Dr. Ramani on Betrayal Blindness
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- Опубліковано 9 лют 2025
- From her workshop "Managing the Fallout of Narcissistic Abuse: Addressing the Impact of High-Conflict Personality Styles" at the 2023 Psychotherapy Networker Symposium, Dr. Ramani Durvasula defines "betrayal blindness" that happens in relationships impacted by narcissistic abuse.
Learn more about the workshop here: psychnet.co/ra...
Also, read her article "Treating Survivors of Narcissistic Abuse" in Psychotherapy Networker magazine here: psychnet.co/ra...
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I go through Betrayal Blindness, and forget how Horrible the Trauma was. I was Trauma Bonded to my Ex’s.
I still have wretched nightmares!
What made you leave?
What can also be bad is that this betrayal blindness, can also devolve, not only into radical acceptance, but I’ve been encouraged by someone else, to also radically accept the abuse. It’s the “just don’t see it” and “just don’t talk about it” “pretend it’s not happening”, that binds you to it. They want you to accept it because, like themselves, misery loves company, and they don’t want you to escape it.
I don't know if this is really radical acceptance when one continues to acquiesce to the abuser. One is held hostage for undetermined length time until the person takes a stand against the manipulations.
@@ActiveSneakers when I’ve watched videos on radical acceptance, typically, it has been about accepting the narcissist for who they are, no longer tolerating abuse and leaving, if you can. Yes, there are people who don’t have more immediate, better options. But, there are also those who support, embrace and actually recruit for it. Either it’s misery loves company or they are simply believers in what I call the “narcissistic system”, even though they’re victimized by it. There are some, who believe in this so much and have been in it so long, they don’t even understand why anyone would buck it.
What I’m saying is that people can use radical acceptance in a negative way, as well. That there are a lot of people, who want you to radically accept the narcissist and their abuses - to get you to shut up, remain in the situation and even protect the abuser. I worry that people may misunderstand and/or misuse the term, even purposely, because there are TONS of people, who will pat you on the back, with a smile and send you packing, right back to Hell.
@@privateprivate8366 I see your explanation. And it is almost mind-bending and dark, but I see it in the light. In my opinion it is still going along with the abuser. The term radical for me takes on a more progressive meaning.
Betrayal blindness seems to be the opposite side of radical acceptance.
@@ActiveSneakers I understand. But it can be insidiously dangerous. It can be, “I’ve accepted abuse. Why can’t you?” It can be vacillating between subconscious acceptance and conscious acceptance, nevertheless leading to the same place and, then, making it attempt at making someone else feel that their non-acceptance of the abuse, is what’s the problem or that you’re even arrogant, in being self-protective. They may treat you, at times, as if you’re the odd one out, who didn’t get the memo, that there are these hierarchies in life, where some must accept abuse and, once whomever or whatever has decided your fate, you need to gracefully accept that.
While my exit from abuse has been long and wavering, mostly because I’m in court, I never stop working to bring my relationship with my one sibling to an absolute close. I’m not due abuse and I know reactive abuse wouldn’t be any better.
Radical Acceptance helps us accept the situation and face realities that things will never get better. It helps us to move-on before we move-out from that person.
Narcissists create the greatest, most mind disturbing depression, grief and sorrow in human beings. Why this much suffering in human society is allowed is beyond me.
I found tthat spiritual warfare is very real after enduring a lifetime of continuous narcissistic connections.
Discovering toxic narcissism was eye opening but to discover the darkness beneath is most disturbing.
I was blind but now I see 👀 Amazing Grace 🙏🏼 will set
you FREE 🕊️
Excellent talk!!
I LOVE the work of Dr. Ramani!❤️
in a family setting it us VERY weird and difficult when you "see" and you can see others "seeing and not seeing"
Also (in my family) you see how this works with dependence and weaponised use of money - it is right to put the two together
I was instructed in betrayal blindness by the narcissist, himself. I was told in a menacing way, "You SEE, but you DON'T SEE." These words were said as a lesson to me, with the unspoken message that I'd better heed them or risk some unnamed danger. He was very strong and known to be violent. I learned to keep my mouth shut and to "not see what I saw"! He was the first to say it in so many words; but, sad to say, it was already a familiar survival mode for me. Not a happy childhood: truthteller, empathic, scapegoat. Yeah.
Almost the same
Like he was trying me from the beginning
No, I'm divorced 27 years already. But it is still burning in me.
Thank you for reminder
I think the person doing the betrayal has some pretty good blindness as well. They are blind to the fact that it is wrong. Betrayal satisfies their need in the moment so they are "all good".
They're not blind to it. They don't have to be. They don't care.
Sometimes the narcissist is a sociopath, or worse. They seem to enjoy inflicting pain.
Wauv! Thank you!
I kinda knew this... But did not see...... 😐
Hopefully I will remember..
Being in a bad relationship affected my health. Every day, I work on my health and self-worth. 🩵❤️🩵
I did this for MONTHS. My stbxh had this female friend coming to his work and they hung out all the time. I had no "proof" even though he works for himself and they were hanging out in his office alone. I didn't want to accept it, I found her hair in our house... Dark black, mine is blondish. Eventually I got the evidence and even then I still "whooshed" for over a year.
Three rules: don't talk, don't trust, and don't feel. And the last one is the most dangerous of them all.
I told that dog, to never leave, his boxer shorts, in the house!
It has a name - Whoosh! Breakthru moment
Betrayal blindness could cause tragic sequences 💯☠️ do not ignore the signs and what you see 👁️🫀👀 and your heart and feeling
Cognitive dissonance
We're not allowed to see it.
Aka turning a blind eye 😣
Have a 🔍clue 🕵️♂️Sherlock Watson.
Pay the price of your whoosh" and playing blindness = 💀
😅 your ears do woosh with crazy lies
That emoji did itself
Trauma, stress, cortisol, rage, shame, betrayal and diabetes is what I'm saved from through the death of God in Christ Jesus of Nazareth 😅🤣😂 The body of Christ kept the score😅🤣😂
Yuk.
I grew up in the enemy camp, so I developed betrayal blindness since my father was physically abusive & my mother was the only safety I had. She was also a covert narc & rejected me after puberty. I trusted really bad people all my life because I had no self love or self worth. My lack of knowledge about real love has been such a hindrance. Now I am trying so hard to love myself more than anyone else ❤️🩹
Good luck and goodspeed 🍀🍀🍀🍀
🌱❄️❤️