I lost my fiancé suddenly a few years ago. It was more than the rug being pulled out from under me, it was more like my entire life came crashing down ontop of me, just like Michael said. Our society is so uncomfortable talking about death and that is a huge diservice to those who are heavily grieving. Even my family, my parents, sister, brother... They were so uncomfortable talking about his death that if I even mentioned his name, they would all go silent until my mom would eventually jump in and change the subject. I can't tell you how hurtful that was. If someone you know is grieving, acknowledge that person's pain. You aren't reminding them of what they are going through. Trust me they are aware of it every second of the day. Hugs and anticipation are great places to start. 💗
I lost my boyfriend a few weeks ago. You know how it feels as you described it so well. I am so lucky to have a family that lets me talk about him whenever I want. It has been really helpful. I am losing friends though, but that's ok. It's life changing. I am happy to see more clearly now.
I lost someone I loved deeply to suicide 3 weeks ago, he moved back to London to make our relationship work. I'm in so much pain and feel so alone as I hadn't met his family yet, so I feel like I'm grieving alone. I'm really struggling.
pancakesandtea Im so sorry you’re having to go through such a painful experience, especially since you don’t have much support. I wish there was more that I could do or say to you so that you’d feel less alone. Just please do me a favor ok? When your mind starts to tell you that his death is somehow your responsibility or fault ( for example if you keep thinking g if you had only done x or if you had never done y then maybe he’d still be here) stop you’re self and give yourself a break. Just try to be kind to yourself and know that I’ve got you in my thoughts and prayers. I’m always here if you need someone to talk to. Just keep breathing💗
I've lost my mum very recently and I'm broken. This speech has really helped me. It's so true, so painful to hear, but the best thing I've heard since my mum died so traumatically. I'm alone, it's hard but I know I will cope thanks to this speech.
People that I thought would be there for me avoided taking about the loss I'm experiencing, they say I'm sorry and I hope you feel better, and they end the conversation. I eventually found a support group, there I got the most comforting words and true support without judgements, from strangers that I had never met before.
I lost my fiancé 1 month ago. You are so right about anticipating what the grieving person may need. I have had people say, let me know if you need anything, responding once by saying, “What might that be”. Feeling I wasn’t in a place to say or even recognize what I might need. Are they going to take my pain away? Or bring back my loved one? Because at that moment that’s what I felt I needed. Then I had a neighbor who instead of saying let me know if you need anything, offered services such as, picking up people from the airport, cleaning house, etc. That’s when I recognized I had a need someone could help with.
My wife passed away September 18 2021 and I've been lost inside this video helped me move forward. My friend lost his only daughter 3 weeks ago I did some of the things you said about visiting him and just giving him a hug. It actually helps us both with our pain. Thought our situations are different
The words you used “if you truly care about someone who suffered a loss go to them” is such a need but some people just don’t do it which is hurtful . From losing my dad and the way people who I thought would be there was not there , has truly been a wake up call and eye opener for me. Thanks for this video because it has confirmed the way I was feeling is what I should be feeling .
So true honey...i felt the same...thought people would rally but they didn't....was surprised by supposed friends vanished...my son died suddenly of a heart attack 5 months ago,2 hours before his birthday ....i never got the hugs except from my other children....i became infectious to some
So true...the surprises you get with people.If they're lucky to be young and have their new family springing up around them,they don't care about their mother's grief.Families sometimes are not compassionate
This was one of the best talks about grief that I’ve come across. Well-done and authentic. It’s been 4 years since my husband died and I’m still struggling with the aloneness.
"The whole building collapses on you." This. Today was my dad's funeral. I lost him on June 13th. He was my closest friend in this city. I lost my mom on June 1st. I'm 26. This is awful. It hurts so much. As if it's not a real life & I would love to wake up, but it's not a dream.
I understand. I lost my father who was a frontline RN to Covid in July 2020. This grief is like no other. People do not understand this type of loss when you cannot grieve with people. It's beyond words.
@@erinmee8033 sorry for your loss and I understand. I lost my sister to Covid, she was a Nurse. It's harder to process loss with no physical contact and people not knowing what to say.
I lost my 29 year old son 3.5 years ago. It was a tragic motorcycle accident. Out of all the videos I’ve watched this one truly touched my soul. Thank you for this and hugs too you.
Hi Paula I lost my husband three weeks ago in a motorbike accident, my whole life is ruined . Me and our daughter have been left so suddenly. I can't cope without him
Aymee Brisbane I’m so deeply sorry for you and your daughters loss. While I’ve not lost a spouse, I have lost a child and my life is forever changed. I’m not going to pretend I understand your pain of losing a spouse at all because I’ve not experienced that loss; However, I want you to know I understand grief, heartache, pain, loss, etc... My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your daughter. 🙏🏻
@@AymeeDonovan I'm so sorry I know how it feels to be lonely without the person you loved, we've all lost our love ones in death one way or the other, either a spouse, child, family members, or a true friend that meant the world to us, such is life I understand how you feel but life goes on because death is inevitable and we'll all have to face it someday, I lost my wife 3yrs ago to a cardiovascular disease, I felt deeply devastated with grief, but that's the past now, time is indeed the best healer. I'd love to talk to you more if you don't mind! it'd be nice if you just say hi, here is my number +1206-237-2054 or rather you can send me your gmail address so I could reach out on you.
I'm so sorry for your family's loss. She looks so beautiful,bright&fun. This is soo good.I lost my brother who was 2years older than me 3 months ago. Not only am I deeply grieving my heartache but my Mom&Dad's pain too. I want to be a helpful&loving daughter to them through their grief.
I lost my wife unexpectedly. 2 months ago. Everyone expects … well, I don’t know what they expect. But I am not over it. Nobody knows what I am really feeling or going through. Thank you for this talk. It really spoke to me.
Jolie Curry, I am so sorry about your wife! I lost my husband 3 years ago. I will never get over the loss! I am integrating my grieving with my living. Hugs.
So sorry for your loss, I lost my only son last week but grief is a very difficult process though many say Gods' plans but this causes everything one to be disorganized and my life has changed completely because I never had a chance to even burry my love
Thank you for this very helpful talk. I lost my 38 year old daughter 3 weeks ago to a motorcycle accident. I have never felt such pain and grief in my life. Going on with life after you bury your child is an excruciating nightmare every day. I understand how other people who have not experienced this life crushing loss have no words to say. Just a hug is all I ask. I will grieve my daughter for the rest of my life. I just need to understand how to handle it an go on.
Wow - so intense man -- let’s hope there is more to this life than meets the eye. I hope your daughter’s essence still exists somehow : somewhere - and that you are reconnected at some point, in some way. Blessings brother - and I hope your loveliest memories of your precious girl fill your heart with joy.
@@jenncarton2063 Please try and take the first step to reconnect with your family and forgive them-they don't understand, don't know what to say or even how to act-how would they. Forgive them -sorry for your lossx
The hurt is indescribable. I’ve had a sister suicide and my parents never got “over” it. Neither did the rest of the family. I couldn’t “go on”with living so I decided to call life “going forward” because there is no forgetting. I can go forward with the effects of that tragedy.... and decide how it affects me. That is very hard. But numbing the pain, or not speaking of it was worse and I was stuck in the pain. Don’t know if this makes sense but you are not alone....
@@rharvey1110 Thank you so much. I have the hope that I will see her again in heaven. So many questions and things to talk to her about that we never go say while she was here. Without that hope, I would be lost. No one should have to bury their own child. Anyone I meet who has, gets the biggest hug I can give them.
@@yrellim Thank you. I have connected with them after a long silence. I can't expect them to understand. I forgive them. This society is so fearful of talking about death.
Thank you thank you...i listen to you every morning to help me deal with the tragic loss of my 37 year old son...you are so right...Debbie Downer and i am shunned...i miss Alex so much...he has been gone 5 months
Just today I was thinking and wishing for the armbands to come back because this grief really does impair me in ways that others would be less bothered by if they knew without my having to say it (and avoid the awkwardnesses!)
Thank You for such a Great message that had me thinking. Loss + Grief = ??? Does this necessarily mean Death? I’ve been Grieving for 8 years, still hurts, still cry; still trying to stand up; and guess what?… No one wants to hear about it, no one wants to see me cry. Why? Because I HAVE TO MOVE FORWARD? What do I do with the pain for “my loss”? Well, I guess what I’ve been doing for 8 years. . .Cry in the shower so my tears slide down with the water; wake up each morning Giving Thanks for what I have and not lost. But the pain, loss and grief are still present. Thank You!
I don't care how much empathy someone feels for me, don't hug me. I realized when my ex died how awkward most people are around someone standing in those shoes. But I think the worst was being told to "Get Over It". I certainly "Got Over It" the world that was and any want to exist in it. I spent 9 year cutting off everyone that I felt close too. I may wear a fake smile in public or when it's called for, but at the end of the days the lights in that house burnt out years ago. And anyone who gets to close and catches me in a moment when I blank out into that space tends to have far more questions then I ever want to answer and they too at that point must go. I don't ever want to deal with another person and their half hearted sympathy or empathy. I don't want to have to continuously spend my life explaining to other people why I am incapable of ever being "normal". Some things are so great that they change a person to their core, some of those things are for the better but sometimes those moments are so dark that they kill that person in that moment and leave them an empty husk of who they once were. Many things died that day, it wasn't just her. It was my wants, goals, passions, and dreams for the future I desired. So explain to me how to "Get Over It"? Worst of all it was my sanctuary that resided in her which was the only space I ever felt at peace. The person that I was that existed before that moment gave up and was buried with her. What exist now is just a shadow of what was. I'm just checking off the things I feel the need to finish. Then maybe I can get back to that space by putting this incarnation behind me.
I lost my brother 3 years ago and and my father 4 months ago . It's very painful for me .Grief is not easy process we all are living but we are changed and we feel pain lonely and painful timely
I listen to him again and again and helps me so much...compassion is difficult to find ....my son died tragically 8 months ago and i find people putting a date for my grief to end....he is so right...debbie downers are shunned...people do not feel or like sad...thank you for putting ME into words.I listen to you and my tears roll,as every morning
I'm sorry for your loss Lynda. Might the Lord give you strength to keep going forward. I lost my husband nine months ago and I have been grieving alone with my six year old daughter. Sending love.
Thank you, I also have lost my little sister in a car crash 17 years ago, she was only 17 but in December 2020, my Bestest Girl in the World, my beautiful daughter, Amazing Caitlin was killed by cancer of the brain and CNS after 5 years almost to the day of being diagnosed.
The “I can’t imagine” comments are the worst! It’s like.. oh ok then well congratulations on your life going so well then! I know people mean well but that is just the most annoying thing to hear! The best things for me have been people coming to me and lying with me on my bed literally stroking my hair and holding my hand, hugging me, spooning me in my bed!! Bringing me a salad, bringing me out for a coffee or helping me with an errand. Just be here with me! Come and hug me and hold my hand! I don’t wanna hear how you can’t imagine! Because one day maybe you will be in the same boat so maybe you should try to imagine because like this great talk explains: everyone we know is gonna die!! Including us! Also.. please get life insurance and please throw away old paperwork while you are alive! Please tell eachother you love them every single day. Please hug while you are alive!
Exactly! They think it's respectful to say "I can't imagine". Well, try to imagine! Have they never had someone die in their life? Or how do they think they would feel if it was their mother, father etc who had died? It's not very fun to imagine, but I'm sure most people are able to.
Thank you again...you so delicately relate the silent terrible grief i'm going through........my darling son,i miss him,his gorgeous smile and what will never be...
I lost my son who was only 36years old. Healthy young man,worked as a Houston Police officer and a believer Jesus Christ. 11th February 2020 suddenly he is gone, day and night my husband and me we crying and praying, "Lord Jesus do not take any children when their parents are living,it is very very hard Lord".
We lost our 39 year old son suddenly, it will be 3 months ago tomorrow. I have been told the pain will reduce; I have been told that the only thing that will heal the wound is heaven. The second one seems right.
Michael, while I haven't had the privilege of meeting you yet, Neal and I know your parents and have spent many days with them in Culebra. We also had the opportunity to meet your sister. We too shared in your shock and grief when Nalani passed. Your words of enlightenment are well received and important to hear. Well Done! I look forward to meeting you one day. Darlene & Neal - S/V El Gecco
There is no one who's going to be there 24/7 if you live alone. Even if they give you a hug and say a few kind words, you still go home to an empty place an sit there with your grief.
not even 2months after loosing my fiance but honestly but since then a day can't passby without tears flowing its soo fresh so painful not easy to accept it
I loved the picture of you and your sister. I lost my brother 12 years ago. You are so right, you need to deal with your pain and allow others to feel their pain too!
This is also a time for you to be kind to yourself, be patient with yourself Peggy. Going to mass now will pray for you and your brother. Today is actually the anniversary date of my brother's burial.
I'm so sorry. Do you feel under pressure to get over it? I think children and animals allow us to unlock our original untarnished selves in their presence, so when we lose such people, we also lose a secret connection to ourselves. But you're still in there. Your son is there with you every time you let the love be there instead of the sense of separation and loss. I'm really sorry if this sounds trite, but I have been through a lot of grief in my lifetime. Go well, sister.
I lost my son a few months ago. It is crushing. I don’t want to be here anymore either. I am getting help through David Kessler. He lost his son. He has UA-cam videos and online zoom grief classes. I also joined a local chapter of Compasionate Friends. They are specifically for parents who have lost children. The groups help to connect with people who understand the enormous grief we are experiencing.
I kept listening because you said you have been accused of being selfish and aloof. I have, too. Even after losing my only sibling when I was 25, I am still uncomfortable with displaying my own grief or in sharing in the grief of others. This was a lovely talk.
@@soniaclancy3397 I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my brother almost 21 years ago, and in the grand scheme of things, it is hard to imagine my life any other way. But all the same, I can summon tears within seconds with certain memories or if I contemplate what could have been. For at least 2 years after his death, I was very fragile. The Compassionate Friends was a good online resource to me back then. If you need to talk, drop your email address. Take care.
Yes, I just had a traumatic, hands on, horrible encounter with my mother’s death. Conventional American timeline is 3 days and back at it. A month later I am still adrift, and trying to help my Ill-equip father who always assumed he would die first. Found a therapist trying
Thank you ...thank you...lost my son ...he was 37....suddenly 5 weeks ago...you so explained this terrible sorrow...i didn't get to hold him or soothe his pain....thank you
So sorry for your loss .i know how you feel..i lost my son 2 months ago..i am lost without him .He was not just my son, he was my best friend in the world.Just talk to your son anytime..he can hear you and will visit you
I miss my daughter so much she was my soul mate I could tell her anything, she was the best friend I would ever have, and I just can’t imagine life without her I miss her so much can’t handle the thought that she is no longer here, so sorry for your loss
@@jacquelinestewart3820 So sorry about your loss .I know how you feel ..i also lost my son few months ago, and he was my best friend too in this world.
Hugs, food and presence. Pretty simple plan. Pretty hard if you feel that presence is magic words, insightful actions. Presence is presence. Like the hug, like food presence is simple.
"Allergic to tragedy". S0 true! We train our society incorrectly. We're all mortal and it's a guarantee. GOD says what time it is. Picture is a treasure, sadly. By the way, 12 months never ends.
I felt the same way for a while! I felt exposed and ashamed that I was a young widow with a small child. I felt for some reason people looked at me like I was this monster that represented everyone's worse nightmare! The looks and instant deflection or dismissal of my husband's death when brought up in any conversation made me feel like he was not worth talking about. My loss was too intense for other people so I was dismissed constantly! 🥺 Recently I decided that this was their flaw (they lacked empathy)! Now I see it as my compass to mitigate these people as they lack depth and are not worth my time or energy! I have deep empathy for them as they will one day be in our shoes and experience the profound pain we all struggle with daily! Never let the opinion of anyone devalue the person you loved so much impact your worth and their worth! Now I have no problem speaking up and letting people know that one day this will happen to you so honnor and respect me without judgment! It's ok to remind people when you're struggling that your grieving! Trust me the people you are afraid of loosing don't deserve to be in you mind or life! They should go!!!
Hey, God loves you. Jesus says in John 3:16 "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.". This verse means that the moment that you believe that Jesus, the Son of God, died on the cross for the sins of the world and rose again from the dead, your name will be written in heaven, and you will have everlasting life in heaven with the Lord Jesus after you die on earth. So repent, ask God for forgiveness of your sins, and put your faith in Jesus Christ our Lord. The Lord God richly bless all of you.
Huh? What are YOU talking about? He’s talking about grief and being compassionate towards others who are experiencing great loss. Super confused by your comment.
Grief is a scream inside you that nobody can hear but you.
This is absolutely accurate. I feel like I’m screaming all day and no one hears me.
Accurate.
I have also read that grief is love with no where to go.
Wow. Yes. You nailed it.
Peace and comfort to all the grieving souls.
It is.
Grief is love, wanting to be expressed.
I lost my fiancé suddenly a few years ago. It was more than the rug being pulled out from under me, it was more like my entire life came crashing down ontop of me, just like Michael said. Our society is so uncomfortable talking about death and that is a huge diservice to those who are heavily grieving. Even my family, my parents, sister, brother... They were so uncomfortable talking about his death that if I even mentioned his name, they would all go silent until my mom would eventually jump in and change the subject. I can't tell you how hurtful that was. If someone you know is grieving, acknowledge that person's pain. You aren't reminding them of what they are going through. Trust me they are aware of it every second of the day. Hugs and anticipation are great places to start. 💗
Im sorry for your loss and how you have been supported Marisa, hugs from Brisbane Australia xx
I lost my boyfriend a few weeks ago.
You know how it feels as you described it so well.
I am so lucky to have a family that lets me talk about him whenever I want.
It has been really helpful.
I am losing friends though, but that's ok. It's life changing.
I am happy to see more clearly now.
You are so brave.
I lost someone I loved deeply to suicide 3 weeks ago, he moved back to London to make our relationship work. I'm in so much pain and feel so alone as I hadn't met his family yet, so I feel like I'm grieving alone. I'm really struggling.
pancakesandtea Im so sorry you’re having to go through such a painful experience, especially since you don’t have much support.
I wish there was more that I could do or say to you so that you’d feel less alone. Just please do me a favor ok? When your mind starts to tell you that his death is somehow your responsibility or fault ( for example if you keep thinking g if you had only done x or if you had never done y then maybe he’d still be here) stop you’re self and give yourself a break. Just try to be kind to yourself and know that I’ve got you in my thoughts and prayers. I’m always here if you need someone to talk to. Just keep breathing💗
I've lost my mum very recently and I'm broken. This speech has really helped me. It's so true, so painful to hear, but the best thing I've heard since my mum died so traumatically. I'm alone, it's hard but I know I will cope thanks to this speech.
People that I thought would be there for me avoided taking about the loss I'm experiencing, they say I'm sorry and I hope you feel better, and they end the conversation. I eventually found a support group, there I got the most comforting words and true support without judgements, from strangers that I had never met before.
I lost my fiancé 1 month ago. You are so right about anticipating what the grieving person may need. I have had people say, let me know if you need anything, responding once by saying, “What might that be”. Feeling I wasn’t in a place to say or even recognize what I might need. Are they going to take my pain away? Or bring back my loved one? Because at that moment that’s what I felt I needed. Then I had a neighbor who instead of saying let me know if you need anything, offered services such as, picking up people from the airport, cleaning house, etc. That’s when I recognized I had a need someone could help with.
Needed that.
It’s the loneliness that aches despite the room being full
My wife passed away September 18 2021 and I've been lost inside this video helped me move forward. My friend lost his only daughter 3 weeks ago I did some of the things you said about visiting him and just giving him a hug. It actually helps us both with our pain. Thought our situations are different
The words you used “if you truly care about someone who suffered a loss go to them” is such a need but some people just don’t do it which is hurtful . From losing my dad and the way people who I thought would be there was not there , has truly been a wake up call and eye opener for me. Thanks for this video because it has confirmed the way I was feeling is what I should be feeling .
Shirley Sesler-Herring Feel the Music I’m sorry for your loss ❤️
So true honey...i felt the same...thought people would rally but they didn't....was surprised by supposed friends vanished...my son died suddenly of a heart attack 5 months ago,2 hours before his birthday
....i never got the hugs except from my other children....i became infectious to some
So true...the surprises you get with people.If they're lucky to be young and have their new family springing up around them,they don't care about their mother's grief.Families sometimes are not compassionate
I'm here because I truly want to be there for someone who lost his mum. ☹️
I watched this again after 1 year of losing my son tragically......tears roll because he describes so perfectly ..tragedy.....thank you soooo much❤❤❤❤
This was one of the best talks about grief that I’ve come across. Well-done and authentic. It’s been 4 years since my husband died and I’m still struggling with the aloneness.
"The whole building collapses on you." This. Today was my dad's funeral. I lost him on June 13th. He was my closest friend in this city. I lost my mom on June 1st. I'm 26. This is awful. It hurts so much. As if it's not a real life & I would love to wake up, but it's not a dream.
Hugs for you.
I lost my mom a week ago. 😢
I'm sorry baby. I lost my mother in August. There are no words...
🥺🙏💔❤️
He speaks the words I wish I could have found when someone asks me what they can do for me, now that I am grieving. Thank you!
I'm sorry for your loss, Paula. Sending you a hug.
Omg, in the time of covid-no hugging allowed. I need a hug.
Here's one free. I already sent it so ya can't give it back 🤗
I understand. I lost my father who was a frontline RN to Covid in July 2020. This grief is like no other. People do not understand this type of loss when you cannot grieve with people. It's beyond words.
@@erinmee8033 I am truly sorry for your loss 😔 It has been 3 months now, since the loss of my husband of 50 years 💔
@@erinmee8033 sorry for your loss and I understand. I lost my sister to Covid, she was a Nurse. It's harder to process loss with no physical contact and people not knowing what to say.
I lost my 29 year old son 3.5 years ago. It was a tragic motorcycle accident. Out of all the videos I’ve watched this one truly touched my soul. Thank you for this and hugs too you.
Paula, I am sorry for your loss. May you find peace and comfort.
Hi Paula I lost my husband three weeks ago in a motorbike accident, my whole life is ruined . Me and our daughter have been left so suddenly. I can't cope without him
Aymee Brisbane I’m so deeply sorry for you and your daughters loss. While I’ve not lost a spouse, I have lost a child and my life is forever changed.
I’m not going to pretend I understand your pain of losing a spouse at all because I’ve not experienced that loss; However, I want you to know I understand grief, heartache, pain, loss, etc... My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your daughter. 🙏🏻
@@AymeeDonovan I'm so sorry I know how it feels to be lonely without the person you loved, we've all lost our love ones in death one way or the other, either a spouse, child, family members, or a true friend that meant the world to us, such is life I understand how you feel but life goes on because death is inevitable and we'll all have to face it someday, I lost my wife 3yrs ago to a cardiovascular disease, I felt deeply devastated with grief, but that's the past now, time is indeed the best healer.
I'd love to talk to you more if you don't mind! it'd be nice if you just say hi, here is my number +1206-237-2054 or rather you can send me your gmail address so I could reach out on you.
My heart goes out to you, Paula. I'm heartbroken by your loss.
I'm so sorry for your family's loss. She looks so beautiful,bright&fun. This is soo good.I lost my brother who was 2years older than me 3 months ago. Not only am I deeply grieving my heartache but my Mom&Dad's pain too. I want to be a helpful&loving daughter to them through their grief.
I lost my wife unexpectedly. 2 months ago. Everyone expects … well, I don’t know what they expect. But I am not over it. Nobody knows what I am really feeling or going through. Thank you for this talk. It really spoke to me.
Jolie Curry,
I am so sorry about your wife!
I lost my husband 3 years ago.
I will never get over the loss!
I am integrating my grieving with my living.
Hugs.
@@betsysloan4619 I am so very sorry for your loss.
@@joliecurry2451
Thank you,Jolie Curry.
Thank you for this! I lost both of my brothers back to back a few years ago, and I haven’t had any support. Thank you for sharing about this
So sorry for your loss, I lost my only son last week but grief is a very difficult process though many say Gods' plans but this causes everything one to be disorganized and my life has changed completely because I never had a chance to even burry my love
Thank you for this very helpful talk. I lost my 38 year old daughter 3 weeks ago to a motorcycle accident. I have never felt such pain and grief in my life. Going on with life after you bury your child is an excruciating nightmare every day. I understand how other people who have not experienced this life crushing loss have no words to say. Just a hug is all I ask. I will grieve my daughter for the rest of my life. I just need to understand how to handle it an go on.
Wow - so intense man -- let’s hope there is more to this life than meets the eye. I hope your daughter’s essence still exists somehow : somewhere - and that you are reconnected at some point, in some way. Blessings brother - and I hope your loveliest memories of your precious girl fill your heart with joy.
@@jenncarton2063 Please try and take the first step to reconnect with your family and forgive them-they don't understand, don't know what to say or even how to act-how would they. Forgive them -sorry for your lossx
The hurt is indescribable. I’ve had a sister suicide and my parents never got “over” it. Neither did the rest of the family. I couldn’t “go on”with living so I decided to call life “going forward” because there is no forgetting. I can go forward with the effects of that tragedy.... and decide how it affects me. That is very hard. But numbing the pain, or not speaking of it was worse and I was stuck in the pain. Don’t know if this makes sense but you are not alone....
@@rharvey1110 Thank you so much. I have the hope that I will see her again in heaven. So many questions and things to talk to her about that we never go say while she was here. Without that hope, I would be lost. No one should have to bury their own child. Anyone I meet who has, gets the biggest hug I can give them.
@@yrellim Thank you. I have connected with them after a long silence. I can't expect them to understand. I forgive them. This society is so fearful of talking about death.
Thank you thank you...i listen to you every morning to help me deal with the tragic loss of my 37 year old son...you are so right...Debbie Downer and i am shunned...i miss Alex so much...he has been gone 5 months
Just today I was thinking and wishing for the armbands to come back because this grief really does impair me in ways that others would be less bothered by if they knew without my having to say it (and avoid the awkwardnesses!)
Thank You for such a Great message that had me thinking.
Loss + Grief = ???
Does this necessarily mean Death? I’ve been Grieving for 8 years, still hurts, still cry; still trying to stand up; and guess what?… No one wants to hear about it, no one wants to see me cry. Why? Because I HAVE TO MOVE FORWARD? What do I do with the pain for “my loss”? Well, I guess what I’ve been doing for 8 years. . .Cry in the shower so my tears slide down with the water; wake up each morning Giving Thanks for what I have and not lost. But the pain, loss and grief are still present. Thank You!
Same here…
I don't care how much empathy someone feels for me, don't hug me.
I realized when my ex died how awkward most people are around someone standing in those shoes. But I think the worst was being told to "Get Over It".
I certainly "Got Over It" the world that was and any want to exist in it. I spent 9 year cutting off everyone that I felt close too.
I may wear a fake smile in public or when it's called for, but at the end of the days the lights in that house burnt out years ago. And anyone who gets to close and catches me in a moment when I blank out into that space tends to have far more questions then I ever want to answer and they too at that point must go. I don't ever want to deal with another person and their half hearted sympathy or empathy. I don't want to have to continuously spend my life explaining to other people why I am incapable of ever being "normal".
Some things are so great that they change a person to their core, some of those things are for the better but sometimes those moments are so dark that they kill that person in that moment and leave them an empty husk of who they once were.
Many things died that day, it wasn't just her. It was my wants, goals, passions, and dreams for the future I desired. So explain to me how to "Get Over It"? Worst of all it was my sanctuary that resided in her which was the only space I ever felt at peace.
The person that I was that existed before that moment gave up and was buried with her. What exist now is just a shadow of what was. I'm just checking off the things I feel the need to finish. Then maybe I can get back to that space by putting this incarnation behind me.
I feel every word of what you wrote.
@Draven ... every single thing you said resonated with me in the fullest sense of the word.
It is true that we die with them and are never the same.
I lost my brother 3 years ago and and my father 4 months ago . It's very painful for me .Grief is not easy process we all are living but we are changed and we feel pain lonely and painful timely
I listen to him again and again and helps me so much...compassion is difficult to find ....my son died tragically 8 months ago and i find people putting a date for my grief to end....he is so right...debbie downers are shunned...people do not feel or like sad...thank you for putting ME into words.I listen to you and my tears roll,as every morning
I'm sorry for your loss Lynda. Might the Lord give you strength to keep going forward.
I lost my husband nine months ago and I have been grieving alone with my six year old daughter.
Sending love.
@@The1morningstar hi honey...sending you love and thoughts......❤❤
@@lyndanixon4824 We are in this together 💕
@@The1morningstar ❤❤❤❤yes we are
Your sister looks adorable. Thanks for sharing your story and making us think about tragedy because for some of us it’s already happened /happening.
Sending you a hug, Mike. I miss you, and I look forward to seeing you in the future.
Thank you, I also have lost my little sister in a car crash 17 years ago, she was only 17 but in December 2020, my Bestest Girl in the World, my beautiful daughter, Amazing Caitlin was killed by cancer of the brain and CNS after 5 years almost to the day of being diagnosed.
The “I can’t imagine” comments are the worst! It’s like.. oh ok then well congratulations on your life going so well then! I know people mean well but that is just the most annoying thing to hear! The best things for me have been people coming to me and lying with me on my bed literally stroking my hair and holding my hand, hugging me, spooning me in my bed!! Bringing me a salad, bringing me out for a coffee or helping me with an errand. Just be here with me! Come and hug me and hold my hand! I don’t wanna hear how you can’t imagine! Because one day maybe you will be in the same boat so maybe you should try to imagine because like this great talk explains: everyone we know is gonna die!! Including us! Also.. please get life insurance and please throw away old paperwork while you are alive! Please tell eachother you love them every single day. Please hug while you are alive!
Exactly! They think it's respectful to say "I can't imagine". Well, try to imagine! Have they never had someone die in their life? Or how do they think they would feel if it was their mother, father etc who had died? It's not very fun to imagine, but I'm sure most people are able to.
Thank you again...you so delicately relate the silent terrible grief i'm going through........my darling son,i miss him,his gorgeous smile and what will never be...
This is the best Ted talk I've ever seen. Well done Michael. Absolutely bang on. Thank you. Xx
I lost my son who was only 36years old. Healthy young man,worked as a Houston Police officer and a believer Jesus Christ. 11th February 2020 suddenly he is gone, day and night my husband and me we crying and praying, "Lord Jesus do not take any children when their parents are living,it is very very hard Lord".
Praying for you and your family🙏
We lost our 39 year old son suddenly, it will be 3 months ago tomorrow. I have been told the pain will reduce; I have been told that the only thing that will heal the wound is heaven. The second one seems right.
I am so sorry for your incredible loss. Please know that I am sending love
I am sorry for your loss. God give you strength! Bless you.
Michael, while I haven't had the privilege of meeting you yet, Neal and I know your parents and have spent many days with them in Culebra. We also had the opportunity to meet your sister. We too shared in your shock and grief when Nalani passed. Your words of enlightenment are well received and important to hear. Well Done! I look forward to meeting you one day. Darlene & Neal - S/V El Gecco
There is no one who's going to be there 24/7 if you live alone. Even if they give you a hug and say a few kind words, you still go home to an empty place an sit there with your grief.
Thank you, this comes at a time when we need this most!
“grief looks like fear” C.S. Lewis
not even 2months after loosing my fiance but honestly but since then a day can't passby without tears flowing its soo fresh so painful not easy to accept it
Amen we need to act on this talk 🙏
I’ve been grieving the loss of both of my parents in 2008. I could sure do with some hugs instead of awkwardness and avoidance 😢
Well done Michael. Your words are evocative, powerful and meaningful. Thank you.
I loved the picture of you and your sister. I lost my brother 12 years ago. You are so right, you need to deal with your pain and allow others to feel their pain too!
I just recently lost my Brother....
It hurt so bad! I am trying to pick up the pieces...
This is also a time for you to be kind to yourself, be patient with yourself Peggy. Going to mass now will pray for you and your brother.
Today is actually the anniversary date of my brother's burial.
I lost my child... And its very hard.... My heart breaks everyday and I just don't want to wake up anymore....
Hi Iya. Me too.😔😫😢😥😓
Me too dia
I'm so sorry. Do you feel under pressure to get over it? I think children and animals allow us to unlock our original untarnished selves in their presence, so when we lose such people, we also lose a secret connection to ourselves. But you're still in there. Your son is there with you every time you let the love be there instead of the sense of separation and loss. I'm really sorry if this sounds trite, but I have been through a lot of grief in my lifetime. Go well, sister.
I lost my son a few months ago. It is crushing. I don’t want to be here anymore either. I am getting help through David Kessler. He lost his son. He has UA-cam videos and online zoom grief classes. I also joined a local chapter of Compasionate Friends. They are specifically for parents who have lost children. The groups help to connect with people who understand the enormous grief we are experiencing.
This is an excellent and insightful talk about grief. Thank you!
I kept listening because you said you have been accused of being selfish and aloof. I have, too. Even after losing my only sibling when I was 25, I am still uncomfortable with displaying my own grief or in sharing in the grief of others. This was a lovely talk.
I just lost my only sibling how did you cope how are you?
@@soniaclancy3397 I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my brother almost 21 years ago, and in the grand scheme of things, it is hard to imagine my life any other way. But all the same, I can summon tears within seconds with certain memories or if I contemplate what could have been. For at least 2 years after his death, I was very fragile. The Compassionate Friends was a good online resource to me back then. If you need to talk, drop your email address. Take care.
The best TEDx Talk ❤️🙏 few a days before the anniversary of my 8 year old sons death...
Yes, I just had a traumatic, hands on, horrible encounter with my mother’s death. Conventional American timeline is 3 days and back at it. A month later I am still adrift, and trying to help my Ill-equip father who always assumed he would die first. Found a therapist trying
Thank you ...thank you...lost my son ...he was 37....suddenly 5 weeks ago...you so explained this terrible sorrow...i didn't get to hold him or soothe his pain....thank you
I feel your pain.Your son will live on you
Im so sorry for your loss. I am sending love
I know what to do and say. Be with the person. Put your arm round them. Let them be. Let them be.
Thank you again and again...spot on....at last somebody who walks you through grief ...each painful angle....THANK YOU
I lost my only son Vincent he’s forever 16 . I’m sorry for the loss of your sister 💔
So sorry for your loss .i know how you feel..i lost my son 2 months ago..i am lost without him .He was not just my son, he was my best friend in the world.Just talk to your son anytime..he can hear you and will visit you
I miss my daughter so much she was my soul mate I could tell her anything, she was the best friend I would ever have, and I just can’t imagine life without her I miss her so much can’t handle the thought that she is no longer here, so sorry for your loss
@@jacquelinestewart3820 So sorry about your loss .I know how you feel ..i also lost my son few months ago, and he was my best friend too in this world.
@@annette731 thank you so much for your kind words hope you have better days
@@jacquelinestewart3820 Thank you. Trying .it doesn't work. Wish you the same..Thank you
Sorry for the loss of your sister, I jus lost my Mum💔
Michael, grief is a difficult process and unfortunately our country is experiencing this more and more.
This was beautiful, thank you.
Thank you for sharing your story.
Great talk Michael. Grieving mom x
During this time of Covid it was difficult to hug or have families grieve as they should.
Beautiful.
Thank you , my loss was a week ago today ....
Will see video later today but just had to share, love your title. Indeed, an eye catcher!!
Such an excellent talk. ❤️
Hugs, food and presence. Pretty simple plan. Pretty hard if you feel that presence is magic words, insightful actions. Presence is presence. Like the hug, like food presence is simple.
Great work, Michael! Very impressive talk!
Thanks Brad. I think the message is especially pertinent with the tragedy in Las Vegas right now. Feel for those families.
Thank you
My brother died ina car accident. He was my best friend. I'm broken
My brother died as well. Ever so broken I am. ))))HUGS((((( to you!
Thank you!
Powerful ... and amazing young man .
This is a very good talk
Great talk
"Allergic to tragedy". S0 true! We train our society incorrectly. We're all mortal and it's a guarantee. GOD says what time it is.
Picture is a treasure, sadly.
By the way, 12 months never ends.
I wish my friends and family watched this 😔
There is a way which seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death. Proverbs 14:12
I have been counting on a certain person so much. What will happen if it turns out he won't.
I felt the same way for a while! I felt exposed and ashamed that I was a young widow with a small child. I felt for some reason people looked at me like I was this monster that represented everyone's worse nightmare! The looks and instant deflection or dismissal of my husband's death when brought up in any conversation made me feel like he was not worth talking about. My loss was too intense for other people so I was dismissed constantly! 🥺
Recently I decided that this was their flaw (they lacked empathy)! Now I see it as my compass to mitigate these people as they lack depth and are not worth my time or energy! I have deep empathy for them as they will one day be in our shoes and experience the profound pain we all struggle with daily!
Never let the opinion of anyone devalue the person you loved so much impact your worth and their worth!
Now I have no problem speaking up and letting people know that one day this will happen to you so honnor and respect me without judgment!
It's ok to remind people when you're struggling that your grieving!
Trust me the people you are afraid of loosing don't deserve to be in you mind or life! They should go!!!
You’re very bitter towards other people. This is not healthy for you. It only embitters you and isolates you. Don’t go down this path.
Well said.
🕊
Excellent!
Hey, God loves you. Jesus says in John 3:16 "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.". This verse means that the moment that you believe that Jesus, the Son of God, died on the cross for the sins of the world and rose again from the dead, your name will be written in heaven, and you will have everlasting life in heaven with the Lord Jesus after you die on earth. So repent, ask God for forgiveness of your sins, and put your faith in Jesus Christ our Lord. The Lord God richly bless all of you.
Huuuuuugs✨🤗
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what the fluck is this guy even talking about??? OMG!!! There IS NO point dude!!!
Huh? What are YOU talking about? He’s talking about grief and being compassionate towards others who are experiencing great loss. Super confused by your comment.
@@Prettymapleleafpreach!