RJ Walker - My Mother Explains My Depression to Me
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- Опубліковано 25 сер 2024
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RJ Walker, performing at Button Poetry Live, June 2018.
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“How dare you hurt me with your hurt”. Wow that hit me
Alanna Sincere oh my goodness same here. Just wow.
It hit too close too home oof
That was pretty much my mother's way of dealing with my depression. That line hit me so hard.
Felt that deeply
Alanna Sincere it’s not okay to be mad at sad people
2 things:
1. as soon as I saw the title, I knew it would be after Sabrina's poem, and I got excited because I love that poem to death.
2. I get it. oh god. I get it.
i feel u on the second. you want to go into detail about how much u relate but its just easier to say u simply relate.
what is the name of sabrinas poem?
@@valkyrie7304 explaining my depression to my mother
"that I tried to drown myself accidentally on purpose," this hits me on a personal level
"You can't die so you can't get away." That pierced my soul. 💔 So relatable it hurts.
"You don't have depression, you just don't have enough faith"💔
🙌🙌
As someone who is deconstructing from religion, you have no idea how many times I have been told this by religious leaders. That my feelings were just me not having faith in God, that I was sinning by having feelings that I could not control. Bottom line: this phrase hurts.
@@serenfan4565 yup it cuts deep
@@serenfan4565 This hits to close to home
Oh, beautiful metaphors consume me once more.
The emotion in this was so raw
This is scary accurate. When I told my mom I had depression she said," but honey, you know God put you on this earth for a reason." I told her I was an atheist. I had so much more I wanted to say but I couldn't get the words out fast enough to form sentences so I just said "I'm sorry."
If you took the first sentence away I bet you could make something with that paragraph
It's so accurate for me too
the thing is deep down we are sorry.. we've been brought up and cultivated to feel sorry for not being perfect.
You should not be sorry for feeling nor seeking help
I'm sorry
The rejection. The pain. The loss.
God this couldn't have come at a better time.
Waiting for mine
"this sad boy disease"
oh man. Can relate so hard to his religious mother's treatment towards him.
I felt like he left all anger, sadness,hurt and all other mixed feelings right there on that stage. Anyone else?
Reminds me of Neil Hilborn. I love Neil Hilborn.
Dakota Sconiers same
Some might say RJ Walker is just a talented Neil Hilborn
same i actually tapped the video halfway to check if it was neil
same
Depression poetry is Probably the most popular genre lol.
It’s so easy to get caught up in metaphors when talking about the bad feelings. Why can’t people just believe us and actually be helpful. Also that was great!!!!!
I finally confessed to my mother that I had depression, that I’ve gone through depression more than once. She proceeded to look at me and ask do you want therapy? And for a second I actually believed she was being serious, I said yes and then she told me that was a test. That I don’t need therapy, that a child of God had no business going to therapy and that it’s a waste of time. Why would I need therapy if I’ve got God to talk to and all I’ve got to do is pray. I’m sorry mom that right now I felt like therapy was a good option. No disrespect to you God I’m not trying to say that you can’t do your part but maybe a therapist can do it well too. I felt like telling all these things to my mother, I felt like screaming. But I shut down, closed myself as she screamed at me. She said it’s all in my head that all these emotions are not real. I felt like asking that if they were not real then why do I feel them so badly, but I knew the response she would give me. I tried to explain to her in a nice way that she was the cause of my depression, of my insecurities, of my self-doubt but she took it to offense obviously. She said you don’t need a therapist if you’ve got me to talk to I’m your friend. But this whole time she was not listening, it came across my head that my mother had never been my friend but my biggest enemy. My biggest nightmare. I shut down emotionally, I’m only 16. All I was asking for was for some emotional support. It later occurred to me that family isn’t everything, that blood means nothing. All I’ve got is myself.
I'm sorry about your family, I understand what you're going through. It gets better I promise you.
I'm sixteen and I feel exactly the same way except my mother knew from when I was sixteen and I cut my wrists she saw and instead of comforting me or anything she threatened to tell my father, and I'm absolutely terrified of my father because he always manages to make me feel like I'm in the wrong like I did something wrong, like im a terrible person
It wasn't till my mid-30's after surviving a suicide attempt that I realize that I have been struggling with depression my whole life. A month after my attempt, I went and get help, and slowly got conformable speaking openly about it. My mother was the last person I informed, as I knew it wouldn't be an easy conversation. As soon as I mentioned my attempt, diagnosed, etc. the yelling, gaslighting and guilt trip started. I couldn't get a word in, she just kept yelling. So I calmly said, mom I'm trying to have a conversation with you about my health, can you please calm down and let me speak. Nope, she kept yelling. So again I said, mom please stop yelling and lets talk, if not then I am going to hang up. She kept yelling, so I said, ok bye, and hung up. That was 7 years ago. I hated having to cut off not just my mom, but my whole family. They are never going to change, or come around to accepting my diagnoses. If they ever did they would be indirectly admitting their guilt on how they treated me growing up and situations and events they dismissed or blamed on me.
“In the voice of all of my suicide notes”!!! Sheesh I need this man’s books asap
You pulled on my heart strings
And I hate people who tell you your pain and your feelings aren't real and they compare it to something else the dosent validates your own internal suffering.
Amen to that!
"How dare you hurt me with your hurt" hit different bro i had to pause and let it sink in
"As she holds my head underwater" the goosebumps... damn Idk if you're going to ever read this but RJ this has to be the strongest thing I've read and you're the strongest person ik even if it's through your poetry
I am currently going through the worst depressive episode I may have ever had, & while trying to explain it to my grandmother, who is all I have left, she told me that the reason I am going through this is because of my lack in faith. “When you abandon God, God abandons you.” I didn’t expect anything less, but it still hurt like hell. This poem is exactly what I needed right now, thank you for sharing ❤️
“Kill the parts of yourself, that are yourself,”
That hits, and that hurts
“i will never have you in this home that is not your home”
Goosebumps. With his words, I was able to feel his pain. This man is a true artist, and I fully appreciate his work.
When he said corona I had to check the date ;-;
Same
saame
CIGARETTES and Corona...the beer! LOL!
His emotions are so raw, it honestly gave me chills!
Nice poetry!
"Kill the parts of yourself that are yourself" Damn, that hit me hard
1:29 idk why I heard him say Corona and I thought I’d the coronavirus
Same
his shirt 👌👌👌
I periodically come back and re-watch this poem and it never disappoints. RJ has such a way with words.
I grew up in a very religious and strict household with a narcissistic mother and I have autism and adhd and her way of handling it was forcing exorcism at church and home and telling me I am possessed and a whole lot else I couldn't even begin to share ... this hit me hard
We need pieces like these just to feel like we are understood, and not alone.
I’ve been having a lot of conversations with my father about my lack of motivation and the fact that he feels I have no purpose. That my desire to take a year off is good but my desire to focus on my writing and actually publish something isn’t worthwhile. Even though this man has known I’ve wanted to be a writer since I was 14 and says I will be good at it, he still says there’s not enough structure, no one would want to read it, why don’t I put my effort into something that makes me less alone, when in fact writing is the thing that connects me to others.
It is the thing that gives me space to breathe and understand; writing allows me to connect and express myself in positive ways. But I deny it, and I don’t do it, and I keep all the thoughts locked inside because I’m worried about being disappointing.
I do realize that my father might just not be the proper audience for the stories I have to tell, but still his lack of approval hurts so much. His way of turning every conversation about my depression into a competition saying that he has it just as bad that he has it worse and how dare I try and tell him about how I’m feeling just to explain how I’m feeling, scares me from ever confiding in him again. He has given me the world, and I’m aware of that, however him flinging that idea into my face like I have not thought that same idea every day it’s hard for me to get out of bed doesn’t do any of us any good.
Communication is a tricky thing, especially when you throw in anxiety and depression, but it’s still something that should be tried. When I bother to talk about my feelings and finally open up it is not because I want someone to suffer with me, it is not because I want to blame them for everything that has happened, is because I want to give them insight into how I’m thinking, and how I am constantly working toward unraveling those bad thoughts and turning them into good. I wish he and so many other people would understand that.
Thank you RJ. Your words give me hope. I am sorry we both feel similar pain.
“ kill the parts of yourself that are yourself “
That part hit me
"You don't have depression, you just don't have enough faith."
From there, it's just a roller coaster ride of painful truths.
*you are filled with determination*
That’s literally my mom. I told her I had depression and she said I need to listen to more gospel songs because the devil is trying to trick me. Thanks mom I’m cured.
holy fucking shit this gave me the "eeuuugghh" sensation where i scrunch my face up and almost tear up because, again, holy fucking shit this POEM this PERFORMANCE and this MAN
"Kill the parts of yourself that are yourself" God this hit me so hard
This is amazing and heartbreaking. Thank you for putting it out there.
This is so amazing. I love how he is able to put into words his own problems,and somehow touch the hearts of many
oh f*** this was so intense and genuine, raw, reckless in a sense
truly the type of slam poetry I missed so much
I know i love him already only from this poem and his shirt
I can't help but notice his shirt. It's so perfect for this, and I know that DT is also something that keeps Frisk going throughout the game, because every time they get smacked down they are filled with more and more determination.
This hurt my everything and I hope this is not something kids hear often
Hailey's ukulele sadly, all my kid life, until i was kicked out at 21
I'm sorry ☹ I'm glad you got out of there ❤
@@haileysukulele7939 Why I left as an emancipated minor at fifteen.
Hailey's ukulele yea but, it doesn’t stop them from trying to convince me that I’m not gay
Or even that Im depressed
RJ walker is something special
This gave me chills all over my body...INCLUDING my entire soul....I’m truthfully at a loss for any other words right now.
i feel this. my mormon father’s immediate reaction to finding out about my depression was to tell me to go to church and read my scriptures
His voice is so powerful wow
I FELT THIS
I can relate to so much of this.
I love Sabrina's poem that this is responding to but this has such a raw emotion and I would be much more likely to have a conversation like this with someone I know who is convinced that Jesus and religion is the only way to help you with any problem. Sometimes religion does more harm than good.
I agree religion kills people sometimes
No, people do more harm than good. 😖
Kaykay7600 no people kill people, their words their interpretations. People kill people. Religion is put as an excuse for their doings, used as a shield to protect themselves from what they’ve done. Make it sound like it was right, as if someone should thank them for doing whatever the harm they’ve done when it’s not. Religion has never killed a person the people who are in that religion has...
Wow. First, I loooove the poem by Sabrina and it’s actually one of the first that drew me to spoken word.
This was incredible and so relatable as a pastors kid who struggles with depression. Damn. Thank you. ...now I have to listen a few more times to really soak it all in.
Now that’s a poem!
Great job RJ!!! Glad to see you getting a well deserved spotlight
I watch this every day lately.. so powerful bro.
I just needed to watch this. Thank you RJ.
It's amazing when poets get inspired by other poets. The buttons every piece of writing pushes in people and what we, with our different life stories, do about it. Thank you for this.
"How dare you hurt me with your hurt" ... oh God I feel this in my soul..
I got to see this live!! This man was fantastic!!!
As a Christian this reminds me of my worth.
Mom told me I was a nephilim.
This is not only a GREAT poem but a great example of how successful "after poems" work; builds upon / is in conversation with the themes of the work that inspired it, without comprising (/plagiarizing) language and structure of the poem it's written after Really, really phenomal work
This hit so close to home...
When I saw the Sabrina reference I thought it was going to be a copy cat more than a response poem but it was much much better than that!
What I always say is: when you do a poem "after" someone, it should never be to say "I copied you." it should always say "I would not have written this if you had not inspired me."
without exaggeration, i've listened to this everyday since i've heard it. which was a few weeks ago. it's so beautiful.
“how dare you hurt me with your hurt”
I was not prepared for this storm
I cannot express how much I love this poem 🖤
I feel this. My parents have no concept of the so-called feelings. As an HSP, I frequently suffer from mental breakdown. At times like these, I resort to crying alone, quietly in my room. But once they catch me crying, they will definitely make a fuss. They even made it clear that I'm not allowed to cry in my very home, that I'm not allowed to have any kind of feelings aside from happiness. Seriously, I feel like they think of me as a soulless robot - no emotions nor feelings, and whose only purpose is to obey. I'm fed up with all of these shits.
Your emotions are valid
Even the lack of feelings is valid
Don’t let anyone tell you what to feel
I want to cry every time I watch this.
Wow I can feel the pain in his voice😢so beautiful❤
Then emotion in this gives me secondhand hurt. This is absolutely phenomenal
He's wearing an undertale shirt hell yes
Yessss RJ 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
OMG THAT UNDERTALE REFERENCE SHIRT!!
This is my new favourite UA-cam channel.
I fugging LOVE. all the words he said just now.
I take back my motherhood and give you stones
Whoah
this moved me so damn much. wow
chills.
Love the poem, love the shirt
You kill me every time man. Crying.
Somebody give him a hug. Maybe a couple of hugs.
“I thought you how to be a blade so why are you cutting yourself?” I’m crying now😓
You were inherited a sharp edge. You are the blade and are the wielder. Well done.
holy fuck. that kinda manages to say what you made me feel with that poem
I relate to this so much. Growing up catholic and my family not understanding
Wow. This made me cry.
Hurt me with your hurt, I felt that in every part of my life and soul. Like we want to hurt others with our pain. We are trying to spare others from the depth of our despair.
I also struggle with depression, but this bit me harder than I expected, because I've unfortunately had similar conversations with my own mother. I'm lucky, though, because she actually listened to me when I told her how much it hurt me when she would say things like this and over the last few years has made a visible effort to be better. Still. This hit me hard, because I remember when she WOULDN'T listen, no matter how many times I said it.
Just..........wow.
Teared up a little.. in love with this poem. Thank you RJ.
As a Christian with depression, this poem spoke so much
my spirit needed to hear this today
This was so beautiful. I hate that his mom used her religiosity to hurt him instead of using the love of Christ to embrace him and show him unconditional love.
This hits hard
This hit home so hard....
Wow. Chills
That literally explains my best friends parents so accurately. Every time he tries to talk to them stuff they say stuff like "how dare you hurt me with you hurt" and I wish I could help him more but I can't and that's what pisses me off every single day about myself.
My Gosh, it was sooo intense! Definitely one of my favorite so far
I relate to this on so many levels