Same here ,went from my narcissistic father straight to a narcissistic boyfriend/ husband at the age of 19,got out 15 years later only to have another boyfriend who is narcissistic, unbelievable 😢😮,trying now again to get out again ,but why is it sooo hard?It feels like a drug addiction being with these monsters ,or luje i live under some sort if spell,very strange😮
This is one of the most meaningful and accurate videos describing what I have endured throughout my own life Doctor Roberta. Thank you so so much for all your kindness and understanding and knowledge in this regard. 🥰
You described me accurately in so many ways. I had a narcissistic parent... You are so comforting to listen to. Thank you for the validation. So appreciate you. You seem to have a very deep insight into this problem.
Spot on as always, Dr. Rhoberta, thank you. The physical symptoms really do start coming in after a while. Im 40, divorce 1st narc husband with whom i share 3 kids, years ago and moved on but some unfortunate circumstances opened a window for him to manipulate the courts into getting custody from me. I am trying to regain my internal sovereignty but now my body is paying the price of all those years in narc abuse & cohabitating with him again (my house, our kids, he has sole custody). I feel so tapped out and need me back, but at what cost ? My children's lives being upheaved again when they need to keep the stability I've provided for them more than ever (bought a house where they could finish growing up and they've been here almost 5 years now, longer than we've lived anywehre). The threat of all that being destroyed , of being alienated from the kids again, of losing all I've worked for for them again . But then again I don't want to wake up in 10-20 years to realize I kept doing the same thing expecting different results. I know this topic well and have had the strength to leave, to single parent 3 you'd children on my own, deal with his crap and much worse I won't get into here . The post trauma rut is REAL, and while I feel like I'm pulling out of it some with less fear going forward, just sooo weary.. of everything . Of life. But I really appreciate your videos because they help remind me to stay strong , to not just give in to being with him out of fear or ease,.to not fall for the "well maybe its not that bad after all. . Maybe I AM the one causing problems, maybe I just don't appreciate what I have , maybe I should just shut up and do my duty. Etc etc.
In my experience, what I realized finally, is that my elders who I had to respect, because I was told that I had to, acted out in bizzare ways that were just so confusing back then. My adopted mother abandonded me and my special needs brother in ways that made us feel like we were bad kids and we deserved it. That we weren't worth investing their time into. And after 2 years of really busting through the trauma bond, I think I know why they behaved that way. Treated us like we were stupid and ignorant. Put us down. It was because of a secret my mother and her brother had for years. My advice to anyone who acts so ugly to others, especially to children, ask why. Why would they hate children so much they would treat them so harshly. And I finally figured out why. They went to all that trouble to damage a childs self worth because they did whatever they wanted to do and stole something my father left to his children. For years. I didn't find out about their exploitation of us financially till after my mother died. She was a sloppy liar. Greed is usually at the root of all of this bizzare behavior. My uncle took over my mothers life after my father passed at 39 years old. I just dudnt understand why she hid food from us. But now I do. He told her we were worthless and she sided with "The Family." Thats ok. Everything in the dark comes to the light. Anyone suffering with these people who live a lie, know they live in guilt. They bever fess up, but I caught em and my children do know who they really were.
I was 20 years into my marriage before we had kids. I realized something was wrong with my husband once we had kids because I realized my brilliant, accomplished, genius husband behaved emotionally like a toddler with tantrums and all! I was horrified and shocked. I tried to radically accept him. Then he went into a rage and destroyed our marriage because I didn’t give him narcissistic supply anymore, I didn’t react to his criticism and silent treatments. I ran out the house because his rage scared me. He wants me back but I think he wants me back so he can discard me on his terms.
You’ve been such a blessing to me. I have learned so much and healed so much and come a long long way. In the last 6 months I have begun to flourish. Thank you.
Dr Rhoberta, thank you so much for continuing to enlighten us with your knowledge. You truly are a blessing in the world… and I’m always drawn to your wise words. Cheers 🥂
The last narco I was with accused me of doing all this stuff he was doing to me that you suggested in this video. He used these videos as info and “proof “ of what I was doing. He told me I was making him to feel like he was walking on eggshells even though that’s what he did to me. He really vilifies me to all his friends and fam. Makes me sound CRAZY. Accused me of being a stalker after he trained me to beg. I feel like a dog that lost all my dignity. It’s funny I started this mess of a “relationship” pretty self assured. But now I look like the toxic one. He got me to the point of crying one day wishes I said with my own words, “I’m not even worth knowing.” I felt worthless and he didn’t get that he did that to me, he’s didn’t other at all to tell me that wasn’t true. No later, months after the break up, he told me that himself, that I wasn’t worth knowing, he used my own sad words I spoke over myself aas an even more painful jab. And somehow the way he treated me was always my fault because of “the way I am.”
Dr. Rhoberta, great video, as always! I was wondering if you could do a video on phrases/questions narcissists use in certain situations? As I'm slowly emerging from the fog, I've noticed quite a few "go-to" things my spouse says or asks as a response to a situation, question, comment, etc. For example, he always asks, "Why are you yelling at me?" when he's confronted with anything. At most, the tone of my voice has changed, but I'm definitely not yelling or even raising my voice. I've also noticed he says, "I know you like/don't like..." or "I know how you..." It's things that are the opposite of what I like, do, etc. or to a very minimal degree - while completely disregarding the blatantly obvious. For example, he'll say he knows what kind of pajama bottoms I like because I like to wear his (no, I just borrow them from time to time), while buying me the kind I've stated I dislike multiple times. Also, saying really hurtful things, not acknowledging they said them and going on with the day lile nothing happened. Then when confronted with it, they say it was because you "accused" them of something (when you didn't) and they said those things to make you mad. Thank you in advance!
My elders in my church have completely backed me up but now my husband has seeked outside my church to bring in others to accuse me of alcoholism. I have Crohn's. I have digestive issues. He is taking them before the elders of my Presbytery. I am facing the shame of my drinking but he won't take responsibility for anything.
Hi there,who cares what everyone else is thinking about you,more important is how you see yourself,right,love yourself and accept your shortcomings,nothing else,hope you will find the strength to face your enemies 😊
It is DEVASTATING. Unmerciful golden children/narcs are merciless on their siblings. May my brother the scapegoat RIP.
I went from my narcissist mother to my narcissist husband. I didn’t know what narcissism was until 23 years into my marriage.
Same here ,went from my narcissistic father straight to a narcissistic boyfriend/ husband at the age of 19,got out 15 years later only to have another boyfriend who is narcissistic, unbelievable 😢😮,trying now again to get out again ,but why is it sooo hard?It feels like a drug addiction being with these monsters ,or luje i live under some sort if spell,very strange😮
This is one of the most meaningful and accurate videos describing what I have endured throughout my own life Doctor Roberta. Thank you so so much for all your kindness and understanding and knowledge in this regard. 🥰
You described me accurately in so many ways. I had a narcissistic parent... You are so comforting to listen to. Thank you for the validation.
So appreciate you. You seem to have a very deep insight into this problem.
I couldn’t agree more my friend 🥰
Yes. Sadly your words resonate deeply. It is strange how they are all exactly the same.
Like reading a manual. Very strange but I’m grateful we can expect certain responses. Helps alleviate some of the shock.
Thank you praying for your health
Spot on as always, Dr. Rhoberta, thank you. The physical symptoms really do start coming in after a while. Im 40, divorce 1st narc husband with whom i share 3 kids, years ago and moved on but some unfortunate circumstances opened a window for him to manipulate the courts into getting custody from me. I am trying to regain my internal sovereignty but now my body is paying the price of all those years in narc abuse & cohabitating with him again (my house, our kids, he has sole custody). I feel so tapped out and need me back, but at what cost ? My children's lives being upheaved again when they need to keep the stability I've provided for them more than ever (bought a house where they could finish growing up and they've been here almost 5 years now, longer than we've lived anywehre). The threat of all that being destroyed , of being alienated from the kids again, of losing all I've worked for for them again . But then again I don't want to wake up in 10-20 years to realize I kept doing the same thing expecting different results. I know this topic well and have had the strength to leave, to single parent 3 you'd children on my own, deal with his crap and much worse I won't get into here . The post trauma rut is REAL, and while I feel like I'm pulling out of it some with less fear going forward, just sooo weary.. of everything . Of life.
But I really appreciate your videos because they help remind me to stay strong , to not just give in to being with him out of fear or ease,.to not fall for the "well maybe its not that bad after all. . Maybe I AM the one causing problems, maybe I just don't appreciate what I have , maybe I should just shut up and do my duty. Etc etc.
In my experience, what I realized finally, is that my elders who I had to respect, because I was told that I had to, acted out in bizzare ways that were just so confusing back then. My adopted mother abandonded me and my special needs brother in ways that made us feel like we were bad kids and we deserved it. That we weren't worth investing their time into. And after 2 years of really busting through the trauma bond, I think I know why they behaved that way. Treated us like we were stupid and ignorant. Put us down. It was because of a secret my mother and her brother had for years. My advice to anyone who acts so ugly to others, especially to children, ask why. Why would they hate children so much they would treat them so harshly. And I finally figured out why. They went to all that trouble to damage a childs self worth because they did whatever they wanted to do and stole something my father left to his children. For years. I didn't find out about their exploitation of us financially till after my mother died. She was a sloppy liar. Greed is usually at the root of all of this bizzare behavior. My uncle took over my mothers life after my father passed at 39 years old. I just dudnt understand why she hid food from us. But now I do. He told her we were worthless and she sided with "The Family." Thats ok. Everything in the dark comes to the light. Anyone suffering with these people who live a lie, know they live in guilt. They bever fess up, but I caught em and my children do know who they really were.
I was 20 years into my marriage before we had kids. I realized something was wrong with my husband once we had kids because I realized my brilliant, accomplished, genius husband behaved emotionally like a toddler with tantrums and all! I was horrified and shocked. I tried to radically accept him. Then he went into a rage and destroyed our marriage because I didn’t give him narcissistic supply anymore, I didn’t react to his criticism and silent treatments. I ran out the house because his rage scared me. He wants me back but I think he wants me back so he can discard me on his terms.
you offer the best explanations I have heard about narcissism
I hope you are well as you've helped so many
You’ve been such a blessing to me. I have learned so much and healed so much and come a long long way. In the last 6 months I have begun to flourish. Thank you.
Dr Rhoberta, thank you so much for continuing to enlighten us with your knowledge. You truly are a blessing in the world… and I’m always drawn to your wise words. Cheers 🥂
When I did answer, it was "Don't have time for you; my future and the world are waiting on me".
Thank you. You are a blessing for those of us struggling ❤
The last narco I was with accused me of doing all this stuff he was doing to me that you suggested in this video. He used these videos as info and “proof “ of what I was doing. He told me I was making him to feel like he was walking on eggshells even though that’s what he did to me. He really vilifies me to all his friends and fam. Makes me sound CRAZY. Accused me of being a stalker after he trained me to beg. I feel like a dog that lost all my dignity. It’s funny I started this mess of a “relationship” pretty self assured. But now I look like the toxic one. He got me to the point of crying one day wishes I said with my own words, “I’m not even worth knowing.” I felt worthless and he didn’t get that he did that to me, he’s didn’t other at all to tell me that wasn’t true. No later, months after the break up, he told me that himself, that I wasn’t worth knowing, he used my own sad words I spoke over myself aas an even more painful jab. And somehow the way he treated me was always my fault because of “the way I am.”
Excessive criticism and goalpost shifting. Silence on your strengths and successes.
I see that you may not feel well. I pray that the Lord bless you!🙄
Its like a bug they implant and is hard to recognize and remove. Thanks for the info
Thank you Dr. Roberta you put things into perspective.
Thank you so much for sharing your time and inelegance. More clarity and peace.
Raised by one, married one and had a child with the same genetic Narcissistic personality. I survived but have chronic fatigue.
Thank you Dr.Shaler
Thank you!
Dr. Rhoberta, great video, as always! I was wondering if you could do a video on phrases/questions narcissists use in certain situations? As I'm slowly emerging from the fog, I've noticed quite a few "go-to" things my spouse says or asks as a response to a situation, question, comment, etc. For example, he always asks, "Why are you yelling at me?" when he's confronted with anything. At most, the tone of my voice has changed, but I'm definitely not yelling or even raising my voice. I've also noticed he says, "I know you like/don't like..." or "I know how you..." It's things that are the opposite of what I like, do, etc. or to a very minimal degree - while completely disregarding the blatantly obvious. For example, he'll say he knows what kind of pajama bottoms I like because I like to wear his (no, I just borrow them from time to time), while buying me the kind I've stated I dislike multiple times. Also, saying really hurtful things, not acknowledging they said them and going on with the day lile nothing happened. Then when confronted with it, they say it was because you "accused" them of something (when you didn't) and they said those things to make you mad. Thank you in advance!
My elders in my church have completely backed me up but now my husband has seeked outside my church to bring in others to accuse me of alcoholism.
I have Crohn's. I have digestive issues.
He is taking them before the elders of my Presbytery. I am facing the shame of my drinking but he won't take responsibility for anything.
Hi there,who cares what everyone else is thinking about you,more important is how you see yourself,right,love yourself and accept your shortcomings,nothing else,hope you will find the strength to face your enemies 😊
I believe you. Don’t feel shame. I know what it feels like.
Because they are.
Yeah they're insane.
Does PTSD lead to narcissism?
I would like to know also!
Why are you on oxygen, my dear? Are you okay?