Watch this: Are you still sending money home at your detriment?
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- Опубліковано 29 гру 2022
- Watch this: Are you still sending money home at your detriment?
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This is Asian parents too. My Mom sent money home to distant relatives in the 80’s while I got toys and clothes from the dumpster. I refuse to do this to my family.
My family is from the Caribbean and my mother spent her entire life sending hundreds to her family in the Caribbean along with clothes etc. When she died not one of them could send a wreath for her funeral. Additionally, when I visit the Caribbean it is a relative who my mother gave nothing to that treats me better than those she wasted her money on. I began sending then heard negative remarks being made. I stopped sending and then relented and sent something minor. To this day I have received no thank you for the gift sent. The money my mother sent could have bought her a house in the UK. People stop sending to family overseas they are all ungrateful and unappreciative.
When Germany was still divided many west-German (Federal Republic of Germany) families would send packages to family members in East-Germany (German Democratic Republic). So did my family. Part of those packages were clothes of mine I had outgrown. For years my mother had the opportunity to buy brand clothes for me for cheap. When she couldn’t do that anymore I wore non-brand clothes and therefore the packages also included non-brand clothes. The cousin who got those clothes complained that she didn’t want this crap and demanded brand-clothes. So entitled.
I would never make myself destitute for anyone. There’s a reason we are told to put the oxygen mask on yourself before helping someone else. You can help no one if you’re deceased
Word ✊🏾🔥
only send money in a productive way, for example, you could start a business abroad and source raw materials from Africa, put your family within the supply chain, when they supply such, is only when they make money. That is how I will do such a thing or better still invest in a cash-flowing asset back home and pay them with it.
@johnnwabuforudemezue1108 Even at that most family members will rob you blind
I use that same pre flight analogy all the time😂
I send money to my parents monthly for their upkeep only. No other person. Am not under any pressure from my parents I just do it out of my own mind to care for them as they did for me.
Nice one 👍 that's how it's supposed to be.
@@smartpromise3430 while he sends to his parents, a lazy siblings is getting handouts from his parents. I saw it with my own eyes.
My mum was getting too much mum from me and my brother i release she is looking after her brothers kids 😂😂😂😂
@@jacquelinendlovu1107so basically you’re supporting them 😅
@@jacquelinendlovu1107 this is exactly my situation so I stopped sending g money to my mother
My mum tried to groom me into taking care of my extended family once she’s no more and I told her no. She should find someone else to do it cuz it ain’t gonna be me. She called me selfish but after she herself realized how much draining they were to her she had to stop answering those phone calls.
I use that same pre flight analogy all the time😂
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 thank you Mum saw it herself
The key word is entitlement. It could be family, friends, ex-coworkers, ex-classmates, etc. They feel entitled to your money. After all, money grows on trees abroad, right? 🤦🏾♀️
I "woke" one day and realized I'm broke from doing dat shit. I had to stop immediately
😭 😭 A friend of mine is doing the exact same thing playing diasporan God spending money he does not have only to call me to borrow I stopped befriending him immediately. He has child support payments all over, created a Facebook channel to show off his mixed kids total madness just to show off in Africa. Facebook of all places is a turn off
I cut ties with a long-distance friend in the Diaspora because I went nearly bankrupt trying to help him out. A couple of other Diaspora friends opened my eyes, and I clued in - after their 2nd attempt to open my eyes.
@@emmsonbrown2249😅😅😅
My cousin was married to a nigerian man who did this. Sent more $$ home than he placed in his own household. He is now in his 70s, divorced w/o a sustainable retirement. My cuz got the🏠
You have no clue how much you helping with this. A lot of people are depressed, getting into troubles trying to send money home
They'll call you stingy, p3p3, mumu, mugu--all sorts of names, but in the end, you are only all you've got. Say no to leeches and vipers, they'll ruin you, your health, peace of mind and ultimately your finances if you don't set up boundaries.
"BEFORE YOU SPEND, YOU MUST ACCUMULATE.
I had something like this happen. My dad once took me to a best buy and wanted to ask me what sort of games kids like me liked (i was a child back then). I thought he was gonna buy me a videogame. Nope. He was buying a kid i didnt even know a video game. My dad literally bought the kid a Wii, with two games, and two controllers. I asked him if I could get something too. He said he didn't have the money at that point.
He's changed, and none of us would do that ever again, but it really is insane
Thanks for lamenting on this topic for some of us to open our eyes and stop sending money home. I redeemed myself this December and sent only to two relatives instead of ten. One called and questioned me about her Christmas money. I told her, I did not save any. I was so proud of myself 😇
Well done
Nice work.
Me too 3 of my Cousins (3 sisters ) even met and gave me a call that their waiting their christmas money together so i should send to the oldest i said no and they were so shocked they still called yesterday but i already removed them from.whatsapp . And now i feel good
@@solangerobloxadoptmir2015 Perfect
Well done..I salute you
My mother is an old woman and she is the only one i send money to monthly.
Speak brother! Worst part is these family members do not care about your own welfare and will not check on you until it’s festive season or they need something from you. I am brave enough now to say No and don’t feel obligated to explain why. I am also compassionate enough to give when I have enough to give.
They think we are their ATM machines. How long we going to be ATM machines to people who don't want to take take care of themselves?
Western tax money is given to Africa all the time, $BILLIONS every year and stil they are asking always, stuff them I say.
Why don't you put up boundaries? No is a complete sentence.
when i arrive newly in europe i ask my close family which type of businesss can i help you people with to sustain daily needs like food etc my elder brother en sisters said if you buy a recondition car he can use it for taxi less than two years my bro sold the taxi chop the money from their i stop sending bcos i was clear in the starting that if they fuck up am done.... period. now thank God i build a nice house bought two lands one is already fence presently working towards the other one they call me all names i dont give a shit... lets wake up guys help untill it helps dont help untill it hurts u
Good for you! Smart!
Bravo 👏👏
We must get our people to realise that they have everything they need in Africa. We must teach self independence, self reliance.
Hypocrite! Then come back.
@@kazeemadeleke7979 The resources used in the west comes from Africa, we should be the ones using these resources to improve African lives. Abuse is uncalled for.
@@CitizenAY sorry about the abuse am just angry with the comments, we cannot repatriate our stolen wealth because everything is designed against that like Yoruba adage that says if you attain the post of power you can't avenge the killing of your father. The guys in diaspora have forgotten they left the country for work rather than changing citizenship and when you work you send home your gains. They have decided to die in foreign land for the sake a supposedly good life , they want to raise their kids in foreign land but quick to blame the morals if the kids pick up foreign behavior. You gain some you lose some.
@@kazeemadeleke7979 Apology accepted, many Diasporans are treated vey badly abroad by the system, from wages to health care to police brutality. We are building the infrastructure of the countries we are in and abandoning ours, we want to build ours and make it an oasis. So I for example am talking about awakening our people at home to begin to hold their governance to account, that way we can collectively ensure our governance serves the needs of the people not the other way round. It will require planning, commitment and consistency from all citizens.
@@CitizenAYxa xa xa
Nope, I only started focusing on myself 100% few months ago and I'm at peace for the first time also...
This is for me Phrankleen.. I retired today!!! I told the overseas family that I won't be able to send any more money and the response was, "then what do you expect us to do!" You just can't make this stuff up!
Lol! Wow..such entitlement.
Hehehe 😂 pls send them “retirement rose 🌹 flowers” 😅 and of course a hand written card …”No more cash 💰, it’s time to enjoy 😊 retirement”
Oh wow!!!
@@mpendamuziki I tell you
@@Phrankleen13 LOL 😆 😂 🤣 😅
Absolutely, say no and ignore calls. They call to find out what you are doing eg holidays, going out and buying things etc and then they start asking you for money as they now know you have money to spend and don’t care where you get it from to give to them.
I unceremoniously changed my phone number last summer. I've been gradually getting in touch with some relatives but not all. I've become comfortable with ignoring calls snd messages asking for money. Its not only money but the emotional dumping as well. Relatives literally call you endlessly to stress you about their petty problems like you don't have your owb
Emotional dumping ❤
I have two older brothers where my mother funded his life and the other brother was funded by my dad. They are both not self sufficient and try to ask me for money. I just laugh and shake my head. If I can go and work they can too. They had a free ride and now they are useless and they have like 4 children each with no job and education!!
Emotional blackmail and threats all the time. A mother saying God is going to punish you when I die not because you are not sending her money but because its not coming at the specific time she wants ( and that you are not financing onother siblings wedding ).
The first thing they ask is how's work? Once you keep telling them work is fine, and they look at your profile pictures. Then, they feel entitled to collecting money from you. Some will send you a picture of their kids school fees, pictures of a house telling you that the landlord has evicted them, some will have the audacity to tell you they need money to fence their land. Etc. Sometimes you keep wondering for how long are you going to continue dashing your money to people who have been surviving long time before you travel abroad.
…your own money to fence their land? 😂😂😂😂
This one hit differently.
Fence land ke? You can’t make this up! 😂😂😂
See me see trouble with so called family. To fence their land? And you are in London, Ottawa or New York thinking about how you gonna heat your house so you don't freeze to death this winter. They live in the warmth and sunshine of Ibadan. Ti Ibadan o ba gbe yin, e pada lo soko wa and do some farming 😁😁😁😁😁. Shio!
They fence the land with your money so you can't go visit on holiday 😂😂
😂
You cannot pour from an empty cup I agree 100%
I arrived in the country. My niece drives up in her BMW. We go to make groceries
I pay. I used cash and I gave the change to my brother who lives in the country. My niece asked me for money to top up her phone. I told her to ask her father. I went shopping before for trip to the country and brought things for that niece. Guess they just greedy.
Those people are very greedy
Thanks phrankleen,I stopped sending money home long time ago because most of the people I send money to back home don’t even appreciate me instead they keep asking for more money so I have no choice but to stop and concentrate on myself and my children.
I'm sure they hate u now
@@hlengiwemasondo2858 yes they do but I don’t care because I can not keep on saying yes to there demands and forget about my children future.
I think once somebody is an adult, they should be able to face the world themselves without having to constantly rely on people to help them. And the more you help them, the more you delay their maturity and wisdom
Majority people don't take charge of their life, they think another person is their financial resources. 🤔
@@ujuokwumabua3725 Actually we are not doing much favour to somebody by constantly helping them, it hinders their resilience and growth; mother birds take very high risk in letting the chicks off, but, then that's the only way they can learn how to fly.
Why We send them money because We think We are in better condition. But is not true they are in better condition nice weather, family and friendship environment.
This message is for me, thank God I learnt how to say no. For sure 2023 is gonna be a great year
Amen
Nobody can tell my mom nothing.!! When I’m not quick to dish out money they call me stingy. 😅😅 my own money that I worked for….Africans are different!
Very Different
That's fine. I'm glad you know that I'm stingy and tight fisted. Can you send me a few dollars for my bills.
@@blkqueen6201 😃😃😃
That's when you call them deadbeats. Why can everybody go to work, but they can't?
I have not been back to my mother's Island for a few years now and when I do return I will be staying in a hotel. You can only take limited luggage.
I love this broadcast 💯
My dad still struggles with his many businesses in debt while his kids are abroad hustling & he says he’s laying the foundation? They are Narcissistic & not Generational - that’s why many African Family owned businesses never last beyond the 2nd generation of lucky - unlike Jews, Indians , many Asian & European communities - we are cursed via narcissistic mentality & greed for taking shortcuts to create wealth & forgetting future generations!!
The problem with folks back home is that they think people living abroad find it very easy to make money and because of this mindset they don't place any value on any amount we send. It is important to say enough is enough and put every one where they belong. Behind the perimeter fence.
We don't think that way, you people are damn hypocrite that's the reason I don't call any of my friends abroad you are blaming your short coming on us because the economy abroad is not that rosy as before. When I had a job even with paltry pay I don't expect money from anybody abroad but they still want to send so the can control you but when you lose your job as starts asking for help they complain. Nobody likes to be a beggar . Do your part you can't fix all the problem.
I wish I listened to this 20years ago
Ok
I met a newbee who just entered Denmark and no papers. He was a skilled barber so I made it my business to always go and have a hair cut via him so I could pay him cash to support him. I was shocked this young man asked me to send the money to his girlfriend back home in Cameroon and at the time she was at the university of Buea. Right there I laughed hard and begged him to just forget about her or not to send a dime until he gets his papers. This advice fell on deaf ears. It is three years now guess what happened 😭 ☠️
Thanks for your information. It has really validated my hard stance when it come to money. We were never passed critical thinking and financial literacy but our generation is changing that.
You are so right Phrankleen I call that black tax
Hello brother Phrankleen, I’m proud to tell you that I’ve not send a nickel to the continent this month. I love you and pray you have all the energy and great health to continue this beautiful platform.🙏🏿🙏🏿🙏🏿
What if they are your parents?
People really don’t learn,the point is, you always playing God and your family emotionally blackmailing you. Phrankleen STANDS IS NOT TO SEND MONEY TO PARENTS, read between the lines and make your own decision🧐
IF YOUR PARENTS RE ALIVE ABEG SEND THEM MONEY TO FEED.. THIS VIDEO IS FOR UNCLES, RELATION AND PERHAPS SIBLINGS... NO STARVE YOUR LOVELY PARENTS NO MATTER HOW SMALL
Mine was through a spiritual father, I was told I had to give monthly sacrifices and a lot of my income away to God, I’m happy I got away from that toxicity. If anything, it was used as a manipulation tactic to please God and be seen as a good daughter lol
Someone tried tat to me i said God protect me from this evil pastor then i blocked him
Well said @Phrankleen - it's about time people smell the coffee, say no to manipulation, and don't fall for their sense of entitlement, you don't owe them anything. Charity is a different ball game, and encourage people to give to charity if you can afford to (after creating wealth). But this "I need to feed a thousand mouths because that is what is required of me" needs to be buried. I've been advocating this for years and have been branded all sorts of names. Long story short, I live in peace, and have enough for me and my family cos they know me as Dr No (no pun intended). Start saying no and see the freedom you will find. Thank you for putting this out there so eloquently. Keep up the good work
People back home don't like this kind of eye opening vlogs. They rather share videos talking about 'helping the poor' so you can make heaven. If I share my experiences here 90% of people will doubt me because they are hard to believe, plus my experiences too numerous they will make all Shakespeare's books combined. Many people back home think is their juju that's working on me not knowing is the compassion I have for them... But anyway, mo ti ja ra mi ti pe ti pe.
Here is an old adage " a fool and his money soon easily part" . I rest my case.
This is all too true. My parents came from Jamaica and they spent their entire life sending money back home. On one occasion my mom went home having sent money to build a house and her family moved into it. Nothing was invested for the children here, we were always in the process of returning to Jamaica , that never happened. I’ve watched how people coming to Britain are falling into the same trap. You will end up in poverty and your children will resent you when they’re older. Do yourself a favour and look after yourself or you will die disappointed. All they see is a human ATM machine and they are so ungrateful.
Phrankleen, I wish for you and your family spiritual, physical, mental and emotional peace and love for 2023
Spot on. I have also drawn my line. Time for my immediate family and myself. No more continuous responsibilities on brothers and relatives here and there.
I stopped sending money years ago, i would ask my cousins what do you need to be selfsufficient? Only one cousin asked me to pay for English Classes and Computer Classes. The rest wanted nice clothes or money. Now the one guy who wanted an education owns land, has a great job and its about to start a good business. Now the rest of my cousin ask him for money!.
Great video Phrankhleen. People back home do us dirty. They see us as cows to milk. This dynamic of just sending money to people so they have something "to eat" is not sustainable. It's not good for us in the diaspora and it is not good for the people back home and they remain dependent and some do not want to use the money we send them to start businesses to sustain themselves. I am currently playing god to family back home as I know how things are back home, but I am doing it with the intention of helping them stand on their own two feet. I am always suggesting business ideas. However like I said some of them are not really interested in that and they do not commit to any kind of work as they know they can just give us a ring and we will send them money. It's definitely not easy but we must set boundaries and prioritize ourselves. Help those back home but not to our detriment. On a sidenote: it would nice if these same people we play gods to would check in on us and or just say " thank you". After all even gods appreciate some level of gratitude.
I would suggest you send to parents only everyone else needs to sort themselves out. If you drop dead tomorrow those people would survive.
Speaking of college fund for my son. I haven’t been putting any Money away for that. This has hit hard and as I speak I will be opening a savings account for him. I feel so bad now 😭
Some of them, they even tell you if you can't help me now don't use your money for my funeral. It's sad😔
I would say fine I won’t
I remember walking into Travel Agents back in the days before it all went online and before I could say anything the women said "Western Union? ". Its almost like it was a common joke between the staff that black people only send money back home.
I know this woman who has to support her father and his second wife and his children.
Second wife & children😮… just when I thought I’ve seen it all.
Not me. Get a job or you won't eat or sleep
That one maddoh! 😳😳
If you can’t breed them don’t feed them
Tell me u are joking? 🙄
Thank you for your honesty!
Well said brother 👏🏾
Thankful again for this good piece of information ......
Great video Phrako. A true eye opener for many 2023.
Take care of yourself first. To achieve most of your goals requires money. If you are unsuccessful due to trying to play God, those same people will make fun of you.
Thank you! You are saving lives! Thank you!
“Cradle to Grave” funding 😡. I agree with the lady, “education or medical “ and I want to see paperwork in support too.
Gurl….you know they have degrees is crating fake documents. Sad but true 😂 I stopped trusting even that.
My siblings and I are going through that right now.
FACTS NOT FICTIONS 🙏
GOSPEL TRUTH 🗣️👍💯
You have said it Phrankleen!! I realized a long time ago how blessed I and my siblings have been. Our parents, aunts grandparents being from the Caribbean, the focus was and is different. Education first, that’s all that was required of us; no one looking for anything. I feel so Blessed as I hear from some of my Nigerian friends and some of what they’ve been through by FAMILY!!!! in particular!!!
My G
Always dropping gems 💎🔥
I appreciate the support
Intellectual talk as always. I can totally relate to this. Thanks for sharing 👍🏽
Thank you for opening our eyes God bless you
Well said.
Thanks for your wonderful video,bro very educative
If you were to die today, did you leave anything in the UK to take care of your family? That mansion you built in the village to "show them", will your Europe based family enjoy it? What of all the money you've been sending. Now that you are no more, will your family in Nigeria reciprocate all the good you did to your family? Of course not, Our people back home all have a degree in "Emotional Abuse". They are gurus in pinning all their failures to you not helping them out in life. Alas, most of the new comers to abroad dont learn the lesson until its too late.
I owe you your favourite drink 🍺 😅👍🏾
Thats true, I used to send money I got from social welfare for survival, since I divorced the send 2nd year of coming abroad with and just gotten a baby 😢😢
Thanks a Mr Phr.
My families are giving me back to back that I should be sending money to all of them and none of them know how I even here, I pray
God will lead us through
Amazing Phrankleen! It's like the universe has reached out and spoken to me, WOW! This situation is exactly what I have been contemplating over of late, NO MORE of all the guilt tripping, emotional blackmailing and religiosity bullshit!!! May the Universe bless and protect us all bro!
Other than your parents just block anyone begging for cash including siblings. Nobody will help you in the West when you need help.
To me, your reasoning is always mature and on point; on this video, you didn't disappoint, and I share your views.
Kudos brother👏🙏
I can’t wrap my head around the reasoning of most people back home,I was born in Nigeria and I lived in Nigeria for 35 years before relocating to the US,while I was living in Nigeria I don’t remember begging anyone living abroad for money so I don’t understand how these people think back home,once you relocate abroad you are automatically an outcast and an ATM machine,you will never be treated as part of them again,I have cut off almost everyone back home because of their begging,stop sending money to them.
This aptly describes my situation back in Naija
That shows me no real love in Nigerian families
Am not even looking forward to go see them cause i know the expectations
Thanks for the content.
Brilliant you used it. She hit all the points. 🎓👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
Wheeewww... I 100% support what the young lady said. Facts upon Facts.
Thanks for posting this Video up. Much appreciated. All we can do is to help those back home when we can but also be very careful of who we help. Simple as it is. We all have monthly expenses and bills to always pay no matter where we reside. And yes, it is true. Inflation is everywhere in this present world we all reside in. Peace and God bless...
I have seen this on Tic Tok….so sad and so true.
Before semi retiring and relocating back to Abuja, Nigeria I used to advise my fellow Nigerians living and working in the UK only to send money back home you don't need to moan about.
Why send money home at an amount that you have to moan and begrudge others.
Stand up to those demanding for YOUR and inform them of the amount you can afford. If they are not happy about it then find others who are.
And let's be honest some who are doing it are doing it to pretend and show off to their contacts in Nigeria
Thank you
You’re welcome ☺️
This should be the mantra for the new year,2023. 👍👍 All unnecessary remittances back home are suspended, permanently.
I thought you may find this interesting she hit all the points 🎓👏🏾
Hey, Phrankleen.
They live We just survive.
Eye opening and a worthy reminder to a conversation I have been having with myself lately.
👌🤔🤔🤔👍 thanks for this eye opening video.
Must have BOUNDARIES. Say it sister! Say No!!!
Phrankonero always telling hard facts
I know of someone who was still being "finessed" of money from naija while on his covid bed here......I'm like don't these people fear God!!!!!
I agree with you to a certain level, what I will say is. only send money in a productive way, for example, you could start a business abroad and source raw materials from Africa, put your family within the supply chain, when they supply such, is only when they make money. That is how I will do such a thing or better still invest in a cash-flowing asset back home and pay them with it.
Your business will fail with no money. The family will scam you. Don't vever start a business that you can't oversee daily ( 30 mind from home).
I just send money for my parents every month. Other people are not my responsible.
Fear is spiritual poison..... amazing content 👌 for the day 😊.
Our Kamba people make us refuse to go home even from Nairobi because their greed is another level.All greetings and laughter end up with money as bottom line,the more they make you laugh,the more you are caught emotionally.
You are so right!!!!
Right here in America my husband’s family down south use to always ask for money. My mother pointed out that they were taking our GRAVY, thus leaving us with Nothing!
Turns out they really didn’t give a D…about us at all.
Thank God my immediate sister and brother are not demanding, even my parents are not falsing me to do anything, but I place them on monthly allowance, about distance or close friends and family, i do it wen i can.
No one can compel me to send money.
No one owes you anything and u don’t owe anyone anything. For me, I don’t provide money, gifts but my time and I only help people who help themselves. If they need help setting up a business fine but if they expect me to be a money tree think again!
Don't fund business for someone at inception that's a recipe for disaster and the person will turn around and bite you if the business fail. Help to resuscitate or fund growth. Let the person set it up then come in along the way, he/she will appreciate your help the more.
@@elizaleke8373 Makes sense.
Bro I wish I could give u 1000 likes
"All they ever want is to fleece you to death" We need to learn to get a back bone and stand up for ourselves. Period!!!
Boom Boom “it’s not practical to have someone fund your needs”. Helloooooo people Una don hear abi. This message e-don ginger me!!!!
No, I stopped sending money, thank to pHrankleen
In as much as I love to say no to sending money to folks back home, I can’t. I just budget what I use to support my folks, any extras, they are on their own.
Hello Phrakleen 👋
Hello 👋🏾 😊
Got here early. You're talking pearls man. I will not be blackmailed by anyone .I tell ev1 I have no spare money. Capische