My Most Uncomfortable Experience with an Airbnb Host |
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- Опубліковано 30 бер 2023
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I think this story tells me you are a man of integrity and wouldn't seek out paid sex or an imbalanced power dynamic. Good for you. It sounds like a hostess bar, which there are lots in Asia as well. It's impossible to say if these women offered other private services, but at places like these, they might just drink and chat with men, sometimes an additional fee can be paid to bring them home. Also good for you for tuning in to yourself, and leaving a situation you did not feel comfortable in.
"As a dude you're supposed to be interested in this dynamic" - says so much about you as a mensch that you weren't interested. I think you did a good balance of respect, open to experiences, and ultimately acting on your principles
He is gay. He is half Argentinian 😮
I have never been to Mexico and I have a daughter who is 16, so hearing this story makes me think about these young women, what made them to work there, how sad it is. Your reaction seems absolutely genuine and healthy, this is a reaction of a person who were raised by decent parents and read correct books - you are a true man in my opinion, I wish these poor girls woul d find a way out.
I felt that he has a healthy inner self ,that rejected to deal with such a place.
As someone who was cheated on by someone who went to one of these places, I really want to thank you for restoring my faith in men. I think it really shows your true colours when you're presented with a situation like that, especially in a foreign country where you're vunerable.
“I feel repulsed by inauthenticity…” Absolutely, beautifully expressed! Also, this COULD have become a very dangerous situation…people disappear, etc. I have been in, not the same scenario, but similarly uncomfortable situations, attempting to be polite, respectful, and non-judgmental, but having an increasing, intuitive feeling of not wanting to be there. You were fortunate to be close enough to return to the Air BnB, as well as to know the language. I may have felt so uncomfortable that I would have left the next day, if it would have been possible. Although, your host may have simply been trying to be extra friendly, and show you, what he considered to be a good time, and not anything more nefarious, it was a poor decision on his part, especially not knowing you well. Of course, the male culture in Mexico, can lean towards chauvinism, and “good ‘ol boy” camaraderie abounds. The police situation in Mexico is often not as rigid as it might be in the States, and can also be somewhat dangerous. Yep! I think I would have had a similar reaction as you did, and, I don’t think there was any better way to have handled it.
We need more men like Nathaniel ❤️
Also, as a woman I've been taught that if I feel even a smidge uncomfortable in a situation, I am completely entitled to leave to seek safety, regardless of who I offend. I think that rule can be shared for everyone- if you are uncomfortable, please leave. Another person's feelings never trump your own personal safety. I do understand trying to be polite though, it is hard to overcome the urge to be accommodating to others.
F*** politeness 😊
A smidge ? Lol
I think you’re spot-on; it was a “transactional” environment of buying and selling. I do find your host to be quite presumptuous. The running the red light, presuming (without asking) that you’d be interested in the brothel…you handled it well. Just take it all as a learning experience. Now you definitely know what you DON’T want! That’s valuable information.
I love how innocent hearted Nathaniel is, so freaking adorable!
Nathaniel's naivety, it's incredibly endearing. Can see why he seeks new experience constantly :)
I applaud you for leaving a place like this! If all men were like this, the world would be a better place. This is your subconscious being healthy and you respecting women unfolding in reality. I never questioned your integrity, and I'm happy you got to see your reaction when this happened to you
This is why I love you, Nate 💛 you are a man of integrity
Hi Nathaniel. Thanks for opening yourself up like this. I felt as though some parts were especially hard for you to say but you said it anyway....the way in which you tell stories is really engaging. Really enjoyed this one.
You were uncomfortable because you don't objectify women! We need more men like you 💖
He was uncomfortable because he was in a brothel.
a "gentleman's club" for sure.
wow as a woman if i ever were in a situation like that i wouldn’t be concerned about being nice to my host but about my own safety. it’s crazy how much safer you guys get to feel in the world.
Same!
I think your reaction was perfect, you are a good human being Nate, you are in touch with yourself and you value authenticity very highly, as do i, so it's hard to see any personal appeal in such an establishment. I absolutely 100% agreed with your description of wanting to shut down and run away from people being inauthentic when they are talking!
I've been around the world a few times. Your host brought you there to earn a commission on any services you purchased. I'm surprised this is the first time you have encountered this.
Think you did exactly right! As a Dutch person living in CDMX I know how ending up in these types of situations feels. Can be awkward or uncomfortable at times but it’s a beautiful thing to reflect on what one wants or not. And part of me likes it here because of that. Like you said you are thankful for the experience. It’s funny btw how our paths took us to the same places, also considering Paris in the future. Keep up the beautiful work!
Oh man, I think you leaving was definitely the right call because you were listening to yourself. You felt uncomfortable and left! Right when you said he took you somewhere else other than the apartment I would have been freaking out. I probably would have walked home after getting out of the car at that point, but I’m a girl and would have been way too uncomfortable to stay and wait to see what may or may not have happened.
I'm curious to know whether the host explained himself or asked you why you left. And how awkward the rest of your stay there was.
Mad respect to you my dude. I would have felt exactly like you.
I think that it's good that you're able to look back on the experience and think about what you might have wanted to do differently or might want to do differently in the future. However, from your thumbnail, I went into the video thinking that your host was going to be a woman who made advances towards you. I'm relieved that didn't up being the case, but your story reminds me a quote I heard a long time ago: "Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them." Although you didn't seem worried about what the other women thought of you, you were worried about humiliating yourself in front of your host. There are unfortunately much worse things that could have happened by staying at the home of a stranger and following them into an unknown/sketchy bar.
Worry about your safety first and the way others perceive you second. I know you have a trusting nature and are open to new experiences, but listen to your gut when something doesn't feel right. Worst case scenario, you listen to your gut so you go home and have a boring night. Best case scenario, you listen to your gut and avoid partaking in any potentially illegal/undesired activities that you might have ended up regretting. This is definitely a woman's perspective because women are often blamed for being stupid victims who knowingly put themselves in "unsafe" situations, but I think it couldn't hurt for people in general to stand up for themselves more and stick to their boundaries.
Stay safe, and I hope your trip to Mexico City was lovely despite that incident!
Bet you have sooooooooooo many cool stories, cant wait to hear them
I am a white woman and I spent some time living in Panama. I remember going out with some girlfriends dancing at a bar and I have plenty of bar experience, but I remember how defensively and aggresively we would have to fend off unwanted male attention sometimes. I do think cultures differ and that you were in a gentleman's club of sorts. I find the machismo in places like latin america to be shocking to those who aren't used to it in the states. I am Russian by birth and there is a lot of machismo in our culture, but not having lived there I find my tolerance for it to be extremely low.
3:08 Kudos to you for taking salsa lessons!
Thank you so much for sharing your story. My son would have felt the same way and reacted the same way. I’m glad you followed your guts and left. Thanks again
I like your observation of the details and your gentle sensitivity towards others..
Integrity is such a beautiful thing. I am grateful you have it in your personal make-up. (one only has to look to your lovely parents, to see where you got it from!) 💖
You are not only a self aware person but incredibly sincere to yourself. It is inspiring to see people like you. Being human is important something we work for painstakingly. I want everyone of us be like that. From my perspective I would have left like you did leave that place. It took you sometime to try and digest the situation and when the time came for you to say "man I cannot digest this and I do not want to digest it . That is why I need to leave." You did the right thing.
I can complete my resonate with how you feel “when is it too much” especially living here in Mexico. When I go salsa dancing and the dance gets kind of intense Im always caught in the middle of “is this normal?” “Is this just culture? Should I stop?” But i think it’s good to have your own personal boundaries. You left just in time because at the end of the day you two come from two different worlds and if he thought you were “uncool” for leaving, he would also be “uncool” for trying the same stunt in your country.
I immediately knew it was a brothel. I'm sorry you experienced that, I would have felt uncomfortable as well.
You see this publicly in Southeast Asia, men walking around with multiple women on their arm, sometimes disturbingly young looking, but clearly paid for.
It’s particularly sad when these services exist in such an unregulated fashion. Women are extremely vulnerable in these cases.
I have no doubt this man was convinced the interactions by the young women towards him were genuine. The disillusionment of men who are happy to exploit women in this way is incredibly sad.
what a crazy situation you were placed in ..in the midst of your sincere cultural sensitivity. You express how you felt while in this extremely inauthentic situation with such clarity. We sure do need more men ..and women...more HUMAN BEINGS!..like you. I sincerely thank you for this podcast. It gives me hope. It's such a crazy, even evil, world we live in. Stay safe walking in what you KNOW is right and cool, dear Nathan. God bless and keep you.
I think you did the right thing for you. I'm pretty sure this was a brothel. I don't know how. I would have reacted if I were a man. Great video.
Didn't sound like a brothel to me, sounded more like a more explicit version of hooters.
i have a similar experience and i'm a straight woman lol. we have a lot of these places here in the Philippines. but when this happened to me, I was also pretty naive about this stuff so I wasn't fully aware when it was happening
after shooting a music video, me, my guy friend and this Mexican dude whom I met online (he claimed to be a music producer) were invited by one of our extras (Filipina) to the place where she says she works. when we got there, I immediately got a strange vibe because there were two lines of women that greeted us upon entering. at this point, I still didn't know what this place was exactly lol.
when we sat at our booth, women sat with us. one woman for each of us. this woman beside me was trying to make conversation and I was trying to be friendly but I can really feel something was not right.
anyway, fast forward, we got scammed by paying a bill higher than we expected because they kept sending girls and alcohol (which they claimed were free) our way and all that time we were being charged
later on, looking back at that experience, I realized it might have been an escort bar and I think where you were was something similar. or perhaps a brothel
so I can totally understand your mindset during this situation and it's completely valid. it just also shows that you're a man of integrity who wouldn't succumb so easily to these kinds of setups. good for you and good that you were safe 💖
We all have our non-negotiables, and I'm glad we have the same in such aspect. 👍👍👍
I love your podcast and your sessions with guests, but sometimes I find it hard for me to watch the whole episode when you're addressing an idea alone, so I think the style of telling a story or an experience that you have been through and then talk about your ideas and opinion is very effective, I honestly enjoyed this video and listened closely to what you're trying to say.
Right on dude, follow your gut❤
Haha😁 I had an similar experience with a friend during a vacation...I felt absolutely uncomfortable in this kind of place and can share your thoughts.. Especially this kind of unnatural interaction.. Thx for sharing your story.
Haha, Nathaniel! I couldn't help but smile the whole time you were telling this story because I love your naivety and integrity. What an uncomfortable experience! I hope it was your intuition that told you that you weren't in any danger which why you stayed a bit longer?
If I were a guy I would have acted the same way. When traveling I’ve been in a few situations that seemed off and in those cases I would listen to my intuition as soon as the alarm bells started going off in my brain
the dude was an introducer. he would have got a comm if you had had your marbles polished. 🤣
I started thinking brothel the deeper you went into your description. Your words give such a refreshing take on not all men being the same.
I’m glad that you didn’t continue to stay in a situation that made you majorly uncomfortable.
As someone who is used to having stated plans change without acknowledgement, all my red flag detectors went up hearing this story. Maybe this is a bit alarmist especially since idk what the guy's vibe was like, but I think you should give your intuition more credit and see this less as an adventure in experiencing culture and more of a lesson you were lucky to get away from unscathed, for future reference.
Me as a woman would have felt (in the opposite situation or just in such an uncomfortable situation) the same way: insecure, trying to somehow understand what is happening, trying to believe in the "good" of humanity and naively denying what is really going on (whatever it is). Trying to be polite to the person that brought me there (the more as it is your host) and to be polite to the waitresses (let's call them this way as we do not have any hint of where their limits where). Shutting down internally and then, at a certain point, leaving as politely as possible. I felt uncomfortable listening to you... :-) Also this is called life, the important thing is not to do anything that the next morning would make you uncomfortable looking into the mirror. Chapeau, mon cher. I feel you. 🙂
Holy Shittttt!!!!! I’m late the the game in seeing this episode and I’m screaming at the screen - “ get your ass out of there !!!” I came home after work, mixed a drink and cooking dinner while watching this and whatttttt the hellll ?!?! How much longer did you stay with that host ??? And did you was your hands when you got back home?!? Ha
It’s wild out there my friend ❤
Stay safe …. Sheesh 🙄
It actually is a non spoken rule in which it might be dangerous to stop at a traffic light on the night and it is ok to pass. That is why the police didn't say anything. I was also very much stressed about it at the beginning 😊
Authenticity ❤️
Oh Nathaniel, I'm so sorry you had to go through this 😭I am a mexican woman and I understand this situation perfectly, so I can explain.
Sadly, it is our culture. Male chauvinism is real. A lot of mexican men like to be in control and be right. I see this a lot in older men. It is common to see mexican grandpas in the family wanting to "teach you how to live life" because that gives them an ego boost. They especially find young women interesting because they are "naive and innocent" and they like to see themselves an a "mentor" for them. That is soo disgustingg
One of my relatives who is in his 60's always tries to make me "be wrong" on the stupidest things like for example, the way you peel a fruit. They just find ways to boost their ego and if you don't do what they say they will call you a "chicken" as if you're "weak"
This is so frustrating for so many young mexicans especially teens and ppl in their 20's.
What you did was the best decision Nathaniel! It all comes down to the fact that you don't have to please anyone. You don't have to do anything that you don't want to ❤
Me, being a Hispanic guy (not Mexican) that grew up in Hispanic America can 100% assure you the Airbnb host thought you’d like the place. You speak fluent Spanish enough to lead him to believe/assume this type of club was going to be okay for you.
I took your storytelling course and this was a masterful story in its own. I was gripped the entire time! I know what you mean about the host assuming so much. I don't think there is a right way to react, I know that exact feeling when something strange creeps up and you're somewhat in disbelief. Next time just try to catch it earlier!
I can’t stand deceivers and people who pretend they have my best interest. Most problems begin with alcohol!
You’ve talked a little before about the love of God. I believe this love is inside you, and you feel it for those women. Selfless love. The kind of love that refuses to turn a person into an object. There is ultimate right and wrong in the universe.
I mean you shouldn’t be asking us what we think you should have done. You have a gut fit a reason and it was linked to your values and wanted to leave. Your internal dialogue was the mental representation of your link to attachment vs your gut which was your authenticity. You did great bro! As a guy you solidified my values as I was weaker than you in those situations. Great work!
I lived in Tijuana and Guatemala (so never CDMX). I would never stop at a red light or stop sign late at night, for safety concerns (bag grabbers or carjackings). (I also lived in Lima which has much worse traffic but way more people out late at night, so stopped only if it seemed safe.)
That thing u said that you would be seen as some one who isn't cool I think it keeps a lot of sensitive people from doing what is Wright (or at least the most considered corse of action ) anyways glad you did what felt right
We need more men like you ❤
I would’ve done the same thing, felt the same way, maybe wouldn’t have left as soon as you tho, idk
You were misled and only got the bad vibe while in the car. You kinda trusted the guy beforehand and had no reason to doubt him. You could have left mid way through the ride but you didn't have enough reason to prove your instincts and gut feeling.
You are very sensitive and picked up on the collective energy of that brothel/bar. Lots of lonely men, women having to fake interest and titillate patrons. Very dark and murky energy, a lot of suffering happening in that building. Your gut felt and processed that as a quick download as soon as you got in. It seems like it felt awful and there was a lot of despair, or hell-realm energy there. It can be traumatic to witness and feel that if you've never seen something like that before.
Sounds like you were in shock and once you'd figured out what the game was there you had to get out. Which you did. Which is good!
Presumably you changed your accomodation after that. See it as an experience and lesson in trusting your guts. Thank your lucky stars you don't have to work or patronise somewhere like that.
There's not necessarily anything wrong with sex work or being attracted to sexy people. But the context of those interactions, the place and those people felt pretty yucky. It rang hollow and was painful to be there. Especially for someone with a good heart and sharp sensitivity. Especially when you didn't feel safe and didn't solicit it.
Let the experience go, have compassion for others and their worlds and choices, and know you'll have lots of resources and opportunities in your lifetime to love and be a light in the dark. ⭐✋
I think you handled it well--you felt uncomfortable and luckily you were close enough to your "house" that you could leave. I didn't feel you were being judgemental.
How did your relationship change with your host after this?
Nice
well I wouldn't even call it naivety. If you have never been to a place like that you wouldn't recognise it immediately. I would say it is simply a different world in which everything is unknown and you need to be there for at least few hours to pick up how things work. I would probably also leave pretty soon but on the other hand talking to those girls seems like a very interesting thing to do. ask them about their life and reasons why they chose sex world etc. I am not sure they would have time for talking for free but for some money maybe they would be willing to. It is not necessary fun per se but I feel like one would learn a lot about people and life and world from them. that at least what I see as an opportunity in this situation. learning.
I am also either into it or absolutely not
I would’ve been upset with him just assuming I’d want to stop somewhere.
You have him social proof.
Made me think of 11 minutes by Paulo Coelho
Storytime😊😊😊
Nathaniel 💘
i miss the non-podcast videos 😔
I never thought about this angle from your Airbnb host. That would be uncomfortable and something to keep in mind. Perhaps tour host should have given you the option so that you were aware of what you’re walking into. That was not cool.
I am glad you are allergic to Inauthenticity !!!
I'm sorryanother person placed you in a situation that made you feel unsafe and uncomfortable. This happens a lot to women, and we get it. That said, I feel a bit about social media like you do about this experience. Interacting with you in a one-sided way where the conversation isn't equal and our own personalities and experiences aren't nearly as visible makes the world a very lonely and one-sided place. We pretend that there is something equal and friendly going on here, but it's really a commoditized version of your life, told in a way that shows what you want to show. There's less 'real' about it than we all like to pretend. Chances are we will never meet in person, share a beer, or be able to exchange ideas in an equal way that constitutes a real friendship. Hence, while I love UA-cam and your channel, I have difficulty not feeling drained after viewing vlogs such as these. Mainly because I come to care about and pour energy into your (or other vloggers') lives but for good reason can't get validation about who I am in return. If that makes sense at all?
You handled it perfectly appropriately and respectfully. I'm sure it was a prostitution situation. There's a lot of that in Mexico! I think it was strange and inconsiderate that the host had these assumptions and thought he could control you to go along - assuming you wanted to do something, you could afford it, you'd be open to it, etc. Really bizarre.
This story went flat FAST.
Hey Drew, I am Mexican, but I have lived over 1/2 of my life in the US. Once I worked for a Mexican company in the US, and whenever I went to Mexico for business, with US clients, some clients expected me to take them to a strip club, and some Mexican colleagues saw that as normal, which I found off putting -- but that happens to be the male business culture. It happens in Mexico, it happens in the US. I never experienced the type place that you describe, but it sounds it was an escort place. And yeah, it was weird for your AirBnB host to take you there without knowing much about you. Just assuming because you were a guy you were down for the same type of entertainment that he was, I find it rude. And definitely not the sign of a good host. Anyway, live and learn. And it is a good sign for your would be girlfriend that you like to surround yourself with wholesome friends.
Another lesson at the University of Life.
I zoned out.
Your vulnerability in sharing this expereince is everything. I hope young men watching you can see that.
Nathanial..... it might be of value to consider that sex has many expressions (looks many different ways) and often can take one of two avenues... which are 1) to connect and grow intimacy or 2) to escape, check out and lose oneself. My intention is to have this perspective be of value given the context..... that was clearly intense!
Damn nathaniel your special there are a lot of man who likes this, i find it weard but i love it if a man is not interest in those things
If it was the US, I'd say strip club or gentleman's club with the ladies canvassing for people willing to pay for private lap dances. In the bro movies and TV shows, it's where the guys often go for bachelor's parties.
But the place you described sounds huge. Though, I've never been to Mexico so not sure.
It’s totally not what you were looking for. What I get from your description is that you were looking for a genuine connection, not entertainment or a fleeting interaction. It just didn’t vibe with you. I get the hesitation to leave because “when in Rome” and all that was probably on your mind. But really, I think anyone might have felt uncomfortable in that situation. It was a good learning experience and perhaps you know more about yourself and how things might operate now in some places.
ya I would probably have done the same thing. I Learned I didn't like that sort of thing either and I basically shut down as well which was extremely embarrassing at the time. I was 21 for an old friend that is not my fiend any more .it was my friends 21st birthday and he wanted to go to a strip club. And I thought I might like it. But once I was there. I realized I was very very wrong. And I kinda learned a little more about myself that night. Spent the night waiting for him and then going to another bar.
I think you handled it well
Hey, I'd love to hang out with you in Paris sometime. I also whole heartdly invite you to Brno, Czech Republic. Love, Anna.
Your totaly cool
Dude, better to experience this at your age than at 50.
Nathaniel, you cannot change the world. You will spend your entire life depressed otherwise. You were in a brothel.
Okay so what’s the lesson? Say no and put yourself first in order to stay out of harms way and maintain integrity, cultural differences or not.
No, the lesson is welcome to reality.
Do you think he's watching this?
Poor American boy 😅
Nunca ha ido a un puteadero este gvn Jajajajja
You asked what your viewers think... I think you ended up in a seedy bar and it totally wasn't your thing. You wanted to leave and probably should have left sooner but you stayed longer, because you're open-minded and open-hearted.. Next time you'll probably leave sooner because now you know - a seedy bar is a seedy bar!
Also, idk how It is in Mexico but a lot of the macho culture circles around the idea of going to those places to feel in control over these women, many are unfortunately blackmailed by taking their passports and obligated to work even if the activity is legal in the country.
This was indeed a horrible experience. I can totally imagine how it should feel . But having said that I think seeking paid sex is not 'lack of integrity'.. being in a place where you dont want to be can be very uncomfortable. But we need to remove the taboo of paid sex . No it does not mean the person taking the service views women as objects. Sex is a necessary component of healthy life and many people don't have the luxury to have it by other means. Both men and women should be able to buy sex if they need it. Because society puts so much guilt and taboo into sex such weird social dynamics appear.
Nathaniel, I want to challenge you to stop using the phrase *”If that makes sense”* and see what happens. Observe….experiment…. 🤷♀️
Could be cool 😁
What a non story.
Please sit still in these video’s…. Stop rocking up and down
Etiquette: have a drink, pay, thank your host, leave.