Hello Ben, i hope this finds you well. There is a solution. There are 2 parts: what you do during social interaction and what you do outside of social interaction. For social interaction, just use the vertical questioning techique after small talk. And use the material being said to expand on the conversation. watch out for anything that peaks their interest and enthusiasm and build on that. And repeat. When you are doing the talking, describe in a colorful way that engages the senses. For outside of social interaction, we will use a backwards approach. Live your own lifestyle and be interesting. Be superproactive. Live by the idea of 30000 days and make history. Be a leader. Be your best self. Be a person of substance by - thinking big - becoming knowledgeable - diverse experiences and stories - be well versed in many topics - prioritizing what matters in the grand scheme of things - try new things and traveling to new places - going outside of your comfort zone to explore the intricacies of the world. - Expansiveness in your life Be the beacon first and stand on your own two feet. Be ok with being alone Do your own thing and be your own person first. Enrich and expand your world first to bring people into. This is a long-game solution. It is an ongoing journey that you enjoy. Ben, you are doing great with doing things alone. Keep on living and expanding your lifestyle. I said all of this in the hopes that the above will be taken action upon. Hopefully this helps. Feel free to let me know how it goes for you.
I'm 20. I have social anxiety and its pretty much the same story with me brother and I commend you for being vulnerable and expressing your life story out in the open. I had people who kept asking me all throughout primary, middle and early high school "why are you so quiet?" and that was really annoying and mentally traumatizing. I did not really connect with anybody although I did have a couple of people who I hung around with but they were also the 'rejects' and I wasn't comfortable being with them too much, which I realised much later. In high school I had an epiphany on how I am much different than others and that I overthink too much. Here in college (I'm doing mechanical engineering undergrad), things are a lot better coz i made some pretty cool friends but also worse coz i don't know how to maintain those friendships and connect more with them so I'm always depressed regardless. I still second guess myself whenever I ask me "Do I have friends?" and instinctively I end up saying no to myself. I've done a few things to come out of my shell and expose myself out there but I truly don't know why it never works out. I have acquaintances but still don't have real, close friends or friend groups and I never really hang out with a bunch of 'friends' after classes, if I do, its rare. I started smoking to 'look cool' but now I've resorted to smoking because it helps with depression and stress. Anyway, I don't really know how to conclude but I just want making friends be easy and I've pretty much accepted the fact that people may come in my life but at the end of the day I will always be alone and maybe I should start seeking solitude.
I'm sorry for this bigass paragraph that I wrote to waste your time but I couldn't help it I needed to let it all out. Are you gonna post more videos soon?
Hey, Firstly, it’s not a waste of my time. It’s good to let all this out in the open and acknowledge where we are currently. That was the entire point of my video as much as your long post. Depression is a challenging one, and I’m sure I’ve had my moments with it. One way out that “rut” I spoke of in the video was to start “loving myself” more, which is something I had neglected for a long time. I’m certainly hoping to do some more videos soon on how this “self-love” journey is starting to help me, but here’s a few tips I can share: 1) Don’t worry about needing to “look cool”. A genuine friend would always accept you for who you are. 2) Find some way of showing yourself some love. I started to apply some of the practices from books such as: - Love yourself like your life depends on it by Kamal Ravikant - Mirror Work by Louise Hay I have found that adopting some of these practices with my heart has started to address some of the negative mental loops I have. Doesn’t need to be exactly what the books say but just some sort of practice that works for yourself. 3) Acknowledge your successes in life that you do have. The fact you’re studying Mechanical Engineering is a big win! 😃 Take care, Ben
@@bensbestlife Reading books is not my thing to do I am the most impatient person and I buy books that I don't ever read. I can sit idle for hours but I cannot read a book. I definitely wanna give it another shot though so yeah, I will. In the meanwhile, I'll explore some more hobbies.
I was definitely in a rut when I filmed this. I've started to find that being open and vulnerable about my experience actually makes things a lot less "scary" afterwards. I wish you the best too!
Thanks for sharing, im also 22 and relate - i know people but have no friend that i regularly hang out with. seeing videos like this really make me realize none of us are alone. I just think outside of the internet many won’t want to admit to having no or few friends in fear of being judged. However It can take more time to find people you find a genuine bond with for some of us and that should be emphasized with.
Fear of being judged has been a part of my life for many years. This video was me wanting to be open and admit the position I’m in. I’ve been really focused on how I can love myself more which does help in releasing this fear - in fact, I don’t have expectations of perfection in my life. I just try to be kind and compassionate to myself, and if I make a mistake, then I did the best I could with what I knew at the time. Be kind to yourself, and I’m sure at heart you’re a kind person. Sometimes the fears we have just cloud the fact. 🙂
I'm 41 now. I've been through so many different kinds of lives... Truly, at 22 I'd go back and focus on hobbies, focus on individuation, focus on my connection to that still, quiet knowing that He graces us with, and I'd let God lead the way, not my desire to cover up my responsibilities to my soul with delusions of unconscious "love." Then mayhaps I'd find a man to walk beside, not behind it in front of. Eh, who needs to be 22, I'm finally there and it'll just be in my 40s! I'm sorry if any of that seemed harsh, it's what I'd tell me if I could.
Just so you know, I did watch this video from start to finish and TBH its kind of strange to me how this video even appeared on my feed because I don't live in the UK I live on a small island in the Pacific and rn I'm typing this while sitting on my roof listening to some music and watching the sun set after spending an entire day at church. I don't think I really have any friends either but for my case, it's been like thid since pre-school. I think that's the main reason why I don't feel sad about it. TBH most of the time I don't feel sad or happy just somewhere in between. And about you, I dunno, your life does seem pretty average and normal. If I were you, I'd try and see when the next marathon is and go and run or walk it in my underwear while wearing a paper bag on my head. I does seem silly but at this point, do you really have anything to lose from doing something crazy like that?
To be honest, the video helped me vent which was good. I’m determined to make changes in 2023, but I feel it’s good to get things in the open first. Hopefully it does help somebody feel they’re not alone😃
Hello Ben, i hope this finds you well.
There is a solution.
There are 2 parts: what you do during social interaction and what you do outside of social interaction.
For social interaction, just use the vertical questioning techique after small talk. And use the material being said to expand on the conversation. watch out for anything that peaks their interest and enthusiasm and build on that. And repeat. When you are doing the talking, describe in a colorful way that engages the senses.
For outside of social interaction, we will use a backwards approach. Live your own lifestyle and be interesting. Be superproactive. Live by the idea of 30000 days and make history. Be a leader. Be your best self.
Be a person of substance by
- thinking big
- becoming knowledgeable
- diverse experiences and stories
- be well versed in many topics
- prioritizing what matters in the grand scheme of things
- try new things and traveling to new places
- going outside of your comfort zone to explore the intricacies of the world.
- Expansiveness in your life
Be the beacon first and stand on your own two feet. Be ok with being alone
Do your own thing and be your own person first. Enrich and expand your world first to bring people into.
This is a long-game solution. It is an ongoing journey that you enjoy.
Ben, you are doing great with doing things alone. Keep on living and expanding your lifestyle.
I said all of this in the hopes that the above will be taken action upon. Hopefully this helps. Feel free to let me know how it goes for you.
Thanks Jon. Definitely some good advice there! 👍🏻
@@bensbestlife Thank you! Hope it helps
I'm 20. I have social anxiety and its pretty much the same story with me brother and I commend you for being vulnerable and expressing your life story out in the open. I had people who kept asking me all throughout primary, middle and early high school "why are you so quiet?" and that was really annoying and mentally traumatizing. I did not really connect with anybody although I did have a couple of people who I hung around with but they were also the 'rejects' and I wasn't comfortable being with them too much, which I realised much later. In high school I had an epiphany on how I am much different than others and that I overthink too much. Here in college (I'm doing mechanical engineering undergrad), things are a lot better coz i made some pretty cool friends but also worse coz i don't know how to maintain those friendships and connect more with them so I'm always depressed regardless. I still second guess myself whenever I ask me "Do I have friends?" and instinctively I end up saying no to myself. I've done a few things to come out of my shell and expose myself out there but I truly don't know why it never works out. I have acquaintances but still don't have real, close friends or friend groups and I never really hang out with a bunch of 'friends' after classes, if I do, its rare. I started smoking to 'look cool' but now I've resorted to smoking because it helps with depression and stress. Anyway, I don't really know how to conclude but I just want making friends be easy and I've pretty much accepted the fact that people may come in my life but at the end of the day I will always be alone and maybe I should start seeking solitude.
I'm sorry for this bigass paragraph that I wrote to waste your time but I couldn't help it I needed to let it all out. Are you gonna post more videos soon?
Hey,
Firstly, it’s not a waste of my time. It’s good to let all this out in the open and acknowledge where we are currently. That was the entire point of my video as much as your long post.
Depression is a challenging one, and I’m sure I’ve had my moments with it. One way out that “rut” I spoke of in the video was to start “loving myself” more, which is something I had neglected for a long time.
I’m certainly hoping to do some more videos soon on how this “self-love” journey is starting to help me, but here’s a few tips I can share:
1) Don’t worry about needing to “look cool”. A genuine friend would always accept you for who you are.
2) Find some way of showing yourself some love. I started to apply some of the practices from books such as:
- Love yourself like your life depends on it by Kamal Ravikant
- Mirror Work by Louise Hay
I have found that adopting some of these practices with my heart has started to address some of the negative mental loops I have. Doesn’t need to be exactly what the books say but just some sort of practice that works for yourself.
3) Acknowledge your successes in life that you do have. The fact you’re studying Mechanical Engineering is a big win! 😃
Take care,
Ben
@@bensbestlife Reading books is not my thing to do I am the most impatient person and I buy books that I don't ever read. I can sit idle for hours but I cannot read a book. I definitely wanna give it another shot though so yeah, I will. In the meanwhile, I'll explore some more hobbies.
God bless you Ben!!!
Hello, mate.
You seem like a good and cool/interesting guy. I'm in the same boat. 22 about to be 23. Don't let anything get you down.
It's good to be reflective sometimes. Thank you for sharing your story. I wish you the best going forth.
I was definitely in a rut when I filmed this. I've started to find that being open and vulnerable about my experience actually makes things a lot less "scary" afterwards. I wish you the best too!
Thanks for sharing, im also 22 and relate - i know people but have no friend that i regularly hang out with. seeing videos like this really make me realize none of us are alone. I just think outside of the internet many won’t want to admit to having no or few friends in fear of being judged. However It can take more time to find people you find a genuine bond with for some of us and that should be emphasized with.
Fear of being judged has been a part of my life for many years. This video was me wanting to be open and admit the position I’m in. I’ve been really focused on how I can love myself more which does help in releasing this fear - in fact, I don’t have expectations of perfection in my life. I just try to be kind and compassionate to myself, and if I make a mistake, then I did the best I could with what I knew at the time.
Be kind to yourself, and I’m sure at heart you’re a kind person. Sometimes the fears we have just cloud the fact. 🙂
Hey Ben! Have you tried volunteering? I find its a great way to meet people and make friends! If you got nothing to do on the weekend, give it a try!
I'm 41 now. I've been through so many different kinds of lives... Truly, at 22 I'd go back and focus on hobbies, focus on individuation, focus on my connection to that still, quiet knowing that He graces us with, and I'd let God lead the way, not my desire to cover up my responsibilities to my soul with delusions of unconscious "love." Then mayhaps I'd find a man to walk beside, not behind it in front of. Eh, who needs to be 22, I'm finally there and it'll just be in my 40s!
I'm sorry if any of that seemed harsh, it's what I'd tell me if I could.
I really appreciated for this content thank you so much for sharing. It’s really meant to me love you friend ❤
No worries! Hopefully it helped in some way!
Wow me either actually, I had no friend at all since I go to college, maybe just friend but not to close like best friend, by the way nice explanation
Glad it helped! 🙂
Forget about dating, it isn't worth it. Work on yourself instead. You got plenty of time. What do you like doing as a hobby? Travel the world.
you are awesome!
You are too!
@@bensbestlife THANK YOU! Love from Germany!
Just so you know, I did watch this video from start to finish and TBH its kind of strange to me how this video even appeared on my feed because I don't live in the UK I live on a small island in the Pacific and rn I'm typing this while sitting on my roof listening to some music and watching the sun set after spending an entire day at church.
I don't think I really have any friends either but for my case, it's been like thid since pre-school. I think that's the main reason why I don't feel sad about it.
TBH most of the time I don't feel sad or happy just somewhere in between.
And about you, I dunno, your life does seem pretty average and normal.
If I were you, I'd try and see when the next marathon is and go and run or walk it in my underwear while wearing a paper bag on my head. I does seem silly but at this point, do you really have anything to lose from doing something crazy like that?
To be honest, the video helped me vent which was good. I’m determined to make changes in 2023, but I feel it’s good to get things in the open first. Hopefully it does help somebody feel they’re not alone😃
what island do you live in?
@@youngsvph7573 Good Enough Island in Papua New Guinea.
It's so nice and peaceful here 😋
@@timtam3730 that’s cool bro. i used to live in fiji which is close by. it’s very peaceful living in the pacific islands. life is very simple
Great video, keep them up
Thanks! Looking to do some sort of channel on my journey to addressing this 😃