Brené Brown: Why Your Critics Aren't The Ones Who Count
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- Опубліковано 3 гру 2013
- About this presentation
There is nothing more frightening than the moment we expose our ideas to the world. Author and vulnerability researcher Brené Brown shows us how to deal with the critics and our own self-doubt by refusing to "armor up" and shut ourselves off. "Not caring what people think," she says, "is its own kind of hustle."
Instead we must "reserve a seat" for the critics and our own self-doubt. "Tell them, I see you, I hear you, but I'm going to do this anyway."
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2:14 "Design is a function of connection. Nothing is more then vulnerable then creativity. What is art if it is not love?"
3:11 Perspiration from fear
6:48 Theodore Roosevelt quote/passage that changed my life: "It's not the critic who counts..."
7:39 Everything i know about vulnerability: it is not about winning or losing, it's about showing up and being seen
7:53 "This is who I want to be I want to create. I want to make thing that didn't exist before touched them."
8:14 One guarantee: you will get you ass kicked
8:39 "If you're not in the arena also getting your ass kicked, I'm no interested in your opinion"
9:41 This is where we sweat
10:17 Fear, self doubt, comparison, anxiety
11:06 When you armor up, you shut yourself off from everything that you do an love
11:40 Without vulnerability you cannot create
12:41 Know your critics are there, know what they're going to say
12:57 Shame, scarcity and comparison
15:20 "When we stop caring what people thing we lose our capacity for connection. When we become defined by what people thing we lose our capacity to be vulnerable."
16:38 If you're going to spend your life in the ring/showing up, you're going to need: 1) Clarity of values
17:18 2) Have person in your life thats going to pick you up
18:14 "People who have the most courage and vulnerability are the ones who are very clear about who the critics are and reserve seats for them."
19:32 One of these seats needs to be reserved for you
About Brené Brown
Dr. Brené Brown is a research professor at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work. She has spent the past twelve years studying vulnerability, courage, worthiness, and shame. Her groundbreaking research has been featured on PBS, NPR, CNN, The Washington Post, and The New York Times.
Brené is the author of the #1 New York Times Bestseller, Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the way we Live, Love, Parent, and Lead (Gotham, 2012). In Daring Greatly Brené dispels the cultural myth that vulnerability is weakness and argues that it is, in truth, our most accurate measure of courage. Fast Company Magazine recently named Daring Greatly one of the best business books of 2012. Brené's 2010 TEDx Houston talk, The Power of Vulnerability, is one of the top ten most viewed TED talks on TED.com, with over 6 million viewers.
Brené is also the author of The Gifts of Imperfection (2010), I Thought It Was Just Me (2007), and Connections (2009). She lives in Houston with her husband, Steve, and their two children, Ellen and Charlie.
About 99U
The 99U delivers the action-oriented education that you didn't get in school, highlighting real-world best practices for making ideas happen.
Favorite quote: "if you're not also in the arena getting your ass kicked, I'm not interested in your feed back"
Good, there's something about this. Yes, I say that too, but it's not totaly true. And sometimes I will use it here on YT, but it's because I don't like the critic, rightly or not. I think I cannot agree with her on this one, sometimes you can make some use of a feedback, or really feel some connection even if someone's boots aren't as dirty as yours. She is talking about accepting our vulnerabilities, isn't that running away from them? I don't really know, but whatever I say, I can't help it and read them all anyway. Of course, I know to stay out of harm's way, subjects to be avoided include: religion, marriage, sex, conspiracies, politics and feminism even sincere... what's left? Hummmmm, I'll get back to you on this. Cheers.
@Roses and Songs She did take a brief moment to say if it's something constructive such as, "poor sentence structure" or "you forgot this literature," she wants that kind of feedback. She's ultimately talking about ignoring the "feedback" critics in the cheap seats are throwing at her saying the things insulting her looks or her family. They aren't being vulnerable. It isn't constructive, and their only intent is to try and bring her down. Usually you can tell when someone is being constructive with their criticism and trying to help you verses saying, "Less research, more botox." I hope that makes sense.
🙏🏻🙏🏻❤️❤️
Agree!!!
This changed my outlook...it's groundbreaking....I hope for you too
“I see you, I hear you, and I’m going to do this anyways” helps me a lot
I hope you still remember this.
Brene Brown is one of the most important voices in American mental health today.
Yes her words hit me right in the gut
Just mental health generally, I feel. But she is most definitely doing amazing work.
Global mental health I think!
Your voice is the most important? 🤔🙏👍
Totally
"When we stop caring about what people think, we lose our capacity for connection. When we become defined by what people think, we lose our willingness to be vulnerable."
But surely you have no possibility for connection with people who give you the look that says "God, I'd hate to be you", and then they throw looks at each other and walk away. What the hell do you do then, because you don't really want that to happen to you again. I deal with a woman who is friends with everyone else in the group, but as she's said before I'm her client, so yeah I get it, she doesn't like me, but I have to interact with the others in the group that like me. But I find it frustrates me because if I state an opinion in the group, I get the look from her. It's impossible for me to feel authentic, if I'm watching my p & q's.
+Horse Mania That last line suggests that you've put yourself in the latter category with that lady. You're using her "looks" to determine whether or not you're coming off as authentic...or just to gauge if what you're saying is fine *to her* I guess. I don't understand why you'd do that...or why her opinion even matters?
It comes across as though she's finding fault with everything I say. I was just chatting the other day about how expensive something cost, and she piped up "How would you know", making me feel like an idiot and as if she was putting me in the place she thinks I belong, I am well brought up and refuse to argue in someone else's home, so I ignored her and explained to the group how I knew the information, every one went silent though when she said that, so they know what she thinks of me. Her opinion doesn't matter, but I just see her with this group of friends. Sorry if I'm rambling. Thanks for your help though.
***** Thanks that does help, I'm supposing at the moment that I tend to do my own thing, and I'm very direct, maybe that's what annoys her. I've had a lot of drama growing up, as my parents seemed addicted to it, so I've gone the opposite and avoid drama like the plague. I am interested in loads of different things, and talk a lot, maybe this drives her up the wall. Who knows.
Horse Mania "How would you know?" That just comes across as rude and condescending. I wouldn't have been able to resist an eye-roll. Kudos to you if you did.
Hi Brene :-) I will not critize a woman that helped save me from a 14 year crack addiction. My counsellor told me about me your book Gifts of Imperfection. I didnt know what to think at first. I gave it a shot.So glad I started to work through the book. It helped me to learn how to love and accept myself for my differences and sensitivities. It helped me not to take on so much shame and guilt that my critics (Including myself ) inflicted on me through my life. You helped show me that being vulnerabie and myself no matter what, Is most important thing I do on a day today basis. Loving myself and others enough not to do harm to them or myself is what helped change my life. I love you for what you have taught me. Let me be your best critic today in a good way. Ill never forget weeping the first time I actually watched your videos on line. I only knew you from the book. I couldnt understand why I started to just break. All of a sudden I realized that between you and my counsellor Heather you had been instrumental in saving my life. I am forever greatful to you and you are an absolutely amazing woman. I have passed on your book to a friend of mine and recomend it often. So glad that God made you just as you are. Yes very very afrad but yet so Brave. We are heroes when we do get in the ring and laugh, cry, hurt, feel, and just expirience evrything that is inside of us. I really believe in order to love we must get to our hearts and authentic selves and share that vulnerability with the world. Then they will see us and love us imperfections and all. If they don't at least we have ourselves and the knowingness that we are just who we are and that it's completely ok to be that way. Thank You for helping me to recognize this part of me and to live in that place of honesty, empathy, understanding and love. Your amazing Brene. You are just so helpful to me from miles and miles away. Biggest Hugg in the world for you.
congratulations.
Thank You ! It really means alot. Simple gestures and little bits of encouragement
help so much. Many people want to shame , guilt and bring people down. So you being supportive and uplifting just stimulates and helps to reafirm a postive self image. Thank You for brightening my evening. I hope you are well and if you ever need a little extra encouragement please let me know. I hope you have an amazing journey. If I can offer any help or just plain old simple love and me let me know k. Bigg HUGG for you and Brene.
Thank you.
I'm so glad you're doing okay now, I really do hope everything works out for you. All the best!!
Thank You so much for your kind words.and supportive words. It's nice to feel some encouragement especially when a lot of people just shame and critiize. I really bellieve that being kind to each other does so much to help one another. Im glad to know that there are like minded and good hearted people in this world. I really hope that more people, especially men would hear more of Brene's message. Just being who we are without having to prove something, or be everything to everyone is a big relief. I think it allows us to just love ourselves for our imperfections.and not hate on ourselves. When I stoped listening to the shame others put on me or the shame I put on myself I began to start feeling good enough and more sense of belonging. I was looking for belonging amongst people that didnt match up with my values or heart. I'm really thankful to hear your kind words. It makes me feel apart of a good type of people. People that are just being themselves. We all want a little love and acceptance and compassion. You helped give me that today. I do say a lot eh ? It's just me maybe it's cause I feel and think alot but it is just how I'm built. People shame me a lot for it but I know in my heart I mean well and care a lot. I just hope you have a good day and journey. If you ever need to feel a little love or need some encouragement or someone to listen. you can contact me anytime. I love to be able to comfort and be a friend to people. I know the othe other side of it and the disconnection and hurt I have felt at times and I guess I wish no one else to feel that isolation. Anything I can do please let me know. Thanks again for your kindness. Lol Im giving you a bigg hugg now wherever you are :-) Have an amazing day
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"If your not in the arena getting your assed kicked, i am not interested in your feed back." I love this!!!!!!!
i hope she reads these comments cause she NAILED IT.
In a world of so much fake spirituality, Brene brings true enlightenment and growth. I appreciate her greatly.
"Sometimes when you hear something - when you need to hear it - and you're ready ot hear it - something shifts inside of you..." 4.08 awesome...
Everything you say is grain, there is no hay in it. I am Ethiopian American I have had struggles in my life. I passed it by using wisdom from women like you! bless your soul. I love you!
what a beautiful way to say this..."everything you say is grain, there is no hay in it." those are the words of a creative.
My sister who is a psychologist brought this video to my attention. I am in the "arena" because I couldn't go along with the norm and sacrifice my ethics, values, and courage. I didn't realize I was creating at the same time. I am still in the "arena" and will never regret being there no matter what the outcome. My counsellor describe it, if you are going to swim with the sharks, expect to get bitten. My scars with heal; but will never regret getting in the shark tank or arena as I would have never been true to myself.
You're awesome! Personal attacks indeed expose the weaknesses of the attacker, not of the victim.
🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
"If you're not in the arena, ALSO getting your ass kicked, I'm not interested your feedback..."
Truer words couldn't have been spoken better...
"It's not the critic who counts. It's not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done it better. The credit belongs to the person who's actually in the arena; who's face is marred with blood and sweat and dust; who, at best, in the end, knows the triumph of high achievement and who, at worst, if he fails, he fails daring greatly."
A speech given by Theodore Roosevelt shared by Brene Brown. Thank you Brene - ❤️ it
“It’s scary and dangerous to be seen” is the accidental life motto I didn’t know I was carrying around with me all these years omg. My therapist told me about this woman and I’m so so glad I felt like doing my homework ☺️
"He has great tranquility of heart who cares neither for the praises nor the fault-finding of men." - Honore' de Balzac
This resonated with me so much. I am a teacher and I know it's not traditionally seen as a 'creative' profession but I create every day - lessons, assignments, activities, relationships, experiences, opportunities. This talk made me realise why I have been experiencing huge anxiety for the last three months - the vulnerability of this job is excruciating. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Teachers are SO creative! You design your classroom, what to teach and when to teach it, lesson plans, creative ways to give students incentive to keep trying... I could go on and on 😀
You guys are creative magicians!
Teachers are Angels. They really are
And thank YOU for teaching. Such a noble job.
❤️❤️❤️
One of my UA-cam subscribers sent this to me because I am dealing with the same personal attacks on my channel. Holy cow.. i needed this. What a gift I was given today.
Thank you Kelli and thank you Brene 1
Hang in there Carolyn, I am not in the rv arena but I enjoy seeing the view you share with me. Keep on doing what you love and share with us your triumphs and adventures. I have greaved with you when you lost your dog companion and understood why you needed to get away by yourself to gather your thoughts. I missed hearing that you were fine but recognized the alone time was also good. 👍
These messages make me smile, humanity is alive.
Wish I were able to"like" this over and over again. Instead, I'm on my 2nd time watching in 2 hours. Brilliant take aways.
Renee Clemencia
Me too.
rENEE: i'LL LIKE FOR YOU!
I get chills every single time I hear this quote. Another must-see video from Brene.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat." Theodore Roosevelt
Most excellent! Thank you, Smeeta!
You are most welcome Mark! Glad you liked it.
Thanks
It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
My top 3 of lifetime quotes. Thank you for posting.
She's beautiful deep down to her soul and only people who can see true beauty can appreciate it fully! She's pretty on the outside but profoundly beautiful on the inside.
Morgan King
How wonderful that you see that truth ~ must be who you are :)
I think that's it, .... that's the last of all the motivation I needed...come Monday, I'm gonna start my business, ... I adore this lady.
God bless you 💓
I'm a first-time filmmaker after doing 6 books. I'm here to listen to this fabulous talk AGAIN! How many times now? Really need a refresher now as some people slam my film because of their own agenda, not as constructive critics. Thank you Brene, I can now intuit the difference!
I already thought her TED talk was great, but this is amazing. If I only could have heard something like this 20 or 10 years ago. I was brought up to be tough, and I was constantly told I was not good enough. My parents had the best intentions; they wanted to armor me for this harsh word. Ironically, it made me so afraid of people and failure; I hardly came out of my shell and had massive trust issues. My shyness made me an easy victim for bullying, and this experience made everything worse: So my parents were right, and people ARE horrible. I was deeply ashamed of my weakness, but I had no idea how to be a strong person without being an asshole myself. I numbed myself so badly to function, that I was even unable to experience any romantic feelings. Just the slightest criticism of my creativity would drain my enthusiasm to the point of doing nothing for years. Finally, everything is starting to make sense for me.
Some people are horrible, some people are scared. may you find the ones who are interested in your success, your happiness and who love you as you are
thank you for sharing so honestly. Let this be your time to trust yourself aggressively and step into strength. Please be encouraged, you've encouraged me:)
I'm so glad you've gained more clarity! Shame suffocates. Befriending our shame is our ticket to freedom!
My monster criticized me daily and made me hard. Then she met a wonderful man who loved me as his own child and taught me that being soft and open to love, was in fact more brave and stronger than criticism and harshness. He saved me and taught me the strength in softness. I raised my child in and with total love, that is not to say I was a push over, there were appropriate boundaries and letting them fail, so they could learn to fall and not be scared of it. It is the greatest gift they said I could have given them. They are stronger than I am, with my inner critic, because their inner speech says they can do it, mine says I am a failure. Be careful how you speak to your children, it is their inner compass, make it good.
Ditto - when reading your comment I felt like you had read my mind. Thank you for being vulnerable, thank you for being strong and thank you for being authentic.
Brene, when I'm ready to be in the arena, I will reserve a seat for my critics. thank you !
that theodore roosevelt quote brings me to tears every time, its that deep i love it
AMEN!! If you are not in the arena getting your ass kicked, I don't want your feedback. YES!!
Love this lady...
"When you armor up against vulnerability you shut yourself off"
I am utterly in love with this woman, she can describe and de-construct human interactions in such a simple and beautiful way. It's helping me a lot with focusing on the blurred reasons of many things happened in the past months. Really, whoever is miserable enough to have only cruel comments about her look or her sarcasm popping up in his mind, after her talks, deserves to never be able to understand what she is saying. Amazing researcher.
I think it's indeed THEM who need to get the chance to understand her the most.
„Love the most those who deserve it the least.“ ☺️
Va Ness "Love the most those who deserve it the least". why?
I stopped fighting somebody else’s ghosts years ago, and it helped me staying a whole. Not understanding is ok, not willing to understand, also being mean to those who try to make them, it’s something therapy needs to address, not me, not researchers, certainly not any day people. I mean, you can try, but mostly you end up drained of your energy and good will.
@@pemuda7075 because they badley need it the most
"Feel sorry for her kids"? Really? Focusing on her looks rather than her message? Seriously?
People who say shit like that about someone this influential are afraid of what she has to say. She's speaking truth and they're defensively covering their ears and screaming "I WON'T HEAR THAT!"
Brené, your work is phenomenal. The haters will hate. Don't bother with their comments.
Amen!
Totally agree. The best ever quote I found to define haters is from Don Quixote "They're barking, Sancho, a sign that we are riding". A bit rough perhaps, but to the point. Let's keep on moving!
& Whats funny is that they would never say that to a man.
@@angelamanalo9414 so true. When they see a woman so influential they want to bring her down because they can’t reach her.
This woman is amazing. It truly shocks me that anyone would criticize her looks! She is beautiful!
This is astonishing. She transforms a lecture about vulnerability into a demonstration, a masterclass, on how to open one's heart and be vulnerable. I am in awe of her courage--it gives me strength to be courageous and vulnerable. And I am so grateful for the reality checK that "those with the cheap seats" don't have opinions that are worth my while!
I just love Brene. I got attend the workshop the Daring Way: show up/ be seen/ live brave. I am in recovery for my addiction. And it just took me to a whole new place. Sitting here and hearing this made me cry. It speaks volumes. I just found my topic for a workshop I have to do for school. Thank you for posting this.
“Pay no attention to what the critics say; no statue has ever been erected to a critic.”
-Jean Sibelius, Finnish composer
I always have done that! expend the energy on people who hate me or criticize me because I want to "convert" them into liking me for some reason....recently, I learned to spend more of my energy, time, and love on ppl who love me for my imperfections and already have my back! I love every talk she has! Very applicable to life.
5 cc xx. 7
Kimmehface very well said! 👏🏻
Loving each other for our imperfections is an awesome concept and in theory it would be great to be able to love in this way. However, in practice, it’s difficult. Even loving without conditions is a high achievement. Loving loved ones’ imperfections and our own is a noble venture yet one not free from confusion and failed attempts. And what is to be done with imperfections that are toxic? Should we kindly invite them to seek counsel? Should we get out of the way when they bewilder?
Brene Brown. I think you're really pretty and brilliant at what you do. Never mind the haters. You go girl! xxx
Brene, I recently did a TEDx talk and have read some pretty soul-crushing comments aimed at me. Thank you so much for this beautiful message. I think it's one we all need to hear. ❤️ xxx
" what anyone thinks of me is none of my business" this is a phrase I keep reminding myself
Brene, you are my HERO. Your pure authenticity SHINES!!! Thank you, thank you for giving me new tools. You may never know how much I needed your message at this moment. Your EVOLVED soul, intellect, humanity ... are what the world really NEEDS.
As a women who's new to a management team of all men, you've become a voice of inspiration and strength. You're inspiration to stay calm and listen and be present for their vulnerability. You've helped me be strong and "step into the arena" to show my brains and brawn.
I secretly hope you read this comment, despite what you said, because you're an inspiration and you have changed my life. And I thank you so much for that.
Her honesty is refreshing and so much more helpful than it would have been if she hadn't been extremely honest.
What a beautiful spirit sent here to enlighten. When the student's ready, the teacher will appear. Thank you Brene. I'm learning how to stand in the arena.
Dear Dr. Brown,
I think you rock! You inspire me, motivate me and make me proud to be a woman.
I am so appreciative that you are today's role model for our young , inspired woman.
Keep creating, stand proud, your vulnerability is true beauty, inside and out.
14:00 I've been a graphic designer for 11 years, and I ask myself that question all the time. We live with rejection and criticism constantly, and while those of us who make design a career learn to handle negativity that comes with our field, every now and then something gets through our armour and hurts. And then the doubts come, and it's easy to get trapped in a head cycle.
I've listened to this TED talk a couple of times, and it's always a gift.
Ive played music in front of ppl for almost 15 years now, we deal with a lot of critics especially when Ive done 4 hour sets at bars. My normal reaction to any kind of negative or non-constructive criticism is to calmly ask "when is your band playing?" It acknowledges that Im aware of the critique, but lets them know Im not interested unless you also put yourself out there on a stage.
#whataresponse!!!
Yeah, exactly. Those people will never understand what it's like so at this point I don't even notice them anymore. I'm only interested in your feedback if you:
1. Love what I'm trying to do and have ideas to help me make it better.
2. Are a fellow creative with similar philosophies as me.
Anyone outside of those two groups are completely blind to what's actually happening in the creative work we do.
I heard a speaker once say, "stop living like you are going to live to be 1,000 years old!" At the age of 40, that resonates with me so clearly now. This was another very powerful message from Brene'. I think you are phenomenal and I'm grateful for all of your messages that you share with the world. This message hit home for me because I am highly critical of myself often. I've done so for years and it has served me to get myself out of some not so great circumstances. Now, the thinking must shift because that mindset doesn't serve me anymore like it once did. My self talk needs to become more optimistic and I do need to find that individual that will be there for me when I desperately need them. I'm often finding that when I fall, I'm picking my self up both physically and mentally. My hope is that will change sooner than later. Thank you again Brene' for an amazing message. I took notes so that I can incorporate your message and wisdom into my life.
Your amazing quote "if you're not also in the arena getting your ass kicked, I'm not interested in your feed back" has come in handy again just now on my vlog. Thanks SO much.
This was the most powerful speech I have ever heard in my life. Thank you Brene...
WELL DONE BRENE!!!!! BEING AWARE OF ONE'S THOUGHTS AND HOW TO CONVERT THEM INTO ONE'S OWN FAVOUR IS KEY!!!!! WHEN YOU BELIEVE IN THE HIGHER POWER MOVING THROUGH YOU YOU ARE UNSTOPPABLE!!! FAITH OVER FEAR!!!
Design is a function of connection. 1000%
Damn. I really needed this. I can't find a job these days, I don't really have any experince, but god damn I'm gonna go find one now!
So, any luck mate?
Did you get a job? Or a better question is are you happier now?
Hope you're doing well :)
I’ll help you with a resume
WOW, she NAILED it with the pics!!! I actually went through some tough times and kept that quote hanging up in my office....what Brene did with the pics....FANTASTIC!!!!
I can't thank you enough for putting this on your channel--because the reason I love what Brene says so much is that she cuts through the bullshit and talks about getting real.
This lady is awesome. I battle shame every day... I can't hear her talk enough.
This beautiful talk echoes the words of the ancients. We all need to hear it again and again. Thank you for your vulnerability, Brene.
"Those who say it cannot be done should not interrupt the person doing it." --Chinese proverb
I had begun to lose confidence in a venture. I'm glad I saw this. Your encouragement and uplifting spirit pushes me on, and I'm sure countless others as well. Thanks for stepping up and coaxing us out into the arena. It's a scary place, but less so when you know it's not just you. Love the pic of you with the big smile, too. How radiant! Following your bliss looks good on you.
Great talk Dr. Brown, you are an inspiration to me!
I played small most of my life. I was always told that I was too much. I am 50 now. I made a commitment to being more visible a week ago. Perfect timing to watch your video today 3/10/21
I can completely relate!
Brene Brown, I could watch and listen all day:)
Love this message. Something I will listen to again and take in for my own life.
7:31 "Show up and be seen"-now that's life-changing.
Brene Brown is courageous, beautiful, and a great role model!! So inspirational!!
Tony, this is fantastic! I am in a group at my church that is studying the shape, size, and effects of racism, and one of the questions that arises is "How can I as one person do anything to fight it?" Brene Brown (also BB as I am) doesn't even suggest that you might be successful, only that you HAVE to be in the fight!! And make your voice heard!! Thanks for sharing this wisdom with us!!
This spoke to me on so many levels.
From now on if my critics aren’t wearing gladiator sandals then I care not for their feedback.
I love your authenticity. Beautiful.
Vulnerability is the birth place of those things that we love so much, Love, Joy, Trust, Empathy, Innovation and Creativity ! WOW the ending brought me to tears, lets all give ourselves a seat in the arena to cheers ourselves on for being courageous, even if it sucks, so that we brush ourselves off and get up again and die saying we tried, no what if....
Absolutely amazing. I've been searching for these words since I did my first big speech in front of 300 people and was faced with extreme self critic and shame. What an incredible human being. Thanks for the commitment and vulnerability to do this important work. With love from South Africa ❤️🇿🇦🙏
Authentic lovely person, a joy to listen to Brene. x
The message seems to be basically dealing with ego, the conceptualized 'me'. Being able to put your ego, your false self, in the backseat, allowing your true self, which is formless, to be present. Vulnerability is simply the absence of ego. The ego is what takes criticism personally. Your true formless self can shed this criticism like water off of a duck's back, realizing this criticism is coming from other false selves, other egos, other 'unconscious' beings. The true self of each of us is already perfect, unique and apart of the whole at the same time, and can't be touched by anything external. Brene Brown and the rest of us might need to take heed of this message put forth very well by author and teacher, Eckhart Tolle
+Jeff Andersen We are born with ego and will die with ego.
+Jeff Andersen Whenever we go beyond our comfort zones into the unknown, the shadow side of our egos will come up... except, perhaps, after we have reached complete enlightenment. For those of us who have not reached complete enlightenment, Brene' is offering brilliant tools for how to dismantle the grip of ego when it comes up in the darkest of ways.
David Salih I happen to like my ego and I have yet to meet an enlightened person. I hear a lot of BS and jargon...and they all have their ego in tact.
You and I are not in disagreement. I think it's good to have a healthy relationship with our ego. I've yet to have met a completely enlightened person either, but I do allow room for the possibility of their existence ;)
David Salih ok
Brene, Brene, Brene, THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! Over and over and over. Your talks help me relax.
Oh my Lord, Brene, just followed the thread from Oprah's interview to this...was hoping to find how to deal with difficult people who are closing in. You gave me the answer. You (your books) are in my 'Cabinet'--bless you a thousand times for putting this on line so people everywhere benefit from your wisdom.
"What is art, if it's not love"
besides the fact i loved the talk it also hit a nerve when she said: 'KNOW that the critics are there and KNOW exactly what they might do/say''; I'm an adult child of a narcissist and this brought it home for me why i had been stuck in freeze mode my entire life - because i did not feel safe - because i was not protected - because i could not even protect myself - because when i employed my fight response i voiced my concerns i was gaslighted - which i why i disabled my critical thinking skills of questioning things when they felt wrong; and this feeling turned out to be right on the money all along; which brings you back to why you CAN feel safe, resilient and confident when faced with abuse/manipulation/criticism; ;i'm sure many of you went through the same thing, so i hope it's an empowering reminder. Thank you Brene
Your talks and books never cease to amaze me. Thank you for every bit of work you create.
Pure courage, intelligence, humour and beauty. Thank you, Brené. Your lessons are invaluable to me.
Brene, you move me with your talks. Thank you so much.
Love your talks - In this particular talk. It reminded me that until recently I have confused the Critic with the Coach. I knew early on that I wasn't going to listen to the critic of my work. This allowed me to move forward, to take risks and to be what I consider fairly successful. But unfortunately, by being closed minded to what I thought was the "critic", I spent so much time trying to figure things out on my own. It was difficult for me to allow myself to see the difference between the Coach and the critic. By not being open to what others had to say, I have missed so many opportunities to listen to the Coach who actually had a gift to share with me. However, by allowing myself to be vulnerable, and to listening to what others, I am no longer afraid or devastated by the "Critic". By knowing my own truth about myself and that I am OK, even when I trip and fall, am bruised and bent, I still have the strength to allow me to decide if I am being coached or just criticized. I am glad you reminded me of this. It takes constant work. It's like exercising a muscle. Thanks for sharing your talks.
Great distinction!
Oh My goodness I'm late, But the message is timely! Thank you Sooooo Much Brene Brown!
My favorite thing to hear. Sometimes a quote just shifts something inside you. I’m here listening to this in love with the message years later. Needed this video
this woman keeps amazing me such a great storyteller! love this !
Loved it! Full stop. Thanks for sharing
Absolutely LOVE this, it's right on time for me. So much beauty in unfiltered openness.
I love how detailed you put the time stamps .. I love to inspire and love to be inspired.. thank you 🙏🏼
Thank you Tessa Violet for bringing me here. This was really eye-opening.
I'm here from tessa too 😊
yayyy !!
same
Same, and I'm so happy I watched it
Watching now... came from Tessa Violet's page..
This message is so inspiring that it brought me to tears. Here I am trying to be a UA-camr and let negative comments bother me. They weren't constructive criticism they were personal attacks like she spoke of. I really want to have a fun time and possibly inspire people like I was inspired. Thank you so much for this information it really made me want to keep going because I don't want to have that "what if"
I'm sorry to say, I have never heard this wonderful person speak. You are beautiful! I absolutely love your wisdom. Thank you.
Thank you for such an inspiring conference! Yes to courage and yes to action! I don't want to end my life with regrets!
"If you're not failing, you're not showing up."
"The higher the hair, the closer to God." - I laughed so hard at this.
the creativity part is especially true for musicians.
The critics have a seat because it's part of their journey to play these roles at this time. They have their own lessons to learn, we are all connected. Grounding myself allows me the courage to be vulnerable and carry out the journey I'm here for. I live in the present. I will learn my lessons alongside those who are also brave enough to share with me. 🙏
This was so beautiful, I am in tears. Thank you Brene.
Fascinating lecture. I came to this video after reading a rather off putting movie review of the new "Jungle Book" film in the New York Times. The critic, Manohla Dargis, spent more time on comparing the film to the associated racism of the original Disney animated version, and less on the origin of the story.
I have this theory that some critics, regardless of their being professional or simply trolling, attack artists because they are unable to understand a a creative work on its own terms, as if Aristotelian principles or theory of cinema are the only valid ways to value an aesthetic event. The idea that a remake of another adaptation has to be contrasted to be understood is a falacy. As I sat in the theater with my brother, his wife, and their son, I enjoyed not only the film, but the laughter of the children in the audience. It seemed like an important event because those children loved the story. They didn't care about the racial implications of a song recorded by a jazz musician. Many of of them may have never seen the original animated version. I know my nephew has not.
The review read like a thesis statement for a graduate paper on racism in cinema. I got offended by her tone of superiority, and the way she dismissed the film not because of its failures, but because of humanity's failure due to racism, which is really not the same thing.
As a writer I perceive that while a work of art may seem and certainly has political motivations, those exist in the viewer, and not the work of art. Modern theory has been playing that game with a critical gaze for sometime. The politics are in the exchange, in the dialogue afterwards, over coffee, not in the script, not in a story about a boy in a jungle.
I like what you say here
Very interesting insights, Mr. Henson. Thanks for sharing them.
You are saving lives❤💪🔥
I come back to this video again and again. Thank you, Brene Brown for sharing your wisdom.
Perfect. Thank you for showing up, and doing your thing.
Tessa brought me here 😊
I love your messages and have found them to be so liberating! Thanks for walking around the sun with me and speaking my truth! I love us! A very wise little 98 pound woman taught me something (a lot of somethings) while she could kick my butt with one sentence...we don't ever know who the teachers in our life will be. Maybe one of those teachers for you will be one of those ppl who aren't in the arena and who snarl their words and intimidate the crap out of you. Invite anyone who wants to give you feedback to do so. It is up to you what you do with it. At the least we can learn to stand in front of the snarling bitch and not crumble. I wish you mega success in whatever you do and hope everyone gets as much as I do from it!
This is why I want to drink margaritas and dance to 80s music with this woman!
I'm learning so much, I just love this woman!