Hey guys hope this was helpful! Leave me a comment with your thoughts? Be sure to check out my brand new masterclass on the 5 Proven Steps to Rebuilding Your Relationship/Marriage. (Warning: Spots are limited) 💪 Here is the link to the MASTERCLASS! -> urlgeni.us/MCTSNILODS 🎁 Download the FREE GUIDE! -> relationshipsmastered.com/healing-partner-emotions 🎉 To see how all my clients have achieved massive success through dire & hopeless circumstances, click here! ua-cam.com/play/PLQ8tvyhQlPzsNm-vC_g_8SWGcJRngefgU.html
These interviews are even more fun to watch when you are in the program. As you kind of know the members from their posts and looms, you not only see a success story but you witness all the work they're putting in as well. Their work. Their development. You can watch looms from Nick from 1 year ago and one more recently. His changes are so massive. It's inspiring. Time to double down on the processes. :)
Exactly Peter! When you are learning and growing alongside another student, you see how much work and effort they have put in. Then, when you see an interview like this, you know the outcomes they are getting have been earned and are due to their growth and massive transformation. Keep working, Peter; I see you are not settling for being average, and keep striving to become an A player. I love this approach, and I am honored to have you in the program.
I can’t wait to get a quiet moment and watch this. As a stay at home spouse with no income, all I can do is watch the videos and I realise I’m terrified of doing everything wrong and messing up the process. Trying to learn as much as I can. I thank you for all the free content.
You are going to need longer than a moment, haha. I don't know how it happens, but these interviews keep getting longer and longer. It is easy to let the time slip away when you have two people excited to discuss things they both have learned and enjoyed and to also talk about the fantastic outcomes becoming a leader has created. I hope you enjoy watching it as much as I did in creating it. :)
Honestly, your 2 hours feel like 2 minutes video jeff hahaha. I still looking forward to understand how to have 0 anxiety bcause no matter how i try to not react to my anxiety and my broken heart, i just could not totally free from it which my heart will suddenly beating fast everytime i remember that gloomy year and how i felt being betrayed for her limerences to many guys. I have to admit that definitely my fault that cause her did that. Hopefully i can figure out a little how can i overcome my anxiety as well as how to create safety during our current separation time for she is working oversea now
@@GeoffreySetiawanSuch a great interview. I genuinely empathise with all the anxiety and insecurity. That is exactly why I turned out to be controlling and also started many, many unnecessary fights. And destroyed all safety. This is exactly how my brain works. So clearly there is hope for me!
This is such a great interview, his obsession is really inspiring! And how he struggled with a lot of things, seeing him bumping head into similar issues, makes you excited for what is coming!
Each interview is parts of what I’m going thru mentally. We have been separated since May 2023 and now divorced papers are being filed. Our last conversation was about me continuing to work on myself as a man and father regardless of what happened between us. I legit just let go. I know I’ll have moments of pain but I’ll keep going
Nick’s anxieties causing him to be speechless or all of the sudden not know how to handle a situation is exactly how I get. I know what my partner needs and I can be really awesome at giving it to her, but when I’m anxious she feels unheard and all hell breaks loose. I hope to sign up for the program soon. I seriously need the deep education/ understanding that makes the mindset shift natural 100% of the time.
This is so similar to my situation and I really appreciate the videos. The conversation helps so much to see there are others who are in the same situation. I would really like to take the program. I'm just afraid of the cost . Thank you Geoffrey for your purpose
Hi @robertmyerson8024, this is why I always say. "No situation is unique or special". It blows my mind that some still think they are unique; I am glad you are beginning to see that with effort and the right internal shifts, you can become the leader and change your outcome, too, just like Nick! Regarding joining the program, feel free to check out the free master class and schedule a call afterward with a team member to see how we can help. :)
hey geff im saving money to join the program i dont know still when im gonna be available to do that i highly trust on no situation is unique i attended the master class twice i want to know if i can book a coaching call with you or Jason before joining the program later i have no doubt of joining the program If i fix my relationship with my ex or not its just overall great content and seeing these clients growth its amazing i wanna have that too💪 relationship mastered is dope 🎉
So I can relate to what he's saying towards the end and the needy attitude. When I reflect this used to not be me. I lost myself helping her. Now I'm in a position where it seems I'm trapped because a majority of kid responsibilities are on me. So I feel I don't have a ton of time to build myself back up I guess so I'm stuck till I figure it out.
Hey Geoff. Been watching your videos. Trying to get in your course. My woman finally left me last week (tbh, I left before as well but she convinced me to come back) and of course I looked at the route of the cause of the breakup after. Watching your videos, I’ve come to realize we’ve done pretty much everything you speak about to each other. We both were new to a relationship and didn’t possess the skills to deal with the issues. What does it mean if I’m not experiencing anxiety? I was anxious at the beginning but after watching pretty much all of your videos, that was gone as I’m not normally an anxious person. I feel like if she gained the knowledge that I have, we’d thrive but I have avoided telling her everything I’ve learned until I feel she’s ready to hear it. I knew there was an underlying issue, and I didn’t know what it was. Now I am understanding the issues, I feel like there may be hope. I’m not anxious for her to hear this information, but I feel like it’s information that might help her through this. I am now more hurt for the way I treated her unconsciously than I am the breakup. She is just one of those woman you can’t let get away. If you understand what I’m trying to say, what do you think? Thanks!
Does a leader tell someone what they need to do, need to learn, how to behave, etc? Or does a leader lead by example, inspire, and set the tone with their actions? Do leaders do things with the expectation that someone else does the same in return? Or is a leader defined as a leader who does things because they see value in what they do and has conviction in doing so? Do leaders get impatient, feel defeated, and lack patience? Or does a leader have patience and compassion and understand that if they have not been demonstrating consistency in these areas for a long period of time it is no shock why someone is not eager to follow them. If you understand what I’m trying to say, I think you will read your comment and find your answer.
Your videos kept me from doing the alpha male no contact game. It worked a bit, however now I'm considering whether or not she is really "needing space" to fix a problem or has she really just given up completely and maybe even wasn't honest to me along the way. Basically, it would be GREAT if you were to make a video about signs she never really had her heart in it. For example in my case this case. I'm 50. She's 33. She said she was OK with that. We've had a bit of conflict but in comparing to every other relationship I've had, the others have been much more forgiving than this one. She would react very strongly to just the very first time something happened. And then she would sort of sit on that and at some later point say "you always do this" but then her only example is that one time that so and so happened. And these things are not me shouting or losing it. These things are more cases where I insisted on something. I'm just trying to lay out a case here for you to explain that you have given a lot of great tips on how to save something worth saving, but it would be great if you did a few videos on whether or not something is worth saving. I see you did some early on about narcissistic women. Maybe my answers are in there? I'll give it a shot. Thanks so much for what you have shared with us. Your focused, rational thought really explains complex situations well.
I am going through the same , every time i initiated any contact with her and tried to talk about getting back , she kept telling me that she needs space and she needs time to heal , but whenever i try to get her to open up , she always mentions things which make me question the whole process , making me feel , is this person still in love with me ? Or is she just using this time to move on from me. Every conversation was turning sour , to a point where she said to not have any expectations and not wait for her and she doesnt know what she wants. It gets extremely difficult to stay positive and improve yourself where the other person is not even bothered by your changes.
@@surfreadjumpsleep we were together for 5 years , its like she has given up all hope , she doesnt even wanna try , all she says is she wants space , and that too space without having to talk or discuss about us or our relationship and i shouldnt keep any expectations from her etc etc. I am always caught up between wether i should try to move on and put all my efforts into just getting her out of my life and out of mind , or i should give her the space and try to make her understand , i really love her , except for my mother i dont think i have ever loved a woman as much as i love her. Last week she told me she loves me and she feels she messed it all up & she ended up crying over the phone and was showing regret. But again i went too far and tried to persuade her instantly to get back with me , got too needy and desperate and again we were back to square one , where she started saying the same things again that she doesnt want a relationship now , she is not ready to be in one , she wants us to have a fresh start but as of now she isn't ready. Right now i have decided her to give her that space and that i wont bring up any conversation about us for atleast a good month , and i'll only respond to her and not initiate as when i initiate i always jump the gun and again i literally end up pleading and begging , which i have now decided is something i am not gonna do from now on , wether she want to work things out or not.
@@Ghostrider32064 You've been together for 5 years It's quite a long time. Is there something specific that she was looking for that you have not done? How old are reach of you?
I want to join the program badly. I am feeling stuck, so is my wife whom is in therapy and I feel like they are behind I theyre "coaching". I'm just not quite bulletproof I get angry and my nuances and subtle tones grumble.
geoff , i know you are great no situation is unique i trust it my ex and i was talking for four months but she always had that question why we are taliking we dont have any future , and last night she was telling that she is aproching someone else ,, we have a fight last night and also we are seprated for a year now i again pleased her , and she said she is going and she will never come back i dont know now , beacuse i pleased her again and she said me you are not changed thats why worried about it still is there any hope or should i leave now as she blovked me again we had a intense fight
Sanket, if I can be blunt with you. If you continue focusing on the wrong things, as you have through the comments and emails to Jason and me, the answer is no. However, if you surrender to making the right massive and permanent changes, the same choice has been made by the same people's story you comment on. Then, the answer is yes. You can have remarkable outcomes just as they have. The choice of hope is yours. Not mine.
@@GeoffreySetiawan I know Geoff you are actually a best teacher , finally I said her , I will not do anything cheap , I am ready to talk to you on your terms , if you want to unblock me then it's fine it's time to fully go through the program Geoff , just little worried about she is approaching someone but don't know she is telling me all those things and at same time she said she dont have anyone to talk to that's why she talks with me it melts my heart Geoff listening to all these makes me very hopeless, as one's she got someone she will throw me out I am thinking like this Geoff ,,
I just told mine that you may feel like that’s what you want today but you don’t have to destroy the marriage because of how you feel. Then I told her that I put her clothes in the dryer so she can have clean clothes in the morning and I went to bed. In our situation she was feeling fearful and that’s uncomfortable so she started getting controlling and anger is easier to feel than fear. So now she’s controlling and angry and that doesn’t leave me many good options. So I just did the opposite. I stayed steady emotionally, I didn’t panic and I didn’t feed into the irrational urge to throw everything away. By staying calm her fears decreased and later when she wasn’t feeling unhinged I asked her to try and drill down to find out what she was afraid of. I told her that I would be there and not give up as long as she didn’t totally sabotage and abandon the relationship. Turns out most of her fears were about things in her past that her father had done. I had her talk about that in as much detail as possible and that helped me understand how she was getting triggered. She is still a very difficult person to navigate with but we are still managing. I put my trust and my faith in God and not in her so no matter what she does I am good. That also means that I don’t need to panic about it like I did in my previous marriage. I just tell her that I have already done divorce and all that means is that some day you will find yourself with someone else and still have the same problems. You don’t get to run from growth so it’s better to just figure it out now. Now she goes off of the rails and I just get a big smile on my face. She wants to know what I’m smiling about and I just say, it’s okay to be scared, we’re going to get through this together and figure it out. Fear is contagious. If she thinks I’m scared then she feeds off the fear and it creates a feedback loop. Someone has to come to their senses and stop. If I reach sanity first then I’m leading and she soon realizes that she is not in control because she can’t control herself. I just picture a big rock that she can’t move and I just become the rock and stay solid. I pass the test because I’m safe from being tossed around and then she feels like she’s safe and comes back to earth. Then I get to say stuff like, you don’t have to go through this alone. We will get through this together too. Now it’s more like a game where before it was frickin stupid serious and everything felt like it was crashing down. That’s what she was feeling and she was just projecting it onto me. Well, I don’t have to feel that. I just smile whenever she rants and raves and become the rock. Doesn’t matter if she tries to dig and find a vulnerable spot that hurts I just smile because I am a rock and she’s not going to move me. I hope the best for you and your situation. Don’t step into the trap of being offended and leave enough energy to listen and ask better questions. Give your full attention but don’t get emotionally jerked around. The only negative comments I will make are, that’s not true or that’s manipulation and I am not here to be manipulated. Otherwise I listen and say positive things like, this is something that we can overcome if we work together.
@@boxelder9167 I totally understand this but I've dug an even deeper hole by not remaining bulletproof or killing desires for intimacy also she thinks I'm so fake she realizes I've done a complete 180 and needs time to get the new me......she still wants to basically separate so she can heal.....ive been rushing i had an in when she asked whats the rush? That was my que to back off but keep hunting I'm just gonna be my new man in Christ and deny the flesh even tho I've always loved my wife I just was afraid to always be vulnerable or honest.
@@biersmorgen6609 - Absence makes the heart grow fonder. You may have to back way, way off. Like jump on a mission trip to another country that doesn’t have cell phone service. 6 to 9 months is maybe appropriate. Tell her you can talk about it with her when you get back. I have had relationships that were really tanking and I basically disappeared and then she started hunting me down. Sometimes they just don’t know what they have until they feel it when it’s gone. Plus it gets your head in a different place instead of being over the top trying to fix it.
@@boxelder9167 I have 3 boys, I would only confirm her bias that don't care but u are absolutely correct ... I'm starting a small business and having a full time job and staying in completely separate rooms most days. it's tough to navigate but I'm focused on internal shifts and being a great father...
Hey guys hope this was helpful! Leave me a comment with your thoughts? Be sure to check out my brand new masterclass on the 5 Proven Steps to Rebuilding Your Relationship/Marriage. (Warning: Spots are limited)
💪 Here is the link to the MASTERCLASS! -> urlgeni.us/MCTSNILODS
🎁 Download the FREE GUIDE! -> relationshipsmastered.com/healing-partner-emotions
🎉 To see how all my clients have achieved massive success through dire & hopeless circumstances, click here! ua-cam.com/play/PLQ8tvyhQlPzsNm-vC_g_8SWGcJRngefgU.html
These interviews are even more fun to watch when you are in the program. As you kind of know the members from their posts and looms, you not only see a success story but you witness all the work they're putting in as well. Their work. Their development. You can watch looms from Nick from 1 year ago and one more recently. His changes are so massive. It's inspiring.
Time to double down on the processes. :)
Exactly Peter! When you are learning and growing alongside another student, you see how much work and effort they have put in. Then, when you see an interview like this, you know the outcomes they are getting have been earned and are due to their growth and massive transformation.
Keep working, Peter; I see you are not settling for being average, and keep striving to become an A player. I love this approach, and I am honored to have you in the program.
I can’t wait to get a quiet moment and watch this. As a stay at home spouse with no income, all I can do is watch the videos and I realise I’m terrified of doing everything wrong and messing up the process. Trying to learn as much as I can. I thank you for all the free content.
You are going to need longer than a moment, haha. I don't know how it happens, but these interviews keep getting longer and longer.
It is easy to let the time slip away when you have two people excited to discuss things they both have learned and enjoyed and to also talk about the fantastic outcomes becoming a leader has created.
I hope you enjoy watching it as much as I did in creating it. :)
Honestly, your 2 hours feel like 2 minutes video jeff hahaha. I still looking forward to understand how to have 0 anxiety bcause no matter how i try to not react to my anxiety and my broken heart, i just could not totally free from it which my heart will suddenly beating fast everytime i remember that gloomy year and how i felt being betrayed for her limerences to many guys. I have to admit that definitely my fault that cause her did that. Hopefully i can figure out a little how can i overcome my anxiety as well as how to create safety during our current separation time for she is working oversea now
@@GeoffreySetiawanSuch a great interview. I genuinely empathise with all the anxiety and insecurity. That is exactly why I turned out to be controlling and also started many, many unnecessary fights. And destroyed all safety. This is exactly how my brain works. So clearly there is hope for me!
This is such a great interview, his obsession is really inspiring! And how he struggled with a lot of things, seeing him bumping head into similar issues, makes you excited for what is coming!
Each interview is parts of what I’m going thru mentally. We have been separated since May 2023 and now divorced papers are being filed. Our last conversation was about me continuing to work on myself as a man and father regardless of what happened between us. I legit just let go. I know I’ll have moments of pain but I’ll keep going
Me too man, but if we keep focusing on the processes then things will start to change.
Nick’s anxieties causing him to be speechless or all of the sudden not know how to handle a situation is exactly how I get. I know what my partner needs and I can be really awesome at giving it to her, but when I’m anxious she feels unheard and all hell breaks loose. I hope to sign up for the program soon. I seriously need the deep education/ understanding that makes the mindset shift natural 100% of the time.
Thank you for this. Client stories are a blessing
Great interview, I'm looking forward to getting into this program. These interviews are inspiring.
50:39...Geoffrey says the number one thing you need to take away from this.
Listen to it as many times as you need to to get it
Awesome interview!🎉
This is so similar to my situation and I really appreciate the videos. The conversation helps so much to see there are others who are in the same situation. I would really like to take the program. I'm just afraid of the cost . Thank you Geoffrey for your purpose
Hi @robertmyerson8024, this is why I always say. "No situation is unique or special". It blows my mind that some still think they are unique; I am glad you are beginning to see that with effort and the right internal shifts, you can become the leader and change your outcome, too, just like Nick!
Regarding joining the program, feel free to check out the free master class and schedule a call afterward with a team member to see how we can help. :)
I like Nick. I'm getting all the genuine vibes and I feel like I see part of myself
Fun interview
hey geff im saving money to join the program i dont know still when im gonna be available to do that i highly trust on no situation is unique i attended the master class twice i want to know if i can book a coaching call with you or
Jason before joining the program later i have no doubt of joining the program
If i fix my relationship with my ex or not its just overall great content and seeing these clients growth its amazing i wanna have that too💪 relationship mastered is dope 🎉
So I can relate to what he's saying towards the end and the needy attitude. When I reflect this used to not be me. I lost myself helping her. Now I'm in a position where it seems I'm trapped because a majority of kid responsibilities are on me. So I feel I don't have a ton of time to build myself back up I guess so I'm stuck till I figure it out.
Hey Geoff. Been watching your videos. Trying to get in your course. My woman finally left me last week (tbh, I left before as well but she convinced me to come back) and of course I looked at the route of the cause of the breakup after. Watching your videos, I’ve come to realize we’ve done pretty much everything you speak about to each other. We both were new to a relationship and didn’t possess the skills to deal with the issues. What does it mean if I’m not experiencing anxiety? I was anxious at the beginning but after watching pretty much all of your videos, that was gone as I’m not normally an anxious person. I feel like if she gained the knowledge that I have, we’d thrive but I have avoided telling her everything I’ve learned until I feel she’s ready to hear it. I knew there was an underlying issue, and I didn’t know what it was. Now I am understanding the issues, I feel like there may be hope. I’m not anxious for her to hear this information, but I feel like it’s information that might help her through this. I am now more hurt for the way I treated her unconsciously than I am the breakup. She is just one of those woman you can’t let get away.
If you understand what I’m trying to say, what do you think? Thanks!
Does a leader tell someone what they need to do, need to learn, how to behave, etc? Or does a leader lead by example, inspire, and set the tone with their actions?
Do leaders do things with the expectation that someone else does the same in return? Or is a leader defined as a leader who does things because they see value in what they do and has conviction in doing so?
Do leaders get impatient, feel defeated, and lack patience? Or does a leader have patience and compassion and understand that if they have not been demonstrating consistency in these areas for a long period of time it is no shock why someone is not eager to follow them.
If you understand what I’m trying to say, I think you will read your comment and find your answer.
Are the autosuggestions you talk about subliminal in nature?
Not sure but the last few minutes you MAY want to edit...not sure you know its included, all good
Your videos kept me from doing the alpha male no contact game. It worked a bit, however now I'm considering whether or not she is really "needing space" to fix a problem or has she really just given up completely and maybe even wasn't honest to me along the way. Basically, it would be GREAT if you were to make a video about signs she never really had her heart in it.
For example in my case this case. I'm 50. She's 33. She said she was OK with that. We've had a bit of conflict but in comparing to every other relationship I've had, the others have been much more forgiving than this one.
She would react very strongly to just the very first time something happened. And then she would sort of sit on that and at some later point say "you always do this" but then her only example is that one time that so and so happened.
And these things are not me shouting or losing it. These things are more cases where I insisted on something.
I'm just trying to lay out a case here for you to explain that you have given a lot of great tips on how to save something worth saving, but it would be great if you did a few videos on whether or not something is worth saving. I see you did some early on about narcissistic women. Maybe my answers are in there? I'll give it a shot.
Thanks so much for what you have shared with us. Your focused, rational thought really explains complex situations well.
I am going through the same , every time i initiated any contact with her and tried to talk about getting back , she kept telling me that she needs space and she needs time to heal , but whenever i try to get her to open up , she always mentions things which make me question the whole process , making me feel , is this person still in love with me ? Or is she just using this time to move on from me. Every conversation was turning sour , to a point where she said to not have any expectations and not wait for her and she doesnt know what she wants. It gets extremely difficult to stay positive and improve yourself where the other person is not even bothered by your changes.
@@Ghostrider32064 how long have you been together? Could she be suffering from a bit of seasonal depression? (Lack of light)
@@surfreadjumpsleep we were together for 5 years , its like she has given up all hope , she doesnt even wanna try , all she says is she wants space , and that too space without having to talk or discuss about us or our relationship and i shouldnt keep any expectations from her etc etc. I am always caught up between wether i should try to move on and put all my efforts into just getting her out of my life and out of mind , or i should give her the space and try to make her understand , i really love her , except for my mother i dont think i have ever loved a woman as much as i love her. Last week she told me she loves me and she feels she messed it all up & she ended up crying over the phone and was showing regret. But again i went too far and tried to persuade her instantly to get back with me , got too needy and desperate and again we were back to square one , where she started saying the same things again that she doesnt want a relationship now , she is not ready to be in one , she wants us to have a fresh start but as of now she isn't ready. Right now i have decided her to give her that space and that i wont bring up any conversation about us for atleast a good month , and i'll only respond to her and not initiate as when i initiate i always jump the gun and again i literally end up pleading and begging , which i have now decided is something i am not gonna do from now on , wether she want to work things out or not.
@@Ghostrider32064 You've been together for 5 years It's quite a long time. Is there something specific that she was looking for that you have not done? How old are reach of you?
Are you from Indonesia
I want to join the program badly. I am feeling stuck, so is my wife whom is in therapy and I feel like they are behind I theyre "coaching". I'm just not quite bulletproof I get angry and my nuances and subtle tones grumble.
geoff , i know you are great
no situation is unique i trust it
my ex and i was talking for four months
but she always had that question why we are taliking we dont have any future , and last night she was telling that she is aproching someone else ,, we have a fight last night and also we are seprated for a year now
i again pleased her , and she said she is going and she will never come back
i dont know now , beacuse i pleased her again and she said me you are not changed
thats why worried about it
still is there any hope or should i leave now
as she blovked me again we had a intense fight
Sanket, if I can be blunt with you. If you continue focusing on the wrong things, as you have through the comments and emails to Jason and me, the answer is no.
However, if you surrender to making the right massive and permanent changes, the same choice has been made by the same people's story you comment on. Then, the answer is yes. You can have remarkable outcomes just as they have.
The choice of hope is yours. Not mine.
@@GeoffreySetiawan I know Geoff you are actually a best teacher ,
finally I said her , I will not do anything cheap , I am ready to talk to you on your terms , if you want to unblock me then it's fine
it's time to fully go through the program Geoff , just little worried about she is approaching someone but don't know she is telling me all those things and at same time she said she dont have anyone to talk to that's why she talks with me
it melts my heart Geoff
listening to all these makes me very hopeless, as one's she got someone she will throw me out I am thinking like this Geoff ,,
@@sanketzungare6553getting emotional and fighting is only going to push the woman further away
you MUST control it as the man. Stay calm and cool
Im hunting and pushing her away but she already wants divorce, whats my next step
I just told mine that you may feel like that’s what you want today but you don’t have to destroy the marriage because of how you feel. Then I told her that I put her clothes in the dryer so she can have clean clothes in the morning and I went to bed.
In our situation she was feeling fearful and that’s uncomfortable so she started getting controlling and anger is easier to feel than fear. So now she’s controlling and angry and that doesn’t leave me many good options. So I just did the opposite. I stayed steady emotionally, I didn’t panic and I didn’t feed into the irrational urge to throw everything away. By staying calm her fears decreased and later when she wasn’t feeling unhinged I asked her to try and drill down to find out what she was afraid of. I told her that I would be there and not give up as long as she didn’t totally sabotage and abandon the relationship. Turns out most of her fears were about things in her past that her father had done. I had her talk about that in as much detail as possible and that helped me understand how she was getting triggered.
She is still a very difficult person to navigate with but we are still managing. I put my trust and my faith in God and not in her so no matter what she does I am good. That also means that I don’t need to panic about it like I did in my previous marriage. I just tell her that I have already done divorce and all that means is that some day you will find yourself with someone else and still have the same problems. You don’t get to run from growth so it’s better to just figure it out now.
Now she goes off of the rails and I just get a big smile on my face. She wants to know what I’m smiling about and I just say, it’s okay to be scared, we’re going to get through this together and figure it out. Fear is contagious. If she thinks I’m scared then she feeds off the fear and it creates a feedback loop. Someone has to come to their senses and stop. If I reach sanity first then I’m leading and she soon realizes that she is not in control because she can’t control herself. I just picture a big rock that she can’t move and I just become the rock and stay solid. I pass the test because I’m safe from being tossed around and then she feels like she’s safe and comes back to earth. Then I get to say stuff like, you don’t have to go through this alone. We will get through this together too. Now it’s more like a game where before it was frickin stupid serious and everything felt like it was crashing down. That’s what she was feeling and she was just projecting it onto me. Well, I don’t have to feel that. I just smile whenever she rants and raves and become the rock. Doesn’t matter if she tries to dig and find a vulnerable spot that hurts I just smile because I am a rock and she’s not going to move me.
I hope the best for you and your situation. Don’t step into the trap of being offended and leave enough energy to listen and ask better questions. Give your full attention but don’t get emotionally jerked around. The only negative comments I will make are, that’s not true or that’s manipulation and I am not here to be manipulated. Otherwise I listen and say positive things like, this is something that we can overcome if we work together.
@@boxelder9167 I totally understand this but I've dug an even deeper hole by not remaining bulletproof or killing desires for intimacy also she thinks I'm so fake she realizes I've done a complete 180 and needs time to get the new me......she still wants to basically separate so she can heal.....ive been rushing i had an in when she asked whats the rush? That was my que to back off but keep hunting I'm just gonna be my new man in Christ and deny the flesh even tho I've always loved my wife I just was afraid to always be vulnerable or honest.
@@biersmorgen6609 - Absence makes the heart grow fonder. You may have to back way, way off. Like jump on a mission trip to another country that doesn’t have cell phone service. 6 to 9 months is maybe appropriate. Tell her you can talk about it with her when you get back. I have had relationships that were really tanking and I basically disappeared and then she started hunting me down. Sometimes they just don’t know what they have until they feel it when it’s gone. Plus it gets your head in a different place instead of being over the top trying to fix it.
@@boxelder9167 I have 3 boys, I would only confirm her bias that don't care but u are absolutely correct ... I'm starting a small business and having a full time job and staying in completely separate rooms most days. it's tough to navigate but I'm focused on internal shifts and being a great father...