As a person on the autism spectrum and also having a teen on the spectrum, this is really one of our worst nightmares. Knowing we have to provide a 'fake' persona for the world to acknowledge us positively, accept us and also feeling the world applauds mimicking, phony and falcified versions of people. They do not value sincerity, honest reactions or transparency and the truest versions of being human. I might not win friends or lovers, but you'll not get screwed over by an autistic person. It's probably why I make a fantastic nurse. Just when your life depends on it, you'll see the reality of someone there to save your skin when you need it the most.
Also autistic and this sent me into spirals. I'm high masking and working on being more authentic. Her advice is for the corporate world where no one is genuine and it seems manipulative. If I fake myself into a job, then I have to keep it up to continue to advance and then I end up in the ER when my guts explode. I know because I've had 2 emergency gut surgeries. Instead, why not train managers to embrace diversity and stop judging books by their covers?
At least they are admitting the quiet part out loud. Good to know why I have no friends has nothing to do with who I actually am as a person under the surface
I would never underestimate that lady’s achievements and expertise, but I can’t imagine myself constantly thinking about my facial expressions and face muscles activation in every social or professional situation. Surely being authentic, compassionate, confident and generally treat people the way you want to be treated is a good recipe for success in professional and personal life. I also think context matters as well. Just keep it real and it will be all fine.
I think you've missed the point. Personally I find my outside doesn't match my inside, people often think I'm miserable, disinterested or uncaring, and it's exhausting being misunderstood and I've paid a high price. It affects my work and my love life. I know I'm not alone on this, so learning to understand this better and leverage the skills she's talking about only makes me more authentic, not less.
I have a resting sad face as well, and honestly over time you don't have to consciously tell yourself to smile slightly. It's still slightly taxing and can become burdensome if you don't get time to decompress, but it becomes almost completely subconscious if it can be. I think if there are techniques that you need to steal consciously tell yourself to do after 17 times, they probably aren't authentically integrating and you should stop. But you'd honestly be surprised by how much people appreciate it. Like I started to develop soft smile face in class because I was empathizing too much arguably with the teachers presenting to us, and I think it's a major reason why I was such a teacher's pet for most of schooling. As someone who eventually became a teacher, I realized how the vast majority of people don't look engaged when listening at all. (And it's not necessarily because people aren't listening. It's just because they have resting b face). I found it so encouraging and motivating to see one of two people actually showing interest when I taught that I almost perpetuated the same behavior -making those kids teacher pets just because they look nice lol. It comes up a lot in church too. The praise choir loves looking at me when they sing because I'm one of the only people in the congregation who sways and smiles during worship, and I'm not doing that for anyone in the choir. I'm just doing it because I generally love getting to worship, but I learned how to express it in a way most people in the congregation haven't. The downside is that, yes, on days where I am genuinely sad, it is harder to be around people because they really really notice I don't have the energy to change my resting face, and I often withdraw more out of not wanting to be perceived when I'm going through something hard. But is that so different than the average person?
A lot of criticisms in the comments. Some people want friends and to be successful but fail because they are universally disliked by 99% of the population and they don’t want to be. They can’t keep a job, don’t have friends. It’s not a great life. So I think this woman and what she does is for them. If you think this is a joke you probably have friends and you have a career that doesn’t suffer. So your happy and fit in pretty well in society.
I learned early in life( I’m 60yrs old, but most people have guessed that I’m mid to late forties) that it’s cheaper going through life as unliked. Likable people are always easy targets for mooches and scammers. They are invited out by female and male friends who are less financially stable to have a good time with most of the expense on the likable person or asked to “loan” money that will never be paid back. I’m a Sigma Male, so I’ve always gone through life with my shield up towards others. I’m happily married and have a great lifestyle. No need to distractions, just need for my family. I take care of my wife, she takes care of me and we raised our children. We both look a lot younger than we are, because there was no stress in our relationship. No hidden agenda to undermine the other person. Just care and love for each other without distractions!
When I graduated college, I wanted to learn enough about the engineering industry to start my own businesses to build up and sell. Once I started working and saw CEOs and what they did, I decided I wanted no part of it. I changed my strategy and sat in my cube and did engineering for 30 years. It gave me a great life andI retired at 52. Thirty years of avoiding people because almost everyone is awful and not worth my time was the best thing I ever did.
It seems to me, that the best way to connect with people is to work on our internal emotional state. A peaceful and quiet mind will, without any effort, be reflected in our appearance.
PEOPLE WILL KNOW.. You can fool people around you in a small amount of time but they will see it eventually. My 2 bosses are a good example. One is a very friendly, helpful, motivator etc, turns out that he was a narcissist so no people stays beside him for a long time. My other boss, doesn’t talk much,poker face and a straight forward person but he was like by everyone. It’s the energy and authenticity that you given to them why they are comfortable and stay with you.
I can really relate, for those of us with Autism and mental health issues we can be quite smart but struggle with facial expressions, I think the term is "flat affect". If you've not lived with this you might be thinking she's a crack pot but for some of us this is a real struggle so her tips are very helpfull.
I don't understand the comments that she's focusing too much on facial expressions. The title of the video is an interview with a BODY LANGUAGE EXPERT. So she's going to specifically talk about BODY LANGUAGE....specifically and this includes facial expressions. This is a 10 min clip from a longer interview obviously, this part was about facial expressions. I loved it. I have a worried resting face, so I'm going to give her advice a go.
I my life in Federal Law Enforcement, Private security and Municipal security I found that the bigger the asshole the higher the climb. I have more anecdotal and empirical evidence than I can count. PS micro expressions were pioneered by Darwin and it exploded with Ekman's book "Telling Lies."
Putting yourself out there means being vulnerable. By that means, we build coalition, collaboration, support networks etc. All fine and dandy, unless you can't recognize narcissism or psychopathy when you see it. Be yourself in front of a narcissist and see what happens. People shut down for fear of painful consequences. They're protecting themselves and that's what gets broadcast to the world. If people had adequate understanding of disordered personalities, navigating society and understanding when it's probably okay to share a bit of ourselves becomes a lot less dangerous. Understanding dark triad personality disorders is the difference between navigating a room full of sharp objects in pitch black darkness and navigating the same room with the lights turned on. The pokey bleedy thingies are still there, but now you can see them. Without the fear and defensiveness, we blossom and it shows.
It’s not just disordered personalities, though those are dangerous. A person can just be a jackass. Lots of those out there too, and they’re sub clinical (not technically disordered)
@@d.nakamura9579 Absolutely correct, of course. Since we're talking about spectrum, the lines blur. That said, knowing what to look for can change your life dramatically. Recognizing pathology "when you see it" is exactly like turning the light on in a darkly lit room. Dark Triad personality disorders should be required curriculum from 8th grade to 12th. If everyone knew what to look out for, prior to starting careers, forming relationships and voting, the world would be a massively better place.
This has been very eye-opening. My whole life people have been telling me that they cannot read me for some reason. I didn't think much of it until I got older and it started to get harder to make friends. I definitely need to do a review of my face!
Sometimes I feel like I have the most massive smile on my face and I have tried this in the mirror and I'm barely smiling... I hear you on that. I also have resting b!@#$ face, so that doesn't help.
@@SupraSavoh that happens with me. I thought i was giving my husband a really fierce, dont mess with me, look, and he didnt respond. He was pretty blank, too.. checked myself in the mirror with my look amd... Nothing. Blank. But it felt so i tense, inside my face. Yes. I am autistic adhd.
@@Plethorality I also think that depends on how well the person knows you. My partner is a the nicest, most genuine person I know; when she gives me her 'fierce' look I just burst out laughing. It's like a having kitten hissing at me and expecting me to be afraid 😂😂
To everyone reading this, we may never meet in person, but I sincerely hope that life fills your days with happiness and success. Wherever you are, may you find the strength to overcome challenges and the courage to chase your dreams. Please know that you are loved, and the world is better because you are in it. You are not alone, and I’m wishing you all the joy your heart can hold.
I've had chronic Bell's Palsy on both sides of my face, and have permanent nerve damage as a result. My face is a little lopsided, and for a long time the two halves no longer worked in sync; I had to spend many hours in front of a mirror re-training my face muscles to work properly again. The upshot is that I appear to have a permanent angry/sad expression, which I've been told makes me seem unapproachable, and which I definitely am not. It's very frustrating. To counter it, I have to be more outgoing and gregarious than I actually am, or at social events I end up on my own. Life really can deal out shitty cards sometimes.
I watched most of this interview and I realized what I already knew. I dont want friends, I'm very happy without friends. My husband and kids are my life. I have not much time beyond family to spend with friends, nor do I care if you feel bad for me because of that. I use body language and verbal cues to purposely keep people from knowing too much about me and to keep a distance because that is what I want. Lol
I'd say you first like and enjoy being with yourself before wanting to be liked by others. Somehow we can sense when there's a constant desire to be liked outside. At least for me it isn't appealing to be around. But when someone is confident and at ease with themselves without even trying to be liked, just being authentic is then a sign of being at ease and peace with themselves and then, being approachable becomes an addition, not a need. My two unsolicited cents
Wow, yet another thing I have to worry about. Life should not be this complicated. I mean I don't know anymore. Do work that you love, stay social and move in your retirement, be kind but not a pushover, have gratitude for each day you wake up to because one day you won't wake up, and lastly loyalty goes a long long way. All you need are one or two friends you trust and would go to the ends of the earth for you, you know the saying, a good friend will help you bury a body but a great friend will bring their own shovel.
I've been following her work for several years and I completely buy into the fact that she is an expert. Along with sage and useful suggestions, just scrolling through my LinkedIn feed showing videos with no sound, she jumps off the screen. She's obviously very pretty but it's more about her smile, her eyes, her hand gestures that are extremely engaging. I always stop, unmute, and start her video from the beginning. It's easy to take advice from a body language expert who has incredible body language and her content is always so authentic.
Since I started using antipsychotics my face is a static mask and nobody likes me. Before I used to be a likeable people magnet. It friggin sucks massive. My life feels like its over.
It’s interesting that she says she reads more ‘warm’ than ‘competent’ but I find Steven way warmer, even though she says he leans more ‘competent’ than ‘warm’.
Sigh. I have no friends. People do not like me. I graduated on a Friday, and I went to work on Monday. I was not unemployed for a single day until I was begged not to retire. I literally made millions of dollars. So while needing people skills makes sense, it doesn't seem necessary for traditional life success.
Your skills made them like you. That is true. But that is temporary. Be genuinely kind and good. Eventually true friends will come to you even if you are not trying.
5:48 surprise, shock, or similar emotions are also possible. 6:34 the loop thing is based on debunked research "Multi-lab experiment fails to validate decades-old report that facial expressions can affect emotional state."
My personal theory is that faces form with use. With wrinkles that's obvious. But even the rest... laughing and talking are muscle exercises, after all.
Biggest problem with this advise on first impression is we teach leaders not to be bias. So don’t be bias but other leaders are bias on your first impression.
Yeah sorry but If you don’t do the inner work no amount of forced generic copy and paste advice is going to work. This came across as cringey late night motivational infomercial.
I find this to be true. I was never a big smiler. After regularly watching motivational vids about finding the little things in life that make you happy and smile, I must admit the humor in catching myself smile. It was quite pleasant and genuine. It didn't even take a long time for it to become part of my authentic self. Inner work, y'all. Unless your work involves you being an undercover operative. 😊
I agree with you ultimately but there's definitely people that need help to be reconnected with their facial expressions and these kinds of specific explanations or topics can help them. They are disconnected from their facial expressions and body language cues due to past trauma or even autism. But even in these extreme cases, what you're saying is still true ultimately. Do the inner work. Part of that inner work might be learning to become aware of your body and face. Also I know people that have excellent social skills and engaging warm facial expression but whom are not the same person underneath.
I was about to say the same thing. Your inner world is reflected on how you look, behave. You can fake it, but it'll be exhausting since you're just wearing masks n manipulating others n yourself. If you're genuinely happy, it's on your face. I use to listen to these sorts of advice for decades n now I just know it's a waste of time. Do the inner work, find out who you are, where your starting point is, then start from there. There's no shortcut to it. Your face looking may stem from some hidden trauma that you failed to deal with
The point of this is you can attain some skills and add them to your repertoire- body language can be learned just like any other skill - some people who feel this is innate miss out on how much of our behavior is learned and with effort you can be retrained. There is nothing wrong with improvement if you place the emphasis and effort - the key is why and what for, if you have a specific goal and desire to grow and develop then this information will be useful.
I’m the same Steve, my smile is very low key and relaxed too, no teeth. if I try to smile bigger it looks worse. People think I’m less happy but that is not true😅
We have an opposite meaning to communication. People overseas think that what they know there is standard for everywhere when it is not. You have a look at the behavioural panel of "experts" and they get our nation wrong all majority of the time. You see things one way, we see things another. I can also connect to people that are mute or go out of their way to mute others and the truth is, communication communicates all the time. Would rather people be themselves, genuine not trying to be something they are not, or trying to do things and tell themselves to do things in order to get something socially. Would rather people be natural, not putting on something they are not, because its false.
Body language can often be a pseudoscience. Why does she come across as untrustworthy if she’s practicing what she preaches? Based on the comments here I’m not alone in my thinking.
None of this is useful for the majority of Americans since most are low-skilled. This type of stuff is necessary for leadership roles in big industries like tech, finance, law, etc. Sorry .. it’s not,fun but it’s real.
Interesting but only a small piece. Sometimes people can love you but will still backstab you just because of politics or fear. I persay have a niche of person I am comfortable with. Ithers you do the best to work effectively together. Drift outside that zone and you will become uncomfortable, and others will as well. Sometimes it just others perception of your role at work or a bad first impression. People are hard especially when we are all so time poor, to really get to know each other.
Steven constantly asking her again and again her 'Credentials' is quite concerning... I've never heard him do this with his male guests... Very interesting. Anyway Great Job Vanessa ❤
“You can not succeed”. I bet according to this women “success” is all that matters. Bet she helps build the new Brian Thompsons of the world. Bet that’s what this podcast is all about. It’s about making money at any/all costs.
It’s interesting how repulsive a person is when they are desperate to seek the approval of others because they want to get ahead vs being their true authentic selves. I think most people have experienced that person who comes off too strong or is just trying too hard. For me, it instantly repels me from the person. On the flip side we’ve also experienced that person who is unapologetically themselves and has more of a free spirited personality which makes them magnetic. We’re all drawn to different traits, and different traits serve different purposes! Which is why it takes all types of personalities for a successful team to work. I don’t buy this carbon copy bullshit. It’s fun to contemplate these concepts, but as social beings we’re hardwired for nonverbal communication. It’s not as easy as this lady thinks it is to control.
Lol… Yeah, in business (or costumer service) “people skills” might come in handy (the art of bullshitting;-). Plenty of good careers out there where you don’t need them though…
Does she realise he's on Dragon's Den? She asks if he's ever watched Shark Tank as though he might not know what she's talking about but that show is based on the one he's in (which in turn is based on a Japanese show).
So what she’s saying is, most people are generally very paranoid and insecure and unless you pander to them and wear a reassuring mask for them to look at they won’t want to be around you? Sound like a personal problem.
This is quite good. I just don't agree with broad generalization of the idea that she's talking about. But I agree that having good soft skills is very important in life, especially in your professional life. You are basically the class clown. Everyone loves you, knows your name but don't really know you, they want you on their team but deep inside you are miserable and tired. Because I am the clown lol. But yeah, nobody really cares at the end of the day. You can sum it all up to "Just be kind".
This was a very interesting interview. I always say fix your face to my internal self. I will be in a great mood and someone will say are you ok? You look mad. I say no I’m fine, then they say are you sure? I say I’m sure, I’m happy. Keep asking me and you’ll see mad. Lol
Because ALL people of influence on your black mirror serve the same entity. Us " slave race" are simply exploited and deceived by them. They re a RACE. Its not a minority " elite"
Bro this is basic . It's basic knowledge. But you do need ppl skills and once you gain em you can be stoic and control your own expressions But being stoic and quiet doesn't necessarily mean your being unapproachable.
So, in other words we have to be fake to get people to like us! Sorry, but that doesnt sit well with me. If your face is a certain way, thats just it! Who cares what people think!
I like being unreadable, and don't care if you don't like me. I'm reading other people if I like that person then I'll allow them in. I can't stand smily people, it's just weird.
So she is telling everyone to manufacture an artificial look with intentional effort. Some folks would call that deceitful. Worse, it is tiring and almost impossible to maintain.
If you don't have people skills, you cannot succeed in life??? Let's see here, I have no people skills and I'm doing better than I've ever done in my whole entire life. Talk about being cringy 😂
Too much emphasis on facial expressions. But I think you have to be able to relate to people and be passionate about what you do. You do not have to be a genius like Elon Musk to be successful, just be honest and treat people courteously.
Who cares, I really don’t give a shit if people like me. I’ve shown my true self all my life that’s why people don’t like me. No one gave a shit about any of this stuff years ago. Just get on with life.
As a person on the autism spectrum and also having a teen on the spectrum, this is really one of our worst nightmares. Knowing we have to provide a 'fake' persona for the world to acknowledge us positively, accept us and also feeling the world applauds mimicking, phony and falcified versions of people. They do not value sincerity, honest reactions or transparency and the truest versions of being human. I might not win friends or lovers, but you'll not get screwed over by an autistic person. It's probably why I make a fantastic nurse. Just when your life depends on it, you'll see the reality of someone there to save your skin when you need it the most.
Also autistic and this sent me into spirals. I'm high masking and working on being more authentic. Her advice is for the corporate world where no one is genuine and it seems manipulative. If I fake myself into a job, then I have to keep it up to continue to advance and then I end up in the ER when my guts explode. I know because I've had 2 emergency gut surgeries. Instead, why not train managers to embrace diversity and stop judging books by their covers?
At least they are admitting the quiet part out loud. Good to know why I have no friends has nothing to do with who I actually am as a person under the surface
I feel this on a molecular level >
I would never underestimate that lady’s achievements and expertise, but I can’t imagine myself constantly thinking about my facial expressions and face muscles activation in every social or professional situation. Surely being authentic, compassionate, confident and generally treat people the way you want to be treated is a good recipe for success in professional and personal life. I also think context matters as well. Just keep it real and it will be all fine.
You'd think, but...
She mentioned it was when making a first impression or in certain situations, not to do it all of the time.
I think your last sentence is her point.
I think you've missed the point. Personally I find my outside doesn't match my inside, people often think I'm miserable, disinterested or uncaring, and it's exhausting being misunderstood and I've paid a high price. It affects my work and my love life. I know I'm not alone on this, so learning to understand this better and leverage the skills she's talking about only makes me more authentic, not less.
I have a resting sad face as well, and honestly over time you don't have to consciously tell yourself to smile slightly. It's still slightly taxing and can become burdensome if you don't get time to decompress, but it becomes almost completely subconscious if it can be. I think if there are techniques that you need to steal consciously tell yourself to do after 17 times, they probably aren't authentically integrating and you should stop. But you'd honestly be surprised by how much people appreciate it. Like I started to develop soft smile face in class because I was empathizing too much arguably with the teachers presenting to us, and I think it's a major reason why I was such a teacher's pet for most of schooling. As someone who eventually became a teacher, I realized how the vast majority of people don't look engaged when listening at all. (And it's not necessarily because people aren't listening. It's just because they have resting b face). I found it so encouraging and motivating to see one of two people actually showing interest when I taught that I almost perpetuated the same behavior -making those kids teacher pets just because they look nice lol. It comes up a lot in church too. The praise choir loves looking at me when they sing because I'm one of the only people in the congregation who sways and smiles during worship, and I'm not doing that for anyone in the choir. I'm just doing it because I generally love getting to worship, but I learned how to express it in a way most people in the congregation haven't. The downside is that, yes, on days where I am genuinely sad, it is harder to be around people because they really really notice I don't have the energy to change my resting face, and I often withdraw more out of not wanting to be perceived when I'm going through something hard. But is that so different than the average person?
People aren’t muting. They are just tired of being fake.
It is not an excuse to not try to be happy no matter what. Life is too short....
Being genuine is the thing. And the key to that is curiosity.
@ most women arent attracted to sensitive men. Right? It’s literally a proven fact. This is why we are masculine in nature 😬🤣
Bingo.
@@mindhunter8772 Trying to pretend to be happy when you're not is the Highway to a depression
Be the person people need, not the person people want.
A lot of criticisms in the comments. Some people want friends and to be successful but fail because they are universally disliked by 99% of the population and they don’t want to be. They can’t keep a job, don’t have friends. It’s not a great life. So I think this woman and what she does is for them. If you think this is a joke you probably have friends and you have a career that doesn’t suffer. So your happy and fit in pretty well in society.
I learned early in life( I’m 60yrs old, but most people have guessed that I’m mid to late forties) that it’s cheaper going through life as unliked. Likable people are always easy targets for mooches and scammers. They are invited out by female and male friends who are less financially stable to have a good time with most of the expense on the likable person or asked to “loan” money that will never be paid back.
I’m a Sigma Male, so I’ve always gone through life with my shield up towards others. I’m happily married and have a great lifestyle. No need to distractions, just need for my family. I take care of my wife, she takes care of me and we raised our children. We both look a lot younger than we are, because there was no stress in our relationship. No hidden agenda to undermine the other person. Just care and love for each other without distractions!
When I graduated college, I wanted to learn enough about the engineering industry to start my own businesses to build up and sell. Once I started working and saw CEOs and what they did, I decided I wanted no part of it. I changed my strategy and sat in my cube and did engineering for 30 years. It gave me a great life andI retired at 52. Thirty years of avoiding people because almost everyone is awful and not worth my time was the best thing I ever did.
It seems to me, that the best way to connect with people is to work on our internal emotional state. A peaceful and quiet mind will, without any effort, be reflected in our appearance.
Be your genuine self people
Unless you’re Ted Bundy or something
Sometimes it's just that you grow beyond your original crowd!! Find new interests, or maybe move and meet new friends!
Sometime you don't care if they like you because you care nothing for this "current" crowd you are temporarily stuck with.
I find this interesting and informative. The many negative comments are, I think, unwarranted.
Thank you!
Agreed, people don't want to put in the work.
PEOPLE WILL KNOW.. You can fool people around you in a small amount of time but they will see it eventually. My 2 bosses are a good example. One is a very friendly, helpful, motivator etc, turns out that he was a narcissist so no people stays beside him for a long time. My other boss, doesn’t talk much,poker face and a straight forward person but he was like by everyone.
It’s the energy and authenticity that you given to them why they are comfortable and stay with you.
I can really relate, for those of us with Autism and mental health issues we can be quite smart but struggle with facial expressions, I think the term is "flat affect". If you've not lived with this you might be thinking she's a crack pot but for some of us this is a real struggle so her tips are very helpfull.
How can you give facial cues when your face is half numb because of Botox? 🙄
like a forehead?
I don't understand the comments that she's focusing too much on facial expressions. The title of the video is an interview with a BODY LANGUAGE EXPERT. So she's going to specifically talk about BODY LANGUAGE....specifically and this includes facial expressions. This is a 10 min clip from a longer interview obviously, this part was about facial expressions.
I loved it. I have a worried resting face, so I'm going to give her advice a go.
‘If you dont have people skills you can’t succeed’
And yet at the same time highly successful people often share all the same traits as psychopaths…
Yes but they also have some incredible social skills which they've used to come to this position, even if they (have to) fake the emotions.
I my life in Federal Law Enforcement, Private security and Municipal security I found that the bigger the asshole the higher the climb. I have more anecdotal and empirical evidence than I can count. PS micro expressions were pioneered by Darwin and it exploded with Ekman's book "Telling Lies."
Psychopathy is 100 % people skills. These people are incapable of reflexive mirroring, they have to develop their skills actively.
Hmm Interesting Observation
This is secretly a comedy show. I was laughing this whole clip.
🤔
Is it April 1st?🤣🥳
She can't be serious 😂
The funniest thing is people pay to listen to her
Me too especially when he said ‘one of my team laughed in the back 😂
I'm scared I will look like Mr Bean now trying to improve my resting face-state
😂
@@spiralphysiotherapy4196 so funny!
Putting yourself out there means being vulnerable. By that means, we build coalition, collaboration, support networks etc. All fine and dandy, unless you can't recognize narcissism or psychopathy when you see it.
Be yourself in front of a narcissist and see what happens.
People shut down for fear of painful consequences. They're protecting themselves and that's what gets broadcast to the world.
If people had adequate understanding of disordered personalities, navigating society and understanding when it's probably okay to share a bit of ourselves becomes a lot less dangerous.
Understanding dark triad personality disorders is the difference between navigating a room full of sharp objects in pitch black darkness and navigating the same room with the lights turned on. The pokey bleedy thingies are still there, but now you can see them. Without the fear and defensiveness, we blossom and it shows.
It’s not just disordered personalities, though those are dangerous. A person can just be a jackass. Lots of those out there too, and they’re sub clinical (not technically disordered)
@@d.nakamura9579 Absolutely correct, of course.
Since we're talking about spectrum, the lines blur.
That said, knowing what to look for can change your life dramatically. Recognizing pathology "when you see it" is exactly like turning the light on in a darkly lit room.
Dark Triad personality disorders should be required curriculum from 8th grade to 12th.
If everyone knew what to look out for, prior to starting careers, forming relationships and voting, the world would be a massively better place.
This has been very eye-opening. My whole life people have been telling me that they cannot read me for some reason. I didn't think much of it until I got older and it started to get harder to make friends. I definitely need to do a review of my face!
Have you considered that you might be neurodivergent?
Sometimes I feel like I have the most massive smile on my face and I have tried this in the mirror and I'm barely smiling... I hear you on that. I also have resting b!@#$ face, so that doesn't help.
@@SupraSavoh that happens with me. I thought i was giving my husband a really fierce, dont mess with me, look, and he didnt respond. He was pretty blank, too.. checked myself in the mirror with my look amd... Nothing. Blank. But it felt so i tense, inside my face.
Yes. I am autistic adhd.
@@Plethorality I also think that depends on how well the person knows you. My partner is a the nicest, most genuine person I know; when she gives me her 'fierce' look I just burst out laughing. It's like a having kitten hissing at me and expecting me to be afraid 😂😂
To everyone reading this, we may never meet in person, but I sincerely hope that life fills your days with happiness and success. Wherever you are, may you find the strength to overcome challenges and the courage to chase your dreams. Please know that you are loved, and the world is better because you are in it. You are not alone, and I’m wishing you all the joy your heart can hold.
9:45 97 cues to come across as warm and competent.
These clips are appreciated. Don't have time for the entire 2h43m source video today.
We've made it so that making friendships or findingove is like trying to get a field's medal in non linear equations.
💯 - the amt. of mental gymnastics at this pt. is staggering
You're right people don't like me
I know the feeling. Do they give you money anyway?
You can't force people to like you or trick them with fancy fake body language.
Those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter
Be yourself, some people will like you, some people will not.
You are the best. Excellent interviews like always.
I've had chronic Bell's Palsy on both sides of my face, and have permanent nerve damage as a result. My face is a little lopsided, and for a long time the two halves no longer worked in sync; I had to spend many hours in front of a mirror re-training my face muscles to work properly again. The upshot is that I appear to have a permanent angry/sad expression, which I've been told makes me seem unapproachable, and which I definitely am not. It's very frustrating. To counter it, I have to be more outgoing and gregarious than I actually am, or at social events I end up on my own. Life really can deal out shitty cards sometimes.
I watched most of this interview and I realized what I already knew. I dont want friends, I'm very happy without friends. My husband and kids are my life. I have not much time beyond family to spend with friends, nor do I care if you feel bad for me because of that. I use body language and verbal cues to purposely keep people from knowing too much about me and to keep a distance because that is what I want. Lol
Kids grow up, and half of marriages end in divorce. Diversify.
I agree. Happy to avoid as many people as possible 😂
@@GUITARTIME2024 You forgot to mention that for the other half of marriages, in most cases the husband dies first :)
I would like to be liked, I am not an easy person. The more effort I make to be liked, the more I realise, I do not like people!
I'd say you first like and enjoy being with yourself before wanting to be liked by others. Somehow we can sense when there's a constant desire to be liked outside. At least for me it isn't appealing to be around. But when someone is confident and at ease with themselves without even trying to be liked, just being authentic is then a sign of being at ease and peace with themselves and then, being approachable becomes an addition, not a need. My two unsolicited cents
I would be your friend as I realise the same thing
I think that people can sense when you don’t like them, and it makes them dislike you back. Don’t get me wrong - In some cases, that’s just fine.
😂 some of the best comedy I’ve seen in a long time.
Stoicsm doesn't mean not having emotions or expressing them? 🤔
They should teach people skills in all schools. IQ + EQ = success
is it assumed that we all want to be likable? i don’t want any more people approaching me than necessary to get through my day.
Wow, yet another thing I have to worry about. Life should not be this complicated. I mean I don't know anymore. Do work that you love, stay social and move in your retirement, be kind but not a pushover, have gratitude for each day you wake up to because one day you won't wake up, and lastly loyalty goes a long long way. All you need are one or two friends you trust and would go to the ends of the earth for you, you know the saying, a good friend will help you bury a body but a great friend will bring their own shovel.
OK bro, but I don't have friends because I shut out my social circle.
I've been following her work for several years and I completely buy into the fact that she is an expert. Along with sage and useful suggestions, just scrolling through my LinkedIn feed showing videos with no sound, she jumps off the screen. She's obviously very pretty but it's more about her smile, her eyes, her hand gestures that are extremely engaging. I always stop, unmute, and start her video from the beginning. It's easy to take advice from a body language expert who has incredible body language and her content is always so authentic.
Since I started using antipsychotics my face is a static mask and nobody likes me. Before I used to be a likeable people magnet. It friggin sucks massive. My life feels like its over.
It’s interesting that she says she reads more ‘warm’ than ‘competent’ but I find Steven way warmer, even though she says he leans more ‘competent’ than ‘warm’.
Sigh. I have no friends. People do not like me. I graduated on a Friday, and I went to work on Monday. I was not unemployed for a single day until I was begged not to retire. I literally made millions of dollars. So while needing people skills makes sense, it doesn't seem necessary for traditional life success.
Are you a lawyer? Because that’s one profession in which it probably helps to have an adversarial personality type
@@d.nakamura9579 yep
Your skills made them like you. That is true. But that is temporary. Be genuinely kind and good. Eventually true friends will come to you even if you are not trying.
5:48 surprise, shock, or similar emotions are also possible.
6:34 the loop thing is based on debunked research
"Multi-lab experiment fails to validate decades-old report that facial expressions can affect emotional state."
source? quick search shows tons of recent studies that indicate the opposite.
@Kershyll it's literally in the comment 🤣
RAD CONTENT DUDE. hopefully THE CHANNEL KEEPS GETTING BIGGER
This video is a direct personal attack 😆
Don worry. I dont feel comfortable with her body language either. Unnatural. Very contrived. She would not get work as an actor. Too stiff.
There was a book, about 50 years ago called "Im ok, You're Ok" Can't remember the author but it was an early discussion of these kinds of things.
I’m a mango. People love mangoes. People hate mangoes. I still get ate.
Good ass point lol
who hates mango?
😂
I have noticed that nobody likes me because I am speaking the truth all the time 😂
Everyone loves me because I'm Santa.
"You can't see it because I have botox in my face"... so much for authenticity
My personal theory is that faces form with use. With wrinkles that's obvious. But even the rest... laughing and talking are muscle exercises, after all.
0- a wonderful place. Love it all.
Biggest problem with this advise on first impression is we teach leaders not to be bias. So don’t be bias but other leaders are bias on your first impression.
Yeah sorry but If you don’t do the inner work no amount of forced generic copy and paste advice is going to work. This came across as cringey late night motivational infomercial.
I find this to be true. I was never a big smiler. After regularly watching motivational vids about finding the little things in life that make you happy and smile, I must admit the humor in catching myself smile.
It was quite pleasant and genuine. It didn't even take a long time for it to become part of my authentic self. Inner work, y'all. Unless your work involves you being an undercover operative. 😊
I agree with you ultimately but there's definitely people that need help to be reconnected with their facial expressions and these kinds of specific explanations or topics can help them. They are disconnected from their facial expressions and body language cues due to past trauma or even autism. But even in these extreme cases, what you're saying is still true ultimately. Do the inner work. Part of that inner work might be learning to become aware of your body and face. Also I know people that have excellent social skills and engaging warm facial expression but whom are not the same person underneath.
I don't trust her at all.
She's trying to create fake trust by using manipulative "cues" that aren't genuine
I was about to say the same thing. Your inner world is reflected on how you look, behave. You can fake it, but it'll be exhausting since you're just wearing masks n manipulating others n yourself. If you're genuinely happy, it's on your face. I use to listen to these sorts of advice for decades n now I just know it's a waste of time. Do the inner work, find out who you are, where your starting point is, then start from there. There's no shortcut to it. Your face looking may stem from some hidden trauma that you failed to deal with
The point of this is you can attain some skills and add them to your repertoire- body language can be learned just like any other skill - some people who feel this is innate miss out on how much of our behavior is learned and with effort you can be retrained. There is nothing wrong with improvement if you place the emphasis and effort - the key is why and what for, if you have a specific goal and desire to grow and develop then this information will be useful.
Watched around 3:00 minutes-her personality feels a bit over the top and exhausting at times.
So interesting, i have never seen 'Will Smith' so enganged! A really inspiring watch 🙂
I’m the same Steve, my smile is very low key and relaxed too, no teeth. if I try to smile bigger it looks worse. People think I’m less happy but that is not true😅
This actually does make sense to me. Not sure if I can apply it but I get it.
My boss has no people skills and it’s killing me slowly
Damn I want that whole interview
Mmmkay, but I’d rather not be fake. If people don’t like me, I don’t care 😂
Sometimes people don’t like you because you’re doing something very right
Do you think they understand how inauthentic this entire conversation is? Is it just me? Does it mean I’m a sociopath or something?
We have an opposite meaning to communication. People overseas think that what they know there is standard for everywhere when it is not. You have a look at the behavioural panel of "experts" and they get our nation wrong all majority of the time. You see things one way, we see things another. I can also connect to people that are mute or go out of their way to mute others and the truth is, communication communicates all the time. Would rather people be themselves, genuine not trying to be something they are not, or trying to do things and tell themselves to do things in order to get something socially. Would rather people be natural, not putting on something they are not, because its false.
Einstein didn’t have people skills yet he was a success.
Body language can often be a pseudoscience. Why does she come across as untrustworthy if she’s practicing what she preaches? Based on the comments here I’m not alone in my thinking.
What do I do if I have resting serial killer face?
Rejoice that you’re unlikely to get a chatty stranger sitting next to you on the bus?
Just randomly tell people they look medium rare. 😅
She’s right. Knowing your rbf helps.. 😂.
None of this is useful for the majority of Americans since most are low-skilled. This type of stuff is necessary for leadership roles in big industries like tech, finance, law, etc.
Sorry .. it’s not,fun but it’s real.
Interesting but only a small piece.
Sometimes people can love you but will still backstab you just because of politics or fear.
I persay have a niche of person I am comfortable with. Ithers you do the best to work effectively together.
Drift outside that zone and you will become uncomfortable, and others will as well.
Sometimes it just others perception of your role at work or a bad first impression.
People are hard especially when we are all so time poor, to really get to know each other.
Steven constantly asking her again and again her 'Credentials' is quite concerning... I've never heard him do this with his male guests... Very interesting.
Anyway Great Job Vanessa ❤
“You can not succeed”. I bet according to this women “success” is all that matters. Bet she helps build the new Brian Thompsons of the world. Bet that’s what this podcast is all about. It’s about making money at any/all costs.
Show yourself is fantastic advise, and temporary effort to look friendly is empathetic, great!
Pause at 7:46. THAT should be his profile picture
That was a *good* laugh. 🤣
Goofy ass😂
😂
I dont want to be liked by people I don't like.
Im not here to make friends. Im here to do the work god intented me to do.
She doesn’t look, smile or talk authentically…
Pro tip. Put love in you heart. Infinitely quicker.
It’s interesting how repulsive a person is when they are desperate to seek the approval of others because they want to get ahead vs being their true authentic selves. I think most people have experienced that person who comes off too strong or is just trying too hard. For me, it instantly repels me from the person. On the flip side we’ve also experienced that person who is unapologetically themselves and has more of a free spirited personality which makes them magnetic. We’re all drawn to different traits, and different traits serve different purposes! Which is why it takes all types of personalities for a successful team to work. I don’t buy this carbon copy bullshit. It’s fun to contemplate these concepts, but as social beings we’re hardwired for nonverbal communication. It’s not as easy as this lady thinks it is to control.
Your emotional state will reflect on your face. It is impossible to be mindful of “setting” your face all the time.
Lol… Yeah, in business (or costumer service) “people skills” might come in handy (the art of bullshitting;-).
Plenty of good careers out there where you don’t need them though…
I dont think that refering to Stoicism is relevant Facial Expression has nothing to do with this issue
Does she realise he's on Dragon's Den? She asks if he's ever watched Shark Tank as though he might not know what she's talking about but that show is based on the one he's in (which in turn is based on a Japanese show).
So what she’s saying is, most people are generally very paranoid and insecure and unless you pander to them and wear a reassuring mask for them to look at they won’t want to be around you? Sound like a personal problem.
This is quite good. I just don't agree with broad generalization of the idea that she's talking about. But I agree that having good soft skills is very important in life, especially in your professional life.
You are basically the class clown. Everyone loves you, knows your name but don't really know you, they want you on their team but deep inside you are miserable and tired. Because I am the clown lol. But yeah, nobody really cares at the end of the day. You can sum it all up to "Just be kind".
Smile often too. At least project some positivity into the room too.
Vanessa's books are Amazing!!✨️
Sure, everyone here believes you.
@JohnnyGification That's Funny Bro!!!🤣🤣 I like that sarcasm. In all honesty though, her books are good. Have a good one👍
This was a very interesting interview. I always say fix your face to my internal self. I will be in a great mood and someone will say are you ok? You look mad. I say no I’m fine, then they say are you sure? I say I’m sure, I’m happy. Keep asking me and you’ll see mad. Lol
Stoic - This the way ! Don’t care what this lady thinks, don’t share anything I repeat anything with females that you ain’t blood related to !
She's great..love it so funny this is the world we are living in today...fake and sad...
Having a poker face is manly.
Putting your emotions on your face every second is womanly.
Simple as.
George Clooney much? He must have such a bad time with the ladies..
I don't trust her because she's trying to manipulate me through "cues" and body language that I know isn't genuine
I think you could make room for some nuance in your statement. When I'm out with the boys, we like to smile and laugh a lot.
This is a load of BS
her responses feel rehearsed and inauthentic
And very aggressiv...
I think it's because of the body language. She should take a course to improve that!
Because ALL people of influence on your black mirror serve the same entity. Us " slave race" are simply exploited and deceived by them. They re a RACE. Its not a minority " elite"
...she Is just another manipulator building audience on low self-confident weaks....🙄
Most are " a.i"... the beast system...that's why
Bro this is basic .
It's basic knowledge.
But you do need ppl skills and once you gain em you can be stoic and control your own expressions
But being stoic and quiet doesn't necessarily mean your being unapproachable.
Narcissists and psychopaths are notoriously charismatic. Is it really a good look?
Of course its nice to be liked-but you can't be liked by everyone
Nice me tried it 😂
So, in other words we have to be fake to get people to like us! Sorry, but that doesnt sit well with me. If your face is a certain way, thats just it! Who cares what people think!
I'm pretty sure I get lines on my forehead from disbelief too. Which is basically a lot these days because of the exponential growth in morons.
I like being unreadable, and don't care if you don't like me. I'm reading other people if I like that person then I'll allow them in. I can't stand smily people, it's just weird.
It was interesting when we all wore facemasks.
So she is telling everyone to manufacture an artificial look with intentional effort. Some folks would call that deceitful. Worse, it is tiring and almost impossible to maintain.
Ironically found her a bit irritating for the few seconds I watched.
If you don't have people skills, you cannot succeed in life??? Let's see here, I have no people skills and I'm doing better than I've ever done in my whole entire life. Talk about being cringy 😂
Oof she's hard work
Cool. So as a guy with autism I should just go find a cave in the middle of nowhere and resign myself to being alone for the rest of my life 👍
Too much emphasis on facial expressions. But I think you have to be able to relate to people and be passionate about what you do. You do not have to be a genius like Elon Musk to be successful, just be honest and treat people courteously.
Who cares, I really don’t give a shit if people like me. I’ve shown my true self all my life that’s why people don’t like me. No one gave a shit about any of this stuff years ago. Just get on with life.
I wouldnt mind being fake to get liked...fake it till u make it