1: You're not obsessing over them but an idea. 2: Realise what this person means to you. 3:realise that you don't have a self center that holds you together.
Just coming here in the comments to tell you guys my experience in the past times with this obssessing thing. I used to be a guy that fell in love really easily and got obssesed really easily as well, however, 11 months ago (im 19 btw) I've decided that I wanted to dedicate my time to grow as a person and to have goals or a good self esteem. And I did this. My life got way better, I never had the same issue of obsessing over someone because I knew MY value, I knew what I wanted but I was racional about that situation. Good luck to y'all trying to get over obsession. Find your value :)
I want to say my experience about this. I'm a girl who has been obsessing over people for so long and so easily. It got more and more draining to obsess over every single person that I found attractive and gave me a spark of attention. I've been lost on this issue for so long, but I'm eventually finding out it's root. I wanna say that I'm so happy to see this video and see people with similar issues because it was so hard for me to find people who understand this or videos who explain this, and I used to feel like there was something wrong with me
Since I’m emotionally unavailable I tend to obsess over people a lot because I can just easily make up a version of them without having to actually be with them. It’s like I spend time with them in my head even tho I know it’s not the real person but an idea I’ve created of them. I also have OCD which definitely makes my obsessions more intense
She's so spot on. Luckily I learned this on my own in my 20s. To understand this you have to actually apply it to your life. If you don't you will continue to make the same mistakes over and over well into your 40s
you are obsessing over the idea of someone or as a perfect partner, and not seeing them for who they are : by observing them, spending time with them. Start humanizing them. Understand what this person triggers you. When u put them on a pedestal, you are not having a self-centre. You need to trust yourself, have high confidence in yourself, develop obsessions of your life. Like yourself, feel complete and fulfilled with yourself. It is not impossible to build a more stable self-identity. Have a skill you have to develop. Start developing that independence.
Eye-opener. Thank you Francessca. I’ve always been obssessing over boys; unrequited, one-sided love gives me so much fantasy, dopamine all that space except actually being with them. Hits spot-on, on all of the 3 main points you presented. I keep looking for that father figure, someone who will protect me, care for me emotionally and never leave me. And it’s even harder to take in the final point: my self centre isnt that strong yet. I thought that i have developed proper confidence, like actual liking and loving my self, but im not. And, it is indeed a very fascinating, fancy idea to be related, to be of “possession” of some high-profile, important people. “It will make me more valuable, desirable, lovable” Thank you. I open my eyes, one more time ❤
Sis.....you're soooo right....i mean seriously....the falling out of love thing happens....and I've experiences it....and yeaa....you're fab..!❤❤❤ I regularly watch your videos and they're really helpful...I hope you keep growin..❤ Edit: I really needed a video on something called celebrity obsession.....if I'm not wrong....like yk people get obsessed with celebrities and fall for them when they don't actually know the person for who they are...they jus look at the character the play in a particular movie or series or maybe however they display themselves in interviews or social media....and this is growing really fast...mostly teenagers are facing this...they jus can't get over them...i face it too sometimes...i try to make myself understand all this but it kinda doesn't works...
i came to this realization today.. it's so hard when we have these ideas of the people in our lives. we see them as perfect, as people that would complete us but we don't understand that if we don't see ourselves as complete without them, that's a major problem. even if we are to get with these people, they'll evidently disappoint us because the idea that we have if them will disappear and the real them will surface and it wont be at all what we imagined or anticipated. the key is to focus on yourself and Jesus. we won't find ourselves in people and its a dangerous illusion that will leave us more detrimental than before..
I have the same problem. It's not only obsession also trauma bonding and low esteem to the core. Only possible solution to this is to divert talking to other people opposite gender I meant. It slowly cut down the obsession. Just talking or socializing I meant. Not flirt or hook up. That will damage us whole
Broooo...i have rarely had crush on anyone....but currently this one boyy!!! UHHHH!!! I don't know what he has that i love this much ......this is just weird !! Even i don't find the boy that most of the girls want to be with as attractive and the fact that he is his friend 🥲🙂 His face is not that beautiful or neither his body is too dashing or perfect...also not even my friends find him that much attractive....but whenever i see him...........AHHH I AM DEAD ...THAT LOVING FEELING AWAKES AGAIN ...my heart melts and i am so done ...i suddenly love him🙂 (I don't know if he even knows that there is someone like me too)
Because he might be giving you mixes signals and maybe be probably a narcissist that's why it's giving you that high rush of dopamine girl it feels like addiction and esp in teen ik as logic goes out the window 🪟
This is exactly what happening to me, I'm chasing a girl that she's even ignored me and blocked me, she's interested in me but playing mind games but after I stay away back of her mind games she blocked me, and now I'm chasing her without reasons, she lives in my mind sec by sec , I have dreams about her most of the nights, This is really killing me from inside without anyone notice my problem
If She blocked you then know she didn't wanted you or cared about you in the 1st place, she'll probably be talking with someone else now, I'm telling you with my experience, girls are biologically built like this they'll talk to you & show like they care but just as a friend they don't feel love like the boys do for them. & If you don't talk to them they'll find someone else easily because all they want is someone to talk, I guarantee you she doesn't even care about you or thinks about you now but here you are thinking about her because boys are built like this, I can understand. Stay busy & go outside. You got this brother. It hurts but life is not perfect.
You did a beautiful job of describing the key traits of narcissist behavior aka C-ptsd traits in a light that is calm and constructive vs damning and fixed. The pedestalisation/devaluing stage aka love bombing then dissociation phase is rampant when limerence is high due to low concept of self and child hood trauma. You are a bright light in the psyche space. Thanks for the positive take.
I’m alone too much to enjoy my alone time and independence. I always felt secure in relationships until I got cheated on twice and ever since then I’ve been anxious.
In all my years, I have never had someone speak so clearly and make sense to me why I hurt after being rejected by emotionally unavailable men who don't want me back after a few weeks/months. I understand things clearly now and my mind feels clear too for some reason. Thankyou Francesca ❤
Here's the thing... He provided me with what I needed, so desperately. When he abandoned and betrayed me, he raped my soul. He left me, and replaced me for another. In exactly three days, it'll be exactly seven months since he did so... And I still can't cope. Can't heal. Can't breathe. My soul is raped. Rage and grief rape and consume me. He was my "best friend". We spoke every day. He was the only friend I had. What he did, was soul rape. I am tortured and tormented and bereaved, inside. My heart is in so much pain, it physically hurts.
This video makes a lot of sense and I watched it over a couple of times. I really appreciate all of your content and thank you for putting it out there.
Omg! So all this time Im not truly inlove with this person its just that i like the idea being loved by him😭 that's why i got a crush with this boy and made him special to me even though he's just a normal slug to others.
So this is what happens to me every time! I just get obsessed with anyone in short time & i mistake it for love, so you might guess how many crushes i've had so far! But it never really works out! I've never really conquered any of them cuz i really don't have that much patience, i'll just confess right away, and they'd say no! And when i get over them or better get to know them, i'll find the whole idea of me falling for this person wrong, like what was wrong with me? Like i was so desperate to find someone, that i would just pick anyone! I was so lonely! Well the last time someone told me that they like me and i got obsessed over them but they didn't really and just told me to be friends for the life! I mean wow, i don't like the idea of getting in a relationship now, that experience was that worse!
🎯Today you graduated with this.👍 Excellent work this is the Supreme level of life knowledge and love of the whole self. Thanks and please expand on this subject. ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
I moved on already....I do not understand where the confusion resonates from....It just sounds like insecurity on their behalf from not understanding that I was not going to wait any longer than time provides....Am I going to not be single, on a finer day, it is likely.
this is all very true to me, especially the idea of “conquering” him. i couldn’t wait for all my former bullies and people who told me i’d never even get a boyfriend to see me with one of the most popular, attractive guys in our year. and then he rejected me
I love all ur videos. It's so inspiring and also due to house issues I can't go for a therapy session, ur videos helps a lot thank you so much love you 💞
It was so so relatable to me that i can't even express...i'm happy that i saw this video...my therapist always told me this kind of exact same things...❤️self love, self validation within ourself not from the outer world... thank you so much❤️..I'll keep it in my mind..
OMG 😲!!! 😱😱🤯 You're unbelievable!👏👏👏👏 You're amazing 👏 💖❤ This's shooting straight to the problem!! It'll help a lot of people too. Thank you so much!! Totally kicking my ass 🤣🤣😚🤭🤗😘
, i had an obsession over a boy two years ago , and now i have new obsession over another boy , when I thought about they have the same personality and i was like why is this , now i realized that they have the same personality as my father 😢now i get it
I understand this video, but the title saying 3 powerful techniques is misleading. It is more like 3 reasons why you obsess and a suggestion for how to stop.
I dont really get it, but is that means obsession happens because they match with the ideal person we want/think? So the way to stop it just see them as normal human and we dont need them to validate ourselves
1: You're not obsessing over them but an idea.
2: Realise what this person means to you.
3:realise that you don't have a self center that holds you together.
We suffer more in imagination than reality. - Marcus Aurelius
Wow that's very true but also a revealing revelation 😊
This video is a wake-up call for me. This explained why I kept chasing wrong people’s tails
Chase your own tail first.
Good u have realized
If you were chasing tails, you weren’t chasing people at all 😂
But I guess it didn't help to stop chasing them, right? 😕
"You want a person who wont give you what u want". Brilliant ❤
Exactly .I just wired this way.i actually fell into the trap of a married man and I realised fast that it wouldn't go well.i quickly cut him off .
Just coming here in the comments to tell you guys my experience in the past times with this obssessing thing. I used to be a guy that fell in love really easily and got obssesed really easily as well, however, 11 months ago (im 19 btw) I've decided that I wanted to dedicate my time to grow as a person and to have goals or a good self esteem. And I did this. My life got way better, I never had the same issue of obsessing over someone because I knew MY value, I knew what I wanted but I was racional about that situation.
Good luck to y'all trying to get over obsession.
Find your value :)
I'm so happy for you
I feel like you explained my whole life in 6:19 seconds
I want to say my experience about this. I'm a girl who has been obsessing over people for so long and so easily. It got more and more draining to obsess over every single person that I found attractive and gave me a spark of attention. I've been lost on this issue for so long, but I'm eventually finding out it's root. I wanna say that I'm so happy to see this video and see people with similar issues because it was so hard for me to find people who understand this or videos who explain this, and I used to feel like there was something wrong with me
I feel you, you're not alone 🙏
@@daylighteater thank you so much, I've learned a lot about this and it's definitely getting better ❤️
Since I’m emotionally unavailable I tend to obsess over people a lot because I can just easily make up a version of them without having to actually be with them. It’s like I spend time with them in my head even tho I know it’s not the real person but an idea I’ve created of them. I also have OCD which definitely makes my obsessions more intense
OMG! same here. Everything you described is exactly what I've been experiencing, and I also have OCD.
She's so spot on. Luckily I learned this on my own in my 20s. To understand this you have to actually apply it to your life. If you don't you will continue to make the same mistakes over and over well into your 40s
The video I wish I was brave enough to hear earlier. It's so healing
you are obsessing over the idea of someone or as a perfect partner, and not seeing them for who they are : by observing them, spending time with them. Start humanizing them.
Understand what this person triggers you.
When u put them on a pedestal, you are not having a self-centre. You need to trust yourself, have high confidence in yourself, develop obsessions of your life. Like yourself, feel complete and fulfilled with yourself. It is not impossible to build a more stable self-identity.
Have a skill you have to develop. Start developing that independence.
Eye-opener.
Thank you Francessca.
I’ve always been obssessing over boys; unrequited, one-sided love gives me so much fantasy, dopamine all that space except actually being with them.
Hits spot-on, on all of the 3 main points you presented.
I keep looking for that father figure, someone who will protect me, care for me emotionally and never leave me.
And it’s even harder to take in the final point: my self centre isnt that strong yet.
I thought that i have developed proper confidence, like actual liking and loving my self, but im not.
And, it is indeed a very fascinating, fancy idea to be related, to be of “possession” of some high-profile, important people.
“It will make me more valuable, desirable,
lovable”
Thank you. I open my eyes, one more time ❤
the moment she said "they fart and poop aswell" I just farted.
It was the deal breaker for me.
I am done. They poop? Yuck
Crush cancelled
Sis.....you're soooo right....i mean seriously....the falling out of love thing happens....and I've experiences it....and yeaa....you're fab..!❤❤❤
I regularly watch your videos and they're really helpful...I hope you keep growin..❤
Edit: I really needed a video on something called celebrity obsession.....if I'm not wrong....like yk people get obsessed with celebrities and fall for them when they don't actually know the person for who they are...they jus look at the character the play in a particular movie or series or maybe however they display themselves in interviews or social media....and this is growing really fast...mostly teenagers are facing this...they jus can't get over them...i face it too sometimes...i try to make myself understand all this but it kinda doesn't works...
Happened with me also.. falling out of love
That is my problem right now
It’s not about being obsessed. Some of us are just chasing the wrong ones. But this advice is 💯 true. Works
i came to this realization today.. it's so hard when we have these ideas of the people in our lives. we see them as perfect, as people that would complete us but we don't understand that if we don't see ourselves as complete without them, that's a major problem. even if we are to get with these people, they'll evidently disappoint us because the idea that we have if them will disappear and the real them will surface and it wont be at all what we imagined or anticipated. the key is to focus on yourself and Jesus. we won't find ourselves in people and its a dangerous illusion that will leave us more detrimental than before..
Yes.. All is so true.. But the problem is- I am obsessed even with his flaws 😢😅
All still part of the idealization. Could be a clue that maybe you want to forgive yourself for yours?
Same here 😂😂
I have the same problem. It's not only obsession also trauma bonding and low esteem to the core. Only possible solution to this is to divert talking to other people opposite gender I meant. It slowly cut down the obsession. Just talking or socializing I meant. Not flirt or hook up. That will damage us whole
Broooo...i have rarely had crush on anyone....but currently this one boyy!!! UHHHH!!! I don't know what he has that i love this much ......this is just weird !! Even i don't find the boy that most of the girls want to be with as attractive and the fact that he is his friend 🥲🙂
His face is not that beautiful or neither his body is too dashing or perfect...also not even my friends find him that much attractive....but whenever i see him...........AHHH I AM DEAD ...THAT LOVING FEELING AWAKES AGAIN ...my heart melts and i am so done ...i suddenly love him🙂
(I don't know if he even knows that there is someone like me too)
Because he might be giving you mixes signals and maybe be probably a narcissist that's why it's giving you that high rush of dopamine girl it feels like addiction and esp in teen ik as logic goes out the window 🪟
This is exactly what happening to me, I'm chasing a girl that she's even ignored me and blocked me, she's interested in me but playing mind games but after I stay away back of her mind games she blocked me, and now I'm chasing her without reasons, she lives in my mind sec by sec , I have dreams about her most of the nights, This is really killing me from inside without anyone notice my problem
Why are you punishing yourself. What happened to you?
@@ladyofspa I don't know why but I really have feeling about her
I know how it feels bro.. hope you can get over soon..
If She blocked you then know she didn't wanted you or cared about you in the 1st place, she'll probably be talking with someone else now, I'm telling you with my experience, girls are biologically built like this they'll talk to you & show like they care but just as a friend they don't feel love like the boys do for them. & If you don't talk to them they'll find someone else easily because all they want is someone to talk, I guarantee you she doesn't even care about you or thinks about you now but here you are thinking about her because boys are built like this, I can understand. Stay busy & go outside. You got this brother. It hurts but life is not perfect.
Can't relate more bro! Same to same story
What i like about you is you talk with practicality
No non sense nothing
You just hand over the solution
Thank you ❤
You did a beautiful job of describing the key traits of narcissist behavior aka C-ptsd traits in a light that is calm and constructive vs damning and fixed. The pedestalisation/devaluing stage aka love bombing then dissociation phase is rampant when limerence is high due to low concept of self and child hood trauma.
You are a bright light in the psyche space. Thanks for the positive take.
I’m alone too much to enjoy my alone time and independence. I always felt secure in relationships until I got cheated on twice and ever since then I’ve been anxious.
In all my years, I have never had someone speak so clearly and make sense to me why I hurt after being rejected by emotionally unavailable men who don't want me back after a few weeks/months.
I understand things clearly now and my mind feels clear too for some reason. Thankyou Francesca ❤
You’ll be alright it’s just emotions. Tame the mind 💯
Here's the thing...
He provided me with what I needed, so desperately.
When he abandoned and betrayed me,
he raped my soul. He left me, and replaced me for another.
In exactly three days, it'll be exactly seven months since he did so...
And I still can't cope. Can't heal. Can't breathe.
My soul is raped. Rage and grief rape and consume me.
He was my "best friend". We spoke every day.
He was the only friend I had. What he did, was soul rape.
I am tortured and tormented and bereaved, inside.
My heart is in so much pain, it physically hurts.
Time will heal❤️.
This video makes a lot of sense and I watched it over a couple of times. I really appreciate all of your content and thank you for putting it out there.
Omg! So all this time Im not truly inlove with this person its just that i like the idea being loved by him😭 that's why i got a crush with this boy and made him special to me even though he's just a normal slug to others.
The dream the promise the hope is what haunts you it could be anyone really. Now the real work begins within build the self.
I got all my answers why I'm so obsessed over someone
So this is what happens to me every time! I just get obsessed with anyone in short time & i mistake it for love, so you might guess how many crushes i've had so far! But it never really works out! I've never really conquered any of them cuz i really don't have that much patience, i'll just confess right away, and they'd say no! And when i get over them or better get to know them, i'll find the whole idea of me falling for this person wrong, like what was wrong with me? Like i was so desperate to find someone, that i would just pick anyone! I was so lonely! Well the last time someone told me that they like me and i got obsessed over them but they didn't really and just told me to be friends for the life! I mean wow, i don't like the idea of getting in a relationship now, that experience was that worse!
I’m fall within the third category. Very true! Thank you for this eye opening video.
This is so important. I needed to hear this. Thank you so much.
Hi HOTTIE💥
I needed that, thank you so much ❤️❤️❤️
(First comment)
Beautiful
Lifts the veil.
A momentary lapse of reason....
Was it love , or the idea of being in love?
Pink Floyd.
Thank you for this
🎯Today you graduated with this.👍
Excellent work this is the Supreme level of life knowledge and love of the whole self.
Thanks and please expand on this subject. ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
I moved on already....I do not understand where the confusion resonates from....It just sounds like insecurity on their behalf from not understanding that I was not going to wait any longer than time provides....Am I going to not be single, on a finer day, it is likely.
I am obsessed over you
Wow! Amazing tips to reject the illusory and self degrading act of obsession. Thank you so much!💎👍👍✊🏽✊🏽✊🏽
I’m not obsessed over this person, trying to re connect and build bridges & yes very true, but this video is wake up call, be strong
this is all very true to me, especially the idea of “conquering” him. i couldn’t wait for all my former bullies and people who told me i’d never even get a boyfriend to see me with one of the most popular, attractive guys in our year. and then he rejected me
I love all ur videos. It's so inspiring and also due to house issues I can't go for a therapy session, ur videos helps a lot thank you so much love you 💞
Francesca Favorite word is Trauma
Francesca, thank you for this
I think the problem is when that other person just appears in your mind out of the blue. That's a major challenge. Good video though.
1000% obsessing over the idea of going out with Francesca. 😂❤
Daayuuumm!!!!!!!!
She said everything i been experiencing 🤔 💯 💯
Your videos are really helpful. Thank you and keep the amazing job you're doing 😉
Great video it definitely had a critical hit on me
Wow! You've completely changed my perspective on the issue! You're absolutely right! Thank you!
Makes so much sense.
Woooowww... You revealed biggest secret ❤..
You're like free therapy dude
It was so so relatable to me that i can't even express...i'm happy that i saw this video...my therapist always told me this kind of exact same things...❤️self love, self validation within ourself not from the outer world... thank you so much❤️..I'll keep it in my mind..
Thank you love❤.. Can please drop your skincare routine?? You have such a flawless skin
💗
The 2nd point is so accurate.
I really needed this in my fyp 😭
What if he is the only one who listens to you... and not talking to him feels like there is no one to turn to.
I feel like this too
OMG 😲!!! 😱😱🤯 You're unbelievable!👏👏👏👏 You're amazing 👏 💖❤ This's shooting straight to the problem!! It'll help a lot of people too. Thank you so much!! Totally kicking my ass 🤣🤣😚🤭🤗😘
You just saved my life!❤
your videos are fire. this compliment you get from a robert greene fanboy
Great video! Exactly what i needed right now. I followed and will binge all the videos.
😂 First thing is turning off all relationship and compatibility videos on UA-cam.. Almost there.
wow, thank you so much. i needed to hear this. i want to see more of your content!
If you want them to reply immediately you need four people around you
Now that was spitting facts and truths thank you
Such a good explaination. Thank you!
Thank you for the wonderfully delivered and helpful tips!
Wow this video is so well explained and in depth, thank you so much!
, i had an obsession over a boy two years ago , and now i have new obsession over another boy , when I thought about they have the same personality and i was like why is this , now i realized that they have the same personality as my father 😢now i get it
She is amazing
why do people have trauma? is it normal to have trauma? is there person who lives happily without trauma?
thank you, its inspiring and i needed to hear that
I have never felt this way about someone but decent advice I’m sure..
wow.. I really liked your advices.. very helpful Ms.Franceska.. keep up the good work.
Makes sense glad i got to here the truth tho
1:13 IM SO DEAD
It's totally true
Best video
I understand this video, but the title saying 3 powerful techniques is misleading. It is more like 3 reasons why you obsess and a suggestion for how to stop.
Does anyone feel complete and fulfilled? 😢
Hatsune Miku is my favorite kawaii anime vocaloid waifu. I will always obsess over her!
Awesome content! ❤
Awesome! Facts 💯 thanks for your work :)
U get it! This is great!
Once you truly love someone nothing like that works
called me out in 113 languages
Very Instructive, thank you!
Million dollar knowledge for free ❤
Thank you ❤❤
Now you seem like a ideal person to me who i put on pedestal 😂❤
Lmfaooooo girl's spitting facts. Subscribed🤣💖
I love your videos. thank you for making them.
I needed you Thnku dear love from india 🇮🇳🇮🇳🇮🇳
This video saves my life ❤️
Thank you so much ❤️✨
If you would close your eyes when you are talking to me, I wouldn't be in this situation. Would I?
I dont really get it, but is that means obsession happens because they match with the ideal person we want/think? So the way to stop it just see them as normal human and we dont need them to validate ourselves
Noo!!!, Im still a weak ,unstable snowflake 😱
I want to have 2-3 counselling sessions. If that service is available maam. I am from India
Keep making so great and empowering content!! ❤❤❤
Do you a have a technique to stop obsessing about you😊
Francesca you are the best! ❤
great speech 🧡🙏
You literally described me. Help me change this please
Thank you so much.