BOATING LIKE A TSAR PART 3 - Ultimate Admiral Dreadnoughts
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- Опубліковано 16 чер 2024
- #ultimateadmiraldreadnoughts #ultimateadmiral #blackpantslegion
This is not a serious take on naval history, but more a shitpost thereof. Please take everything I say with a grain of salt.
I'm sorry, Elmo Zumwalt.
The game is Ultimate Admiral Dreadnoughts: store.steampowered.com/app/10...
In Ultimate Admiral: Dreadnoughts you play as the head of a navy doing what the head of navies do best - spend entirely too much money on holes in the water, or, in laymans terms, ships. You can design very stupid things. I do this.
Music from Epidemic Sound - www.epidemicsound.com - Ігри
Tex likes his boats like he likes his women, unstable and with big guns. lol
😂😂😂😂😂😂
queen made a whole song about it and everything
People fighting the Imperial Russia Navy: "You have detected enemy smoke.... from orbit."
Given the Admiral Kuznetsov, it seems little has changed in Russian naval doctrine.
Tex inventing chemical warfare before the Germans... You know the Russian navy is near because you have sudden onset black lung.
"My favorite things in life are unstable." I see Tex likes to live on the dangerous end of the Hot/Crazy Matrix.
"Can we keep the Russian Empire alive? Also we just invaded Afghanistan"
Well Admiral it's been nice knowing you, and worst of all, it's in the army's hands now
Decades of historical knowledge and research coalesced into a clown shoes navy, dedicated to doing the opposite of any lessons learned. And winning.
Beautiful
All you have to do is know what the enemy is capable of, and plan accordingly. Just look at the Greek Army's clown shoes.
Of course Tex’s first engagement has the ships vibrating like Hitachi Massage Wands running at escape velocity.
I feel like we'd all be worried if he built anything that was even remotely stable 😂
Tex slowly evolving into Macho Man with 'Oh Yeah'. I was expecting him making a ship name slim jim
When one Macho Man falls another must rise...
Hulkamania is a grain of sand and FUNNEL MADNESS is the desert
All the world looked at Russia's 18 funnel battleships all burning mazut and went 'nah we don't want none of that smoke'
"Here's your free loaf of bread, now shut the fuck up." -Best Tex line this Year so far...
I can imagine a czarist painting of the cruiser line with just the massive cloud of smoke and the ram bows of the ships just cutting through the sea.
And the Czar being very happy with it exclaiming “look at all the smoke stacks!!!”
Should hire an artist to make a painting in the proper style.
Actually, from the right angle, thats an impressive and terrifying thing. for other navies, their ships can be seen... but the Tex made russian fleet... its a rolling smog bank concealing fire, steel, and death. i half imagine that the sailors are equiped with gas masks and goggles to protect their eyes from the toxic. The Tzar will be proud that his navy is such a terrifying and impressive thing.
And the painting is life size so the damn thing is a half mile wide 😂
Need some kind of cliff to fit it, including a tail of smonk.
@chrillzilla1268 had to build a small city to around it to get it done, thousands of laborers set to a single task. Glory to the Czar and his Admiral!!!
"I have women and children targeting munitions!"😂😂😂😂😂😂
like an even more fucky version of the puckle gun
@Kaarl_Mills 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Ah yes the puckle gun. With its square ammunition for fighting Arabs(iirc)😂😂😂
@@Maezhughes round munitions for fighting Christians and square for fighting the godless turks
18:20 Tex at the most sanguine and mirthsome I have ever heard in a video. He is revelling in the sheer amount of damage being caused on both sides
I declare, the burning of charcoal is a most desirable odor I greatly prefer, specifically as I rise with the day.
The fast attack boat statement had me almost pissing myself. Charge of the light brigade came to my mind or any of Alexander the greats cavalry charges.. thank ya Tex you make games watching fun.
Oh, and he forgot to add the nastiest part about the modern iterations of fast attack boats in the Finnish and Swedish navies that now rule Lake NATO previously known as the Baltic sea: The Finnish boats are often a bit bigger than the Swedish, and some of those bigger fast attack boats are armed with single tube NEMO autoloading or AMOS dual tube assisted manual breech loaded 12cm mortar turrets, that can fire on the move, at moving targets, with
It's kind of the PRCs overall strat if them and the US start shooting each other: they have a handful of submarines, asw ships, and not a whole lot of capital ships from what I can discern. But they have a fuck ton of fast attack boats the size of a matchbox, loaded down with as many anti ship missiles as they could fit on.
I have no clue at all of the quality of any of these vessels, but I do know, that China only started investing in its navy relatively recently. 30 years seems like a long time, but for a nation that hasn't had a proper naval engagement in its whole history? There's too many variables. Maybe it works, maybe they're all crap, no one actually knows.
@@Kaarl_Millsthey're all UBER crap. The prc navy are paper tigers.
These are people who build boats that sink. Not on purpose. Because the bulkheads dont even meet the hulls or have doors. Or seals. They're all worthless.
This series has encouraged me to try the game. I am past torpedo boat viability so now it's destroyer time. After watching Tex's playthroughs I am comissioning the "I have 12 tubes and intend to make this your problem" class. I already have plans for a sucessor if I can get a hull to 36kn+ then I'll commission the "I have 15 tubes and intend to make this your problem" class.
A game-breaking tip. Build ships with max tonnage but scale EVERYTHING down to zero. Zero armor, zero operational range, minimal main guns fore and aft (at least one each). Then plan a refit them to your liking minus one armor tic, then refit that refir up that tic. Cuts literal years off build time. I've built BB's in 9 months with 2 month refits where the full build takes years.
Nothing like a nice Tex video and a thunderstorm right as I lay down to sleep.
No, I think that's just the sound of the cruiser gunline
"our favorite things things in life is unstable" truer words have never been spoken.
Glad I have shipposting to help me with the shitty night I've had at work. Thanks for all the great laughs Tex and the team.
40:23 Admiral Nelsonski: "No man can do much wrong if he lays his ship alongside the enemy."
"Yuo see Ivan, when you put bote alongside enemy bote, yuo will never shoot the inaccurate."
My God, if your boat rocks that much in open ocean your mess kit had better include a bloody sippy cup! 😂
Coming in clutch with the video-tainment just as I was about to open UA-cam for my train ride home!
Tex has invented the “BRRRT” class light cruiser…
we need MOAR DAKKA! its da way!
21:06
"We're goin' through them like shit through a goose"
That one tipped me into laughter, what a great line
i wonder when the Imperial Russian Navy remembers to tick the 'Add Crew' button to allow their light cruiser flotilla to receive resupplies of high grade protein products to ensure proper lubrication of the gun mounts.
that 2nd battle... Tex is doing an exemplary role play of a nation powered by Vodka and casual Disregard
"My favorite things in life are unstable."
That statement alone provoked this comment.😂
Your embrace of more Dakka with all the two inch guns is inspiring.
I too wish to have a picnic in my autism fort.
YAY ANOTHER HOUR OF TEX BOATING
Alternative Episode Title: "And We Shall Ride Eternal, Picric and Smonk!"
You know with the "excessive artillery on enemy infantry" thing, they might have ment "it already looks like the surface of the moon there, pretty sure everybody is dead and you should be hitting other targets that are still alive"
The flight of the Goeben and Breslau also opens The Guns of August from a... technically... primary source... she was an infant but she WAS there.
Tex and Picric Acid. Name a more iconic duo.
You could say he's boating like a rock tsar.
5:19 Boats with hydraulics like in an early 90s rap video.
12:45 - "The difference between fiction and Real Life is that fiction has to make sense"
fuck yeah, BOATS
Just imagine how scary these things will be once they have rangefinders that work.
This series has become reactor coolant for my brain, satisfied cooling noises
I love listening to this series while i fall asleep
I thought he was going to say he was slowing it down to savor the moment.
Kopek looks like a violent pipe organ. I like to imagine the yard tunes the smoke stacks so the crew can toot while they shoot
Today was such a horrible monday, and this made it so much better. Thanks for being you.
The boat seems really stable.
The first duty of a Warship is to stay afloat. --- Tirpitz.
That's why German Great Cruisers were so well armored.
At the time the British had clauses in the contracts for building ships that allowed them to take possession in the case of a war but they had to give them back or replace them at the end of the war. There's a good rundown of these things in either *Dreadnought* or *Castles of Steel* both by Robert K. Massie.
And it's worth noting that of the ships they did acquire this way, after the war they were sent along to the purchasing power or bought, as per contract. Aside from the Ottomans, because their ship was part of the penalty they paid for joining the losing side. And because that empire fell apart immediately afterward.
even under admiral tex the russian empire is overly invested in fighting the other parts of the european continent
the usual tragically comical clusterfuck
totally digging your choice of classic music though
Literally just finished reading Castles of Steel and then this pops up
Something i learned recently is that you can sell your old ships to minor countries, if you mothball them.
Also that brazil in 1905 is desperate to buy chinese light cuisers from 1893, even tho they were never modernized
also can you fill torpedos with picric acid?
Biggest annoyance: those sold ships stay in your fleet registry for a turn before you turn them over. Which means you can scrap them in between selling them and actually giving them to the buyer.
Who was it... I think it was a British General... who said when someone complained about his 'excessive' use of firepower and manpower against the enemy, "A steam press is a perfectly legitimate tool for opening a walnut, provided you're unconcerned with the final condition of the walnut."?
The Black Pants Legion, great content keep it up bro
Fighting the Imperial Russian navy in this timeline is terrifying. If the guns don't kill you, you will die from smog exposure
It's 11 o'clock at night I have a boat to catch at 5 am and here I am watching you. My Wife is going to cry cause she can't sleep. Tex I love you.
honestly if you only took the cash for a plantinum roles roice as your big ticket item you'd probably be hailed for integrity
Tex's torpedo boat crews all earn the order of the csar before they set sail on the off chance they all sink before contact with the enemy 😂
Drinkie Bird cruising 16 at you with torps ready to make you drink these seas
Fun way to kick of the work week. Thank you Tex and BPL
I wonder if it would be possible to sell the DoD on a strategic warfare simulator for training generals and essentially grift the government into reviving the RTS genre.
TEX LMAO what is that dubstep impression
Is... Is there a way to double-like this?? LMAO! Loved this.. MOAR!
wow the sheer volume of bullet is insane XD
Excessive use of artillery? Sounds more like an excuse, invented by the Minister of War, to cover up his incompetence in running the munitions factories, and failing to provide enough shells for the needs of the army.
As Patton supposedly said, "You win wars by making the other poor bastard die for HIS country."
And to quote the Mighty Jingles, "If it's a fair fight, you did something wrong."
Oh boy a new Admiral Tex, what abominations unto man, god and the sea is he going to build today?
Tex thinks we get mad at his nautical monstrosities but really the more fucked up it is the more we like it.
Time for a new series: Tex Talks Battleships
iiiiits raining shells! halleluja
its raining shells! fires here!
the tracers light up the sky and
rain on our hull
XD
ok I can't believe those boats work
The best things with history is that things happen that noone could make up, because it wouldn't be funny or believable if it was. For my masters degree in history i researched through the London Customs Accounts from the late Hundred Years War and the weird shit that people sold through Europe in that time is just great.
Tex you've ruined me. You've destroyed me. After seeing you play this game, I've got 500 hours in it. Send help, naval funding, the craziest engineer you can find, and no less than five bottles of scotch
Tried Germany Yesterday; drove me nuts. Constantly making sure I hadn't missed some far-flung corner of the empire that didn't even get a torpedo boat, Trying to improve tech while also trying to hurry along my submarine program.... Finally seriously went broke. Trying to fight a war and upgrading at the same time will do that.
To say imperatritsa, stress syllables 2 and 4
Whatever happens, it can't be worse than the historical track record of the Russian Navy.
when I watch Tex's ships bounce I start to hear Lowrider by War
That water on the inside is just condensation. Don't worry about it.
Nyet, tse ne flood. Enemy has spilled Kommodore's midmorning little water.
You know, PT Boats served in WWII. It would be interesting to see what a late game Torpedo Boat swarm complete with top tech torpedoes looks like...
A Patrol Boat, Torpedo is _not_ the same thing as a Torpedo Boat.
Heading to work in a thunderstorm, but there's much BOAT to be seen, nice.
those austro-hungrian boats sure went into some kind of thunderstorm too XD
Rolling in Blasting Jan Hammer in your Fast Attack Cigarette Boat like Don Johnson or Hulk Hogan.
I find that intro to be amusing.
I want a boat that's just a massive cargo vessel and several dozen Urbanmechs armed with every kind of autocannon and Arrow 4 systems that act as the guns.
If you want bizarre history you should try "Girt" The Unauthorised History of Australia by David Hunt , really great audiobook. All the "weird" parts that your History class never showed you :P
We might only have an accuracy of about .5% but that doesn't matter when you fire 500 shells a second!
Fantastic video as always.
Are we going to see a "Mr. Tex and Mr. Dep Plug the Fulda Gap" Warno campaign? I think that would be pretty neat.
The German-Ottoman fleet also known as the Fez Reich.
I wasn't getting angsty about checking and finding no boat video 2 days ago wondering when it comes out.
Its fine now, everything is normal again... except my weekly dose of powerpoint seems to be missing
powerpoint man sick this week, new video will come next
You should do an ultimate admiral: age of sail campaign, based on your ummm..."tactics"... I think youd like it
Excessive smogstacks on that CA led to its instability problems.
That weight could have been used for armor to further stabalise the ship.
Clearly you fail to understand the importance of the smonk defense! To quote admiral Tex, “SMONK IS ARMOR!” (Play on Fisher’s famous quote “speed is armor” which Jutland disproved…)
@@mikeriley1702 Maybe I'm the one missing context here, but I'm pretty sure Jackie Fisher wasn't saying 'Sure, charge your battlecruisers straight into the enemy fleet! Their speed will protect them!' but rather 'My battlecruisers aren't supposed to fight anything that can hit them back at the ranges their big guns allow them to use, and their speed will protect them from anything that can.'
Try eating soup with a fork and you won't get much done. Though, admittedly, most soups won't explode for the attempt.
Anyone else hear the theme from Tennessee Tuxedo but replace tuxedo with "Texedo" when watching his videos? Also just tossing in that I self medicate with dog medicine, so yeah.
Am I the only one who hears Monkey Grinder music when the CL's are on screen?
Afghanistan??? Oh noooo
some dubstep music
Operation Clean Sweep is a go
that is the future
save your delicate computer
⚓
Admiral Scrombles SMASH
How convenient you do boat while I'm playing Russia in EU4. I currently have few boat as boat is expensive and I have a Lithuania to annex.
@17:00 - is this Dune if Frank Herbert was hungarain ? :D
Nice boat 2 must be a thing
6:00 Are you sure that's not a submarine? Are you really really sure?
TZAR bota.
da, tzar botas best of all world. never listen to western propoganda about loosing to japan.
God the Birdbath is such an awful and so, so Imperial Russian battleship design-terrible weight offset and paper armor
Moar boat
MAKE SMONK COMRADES!!! 💨💨💨💨💨
It is time