Ranking ASOIAF Theories with Glidus
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- Опубліковано 16 лип 2024
- Discussing some truly deranged ASOIAF theories with special guest Glidus!
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Alt Schwift X Random ASOIAF Theory Generator: perchance.org/12i9qik15r
Twitter: / altschwiftx
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0:00 Intro
1:05 Best Fighters
15:17 Val as Jon’s queen
32:17 Skagos’ reputation is fake
1:04:07 The Omni-Walder
1:10:57 Loras is fine
2:00:24 Euron’s dragon-squid
2:23:18 Big Brain Mace
2:40:00 Tywin built sex tunnel
2:49:48 The Death of schemers
2:55:34 Gregor is Sandor’s brother
2:58:31 Merlings saved Davos
3:06:35 Rhaegar lost on purpose
3:31:34 R^2=J
3:32:00 Jaime kills Stoneheart
4:03:54 Blackfish is gay
4:32:22 Euron's glass candle eye
4:37:00 Happy ending for Theon :)
4:45:55 Ned was a warg
4:50:45 White walkers only want the north
5:00:28 Howland is Arthur
5:08:29 Rhaegar = Night King
5:13:09 Conclusion
There is no more perfect description of the absolute state of the ASOIAF fandom than, "staring at a parked car for eleven years making 'vroom vroom' sounds with our mouths."
Vroom vroom
I don't get it. Vroom vroom.
@@IcarusRepublique i believe it's because the fans have to "create their own content" since GRRM doesnt provide any. As for the metaphor the author is represented by the car and the noises, coming from us, the audience, are theories and conspiracies about the lore.
@@michaelh7331 God, we sound so pathetic 🤣 vroom vroom
I mean by now we're not making car noises only, we're making submarine noises and spaceship noises and just random noises, that's how fucked up some of these Theories are😂
I like the mental image of Ned and Arthur Dayne just standing in the blood of their fallen comrades and Ned just goes “Hey you wanna abandon your duty and live in my swamp?” Then Arthur Dayne just goes “yes”. Then Lyanna turns into a horse.
And that swamp dwelling Dayne became Jon Snow.
yeah but the horse is actually Rhaegar who was warging Lyanna 😂
Of course!
Lyanna wargs into the horse and then rhaegar wargs into lyanna and then when rhanna dies, the cycle continues and the two souls are endlessly swapped between the bodies
Then Arya Stark appears and says ‘’IM AZOR AHAI’’
The absolute HILARITY of imagining Rhaegar being hit with a hammer and having his entire ribcage fucking pulverised, warging into Lyanna only to feel the fuck off pain of childbirth and then dying 😂
Best Theory ever.
Rhaegar truly played himself
@@hayleenicole9326the game was rigged from the start
@@hayleenicole9326"All my actions were calculated, but damn i suck at math" -Rhaegar
You laugh, but isn't that basically what happens to Robb?
@@Sealionborn omg yes! With grey wind
"Hodor is the younger and more beautiful queen"
The theory generator is incredible
I like how it's not even a theory, it's just a statement lmao
I got “Daenerys Targaryen” not quite sold on that one tbh
I got “bloodraven is secretly warged by bloodraven”
@@stabbityjoe7588 Now it's time to paste these theories in a Dall.E/Craiyon image generator....
I got jofferey and catelyn are jon snows parents
Renly is a hard believer in the theory of Loras being fine
pretty sure all the maidens in Westeros know Loras is fiiine
Renly's fucking dead
@@pegasus_2137 he is mance rayder
@@emirhanturkol1331 and Daario
@@autistichideokojima7737 and a horse
Here's a theory for you:
Duncan the Tall's descendants are Azor Ahai. Only the Long Knights can end the Long Night.
New Azor Ahai just dropped
Better yet.
Duncan comes from house Ahai, but his blood has been reduced to pig shit, until Ser Duncan became a hedge knight
Nice
@@scottbruckner4653 Sonic the Hedgeknight
You are a terrible person
The third theory your generator spat out was "Danaerys Targaryen". Truly, my mind was blown by the implications.
I got Benjen Stark is Benjen Stark. I have to disagree.
@@jeremyc2957 All I got was High Lord Ambatakum.
See, if you put a guy on your dragon and fly him out to the middle of nowhere he's not going to say no
Because of the implications
@@Umkarz Ser Ambatakum of House Ambussing is the prince that was promised
I got "Littlefinger caused the war of the five kings" no shit Sherlock 🧐
With the sex tunnel being in the stables, I just picture some poor, innocent stablehand thinking "Man, Tywin sure does love those horses."
Well he sure is riding a lot
That's a detail I've always liked in the sense that no Highborn would ever be near the stables to see him, and the Stablehands and owner obviously wouldn't snitch on Lord Tywin.
Thank goodness Arya put him out of his misery or he'd still be thinking of those imagery till old age. Which was like 40 y/o.
@@nunyabiznes33 it would've been more like 60-70. If they survived childhood, most people could live basically as old as people do now. If they had a relatively strong immune system, and kept any wounds clean, they'd be pretty fine.
Mr. Hands but make it hand of the king
"But what happens AFTER the dragon fucks the kraken??" is peak ASOIAF-theorycrafting
Truly interesting, but not the story I'd wanna hear. I wanna know more about Bran. After all, who has a better story than Bran the Broken? Why do you think he came all this way?
@@gellertgrindelwald4238 Bran is in my top 3 for sure
I think the Cephalodragon will act like euron’s phylactery and allow him to transcend his mortal failings after death, maybe he dies and wargs the Cephalodragon then gets brought back with some archaic form of drowned god resurrection, turning him into Cthulhu.
Glidus=aurane confirmed
Come on. This a magical fantasy world. Life will find a way by the kraken mounting the dragon.
That or the essence of both will be showered upon Euron.
"Arya will defeat the white walkers"
Aha, it seems that D&D used Alt Schwift X's random ASOIAF generator when they wrote the last season
Finally an explanation for that dumpster fire.
Arya had to kill the Night King, because the Night King is Rhaegar, and Arya is basically Lyanna's double, so it was revenge for the rape.
@@xenikos99 it all makes sense now, although what if they're both horses?
“Tyrion will wield Oathkeeper in one hand, and Tormund's foot-long member in the other, like a total badass” The random theory generator is legendary
Tbh I'd wield Tormund's foot-long member in my hands
@@WhenDoesTheVideoActuallyStartlightbringer
I love the theory generator. So far I've got:
"Illyrio poisoned Jon Arryn."
"Barristan wrote the Pink Letter."
"Joffrey was Azor Ahai"
"Walder Frey, Walder Frey and Walder Frey are the three heads of the dragon."
“Gilly, the Dusky Women and Young Griff are the three heads of the dragon”
"the Hound is secretly the child of Sansa and Meera"
"Jaime is actually Ygritte in a glamor"
"Jeor Mormont hooked up with Euron at the tourney of Harrenhall."
@@nealfirstofhisname well hold on, this one could go somewhere
"Stannis will never die he is immortal. He is a horse."
Stannis: We ate the horses first
….. he is a cannibal horse
😂😂😂
wise man that he is, he knew about all the other important people who had turned into horses and so he prevented his own horse-ening by eating the body snatching equines
@@Inkspeckle If he eats the time travelling horse version of himself he’ll gain the power necessary to become the new lord of light. Confirmed by Gordon Ar Ar Martini himself
Well, they say you are what you eat.
Gregor and Sandor being brothers is about as likely as alt schift x and alt schwift x being the same person.
ALTXBOWL GET HYPE
That is correct, it is as likely!
Robert Strong is Robert Baratheon’s son with Lisa Arryn. This is why John was so obsessed with proving that “the seed is Strong” and was looking into Robert Baratheon’s genealogy, and why Lisa named the child Robert (after his father).
No idea why everyone thought John was looking into the Lannister children.
Anyways, Robert Strong is the true heir to the Iron Throne.
@@QualityPen na, don't think so
@@QualityPen Get out!
its so ridiculously fun how Val is described as this over the top pure sexappeal fighter goddess prize complete package everyone is thirsty for just so jon can reject her even harder.
SATIN LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOO
@@sufnskanne469 lmaooo stop
@@sufnskanne469 Am I the only one who thinks Kit Harington looks more like how Satin’s described than how Jon is described?
The time of barbarian babes is over. The age of soft boys has begun.
O’Driscolls absolut 😡
"Cersei is actually Brienne"
Is what I got from the theory generator. This DOES explain some things.
I got “Leaf is actually Ygritte in a glamor”
I got "Olena Tyrell is secretly the parent of Mace Tyrell"
@@tomenward4120 that must be the worst kept secret ever then
It's a Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde situation
Jaime can’t escape her lmaoo
This fandom is becoming more unhinged at an exponential rate, and I'm here for it
Lolz same
its like a smart, working dog like a border collie being cooped up in a house for years on end with no real mental stimulation/fulfillment-this fandom is just going insane, running in circles and gnawing on its own legs
Well when the author its based around insults the fans and cockteases them and then spits on them by avoiding continuing his story, the rabid nature of the fanbase seems warranted.
@@heretustay my god thats a great analogy
it reminds me of the era of Elden Ring subreddit before any news came in
"Ser Pounce will kill Septa Lemore with Ice reforged in Storm's End"
Yeah, that theory generator sure be generating some theories.
Only if Ser Pounce is being warged by Darkstar, who is being psychically controlled by Bloodraven.
Dude, when schwifty pulls out the entire feudal hierarchy and class struggle of the cats of kings landing, I can’t help but smile and laugh for the entirety of his explanation
I got "littlefinger falls in love with strong belwas"
I just got:''Sansa causes the others to return''
Edit: Soon after:''The Ser Pounce master plan''
Second edit: My favorite yet:''Drogon hooked up with Catelyn at the tourney of Harrenhal''
Robert Strong is Azor Ahai
I find it so cute that jon was fully prepared to "steal her from her tower" to make her respect him and to show that he understands her culture? That's the cutest thing in asoiaf
Gotta LOVE the randomizer:
"Loras will wield Tormund's foot-long member in one hand, and Longclaw in the other, like a total badass"
I can't even.
I got "Ghost had an affair with Jon Snow". And now i want a 2 hour analysis about this theory. This randomizer is the best thing that ever happened to literature
I got such a similar one “Areo Hotah will wield windows wail in one hand and tormunds foot long member in the other, like a total badass”
Personally I like the implication that Tormund’s dick is his main-hand weapon and Longclaw is the off-hand.
Roose, Littlefinger and Hallis Mollen are the three heads of the dragon
My 3rd one was "Jaime is actually Ygritte in a glamor" and that is just... Interesting
"Quick as a snake, stampy as an elk, hissy like a cat" -Syrio probably 😂
Sprightly as a twink
"MOVE LIKE A BEE, STING LIKE A UH-UH, BEE!"
@@Longshanks1690 Like Ser Humfrey Beesbury?
@@Longshanks1690 please tell me this is a bully reference
Ears, of a cat- and eyes, like a rodent.
My favorite theory from the generator is that Renly and Stannis were swapped as babies
Wh- what?
I saw one that said Jorah and Tyrion were John snows parents
Correction. It was Jorah and gendry 😹
Hahaha so they just have each other’s names and that’s it
They're not even that close in age, I guess they mistook a newborn for like a five year old.
“when the winds of winter comes out in 2059....”
That’s the most concrete release date I’ve heard since George said it wasn’t coming out in 2014
This was great. One of my favorite parts was “George does not write characters who do not love”….the mountain, rorge, biter, Ramsey…all secret romantics simply looking for any possible way to express their undying love, beautiful
They love killing ❤️🔥
Hey no one said anything about love I torture, killing, or any other horrible act.. A twisted version of what they believe to be love. And we can all agree that people like Ramsey loves himself.
@@storytellingsnek5255 he really does think he’s great. Which makes me wonder what Domeric was really like, but I’m sure that’ll be left unanswered as it’s not really important
My personal version of the "Loras is fine" theory is that Loras was indeed the one injured on Dragonstone, but that he's also fine in the sense that he will survive, having been horribly disfigured.
I like it too, especially if he also undergoes character growth. He goes from beautiful but arrogant and angry to outwardly ugly and burnt but valiant and honourable.
He's already pretty valiant and honorable, I just want him to show up and be disfigured underneath his black and unrecognizably melted armor set to, I dunno, kill Robert Strong
@@jonttopia Sort of a parallel of Jaime as well.
I like it.
@@charliecoke7396 which works with what Jamie said to loras, doesn't Jamie say something along the lines of "I'm you just older"
Only problem with this is that there is Willas Tyrell... Loras' older disfigured brother, it was sorta the reason Loras was good looking.
Okay so the best of the random theories I saw from the theory generator was “Jaime, the Shrouded Lord, and the Shrouded Lord, are the three heads of the dragon.” The inclusion of the shrouded lord twice had me rolling.
You’re forgetting the critical all-important likely theory that Jaime is the Shrouded Lord
Mine was:
“Daenerys is secretly a Targaryen.”
Kino.
same energy as "Harry and Ron and Hermione and Hermione and Hermione…" (that's from a german youtuber who fed the books to an "AI")
"Howland Reed will fall in love with Craster" is my favorite
I got “Myrcella will kill Myrcella with Lightbringer” which is another great double
Also your theory generator is on fire.
"Young Griff will wield the sword Blackfyre"
"Quentyn Martell isn't dead"
"The white walkers will be defeated at Starfall"
"Jaime is secretly a Targaryen"
"Rattleshirt is Rhaegar" (Considering all the Mance is Rhaegar shit)
And my favorite:
"Jeyne Westerling's hips is secretly a Targaryen"
If the white walkers make it to Starfall then humanity should just give up on Westeros.
@@elrac7333 They will get there through the tunnel/Gorne's Way between the Wall and Starfall, also accessible by Winterfell crypts.
@@BLooDCoMPleX wait, are the white walkers just dornish?
@@elrac7333 Always have been.
I believe the Quentyn isnt dead theory.
I was just thinking that as George is a gardener, he must've thought that Asoiaf was such a beautiful flower that he wanted to nurture it and watch it grow. However was so mesmerized by his creation that he didn't stop to see and realize it was actually an invasive, parasitic species which he couldn't control, so now his lawn and house is overgrown and covered from floor to roof in flowers, inside and out.
But our George, he's just too old to care. He'll live the rest of his life sleeping and eating amongst the stalks and leaves, making us wish for the best case scenario in which he finally becomes Bloodraven, entangled and immovilized in the mess he created, whispering directions to his ghost writers while they give us a satisfying ending to what he could not finish.
And I think THAT is more likely than he actually finishing them by himself, which is kinda sad.
I'm surprisingly ok with that. GRRM is Blood Raven confirmed.
This is hauntingly beautiful and honestly if when I'm old I don't end up in a bloodraven ass cave with flowers instead of weirwood I'm gonna throw a fit
@@DazedSpy2just let Sanderson finish it, fucks sake
You know, I would be ok if he had a ghost writer he directed and shared the load with, maybe bounce ideas and such. Similarly to how he gets involved in other projects, just... well, more involved, I guess. He can get in there and change and/or rewrite things too. Just to get shit MOVING.
Skagos Unicorns are probably woolly rhinos, an extinct rhinoceros that was common throughout Europe until after the last ice age. GRRM likes having extinct animals survive in the far north (mammoths, dire wolves), and rhinos were the inspiration for unicorns in real life as well. Would explain why they're so feared.
This was my *exact* thought when they said woolly long haired big war horses. I was like yeah so you mean woolly rhinos from the ice ages. Cool theory!
well, jon has a dream as ghost where shaggydog fights and kills a creature that’s described as a goat with one horn, so i think the unicorns in asoiaf are actually big wooly goats. this would make more sense, seeing as they live in the mountains, and rhinos aren’t known for being sure-footed.
They are goats 🤦♂️
@@basiliska Ahhhh interesting. I don’t remember this exact line but I believe you and that makes total sense. Very cool!
". .. he tore at the flesh of an enormous goat, washing the blood from his side where the goat's long horn had raked him"
It's possible, you can read that as the goat having one horn, but I'm not totally convinced. It doesn't actually say it only has one horn.
But yeah, if skagos unicorns are big goats I wouldn't be surprised.
Can y'all just do a podcast together already? Your chemistry is fantastic.
Honestly, fuck the EFAP these boys don't need them. They'd make a brilliant podcast all on their own.
exactly
Next episode together they gotta assign DnD alignments and class levels to characters... might finally get some disagreements haha.
@@LoLotov Actual nice idea
So far the theory generator has said that Daenerys is secretly a Targaryen and that Robert Baratheon caused Robert's Rebellion. My mind is blown away 10/10 five stars ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
ah, but the Dany theory has some basis. There are people who think that she is the ToJ baby. "Lemongate" is a part of this.
The first thing I got from the theory generator was: "The Hooded man of Winterfell is a faceless man" which is actually somewhat plausible and pretty cool.
You can't see his face because he ain't got one!
@@fyraltari1889 And even if he does have one, he's hooded so you can't see it!
Been trying out the theory generator, got some interesting results:
“Jon Snow wrote the Pink Letter”
“Obara [Sand] killed Lysa”
“Catelyn hooked up with Danaerys at the Tourney of Hannerhal”
“Robert Strong and Darkstar are Jon Snow’s real parents”
“Grand Sweetrobin Conspiracy”
“Squishers built Hannerhal”
“Sansa is a secret Targaryen”
Got "Tyrion is the valunqar". Now that's just outlandish.
I love the "Jon Snow wrote the Pink Letter".
@@arnekrug939
There’s a lot to unpack there
The “Grand Sweet Robin Conspiracy” sounds amazing
@@warlordofbritannia I mean maybe he wrote it under the influence of Blood Raven?
I mainly think it's funny because it is so outlandish.
As much as it wont happen, I think stoneheart ressurecting Jon after learning the truth about his birth would be so much better than just Melisandre doing it. Her one last good act would be saving the life of the child she hated for his entire life.
I actually do believe this is what will happen
@@FlameQwert I hope so, I cant think of anything that would be better than that. I dont even care about the logistics of it all, I just want it to happen lol.
I would love to see Stoneheart resurrect Jon, and bring him Robb's crown. I do think that having her learn the truth of his heritage would undercut the moment, since that would mean the Catlyn wouldn't have learned her lesson.
@@anotherpawn hmmm actually yeah her resurecting Jon in honour of Rob alone would be better than doing it because of the truth.
She is pretty far away from the wall tho
Stoneheart is Brienne's problem, her Mad King
I actually dig this one, and can see it happening.
why does that have not more upvotes??
Actually the Piper’s words are “Piper? I hardly know her”
I haven't laughed this hard in a while. You guys are great together and this truly was a blast.
“What does an alpaca have inside?”
Long pause
“Gumption?”
😂
@@Nicola_Blackwood "Bones!" 😃
"Just call it a mukbang" I laughed so hard after that, idk why 💀
Topics:
0:00 "Caiman" Islands
2:40 Best ASOIAF Fighters
15:19 Val as Jon's Queen
27:44 Superchats
32:16 Skagos is Fake News
1:04:13 The Omni-Walder
1:10:56 Loras is Fine
1:29:17 More Superchats
2:00:25 Euron's Dragon-Squid Hybrid
2:23:26 Big Brain Mace
2:39:22 Tywin's Sex Tunnel
2:49:46 Death of Schemers
2:55:35 Gregor is Sandor's Brother
2:58:30 Merlings Saved Davos
3:06:43 Rhaegar Lost on Purpose
3:19:34 Superchats
3:32:19 Jaime Kills Stoneheart
3:53:32 Even More Superchats
4:04:00 Blackfish is Gay
4:32:23 Euron's Glass Candle Eye
4:36:56 Happy Ending for Theon
4:45:58 Ned was a Warg
4:50:46 WW want the North
5:00:28 Howland is Arthur Dayne
5:02:57 Final Superchats + Fast Additions
5:08:55 Rhaegar is Night King
You are a true hero
Thank you
You are azor ahai
Lord of All Squirrels Squisher King confirmed
Pin this!
Funny thing about the Euron Squid-Dragon crossbreed. Cthulhu is specifically described in his original story to be a combination of an octopus, a dragon, and a human. Maybe Euron wants to mix himself in there as well to become a monster himself.
“It’s easy to be moral when you’re dead” could be the most accurate summation of the themes of Game of Thrones ever penned
I've been clicking through your random theory generator and this thing should be released as a cards against humanity set xD
"Leaf will kill Drogon with Thormund's foot-long member"
It keeps getting better:
"Margaery will kill Lollys Stokeworth with Tormund's foot-long member in the heart of winter"
Where is this?
Was able to find by searching, "Ramsay and Doran will get married at Grey water Watch." 😆
“Randyll Tarly hooked up with Shagwell at the Tourney of Hannerhal”
“Jon Snow wrote the Pink Letter”
Now there’s a real pair of doozies
@@warlordofbritannia Those are both great!
“Gregor is Sandor’s brother.”
Really makes u think 🤔
This one is really far fetched. Robert Strong seems like a far likelier possibility, but still out there.
Of all the false theories, this one is the most false. It makes me so angry when people make these kinds of stretches
"Stannis and Stannis are Azor Ahai and the prince that was promised".
Mind blown 🤯
Back when I was in college, I took an anthropology class. One the books we read was about how cannibalism was extremely exaggerated. The author couldn't find any evidence of any group that regularly ate other humans. Sure there were certain, rare religious ceremonies where blood or certain pieces of organs were consumed in a ritual but it wasn't close to being as commonplace as European explorers made it out to be.
So the idea of Skagos being exaggerated does have historical merit.
One book yet we have numerous books saying the opposite, now certainly it wasn't a widespread thing but both the Anasazi and missouria tribes ate people frequently. And many tribes viewed this as an utmost sin that the entirety of the wendigo folklore is based upon it.
If they only ever ate others for necessity or in rare ceremonies other tribes wouldn't care as they're eating themselves, the Anasazi ate those they killed in combat and the missouria tribe just liked eating people as best I can tell. The area wasn't hurting for game or farming land.
Not every tribe ate people but to act like it was so rare I can say it never really occurred is a flat out lie.
The anasazis cannibalism was so bad they ended up "dissappearing" mysteriously. Gee wonder what happened, and so far as I know European settlers had few interactions with them prior to their disappearance.
The Karankawa tribe of Gulf Coast Texas were said to be cannibals, but there wasn’t any evidence for it. Most likely Spanish and Texan propaganda to make them out as savages.
Not to mention, pirates often exaggerated/projected the horrors and torture they committed to coax sailors into giving them treasure without loosing men
@@ralcogaming7674 Sources? Oh yeah "trust me dude" counts now.
@@untroubledwaters2137 try reading? I dunno I mean it's well documented history. This guy literally has ONE book countering known things and that counts as a source.
"Roose and Roose are twins"
I didn't even realize there were two Roose's, but now everything makes sense! Hot Pie did 9/11 confirmed?
The generator seems to sometimes reuse the same name where a list of characters is given. I've never come across another Roose but could be wrong.
However, Hot Pie clearly did 9/11. He'd know how to melt structural steel from years spent working an oven.
There’s a Roose Ryswell in the books. He’s only mentioned a couple times in the later books when the Boltons and Co. are hunkered down in Winterfell. Someone talks to him (once) and they just called him Roose, without the Ryswell, and it confused the shit out of me and I had to reread a bit. That’s the only reason I remember him.
My number one favorite theory is and will always be:
Ned Stark is a pigeon
(and Arya later accidentally eats him)
Thank you for providing me with that gem in one of your iceberg vids.
That theory is literally backwards. Arya kills the pigeon in that chapter before Ned is executed, and afterwards leaves the city ASAP.
@@lurksnitchtongue8986 lol I’ve been thinking that still funny tho
@@lurksnitchtongue8986 the pigeon time traveled to warn arya obviously
@@lurksnitchtongue8986
You just don’t understand how pigeon warging works 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄
😜
@@NikELbErGErBergel
Obviously!
Recently used the generator and mine were: "Grand Ser Pounce Conspiracy" and "Ser Pounce caused Robert's Rebellion". I just simply can´t.
What if Brandon was buried there because Ned felt that for like the 10 seconds between their fathers death and his, he was lord of Winterfell. And Lyanna is buried there because she was briefly a princess and queen mother of Westeros (kinda sorta). This would make her the first Stark royalty since Torren.
"Jaqen H'ghar is a Faceless Man"
This theory generator really is something else.
Incredible
I don't buy it, there would've been clues if that were the case
"Euron is secretly working for Euron to bring down Samwell"
Im 2 hours in and they’ve covered 5 theories. I love you guys lmao
Been watching this everyday on my way to work for like a week hahaha
Theory: The Dream of Spring was actually the friends we made along the way
“Drogo hooked up with Catelyn at the tourney of Harenhall”
I need this to be a theory now.
Drogo could have hooked up with ashara dayne but different strokes for different blokes
"George doesn't write characters who haven't been in love"
Roose Bolton: "Hold my leech"
Do we know that Roose didn't love his first wife?
@@nealfirstofhisname First off, the only thing we know about their relationship is that Roose wasn't satisfied with her in the bedroom, that she lay there and just let it happen. Doesn't seem like love. Secondly, even if we didn't know that, does this man seem like he would love anyone? He barely feels any emotion at all, except maybe fear.
@@carlhiller9659 He definitely feels lust/desire and anger, based on the story of Ramsay's birth.
@@nealfirstofhisname sure but he doesn't feel love
Him having a bastard is even more out of character than for Ned
House Pipers words are, “I hardly knew her”
Wild to be talking about England’s banner being 3 lions, when Scotland’s Royal Coat of Arms is flanked by 2 unicorns (Scotland’s national animal is the Unicorn) and Wales’ flag has a massive red dragon on it
I’d like to imagine that if Euron does mix a kraken and dragon, it would basically be a hydra
i don't know why, but i LOVE hydras. if there's a hydra in winds, *I* will eat the winds of winter
@@lllllagooslingplease don't eat the book i want to read it🙏🏻
“ a war weasel being ridden into battle by Walder Fray”
That was the first thing I heard when I joined this livestream! Ahahahahah
I picture it as 2 regular weasels being used as skates by 90 year old Walder.
@@juwankane5150 oh nice! Yeah just Wader pacing through the river lands on those bad boys
Picturing the fact that Walder himself is the true War Weasel 😅
"Alt Schwift X in Rob's will he made catlyn his heir but he wanted her to marry Jon. to get sansa back. if jon and cat married had kids. the lannistors would have no reason to keep sansa." This is by far my favorite chat comment.
I had nightmares
I think I threw up a little, which probably means you are right.
"OK you can just have her back I guess."
It's 3 am I have a mid term tommorow and I can't stop wheezing at this shit why did they give her back
The Lannisters would give Sansa back solely based on the fact that forcing your mom to marry your (underage btw) brother whom she fucking HATES is such a weird fucking move that they gotta lowkey respect that.
Tywin Lannister was probably like "holy shit if they have kids then Catelyn kinda has to decide between them inheriting the crown or bumping off her husband/stepson. Nah wtf Robb" (but like he said it all fancy like)
Leaf will wield Tormund's foot-long member in one hand, and Tormund's foot-long member in the other, like a total badass. Speaks for itself.
It's a two-hander
The random crockpot theory generator gave me this and I can’t stop laughing
“Bronn is King of the Mermaids”
So Varys works for Bronn.
Can the two of you just finish writing these bloody books my god. We would get both WoW and DoS in a month and they would be both incredible and hilarious.
Preston Jacobs is working on it, not even kidding.
@@samanthabogen9639 it will either be glorious or insane there is no in between with Preston Jacobs.
I am growing more and more confident that Jon's birth woke the Others.
Yes, I know that ice and fire have mixed before, (ex: Bloodraven) and look how powerful he was! Even Mel says there is a power in Jon he needs to embrace.
But what specifically got their knickers in a knot is that one of their own, a Stark, combined their blood with the blood of the dragon, which I'd imagine is a sort of blasphemy in their eyes. Fire isn't something of which they likely approve, so perhaps Lyanna unknowingly broke the blood oath the Starks made to the Others.
"Prophesy will bite your cock off every time"
In trying to forge the weapon to fight the prophesied apocalypse, Rhaegar made it happen.
And if that isn't the most GRRM thing I've ever read, I dunno what is.
Lyanna even died, and Rhaegar's slaying by Bobby B scattered rubies throughout the Trident. His purple eyes closed forever and only a river of rubies remain, all because he and Lyanna fell in love. Bloodstone emperor, Amythist Empress, blood betrayal (very specifically Rhaegar and Lyanna's blood) it's all there.
In other words, blame Rhaegar.
I love this perspective.
I love this. I also love the idea of The Prince that was Promised as a Stark prince that was promised to The Others that they were never given. Maybe specifically, everytime a Stark/Targaryen child is born, the Other's want their due.
I feel this also connects to the others-COTF connection, if men are viewed to be the apocalypse, then the others are the weapon that destroys them.
though this doesn't really work with what we know about azor ahai in the east, and the bloodstone emperor
holy fuck i seriously think you cracked the code
i think the others came back stronger after the dragons died out.
I just want to say that English is not my mother language, and I've been studying. And I love listening to your videos because you speak so well, and your voice is so clean and elegant that I understand every word! Thank you!
Ned didn't break tradition by burying Lyanna in the crypts, he broke with tradition because only Lords got statues, and he had one made for her
Thanks Glidus and thanks everyone for listening!
If someone wants to list the timestamps/topics, that'd be great lol (edit: got timestamps now!)
5 hours??!! come gimme kisses ya big blue eyed giant
That was so much fun. I almost NEVER listen to live streams, but this was really, really awesome. Great work guys.
Does this livestream get deleted in the near future? I want to save it up for a day when I have enough time to binge it, but Im afraid it will get taken down after a few days or will be made patreon-only content
Now we need a collaboration between Preston and Shwifty
Honeyroastedmint did post timestamps.
41:25 Those unicorn helmets and the outlandish mercenary bands are some Berserk Golden Age arc stuff.
Imagine an ASOIAF anime with the "Super heavy elite unicorn shock infantry of House Bracken".
2:35:07 I think Ned buried his brother in the crypts because his father died first so Brandon was Lord of Winterfell for a moment. I think he buried Lyanna down there because she was likely a princess & mother of the true heir to the throne. Either way more than just Ned playing fast and loose with the rules.
Are there any actual rules tho?
@@kalinmir It is written that it is standard for the Lord Starks & old Kings of the North. I just think this was the reason for Brandon & Lyanna as they were Lord & kinda Princess to be Queen.
Aren't all Starks buried in the crypts? I vaguely recall Bran thinking about the space made for him there already, I think it was when he and Rickon were hiding there from Ramsey and Theon? Someone correct me if I am misremembering. The anomaly with Ned was him erecting statues for all 3 of his lost kin. Especially Lyanna, who I think was the only woman with one? Brandon probably succeeded Rickard for a few moments, so one could argue they both were Lords of Winterfell and due a statue. But daughters would normally be buried where they lived with her husbands, and there's no mention of Lord's wives having statues. There's nothing suggesting that Lyarra Stark had one. Or any children dying young. Ned's insistence to honour his sister in such a way says both a lot and not enough... no wonder it's popular in fanfiction to put fun stuff in Lyanna's grave, it's just asking for attention.
My theory on lizard-lions is they are Martin pulling a Tolkien and avoiding using the word "alligator" because it was coined by Shakespeare, long after the equivalent time period to ASOIAF. (Comparison is Tolkien using "pipe weed" for tobacco due to its New World origin.)
STOP I LIKE WATCHING LOTR THINKING THEYRE CHIEFING UP
@@miketrujillo3677 In the movies they totally are. Saruman's dig about Gandalf's mind being slowed by smoking too much makes no sense for tobacco.
@@CutThroatApathy so reassuring you have no idea
Komodo dragons maybe
Fun Fact: Skyrim came out only 4 months after A Dance With Dragons. That is how long the story has just been sitting.
Todd Howard will continue what GRRM started.
It just works
@@TrippyTheShroom but he will hire D&D for writing consultation.
Imagine Elden Ring but with D&D instead of GRRM doing the worldbuilding. That's what Elder Scrolls 6 will be.
I always thought TES needed more penis jokes.
"The original sin was the Valyrian blood and fire magic taking the world out of balance"
Ooooooooooooo we Dark Souls now babyyyyyy. AZOR AHAI = LORD GWYN confirmed!
The real question is whether or not "How to Train Your Dragon" is in the same universe as AGoT. They both have dragons. They both have dragon riders.
Compared to some theories, it seems plausible.
And maybe Timett son of Timett'a Father, Timett and Erett son of Erett's Father, Erett are brothers
Are Hiccup and his friends, and by extensions the Vikings in the film, Valyrians?
Funny that Kit Harrington was in the third HtTYD movie lol
George's Jaime vs Cthulhu fanfiction was actually foreshadowing for Jaime killing Euron's dragon/squid creature
"This was always the plan."
--George R.R. Martin.
Loras and Aurane are secret lovers and they sail towards the sunset on their pirate ship. Cersei thinks Aurane is into her. This is the clue that he is totally gay.
It is known
The dead pan matter of fact tone Swifty uses when he states a crazy theory gets me every time.
Don't forget that King Richard I literally WAS a lion, guys. Prince John was a lion, they had a snake for an advisor. There was a chicken lady in waiting.... But all Disney references aside, Richard I was known as "Richard Cœur de Lion" all the way back in the 12th century so somebody, somewhere knew about lions in England.
Well, yeah, lions feature in the bible. The first one that comes to mind is Simpson ripping a lion apart, for it then to become a host to a colony of honeybees which Simpson then steals honey from
Ah yes robin hoods father in law
There would've been some knowledge of lions in medieval Europe, probably not any native species like the guys speculated, maybe just the odd one in royal menageries acquired from Africa. Not as many as the Romans would've imported for the Colosseum and such with the trade network they had at their peak.
Public entertainment was so much more immersive back when it was acceptable to have slaves fight exotic animals.
I mean there are dragons in heraldry without there being dragons
@@kalinmir i mean according a to a really bad pseudo-documentary i watched as a kid there actually were dragons. but on a serious note a lot of mythology comes from fossilized remains like the cyclops being an elephants skull, so dragons seem to be the interpretation of dinosaur bones as mythological creatures, there are also people who believe the imagery of dragons in england to come from snakes if im not mistaken, in ancient greek the words seem to be used interchnageably in some texts
Ashara probably committed suicide out of guilt for turning Ned to the Tower of Joy, which is where he killed her brother.
Theory: Every character is a horse and the series takes place in the my little pony universe
Perhaps the Skagosi cannibals only eat people who are already dead... Like how some Buddhist monks only eat fruit that has naturally fallen from the tree or vine.
Peaceful cannibalism.
"I swear this guy tripped and fell, but no need to let him go to waste now"
Like vultures.
Watch it just be that somebody who didn't know what childbirth was thought a baby escaped the woman who ate it and the reputation stuck. Bunch of skagosi merchants wondering why no one wants to come and if opening a Greek yogurt shop was the wrong move
Or the way a lot of island and isolated tribal cultures have performed ritualistic cannibalism as part of their funerary rites throughout history
Some groups in New Guinea actually do that to dispose of the body of family members since leaving them under the cold dirt seem disrespectful.
Peasant: “What is that big hairy cat?” I don’t think I’ve laughed harder ever. Thank you for that.
“Ramsay will skinchange into Quaithe”
“Daenerys poisoned Jon Arryn”
“Hoster Tully and Penny are Ser Pounce's real parents”
“Timett son of Timett is Lightbringer”
“Bran and Jorah will get married in Craster's Keep”
theory generator is working great 😁
Gendry is secretly working for Strong Belwas to bring down Bran
I don't know if anyone pointed this out, but generally all Starks are buried in the crypts. It's just that only the Kings/lords get statues, Ned broke that tradition by giving Brandon and Lyanna Statues in the crypt.
Cool to know
That throw back to classic Australian school assemblies was a trip down memory lane. How did you perfectly capture the energy of it?
timestamp?
Haha it is exactly the same in the UK as well!
Dragon-Squid theory gives me major Leviathan vibes. A fire breathing sea monster, described as a dragon who lives the deep. Sometimes ridden by the anti-Christ
A thought on Mace; he gets advanced because people think him too stupid to plan on his own. He's a safe option for promotion, relatively speaking, and by staying in his good graces you get coin, food, and a big army.
As soon as Shwift said secret Tunnel I screamed “secret tunnel” in unison with Glidus lmao
“The squishes built Storm's End as their nuclear power plant”
Some of the random theories I got from a Theory Generator.
Lancel killed Jeor Mormont.
Daenerys is secretly the child of Stannis and Ashara.
Hodor will be killed by a dragon.
Edmure Targaryen.
Davos is the Night's King reborn.
Drogon, Rickon and Tyrion are the three heads of the dragon. (note: this means Drogon will find an even bigger dragon to ride on)
Hizdahr zo Loraq will destroy Riverrun.
Quaithe is secretly from Volantis.
Arianne is Nissa Nissa.
getting "Grand Sweetrobin Conspiracy" from the theory generator made me screech
1:44:00 Preston is basically taking the submissions of others, canabalizing them, using ideas, etc. and combining it all into one chapter with an outline he makes. So it's quite a bit different than you're thinking.
It was quite a good chapter though. A little heavy handed in prophecy and Lemongate (but it's his project so that's to be expected and it didn't take anything away from it for me). I was a little hesitant but I thought it was quite a good chapter, well written/edited and I'm excited for more.
@@Kallynthehuntress yeah, if nothing else it's a fascinating experiment. Whether he (and the community) will remain motivated to finish the project is questionable (it's a HUGE undertaking), but I'm really interested to see where the story goes and whether crowd-sourcing all of the difficult questions is a feasible solution.
@@Kallynthehuntress lemongate was one of those theories I thought was a nothing burger till a single arya chapter where I believe it's lem asks for lemons and the woman responds "does this look like dorne?" Would be really odd to put that detail in there randomly if it was nothing but this is GRRM so it's hard to tell.
I still lean more to it being a mistake as later books omit the tree and its usually just referred to as "the house with the red door"
I usually listen to your long ass theory videos when i try to sleep but when it's you and Glidus together there's a 0% chance of me falling asleep as i just laugh constantly, y'all have to stop being so funny
I am not the only one, i see
best random generator theory i got was "Tyrion will kill Jeyne Westerling's hips" 🤣🤔
NOOoo my dirty poor mind
I fell asleep at some point and woke up to "tywin is the dusky woman"
Name a more iconic duo I’ll wait
Cersei and Moon Boy, for all I know.
Preston Jacobs and lemon trees.
“Drogon will wield Longclaw in one hand, and Widow's Wail in the other, like a total badass” Dual wielding while not have hands is certainly a power move.
Still better than s8
"Loras is fine!" Ser Loras Tyrell said, as he draped himself in a fine silk scarf. The statement had two meanings.
I can see Loras being badly scarred but alive, having the most precious thing taken away from him, his beauty and possibly his martial prowess.
that would be cool if he lost his beauty but not his fighting ability since we already have that plot point with jaime
"Jon Snow will wield Oathkeeper in one hand, and Ice reforged in the other, like a total badass"
I fuck with it, thanks Theory Generator!
I think one weasel would be too small to ride, but Late Lord Walder could surf on a wave of weasels
the mental image of this is escellent, especially him in long johns on his skinny ass legs. I will never not see that. Thank you.
Which he fielded from his breeches.
The cereal (serial) master mind joke absolutely ruined me Globbpuss
New theory:
Sandor Clegane, The Hound, The Gravedigger, Gregor Clegane, The Mountain and Robert Strong are all brothers...
And horses.