I like this podcast, but I would like to hear from more "low achievers" that moves on to be contended, "successful" adults who have healed. I feel like we hear from people primarily who, through sheer anxiety, doggedness, and smarts, were still able to be very successful comparatively. It would be nice to hear from people who floundered well into adulthood, the shame associated with that, and then how they were able to overcome the deep wounds they sustained. I love hearing from successful people who have created a life for themselves. It would just also be nice to hear more from those who have experienced repeated failures and ostracization too to give hope for those who are really struggling in their present lives. I would *personally* find that more relatable and helpful, though I love the current guests as well.
1st question that you have to ask yourself is what success means for you. If success is getting where society tells you you should be as an adult, you will eventually hit a wall. You can do whatever other people do to get where they got, but will you Ba happy doing it. Do you think showing off what you got in life as "proofs" of your success will be enough? Personally, at some point, I realized that I didn't want to do what needed to be done to be successful as per other people's view of what success is. Would I be successful crying alone at home every night, taking tons of pills to overcome the occasional depression? The answer is no. Not because I can't, but because it's boring and I don't want to live this way. Professionally, it's hard because I don't act the way employers expect their employees to act. I think differently, I need variety, I need challenges, I need causes, and when I know my job too much, I have to try something else... I accepted the fact that I will never be THE specialist. I still have to make my way through presumptions sometimes I still come off as stubborn, I lost many jobs and quit many others. I went back to university as a single mother and not even working in the field of my studies, but I really love my job. I didn't happen often... So what is success for you? What is important for you?
Can't even describe how much I relate to this. Also a writer, also have a million ideas that were lost forever because I couldn't start, also stayed up all night so deadline stress would force me actually start, having spreadsheets with every micro-detail of what I need to do (put away clothes from dryer, transfer clothes from washer to dryer, start dryer, fill washing machine again, check laundry in an hour) instead of just (do laundry).
I was diagnosed with adhd at 49, I’m 50 now. I had to fight for that diagnosis. I been in and out of therapy most my life since I was 14. The day I accidentally realized I definitely had adhd and there was no doubt in my mind was almost an elation I couldn’t explain. I thought I had to have a psychological evaluation so I made appt for one. It cost me over $1500 to find out I just had depression and anxiety, which I already knew and told her. She said I was too smart in the smart test and since depression and anxiety have some of the same symptoms, she scientifically could not diagnose me with adhd…🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯 I’m like ok bye. Finally found a Psychiatrist who talked to me for 15 minutes and said yeah you have adhd. It explained my entire life. I wish my dad was still alive so he could know and understand why I was the way I was.
Same. High IQ, high scores on standardized tests, high achieving, relentless chaos inside and out. Psych eval in my 30’s as part of a study, I mention ADHD, evaluator says no, because I didn’t start struggling until age 12. DSM-IV criteria. 10 years later, DSM-V comes out, criteria change (symptoms by age 12 or earlier), my primary care provider (a nurse practitioner who talked to me for just a few min about it) prescribed me Adderall XR and referred me to a psychiatrist. Psych meds prescriber (also a nurse practitioner) had me fill out some forms, heard my history, on board right out of the gate. It changed my life, and it explained EVERYTHING up to this point. The interviewee in this episode is telling my story.
Same for me!!! My father passed when I was 12 and my mother when I was 41. I now laugh thinking of me driving my daddy crazy with my excessive talking.
Thank you, I can’t believe it, my story is so like yours. It was expensive to be diagnosed, but it was money well spent. I felt sad, it was the wow moment, I was shocked to a degree, relieved, ashamed, it was good to have the diagnosis but sad, it came so late in life, I was 75 when diagnosed. Now I’m leaning how to cope and manage my life, and lifting that mask of shame, that mask has been so heavy to wear.
I'm so proud of you and I'm sure your father is too. Maybe he had a hand in guilding you to this discovery. If you have an open mind, anything is possible. Why else did you come to this understand when you did? I am 49 and had a very similar experience. So many diagnosis, I think I've been labeled with 8 or more psychiatric disorders. The message was always, you are too smart, and broken, probably hopeless. And I guess I believed that because Im still struggling. The self medications became addictions, the shame caused depression, depression caused suicide attempts, then the man, kids, parents, beat friends became enraged by my selfishness. All of them, all I had, all do not speak to me following my 2013 near successful attempt. Ground zero, or rock bottom and tough love made me hid in a bottle, meth got me out. Now homeless, self medicating still. They won't give me the meds I need due to risk of abuse. 50 in six months, too smart, addicted, broke, homeless, lost cause. Why do I exist? I hope you have a happier life and if so please be grateful.
@@wendyhannan2454 I wish I could reach out and hug you. My gosh 75 years! you never stopped trying to figure it out. I think you are amazing, a warrior! You were never broken, messy, lazy, wild, all these hurtful names that in no way describe you. Frustrating! How your life would be different..Thank you for sharing and please find peace, beauty and share love everyday for the next 25.🎉
Thank you so much for this episode. As someone that was undiagnosed for 46 years, the shame spiral is real. Whenever I hear stories like Rebecca's all that built-up shame starts to melt away. Looking forward to the day when I can live a shame-free life and all that weight is lifted off of me.
I’m not lazy but 99% of the things I’m forced to do I life are boring as hell. 99% of conversations are boring. It sounds very immature or resentful but for me it’s true. I wish I wasn’t this way but I can’t change it. I fantasize about living in a van or in a log cabin off grid. Minimal responsibility’s and expenses so I can work part time bc all jobs are boring too. I don’t mean boring like it’s just not that engaging but boring like I’d rather die than do it.
Hearing these stories makes me feel so envious tbh. I too mark every item in the checklist for adhd, but can't get diagnosed because in Italy only children can and i am 29. Hearing how much the meds help people with adhd makes me so sad because i know i'll never get to experience what it is like to not have to do everything in the last second.
Yup. It took me 3 years to finish a 6 month course for massage therapy. Now I’m trying to finish a national exam to pass to practice in my state. I just can’t seem to study and get it together. It really shows up in my life academically, even in grade school but I’m actually really smart AND I do want to succeed! Very much so omg! I never thought I was smart because of this and I’m 43 now. My daughter definitely has ADHD from the get-go. Thank you for this!❤
Thank you Rebecca, I loved hearing your story. It’s so relatable. I’m so glad ADHD is being spoken today, I think it’s because more people are being diagnosed.🙏
I'm so glad I stumbled across this. Now I know why I was so good at Tetris lol. This also helped with an article I'm writing. The vacuum part spoke volumes. I have access to a cordless vacuum so that takes away a few steps. (It's downstairs so literally more steps). I don't have the option of medication, but knowing makes a huge difference.
Thank you Laura, and thank you Rebecca for sharing your personal story. Wow, there were a number of points that sounded like you were talking about me. Now I'm having my own moment of realisation.
Mhm. I got diagnosed at 30, after only beginning to consider the possibility a year or so before… I’m 32 now and the unlearning all the negative “reasons” I gave myself for my behaviours before I knew is a real thing. I overcompensated all the time, I was good at things, I burned out a lot. Sometimes I still hold myself to those standards. It leads to a bad time. Getting there slowly and learning to accommodate for myself. Anyway, thank you for this.
I'm only 3mins into this and I can't stop crying!! This is me spot on! I have struggled in my head as to if I'm just lazy or something. I have had anxiety, depression, fibromyalgia and endometrial. I never have ever had anyone bring this possibility up in the medical field. I started in a small group with my church and a good friend is the one who brought it up last fall. I will be honest I didn't think too much about it. Well I did have an opportunity to get an Adderall (I know it's not necessarily right) but I wanted to see if it did anything. Only taken that 1 1x and I was amazed that I felt "normal" and actually got things done that day. This has caused arguments between me and my husband because he just thought I was lazy and didn't care. Thats so not it. I care and want to do better but no matter how much I want to physically getting started is nearly impossible. I am so thankful I found this tonight. I go to a new Dr in a few weeks and my friend is going to go with me. She is just a positive and trustworthy presence so I'm hoping they will listen. I want to be a wife and mom again. I have a great family and it hurtsso deeply not being able to do my daily duties. I still can't stop crying 😢
After talking with my cousin at thanksgiving she brought up that her son was diagnosed with ADHD, and that she actually was too afterwards. She went over her whole story and my mom looked at me and was like “that sounds like you.” And my cousin asked about it and I went over my story and she’s like I would definitely look into it. So the next day I did and it all just finally made sense. I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression after burning out of high school my freshman where I skipped for a month straight. The anxiety I somewhat agreed with but the depression never made sense. After working on my anxiety, it actually made the “depression” (which I described as lack of motivation and drive) worse because I could no longer rely on the anxiety to get my work done. And so this constant cycle ensued. I tried over a dozen medications nothing ever helped, besides one thing, Wellbutrin. Which coincidentally primarily affects dopamine and is used off-label to treat ADHD. I believe I fell through the cracks because I was naturally intelligent and well behaved because I hated getting yelled at. But all the signs were there. I had just managed to scrape by because my fear of getting yelled at for not doing homework made me do it. I’m not diagnosed as actually my original doctor left the state, so now I’m going to see a new one. For once in my life I’m actually kind of excited to go to the doctor lol.
That’s my story too. Isn’t it great to know exactly what it is ? It’s the not knowing, that’s the most frustrating part. It’s great to get diagnosed, I thought I was lazy, now I know I just find it hard to get started. Oh the vacuuming, I so relate. 🤷♀️
Oh so the arguments I have in my head defending myself against my ineptitude could be a sign of ADHD? For me, the waters are further muddied by being hypothyroid. There were about 4 years as a kid where my thyroid didn't work and I didn't grow. Then I started medication and my whole body went into overdrive. So how would you know where one issue stops and another starts?
I’ve never met anyone I could relate to more. And probably have never shared my shame either. My spreadsheets are my security blanket. I ONLY feel competent in my work because of the spreadsheet. I budget a $25M project on a self created budget…and have a pile of unorganized bank statements shoved in my desk. OMG.
Why didn't these professionals recognise her adhd before she did? She literally had to tell them and then they said she did 😮 very annoying and must have been expensive for her
I can’t believe all the psychiatrists psychologists, councillors I’ve seen on and off, over a period of 40 years 🤔 not one mentioned ADHD. I saw the last psychologist in 2021, I said, I think I have ADHD, she said no, your not fidgeting 🤷♀️ I thought oh my, there’s more to ADD than fidgeting. I diagnosed my self, as I’d done a heap of research. I then went to see a professionally who specialised in ADHD, this Dr diagnosed me in 20 min, saying I had classic ADHD, I was 75. I never stopped looking for help, your own instincts will tell you, something’s not right . I knew I was intelligent, but some times, I didn’t act as if I was. ADHD is recognised more now 🙏 I slipped through the cracks, as there wasn’t much known regarding ADHD decades ago.
I like this podcast, but I would like to hear from more "low achievers" that moves on to be contended, "successful" adults who have healed. I feel like we hear from people primarily who, through sheer anxiety, doggedness, and smarts, were still able to be very successful comparatively. It would be nice to hear from people who floundered well into adulthood, the shame associated with that, and then how they were able to overcome the deep wounds they sustained. I love hearing from successful people who have created a life for themselves. It would just also be nice to hear more from those who have experienced repeated failures and ostracization too to give hope for those who are really struggling in their present lives. I would *personally* find that more relatable and helpful, though I love the current guests as well.
Yes: this is a beautiful inclusive request!
1st question that you have to ask yourself is what success means for you. If success is getting where society tells you you should be as an adult, you will eventually hit a wall. You can do whatever other people do to get where they got, but will you Ba happy doing it. Do you think showing off what you got in life as "proofs" of your success will be enough?
Personally, at some point, I realized that I didn't want to do what needed to be done to be successful as per other people's view of what success is. Would I be successful crying alone at home every night, taking tons of pills to overcome the occasional depression?
The answer is no. Not because I can't, but because it's boring and I don't want to live this way. Professionally, it's hard because I don't act the way employers expect their employees to act. I think differently, I need variety, I need challenges, I need causes, and when I know my job too much, I have to try something else... I accepted the fact that I will never be THE specialist. I still have to make my way through presumptions sometimes I still come off as stubborn, I lost many jobs and quit many others. I went back to university as a single mother and not even working in the field of my studies, but I really love my job. I didn't happen often...
So what is success for you? What is important for you?
THIS
Yes
Can't even describe how much I relate to this.
Also a writer, also have a million ideas that were lost forever because I couldn't start, also stayed up all night so deadline stress would force me actually start, having spreadsheets with every micro-detail of what I need to do
(put away clothes from dryer, transfer clothes from washer to dryer, start dryer, fill washing machine again, check laundry in an hour) instead of just (do laundry).
I was diagnosed with adhd at 49, I’m 50 now. I had to fight for that diagnosis. I been in and out of therapy most my life since I was 14. The day I accidentally realized I definitely had adhd and there was no doubt in my mind was almost an elation I couldn’t explain. I thought I had to have a psychological evaluation so I made appt for one. It cost me over $1500 to find out I just had depression and anxiety, which I already knew and told her. She said I was too smart in the smart test and since depression and anxiety have some of the same symptoms, she scientifically could not diagnose me with adhd…🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯 I’m like ok bye. Finally found a Psychiatrist who talked to me for 15 minutes and said yeah you have adhd. It explained my entire life. I wish my dad was still alive so he could know and understand why I was the way I was.
Same. High IQ, high scores on standardized tests, high achieving, relentless chaos inside and out. Psych eval in my 30’s as part of a study, I mention ADHD, evaluator says no, because I didn’t start struggling until age 12. DSM-IV criteria. 10 years later, DSM-V comes out, criteria change (symptoms by age 12 or earlier), my primary care provider (a nurse practitioner who talked to me for just a few min about it) prescribed me Adderall XR and referred me to a psychiatrist. Psych meds prescriber (also a nurse practitioner) had me fill out some forms, heard my history, on board right out of the gate. It changed my life, and it explained EVERYTHING up to this point. The interviewee in this episode is telling my story.
Same for me!!! My father passed when I was 12 and my mother when I was 41. I now laugh thinking of me driving my daddy crazy with my excessive talking.
Thank you, I can’t believe it, my story is so like yours. It was expensive to be diagnosed, but it was money well spent. I felt sad, it was the wow moment, I was shocked to a degree, relieved, ashamed, it was good to have the diagnosis but sad, it came so late in life, I was 75 when diagnosed. Now I’m leaning how to cope and manage my life, and lifting that mask of shame, that mask has been so heavy to wear.
I'm so proud of you and I'm sure your father is too. Maybe he had a hand in guilding you to this discovery. If you have an open mind, anything is possible. Why else did you come to this understand when you did? I am 49 and had a very similar experience. So many diagnosis, I think I've been labeled with 8 or more psychiatric disorders. The message was always, you are too smart, and broken, probably hopeless. And I guess I believed that because Im still struggling. The self medications became addictions, the shame caused depression, depression caused suicide attempts, then the man, kids, parents, beat friends became enraged by my selfishness. All of them, all I had, all do not speak to me following my 2013 near successful attempt. Ground zero, or rock bottom and tough love made me hid in a bottle, meth got me out. Now homeless, self medicating still. They won't give me the meds I need due to risk of abuse. 50 in six months, too smart, addicted, broke, homeless, lost cause. Why do I exist? I hope you have a happier life and if so please be grateful.
@@wendyhannan2454 I wish I could reach out and hug you. My gosh 75 years! you never stopped trying to figure it out. I think you are amazing, a warrior! You were never broken, messy, lazy, wild, all these hurtful names that in no way describe you. Frustrating! How your life would be different..Thank you for sharing and please find peace, beauty and share love everyday for the next 25.🎉
Thank you so much for this episode. As someone that was undiagnosed for 46 years, the shame spiral is real. Whenever I hear stories like Rebecca's all that built-up shame starts to melt away. Looking forward to the day when I can live a shame-free life and all that weight is lifted off of me.
This is exactly me, I hate the feelings of failure, frustration and shame that comes with it. It’s so exhausting and stressful getting through life.
I’ve noticed a number of people with ADHD, have thyroid issues 🤷♀️. I love this talk, thanks ladies.
I’m not lazy but 99% of the things I’m forced to do I life are boring as hell. 99% of conversations are boring. It sounds very immature or resentful but for me it’s true. I wish I wasn’t this way but I can’t change it. I fantasize about living in a van or in a log cabin off grid. Minimal responsibility’s and expenses so I can work part time bc all jobs are boring too. I don’t mean boring like it’s just not that engaging but boring like I’d rather die than do it.
Hearing these stories makes me feel so envious tbh. I too mark every item in the checklist for adhd, but can't get diagnosed because in Italy only children can and i am 29. Hearing how much the meds help people with adhd makes me so sad because i know i'll never get to experience what it is like to not have to do everything in the last second.
Yup. It took me 3 years to finish a 6 month course for massage therapy. Now I’m trying to finish a national exam to pass to practice in my state. I just can’t seem to study and get it together. It really shows up in my life academically, even in grade school but I’m actually really smart AND I do want to succeed! Very much so omg! I never thought I was smart because of this and I’m 43 now. My daughter definitely has ADHD from the get-go. Thank you for this!❤
You're very welcome! You're definitely not alone.
Thank you Rebecca, I loved hearing your story. It’s so relatable. I’m so glad ADHD is being spoken today, I think it’s because more people are being diagnosed.🙏
I'm so glad I stumbled across this. Now I know why I was so good at Tetris lol.
This also helped with an article I'm writing. The vacuum part spoke volumes. I have access to a cordless vacuum so that takes away a few steps. (It's downstairs so literally more steps).
I don't have the option of medication, but knowing makes a huge difference.
Thank you Laura, and thank you Rebecca for sharing your personal story.
Wow, there were a number of points that sounded like you were talking about me.
Now I'm having my own moment of realisation.
Mhm. I got diagnosed at 30, after only beginning to consider the possibility a year or so before… I’m 32 now and the unlearning all the negative “reasons” I gave myself for my behaviours before I knew is a real thing. I overcompensated all the time, I was good at things, I burned out a lot.
Sometimes I still hold myself to those standards. It leads to a bad time. Getting there slowly and learning to accommodate for myself.
Anyway, thank you for this.
I'm only 3mins into this and I can't stop crying!! This is me spot on! I have struggled in my head as to if I'm just lazy or something. I have had anxiety, depression, fibromyalgia and endometrial. I never have ever had anyone bring this possibility up in the medical field. I started in a small group with my church and a good friend is the one who brought it up last fall. I will be honest I didn't think too much about it. Well I did have an opportunity to get an Adderall (I know it's not necessarily right) but I wanted to see if it did anything. Only taken that 1 1x and I was amazed that I felt "normal" and actually got things done that day. This has caused arguments between me and my husband because he just thought I was lazy and didn't care. Thats so not it. I care and want to do better but no matter how much I want to physically getting started is nearly impossible. I am so thankful I found this tonight. I go to a new Dr in a few weeks and my friend is going to go with me. She is just a positive and trustworthy presence so I'm hoping they will listen. I want to be a wife and mom again. I have a great family and it hurtsso deeply not being able to do my daily duties. I still can't stop crying 😢
After talking with my cousin at thanksgiving she brought up that her son was diagnosed with ADHD, and that she actually was too afterwards. She went over her whole story and my mom looked at me and was like “that sounds like you.” And my cousin asked about it and I went over my story and she’s like I would definitely look into it. So the next day I did and it all just finally made sense.
I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression after burning out of high school my freshman where I skipped for a month straight. The anxiety I somewhat agreed with but the depression never made sense. After working on my anxiety, it actually made the “depression” (which I described as lack of motivation and drive) worse because I could no longer rely on the anxiety to get my work done. And so this constant cycle ensued. I tried over a dozen medications nothing ever helped, besides one thing, Wellbutrin. Which coincidentally primarily affects dopamine and is used off-label to treat ADHD.
I believe I fell through the cracks because I was naturally intelligent and well behaved because I hated getting yelled at. But all the signs were there. I had just managed to scrape by because my fear of getting yelled at for not doing homework made me do it.
I’m not diagnosed as actually my original doctor left the state, so now I’m going to see a new one. For once in my life I’m actually kind of excited to go to the doctor lol.
Love the Tetris analogy! That is very much what it feels like.
Ugh I just found out this is me. My whole life I felt something was wrong about me. Thank god I finally know what it is.
That’s my story too. Isn’t it great to know exactly what it is ? It’s the not knowing, that’s the most frustrating part. It’s great to get diagnosed, I thought I was lazy, now I know I just find it hard to get started. Oh the vacuuming, I so relate. 🤷♀️
Thank you for this! This was my Aha❤😢❤
Wow! Rebecca is too relatable.
One Love!
Always forward, never ever backward!!
☀☀☀
💚💛❤
🙏🏿🙏🙏🏼
Thank you so much for this. Lots to relate to.
Oh so the arguments I have in my head defending myself against my ineptitude could be a sign of ADHD? For me, the waters are further muddied by being hypothyroid. There were about 4 years as a kid where my thyroid didn't work and I didn't grow. Then I started medication and my whole body went into overdrive. So how would you know where one issue stops and another starts?
I think my vocabulary is procrastination… I just always joke that oh I’ve been procrastinating, but it’s painful
I’ve never met anyone I could relate to more. And probably have never shared my shame either. My spreadsheets are my security blanket. I ONLY feel competent in my work because of the spreadsheet. I budget a $25M project on a self created budget…and have a pile of unorganized bank statements shoved in my desk. OMG.
Why didn't these professionals recognise her adhd before she did? She literally had to tell them and then they said she did 😮 very annoying and must have been expensive for her
Incredible talk :D
wow this is my life
I can’t believe all the psychiatrists psychologists, councillors I’ve seen on and off, over a period of 40 years 🤔 not one mentioned ADHD. I saw the last psychologist in 2021, I said, I think I have ADHD, she said no, your not fidgeting 🤷♀️ I thought oh my, there’s more to ADD than fidgeting. I diagnosed my self, as I’d done a heap of research. I then went to see a professionally who specialised in ADHD, this Dr diagnosed me in 20 min, saying I had classic ADHD, I was 75. I never stopped looking for help, your own instincts will tell you, something’s not right . I knew I was intelligent, but some times, I didn’t act as if I was. ADHD is recognised more now 🙏 I slipped through the cracks, as there wasn’t much known regarding ADHD decades ago.