allowed to use the word, I feel like I'm empowered. Like no one can use it against me, because I've embraced & transformed it."
It's also empowering those who use the word and spreads it further.
I'd not heard the word until now. Those so inclined will pick it up and run with it.
I'm not understanding how admitting you need special education empowers you, tbh.
But that may be down to the naming of education for neurodivergent people.
I'm not trying to tell you what you should say, but rather explaining why I feel it may be a problematic strategy to own abusive terms.
Your experience trumps my assumptions.
@@pencilpauli9442 Honestly, I'm just happy to see someone express a counter-viewpoint without trying to invalidate the lived experience of the other side.
I will never get over the time that a neurotypical advocate jumped onto my social media & tried to find any dirt he could to justify him saying "You don't look disabled enough to have that opinion."
Does make for a really funny story, though.
You are really an incredible communicator. I’m not sure I’ve ever heard someone online process follower feedback/heat in such a thoughtful and positive way! Impressed.
Honestly yeah, if everybody expressed their side of something like this video instead of making "apology" videos the internet would be a much better place. There should be a class in school on social interactions, self expression, and communications .
What a great idea. I hope an educator someone sees your comment and makes it happen! @@anjellalo972
I literally used SPEDphones today with a teen getting SPED services who wanted headphones and he loved it. I showed him your first SPEDphones video and then he loved it more.
I was in “SpEd” as a kid for my autism, and my spouse was for their severe dyslexia.
This is the first I’m heard of the term being used in a derogatory manner; I’ve used it as a literal descriptor on several occasions.
Your joke was funny and you entirely have the right.
Thank you for your content, and for public self-reflection!
Yeah, personally I think it's "difficult" to land on a single answer to this... I also use humour to deal with things I wouldn't be able to deal with otherwise, but then SpEd was not used (especially as an insult) when I was in school, it was "Special Needs" when I was in it.
There were plenty of insulting terms used to describe people in special ed classes... And I suppose I'd probably "understand" people finding them a problem... So maybe it's just because it's not a term that has any "baggage" for me.
So maybe it's "just as bad" as all the other terms... But I still don't like the idea of random internet people policing someone "self talk"... but yeah, I guess if viewers who are actually affected by the use of the term don't like it... (Rather than just busy bodies looking for an excuse to police other people's behaviour) then it's probably worth avoiding in published content...
All that said, in my experience though, especially online... Most people who complain about things like this, are just looking for an excuse to attack someone while maintaining the illusion of moral high ground... So... I guess I'm just glad I don't "influencer" for a living, cause I would probably be cancelled in 5 minutes.
@@patrick-west Lol a lot of people make a living trolling. People don't seem to understand that commenting that you disagree with something still ups engagement. Only middle and working class liberals can really get cancelled, and even then, they are pretty much fine. I take that back, Jonathon Majors got hella cancelled. But Brad Pitt is fine. Wonder why that could be lol.
Yep, and even if a word/phrase/etc is being used as an insult, that doesn't automatically make it a slur. I could call someone "a useless bag of soggy lettuce", but that doesn't make it a slur, just rude.
Same - but UK here. I can think of way worse words. Anything can be made to sound mean - I'm all for neutralising the power of these words by choosing not to be bothered. But I know that's personal. It's just how I feel.
@@BalladovWhat did Brad Pitt do?
You're an online creator who has in many ways transcended into an online personality. You're also a human. You can use whatever terminology you want as it relates to yourself and your own accomodations. I am also autistic and use headphones sometimes and I 1000% support you using "dark humor" or "taking back a term" for yourself. I don't agree at all that the community as a whole has to agree to take back a term. We are each individual humans and have a right to use language for ourselves.
Also, I think the term spedphones is awesome. Wearing headphones is nothing to be ashamed of and the sooner that people (in general, not just within the autism community) start using terms that are intended to be negative and "take back the power" the faster those terms are no longer used as weapons. You can't hurt me with my words.
I actually looked up SPEDphones because I thought maybe it was a brand? 'Oboy!", I said, "I oughtta get me a set of those . . .", and then Urban Dictionary shattered my hopes. 😔(I don't blame you Kaelynn)
same. I did the same thing
i watched this video twice trying to figure out the word that was bad.
@@BostonsASMRapparently there's three of us who did that 😅
Me too! (Also, I have that exact balloon dog fidget toy too!)
I just looked it up. Yikes! 😬
I NEED to be able to joke and have humor around my brain and how I work/function. It’s a healthy coping skill but there are always going to be ppl who don’t like those kinds of jokes and that’s ok! I feel like each individual should be able to choose how they handle and cope with their own struggles/gains as long as it’s not cruel or hurting other ppl💖
I appreciate you and your content very much🙏🏻
It’s your experience, so it’s yours to joke about! My sense of humour is a dark and hilarious imaginary friend that has kept me alive for 55 years - I don’t understand it, and it regularly terrifies friends and family…
Keep being you! 🙏
YES
Is your (imaginary) friend any more imaginary than you?
Is said friend anymore real than you?
What sees Beyond
All distinctions? 🙃
If you allow yourself to feel you must constantly self-censor the way you communicate your own experiences to the point of diluting your organic voice and speech and matching what others express that they are comfortable hearing ... Then you are no longer actually communicating your own experiences and thoughts authentically. And that would certainly be counterproductive. I used to let others' perceptions, preferences, and discomfort rule my expression and I lost myself in the process. Learning to allow others be triggered by my honest and well-intentioned expression has been healing all around. We can't soften every sharp corner of the world without our individuality being erased, rendering this whole human experiment pointless. But we can have compassion and open dialogue as you've done right here in this video. I appreciate you.
I personally feel that reclamation is up to the individual, as long as they are someone who’s affected by the word. I see parallels with this in the lgbtq+ community with words like queer, or even more harsh words. There are words my husband has reclaimed that I don’t feel comfortable saying for myself, but I’m not going to tell him to censor himself when he’s flipped the slurs to cope with them being used against him 🤷🏻♂️
Precisely. I'm not a fan of the t slur, but I'd NEVER tell another trans person how they can refer to themselves!! Talk about entitlement
100% agree! I’m trans myself but hate using the T slur. Very rarely will I say it as a sarcastic and ironic jab at myself but that’s usually in specific contexts. On the other hand I know trans people online who openly and regularly call themselves the T-slur
So analogously: If a mentally disabled person who gained social media fame after staring in a documentary about intellectually disabled people, who has millions of views from BOTH intelectually disabled people AND not-intellectually disabled people used a term which slur used against intellectually disabled people: “RETARD” to describe themselves as an individual, you are saying their educational role and teaching viewers that it’s OK to call a person RETARD even though it’s used as a derogatory slur against intellectually disabled people?
So in your logic there is no difference if that person uses the term RETARD in private among family or friends or in school, and a social media celebrity content creator who took on the role of EDUCATING “normies” about intellectual disability?
I hope my anology helped you percieve the issue from a more socio-cultural lens.
@@Sad_Bumper_Sticker People in the African-American community can use certain words to call each other that were used as slurs against them for generations. White people, even when hearing African-Americans call each other these things, know that anyone other than that community using those words is not on because from anyone else it is racist.
Or would you like to explain to the rest of us how you have perceived permission to use ablist, racist, or homophobic terms if you do not belong to any of those communities?
@@Sad_Bumper_Sticker this doesn't change the fact that slur reclamation is a totally valid way of coping with being called a certain term. you're not making any major difference in my perception of the issue.
People, especially on the internet, will always find something to be offended about.
Other people don’t get to be offended on your behalf.
Humor is the way we deal with, process, and share large parts of our own human experience.
And as long as you wouldn’t make that joke towards another person in mean spirit; then I think it’s perfectly ok. 🤷♂️
Say whatever you like. What matters is whether there is malice behind what you say ... and their obviously isn't. Have at it.
Speds of the world unite!!
"OMG my butt looks so big in these jeans!" *You* can say it about *your own* butt. Other people can't. That's a given. You're good (in both senses of the word) 😊
That's an interesting example, because I actually would say there _are_ some situations where you shouldn't say that about your own butt, e.g. in front of children who are learning about bodies and forming their own body image and figuring out what's an OK body or not.
When children have parents or other respected adults who insult their own bodies, the children have a high tendency to start picking apart similar traits in themselves.
I don't think the same problem applies to Kaelyn's joke in this case though.
Honestly joking about the darkness is a really good way to cope, but a neurotypical using sped in a derogatory way is full on fighting words
"Neurodivergent" and 'Neurotypical" make me more annoyed than any slur. I've got thick skin, but when normoids try to be "helpful" by using those words, it gets on my nerves like nothing else.
@@Pc118GamerYou are clearly uninformed about the neurodiversity movement. It is a movement BY non-allistic people. By autistic and or AdHD people who are autism / ADHD advocates.
You are clearly in denial about having a lot of anger. You claim you hate anger but use the term “NORMOIDS”. LIKE DUDE. Reflect and introspect more.
@@Pc118Gamer hi, neurodivergent person here, it was a word chosen by the neurodivergent community, not neurotypicals. You are getting mad at the wrong people. Also you should look inward and wonder and you were complaining about words people chose to use while making up one that's clearly meant to be insulting.
@@Pc118Gamer"normoids" i dont have anything to add about how that makes you sound, but it does remind me of hemorrhoids
@@Pc118GamerAlso autistic and I agree with you.
I almost cried with joy. It is so charactistic of autism to see someone be so unphased and direct: whereas allistics would be embarassed at a possible affront, or gaslight to protect their image, or just take the post in question down and pretend it never happened, you reasoned "Hmm. Some people apparently were insulted by what I did. But I didn't do anything insulting. Let's just ask everyone if it bothered them or not".
And then I almost cried with sadness. It is so allistic for people to read their agendas into others' actions and then try to shame them into conformance with those agendas, and autistic for someone to take those oppressors at their word and stop their own actions because they 'hurt' someone else.
YOU DO YOU. YOU HAVE JUST AS MUCH A CLAIM TO AUTISM AS OTHERS, AND YOUR VOICE SPEAKS JUST AS LOUDLY. The allistic world is too concerned with form over function: they care how things look, what their optics are, instead of what things mean and what is the motivation behind them. Self-deprecative humor is a valid perceptive and regulatory technique. No one can tell you how to be you, but you!
YES!!🥂💃
You can point out bad behavior more common among allistic people, as it is good for people to be aware of bad tendencies they might be prone to.
But generalizing an entire group as one, and using the word "allistic" as an insult is something different.
Especially bad was saying "It is _so_ *allistic* for people to [be a manipulative asshole]". You can point out a tendency for allistic people to engage in behavior like this, to increase their awareness of their own behavior.
But you didn't point it out as tendency they can try to change, you pointed it out as a unavoidable feature of being allistic, which gives the connotation that they can't even improve their behavior.
It would be similar to saying "It is _so_ *autistic* to hurt others by missing social cues". You can point out a tendency to doing it, but wording it like a unavoidable feature of being autistic is the kind of hurtful mindset that leads other people to view autistic people as an inherently bad thing.
I truly believe you meant no harm. I just want you to be more aware of what you (probably subconsciously) did. You probably have some awful experiences with manipulative allistic people, but it doesn't make it right to villainize every allistic person as the same evil entity. But keep pointing out negative tendencies, that's how humans learn! Just word it like something people can actually change for the better!
Idk being on one side or the other doesnt make you autistic or not autistic lol! One characteristic cant fit all
If there's one thing I've learnt about this "I'm autistic" online community it's that you all act like other humans don't struggle the same ways and that everyone but you is somehow evil and incompetent. 🗑️
@dramotarker1352 Valid points. Thank you for the benefit of the doubt but I was intentionally generalizing about stereotypical NT behaviors that are hurtful to all brains, typical and diverse.
I’m usually in similar situations. I’ll use humor about MY experiences, but some people will still somehow be offended by it. You do you. 🙂
People are always able to reclaim words that are used to hurt them, and that doesn't mean that they're saying everyone should! Case in point, Laura Jane Grace's autobiography has a literal slur as the title, and that's not a problem! Your joke was fine and funny!!
Personally I'm not familiar with sped (I am autistic) but I get both sides and love that you took the time to make a video detailing both sides! 💜
It stands for Special Ed. Usually used as an insult, though I've never experienced it first-hand.
@@Kazofy_37 how is special Ed an insult ? /gen
@a_little_demon people will usually use it as an insult or make jokes about it while acting like an autistic person in a mocking sort of way, saying they're 'sped'. So special Ed itself isn't an insult, but it's more so the context.
@@Kazofy_37 oh okay, thanks for educating me more on this, I highly appreciate it !
@@Kazofy_37 I'll never understand why people feel the need to mock others for being neurodivergent. I mean, us neurodivergent people didn't even asked to be like this. :/
I LOVE the way you show both sides of the argument genuinely as best as you can
Each individual has the responsibility to decide for themselves. I like dark humour, and i think using the words/terms with humour diminishes the power of the words to offend. Love your work Kaelynn.
More power to you, Kaelynn! I find it empowering to be able to joke about my situation. It can seem like a Catch-22 that is I take my disabilities and difficulties too seriously, then that can hurt me socially also. Ranging from some wondering if I am fishing for sympathy, to seeming more burdensome and less fun by having the association with problems. I am careful to not joke about others this way, but it can be dicey when interacting with those who didn't already know that I am autistic.
Also I like the irony that "SpEd" sounds fast, in contrast with the perception that having a developmental disability would mean that I am "slow".
I'm late diagnosed autistic/ADHD (diagnosed at 37; presently still 37). I never grew up with the stigma of being in a special education program. The opposite; I was in gifted and talented programs, often in advanced math classes as well as other pre-AP and honors classes. And I say opposite here, even though these aren't or shouldn't be truly opposites, because at the time I went to school and the schools I went to you could NOT be in both programs; if you were in special education programs you could NOT be co-enrolled in advanced, pre-AP, and/or honors courses. So I share all of that to recognize I do not have the same life experiences others have, to recognize I may BE autistic and ADHD and so AM part of the community, but my lack of experience with the situation means I may not be well-suited to speaking up and my opinion may need to be weighted differently?
Personally I think you were fine? The term took me a second to parse. But I think you should be allowed to speak of yourself as you choose. I will relate it to the larger LGBTQ community, another community I belong openly to. The term "queer" is very charged. Many people in the community, particularly those who are older (though not exclusively), do not like this word. It was often used as a slur against them. I'm in that age bracket where as a slur it WAS still wielded but was falling out. But today it isn't seen as much as a slur. So it is divisive. I can, and I do, use this term personally but I recognize that not everyone is comfortable with it and I never assign it to anyone who does not themselves claim it. So you get to decide what language, what labels, what dark humor you want to use for yourself and that is *fine*... but you also have to know and accept that in so doing you WILL upset others who find those choices to be upsetting or offensive. Just as I can call myself queer and know it will upset some people in the LGBTQ community. We cannot appease and please everyone all the time. To try is the path to madness.
I hated Special ed). Especially when I was older my speech was heck a lot better ). Especially I was put through so quote summer program behind my back I was almost 17). My wishes & my mom's wishes were not respected we both heck said no). My father had my half sister sign behind my mom's back knowing my mom d’ say no). Trust me I was wishing could had them on probation for doing that). My grandmother agreed with it). To be honest I wish 🙏 could have had them in court for that my state was not illegal to this day that is being done post 2020).
(Side note: as somebody with a similar trajectory I've started musing as I poke at my neurodiversity that whatever their intended purpose was, a large role for what talented and gifted, AP, advanced classes did was to be a special education for kids who didn't fit in special education. Not sure if that's true or just a bit of silliness on my part
@@wotsac Well, actually... I saw a meme that, along with other things, helped encourage me to GET evaluated for ADHD & autism that went something like "the 'gifted and talented' to 'early adult burnout' to 'late diagnosed ADHD' pipeline is real!" specifically talking about exactly what you just said, essentially. How there can be a lot of undiagnosed ADHD (and probably autistic) students in gifted and talented and then later pre-AP/AP/honors programs telling us all about our "potential" and telling us how successful we'll be and then ripping away support and structure at a crucial moment (the onset of adulthood) and then we go through an ADHD or autistic (or both) burnout, particularly if we try to enter university. Eventually we find memes like that, or a new friend who has a formal diagnosis, or someone awesome like Kaelynn who is doing the heavy emotional labor of education and we get the information that was withheld from us (sometimes passively and accidentally, sometimes intentionally), we do what I did and go "huh, that's awfully relatable but oh well" for a couple months, weeks, **years** in my case, and eventually get into the doctor after deciding we're tired of feeling broken and suddenly an explanation for it is handed to us on an expensive platter (silver is not cheap, hence the cost).
I so appreciate this discussion. As a 55yo late-blooming queer person myself, I gradually came around to the positive view of using “queer” to describe myself.
I was also in “gifted” programs as a kid and later came to understand that I’m neurodivergent. Now some people call that combination 2E (twice-exceptional), or “bright & quirky,” and it’s recognized as not that uncommon.
It’s really interesting to see how much overlap there is, not just the 2E part, but also lgbtqia+ people who are also neurodiverse. My 2 young-adult kids identify that way, as do other members of my family and a number of the teens I volunteer with. I recently thought of the word “queerky” to describe myself, combining queer and quirky.
@@bouncingbean Queerky, that's so funny
I love you and agree with you! You are normalizing things that others perceive as abnormal. It means so much to me what you do and say. You have made me accept more of what I do and normalize it rather than to hide it. Thank you!!!
As someone also on the spectrum, I say , go girl! You be you. Don't worry about it. Everyone nowadays has thin skin, and the current "thing" seems to be, so many are constantly looking for things that offend them, and then they whine about it, and play the victim. You are promoting lighthearted, positive and intelligent awareness. This is how we accept ourselves. We can not follow that narrow path that everyone else wants us to be on. We are unique, unapogeticly so.
The fact that you are SO open to engagement with the community means the world to a lot of us. None of us can speak for everyone...but, too often, there is no one speaking for us. I appreciate the fact that you speak through your autistic (and general life) experiences with us because it is such an acknowledgement for so many of us. You, of all I see, have stayed the MOST "neutral" and have always done a great job at finding balance between making light of your struggles and acknowledging them.
Not everyone will ever be happy and I appreciate that you take the time to ask your community. Personally, I think that there will always be intersectional terms and phrases that trigger or hurt some and that are absolutely fine to others. This is the joy of lived-experience. I say, keep being you. You are, by no means, the first person to call them "sped-phones" and I honestly thought it was a clever way to both acknowledge their use-case and also make light of the struggle. Felt natural to me.
I am not sure if I'm am autistic or not but I have ADHD and sensory issues are what I struggle with the most and I used to have big chunky headphones that I'd wear literally everywhere I started being called the headphone kid and people wouldn't recognize me without them etc so now I just wear earbuds not as effective but they work. But I still wear the big headphones in crowded/ loud new places.
Long story but all that being said I saw that video and videos of you rocking your headphones and it made me more confident and yes I have fully taken that name on for the headphones me and some of my other nurodivergent friends now use it to😂
Note: I have also been bullied and that was my nickname all of middle school and now I call myself that all the time and use it to quickly explain I'm neurodivergent without the whole explanation of what that is and what it means to me bc neurodivergent and sped are the only words I'm comfortable using bc I'm undiagnosed a lot of things and don't want to label myself with something and disregard someone else's very valid experience saying I have something I may or may not have.im in a very neurodivergent friend group and that is a very normal word for us as well❤
Be honest to yourself be the you are and know and you won’t go wrong. Many people use lighthearted humor to express themselves all the time in every culture. Remember everyone is a critic, and no matter what you door say there will always be people who will use it as a weapon against. People hate or criticize mainly to mask their own insecurities, and somehow feel better about themselves. You use you platform to inspire people, and educate so many that would otherwise be ignorant to the plight and struggles those with autism face everyday and for many all day. Thank you for what you do. You did nothing wrong with your humor. Live your life and let the critics speak but don’t let it sway you from who you are.
Ma'am i hope you continue to tell your jokes and have fun in life, the ones complaining will never smile like you do, you will never make everyone happy but you will make yourself unhappy trying, best to make your jokes and be happy
As someone who wasn't aware of SPED being derogatory, I heard you use the play on words and made a mental note to use the new phrase sometime. I'm really grateful for this follow up to help me understand that I probably shouldn't make it a regular part of my vocabulary!
I find it really frustrating when people take issue with jokes like that. I can see the logic in it, but it personally does seem a little uptight and counterproductive. These spicy kind of jokes are good for the soul
I work with Autistic High school students, and encourage their dark literal humour. We talk at length about the formula of what makes things funny and how delivery and intent can make the same phrase hilarious or offensive.
This builds resilience and let them explore their character in the world of political correctness.
One vote firmly in the “use your own words and kindly” column. I love the word, and I think your using it about yourself in casual situations is unlikely to cause much damage to you or anybody. And I love your thought process and I love that you shared it with me through content. And I loved the fingerprint, too. Blessings!
Years and years ago I had really bad palsies and was posturing very visibly. I got on a bus on a particularly bad day and could not stop shaking and flapping. It was awkward, with people averting their eyes. I wish they could have just looked at me with empathy. Another woman got on the bus and she had a tremor. It rocked her whole body. We saw each other and at first just kind of stared, frozen, trying to hold ourselves still. And then we just burst out laughing. And let ourselves shake. We got into it. We let ourselves shake and posture so much it turned into ecstatic convulsions. We laughed until we cried. It was so cathartic and normalizing. Morbid humor can be life saving. It all depends on the intention and context. The other people on the bus were NOT happy about it. Which just made us laugh harder.
What a wholesome story, thanks for sharing ❤
Self-directed/deprecating humor is how I find self-acceptance. As an educator, it’s allowed me to connect with students and come to terms with my differences and peculiarities.
You keep being you. Part of what makes you an authentic educator is being your humorous self.
Kaelynn, please don't apologize for humor. A dying art is happening we are losing. Humor gives us a lighter look on the rough part of life. We need humor as a cathartic relief of everyday woes. Or as I put it, "In life you need a sense of humor otherwise you'll suffer a psychotic episode"
i think everyone is entitled to literally say whatever they want; we just need to understand that there are potential consequences for our words.
with that said, i think anybody who actually watches your content would know that you were just being playful, and not malicious.
i can appreciate you wanting to not upset people; though i also think the lens that you experience life through is very authentic and special, and i’d hate to see that change due to a few random people online.
Holy hell…she hit the nail on the head on that topic!!! I agree with her viewpoint👍
I love watching her videos!! It helps me deal with my spectrum diagnosis🙂🙃
Use any language you wish when referring to yourself. Some people have no personality so they dig really deep to look for things to be upset about and that becomes their personality.
100% this.
❤
you know, some people just get upset about things. It's incredibly rude and unfair to insult someone like just because they disagree w/ you. You literally don't know anything abt them and now you making a strawman out of them just bc they got offended at a word that's often used as a slur. This isn't constructive at all
@@caramelcream8569 you're upset because they are correct. It sounds like you took it personally. Maybe it hit a nerve? Try to self reflect on yourself. And your personality.
@@caramelcream8569 I agree that it was unnecessary and unproductive to insult & generalize about people with different opinions. Thank you for speaking up about that.
Edit to add: I personally feel like Kaelynn’s use of “spedphones” was ok. But I also respect that other people, with different experiences from my own, can have another perspective on it.
I joke about myself like this as a person with ADHD, too! I joke about my attention span, how it sometimes takes me a bit to get certain jokes, etc. I think you’re totally not in the wrong, as it’s YOUR experience.
The video is about autism. Not ADHD. Autism and ADHD are 2 different things bro, also im autistic and im 15
You are such a breath of fresh air as a human being. I am not an autistic person, but otherwise neurodivergent, and I love your content.
I have 0 opinion on the topic at hand. Just wanted to take the opportunity to tell you that you're great.
You have every right to take that word back. Now is a ripe time to do it too.
The way you use it and talk about it wit nostalgic fondness is empowering. Be the change!
Boosting for the algorithm 🙌 Love your work, keep it up! 🌻🐝
I think “you be you” is important - and that includes using terminology your comfortable with, and hearing what others might say about it. Your thoughtful response says way more than any self-censorship would do - well that’s my opinion. I appreciate your advocacy and willingness to speak up, and also learn publicly.
Humor is coping. When it's not directed at someone else, do whatever works for you.
Absolutely fine. This isn't a thicker skin debate either. A word loses or gains an edge based on context, if your'e on the spectrum and the term is aimed at yourself then there's no issue.
I *definitely* used the terms "special ed" and "special" as slurs when I was a kid, more than I ever did in their proper context (I also managed to completely miss that I myself spent 2 or 3 years in Special Ed for what I now know to have been motor dyspraxia associated with my autism, the IEPs and developmental reports were actually very helpful in documenting my autistic traits 30 years later).
If you were actually given headphones in your own time in Special Ed I don't think it's a very offensive joke, but given that I always understood "special ed" to be a synonym for "retarded" as a child, I wouldn't touch the word "SPEDphones" with a ten foot pole myself.
But then there's the fact that whoever language police are, autists are always the first to inadvertently run afoul of them, so it would probably be good if we were less language policey with each other.
You get to be you. No one else is in your personal shoes. Humor helps us all and you are free to use in your life.
No - and "Spedphones" is such adorable name. I saw it as wholesome...
I found it to be, in that instance, used as more of a descriptor rather than an insult. And a rather clever play on words! You, my friend, are Berry Punny❣️ Remember that even though you are a part of a community, you don’t have to/likely can’t/probably shouldn’t speak for everyone in it and editing yourself into a shell of who you are still won’t please all the people all the time. I’m glad to know you’re being considerate of others’ feelings, but what kind of life does one have if they can’t even pop a pun or crack a joke without worrying themselves sick? (especially an innocent self depreciating one) I think you’ll do best avoiding the constraints of policing yourself into some unrealistic expectation and embracing your freedom & your right to just be you, to just stay true to YOU, cuz you are wonderful just the way you are!
I’m autistic, & offended people are usually not. 🤦🏻♀️ Let me use whatever terms on my own diagnosis!
My oldest son is autistic. Over the last 26 years with him it has been a real roller coaster. Not HIM, he's great! But everyone else...First we were told that "he is autistic." Then that became offensive because he is a person first and I would get bashed if I didn't say "person with autism." Then it became whatever the individual person wants you to say (he doesn't care). Now I see most people saying "I am autistic" (and even bashing you if you say it person first) so I guess we are back to where we started. When he was in school "sped" was just short hand for "special education." Not once did I hear it used in a derogatory manner and even his therapists called THEMSELVES "sped teachers!" Then I posted online one day about his "sped teachers" (because that's what they call themselves!) and I got bashed because that's derogatory. Good grief! Have you ever noticed, it's not usually the people affected by the term that complain about the term? How many autistic people are out there saying "sped is offensive!" (when used in this harmless manner)? No, mostly it's the people who have never had a special education class who are out there complaining about the offensiveness of the term!
I say, you be you. If they are offended they are in the (loud) minority. You can't make everyone happy, so make yourself happy.
The reality is that offense is always something primarily on the receiver's side. The only thing we can control is ourselves; we cannot control the feelings of others. This doesn't mean that we should just say anything, but when you say something that you genuinely feel is _not_ mean, or demeaning, or disrespectful: even if someone gets upset at it, you probably haven't done anything particularly wrong. Of course, that doesn't mean that you shouldn't apologize either, we all have our own feelings and a big part of being a kind person is being considerate of others even when they aren't as reasonable in our opinion.
There is a reason the golden rule is : "Do to others what you would want them to do to you." and not "Do to others what they want you to do to them." The second one isn't always even possible, as everyone is different, and maybe one person is ok with something and another is not. Instead, we use ourselves as the model, as that is a route that helps to develop empathy and provides a solution when we might not otherwise know what to do. "How would I feel about this if it was coming from someone else?"
Sometimes that answer won't fit, and someone will get hurt. You can't make everyone happy, sadly.
Basically, you can do everything right, and still someone can feel hurt by you, and that isn't fully your fault. That may be in large part something they are being inflicted with by their own self/mind. You can still help them feel better though, as an act of compassion and humility, if you have hurt them accidentally.
“SPEDphones” was funny! I loved it! Dark humor is hilarious, and don’t worry about getting flack for using it. We are all individuals. What’s funny for some may not be funny for everyone. Besides, you didn’t say it in a derogatory way. There’s nothing wrong with headphones or being/having been in special education. Keep doing your own thing and posting your videos. I love watching them! Much love!
I loved that joke. As an autistic special education teacher, it felt very relevant to my life and clever. But I also don't associate special education with negativity. That feels, like, bad. I like my job.
You go, girl! We need your energy & thoughts! It’s sad that people think it id OK to disparage people who need coping mechanisms. ❤
Despite being a part of the SpEd system growing up (K-12), I as an autistic person use dark humor towards myself very often, not towards other people. Some people do not get the gist of trying to be comfortable with that and with us being expressive of ourselves. Obviously, we shouldn't (I do not like the word "Should". I know) talk down on ourselves but many people do not understand that there is a threshold on humor towards ourselves versus talking down on ourselves or being selfish/egotistical. It's ridiculous. Thank you for pointing this out, Kaelynn. Hopefully, this new video should clear up any confusion and teach others about what's been said.
Use the words you want about yourself. It's hard enough already to find the right words as an autistic person, so if you have one you like that fits I say use it. And as my dad always told me, "a sense of humor will get you through anything."
Good job being so thoughtful but you can say what you want especially about yourself, and definitely when it's well intentioned.
To me, saying that we (referring to ANY disadvantaged group) can't say or do certain things because of how words and/or actions have been used against the group we are a part of, is basically letting the bullies have all the power. The whole reason why people often use words that have been used as slurs etc is to feel like they are taking back the power rightfully controlling the narrative of the language around them.
It's also very common in disadvantaged communities to have this kind of humour where people make fun of the experiences that are particular to that community and can be difficult or misunderstood. Again, it takes back the power in something that can otherwise be a vulnerable and difficult area of experience, whether that is because others bully us for the thing, or just because it's difficult to go through (example: it's frustrating that we have to deal with levels of noise that require us to take ear protection with us when we go places, it's difficult to be in special education because people are not nice to kids who are different in that way. Making a joke where we are the one making fun of those things in a way that is not hurtful to us is us controling what gets laughed at)
This is a very personal decision because each person has a unique relationship with and experience of language, how it has been used around them, how it makes them feel, etc. Emotions and empowerment are also very personal. There is never going to be a decision that a whole community agrees on but I think we need to try to respect each other's choices for he most part.
Most of us, as autistic people, probably know what it feels like to fear we are going to say the wrong thing without even knowing it, every time we open our mouths, because of something we don't even know or understand, because that's what living in a neurotypical world as an autistic person can often be like. Please let's not place the same demands on each other within the autistic community. Like Kaelynn's said, she had no idea 'spedphones' could or would be perceived like that by others
I love the term "spedphones"
I call mine “SPERGphones” because everyone knows what Asperger’s is/was. The shock of the joke makes people inquire rather than wonder about the headphones. I have a script that follows their “what did you just say?!”and is much to explain why I have them then vs when they finally decide to ask me later.
I have depression and anxiety so if I have the energy to make light out of a situation I do. People on the outside seem to have all these rules for how I can cope. It’s hard sometimes I just need a hoodie and a cat hat.
I am a late diagnosed autistic woman. I laughed SO HARD when you called them spedphones, I thought it was hilarious (because you used the term on yourself, not on someone else, as I do with my tizzy rizz). But I did not grow up being called a "sped" or anything since I have low support needs and extremely high masking skills that went unrecognized until I was 30. It is a difficult place to be navigating the online space that opens you up to every single person on this planet. I absolutely love your content, its smart, quirky and unique. It really gives people a new perspective on autism, how funny we can be, how self-aware we can be. But like you said, unless "everyone consents" to us reclaiming terms, its hard to please everyone. Just like your infinity/puzzle piece. I LOVED the idea of the finger print for autism, since the infinity symbol (to me personally) represents way more than ~just~ autism, like ADHD, dyslexia and the like. I love that you come back after your videos to explain, calming and concisely all the sides. Amazing work!
I'm at the very least not autistic and at the very most, undiagnosed, so I can't speak on the specific word here. But it does remind me of another community I *am* apart - the LGBTQ+ community. In general my opinion is - people individually are allowed to reclaim words. If you are talking directly with someone and use a term they are uncomfortable with, then you stop. I use queer to refer to myself, but I have a friend that had bad experiences with the word - and so, I don't use it. It also reminds me of young LGBT members demonising older LGBT members for using terminology deemed bad now, when they might be reclaiming those words in their own right.
When it comes to online communication, I think content is first and foremost for the creator. You are showing your own thoughts and experiences and are using words to express yourself. In that sense, I find it right to reclaim something used against you in a positive way. It's a common method to healing oneself from bad past experiences - rewrite the bad with better experiences. At the same time, viewers are allowed to ignore or avoid your content if those words make them uncomfortable - that's also perfectly valid!
As a kid who had undiagnosed ADHD and was in special education, I would used that regarding myself. However, it may reflect on others making them feel bad about themselves or setting a precedent that they should make fun of themselves. I think you should be able to make fun of yourself. I also think making this video was the correct thing to clear up any misunderstandings that you would never use that language towards anyone else but as a coping mechanism for yourself.
Keep being you, don't worry about censorship. No matter what you say someone will always be upset. Comedy is a thing that helps many people heal.
Honestly, just be yourself. That's why I'm subscribed 🤷🏽♀️ Don't let the Internet dictate how you share your life and your truths.
People today are too sensitive. They are looking, and digging deep, to find arguments, or situations they can criticize. They take their issues out online, because it's safe. They won't get verbally shot down. They build a community around like-minded people and they are impervious to negative feedback online. They should be enlisting in the army if they want to fight, but they are weak.
This woman did nothing wrong. I'm glad she brought the negative comments up. It's a genuinely nice way to call out the B.S. without attacking the people directly.
Joking and comedy have always made light of some very serious topics. Unfortunately, in today's society that type of humor has gone away.
I'm glad people like her are bringing it back.
I use it too, and it helps to laugh in stressful situations.
You do you. The decisions you make for you, regarding you, referring to you, is up to you.
I understand their point, but disagree with them.
Your channel, your experiences, your reality....do YOU.
I love your attitude and you laying out your reasoning! I think it is important for marginalized folks to reclaim language that was used to hurt then, but yeah, context is everything. I think you were valid in the context you said it! Also it’s just a cute term!
I think the language you use for yourself is your choice. If others are offended, they don’t have to use these terms. As an autistic person, me and my neurodivergent friends often use the term. I understand it can feel derogatory and upsetting, but I dislike the censorship. I also have dark humor…
My husband makes jokes about his autism and I make jokes about my narcolepsy all the time. I think it helps us deal with the more frustrating elements when they come up
Censoring yourself is a slippery slope and you'll most likely lose your authenticity, which is exactly what we love about your communication on this channel. Being receptive to the feedback and having an open dialogue/mind about it is incredibly valuable. However, at the end of the day, YOU decide if it's appropriate behavior based on all the information. Others can disagree and still find your content helpful and worthwhile. If not, they can unsubscribe.
Kaelynn, I used to tell my autistic daughter that she was adorable because she us awe-tistic. It made her giggle and laugh.
We continue to joke around about our "crazy" family. We are all a big bunch if nuts, and we told our daughter she is chutney, because she got a little bit of each kind of nut from all of her relatives. She likes she's the chutney, because it makes her feel like part of the family. Plus, she feels lucky we all understand her.
As an autistic woman who was not diagnosed during K-12 (i.e. I did not get school accomodations), I personally think Spedphones is funny and would refer to my ear protection as that if I wore the headphone style ones (I'm usually okay with just my Loops earplugs). I'll probably start thinking of my music headohones as spedphones when I wear them for sensory reasons because, like you, humor helps me deal with stuff. Eardefenders is a good all-purpose term that can also apply to earplugs and it has a fun ring to it; it makes me think of superheroes.
I don't know the correct answer about social responsibility and being a more public-facing advocate like you are, but I really like your humor and think that it gives your channel a great "flavor" and I wouldn't want to see it whittled away (much like people using excessive "tiktok euphemisms slang" to get around auto-censor stuff -- a problem in it's own right -- it boils down to intention; if someone is compassionately talking about someone who took their own life/was a victim of suicide/etc, for example, saying "unalived themselves" or "commited sudoko" just cheapens the message).
I think as long as you're not using true slurs (like r*****, for example), then self-deprecating humor and "spedphones" are okay. If we call everything that can be used in a mean context a slur, then soon enough "autistic" will be a slur too. It is socially acceptable to use self-deprecating humor, even if those same words would be really mean directed at someone else, and helps many people feel less crummy about the thing they're joking about (example: super active people who sustain a limb injury and refer to themselves as "gimpy" in a joking manner because they're really bummed about not being able to do their normal activities).
I think it's important to spread awareness that the way someone refers to themselves or their own stuff is just completely different from someone else labeling them. If I insist I feel happy it's completely different from someone else insisting I feel happy. I have authority over myself, they do not have that authority over me.
While I see both sides, I also use humor in the way you do so I may not be unbiased in my agreement with you. I frequently call myself autistic “af” in an effort to show I am aware of my differences and not embarrassed by them so others shouldn’t feel uncomfortable…
A friend of mine always says she has "autism deluxe", so pretty much the same thing😂
@@solar0wind”Autism deluxe” made me smile in recognition and admiration. 😀
My SpEd experience was "Cut Off" due to me being more intelligent that my fellow SpEd Classmates, but we didn't know about how deep the Autism well went back in the Early 90's.
I find myself a very unique case.
never heard the word sped.
but you can talk about yourself however you want, i often do stuff like this too, it funni.
people take life too seriously lol.
If I didn’t have dark humor, I wouldn’t have lasted this long 💝
I feel like spedphones is a fine play on words! You’re indicating *your* use for them
I was a special education teacher. We used the term in a somewhat rude way but not how you would think. Among the group of teachers you would often hear "I don't think the GenEd class would get it. They are not SpEd enough for that kind of creativity." In the school in general, SpEd was a term for the classroom where we got to do cooler things. We got to sit on bouncy balls instead of chairs. When we were stressed out or feeling big emotions, our classroom had a quiet room to decompress in. Our classroom got to be creative in limitless ways that the GenEd classrooms did not. As a SpEd person myself as well as a special education teacher, I have always seen the term to be synonymous with "NOT restrictive or demanding to be like everyone else". If it is a term you enjoy, use it!
❤I love your balanced and reflective thinking. You are a public figure and are responsible for what you say and do.
i wish i could like this more than once! keep doing you kaelynn :)
Idk know what I think, I'm also in two minds about this, but omg Kaelynn your transparency and ability to open a discussion following a situation like this is something I've never seen the likes of before in any creator, it's so valuable - keep being you :)
It was funny, it's your word, live your life ❤
Do it if it feels comfortable and right with yourself. Humour helps to cope with things we are facing in daily life or in the past. When I had depression I also made some dark jokes about myself and suicide but it wasn't for real. It just helped me and made me laugh. My friend didn't like it. What I understand as well.
As a queer, disabled, late diagnosed autist, I wouldn't personally use sped only because it wasn't applied to me. But I have reclaimed queer and reclaimed crippled (cripple punk is my favorite) because if they are insults that have been hurled at me, I get to choose what to do with those words, and I choose to either not engage or to embrace. Either option is fine, but nobody gets to tell you how to perceive yourself.
Yep! Reclaiming words is the best way to go about it, imo. As both queer and neurodivergent, I sometimes use words and slurs directed towards myself that people would generally find offensive. But if I'm using it towards myself, why should anyone be offended or restrict me? Only I should be offended in this scenario, but I can't be offended by my own words
Hey fellow cripple punk!
Seriously. Im an actual old punk, with paralysis. Ive called myself cripple punk for years.
Thats awesome.
I'd be willing to bet that not one person who criticized you for it is actually part of our community. Dark humor is extremely common among autistic people, and even regardless of that, no one is going to tell me how the hell I get to talk or joke about my own life and the challenges that come with it.
You're never gonna be able to please everyone all the time. So long as you're not directly hurting other people, I don't think it matters how you refer to yourself. Same situation as reclaiming slurs like "queer"; it's fine to use for yourself, but don't assume the whole community is okay with having it used for them.
I'm new to this community and it is so refreshing to see so many examples of people being open to criticism, actually caring about understanding the critiques and listening to differing views.
Thanks for your great example of civil discourse.
Also, your hair is so dang cute.
You do you. Laughter is good medicine.
I suffered through public school from ages 4-17 as an autistic person, I went to the sped classes, so I get to make the jokes.
I think this explaination is helpful. The dark humor to use a slur on yourself is similar to how some people may use dark humor to cope with certain things.
Of course, you wouldnt look at someone wearing similar headphones and say "hey, they have spedphones!" Because you dont know if they're disabled and if they are, that would be insulting as its using the slur on abother person to describe them being autistic and wearing headphones
I dont know if that actually made much sense but, overall, they explanation definitely helps!
I feel more similarly to how you view it. I talk about my autism a lot at work because it is a part of who I am. I feel that it builds understanding from non-autistic coworkers and strengthens relationships with my other autistic coworkers
Perfectly acceptable and quite a funny joke! Especially since it was self directed.
My wife is a Sped teacher, Integrated Learning Center for highly impacted children specifically, and her and her whole team refer to the general program as Sped, In conversation and in writing.
I see the intentions presented about labels, but I disagree with sped being derogatory. In our community, it is not at all, so clearly people have different experiences.
So what this boils down to is intention, outside of the ubiquitous labels that the entire community agrees upon like the R word.
You clearly intended it positively through a widely accepted form of social interaction in self teasing.
I think their argument makes more sense in the context of words the community agrees are unacceptable , not trying to decide if every label is acceptable.
I had a classmate named Eddy in middle school, and for one vocational class, he got to be a radio DJ, and his self appointed DJ name was Special Ed.🕶️
The only problem I have with this is: sped is a very common term used in a derogatory way towards a lot of autistic people. And reclaiming things like derogatory words and slur for a group you’re apart of is cool, but only around people who have consented to hear that. Posting it publicly to a mainly autistic audience a lot of whom will have a bad history with that type of “humor”, is just not it
I felt very validated when your response was "let's summarize and categorize the negative responses" because that would be my urge too 😂