8 Ways to Stand Up to Hijackal Disrespect
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- Опубліковано 28 сер 2024
- Hijackals--people with toxic and abusive behavior tendencies--like to dish out and scatter disrespect whenever they want to demonstrate power and control.
SAY NO!
HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE:
- Why & how to shift your internal dialogue with yourself
- Why not to buy into their attempts to upset you
- What to say to refuse the abuse
- How to respond to their yelling
In this episode, I'm offering you 8 solid ways to work within yourself and say to the Hijackal "NO TO DISRESPECT." 8 very good ways to reclaim your personal power and give voice to some boundaries. Listen in. These are MUCH NEEDED strategies!
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* * Remember, narcissists and other toxic people come in all genders and ages * *
and toxic relationships can be at home, at work, at play... with your parent, boss, spouse, sibling, friend, co-worker.
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I am Dr. Rhoberta Shaler, The Relationship Help Doctor.
Are you in relationship with a Hijackal? That's someone who consistently puts you down, love-bombs and gaslights you, creates confusion and chaos, and causes you to second-guess yourself? I can help you recognize, understand, and make decisions about those kinds of narcissistic behavior…and especially, how to keep yourself (and your children) safe and sane.
No worries about where in the world you live. I work through private, secure video conferencing. So, we can certainly work together to figure a few things out.
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It's really sad when it's your kids.
It’s absolute misery.
You obviously don't know them.
They are perhaps already true selves, super frustrated and chances are, you don't know yourselves or that your children are precious to YaHUaH's eyes, not just "kids".
Thoughts are everything and powerful too❤
@@theresefournier3269what you say is true but indeed some children are abusive, especially if the other parent is hijackal. God bless!
@@acolley2891 All things are in-DEED possible ❣️
@@theresefournier3269 Im very insulted by your broad statement.... you don;t know my situation and the years of struggle I have endured in trying to understand what I did or didn't do right....what was wrong with my daughters zero capacity for love, or empathy and all the rest of the symptoms of a narcissist..... there is such thing as being born lacking love or normal feelings... the abusive way she has treated me makes no sense and she lies continuously- has twisted the past into exagerrated fiction to always be the victim... Children are prescious and I as a loving responsible parent did everything I could to give my daughter a normal loving life ... she has become more hateful and mean spirited the older she has gotten..... I now have made up my mind to walk away.... I did not choose my daughter and she did not choose me... therefore now Im going to detach from her abusive treatment and leave her alone ... I'm a person too and my life is prescious too..... my daughter is now 37 years old.... I have beat myself up and blamed myself for her behaviour for the last time.... So please don't try and tell me my child wasnt Prescious .... Having a child narcissist is the worst because its not a relationship you can ever completely walk away from... I will love my daughter forever... however I also love my self and my happiness and Im no longer her doormat.
I have been in an abusive relationship with a narcissist for almost 5 years. I have spent so much time and energy trying to make this work to get no where. I am just now learning about what I have been dealing with. I am super grateful for this pod cast it brings me comfort
Oh my, thanks for the confirmation that blocking the doorway so one can’t leave argument peacefully is abuse.
I have just today realized that my adult daughter meets all the criteria of a narcissist. It all makes so much sense.Now I have real tools I can use. Now I know why I get the silent treatment, why she doesn’t value me, leaves me alone when I’m sick with a fever, not interested in learning about my past, is only kind to me when she wants something, then back to her mean self. Her promises are never kept. she’s a taker, never a giver. I once thought that it was my low self esteem that caused everything. Now I know better. Thank you, Dr Shaler.
The apple doesn't fall far from the tree
Dealing with this from my sister now. Went no contact with the rest of my immediate family years ago.
This is why I’m single and rarely deal with family if I don’t have to. It can be like an orphan, yet i know im not! I have my Lord who lifts me up and holds me. Always there to care for me. I feel it. It’s the only one true relationship I’ve ever felt loved by anybody in my whole walk on this planet when I took my final breath I’m going home to love fully and completely unfolded in love I can’t imagine how beautiful.
Single and Christian is the way for me. There are too many evil people in the world. God is all i need. I'm at peace finally. Thank you. God Bless.
Rspture soon people in Christ Jesus 🎉... Blessed hope. Im ready will pray for the unsaved and those who to this day persecute and have betrayed me... But we know Jesus, we are not perfect but we try, we forgive and look up, our redemption is nigh 🎉❤🙏💕👑🙌
This is how I feel as an orphan, I have a family and extended relatives but it was damaged by my toxic father, mother and selfish brothers so I embraced God as my Father... "I will be your father, and you shall be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty." 2 Corinthians 6:16, These words brought me much comfort.
Don’t feel alone / I am in the exact situation.
@@user-pu4pb5dm7r The properly translated word should be "expectation", not the anemic word "hope". The word "hope" always carries an element of doubt, and there is no doubt when we belong to God in Christ. :)
I'm laying outside just so I don't have to keep hearing his story's changing, I'm not allowed to talk cause I'm drama, I just feel like I'm going to be accused by him always for things I didn't do, I spoke to him about a narrsict and now he's turning it all on me, but I don't care I'm done making excuses in tired, I'm tired of everything being put on me, yep
Hijackals notoriously accuse you of everything...especially of things they themselves are doing! I hope you can get away from this and experience freedom from it.
What a child... Im sorry you've gotten caught up w one of these people. Learn while you escape him so you know how to avoid them in the future. The earlier you learn the better. I'm really truly accepting now after years of abuse, that there are mean spirited people. Get out, get yourself back B4 he hurts you girl. Sending love and protection
I am going through exactly the same thing. It hurts and much like yourself, I am exhausted from all the shift blaming and gaslighting. The physical, mental, verbal and spiritual abuse, that somehow became the norm on his treatment of me. He’s just unable to take any accountability for his betrayal. Now I’m the cheater, the liar, the abuser…everything he actually is. Having evidence of his infidelity are completely ignored and minimized. He yells and rages at me, he yells and tells me to grow up . Following up with she’s the only one who understands your abusive ways. It’s maddening.
@@rosemariemendoza1023hope you are doing well. Hope you have made some changes since your comment a month ago. Sending a hug
I'm outside also just to get away. The entire "I'm not going to fight with you now that you caught me in my lie and the story changed" messes with my blood pressure to the point my vision gets messed up. I always have to get all three stories but anymore I'm not even interested in the second or third. The fact that the first one was a bold lie dead to my face is enough.
I personally would never again ask them for respect because they just don’t have the capacity and yes they will use that against you
With my adult sons I had to go no contact with 4 years ago after trying for years, it's like they don't recall the efforts and times you were there. The trips, special Birthdays, keeping journals for them throughout their lives, special Christmas ornaments selected just for them every year, having lunch with them at their schools in early grades, volunteering in their classroom, etc. Like it did not happen, did not matter, totally corrupted by spouse. All very sad. I have come to terms and wish so it was different. To wish they saw me with love over contempt. Most days I think I am on the other side and something will hit me and my heart saddened all over like day one.
It’s called “parental alienation”. I’m in the same situation and it’s incredibly painful.
I too feel the same as you..I did everything with my son..went to every event possible..I've been abandoned by him and his family for 2 years now...its unbelievable but I carry on..I don't force any contact due to respect for them and myself...its heartbreaking..I miss him and his family..I did so much with his 2 grandsons as I did for him .....very sad for me..I must pray my grandsons remember me as hopefully one day when they are adults come visit me...
It's not you. It's theirs to handle.
Just accept it and remove your love.
I listened to Dr. Joshua Coleman addressing this issue! It is an epidemic all over the WORLD and he has some very practical advice. Additionally, Daniel and Gabor Mate , a father/son duo who have passed through this and gone on to write books on this subject and the way to move on. Dr. Gabor Mate has a revolutionary approach and has been called the "People Whisperer". We all have hurts! Even the HIJACKALS! We were all born as narcissists but as some point we mature and grow. But traumas hold us and keep from maturing to adulthood. I'm learning after a 39 yr old marriage ended to a HIJACKAL with hidden addictions. Being together was not going to help! Then our dear 2 adult children with my young grandkiddos and have turned me away. IT REALLY HURTS! But it has forced me to look at why and accept the reality that my own "HIJACKALness", affected them! Like you, all I saw is MY SIDE! To love our kids we need to stand back, respect their space to figure it out and give them room to see and heal. For this, there is NO TIMELINE! It does give US time to heal too! Stay strong mommas and papas! There may be a day to heal, together... with our children. I'm praying for that day!
Also wanted to add that they slowly but surely take you to a point where you get so frustrated with their constant emotional games, gaslighting, and their two-faced lies that you do sometimes lose it (‘yell’) even if it’s for a moment and that’s also done on purpose (ie pre-planned & orchestrated by them) because the minute that happens they turn it around and use it against you so they can once again CHANGE THE SUBJECT and DEFLECT all the attention, only this time they want the attention not ON their own selves and their lies but AWAY from their lies and deceptions. Instead of calling them out if you just tell them ‘well, that’s not how I remember it’ they just simply flip that around and say ‘well, that’s your problem (the not remembering part) not mine” - I really don’t like playing word games with them or with anyone else for that matter - the mentally and spiritually sick ones just twist your words till they can have each letter in the word and each word in the sentence pointing back at you. I just give it to them straight up regardless of the consequences. We often forget ... they are NOT GOD and never will be no matter how much they aspire to be and no matter how much they try. And more often than not they are so deluded they need that reminder themselves to pull them back to Earth, even if they relapse into their delusional state 2 mins later. We HAVE to speak our Truth. No one has the right to silence us or steal our God given value or voice. I say let them HEAR IT!
That's really deep the point that you made. Because they're trying so hard to be God that's really interesting, and yet their spirits are so far pain from "Good'. Romans chapter 9, I say the truth in Christ, I lie. Not, my conscious also bearing me witness in the holy Ghost that I have great happiness and continual sorrow in my heart
Yes they think they're God...devil worship.....and I ask forgiveness to God because I treated him like God ..no more God is God people aren't God Except for Jesus
Yup! The only way to win, or feel sane for me, is to get far, far away mentally, emotionally, and physically.
God! I have dealt with it personally, it’s horrible, how these people play so many games with people who genuinely cared about them
“I’m Sorry That You Feel That Way!”, as if they are sorry about anything or owning their half of the conflict. I and others can relate to this statement and predicament. Stoicism really helps the mind, as we strive to save our hearts from being hardened, or commit suicidal thoughts as being the only way to stop the aloneness path. Caring too much about others, studying this psychological process and not being able to find someone to support as they are in the same empathic boat, opposite on the spectrum we face. Being a normal would be wonderful, had the toxic not robbed us of what we have, had or worked for all our lives. At age 70, I think cancer returned. I cannot afford the medical portion of my upcoming events, much less have a home where a roommate will not stress me further. I tried the best I could and right now at my wits end, with prayers.
Way to insult a man yelling at you....
I can't continue conversing until you get your emotions under control. Haha
Disrespect is THE word that defined the relationship. I received a Hoover. When I told him I wouldn’t tolerate disrespect anymore, he told me to stop arguing and that we had to realize we just weren’t compatible. He was correct on the last half of that statement. There was no argument.
I'm non-reactive to the Hijackal but then I ruminate about it afterwards and make myself very unhappy.
I can't get my feelings and thoughts about that person out of my mind. I keep bringing it up to myself and rehashing how I feel about them and what they said and what they did.
I feel you 🫂 I’m sorry 😢 I am right there with you. 💗
Doing it that right now, my mother just left and been rehashing, mad that I have nit been to gym for a day now, just on yt going video after video, I hope I’ll be over it today.
He still does not believe his meanness destroyed our sex life. Why on earth would I desire someone sexually who is mean to me??!??!
But you know the truth, meaness does crush appetite for physical closeness, absolutely
Please leave him.
Or lack of respect, communication, taking you for granted..
@andersdottir1111 Yes, that would be the best reasoning...but when a person is stuck in a legal marriage, and have a home that I bought myself, plus (his) cars etc etc etc, his love of money and control, the mention of divorce would turn violent immediately.
I just want to say thankyou for your support and honesty in explaining narcissism - I have a daughter who has given me so much grief in trying to understand and get along with her- and now know that it’s not me- it’s her problem and I now choosing to say ENOUGH AND IM WALKING AWAY- my daughter hates me and has hated me since being a kid - the traits you described define my daughter - zero love, zero care at all!
No one can abuse, criticize, disrespect, or manipulate & control us if we leave. I ended up w/ nothing when I ended it, but I gained w/ freedom. My millionaire ex pd $200 a month For child support.
AWFUL!
Dr Shaler, I wanted to share something about the ‘personal weather report’ / affirmative statements you mentioned @20 min .... I remember when I used to state those to my covert narc ex husband his response was to just deflect the attention BACK at himself eg. ‘Oh so I don’t deserve respect like you do’ etc etc - when I asserted boundaries esp. sexual ones he would sulk or take me on guilt trips, when I learned more and continued to ignore being taken on guilt trips I was accused of ‘not caring’, of thinking only about my own self, of not being the ‘same’ person he married, he slowly started ghosting us and eventually abandoned / discard us and emptied the bank accounts as he left so we were left with no money to even buy food or gas. And even after putting me and my young children through all this that coward wasn’t man enough to just file for a divorce - I had to do that! I really don’t think anything works with these sick souls. As soon as the trapped person (aka captive / prisoner) has a 1-year survival plan chalked out she should leave without any notice. Unfortunately, for me and my children, we didn’t have such a plan chalked out. Part of the reason was that I was foolishly waiting for Ex-husband to come to his senses and apologize. That never happened. Regardless, even knowing that I didn’t have a ‘plan’ I still didn’t want to stay. Not one more day. I already had enough and one more day of taking it would have killed me and I wanted to live esp. for my children. So, in the end, I took the plunge without any plan but with a complete Trust in God that He would still make me land on my feet. It’s strange that, in spite of not having a ‘plan’ I actually feel more ‘certain’ now than I did before I made my decision and yes there is some chaos and there are a lot of unknowns right now but none of this comes close to the daily emotional turmoil and psychological torment and torture that I experienced in my 11 years of marriage with the Covert Narc and specifically the last 6 years when I started seeing the side of him that he had kept hidden from my view before. The only word that comes to my mind is DECEPTION and these hijackals as you call them are masters of illusions and deceptions.
Thank you for confirming what i thought of my daughter ,its spot on
Oof- the getting yelled it hit me hard...my former hijackal boss did this to me in my office with the doors completely open for everyone to hear. I just froze, and murmured some BS answer so she would be appeased and leave. I could see her smile afterwards as if she 'won' that battle. She was/is truly one of the worst tyrants I have had to deal with in the workplace. It was awful - and eventually I left that job for my sanity.
She 94yrs old NM, trashed me verbally so bad when I was here last Sun. to give her lunch. Core level .
it thurs . back to give her lunch. Her “act” of an apology (which in itself is rare like 1-2 a year?)
She tells me she doesn’t like Greek food.
So She’s telling me I deserve her Character destruction because I am to blame . I should have known BETTER than bringing food she doesn’t like. See my Fault! I got trashed because I, I, I made her upset!!!
She /mother really thinks this is an apology. Why? Because she actually had to “self reflect”
( not “REAL”) about what she did. Came out the other end= im a fk up).
People : its too much work,
Do yourself a favor, one of many, THEY DO NOT CHANGE, know this, another healing tool .
Get out!
7:32: Keep from using the disrespectful tactics.
8:32: 1. "That was unnecessary."
9:53: 2. Make an internal shift. Change your internal conversation to that you deserve respect. "My feelings are valid and i deserve to be spoken to civilly."
14:30. 3. Be nonreactive. Use your shield. Its about them not you. Dont focus on them; focus on myself- what do i want?
17:00 4. Use the personal weather report
21:38. 5. Change your perception: what the person is saying is a reflection of them, not you.
24:35 6. Dont buy into their attempts to upset you. Just observe. Move back and observe the larger picture. Gives you emotional separation.
28:15. 7. Remember people who operate like this don't respect anyone, i.e., its not personal.
30:46. 8. Things to say out loud, civilly. "I deserve respect. When i geel respected, i feel like staying and engaging in the conversation." "I feel respected when..." Share your truth. Affirming to yourself you deserve respect.
Finally: 32:00 yelling is not respectful. If someone is yelling, leave or fall silent.
33:00 Refuse the abuse.
How they work you. " I'll be good and love you "if". I'll love you if I can get My way all the time. But, My way will change, and that's according to who's in front of me. And I'll let you know how you need to act and whom I want you to be in order to prop me up. I don't care how I behave towards you, or give a damm how that makes you feel, I've got you where I want you. Because all that ever mattered was me. I overheard my adopted mother calling me her "slave" to her brother. They were 83 years old. I never let her know that finally, I knew her darkest deepest secret. I had a parent like this wonderful woman here had. I wish I'd never met the person I got stuck with. These people are the worst parents in the world. In my opinion. I'm glad it's all over. It's like living in a prison.
Yes.
I've known people like that, but the social service system also works this way, it's very manipulative & controlling.
Top comeback to narc bait is...
#1. Emotionless " I disagree" then complete silence.
2. "We have reached a stalemate"
This is very helpful...mutual respect is essential for every relationship!! I have been amazed at the lack of respect I have encountered from different people I interact with. I distance myself immediately. Instead of subjecting myself to their tone or attitude, I resort to sending a text. Is there something I could be doing unknowingly that draws disrespectful people to me? I am very mindful to be courteous and polite, yet people who you would think know better, begin to act rudely or accusatory. Very surprising and disconcerting. One new acquaintance accused me of being negative when I was simply sharing a fact that happened in my childhood...it related to something they were sharing, that is why I brought it up.
I think it’s more based on how you were treated growing up. When you grow up in an abusive or neglected home, it’s like you have a target on your forehead that narcissists are irresistibly drawn to.
welcome to my world.
When we heal those wounds, we attract people with better, healed energy, not Hyjackels.
Aa
Aa@11¹~\\\\😊😊
I yelled at my parents because they would NOT acknowledge that they had hurt me so now they have added ''abusive'' to the list of things they have projected on to me. 1) paranoid, 2) sensitive 3) angry 4) abusive. It goes on and on. They will not acknowledge that they have hurt me. They will not talk to me, they will not listen to me. There is one perspective' theirs. Any attempt to communicate with them is abuse in their eyes. I have given up. Shortly after I realised that my mother is UN-REACHABLE I also realised that this is all about them, not me. I just handed them another label to add to the list, back when I shouted at them I still had some optimism that they would listen to me and show me some understanding that they had hurt me. I have given up now. The last time I tried to talk to my mother she said ''you're in our hearts, we're sorry you're so unhappy, don't reply''. So I didn't. I am obeying her instructions. The ball is in her court and she would rather die estranged than try to fix things.
You're not alone! You, are, not, alone! So proud of you for seeing what's happening. You are free to decide where your energy goes! Make sure that you keep yourself financially stable and always have a place to live . I experienced this with my parents and they refuse me a place to live when I needed somewhere. When the price is changed for rent in Arizona. I had to live in my car and 120° over the summer because me being a responsible business owner, needing a place to do nothing but sleep and shower? I am all sorts of problems. My mother even commented that she doesn't want my" young body" around her husband. No care for my well-being or whether I was homeless or sick or in between places or had any help of any kind. So learn from this. Learn from others like myself and make sure that you always have a savings! Make sure that you always have a backup plan for somewhere to live and do not rely on going home. If you get in a jam. Do not rely on them. If you get to a low point. Have another emergency contact. Because if you have trouble in life like we all do? And you reach out to them? It'll only bring up that old list and add more to it. It'll also give them and I told you so instead of seeing that you're a growing young adult and you need help sometimes like anybody else does.. sending love. Keep your head up.
Dude what the... don't give them so much slack. Be happy that they are discarding themselves. If they are narcissist or cluster b, you should run, not trying to get them into apologizing and stuff and then suck you back into abuse. Be happy they are the not hovering type. Let them wash away without you. They won't even admit they are abusive. They are too far gone. Just run.
I'm so sorry. I get this completely. What they are doing is called Reactive Abuse (although I think it should be called abuse reaction). They calmly wear you down with their gaslighting BS until you explode. They they 'ring the alarm'. It's evil. My narc mother absolutely destroyed my llife. Stay away from her.
Your story is almost a duplicate to mine. 🕊
You are correct with your assessment. They will NEVER admit wrongs. You need to move on.❤
My husband and in laws did it to me and I took it as I was told I was over reacting. But now that my husband is passed my kids continue this tradition of treating mom like she’s less than. It’s very very hard on me. I don’t get a Mother’s Day, my birthday, thanksgiving, or Xmas unless it’s at someone else’s house, never at mine. My kids birthdays I have to acknowledge but don’t get to spend time with them. It’s always rainy and gloomy!
My hijackel uses emotional baggage right away . It's so fast. If you don't jump to their whim, i get hit hard. it's like a rock was thrown at my head, and i'm stunned! All i can do is smh in amazement!
Thx, i see why now!!
Ive noticed they are always being "honest" and they are always right and minimise or even deny what they say said to you.
Its a one way street for us and im wasting my time and wearing down my shoes.
There must be a better route and im about to stop and find a different road.
My heart broken because i honestly thought she was the one for me.
The woman she pretended to be to win you, does not exist within her. It was an act. Sad isn't it?
I so agree when it’s your kids , it is so hurtful and the lack of support that comes with it.
Thank goodness Roberta is helping us understand it helps . Carol recently bereaved after 56 happy years with their dad.Carol.
I so identify with the mother bit. Really welcome how to deal with this many thanks Roberta Carol N.I.
It is devastating. I'm still trying to get out from under it.
We, sometimes are unable to articulate what upsets us or seems wrong in our relationships, but this video unearths what we are dealing with pretty accurately. We don’t call them out on their lies, but we probably shouldn’t tell them they are deceiving us and so forth. Fill in the blanks I am guessing.
Well said.
Thankyou so much Robertha !!! You are so loving and compassionate ❤🙏
My parents, not me, set up all the conditions and elements of contempt and bitterness in our shame-based family. I loved and respected them UNCONDITIONALLY at first but it only took them 3-4 years to completely destroy any love or loyalty I ever felt for them, especially dad. My parents, not me, foolishly or accidentally CAUSED me to loose and never regain any goodness I ever felt towards them and they would be the LAST ones to ever admit that they, not their kids, were the problem and the basic cause of whatever animosity occurred between us. If your kids DISRESPECT you, look at your own behaviors and attitudes that MADE IT TURN OUT THAT WAY. It takes GUTS to get honest with your self so get HONEST!!!!
So happy to have found your channel - such wisdom combined with grounded, practical practices for self-employment. 🎉❤💯
Tbh, I just started mimicking my hijackle. Copying his posture, tone of voice, everything. He didn't like it and looked kind of fearful. Then he stopped. Like exactly bro, you don't like when I treat you the same way you treat me. Might be toxic of me, but I told him if he wanted to take it there, we could go. Cause I'm not afraid of that ho. Like buck up to me, I'll do that same. If that's not what you want, then calm down but you're gonna stop playing wimme, period!!
I would not waste my time and energy on these people, i avoid them at all cost. They do not listen and will never change, so why bother.
I appreciate your message here immensely. I appreciate that you have just helped me feel more empowered and free, and have given me some tools to live into that!
The comment about phones at the end really hit home for me. I hope you do decide to do a show on that.
I firmly agree that a phone ought to be treated like a private journal or diary. I feel that way about a personal computer too. In fact, I have kept private journals offline on both my computer and my phone, and online with passwords saved for easy access.
Private journalling apps are increasingly popular, as are private social media groups such as Dr. Shaler's community. People must of course use their personal phones and computers to access those resources. As such, I think it's vital that a personal phone or computer be treated as unassailably private and unethical to demand access to. A journal and/or other private, vital method of venting may be hidden there. And everyone needs and deserves a safe place to vent without having to fear being seen and judged.
Thankyou for ALL your Help
Dr Shaler. You speak with experience and kindness in your voice.
You are describing my daughter
This channel is one perfect example of why WOMEN SHOULD NEVER give up their financial independence. Always keep some separate money, and if you think your spouse might pressure you to give them control, keep it secret. This is not dishonest. It's a fact that when men feel they are losing control, they will use money to punish you, control you, and keep you in line. You may choose not to leave for whatever reason, but don't let it be because you can't afford to leave.
This video is so excellent. It’s one of the most impactful videos. Thank you for helping me find a way of handling these toxic people. The way you articulate this information is a gift. Thank you.
Actually, my parents told me I yelled at them, but like your caller said, my voice went up because of the frustration. Do I have to whisper all the time, or be accused of yelling? Personal weather report. I was frustrated because I wasn't heard. I wasn't allowed to have a reaction to being hurt. I was hurt and I was not heard. I was extremely frustrated.
“Riot is the language of the unheard.” ~MLK
Me too
Great video! Perfectly timed! Thank you SO much!
I'm reading the comments and very sad for all of you. I know all to well what all of you are going through. I've been involved in a Situationship with a Hijackal for 25 years.
It took me 22 years and the death of my only child for me to take my power and control back and it was over a single comment that the hijackal said to me, at the time I was 4 days into learning of my child's death, when he told me that He died, I didn't and it was in the context of him trying to get me to give in to him and serve my purpose to him.
I decided that I wasn't having none of that anymore and now I treat him exactly like he's always treated me.
Someone looked into my baby carriage on a Saturday morning while at a Street sale and said of my INFANT daughter. “ Oh I know that look on a baby she’s going to give you a hard time”.
“ My daughter had the same look 👀 and she was like that”.
Well, I was upset and indignant at the thought of a stranger judging a baby in a carriage. She was just a few months old. Maybe 2 because she was born in late May.
The truth is - she was a much harder baby than my first born who was a breeze in comparison, because she was hyper sensitive and cried much more. But, that’s what babies do. I did not categorize her as “ difficult “ because it was so early in her infancy and her life.
Well…. Turns out she had been correct on quite a “ spooky” level.
I accepted all her stages. She was very bi polar in her moods and attitudes and I attributed it to her character and being a Gemini. Anyways, to this day this pattern of hot and cold extremes has been the case. Unfortunately, I grew up under narc abu see and had extreme low self esteem and didn’t want that for my kids. Who could go through life feeling that low? So I was a cheerleader for my kids life with very little tear down aside from the “ disrespect “ She’s now 26 had had a healthy succession of relationships and is in a good one now. She’s traveling a lot and appreciates our conversations even though there’s still the potential for reactivity.
I feel like the “ sandwich” person getting it from mom then her. It’s hard NOT to feel flawed and disgusting.
However, I do see a light at the end of the tunnel. I heard from someone much older as a mother that she was spoiled as a kid and had to learn the hard way as an adult. Same attitude. So, I may have actually spoiled her without realizing it.
I can so relate. I could have written this but have a 26 yr old son.
❤️well it's amazing to learn the positive things that we can do to help ourselves instead of simply pointing out the hopelessness of the whole situation over and over again like everyone else does. thank you so much for these tools, they really are a lifeline for me, (and to people who suffer narcissistic abuse)
Finally a ray of Hope in a very dark place!
Sincerely Grateful
This is great!
All I need is a pair of cute glasses now.
Thank you 🙏
Thank you! This helped me so much🥰
My ex hijackal would say some of the most hurtful, mean, vile things to me. When he was hovering me back I would bring up the things he would say and he replied “I was just trying to hurt you” or “I was just protecting myself” protecting himself?? Yes they mean to hurt you.
I probably made a mistake in shouting at my partner, I just found them so frustrating and confusing
i admit now i was a bit hojackl at the start.. but softened up and became empath, by that time i started seeing signs.. crying mess now. she left alone and single and jobless.. still leaves chats mid convo..
Thank you Dr. So much support
I am going through this myself tight now. Having beem decalued all my life. I have ni worth amd nothing to offer
Thank you and love you for the love after going through...I too can only cry never say a word with meaning 💗
I like that was unnecessary. Coming from a humble balanced grounded person sounds great
My dad has a burial plot for me already. Considering I'm 43 and he's still furious about mistakes I made as a 9 year old (and he's strangled and pulled out his rifle before) I know better than to stand up for myself. I just try to avoid as much as possible.
That is awful. I think you should stay away as much as possible! He sounds extremely abusive.
I tell my daughter ‘speak to the hand, the face ain’t listenin
Or what if he blows Up at her in side a moving vehicle on the hyway. The vehicle is speeding around 40 to 60 mph. Frightening. Trapped. ??????
Yes. They can't take it at ALL, but they don't mind being mean and nasty to YOU.
Anytime someone is disrespectful,. simply remove yourself. It doesn't matter if you have to walk home or call an Uber or Lyft. . Immediately get up and leave. Let them figure it out.
What if we barely can support ourself? What if we could write a book about the toxic family, in our old age, but cannot produce content, housing, healthy diet, a primary physician even, cancer support, much less children who keep attacking with lies. Friends who say they care then it’s always conditional. Being empathetic and caring when most just use you up, opposite of narcissist like the rest. Hi jackal is the way to stressing reactive when thrown overboard, under the bus, even when I try to hide, after saying no. Facts don’t matter, getting out and staying out, alone again. They project their doings back on to me, after blame shifts x3, since the 80’s. Logically, I should be suicidal except for my hope & faith, which barely works, while I’m freezing at 31 degrees, rather than trust that anyone really cares.
I am being triangulated by 3 children, ongoing. Hiding doesn’t work! At my poorest moments needing medical care, today, I am not going to let the cancers kill me before I get my own life in order. I pray for this, in Jesus & Holy Spirits Holy names. Amen
❤❤❤ because I can only click the like button once
Love you thank you
How do you leave without them attacking you when you're gone, I feel like I have to tell when I leave to the law because he's capable of anything, plus he twisting his words to everyone he talks to
When you are receiving abusive treatment, it is good to and involve the police, if possible. Yes, I know that in some communities, it seems to do little, however, they are usually required to record a report. If you feel threatened, call the police.
Hijacks will attack you while you're with them and after you leave. They may attack your character forever as they are unwilling to take responsibility for the abuse they perpetrate. Yes, they are masterful at twisting your words and blame-shifting. Often, it is best to plan your exit and have them served with divorce papers on the day you leave. It's never easy, but that way has proven best in many cases.
Thanks!
Brilliant video. Xxx 💕
Very useful.
lol 😂my dad always say I was different and was a pill w my own choices but truth head hunters and try to hold down the roof on my siblings but no anger my goal was to do better than 🙏🏽🙌💯
so true, always says i never loved her.. i wonder.. ?
My sister would always ask everyone who looks younger? She is older and very immature.
Gaslighter, guilt monger, control freak. 40:20 40:23
Only call for help when its “TRUE AUTHENTIC ABUSE.”
Do not call for help or the police, if you are lying about being abused. If you lie about being abused when you are not being abused, then you are also The Hijackal.
My ex-wife weaponized the police often by lying about me abusing her frequently. It was a crazy nightmare for me, as a man.
Literal madness.
Oh I had a highjackle mother to and now I'm talking to one that reminds me of her that's why I would leave, she's a downer tho and he's to prideful, and he's telling me I'm like my mom
Would you include those with a dismissive avoidant personality style in this group? My husband has this style and makes me feel angry on a daily basis with his laziness mostly.
There is a 'gang' of hijackals in my homeowners association that use IMSI cell phone signal interceptor devices to monitor all communications from association members who are not in favor of closing down our subdivision and selling out to a developer. Highly illegal. They expect monetary gain while others will lose the roofs over their heads in an extremely expensive real estate market.
I have a hyjackall ex boyfriend. He's been charged with stalking count 1. I now had the court say that he entered an SOC. I'm going to ask for the court papers to be sent to my address in black and white. Once I see how he must comply I'll be great 😃
Well I tried that my GED book and my government book came up missing some how or and one of my Bibles
Unnecessary is such a big word to tell them or him when he refuse to give her proper respect. 😊?
I also think Hijackal is my fathers second wife Sujatha
Sad everyone on earth deserves respect don’t have to like me or love me but must respect me ❤❤❤❤🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉
Except mine turns that on to me and says he is only reacting to me
What they are saying is about them , not you! Bingo!!!
youre right, it just hurts in the moment, like, why am i not good enough for you, but i remember, it's them, i don't take it personally, and i allow them to be who they are, even though they are disrespecting me and trying to devalue what i am saying or thinking, i wont go down to their level and react in an undignified way
can u touch on widowed couple ( both spouses died) who have found love been totally accepted by her family all friends astatic but his two kids ages 34 (daughter)and 37(son) hate me and because their Dad has moved on hate him ...makes our relationship almost ruined...we have tried everything for 3 yrs now
56:16 get it on video cause the courts won’t believe you!! VIDEO ALL THE SCREAMING . My ex did- took it to court
✨🙏🏼✨
If I would give the weather report to my hijackle sister in-law, she will make delicates out of it... and I would feel humiliated.. what should I do in this case?
Ignore her, just act as though she said nothing at all.
And that alone will let her know that you're not playing her game.
Jeckel narcissism borderline personality adhd lord have mercy over the world 🌎 try to be a better place
Hijackal is probably a nicer word than homonculous.
I this Hijackal is my mums friend priyantini.
I would love to know what you think causes people to be like this? Childhood trauma, cptsd, rape, incarceration, sex trafficking, one of the gazillion mental health disorders? I really should have put a question mark after each one, 😆 but I don't have time to 😅 I really appreciate you putting this helpful insight. 🎉😀
Often times trauma, but rather than becoming an empathetic survivor, they choose to become the abuser. It's a choice they make and keep making until their conscience is seared.
Some people assume there is a reason for people being like this. Sometimes it’s purely a personal choice.
Thoughts on.... Is that a me problem or a you problem...... That's your opinion and your entitled to it.
I don't have to agree.
Sounds like you have a problem I hope you feel better about it tomorrow.
Ok. I heard what you said and am considering the source.
I need steel toed shoes around certain people they r always stepping on my toes.
Hyde-jeckle!
Every human deserves respect but these people think they god lol 😂
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Oh yes, so disrespectful
It s entertainment on the net 😂, it s non sense
Your topics can help a lot of persons. It’s been 3 minutes and you have yet to start the 8 ways to deal with disrespectful .Kindly get to the main issue .The longer wait can make one give up listening.
please stop listening i dont think she can help you. if you cant give someone so gracious three minutes you are in the wrong place.