"We speak in paragraphs rather than sentences" hit hard. I always feel guilty afterward, but I'd rather say nothing than not fully express my thought. And I do very often just say nothing 😂 I also do the standing there awkwardly thing until I find a secluded corner to slink off to.
This is killing me in my college classes lately! I'm taking subjects I'm interested in now so I'm having such a hard time keeping my writing short. I had to write less than a page for my assignment yesterday, ended up with 6 pages, and had to trim it down and could only get it down to 3 pages.
@@barubary4477 I did this a lot, particularly in high school! For one assignment we were supposed to write a 2 - 3 page short story, and mine ended up being 30 pages lol! Luckily my teachers indulged me and it ended up winning a regional writing competition❤
Me too! In fact, if I find the energy to participate in a conversation, it's not uncommon to be cut off or "bulldozed" by someone else. I preface...a lot. If I can't finish what I was trying to say, I'm so physically uncomfortable, can't even pay attention to anything else, until I get the chance to finish. That's SO hard to do that I often don't even put myself in that situation by opening my mouth in the first place. Awkward is my spirit animal.
I had this happen to me yesterday at work, my manager waved at a pallet and told me to fix this dairy. So I started putting it all onto a trolley and after a few mins he asked me.. what are you doing? I told him and then he said that’s not right, turns out not all the boxes were for dairy. I was thinking if they aren’t all dairy, why would you tell me that they are? So I let him say random stuff down to me about not reading the boxes and other stuff. I just kept my mouth shut, if I wasn’t interested to hold this job for a while, I would’ve probably just left that job straight away when that happened, it was really frustrating.
When I tell my husband how I managed a tense situation online and that I feel bad for manipulating the other person he goes: "That's literally just social skills." and it makes me feel so awful.
I'm realizing while watching this that I think that some of my social anxiety comes from _thinking_ responses in paragraphs, but knowing that a short answer is expected/acceptable, then panicking over trying to quickly edit down my paragraph to a few words.
My brain has a lot of quick work to do before anything comes out of my mouth in most contexts (work, doctor's office, speaking to anyone other than my handful of "safe" people, really) and it's exhausting. The editing!
Same! And then I throw in lots of apologies for the length and breadth of my answer, and paratheticals trying to wrap it up while continuing to talk! Or sometimes I do a "quick" dump-and-run.
@@-shenanigans. too real. A couple weeks ago I was struggling to articulate my thoughts to my husband, and eventually what I told him was that it's like every sentence that I say has to go through a whole committee in my brain to be approved before it can come out of my mouth, and sometimes that process is so exhausting that I end up not saying anything. (Or, in my metaphor, "the committee vetos it/can't come to a conclusion")
Omg 🤯 thanks for putting this into words! I have resorted to just shutting down rather than deal with the worry or disappointment of not getting my true thoughts out, but I didn’t know why. Thank you.
Omg, I hate those questions. If I have a choice I never pick that as a security question because I’m certain I’ll have a different answer when asked again.
@@RestlessMule: Yes, I HATE those questions! Like, what do they mean by "first pet"? The dog your parents had when you were born? The first pet that was acquired with you in mind, even if your parents still did most of the caring? The first pet you acquired as an independent adult? Or what if you are one of those unfortunates who comes from a no pets family? And then there's the capitalisation in relation to security questions and abbreviations. If you initially state (for instance) that your favourite book is "Marley and me", the answer at some future date "Marley & Me" is going to fail.
Omg yes! Kinda related but deciding on a favorite something made me think of the struggles of coming up with a username/userID. It took me over 5 yrs to join Instagram because I couldn’t decide on a username. Finally I came up with one I really liked so now I’m on Instagram lol.
Asking me to choose a favorite thing is actually asking me to go on a long-winded sharing spree where I show you everything I love in the category of stuff that you asked about. There is no other option lmao
Hahaha same. And favorites in different sub-categories like „local food my grandma makes“, „sweets“, „favorite pizzas“ etc. I mean how is one supposed to name one favorite dish/food?!?!?😂
"Well, that is a very complicated question that needs context, also, I tend not to remember the names of songs since I listen to albums from start to finish. Often artists arrange the songs in a specific order so that one track leads into the next track so that the listening experience is a bit like a journey or a story, but lately I've been listening to.."
I love dance music so I go to clubs *a lot*, but as most of my friends aren't into that, so I go alone, then spend most of the time standing awkwardly next to the dancefloor, but trying (and failing) to look casual 😂
On describing pain: I've learned that quantifying pain in terms of impacts on me or others works well to help healthcare workers understand my pain. For example, "this pain prevents me from concentrating at work", or "this pain prevents me from relaxing and that keeps me from sleeping", or, "this pain is so hard to manage that it's affecting my personal relationships because I don't have patience to deal with the everyday demands of life." (Advice I received and it has worked so much better for me!) (Edit: spelling)
@@sharonolsen6579 it may be valuable to print out a copy of the Descriptive Pain Scale. It uses the sorts of descriptions I'm describing and associates them with a number.
If they want a number, my trick is: 0-4 low, 5-7 medium, 8-10 high and to always give the highest or second to highest number in each category. And you can go through examples of pain in each category with friends pre-emptively to gauge where one would typically land. This will sound like an extensive process to a neurotypical person but maybe someone here finds it helpful :) definitely should have known this as a kid/teenager when I described any type of pain as „it’s okay“ and then passed out once in the middle of the bathroom 😅🙈
On language: I will never forget as a child, I would have our McDonald's order in my lap on the way home and my mom would say "Hand me a couple fries," and I would hand her 2 fries every time and it drove her nuts 😂.
More autistic than I knew. So how many do you hand them? Explains why when I asked my NT kids they would hand me a massive amount I could neither hold nor eat while driving and I would get frustrated reminding them I can only accept a “couple” at a time.
I "found" the autistic community like 5 days ago. But I know that I finally found my people. I don't have a diagnosis yet, but regardless autism is certainly my new autistic special interest. Its hard to explain how strange the feeling of learning so much about the afflictions I've been experiencing all my life. Nothing has ever been so empowering as being able to finally draw a line from all my strange shit to terminology. You among others have finally answered the single most pervasive question I've had all my life. Kind of just....."what's wrong with me?". I have to be honest though, autism is also, simultaneously, the answer to why I am so amazing! I just mean autism is a gift also. Thank you so much for what you are doing for this community. If it weren't for you and the rest of the autistic content creators I have been exposed to this week I may not have ever know.
I'd probably say that my favourite colour is blue, rather than purple, but it has to be an indigo-based blue, rather than Prussian. And then I look at my wool purchases and see how often purple and purplish-blues are in the mix. And then there's the slightly purplish reds, making their way through maroon to eggplant (aubergine), preferably as dark as possible.
Oh my God! One time I was at the beach collecting rocks and felt inexplicably guilty. Upon some reflection, I realized that the reason is because I felt guilty for rejecting all the other rocks on the beach that I didn't choose! I felt pretty crazy for that, but now I know why I felt that way! lol
I don't have an issue with my hands being wet, but man oh man if my hands feel at all sticky I just cannot deal. Summer is so hard for me because it'll get humid and then my hands will feel tacky, and it drives me CRAZY!!! I wash my hands so much when there's any humidity
Yes. Sticky, even one little spot, is unacceptable. Wet is OK. If it bugged me before, washing pots and pans for a living for a year or so acclimated me to to the idea.
This is a big one for me, sticky or creamy. Not so much on the backs of my hands but on the "usable" palm parts. I have so much trouble with dry skin, because I just cringe putting on cream, suntan lotion, yikes. I hated chicken wings, until I discovered that you could order "dry" ones. BBQ spare ribs, no frickin' thank you, lol
@@kirstensmith9454 I always put lotion specifically on the backs of my hands in such a way as to minimize the amount that ends up on the front of my hands. I have to avoid my fingertips at all costs so that I can still touch things without feeling weird
When you talked about standing around awkwardly, that really struck me. I can’t tell you how many times I have stood around awkwardly while other people are apparently engaged in some way. At a recent event, another person at the event said to me “you look lost”. That was awkward to have somebody’s else say that to me, but it captured how I felt.
@@k.s.826And having a (though undiagnosed) processing issue, I grab only bits of several conversations and can’t really connect with one…? Broken filter?
I wash the silverware and cups sit down for 5 mins then bowls and plates then sit then anything else going into a dishwasher. Start the dishwasher sit then the hand washed stuff
This! I could never figure out why I am not consistent. It is either all in or I'm frozen and can't seem to do anything. Day in, day out, rinse and repeat.
1. Thumb holes in clothing (stemy) 2. Don’t like being asked “favorite “ things (Creates panic) 3. Questions create Context 4. Skeptical 5. Wait for others to share thoughts before offer your own 6. Very specific lighting preferences 7. Hate getting hands wet or sticky 8. Need specific examples for language. Advice take things literally 9. Ask a lot of questions (Fully understand what you’re getting into) 10. Stand there awkwardly 11. Overwhelming with pain scale at dr 12. Understand expectations 13. Uneven productivity Speeds of hyper focus leads to bouts of fatigue and rest. Feeling shut down just need to be alone. 14. Covert stems 15. Keenly aware how we are being perceived(everyone thinking about me how I showed up)
I wasn't sure what she meant by Thumb holes in clothing. I know jeans have belt loops, which I always stuck my thumbs in, but I'm not aware of other clothing having anything like that. I'll stick my thumbs in pockets a lot, but I wouldn't refer to that as a thumb hole.
1) I overthink EVERY SINGLE QUESTION I’m asked. Choosing one short concise answer is virtually impossible for me. Context is extremely important, because the answer will be imprecise or just plain incorrect without all the details. 2) My favorite color is that blue that is so deep it’s almost purple. Cobalt blue I think they call it. However I really enjoy sunshine yellow. The two together in a design? (Chef’s kiss)
lol ... i always need context ... favorite color for what? flowers ? clothes? living room furniture ? a sunset ? etc... the answers are different .. plus i am an artist ... ALL THE COLORS .. lol .... but ... if pressed... i choose ,,PURPLE !! LOL it's crazy !
@@sharonolsen6579 This! My favourite colour for clothing I'd wear isn't just one, lol, but I can narrow it down to a few. But my favourite colour(s) to decorate a room - different. My favourite colour(s) in what?
Specificity of language is one that is really challenging for me. My mother uses really indirect fluffy language when she wants something and I have no idea what she wants from me, I have repeatedly asked her to be specific but she just can’t wont do it. I remember when I was a kid she would say “would you like to go and do (fill in the blank)” my reply would be “well I don’t want to, but do you want me to? “
I hate it as well. If I am asking for clarification and they are refusing to elucidate, what I’ve just begun doing is repeating their words to them while doing what I interpret them to mean. I find that people only accommodate my speech needs once it negatively affects them. The frustration usually makes them clarify by the 2nd-4th instance of me doing this.
I have annoyed so many people both family and friends who have asked, "Would you like to...?" As a request, and I've blandly answered, "No." It took me years and decades to realize this.
@@polari7658 I've also had push back when asking for clarification. They think I am "doing it on purpose to irritate them (aside: most people should try the "this is not about me, this is about that person asking something of me" more). I get rebukes, sighs frustration as a response. Admittedly, I also suggest the more accurate word, when someone used the wrong word. Aren't we all trying to be better? Maybe... Also, I like your choice of words. Not enough people use words like elucidate, but it is so perfect here. I've been given a thumbs up online for using "recalcitrant" a long time ago. I thought "well, it is the right word, and avoids one of those long explanations no one likes". ;)
@@eleonorelee267, I’m just so direct as a person. I really will say things in person like “I’m not going to pretend to understand what you meant by that.” And “Elaborate on that.” I think people respond negatively to uncertain energies. They won’t get annoyed if you don’t give them the space to be annoyed. I treat them like they’re being unreasonable, put their behavior into perspective, etc. That works for me. It may have a different result if you don’t look like me though as biased likely play a role in my effectiveness.
Oh yes, literal! My mom always said "would you LIKE to do the dishes?" If I said NO, I got punished for disobeying! I DID NOT DISOBEY. SHE PHRASED IT AS OPTIONAL!
Before realising that I may be autustic, I would often tell myself not to say anything as i felt this was better than either saying the wrong thing unintentionally or not making sense and saying too much or finding it difficult to know when to talk.
The jump rope analogy resonates so hard! I have always felt like conversation, especially when there is a group of people involved, feels like mental Double Dutch.
Natural light is overwhelming for me too. I prefer cloudy, rainy days, but I live in the desert right now and the sun is tortuous. Thankfully, I am moving soon to a better climate.
The other kids used to often ask me why I was squinting or had one eye closed outside on a sunny day. Was always confusing to me. Um. Like. It's obvious isn't it, it's bright as hell.
how does artificial light hit you?, I love sunlight but can't stand fluorescent/ led's. Its like I'm the only one that can hear the buzzing and I turn them off whenever I get the chance. it hurts my eyes to be under the same type of light too long.
Uneven productivity- I worked an overnight event on Friday. I worked an afternoon event on Saturday with little sleep in between. Today is Sunday and I've slept and avoided contact with everyone as much as possible
sometimes I work extra hours because I fear the day when I feel really bad and will have very little done. and I know that day will come. me feeling good is rare.
I never realized how overstimulating getting my hands wet was before I heard you mention it. 37 years not realizing that's such a major factor of my hatred for doing the dishes lol. I'm also laughing about "we strongly advise you attend this meeting" sounding like an option. I strongly advise you make it mandatory, or else I ain't going. Regarding specific language, once I had recently arrived at a small house party, so already feeling pretty autistic, and walked into the living room while holding my about six month old son. "Do you need help holding your baby?" I am immediately asked by a woman that I've never seen before stepping directly in front me, who apparently had been talking to my wife before I got there. "No" I calmly replied. ".... oh," she says with a look of dejected shock on her face. We stare at each other for about five seconds before my wife laughingly says, "I think she wanted to hold the baby!" Well that's not what she asked!
I would have responded the same way... However I'd probably wouldn't catch that she's dejected. 😅 I cannot wrap my head around the logic of asking to hold the baby in such a complicated way.... Like why not just ask: "can I please hold the baby?" 🤔🤷🏻♀️
That’s hilarious. Now I’m wondering how many times I inadvertently turned down inexact requests to hold my kids when they were babies😂 Also me always wondering why other moms (especially but some dads or childless friends too) always wanted to hold each other’s babies. I’m like, I’ve got this one, I’m good. Yours is an unknown quantity to me. 🙃
I haven't officially been diagnosed as autistic, however, almost every single video I watch and almost every quirk is 100% true. I've always felt out of sort, always been criticized about things I do or say. Thank you for sharing and bringing awareness on this, I really appreciate it!
I hate the 'what's your favourite" question because my brain responds by trying to remember all things I've ever encountered and how I would rank them and it's way too much. One way I found of getting around it is realising that what the other wants to know is just an example of some thing you like, it doesn't have to be your number one. I now try to give the first thing I remember that I like a lot and try to end the remembering/ranking in my head there. Or for the standard questions of "what's your favourite movie" and such I have thought about it beforehand and try to memorise what I had decided was a good enough choice for it. I also found all other quirks in this video relateable, always feels good to be seen!
I usually answer I don't know, but one of my favorites is ... to reframe the question to something I can answer. There, fixed your question for you! Lol
Please do more unedited content. I feel so much more comfortable seeing that you also struggle sometimes, rather than always seeming to have the ability to talk clearly and seamlessly. I love being able to see YT creators looking and acting more like how I feel. Also Blue, blue/purple, blue/green. I would tell my kids I had seen a awesome car, they would reply with "was it blue?" Hate any sort of marketing, love thumbs holes (but I'm Australian so not many long sleeves, and I also hate the feeling of things on my arms). Haha paragraphs, not sentences. My psychologist says I'm a story teller. But seriously, how can I answer your question without giving you the complete history of how I came to that opinion. OMG stretching toes. I recall watching my sister giving the eulogy at my dads funeral last year, and she stood there and spoke so well, but all I could concentrate on was the fact that her toes were still the whole time she spoke. I don't think I knew it was possible to have still toes in a stressful situation. Sorry for the overshare, but sometimes I just feel isolated sometimes. FYI diagnosed with ADHD last year at 54, have my official ASD diagnosis next week, although my current health care providers are in agreement, I can't help but feel overwhelmed/judged.
I also love the unedited content. The edited content overwhelms me & sadly most content providers edit heavily. Unedited content makes this channel more accessible than other channels & helps you stand out from the crowd. Thanks for that! ❤
Not wanting to be perceived is so big for me. I’ve never understood why having cameras at my house made me uncomfortable. It’s not like I’m doing anything wrong, I just hate being watched! Makes so much sense!
OMG! I had something similar happen to me. I was helping lead a youth service trip and we were driving home, coming from Canada into the U.S. At the border crossing, the border guard said almost nothing and then said, “Citizen?” I was so nervous because we had been prepped that crossing the border back into the U.S. can be tricky, and I had a car full of teenagers that I was responsible for. I had no idea what this guy was asking, so I said, “Yes?” By the look on his face I knew right away that that was not the right answer. He got so annoyed and said, “What country are you citizens of?” Like, why couldn’t he have just asked that to begin with? Why are people out here asking one word questions in make or break situations?
Im really comforted to hear these things. They all resonate with me. I got my professional autism diagnosis yesterday, and I'd only been considering ASD as a possibility for maybe a month. All I knew is that I was not, and never felt, "normal" in so many ways. This led to a lifetime of failures, anxiety, depression, diagnoses and medications. I'm having a particularly rough day today. I keep thinking "I am a 52 year old stranger to myself", and that is really scary. I need to start from square one in order to figure out the real me. So I just want to thank you for sharing this information and realizing there's a huge community of us that I never knew existed that I can turn to. 🙏
You have described my thoughts and feelings perfectly! I've not been told by a doctor that I'm autistic but I believe I am. The Doctor says I have ADHD, and I knew that. But he says I'm not carrying a doll or toy around, and named off some other things I don't do. So he said I'm not autistic. I don't agree with that.
@@godsgal4life Until awareness and education gain more momentum among professional mental health practitioners, it looks like it has to start with us. As painful and frustrating and confusing as life has been thus far, then having to take another huge leap of faith with another place, I had to do it. I went to one of the specialists on MOTS recommended list. Realizing that getting a formal diagnosis may not be needed, desired, or even in the budget (🫤) for everyone, I felt I had to do it. Also, for your doc to dismiss your suspicion for those reasons you stated seems so absurd! Only you can know you and what your experience has been. No one can tell you otherwise. I spent a few hours listening to Taylor's DSM-5 criteria video (pausing, taking notes) until I felt I had a decent grip on it. Then, spent lots of time in the archives of my brain trying to recall as much relevance as I could. I knew too, even before getting diagnosed.
2 and a half years on from my diagnosis at 55 i'm starting to realy like my, still somewhat odd to myself, 'new' self (which is an amazing new feeling too). It's really hard at the start when people outside our community don't get that when I say to be diagnosed is to have your WHOLE life and self identity uttlerly transformed I mean it literally. It's like the rug of your WHOLE life and self pulled from under your feet. That feeling of not having a clue who you are is extreme and scary, and lots of anger and grieving can happen along the way of learning and accepting etc. But it's so so brilliant when you start to realise that that 'stranger' is actually reallly well known to you - it is you! It's just been hidden and hiding for years......and it'll be so great to have her out!!
I'm two years out from my ADHD Dx at 60 and strongly lean toward AuDHD even though I was told it was"highly unlikely" because I can make eye contact (hint: I learned to look at people's mouths instead of their eyes, or other parts of their faces). I liken it to going through adolescence again. Who am I? What do I want to be when I "grow up?" But I think my reaction is different than most. I haven't really had a grieving period. Just a HUGE sense of relief and a REASON for how my life has been (it has been a series of huge peaks and deep valleys - never married, serial job failure after extreme success - usually chosen to be on a large project perfect for hyperfocus, but then fail when I'm expected to manage multiple projects when that ones complete). I don't CHOOSE to be "this way". I'm too loud, too intense, too everything. And now I have an explanation as to why my brain was never able to change into the neurotypical patterns.
I relate SO much about trying to join into a group conversation. I want the person who's talking to get their thought out before I say anything, but other people always cut them off to interject and I hate it. I usually don't end up contributing to those kinds of conversations at all, because I want people to finish what they are saying but no one does that. By the time I have a chance to say what I want to say the conversation has moved on.I also really relate to the lat point. I almost always feel like people are looking at me when I'm in a place where there are a lot of people focusing on one thing (like walking into a movie theater, walking into a classroom, etc). It gives me so much anxiety. My parents used to get annoyed when I said that because they were like "No one is looking at you." But I was sure people were.
The marketing thing gets to me, too. Ask me to do anything, and if it’s within reason, I will likely do it. Tell me I HAVE to do something, or else-nope. Not gonna happen. The speaking in paragraphs, yep, that’s me!
Pain scale: I used to struggle with this too, until I JUST SO HAPPENED to come across a pain scale poster that described each point on the scale from 0 to 10. I stared at it for almost 20+ minutes in a desperate attempt to burn that into my brain. I don't remember much of the stuff in between, but I understood much better what doctors are asking/looking for in a response. I don't remember everything EXACTLY, but the concept has stuck with me enough that I can fry my brain about other things not nearly as important (and time sensitive). 0: No pain, numbness, or abnormal sensations. Happy and healthy. 1: small *persistent* pain, numbness, or itching. Does not impede work or daily tasks, but mildly annoying. 4: Moderate pain/numbness/itching. Can push through tasks, but with much discomfort. May mildly impede speed and/or effectiveness in work or daily tasks. 6: Cannot work or accomplish daily tasks due to pain. Motor skills in the affected area flares the pain to the point self-care (bathing, walking, sitting, laying) hurts, but is not impossible with great effort. 9: Screaming unintelligibly due to pain, inconsolable, can't focus on anything but the excrutiating pain. Cannot move or be moved without external assistance 10: Pain-induced unconsciousness. Going into shock. Cannot stay conscious due to the pain; going in and out of consciousness. I wish I knew the actual poster so I could post it here. If someone knows what I'm talking about, feel free to post in the replies, or as a fresh comment so more can see! ❤
Seems to me like 1 on that chart should be 2. There should be a level for small sporadic/inconsistent but recurring pain/etc before getting to small persistent pain/etc.
@@jliller and see this, this right here... this is why we have these difficulties communicating pain to neurotypical doctors in the first place. Because to me, frequency is an important aspect to know about the pain, but is seperate from the level of pain itself. :/
Busted me on the toe movements, why? Most of this list resonates, am undiagnosed but have really been feeling more comfortable min my own skin since researching autism, especially the late diagnosed women. I am so grateful for your channel.
@@kristirehm5888 it made me laugh when she was talking about curling toes because my toes were literally rubbing together and I suddenly stopped in shock as she said it.
Suggested donation!!! This is a real pet peeve. This seems so disingenuous when they say it's optional but secretly it's NOT. (Especially when you are really tight on funds.) BE HONEST people.
The one about standing awkwardly in a room was so helpful, when I attended a social event yesterday. This awareness helped me stand awkwardly, without feeling emotional painful about it, as if I was bad or wrong for sticking out that way. Gracious hosts were welcoming regardless. It was a lovely time. Today, I rest!
My granddaughter complained I made her friends feel uncomfortable. Mind you these are grown, college educated men and women in the 20s. Granted I’m in my 60s, but as a nurse I worked with patients and coworkers of all ages. I was used to asking the questions of any age and gender. A couple of years later, I figured out that I’m autistic and ADHD. But still these people are so emotionally fragile!
I don’t agree that people are emotionally fragile. I think they have needs that aren’t being met too, and unfortunately, those might be in conflict with how autistic people might present.
@killahkari That's quite possible. I am quite used to actually working with people their ages, but apparently, they aren't used to having a conversation with someone my age. As a nurse and AudHD, I tend to be blunt. I just treat everyone the way I prefer to be treated, I'm not intimidated by questions that might be considered uncomfortable. This reminds me that not everyone is comfortable with that.
I’m so glad you brought up lighting sensitivity. I’m a late in life autistic interior designer who specializes in lighting. There are a couple of scientific reasons that NDs react badly to lighting (especially LEDs and florescent): they flicker, it’s moving light and stimulates the brain. Some people like myself can even see it flickering. Overhead lights hit your optic nerve at a really hard angle to refract the incoming light. This makes people really tired and often cause headaches. These bulbs are also not full spectrum light (think sunlight and why you love it). They are on the blue/green spectrum and make colors feel inauthentic…you know how we hate things feeling fake! It’s like the light is lying to our brains. I work with people on the spectrum to help settle their nervous systems and one of the first things we tackle is lighting. Finally, EMFs. A lot of my clients can “feel” them. I travel with my own light bulbs and dimmer switches :)
Someone asked me to stand up for them, so I stood up... but turns out they meant for me to support their side of the argument. Or being shocked when someone exaggerates because I am taking what they say literally.
One of my nephews was hit by a car when he was 7 or so. At the hospital, my sister let them know he was autistic and very literal-minded. The doctor asked him: "Can you balance on one foot?" So Jake spread his arms and stepped onto one of the doctor's feet and balanced there. The doctor was *stunned*.
The other day, a nurse gave me some invaluable advice about the pain question: it's not about anyone else feeling pain, but just you. Compare with yourself, and specifically your own experience about similar pain. So don't compare a broken rib to childbirth, but to an other broken bone. If no similar comparison can be made by you, don't try to be polite, and simply ask yourself if you can endure it any longer, and if yes how much longer. If the answer is I can't endure it, then it's a 10. This advice helped me quite a lot in the moment. Hope it can help some others too. And above all, thank you for your videos: they are truly life changing.
What, most people do NOT experience life like this? I take how hard it is for me to consider an alternative way of being as a gentle reminder to be patient with those who simply cannot fathom the autistic experience. Always appreciate a bit of unfiltered/unedited/bloopers reel, as it allows me to realise that yes, all you seemingly functional youtubers are masking your asses off to get the job done. NOT criticising, I could never do this job - but having just a glimpse of what's going on behind the scenes makes you so much more relatable.
My thoughts very much.I assumed everyone did/felt like this. I think that in some ways, autistic people are more understanding of individuals' differences and difficulties. I think partially due to our own issues and difficulties, and partially because many of us are hypervigilant and hyper analytical, so we take a moment before bludgeoning people with nefarious opinions. I love raw honesty, I prefer it over all other modes of being. I appreciate your accepting attitude.
Thank you, thank you, Taylor. I've just recently discovered that I may be an autistic adult female. I'm 69 years old and now know what all my lifelong quirks equate to . . . I'm autistic! This video really hit home for me--I've experienced each and every scenario you mentioned. One of the irritating questions I've learned to circumvent is the "What's your favorite _____?" My answer to that one is always "Well, right NOW, my favorite ______ is _____, but that can always change . . ." That's one of the irritating questions off my list. lol Will continue watching your YT channel--it's so helpful.
I'm so visibly moved that there are so many elderly people who finally can understand their own life story after so many decades of confusion and loneliness. Mine were just 34 years, yours 69 years, double the time, double the suffering and confusion. I hope we all can finally get to a place where we can forgive ourselves for us being different and stop blaming ourselves for how hard life has usually been for us.
Purple for sure. Always had a hard time in conversations holding my thought. Then by the time i could interject, the conversation had shifted to another subject. So frustrating
Meeting a doctor recently for my "not-yet-diagnosed" son. She asked, do I wonder if my son might be autistic and my answer was no. I saw her flinch but left it there. Only later in the conversation did we both realize that my answer meant "I have no doubt that my son is on the spectrum so I do not wonder anymore" but she heard "I am sure he is not"... Maybe that tells more about me than about my son !
@@stormyjlb I dunno, sounds like an excuse to avoid the subject to me. I know autistic people use this to avoid problems. Misunderstand everyone and then blame others. Typical imvho!- excuse not to do chores was how my brothers used it.
From what I read a while back, there is the answer word "Mu" (I think it's either Chinese and/or Korean) that is used to indicate that the question cannot be concisely answered with a "yes" or "no" and requires further qualification.
Yeah the lighting thing is accurate to me. Specifically, I'm weird because I want the "harsh" white lighting. Yellow light bothers me, and sunlight makes me sleepy. I like cloudy days for the same reason
#9-ask a lot of questions…yes! and it can be perceived of as criticism…this and I totally didn’t know it!!!!! Literally had this come home to me about a week ago. BFF and I were talking about work thing she was going through and I was asking a lot of questions to understand the parameters of the issue. I wanted to give her good support and advice if she wanted it. Later in the same conversation she told me she thought I was criticizing her. We’ve known each for many many years and I had NO IDEA this was how I was coming across to her!!!! OMG!!!! The especially frustrating part is that I think I’m doing a good and helpful thing and evidently it’s being perceived as a mean and critical thing. Breaks my heart…for both me and her! I will say that I’m glad she finally mentioned it to me so we can hopefully be aware going forward.
I used to do this in school a lot to get my thoughts around what I’m supposed to be doing. I would summarise what I heard in my own words and wait for confirmation or if it’s not quite correct from the teacher.
I stand there awkwardly in public places all the time but could care less what anyone thinks of me. I am enjoying observing and perceiving everything and everyone around me in my own little world oblivious to anything else until I'm done and move on. Especially in nature. This world is amazing and sometimes I have to stand still and appreciate receiving the sensory data and just being here in this body, which is miraculous in itself. People don't care, they're usually too busy with their own stuff in their own heads to even notice me.
My son takes ages to get to his point he has to tell us everything before he says an answer. It frustrates me sooooo much but I have to laugh because I am the exact same!🤣
😊 I am an over sharer and my daughter is one who repeats the same thing 10-20 times before I get to respond... It's so frustrating because I have so much more to say! 😂.
Purple IS my favorite color! I'll be 65 years old soon, and it's only within the last 2 years that I've realized I'm probably autistic. I was categorized as a "gifted" child and excelled in math and science, but was painfully shy. I have experienced meltdowns throughout life that have annoyed or frightened friends and partners. I hate wet or sticky hands, loud noises, small talk, and masking my entire work life to fit in and advance. Diagnosis is difficult and expensive here in the US, especially for women. Also, my daughter was only diagnosed with ADHD in her 30s after years of being treated for bouts of depression and having struggled socially through high school and college. The pieces are coming together for us both...
That’s funny about the favorite color thing because I actually have a hard time deciding on one favorite color. Even as a child, I felt I was required to choose a favorite color, so I chose yellow, but then I never wanted things in yellow, like clothes etc. 😂 It felt like I was assigned a favorite color, but I ended up gravitating towards blues and greens later on. I don’t like choosing a favorite forever.
Most of my life I was intensely inquisitive, immediately perceived tons of unexplained, unspecified aspects gaping in requests or general instructions, (right down to the most basic "WHY" of the whole thing to begin with), so that I was consumed with both confusion and a need for clarity before I could with even the least confidence try to comply. BUT, I was always crushingly, mortifyingly embarrassed even to begin voicing the questions since, if SO MUCH was being left out, which really did defy comprehension (HOW could you rationally leave so much out?!), it was probably not the other person's failure to explain (especially if it seemed that others understood) but...my...stupidity. So I stuffed it. And proceeded to stumble into whatever the task, activity or project was while harboring a desperate, panicked "lostness" inside about the raison d'etre of the matter (compounding the feeling of stupidity). And whaddya know: more often than not it turned out that everything I was scrambling to understand turned out to be at the heart of the matter and, precisely because it HADN'T been well-conceived and laid out, it didn't work. Now, in the autumn of my life, I have shucked caring whether my questions annoy anybody, and I don't care who thinks I'm stupid. I'll ask. That's all. I'll just ask. Call it Ken's "special need" if you want, but if I'm not allowed to ask, then count me out, I have plenty of other stuff I can very happily do.
Yes yes yes! And that ability to understand that there IS an underlying complexity has led to my biggest job successes and disproportionately MORE job failures. I made a new friend a few years ago. She would tell me stories about her family (which were very complex) and I would frequently ask her questions in the middle of her story and she would actually get angry with me. I explained that I needed that context to understand and follow the story. Otherwise my brain would be fixated on that unanswered question and I'd likely miss most of the rest of the story. And yes to just asking now. Most of the time.
For me it depends. I do it for context, but other people do it to me because they’d rather hear me vocalize the irrelevant details than hear my point and that’s annoying.
Thank you for your comment and others like you, you are awesome! It's great how many people of older age are commenting and sharing their experiences, it shows how important these videos are, the awareness, it's so uplifting to see that so many people whose experiences were ignored for most of their life still find some peace in their later life. I have just been discovering that I am very likely autistic and I'm 34, and it's so uplifting to finally explain things, to finally find peace about one's own experience, but I still grief about the life I have had without a diagnosis, the opportunities lost, the trauma suffered just because of a lack of knowledge.
Good for you. I remember going from homeschooling into a private school in grade 6. I would raise my hand to ask clarifying questions about nearly every assignment, "In case it wasn't clear for someone else and they were too nervous to ask." I was pretty sure I knew what the teacher was wanting, and I don't remember any answer to my clarifying questions that proved otherwise, but I needed to ask. I don't think I was just telling myself it was for someone else "just in case" because I needed that excuse to ask for myself. I suspect I thought everyone else needed the same thing and assumed that because no one else was asking, it was because they couldn't bring themselves to do it. That was 25 years ago, and I'm only now finding out I'm autistic.
Demand avoidance with advertising is spot on! I don't like that they are trying to make you feel a certain way. Another aspect that bothers me about it is how they do it - the amount of commercials I see where a fun time (being out with friends, alcohol commercials are terrible for it) is being manufactured around a product, it feels so fake and put on. Also speaking in paragraphs ^^^
You're right about advertisements trying to suggest that the product will make you deliriously happy. There's a recent "Hello Fresh" ad (at least in Australia) that has the woman grinning like a maniac at a box of food she's still going to have to prepare and cook - or store in the refrigerator. It really grinds my gears and rubs me up the wrong way. Also, "Hello Fresh" treats their workers very badly, I think some people have said that it's not as bad working for Amazon as Hello Fresh, so they're not going to get my money until they treat their workers properly - and stop making such annoying advertisements.
In conversation when I have the urge to interject, I always tell myself "if it's important, you'll remember it again" that helps me to be able to focus on the conversation I'm having
And second comment…being perceived…I am sooooo grateful to have a term for this! My whole life I have felt this way…not 24/7 but maybe 21/6 😂. It colors my entire existence. There’s a line in a Jane Austen story about one of her characters-Fanny Price-that encapsulates this perfectly…and I’m going to butcher it so forgive me. Another character says of Fanny Price that she has as much a fear of being observed as other women have of being ignored (gender called out in the original but it def can apply to all people). In this case I am Fanny Price!!!!
I got diagnosed with anxiety and depression in college because of this problem. I always felt like people were talking about me or laughing at me, especially when I was in the cafeteria. It's gotten a lot better since then, but I still have times where I feel very self-conscious.
I keep trying to convince myself that I'm not autistic but every time I listen to you so much hits home. I ask more questions than any person I know and it always gets me in trouble but I'm just trying to be informed. And I can't tell you how long I have always been the odd duck in the room. But then I have so much trama from my life, is it trama or is it autism? It breaks my brain not knowing and no one gets this. My doctor thinks I'm crazy and put me on Schizophrenic medication. When I brought up I think I might have autism and that I don't care what he says I have adhd.
I had a habit as a kid of using my cheeks to trap air between gums and cheeks, then forcing air out to make duck sounds. It was a kind of stim that would upset others. I liked doing it because it felt good. Pretty sure this transitioned to finger tapping which is quieter. As far as my favorite. I prefer to explain why I like something so I have lots of favorites. And I have no idea about talking in paragraphs (joking). And yes I hate the feeling of being manipulated which I equate to marketing.
The "duck sound" thing, did the urge to do it just sorta come over you and when it started did you have a hard time stopping? Did it almost happen without you wanting it to? I ask because I did something very similar when I was younger and it was embarrassing to me especially when it happened in class around other people my age. So I haven't done it in many years and I have often wondered why I did it etc. I also relate to basically everything else said in the video.... the only thing that I don't do is that thumb thing, I don't make my own thumb hole but I do enjoy clothes that already have one....
Wait there's no wayyy I did the exact same thing omggg You know as an autistic person (and as a human being in general) I know a lot of us have the same experiences and stuff. But man, not even making duck sounds with the air you trapped in your cheeks is a personal one? Nah I'm out ☠️
A particular example of struggling with language specificity and literal understanding of language for me is when roommates say something along the lines of "this place is such a mess" or "the dishwasher cycle is done." I'm always like "I know right" or "andddd whats your point.. what are you trying to say" because to me.. I understand this just as a statement of observation that they're sharing with me maybe just as small talk, or maybe even just to vent. It's so frustrating because then their impression of me is that im being a sarcastic jerk when in reality, I have no idea that what they are ACTUALLY "trying to say" is "can you tidy the place up" or "I'd like for you to empty the dishwasher."
@@Foxsuper1 ahh yes. i can see why you'd think that the examples I used in my comment WERE things that I "obviously DO KNOW." The examples i used for my comment were just generalizations that I HAVE experienced that, at the time, i actually did NOT know/understand what was meant.. but is NOW something i DO know/understand (only because my roommate and i had actually gotten into a verbal altercation about it that had escalated, and by the grace of God, was able to come to a common ground of understanding of "ohhhh thats what the other meant/understood"). Nonetheless, THIS is where the same kind of "struggle with language specificity and literal understanding of language" can more commonly "show up" for those on the spectrum. After those "tiffs" I had with my roommate.. THIS is what I came to understand: whenever someone 'complains' about something.. what they are actually meaning is that they want a solution. SO.. a couple months down the road, my roommate would come home and "complain" about work, but would then lead it into also "complaining" about the house.. and my autistic brain would immediately be like "oh!! they WANT a solution to all this!!" so THEN I would be like "have you said this to your boss yet? maybe if you said it like this.. your boss would be receptive because I agree, what youre experiencing at work isnt fair!" and then would be like "what if we made a schedule for the chores that need to get done around the place.. that way, the dishwasher... etc. etc." thinking that that was what my roommate was seeking.. but what i would get met with was an even more upset roommate saying things like "WHY cant i just b*tch to you?? you dont always have to solve things! sometimes i just want to vent without you needing to FIX everything!" and again.. i would be left feeling confused and frustrated because the impression of me would AGAIN be that im being a sarcastic jerk that is NOW also insensitive because I didnt let me roomate simply "vent" ☹ THAT'S what i meant by "struggling with language specificity and literal understanding of language" 😔
i suppose this could all also fall under one of Tay's other points of "having difficultly in understanding other people's expectations of me" 🤷♀ which leads to having a hard time with social communication because expectations are essentially communicated thru "social norms.." BUT i understand communication literally.... so.. yeah 😅
I’ve always liked the idea of having a thumb hole when I’m relaxing & being cozy, but I’m also someone who needs my sleeves up & away from what I’m doing with my hands, so it rarely works out for me 😂
Not diagnosed but can relate to so many of these… every time I get an add while on UA-cam I purposely look away and tune out and can’t click on skip add button fast enough by counting the seconds in my head. I take forever to purchase things as I review all facts, needs, cost, wants, etc. After learning more about stimming, I definitely see all the ways I do it - clicking my fingers and while standing by balancing, putting the weight on the outer side of my feet since I can remember, playing with my ring the whole day for example. When I was a teenager I remember my mum making a comment while I was sitting and moving my legs and i suddenly became self ware and avoided doing it as I was aware of other people’s perception. Light sensitivity is a big one for me as well. The avoidance of being perceived is real even from the people I love. I feel so uneasy. Being touched when not expecting is incredibly uncomfortable and annoying even from people I love as well. Uneven productivity sums my life in all of its fields. The favourite thing is definitely me… even for colours, it depends on what we are talking about, is it regarding clothes, cars, paintings? The one about pain also hits close to home, I can’t rate my pain and had to make this known before to physicians. I also tend to dissociate when in pain. couldn’t relate much to the one about speaking in paragraphs as I usually like to give direct answers when asked something but I think my comment says I have no clue about myself😅
What you said about taking things literally is very true. I work at a University in administration. When I first started working there my supervisor told us we can hang up the phone if a student/parent is being disrespectful. Guess who always hangs up the phone when I feel bullied on the phone? 🙋🏾♀️ Nobody else hangs up the phone except me and now they’re trying to do takesy backsies like they didn’t give permission to do this when people complain. They shouldn’t have told me that. Recently my boss also asked us to do a webinar on Mental Health since it is mental health month. She didn’t say it was mandatory, she made it like it was just recommended. Guess who haven’t signed up for the webinar yet every one else has? 🙋🏾♀️ It is what it is, please be direct and say what you mean with me 🤷🏾♀️
Hugest YES to number 15. That sense of being open, exposed territory under a kind of scrutiny or suspicion that can't be quite named or placed. It must have a lot to do with Imposter Syndrome, plus of course the intrinsic difficulty navigting the impenetrable social script, dance, consciousness, call it what you will. It's agonizing.
I try not to be self-conscious, but the LEVEL of misunderstanding I face is sometimes mind-boggling. From a lifetime of experience, I gather that I come across as possibly dangerous or violent, though I have never been violent at all. In graduate school, when they caught the Unibomber, one of my professors told me that there had been a lot of talk among the faculty that I might have been the Unibomber. This after they had "known" me for five years. It was pretty upsetting.
All of this resonates. I have a thing about wet hands too, but if I get one hand wet, I have to balance it by getting the other hand wet. Favorite color is purple, but I also like teal and black. The feeling bad about not choosing an inanimate object is a thing. Christmas tree shopping sucks.
I do the "paragraph over sentences" when writing as well. I am the queen of parenthetical statements (to explain - 😅 see...here I am doing it - and I wasn't even considering it when I put the open parenthesis). 🙃In one card I wrote, the parenthetical statement was so long that I word counted it - 27 words. Succinctness is not my gift. I want to be sure I'm understood...so I overdo it...even when writing.
"Some of us feel bad about the other thing that they don't choose..." hit home. My parents were always baffled by my 'indecisiveness' as a child, and I could never make them understand that if I pick one, then I am rejecting another and I had so many feelings on its behalf that it could sometimes leave me in tears in the middle of the store over a choice of 2 story cassettes. I think to the outside world it may look like grabby child gets angry because they can't have BOTH, but it's not - it would often be easier to have neither because if nothing was chosen then also nothing was rejected and they stay together on the shelf. Adult brain handles it better, but I still have to fight not to pick the most sickly plant at the garden centre because I don't want it to feel unwanted and I'm empathising with its need to be given a chance.
I am so glad you pointed out the standing awkwardly and how we are perceived. I really thought it was just me being weird or having heightened anxiety.
I hate being manipulated once I learn of the strategy. I strategise my way around their strategies. God yes to the hands being wet, mix that with food preparation, especially handling raw meat and constant hand washing, and I have a REAL problem.
If I touch something wet or oily when I’m cooking I immediately run my fingers under water every time. I am starting to realize how much time this adds up to!
Yes, yes! I love purple, I love paragraphs, I love giving context! I am also obsessive about an intro sentence and an concluding sentence, and then people think I'm repeating myself, when I'm not... :)
Try 100% merino wool. Sweat doesn’t pool. Synthetics make my sweat stay on my skin and the fabric sticks to me. Merino wool doesn’t stick. Cotton can get saturated and stick to your skin too.
Thanks so much for the caveat about impulse buying. I have bipolar disorder & autism, and it depends on my mood state. If I’m hypomanic or manic, I impulse buy. When I’m in my normal state, I’m a practical and thrifty consumer, or don’t buy anything. In a depressed state, either I’m not up to shopping, or I buy things that lift my mood or help my aches, pains and headaches (cold packs, supplements, sentimental items (cat themed items, especially). This comfort shopping, for me, is not as exorbitant as my impulse shopping. My bipolar self really pisses my autistic self off!
Purple for most of my life but green is vying for first place lately 😊 I feel I've spent my life confused but recently am coming to terms with things more, so maybe that's why green is calming me better these days. Forests are so calming 💚
The idea of being perceived, i resonate with all of the things that you said about it! To add my experience with it, it also causes me to be EXTREMELY late or causes me to begin getting ready to go somewhere much earlier than "normal" people. I try to find clothes that fit the occasion and won't be judged or cause others to talk about them. I have to do my make-up as flawless as possible (which never works out bc I'm so anxious about it). My hair has to be done, jewelry, perfume... you name it! I do this when i have to go somewhere AND if someone comes to my house! And idk if this is a common thing for the autistic community, but nothing causes me more distress and panic/anxiety than "pop-up" company! I need to know someone is coming to my house wayyyy before they show up in order to have myself and my house in order! The perception of how others may think of me and the way my house looks is a MAJOR anxiety factor!! And a meltdown is almost always eminent during these things! Am i the only one who makes a huge deal about that or is this common? Lol! I figured I'd share that part, even though it opens up the entire concept of how people will perceive me and my experiences! 😳
I totally relate on the visitors 😢 It's terrible! When the unannounced are gone I tend to clean and tidy up and that does not make sense at all for they are gone..... I know that other people do not have their homes tidied up all the times and it's a relief to see but that feeling of not having everything in place when people come unannounced 😢 Having said that my house is pretty clean so I think it does not matter the state my house is in I will always feel that way. Back in the days I got always comments from my father on my house. He always would pick something to upset me about. I will NEVER do that to my kids. It will leave it trails.... ❤
As much as I appreciate edited videos, I’m glad this video in particular was not edited. I’m getting ready to have my Autism/ADHD assessment and although I’m certain I’m autistic by now, it was nice for me to see how another autistic person struggles finding words to explain their thoughts because that’s something I experience very often and it was very validating for me to see. I also heavily relate to almost everything you listed. I just found your channel and am looking forward to binging your previous videos and enjoying new content. Thank you
I can do the pain scale because I studied health psychology and learned about why/how they are used. Here’s my attempt to help: So scale ratings are called Likert ratings and there are clear issues using them in research due to the fact that it’s not standardized. Further, the use of the extreme numbers is very rare compared to other numbers, suggesting that people psychologically experience the scale in a nonlinear way (which is helpful to know because it makes the other numbers more accessible if you think of 1 and 10 as uniquely extreme). Lastly, IN A CLINICAL SETTING it is not designed for accurately assessing the state of your body but is better a measurement of your subjective distress and thus the intensity of intervention necessary if it is not a gross injury (ie: how much medication needed or when should the next follow up be or should there be more testing). I have fibromyalgia so I’m always in some pain (except about once every 2-5 years for a magical freedom day) so I’ve just decided that my normal level of pain is a 2 or 3. This is helpful as a barometer for when its appreciably higher subjectively, because I’m acclimated to a higher pain level than others doesn’t mean its not there so it improves my communication of my distress. I hope that was helpful! If you have chronic conditions I highly recommend categorizing your days of “normal” [symptom] vs “bad day” [symptom] so that you can better communicate with professionals and glean insight for yourself. If you allow yourself to get it wrong the first couple months you’ll improve accuracy on your own scale over time, which is incredibly valuable in my experience with chronic illness.
I always thought it was subjective. I'm also chronically in some pain, but I have a high pain tolerance. I'm always at a base level of1- 2 and I never considered myself to have been at 10(or else I'd probably have fainted or died from it). Childbirth is a 6 for me, so are migraines and bad toothaches. 7 or 8 has probably been the highest, a kidney infection or the short sudden pain of smashing my fingers in a car door. Sorry if anyone reading this feels pain or discomfort by hearing about it (I have something like that going on with me, too)
I always kind of feel like it's a log scale. 8 is 10x more pain then 7. Not great if the health professional doesn't think the same way. Also a chronic pain (fibro and more) person, very used to being in "some" pain and still working full time. xkcd once made a really funny comic on pain rating - I don't think links work (maybe I'm wrong), but it is number 883 for those who want to search it.
Lighting! Even though I get migraines, I NEED the most light possible. I have to force myself to reduce lighting in the rooms I am in. My ADHD complicates my autism scale of rate of response in conversations, and not in a good way. Speaking in paragraphs is my life’s bane. I was diagnosed in my sixties so my stimming is all over the place. After the diagnosis I bought a spinner ring which has been great for switching me off from twirling my hair in knots. Now if I could stop biting my nails.😂😂❤ thanks for your info😊
My current go to for months is left/right big toe, currently hands on for at least a week and then my UA-cam finally admits (shows me these) ah, why yes spy program that apparently knows which books people in the library have been reading, I'm beyond late to this even though my constant internal purpose has been to find the list of truths (apparently for this community. I'm currently inspired by spirit of prophecy /revelation / commandments
You don't give yourself or autistic people enough credit, maybe because it was harder, it took longer to learn, you were seeing others struggles. The reasons you do what you do, you learned beyond what a neurotypical would because of your struggle. You became hyper aware! This is very much a gift.
Every one of these ‘quirks’ are accurate for me! Also I completely shut down when I’m in the middle of doing something like mom duties and someone asks me a question or speaks to me, it makes my head explode so then I can’t carry on with what I was doing 😅
Sort of related, I have this issue when I'm *really* focused on as task (like driving for instance), and and a passenger (usually my Mom, who can't drive and needs a ride to the store every now and again), has a "shower thought" (i.e. something apparently random, but in this case posed as a question). It's like having a bucket of cold water thrown in your face 🤣
This list is spot on for me. I've been called "difficult" directly and by so many inadvertent wordings and implications my whole life that it's just exhausting and disheartening. It's not the constructive criticism people think it is, because it's nothing I can help without developing anxiety and depression to mask. I'm even hesitant to share my favorite color because it's a very particular shade/hue of cerulean. Not the turquoisey cerulean, but specifically the cerulean that comes in the Crayola crayon 64 pack 😂🤷🏻♀️ But also, I like all colors, no particular primary/secondary bases, but very specific hues and shades of each. Despite my light sensitivity, I don't like lamp lighting. The yellow makes me feel icky but the blue gives me a headache. I just want natural light or a white frosted overhead light, 40 watt or 60 watt if globed. That's my only options lol Yes, I ALWAYS "miss the point" because of wording. But also, it's like how was I supposed to get (whatever their point was) when it wasn't even in the wording? I can study top-down processing til the cows come home and STILL not be able to do it myself. Standing awkwardly... Im ✨buffering✨ ok?? Lol Gotta let me buffer or I won't load task. If I try to skip ahead, it's going to take me longer to buffer. Hell, that's probably why I'm buffering to begin with now that I think about it 🤔 #13 - I believe uneven productivity is our way of both avoiding and managing the anxiety of monotropic split. Trying to force polytropic functioning (and especially as a way to manage depression with typical behavioral activation techniques) has just lead to worsening and prolonged burnout.
"We speak in paragraphs rather than sentences" hit hard. I always feel guilty afterward, but I'd rather say nothing than not fully express my thought. And I do very often just say nothing 😂 I also do the standing there awkwardly thing until I find a secluded corner to slink off to.
I'm really good at locating the coziest safest secluded corner. :)
This is killing me in my college classes lately! I'm taking subjects I'm interested in now so I'm having such a hard time keeping my writing short. I had to write less than a page for my assignment yesterday, ended up with 6 pages, and had to trim it down and could only get it down to 3 pages.
@@barubary4477 I did this a lot, particularly in high school! For one assignment we were supposed to write a 2 - 3 page short story, and mine ended up being 30 pages lol! Luckily my teachers indulged me and it ended up winning a regional writing competition❤
@@Books_on_the_Brain That's so cool! Thanks for sharing ☺️
Me too! In fact, if I find the energy to participate in a conversation, it's not uncommon to be cut off or "bulldozed" by someone else. I preface...a lot. If I can't finish what I was trying to say, I'm so physically uncomfortable, can't even pay attention to anything else, until I get the chance to finish. That's SO hard to do that I often don't even put myself in that situation by opening my mouth in the first place. Awkward is my spirit animal.
8) I once overheard a boss telling a new manager, about me, "If you tell him to do something, he'll do _exactly_ what you told him to do."
No one recognizes my disabilities until I follow directions exactly as I am told.
I had this happen to me yesterday at work, my manager waved at a pallet and told me to fix this dairy. So I started putting it all onto a trolley and after a few mins he asked me.. what are you doing? I told him and then he said that’s not right, turns out not all the boxes were for dairy. I was thinking if they aren’t all dairy, why would you tell me that they are? So I let him say random stuff down to me about not reading the boxes and other stuff. I just kept my mouth shut, if I wasn’t interested to hold this job for a while, I would’ve probably just left that job straight away when that happened, it was really frustrating.
@@jamiematthews6089 Strength
Well, duh.. what I would say to them.
That's hilarious. Working for a labor company when I would get on a job, I'd say, "Tell me EXACTLY what you need."❤
Always hated manipulation, and marketing is a form of manipulation.
YES!!!!
I sometimes enjoy doing a sarcastic commentary while watching TV adverts 😁
I share Bill Hicks’ view of marketing :)
I can watch those few ads that are more of the informative type and actually tell details about the product. Without hyping and "feel-good".
When I tell my husband how I managed a tense situation online and that I feel bad for manipulating the other person he goes: "That's literally just social skills." and it makes me feel so awful.
I'm realizing while watching this that I think that some of my social anxiety comes from _thinking_ responses in paragraphs, but knowing that a short answer is expected/acceptable, then panicking over trying to quickly edit down my paragraph to a few words.
My brain has a lot of quick work to do before anything comes out of my mouth in most contexts (work, doctor's office, speaking to anyone other than my handful of "safe" people, really) and it's exhausting. The editing!
Same! And then I throw in lots of apologies for the length and breadth of my answer, and paratheticals trying to wrap it up
while continuing to talk!
Or sometimes I do a "quick" dump-and-run.
@@-shenanigans. too real. A couple weeks ago I was struggling to articulate my thoughts to my husband, and eventually what I told him was that it's like every sentence that I say has to go through a whole committee in my brain to be approved before it can come out of my mouth, and sometimes that process is so exhausting that I end up not saying anything. (Or, in my metaphor, "the committee vetos it/can't come to a conclusion")
Feels impossible to do this. So much going on in our active brains.
Omg 🤯 thanks for putting this into words! I have resorted to just shutting down rather than deal with the worry or disappointment of not getting my true thoughts out, but I didn’t know why. Thank you.
So "what's your favorite" thing has stumped me on password security questions. My favorite anything on any given day varies.
Right? And I’m worried I’ll forget bc how will I remember what state of mind I was in when I created the password? 🤔
Omg, I hate those questions. If I have a choice I never pick that as a security question because I’m certain I’ll have a different answer when asked again.
use a password manager, and never use real answers to those questions 🙂
@@RestlessMule: Yes, I HATE those questions! Like, what do they mean by "first pet"? The dog your parents had when you were born? The first pet that was acquired with you in mind, even if your parents still did most of the caring? The first pet you acquired as an independent adult? Or what if you are one of those unfortunates who comes from a no pets family?
And then there's the capitalisation in relation to security questions and abbreviations. If you initially state (for instance) that your favourite book is "Marley and me", the answer at some future date "Marley & Me" is going to fail.
Omg yes! Kinda related but deciding on a favorite something made me think of the struggles of coming up with a username/userID. It took me over 5 yrs to join Instagram because I couldn’t decide on a username. Finally I came up with one I really liked so now I’m on Instagram lol.
At almost 65 years of age, pieces to the puzzle that has been my life are falling into place. And this video - wow!!! Thank you so much!
Same! At 50
Same @ 60❤
Asking me to choose a favorite thing is actually asking me to go on a long-winded sharing spree where I show you everything I love in the category of stuff that you asked about. There is no other option lmao
Yes! I don't have "one" favorite of anything. That question is just a prompt for my brain to go explore the topic!
I could not pick a fav anything. It depends on everything.
Hahaha same. And favorites in different sub-categories like „local food my grandma makes“, „sweets“, „favorite pizzas“ etc. I mean how is one supposed to name one favorite dish/food?!?!?😂
I don’t have favorite anything either
"Well, that is a very complicated question that needs context, also, I tend not to remember the names of songs since I listen to albums from start to finish. Often artists arrange the songs in a specific order so that one track leads into the next track so that the listening experience is a bit like a journey or a story, but lately I've been listening to.."
Omg, the amount of time I spend standing around awkwardly is astounding!
And you know it so now you have to make sure you have a smile on your face and pretend you are fine
I love dance music so I go to clubs *a lot*, but as most of my friends aren't into that, so I go alone, then spend most of the time standing awkwardly next to the dancefloor, but trying (and failing) to look casual 😂
On describing pain: I've learned that quantifying pain in terms of impacts on me or others works well to help healthcare workers understand my pain. For example, "this pain prevents me from concentrating at work", or "this pain prevents me from relaxing and that keeps me from sleeping", or, "this pain is so hard to manage that it's affecting my personal relationships because I don't have patience to deal with the everyday demands of life."
(Advice I received and it has worked so much better for me!)
(Edit: spelling)
This is great!
Most useful to me. Thanks!
yes... i will say things exactly like that.. they then respond with, "I need a number"
@@sharonolsen6579 it may be valuable to print out a copy of the Descriptive Pain Scale. It uses the sorts of descriptions I'm describing and associates them with a number.
If they want a number, my trick is: 0-4 low, 5-7 medium, 8-10 high and to always give the highest or second to highest number in each category. And you can go through examples of pain in each category with friends pre-emptively to gauge where one would typically land. This will sound like an extensive process to a neurotypical person but maybe someone here finds it helpful :) definitely should have known this as a kid/teenager when I described any type of pain as „it’s okay“ and then passed out once in the middle of the bathroom 😅🙈
On language: I will never forget as a child, I would have our McDonald's order in my lap on the way home and my mom would say "Hand me a couple fries," and I would hand her 2 fries every time and it drove her nuts 😂.
Omg I do that all the time 😂
Well, a couple is two. If she wanted more than 2, she should have asked for a few!
Exactly deegibb6368
@@deegibb6368 yep, this ! if you ask me for a couple, you'll have 2 ! Ask for a few if you want a few :D
More autistic than I knew. So how many do you hand them? Explains why when I asked my NT kids they would hand me a massive amount I could neither hold nor eat while driving and I would get frustrated reminding them I can only accept a “couple” at a time.
Speak in paragraphs…So true!
“Someone asks what time it is, and I tell them how to build a watch”
All my life.
A million times YES
That's a hilarious visual lmao
I "found" the autistic community like 5 days ago. But I know that I finally found my people. I don't have a diagnosis yet, but regardless autism is certainly my new autistic special interest. Its hard to explain how strange the feeling of learning so much about the afflictions I've been experiencing all my life. Nothing has ever been so empowering as being able to finally draw a line from all my strange shit to terminology.
You among others have finally answered the single most pervasive question I've had all my life. Kind of just....."what's wrong with me?". I have to be honest though, autism is also, simultaneously, the answer to why I am so amazing! I just mean autism is a gift also. Thank you so much for what you are doing for this community. If it weren't for you and the rest of the autistic content creators I have been exposed to this week I may not have ever know.
I am living this comment right now too. Rock on. 😊
Purple, specifically royal Indigo, has always been my favorite color. That’s very interesting and fun to know it’s true for other autistic adults too.
Ooh haven’t heart royal indigo yet. 💜
That's a gorgeous color
Me too. It has to be indigo, not reddish purple.
I love that colour too! 😮
I'd probably say that my favourite colour is blue, rather than purple, but it has to be an indigo-based blue, rather than Prussian. And then I look at my wool purchases and see how often purple and purplish-blues are in the mix.
And then there's the slightly purplish reds, making their way through maroon to eggplant (aubergine), preferably as dark as possible.
Oh my God! One time I was at the beach collecting rocks and felt inexplicably guilty. Upon some reflection, I realized that the reason is because I felt guilty for rejecting all the other rocks on the beach that I didn't choose! I felt pretty crazy for that, but now I know why I felt that way! lol
Same🤣😂🤣
THIS
I don't have an issue with my hands being wet, but man oh man if my hands feel at all sticky I just cannot deal. Summer is so hard for me because it'll get humid and then my hands will feel tacky, and it drives me CRAZY!!! I wash my hands so much when there's any humidity
YYYEEESSS EXACTLY
Yes. Sticky, even one little spot, is unacceptable. Wet is OK. If it bugged me before, washing pots and pans for a living for a year or so acclimated me to to the idea.
sticky is horrible,
This is a big one for me, sticky or creamy. Not so much on the backs of my hands but on the "usable" palm parts. I have so much trouble with dry skin, because I just cringe putting on cream, suntan lotion, yikes. I hated chicken wings, until I discovered that you could order "dry" ones. BBQ spare ribs, no frickin' thank you, lol
@@kirstensmith9454 I always put lotion specifically on the backs of my hands in such a way as to minimize the amount that ends up on the front of my hands. I have to avoid my fingertips at all costs so that I can still touch things without feeling weird
When you talked about standing around awkwardly, that really struck me. I can’t tell you how many times I have stood around awkwardly while other people are apparently engaged in some way. At a recent event, another person at the event said to me “you look lost”. That was awkward to have somebody’s else say that to me, but it captured how I felt.
I can so relate. For me it is like I am always looking through a window, watching everyone else seeming to “get it” and I am just utterly lost
@@k.s.826And having a (though undiagnosed) processing issue, I grab only bits of several conversations and can’t really connect with one…? Broken filter?
"Uneven productivity" ... exactly! Never thought about it like that.
Same here and I want to touch everything too. =)
I wash the silverware and cups sit down for 5 mins then bowls and plates then sit then anything else going into a dishwasher. Start the dishwasher sit then the hand washed stuff
I have this problem too. I didn’t know there was a name for it.
This! I could never figure out why I am not consistent. It is either all in or I'm frozen and can't seem to do anything. Day in, day out, rinse and repeat.
I had to tell my bosses that before I figured out I was autistic. They never understood.
1. Thumb holes in clothing (stemy)
2. Don’t like being asked “favorite “ things
(Creates panic)
3. Questions create Context
4. Skeptical
5. Wait for others to share thoughts before offer your own
6. Very specific lighting preferences
7. Hate getting hands wet or sticky
8. Need specific examples for language. Advice take things literally
9. Ask a lot of questions
(Fully understand what you’re getting into)
10. Stand there awkwardly
11. Overwhelming with pain scale at dr
12. Understand expectations
13. Uneven productivity
Speeds of hyper focus leads to bouts of fatigue and rest.
Feeling shut down just need to be alone.
14. Covert stems
15. Keenly aware how we are being perceived(everyone thinking about me how I showed up)
I wasn't sure what she meant by Thumb holes in clothing. I know jeans have belt loops, which I always stuck my thumbs in, but I'm not aware of other clothing having anything like that. I'll stick my thumbs in pockets a lot, but I wouldn't refer to that as a thumb hole.
I don’t like sticky hands or sticky floors. Sticky is icky to me!
1) I overthink EVERY SINGLE QUESTION I’m asked. Choosing one short concise answer is virtually impossible for me. Context is extremely important, because the answer will be imprecise or just plain incorrect without all the details.
2) My favorite color is that blue that is so deep it’s almost purple. Cobalt blue I think they call it. However I really enjoy sunshine yellow. The two together in a design? (Chef’s kiss)
YES
Indeed🎉🎉🎉
Yes sunshine yellow, it makes me happy and summery. Blue/green. Autumn sky blue, turquoise blue, shadow snow blue, bluey green grass.
lol ... i always need context ... favorite color for what? flowers ? clothes? living room furniture ? a sunset ? etc... the answers are different .. plus i am an artist ... ALL THE COLORS .. lol .... but ... if pressed... i choose ,,PURPLE !! LOL it's crazy !
@@sharonolsen6579 This! My favourite colour for clothing I'd wear isn't just one, lol, but I can narrow it down to a few. But my favourite colour(s) to decorate a room - different. My favourite colour(s) in what?
Do you choose where the ads go? That was perfect. “We hate being sold to…” [ad plays] **slams “skip” button in solidarity.
😆🤣😂
Specificity of language is one that is really challenging for me. My mother uses really indirect fluffy language when she wants something and I have no idea what she wants from me, I have repeatedly asked her to be specific but she just can’t wont do it. I remember when I was a kid she would say “would you like to go and do (fill in the blank)” my reply would be “well I don’t want to, but do you want me to? “
OMG, me too. Fuzzy thinking equals fuzzy language.
I hate it as well. If I am asking for clarification and they are refusing to elucidate, what I’ve just begun doing is repeating their words to them while doing what I interpret them to mean. I find that people only accommodate my speech needs once it negatively affects them. The frustration usually makes them clarify by the 2nd-4th instance of me doing this.
I have annoyed so many people both family and friends who have asked, "Would you like to...?" As a request, and I've blandly answered, "No."
It took me years and decades to realize this.
@@polari7658 I've also had push back when asking for clarification. They think I am "doing it on purpose to irritate them (aside: most people should try the "this is not about me, this is about that person asking something of me" more). I get rebukes, sighs frustration as a response. Admittedly, I also suggest the more accurate word, when someone used the wrong word. Aren't we all trying to be better? Maybe...
Also, I like your choice of words. Not enough people use words like elucidate, but it is so perfect here. I've been given a thumbs up online for using "recalcitrant" a long time ago. I thought "well, it is the right word, and avoids one of those long explanations no one likes". ;)
@@eleonorelee267, I’m just so direct as a person. I really will say things in person like “I’m not going to pretend to understand what you meant by that.” And “Elaborate on that.” I think people respond negatively to uncertain energies. They won’t get annoyed if you don’t give them the space to be annoyed. I treat them like they’re being unreasonable, put their behavior into perspective, etc. That works for me. It may have a different result if you don’t look like me though as biased likely play a role in my effectiveness.
Oh yes, literal! My mom always said "would you LIKE to do the dishes?" If I said NO, I got punished for disobeying! I DID NOT DISOBEY. SHE PHRASED IT AS OPTIONAL!
Before realising that I may be autustic, I would often tell myself not to say anything as i felt this was better than either saying the wrong thing unintentionally or not making sense and saying too much or finding it difficult to know when to talk.
That's me exactly.
The jump rope analogy resonates so hard! I have always felt like conversation, especially when there is a group of people involved, feels like mental Double Dutch.
I often find natural light overwhelming, especially on sunny days. I prefer rainy days and shorter day lengths.
Natural light is overwhelming for me too. I prefer cloudy, rainy days, but I live in the desert right now and the sun is tortuous. Thankfully, I am moving soon to a better climate.
Yes!!
yesssss in the morning it’s yeah sunny and blue sky and an hour later i think yesterday was so nice and grey 😹 that’s why i love autumn 🍂
The other kids used to often ask me why I was squinting or had one eye closed outside on a sunny day. Was always confusing to me. Um. Like. It's obvious isn't it, it's bright as hell.
how does artificial light hit you?, I love sunlight but can't stand fluorescent/ led's. Its like I'm the only one that can hear the buzzing and I turn them off whenever I get the chance. it hurts my eyes to be under the same type of light too long.
Uneven productivity- I worked an overnight event on Friday. I worked an afternoon event on Saturday with little sleep in between. Today is Sunday and I've slept and avoided contact with everyone as much as possible
sometimes I work extra hours because I fear the day when I feel really bad and will have very little done. and I know that day will come. me feeling good is rare.
I never realized how overstimulating getting my hands wet was before I heard you mention it. 37 years not realizing that's such a major factor of my hatred for doing the dishes lol. I'm also laughing about "we strongly advise you attend this meeting" sounding like an option. I strongly advise you make it mandatory, or else I ain't going. Regarding specific language, once I had recently arrived at a small house party, so already feeling pretty autistic, and walked into the living room while holding my about six month old son. "Do you need help holding your baby?" I am immediately asked by a woman that I've never seen before stepping directly in front me, who apparently had been talking to my wife before I got there. "No" I calmly replied. ".... oh," she says with a look of dejected shock on her face. We stare at each other for about five seconds before my wife laughingly says, "I think she wanted to hold the baby!" Well that's not what she asked!
You are literal-minded. I would have responded just like you did. lol
Lol yes I'd be thinking "am I holding my own baby wrong?" and I'd probably spend hours / days/ weeks worrying that people think I'm doing it wrong 😂
I would have responded the same way... However I'd probably wouldn't catch that she's dejected. 😅 I cannot wrap my head around the logic of asking to hold the baby in such a complicated way.... Like why not just ask: "can I please hold the baby?" 🤔🤷🏻♀️
That’s hilarious. Now I’m wondering how many times I inadvertently turned down inexact requests to hold my kids when they were babies😂 Also me always wondering why other moms (especially but some dads or childless friends too) always wanted to hold each other’s babies. I’m like, I’ve got this one, I’m good. Yours is an unknown quantity to me. 🙃
I would have said the same 😂
I haven't officially been diagnosed as autistic, however, almost every single video I watch and almost every quirk is 100% true. I've always felt out of sort, always been criticized about things I do or say. Thank you for sharing and bringing awareness on this, I really appreciate it!
Ditto!
I can relate to you. I’m the same.
Mmm, the whole purple, indigo, teal thing ❤
Teal! I love it❤ and turquoise…😍
Purple
Pool water turquoise
Mint
❤
I just painted my bedroom Jamaican aqua ❤
Yes! I call it "peacock colors"! ❤
@@barbaradoye1989 ya I even bought a peacock stone, interesting
I hate the 'what's your favourite" question because my brain responds by trying to remember all things I've ever encountered and how I would rank them and it's way too much. One way I found of getting around it is realising that what the other wants to know is just an example of some thing you like, it doesn't have to be your number one. I now try to give the first thing I remember that I like a lot and try to end the remembering/ranking in my head there.
Or for the standard questions of "what's your favourite movie" and such I have thought about it beforehand and try to memorise what I had decided was a good enough choice for it.
I also found all other quirks in this video relateable, always feels good to be seen!
I usually answer I don't know, but one of my favorites is ... to reframe the question to something I can answer. There, fixed your question for you! Lol
Please do more unedited content. I feel so much more comfortable seeing that you also struggle sometimes, rather than always seeming to have the ability to talk clearly and seamlessly. I love being able to see YT creators looking and acting more like how I feel.
Also Blue, blue/purple, blue/green. I would tell my kids I had seen a awesome car, they would reply with "was it blue?"
Hate any sort of marketing, love thumbs holes (but I'm Australian so not many long sleeves, and I also hate the feeling of things on my arms).
Haha paragraphs, not sentences. My psychologist says I'm a story teller. But seriously, how can I answer your question without giving you the complete history of how I came to that opinion.
OMG stretching toes. I recall watching my sister giving the eulogy at my dads funeral last year, and she stood there and spoke so well, but all I could concentrate on was the fact that her toes were still the whole time she spoke. I don't think I knew it was possible to have still toes in a stressful situation.
Sorry for the overshare, but sometimes I just feel isolated sometimes.
FYI diagnosed with ADHD last year at 54, have my official ASD diagnosis next week, although my current health care providers are in agreement, I can't help but feel overwhelmed/judged.
I also love the unedited content. The edited content overwhelms me & sadly most content providers edit heavily. Unedited content makes this channel more accessible than other channels & helps you stand out from the crowd. Thanks for that! ❤
Omgosh! I am 54 and learned im Autistic adhd this year! I don't edit my vids anymore 🤓
@@SunnySunshineField💚💚💚
Not wanting to be perceived is so big for me. I’ve never understood why having cameras at my house made me uncomfortable. It’s not like I’m doing anything wrong, I just hate being watched! Makes so much sense!
At a job interview, the interviewer asked a one-word question: "Education?" Where do I start? Overwhelmed!
Whaaaa?! 🤨
They want your highest level of education. Like, did you graduate high school? Do you have a BA/BS? A Masters?
OMG! I had something similar happen to me. I was helping lead a youth service trip and we were driving home, coming from Canada into the U.S. At the border crossing, the border guard said almost nothing and then said, “Citizen?” I was so nervous because we had been prepped that crossing the border back into the U.S. can be tricky, and I had a car full of teenagers that I was responsible for. I had no idea what this guy was asking, so I said, “Yes?” By the look on his face I knew right away that that was not the right answer. He got so annoyed and said, “What country are you citizens of?” Like, why couldn’t he have just asked that to begin with? Why are people out here asking one word questions in make or break situations?
They should just ask job training? Because if anybody were honest, that’s what they attemp to pass off as “education”.
I'd probably have said: Yes! (I have had one.)
“What’s your favorite” and “would you rather” is so hard for me because IT DEPENDS
Im really comforted to hear these things. They all resonate with me. I got my professional autism diagnosis yesterday, and I'd only been considering ASD as a possibility for maybe a month. All I knew is that I was not, and never felt, "normal" in so many ways. This led to a lifetime of failures, anxiety, depression, diagnoses and medications. I'm having a particularly rough day today. I keep thinking "I am a 52 year old stranger to myself", and that is really scary. I need to start from square one in order to figure out the real me. So I just want to thank you for sharing this information and realizing there's a huge community of us that I never knew existed that I can turn to. 🙏
I’m so glad you’re part of the community!
You have described my thoughts and feelings perfectly! I've not been told by a doctor that I'm autistic but I believe I am. The Doctor says I have ADHD, and I knew that. But he says I'm not carrying a doll or toy around, and named off some other things I don't do. So he said I'm not autistic. I don't agree with that.
@@godsgal4life Until awareness and education gain more momentum among professional mental health practitioners, it looks like it has to start with us. As painful and frustrating and confusing as life has been thus far, then having to take another huge leap of faith with another place, I had to do it. I went to one of the specialists on MOTS recommended list. Realizing that getting a formal diagnosis may not be needed, desired, or even in the budget (🫤) for everyone, I felt I had to do it. Also, for your doc to dismiss your suspicion for those reasons you stated seems so absurd! Only you can know you and what your experience has been. No one can tell you otherwise. I spent a few hours listening to Taylor's DSM-5 criteria video (pausing, taking notes) until I felt I had a decent grip on it. Then, spent lots of time in the archives of my brain trying to recall as much relevance as I could. I knew too, even before getting diagnosed.
2 and a half years on from my diagnosis at 55 i'm starting to realy like my, still somewhat odd to myself, 'new' self (which is an amazing new feeling too). It's really hard at the start when people outside our community don't get that when I say to be diagnosed is to have your WHOLE life and self identity uttlerly transformed I mean it literally. It's like the rug of your WHOLE life and self pulled from under your feet. That feeling of not having a clue who you are is extreme and scary, and lots of anger and grieving can happen along the way of learning and accepting etc. But it's so so brilliant when you start to realise that that 'stranger' is actually reallly well known to you - it is you! It's just been hidden and hiding for years......and it'll be so great to have her out!!
I'm two years out from my ADHD Dx at 60 and strongly lean toward AuDHD even though I was told it was"highly unlikely" because I can make eye contact (hint: I learned to look at people's mouths instead of their eyes, or other parts of their faces). I liken it to going through adolescence again. Who am I? What do I want to be when I "grow up?"
But I think my reaction is different than most. I haven't really had a grieving period. Just a HUGE sense of relief and a REASON for how my life has been (it has been a series of huge peaks and deep valleys - never married, serial job failure after extreme success - usually chosen to be on a large project perfect for hyperfocus, but then fail when I'm expected to manage multiple projects when that ones complete). I don't CHOOSE to be "this way".
I'm too loud, too intense, too everything. And now I have an explanation as to why my brain was never able to change into the neurotypical patterns.
I relate SO much about trying to join into a group conversation. I want the person who's talking to get their thought out before I say anything, but other people always cut them off to interject and I hate it. I usually don't end up contributing to those kinds of conversations at all, because I want people to finish what they are saying but no one does that. By the time I have a chance to say what I want to say the conversation has moved on.I also really relate to the lat point. I almost always feel like people are looking at me when I'm in a place where there are a lot of people focusing on one thing (like walking into a movie theater, walking into a classroom, etc). It gives me so much anxiety. My parents used to get annoyed when I said that because they were like "No one is looking at you." But I was sure people were.
The marketing thing gets to me, too. Ask me to do anything, and if it’s within reason, I will likely do it. Tell me I HAVE to do something, or else-nope. Not gonna happen. The speaking in paragraphs, yep, that’s me!
The jump rope analogy is EVERYTHING. All of these are so relatable. I wish everyone else “got it.” 😭😆
Pain scale:
I used to struggle with this too, until I JUST SO HAPPENED to come across a pain scale poster that described each point on the scale from 0 to 10. I stared at it for almost 20+ minutes in a desperate attempt to burn that into my brain. I don't remember much of the stuff in between, but I understood much better what doctors are asking/looking for in a response. I don't remember everything EXACTLY, but the concept has stuck with me enough that I can fry my brain about other things not nearly as important (and time sensitive).
0: No pain, numbness, or abnormal sensations. Happy and healthy.
1: small *persistent* pain, numbness, or itching. Does not impede work or daily tasks, but mildly annoying.
4: Moderate pain/numbness/itching. Can push through tasks, but with much discomfort. May mildly impede speed and/or effectiveness in work or daily tasks.
6: Cannot work or accomplish daily tasks due to pain. Motor skills in the affected area flares the pain to the point self-care (bathing, walking, sitting, laying) hurts, but is not impossible with great effort.
9: Screaming unintelligibly due to pain, inconsolable, can't focus on anything but the excrutiating pain. Cannot move or be moved without external assistance
10: Pain-induced unconsciousness. Going into shock. Cannot stay conscious due to the pain; going in and out of consciousness.
I wish I knew the actual poster so I could post it here. If someone knows what I'm talking about, feel free to post in the replies, or as a fresh comment so more can see! ❤
😂 I did that too!!
I came here to mention the pain chart, too.
Found the poster/chart, but I can't figure out how to post it in my reply. Oh, well.
Seems to me like 1 on that chart should be 2. There should be a level for small sporadic/inconsistent but recurring pain/etc before getting to small persistent pain/etc.
@@jliller and see this, this right here... this is why we have these difficulties communicating pain to neurotypical doctors in the first place. Because to me, frequency is an important aspect to know about the pain, but is seperate from the level of pain itself. :/
Busted me on the toe movements, why? Most of this list resonates, am undiagnosed but have really been feeling more comfortable min my own skin since researching autism, especially the late diagnosed women. I am so grateful for your channel.
@@kristirehm5888 it made me laugh when she was talking about curling toes because my toes were literally rubbing together and I suddenly stopped in shock as she said it.
Suggested donation!!! This is a real pet peeve. This seems so disingenuous when they say it's optional but secretly it's NOT. (Especially when you are really tight on funds.) BE HONEST people.
My attitude: you *said* suggested so this is your problem. Try being more specific next time, mwahaha ;)
The one about standing awkwardly in a room was so helpful, when I attended a social event yesterday. This awareness helped me stand awkwardly, without feeling emotional painful about it, as if I was bad or wrong for sticking out that way. Gracious hosts were welcoming regardless. It was a lovely time. Today, I rest!
"Today, I rest!" is an awesome and inspiring declaration. I'm adding it to my internal list of useful phrases. Thanks! 💜♾️
My granddaughter complained I made her friends feel uncomfortable. Mind you these are grown, college educated men and women in the 20s. Granted I’m in my 60s, but as a nurse I worked with patients and coworkers of all ages. I was used to asking the questions of any age and gender. A couple of years later, I figured out that I’m autistic and ADHD. But still these people are so emotionally fragile!
It's gotten a lot worse now! Being a Gen Xennial we were never liked that
Yes. People need to stop assuming everything is about them. How is it hard to understand that you are looking for clarity.
I don’t agree that people are emotionally fragile. I think they have needs that aren’t being met too, and unfortunately, those might be in conflict with how autistic people might present.
@killahkari That's quite possible. I am quite used to actually working with people their ages, but apparently, they aren't used to having a conversation with someone my age. As a nurse and AudHD, I tend to be blunt. I just treat everyone the way I prefer to be treated, I'm not intimidated by questions that might be considered uncomfortable. This reminds me that not everyone is comfortable with that.
@ritarevell7195 I see you. My son tells me that I'm very blunt too and awkward. 😂
I’m so glad you brought up lighting sensitivity. I’m a late in life autistic interior designer who specializes in lighting. There are a couple of scientific reasons that NDs react badly to lighting (especially LEDs and florescent): they flicker, it’s moving light and stimulates the brain. Some people like myself can even see it flickering. Overhead lights hit your optic nerve at a really hard angle to refract the incoming light. This makes people really tired and often cause headaches. These bulbs are also not full spectrum light (think sunlight and why you love it). They are on the blue/green spectrum and make colors feel inauthentic…you know how we hate things feeling fake! It’s like the light is lying to our brains. I work with people on the spectrum to help settle their nervous systems and one of the first things we tackle is lighting. Finally, EMFs. A lot of my clients can “feel” them. I travel with my own light bulbs and dimmer switches :)
Someone asked me to stand up for them, so I stood up... but turns out they meant for me to support their side of the argument. Or being shocked when someone exaggerates because I am taking what they say literally.
One of my nephews was hit by a car when he was 7 or so. At the hospital, my sister let them know he was autistic and very literal-minded. The doctor asked him: "Can you balance on one foot?" So Jake spread his arms and stepped onto one of the doctor's feet and balanced there. The doctor was *stunned*.
😂
The other day, a nurse gave me some invaluable advice about the pain question: it's not about anyone else feeling pain, but just you. Compare with yourself, and specifically your own experience about similar pain. So don't compare a broken rib to childbirth, but to an other broken bone. If no similar comparison can be made by you, don't try to be polite, and simply ask yourself if you can endure it any longer, and if yes how much longer. If the answer is I can't endure it, then it's a 10.
This advice helped me quite a lot in the moment. Hope it can help some others too.
And above all, thank you for your videos: they are truly life changing.
What, most people do NOT experience life like this? I take how hard it is for me to consider an alternative way of being as a gentle reminder to be patient with those who simply cannot fathom the autistic experience. Always appreciate a bit of unfiltered/unedited/bloopers reel, as it allows me to realise that yes, all you seemingly functional youtubers are masking your asses off to get the job done. NOT criticising, I could never do this job - but having just a glimpse of what's going on behind the scenes makes you so much more relatable.
My thoughts very much.I assumed everyone did/felt like this. I think that in some ways, autistic people are more understanding of individuals' differences and difficulties. I think partially due to our own issues and difficulties, and partially because many of us are hypervigilant and hyper analytical, so we take a moment before bludgeoning people with nefarious opinions. I love raw honesty, I prefer it over all other modes of being. I appreciate your accepting attitude.
I still can't believe that all these autistic experiences are not everyone's experience! I feel it's some kind of prank)
Thank you, thank you, Taylor. I've just recently discovered that I may be an autistic adult female. I'm 69 years old and now know what all my lifelong quirks equate to . . . I'm autistic! This video really hit home for me--I've experienced each and every scenario you mentioned. One of the irritating questions I've learned to circumvent is the "What's your favorite _____?" My answer to that one is always "Well, right NOW, my favorite ______ is _____, but that can always change . . ." That's one of the irritating questions off my list. lol Will continue watching your YT channel--it's so helpful.
I'm so visibly moved that there are so many elderly people who finally can understand their own life story after so many decades of confusion and loneliness. Mine were just 34 years, yours 69 years, double the time, double the suffering and confusion. I hope we all can finally get to a place where we can forgive ourselves for us being different and stop blaming ourselves for how hard life has usually been for us.
My favorite color is purple! 😆 💜 Yes, I always give wayyy too much context!
Purple for sure. Always had a hard time in conversations holding my thought. Then by the time i could interject, the conversation had shifted to another subject. So frustrating
Meeting a doctor recently for my "not-yet-diagnosed" son. She asked, do I wonder if my son might be autistic and my answer was no. I saw her flinch but left it there. Only later in the conversation did we both realize that my answer meant "I have no doubt that my son is on the spectrum so I do not wonder anymore" but she heard "I am sure he is not"...
Maybe that tells more about me than about my son !
Exactly! You wee answering the question that was asked! Not 😮assuming what they actually meant.
@@stormyjlb I dunno, sounds like an excuse to avoid the subject to me. I know autistic people use this to avoid problems. Misunderstand everyone and then blame others.
Typical imvho!- excuse not to do chores was how my brothers used it.
From what I read a while back, there is the answer word "Mu" (I think it's either Chinese and/or Korean) that is used to indicate that the question cannot be concisely answered with a "yes" or "no" and requires further qualification.
Yeah the lighting thing is accurate to me. Specifically, I'm weird because I want the "harsh" white lighting. Yellow light bothers me, and sunlight makes me sleepy. I like cloudy days for the same reason
#9-ask a lot of questions…yes! and it can be perceived of as criticism…this and I totally didn’t know it!!!!! Literally had this come home to me about a week ago. BFF and I were talking about work thing she was going through and I was asking a lot of questions to understand the parameters of the issue. I wanted to give her good support and advice if she wanted it. Later in the same conversation she told me she thought I was criticizing her. We’ve known each for many many years and I had NO IDEA this was how I was coming across to her!!!! OMG!!!! The especially frustrating part is that I think I’m doing a good and helpful thing and evidently it’s being perceived as a mean and critical thing. Breaks my heart…for both me and her! I will say that I’m glad she finally mentioned it to me so we can hopefully be aware going forward.
Wow! So interesting to become aware of our patterns, isn't it?
I used to do this in school a lot to get my thoughts around what I’m supposed to be doing. I would summarise what I heard in my own words and wait for confirmation or if it’s not quite correct from the teacher.
I ask way too many questions too. I have found it helps when the other person knows that is just how I operate.
Thank you so much for sharing this! I deal with that exact issue
Yes! I often apologize to inanimate objects I didn’t chose to wear, use, eat, whatever.
Marketing strategy suspicion is strong! Can smell a MLM a mile away.
I stand there awkwardly in public places all the time but could care less what anyone thinks of me. I am enjoying observing and perceiving everything and everyone around me in my own little world oblivious to anything else until I'm done and move on. Especially in nature. This world is amazing and sometimes I have to stand still and appreciate receiving the sensory data and just being here in this body, which is miraculous in itself. People don't care, they're usually too busy with their own stuff in their own heads to even notice me.
My son takes ages to get to his point he has to tell us everything before he says an answer. It frustrates me sooooo much but I have to laugh because I am the exact same!🤣
😊 I am an over sharer and my daughter is one who repeats the same thing 10-20 times before I get to respond... It's so frustrating because I have so much more to say! 😂.
Purple IS my favorite color! I'll be 65 years old soon, and it's only within the last 2 years that I've realized I'm probably autistic. I was categorized as a "gifted" child and excelled in math and science, but was painfully shy. I have experienced meltdowns throughout life that have annoyed or frightened friends and partners. I hate wet or sticky hands, loud noises, small talk, and masking my entire work life to fit in and advance. Diagnosis is difficult and expensive here in the US, especially for women. Also, my daughter was only diagnosed with ADHD in her 30s after years of being treated for bouts of depression and having struggled socially through high school and college. The pieces are coming together for us both...
That’s funny about the favorite color thing because I actually have a hard time deciding on one favorite color. Even as a child, I felt I was required to choose a favorite color, so I chose yellow, but then I never wanted things in yellow, like clothes etc. 😂 It felt like I was assigned a favorite color, but I ended up gravitating towards blues and greens later on. I don’t like choosing a favorite forever.
Totally! I have loads of colors that I really like, but no firm favorite, depends on context and mood.
Halfway through the video and the resonation is already leading to some tears (both happy as well as frustrated/sad ones). Thanks for sharing these!
Most of my life I was intensely inquisitive, immediately perceived tons of unexplained, unspecified aspects gaping in requests or general instructions, (right down to the most basic "WHY" of the whole thing to begin with), so that I was consumed with both confusion and a need for clarity before I could with even the least confidence try to comply. BUT, I was always crushingly, mortifyingly embarrassed even to begin voicing the questions since, if SO MUCH was being left out, which really did defy comprehension (HOW could you rationally leave so much out?!), it was probably not the other person's failure to explain (especially if it seemed that others understood) but...my...stupidity. So I stuffed it. And proceeded to stumble into whatever the task, activity or project was while harboring a desperate, panicked "lostness" inside about the raison d'etre of the matter (compounding the feeling of stupidity). And whaddya know: more often than not it turned out that everything I was scrambling to understand turned out to be at the heart of the matter and, precisely because it HADN'T been well-conceived and laid out, it didn't work. Now, in the autumn of my life, I have shucked caring whether my questions annoy anybody, and I don't care who thinks I'm stupid. I'll ask. That's all. I'll just ask. Call it Ken's "special need" if you want, but if I'm not allowed to ask, then count me out, I have plenty of other stuff I can very happily do.
Yes yes yes! And that ability to understand that there IS an underlying complexity has led to my biggest job successes and disproportionately MORE job failures.
I made a new friend a few years ago. She would tell me stories about her family (which were very complex) and I would frequently ask her questions in the middle of her story and she would actually get angry with me. I explained that I needed that context to understand and follow the story. Otherwise my brain would be fixated on that unanswered question and I'd likely miss most of the rest of the story.
And yes to just asking now. Most of the time.
Good on you, Ken. Screw those people.
For me it depends. I do it for context, but other people do it to me because they’d rather hear me vocalize the irrelevant details than hear my point and that’s annoying.
Thank you for your comment and others like you, you are awesome!
It's great how many people of older age are commenting and sharing their experiences, it shows how important these videos are, the awareness, it's so uplifting to see that so many people whose experiences were ignored for most of their life still find some peace in their later life. I have just been discovering that I am very likely autistic and I'm 34, and it's so uplifting to finally explain things, to finally find peace about one's own experience, but I still grief about the life I have had without a diagnosis, the opportunities lost, the trauma suffered just because of a lack of knowledge.
Good for you. I remember going from homeschooling into a private school in grade 6. I would raise my hand to ask clarifying questions about nearly every assignment, "In case it wasn't clear for someone else and they were too nervous to ask." I was pretty sure I knew what the teacher was wanting, and I don't remember any answer to my clarifying questions that proved otherwise, but I needed to ask. I don't think I was just telling myself it was for someone else "just in case" because I needed that excuse to ask for myself. I suspect I thought everyone else needed the same thing and assumed that because no one else was asking, it was because they couldn't bring themselves to do it. That was 25 years ago, and I'm only now finding out I'm autistic.
Absolutely makes me crazy when someone interjects while I am talking. I need to finish before I can move on.
Demand avoidance with advertising is spot on! I don't like that they are trying to make you feel a certain way. Another aspect that bothers me about it is how they do it - the amount of commercials I see where a fun time (being out with friends, alcohol commercials are terrible for it) is being manufactured around a product, it feels so fake and put on.
Also speaking in paragraphs ^^^
👏 😆 💯
You're right about advertisements trying to suggest that the product will make you deliriously happy. There's a recent "Hello Fresh" ad (at least in Australia) that has the woman grinning like a maniac at a box of food she's still going to have to prepare and cook - or store in the refrigerator. It really grinds my gears and rubs me up the wrong way.
Also, "Hello Fresh" treats their workers very badly, I think some people have said that it's not as bad working for Amazon as Hello Fresh, so they're not going to get my money until they treat their workers properly - and stop making such annoying advertisements.
@@resourcedragon Wow! How bad is it when working for Amazon is the better option???
In conversation when I have the urge to interject, I always tell myself "if it's important, you'll remember it again" that helps me to be able to focus on the conversation I'm having
14:09 "Standing there awkwardly" 🙋♀
🙋🏼♂️
Me too. All the time.
It's so nice to finally realize that I'm not the only one doing that all the time!
Purple is my favourite colour! (And green, but that's just because its calming. Purple is like, so cool.)
And second comment…being perceived…I am sooooo grateful to have a term for this! My whole life I have felt this way…not 24/7 but maybe 21/6 😂. It colors my entire existence. There’s a line in a Jane Austen story about one of her characters-Fanny Price-that encapsulates this perfectly…and I’m going to butcher it so forgive me. Another character says of Fanny Price that she has as much a fear of being observed as other women have of being ignored (gender called out in the original but it def can apply to all people). In this case I am Fanny Price!!!!
Nice connection! 😎
I got diagnosed with anxiety and depression in college because of this problem. I always felt like people were talking about me or laughing at me, especially when I was in the cafeteria. It's gotten a lot better since then, but I still have times where I feel very self-conscious.
Sounds like we're better than everyone else. More kind and sincere. Trustworthiness
I keep trying to convince myself that I'm not autistic but every time I listen to you so much hits home. I ask more questions than any person I know and it always gets me in trouble but I'm just trying to be informed. And I can't tell you how long I have always been the odd duck in the room. But then I have so much trama from my life, is it trama or is it autism? It breaks my brain not knowing and no one gets this.
My doctor thinks I'm crazy and put me on Schizophrenic medication. When I brought up I think I might have autism and that I don't care what he says I have adhd.
I had a habit as a kid of using my cheeks to trap air between gums and cheeks, then forcing air out to make duck sounds. It was a kind of stim that would upset others. I liked doing it because it felt good. Pretty sure this transitioned to finger tapping which is quieter.
As far as my favorite. I prefer to explain why I like something so I have lots of favorites. And I have no idea about talking in paragraphs (joking).
And yes I hate the feeling of being manipulated which I equate to marketing.
I love making sounds with my mouth. I feels great.
The "duck sound" thing, did the urge to do it just sorta come over you and when it started did you have a hard time stopping? Did it almost happen without you wanting it to? I ask because I did something very similar when I was younger and it was embarrassing to me especially when it happened in class around other people my age. So I haven't done it in many years and I have often wondered why I did it etc. I also relate to basically everything else said in the video.... the only thing that I don't do is that thumb thing, I don't make my own thumb hole but I do enjoy clothes that already have one....
I try to make mine sound not like ducks, but wet farts :)
@@Engineer1897 LoL 😂 I love it!
Wait there's no wayyy
I did the exact same thing omggg
You know as an autistic person (and as a human being in general) I know a lot of us have the same experiences and stuff. But man, not even making duck sounds with the air you trapped in your cheeks is a personal one? Nah I'm out ☠️
Purple is *one of* my favorite colors but then again it depends on the shade. ;) You can't just say "purple" because that isn't specific enough.
A particular example of struggling with language specificity and literal understanding of language for me is when roommates say something along the lines of "this place is such a mess" or "the dishwasher cycle is done." I'm always like "I know right" or "andddd whats your point.. what are you trying to say" because to me.. I understand this just as a statement of observation that they're sharing with me maybe just as small talk, or maybe even just to vent. It's so frustrating because then their impression of me is that im being a sarcastic jerk when in reality, I have no idea that what they are ACTUALLY "trying to say" is "can you tidy the place up" or "I'd like for you to empty the dishwasher."
Yes! Great examples.
you obviously DO KNOW
I would say you're being a sarcastic jerk take two minutes to think why don't ypu??? You don't have to be a detective to figure it out
@@Foxsuper1 ahh yes. i can see why you'd think that the examples I used in my comment WERE things that I "obviously DO KNOW." The examples i used for my comment were just generalizations that I HAVE experienced that, at the time, i actually did NOT know/understand what was meant.. but is NOW something i DO know/understand (only because my roommate and i had actually gotten into a verbal altercation about it that had escalated, and by the grace of God, was able to come to a common ground of understanding of "ohhhh thats what the other meant/understood").
Nonetheless, THIS is where the same kind of "struggle with language specificity and literal understanding of language" can more commonly "show up" for those on the spectrum. After those "tiffs" I had with my roommate.. THIS is what I came to understand: whenever someone 'complains' about something.. what they are actually meaning is that they want a solution.
SO.. a couple months down the road, my roommate would come home and "complain" about work, but would then lead it into also "complaining" about the house.. and my autistic brain would immediately be like "oh!! they WANT a solution to all this!!" so THEN I would be like "have you said this to your boss yet? maybe if you said it like this.. your boss would be receptive because I agree, what youre experiencing at work isnt fair!" and then would be like "what if we made a schedule for the chores that need to get done around the place.. that way, the dishwasher... etc. etc." thinking that that was what my roommate was seeking.. but what i would get met with was an even more upset roommate saying things like "WHY cant i just b*tch to you?? you dont always have to solve things! sometimes i just want to vent without you needing to FIX everything!" and again.. i would be left feeling confused and frustrated because the impression of me would AGAIN be that im being a sarcastic jerk that is NOW also insensitive because I didnt let me roomate simply "vent" ☹
THAT'S what i meant by "struggling with language specificity and literal understanding of language" 😔
i suppose this could all also fall under one of Tay's other points of "having difficultly in understanding other people's expectations of me" 🤷♀ which leads to having a hard time with social communication because expectations are essentially communicated thru "social norms.." BUT i understand communication literally.... so.. yeah 😅
I’ve always liked the idea of having a thumb hole when I’m relaxing & being cozy, but I’m also someone who needs my sleeves up & away from what I’m doing with my hands, so it rarely works out for me 😂
Purple is my favorite color too! I also love green, but purple has always been #1.
Not diagnosed but can relate to so many of these… every time I get an add while on UA-cam I purposely look away and tune out and can’t click on skip add button fast enough by counting the seconds in my head. I take forever to purchase things as I review all facts, needs, cost, wants, etc. After learning more about stimming, I definitely see all the ways I do it - clicking my fingers and while standing by balancing, putting the weight on the outer side of my feet since I can remember, playing with my ring the whole day for example. When I was a teenager I remember my mum making a comment while I was sitting and moving my legs and i suddenly became self ware and avoided doing it as I was aware of other people’s perception. Light sensitivity is a big one for me as well. The avoidance of being perceived is real even from the people I love. I feel so uneasy. Being touched when not expecting is incredibly uncomfortable and annoying even from people I love as well. Uneven productivity sums my life in all of its fields.
The favourite thing is definitely me… even for colours, it depends on what we are talking about, is it regarding clothes, cars, paintings?
The one about pain also hits close to home, I can’t rate my pain and had to make this known before to physicians. I also tend to dissociate when in pain. couldn’t relate much to the one about speaking in paragraphs as I usually like to give direct answers when asked something but I think my comment says I have no clue about myself😅
Green for me. I find it very relaxing, grounding and connected to nature 💚🌳🌲🌱🌿🍃
What you said about taking things literally is very true. I work at a University in administration. When I first started working there my supervisor told us we can hang up the phone if a student/parent is being disrespectful. Guess who always hangs up the phone when I feel bullied on the phone? 🙋🏾♀️ Nobody else hangs up the phone except me and now they’re trying to do takesy backsies like they didn’t give permission to do this when people complain. They shouldn’t have told me that.
Recently my boss also asked us to do a webinar on Mental Health since it is mental health month. She didn’t say it was mandatory, she made it like it was just recommended. Guess who haven’t signed up for the webinar yet every one else has? 🙋🏾♀️
It is what it is, please be direct and say what you mean with me 🤷🏾♀️
Hugest YES to number 15. That sense of being open, exposed territory under a kind of scrutiny or suspicion that can't be quite named or placed. It must have a lot to do with Imposter Syndrome, plus of course the intrinsic difficulty navigting the impenetrable social script, dance, consciousness, call it what you will. It's agonizing.
I try not to be self-conscious, but the LEVEL of misunderstanding I face is sometimes mind-boggling. From a lifetime of experience, I gather that I come across as possibly dangerous or violent, though I have never been violent at all. In graduate school, when they caught the Unibomber, one of my professors told me that there had been a lot of talk among the faculty that I might have been the Unibomber. This after they had "known" me for five years. It was pretty upsetting.
All of this resonates. I have a thing about wet hands too, but if I get one hand wet, I have to balance it by getting the other hand wet. Favorite color is purple, but I also like teal and black. The feeling bad about not choosing an inanimate object is a thing. Christmas tree shopping sucks.
I do the "paragraph over sentences" when writing as well. I am the queen of parenthetical statements (to explain - 😅 see...here I am doing it - and I wasn't even considering it when I put the open parenthesis). 🙃In one card I wrote, the parenthetical statement was so long that I word counted it - 27 words. Succinctness is not my gift. I want to be sure I'm understood...so I overdo it...even when writing.
"Some of us feel bad about the other thing that they don't choose..." hit home. My parents were always baffled by my 'indecisiveness' as a child, and I could never make them understand that if I pick one, then I am rejecting another and I had so many feelings on its behalf that it could sometimes leave me in tears in the middle of the store over a choice of 2 story cassettes. I think to the outside world it may look like grabby child gets angry because they can't have BOTH, but it's not - it would often be easier to have neither because if nothing was chosen then also nothing was rejected and they stay together on the shelf.
Adult brain handles it better, but I still have to fight not to pick the most sickly plant at the garden centre because I don't want it to feel unwanted and I'm empathising with its need to be given a chance.
As someone who is AuDHD I am definitely an impulse buyer but i also won't buy something if I can't think of a need/use for it right away..
I am so glad you pointed out the standing awkwardly and how we are perceived. I really thought it was just me being weird or having heightened anxiety.
I hate being manipulated once I learn of the strategy. I strategise my way around their strategies.
God yes to the hands being wet, mix that with food preparation, especially handling raw meat and constant hand washing, and I have a REAL problem.
If I touch something wet or oily when I’m cooking I immediately run my fingers under water every time. I am starting to realize how much time this adds up to!
Well you don’t want to transfer the funk to other surfaces. More cleanup, and you can’t see where you’ve been.
Yes, yes! I love purple, I love paragraphs, I love giving context! I am also obsessive about an intro sentence and an concluding sentence, and then people think I'm repeating myself, when I'm not... :)
No to thumb holes, but 100% cotton is a must.
Yes, fabric type is super important to me too.
Try 100% merino wool. Sweat doesn’t pool. Synthetics make my sweat stay on my skin and the fabric sticks to me. Merino wool doesn’t stick. Cotton can get saturated and stick to your skin too.
@@lisaphares2286 allergies to wool, angora, ...(and everything, animal, bird, etc.) 😕
Any natural fabric except raw, cheap silk. The texture is off-putting as is the smell.
SOFT CLOTHING WITH NO TAGS! Otherwise, I won't wear it. At all.
Thanks so much for the caveat about impulse buying. I have bipolar disorder & autism, and it depends on my mood state. If I’m hypomanic or manic, I impulse buy. When I’m in my normal state, I’m a practical and thrifty consumer, or don’t buy anything. In a depressed state, either I’m not up to shopping, or I buy things that lift my mood or help my aches, pains and headaches (cold packs, supplements, sentimental items (cat themed items, especially). This comfort shopping, for me, is not as exorbitant as my impulse shopping. My bipolar self really pisses my autistic self off!
Purple for most of my life but green is vying for first place lately 😊 I feel I've spent my life confused but recently am coming to terms with things more, so maybe that's why green is calming me better these days. Forests are so calming 💚
and my favorite color is purple, always purple
The idea of being perceived, i resonate with all of the things that you said about it! To add my experience with it, it also causes me to be EXTREMELY late or causes me to begin getting ready to go somewhere much earlier than "normal" people. I try to find clothes that fit the occasion and won't be judged or cause others to talk about them. I have to do my make-up as flawless as possible (which never works out bc I'm so anxious about it). My hair has to be done, jewelry, perfume... you name it! I do this when i have to go somewhere AND if someone comes to my house! And idk if this is a common thing for the autistic community, but nothing causes me more distress and panic/anxiety than "pop-up" company! I need to know someone is coming to my house wayyyy before they show up in order to have myself and my house in order! The perception of how others may think of me and the way my house looks is a MAJOR anxiety factor!! And a meltdown is almost always eminent during these things! Am i the only one who makes a huge deal about that or is this common? Lol! I figured I'd share that part, even though it opens up the entire concept of how people will perceive me and my experiences! 😳
I totally relate on the visitors 😢 It's terrible! When the unannounced are gone I tend to clean and tidy up and that does not make sense at all for they are gone..... I know that other people do not have their homes tidied up all the times and it's a relief to see but that feeling of not having everything in place when people come unannounced 😢 Having said that my house is pretty clean so I think it does not matter the state my house is in I will always feel that way.
Back in the days I got always comments from my father on my house. He always would pick something to upset me about.
I will NEVER do that to my kids. It will leave it trails....
❤
My dad is no longer allowed in my house because he misinterprets what he see negatively and then spreads the ignorant bs around like maneur.
Loved the jump rope analogy. This applies to every social interaction I have in my life.
Taylor please PLEASE do a series of going through Amelia Bedelia books 😂😭 omg I feel like that would be so freaking amazing
You just described every Engineering PhD & scientist.
Only: light, hands wet, literal direction, awkward standing, overwhelmed of pain scale, understanding expectations, uneven productivity, covert stems, feeling perceived. The rest is typical of engineers, scientists, PhDs.
As much as I appreciate edited videos, I’m glad this video in particular was not edited. I’m getting ready to have my Autism/ADHD assessment and although I’m certain I’m autistic by now, it was nice for me to see how another autistic person struggles finding words to explain their thoughts because that’s something I experience very often and it was very validating for me to see. I also heavily relate to almost everything you listed. I just found your channel and am looking forward to binging your previous videos and enjoying new content. Thank you
I can do the pain scale because I studied health psychology and learned about why/how they are used. Here’s my attempt to help:
So scale ratings are called Likert ratings and there are clear issues using them in research due to the fact that it’s not standardized. Further, the use of the extreme numbers is very rare compared to other numbers, suggesting that people psychologically experience the scale in a nonlinear way (which is helpful to know because it makes the other numbers more accessible if you think of 1 and 10 as uniquely extreme). Lastly, IN A CLINICAL SETTING it is not designed for accurately assessing the state of your body but is better a measurement of your subjective distress and thus the intensity of intervention necessary if it is not a gross injury (ie: how much medication needed or when should the next follow up be or should there be more testing).
I have fibromyalgia so I’m always in some pain (except about once every 2-5 years for a magical freedom day) so I’ve just decided that my normal level of pain is a 2 or 3. This is helpful as a barometer for when its appreciably higher subjectively, because I’m acclimated to a higher pain level than others doesn’t mean its not there so it improves my communication of my distress.
I hope that was helpful! If you have chronic conditions I highly recommend categorizing your days of “normal” [symptom] vs “bad day” [symptom] so that you can better communicate with professionals and glean insight for yourself. If you allow yourself to get it wrong the first couple months you’ll improve accuracy on your own scale over time, which is incredibly valuable in my experience with chronic illness.
I always thought it was subjective.
I'm also chronically in some pain, but I have a high pain tolerance. I'm always at a base level of1- 2 and I never considered myself to have been at 10(or else I'd probably have fainted or died from it). Childbirth is a 6 for me, so are migraines and bad toothaches. 7 or 8 has probably been the highest, a kidney infection or the short sudden pain of smashing my fingers in a car door. Sorry if anyone reading this feels pain or discomfort by hearing about it (I have something like that going on with me, too)
I always kind of feel like it's a log scale. 8 is 10x more pain then 7. Not great if the health professional doesn't think the same way.
Also a chronic pain (fibro and more) person, very used to being in "some" pain and still working full time.
xkcd once made a really funny comic on pain rating - I don't think links work (maybe I'm wrong), but it is number 883 for those who want to search it.
Lighting! Even though I get migraines, I NEED the most light possible. I have to force myself to reduce lighting in the rooms I am in. My ADHD complicates my autism scale of rate of response in conversations, and not in a good way. Speaking in paragraphs is my life’s bane. I was diagnosed in my sixties so my stimming is all over the place. After the diagnosis I bought a spinner ring which has been great for switching me off from twirling my hair in knots. Now if I could stop biting my nails.😂😂❤ thanks for your info😊
Love this segment. All of this ... including Toe scrunching, which I do nonstop. Thanks Taylor!
You’re welcome! I’m glad you’re enjoying it 😁
Same. I don't think I could stop if I wanted to...
My current go to for months is left/right big toe, currently hands on for at least a week and then my UA-cam finally admits (shows me these) ah, why yes spy program that apparently knows which books people in the library have been reading, I'm beyond late to this even though my constant internal purpose has been to find the list of truths (apparently for this community. I'm currently inspired by spirit of prophecy /revelation / commandments
You don't give yourself or autistic people enough credit, maybe because it was harder, it took longer to learn, you were seeing others struggles. The reasons you do what you do, you learned beyond what a neurotypical would because of your struggle. You became hyper aware! This is very much a gift.
Every one of these ‘quirks’ are accurate for me! Also I completely shut down when I’m in the middle of doing something like mom duties and someone asks me a question or speaks to me, it makes my head explode so then I can’t carry on with what I was doing 😅
Yeppppp I get it
Sort of related, I have this issue when I'm *really* focused on as task (like driving for instance), and and a passenger (usually my Mom, who can't drive and needs a ride to the store every now and again), has a "shower thought" (i.e. something apparently random, but in this case posed as a question). It's like having a bucket of cold water thrown in your face 🤣
This list is spot on for me. I've been called "difficult" directly and by so many inadvertent wordings and implications my whole life that it's just exhausting and disheartening. It's not the constructive criticism people think it is, because it's nothing I can help without developing anxiety and depression to mask.
I'm even hesitant to share my favorite color because it's a very particular shade/hue of cerulean. Not the turquoisey cerulean, but specifically the cerulean that comes in the Crayola crayon 64 pack 😂🤷🏻♀️ But also, I like all colors, no particular primary/secondary bases, but very specific hues and shades of each.
Despite my light sensitivity, I don't like lamp lighting. The yellow makes me feel icky but the blue gives me a headache. I just want natural light or a white frosted overhead light, 40 watt or 60 watt if globed. That's my only options lol
Yes, I ALWAYS "miss the point" because of wording. But also, it's like how was I supposed to get (whatever their point was) when it wasn't even in the wording? I can study top-down processing til the cows come home and STILL not be able to do it myself.
Standing awkwardly... Im ✨buffering✨ ok?? Lol Gotta let me buffer or I won't load task. If I try to skip ahead, it's going to take me longer to buffer. Hell, that's probably why I'm buffering to begin with now that I think about it 🤔
#13 - I believe uneven productivity is our way of both avoiding and managing the anxiety of monotropic split. Trying to force polytropic functioning (and especially as a way to manage depression with typical behavioral activation techniques) has just lead to worsening and prolonged burnout.