Akeemjamal Rollins - Suicide Note

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  • Опубліковано 7 лип 2014
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    Akeemjamal Rollins, performing at Rustbelt 2014 in Detroit, MI.
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КОМЕНТАРІ • 811

  • @Tori-mh7fg
    @Tori-mh7fg 8 років тому +4583

    "Don't you show me what I got to live for, don't make me want this again. Please don't make me fight, I'm tired."
    Mah heart. It hurts.

    • @baileyanderson-kita3271
      @baileyanderson-kita3271 4 роки тому +15

      This made me cry.

    • @qu4rtz732
      @qu4rtz732 4 роки тому +17

      it hits harder because i said something along the lines of this before my parents took me to the psych ward

    • @zedmeister8832
      @zedmeister8832 3 роки тому +7

      @@qu4rtz732 You're still here. Thank your parents for me, and embrace each moment.

    • @drizzy8928
      @drizzy8928 3 роки тому +1

      ...too Scared of life,I cant carry on
      ...too Useless for everyone,they all want me gone
      ...too Impossible to love,too impossible to care
      ...too Confused in this broken land,for me there was no one there
      ...too Invisible to everyone,they all think im a bore
      ...too Damaged at heart which they gladly tore,
      ...too Emotional,I cant possibly live on anymore....
      No one will notice
      No one will know
      No one will care

    • @Spookypeachesboii
      @Spookypeachesboii 3 роки тому

      I understand this so much

  • @amylibby4793
    @amylibby4793 10 років тому +4230

    "Tell goodbye I said hello."
    Damn this is incredible.

    • @savannanoe5343
      @savannanoe5343 10 років тому +60

      Best line by far

    • @halosandhorns8330
      @halosandhorns8330 5 років тому +3

      WHOOOOO!

    • @jrortiz739
      @jrortiz739 5 років тому +2

      True

    • @drizzy8928
      @drizzy8928 3 роки тому +6

      ...too Scared of life,I cant carry on
      ...too Useless for everyone,they all want me gone
      ...too Impossible to love,too impossible to care
      ...too Confused in this broken land,for me there was no one there
      ...too Invisible to everyone,they all think im a bore
      ...too Damaged at heart which they gladly tore,
      ...too Emotional,I cant possibly live on anymore....
      No one will notice
      No one will know
      No one will care

    • @Symn0203
      @Symn0203 3 роки тому

      @@drizzy8928 😟

  • @rotroom
    @rotroom 9 років тому +3862

    tell the pain i said goodbye tell goodbye i said hello

  • @breathinginreverse8320
    @breathinginreverse8320 9 років тому +1050

    "tell the other suicide notes their asses weren't poems either." oh my god that hit me so hard.

    • @BishopSteffi
      @BishopSteffi 8 років тому +5

      yes that part!

    • @moniquebrown1884
      @moniquebrown1884 8 років тому +30

      +princess bridget hope I think what the poet meant was that he had been dealing with suicidal thoughts for quite awhile. So long, in fact, that the poem he is reciting isn't the first suicide note he had intended to leave behind. He is saying that none of his suicide notes should feel as though they were privileged enough to be considered poetry because they weren't anything more than his final goodbye. Or at least that was my interpretation. Who knows though, I could very well be incorrect.

    • @BishopSteffi
      @BishopSteffi 8 років тому +15

      +princess bridget hope I'm always writing suicide letters in the form of poetry. Something that I'll leave behind because I think it's the last time I'd say goodbye, but it never is. I think what he means is that it's easier to believe that the words he wrote were simply poetry and not a suicide note when indeed they were.

  • @annabananabones08
    @annabananabones08 8 років тому +880

    "PLEASE don't make me fight"
    dear God. That's the sentence. There it is

    • @21redsox21
      @21redsox21 8 років тому +10

      +Anna Vogel about the time of you writing this comment i was screaming this in my car..im lucky my sister answered her call because Idk if i would have made it had she not.

    • @annabananabones08
      @annabananabones08 8 років тому +5

      21redsox21 Thank God for your sister. I have one that pulls me away from the edge as well

    • @basielu
      @basielu 4 роки тому +1

      @@annabananabones08 same here at the time this was released

    • @drizzy8928
      @drizzy8928 3 роки тому

      ...too Scared of life,I cant carry on
      ...too Useless for everyone,they all want me gone
      ...too Impossible to love,too impossible to care
      ...too Confused in this broken land,for me there was no one there
      ...too Invisible to everyone,they all think im a bore
      ...too Damaged at heart which they gladly tore,
      ...too Emotional,I cant possibly live on anymore....
      No one will notice
      No one will know
      No one will care

  • @DurandbernarrTM
    @DurandbernarrTM 4 роки тому +494

    “Tell Durand he was right... one day I would.” ..... ouch 😞

  • @akeemrollins2327
    @akeemrollins2327 8 років тому +2025

    I still like this, surprisingly. it is an odd mirror to watch a you 2 years ago. see here, my family didn't take pictures much after my grandpa died and no one really noticed. this is cool, to see myself, I mean. alive and stuff

    • @ButtonPoetry
      @ButtonPoetry  8 років тому +178

      Thanks for letting us post the poem!

    • @akeemrollins2327
      @akeemrollins2327 8 років тому +209

      Yeah, no, it's great. You guys bring poets to mainstream. You make our words relevant to people who would otherwise.miss us.

    • @alyshagoode9515
      @alyshagoode9515 8 років тому +57

      i wanted to tell you this personally; this is so beautiful. i got goosebumps a year ago, i get goosebumps now. you are so inspiring and just a beautiful soul. thank you.

    • @horsecrazy2266
      @horsecrazy2266 8 років тому +39

      I'm so glad that you are still okay

    • @Komoari
      @Komoari 8 років тому +27

      I just want you to know...
      I'm speechless.
      This poem has so much emotion, I'm crying right now.
      Thank you for writing your emotions down on paper.

  • @itskeyleigh
    @itskeyleigh 8 років тому +1271

    "Tell God whoever she or he or they are, thanks. But next time, I won't be seeing em soon"

    • @melodys9188
      @melodys9188 5 років тому +6

      could you explain that line to me? i think i understand it but its not super clear to me

    • @user-ws6ic6lz6h
      @user-ws6ic6lz6h 5 років тому +31

      @@melodys9188 I think he is saying he won't be seeing him for a long time because he isn't going to kill himself

    • @jacobcaron2280
      @jacobcaron2280 4 роки тому +2

      @@user-ws6ic6lz6h that what I was thinking, and it caught me a little off guard.

    • @jaesterling7546
      @jaesterling7546 3 роки тому +4

      @@melodys9188 I know you asked this a year ago but I think it’s a line about how in the Bible if you kill yourself they say you go to hell, thus he wouldn’t be seeing God because he’s killing himself

    • @drizzy8928
      @drizzy8928 3 роки тому +2

      ...too Scared of life,I cant carry on
      ...too Useless for everyone,they all want me gone
      ...too Impossible to love,too impossible to care
      ...too Confused in this broken land,for me there was no one there
      ...too Invisible to everyone,they all think im a bore
      ...too Damaged at heart which they gladly tore,
      ...too Emotional,I cant possibly live on anymore....
      No one will notice
      No one will know
      No one will care

  • @fredderikmajbrink7715
    @fredderikmajbrink7715 9 років тому +1443

    Suicide note
    ----------------------------------
    tell my nephew i am sorry, tell my sister i am sorry she had to be the 1 to tell my nephew, tell her i was afraid of her judgement, tell my mother i wasn't bluffing, tell my brothers i was going back to get the brother who didn't survive the one before me tell them that this was my apology to him, tell my grandmother to PLEASE open up the gates i know this really wasn't the way she expected too see me again, but this is how i am unraveled, tell her “nevermind i'll tell her myself”. Tell my other suicide notes “they asses aint no poems either”, tell my roommate i am sorry he was the one too find the body, tell the blood “be quick about it already”, tell Ryan MY LOVE that everything has his name on it, tell the man that threatened my life “I won too slow on this humans race” tell the downstairs neighbour im sorry for the fuzz/mess, tell Erica i am sorry i couldnt be the best man at the wedding, tell Duran “he was right, one day I WOULD” tell Jeffery i imaginged it was him pulling the trigger, dont tell my little brother, dont tell Shawn unless he asks please. tell father if we make it too the same place could you atleast try to talk to me first this time. Tell “depression good game i ALMOST had you motherfucker”, tell the pshyciatrist “the medicine aint working”. Tell the floor “you were a beautiful final bed, a last pair of arms a widded womb of an exit, tell my feet “stop running”, tell my body “get the pills down the vial in my stomach is coming up”, tell the volume to turn QUIET. dont moan, tell the pain i said “goodbye” tell goodbye i said hello. Tell Jessica “i know” Dont follow me, tell mobile telekom cleveland they are sorry bunch of entitled assholes. Tell my ex-boyfriend to whisper my name NOW they know the sound of a dodged bullet. Tell the police “i always leave the door unlocked” tell them “i wont follow them again” tell them “im fine” i dont need to go, i get to take whats mine handcuffs, tell the ER “im gonna give him my fathers presents” tell the nurse “dont smile and hold my hand Dont look like my mother dont tell me i can heal dont lie to me now dont give me stories to read, dont name our laughter my nephews smile, dont you show me what i got to life for, dont make want this again PLEASE dont make me fight i am tired and no i dont want it to better, “better” is only a fathers presence dont wash of the scalps, dont fix the brokeness that is all that i know tell nurse Renné “thank you” tell her i said “thank you” tell my nephew tell them all i said thank you. Tell god “send another one everyday” tell chocolate “i said thank you” tell greek yogurt “i am back” tell them i am home, home is here no matter what the shatter or the clatter I AM HERE i am miss celie “I AM SO” present
    tell god whoever he or she or they are “thanks” but next time i wont be seeing them soon…..
    post corrections if needed
    it took me 45 mins of crying and having a breakdown too read this
    so that my deaf girlfriend could read it
    because she had never seen me cry before
    she too wanted to "hear" it
    i LOVE HER MORE THAN LIFE!!!

    • @purplepiggy4904
      @purplepiggy4904 9 років тому +18

      Tell Jeffrey that it was him who I imagined pulling the trigger. Don't tell my little brother don't tell Rochad, don't tell him unless he asks. Please. Tell my father that if we at least make it to the same place 'Could you actually try to talk to me first? Tell depression 'Good Game mother fucka, I almost had you' Tell the therapist that the medicine didn't work.

    • @purplepiggy4904
      @purplepiggy4904 9 років тому +27

      Tell the floor, it was a beautiful final bed. My final pair of arms, a wooden womb to the exit tell my feet to stop running. Tell my body to keep the pills down. The volume in my body is coming up, tell the volume to quiet. Tell the pain I said goodbye, tell goodbye I say hello. Tell Jessica 'I know, don't follow me' Tell the mobile crisis of Cleveland that they are a sorry bunch of entitled assholes. Tell my ex-boyfriends to whisper my name to hear the sound of a dodged bullet. Tell the police I always leave my door unlocked. I won't bother them anymore, I'm fine I won't need to go.

    • @fredderikmajbrink7715
      @fredderikmajbrink7715 9 років тому +12

      thanks english is not my first language

    • @helenadoliveira9297
      @helenadoliveira9297 7 років тому +1

      Fredderik Majbrink Ih

    • @regentanz7364
      @regentanz7364 7 років тому +6

      thank you for writing it down!

  • @tammyk5739
    @tammyk5739 9 років тому +429

    "Tell the pain I said 'Goodbye'
    Tell goodbye I said 'Hello' " this is incredible

    • @akeemrollins7971
      @akeemrollins7971 9 років тому +30

      Thanks. Funny how beauty can spring for ugliness. I suppose that was lesson flowers and dirt have been trying to teach us for centuries.

  • @keighleyorlando270
    @keighleyorlando270 10 років тому +1475

    this my friends is not poetry this is art my favorite line and I think the most underrated one was "don't fix the brokenness it's all I know" this really speaks to me thank you so much!

  • @linkdude64
    @linkdude64 10 років тому +237

    My jaw practically hit the floor...dude was throwing around the heaviest words like they were pillows...

  • @SophieRussellMusic
    @SophieRussellMusic 10 років тому +1422

    2:16 "Don't make me want this again." People don't understand that part of it. They offer you cures and treatment but you know it's just going to be a never ending cycle of better and worse, better and worse. You get tired of fighting it and you just want to sleep forever so you don't have to do it anymore but there is no painless suicide and what if they find you? What if they bring you back and you go through life not living, but not dying, forever just existing until the day that death pats you on the back and pulls you into its arms with a smile and a, "You did good." I wish I could go to Switzerland. A suicide clinic instead of a helpline, a place where they will accept my decisions and not tell me all that I have to live for and that 'it will get better' because I don't /want/ it to get 'better', I'm tired of 'better' because as far as they're concerned, 'better' is just not wanting to die anymore. That doesn't make me 'better', that makes me a girl who has one less problem, one less mental disease that drives her insane day and night, comforted by people who don't understand and can't be bothered to try. I'm selfish, I'm happy for those around me to be effected by me doing something for myself for once because I am /tired/ and is that so bad? Is it so bad to be tired? To want to check out early? Life isn't for everyone. It's an acquired taste but I'm fussy with my food and I don't /want/ to try it again. That's not my fault. It isn't anybody's.

    • @MEGAme9783
      @MEGAme9783 10 років тому +24

      That's deep. And I might have tried to read it to my blind friend when he asked why I said wow but couldn't without crying at how real and true it is

    • @akeemrollins7971
      @akeemrollins7971 9 років тому +7

      Thank you Stephanie.

    • @TheOmar291992
      @TheOmar291992 9 років тому +29

      A letter to Sophie, I feel you:
      (English is not my main Language, hope it makes sense)
      I know what "tired" means. I know what time does to our bodies when it sets its alarm, and its always on point. I know how the shadows can wrap their arms around our waists and drag us back to the covers. I know how being alone sounds like, and how silence can roar inside our minds, eating the insides as it leaves just pain. I know the struggle to maintain balance of our feet, and tell mom: “Don’t worry, I got this one”, as we crave our nails inside the walls, desperately trying to maintain composure, anxious to look through the window, just to see kids playing... and think to ourselves: “I wish i could be happy again"
      *****

    • @d_stroya
      @d_stroya 9 років тому +5

      this one just hit home

    • @estebanvelasquez9477
      @estebanvelasquez9477 9 років тому +2

      You, are great, the way you are able to express your emotions is fantastic, but let me ask you somethink, should we at least as society try to make you try at least some few times, and where do you think can we find the limit between wanting you to try more or let you decide for your own?

  • @welcometothemindpalace6379
    @welcometothemindpalace6379 7 років тому +95

    "Tell my other suicide notes they asses weren't poems either."
    "Tell my ex-boyfriends to whisper my name; now they know the sound of a dodged bullet."
    "Tell the ER it looks like temporary; tell the ER I'm gonna rename it my father's presence."
    "Tell them I'm home, home is here, no matter what the shatter or the clatter I am HERE."

  • @danielleradcliff5265
    @danielleradcliff5265 7 років тому +177

    "Don't you show me what I got to live for, don't make me want this again. Please don't make me fight, I'm tired"

  • @naini17
    @naini17 8 років тому +348

    these days death seems to be the only answer, I am not suicidal enough to hurt myself physically but it hurts just as much when you're mentally suicidal.

    • @mervekara9875
      @mervekara9875 7 років тому +3

      Aieni Zays same

    • @strongpowerthankyou9088
      @strongpowerthankyou9088 7 років тому +3

      Aini N. I feel the same

    • @sara_daria2
      @sara_daria2 6 років тому +2

      same

    • @morganwilliams4689
      @morganwilliams4689 6 років тому +6

      I feel ya, especially when I tell myself that I’m not really suicidal I’m just thinking about it for attention even though I don’t tell anyone about it and then sometimes I’ll think about how easy it would be just to grab one of the knives in the kitchen but that’s as far as I’ll go

    • @qu4rtz732
      @qu4rtz732 4 роки тому +2

      hey bro i’d recommend seeking out some help, i’ve been there before and it fucking sucks. you deserve to be okay.

  • @Andrea-de1gl
    @Andrea-de1gl 7 років тому +129

    ''don't fix the brokenness, that is all that i know''

  • @brismith6668
    @brismith6668 9 років тому +623

    I'm gonna be honest, I've been on and off contemplating suicide the last few weeks so this hit me really hard and I type this with shaking fingers but I think I'm gonna be ok

    • @floraljassie665
      @floraljassie665 9 років тому +14

      I'm so glad you're fighting this

    • @kellymoran7644
      @kellymoran7644 8 років тому +7

      If you need someone to talk to, I'm here. Please, don't take your life away from the people who love you. Stay alive.

    • @tsiyon6747
      @tsiyon6747 8 років тому +10

      +bri smith I don't know you. and you don't know me. But I know life. and so do you. I don't know why you want to commit suicide, but I believe in this quote "Everybody wants happiness, nobody wants pain. But you can't have a rainbow without a little rain." Everything passes. Everything is temporary; the pain, the happiness.. And everyone faces a hard time. You are never NEVER alone. If today is a bad day, you have to believe that tomorrow will be a good day. If today is a good day, you have to believe that tomorrow will be an incredible day! Of course you want to be happy, who doesn't? But you need to be really patient. Think about the quote; the rain resembles your struggle and the rainbow is your happiness. You don't see a rainbow before it rains do you? After the rain, you will see a beautiful rainbow. I don't know about you, but when it rains I'll wait patiently to see the rainbow. It's the same with life. It will rain in our life, but we have to wait patiently to see the rainbow. I really hope this helped. And I hope for the best in your life.

    • @nineyvaleriano4667
      @nineyvaleriano4667 8 років тому

      we can talk

    • @madduxwigley3281
      @madduxwigley3281 8 років тому

      life is worth it. find God. you will find happiness.

  • @BabyBat14
    @BabyBat14 9 років тому +105

    His passion... His strenght... As someone that survived depression and suicide attempts, I must say... You fucking rock!

  • @kimkey2202
    @kimkey2202 9 років тому +328

    Please don't make me fight. I'm tired.

  • @darciewilliams6442
    @darciewilliams6442 7 років тому +39

    "tell the pain i said goodbye, tell goodbye i said hello"
    WOW

  • @MinathZimmer
    @MinathZimmer 9 років тому +102

    "He was right, one day I would"
    At this point I'm crying because I can't tell you how many times I've been told to kill myself. I'll stop crying for one moment then the next line will hit me and I'm crying again.

    • @akeemrollins7971
      @akeemrollins7971 9 років тому +1

      Yeah. I reread it and thought how fucked up some of the lines and parts were. It isn't triggering to me because my triggers don't work that way, but revisiting the shitty things I was given like the insights were gifts or something as jarring, to say the least.

    • @madduxwigley3281
      @madduxwigley3281 8 років тому +5

      stay alive please

    • @n.e.o.n3983
      @n.e.o.n3983 3 роки тому +1

      Hope you are doing good now

  • @TaysSparklyDresses
    @TaysSparklyDresses 7 років тому +372

    Suicide note:
    Tell my nephew I am sorry. Tell my sister I’m sorry she had to be the one to tell my nephew. Tell her I was afraid of her judgement. Tell my mother I wasn’t bluffing. Tell my brothers I was going back to get the brother who didn’t survive, the one before me. Tell them that this was my apology to him. Tell my grandmother to please open up the gates, I know this really wasn’t the way she expected to see me again, but this is how I am unraveled. Tell her… never mind, I’ll tell her myself.
    Tell my other suicide notes they asses weren’t poems either. Tell my roommate I’m sorry he had to be the one to find the body. Tell the blood, “be quick about it already!” Tell Ryan, my love, that everything has his name on it. Tell the man that threatened my life, I won, too slow in this human’s race. Tell the downstairs neighbors I’m sorry for the blood. Tell Aerys I’m sorry I couldn’t be the best man in her wedding. Tell Duran he was right, one day I would. Tell Jeffery I imagined it was him pulling the trigger. Don’t tell my little brother - don’t tell Rashad unless he asks. Please.
    Tell my father, “if we make it to the same place, could you at least try to talk to me first this time?” Tell depression, “good game! I almost had you, motherfucker!” Tell the psychiatrist the medicine ain’t workin’. Tell the floor it was a beautiful final bed, a last pair of arms, a wooden womb of an exit. Tell my feet, “stop running.” Tell my body, “keep the pills down.” The volume in my stomach is coming up - tell the volume, “quiet; don’t moan.”
    Tell the pain I said goodbye. Tell goodbye I said hello. Tell Jessica, “I know - don’t follow me.” Tell Mobile Crisis Cleveland they are a sorry bunch of entitled assholes. Tell my ex-boyfriends to whisper my name. Now they know the sound of a dodged bullet. Tell the police I always leave the door unlocked. Tell them I won’t bother them again. Tell them I’m fine, I don’t need to go, I… I get to take what’s mine - handcuffs.Tell the ER it looks like temporary. Tell the ER I’m gonna rename in my father’s presence. Tell Mother Nurse, don’t smile and hold my hand, don’t look like my mother, don’t tell me I can heal, don’t lie to me now, don’t give me stories to read, don’t name our laughter, my nephew’s smile. Don’t you show me what I got to live for, don’t make me want this again, please don’t make me fight. I’m tired, and no, I don’t want it to be better! Better is only a father’s presence. Don’t wash off the scabs, don’t fix the brokenness that is all that I know.
    Tell Renee, tell Nurse Renee… [exhales loudly]
    Tell Renee I said thanks. Tell her I said thank you. Tell my nephew… tell them all I said thank you. Tell God I said, “send another one, every day”. Tell chocolate I said thank you. Tell Greek yogurt I’m back. Tell them I am home. Tell them I’m home, home is here, no matter what the shatter or the clatter I am here. I am Miss Celie here, I am so present!
    Tell God, whoever he, or she, or they are, thanks, but next time, I won’t be seein’ ‘em soon.

    • @missshannonsunshine
      @missshannonsunshine 7 років тому +6

      TaysSparklyDresses bruh. where were you whem i wrote this down and replayed it lile 300x? thank you! ps..did you get what he meant after greek yogurt? i was lost after that

    • @arthurpenn4930
      @arthurpenn4930 7 років тому +1

      Im lost after the yoguert to

    • @ThePlopPalsOfficial
      @ThePlopPalsOfficial 6 років тому +6

      I think it’s “Tell the downstairs neighbours I’m sorry for the thud” not blood

  • @funnyjuiceeffects
    @funnyjuiceeffects 10 років тому +53

    "don't show me what i got to live for" and the lines after that hit me so hard. familiar feelings ya know.

    • @user-yn7ko6te5j
      @user-yn7ko6te5j 3 роки тому +1

      hey stranger. you still hanging in there?

    • @funnyjuiceeffects
      @funnyjuiceeffects 3 роки тому +1

      @@user-yn7ko6te5j awww this is so sweet :') i am indeed alive, not doing too great atm but hey most people aren't either. hope you're doing well

  • @hddeliZ400md
    @hddeliZ400md 4 роки тому +10

    “Don’t fix the brokenness, it’s all I have”
    Really got me though... :’(

  • @james4934
    @james4934 5 років тому +5

    broke down at the nurse part. I still remember mine, she watched me when my father couldn't look me in the eyes. She stayed with me til midnight and we talked about art and musicals. I was only 12. I'm older now, a little better but tonight is bad. But I can't tell if I want to die or if I just want the pain to stop.

  • @iiTapeYou
    @iiTapeYou 8 років тому +72

    "...thanks, but next time I won't be seeing them soon"

  • @rhiannan-ashley6302
    @rhiannan-ashley6302 10 років тому +51

    "tell goodbye I said hello" jheez this was amazing

  • @loyalkwame
    @loyalkwame 9 років тому +6

    in my opinion this line (v) speaks volumes.
    ("Tell the volume to quite, don't moan, tell the pain I said goodbye tell goodbye I said hello.")
    Excellent piece of Art

  • @nts_tv
    @nts_tv 5 років тому +9

    “tell depression good game i almost had you motherfucker.” and “tell my ex boyfriends to whisper my name, now they know the sound of a dodged bullet,” moved me so much i love watching this video it’s still one of my favorite poems thank you

  • @HaniaEs
    @HaniaEs 8 років тому +30

    Just - wow.

  • @kat6891
    @kat6891 7 років тому +11

    "Don't show me what I've got to live for. Don't make me want this again." Wow ohmygod that hit me like a train

  • @galaxxy5699
    @galaxxy5699 8 років тому +81

    "tell greek yogurt im back"

  • @supist
    @supist 8 років тому +8

    "dont fix the brokenness, that is all that i know."
    wow that hit me hard.

  • @Me-fv7iv
    @Me-fv7iv 6 років тому +7

    I love how he expresses the, “I’m tired!”

  • @Scixxy
    @Scixxy 10 років тому +22

    hoo boy. That one hit close to home.

  • @MeowingFool
    @MeowingFool 10 років тому +24

    I am literally in tears. So moving. So much raw emotion. Incredible. Well done.

  • @Ggghvjoyt
    @Ggghvjoyt 10 років тому +16

    One of the best poems I've ever heard about suicide.

  • @hannahblank8504
    @hannahblank8504 7 років тому +12

    I always find myself coming back to this video.

  • @astrobard
    @astrobard 9 років тому +11

    This spoke to me on a level that I don't think I can actually express. I'm crying. I'm crying because I can relate to so much of this and it hurts. Because I hate knowing other people have felt this way too. This is beautiful.

  • @tinahasemaus
    @tinahasemaus 10 років тому +1

    Here I am again on one of 'those nights', listening to a strangers voice and am touched by them once again.
    "Don't tell me I can heal.. Don't fix the brokenness that is all that I know".
    I hate how they want to take the brokenness, even though I know living with it is impossible. Yet living without it seems impossible too..

  • @tinahasemaus
    @tinahasemaus 10 років тому +30

    This made me cry like a baby and I rarely cry.
    I'm glad you didn't die and even though I know you may think/feel otherwise I'm glad you are alive to share your amazing words, and I am thankful for it.
    Thank you very much.

    • @tinahasemaus
      @tinahasemaus 10 років тому +4

      I forgot to say:
      Hugs from Germany xx
      Things will hopefully will get better and we'll may be able to see it.

    • @akeemrollins7971
      @akeemrollins7971 10 років тому +7

      Thank you.

  • @kzaxoxo
    @kzaxoxo 10 років тому +151

    Is it bad that I broke down cuz I relate to this so much? Except I don't think I have the happy ending of learning how to stand on my own two feet again. They're always going to want to keep running.

    • @akeemrollins7971
      @akeemrollins7971 10 років тому +100

      I know the feeling of desiring the flee. I know how it is to want the world to swallow its tongue with you on the tip. It is hard to keep on, but if you can run and keep running, that may be the most beautiful necessary you have right now.

    • @XxCharlieee
      @XxCharlieee 9 років тому +10

      AKeem Rollins even your replies on youtube are beautifully worded

  • @corarosier3654
    @corarosier3654 6 років тому +2

    I always keep coming back to this one...

  • @NotQuishio
    @NotQuishio 4 роки тому +1

    Real quick. When he said Renée my heart stopped and for a moment it made me thankful to be alive

  • @emilyjaned00d36
    @emilyjaned00d36 8 років тому +2

    I hope this brought you comfort and to a place that you are better now. I recently buried the happiest person I know.

  • @elirose6033
    @elirose6033 7 років тому +40

    I'm not crying
    You're crying....

    • @clover3625
      @clover3625 7 років тому +7

      *sniffle* we're all crying *hugs*

    • @gavin6239
      @gavin6239 7 років тому

      +Clover boi if you don't

  • @etteve
    @etteve 2 роки тому +4

    "tell the pain i said goodbye, tell goodbye i said hello" BARS

  • @zlatkakulovana5531
    @zlatkakulovana5531 3 роки тому +1

    "Don't tell my litle brother. Don't tell Rashad unless he asks. Please."
    That..
    Made my eyes cry! Imagining this part to be telling my son.

  • @morganboucher5084
    @morganboucher5084 10 років тому +9

    I think that twist at the end hit me harder than the ending I had expected. Awesome delivery.

  • @sarahshepherd2559
    @sarahshepherd2559 7 років тому +9

    'I am so, present' man I feel that. Sometimes I feel like I'm living in technicolor and I want to absorb everything and I love everything so much it hurts and sometimes I feel like I'm living in pastels and I'm so detached and I barely feel anything and I just don't care and I wish I could just settle on one because this flickering is honestly exhausting

  • @michellestrickland751
    @michellestrickland751 8 років тому +4

    I have just finished watching this I am 45 felt with depression and anxiety for the last 10 years each word hit me as if I were saying them I'm in a dark place for past couple months this is awsome I applaud this I'm also a nurse of 25 years and gives me a new thought with patients dealing with these issues thank you for these words

  • @madfamily123456789
    @madfamily123456789 7 років тому +1

    The way he spoke made me so emotional, I cried when he said 'don't tell my little brother'.

  • @KendallABell-cr5vd
    @KendallABell-cr5vd 9 років тому +6

    AKeem Rollins Very well done, sir. I came back to this several times today. Living with depression...it seems music and poetry are the only things that keep me alive. If I couldn't write, I'd be dead. Thank you.

  • @WiccanMarine91
    @WiccanMarine91 9 років тому +4

    I cried. I was literally bawling my eyes out when i heard this.

  • @samanthab7152
    @samanthab7152 10 років тому +18

    "Tell my ex-boyfriends to whisper my name. Now they know the sound of a dodged bullet". I lost it. I never get in relationships for fear of dragging others with me.

  • @expensiveaura
    @expensiveaura 9 років тому +13

    best line "Tell hello I said "goodbye" tell goodbye I said "Hello"

  • @nasssira3008
    @nasssira3008 9 років тому +56

    don't tell Rashad unless he asks...

    • @rayraygaleva9493
      @rayraygaleva9493 4 роки тому +1

      That's even harder for me becuase that's my brothers name 😭

  • @kategainey8867
    @kategainey8867 9 років тому +7

    For what it's worth.,, I'm glad you're here. You have a gift. Thankyou for voicing the unspeakable.
    Kate c

  • @timeghost5000
    @timeghost5000 Рік тому +1

    “tell greek yogurt IM BACK” has been the line that has stuck with me from this poem since i saw it back when it was posted. not only is it like darkly funny but damn what a comeback!! like life is about the simple things. and i dont eat greek yogurt often but when i do, as someone who’s been in that dark place before, i always let greek yogurt know im back!!!!!!!!!

  • @jazzynice9
    @jazzynice9 7 років тому +88

    Day by day, I'm slowly leaning towards feeling suicidal... This poem is speaking to me...
    To be honest, sometimes I get tired of living... I fear for the future and I don't want to go back to the past, and being present is confusing... Sometimes I don't know what to do anymore...
    But I really love my family and friends too much, it hurts. I don't want them to hurt either. I don't care what happens to me, but at the same time if I let myself fall they'll live in pain forever and hate themselves for not saving me in the first place, when in reality I don't want them to think that way...
    My main reasons to live is my family and my closest friends. They are my reason to keep going...

    • @emoryviolet750
      @emoryviolet750 7 років тому +7

      That's how I felt and right now I'm just trying to get through just trying to make it one more day. People ask me why I'm fearless why I do some crazy things and my answer is I'm not afraid of dying. Wait no I am afraid of dying but I'm more afraid of living

    • @reveluvly
      @reveluvly 7 років тому +3

      Same. And it sucks so much. I feel trapped and even though some days are better than others all of them are seeming to blend together. I'm scared of what I might end up doing. I'm scared of what I'm feeling

    • @ynglpws3623
      @ynglpws3623 7 років тому

      +Emory Violet Sabrina Beniam?

    • @emoryviolet750
      @emoryviolet750 7 років тому

      Lisl VerschisselMatrizzel no that was just something I said I didn't know who she was but thank you for telling me about her

    • @ynglpws3623
      @ynglpws3623 7 років тому

      Emory Violet her poem was the first one I watched on this channel, her words really touched me

  • @NicolaManning
    @NicolaManning Рік тому +2

    Wow this hit me in the feels! In tears over here, so powerful!

  • @bobbyhill8486
    @bobbyhill8486 3 роки тому +1

    I'm sitting here in almost December 2020 and this hits different... I'm sitting here sobbing at the ending.. it was the ending for me

  • @beautynation5957
    @beautynation5957 9 років тому +21

    Is it bad I relate to this and I'm 13, man I can't believe this life I live. When I was younger my cousin committed suicide, I told myself I won't ever do that. Today I stand a teen on the brink of death, no not fearing it, welcoming it with open arms. Today's the day I told my cousin and boyfriend I want to die. What can I say society isn't fair, it destroys the confident and make them weak. Today I stand, no, not weak, but a survivor.

    • @Thomasanphoto
      @Thomasanphoto 9 років тому

      Im 19 and was suffering and still am as of today, you will continue to be strong and these events will make you stronger!

    • @planetxtk7567
      @planetxtk7567 9 років тому

      I just think about what my mom did to get me to this point. She struggled and I don't want to throw all that hard work away. Besides. Who knows what good can happen later on in life?

    • @planetxtk7567
      @planetxtk7567 9 років тому

      dj feend I still got friends to make and I never had a girlfriend so yea.

    • @branamar000
      @branamar000 9 років тому

      That was incredible

    • @madduxwigley3281
      @madduxwigley3281 8 років тому

      please stay strong. please don't take your life. life is worth living

  • @yourlocalcryptid6024
    @yourlocalcryptid6024 4 роки тому +1

    Something interesting is that the line "don't fix the brokenness, it's all I know" reminds me of a poem I made where I was talking about my depression and anxiety and I wrote something along the lines of "the doctor offers to help, but gasping is all I know" which is a metaphor comparing my anxiety and depression to not being able to breathe, and that line was about antidepressants. Just an interesting thing I understand.
    It was an amazing poem and I know what it's like to go through those moments.

  • @sunnyshands7009
    @sunnyshands7009 10 років тому +3

    I am glad you didn't die. This poem made me rethink what I was doing. Thank you for writing this, and staying alive to share your story. Believe it or not, you're saving people too.
    love from minnesota

  • @uhkatie1467
    @uhkatie1467 10 років тому +2

    i teared up around all the thank yous

  • @GiraffesGoRawrr
    @GiraffesGoRawrr 7 років тому +3

    Got to the part about "tell my roommate I'm sorry he had to be the one who found me" and I lost it... Hits really close. Well written. God damn.

  • @johnnicemilton6830
    @johnnicemilton6830 6 років тому +1

    You know some of these poems are so goddamn good that I don’t even like listening to them because no matter how hard I try I know that I can never write like that. Some very skilled poets out there.

  • @Chocoloco974
    @Chocoloco974 3 роки тому +1

    If your watching this I'm proud of you your still here.
    Your loved your wanted your needed

  • @c0rnybread
    @c0rnybread 9 років тому +2

    I feel like I'm addicted to this. It's not poetry, it's art. Excellent work.

  • @ChrisAdorabubble
    @ChrisAdorabubble 9 років тому +5

    Akeem, I wanna say thanks. This was not just a beautiful bit of poetry, but I showed my friend this and she said this was exactly what surviving suicide was like for her. That you helped her say the things out loud. So thanks for the poem and a glimpse of my old friend's smile again

  • @ashleybaker9997
    @ashleybaker9997 3 роки тому +3

    This one is better every time I re-listen

  •  10 років тому +5

    You know when a poem's so good, you don't have anywhere to put all the feels?

  • @kissyface93
    @kissyface93 10 років тому +4

    Oh shit, I'm crying. I understand this too much, and I think very similar things every minute.

  • @meg-7457
    @meg-7457 4 роки тому +1

    I can’t even remember how many times I’ve watched this

  • @ashleymorgan219
    @ashleymorgan219 7 місяців тому

    "don't you show me what I got to live for, don't make me want this again. PLEASE don't make me fight. I am tired." my God. arrow to the heart.

  • @shadowslay101
    @shadowslay101 10 років тому +14

    Dear Mr Rollin,
    Thank you, so much! Showing us a piece of you and being a mirror for others and myself, letting me know that I can make it!
    " tell goodbye I said hello"
    (greeting closure)
    Sincerely, a new fan! [=

    • @akeemrollins7971
      @akeemrollins7971 10 років тому +17

      Thanks. I'm blushing. That was a jolt to the heart. :)

  • @bellanelson17
    @bellanelson17 8 років тому +3

    "dont show me what i have to live for" i feel that so hard

  • @asiamapp8287
    @asiamapp8287 10 років тому +4

    I had the immense pleasure of seeing you perform live once, in Cleveland, alongside Caira Lee and two other phenomenal poets. You're fantastic

  • @jonathanscott5252
    @jonathanscott5252 9 років тому +2

    Wow. Just wow. Huge props on the piece and on the presentation. No words. Just wow.

  • @fabmthomas
    @fabmthomas 10 років тому +2

    Thank you....bless you!

  • @trucksandheels
    @trucksandheels 10 років тому +2

    I am hardly ever at a loss for words but now all I can say is thank you. A true poet allows you to feel and this, this struck me to my core.

  • @crbrus6916
    @crbrus6916 7 років тому +13

    Damn i felt the need to cheer with the crowd, in my room alone at 4 am

  • @samanthamaldonado1846
    @samanthamaldonado1846 9 років тому +6

    "Tell God whoever he or she or they are thanks but next time I won't be seeing them soon" I broke down 😭

  • @thelostremainunfound
    @thelostremainunfound 4 роки тому +1

    This is a poem I find myself coming back too even years later and I hope he is doing better now. I found this poem in one of the darkest times of my life and I hope he's found a way out as I have.

  • @captainwatercress
    @captainwatercress 7 років тому +1

    I'm in tears. That was beautiful.

  • @poet2681
    @poet2681 3 роки тому +4

    WOW! The emotion and energy is incredible . I love poems like this and poets who can speak so openly and fearlessly . It inspires me to do the same. Thank you Akeemjamal.

  • @hajiranausheenzubair3094
    @hajiranausheenzubair3094 4 роки тому +1

    I have no words.. Just tears. Thank you for this beautiful piece..

  • @alexageo4625
    @alexageo4625 2 роки тому +2

    Like a lot of these poems.... Had me in tears

  • @ryanoneiljohnson8743
    @ryanoneiljohnson8743 3 роки тому

    Somehow you crush my heart by hearing this poem. These crushes blows into ashes of suffering then lays on the dirt of newborn plants. These plants give us generous amount of refreshing oxygen so that we can breathe and live in peace because of the ashes.

  • @justcallmelilyqueen904
    @justcallmelilyqueen904 9 років тому +5

    I listened to this and finally felt something besides alone. I replayed it over and over and over until finally I almost cried. Years of keeping a brick wall held up made me stop listening, but I think you're one of the few who were clever enough to push against the wall to find out it was a painting. I'm crying this as I write so I apologize if what I'm saying isn't clear, but know that the lump in my throat and the trails on my cheeks that have been needed for so long are because of you. Thank you for speaking when the lump wouldn't let me, and for walking down the trails no one else would.
    p.s.
    I don't really know if you'll see this-but if you ever talk to your fans, or ever see this, know that I would love to talk to you about most any and everything.

  • @freddashmoo8633
    @freddashmoo8633 7 років тому +2

    If you listen to this with "I won't write your obituary" it's like a conversation. Both sides, the one who is drowning and the one who doesn't want you to drown.

  • @theanoxir
    @theanoxir 7 років тому +1

    this made me cry, and that's such a rare occurence. thank you

  • @dustindefoore972
    @dustindefoore972 10 років тому +2

    That was phenomenal! Thank you.

  • @georgiaseymore376
    @georgiaseymore376 10 років тому +1

    just.... beautiful. i am opening my world to spoken word and poetry to deal with my depresion and PTSD. And things like this, is what inspires me. This is what pushes me to live, and share what i have to say. just truely, amazing. I am really young, but i am touched by the way your words you use. You inspire me to continue doing what i am doing and ignore if others say i am a fake. You have a great talent and i hope that one day i can push away my fears and issues to be on stage like you and just be proud with my words. Thank you.

  • @greengal111796
    @greengal111796 10 років тому +1

    This poem hits home. We can be victorious even when we think all is lost. Thank you Akeemjamal.

  • @kevinorth4961
    @kevinorth4961 4 роки тому +1

    Absolutely stunning! Thank you for sharing your story, art, and self.

  • @MajesticStarrz
    @MajesticStarrz 8 років тому +18

    I AM ON THE FLOOR

  • @TheVigilette
    @TheVigilette 9 років тому +2

    this deserves more views my friend. you give me strength to want to live on even if it's terrible and hard. thank you so much.