I had a panic attack when I discovered the porn and other cybersex. I confronted him and after couples therapy he repeated it even though he said he is not addicted. I was re triggered in many ways. Phone, internet, finding more, sex, coming to bed late and more. He thought I was overreacting and I finally broke up with him two days ago.
Thank you for posting as you validated my feelings. For years I was made to feel like I'm crazy or irrational for still being effected by a past trauma.
I have been in a threatened state for 2 yrs! One of my problems is I can't take care of myself because my eye sight is so bad. I can no longer drive, at 54, and can not work, so I can't support myself. I also know that my kids would be devastated if they knew their dad was many things that they know nothing about. I can NOT allow them to be hurt. All of this forces me to stay in my marriage. I feel utterly powerless!😓
Felt this so often. Was told i was codependent . but i never knew and enbled. Then i tried to move on and the guy triggered me into physical and mental crisis which is why i went to counceling and was just shamed and made to feel i was the problem. I am worse.
Flooding images of my husband connecting mentally and physically to thousands of other women while viewing porn during our 28 years of marriage in secrecy throws my heart into a panic and I feel that flight symptoms. The other was when it was disclosed that 50 percent of our most intimate moments during our marriage he used me physically while he thought of women in porn to ejaculate vs. Looking at me and staying connecting with me. D day was Sept 10th and I caught him. He lied twice before swearing to quit for me. Trust building feels like something that will never happen again. He's been sober since but my biggest issue is that he will not agree to professional help with me. Its all a betrayal. I know he's sorry but sometimes I can't even listen to his apologies
I would like to feel safe. My son is severly autistic also had brain damage at birth. At times I physically get abused. I feel helpless at times I feel.stuck im a stay at home mom. My son is an adult now which makes things harder. I do feel i do have ptsd from years of this trauma. I didnt get services when he was 4 i was denied services because my husband made to much money. Finally going to court get guardianship. Just wish I could get more help and support. My husband i feel isnt validating my feelings.
My ex refused any kind of help...didnt need therapy, likes who he is. Hes been in 12 step recovery for 30 years. He was living a double life and cheating. I ended up with CPTSD. Iam in NC but he still manages to get to me thru my family. So he's hurting me by giving information about his new supply and new life and appears to be living happily ever after. It triggers me everytime and sets me back.
Stop interacting with your family members who are sharing that damaging information with you. That's not your exes behavior that's problematic, it's your family member.
Around 10 years ago, a betrayal by someone I loved and who had been telling me they loved me...hearing flip flops in the background... now the sound that a larger adult pair of flip-flops makes on a specific type of flooring, takes me back and gives me a heavy, terrible feeling in my gut and my mind starts to spiral out of control for a sick 20 to 30 minutes until I can get myself to somewhat focus on something else. It normally lurks at the edge of my mind for most of the rest of the day after being triggered. When I haven't had a recent trigger, while the betrayal may not be at the edge, it's still very much a thought that briefly flutters deep in the back of my mind quite a few times a day. I think it may still be this bad because the person hasn't been able take responsibility like they probably should and hasn't been able to except or validate my feelings 100% for whatever reasons of their own. So many small subtle noises and sights, movies, tv shows, billboards, my darling little cat cleaning his fur, things that someone that's never been traumatized wouldn't hopefully be able to comprehend. I was also violated once by someone I barely knew about 25 years ago. While I was affected badly both times, for myself personally the betrayal has hung on so much longer and I became depressed for several years. I think the severity of the more recent time has more to do with it being a loved one I continue to need to interact with, then because of how recent it was. I appreciate all the time you take to help educate and validate hurting people. You are my favorite UA-cam channel when it comes to everything traumatic and I'm so happy when I see you've posted and can hardly wait until I have time to hear everything you have to say. Thank you from the bottom of my heart! ❤❤❤
Porn is a public health issue. It is destroying the mental health of women. Where are all the good men? Men hate women, they put us in harms way, then laugh at our pain. It makes me feel hopelessness at a deep level.
I'm free. Healing.Or healed . My family is problematic . As always . My NS, NF, NEB. Narc brother . I am the PAWN.. it hurts . Yes . Betrayal trauma. He would watch porn ,but I stated my boundaries with somewhat bad luck. I tried. This is the thing that is the core issue. I m not connected with mr . Ex .anymore. Yes . You re great ❣️
Thank you! A Good level of happy living is the best cure. Infj's work on themselves as they go. No. Needs not pathologizing. Simply find your way out to feeling free!!!!
Thanks. I ll be back. I think I needed someone to turn to. Etc. This is spot on . Albeit,i had love. For him. This is great. Men are so full of their ego that we feel left out.
I think that u telling sighs that ur parner is making progress was helpful to understanding that his behavior was inconsistent with progress and validated that hes committed to protecting his behavior at the expense of my trauma and symptoms ie panic attack disrulated isolation a total breakdown of being able to cope wit any thing school work family alcoholism and although it was so disabling he did not do anything to show progress. Up untill i heard u speak about positive change and wat that behavior looked like i had accepted his ongoing behavior as progress (crazy right) had I not learned what were signs of progress getting ready to go into treatment to work on my trauma and my sobriety so I could stabilized I knew I would only be setting myself up for failure to stay in a relationship where are my body cannot physically feel safe physical symptoms from the reoffending and the gaslighting pushed me to my limits I'm ready to feel some relief and because there's no forward movement in progress in his behavior then there cannot be any in mine😢 I'm looking forward to relief from the physical symptoms its exhausting
To me I get insomnia for last 3 years cos betrayal trauma, overeat overspend and feel like don't need any sex for rest of my life to be safe, so nobody has no chance do that to me again...
How do you find experts in betrayal trauma? It’s bed. 6 yrs and I have not moved on from the trauma. Most therapist just thought it was only grief. It’s been a nightmare.
You can maybe call them and ask if they understand betrayal trauma. Anyone with specialty training in sex addiction treatment or infidelity should also understand dynamics, terms and research related to betrayal trauma.
Really! What if a person has “Father-daughter” issues or when through an experience in their youth that is extremely traumatic and left a wound that impacted their adult relationship for years? The past does affect the future. CPTSD is not the same as PTSD. To become healthy, one does have to address their core issues. I have gone to over 50 professionals, not one realizes that I was dealing with a Covert Narcissist. They focused on my symptoms from dealing with Jekyll-Hyde for 30 years. I had to go UA-cam to figure things out in the last 3 years. I was placed on unnecessary meds left and right. Then discovered that classic psychiatric techniques do not work on such types. You have to treat the core issues, not the symptoms. Please redress your statement that the family issues from your past do not matter. I know for a fact that it does matter from direct experience and 30 years of solid experience in a toxic relationship. My spouse has serious issue, but is unable to see her true self. Narcissist are created in their youth, then they blossom into such later.
Hi. The trauma part of betrayal trauma often refers to the crisis part. When people are in crisis, it’s important to triage. While exploring your childhood wounds or past is an effective way of not repeating unhealthy patterns it’s less helpful when one is in immediate crisis and reeling from the victimization part. Oftentimes exploring one’s past is done when the crisis has subsided and the client is more stable and able to explore past hurts and wounds.
Left my husband and business for a man who cheated on me within 2 months for 7 years I lost my dad had a miscarriage of twins had attempted rape in daylight got sectioned twice was constant cheating and porn watching after sex !! All in 6 months I stayed single for 4 years then met my boyfriend last year it’s been almost a year now anger flight or fight self harm ciggerette burns cutting punching myself constant checking his phone days spent in bed dealing with emotions I love him so much but the past relationship is really affecting us I’ve got to wait 4 months for therepy can’t sleep some days hard to get out of bed hard time cos of someone else we’re so trying 😓
if u meet a person who has been in a abusive relationship never get serious with them.they usually will turn on u because of the past relationship they had.they will not except being treated good.
That is so cruel from you to say, inhumane. Either don't take them at all or don't take them lightly. These people deserve the support and respect and the best treatment in order to heal
Smart talk, but it's of no help, these are theory, practical practice is not impossible, as u don't inter act with your viewers, these smart talks are for personal benefit and trap people for personal fees... don't waste ur time here...
And if you go to a therapist they will diagnose BPD or perhaps later on when they realize that it is not BPD then it may change to Bipolar, Anxiety, Agoraphobia, even ADHD but they will likely never get around to PTSD or CPTSD from covert emotional/psychological abuse, partner pervasive lying and eventually betrayal trauma that contributed or even caused this condition. I was completely unaware that the way he used to humiliate me in front of his friends and family by making jokes about things I was sensitive about that I shared with him in private and sarcastically putting me down or implying some sort of lack on my part. Or the way he would give a backhanded compliment with a put-down attached while never actually really genuinely telling me anything that was a compliment or anything that he appreciated or that I was doing right. I put way too much of my self-esteem in his hands. I feel like the things I fell in love with about him were all lies, his sensitivity, his concern, his passion his desire to make me happy or feel good or get to know me. I realize now that the things he did tell me about himself were likely not true and now he shares nothing about who he is to me. 30 years and I barely know more about him than his daily habits and his likes and dislikes. It is the lies about so many stupid and unimportant things that caused the most dis-ease in me, so much distrust at this point that I do not know up from down .
This is how I've felt. Many times I've told the Lord, I dont think I'm gonna make it through this pain ive been experiencing
Definitely boundaries helped. Anger was a symptom of being triggered.
Its been 13 years and I still have all symptoms consistent with ptsd.
I had a panic attack when I discovered the porn and other cybersex.
I confronted him and after couples therapy he repeated it even though he said he is not addicted.
I was re triggered in many ways.
Phone, internet, finding more, sex, coming to bed late and more.
He thought I was overreacting and I finally broke up with him two days ago.
I’m sure that was hard, but very happy to hear you took care of urself. He sounds like he was an addict and that would be very painful to be part of.
Wise decision - God be with you!
Thank you for posting as you validated my feelings. For years I was made to feel like I'm crazy or irrational for still being effected by a past trauma.
Me too. We did not enable or create this.
I have been in a threatened state for 2 yrs! One of my problems is I can't take care of myself because my eye sight is so bad. I can no longer drive, at 54, and can not work, so I can't support myself. I also know that my kids would be devastated if they knew their dad was many things that they know nothing about. I can NOT allow them to be hurt. All of this forces me to stay in my marriage. I feel utterly powerless!😓
Felt this so often. Was told i was codependent . but i never knew and enbled. Then i tried to move on and the guy triggered me into physical and mental crisis which is why i went to counceling and was just shamed and made to feel i was the problem. I am worse.
I keep getting re traumatized and feel i will never be free
Its been years
I'm so sorry
😢
Kristin you have been such a big help. Thanks for all of the info.
Flooding images of my husband connecting mentally and physically to thousands of other women while viewing porn during our 28 years of marriage in secrecy throws my heart into a panic and I feel that flight symptoms. The other was when it was disclosed that 50 percent of our most intimate moments during our marriage he used me physically while he thought of women in porn to ejaculate vs. Looking at me and staying connecting with me. D day was Sept 10th and I caught him. He lied twice before swearing to quit for me. Trust building feels like something that will never happen again. He's been sober since but my biggest issue is that he will not agree to professional help with me. Its all a betrayal. I know he's sorry but sometimes I can't even listen to his apologies
I would like to feel safe. My son is severly autistic also had brain damage at birth. At times I physically get abused. I feel helpless at times I feel.stuck im a stay at home mom. My son is an adult now which makes things harder. I do feel i do have ptsd from years of this trauma. I didnt get services when he was 4 i was denied services because my husband made to much money. Finally going to court get guardianship. Just wish I could get more help and support. My husband i feel isnt validating my feelings.
My ex refused any kind of help...didnt need therapy, likes who he is. Hes been in 12 step recovery for 30 years. He was living a double life and cheating. I ended up with CPTSD. Iam in NC but he still manages to get to me thru my family. So he's hurting me by giving information about his new supply and new life and appears to be living happily ever after. It triggers me everytime and sets me back.
Stop interacting with your family members who are sharing that damaging information with you. That's not your exes behavior that's problematic, it's your family member.
Around 10 years ago, a betrayal by someone I loved and who had been telling me they loved me...hearing flip flops in the background... now the sound that a larger adult pair of flip-flops makes on a specific type of flooring, takes me back and gives me a heavy, terrible feeling in my gut and my mind starts to spiral out of control for a sick 20 to 30 minutes until I can get myself to somewhat focus on something else. It normally lurks at the edge of my mind for most of the rest of the day after being triggered. When I haven't had a recent trigger, while the betrayal may not be at the edge, it's still very much a thought that briefly flutters deep in the back of my mind quite a few times a day. I think it may still be this bad because the person hasn't been able take responsibility like they probably should and hasn't been able to except or validate my feelings 100% for whatever reasons of their own. So many small subtle noises and sights, movies, tv shows, billboards, my darling little cat cleaning his fur, things that someone that's never been traumatized wouldn't hopefully be able to comprehend. I was also violated once by someone I barely knew about 25 years ago. While I was affected badly both times, for myself personally the betrayal has hung on so much longer and I became depressed for several years. I think the severity of the more recent time has more to do with it being a loved one I continue to need to interact with, then because of how recent it was.
I appreciate all the time you take to help educate and validate hurting people. You are my favorite UA-cam channel when it comes to everything traumatic and I'm so happy when I see you've posted and can hardly wait until I have time to hear everything you have to say. Thank you from the bottom of my heart! ❤❤❤
I hope you are better now. I know how much it hurts, your story really touched me... stay strong ❤❤❤
Porn is a public health issue. It is destroying the mental health of women. Where are all the good men? Men hate women, they put us in harms way, then laugh at our pain. It makes me feel hopelessness at a deep level.
Thanks!
My past trama/ptsd keeps me from living my life.
I'm free. Healing.Or healed . My family is problematic . As always . My NS, NF, NEB. Narc brother . I am the PAWN.. it hurts . Yes . Betrayal trauma. He would watch porn ,but I stated my boundaries with somewhat bad luck. I tried. This is the thing that is the core issue. I m not connected with mr . Ex .anymore. Yes . You re great ❣️
Thank you so much!
Thank you! A Good level of happy living is the best cure. Infj's work on themselves as they go. No. Needs not pathologizing. Simply find your way out to feeling free!!!!
New sub. I find the material helpful
Thanks so much 😊
I really don't think there is a cure for life time trauma, other then being medicated for life.
It def feels like that. 😢
Thank you, helped me a lot!
ex. is partner just a covert narc who never will change but forever will move on, so at least he is not stalker - good luck for him...
Thanks. I ll be back. I think I needed someone to turn to. Etc. This is spot on . Albeit,i had love. For him. This is great.
Men are so full of their ego that we feel left out.
All of this is very true
I think that u telling sighs that ur parner is making progress was helpful to understanding that his behavior was inconsistent with progress and validated that hes committed to protecting his behavior at the expense of my trauma and symptoms ie panic attack disrulated isolation a total breakdown of being able to cope wit any thing school work family alcoholism and although it was so disabling he did not do anything to show progress. Up untill i heard u speak about positive change and wat that behavior looked like i had accepted his ongoing behavior as progress (crazy right) had I not learned what were signs of progress getting ready to go into treatment to work on my trauma and my sobriety so I could stabilized I knew I would only be setting myself up for failure to stay in a relationship where are my body cannot physically feel safe physical symptoms from the reoffending and the gaslighting pushed me to my limits I'm ready to feel some relief and because there's no forward movement in progress in his behavior then there cannot be any in mine😢 I'm looking forward to relief from the physical symptoms its exhausting
All the symptoms !
To me I get insomnia for last 3 years cos betrayal trauma, overeat overspend and feel like don't need any sex for rest of my life to be safe, so nobody has no chance do that to me again...
How do you find experts in betrayal trauma? It’s bed. 6 yrs and I have not moved on from the trauma. Most therapist just thought it was only grief. It’s been a nightmare.
You can maybe call them and ask if they understand betrayal trauma. Anyone with specialty training in sex addiction treatment or infidelity should also understand dynamics, terms and research related to betrayal trauma.
Whoa! This is what I did not even know. Thank you.
Woman lie to 😢 they know but they are full of them self and don't want to solve a problem let another person suffer that's good feeling 😀
Really! What if a person has “Father-daughter” issues or when through an experience in their youth that is extremely traumatic and left a wound that impacted their adult relationship for years? The past does affect the future. CPTSD is not the same as PTSD.
To become healthy, one does have to address their core issues. I have gone to over 50 professionals, not one realizes that I was dealing with a Covert Narcissist. They focused on my symptoms from dealing with Jekyll-Hyde for 30 years. I had to go UA-cam to figure things out in the last 3 years. I was placed on unnecessary meds left and right. Then discovered that classic psychiatric techniques do not work on such types. You have to treat the core issues, not the symptoms. Please redress your statement that the family issues from your past do not matter. I know for a fact that it does matter from direct experience and 30 years of solid experience in a toxic relationship.
My spouse has serious issue, but is unable to see her true self. Narcissist are created in their youth, then they blossom into such later.
Hi. The trauma part of betrayal trauma often refers to the crisis part. When people are in crisis, it’s important to triage. While exploring your childhood wounds or past is an effective way of not repeating unhealthy patterns it’s less helpful when one is in immediate crisis and reeling from the victimization part. Oftentimes exploring one’s past is done when the crisis has subsided and the client is more stable and able to explore past hurts and wounds.
Left my husband and business for a man who cheated on me within 2 months for 7 years I lost my dad had a miscarriage of twins had attempted rape in daylight got sectioned twice was constant cheating and porn watching after sex !! All in 6 months I stayed single for 4 years then met my boyfriend last year it’s been almost a year now anger flight or fight self harm ciggerette burns cutting punching myself constant checking his phone days spent in bed dealing with emotions I love him so much but the past relationship is really affecting us I’ve got to wait 4 months for therepy can’t sleep some days hard to get out of bed hard time cos of someone else we’re so trying 😓
❤
Are they addicts OR ABUSERS
Sometimes the answer is they’re both.
🤗♻️😍👍🏻💡✅
if u meet a person who has been in a abusive relationship never get serious with them.they usually will turn on u because of the past relationship they had.they will not except being treated good.
Just living on this earth is traumatic, so keep on dreaming.
That is so cruel from you to say, inhumane. Either don't take them at all or don't take them lightly. These people deserve the support and respect and the best treatment in order to heal
@@coralecho2485 I bet u don't think it's cruel when a guy marries her and in the event of divorce she fleeces him with alimony payments
@@chilloften well alimony payments u are stuck with when that nut case divorces u is not a dream
Smart talk, but it's of no help, these are theory, practical practice is not impossible, as u don't inter act with your viewers, these smart talks are for personal benefit and trap people for personal fees... don't waste ur time here...
And if you go to a therapist they will diagnose BPD or perhaps later on when they realize that it is not BPD then it may change to Bipolar, Anxiety, Agoraphobia, even ADHD but they will likely never get around to PTSD or CPTSD from covert emotional/psychological abuse, partner pervasive lying and eventually betrayal trauma that contributed or even caused this condition. I was completely unaware that the way he used to humiliate me in front of his friends and family by making jokes about things I was sensitive about that I shared with him in private and sarcastically putting me down or implying some sort of lack on my part. Or the way he would give a backhanded compliment with a put-down attached while never actually really genuinely telling me anything that was a compliment or anything that he appreciated or that I was doing right. I put way too much of my self-esteem in his hands. I feel like the things I fell in love with about him were all lies, his sensitivity, his concern, his passion his desire to make me happy or feel good or get to know me. I realize now that the things he did tell me about himself were likely not true and now he shares nothing about who he is to me. 30 years and I barely know more about him than his daily habits and his likes and dislikes. It is the lies about so many stupid and unimportant things that caused the most dis-ease in me, so much distrust at this point that I do not know up from down .
I'm so sorry