💜 Please be aware of scammers impersonating Tim or the Tim Fletcher team! We do not provide any phone numbers in the comments and Tim does not chat privately with viewers. We will never ask you to join us on a messaging app. When in doubt, reach out to us via our website at timfletcher.ca. Stay safe and scam-aware. With Love, The Tim Fletcher Team.
I still struggle with this mindset. I think it's fueled by knowing no one will help you in an emergency. I've never had a safety net, financially or emotionally.
Same here. It's worse when your an Asian. When you are even considered to be born under a bad sign. Constant threats for survival and not knowing where you'll end up. Where tomorrow is uncertain.
I grew up in a dangerous house surrounded by dangerous people whom all outsiders thought of as wonderful. This is how I've viewed my world. Thank you for putting a name and mechanism to it. I would've died like this if i hadnt become aware of this condition. And... to top it off, im a Paramedic, helping others through their fear but not helping myself.
Yes, you get constant confirmation that bad physical things can happen to the human body in an instant. But, I bet you are excellent at your job. I took care of my mom when she got dementia, from the very early stages to the end. Now, I have constant vigilance for it happening in me and I am making all my today choices based on this. It's hard to explain.
Thank you for the compassion. My favorite thing in recovery (the rooms) is when they told us “we’ll love you until you can love yourself”. I feel like you’re doing that for us too. Thank you
Catasrophising is a constant battle for me! I’m constantly thinking people are untrustworthy and their intentions are bad! That they’ll let me down! 🙏🙏🏾🙏
John can you go back and find who told you this or what happened to make you feel this way? There’s a thing called inner child work where you can heal those wounds and experiences and reprogram yourself.
My mother was very fearful and had the scariest, recurring nightmares. She filled me with so much fear one time that I didn't take a planned trip to Montreal 30 years ago. This lecture has helped me immensely. Thank you.
What really helped me was not calling myself names. { when I spilled, dropped, forgot, didn't do, or something...} I realized I'd never speak that way to anyone, let alone those I care about. It was a small step, but it paid its way forward. I hope everyone becomes freed from these chains.❤
Everyone who takes an SSRI or other anti-anxiety/anti-depressant medication should watch the video. Tim breaks CPTSD and maladaptive behavior patterns into such understandable, logical, and empathetic terms.
This talk really hits me. I have always said I hope for the best, but expect the worst. I really can't imagine not seeing each day without leaning toward thinking of anything but the worst-case scenario. It's also been key to be thankful for all the things that have gone right, I'm very appreciative when things work out. I didn't grow up safe, not even close.
I’m aware that there’s been studies that essentially say: people who expect the worst begin to see even neutral things as bad, essentially meaning in their perception, the world is a much worse place compared to people who expect better things (thus seeing neutral things as good alongside good things) So expecting the worst isn’t always a good idea if you are not in an actively dangerous situation it seems Being thankful is a good idea, it might help you better remember too that your instinct isn’t always right, so that there’s hope indeed? You sound like you’re on a good road, that saying just always stands out to me since learning about this
@serhii-ratz "I still don't understand what's wrong with this approach" is the trap Tim is talking about. This mindset becomes a self fulfilling prophecy of sorts.
@@serhii-ratzThe problem is when the problems are gone and we are still operating in a defensive position. It saps all of our energy from acting out intentions that would bring joy & peace. Self-fulfilling Prophesy. Energy goes where the mind flows…
Tim Fletcher, the golden nuggets for me in this one were: • Develop a hierarchy of feared situations (this is genius, prevents flooding) • Build tolerance to these fears - I call this look for simple/doable bite size chunks that make you feel productive or proactive toward the scenario you imagine ahead. I’m so grateful for your video coaching. ❤
Horrible approach that leads to more anxiety: 1) when we list our fears - we will now become aware of anything and everything scary 2) idea that we do not have tolerance will lead to building victim mentality where we will now start to believe that any kind of emotion is abnormality and sickness that we must stop doing anything we were doing and spend all our focus and money and time into Crusades against our emotions. Also - idea that we do not have tolerance will be seed for toxic shame, self rejection, self hatred and perfectionism - where we will become intolerant to intolerance. Anxiety of having anxiety. Real life is filled with anxiety and injustice. We are not the problem to fix. We can either do something constructive about the problem which causes our distress OR we can learn how to reject negative self talk - and perfectionism is negative self talk - and reject it.
1. Well going dry. No $$ for rainwater collection system. 2. Getting a big bill I can’t pay. 3. Having a problem to solve that I cannot find the answer to. 4. Getting hurt at home without anyone around to help me. 5. Realizing too late that there’s something I should have done or known but I didn’t know or do to avoid a current predicament. 6. Facing predicaments alone. 7. Not being able to stop the anxiety spiral when it starts. Not being able to remove that anxiety pathway in my brain.
This as I have been told is not trusting in life itself. Life is here to support us. Not necessarily people. But life. Just know that you are supported and you will be supported in ways you could not imagine. Because you can only replay in your mind by what you have experienced. If you put your trust in the essence of life, you will experience that which you haven't experienced before.
Oh wow! This is the first time I am having this issue explain to me in such succinct detail, with actual steps to take to work on it. God bless you Tim Fletcher! You sure have a blessed me!
You talk about so many situations and thoughts I have and have gone through in my 63 years of life. I can relate to so many of your videos. THANK YOU… I don’t feel so alone in this world.
A while back I got a fortune told that said "Go toward fear, and you will receive EVERYTHING" So even though there is fear, I put on my armor and go do it anyway when I get the chance. Facing and accepting your fear as a real possibility allows you to stop putting so much power into it. Then you need to work on how to help yourself avoid or recover from it.
When I questioned someone about this mindset, I was told to use this way of thinking so that you don't get disappointed ... but it's such a negative way of thinking and living.
a huge problem with this maladaptation later in life, is it becomes very hard to make good decisions, because there seems to be negative consequences to everything, this leads to a sort of paralysis, that is even worse if the person is also suffering with depression and anxiety. its a negative feedback loop that spirals into despair
this was me for a longer time but thankfully I healed from it largely. Still when I was put in a very stressful situation last year, all of the old feelings came back temporarily. But I now know how to deal with it and I know it's just thoughts that may be necessary in real danger but not always.
I am watching your videos going back several years. They are extremely helpful and comforting as I thought I was alone in the feelings I felt. I know that I have complex trauma which as you state, a number of traumatic things happening over a period of time. Probably for me though, there is a difference in expecting the worse to happen, which is In itself an irrational thought pattern, than actually experiencing the worse case scenario happening multiple times. In my life, I have had some heavy duty stuff happen over and over again. Expecting the worse isn’t something that I dreamed up or imagined. It is something that I have had happen to me in what I see is a pattern. It has been able to manifest itself several times in my life. So, I know the worse thing can happen and indeed it does. My battle is trying to start fresh again, yet knowing that pattern probably will repeat itself. I can’t stop it, only try to survive it. It is always there though and I am powerless to stop it, only endure it and keep going on. I am a 67 year old man and what I tell you has been my consistent experience in life. It is reality. I try to enjoy each day and understand when it happens again, I will deal with it. I look forward to meeting new people, helping others and I realize that one day I will be at peace.
I have many "what if" fears, but I have been able to channel most of them into something useful. I'm the person at home and at work who makes sure we have working fire extinguishers and alarms, fills up the first aid kits, has an emergency plan, has extra chargers, etc. I sometimes think of things people haven't thought about. I try to be situationally aware and step in or step out of a situation if I feel I have to protect myself or others. Being prepared is my way of dealing with the anxiety I grew up with. I have helped others this way. The anxiety can be used for good. I have gained positive self worth for this reason.
This was an amazing presentation, I've already shared it with a friend and with my brother. I'd love to see Spanish subtitles so I can share it with my mom and my grandma as well. It explains so so much for me, thank you!
Mine is from having a grandmother that I had to constantly walk on eggshells in fear of being yelled at or beaten. I have worked on this a lot but I need to start the work again. Meditation has saved my life. And affirmations: I am safe.
Since I was a teenager I joked about my brain always going to the worst possible scenario. It hobbled me. I am mostly free of it now, but I still do not know how to handle the freedom! It is kind of humorous in a way, but also kind of sad.
I used to and still do this. When I imagine something bad happening. I ask myself can I cope with it? I usually can, although I realise this thinking attracts more bad things. I think you remain stuck because you think you have to or can control it. It being bad. The other thing is victimhood. The opposite to victimhood is creator. Focussing on the creation of something better eg outcomes, reality or thinking...is the way out of this prison. At least for me! Yet again Tim ...so on point in your descriptions. Thank you 🙏
I live with worst case scenarios mind set, but a lot of times it comes true. Not always though What do you do if your fears actually have come to past? It’s not a “what if” it’s more like “when will happen again”?
Fr. Most of the time, except in danger from strangers. Most vagrants and wild animals leave us alone. It's the ones we let into our lives that are the worst case scenarios
This was very insightful. So many things to unpack and contemplate. I wonder if dissociation can be considered as one of the ‘symptoms’ when triggered into catastrophic thinking? ..or maybe that’s more of a functional freeze issue ..
I'm loving this playlist and the break downs with concrete details as well as solutions! I'm so glad a friend introduced me to it! (it looks like this video is a duplicate of the 3rd video btw)
These videos are so helpful for me, thank you. This video resonates with me a lot in particular. I've been scared of so many things for years and have often hidden away from life as a result. I'm trying not to anymore but its definitely uncomfortable facing triggers. I'm glad to have found your channel.
I’m going to quote one of my favorite singers, Rick Springfield. He’s been depressed for a long time and has talked about it a lot, which I’m grateful. In one of his songs he talks about being in a Prison without any walls! I’m so there in that space now.
My childhood was safe. My adulthood has been full of pain & tragedy. I don't think "what if..." but expect death, betrayal, sickness, etc...to rear it head every couple of years.
Going on 50 soon and still very much battling these issues. I'm just trying to remind myself to be present in my life and stop worrying about the imaginary catastrophes that casually stroll through my mind every minute of the day. I just gotta stay out of my own head. Good luck with this!
I dont necessarily think it's a bad thing. It's not necessarily an either or situation. Expand your brain to the point that you can entertain best case scenario and worst case scenario at the same time.
This was very ver< helpful. Thank you very much. both the explanations of the mechanisms as well as the ´how to heals`thank you so much for putting in your time and effort. This can help so many poeple.
I’ve experienced this problem for a long time and have largely conquered it by therapy and many of the techniques stated here. A year ago I got COVID-19 and it turned into Long Covid after three years of doing everything to avoid the disease being the best shape of my life . This completely threw me off and now it says if all the work I had done has been undone.. I’m 71 years old so it’s very hard to start over with all of this.
It hasn’t been undone, pick up where you left off. Literally tell yourself, the work isn’t undone I can just pick up where I left off and begin doing so mentally baby steps , keep affirming ❤
100% me. It’s horrific to live like this. Funnily enough though, I don’t fear being in the wild - it excites me, I love it, I know I can survive the wild, it gives me so much peace - it’s society I can’t deal with.
But its not always your imagination. Not if you still have ongoing bad issues in your life. Like if you only had 2 months to find a new apartment to move to and you already called so many places. When people keep saying no, no, no well that is a big problem when the time is ticking by! Finding a new place these days is very, very difficult. I had to call 74 places before one said yes. But its not a problem out of the imagination. Its a very real problem because the market is very tight. Another lady I knew had the same problem and she found a place at the very last minute! The problem is these other people come along and buy the apartment building you lived in for years and they want to rent the apartment for way more $$$$ (the rent jumped up $400 plus the before free parking is now $100 a month) and then you have to move. I don't think such a worry about finding a place is unreasonable with what is in the news these days.
That sounds really hard, I empathise! I don't think this kind of situation is what Tim meant. This sounds like an actual situation that's happening, not a largely imagined scenario. Being anxious about getting a place seems rational and isn't the same as catastrophising that you're going to be homeless, like it's a foregone conclusion. People that tend to catastrophise do it at the drop of a hat. I hope you find somewhere very soon!
Oh, l say things like that to my kids because I don't want to lie to them by acting as if there were no real potential obstacles. I know that we are facing some very chaotic situations and have for years... Chronic mystery illness of the oldest child, unreliable transportation, unreliable support system, etc.
I have Crohn's Disease, diagnosed when I was 21 (I'm now 51) when it nearly killed me. When I was 46 (in 2019) I ended up in a psychiatric unit through severe depression, and was subsequently diagnosed with Mixed Anxiety-Depressive Disorder F41.2 (ICD- I'm in England- I think you use a separate group for psychiatric disorders over there). The depression now scares me far more than the Crohn's Disease: the only other occurence of being admitted to a gastric ward was 9 years ago when norovirus made me extremely ill. I have a general feeling of unsafety because of what I did in 2019 that put me in a psych ward; it's probably exaggerated but I think that now, being female in my early 50's is causing some problems with my moods
I definitely have this issue. I don’t remember danger per se, but I know my mother was not too engaged and I became exceptionally independent at a very young age. Maybe the fear was just always low key in the background?
I married a person with severe childhood trauma and an extremely disorganized attachment. This was his default. He would get ENRAGED if I even suggested an alternative outcome was possible. He literally was a walking self fulfillment machine. I was so traumatized by living with that for 20 years I had a complete breakdown and finally left. Its a horrific way to live
I'm sorry you went through that and hope you are healing well at this time. Reminds me...This catastrophizing is what happens on a group level for Evangelicals who believe in Armageddon and the Rapture.
I do this because 11 times in my adult life I’ve had a very large trauma and catastrophe happen I absolutely didn’t see coming! That’s way too many times. I’m talking life or death.
Glad you’re still with us 😨 Perhaps the best advice is: try not to pendulum swing too far the other way, but aim to develop wisdom and discernment, not just reflexively assuming the worst at all times? After eleven times, you must have a lot of data to work with to get an idea for what to look out for. As long as you don’t develop reflexive fear to Everything and daily existence, there’s nothing wrong with healthy fear Hope things ease up on you going forward
Yup. Although not just my adult life, this has been my reality all along. The times I allowed myself to feel happy or hopeful were all just delusion. Raped, molested, beat, groomed, sick and dying. My entire life has been nothing but one tragedy after another. I’m done working at it. Just going to find whatever relief I can in this. There is no benefit in working towards a future that isn’t even possible.
Same. It's not that I'm always afraid, it's that I need to be prepared. Being situationally aware, knowing the exits, having a strategy, having tools like a fully charged phone, a first aid kit, fire extinguisher, etc. I need to be prepared as reasonably as I can be. It's a privilege to be someone who doesn't think of those things - because someone else is thinking about it and planning for it.
A dozen years of therapy here, and I still have a S-Load of, "Life-Trap Issues". Makes me very sad, but thankfully, there is usually still a little voice within me that tells me that things might get better and that, "we" need to keep pressing-on. And my dog is a big reason to stay in this world...he makes me laugh and gives me something to take care of and fight for.
I’m actually not working and only have enough to keep me going for another 6 months tops, and yeah I have anxiety 24/7. I’m hoping to find work but have panic attacks when I look for work from trauma. It sucks.
Maybe it would be good to communicate this in the interview. If they react strangly, you know to not work there. You need compassionate and understanding people around
I kid you not. I was in a near similar boat in mid to late 2022 and just kept moving forward with doing what I needed to. Applying and applying, even when every fiber of my being didn't want to. And I ended up finding a decent job. I'm not necessarily out of the woods mentally, but at least the job worrying calmed down.
My friend watches these with me because he suffers this with me. He never “likes” “subscribes” or “comments” yet he gets links from Fletcher and I do not. I comment , like and subscribe all the time. This is what life is like for the shaken battered child… constantly kicked out of life even by practitioners who address these heinously painful conditions. Thanks “Rev”.
When something horrible happens that you never saw coming-in our family it was suicide; two of them, and many other things-I don’t think you ever really relax again. Every time the phone rings…. there’s that reflexive ping that it’s terrible news. This was hard on my kids; I worried too much, but had good reason to. People would roll their eyes and say the things I worried about never happen. In my world, they happened all the time.
Man!!! That encapsulates my wife too a T She contacted polio as a child- plus other health issues including being diagnosed with blood cancer 2 years ago- together with COVID has sent her into catastrophic thoughts which inevitably affect me and our grown daughters- She has become defensive and somewhat bitter which has got me in a desperate situation where I would extricate myself but with the cancer diagnosis I can’t walk away Any advice?
It sounds like you’re saying the way to handle this is through cognitive processes. I’ve had cognitive therapy and it does help but I have tons of fears and evasive behaviors. The amazing book “ when panic attacks” has some very powerful exercises but they take about a half an hour each. When I’m on the road / stuck in traffic it all goes away . I mean the knowledge from the book and exercises. I’m in panic mode trying to survive and nothing helps except trying to escape. I then go home and realize that it’s just me. I’m defective and trying to conquer things ALWAYS proves to be a disaster bc I then beat myself up forever. So there’s no hope then? I need solutions and I’m still left not knowing what to do with my catastrophic thinking lifestyle.
I love this. I work very hard to turn it around. But the things I see ahead often do happen, which then makes me trapped between not wanting to be negative or fearful, and seeing how keen my instincts are and not being able to then dismiss these thoughts as irrational. Another complicated level that imprisons me.
The worst case scenario trap is how I make a living. My job is to design safety critical systems, and analyzing not just the worst case scenario, but every not-quite-worst case scenario I can think of. So it is a perfect career for someone with this as a life trap. My job, my entire worth to the world, is to analyze a large system for any potential danger so that any errors do not get out into the public. Because an engineer spends his or her entire career just trying to avoid a mass casualty event.
Basically ALL jobs, any type of work - requires from the employee to worry and to ruminate. Without this ability - work will go wrong and there will be some crash. When we drive a car - we are focused on not making mistakes. And when we have babies - we are forced to not make mistake around - or end up in jail for causing death to creature that requires 24/7 monitoring. And not to mention neurodivergent mind - someone autistic or with ADHD spectrum - will ruminate because brain is constructed this way. When we reject our natural brain - we will develop toxic shame and self hatred. In all these cases - idea that we chill and rewire our brain - will result in some kind of doom.
suffer from this, especially when it comes to health issues, but my parents were not overly concerned about health issues so I am not sure why I developed this. Looking at evidence has never helped me. Did inner child work as well with limited success.
It's a mental picture, but when I feel one of those moments from my childhood, I try interrupting that old scenario by inserting my present self into the picture and removing that child from the situation.
Picturing Tim giving this talk while floating past on a piece of wood towards a giant whirlpool in a tsunami. Seriously 😶🌫️ ,hate it when that happens 😭
Tim, what if it’s not just anxiety but Spiritual warfare? How do I discern the difference? I can’t sleep bc I wake up worrying. And I pray to Jesus. I wonder if I’m doing something wrong. Am I doing enough. I feel responsible for so much. No family help, no support.
The fact that I get anxious because of the uncertainty instead of the outcome. I am prolly okay whenever something bad happens because my mind is like okay finally it happened, now we can move on.
@TimFletcher @Timfletcher… my man who i love and respect. you make these phenomenal birdies about all the problems i have….. have you ever noticed how creating this idea of the “healthy person” CAN seem like an unattainable idea? just asking for a friend and shit hahahahha
Wow. I have lived with this my entire life resulting in homelessness @ 61 being unable despite holding a college degree and professional experience- born to a woman who never should have been a parent- she had severe postpartum only had me seven years after my extremely abusive evil, older sister and attempt to save a marriage with my father, which was a total farce. I grew up and nothing but chaos and dysfunction from the time I can remember left on my own to figure things out and defend myself against the monster. That was my older sister, because my family had money there was this ridiculous façade that we could not have a problem in the world because we had things it has destroyed my life and beyond that of being able to thrive but not sustainable. It’s probably going to take my life because I have borderline personality disorder and suicidal ideation on a daily basis, it’s a very real life prison waiting on the other shoe to drop life and often becomes a self fulfilling prophecy
I really wish this was helping but all I hear is 'you are useless and broken and let me tell you why', backed up with a side of 'you are an emotional danger to everyone around you'. Worst is the supposed fix would only work if you have specific fears and a large integral support network you haven't already worn down. This doesn't feel helpful or hopeful at all.
💜 Please be aware of scammers impersonating Tim or the Tim Fletcher team! We do not provide any phone numbers in the comments and Tim does not chat privately with viewers. We will never ask you to join us on a messaging app. When in doubt, reach out to us via our website at timfletcher.ca. Stay safe and scam-aware. With Love, The Tim Fletcher Team.
I still struggle with this mindset. I think it's fueled by knowing no one will help you in an emergency. I've never had a safety net, financially or emotionally.
Me Too ..
I’ve never had anyone help me ever in my life. No family or friends. No safety net ever as well
Same here😢
Same here.
It's worse when your an Asian.
When you are even considered to be born under a bad sign. Constant threats for survival and not knowing where you'll end up. Where tomorrow is uncertain.
Thats why the opposite experience is needed.
I grew up in a dangerous house surrounded by dangerous people whom all outsiders thought of as wonderful. This is how I've viewed my world. Thank you for putting a name and mechanism to it. I would've died like this if i hadnt become aware of this condition. And... to top it off, im a Paramedic, helping others through their fear but not helping myself.
Sounds narcissistic like my family. Esp as a paramedic, you sound like the family Scapegoat, trained to help others, likely more than yourself.
Yes, you get constant confirmation that bad physical things can happen to the human body in an instant. But, I bet you are excellent at your job. I took care of my mom when she got dementia, from the very early stages to the end. Now, I have constant vigilance for it happening in me and I am making all my today choices based on this. It's hard to explain.
Thank you for the compassion. My favorite thing in recovery (the rooms) is when they told us “we’ll love you until you can love yourself”. I feel like you’re doing that for us too. Thank you
That's so pure 😢❤️
most heartwarming thing I've read all week.
+1
Catasrophising is a constant battle for me! I’m constantly thinking people are untrustworthy and their intentions are bad! That they’ll let me down! 🙏🙏🏾🙏
John can you go back and find who told you this or what happened to make you feel this way? There’s a thing called inner child work where you can heal those wounds and experiences and reprogram yourself.
Because they do…
Same. People ARE untrustworthy.
@@zaram131 not all just have to learn decrement. And they can’t live up to our expectations and trauma responses.
Same! Sending you hugs and prayers
My mother was very fearful and had the scariest, recurring nightmares. She filled me with so much fear one time that I didn't take a planned trip to Montreal 30 years ago. This lecture has helped me immensely. Thank you.
Was your mother also suffering from Cptsd?
@@punyashloka4946 Oh yes, I'm certain she was. Nasty childhood back in the old country. Chronically depressed but also a malignant narcissist.
What really helped me was not calling myself names. { when I spilled, dropped, forgot, didn't do, or something...} I realized I'd never speak that way to anyone, let alone those I care about. It was a small step, but it paid its way forward. I hope everyone becomes freed from these chains.❤
Good counsel. 👍🏻
Everyone who takes an SSRI or other anti-anxiety/anti-depressant medication should watch the video. Tim breaks CPTSD and maladaptive behavior patterns into such understandable, logical, and empathetic terms.
This talk really hits me. I have always said I hope for the best, but expect the worst. I really can't imagine not seeing each day without leaning toward thinking of anything but the worst-case scenario. It's also been key to be thankful for all the things that have gone right, I'm very appreciative when things work out. I didn't grow up safe, not even close.
Still do not understand what’s wrong with this approach. 😅 that’s my way of leaving wich became more and more mainline after the war in Ukraine began.
I’m aware that there’s been studies that essentially say: people who expect the worst begin to see even neutral things as bad, essentially meaning in their perception, the world is a much worse place compared to people who expect better things (thus seeing neutral things as good alongside good things)
So expecting the worst isn’t always a good idea if you are not in an actively dangerous situation it seems
Being thankful is a good idea, it might help you better remember too that your instinct isn’t always right, so that there’s hope indeed?
You sound like you’re on a good road, that saying just always stands out to me since learning about this
@serhii-ratz "I still don't understand what's wrong with this approach" is the trap Tim is talking about. This mindset becomes a self fulfilling prophecy of sorts.
@@serhii-ratzThe problem is when the problems are gone and we are still operating in a defensive position. It saps all of our energy from acting out intentions that would bring joy & peace. Self-fulfilling Prophesy. Energy goes where the mind flows…
Tim Fletcher, the golden nuggets for me in this one were:
• Develop a hierarchy of feared situations (this is genius, prevents flooding)
• Build tolerance to these fears - I call this look for simple/doable bite size chunks that make you feel productive or proactive toward the scenario you imagine ahead.
I’m so grateful for your video coaching. ❤
Horrible approach that leads to more anxiety:
1) when we list our fears - we will now become aware of anything and everything scary
2) idea that we do not have tolerance will lead to building victim mentality where we will now start to believe that any kind of emotion is abnormality and sickness that we must stop doing anything we were doing and spend all our focus and money and time into Crusades against our emotions. Also - idea that we do not have tolerance will be seed for toxic shame, self rejection, self hatred and perfectionism - where we will become intolerant to intolerance.
Anxiety of having anxiety. Real life is filled with anxiety and injustice. We are not the problem to fix.
We can either do something constructive about the problem which causes our distress OR we can learn how to reject negative self talk - and perfectionism is negative self talk - and reject it.
I am 66,never heard anyone explaining it better....this, I have to listen every day
1. Well going dry. No $$ for rainwater collection system.
2. Getting a big bill I can’t pay.
3. Having a problem to solve that I cannot find the answer to.
4. Getting hurt at home without anyone around to help me.
5. Realizing too late that there’s something I should have done or known but I didn’t know or do to avoid a current predicament.
6. Facing predicaments alone.
7. Not being able to stop the anxiety spiral when it starts. Not being able to remove that anxiety pathway in my brain.
This as I have been told is not trusting in life itself. Life is here to support us. Not necessarily people. But life. Just know that you are supported and you will be supported in ways you could not imagine. Because you can only replay in your mind by what you have experienced. If you put your trust in the essence of life, you will experience that which you haven't experienced before.
It's a subconscious way of trying to protect oneself. It's not irrational. Especially when circumstances are real.
I agree especially when you are raised with constant threats and the need to survive this is normal.
Exactly. Not everyone lives in a fantasy bubble. Some of us got f’d from the very start… just waiting for it to be over.
@@sarahalderman3126so sorry you feel this way, but part of you doesn’t or you wouldn’t be here. ❤️
Absolutely
@@lisalambert81865 true enough, guess we just a bit more hope to squash yet.
Oh wow! This is the first time I am having this issue explain to me in such succinct detail, with actual steps to take to work on it. God bless you Tim Fletcher! You sure have a blessed me!
Often folks have someone close who feeds the anxiety. Or even sows it, Being cautious is still important though
🎯
You talk about so many situations and thoughts I have and have gone through in my 63 years of life. I can relate to so many of your videos. THANK YOU… I don’t feel so alone in this world.
This man is a gift. Thank you so much for these videos. This is incredible work.
A while back I got a fortune told that said "Go toward fear, and you will receive EVERYTHING" So even though there is fear, I put on my armor and go do it anyway when I get the chance. Facing and accepting your fear as a real possibility allows you to stop putting so much power into it. Then you need to work on how to help yourself avoid or recover from it.
When I questioned someone about this mindset, I was told to use this way of thinking so that you don't get disappointed ... but it's such a negative way of thinking and living.
a huge problem with this maladaptation later in life, is it becomes very hard to make good decisions, because there seems to be negative consequences to everything, this leads to a sort of paralysis, that is even worse if the person is also suffering with depression and anxiety. its a negative feedback loop that spirals into despair
this was me for a longer time but thankfully I healed from it largely. Still when I was put in a very stressful situation last year, all of the old feelings came back temporarily. But I now know how to deal with it and I know it's just thoughts that may be necessary in real danger but not always.
Congrats on your recovery. Any words of wisdom from your journey
I am watching your videos going back several years. They are extremely helpful and comforting as I thought I was alone in the feelings I felt. I know that I have complex trauma which as you state, a number of traumatic things happening over a period of time. Probably for me though, there is a difference in expecting the worse to happen, which is In itself an irrational thought pattern, than actually experiencing the worse case scenario happening multiple times. In my life, I have had some heavy duty stuff happen over and over again. Expecting the worse isn’t something that I dreamed up or imagined. It is something that I have had happen to me in what I see is a pattern. It has been able to manifest itself several times in my life. So, I know the worse thing can happen and indeed it does. My battle is trying to start fresh again, yet knowing that pattern probably will repeat itself. I can’t stop it, only try to survive it. It is always there though and I am powerless to stop it, only endure it and keep going on. I am a 67 year old man and what I tell you has been my consistent experience in life. It is reality. I try to enjoy each day and understand when it happens again, I will deal with it. I look forward to meeting new people, helping others and I realize that one day I will be at peace.
I am 45 now and my mind is still a battlefield. So tired of it😢 Thank you Mr. Fletcher❤
I have many "what if" fears, but I have been able to channel most of them into something useful. I'm the person at home and at work who makes sure we have working fire extinguishers and alarms, fills up the first aid kits, has an emergency plan, has extra chargers, etc. I sometimes think of things people haven't thought about. I try to be situationally aware and step in or step out of a situation if I feel I have to protect myself or others. Being prepared is my way of dealing with the anxiety I grew up with. I have helped others this way. The anxiety can be used for good. I have gained positive self worth for this reason.
This was an amazing presentation, I've already shared it with a friend and with my brother. I'd love to see Spanish subtitles so I can share it with my mom and my grandma as well. It explains so so much for me, thank you!
Mine is from having a grandmother that I had to constantly walk on eggshells in fear of being yelled at or beaten. I have worked on this a lot but I need to start the work again. Meditation has saved my life. And affirmations: I am safe.
Since I was a teenager I joked about my brain always going to the worst possible scenario. It hobbled me. I am mostly free of it now, but I still do not know how to handle the freedom! It is kind of humorous in a way, but also kind of sad.
How did you change your mind?
@@Aetherfield How much time do you have?
Very alert in social situations. Drains the energy. I used to think it is my autism, but that too.
I really needed this.
Best Friday Night I've had in awhile!
Divine timing. Thank you for this.
I used to and still do this. When I imagine something bad happening. I ask myself can I cope with it? I usually can, although I realise this thinking attracts more bad things.
I think you remain stuck because you think you have to or can control it. It being bad. The other thing is victimhood. The opposite to victimhood is creator. Focussing on the creation of something better eg outcomes, reality or thinking...is the way out of this prison. At least for me!
Yet again Tim ...so on point in your descriptions. Thank you 🙏
Thanks!
Thank you so much - very helpful 🌷
I live with worst case scenarios mind set, but a lot of times it comes true. Not always though
What do you do if your fears actually have come to past? It’s not a “what if” it’s more like “when will happen again”?
Fr. Most of the time, except in danger from strangers. Most vagrants and wild animals leave us alone. It's the ones we let into our lives that are the worst case scenarios
❤❤❤
@@1HorseOpenSlayexactly. I don't think everyone is ready to hear you but I do. I had to make major changes to get out of that.
You need to make difficult changes.
Edit: add "my friend" to that. It was meant with care.
This was very insightful. So many things to unpack and contemplate.
I wonder if dissociation can be considered as one of the ‘symptoms’ when triggered into catastrophic thinking? ..or maybe that’s more of a functional freeze issue ..
This is my life story 🤦♀️
So far, but if we start trusting ourselves and strengthening ourselves, this will not be a life story
It's only been your life story so far, I believe we can all break free of this prison.
Thank you for helping me Tim.
I'm loving this playlist and the break downs with concrete details as well as solutions! I'm so glad a friend introduced me to it!
(it looks like this video is a duplicate of the 3rd video btw)
I'm so glad to hear that this series is resonating with you, and thank you for letting us know about the duplicates in the playlist!
Thank you for all you have done all this years! You have helped me so much.
These videos are so helpful for me, thank you. This video resonates with me a lot in particular. I've been scared of so many things for years and have often hidden away from life as a result. I'm trying not to anymore but its definitely uncomfortable facing triggers. I'm glad to have found your channel.
I’m going to quote one of my favorite singers, Rick Springfield. He’s been depressed for a long time and has talked about it a lot, which I’m grateful.
In one of his songs he talks about being in a Prison without any walls!
I’m so there in that space now.
Thanks Tim. You’re a blessing!
My childhood was safe. My adulthood has been full of pain & tragedy. I don't think "what if..." but expect death, betrayal, sickness, etc...to rear it head every couple of years.
This is so important for me to hear about. Thank you for this.
describing my life perfectly....but what s the solution when you re already old?
Going on 50 soon and still very much battling these issues. I'm just trying to remind myself to be present in my life and stop worrying about the imaginary catastrophes that casually stroll through my mind every minute of the day. I just gotta stay out of my own head. Good luck with this!
Wow! Precisely the theme I'm struggling with right now. Thank you again Tim ❤
I catch myself doing this and I labeled it “awful-I-zing”.
I dont necessarily think it's a bad thing. It's not necessarily an either or situation. Expand your brain to the point that you can entertain best case scenario and worst case scenario at the same time.
This was very ver< helpful. Thank you very much.
both the explanations of the mechanisms as well as the ´how to heals`thank you so much
for putting in your time and effort. This can help so many poeple.
Wow I wish I listened to this years ago! I finally understood. Thank you
Oh geez how this resonates; thank you! 🙏💜💜💜
I’ve experienced this problem for a long time and have largely conquered it by therapy and many of the techniques stated here.
A year ago I got COVID-19 and it turned into Long Covid after three years of doing everything to avoid the disease being the best shape of my life . This completely threw me off and now it says if all the work I had done has been undone.. I’m 71 years old so it’s very hard to start over with all of this.
It hasn’t been undone, pick up where you left off. Literally tell yourself, the work isn’t undone I can just pick up where I left off and begin doing so mentally baby steps , keep affirming ❤
100% me. It’s horrific to live like this. Funnily enough though, I don’t fear being in the wild - it excites me, I love it, I know I can survive the wild, it gives me so much peace - it’s society I can’t deal with.
But its not always your imagination. Not if you still have ongoing bad issues in your life. Like if you only had 2 months to find a new apartment to move to and you already called so many places. When people keep saying no, no, no well that is a big problem when the time is ticking by! Finding a new place these days is very, very difficult. I had to call 74 places before one said yes. But its not a problem out of the imagination. Its a very real problem because the market is very tight.
Another lady I knew had the same problem and she found a place at the very last minute!
The problem is these other people come along and buy the apartment building you lived in for years and they want to rent the apartment for way more $$$$ (the rent jumped up $400 plus the before free parking is now $100 a month) and then you have to move.
I don't think such a worry about finding a place is unreasonable with what is in the news these days.
Exactly!!!!
That sounds really hard, I empathise! I don't think this kind of situation is what Tim meant. This sounds like an actual situation that's happening, not a largely imagined scenario. Being anxious about getting a place seems rational and isn't the same as catastrophising that you're going to be homeless, like it's a foregone conclusion. People that tend to catastrophise do it at the drop of a hat. I hope you find somewhere very soon!
Then buy an appartment instead of renting. 🤨
Or a house even better. 😁
@@Ganeden_YNot everyone can buy
It’s my reality because it’s been true, bad things keep coming. On & on.
I recognise all of those scenarios from my home. How do I heal this mess?
My mom when making plans " we'll see." " something might happen." " if nothing happens"
Oh, l say things like that to my kids because I don't want to lie to them by acting as if there were no real potential obstacles. I know that we are facing some very chaotic situations and have for years... Chronic mystery illness of the oldest child, unreliable transportation, unreliable support system, etc.
Your voice makes me feel hopeless. Completely free of love ❤.
Holy cow the pots and pans topic is so damn spot on.
Thank you.
I have Crohn's Disease, diagnosed when I was 21 (I'm now 51) when it nearly killed me. When I was 46 (in 2019) I ended up in a psychiatric unit through severe depression, and was subsequently diagnosed with Mixed Anxiety-Depressive Disorder F41.2 (ICD- I'm in England- I think you use a separate group for psychiatric disorders over there). The depression now scares me far more than the Crohn's Disease: the only other occurence of being admitted to a gastric ward was 9 years ago when norovirus made me extremely ill. I have a general feeling of unsafety because of what I did in 2019 that put me in a psych ward; it's probably exaggerated but I think that now, being female in my early 50's is causing some problems with my moods
I definitely have this issue. I don’t remember danger per se, but I know my mother was not too engaged and I became exceptionally independent at a very young age. Maybe the fear was just always low key in the background?
Yes. It can be like that. In the atmosphere.
I married a person with severe childhood trauma and an extremely disorganized attachment. This was his default. He would get ENRAGED if I even suggested an alternative outcome was possible. He literally was a walking self fulfillment machine. I was so traumatized by living with that for 20 years I had a complete breakdown and finally left. Its a horrific way to live
I'm sorry you went through that and hope you are healing well at this time.
Reminds me...This catastrophizing is what happens on a group level for Evangelicals who believe in Armageddon and the Rapture.
I do this because 11 times in my adult life I’ve had a very large trauma and catastrophe happen I absolutely didn’t see coming! That’s way too many times. I’m talking life or death.
Glad you’re still with us 😨
Perhaps the best advice is: try not to pendulum swing too far the other way, but aim to develop wisdom and discernment, not just reflexively assuming the worst at all times? After eleven times, you must have a lot of data to work with to get an idea for what to look out for. As long as you don’t develop reflexive fear to Everything and daily existence, there’s nothing wrong with healthy fear
Hope things ease up on you going forward
❤ your comment!@@ObsessedwithZelda2
Yup. Although not just my adult life, this has been my reality all along. The times I allowed myself to feel happy or hopeful were all just delusion. Raped, molested, beat, groomed, sick and dying. My entire life has been nothing but one tragedy after another. I’m done working at it. Just going to find whatever relief I can in this. There is no benefit in working towards a future that isn’t even possible.
Same. It's not that I'm always afraid, it's that I need to be prepared. Being situationally aware, knowing the exits, having a strategy, having tools like a fully charged phone, a first aid kit, fire extinguisher, etc. I need to be prepared as reasonably as I can be. It's a privilege to be someone who doesn't think of those things - because someone else is thinking about it and planning for it.
Stay here, don’t go!! We need you here
But for some of us, the worst case scenario, pretty much always comes to pass, so these messages that it's not realistic, just don't make sense to us.
This is me i am in this prison, thankyou sir!
18:40 pegged it for me thank you tim
A dozen years of therapy here, and I still have a S-Load of, "Life-Trap Issues". Makes me very sad, but thankfully, there is usually still a little voice within me that tells me that things might get better and that, "we" need to keep pressing-on. And my dog is a big reason to stay in this world...he makes me laugh and gives me something to take care of and fight for.
I’m actually not working and only have enough to keep me going for another 6 months tops, and yeah I have anxiety 24/7. I’m hoping to find work but have panic attacks when I look for work from trauma. It sucks.
Maybe it would be good to communicate this in the interview. If they react strangly, you know to not work there. You need compassionate and understanding people around
Pray 🙏🏽
I kid you not. I was in a near similar boat in mid to late 2022 and just kept moving forward with doing what I needed to. Applying and applying, even when every fiber of my being didn't want to. And I ended up finding a decent job. I'm not necessarily out of the woods mentally, but at least the job worrying calmed down.
My friend watches these with me because he suffers this with me. He never “likes” “subscribes” or “comments” yet he gets links from Fletcher and I do not. I comment , like and subscribe all the time. This is what life is like for the shaken battered child… constantly kicked out of life even by practitioners who address these heinously painful conditions. Thanks “Rev”.
Even the title rocked me 😢
And me 😂😂😂😮😮😮
I'm one of them who hoped someone would intervene and give some justice, balance things out.
Yep. Been there, done that.
When something horrible happens that you never saw coming-in our family it was suicide; two of them, and many other things-I don’t think you ever really relax again. Every time the phone rings…. there’s that reflexive ping that it’s terrible news. This was hard on my kids; I worried too much, but had good reason to. People would roll their eyes and say the things I worried about never happen. In my world, they happened all the time.
Ty kindly 😊
I do this all the time, preparing myself for the most ridiculous scenarios.
Premeditatio malorum.
Blessings from Sweden 🇸🇪
Man!!! That encapsulates my wife too a T
She contacted polio as a child- plus other health issues including being diagnosed with blood cancer 2 years ago- together with COVID has sent her into catastrophic thoughts which inevitably affect me and our grown daughters-
She has become defensive and somewhat bitter which has got me in a desperate situation where I would extricate myself but with the cancer diagnosis I can’t walk away
Any advice?
It sounds like you’re saying the way to handle this is through cognitive processes. I’ve had cognitive therapy and it does help but I have tons of fears and evasive behaviors. The amazing book “ when panic attacks” has some very powerful exercises but they take about a half an hour each. When I’m on the road / stuck in traffic it all goes away . I mean the knowledge from the book and exercises. I’m in panic mode trying to survive and nothing helps except trying to escape. I then go home and realize that it’s just me. I’m defective and trying to conquer things ALWAYS proves to be a disaster bc I then beat myself up forever. So there’s no hope then? I need solutions and I’m still left not knowing what to do with my catastrophic thinking lifestyle.
26 years of doom. 27 now. how can i not?
I love this. I work very hard to turn it around. But the things I see ahead often do happen, which then makes me trapped between not wanting to be negative or fearful, and seeing how keen my instincts are and not being able to then dismiss these thoughts as irrational. Another complicated level that imprisons me.
I'm curious what do you do if you have so many triggers you can't fight them all?
The worst case scenario trap is how I make a living. My job is to design safety critical systems, and analyzing not just the worst case scenario, but every not-quite-worst case scenario I can think of. So it is a perfect career for someone with this as a life trap. My job, my entire worth to the world, is to analyze a large system for any potential danger so that any errors do not get out into the public. Because an engineer spends his or her entire career just trying to avoid a mass casualty event.
Basically ALL jobs, any type of work - requires from the employee to worry and to ruminate. Without this ability - work will go wrong and there will be some crash.
When we drive a car - we are focused on not making mistakes.
And when we have babies - we are forced to not make mistake around - or end up in jail for causing death to creature that requires 24/7 monitoring.
And not to mention neurodivergent mind - someone autistic or with ADHD spectrum - will ruminate because brain is constructed this way. When we reject our natural brain - we will develop toxic shame and self hatred.
In all these cases - idea that we chill and rewire our brain - will result in some kind of doom.
Thank you for removing that headphone contraption much better.
I have those problems 😬
suffer from this, especially when it comes to health issues, but my parents were not overly concerned about health issues so I am not sure why I developed this. Looking at evidence has never helped me. Did inner child work as well with limited success.
It's a mental picture, but when I feel one of those moments from my childhood, I try interrupting that old scenario by inserting my present self into the picture and removing that child from the situation.
Thank u
Picturing Tim giving this talk while floating past on a piece of wood towards a giant whirlpool in a tsunami. Seriously 😶🌫️ ,hate it when that happens 😭
Tim, what if it’s not just anxiety but Spiritual warfare? How do I discern the difference? I can’t sleep bc I wake up worrying. And I pray to Jesus. I wonder if I’m doing something wrong. Am I doing enough. I feel responsible for so much. No family help, no support.
The fact that I get anxious because of the uncertainty instead of the outcome. I am prolly okay whenever something bad happens because my mind is like okay finally it happened, now we can move on.
This absolutely plagues me
@TimFletcher @Timfletcher… my
man who i love and respect. you make these phenomenal birdies about all the problems i have….. have you ever noticed how creating this idea of the “healthy person” CAN seem like an unattainable idea? just asking for a friend and shit hahahahha
So you define the problem at length. How about helping us retrain our mind?
How could i think different if noone was ever there for me??
3 seconds of healing at the end…ahhhhhhh. Lard!!!
Man this hurts .
Wow. I have lived with this my entire life resulting in homelessness @ 61 being unable despite holding a college degree and professional experience- born to a woman who never should have been a parent- she had severe postpartum only had me seven years after my extremely abusive evil, older sister and attempt to save a marriage with my father, which was a total farce. I grew up and nothing but chaos and dysfunction from the time I can remember left on my own to figure things out and defend myself against the monster. That was my older sister, because my family had money there was this ridiculous façade that we could not have a problem in the world because we had things it has destroyed my life and beyond that of being able to thrive but not sustainable. It’s probably going to take my life because I have borderline personality disorder and suicidal ideation on a daily basis, it’s a very real life prison waiting on the other shoe to drop life and often becomes a self fulfilling prophecy
Same rich family etc but I got to 12 step meetings
❤
50 years in recovery
5s or 6s, no apostrophe. It's plural not possessive. In any case, the Likert 5 point scale is the standard format.
I really wish this was helping but all I hear is 'you are useless and broken and let me tell you why', backed up with a side of 'you are an emotional danger to everyone around you'. Worst is the supposed fix would only work if you have specific fears and a large integral support network you haven't already worn down. This doesn't feel helpful or hopeful at all.