An Emotional Conversation With My Dad On Our Relationship |
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- Опубліковано 7 кві 2023
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This is a conversation with my dad where we discuss growing apart and the tensions that appeared in our relationship as I was becoming an adult, and how we’ve overcome those tensions to become close again.
My hope, in sharing this conversation, is to show that there is a better, more emotionally intelligent way for men to communicate with each other. It’s not easy, but it can lead to much deeper, more meaningful relationships.
I hope you enjoy.
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It was a tough conversation, but I am so grateful that we could have it, and that we have arrived at such a great place in our relationship. A very difficult experience, but also so rich in all the gifts that it gave us. The entire journey, from the moment we hit the road till now, has ultimately all been worth it. Love you so much. ❤
I think you are special and so is your son who has become the person who he is also because you raised him and he is the man he is now also because of what you experienced together and that is incredible important ❤
You are an incredibly brave, vulnerable, and beautiful soul. So much love and respect for you and your family 🙏🏽
@@mystical_cupcake Thank you so much. 🙏❤️
@@karin_annv.290 Thank you!! 😊
This experience sounds like it bonded all of you as a family. Thank you for letting us in on such an intimate moment between you. 🙏
I’m so impressed that your father took accountability and responsibility - I think that’s really rare. Most parents that feels attacked blame their kids and pretends to be the victim. But he stepped up. It also takes guts to stand up to your father, and challenge his views. I don’t know you guys but I’m still so proud of you.
"Most parents that feels attacked blame their kids and pretends to be the victim ".... THIS.
This is not necessary in public.
I fully agree with you!!
@@TenTenJ its a healthy demonstration of conversation. Neccessary ? maybe not. Helpful? Sure.
The fact that you can calmly talk about your bad experiences with each other in the past, speaks volumes. Not everybody, especially not every father could swallow the ego and just normally talk and listen to the son saying "dad, you were bad, you did this wrong". Many fathers (at least in my country) have that father ego thing where the father can't be wrong and they are not trying to hear anything that ruins that picture, especially from their child. Kudos to your dad!
You’re the best, Rusito. We all love your comments and having you along on our journey of exploration. 🙏❤️😁
@@BeneaththeSurfaceYT ❤🙏🤝
and does Son, especially the gen z and millenial ones, can swallow theirs ego? Nope, they will make a video about their soooo special hurt feelings.
Bro! Excuse the ignorance of a simple viewer who knows nothing, but dont let your Dad take all the responsibility. There was not a single moment where you owned up to mistakes. Your dad loves you so much, he's completely surrendered, also honor him and give him place as your dad. I can see how from this experience, he may have had failures but he's taking all the blame and giving you a free pass, again he loves you so much! Thank you for sharing.
Hear, hear ! The arrogance of the son is quite mind boggling & the way he spoke over his father was quite revealing . But,it’s also easy to see why the apple hasn’t fallen far from the tree w these two egos . Let’s see how much hubris junior has learnt when he faces the same convo w his own 20yo kid .
Totally agree. Nathaniel's condescension and lack of self-reflection is glaring next to his dad's willingness to accept blame for everything.
Actually, I think this was a mature entrepreneur's failure in planning and execution that threw his son into the maelstrom of delivering on a big contract with no outside help. Nathaniel did take responsibility for how as a 20-something, he didn't handle what happened well either. But, it sounds like if it wasn't for Nathaniel's ability to rise to the occasion despite this experience being with his own father in a professional capacity, this project would have been an epic fail and the closing of his dad's career. What's beautiful here is that they both got to experience each other as humans. I wasn't able to accept my father as a person with his own shit until he had a major stroke, and life made him a little more humble. Nathaniel got the value of knowing his dad as a person early in life. His dad broke through a whole lot of ego and life barriers through this experience that has made ALL of life richer and better. It was crucial that he take responsibility because it healed his entire family. Just my sideline 2-cents, cheap analysis from years of my own personal and father therapy work. Bravo for both of your bravery to share, be honest, accept each other and the past, and to create new selves in relationship.
@@susanharkema2888 love your take on it as well. Agree with everything you just shared. I come from similar background with my dad and we’re in a very similar phase now as Nathaniel and his dad. It was just my opinion that on this video he could’ve added a bit of balance.
What a little brat. He'll regret that one day
This conversation was beautiful yet very challenging to watch and listen to (I checked out the podcast) in that it felt very one sided. All if the vulnerability, admission of past mistakes, talk of personal growth and so forth was expressed by the father. It felt like other than talk of being aggressive Nathaniel doesn’t admit to any character flaws or the ways in which he contributed to the dynamic which didn’t seem fair. The father has to listen to very hard words which he processes and owns in beautiful fashion. Nathaniel doesn’t have to endure anything close to that in return and comes across with a kind of arrogance and self assurance that in fairness as a person closer to the fathers age I’ve come to associate with youth. Someone who has not yet lived through the kind of heartache that can come with age, loss and aspects of decline. To be clear I am a huge fan of both men whom I find to be brilliant and I’m thankful for this content. It could be that the mutual vulnerability that I wanted from Nathaniel in this conversation is expressed in other videos and podcasts. I’m just sharing one perspective of how I experienced this. I encourage Nathaniel to hold onto this conversation and listen again on his 50th birthday to see if he picks up on any of what I’m poorly trying to express here.
Agree
Agree 2
Agree, very well said.
I disagree, they are talking about a time when Josh wanted to be seen as this hero by Nathaniel and then basically bailed on managing the situation that he set up. Sometimes the adult needs to take responsibility for a situation. Nathaniel does admit that he was angry and didn't handle it well, that seems to be enough. For those of us that weren't there we don't know how harsh Josh was towards Nathaniel, and again when he dumped responsibility for his project on his son.
One of the prime things the son can’t admit is the inherent unfairness/fantasy of expecting your parents to be perfect. That’s an impossible expectation and kids get so angry at parents when their true flawed humanity disappoints them. It’s just youth and immaturity.
My favorite thing that was said "That's very difficult to hear" instead of being defensive I wish I could see that in my parents.
Your Dad is such a hero in the way he decided to fix himself after such multilevel fuck up. Also a way to still teach your kid something that he might need at some point of his life.
Enjoyed the podcast.
I can't tell you how refreshing it is to see a father like this take such responsibility for the mistakes that were made. I have been around so many people who point fingers and blame everyone else for everything that goes wrong. Our culture has done something to men that has made them feel they cannot admit to being wrong or to not knowing something and so much damage is done to relationships in the process. This is one very lucky son.
Wow!? This is the very conversations I've had with my adult son. As a parent it's hard to hear that your child doesn't respect you. It cuts deep. The childhood myth that ones parents are all knowing and perfect can be shattered when they realize that their parents are HUMAN. My son recently said that he wonders if he'll ever enjoy my company. I've worked on myself - have a therapist and I'm moving forward as I evolve into a better person. I'm sad that this is where our relationship is currently at. But the bottom line here is this: It takes two to change the dynamics of a relationship. He doesn't respect me because I'm not living the life he thinks I should be. At some point this becomes his issue, not mine. This podcast really hit a nerve with me. Grace and compassion are key.
I really, truly enjoy Mom and Dad's vlogs. The journey, the way it's presented, all of it. I'm their target audience. I just wish the uploads were more frequent.
What really struck me in this conversation was the part in which your dad said he realized "he was not special". I think that we all make the mistake of thinking that our worth is deeply tied to our work, our achievements, external measures of success. To me, Josh (Mr. Drew?, haha), you are so very special in the way you handled this difficult episode and your ability to learn from it, to change, to communicate the hardships. Very few people have this emotional intelligence to learn from it, going to therapy, doing the work and you went beyond that : you exposed yourself in front of strangers and opened up. Chapeau, Josh!
Every single person goes through watching their parents fall from hero's to normal people who fail. I know Iv'e gone through this with mine and it was bad. We have a good relationship now, but we never talk about what happened or reflect like this. I'm grateful and feel more healed watching you two reflect on your experience. After watching this it made me realize that I think most of us do go through this parent/ child shift. Our parents are only people.... let them be people. Thank you for sharing your experience with us. Your dad is a great man and also just a person like you and me
This is so important!!! People rarely discuss the point in moving from childhood to adulthood where you see your parents for who they truly are. It truly feels like a spiritual death…thank you for sharing!
It’s interesting and ironic. After 20-25 years of enabling, it took Cecilia to raise Nathaniel to eventually get Josh mature, creating stronger bond between family members and transforming those life lessons into meaningful and long-lasting relationships.
Sincere public conversations, like venting are extremely potent and liberating for the soul…
Thank you 🙏💞
The depth of self-awareness and commitment to growth here are so beautiful to witness.
Tx for this candid interview with someone you love so deeply Nathanial. My Dad was almost 50 when I was born and a kind of legendary force for good, WW2 resistance fighter my parents met as Europeans here in North America and if I have anything to contribute to a moving exchange I took my Dad for granted because he represented optimism and paradoxically safety for my mum, a strong person who survived the holocaust. When my Dad developed late onset alzeimer's I was privileged to be there for him. An inspiring conversation. My Dad was an inspired raconteur and looked after other people before himself. Tx for reminding me how lucky I was.
You really did win the lottery. How great is your Dad for owning it and bettering himself. The self-reflection from both of you is really admirable.
What a massive soul your father is! I hope you can be even half as courageous as he is when your future son comes in contact with your humanity, like you have with your beautifully imperfect dad.
When the relationship does not evolve, it cannot adapt then it dies. So many parents don’t allow the evolution of their relationships with their children, so much conflict comes from that.
Sometimes things have to be “destroyed” in order for it to be created a different way.
Great conversation! Honesty = clarity.
Your father is taking responsibility. Bravo.
You're really lucky to have this incredible man as your father.
34:53 It isn’t that you can’t make people change, is rather that you must change for others to do the same.
In these frustrating times, it is difficult to look at ourselves in the mirror (because we believe that others put us in these precarious situations).
Frustrations are signals for hidden opportunities for us to grow.
I’m glad that you guys found your way back to each other. Great conversation!
You are both so incredibly brave ❤ love your honesty, vulnerability...the fact that you can talk about it in this way with each other is so special and beautiful to see. Thank you for sharing 🙏🏼
I envy your relationship with your father! I wish I could speak so honestly non judgmentally and openly with my parents. You have a very rare and precious thing going on with your family. Take care of it. Abrazos desde México
I have worked as a therapist, trained in body centered psychotherapy and this conversation made me cry, it was so beautiful. Bravo for your openness, vulnerability, commitment to growing as humans and your courage to confront things that are hard and a huge THANK YOU for showing people what can be on the other side. I love this.
You have no idea how lucky you are to be able to have a conversation like this with you father. Mine has zero semblance of self-awareness, any and all conversations with him are completely surface as he doesn't have the capacity for any more than that. I love your dynamic and bond.
I’m watching this after watching your dad’s journey to his 50s. I want to say to him specifically that he may not be “special” to the world, but each of us is “special”to some and to some whom we may never know. And to Nathaniel on growing up, it happens when we begin to see our parents as mortal human beings with all the faults and all the goodness of which we are all capable. Then it is possible for our parents to become our friends.
Came here in the same way, and to say something similar. Josh, you may not be "special" in the specific way you wanted to be. But you are absolutely, positively, 100% "special" in a completely different way. You are showing all the men of not just a certain age (I'm 53, so right there with you) but all ages, how to move in this world as a man - the right way. How to open up, how to be vulnerable, how to accept failure, how to learn, how to grow, how to admit to your humanity to your children, how to take responsibility...
I could go on and on, but I'm sure you get the idea.
You ARE special Josh. 99+% of men can't and/or won't do this. As someone who has walked a similar path, made similar errors, and is continuing to do the difficult work of accepting responsibility for the mistakes I made - both in my life in general, and with my own now 20-something child, you possess a rare quality this world needs more of.
Please don't stop. Don't stop learning. Don't stop growing. Don't stop examining. And most of all, don't stop sharing. The world needs you. You got this.
This was deep, wise, and moving. ❤The false belief that "specialness" is required to be respected and loved is such an important myth to shatter! And the analogy about therapy being like athletic coaching was spot on. Thank you for sharing!
I am always in awe of the deeper conversations you’re able to have with your parents. My parents are both emotionally unavailable and it’s hurts. This was a great episode!
_"A crisis is a negative label we place on a period of change where you are required to face some hard truths. And if anything, that's a great thing."_ (52:28) That summarizes this vulnerable conversation perfectly. I am grateful that the two of you were willing to sit down with each other, speak candidly without holding back, and pull back the curtain for us to listen in. It's easy to picture an alternative scenario where you would not have reconciled. Instead, your dad did the work with a therapist and took _"actions that spoke infinitely louder than any words"_ (38:53). Impressive, it must be hard to face the fact that you lost the respect of your son and swallow your pride. This was a moving conversation, I hope it will inspire many viewers/listeners to practice introspection, possibly sit down with a therapist, and do the work to better themselves and live with more intention. Thanks for sharing, Josh and Nathaniel!
If a parent could teach the most valuable lesson it’s accountability, apologizing, and courage to change. I’ve been disappointed by my parents so often that the gap has widened between us. If they did the hard work to prioritize their mental and physical well-being, we’d probably have an amazing relationship and break that generational trauma. Thanks for this video and thanks to your dad for his vulnerability. It’s absurdly admirable.
What a beautiful and moving conversation!! One of the best I have ever seen between two men. It also had the additional emotional charge of being a father and son conversation. These types of conversation are so difficult to have and you made it look easy. Josh was so gracious. It was impressive to watch.
You are setting a beautiful example for other men. For other fathers and sons. Wow!! I am in awe of you two. So much self-awareness, vulnerability, compassion, support and emotional intelligence. Bravo...and thank you so much for sharing it with us. It gives me hope for men in this world. ❤
I agree that there isn't much content like this on the Internet. I appreciate you sharing this video.
However, I don't particularly agree with the way you address your dad sometimes in the conversation. I feel that if you are actually over that experience you could have used less harmful words to describe your feelings, especially for a UA-cam video. The respect has to always be there for your parents.
I understand the intensity of that life experience and how hard it must have been but saying that you didn't respect your dad anymore because of a project gone wrong is pretty harsh. That was a learning lesson for both of you and I'm sure it benefitted you drastically having all that responsibility for the project as stressful as it was.
I'm glad that you two have found each other again and now have a good father and son relationship. All the best.
I was emotional in all of this episode.
Thank you, both of you, for having the courage to share this online, and for inspiring me to have an honest conversation with my parents.
Sometimes we forget that our parents are just as humans as we are, and we need to remind ourselves for the sake of our families and loved ones.
Wonderful content. At 57, I’ve been a preceptor to many adults in healthcare. I’ve learned that in order to grow, to learn (as an adult) one must allow vulnerability, what you call “opening up.” For men in certain cultures, that vulnerability (as you’ve shown in other videos) is often a breaking point. Your Dad clearly wanted to be “special;” I’d argue that he is, but more accurately, he wanted to make a mark in his profession. He wanted to be a savior, the leader, THE GUY. But he had deficiencies in his learning that were no longer hidden. You saw them, and he was not willing to own his deficiencies, and be vulnerable to your teaching. I’m proud, on your behalf, to allow him to fail. You didn’t allow the project to fail, because it was a reflection of you, but you allowed your father to fail. I’m so glad he found the edge of the cliff and felt the fear before he fell irrevocably. BRAVI!
You are the only FAMILY I follow on UA-cam and feel a connection to. And it takes time, started with Nathaniel videos 2 years ago and now I follow the whole family. And I just feel like everytime I see you guys, I learn something new and find so many things I can relate to. It's not very easy to find friends or people with a similar mindset or similar values, so listening to y'all is like I'm having a conversation with you right there in that room. Just glad there are such amazing human beings on this planet like you are and that you share it with others!🙌
Nathaniel, your dad is SO special, and it shows in the way he speaks, the words he speaks, and in his composed and calm nature. This is a rare quality I see in very few. I see now why you yourself are so incredible
Wow - so much growth is just readily apparent in this whole conversation. One of the hardest things to do as a parent is to stand back and allow our kids to struggle, especially when we may be able help alleviate things somehow. The truth is, as our kids grow into their own paths in life, it requires us to become more “consultative” figures in their lives who are available to our kids when they call on us, rather than being “directing” authority figures who are trying to keep them out of harms’ way. It takes a shift in us AND a shift in them. From what I heard in this discussion, you’ve both made the transition through that life passage very well. Sometimes we have to let things that aren’t working fall apart so we can grow from the soil the lies underneath the wreckage. Thank you both for your vulnerability and for sharing an excellent example of great communication that can be had in a family. ❤
Beautifully put. 🙏😊❤️
This was incredibly powerful to see your Dad own up to his mistakes. I am in a heartbreaking situation where my Mom cheated on my Dad as I was entering adulthood - in turn, and probably to preserve some dignity, my Dad has pretty much abandoned all three of his adult children. Some of his most hurtful words were “I’ve done my job as a father, my kids are raised and adults. My job here is done”. I try to sympathize with my Dads pain after a bitter divorce with my mom, but I can’t ever imagine seeing myself be done with my kids ever! You are very lucky to have a Dad with introspection and insight.
I can still sense some anger on your part with your dad, but man what I wouldn’t give to see my Dad have the love for me like your Dad has for you. I make the effort to see my Dad twice a year and every time I walk away realizing the relationship is one-sided and all I am doing is grasping for something that just isn’t there. Your Dad is genuine and owns up to his mistakes and that really speaks to his character. Great podcast!
Wow this is fascinating. This sounds like an incredible story
I love seeing how you and you and your father have grown so much in your relationship with one another! Both of you have been truly blessed!!!
I really resonate with the notion of challenging your own ideas of who you are. I love what your dad said at 48.39:
"If there's anything you feel attached to then you have to look at it. Why am I so attached to that? Why is that so important? And how is it keeping me from so much else?". - Very important lesson right there.
Thank you for the podcast. :-)
I'm going through a similar situation with both of my parents at the moment. I hope some time away will fix our issues.
I appreciated your dad's ability to hold his composer. I think you were so harsh with him. like you were still angry or still trying to tear him down. Almost like you felt like you're better than him. Idk.
Mozart, Bach or Rachmaninov?
I relate so much to this. I had a very complicated relationship with my mom for years, and now we’ve both grown by ourselves and together, it is amazing how people can transform when they are willing to, even if they identify themselves as inflexible, she amazes me every day. Thank you guys so much for sharing such an intimate moment.
In our family we have a different but maybe not so different scenario. I am the grandmother and my husband is the GRANDfather. He has been so successful in virtually everything he’s done. I can guide him to an extent but he has very little humility and is judgmental about others who accomplish less. If he joins a company in a low position, he rises to become CEO. Several times. If he builds furniture, it is of such high quality that I’d challenge any furniture maker to do better. He can be generous as we are with our three children, one of whom is severely brain injured. He built a group home which we donated to our local ARC so that we became empty nesters at age 72. As he’s facing physical limitations , I can see how little prepared he is to be less than outstanding. Listening to you two has been delightful. I am happy for your whole family. Bravo to your dad for freeing himself and all of you to become more genuine and comfortable with the vulnerability that makes us all human.
This was a beautiful conversation. I regret that I don't have the same access to my father to have an honest dialogue. Thank you for sharing.
OMG, I wish I could have these conversations with my parents. I really resonate with not respecting behaviour that my parents have but there is no way I can talk about it with them. And it does affect our relationship but they are not willing to look or to take responsibility for themselves. They are untouchable. This is so wonderful to see. Thank you for modeling what a healthy dynamic can be between 2 human beings. Your dad sees you as a separate human, worthy of respect and that is gold. xo, Aurora
Nathaniel, you said some really tough things for your Dad to hear, but it highlighted just how much your Dad must have hurt you too. Great conversation. Talking about can only have been a good thing for you both. Loving the work from both of you. 🎤🤜🤛🎤
Every family has struggles. Being honest about them and working to resolve them sets you apart. Thank you.
As a mother of a 6yo son and a daughter to amazing but humanly in-perfect parents, I always have a thousand of thank yous for any material you publish with your parents. It gives both perspectives from a position of an adult child and a parent. And it is treasure!
Also it is a very raw and vulnerable insight into how you operate as a family and it gives a ton of thoughts for me when I think about my own life, family, choices, lowest lows etc.
This particular idea struck me very much - that there is no room for a change, when you are drowning and suffocating and being on the survival edge. Thank you a ton, Nathaniel, for the creative path you keep choosing here on UA-cam and bringing us with you!
Powerful video. It takes guts to listen to your child when they tell you that you have made many mistakes. As a parent, you want your children to respect and admire you. The good news is, when you make mistakes as a parent, your children can choose not to make those same mistakes. And if your children have grown up to be loving, kind, compassionate people, they did learn a few things from good ole mom and dad. Sending loving and peace-filled thoughts to everyone.
Wonderful video! Thank you for sharing this. I am the mother of three grown children and I 100% understand how challenging it is to have harmonious relationships during challenging times. Also, it is hard to listen to criticism (even if it is deserved) from the people for whom we have sacrificed so much. I love Beneath The Surface. It is a beautiful channel and one of my absolute favorites!
I felt like this towards my Father until I became more fully grown and could see him as a fellow human being with his own foiled programming... You both are really beautiful humans and are living extraordinary lives in front of us.....❤️❤️‼️🙋🏻♀️
I wish I could have a conversation like this with my own dad. You two are a great example to a lot of people. Thank you so much for this amazing share!
Wow. So much rich content here. Patience, commitment, vulnerability. We cannot change one another, but when we do our own work to grow and evolve it impacts all aspects of our lives. "I won the lottery..." Thanks to you both for this courageous conversation.
To have such a purely raw and vulnerable conversation with your father IS LOVE. Not many hispanic fathers are open to admitting there human-ness with their child, including their darkness and downfalls. I absolutely admire this dynamic. "I talk about therapy like I talk about sports."
He’s American born that makes a difference
kudos to pop man. an open, honest heart. from there it can only get better. 🙏
You have a gift which is your father, our father is our king!!! from Afghanistan!
Self Compassion is so important! It leads the way into wisdom, love, gratitude for what life offers us, what we have. Thank you for your open chat! Something incredibly precious and it's so good to see that you both know how precious that is!! Humanity is on a good way for sure😀
Hey Nathaniel. I've noticed a trend in all your videos on both channels. There's this palpable tension between capturing vulnerability versus letting it flow, even if it interrupts the flow of the intended video production. It's like trying to fit a container of a beautiful edit over a rawness that keeps leaking out the sides. Watching you and your dad (both videographers) go back and forth trying to reconstruct a pivotal moment in your lives is funny, strange, inspiring, and awkward at the same time. I keep coming back to your videos to see how you (try to) resolve this tension between realness and prettyness
Still watching this. Its incredible. The conversation, the emotion that can be felt through the screen. This is so raw . Thank u for this video
This level of communication is HUGE. I had so many insights on how I feel myself through your experiences. I inmensly respect your vulnerability. Thank you!
Bravo Nathaniel! This is so relatable. When breakdowns happen, it is such an opportunity for people on both sides of the story. Incredible content and it is of such service to your audience!
I subscribe to both of your channels and am so impressed by not only the videography of both channels but the depth to which you both will delve. The story of your parents leaving the US is a huge undertaking and that path has led your parents to grow closer... look at what they've gone through - together - to get where they are today! Your own path to moving to France is quite the story, as well. I feel blessed to have found both of your channels. Thank you - both!
wow the journey you and your father have gone through especially being in the same field. 30:50 talking about the bubble popping on your view of your parents I think most people go through that and it’s life changing good and bad. So vulnerable yet such a universal experience honestly.
Love your vulnerability and the kind of humans you are. So humble, bravo, guys.
This was a fabulous story. Really grounding and human. It's also interesting to see the disillusionment of one's vision of a parent at a later stage of life. For me it happened many times over my life, each time taking it to a deeper level - the first time being when I was 6 and my parents got a divorce. My mom completely abandoned me and moved to another country and my dad who I lived with mentally checked out and left my primary care to my grandmother. There had been other prior events before that where I didn't receive support from them, but I think at this time I profoundly understood even at 6 that these people were definitely not up to the task of parenthood and that a lot of my battles would be fought alone. Today I don't speak to my mother, and I do still speak to my dad but the relationship never really recovered from that, and probably never will. I see him once every 4-5 years and I realize that any sort of sub surface level communication is always initiated by me. It's interesting to watch him now grapple with the concept of mortality as he ages, but I think he is who he is at this point and he spends a lot of time, effort, and energy avoiding the idea that he essentially wasted a lifetime's relationship with his only child. Through therapy I was able to make peace with my situation and begin to heal and move past the resentment. It's still there and will take years to heal but it has been a gradual process. What really helped is that they're both aware how I feel. I'm not sure that I respect either of them, but I do still value them as human beings. I think a lot of parents are emotionally stunted at a certain level, and as a child when you surpass that levels it's really difficult to see them in the same light. In many ways certain aspects of my parents personalities have always been incredibly childish to me, and so that also makes it difficult to seek solace or advice from them because I'm like I don't even trust your opinion here. There's also a lot of me completely avoiding a scenario in which I have any expectations of them because the disappointment is almost guaranteed to follow.
One thing I've been learning is how to be my own best parent - giving myself presence, love, wisdom together with responsibility and accountability for my choices. It's a challenge. Hopefully in rising to this challenge (if it's one you also want to meet) you will empathise with the inner strength and effort it requires and find room for compassion and forgiveness for your parents. For the sake of your own well-being and freedom from the burdens they left you to carry.
And maybe you will find a few people through friends or your family who can offer this to you when you struggle. Parents are as imperfectly human after all. And if they never went through/found the tools to reparent themselves before having you, they could not have done better if they did not know how..
I am glad you are finding ways to grow wise rather than wounded from it all though. Best wishes to you, I hope you find the freedom and tools to take charge of your own inner wellbeing no matter what life brought to you 💛
#InnerEngineering
Incredibly insightful Nathaniel 🌱 I've been watching your channel for years now and I'm so grateful to you and your dad for opening up like this. I'm sure I'll reap more insights as I let my brain unpack all of this, but almost immediately I realized that my most recent crisis is just me coming to face with hard truths-- only I can hold my fears and faults to the light, and free myself from them. Beautiful lesson, thank you 🌻
A good, loving, sane father does not lose respect for his son, but for Nathan to lose respect for his father requires some deep introspection. A father expects his son to learn and keep learning, but the bar is set much higher by the son for the father who is unfairly placed on a pedestal. None of us are perfect. Fathers and sons make mistakes. I think the greater concern is when the father or son creates suffering; this is a completely different problem to have. Otherwise both father and son need to give one another some space to try and fail and succeed.
Brilliant! I greatly appreciate both the father and son UA-cam channels, and this conversation, while difficult to watch in places, was simply a gift! Thank you!
thank you both for sharing this. I wish this kind of conversation could take place in all families. This is so healing.
This was a beautiful and rare example how it can be when father and son truly communicate. So brave of both of you. I love the honesty and I love your family ! Thank you ! 🙏💕
Bravo gentlemen! It's these kind of monumental experiences which shape us forever. For Nathaniel, it was a chance for him to step into his power and explore his innate gifts, while also witnessing the ability of people to do tremendous work on self-awareness and transformation. For Josh, it was an incredible opportunity to come face to face with ego delusions and attachments to fantasy which ultimately limit us from our true expression. And for both of them to sit together and reflect in a real yet empathic way is such a powerful demonstration of what's possible in terms of intimacy, trust, humility and family.
A very vulnerable conversation, and I greatly appreciate your sharing it. When SHTF, you go to your lowest level of preparation. Great resonant words.
You guys are amazing. I started to follow you and i believed i watch all of your videos. Now i follow your mom and dad. Amazing what they are doing. Admire the courage to do what you guys do and the transparency. Seeing how honest to the process and being open on the conversations that most of us try to get away from, it is so encouraging. Keep creating and sharing. God bless you and your family.
What a magnificent conversation! If all parents and children had the ability or worked towards the ability to speak so openly and with such love and care, the world would be a great place! Thank you both for the vulnerability! :)
Respect to you both for being brave enough to go through the mire, and scrape the cloying mud of ego off your boots throughout the process. Honesty matters. Love matters. Compassion matters. 🤗🤗
Very nicely put. 🙂
This was so insightful in so many different ways. Love to see the respect and empathy you are able to show each other after doing all the tough work over the years.
This was absolutely wonderful! Among all its outstanding qualities, the video shows the love that is possible between parent and adult child as they both continue to grow. In it I found great affirmation. Thank you for this video!
Your natural story telling abilities is what makes me come to both your channels. You both reel me in.
What a wonderful conversation!
Having a parent that does therapy is huge. Hopefully the norm in the future!
Stoked about your upcoming course!
switched to YT from Spotify because it felt necessary to see you both. Thank you, Nathaniel, it really is helpful to see what might be behind good parent-child relationship. Made me understand some important things for myself.
This is a beautiful conversation. Thank you for your bravery to share these vulnerable moments with us. ♡
I felt very represented in your relation and in your dinamic from 2018 to now. Amazing interview guys! Thanks for giving us an open soul and genuine interview
Your Dad is so immensely brave to go through this interview. I felt so bad when your Dad cried a bit. Its really difficult to admit that you want recognition and credit at least for things you do whether its a paid job or something you do as a project/hobby/interest. And its really painful when you dont get it. It sounds like your experience Nat on that doomed project was better than any media studies course. You learned by doing. Its the best way. Though i didnt know what business your Dad operated in,your family come across as succesful,which they,you,are. One can be succesful without being rich and famous,in fact that is the best sort of success. Through my childhood i was closest to my Dad as we shared a lot of interests and if i hung around in the house,my Mum could always find plenty of housework jobs to do. Idleness was not allowed. But then I reached the dangerous age of 17 and the bad thing happened. Its been happening since the dawn of time and it seems to never lose its harmfulness and socially alienating qualities. My Dad turned his back on me and told me that I had sinned so i had to suffer(and i have for the rest of my life - and,lol,I cant afford a therapist as ive got no money.)It was my Mum who totally backed me,emotionally supported me and protected me from the ,im going to say it,lynch mob in our street. But this was in the 1750s when people had high moral standards. No, actually it was the 1970s.
Except my neighbours still thought it was the 1950s.
Never mind,ive got my gardening to beautify my life,pity that as i was told,"only stupid, ignorant people like gardening",perfect for me then. Sorry,got distracted. Brave video,on both sides.
This conversation made me extremely emotional & I resisted listening to this podcast episode, at the beginning.
My relationship with my parents hasn't been great for most of my life. It's complex & difficult and I wish I could have such honest conversations with both of them, but I can't. My dad passed away about 4 years ago & I had to just accept understand and reconcile all that came with his loss. One of the aftermaths of his death is highlighting how much my relationship with my mom is actually non-existent.
I'm struggling with my relationship with her at the moment because I want to accept who she is, but it's so hard when it doesn't align with my values/standards for the life I want to live for myself. I'm hoping moving away might help somehow... but I don't know.
Thank you for this conversation, it shows that a form of change can be possible... I've been looking for this particular type of conversation all week as I feel so lost & it's been cathartic in a way. Thank you🙏🏾🌸
I can relate to everything you just said. Dad is gone, mom and I don't talk. The relationship is gone, but still very painful. I almost couldn't finish listening to this podcast...because it's challenging and hits home with what I'm going through. My son can't stand me, he loves me, but can't stand to be around me because I'm not living the life he wants me to live. Thank you for commenting - it's helpful to see others don't have these "perfect" family dynamics. Cheers
@@SisterSherryDoingStuff and are you actually living the life you want to? Or are you just coping and taking the less effort route of that's what I can live in my current circumstances without having to change something I'm afraid or don't want to change due to staying in my comfort zone.
I know it's straight forward, but don't get me wrong I'm not challenging you. Just genuinly actually interested.
Btw I was the same as your son, towards my Mom. Till I finally figured I can't force people to live their best lives if they for some reason don't want to. (comfort zone, different life values, whatever else the true reason is).
Super hard, cause we all want the best for our close ones. Yet forcing it might just not be the best way..
Maybe I need clarification and I'm misunderstanding but the people you love don't have to live the way you want them to in order for you to accept them. Boundaries may need to be set but acceptance is different. Is she causing herself harm? Is she causing other people harm? You don't have to answer me I was just curious. God Bless. :)
I truly appreciate the frankness and honesty your family share. I'm hoping to parent like this when i have children. thank you both for sharing your story.
I loved this conversation. It was REAL. This was RAW. So many of us dance around what’s really going on in our lives and our relationships. But this avoidance, this denial keeps us stuck, stagnant. Only when we get real honest with ourselves, can we truly heal and grow. This was so refreshing to see on so many levels. I worked as a psychologist for many years and am now retired. Our daughter is the same age as your son here and the dynamics are something that I can very much relate to. These are tough conversations to have. Even now I can very easily find myself hiding from these discussions. I really hope you’ll consider doing more videos like this one. I think there’s a real need and desire for these genuine discussions. What a beautiful example you’ve set here for others to follow. The personal growth that follows is wonderful. And the deeper connection between us and our loved ones is priceless.❤❤
This was incredible. Very healing for me to hear as a daughter and helped put a lot of things into perspective, that I know I will help me carry forward in some of my relationships. Thank you for sharing and being so vulnerable
thank you so much for this podcast! i discussed it with my mom, it was a really nice bonding opportunity for us :) we had a rough patch too and i can relate so much to the notion of good strong relationships being the result of overcoming shit situations and learning from them, and appreciating each other more for it
Good for him! He worked it out and his new channel is fantastic. I look forward to them! You both are good at what you do :)
Damn Nat you really did try to carry this podcast beautifully along with its pauses (for us viewers) but it must have been difficult for your dad to be soooooo vulnerable publicly, even to himself :/
Seeing a man be vulnerable & cry....it chokes me up _every time._
What a beautiful conversation between father and son. A practical example for others to experience honest, emotional, meaningful sharing.
Wow! I am so impressed with your conversation! You are both so brave! About your comments at the end, that you do this for yourselves, I think we all mostly do things for ourselves, it's just part of being human and natural, although it takes time and growth to accept that. I so identify with your father, and his words have actually helped me see things in myself, but I don't want to go through something so excruciating (although I have in the past) that destroys your self identity. This conversation that you have bravely and generously made public is tremendously helpful. You are an awesome family! Sending you all tons of love ❤
I loved this podcast so much. Truly. Thank you for your honest vulnerability. My parents are gone and you’re so blessed to have each other ❤
You're podcast was so honest and incredibly helpful to me. Thank you!
Wow, thank you both of you!
Loved this episode! Relate so much to so many aspects of your story, experiences, and feelings throughout the episode.
i was waiting for this podcast so much!)) thank you, Josh and Nathaniel, for being sincere and real with us and each other. super valuable conversation 🤍
Love how your dad holds himself accountable.
Wow, this has blown me away. Thank you for this important topic. Excellent video and message.