Dissociation After Narcissistic Abuse| Will I Ever Feel Connected To My Body Again?

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  • Опубліковано 29 жов 2024

КОМЕНТАРІ • 88

  • @maureenblanchard3323
    @maureenblanchard3323 2 роки тому +40

    My goodness. The example of being in the car brought back alot of memories. Bad ones. Thank God I walked away and am now living a much happier life

    • @Mara_143
      @Mara_143 2 роки тому +1

      🙏💯💯same

  • @realhealing7802
    @realhealing7802 2 роки тому +25

    Dissociation is how victims survive narcissistic abuse. I was raised in a narcissistic family system. I had to block the abuse out of my head and pretend that I was happy. Now I am trying to retrain myself. I fall back into old patterns but I am more aware of my feelings. Healing is a process so be kind to yourself.

    • @Mara_143
      @Mara_143 2 роки тому +3

      💯💯💯❤️🙏

  • @peterknyk1942
    @peterknyk1942 2 роки тому +30

    To reconnect from this kind of disassociation and the ravages of CPTSD after prolonged narcissistic abuse is singularly the greatest challenge that I have faced in this lifetime on this earth. I am so glad that there are people like you, Michele, who help us through these kind of most difficult situations in our lives. Your videos continue to inspire me and give me hope! Thank you so so much!
    Many blessings to you, Michele! 💞

  • @breakthroughmoment1647
    @breakthroughmoment1647 2 роки тому +25

    I would check out at the dinner table, literally recede into my shell. Footnote: People will treat you as if you’re not even there! They would skip right over me with the food when they were passing it around. Moral of the story, we teach people how to treat us on an unconscious level, but we can take back our power and be fully present “at the table.”

  • @AmberAmber
    @AmberAmber 2 роки тому +13

    I've even jumped out of a moving car once - Just once. Near the end of everything. Didn't know I'd been injured until the next day. Cos I wasn't 'in' me.
    TY Michele💗💗💗💗

  • @twinflamesrobiandcristie1122
    @twinflamesrobiandcristie1122 2 роки тому +10

    I would actually run to the car to be alone but I am always in survival mode.

  • @bradmcewen
    @bradmcewen 2 роки тому +16

    Another brilliant unraveling of the malevolence. The car rides. Spot on. Who would have thought their suggestion to go for ice cream was really a plot against your sanity. Just another effort at projecting off the demons that haunt their mind. Soooo glad it's in the past and getting further and further away.

  • @risingeagle6332
    @risingeagle6332 2 роки тому +16

    This is a rough journey to undergo. I’m tired of it. I have been disassociating for most of my life; raised in abusive home with an abusive alcoholic father and an emotionally disconnected mother, and then 32 years in a marriage with two narcissist (wife and her mother).
    Its a marvel to realize when I find I go some place while driving my car; only to realize that I do not recall how I got there.
    Time goes by at times.
    Unlearning this pattern of behavior is not simple. Wow! 😞
    She’s out of my life now, and I am left struggling with how to recover properly; one day at a time. ✌️

  • @meaghanhalkett3495
    @meaghanhalkett3495 2 роки тому +4

    Cars are the worst. They trap you in them, and then go at you so by the time you arrive, you are completely broken.

  • @phoenixrising8007
    @phoenixrising8007 2 роки тому +9

    Disassociation hijacks your brain and nervous system,
    overriding this alarm
    by finding your calm is helpful when mindful but what about when you’re triggered without awareness? When your silent alarm gets tripped without realizing the trigger ...

  • @HaleyMary
    @HaleyMary 2 роки тому +12

    I found that over time I started to feel anxiety when I would walk into a bar or restaurant and smell beer because it reminded me of the narcissist who would drink and started to bully me about my values. I haven't been to a bar since the start of the pandemic and it's amazing how much less stressed I feel these days. I realize that the particular bar I was bullied at I can't even step foot in because even being near the place gives me extreme anxiety.
    I wear necklaces to make me feel happy spiritually throughout the day. If I don't have my Buddha, tree of life, star of David, Bast, heart pendants and ring and heart locket that holds my cat's ashes around my neck throughout the day, I don't feel complete or at ease.

  • @eph2vv89only1way
    @eph2vv89only1way 2 роки тому +5

    I want to remember to practice the senses daily so I set a daily alarm on my phone. The tone I set for the alarm is Kelsea Ballerini’s “I Miss Me More” so I will remember WHY it is important not to ignore the alarm

  • @davidcoppotelli3957
    @davidcoppotelli3957 2 роки тому +4

    Michelle, Your Videos have helped me get out of a very Toxic relationship with my Ex Narcissist Girlfriend. 15 years of mostly her BS of a Life. 8 Months No Contact. Staying that way. I Walked Away from her, and Dumped her. Still ruminating but it gets better everyday. I don't have to wish KARMA on her. She Lives it everyday. You don't know lucky you are to get away from the DEVILS CHILDREN. BELIEVE IT. Michelle have a GREAT HOLIDAY.

  • @suselperez2409
    @suselperez2409 2 роки тому +2

    I thought I was just a chronic daydreamer. Honestly it did help me survive. I'm so grateful I'm out of that hell.

  • @rodvan-zeller6360
    @rodvan-zeller6360 2 роки тому +15

    From about 10:00 to 12:00 part of the video you are describing a similar strategy used by trained anti terrorism personnel to calm children down in hostage situations , what you describe works on adults in your context because we have to realize that the subconscious mind is a "child". Very nice technic.

  • @Suzu52
    @Suzu52 2 роки тому +4

    I definitely feel I dissociated through decades of a marriage.....coming out of it now I am horrified by what I accepted for myself.....not sure enough time is left in this lifetime to heal....

  • @freerobuxcheckmychannel2521
    @freerobuxcheckmychannel2521 2 роки тому +9

    Yes! In the car I would check out and look out the window. I would forget these episodes until I I started to write them down. I was on autopilotl

  • @Knit2pray4
    @Knit2pray4 2 роки тому +4

    I got a job a little over a year after leaving my xnarcozilla driving a school bus. Exactly one month of driving with children on t he bus, I kept getting migraine headaches, back aches, shoulder pain. I was disassociated when I got home from driving. The morning after I could not sleep all night, I called in and quit. I wondered why my body reacted the way it did. My emotions were healed, but my mind/body was not!

  • @oleleewahjahlawze60
    @oleleewahjahlawze60 2 роки тому +4

    Sam Vaknin gave this explanation as he is the,Lord of the Rings"himself.Narcs delightful gift giving 😏

  • @collie8
    @collie8 2 роки тому +5

    Michele I’m glad you didn’t go study neuroscience. You’re much more useful for humanity this way. As our neuroscientist :)

  • @TYGZus777
    @TYGZus777 2 роки тому +8

    Childhood neglect results in misattunement. Thank you for ALL that you do, Michele!

  • @mandyg943
    @mandyg943 2 роки тому +7

    I love you Michelle. Over the years you have gotten me through some very dark days. You are inspiring. Thank you.

  • @rodvan-zeller6360
    @rodvan-zeller6360 2 роки тому +12

    After 13:00 you are describing the "emotional/physical" freeze. You are very correct in exercising trigger recognition to learn to bypass it.

  • @angellollar1083
    @angellollar1083 2 роки тому +3

    This word is on my dissabilty dx for soc sec since age 31. 59 next month. Healing come quickly.

  • @izawaniek2568
    @izawaniek2568 2 роки тому +7

    I am so grateful for your free coaching Michelle as I can not afford therapy at the moment. I hope I will join you in January. Your work is saving lives of us trauma affected people. God bless you!

  • @Swtnsxe1980
    @Swtnsxe1980 2 роки тому +8

    All these things that you're saying is me 24 hours a day all the time is horrible I'm exhausted 😩

    • @reginapolo3357
      @reginapolo3357 2 роки тому +1

      Leave honey. Trust me. The only thing I regret, is not having done it sooner. Stay strong

    • @Swtnsxe1980
      @Swtnsxe1980 2 роки тому

      @@reginapolo3357 I don't think I will ever be free he is embedded in my being he has taken my thoughts feelings everything and turned it All against m me and into what he wants I literally walk Around like just empty wondering where am I suppose to be where and when do I get to be free but it's too late people and places out of my norm scared to live scared to die what a life

  • @sp5704
    @sp5704 2 роки тому +1

    Omg !! The car example is sooo true , anytime though I am alone with a person - it happens - car , phone in my right ear , standing with an abuser on the right side …

  • @johnettasheckells1539
    @johnettasheckells1539 2 роки тому +3

    Thank you so much. I have always said I am a conflicted soul. And today I realized I am not alone in this feeling.

  • @vampireslayer1989
    @vampireslayer1989 2 роки тому +3

    Nice video graphics!!!!!
    Yes. I was actually in a relationship with a BPD who abused me narcissistically. (This was before I knew what BPD and NPD were).
    She dissociated a lot (externally it appeared like multiple personalities). That dissociation rubbed off on me (again I did not know at the time what was happening). It was bad......really bad. Took me a long time to recover.

  • @suewomack5960
    @suewomack5960 Рік тому +2

    iv felt like this my entire life...its almost like i havent lived at all

  • @rickster1217
    @rickster1217 Рік тому +1

    I can relate when someone raises their voice it triggers me. It could be non aggressive and it will still trigger me.

  • @djmandyland
    @djmandyland Рік тому +2

    Omg yes car 100%! Id just go blank and stare out the window praying he'd be in a good mood. It's also the HARDEST thing to explain to ppl this is why I can't do phone calls. My ex wouldn't abuse me over text because he was so calculated he didn't want me to have proof to show people so he would force me on the phone or else he wouldn't speak to me then he'd verbally, mentally and emotionally abuse me relentlessly, tell me to stfu then hang up on me, immediately call me back over and over, I'd answer and he'd tell ME stop calling me! Absolutely insane. So now someone calling me I have a panic attack and start crying but they get annoyed because I never want to talk on the phone. No one understands

    • @braingamesballsortgame718
      @braingamesballsortgame718 10 місяців тому

      We understand.. It is called crazy making. Most likely or definitely, there will be some person with him when he called you multiple times. He wouldn't show that he called, but would have definitely made up the nonsense and cunningly told, acted, and made it to be that you were calling him multiple times and trying to prove to the other person who was present along with him, to make her jealous as well as make you and blame you that you were possessive of him, you are blah blah and blah blah etc.. You can fill it with any nonsense for blah blah according to their level of disorderliness on the spectrum of NPD.
      . There is something with their nonsense phone calls too, my narc sibling was doing some tactics before the brutal discard she had planned for me.. They are sick in their heads.. They do all these nonsensical stuff ensuring to kill your confidence so that they get to have power than you in their delusional world. These sick people should be separated from normal sane human beings for sure..

  • @TyShyBrickWorld
    @TyShyBrickWorld 2 роки тому +4

    I literally can’t feel my feet on the floor or my hands touching something it’s weird like I see my hands cooking but it feels so foreign. My husband literally put me to sleep helping me do vagal nerve modalities. I’m on the right path. I realize I’m doing this constantly literally. Especially when I’m stressed and I look up and dinner is ready and I literally don’t even know HOW AND I FEEL HORRIBLE BECAUSE I HAVE LITTLE KIDS. I can’t go on like this. But I don’t know how . but I have to love myself and take one day at a time. I had times where I feel there but most of the time I’m like there but not really . I literally have to slow down the speed on this video because it’s too fast I’m so anxious ! Don’t worry I know it’s just me. . I love your videos

  • @rodvan-zeller6360
    @rodvan-zeller6360 2 роки тому +8

    Very good as usual.
    Also you explained the root cause of anxiety/panic attacks with this video.

  • @jonellis6235
    @jonellis6235 Рік тому +1

    The car is a trap. I’ve have such awful memories of being trapped inside with no escape.

  • @bethmoore7722
    @bethmoore7722 2 роки тому +10

    I have CPTSD, and have had major issues with dissociation and executive function. I remember a specific dissociation that has been dangerous for me. I had asthma, and major attacks, in which I would become cyanotic and have to go to the ER. When I was 9, PE was torture. They made me run, in the cold, dusty wind in the Texas Panhandle in the winter. I would always start to wheeze and have tightness in my chest. It’s scary when this happens, but I had to run. I had no choice.
    I started going into a zone of oblivion when I ran. A zone where my body was a separate thing apart from me, and I didn’t have to care what happened to it. I only had to make the adults around me happy, whatever it took from me. I’ve also had many episodes of dissociative amnesia. I’m 68, and still have a lot of work to do on this.

    • @FromSurvivingToThriving
      @FromSurvivingToThriving  2 роки тому +4

      This is heartbreaking. This is why narcissistic abuse is soooo damaging especially to children. They will turn off all their needs just to try to appease - because they have to. They are dependent on the very ones hurting them for survival. It's the only coping skill that helps them to endure the emotional torture. I'm so sorry you had to go through this!! NO child should ever have to go through this. I know you can't change the past - but inner child work is very healing!! You didn't have a parent that cared for you the way you deserved - but your inner child now has you =D

    • @chrisg7795
      @chrisg7795 2 роки тому +2

      🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗I’m so sorry for your hurt. You should never have had to go through such torture.

  • @artluvr6170
    @artluvr6170 Рік тому +1

    This is fantastic. I used to dissociate a lot when I was younger. I didn't understand it. I described it to a therapist as if my mind was slippery and thoughts would drift off course on their own. I couldn't keep a grip on my thoughts. Stress made it worse. I now understand that it is a product of having grown up in a volatile environment where I didn't feel safe as a child.

  • @AshlyRa
    @AshlyRa 2 роки тому +6

    Omggg I was feeling this since I was a kid it got bad when I had to live alone with my covert narc mom when Corona was at its peak I was stuck with her for 10 months. I had started taking my power back before corona started then sudden lockdown happened she went ballistic on me I felt like uggg it was too much of craziness. I started hating my own home now I understand why and can heal and yes that's Soo right you feel unsafe everywhere after that Soo truee.

  • @cathychase663
    @cathychase663 2 роки тому +2

    My dad does that and did that even recently - my ex spouse did it all the time - even regarding radio and threatening to get me out of the car...if I said ONE WORD

  • @kilpel2
    @kilpel2 2 роки тому +3

    I always learn something new when I watch you.

  • @akala-bluesaville9866
    @akala-bluesaville9866 2 роки тому +2

    I disassociate in the regular way you describe Michele. But I’m a bit different. I had a definite interest in music from a young age. At 6 I had headphones added to the experience. That’s when I discovered disassociation in a whole new awesome way. The Beatles blue album was instrumental in providing me a safe,happy,peaceful place. Those guys are so special to me…. words aren’t enough. Over my 51yrs others are special too. But I am able to do it with all different genres. I’m pretty versatile. Here’s my point Michele. The thought of having that skill? and safe place taken from me is terrifying. It saves me. I need it. Sorry but I’m too broken🥺

  • @emmanuelking9988
    @emmanuelking9988 2 роки тому +4

    Excellent information once again...thank you!
    I will share with my clients who are survivors of domestic violence.

  • @purplebutterfly415
    @purplebutterfly415 2 роки тому +3

    Your videos are always in alignment with where I am at blows my mind so good 😊😊

  • @Kellyfelsted
    @Kellyfelsted Рік тому +1

    The car was sometimes a horrible place. If I ever drove, he'd criticize everything I did to the point I felt like crying. From then on he drove unless absolutely necessary. Also if I didn't focus my full attention on him, that would cause a fight and tears. And if we had a fight and didn't agree, he would start driving recklessly. Dissocation was my main tool for survival.

  • @dollya9929
    @dollya9929 2 роки тому +4

    you have a great talent and thank you for sharing it with the collective. I am aware of most of the maladaptive habits that are byproducts of the trauma but they have always felt abstract and I have not come across tangible solutions. I love how your solutions are layered with valuable insights. In short, after watching your videos everything clicks and I am able to efficiently heal.

  • @TheeKaylaMarieOne
    @TheeKaylaMarieOne 2 роки тому +6

    Yes, you will. You are the work! You are capable 💗

  • @Rosesandpearls_
    @Rosesandpearls_ 2 роки тому +4

    Thank you so much Michelle🙏❤️ May God bless you x

  • @libertycan6959
    @libertycan6959 2 роки тому +2

    Great videos. Great to see over these years and how your conviction show more and more and the perspective you offer. Thanks for your willingness to do the work AND then share and help all of us in an amazing personal way. Best to you and yours.

  • @taurean6201
    @taurean6201 2 роки тому +4

    I wish you made content without the narcissistic abuse too because your material would be beneficial for a broader range of audience. I really do love your videos but not everyone can relate to narcissistic trauma.

  • @ellasladek3124
    @ellasladek3124 2 роки тому +3

    So may I ask , is this why we cannot remember most of our life living with narcissistic parents ,and now living wit a covert narcissist I cannot remember things it’s like I only remember certain things that stand out , the saddest part of that , I cannot remember my children’s sweet little things they must have done

  • @zzulm
    @zzulm 2 роки тому +3

    Thank you

  • @AMBELLINA77
    @AMBELLINA77 Рік тому +1

    Under appreciated video by far.

  • @mikeburrello4396
    @mikeburrello4396 2 роки тому +1

    I cant even be in a car my father drives, ill literally follow in a second car rather than be in the car with his as driver, hes out of his mind and its the only time I see him treat other people the way he treats me, with scornful disgust.

  • @peggyrobertson8214
    @peggyrobertson8214 2 роки тому +3

    Thank you!

  • @matilda1505
    @matilda1505 2 роки тому +6

    It makes perfect sense ! Thank you Michele for all you are doing ! However, when do you begin when everything you experience cause you to feel like you just want to crawl under your blanket ?

    • @TYGZus777
      @TYGZus777 2 роки тому +2

      As Michele instructs: practice your diaphragmatic breathing and positive self-talk, (reparenting.) Start small, baby steps! Notice and celebrate your small accomplishments. Literally talk to yourself like you would talk to a child, giving compliments for your bravery! Notice how that makes you feel and sit with that feeling. Repeat this process over and over. For me, every time it is so hard, but the joyful/positive feelings afterwards make it all worthwhile! Dare to face your life with boldness and bravery! Also, stay strong to NOT re-expose yourself to hurtful people. Once they've shown you who they are, believe them. You can't change them. Go out and find some healthy people!!!

  • @Mara_143
    @Mara_143 2 роки тому +2

    LifeChanging.💎👑❤️Bless you Queen

  • @johnjohnstone9805
    @johnjohnstone9805 2 роки тому +4

    How To Tell Which Pages Are Safe To Comment On?

  • @AdriaEvers
    @AdriaEvers Рік тому

    This is exactly what is happening to me everyday. Thank u so much for doing this video.

  • @djer05010401
    @djer05010401 2 роки тому +3

    What are some other physical signs that someone may be dissociating? I think I have noticed that I get particularly sensitive to touch, so that I will get very itchy and feel like I have bugs crawling on my skin. I hadn't connected this with dissociation until recently.

  • @nmash6835
    @nmash6835 Рік тому +2

    What about the dissociation and fatigue with brainfog?

  • @nmash6835
    @nmash6835 Рік тому +2

    Does the nerves feels weird also?

  • @pascalwinkler6727
    @pascalwinkler6727 2 роки тому +3

    Can SSRI's make dissociation become worse? I could not cry while under medication, but the sadness was still there, just very deep within, unable to reach. And i got very anger inhibited as well, but this made me connect and stay with even more toxic people.

    • @FromSurvivingToThriving
      @FromSurvivingToThriving  2 роки тому +5

      I do not encourage anyone to go off of their medication without the guidance of their GP - that being said - my personal opinion is that SSRI's are designed to alleviate the 'symptoms' of depression. They do not address the 'root cause' of depression - only the symptoms- which means to me... they further disconnect you from your feelings while not really helping you to process and release said feelings - which is what you described. You couldn't cry but you were aware of the deep sadness still there. It would be like ...if I had a bullet wound in my leg but received enough general anesthesia ..... I would not feel the pain, but I also would not be healing the wound and the unattended wound would only continue to get infected and cause more and more damage with the passing of time.
      However, some people need to start SSRI's to simply manage their emotions enough to then do the inner work at addressing the root cause of their sadness, and pain.
      But it's only by healing the core wound that will overturn depression.
      There are many studies that compare SSRI's and the placebo - and the results don't provide enough support to say SSRI's can really help w/ depression. BUT .... I am not a doctor and I do not ever tell people to take SSRI's or to stop taking them.
      What I do tell people is that if you are willing to do the inner work to feel, heal, process and release your core wounds - you will experience an incredible shift in your life!!!!!!

    • @pascalwinkler6727
      @pascalwinkler6727 2 роки тому +2

      @@FromSurvivingToThriving Thanks a lot for this detailled answer, this helps a lot to feel validated.

  • @meralyspena4248
    @meralyspena4248 2 роки тому +1

    I'm going through this

  • @starlingswallow
    @starlingswallow Рік тому

    Michele, I have so many blank spaces in my childhood. There are more blanks than there are memories. How do I find the right trauma counselor? I _want_ to remember!! 😢
    Also, the 14 years married to a narcissist, there is so much trauma from that but I also seem to lack details, my mind looks at it as one long blur. I remember a handful of things.
    Fear, all the time, nothing was safe. The last 4 years I have felt more safe with my now husband and within myself than I've ever been. ❤

  • @athomeskincare8346
    @athomeskincare8346 9 місяців тому

    I was dissociated for decades from narcissistic abuse basically constantly until I got TMS therapy

  • @markcrossley1979
    @markcrossley1979 2 роки тому +3

    Michelle. Can we pay monthly for your thriver program but this is not a reoccurring payment?

    • @FromSurvivingToThriving
      @FromSurvivingToThriving  2 роки тому +3

      HI Mark - when you sign up for the school of transformation - you get 7 days FREE to check it out and see if it's a good fit for you. If you do not cancel within those 7 days you are charged $79 for the month, and you can go to as many or as few live meetings as you want. (There are 9-12 each month) You also have access to my past courses. However, if you do not want to be on the monthly plan - once you are charged for the first month - you can cancel the subscription and you will still have access until the next months payment date. If you want to come back into the school at that time or a later time you can always jump in whenever you need to by re-joining.
      However - for the next 3 months there's a slight change. For the first time I am closing enrollment for new members the 31st of December for 3 months and that's because we are doing a deep dive into overcoming pieces of the relationship trauma that take place after narcissistic abuse and/or childhood trauma - the relationship we have with our nervous system, ourselves and others - and so it's an opportunity to go on a post traumatic growth journey with the same people - which helps build trust with the other members since there won't be any new people popping in in the middle of the course. Starting April 1st the doors to new members will be back open.
      I hope that explained it well =D

    • @markcrossley1979
      @markcrossley1979 2 роки тому

      @@FromSurvivingToThriving Hi lovely. If we could pay each month, not rolling I would do it.

  • @giselebrazeau8543
    @giselebrazeau8543 2 роки тому

    Hi Michele, thank you for your videos, they are very helpful. I would like to try the school of transformations,can you tell me the coupon code to apply.
    Thank you.

  • @Eyeamthewitness
    @Eyeamthewitness 2 роки тому +1

    Narcissists like to argue with you in the car…

  • @williampicton7072
    @williampicton7072 2 роки тому +1

    Yikes, 24/7

  • @karenholtzclaw3135
    @karenholtzclaw3135 2 роки тому +3

    👍

  • @shannonbrown560
    @shannonbrown560 10 місяців тому

    Hi Michelle, can you kindly comment for me? I am wondering if weight gain for me could be a possible coping mechanism. letting myself go with wine! I am going to work on me and losing weight again.. but I often feel so many things... like dead inside emotionally or yes disconnected... different memories.. i think I have ptsd.. after 25 years of knowing him! Can you comment please?

  • @mikeburrello4396
    @mikeburrello4396 2 роки тому

    Maybe being passanger/backseat is too much embodiment of their daily abandonment of self to the narc?...