i knew this was going to be a good bit when "like caine was in the corner taking notes" elicited an audible reaction from the audience. it's still a video that i come back to watch over and over again.
@@AA-kz1tl the phrase is a powerful analogy. Typically when you say you slept like a baby it means you slept well. But in this context it’s a play on words. He lied to “deceit” and said he slept well. But what he really means is that he now feels dead inside, and when he says he “slept like a baby” he means he slept like the dead baby that died in its sleep. He was twisting the phrase.
This is one of those moments when something you hear or read or witness sets up a little room inside you and becomes a part of you. What an amazing poem.
+Stacy Raven Wow. I've never thought about it like that. You're right. I heard this for the first time yesterday and it's still ringing in my ears... It has changed me. I shared it with a couple of friends and ... they debated whether or not he did the right thing. ??? Am I wrong? That wasn't the point, was it? I felt so far beyond that. What's done is done. He made magic and turned unthinkable tragedy into something beautiful... untouchable. I don't see it as anything other than a miraculous piece of art.
+WOLVESVIDS Sorry for the late reply... its a reference to the Biblical story of Cain and Abel, where Cain was jealous of his brother Abel and killed him, and when god asks Cain where his brother is, Cain lies and says "am I my brother's keeper?" Basically in christian theology it was the first murder committed, which makes the metaphor so strong. The poet feels as though his lie, a lie told because he knew the truth would be tantamount to murder (the suicide of the parents), was the embodiment of deceit, so much so that Cain was taking notes...
As an EMT this hits hard, I've been down that road multiple times. Seen the best and worst of life, from love letter suicides to babies that suffer from "SIDS" to the birth of a new life right in my hands. I applaud you sir for this poem, and at the same time feel for what you've seen and have done.
For me it was Christmas morning 1993. My crew went to the hospital on the ambulance and I stayed behind to clean up the scene and gather our gear. The baby's two older sisters watched out the front window as the ambulance and their mother drove away. Not a Christmas goes by that I don't wonder what every Christmas is like for them.
Holy shit. I'm literally bawling my eyes out. I don't have words that are enough to explain how hard this hit me. As a mother who once upon a time couldn't afford a crib myself and slept with my baby. This Tuesday she's turning four but.... just imagine...i can't imagine a world in which this happened to me. Wow. This guy is talented. Amazing. I'm still crying
This type of thing almost killed me and my instructor moved into teaching for a reason so heartbreaking I don't even think I should post it without some kind of warning and I don't know how to do the thing where you hide your post as a spoiler or whatever
I can hear that dispatch information. The rushed urgency of the dispatcher.. the way every word drops from the speaker. The panic scream, the broken cry of anguish. It's all there, and yet still I come back
this isnt at all what i expected when i clicked this video and this is probably the most beautifully tragic poem i have ever heard, absolutely beautiful, even with tears pouring from my face
As mother of a "SIDS" baby ... This was gutting. i remember from my own experience, infant death really takes a different kind of toll on the medical personnel involved. i was 2 hours away, Halloween Day when his father called me. That conversation and the entirety of the 24 hours after it are so deeply engrained into my entire being, it went so fast but it felt like slow motion "Allan woke up not breathing" Falling to my knees on the icy sidewalks so hard that they're still scarred, the 2 hours racing down the highway crying "i want my daddy" (who died suddenly just 6 months before) Talking to the doctor on the phone who for my sake, worked on him for an extra hour trying to bring his little heartbeat back... Thanking him for doing all he could even though he couldn't, To arriving at the children's hospital. They knew who i was when i got there. Everyone knew who o was when i got there. A doctor led me while a very quiet precession of nurses, security, front desk, and the chaplin followed. For a busy emergency room it was so deathly quiet. Those people didn't know me, they didn't know my son, i didn't know them... but not one of them had dry eyes. Even though he couldn't be saved, i appreciated every single one of them. They worked tirelessly to save him, and as hard as that night was for all of us... from the first responders, to the security guard, to the doctor who called it, i hope they know how much i appreciated each and every one of them. To do a job that might require you to see yhe grief of a mother who's dying inside over and over again... They all have every ounce of respect i have. You too, good sir. Thank you for what you do.
Reading your story has me in tears. I'm so sorry you experienced this and nothing I can say will make it any better but thank you for sharing your story with us. I can't imagine how you feel/felt but your explanation of the experience as a mother made me very emotional.
This is still one of the most harrowing things I've heard in my life. Thank you Mr Walker and thank you to all the people in your line of work all over the world. Your work is among the hardest that a human being has to do.
Had a call just like this. This tears me apart. Edit: 4 months after my original comment now and I just found out my partner just killed himself. We were the rig that would always get the worst calls because I had extra training in phlebotomy and my partner was actually an RN. I made 10 dollars an hour. He got 12.50 Kind of f***** up that the life of a great man and a damn good medic can end for such a small amount of money. $12.50 an hour as an RN. It was a private company so I will not be saying their name but if you're in healthcare you probably know them. Publicly funded they would force you to take 3 days off talking to a therapist but we didn't even get that. I don't think any form of media will ever hit me in the chest like this poem does. I used to watch this video just impressed with the poem but now I do it when I need to cry for awhile. Not to get on a soapbox but it isn't weakness to get therapy. I denied it for years and it didn't help I can tell you that much. Mental health can destroy everything if you let it. -It's not your fault. -It's ok to show emotion. -Do not let poor mental health cause poor physical health. Edit: back here again...my partner on this call killed himself about a week ago. He was 26.
jfc you guys have no mental support in that line of work? is this 1916? I have no words... Just wanted to add: -It's as ok for you to live out both the physical and emotional room you take, as it is for everyone. It's part of the package. Pitty, that some have to stand on and crush others just to feel relevant. -It's absolutely necessary to say no to what is beyond your limits, rather than letting ourselves be violated silently, because that stuff piles up and tears us down. take care stranger
@@masterxyr we are SUPPOSED to be offered 1 to 3 days off health leave when we lose an infant or child on the job and are offered to speak to a counselor. But a lot of that falls through the cracks especially in private businesses. I mean....that's your job, ya know?
@@Fresh_Biscuits sure, business as usual, but it's not, isn't it? It's riding at the edge of the distant and lonely cliffs of life and death. every day. I really really wish people in your line of work had heaps of support, and you have my unreserved respect and admiration. Hopefully you get to kick your work boots off at say the Seychelles as often as you possibly can :) (which I know you don't, and oof) tata
I have never been so chilled and compelled by one persons words. As a nurse to all ages and a mother of a beautiful baby girl, this made my heart race and made my have chills. how powerful your words are.
That last line..wow. I immediately wept. So powerful. So heartfelt. @RJWalker Rest easy knowing, that although a life may have been lost that night, you saved two.
4 years later and this poem is still so powerful. "cpr always last a life time" "I could live with the guilt of a lie but I could not live with the guilt of their guilt...so I lied"
Some scars last for a lifetime. One cant do real good in the world without risking to get hurt. I have great respect for everyone who risks getting wounded so terrible by helping other humans. It is unfair that the people who make the change also have to pai for it.
RJ, I dont know if you'll read this but this year was my first NPS and I really want you to know that I was happy every time I caught you at an open mic and I was super excited to share that second bout with you and your team. The pieces you and your team put up are the ones I gush about whenever anyone asks me how my first NPS was.
+Blake Lively Thanks man. That 2nd bout was honestly my favorite one. All the teams were mathed out so we could just chill and do poems. Those are the best. No pressure, just poems. And those group pieces we did that bout were honestly the poems we came there to do.
Every time I forget why I love poetry, why I love writing, every time I need a reminder of the way words can sing in my veins and spark chills down my spine, I come back to this poem. It shudders through me like ice, and I love it. So, so beautiful.
I have came back to this video a few times. Unless this has happened to you, you wouldn't understand how comforting it is to know that you're not alone with deceit.
I never ever comment... this is incredible... god bless this man. you did what was right and that's not a lie... I believe you are an amazing man, sir.
I heard this long ago and it choked me up, but now as a nearly certified EMT I felt like I had to rewatch it and it made me cry. This is easily one of the strongest things I've ever felt from poetry.
Few things can make me open up that little box full of dark calls and feel these emotions again. You've done that with such beauty and grace. This was dark and so incredible.
Just heard you on Risk! and you blew my mind cause I didn't expect to hear you there. Immediately I had to come here and search up your video. Crazy hearing the whole story but you did an amazing job!
Man that poem made me cry so tragic and powerfully told. I got to this page from a link on an EMS page. I'm thinking about volunteering for a local ambulance company. Not sure I could handle a call like this though.
Incredibly powerful and moving poem, brilliantly read, thank you for sharing. I'm not familiar with Button poetry, but the only critique I have is that I feel the audience commentary detracted from the performance at several points. The ending, especially, is the sort of thing that needs a moment of stunned silence to properly process. Maybe a studio recording can be made someday?
I have an album of studio recorded poems at www.rjwalker.bandcamp.com that is free (pay what you want) perhaps I'll throw Deciet on there as a bonus track when I have time to get back into the studio.
"what a horror it is to kill the one you hold close/by holding them close"
"I slept like a baby"
These lines hit hard. Incredible
i knew this was going to be a good bit when "like caine was in the corner taking notes" elicited an audible reaction from the audience. it's still a video that i come back to watch over and over again.
"CPR always lasts a lifetime". Fuuuuuck me dude. What an absolutely perfectly placed summary that is.
This is the line that changed the feals of the story
"I could live with the guilt of a lie, but I could not live with the guilt of their guilt, so I lied."
This is the kind of poem that leaves the mind branded by it's passing.
Shrike i watched this the day it was posted and i still come back and watch it every couple of months.
@@pepperbrown6667 As do I.
Can you guys please explain the last phrase?
@@AA-kz1tl "slept like a baby" is a common expression, at least where i'm from, and the regular context people use it in is to say "I slept well"
@@AA-kz1tl the phrase is a powerful analogy. Typically when you say you slept like a baby it means you slept well. But in this context it’s a play on words. He lied to “deceit” and said he slept well. But what he really means is that he now feels dead inside, and when he says he “slept like a baby” he means he slept like the dead baby that died in its sleep. He was twisting the phrase.
This is one of those moments when something you hear or read or witness sets up a little room inside you and becomes a part of you. What an amazing poem.
+Stacy Raven Wow. I've never thought about it like that. You're right. I heard this for the first time yesterday and it's still ringing in my ears... It has changed me. I shared it with a couple of friends and ... they debated whether or not he did the right thing. ??? Am I wrong? That wasn't the point, was it? I felt so far beyond that. What's done is done. He made magic and turned unthinkable tragedy into something beautiful... untouchable. I don't see it as anything other than a miraculous piece of art.
I will never forget this man and the things he has said. It still lives with me and haunts me.
"Like Cain was in the corner taking notes." What a line
I actually failed to catch the reference?
+WOLVESVIDS - The story of Cain and Abel is likely the reference. It's a Bible thing.
+Osixjoh thank you!
+WOLVESVIDS Sorry for the late reply... its a reference to the Biblical story of Cain and Abel, where Cain was jealous of his brother Abel and killed him, and when god asks Cain where his brother is, Cain lies and says "am I my brother's keeper?" Basically in christian theology it was the first murder committed, which makes the metaphor so strong. The poet feels as though his lie, a lie told because he knew the truth would be tantamount to murder (the suicide of the parents), was the embodiment of deceit, so much so that Cain was taking notes...
+jordandlee22 thank you so much!!!
As an EMT this hits hard, I've been down that road multiple times. Seen the best and worst of life, from love letter suicides to babies that suffer from "SIDS" to the birth of a new life right in my hands. I applaud you sir for this poem, and at the same time feel for what you've seen and have done.
I'm weeping alone in empty, angry painful sadness unable to imagine how much worse he must have felt.
Saw this on Imgur... But hearing it in person... Holy cow. Even having seen the ending, it's *still* heart-rending.
+Khyrberos while reading it, I got misty eyed. Hearing it, I cried like a baby.
Me too. It was presented like a comedy bit, but I quickly realized it was not.
Like a baby....god damn.
Only the living are lucky enough to cry, what those parents wouldve given to hear their baby cry again.
Khyrberos i listen to this literally daily and it's ALWAYS heart wrenching
For me it was Christmas morning 1993. My crew went to the hospital on the ambulance and I stayed behind to clean up the scene and gather our gear. The baby's two older sisters watched out the front window as the ambulance and their mother drove away. Not a Christmas goes by that I don't wonder what every Christmas is like for them.
"I slept like a baby."
Shit that's enough internet for tonight I think a part of me died in this comment section.
Holy shit. I'm literally bawling my eyes out. I don't have words that are enough to explain how hard this hit me. As a mother who once upon a time couldn't afford a crib myself and slept with my baby. This Tuesday she's turning four but.... just imagine...i can't imagine a world in which this happened to me. Wow. This guy is talented. Amazing. I'm still crying
"...like Cain was in the corner taking notes." Chills. This is one of the most visceral and powerful pieces I've ever experienced
From one paramedic to another. Wow. Emotions to spoken word.
+Steve Cole No kidding.
This type of thing almost killed me and my instructor moved into teaching for a reason so heartbreaking I don't even think I should post it without some kind of warning and I don't know how to do the thing where you hide your post as a spoiler or whatever
I can hear that dispatch information. The rushed urgency of the dispatcher.. the way every word drops from the speaker. The panic scream, the broken cry of anguish.
It's all there, and yet still I come back
My jaw dropped at that last line. Fantastic.
"I slept like a baby"
**Chills**
THAT LAST LINEEEEEEEE MY GOD IT HITS YOU HARD
I still listen to this every now and then, and even though I know it word for word by now, there's not a single time that I don't tear up.
this isnt at all what i expected when i clicked this video and this is probably the most beautifully tragic poem i have ever heard, absolutely beautiful, even with tears pouring from my face
As mother of a "SIDS" baby ... This was gutting. i remember from my own experience, infant death really takes a different kind of toll on the medical personnel involved. i was 2 hours away, Halloween Day when his father called me. That conversation and the entirety of the 24 hours after it are so deeply engrained into my entire being, it went so fast but it felt like slow motion "Allan woke up not breathing" Falling to my knees on the icy sidewalks so hard that they're still scarred, the 2 hours racing down the highway crying "i want my daddy" (who died suddenly just 6 months before) Talking to the doctor on the phone who for my sake, worked on him for an extra hour trying to bring his little heartbeat back... Thanking him for doing all he could even though he couldn't, To arriving at the children's hospital. They knew who i was when i got there. Everyone knew who o was when i got there. A doctor led me while a very quiet precession of nurses, security, front desk, and the chaplin followed. For a busy emergency room it was so deathly quiet. Those people didn't know me, they didn't know my son, i didn't know them... but not one of them had dry eyes. Even though he couldn't be saved, i appreciated every single one of them. They worked tirelessly to save him, and as hard as that night was for all of us... from the first responders, to the security guard, to the doctor who called it, i hope they know how much i appreciated each and every one of them. To do a job that might require you to see yhe grief of a mother who's dying inside over and over again... They all have every ounce of respect i have. You too, good sir. Thank you for what you do.
Reading your story has me in tears. I'm so sorry you experienced this and nothing I can say will make it any better but thank you for sharing your story with us. I can't imagine how you feel/felt but your explanation of the experience as a mother made me very emotional.
This is still one of the most harrowing things I've heard in my life. Thank you Mr Walker and thank you to all the people in your line of work all over the world. Your work is among the hardest that a human being has to do.
Had a call just like this. This tears me apart.
Edit: 4 months after my original comment now and I just found out my partner just killed himself. We were the rig that would always get the worst calls because I had extra training in phlebotomy and my partner was actually an RN. I made 10 dollars an hour. He got 12.50
Kind of f***** up that the life of a great man and a damn good medic can end for such a small amount of money. $12.50 an hour as an RN. It was a private company so I will not be saying their name but if you're in healthcare you probably know them.
Publicly funded they would force you to take 3 days off talking to a therapist but we didn't even get that.
I don't think any form of media will ever hit me in the chest like this poem does.
I used to watch this video just impressed with the poem but now I do it when I need to cry for awhile.
Not to get on a soapbox but it isn't weakness to get therapy. I denied it for years and it didn't help I can tell you that much.
Mental health can destroy everything if you let it.
-It's not your fault.
-It's ok to show emotion.
-Do not let poor mental health cause poor physical health.
Edit: back here again...my partner on this call killed himself about a week ago. He was 26.
jfc
you guys have no mental support in that line of work? is this 1916? I have no words...
Just wanted to add:
-It's as ok for you to live out both the physical and emotional room you take, as it is for everyone. It's part of the package.
Pitty, that some have to stand on and crush others just to feel relevant.
-It's absolutely necessary to say no to what is beyond your limits, rather than letting ourselves be violated silently, because that stuff piles up and tears us down.
take care stranger
@@masterxyr we are SUPPOSED to be offered 1 to 3 days off health leave when we lose an infant or child on the job and are offered to speak to a counselor.
But a lot of that falls through the cracks especially in private businesses. I mean....that's your job, ya know?
@@Fresh_Biscuits sure, business as usual, but it's not, isn't it? It's riding at the edge of the distant and lonely cliffs of life and death. every day.
I really really wish people in your line of work had heaps of support, and you have my unreserved respect and admiration.
Hopefully you get to kick your work boots off at say the Seychelles as often as you possibly can :) (which I know you don't, and oof)
tata
@@masterxyr thank you very much. The kind words mean a lot.
@@Fresh_Biscuits I really meant them. unfortunately, the world we live in does not recognise effort and true value enough.
take care xx
I don't think a final sentence of any poem has ever took the breath out of my lungs quite like this one
I had almost this exact same call while i worked on the ambulance. Felt like you were describing my experience, thank you.
This poem is amazing I'm crying
I was led to believe this was stand up comedy. I have been misled.
Would you say you have been... deceived?
I'm gonna need you to cut that post haste XD
I'm sorry to hear that.
RIGHT and then i heard this i was like weeping by the end
Hit me like an axe right down my spine... That was powerful.
I have never been so chilled and compelled by one persons words. As a nurse to all ages and a mother of a beautiful baby girl, this made my heart race and made my have chills. how powerful your words are.
That last line..wow. I immediately wept. So powerful. So heartfelt. @RJWalker Rest easy knowing, that although a life may have been lost that night, you saved two.
the last line hit me like a truck holy shit
4 years later and this poem is still so powerful. "cpr always last a life time" "I could live with the guilt of a lie but I could not live with the guilt of their guilt...so I lied"
Some scars last for a lifetime.
One cant do real good in the world without risking to get hurt.
I have great respect for everyone who risks getting wounded so terrible by helping other humans.
It is unfair that the people who make the change also have to pai for it.
last line FUCKED ME UP
Instead of doing the good deed of telling the truth, you did the good deed of protecting them.
This has stayed my favorite poem for years
You should probably read more poetry then
this is the best poem i've heard in months. the last line shook me
Lived this twice so far as a medic. Dying inside...
Oh wow. This is incredible.
When he said the last line I like burst into tears, literally a sob from my throat.
RJ, I dont know if you'll read this but this year was my first NPS and I really want you to know that I was happy every time I caught you at an open mic and I was super excited to share that second bout with you and your team. The pieces you and your team put up are the ones I gush about whenever anyone asks me how my first NPS was.
+Blake Lively Thanks man. That 2nd bout was honestly my favorite one. All the teams were mathed out so we could just chill and do poems. Those are the best. No pressure, just poems. And those group pieces we did that bout were honestly the poems we came there to do.
+RJ Walker It was a fantastic bout. I hope I can represent with a team again and get another chance to slam with you again!
I've seen this video about 8-10 times now. And everytime he hits the last line I get sheer goose bumps all over my body.
Every time I forget why I love poetry, why I love writing, every time I need a reminder of the way words can sing in my veins and spark chills down my spine, I come back to this poem. It shudders through me like ice, and I love it. So, so beautiful.
"I could live with the guilt of a lie, but I could not live with the guilt of their guilt so I lied." So powerful! I am in tears...
A poem has never made me weep like this one. Very powerful and absolutely beautiful.
Heart-wrenching.
The gasp from the crowd made my gasp even louder oh my god I can't! What skills I swear this poem gave me chills
best poem I've ever been exposed to
Every so often, I randomly come back to this. Every time it hits harder than the last.
I have came back to this video a few times. Unless this has happened to you, you wouldn't understand how comforting it is to know that you're not alone with deceit.
shit. that hurt.
Thank you brother, you have put words to the stuff we see everyday but don't know how to share, the crap that eats us all up, unless you have no soul.
When you mind looks for the erase button, while you heart can't carve it into it self fast enough. This is the feeling this poem evokes.
I never ever comment... this is incredible... god bless this man. you did what was right and that's not a lie... I believe you are an amazing man, sir.
I heard this long ago and it choked me up, but now as a nearly certified EMT I felt like I had to rewatch it and it made me cry. This is easily one of the strongest things I've ever felt from poetry.
Few things can make me open up that little box full of dark calls and feel these emotions again. You've done that with such beauty and grace. This was dark and so incredible.
"I slept like a baby."
FUCK. WHY DID YOU DO THAT? I WAS ALREADY CRYING, THAT REALLY WASN'T NECCESARY.
I absolutely love the crowd reaction at the end as he delivers that killer line
Literally got chills from the last line
That was powerful and so, so sad
"I slept like a baby." Wow what a punchline my god.
Just heard you on Risk! and you blew my mind cause I didn't expect to hear you there. Immediately I had to come here and search up your video. Crazy hearing the whole story but you did an amazing job!
Awesome! Thanks for checking me out on RISK!
Too many feels to fill the room, nicely done RJ as usual. ✌
Oh man. This has to be my favorite. That sent shivers down my spine
Well organized, well written, and excellently performed. I commend you for your prose, and thank you for this thought-provoking piece. Cheers.
My god, i have chills and tears right now. That was beautiful, and painful, and tragically perfect. God.
Man that poem made me cry so tragic and powerfully told. I got to this page from a link on an EMS page. I'm thinking about volunteering for a local ambulance company. Not sure I could handle a call like this though.
one of my favorites. very powerful
Fuck... I've listened to a number of powerful poems from Button but NONE brought tears like this. Amazing.
I can't really formulate the words to leave on this... painful, and... beautiful poem. I just felt like there had to be a record that it was heard.
This is one of my favorite poems on this channel. So good 💕
What an incredible poem. The ending is amazing.
As a father, how am I supposed to hear these stories and not feel anger at those responsible for all those innocent lives lost?
what some people go through....the pain they have to carry...
summed it up perfectly, I know that call to well thank you for putting into words what I couldn't
i first read this and they are both so powerful
I'm snapping as loudly as I can right now.
Not gonna lie, every poem I listen to of his gets me in a way that no one else's does,
Stunning poem, last line in particular punches you right in the soul. Great work
omfg that last line was amazing. what the hell, youre an amazing writer.
That last line gave me chills
EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS POEM HURTS
chilling... what an incredible piece
WOW! In sobbing I have no words
This is my favorite modern poem
Incredibly powerful and moving poem, brilliantly read, thank you for sharing.
I'm not familiar with Button poetry, but the only critique I have is that I feel the audience commentary detracted from the performance at several points. The ending, especially, is the sort of thing that needs a moment of stunned silence to properly process. Maybe a studio recording can be made someday?
I have an album of studio recorded poems at www.rjwalker.bandcamp.com that is free (pay what you want) perhaps I'll throw Deciet on there as a bonus track when I have time to get back into the studio.
+RJ Walker That would be awesome, thank you. I'll pop over to your site and have a gander. Keep up the great work!
+RJ Walker
Thank you ~ Sharing the link.
I disagree, myself. I feel like the audience reacted so powerfully it was audible to great lines gave them more weight.
That's fair. Some people also feel more comfortable having a laugh track in sitcoms so they know which bits are funny. To each their own.
Hits you deep in your core. Damn.......
Yo I heard the last line & dead ass hit the NO FUKN WAY this is beautiful on sum real shit
Wow. Absolutely speechless.
The amount of times I had to say "oh my god" throughout this.... somebody hold me!!
Chills from that last line.
Wow, this really got me
Incredible! Such an amazing poem.
Is this based on an actual experience of yours? Or is this just brilliant story telling pulled from thin air? Either way, great job, amazing poem.
I didnt get the "i slept like a baby" part until ten seconds after. Round of aplause.
Visceral... I'm stunned.
This broke my heart.
Wow. Just, wow. I'm spechless what a poem.
.............
(speechless)
Poverty kills.