I don't understand why I am still here. I was once one of these young men who left the Midwest for fame and fortune in LA. I've actually been with some of these men and although I was not in the porn industry I was doing the same thing they were doing. I never tested positive and I think of all the friends and acquaintances I've lost and sometimes I just can't bear it, yet here I am. Thanks for this posting. Never forget.
Hugs from New Zealand. You're here and that's enough of a gift for the world in all the darkness you are hope.... and you bring the truest life to their memories.
Same. I lived in Weho, Hollywood, the valley with these guys. I partied. I even was diagnosed but never got sick. I’m 52. Still here. Talk about survivors guilt, I lost friends. A roommate while we shared a home. It’s heartbreaking.
@WinGate Mose this 35-year old gay thanks you for sharing this. I find many in high school today don’t know how easy they have it, and I had it so much easier than you! Especially in Alabama! I’m in Massachusetts. Happy Pride.
Weird as it is too say, many of us loved them too even as sexual beings they were in a sense a way for us to see our liberated selves so I remember loving some of these men as being people who helped me be a more sexually free person.
@@melbaker9495 Please help me to understand. What about all of the people whom say you are immoral for being sexually free and are the problem? I am not passing that judgement on you or them THOUGH I do find it strange not have used condoms...especially with people who did not have tests and were so active in their lifestyle.
If you survived the 80's in the gay world you were lucky. That's why I never even jokingly complain about getting older. Too many of my friends never got that chance. So sad. But it was the times we were living in.
I agree with you. I was just out of high school (1988), and lost so many friends. The youngest being just 21. We spent every weekend in San Francisco where it was a non stop party. Then I started noticing that some people just disappeared. Walking around the Castro or Powell street became a whole other experience, with so many young people just passing away one right after another. I'm 50 now, and have never complained about aging, because so many never got the chance to really live.
I’ve always wonder how it was like even before aids came around like did people just hook up with no protection at all and that’s why so many gays fell victims during the 80’s? I know this may be an obvious question but it saddens me to think of all those young people who not only caught the illness but also that ended up being rejected even by their families.
I lost over 100 friends in Nashville TN, and Atlanta, GA between 1980 and 1998 . Most died from Aids. The rest died from overdoses. I don't understand why I am still here, either. Watching this memorial made me remember myself in their time of popularity. Thank you for doing this.
it's sad to see so many die from aids, overdose, and suicide. i'm a gay male who's almost 59 years old. i lived through all that. my anti-social ways probably saved my a$$.
It's so beyond awful what happened to my LGBTQ brothers & sisters. The Government released the HIV/AIDS virus and the monsters at the FDA, held back the medication that could have saved millions of people who were suffering, not only with the virus, but the social stigma that comes along with the territory. They sat back and made millions of dollars, while my gay family members were dying and being murdered
Thank you for taking the time to put this together. Too many of our young gay man are unaware of what happened in the 70s 80s and 90s. How we lost an entire generation of gay man and others. Thanks again.
It's not only AIDS but also doing drugs, major depressive disorder, heart failure (and some injuries caused by doing their jobs) too. It's heartbreaking.
I was in college during 1990 - 1995. Part of my internship was working with hospice. I worked with too many AIDS patients. Broke my heart every day, would drive home in tears. I lost 5 good friends during that time to AIDS, one, my dear friend that I grew up with and had my first sexual experience with. He had moved to California and worked for William Higgans films. William actually paid for all his funeral. I have always wanted to thank Mr. Higgans for that. Bless all these men. I miss my friend every day since 1995. RIP
Very moving to watch. I remember visiting the AIDS Memorial Quilt and having a similar feeling. I did 8 porn films in the mid 1990's and knew quiet a few of these guys from my time in Palm Springs, San Diego, and L.A. While the deaths from AIDS was expected, people don't realize how many people in the adult film industry commit suicide (both gay and straight), the pressures of that industry are tremendous and I feel fortunate to have survived. Thank you for assembling and presenting this memorial.
Yep. Agree 100%. Exactly why one of my life’s purposes is to help men and women exiting the porn industry. Help them rebuild a life after the industry uses them and spits them out. 😓
@@DayByDavidO what a fantastic thing to do. It must be so hard going back to a "normal" life when the only validation you've ever received is that you're a good f**k. How lucky we are that there's people like you out there to pick them up and help them get back on track. Thank you!
7:46 Kyle McKenna (1968-2000) Actor Kyle had a terribly sad childhood and had been estranged from his family for many years. When the Salt Lake City coroner's office finally tracked down his mother, she refused to claim his body. Friends took Kyle's remains and had them cremated. His ashes were strewn over some mountains where Kyle enjoyed hiking. (Straube) Before he began his adult-film career as Kyle McKenna, Russ McCoy was a painter and illustrator who pursued a B.A. degree in Art at the Claire Trevor School of the Arts at the University of California-Irvine.
I had fallen badly for an older guy, Terry, 10 years older than me; I met him after his longterm relationship with his former bf Richard had ended and they had separated. Terry shocked me one day when he revealed he had visited Richard's place and had found Richard's body, in bed, looking peaceful; only the rifle Richard had held parallel to his body gave any sign of what had occurred. Five years later, I heard from Terry's new bf that Terry too had been diagnosed with AIDS and that Terry took his own life by just not eating; he wasted away over several weeks. Without euthanasia-enabling laws, people are often forced into making hard cruel & unpalatable choices. This is an incredibly sad video but an important one. Thank you for posting this.
I'm 65, healthy, alive. I wish gay culture celebrated getting older and their seniors ! We need stories, books, magazines, shows celebrating all of life including getting older.
Well said. I'm 66. When we were younger, we never imagined social media, hook up apps, non stop porn on the internet .... and now I feel I'm the "inbetween" .. not too old for fun and adventure, yet to old to fit in anywhere. Those my age are interested in the younger, and I'm not interested in being a Daddy.
Leo Ford, my friend. We were teenagers. That wasn't his real name. He lost in life in Silverlake/Hollywood on his motorcycle. I saw him a few months before. I miss him and took it pretty hard. All these men have a story. I hope someone remembers them and keeps their memory alive.
It's great to meet here someone who knew Leo. I still love him! He was such a stunning man, one of the most gorgeous guys ever walked on Earth! Please, bro, tell us more about him. Was he friendly? :-)
@@stan5249 I knew him when we were both quite young. I was 19 and he was 20. He had a van and loved to meditate and pretty spiritual. He was playful and fun. He was dating my best friend at the time back in 1978.
This really put a lump in my throat. All of those guys. I remember a great many of them. I almost ended up in the porn industry, myself. Ended up HIV+ (AIDS) anyway in 1988. I was only 24y.o., what I consider a kid today. Somehow, I've survived, which will be 33 years, on this December 1st... the day I was diagnosed. The worst day of my life. Witnessing friends die left and right over the years messed my head up for quite a while. It has been traumatic, to say the least. And we 'still don't have a fucking cure' for this, unbelievable. To all these in this memoriam, continue RIP. Your lives weren't in vain.
Please remember the following. Our civilization has managed to cure all the simple diseases and many of the much more difficult viruses such as hepatitis C. HIV is an absolutely horrifically devious virus and there is no cure to date. Remember that there is no cure for malaria. We have drugs that will keep a person from getting infected even if you are bitten by hundreds of infected mosquitoes. Once a person is infected we cannot eradicate the infection.
As mentioned in my reply post, i know a women who has had it for 36yrs and her husband, he died of cancer unrelated two years ago. She is still healthy.
@@debbemitchell4816 I had a flat mate same age as me when I was 20 or so anyway moved away heard he got aids and then I saw him a few years ago he looked 90 years old from those anti aids drugs but yeas he was still alive
Thank you for including Johnny Rahm, known as JT to his friends. He was a very sweet and funny man that battled demons long before he got into the porn industry. He had another life in show business as a comedian and Jerry Lewis impersonator. I was happy to see him included so his friends of which I was one can know he has been memorialized.
I was born in 1958 and arrived in London about two years before the first AIDS deaths, luckily I met the love of my life and we spent 28 years together before he died of cancer. We always said we saved each others lives by meeting and falling in love just at the right time. The years that followed were filled with sadness as we nursed arranged the funerals of so many friends, not one is forgotten, all such beautiful men.
Why is the reason ? Edit: i asked too soon. Just saw the below their names and dates it says the reason. Mostly all of them died because of Aids. Its sad.
@@freshlove7926 the reason is homophobia and the deliberate decision by the Reagan administration to not stop HIV as it emerged but to allow it to become uncontrollable so it would kill all the gay and Black people. That's the reality.
@@nadinegomez8858 Amazon isn't a healthy place to be. And the percentage of gay men who were very active and who got HIV and died isn't any different than for porn actors. The suicides are unfortunately not that abberant either. I'm not a big fan of the industry but there's lots of unhealthy industry... we reserve stigma for sex work in particular in a different way. Things could be so much better for the actors and their lives however. I also know many who truly love it. The Gay Men's Chorus SF has 3 surviving original members by way of example. Hell. I'm 30 years poz in September. Most of my contemporaries are dead.
I found just one person I knew directly and 3 others I was acquainted to by our photographer Hi Chase. Val Martin lived just a half a block away so I visited him on occasion and moreover we were both arrested at the Mark IV bath house during the famous mock Slave Auction. He was really a big teddy bear and a very truthful & stand up gentleman. Additionally he was very professional and trustful. There were many others of my friends that passed in those days. Sometimes I think I am the only one who made it through. Thank you so much Joseph & company for this valuable presentation, and thanks to the commenters. Sincerely, I remain Sentebey at 78 y.o. in L.A., Ca., USA
Staggering...and truly bizarre. The deaths from AIDS were shocking, but not surprising...but so many young men dead of homicide and disease. Hard to fathom.
@@wpochert high risk lifestyle is a very bad choice of words and no one in HIV research that I know uses that anymore. Being a soldier at war isn't described in the same way. Is the death any less deadly? More noble? No one who came back from WWI thought so.
You have to also take into account that you're only seeing the dead here. The number of those murdered needs to be measured against all the porn actors of the time period of 2 decades and when you take hustling and dealing into account it's not anything abnormal unfortunately but it's still tragic.
I couldn't view the entire memorial because a wave of grief swept over me - perhaps I'll get back to it later. I came out in 1978, right before the onset of AIDS. So many of the people - young men at that time - that I knew and socialized with were casualties of the epidemic. An entire generation of Gay men were obliterated by a virus and at the time it seemed as though no one cared about what was happening to us. There are so few of us left and it can feel a bit lonely at times. I'm fortunate in that I've been in a relationship/married for 38 years, so I have someone I love that has shared my experiences. If you're young and read this, please remember that one day you will be older (and wiser), but there will be many around you that share your experiences. Please reach out now and be friendly to old Gays when you see them at the bar or wherever. While our veneers might be a bit worn, we're still young at heart and love to be social - and in my case I still love to dance!
Watch the documentary the dark side of porn. It talks about HIv spread , back then testing wasn't like today's one pornstar spread HIV to nearly an entire cast hence the spread and as it spread some did not say their status. Unlike today the stars frequently test and if found to be positive he can't continue and the warning is spread to other companies so he or she does not spread it.
I have serious respect for your generation, since whatever challenges/obstacles that I and others in my generation encountered in our early years to adulthood and beyond as gay men, (be they fewer or more for some/others), we are so very fortunate that medicine had spent the last 20 years in HIV research (and there are so many people outside the gay community who earned jewels in their Crowns for the work they did to raise money, raise awareness, lessen stigma, and to ultimately get us to a place where an HIV diagnosis is no longer what it use to be , which would have been 'prognosis negative.' A physician friend of mine who treats patients at a clinic for this condition also said that the sheer number of funerals for patients as well as friends were so great in number in the mid 80s, that it wasn't unusual to attend a couple of them in a single week, each week. As a child, around 7 or 8 years old (born in '78), I vividly remember the news broadcasts when it was the subject most evenings. This was before they were referring to it as a virus, but "the AIDS crisis." I, too, am really shocked to discover quite a number of patients today (younger and older, too) who do not take their medication regularly. There's also something to be said of the hell you had to endure to be treated back then. It could have been a minimum of 15 pills a day with serious side effects. Today, for most patients: 1 pill. A single pill each day, and .not a side effect to be had (for most). It can take as few as 6 weeks to reach undetectable after diagnosis if one begins and maintains the meds. There are organizations and government agencies that work tirelessly to make sure funding is in place for covering the cost of treatment. There are so many other things I could say, but I say all that to say: it was your generation who endured the most hell with this virus, and it is they who are the reason we have such effective treatment today. Also, your generation were the ones standing in the protests, the marches, the tireless work for equal rights for all of us. We can get awfully comfortable these days and sit about and bitch about the most trivial things, but none of us would have the life we have individually and collectively, had it not been for our Gay Forefathers. Younger guys need to remember this, and if they're too young to remember, then they need to be taught.
@California Dreamer I'm 71, and I can't finish watching this, it's too distressing to think of all those young lives lost. I didn't come out/was outed until I was 50. If I think of all my covert activities while I was in the closet, I shiver. If there is any justice in the world, I should be long dead. Thank God for changed attitudes so that I can be my true self, and openly adore my husband of 20 years.
My longtime friend had a boyfriend in gay porn who died with AIDS but somehow they kept it hidden saying that he died of "spinal cancer." When Kelly started doing things like escorting his boyfriend (my friend) just "froze up." It was so sad. Because my friend was so loving and loyal, etc. Kelly was determined to go to California and be in porn and start a business producing, etc. My friend refused to go and stayed in the Dallas area. He's still sad and lonely in terms of relationships... Anyway, Kelly did the porn business stuff and got sick and died really quickly in April of '90. He didn't listen to my friend as he should have. It was so sad. His parents had his funeral a closed casket because of Kelly's illness, their religious beliefs, the small town, etc. My friend still stays in touch with the family (so they care about him) despite their strong religious beliefs about homosexuality being wrong. Kelly had his eyes on the wrong prize when he could have still attained his goals in a different way. My friend is known a little bit... and as a writer, etc. Kelly was my friend's second serious boyfriend who left to go make it in entertainment in California and died tragically. I think it has a lot to do with my friend still being unfulfilled in a relationship that he deserves and needs.
But no one dies of AIDS. AIDS stands for Aquired Immunodeficiency Syndrome. It describes the collection of symptoms and infections that overwhelm HIV positive people as their immune systems fail. They die of cancer infections and the common cold... or used to. Most of us live today. The reason AIDS isn't diagnosis of death is that the Syndrome of acquired diseases is unique to the individual.
Hi there. Are you talking about Dick Masters? I have a quite a few of his movies. I was a big fan then and still I am. Sometimes he comes up in my dreams still. 😁
There was a big issue within the porn industry about not wanting their stars to use condoms. Of course their public was the same way and so AIDS on the set was hidden. Joey Stefano was positive at the time of his overdose.
This is Jennifer Sinclair. I am so glad for 2021. The 1980s and 1990s were devastating. We would all be in these souls' positions except for the grace of God. We all need to stay humble.....
In 1982 I had just moved to Los Angeles to attend UCLA. Like most college students I needed money, but didn’t have time to work many hours. I applied to a modeling agency (looks I did have, but no money) and got hired that day by a gay porn studio (Catalina) to do magazine and film work. I was actually excited since I was just experiencing sexual freedom for the first time (Los Angeles is not Utah!) even though I was still in the closet. To me this sounded like fun: sex with gorgeous guys AND get paid really well! Well, I made it as far as the studio to be photographed, but got too nervous about it and drove away. Little did I know that spur of the moment decision likely saved my life.
How did you survive that time?? I got really lucky in the 80's and didn't have as many encounters as others. After I time I got tired of the hooking up scene and went through periods of NO SEX with other guys at all (were talking 2-3 year gaps here and there throughout the 80's and 90's). After awhile I just got use to it. My best bud was my right hand and that's about it. This is what saved my life but soo many others were not as fortunate.
This is a beautiful but heart wrenching tribute. I was especially saddened to see how many of them committed suicide. What overwhelming despair it must have been that drove a young attractive man to take his own precious life. And of course we all know what a scourge the Aids epidemic was and how many very dear people we lost to that plague. Everyone of them was worth so much more than words can say. May they rest in peace.
I fear that many who committed suicide did so because their bodies were beginning to be ravaged by AIDS. I know that is true of Johnny Rahm. Suicide is an act of extreme bravery.
I knew a lot of people at the time who had Just been diagnosed with aids Some did commit suicide The world and some doctors. And a general public. Including people in the Gay community treated them as non humans No sympathy not human just treated them as disease Carriers A lot of horrible stuff went on back in the day The Survivors of the time are forgotten victims of this disease Still living with the disease, but are sidelined to the shadows.
Josh, thank you for taking the time and emotion to put this tribute together. I, like many others commenting, certainly had my VHS crushes in younger days and it is indeed saddening to see all who passed, for whatever reason, but usually at too young an age. I do realize, also, that to include every porn performer would be near impossible but I'd like to mention one who is absent from this roll, Bill Hunter (performer name) / William Hunter (director name). He started in the industry in 1986, performing and migrated into directing a couple years later. He passed in 1999 from AIDS. He was my second lover (before his porn days), a true & loyal friend, intelligent, creative, and above all else, a very good man. Thank you once again for giving us this gift, -e.
I thank God everyday that I'm still here. My coming out years were in the late 80's in NYC. I definitely had my fair share of encounters during that time period, some I'm not so proud of, but experiences that have molded me into a much better person today. My ❤ goes out to all my brothers who lost their lives trying to make it in this world. ☆☆☆☆☆
The adult entertainment business is brutal, so many suicides and drug overdoses. It’s so sad. This video was beautiful but heartbreaking at the same time
Half of these actors I grew up watching as I came out in 1994 and it breaks my heart to see them not here anymore I had no idea half of my favorite actors are gone may they Rest In Peace with the angels
Agreed. Ignore the hate-spewing troll @khumlachang3229 because @khumlachang is wrong about these talented stars who ended up dying of AIDS, shame, suicide, drug overdoses, rejection, bigotry, abandonment, and homicide. May all of the people in this memorial rest in peace.
Thank you for putting this up. I've seen some of these guys in porn clips. I had no idea that so many young gay porn stars took their lives. I'm in shock. May they rest in peace.
broke my heart watching this RIP. I came out in 1982 and to have lived through this nightmare only by the grace of God am I still here.We will never forget those days
I've always wondered why someone hadn't memorialized these men. And you have done it with such dignity and genuine honor. The photos show the beautiful men they were. I knew some of these men as they passed through San Francisco.
This is so very sad to have lost so many guys of the gay community. It should never matter what someone does for a living or doesn’t do. What matters is they are a person. Sadly everyone will be greatly missed. I have lost many from AIDS. And I miss everyone, those I knew & those I hadn’t so very much.
I have often wondered what ever became of so many of these faces and am saddened to learn the answers... I vividly recall so many of these men when they were in their prime, they are certainly the faces of a particular era in history...
Joseph .. thank you for this beautiful memorial . I had to stop and start several times. So sad and tragic. The music was a beautiful fit. My God is a loving God who embraces all. RIP and fly with the Angels.
The porn industry has been making a lot of money via these guys... Plus producers and directors would deceive these boys and lure them into fucking them
Yes they always said they keep strictly in test their performers when they bareback but only major studios did this.. Now we have only fans and a new carefree generation selling bareback sex. Nobody seems to realise the dimension of tragedy these actors suffered.
What a touching tribute to these souls lost too early. They were icons in their field before there was social media. It brings back a flood of memories. May they rest in peace.
So very sad, this like others, grow up in this period in time. I remember the beginning of the 80s everyone coming out of the closest to face total backfiring and everybody ran back in the closest. This really brings to light the sheer pain of friends and loved ones like many of them said, thank you so much for posting this, we should all count ourselves lucky! thanks for "stonewall" and Terrence Higgins trust bless them all. xx
11:24 Leo Ford... What an incredibly handsome guy! His gorgeous Scandinavian face, his golden hair, his beautiful sad eyes.. I've fallen in love with him since I first saw him. I wish I could meet him and give him a hug. My heart broke when he died. I hope you rest in peace, my cute little blond angel!
This makes me sad. I remember seeing a lot of these guys, in my younger days. They didn't deserve what happened to them. They were not just porn stars they were young men doing a job that we all appreciated, not thinking it would be deadly. Rest in peace guys, I, for one, miss you.
Most of these men are so gorgeous. Look at Steve Taylor., Clint Lockner. I have always been envious of them, blessed with such good looks, something that takes you far in the gay world. But seeing this, maybe I should be more grateful for what I have -- physically, emotionally, spiritually, financially. I've outlived all of them while growing up in the AIDS era.
I feel the same way. I have never been handsome or have a body like Gordon Grant who was a Colt cover man. They had it all. Now they are gone and all their good looks with them. I am still ugly and unattractive but still alive at age 69. I guess that should count for something.
In the words of my father, I was "too fat and ugly to ever have a [whatever]" (girlfriend in context, but who wants one of those?) In a way my crippling self esteem issues were my friend, because I could certainly find lots of men who fetishized my fat. I don't know how I am still HIV negative, for I certainly have not always behaved in a safe manner. But somehow I am, and I still do what I can to support the HIV community.
For the last 15mths I've often said COVID isn't my first pandemic. I came out at 16 in 1987 when AIDS was all around me. And I'll admit I often wonder how I came out on the other side. I've lived in NYC for decades now and work in fashion--another very unforgiving industry. But I have also known for a long time now that I was lucky enough to have my parents. Who didn't completely understand but were accepting. So thank you MOM & DAD!!!!
WOW! I don't know if you will be upset by me saying this but I used to have a big crush on Eric Ryan. I was in my early 20's when I first saw the movie he made with Jon King and Lee Ryder, set in a Palm Springs resort. I watched that movie over and over and over. Jon and Lee weren't anything to sneeze at either. I am truly sorry for your loss. I'm sorry so many famous and not famous gay men died so early in their life.
OMG this was so painful to watch, it breaks my heart. The loss of these precious human beings what awful pain their loved ones must have felt and still do. I took care of many AIDS patients in the early 90's, my heart went out to them glad I was able to help and share a little of their time on this earth.
This is a very moving tribute. I have worked on-camera with a handful of these guys and they each deserve the beauty of this memorial. (As the opening statement applies) the list is far from concise, but keeping any performer in mind is better than being forgotten entirely.
I'm.really amazed by how wonderful the comments here are. It's heart warming to see so many intelligent and sensitive comments. This is real community spirit. Love.
When I went into the Navy at 21 in 1976, having come from the mountains of N.C. and never having known any other gay people, I went wild in the Navy for 12 years. And 19 years in prison after the Navy. And stayed wild until 2007. Amazingly, having never used any protection, it is a miracle I'm still alive. My heart cries for all those who did not make it. And seeing the AIDS deaths, suicide, etc in this montage is hard to take. My thanks to Creation for sparing me. I am truly blessed.
They never will, they don't care about people. They care about money, God forbid they provide mental healthcare and as a result people get to the root of their issues and decide to leave the industry because they have found freedom.
I was a home health aide during the really bad years. I tended more than 70 people with AIDS until they died. I watched and heard a lot of suffering and despair. Even as I had the virus myself. Most days when I woke I was instantly in shock when I realized, this was reality. It was all damned difficult emotionally. But help was needed, so I helped. Depression finally got me several years later. In all I knew well over 100 people to die of it. I have not yet seen an accusing finger in other comments against the stricken. But no matter how they got it, each person killed by or stricken by AIDS is a sacrifice for everyone else.
Este video definitivamente me hizo mucho eco en el interior, sobre todo por aquellos que cometieron suicidio siendo tan jóvenes. Cuantas veces no hemos visto a alguno de los chicos que aparecen en el video y los vemos como seres sumamente atractivos, olvidándonos totalmente de qué son personas como tu y como yo, y que sufrieron tanto que su única solución fue terminar con sus vidas. Me quedo con la reflexión de que no debemos dar por hecho que las personas son perfectas solo por su apariencia física, no debemos minimizar las luchas que todos atraviesan por más ajenas que nos parezcan. Se que todos estén descansando eternamente, y a los que estamos aquí darnos cuenta de que debemos practicar la bondad para evitar más desenlaces como los que tuvieron nuestros hermanos. Abrazos a todos!
Correction on dates for Tim Barnett, born Bradford Thomas Wagner on 3/31/1968 (4 years prior than shown) and died in the Boulder (CO) County Jail on 7/13/2005 (2 years prior than shown).
I remember the periodical called Steam that he published for a few years during the 1990's. It featured detailed information and reviews regarding gay bathhouses, sex clubs, adult theatres and public cruising areas located in various cities around the world. Critics might be inclined to snub such a publication because of its singular focus on a facet of gay culture that some people might deem to be "sleazy" and "disreputable," but its overall presentation and tone was always professional and sex-positive, giving future generations a snapshot of gay life from a particular time in history.
I recognize so many faces in this, but to see someone I knew was heartbreaking. Caleb Carter was a sweetheart of a guy. It broke his best friends heart when he committed suicide. May they all rest in peace.
I remember most of these guys...we were the same age...thank God I'm still here and survived those years. 56yrs old now and all I can say is a Big Thanks Guys for hours and hours of Enjoyment and sharing your lives with those of us that were left behind...R.I.P.!!!
Thank you for making this video as a tribute to a whole more younger generation afterwards. So many lives sacrificed by AIDS is appalling. I have seen at least 90% of all these men, and they are no longer there ...
@Mike M Our local gay paper had a specific page for obits & memorials. When one of the notices stated the guy had died in a one car accident, it was puzzling at first. But then the number of one car deaths kept coming and increasing. The realisation of what was happening was like a horror show scaled up to beyond bearable.
Thank you for posting this. Its beautifully done with an excellent music choice. I'm glad these handsome guys are viewable now forever...RIP all you wonderful Souls.
Since prep has come out no one talks about aids and the devastation it has caused our community! Truth is many amazing beautiful souls were lost. This was a beautiful video thank you!
absolutely heartbreaking. such beautiful guys, all of them, gone so young. they sacrificed so much to entertain us, to be loved and accepted. they need to be remembered and honored. thank you.
Beautiful homage. Intense, sad, yet beautiful that you took the time. Thanks for sharing. They were someone's son and my heart reaches out to their loved ones. :(
This is so sad, I could not stop crying. I think it’s a joke. That all of my brothers are dying from AIDS. I’m writing this with tears streaming down my face. My God help us. I hate HIV, AIDS. This is a message to the rest of us who is negative, Prep works guys. Use it please, I beg you. And help stop or break this curse.
Sweetie it's very sad. But most of these guys had it before the virus was even discovered and I don't want to upset you more but my Dx in 1990... what exactly was it that I was supposed to do? I ignored it. I danced and partied and then I got ready to die like every one of my friends. There was no treatment until 1997. Most of us couldn't have done anything differently once infected. But then I didn't die. And wasn't that a plan wrecker.
My porn name was Derrick Stanton. I worked with several of these beautiful men and I almost died of AIDS myself in 2008. I didnt know Cole Tucker and Kristian Brooks had passed, both of them I worked with in the Jerry Douglas film Family Values. Jerry passed this year 2021. This was a beautiful loving presentation.
@@brianwillard7044 I remember seeing that movie when it came out . Actually thought it was a bit tame, especially compared to Shilts' book. The movie came out in 1993, by which time everyone in the gay community had been dealing with AIDS for over 10 years so there was really nothing we didn't already know or hadn't already experienced. I finally decided that the movie was actually targeted (intentionally or not) at heterosexuals as a sanitized explanation for how HIV/AIDS came about. I remember the hatred and stigmatization and blame toward gay men leveled by society whose feeling was that those horrible gay men had brought it on themselves by indulging in all that wild and uncontrolled sexual behavior. It's always been maddeningly ironic that only a short time before AIDS appeared, society was hysterical over a different incurable sexually transmitted disease. I recall a front page headline in Time (I think, maybe Newsweek) screaming "God's Curse: Herpes!'
@@brianwillard7044 I was about to say the same thing..I've seen that movie dozens of times and I still believe it is one of the most truthful stories about the AIDS epidemic that will ever be told! I don't care what anyone did for a living or who they slept with, nobody deserves AIDS! I cried watching this, hope all their souls found peace!
Glad you have two versions..slower and quicker...and as someone who was right there with most of these guys...none of us knew what was going on....till it was too late...some got lucky...many didn't....
bookertable: If hearts have a thermostat yours must be set at 20 below zero. Yes, they ARE "important to remember" if for no other reason than that they are human beings, imperfect or broken as we ALL are...
So very deeply dark & profoundly gut wrenching...I'm shuddering at the staggering number of lives lost to aids...What especially hurts my heart is seeing so many of the men die while they were still practically young kids...We mustn't EVER forget them, & how most men suffering from aids & aids-related illnesses back in the 80's & 90's, eventually became shunned by not only society but by families as well.... & left to die all alone in the most undignified of circumstances...Tears... For their lonliness, pain and suffering...
I cannot believe I lived through the 80's and 90's. But somehow I did live through them, happily....... But somehow not so happy now. Life and love can play a funny game on one. Lots of beautiful and sexy men struggled and lost their lives. I should be more thankful for what I had then and what I have know. Thank you for this beautiful remembrance.
Thank you for taking the time to create this video although it was quite heart wrenching to watch....I kept thinking it had to be nearly over only to realize it wasn't even 50% done. All these young beautiful men, so many lost to AIDS. The 70s and 80s was my time to be young....I wonder sometimes how is it that I am still here. There is an expression my Irish grandmother used to say, something about the hope of living long enough to comb gray hair. I am grateful for my life, no complaints here about getting older.
I have serious issue with the industry and their treatment of the actors, both gay and straight. It took too long for all companies to implement mandatory testing and the use of condoms in films. I feel like there was a lot of complicity in most of the deaths.
I don't understand why I am still here. I was once one of these young men who left the Midwest for fame and fortune in LA. I've actually been with some of these men and although I was not in the porn industry I was doing the same thing they were doing. I never tested positive and I think of all the friends and acquaintances I've lost and sometimes I just can't bear it, yet here I am. Thanks for this posting. Never forget.
Hugs from New Zealand. You're here and that's enough of a gift for the world in all the darkness you are hope.... and you bring the truest life to their memories.
Same. I lived in Weho, Hollywood, the valley with these guys. I partied. I even was diagnosed but never got sick. I’m 52. Still here. Talk about survivors guilt, I lost friends. A roommate while we shared a home. It’s heartbreaking.
@WinGate Mose I'm so sorry for all the lost friends & lovers lost. I can't even imagine. Luckily, I became poz when meds were better.
Com carinho, do Brasil.
@WinGate Mose this 35-year old gay thanks you for sharing this. I find many in high school today don’t know how easy they have it, and I had it so much easier than you! Especially in Alabama! I’m in Massachusetts. Happy Pride.
I am heartbroken after watching it. They were somebody’s son, brother, or friend; somebody loved them. Thank you for such a beautiful remembrance.💕💕
Weird as it is too say, many of us loved them too even as sexual beings they were in a sense a way for us to see our liberated selves so I remember loving some of these men as being people who helped me be a more sexually free person.
none of them really made it beyond 40 yrs of age. Just awful.
@@melbaker9495 Please help me to understand. What about all of the people whom say you are immoral for being sexually free and are the problem? I am not passing that judgement on you or them THOUGH I do find it strange not have used condoms...especially with people who did not have tests and were so active in their lifestyle.
La media en edad entre 30 y 49 años jóvenes
Yes, so very sad. I enjoyed the work most of them did in the porn industry. Remembering as well that they had family and friends that loved them.
If you survived the 80's in the gay world you were lucky. That's why I never even jokingly complain about getting older. Too many of my friends never got that chance. So sad. But it was the times we were living in.
Indeed. Vietnam, Aids, and now Covid...
I agree with you. I was just out of high school (1988), and lost so many friends. The youngest being just 21. We spent every weekend in San Francisco where it was a non stop party. Then I started noticing that some people just disappeared. Walking around the Castro or Powell street became a whole other experience, with so many young people just passing away one right after another. I'm 50 now, and have never complained about aging, because so many never got the chance to really live.
It's so true. How can you really complain about anything when you've seen so many lives cut down so horrifically?
I’ve always wonder how it was like even before aids came around like did people just hook up with no protection at all and that’s why so many gays fell victims during the 80’s? I know this may be an obvious question but it saddens me to think of all those young people who not only caught the illness but also that ended up being rejected even by their families.
Thank you for saying this. It was tough. He is 67 and I am about to be 57.
I lost over 100 friends in Nashville TN, and Atlanta, GA between 1980 and 1998 . Most died from Aids. The rest died from overdoses. I don't understand why I am still here, either. Watching this memorial made me remember myself in their time of popularity. Thank you for doing this.
So sad to hear about your friends. May they R.I.P.
it's sad to see so many die from aids, overdose, and suicide. i'm a gay male who's almost 59 years old. i lived through all that. my anti-social ways probably saved my a$$.
It's so beyond awful what happened to my LGBTQ brothers & sisters. The Government released the HIV/AIDS virus and the monsters at the FDA, held back the medication that could have saved millions of people who were suffering, not only with the virus, but the social stigma that comes along with the territory. They sat back and made millions of dollars, while my gay family members were dying and being murdered
Who has 100 friends?
Happy to hear you're alive... bless you
Thank you for taking the time to put this together. Too many of our young gay man are unaware of what happened in the 70s 80s and 90s. How we lost an entire generation of gay man and others. Thanks again.
uhmm effective meds for hiv were put in the market in 1997 so I'm kinda confused with some dates
It's not only AIDS but also doing drugs, major depressive disorder, heart failure (and some injuries caused by doing their jobs) too. It's heartbreaking.
Hunter n Miles ...................Too many of our young gay man are unaware of what happened in the 70s 80s and 90s
I was in college during 1990 - 1995. Part of my internship was working with hospice. I worked with too many AIDS patients. Broke my heart every day, would drive home in tears. I lost 5 good friends during that time to AIDS, one, my dear friend that I grew up with and had my first sexual experience with. He had moved to California and worked for William Higgans films. William actually paid for all his funeral. I have always wanted to thank Mr. Higgans for that. Bless all these men. I miss my friend every day since 1995. RIP
Oh God that's got to hurt.... I'm sorry to hear that.
Very moving to watch. I remember visiting the AIDS Memorial Quilt and having a similar feeling. I did 8 porn films in the mid 1990's and knew quiet a few of these guys from my time in Palm Springs, San Diego, and L.A. While the deaths from AIDS was expected, people don't realize how many people in the adult film industry commit suicide (both gay and straight), the pressures of that industry are tremendous and I feel fortunate to have survived. Thank you for assembling and presenting this memorial.
I don't wonder that porn star's lives are bright for only a moment in time.
Omg :(
Yep. Agree 100%. Exactly why one of my life’s purposes is to help men and women exiting the porn industry. Help them rebuild a life after the industry uses them and spits them out. 😓
the suicides surprised me.
@@DayByDavidO what a fantastic thing to do. It must be so hard going back to a "normal" life when the only validation you've ever received is that you're a good f**k. How lucky we are that there's people like you out there to pick them up and help them get back on track. Thank you!
7:46 Kyle McKenna (1968-2000)
Actor
Kyle had a terribly sad childhood and had been estranged from his family for many years. When the Salt Lake City coroner's office finally tracked down his mother, she refused to claim his body. Friends took Kyle's remains and had them cremated. His ashes were strewn over some mountains where Kyle enjoyed hiking. (Straube)
Before he began his adult-film career as Kyle McKenna, Russ McCoy was a painter and illustrator who pursued a B.A. degree in Art at the Claire Trevor School of the Arts at the University of California-Irvine.
He was one of my favorite actors so sad he died so young
May he rest in peace. I will be thinking of him and the others today.
Horrible mother
I had fallen badly for an older guy, Terry, 10 years older than me; I met him after his longterm relationship with his former bf Richard had ended and they had separated. Terry shocked me one day when he revealed he had visited Richard's place and had found Richard's body, in bed, looking peaceful; only the rifle Richard had held parallel to his body gave any sign of what had occurred. Five years later, I heard from Terry's new bf that Terry too had been diagnosed with AIDS and that Terry took his own life by just not eating; he wasted away over several weeks. Without euthanasia-enabling laws, people are often forced into making hard cruel & unpalatable choices.
This is an incredibly sad video but an important one. Thank you for posting this.
I'm 65, healthy, alive. I wish gay culture celebrated getting older and their seniors ! We need stories, books, magazines, shows celebrating all of life including getting older.
Well said. I'm 66. When we were younger, we never imagined social media, hook up apps, non stop porn on the internet .... and now I feel I'm the "inbetween" .. not too old for fun and adventure, yet to old to fit in anywhere. Those my age are interested in the younger, and I'm not interested in being a Daddy.
@bob110088 You are correct. There are talented men who, if they can, must share their stories. Best wishes to you.
Leo Ford, my friend. We were teenagers. That wasn't his real name. He lost in life in Silverlake/Hollywood on his motorcycle. I saw him a few months before. I miss him and took it pretty hard. All these men have a story. I hope someone remembers them and keeps their memory alive.
It's great to meet here someone who knew Leo. I still love him! He was such a stunning man, one of the most gorgeous guys ever walked on Earth! Please, bro, tell us more about him. Was he friendly? :-)
Didn’t he also date Divine?
I remember seeing Leo at hulas in Hawaii once in 1989
@@stan5249 I knew him when we were both quite young. I was 19 and he was 20. He had a van and loved to meditate and pretty spiritual. He was playful and fun. He was dating my best friend at the time back in 1978.
So sad. Tears running down my face. Thanks for taking the time to honor these men.
Me too buddy...God bless you x
THANK YOU FOR THIS BEAUTIFUL MEMORIAL.
THEY ALL DESERVED THIS HONOR.
MAY THEY ALL REST IN PEACE AND LOVE.
This really put a lump in my throat. All of those guys. I remember a great many of them. I almost ended up in the porn industry, myself. Ended up HIV+ (AIDS) anyway in 1988. I was only 24y.o., what I consider a kid today. Somehow, I've survived, which will be 33 years, on this December 1st... the day I was diagnosed. The worst day of my life. Witnessing friends die left and right over the years messed my head up for quite a while. It has been traumatic, to say the least. And we 'still don't have a fucking cure' for this, unbelievable. To all these in this memoriam, continue RIP. Your lives weren't in vain.
Please remember the following. Our civilization has managed to cure all the simple diseases and many of the much more difficult viruses such as hepatitis C. HIV is an absolutely horrifically devious virus and there is no cure to date. Remember that there is no cure for malaria. We have drugs that will keep a person from getting infected even if you are bitten by hundreds of infected mosquitoes. Once a person is infected we cannot eradicate the infection.
But there is medication now to help many live a long time. Sorry so many died.
As mentioned in my reply post, i know a women who has had it for 36yrs and her husband, he died of cancer unrelated two years ago. She is still healthy.
@@debbemitchell4816 I had a flat mate same age as me when I was 20 or so anyway moved away heard he got aids and then I saw him a few years ago he looked 90 years old from those anti aids drugs but yeas he was still alive
Indeed
Thank you for including Johnny Rahm, known as JT to his friends. He was a very sweet and funny man that battled demons long before he got into the porn industry. He had another life in show business as a comedian and Jerry Lewis impersonator. I was happy to see him included so his friends of which I was one can know he has been memorialized.
I was born in 1958 and arrived in London about two years before the first AIDS deaths, luckily I met the love of my life and we spent 28 years together before he died of cancer. We always said we saved each others lives by meeting and falling in love just at the right time. The years that followed were filled with sadness as we nursed arranged the funerals of so many friends, not one is forgotten, all such beautiful men.
So sorry for your loss!! I agree you. My partner and I met in '82, been together since. I believe it saved us.
Tears running down my face
Breaks my heart to see so many lives lost so young.
Why is the reason ?
Edit: i asked too soon. Just saw the below their names and dates it says the reason. Mostly all of them died because of Aids. Its sad.
LOVE
Because the porn industry is really not a healthy place to be in...
@@freshlove7926 the reason is homophobia and the deliberate decision by the Reagan administration to not stop HIV as it emerged but to allow it to become uncontrollable so it would kill all the gay and Black people. That's the reality.
@@nadinegomez8858 Amazon isn't a healthy place to be. And the percentage of gay men who were very active and who got HIV and died isn't any different than for porn actors. The suicides are unfortunately not that abberant either. I'm not a big fan of the industry but there's lots of unhealthy industry... we reserve stigma for sex work in particular in a different way. Things could be so much better for the actors and their lives however. I also know many who truly love it. The Gay Men's Chorus SF has 3 surviving original members by way of example. Hell. I'm 30 years poz in September. Most of my contemporaries are dead.
I found just one person I knew directly and 3 others I was acquainted to by our photographer Hi Chase. Val Martin lived just a half a block away so I visited him on occasion and moreover we were both arrested at the Mark IV bath house during the famous mock Slave Auction. He was really a big teddy bear and a very truthful & stand up gentleman. Additionally he was very professional and trustful. There were many others of my friends that passed in those days. Sometimes I think I am the only one who made it through. Thank you so much Joseph & company for this valuable presentation, and thanks to the commenters. Sincerely, I remain Sentebey at 78 y.o. in L.A., Ca., USA
Hugs to you!
Staggering...and truly bizarre. The deaths from AIDS were shocking, but not surprising...but so many young men dead of homicide and disease. Hard to fathom.
Look at the very high risk lifestyle they lived...not hard to fathom at all.
so many suicides.
@@wpochert high risk lifestyle is a very bad choice of words and no one in HIV research that I know uses that anymore. Being a soldier at war isn't described in the same way. Is the death any less deadly? More noble? No one who came back from WWI thought so.
@@patricksweeney5308 that's determined to make it as tragic as possible eh?
You have to also take into account that you're only seeing the dead here. The number of those murdered needs to be measured against all the porn actors of the time period of 2 decades and when you take hustling and dealing into account it's not anything abnormal unfortunately but it's still tragic.
I couldn't view the entire memorial because a wave of grief swept over me - perhaps I'll get back to it later. I came out in 1978, right before the onset of AIDS. So many of the people - young men at that time - that I knew and socialized with were casualties of the epidemic. An entire generation of Gay men were obliterated by a virus and at the time it seemed as though no one cared about what was happening to us. There are so few of us left and it can feel a bit lonely at times. I'm fortunate in that I've been in a relationship/married for 38 years, so I have someone I love that has shared my experiences. If you're young and read this, please remember that one day you will be older (and wiser), but there will be many around you that share your experiences. Please reach out now and be friendly to old Gays when you see them at the bar or wherever. While our veneers might be a bit worn, we're still young at heart and love to be social - and in my case I still love to dance!
💔
Watch the documentary the dark side of porn. It talks about HIv spread , back then testing wasn't like today's one pornstar spread HIV to nearly an entire cast hence the spread and as it spread some did not say their status. Unlike today the stars frequently test and if found to be positive he can't continue and the warning is spread to other companies so he or she does not spread it.
same. I started weeping.
I have serious respect for your generation, since whatever challenges/obstacles that I and others in my generation encountered in our early years to adulthood and beyond as gay men, (be they fewer or more for some/others), we are so very fortunate that medicine had spent the last 20 years in HIV research (and there are so many people outside the gay community who earned jewels in their Crowns for the work they did to raise money, raise awareness, lessen stigma, and to ultimately get us to a place where an HIV diagnosis is no longer what it use to be , which would have been 'prognosis negative.' A physician friend of mine who treats patients at a clinic for this condition also said that the sheer number of funerals for patients as well as friends were so great in number in the mid 80s, that it wasn't unusual to attend a couple of them in a single week, each week. As a child, around 7 or 8 years old (born in '78), I vividly remember the news broadcasts when it was the subject most evenings. This was before they were referring to it as a virus, but "the AIDS crisis." I, too, am really shocked to discover quite a number of patients today (younger and older, too) who do not take their medication regularly. There's also something to be said of the hell you had to endure to be treated back then. It could have been a minimum of 15 pills a day with serious side effects. Today, for most patients: 1 pill. A single pill each day, and .not a side effect to be had (for most). It can take as few as 6 weeks to reach undetectable after diagnosis if one begins and maintains the meds. There are organizations and government agencies that work tirelessly to make sure funding is in place for covering the cost of treatment. There are so many other things I could say, but I say all that to say: it was your generation who endured the most hell with this virus, and it is they who are the reason we have such effective treatment today. Also, your generation were the ones standing in the protests, the marches, the tireless work for equal rights for all of us. We can get awfully comfortable these days and sit about and bitch about the most trivial things, but none of us would have the life we have individually and collectively, had it not been for our Gay Forefathers. Younger guys need to remember this, and if they're too young to remember, then they need to be taught.
@California Dreamer I'm 71, and I can't finish watching this, it's too distressing to think of all those young lives lost. I didn't come out/was outed until I was 50. If I think of all my covert activities while I was in the closet, I shiver. If there is any justice in the world, I should be long dead. Thank God for changed attitudes so that I can be my true self, and openly adore my husband of 20 years.
My longtime friend had a boyfriend in gay porn who died with AIDS but somehow they kept it hidden saying that he died of "spinal cancer." When Kelly started doing things like escorting his boyfriend (my friend) just "froze up." It was so sad. Because my friend was so loving and loyal, etc. Kelly was determined to go to California and be in porn and start a business producing, etc. My friend refused to go and stayed in the Dallas area. He's still sad and lonely in terms of relationships... Anyway, Kelly did the porn business stuff and got sick and died really quickly in April of '90. He didn't listen to my friend as he should have. It was so sad. His parents had his funeral a closed casket because of Kelly's illness, their religious beliefs, the small town, etc. My friend still stays in touch with the family (so they care about him) despite their strong religious beliefs about homosexuality being wrong. Kelly had his eyes on the wrong prize when he could have still attained his goals in a different way. My friend is known a little bit... and as a writer, etc. Kelly was my friend's second serious boyfriend who left to go make it in entertainment in California and died tragically. I think it has a lot to do with my friend still being unfulfilled in a relationship that he deserves and needs.
But no one dies of AIDS. AIDS stands for Aquired Immunodeficiency Syndrome. It describes the collection of symptoms and infections that overwhelm HIV positive people as their immune systems fail. They die of cancer infections and the common cold... or used to. Most of us live today. The reason AIDS isn't diagnosis of death is that the Syndrome of acquired diseases is unique to the individual.
Hi there. Are you talking about Dick Masters? I have a quite a few of his movies. I was a big fan then and still I am. Sometimes he comes up in my dreams still. 😁
There was a big issue within the porn industry about not wanting their stars to use condoms. Of course their public was the same way and so AIDS on the set was hidden. Joey Stefano was positive at the time of his overdose.
I can't avoid feeling sad for those who died of hiv. As an HIV possitive I feel lucky not have been born 20 years before.
I am glad that you are thriving and with us today. Hugs to you....
Indeed. Thank you for your post.
This is Jennifer Sinclair. I am so glad for 2021. The 1980s and 1990s were devastating. We would all be in these souls' positions except for the grace of God. We all need to stay humble.....
HIV still alive and waiting for it's victims
In 1982 I had just moved to Los Angeles to attend UCLA. Like most college students I needed money, but didn’t have time to work many hours. I applied to a modeling agency (looks I did have, but no money) and got hired that day by a gay porn studio (Catalina) to do magazine and film work. I was actually excited since I was just experiencing sexual freedom for the first time (Los Angeles is not Utah!) even though I was still in the closet. To me this sounded like fun: sex with gorgeous guys AND get paid really well! Well, I made it as far as the studio to be photographed, but got too nervous about it and drove away. Little did I know that spur of the moment decision likely saved my life.
It’s so strange how life twists and turns … I hope you’ve lived a wonderful life so far.
So glad you are still here to tell us your experience x
Yes! Hope all is well! 1982/83 were scary years...All kinds of rumors and crazy info going around!
How did you survive that time?? I got really lucky in the 80's and didn't have as many encounters as others. After I time I got tired of the hooking up scene and went through periods of NO SEX with other guys at all (were talking 2-3 year gaps here and there throughout the 80's and 90's). After awhile I just got use to it. My best bud was my right hand and that's about it. This is what saved my life but soo many others were not as fortunate.
The money would have at best, paid a psychiatrist bill.
This is a beautiful but heart wrenching tribute. I was especially saddened to see how many of them committed suicide. What overwhelming despair it must have been that drove a young attractive man to take his own precious life. And of course we all know what a scourge the Aids epidemic was and how many very dear people we lost to that plague. Everyone of them was worth so much more than words can say. May they rest in peace.
I fear that many who committed suicide did so because their bodies were beginning to be ravaged by AIDS. I know that is true of Johnny Rahm. Suicide is an act of extreme bravery.
I knew a lot of people at the time who had Just been diagnosed with aids Some did commit suicide The world and some doctors. And a general public. Including people in the Gay community treated them as non humans No sympathy not human just treated them as disease Carriers A lot of horrible stuff went on back in the day The Survivors of the time are forgotten victims of this disease Still living with the disease, but are sidelined to the shadows.
Josh, thank you for taking the time and emotion to put this tribute together. I, like many others commenting, certainly had my VHS crushes in younger days and it is indeed saddening to see all who passed, for whatever reason, but usually at too young an age. I do realize, also, that to include every porn performer would be near impossible but I'd like to mention one who is absent from this roll, Bill Hunter (performer name) / William Hunter (director name). He started in the industry in 1986, performing and migrated into directing a couple years later. He passed in 1999 from AIDS. He was my second lover (before his porn days), a true & loyal friend, intelligent, creative, and above all else, a very good man. Thank you once again for giving us this gift, -e.
I thank God everyday that I'm still here. My coming out years were in the late 80's in NYC. I definitely had my fair share of encounters during that time period, some I'm not so proud of, but experiences that have molded me into a much better person today. My ❤ goes out to all my brothers who lost their lives trying to make it in this world. ☆☆☆☆☆
👍👍👍👍
So well said best wishes from Ireland
Wow...
Did so many die because they weren't aware of the virus.?
Now being /threatend-vaxxxd better?
The adult entertainment business is brutal, so many suicides and drug overdoses. It’s so sad. This video was beautiful but heartbreaking at the same time
Half of these actors I grew up watching as I came out in 1994 and it breaks my heart to see them not here anymore I had no idea half of my favorite actors are gone may they Rest In Peace with the angels
Never will be them with angels...no way
Agreed.
Ignore the hate-spewing troll @khumlachang3229 because @khumlachang is wrong about these talented stars who ended up dying of AIDS, shame, suicide, drug overdoses, rejection, bigotry, abandonment, and homicide.
May all of the people in this memorial rest in peace.
Thank you for putting this up. I've seen some of these guys in porn clips. I had no idea that so many young gay porn stars took their lives. I'm in shock. May they rest in peace.
I'm not shocked that some of them took their own lives. Same happens in straight porn. Being a prostitute is nothing to be proud of.
Another possibility is some of the suicides may have been not wanting to deal with an AIDS diagnosis.
Porn is evil.
👍👍👍
I am gay and this breaks my heart because it took out many people not just in our community but the world as a whole
broke my heart watching this RIP. I came out in 1982 and to have lived through this nightmare only by the grace of God am I still here.We will never forget those days
I've always wondered why someone hadn't memorialized these men. And you have done it with such dignity and genuine honor. The photos show the beautiful men they were. I knew some of these men as they passed through San Francisco.
The quote at the beginning just breaks my heart.
This is so very sad to have lost so many guys of the gay community. It should never matter what someone does for a living or doesn’t do. What matters is they are a person. Sadly everyone will be greatly missed. I have lost many from AIDS. And I miss everyone, those I knew & those I hadn’t so very much.
I have often wondered what ever became of so many of these faces and am saddened to learn the answers... I vividly recall so many of these men when they were in their prime, they are certainly the faces of a particular era in history...
Same here .
Wow. This is an amazing tribute!! Thank you for creating it!
Joseph .. thank you for this beautiful memorial . I had to stop and start several times. So sad and tragic. The music was a beautiful fit. My God is a loving God who embraces all. RIP and fly with the Angels.
So sad. My heart goes out to these people
A beautiful and loving response!
Some of these guys were only 20 or so and commited suicide. That's brutal.
So heartbreaking..😢
No surprise the industry keeps quiet about the horrific toll it takes on its performers
The porn industry has been making a lot of money via these guys... Plus producers and directors would deceive these boys and lure them into fucking them
Yes they always said they keep strictly in test their performers when they bareback but only major studios did this.. Now we have only fans and a new carefree generation selling bareback sex. Nobody seems to realise the dimension of tragedy these actors suffered.
What always surprised me there was never anything on porn sites what heppened with this guys they just disappeared like they never existed...
@@toxicbee990 honestly. It’s a really disgusting and cruel world
Most of these dudes had low self esteem that’s why they got into the industry
This is moving to watch and remember. Thanks for posting. They are worthy of remembrance.
What a touching tribute to these souls lost too early. They were icons in their field before there was social media. It brings back a flood of memories. May they rest in peace.
People are people......thank you for this post!😪
So very sad, this like others, grow up in this period in time. I remember the beginning of the 80s everyone coming out of the closest to face total backfiring and everybody ran back in the closest. This really brings to light the sheer pain of friends and loved ones like many of them said, thank you so much for posting this, we should all count ourselves lucky! thanks for "stonewall" and Terrence Higgins trust bless them all. xx
That was a beautiful, respectful, and well done memorial. Thank you for creating this for all. 💔
11:24 Leo Ford... What an incredibly handsome guy! His gorgeous Scandinavian face, his golden hair, his beautiful sad eyes.. I've fallen in love with him since I first saw him. I wish I could meet him and give him a hug. My heart broke when he died. I hope you rest in peace, my cute little blond angel!
I met him, he was very nice
He was wonderful star and as beautiful as a real movie star.
Still in love with Leo
This makes me sad. I remember seeing a lot of these guys, in my younger days. They didn't deserve what happened to them. They were not just porn stars they were young men doing a job that we all appreciated, not thinking it would be deadly. Rest in peace guys, I, for one, miss you.
Most of these men are so gorgeous. Look at Steve Taylor., Clint Lockner. I have always been envious of them, blessed with such good looks, something that takes you far in the gay world. But seeing this, maybe I should be more grateful for what I have -- physically, emotionally, spiritually, financially. I've outlived all of them while growing up in the AIDS era.
I feel the same way. I have never been handsome or have a body like Gordon Grant who was a Colt cover man. They had it all. Now they are gone and all their good looks with them. I am still ugly and unattractive but still alive at age 69. I guess that should count for something.
In the words of my father, I was "too fat and ugly to ever have a [whatever]" (girlfriend in context, but who wants one of those?) In a way my crippling self esteem issues were my friend, because I could certainly find lots of men who fetishized my fat.
I don't know how I am still HIV negative, for I certainly have not always behaved in a safe manner. But somehow I am, and I still do what I can to support the HIV community.
Jon King was the one for me !
For the last 15mths I've often said COVID isn't my first pandemic. I came out at 16 in 1987 when AIDS was all around me. And I'll admit I often wonder how I came out on the other side. I've lived in NYC for decades now and work in fashion--another very unforgiving industry. But I have also known for a long time now that I was lucky enough to have my parents. Who didn't completely understand but were accepting. So thank you MOM & DAD!!!!
I was Eric Ryan’s partner. I haven’t thought about Eric in many years and I’m sorry I watched the video 😥😥😥
Don’t be too sad you will see him again when it’s your turn to be on the other side! May God bless them all 🥲🙏🙏🙏
My heart goes out to you, Eddy.
I’m sorry for your loss
WOW! I don't know if you will be upset by me saying this but I used to have a big crush on Eric Ryan. I was in my early 20's when I first saw the movie he made with Jon King and Lee Ryder, set in a Palm Springs resort. I watched that movie over and over and over. Jon and Lee weren't anything to sneeze at either. I am truly sorry for your loss. I'm sorry so many famous and not famous gay men died so early in their life.
Hope you'll be alright.
OMG this was so painful to watch, it breaks my heart. The loss of these precious human beings what awful pain their loved ones must have felt and still do. I took care of many AIDS patients in the early 90's, my heart went out to them glad I was able to help and share a little of their time on this earth.
This is a very moving tribute. I have worked on-camera with a handful of these guys and they each deserve the beauty of this memorial. (As the opening statement applies) the list is far from concise, but keeping any performer in mind is better than being forgotten entirely.
On behalf of the gay community, thank you to whoever invented prep ...
🕊RIP 🙁 This was really hard to watch...so many died so young! Peace and blessings to all 🌈
I'm.really amazed by how wonderful the comments here are. It's heart warming to see so many intelligent and sensitive comments. This is real community spirit. Love.
No judgement, just sad loss of life !
When I went into the Navy at 21 in 1976, having come from the mountains of N.C. and never having known any other gay people, I went wild in the Navy for 12 years. And 19 years in prison after the Navy. And stayed wild until 2007. Amazingly, having never used any protection, it is a miracle I'm still alive. My heart cries for all those who did not make it. And seeing the AIDS deaths, suicide, etc in this montage is hard to take. My thanks to Creation for sparing me. I am truly blessed.
you should write a book i'd read it
Porn industry needs to add mental health in theirs brand because many of them were because not had the enough support for then. Rest in peace!! 🙏💔
They never will, they don't care about people. They care about money, God forbid they provide mental healthcare and as a result people get to the root of their issues and decide to leave the industry because they have found freedom.
There is nothing else than money in their agendas, models are disposable
Stunningly heartbreaking to say the least. Thank you for doing this and keeping awareness alive regarding multiple issues as well.
Wow :( I never knew so many died ..I just thought they left the biz or got too old to be a performer anymore
This is SHOCKING!! R.I.P
Most of them did leave the business before they died.
My sentiments exactly!!!
Thank you so much for sharing this. It is moving and they all deserve to be remembered with respect ❤️❤️❤️
I pray they are all at peace, God bless them all.
Возможно в новом воплощении у них будет шанс на исправление. Бог милостив!
I was a home health aide during the really bad years. I tended more than 70 people with AIDS until they died. I watched and heard a lot of suffering and despair. Even as I had the virus myself. Most days when I woke I was instantly in shock when I realized, this was reality. It was all damned difficult emotionally. But help was needed, so I helped. Depression finally got me several years later.
In all I knew well over 100 people to die of it. I have not yet seen an accusing finger in other comments against the stricken. But no matter how they got it, each person killed by or stricken by AIDS is a sacrifice for everyone else.
May they all Rest in Peace 🙏🕊️❤️🕯️
Este video definitivamente me hizo mucho eco en el interior, sobre todo por aquellos que cometieron suicidio siendo tan jóvenes. Cuantas veces no hemos visto a alguno de los chicos que aparecen en el video y los vemos como seres sumamente atractivos, olvidándonos totalmente de qué son personas como tu y como yo, y que sufrieron tanto que su única solución fue terminar con sus vidas. Me quedo con la reflexión de que no debemos dar por hecho que las personas son perfectas solo por su apariencia física, no debemos minimizar las luchas que todos atraviesan por más ajenas que nos parezcan. Se que todos estén descansando eternamente, y a los que estamos aquí darnos cuenta de que debemos practicar la bondad para evitar más desenlaces como los que tuvieron nuestros hermanos. Abrazos a todos!
Concuerdo con vos en su totalidad.
Amén 🙏
Toda la razón
Correction on dates for Tim Barnett, born Bradford Thomas Wagner on 3/31/1968 (4 years prior than shown) and died in the Boulder (CO) County Jail on 7/13/2005 (2 years prior than shown).
Why was he in jail?
Thanks for posting this very lovely and tasteful tribute. I was truly moved, and by the other comments, so were MANY others.
Scott O'hara was one of the nicest, best-natured, guys I've ever met. I'll ALWAYS remember him. 💔💔💔
I'm very happy to hear from the guys who knew them and see what they were really like.
I remember the periodical called Steam that he published for a few years during the 1990's. It featured detailed information and reviews regarding gay bathhouses, sex clubs, adult theatres and public cruising areas located in various cities around the world. Critics might be inclined to snub such a publication because of its singular focus on a facet of gay culture that some people might deem to be "sleazy" and "disreputable," but its overall presentation and tone was always professional and sex-positive, giving future generations a snapshot of gay life from a particular time in history.
Thank you for doing this.
I recognize so many faces in this, but to see someone I knew was heartbreaking. Caleb Carter was a sweetheart of a guy. It broke his best friends heart when he committed suicide. May they all rest in peace.
I remember most of these guys...we were the same age...thank God I'm still here and survived those years. 56yrs old now and all I can say is a Big Thanks Guys for hours and hours of Enjoyment and sharing your lives with those of us that were left behind...R.I.P.!!!
May these beautiful angels rest in Eternal Peace❤🌈
Thank you for doing this. ❤️
And finally (although he was not included in the above), let us NEVER forget the late, great Roman Heart!!!
Omg I had no idea, he was still so young. Do you know the cause? I looked it up but I couldn’t find anything.
Thank you for making this video as a tribute to a whole more younger generation afterwards. So many lives sacrificed by AIDS is appalling. I have seen at least 90% of all these men, and they are no longer there ...
This is a fascinating document. I'm shocked by how many suicides. Also more homicides than I would have guessed. These guys had hard lives.
@Mike M Our local gay paper had a specific page for obits & memorials. When one of the notices stated the guy had died in a one car accident, it was puzzling at first. But then the number of one car deaths kept coming and increasing. The realisation of what was happening was like a horror show scaled up to beyond bearable.
Thank you for posting this. Its beautifully done with an excellent music choice.
I'm glad these handsome guys are viewable now forever...RIP all you wonderful Souls.
beautiful video, thank you ... i have genuine sadness for these men, all died so young.
Since prep has come out no one talks about aids and the devastation it has caused our community! Truth is many amazing beautiful souls were lost. This was a beautiful video thank you!
absolutely heartbreaking. such beautiful guys, all of them, gone so young. they sacrificed so much to entertain us, to be loved and accepted. they need to be remembered and honored. thank you.
Beautiful homage. Intense, sad, yet beautiful that you took the time.
Thanks for sharing. They were someone's son and my heart reaches out to their loved ones.
:(
"The golden lads and girls all must, like chimney sweepers, come to dust." Shakespeare :-(
WOW~! Fascinating...you really did your research....thank you for sharing this and their memory.
I suppose this is proof that beauty can be both a blessing AND a curse.
Blessing or curse I would like to know what it is like to have it. Just once in my life.
Nah you wouldn't be able to handle it once you're beauty fads
What does "beauty" have to do with their deaths? Being found by the porn industry?
There are a few missing, but thank you so much for doing this.
Arpad. He used to visit me at the bar and he said little. But he came every time. I didn't get how alone he was. Such a sweet man.
May the Lord bring them peace and love they all deserved!
RIP Kyle Carrington .. I'm still binge watching your videos...
Binge watching porn?
@@LauraBeeDannon Yes. Binge watching porn. During a pandemic. With lockdowns. No sex.
What a very touching tribute. I recognized many of the men. Some I was unaware of them having died. As a survivor, this really brought back memories.
This is so sad, I could not stop crying. I think it’s a joke. That all of my brothers are dying from AIDS. I’m writing this with tears streaming down my face. My God help us. I hate HIV, AIDS. This is a message to the rest of us who is negative, Prep works guys. Use it please, I beg you. And help stop or break this curse.
If I know before 😭😭😭😭😭😭
Sending you love and hugs. My heart hurts for and all these ppl.
Sweetie it's very sad. But most of these guys had it before the virus was even discovered and I don't want to upset you more but my Dx in 1990... what exactly was it that I was supposed to do? I ignored it. I danced and partied and then I got ready to die like every one of my friends. There was no treatment until 1997. Most of us couldn't have done anything differently once infected. But then I didn't die. And wasn't that a plan wrecker.
My porn name was Derrick Stanton. I worked with several of these beautiful men and I almost died of AIDS myself in 2008. I didnt know Cole Tucker and Kristian Brooks had passed, both of them I worked with in the Jerry Douglas film Family Values. Jerry passed this year 2021. This was a beautiful loving presentation.
The music really adds to the power of this post 💔 What IS this piece of music ,it’s so quietly powerful 💔🎇💔🎇
I believe the music is from the movie And The Band Played On. Very powerful movie about the AIDS crisis.
@@brianwillard7044 I remember seeing that movie when it came out . Actually thought it was a bit tame, especially compared to Shilts' book. The movie came out in 1993, by which time everyone in the gay community had been dealing with AIDS for over 10 years so there was really nothing we didn't already know or hadn't already experienced. I finally decided that the movie was actually targeted (intentionally or not) at heterosexuals as a sanitized explanation for how HIV/AIDS came about.
I remember the hatred and stigmatization and blame toward gay men leveled by society whose feeling was that those horrible gay men had brought it on themselves by indulging in all that wild and uncontrolled sexual behavior. It's always been maddeningly ironic that only a short time before AIDS appeared, society was hysterical over a different incurable sexually transmitted disease. I recall a front page headline in Time (I think, maybe Newsweek) screaming "God's Curse: Herpes!'
Written by Carter Burwell, for the score of the 1993 movie about the AIDS crisis "And the Band Played On". Excellent movie, and a beautiful score!
@@brianwillard7044 Thanks 🤍
@@brianwillard7044 I was about to say the same thing..I've seen that movie dozens of times and I still believe it is one of the most truthful stories about the AIDS epidemic that will ever be told! I don't care what anyone did for a living or who they slept with, nobody deserves AIDS! I cried watching this, hope all their souls found peace!
Thank you for posting this nice video. May they rest in peace....
Glad you have two versions..slower and quicker...and as someone who was right there with most of these guys...none of us knew what was going on....till it was too late...some got lucky...many didn't....
Thank you so much for doing this -
Beautiful, sad, but not important to remember
bookertable: If hearts have a thermostat yours must be set at 20 below zero. Yes, they ARE "important to remember" if for no other reason than that they are human beings, imperfect or broken as we ALL are...
@@FriendofDorothy I'm sure he meant the opposite. His other words indicate that.
Thank you for helping us to know their names and to remember them. They were here and we feel the weight of the memory of them.
So very deeply dark & profoundly gut wrenching...I'm shuddering at the staggering number of lives lost to aids...What especially hurts my heart is seeing so many of the men die while they were still practically young kids...We mustn't EVER forget them, & how most men suffering from aids & aids-related illnesses back in the 80's & 90's, eventually became shunned by not only society but by families as well.... & left to die all alone in the most undignified of circumstances...Tears... For their lonliness, pain and suffering...
I cannot believe I lived through the 80's and 90's. But somehow I did live through them, happily....... But somehow not so happy now.
Life and love can play a funny game on one.
Lots of beautiful and sexy men struggled and lost their lives.
I should be more thankful for what I had then and what I have know.
Thank you for this beautiful remembrance.
Thank you for taking the time to create this video although it was quite heart wrenching to watch....I kept thinking it had to be nearly over only to realize it wasn't even 50% done. All these young beautiful men, so many lost to AIDS. The 70s and 80s was my time to be young....I wonder sometimes how is it that I am still here. There is an expression my Irish grandmother used to say, something about the hope of living long enough to comb gray hair. I am grateful for my life, no complaints here about getting older.
requiescant in pace, dearest symbols of a lost freedom...
They were actually risking their life for the industry and no one respected them for that. That's so sad. Such a great video, thank for posting
I have serious issue with the industry and their treatment of the actors, both gay and straight. It took too long for all companies to implement mandatory testing and the use of condoms in films. I feel like there was a lot of complicity in most of the deaths.