This Drink Ruined My Life- Tim Dillon Show Ep. 195
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- Опубліковано 13 кві 2020
- Taken From Episode 195- "Take Me To The Moon"
• #195 - Take Me To The ...
Tim vents about his favorite martini and how it completely destroyed his life.
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this is exactly what reading a recipe on a blog sounds like
Holy fuck I’ve never heard that put more properly. Every time I scroll through 12 pages I’m thinking “Where is the fucking RECIPE?!?”
Lol, drives me nuts, no one cares about your shitty life except all the other sad housewives that are in the exact same position you are.
omg haha. best comment. 2 days later you get the recipe. after scrolling a mile and closing ads
John has
Hi
"I was on drugs from 13 to 20... and, of course, from 20 to 25." That is just a smart, throwaway line.
typical jimmy fallon line
Derivative of Mitch Hedberg’s line, “I used to do drugs. I still do now but I used to too.”
@@andrewtomlin8783 Yes. How Tim can borrow from the greats and make it his own, but not depend on other comic's styles as his main stuff. Just little nods like this. He does it right.
Why are all the replies to this comment so cunty lol
@@andrewtomlin8783 Drugs destroyed him too :(
“I sold a house to myself. You’re not supposed to get so drunk you scam yourself. I SCAMMED MYSELF.” omg I’m crying
I think I've done this with some Amazon purchases.
@@jlshel42 you've bought some counterfeit item on amazon that you yourself was selling on the side?
A subprime mortgage guy once told me: salesman have the easiest time selling a thing to their self.
It’s so damn true. Be around a sales guy friend/family member who just got a new truck, gun, stereo, dune buggy, etc., and he will describe the product’s features like he’s in love.
@@NevadaSmith2 lmao I stg I sold cars for 3 years i loved the racket 😂 I eventually quit and worked for a credit union were I was like the absolute best at closing accounts and all things sales related, I remember saying “this isn’t real sale I know real sales”
Now every time I buy something I love and anyone asks about it I sound like a fucking advocate for the company 😂
I haven’t thought about all the random varieties of cigarettes I smoked as a kid in at least 25 years 😂😂😂
"I believed in the Bush administration....and then I stopped doing cocaine." lmfao
Funny thing is I believed in the Bush administration before I started doing cocaine then....
@@TexWatson-sh8vf I believed in the Obama administration. Then I stopped smoking weed. Gotta give it to the drone ranger. He sure made a fool of me.
Can't imagine how bad tRump has messed you up .
@@jeffreyalbright5904 I stopped believing in fairy tales, like oligarchs giving us the illusion of choice. The GOP is a joke. And Democrats? Same shit different bumper sticker.
@@Resplencemelodi Preach it man, we're all getting played
"I was thrown out of a car at 4 years old, it taught me responsibility"
"Nobody knew what that meant nobody asked him" 🤣🤣🤣
I woke my neighbours because of that line XD
Sometimes you gotta hit the ground running...
Simply little nuggets to the collosal Gold Ore that is Big Tim🤟🏻
God that line was so damn funny
My guess is that he didn't took his responsibility of wearing a seatbelt since he got thrown through the windshield. It's not that hard to conclude imho^^
This is the antithesis of an AA meeting.
I agree, African Americans meetings usually have breakdancing , rapping and what not.
@@unclejesse4271 And a disproportionate amount of crime, if you know what I mean
"light beer? You cant even be priud of that"
baybuhmoose I do know what you mean, because you just explained your joke to me.
But it's better for you.
"It IS classy to throw your life away drinking certain drinks" lol
That’s what I’m doing with whiskey OJ
Tim seems like the kinda guy who got really pissed off when he realized he was gay.
One of the funniest comments I’ve ever read about I’m and there’s a lot of good ones out there
This is the most real man I have ever heard in my life.
Look up some Patrice O’Neal too 👍
@@randypa7219 yea I live the black Philip life religiously. Between Patrice. Eddie griffin. George Carlin and Mitch Hedberg I can’t choose.
I would also add Colin quinn and bob kelly. Look up their old podcast. It's fucking gold.
@@naylik2562 Agreed ! Just kinda hate how bad the quality of some episodes are
I’m in recovery from vodka, only drank gin twice in 30 yrs, but Tim explaining this martini 🍸 is sublime 😂
“Family; friends; accomplishments - I know a lot of people with those - and I gotta be honest with ya’: meh.”
😂 💯
@@gabelogan56 uffffff
LMAOOO
He's not lying. My most accomplished friends are generally the most boring.
SAVAGE
A+
"I spend years in a pool of Luke warm Beef Eater gin." LMFAO
The fact that this is all in his head and it’s not scripted amazes me, because it was probably funniest rant I ever heard
The point is........I use to smoke unfiltered cigarettes 😂
He doesn't script. He said so on some ceo podcast. He goes off the cuff because it's more fun. If he knew what he was going to do or say he'd get bored with it
Alcoholics around here usually drink moonshine mixed with coffee. They say the way to make it perfect is to put a coin in the bottom of a coffee-cup, place a sugarcube on it, then you pour enough coffee over it that you can't see the coin. Then you pour enough moonshine in the cup that the coin is visible again.
Wtf...
Oh my god.
That stands up to scrutiny.
i have so many coins in my appendix
Sounds like an adventure
World class ranter, the best.
Hes the Rant-ologist
Yes, beer just makes me feel like a bloatation device, and wine sucks on an empty stomach. The high octane stuff is a fast elevator to the top floor with no stops and a lot less time spent pissing.
Lmfao so spot on
i think the only reason people use beer/wine to get drunk is that it limits them so they dont black out too fast. that or theyre 14
You are a wise man
@@casperowens2482 I mostly drink beer (or just sip straight liquor) cause I dont know how to make cocktails and never drink soda; so mixing it with soda is just too much sugar for my stomach
@@jigglypuff3311 try cranberry juice, might still be too sugary but if you double up the gin/vodka and ice it up you’ll have a good time
The sound guy has the best job in the morning. Getting payed to listen to a comedy genius.
Did you really type "payed"
@@DaleSandusky Jheeze sorry I wasn't paiding attention.
@@georgewheeler6202 👏👏10/10 recovery!
Welp that got outta hand rather quickly
This comment aged poorly 😔
“THE POINT IS.. I used to smoke basic unfiltered”
That fucking killed me
I would assume he's taken a life based on that
This sounded a bit like the Dostoevsky book Notes from the Underground.
This whole podcast is the closest thing we have to that book in a modern day podcast form
I used to drink a bottle a day, hearing him describe the drink makes my heart race.
2+ years dry. I cringe to think about booze now.
Im sober 7 days out of 28.
@@BetrayerSlayerMusic 3 1/2 years sober and I still have dreams about drinking and they're all bad.
@@Wolverines4ever-sl1js rind yo ass. relapse-not optional.
@@BetrayerSlayerMusic Wtf you talking about.
I want an alcoholic company to sell a drink and their tag line is “this drink destroyed my life here’s the recipe”
Just bought my first bottle of Beefeater today! Thanks Tim, here’s to the beginning of the end
To New beginnings!!!!
Same! The name always made me laugh but didn’t entice me.
I wish you well.
I'm doing it off malibu, cocktails cider and liquors
how's it going
“stir it, don’t shake it. it’s a line from james bond”
james bond : “shaken, not stirred”
Lmaooo
@beentheredonethat 88 calm down baby
@beentheredonethat 88 say that to my handguns...
@Padraig Lane Takes an Irish guy to get it right.
@beentheredonethat 88 a Brit criticizing other peoples humor? Thats rich. And we are hated because our imperialistic world view, not because of our comedy. Get it right!
As a fellow gin man, Tim is absolutely correct across the board and I adore martinis…it doesn’t get you drunk, it gets you sauced in the best way
I don't want to get drunk, I want to get belligerent.
Tonight i bought martini shit and I've only had to and i can confirmed i am sauced and don't need anymore booze tonight holy shit it's like jet fuel
@@whhhhhhhhh 2-3 martinis and you’re pretty shit faced
hes right but bruising the drink isnt real, that came from people shaking martini's with ice and the ice would melt and dilute the gin leading people the think the flavor profile is off, in reality no. You stir liquids of similar viscosity and you shake ones without, like something with sugar syrup you would shake, so a martini you should stir, james bond had it wrong actually. But in reality even if you shake a martini it probably wont make any difference, but people claim stirring it is better. Its kind of a weird back and fourth thing but, most smart people know the deal.
@@profo4544 wow you soo smart
3:45 Tim Dillon calling it a year early on David Dobrik like a goddamn prophet
an act from only God himself...
Wow 😳🙌🏽
He’s on to something so enjoy him for the time being because he’s too good to be real....
1. Pour a little extra dry vermouth, swirl around glass, throw it out
2. pour gin, STIR, unlike bartenders in West Hollywood
3. pour vermouth back in? (Unsure, let's call it optional)
4. Destroy life
Edit: A few booze tutorials later and I learned it's basically just his degenerate version of an in-and-out martini.
Don’t pour the vermouth back in. You just want a light rinse of vermouth along a chilled glass. Although I have to say, like my gin martini shaken and frothy, (with just one slice of cucumber if it’s Hendricks) and one olive. But then again, I am a girl.
@@shavedparmesanprosciuttoan4317 Is what he describes functionally just an in and out martini though? No Alchoholic Tim twist?
hammer326 I suppose so? I’ve never heard of an in and out martini. I’m not classy enough. Never lost my law firm or children, or snorted my mortgage.
@@shavedparmesanprosciuttoan4317 Not that far along said journey myself. Thanks.
dragonsder LOL good point.. but it’s because gin is fucking delicious. But I did switch to bourbon manhattans a few weeks ago. Much healthier. Except for the horrible acid reflux it gives me and the excruciating headaches the next morning. Feels good.
I love how Tim mythologizes everything - It’s the Irish raconteur in him🍸❤️
the Irish know how to rant, but this is so next level.
He's not Irish
@@SingularityMedia meh, he's close enough
@@jakeoneill1494 take george carlin as an example of that
Tim Dillon is the only form of entertainment that has ever existed
100%
I wish him well.
I’ve hit some rock bottoms, but I’ve never been so drunk I’ve sold a house to myself. That’s fucking impressive and had me in tears because it probably actually happened.
“I believed in the bush administration” is such a genius line im like crying. Just a set up and a punch line unto itself this clip is pure gold
Martini recipes led me here. Rethinking my life choices now
🤣
As well you should....it all tastes like bad decisions.
This explains how I got so drunk my first time in Las Vegas
Martini are great
That's life in the big city.
"Fucked up by the appetizer" is a damn good album name
This video is a masterpiece, I saw it 300 times. Makes me wanna drink a Martini so bad every single time.
I can't wait to get drunk again.
I'm unbelievably grateful that Joe Rogan had Tim Dillon on for the 3rd Alex Jones podcast. At first I was disappointed that Eddie Bravo wasn't on the podcast but if he would've been I would've never found this absolute diamond.
Tim was THEE PERFECT guy to have on with Alex Jones! I’ve watched it 3 times so far.
Best Gin Advertisment ever
This is my AA meeting for the day.
1:07 when he says "the goddamn GIN", he channeled the angry spirits of a thousand thirsty old drunkards from the depths of Irish Hell
Dude this comment is so funny and underrated 😂
I felt it lol all I drink is beer and GIN
'she broke my heart, so I broke her jaw' -Charlie Tweeder (Varsity Blues)
This dude is the most naturally funny person I’ve seen since Chris Farley. Doesn’t need to “work on a bit” like most of the fake unfunny UA-cam comedian community - just starts talking and it’s hilarious.
His podcast is a bit
@@onewiththeragingwind6730 Well no kidding, but he's not sitting around massaging each element of the podcast for 8 months and fine-tuning it. He has a general idea of what he's going to talk about, probably some funny thoughts, and he just lets it rip.
Did Farley have a pod?
That's true. His stuff does almost come out like a standup special.
Farley was an undignified hack, Dillon is hilarious without pandering to the audience.
You know you're truly Irish when you believe that a liquid can be bruised
That’s real alcohol abuse.
Well, that’s the actual term for when you make gin cloudy
@@teeheeteeheeish I was gonna comment on how this guy is a idiot and 134 other idiots liked his comment but you explained it. I actually searched for the difference and the elite connoisseurs say you never shake gin. It looks like a nasty white cloud whereas the stirred version is crystal clear. A shaken gin is generally the sign of a new bartender or someone with limited experience.
It means that it makes the gin cloudy and overdiluted. Less pretty to look at and lacks the punch that alcoholics crave
You can't "bruise" a gin. The cloudiness is air bubbles, and you can get just as much dilution with stirring as shaking.
i like how tim admits he wish he would’ve gone to college and not like all these online influencers who overcompensate by ramming down your throat that you shouldn’t go to college when they regret it themselves
I went to college. I have an MBA. I tell everyone don't go to college unless you're doing engineering or something. It's generally a bad idea and a huge waste of time.
@@TairyHesticles i’m going to film school because i’ve made multiple myself and i like to think i’m good at it for a 21 year old
@@johnhagariii9771 Good for you man, do what you love while you're still young, and if it doesn't work, you'll at least know that you tried before toughing it out with the rest of us 9 to 5ers.
Best of luck dude.
school loans are a scam, stay away from them and youll be way better off than most.
@@TairyHesticles amen
it’s dangerous for me to admire you so much Tim
Ben is Great.. Best Straight Sidekick going around.
That cocktail is what the Queen of England's mother drank everyday.
Half bottle of champagne with lunch.
It's funny...I graduated to booze when I was done with drugs too LOL I guess you keep the legal ones for last
Same to be honest. Well I still smoke pot... but almost none. Pot is legal though.
Drugs are overrated. Alcahol is the best. Weed I fine, but you gotta be drinking too.
Man...im happy hes sober and successful now but just imagine pounding a few gin martinis w 21-25 year old Tim Dillon
He'd still be funny but twice as crazy. Thats a party
“I’m just a vector of negative energy” is so amazingly funny jesus christ.
I've been watching your podcast since i saw you on Rogan. You're my favorite comedian since I started watching your podcast. It's a knife fight in Malibu to find a stunning estate.
I don't know if it's You Tube, but since the last Joe Rogan guest spot I have become a fan of yours. Your star has risen so far recently. Get the algos. But you have a lot to share. Thanks!
That's from Varsity Blues. Scott Caan. "She broke my heart, so I broke her jaw"
Spookytooth, a band from the early 70’s. “You Broke My Heart So I Busted Your Jaw.”
@@kafkasyrup have to look that band up.
I Googled but still can't find that country song, I think from the 80s: "I Gave Her My Heart, She Gave Me the Herpes" - or maybe I am just in the southbound exit off the simulated reality Interstate, and everyone else is in the northbound...
That was truly horrifying, thank you for your service.
Love the open honesty through the comedy, respect 👍🏾
i'm obsessed with Tim! He really is pretty fabulous.
"Outer space is just a martini away"
We have a Gay Joey Diaz, and I’m thrilled !
No Alex Jones.
Yawn
*_CRINGE_*
Wayyyy funnier than Joey.
@@kimfuruwal9285 unlike Alex Jones this guy thinks and isn’t wrong 98percent of time like Alex Jones.
As a recovering heroin addict, got the feels as he described me during the throws and aftermath of addiction. Tim, how to get over the guilt and shame and regrets? I hate feeling sorry for myself. I recommend heroin for anyone who wants to have everything they love ripped away from them before they die a slow painful death of in and out of withdrawal and nihilistic depression
Why do i miss it so fkn much tho
There’s a way!
Ice baths in the morning first thing
Don't listen to Ice bath goggins cream eater. Just stay busy. Get two jobs, go to meetings. Go meet family or people when you don't want too. Just get busy and you'll get there.
Ice baths, imagine spending the the time to type that. Certified life coach over here.
I love Tim. He just spitz out truth. Vulnerable, ugly truth
This man is a national treasure.
The way you throw gem after gem… and it’s all free. Thank you.
There's nothing better than getting shitfaced... and going to sleep in your car.
My god that line is INCREDIBLE!
Growing up in Long Beach and Island Park, hearing this guy's stories really takes me back...
His rants are a real sight to behold.
His greatest work. Thank you Timothy.
As a recovered alcoholic of 12 years this really made me want to drink.
Dont
did u?
This is, without question, an absolute masterpiece
I watch this video once a week. Absolute perfection.
Havent watched this in a couple months, probably seen it 100 times now.. went to like a comment and I had already liked it before 😅😂 this video will forever stand the time as the best rants ever.
I personally comeback every couple of months when I’m shitfaved
@@EkdrinkI came back to this getting excited about being shitfaced.
I used to work at a Golf Course and there were some days where our supervisor would walk in smelling like Vodka, it was strong. I thought he was drinking in the mornings, he had a real temper and I thought that was the reason. Then eventually I realized he was just using the hand sanitizer on the doorway when walking in to work.
Yeah me too....hand sanitizer....that's all it is😉
I come back to this video once every few weeks
"A guy told me that named huey, and hes dead" 🤣🤣🤣🤣
“I’m more talented than 90% of the people who live in this city, and they all live in castles!” 😩🤣
😅😭😆
that’s some high self praise
Is it though? Is it the story of your life?
I build castles...and dungeons...just sayin'...
It’s not the story of ur life let’s not lie u talentless dummy
Just listened to this and now I’m toasty before my ceviche is ready
I love these older ones
"That's somebody who knows where they're going and desperately wants to get there as quickly as possible."
I want to watch a documentary about how delicious and awesome cigarettes are.
I've never been able to "get into" them yknow?? I don't drink any more and I'm only 31 so jesus christ I need something interesting about me.
Me too. I quit years ago, but man they are fantastic.
I still smoke and they're great after a meal and with a few drinks. And right after a nice big shot of heroin. Then you light one up, nod out and come to with about 16 burn holes in your pants.
The cancer though.
@@billjohnson2081 Don't be a pussy.
“Don’t get so drunk that you scam yourself”
As a bartender , I’m glad you know your shit, I end up actually shaking most of my martinis but it’s all up to the customer on how they want it
I want to get sober like Tim. G.O.A.T.
how are big alcohol corporations not casting him to do ads for them. My mouth started watering while listening to this and now im about to go buy booze from the local liquor shop
It’s almost poetic listening to Tim talk about alcohol
One of the best clips ever
Thanks to Tim I am sitting here trying an "in and out martini" and I kind of like it.
I didn’t know Tim is an addict! I am too, it makes me like him even more!
was an addict
Imagine being proud of that.
I love that a 3 step recipe takes him on a rant 🤣🤣🤣 I listen to this Atleast once a day
9:20😂 "How can you even be proud of that?"
I had to watch this three times because I was laughing so fucking hard, absolute gem
if you close your eyes Tim Dillon sounds like Artie Lange's little brother
Artie Lange is nothing compared to Tim, artie only had a career because norm let him tag along...not that my response is really an appropriate reply to yours, I just hate Artie 😅
For real
This was brilliant
Tim going on rants about hypotheticals in his rants is amazing
2:26 hilarious enough "giggle pig" is a fictional drug from Brooklyn Nine-Nine.
I stayed drunk from age 15 to 40. Been sober for 13 years. I can relate.
So ur a gay man
It is a perfect drink. I applaud you for your honesty.
what a beautiful way to wrap up this cautionary tale about the impacts drugs have on peoples lives " i should've vlogged "
Tim is ONE FUNNY DUDE!!! His Satirical Cultural Commentary is of the Charts! Keep Rocking Timmer!!!
Tim dillon is a new era.
I appreciated Tim's earnest demeanor. As long as he doesn't feel worse about making this content, right on!
Epic rant!
Hey, my kid loves "BEAPH BOOP BEEEEP" , it's her favorite artist.
I used to love camel plains when they made them with Turkish tabacco, now they suck and i quit smoking
They used to taste amazing. It was around 2000 when they switched it up.
You are on fire my friend. Respect.
So much true in on this.
As the song said.. is only when I loose my self when I found my self.
I never was a gin drinker, but now I wanna taste some gin so bad! I value tims opinion over my own xD
Same dude I absolutely hate Gin...but this glowing review saying it’ll ruin my life has me curious
Its the IPA of hard alcohol
It’s been 7 months.. are you homeless yet?
I wouldn’t do it Gin is a weird addictive from of alcohol very different
I like gin.