A few months ago, I was in San Francisco, on the inclusion of trans and non-binary people in a very visible way was just amazing. My favourite example was a café with a sign at the register that said “All our staff use they/them pronouns. Thank you.“ I got teary.
This is an extremely helpful video! I am a cis guy with an intersex condition, and I have really been questioning whether I am actually non-binary recently because I have always struggled with bodily dysphoria regarding my male characteristics. I’ve even considered having bottom surgery, although I don’t think anyone identifying as male would be able to qualify for vaginoplasty. On the other hand, I don’t have social dysphoria at all, and am fine with all pronouns, I don’t mind people referring to me as male, female or enby, and I dress androgynously. My dysphoria is entirely physical and doesn’t translate at all to social gender markers.
Non binary are as real as being gay or bisexual. I respect you as a non bibary person. Love your channel. You are real and valid as a beautiful person.
The part about wishing for breast cancer was very relatable. I know that’s pretty messed up to think that as a 12 year old. I was okay with how my mom dressed me up when I was younger, but when I hit puberty, I was pretty self-aware of my body and became an anxious mess after my parents divorced. I refused to wear bras, just sports bras to "flatten" my chest, anxiety worsened. Expectations to dress more feminine, learn to apply make-up, I felt fake, ugly. Only to figure out that my mom was just gaslighting me into thinking that no one will like me if I don’t dress pretty, "Guys like girls with long hair" or "Guys like curvy girls." Dysphoria is insane. I came out at 19 as non-binary. I cut my hair short, dressed up in clothes that are more me. I felt beautiful for the first time and up to this day.
I relate so hard to not feeling like a person when in the Mormon church. I always felt like an imposter, and I wasn’t able to form a real sense of identity until I left, and even then it took a long time. My sense of self was nothing more than a loose collection of the words other people used to describe me because I felt so disassociated from myself.
I’m in my early fifties and only heard of the term non binary in the last four years. So much about myself made sense at that point. I’m still figuring it all out, and have used my preferred name for three years at this point, but my family doesn’t use it. I’ve never even tried to get them to use they/them pronouns because I have a trans nephew who they constantly dead name and misgender behind his back. They’ll call him his preferred name to his face but often misgender him to his face and don’t even try behind his back. At this point, I’ve figured why bother. I tried explaining to my mom my dysphoria growing up and why I consider myself trans, and she literally screamed "I don't care" at me. I went through menopause very early a d was done with all that before i was 40. My dysphoria got better after that, but idk if I'll medically transition, but coming closer to understanding myself has been wonderful. if it wasnt for you younger content creators that have helped me with the language to understand myself, I'd still be in the closet. My question is around use of the term lesbian: AFAB, but nonbinary- is the term still used to describe attraction to women? I'm demi, but also admitted I have zero sexual attraction to men, but have always pushed down my feelings for women. Thanks for all you do. Your content is so helpful
Dealer's choice, broadly speaking there's a few definitions from women who love women, non men who are attracted to women, non men attracted to non-men etc and probably more variations. All those can apply if they describe you and you identify with them. More and more labels become more like umbrella terms because gender/sex orientation is pretty varied in expressions humans being well humans, can't fit to one mold and language is ever evolving.
You could also always just the phrase "attracted only to women". There are other words that might apply, like gynesexual or gyneromantic, with "gyne" being the root for female/feminine. Or if "lesbian" isn't causing you dysphoria, keep using it if that's what you're comfortable with! You get to decide the best way to describe your own experiences. I'm almost 48 and non-binary but also bisexual, but words like pansexual and queer are also accurate for me. But mostly I use bi+ because bi is how I've identified for over 30 years. It's up to you to use what feels the most comfortable or accurate for yourself.
Finsexual is another term that expresses interest in people “feminine in nature.” It’s not gender specific so some nonbinary people use it. As a cis guy, I prefer it because it isn’t restricted to women, but includes feminine people who aren’t strictly cis or binary trans women. Unfortunately, I don’t see it used enough so, using it may require defining it if people aren’t aware of it yet.
*I'm the mama of (among others) a trans enby, who is also on the ace spectrum. As soon as my Phoenix came out as trans, I knew it was my job to love, support, and LEARN! So thank you Lynn, for adding to the resources we can all learn from! 💚 *I'm so sorry that you can't move things forward right now. Here's to a swift, smooth transition (pun intended) to safety and security. *Mama hugs for you, and anyone else who may need some! ❤🧡💛💚💙💜🖤🤎💙💗🤍
@@Queer_AuDHD_Dragon there's always room (in my heart, at least) for one more! In this house, religion gets used as an excuse to be NICE to others, just so you know. And here, have a cookie. 🍪
Thank you for your videos! I am a trans girl starting her medical transition and recently a friend came out to me as non-binary and I had so little knowledge about it! So now I hope I can get to understand what they feel ❤
I'm Nonbinary, and for me my experience is, " I'm not a boy or a girl but somewhere in between, somehow both but neither. Like a void area. " Some are confused by it but to me it makes sense idk. Kinda like a liminal space. (I do lean towards masculine terms n stuff thou)
When I found out that breat cancer existed at like 14 or so I was like "please please please" (I feel very bad about that because wish to have cancer is like 😶) and that was when I still was in denial...
WhenI first meet my (female) fiancé; I spent most of our first four months together gently reinforcing that I was not only BI but also a trans woman. She had not seen me crossdressed yet she seemed accepting.. a month or so later I decide to (delightfully) surprise her by dressing up (as Milly ✨!) ..she was instead sadly shocked. To her credit she very quickly got over it. Being authentically female was never a problem again.
I love that your fiancée got over the initial shock! Even if someone is loving and accepting, it can be hard for them to adjust to their partner changing their appearance and style so drastically. I am an amab genderfluid person and when I met my fiancée, I still identified as a cis guy. Even after starting to question that, I still mostly dressed casually masculine, so when I fully embraced my feminine side for the first time, she was overwhelmed with the degree to which I leaned into it and even said that she doesn't recognize me once. It took a while and quite a lot of communication to get through that, but we managed it successfully and are now happier than ever. So to everyone out there experimenting with gender: Don't be afraid if your loved ones need some tome to adjust. It's normal and as long as they really love you and are willing to learn/try/communicate, you can get over it. Just extend them some patience and answer their quesstions if they have any!
I'm not enby or trans (though I am obviously a strong ally), but I am Ace and I felt this line deep in my bones: "I know that I would have found the words 'trans' and 'nonbinary' at some point in my life, but I'm so happy I was able to find it when I was younger, and I was so happy to figure that out about myself [...]" Many people, especially those who are not queer, don't realize how important and powerful just *having* that word is -- it shows that there are others like you, that you are not alone, and gives you access to a community who feel the same as you. I figured out that I was asexual in 2004 (when there was basically zero info about it) when I was 12 or 13 purely by accident, and to this day I have no clue how much anguish and grief that I was saved from just by finding accidentally stumbling across that word. Words are powerful.
I want to show this comment to all the people who are annoyed by there being "too many" labels and "unnecessary terms" (lgbt antagonism, what else is new?) not to be confused with people who simply don't like labeling their own gender or sexuality
As a cis girl, this is a really enlightening video. I am a drama kid and am around a lot of trans/enby folks because of that, but this is a really helpful video.
2 weeks ago, I don't even know why but I randomly started getting bad imposter syndrome and thought I wasn't valid for being an enby (also my dysphoria ramped up more than it ever had before) so I was in a pretty tough place for a bit. But I always turned to your content and it always helped me and reassured me during those times, I can't thank you enough 🙏🙏
I'm 43 and I've always known I wasn't a guy. But back in 90's...I'm sure the word nonbinary was around, but No one I knew said it or was nonbinary. And now I know I am. But I'm still new to that realization. Still struggling with it. Thanks for putting out these videos and information.
Your explanation of why you describe yourself as trans nonbinary is interesting. It took me over a decade to accept my nonbinary identity as 100% transgender (not trans enough, you know the drill). All nonbinary people are categorically transgender, but around 10% of us do not use the transgender label (Josie Caballero, director of the US Trans Survey, mentioned this figure on TACIS). One old term that is making a comeback for those of us who physically transition (or seek to do so) is "transsexual", which used to horrify me, but I learned more from a trans zoomer (I am Gen-X), and now on occasion I use it for myself. I am a nonbinary transsexual.
Hi ,so this video really spoke me as someone who dealing with gender issues from the age of 16. I'm still missing apart that makes me happy. Honestly coming out non-binary to my mom was really hard and emotional until i educate her about it ,and further more she's a teacher it helped her find out more about the lgbtq+ even watched rupaul drag race and really enjoyed it. I still feel like apart of me is missing. I'm leaning into more of the male side but i'm scared to tell anyone about this opening up, better yet anxious. This video helped me and I'll be taking note of your channel further more Best of luck Niki
I'm so happy you liked the video! Just know that your gender is a journey and you don't have to tell anyone about it until you're ready. I hope you keep enjoying the videos I put out!
To me the worst thing about dysphoria is dissociating from my body. I don't really remember the parts of me that give me dysphoria, seeing them again every day is painful. Getting laser in a few weeks will help though. Also bouldering has made me love my body again despite its flaws. Physical activity can be really healing imo I also don't usually confront people about pronouns as I would use any pronouns tbh. The downside is getting constantly birth-gendered which is annoying, they/them or their equivalent in my language would be much nicer.
It's really hard for my to allow myself to be nonbinary, it's not constant turmoil about my gender, but when i think about living my life as a cis man confined to social status quo, it's bothered me on more than one occasion. I'm trying the enby label but I'm constantly denying myself. I wanna be a genderless blob 😭 I try to not worry about too much, but i could never come out to my family.
I completely agree with the finally having the vocab part, my whole childhood I spent going back and forth in my little brain thinking whether I'd feel happier having been born that or this gender and it wasn't until I made an account on wattpad where I intentionally left out any gender markers at all to see what happens that someone used "they" for me for the first time, and I went "wait, that's a thing?" mind you I'm not from an english speaking country and the closest to trans awareness I had was the fact trans women exist because I saw them on tv a couple times (I love criminal investigation series since I was a child and every series has one obligatory trans victim episode) so when I started googling the pronoun they them and found all of these identities under the lgbtq+ community I felt like for the first time I finally had the vocabulary to describe what I had been feeling the whole time. like I float in the space between the boxes for man and woman, like I'm somehow both a gay man and a lesbian, and also that it's not my classmates being weird when they talked about having trouble "waiting" until a month of dating when you "should" wait for 3 months and I "could wait for 6 even" at that time, I didn't know that what I've been describing for years is an actual concept! and it sure has been received as "just a phase" and "I'm too young to know" but honestly, it's like what 8years later? and I still agree with my general findings, there's just been some minor finetuning as I was finally able to actually socialize without being othered. tl;dr teaching kids there's more than one way to be can help them not feel crazy and alone
Thank you so much for sharing yourself and your experiences. So many things you said have resonated with me. I am a baby enby (still within the first year of coming out) and it's been so hard so hearing from another enby has been so nice thank you Lynn 😊
I was 30 when I learned about non-binary and my life all the way from when i was 4 years old finally made sense!! But i am very jealous of those that got to come out as non-binary earlier in life cuz they have more time to be their true selves, and more time to get top surgery. Im a few months away from turning 40 and my chest dysphoria has had a tight choke hold on my depression since February. I am seeing someone but they don’t give two shits about my health and happiness and think i should just be admitted to a mental hospital. Im in so much physical and emotional pain from my dysphoria. I just wanna be genuinely happy for once without faking a happy facade. Im just too poor for the surgery and im trying to look into gender clinics but theres none near me. When i was 11 years old and puberty started to kick in, i too wished for breast cancer, cuz my dad’s ex wife told me only cancer patients can get breast removal. Once i said I hope i get cancer, she gave me and ear full of bitching me out. I had no choice but to roll over to her will till i was 30 when I found out about non-binary, and in 2017 when I learned that non-binary people can get top surgery. So I definitely can relate to the cancer part. Now im just so burnt out and tired from trying to continue to painful existence for those i love while im unhappy and in pain. I just wanna fall asleep and never wake up in this body ever again. Im just too tired living for others. I just wanna be at peace if i cant be physically happy.
being non-binary is honestly so difficult in the public eye because everyone has things that are associated with the gender binary, and it's just exhausting having to deal with it- especially as a non-binary aroace lesbian, it's hard describing all of it
@@silkisnotherethere are other types of attraction besides romantic and sexual. also, aromantic people can be oriented as well. perhaps this person is attracted to women sensually, emotionally, aesthetically and/or platonically instead. also, non-binary is an umbrella term. I understand it might be confusing, but non-binary people can still have a gender, a mix of them, or none.
So, me personally, I have been questioning my gender for a while now. I have settled on the fact that I am Non Binary, but I don't know how to tell my mom that. I'm fairly young to be questioning this, and everyone around me besides a couple of my friends are telling me that I'm confused and that I don't know what I'm talking about. I'm happy though, now that I've finally settled on being myself, and I'm okay being called a boy or non binary (I know that what I'm presenting as will make people think I'm a boy, and thats fine with me, I dont want to explain every time lol)
I feel so weird about identifying with gender dysphoria because I relate to other experiences with dysphoria but it it doesn't feel gendered. It feels hard to talk about my dysphoria because it has nothing to do with how I'm gendered or percieved. I don't really care if people assume I'm a girl or a boy. I just feel repulsed towards my genetalia. Now that I'm typing it out I think sex dysphoria is a better word for it but it's so frustrating relating to transgender dysphoria experiences because it's always about gender. Im not dysphoric over gender I'm just uncomfortable with my body. Its also why I hate the idea of identifying as transmasc because I get the assumption that I want to transition to masculinity when its not true. I find the term transexual way more true to my identity more than anything. It just sucks trying to find people with similar dysphoria experiences.
I just made my first non-binaey friend, and I want to understand more about them. Sure, using someone else as an analog isn't ideal, but I'll take any supplemental information I can get.
I did ask a similar but different question on your post and I did get some answers from replies but I would still like to know what you think since you seem very educated. I’m writing a story with characters with a multitude of different gender identities, and as a cis person I am worried about writing them.. incorrectly I guess you could say. I have a genderfluid protagonist and you said you’ve identified as genderfluid on the past, is there any information that I should know about a good way I could write a genderfluid character without misrepresenting them? Like what shouldn’t I do?
I've only just figured out I'm nonbinary after identifying as genderfluid for a long time. But I'm kind of hesitant about coming out to my parents since they were already so overwhelmed when I came out as genderfluid. Do you have any advice for me on how to approach my parents if I want to come out?
I want to come out to my mom. She accepts trans ppl idk what about non-binary... I know she would probably supports me no matter what but it is still scary. I am so sick of ppl misgendering me. I just wish i could be myself
There are people who will call you darling or hon no matter your gender. It was always uncomfortable to me when I was pretending to be a man, and it still is when I present fem.
I have ben questioning my gender for a while now and this video has helped i feel like i dont want to be a woman i always backed away from female topics or male topics when people bring those things up ive mever liked the idea of being called a woman I have questioned if i was trans but living as a man didnt feel right either ive never felt connected or related when my friends that are girls brought up female related topics or woman things. And ive never really connected with those conversations . I present masc and have always questioned if im just an insecure tomboy, or am i actually not cis? I've heard people on the internet talk about how nonbinary is not a real thing, but idk people like you have made me feel more safe to identify as nonbinary and valid.
Can I still call myself trans if I still present like my agab? I mean,I don't mind my agab's pronouns,though I prefer they/them, I dress like my agab and feel partially aligned with it. I was calling myself trans before cos non-binary is under the trans umbrella after all but I'm not an expert here. I don't really want to disclose my gender since it aligns with my agab partially (wanna avoid possible phobic people in the replies cos they happen) but it's demi-flux kinda thing - partial fluctuating connection to my agab. I'm not planning on any surgeries or transitioning socially except for the name,pronouns and maybe sometimes potentially,once I'm comfortable and not living with my parents anymore (I'm 20) dressing up as a mix of both binary genders. But it's not really much of what I've usually seen as a social transition. I often feel like an impostor even for identifying as a non-binary,which is a common thing from what I've heard,but I genuinely want to know if I can call myself trans or not. Damn,I wanted to ask a simple short question but ended up writing this paragraph,sorry. TLDR: Can I call myself trans if I'm presenting myself pretty much the same as my agab and not planning on any kind of further transition?
@@tallonhunter3663 Thanks for that, really means alot❤ Though my question was more about whether or not trans applies cos there ain't much of transitioning per se. I know well that non-binary definitely applies no matter the looks. But thank you anyway, always glad to see people actually supporting me,even though it's mostly online,I live in a country that doesn't like queers much so I don't even talk about my gender with my therapist. Fortunately I have 2 (almost 3) people who accept me irl. Almost 3 cos my mom just listened,didn't understand a thing but since I'm not changing anything and she can still use my agab pronouns cos I'm fine with them she doesn't really mind but she hates me being bi cos she wants grandchildren, I have calmed her down on that with the fact that I am dating an opposite sex person (a cis one). Though it doesn't guarantee kids either way but I decided not to worry her about it😅 She'll come around eventually,I know it. Cos just a few years ago she didn't allow me to use black lipstick and now she supports me being goth and is even proud of me,calling my outfits beautiful and such :)
The way I always take it is that trans means you aren't fully your agab, whether you want to medically transition or not. I'm nonbinary (specifically agenderfluid), and there are certainly times when my gender aligns with my agab, but I also would only want to transition socially. The trans label is valid for all enby's because nonbinary falls under the trans umbrella. However, there are some who don't feel like it applies to them, and that's okay too. Labels are mutable, so I think you should use whichever ones feel comfortable to you.
@@wintergray1221 Thanks, I just always overthink everything,gotta make sure I'm using the right words, I mean, I don't even ever use any words the meaning of which I don't know or not sure of like some people do when they try to look smart. I try to always be as secure in my knowledge as possible. Though sometimes I even doubt this very reality but then it's a whole other case,lol.
I’m cis. I’m not certain why I’ve taken an interest and started following LGBT+ creators. A desire to understand, I guess. Back when I only knew about binary trans people, I still considered myself straight. I was only interested in women at the time. Cis or trans didn’t matter to me. Then I started learning about nonbinary people. I realized that I found femme presenting nonbinary people attractive. I think that was the first time I realized that I might be kinda bi. At this point I’m certain gender assigned at birth is irrelevant to me. I’m increasingly considering that gender identity is far less important to me than I previously thought. I can apparently be attracted to anyone sufficiently feminine or androgynous that I find them attractive. I don’t think my orientation has changed at all. I just didn’t know about different kinds of identities and orientations to know that I wasn’t really straight. Just sort of approximately straight. So I think learning about people with different backgrounds from mine led to a better understanding of myself.
To be clear, I’m pretty sure that being attraction to femme-presenting non-binary people still fits under being straight (given you’re a guy from the context), but there are other terms for it if you don’t feel like you are.
@@jamozmynamoz I’m not attached to labels. I’m more interested in accurate description when applying labels. I don’t think straight accurately applies to me. I’ve toyed with the idea of using straightish or nearly straight but I don’t think that fits either. The way I understand it is that being bi is being attracted to two or more genders. So if i’m attracted to nonbinary people who aren’t women then that makes me bisexual. I also feel some attraction towards some men whose gender expression is feminine. The closest label I’ve found is finsexual which describes people who are attracted to people who are feminine in nature. For me, I think that means feminine or non masculine gender expression is attractive while gender assigned at birth or gender identity is far less important.
@@zemoxian On point as a bi guy myself, I would agree with your definitions. I'd probably say being bi almost always implies attraction to both binary genders, and optionally non-binary as well. Personally I like every gender but I prefer bi because gender still plays a role, which it often doesn't with the pan label (more specifically I would be omni, but I almost always simplify to bi.) I agree that finsexual is much more about feminine expression rather than feminine identity, and that's how it's usually used. But what's good about labels is that you can apply your own definitions more or less. Go with whatever label you feel fits you best!
Never felt like a man, but didn't feel like a woman either. Took me a very long time to realize I was nonbinary. On estrogen because it makes me feel better.
@@midnightblackrosesit's an innate feeling, there's no reason behind it and it's impossible to explain. That's like asking you to explain what happiness is. You simply can't explain it unless you've experienced it
I sometimes feel as if I'm 'just faking it' when I say I'm gender fluid because I still call myself a girl/woman when talking about my gender. Am I wrong about my identity?
my pronous are woooo/booo!😂❤ No, I actually am a void, thank you😂❤ (I literally had thought I was some void or an alien before I found out I might be enby😂)
Assumptions are so annoying! I had a conversation with my brother in law last weekend about Human Rights. I told him queer folk don't like it when people 'assume' something that they're not and it's upsetting! He just shrugged it off with a Conservative 'Nobody cares'! I had to wear a dress coz I was at a wedding Expo and no way would I be able to dress in my shorts and band shirt anyway. 😬 He showed fake Allyship too! His workplace is inclusive of us and he refuses to wear an Ally pin even though he's literally the only family member who lets me speak about it. Straights really are annoying! 😢
How can I be an attention seaker, if I just feel uncomfortanle and afraid to come out due to the hate? You really think we would want to expose ourselves to all of this, just to seek attention I swear, I would rather become a cosplayer or alternative, if that was my goal😂 Suffering just becouse you have to push all of these feelings away out of fear, not feeling comfortable wth ur body everyday is not worth it. I didn't choose this sh*t. None of us did.
Note to self: do NOT read the replies of ACTUALLY GOOD comments I keep forgetting Should i stop checking the comments altogether? Probably, yes Will i anytime soon? No probably not
It depends on where you live affects the amount of fry. When i moved away from my childhood home my whole family was regularly haranged about the amount of fry we express. The rest of my family is cis
@@Bryan-jd7os heh. That's where they thought we were from. We moved away from rural costal Washington state and my mom grew up in Seattle. It's not as intense as California fry, but just as pervasive on most phonemes
Algorithm-sama only knows that which you have watched before, and He doesn't care which side of the fence about a topic you're on. But by all means, please keep leaving comments for further engagement to these videos 😊
The Algorithm knows your innermost longings even before you are willing to accept them. ❤🏳⚧💛🤍💜🖤 But seriously, I am trans and mostly watch trans content creators, so the algorithm recommends all the gendery content it can find for me ... including terf and anti-trans content of the most reprehensible kind. I have had to reset my watch and search history numerous times. If you don't like your recommends, try resetting your history and rewatch a few videos you love to prime the pump. Happy YouTubing! ❤
I hope you can get the surgery you want in the end!.Thank you for this other amazing educating and moving video. You have come a long way and that's remarkable. 💜🏳⚧
A few months ago, I was in San Francisco, on the inclusion of trans and non-binary people in a very visible way was just amazing. My favourite example was a café with a sign at the register that said “All our staff use they/them pronouns. Thank you.“ I got teary.
This is an extremely helpful video! I am a cis guy with an intersex condition, and I have really been questioning whether I am actually non-binary recently because I have always struggled with bodily dysphoria regarding my male characteristics. I’ve even considered having bottom surgery, although I don’t think anyone identifying as male would be able to qualify for vaginoplasty.
On the other hand, I don’t have social dysphoria at all, and am fine with all pronouns, I don’t mind people referring to me as male, female or enby, and I dress androgynously. My dysphoria is entirely physical and doesn’t translate at all to social gender markers.
Non binary are as real as being gay or bisexual. I respect you as a non bibary person. Love your channel. You are real and valid as a beautiful person.
Thank you so much! I always look forward to your wonderful comments. I hope you're having a good day!
That's literally a woman
@maraszyszka it is horrible if you do not respect lynn as the person they are. I always them as the person they sre
Non bribery...
@@Idkpleasejustletmechangeit yes lynn is a beautiful non binary person
I'm Nonbinary. If we're not real, does that mean I don't have to go to work tomorrow? 😛
A day off for all the enbies 🥳
The part about wishing for breast cancer was very relatable. I know that’s pretty messed up to think that as a 12 year old.
I was okay with how my mom dressed me up when I was younger, but when I hit puberty, I was pretty self-aware of my body and became an anxious mess after my parents divorced.
I refused to wear bras, just sports bras to "flatten" my chest, anxiety worsened. Expectations to dress more feminine, learn to apply make-up, I felt fake, ugly.
Only to figure out that my mom was just gaslighting me into thinking that no one will like me if I don’t dress pretty, "Guys like girls with long hair" or "Guys like curvy girls."
Dysphoria is insane.
I came out at 19 as non-binary. I cut my hair short, dressed up in clothes that are more me. I felt beautiful for the first time and up to this day.
I relate so hard to not feeling like a person when in the Mormon church. I always felt like an imposter, and I wasn’t able to form a real sense of identity until I left, and even then it took a long time. My sense of self was nothing more than a loose collection of the words other people used to describe me because I felt so disassociated from myself.
I’m in my early fifties and only heard of the term non binary in the last four years. So much about myself made sense at that point. I’m still figuring it all out, and have used my preferred name for three years at this point, but my family doesn’t use it. I’ve never even tried to get them to use they/them pronouns because I have a trans nephew who they constantly dead name and misgender behind his back. They’ll call him his preferred name to his face but often misgender him to his face and don’t even try behind his back. At this point, I’ve figured why bother. I tried explaining to my mom my dysphoria growing up and why I consider myself trans, and she literally screamed "I don't care" at me. I went through menopause very early a d was done with all that before i was 40. My dysphoria got better after that, but idk if I'll medically transition, but coming closer to understanding myself has been wonderful. if it wasnt for you younger content creators that have helped me with the language to understand myself, I'd still be in the closet. My question is around use of the term lesbian: AFAB, but nonbinary- is the term still used to describe attraction to women? I'm demi, but also admitted I have zero sexual attraction to men, but have always pushed down my feelings for women. Thanks for all you do. Your content is so helpful
Dealer's choice, broadly speaking there's a few definitions from women who love women, non men who are attracted to women, non men attracted to non-men etc and probably more variations. All those can apply if they describe you and you identify with them. More and more labels become more like umbrella terms because gender/sex orientation is pretty varied in expressions humans being well humans, can't fit to one mold and language is ever evolving.
You could also always just the phrase "attracted only to women". There are other words that might apply, like gynesexual or gyneromantic, with "gyne" being the root for female/feminine. Or if "lesbian" isn't causing you dysphoria, keep using it if that's what you're comfortable with! You get to decide the best way to describe your own experiences. I'm almost 48 and non-binary but also bisexual, but words like pansexual and queer are also accurate for me. But mostly I use bi+ because bi is how I've identified for over 30 years. It's up to you to use what feels the most comfortable or accurate for yourself.
Finsexual is another term that expresses interest in people “feminine in nature.” It’s not gender specific so some nonbinary people use it. As a cis guy, I prefer it because it isn’t restricted to women, but includes feminine people who aren’t strictly cis or binary trans women.
Unfortunately, I don’t see it used enough so, using it may require defining it if people aren’t aware of it yet.
*I'm the mama of (among others) a trans enby, who is also on the ace spectrum. As soon as my Phoenix came out as trans, I knew it was my job to love, support, and LEARN! So thank you Lynn, for adding to the resources we can all learn from! 💚
*I'm so sorry that you can't move things forward right now. Here's to a swift, smooth transition (pun intended) to safety and security.
*Mama hugs for you, and anyone else who may need some!
❤🧡💛💚💙💜🖤🤎💙💗🤍
Dang, your comment made me tear up- thank you random wholesome stranger on the internet🫂🤍
Can you be my mom? Both of my parents are super queerphobic 😔
@@Queer_AuDHD_Dragon there's always room (in my heart, at least) for one more! In this house, religion gets used as an excuse to be NICE to others, just so you know. And here, have a cookie. 🍪
@@Queer_AuDHD_Dragon
Good for them😂😂😂
@@missnaomi613
Here have a 🤯🔫
Thank you for your videos! I am a trans girl starting her medical transition and recently a friend came out to me as non-binary and I had so little knowledge about it! So now I hope I can get to understand what they feel ❤
I'm Nonbinary, and for me my experience is,
" I'm not a boy or a girl but somewhere in between, somehow both but neither. Like a void area. " Some are confused by it but to me it makes sense idk.
Kinda like a liminal space. (I do lean towards masculine terms n stuff thou)
I came out yesterday at work as nonbinary and with my new name. I cant believe how good it feels to be my true self.
When I found out that breat cancer existed at like 14 or so I was like "please please please" (I feel very bad about that because wish to have cancer is like 😶) and that was when I still was in denial...
WhenI first meet my (female) fiancé; I spent most of our first four months together gently reinforcing that I was not only BI but also a trans woman. She had not seen me crossdressed yet she seemed accepting.. a month or so later I decide to (delightfully) surprise her by dressing up (as Milly ✨!) ..she was instead sadly shocked. To her credit she very quickly got over it. Being authentically female was never a problem again.
I love that your fiancée got over the initial shock! Even if someone is loving and accepting, it can be hard for them to adjust to their partner changing their appearance and style so drastically. I am an amab genderfluid person and when I met my fiancée, I still identified as a cis guy. Even after starting to question that, I still mostly dressed casually masculine, so when I fully embraced my feminine side for the first time, she was overwhelmed with the degree to which I leaned into it and even said that she doesn't recognize me once. It took a while and quite a lot of communication to get through that, but we managed it successfully and are now happier than ever. So to everyone out there experimenting with gender: Don't be afraid if your loved ones need some tome to adjust. It's normal and as long as they really love you and are willing to learn/try/communicate, you can get over it. Just extend them some patience and answer their quesstions if they have any!
I'm not enby or trans (though I am obviously a strong ally), but I am Ace and I felt this line deep in my bones:
"I know that I would have found the words 'trans' and 'nonbinary' at some point in my life, but I'm so happy I was able to find it when I was younger, and I was so happy to figure that out about myself [...]"
Many people, especially those who are not queer, don't realize how important and powerful just *having* that word is -- it shows that there are others like you, that you are not alone, and gives you access to a community who feel the same as you.
I figured out that I was asexual in 2004 (when there was basically zero info about it) when I was 12 or 13 purely by accident, and to this day I have no clue how much anguish and grief that I was saved from just by finding accidentally stumbling across that word. Words are powerful.
I want to show this comment to all the people who are annoyed by there being "too many" labels and "unnecessary terms" (lgbt antagonism, what else is new?)
not to be confused with people who simply don't like labeling their own gender or sexuality
As a cis girl, this is a really enlightening video. I am a drama kid and am around a lot of trans/enby folks because of that, but this is a really helpful video.
Your just a regular girl. You don't have to say cus. Your poor generation
2 weeks ago, I don't even know why but I randomly started getting bad imposter syndrome and thought I wasn't valid for being an enby (also my dysphoria ramped up more than it ever had before) so I was in a pretty tough place for a bit. But I always turned to your content and it always helped me and reassured me during those times, I can't thank you enough 🙏🙏
Just know you're not alone! I'm really sorry you have been going through a rough time and I hope it gets better soon
@@lynnsaga1397 thank u
@@beaniebloob2009 weaklings always seek out echo chambers
I'm 43 and I've always known I wasn't a guy. But back in 90's...I'm sure the word nonbinary was around, but No one I knew said it or was nonbinary. And now I know I am. But I'm still new to that realization. Still struggling with it. Thanks for putting out these videos and information.
Your explanation of why you describe yourself as trans nonbinary is interesting. It took me over a decade to accept my nonbinary identity as 100% transgender (not trans enough, you know the drill). All nonbinary people are categorically transgender, but around 10% of us do not use the transgender label (Josie Caballero, director of the US Trans Survey, mentioned this figure on TACIS). One old term that is making a comeback for those of us who physically transition (or seek to do so) is "transsexual", which used to horrify me, but I learned more from a trans zoomer (I am Gen-X), and now on occasion I use it for myself. I am a nonbinary transsexual.
Hi ,so this video really spoke me as someone who dealing with gender issues from the age of 16. I'm still missing apart that makes me happy. Honestly coming out non-binary to my mom was really hard and emotional until i educate her about it ,and further more she's a teacher it helped her find out more about the lgbtq+ even watched rupaul drag race and really enjoyed it. I still feel like apart of me is missing. I'm leaning into more of the male side but i'm scared to tell anyone about this opening up, better yet anxious. This video helped me and I'll be taking note of your channel further more
Best of luck
Niki
I'm so happy you liked the video! Just know that your gender is a journey and you don't have to tell anyone about it until you're ready. I hope you keep enjoying the videos I put out!
To me the worst thing about dysphoria is dissociating from my body. I don't really remember the parts of me that give me dysphoria, seeing them again every day is painful. Getting laser in a few weeks will help though. Also bouldering has made me love my body again despite its flaws. Physical activity can be really healing imo
I also don't usually confront people about pronouns as I would use any pronouns tbh. The downside is getting constantly birth-gendered which is annoying, they/them or their equivalent in my language would be much nicer.
It's really hard for my to allow myself to be nonbinary, it's not constant turmoil about my gender, but when i think about living my life as a cis man confined to social status quo, it's bothered me on more than one occasion. I'm trying the enby label but I'm constantly denying myself. I wanna be a genderless blob 😭 I try to not worry about too much, but i could never come out to my family.
I completely agree with the finally having the vocab part, my whole childhood I spent going back and forth in my little brain thinking whether I'd feel happier having been born that or this gender and it wasn't until I made an account on wattpad where I intentionally left out any gender markers at all to see what happens that someone used "they" for me for the first time, and I went "wait, that's a thing?"
mind you I'm not from an english speaking country and the closest to trans awareness I had was the fact trans women exist because I saw them on tv a couple times (I love criminal investigation series since I was a child and every series has one obligatory trans victim episode) so when I started googling the pronoun they them and found all of these identities under the lgbtq+ community I felt like for the first time I finally had the vocabulary to describe what I had been feeling the whole time. like I float in the space between the boxes for man and woman, like I'm somehow both a gay man and a lesbian, and also that it's not my classmates being weird when they talked about having trouble "waiting" until a month of dating when you "should" wait for 3 months and I "could wait for 6 even"
at that time, I didn't know that what I've been describing for years is an actual concept! and it sure has been received as "just a phase" and "I'm too young to know" but honestly, it's like what 8years later? and I still agree with my general findings, there's just been some minor finetuning as I was finally able to actually socialize without being othered.
tl;dr
teaching kids there's more than one way to be can help them not feel crazy and alone
Thank you so much for sharing yourself and your experiences. So many things you said have resonated with me. I am a baby enby (still within the first year of coming out) and it's been so hard so hearing from another enby has been so nice thank you Lynn 😊
I was 30 when I learned about non-binary and my life all the way from when i was 4 years old finally made sense!! But i am very jealous of those that got to come out as non-binary earlier in life cuz they have more time to be their true selves, and more time to get top surgery. Im a few months away from turning 40 and my chest dysphoria has had a tight choke hold on my depression since February. I am seeing someone but they don’t give two shits about my health and happiness and think i should just be admitted to a mental hospital. Im in so much physical and emotional pain from my dysphoria. I just wanna be genuinely happy for once without faking a happy facade. Im just too poor for the surgery and im trying to look into gender clinics but theres none near me.
When i was 11 years old and puberty started to kick in, i too wished for breast cancer, cuz my dad’s ex wife told me only cancer patients can get breast removal. Once i said I hope i get cancer, she gave me and ear full of bitching me out. I had no choice but to roll over to her will till i was 30 when I found out about non-binary, and in 2017 when I learned that non-binary people can get top surgery. So I definitely can relate to the cancer part.
Now im just so burnt out and tired from trying to continue to painful existence for those i love while im unhappy and in pain. I just wanna fall asleep and never wake up in this body ever again. Im just too tired living for others. I just wanna be at peace if i cant be physically happy.
Please accept some mama hugs.
💛🤍💜🖤
I get the whole "darling" thing. I'm really tired of people saying "mate", "bro", etc to me.
I really like your videos
and it was really cool hearing about your experiences
with being a trans non-binary person
Please make a part 2! Im non binary and i love watching your videos. I feel i really relate to some of your experiences and your videos make my day ❤
being non-binary is honestly so difficult in the public eye because everyone has things that are associated with the gender binary, and it's just exhausting having to deal with it- especially as a non-binary aroace lesbian, it's hard describing all of it
Lesbian is a term that only makes sense from a binary framework.
How are you a lesbian if you are not sexually or romantically attracted to women?
@@EUREKKA11924 Lesbian is a term that only makes sense in a binary framework.
@@silkisnotherethere are other types of attraction besides romantic and sexual. also, aromantic people can be oriented as well.
perhaps this person is attracted to women sensually, emotionally, aesthetically and/or platonically instead.
also, non-binary is an umbrella term. I understand it might be confusing, but non-binary people can still have a gender, a mix of them, or none.
@@hel2727How would being platonically attracted, but not romantically or sexually attracted to women, make someone lesbian?That’s ridiculous.
So, me personally, I have been questioning my gender for a while now. I have settled on the fact that I am Non Binary, but I don't know how to tell my mom that. I'm fairly young to be questioning this, and everyone around me besides a couple of my friends are telling me that I'm confused and that I don't know what I'm talking about. I'm happy though, now that I've finally settled on being myself, and I'm okay being called a boy or non binary (I know that what I'm presenting as will make people think I'm a boy, and thats fine with me, I dont want to explain every time lol)
Yup, always have been.
History of nonbinary or third gender people is so fascinating!
Okay, so where can I find this history of nonbinary of `thirdgender` people.
I feel so weird about identifying with gender dysphoria because I relate to other experiences with dysphoria but it it doesn't feel gendered. It feels hard to talk about my dysphoria because it has nothing to do with how I'm gendered or percieved. I don't really care if people assume I'm a girl or a boy. I just feel repulsed towards my genetalia.
Now that I'm typing it out I think sex dysphoria is a better word for it but it's so frustrating relating to transgender dysphoria experiences because it's always about gender. Im not dysphoric over gender I'm just uncomfortable with my body.
Its also why I hate the idea of identifying as transmasc because I get the assumption that I want to transition to masculinity when its not true. I find the term transexual way more true to my identity more than anything. It just sucks trying to find people with similar dysphoria experiences.
And when I TRY to look for my experiences I just find radfem posts that are irrelevant to what I'm looking for and UUGHH!!!
I just made my first non-binaey friend, and I want to understand more about them. Sure, using someone else as an analog isn't ideal, but I'll take any supplemental information I can get.
I did ask a similar but different question on your post and I did get some answers from replies but I would still like to know what you think since you seem very educated.
I’m writing a story with characters with a multitude of different gender identities, and as a cis person I am worried about writing them.. incorrectly I guess you could say. I have a genderfluid protagonist and you said you’ve identified as genderfluid on the past, is there any information that I should know about a good way I could write a genderfluid character without misrepresenting them?
Like what shouldn’t I do?
I am real as in that I am a concept more than having physical form.
I've only just figured out I'm nonbinary after identifying as genderfluid for a long time. But I'm kind of hesitant about coming out to my parents since they were already so overwhelmed when I came out as genderfluid. Do you have any advice for me on how to approach my parents if I want to come out?
I want to come out to my mom. She accepts trans ppl idk what about non-binary... I know she would probably supports me no matter what but it is still scary. I am so sick of ppl misgendering me. I just wish i could be myself
As a 53 year old cis woman, it can be hard to remember pronounces, AND _it's possible for me to learn._
I JUST REALIZED I HAVE THAT EXACT SAME FRICKIN NECKLACE
There are people who will call you darling or hon no matter your gender. It was always uncomfortable to me when I was pretending to be a man, and it still is when I present fem.
As a Southerner, we do tend to use terms like darlin', hon/honey, and sugar for people of any gender. Like 'luv' for British people, sort of.
I have ben questioning my gender for a while now and this video has helped i feel like i dont want to be a woman i always backed away from female topics or male topics when people bring those things up ive mever liked the idea of being called a woman I have questioned if i was trans but living as a man didnt feel right either ive never felt connected or related when my friends that are girls brought up female related topics or woman things. And ive never really connected with those conversations . I present masc and have always questioned if im just an insecure tomboy, or am i actually not cis? I've heard people on the internet talk about how nonbinary is not a real thing, but idk people like you have made me feel more safe to identify as nonbinary and valid.
Since most nb people I see tell me not to perceive them, I will have to conclude they are not real. At least on this plane of existence.
I get tired of people asking if I’m a girl or boy all the time now
Can I still call myself trans if I still present like my agab? I mean,I don't mind my agab's pronouns,though I prefer they/them, I dress like my agab and feel partially aligned with it. I was calling myself trans before cos non-binary is under the trans umbrella after all but I'm not an expert here. I don't really want to disclose my gender since it aligns with my agab partially (wanna avoid possible phobic people in the replies cos they happen) but it's demi-flux kinda thing - partial fluctuating connection to my agab. I'm not planning on any surgeries or transitioning socially except for the name,pronouns and maybe sometimes potentially,once I'm comfortable and not living with my parents anymore (I'm 20) dressing up as a mix of both binary genders. But it's not really much of what I've usually seen as a social transition. I often feel like an impostor even for identifying as a non-binary,which is a common thing from what I've heard,but I genuinely want to know if I can call myself trans or not. Damn,I wanted to ask a simple short question but ended up writing this paragraph,sorry.
TLDR: Can I call myself trans if I'm presenting myself pretty much the same as my agab and not planning on any kind of further transition?
You don't owe anyone androgyny.
@@tallonhunter3663 Thanks for that, really means alot❤ Though my question was more about whether or not trans applies cos there ain't much of transitioning per se. I know well that non-binary definitely applies no matter the looks. But thank you anyway, always glad to see people actually supporting me,even though it's mostly online,I live in a country that doesn't like queers much so I don't even talk about my gender with my therapist. Fortunately I have 2 (almost 3) people who accept me irl. Almost 3 cos my mom just listened,didn't understand a thing but since I'm not changing anything and she can still use my agab pronouns cos I'm fine with them she doesn't really mind but she hates me being bi cos she wants grandchildren, I have calmed her down on that with the fact that I am dating an opposite sex person (a cis one). Though it doesn't guarantee kids either way but I decided not to worry her about it😅 She'll come around eventually,I know it. Cos just a few years ago she didn't allow me to use black lipstick and now she supports me being goth and is even proud of me,calling my outfits beautiful and such :)
The way I always take it is that trans means you aren't fully your agab, whether you want to medically transition or not. I'm nonbinary (specifically agenderfluid), and there are certainly times when my gender aligns with my agab, but I also would only want to transition socially.
The trans label is valid for all enby's because nonbinary falls under the trans umbrella. However, there are some who don't feel like it applies to them, and that's okay too. Labels are mutable, so I think you should use whichever ones feel comfortable to you.
@@wintergray1221 Thanks, I just always overthink everything,gotta make sure I'm using the right words, I mean, I don't even ever use any words the meaning of which I don't know or not sure of like some people do when they try to look smart. I try to always be as secure in my knowledge as possible. Though sometimes I even doubt this very reality but then it's a whole other case,lol.
I'm nonbinary but .. I'm not real, your crazy.
Love your vide btw :3
So many people don’t know about Hijra
I’m cis. I’m not certain why I’ve taken an interest and started following LGBT+ creators. A desire to understand, I guess. Back when I only knew about binary trans people, I still considered myself straight. I was only interested in women at the time. Cis or trans didn’t matter to me.
Then I started learning about nonbinary people. I realized that I found femme presenting nonbinary people attractive. I think that was the first time I realized that I might be kinda bi.
At this point I’m certain gender assigned at birth is irrelevant to me. I’m increasingly considering that gender identity is far less important to me than I previously thought. I can apparently be attracted to anyone sufficiently feminine or androgynous that I find them attractive.
I don’t think my orientation has changed at all. I just didn’t know about different kinds of identities and orientations to know that I wasn’t really straight. Just sort of approximately straight.
So I think learning about people with different backgrounds from mine led to a better understanding of myself.
To be clear, I’m pretty sure that being attraction to femme-presenting non-binary people still fits under being straight (given you’re a guy from the context), but there are other terms for it if you don’t feel like you are.
@@jamozmynamoz
I’m not attached to labels. I’m more interested in accurate description when applying labels. I don’t think straight accurately applies to me. I’ve toyed with the idea of using straightish or nearly straight but I don’t think that fits either.
The way I understand it is that being bi is being attracted to two or more genders. So if i’m attracted to nonbinary people who aren’t women then that makes me bisexual. I also feel some attraction towards some men whose gender expression is feminine.
The closest label I’ve found is finsexual which describes people who are attracted to people who are feminine in nature. For me, I think that means feminine or non masculine gender expression is attractive while gender assigned at birth or gender identity is far less important.
@@zemoxian On point as a bi guy myself, I would agree with your definitions. I'd probably say being bi almost always implies attraction to both binary genders, and optionally non-binary as well. Personally I like every gender but I prefer bi because gender still plays a role, which it often doesn't with the pan label (more specifically I would be omni, but I almost always simplify to bi.) I agree that finsexual is much more about feminine expression rather than feminine identity, and that's how it's usually used. But what's good about labels is that you can apply your own definitions more or less. Go with whatever label you feel fits you best!
Never felt like a man, but didn't feel like a woman either.
Took me a very long time to realize I was nonbinary.
On estrogen because it makes me feel better.
How can you feel like a man or a woman?
@@midnightblackroses The same way around a 100 billion people have done or not done for hundreds of thousands of years?
What a question.
@@midnightblackrosesit's an innate feeling, there's no reason behind it and it's impossible to explain. That's like asking you to explain what happiness is. You simply can't explain it unless you've experienced it
@@Firefly256 Since you can`t define it, people will just ignore it.
@@barryledgister4496 I can't define happiness, but people don't ignore happiness
I sometimes feel as if I'm 'just faking it' when I say I'm gender fluid because I still call myself a girl/woman when talking about my gender. Am I wrong about my identity?
Oh no! I'm a ghost!
My gender is just fading away post trans,
BOO!
EEEEK!
my pronous are woooo/booo!😂❤
No, I actually am a void, thank you😂❤ (I literally had thought I was some void or an alien before I found out I might be enby😂)
Part 2 Please?
Assumptions are so annoying! I had a conversation with my brother in law last weekend about Human Rights. I told him queer folk don't like it when people 'assume' something that they're not and it's upsetting! He just shrugged it off with a Conservative 'Nobody cares'! I had to wear a dress coz I was at a wedding Expo and no way would I be able to dress in my shorts and band shirt anyway. 😬
He showed fake Allyship too! His workplace is inclusive of us and he refuses to wear an Ally pin even though he's literally the only family member who lets me speak about it. Straights really are annoying! 😢
Actually, we don't exist. Personally, I like being a figment of imagination and living rent free in people's heads 🤷🏻♀️
A fellow agent of chaos, I see?
@@nebulis6112 chaotic neutral af
woa different experiences from 2 enbies!!
How can I be an attention seaker, if I just feel uncomfortanle and afraid to come out due to the hate? You really think we would want to expose ourselves to all of this, just to seek attention I swear, I would rather become a cosplayer or alternative, if that was my goal😂 Suffering just becouse you have to push all of these feelings away out of fear, not feeling comfortable wth ur body everyday is not worth it. I didn't choose this sh*t. None of us did.
2:34
I mean, I’m real aren’t I?
#Blairewhiteisafascist
Note to self: do NOT read the replies of ACTUALLY GOOD comments
I keep forgetting
Should i stop checking the comments altogether?
Probably, yes
Will i anytime soon?
No probably not
nah bro I don’t exist I’m a figment of your imagination
Why the intense "vocal fry"? Is that just mandatory or what?
It depends on where you live affects the amount of fry.
When i moved away from my childhood home my whole family was regularly haranged about the amount of fry we express. The rest of my family is cis
@AttenuatedNecronym what part of the country if you dont mind me asking. Im in Los Angeles and the fry is legendary here! 😀
@@Bryan-jd7os heh. That's where they thought we were from. We moved away from rural costal Washington state and my mom grew up in Seattle. It's not as intense as California fry, but just as pervasive on most phonemes
So you call men sir and women ma'am, what should i call non binary people
your majesty
Ask them, every individual is different. Even some cis people don't like sir or ma'am
@@Firefly256 got it!
@@Firefly256 Nobody in a million years is going to worry if someone doesn`t like being called `sir` or `madam`.
No, they aren't. No need to watch this video. Keep respecting trans people, not some dumbasses.
But they want to take away importance from trans people who suffer from gender dysphoria, and treat it all like a childish game?! /s
you just played yourself. you don't even listen to them, yet you claim to know them. good job. /s
@@maraszyszkathat wasn't even nonbinary they, but plural speak. also, stop disrespecting other people
@@lochiness. there's no such thing as nonbinary
@@maraszyszka there's no such thing as a decent you
I wish UA-cam would stop recommending this crap to me -. -
Algorithm-sama only knows that which you have watched before, and He doesn't care which side of the fence about a topic you're on.
But by all means, please keep leaving comments for further engagement to these videos 😊
Maybe it knows you're ignorant
The Algorithm knows your innermost longings even before you are willing to accept them. ❤🏳⚧💛🤍💜🖤
But seriously, I am trans and mostly watch trans content creators, so the algorithm recommends all the gendery content it can find for me ... including terf and anti-trans content of the most reprehensible kind. I have had to reset my watch and search history numerous times. If you don't like your recommends, try resetting your history and rewatch a few videos you love to prime the pump. Happy YouTubing! ❤
don't interact with stuff you don't like (dont click or comment), click on "not interested"!
I hope you can get the surgery you want in the end!.Thank you for this other amazing educating and moving video. You have come a long way and that's remarkable. 💜🏳⚧
Thank you for all these videos!! 💜🖤🩶🤍 they are helping me figure out myself ❤